PINK SWEATS & BUNNY talk Waiting For Marriage, Importance Of Therapy, Supporting Partners + More

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey, guys, it's every andwe waited three years to have sex andtal
marriage. Now that we're married,we're offering our perspective on what it takes
to discover and sustain a relationship worthwaiting for. Welcome to The Worst Thewait
Podcast, Last Zone, The LessonsComing Night, a Zone Bons Coming Night.

(00:26):
Hey guys, welcome back to Worththe Weight Podcast. We're back with
another episode in today's exciting day,a very exciting day. We got Pink
Sweats in the building and his bootbang Bunny. Bunny, Hey girl,
We've been chopping up and having somuch fun behind the scenes, but we're
super excited to have combo today andlearn more about y'all and your relationship and

(00:48):
your journey. I'm super excited forsure. Now we appreciate y'all coming all
the way from Miami. Hey,but I know that you and I were
talking and we were just talking aboutlike how much there's a lack of like
sometimes seeing like black marriage and beinghealthy and happy. So I think it's
important to like have these conversations justto talk about marriage give a different perspective

(01:10):
on what different people go through.So I'm excited to talk to you guys
about like this your relationship. Maybey'all give us some pointers because we've got
some things were trying to figure outwhen it comes to certain things in our
marriage. Like just like one thingI'll give you all heads up is like,
uh, what was what was routine? Routines and like trying to stick
to a routine because once we travel, we like get knocked out of a

(01:30):
routine, so trying to get backto it. And when we were talking,
he was like, Yo, wegotta get back because we got to
stay in our routine. And Iwas like, we got to talk about
that. I want to start back, Like we're going to start back right
now. I also just got here, So I'm sure y'all can give us
some we just got here recommend ButI think that's ever like some couples of

(01:53):
things that they are really like goodat, but then you have some things
that you're like trying to figure out. So that's why I feel like stuff
like this is dope because you couldjust learn from people and learn from everybody.
But I want to take it back. So Bri and I what made
our relationship so interesting when we firstgot together is that our backgrounds were completely
different with like how we were raisedand how we grew up. So I

(02:13):
just want to know, like justgive me a lens or a look back
into like your backgrounds, Like whatwas your the first sight of love that
you saw when you were younger?Like what was that growing up? Like?
Okay, so I grew up withmy mom and my dad. I
was very blessed. I feel liketo see a loving home all the way

(02:37):
up till my mom passed, LikeI literally saw I always like want to
cry and to talk about her.Shout out to my mom. She's like
the best mother I ever could have, the perfect example of a wife,
Like obviously she's not perfect, butlike I just saw like black love.
I saw unity. I saw throughthick and thin. I got to see
in sickness and in health because shewas sick and my dad was like right

(03:00):
there the whole time. So Igrew up seeing that. I always wanted
that. I'm like, I wantto be a wife. I always wanted
to be in that role. Shewas like my best friend. So it
was just like I saw that haveolder brother, older sister. I was
a baby, so I felt likeI was just surrounded in love, Like
I mean, everyone thing wasn't perfect, but like they did their they're one

(03:20):
too. Like I feel like Iwas blessed to see black love, exemplary
marriage, God centered, like verythey were friends, like they were friends,
they weren't scared to show affection.So I saw them kids, and
I saw them like if you slapmy mom's but I'd be like, but
like still it was cute. Itwas cute, and I don't know,

(03:42):
I feel like I was very blessedin that aspect. And like you know,
they never got a divorce, soI always like, ain't no way
out with me. I was like, as soon as you side, I
said, this is it. Youknow, I got to see that.
So I think that was my example. And we came from different backgrounds as
well, so gotcha. It's verydifferent my parents is well, I grew

(04:08):
up when I was young, likemy parents were married. And sometimes I
say my parents, they might getconfusing, but from now to the end,
when I say my parents, I'mtalking about my dad and my stepmom
because I was like where I grewup. But like my mom and my
dad were married up until like Iwas like ten or eleven, and then
they got divorced. Their relationship wasweird though, because my dad. I

(04:33):
never seen my dad and my momlike really be affectionate towards each other.
I'd never seen them sleep in thesame room really, like my dad would
always sleep on the couch. Theywas pretty toxic, like they will always
arguing and fussing and fighting. Sokind of like when they got divorced.
It was in my neighborhood. Nobodyhad two parents homes, so I felt

(04:59):
weird and like, when you're young, you want to fit in, so
like I was happy when it gotthe words. I remember, I was
like, yeah, broken, Soit was that was one of the things
where I really remember being like,oh, it's gonna be dope now,
like this is so exciting. NowI get to go to two different places.

(05:19):
And then my dad got remarried andmy mom got remarried, so I
grew up. I ended up growingup with my dad and my step mom,
which was honestly, I saw moreof a marriage vibe with them got
you so, like from like eleventill now, like they still married.
So it's like that's kind of mymain example of like marriage and even them

(05:44):
they weren't like overly affectionate, butI've seen I've seen it more and like
even on our wedding day when wegot married, that was it was their
first time ever dancing. Yeah,so like I was like, and it
was to my song, so thatwas like super crazy, like it was
seventeen years old. Yeah, andanyone who knows me knows I listened to

(06:04):
that on repeat for like three monthsstraight. My parents that was their first
time ever dancing because like they justand they also never dated either, my
step mom my dad. They justkind of like was like you, what
do you mean, Like they justthey was like, let's get married Mary,

(06:25):
Like they was the same friend,circletcha. They knew each other each
other, but they never liked waslike oh, let me meet you here
for coffee or it was like justreal serious, real fast. And they've
been married ever since. So wow, that's crazy. That is I wasn't
expected that. No. I feellike my story is very simple. It's
like kind of like a mixture almost. Like my mom and dad were divorced

(06:47):
ever since I could remember, andI just grew up with just me and
my mom. My dad was around, but it was like real cordial,
like everybody was cool. It wasfun. Like my dad used to come
over with my grandmother's house and stufflike that. But then my mom got
remarried, and that's what a time. I was actually able to see like
what a relationship looked like in thehouse, and that completely change my perspective

(07:10):
on love and relationships because as soonas my mom got married to my stepdad,
when they got back from their honeymoon, he lost his job. Wow,
and that was like, that wastwo thousand and eight. I think
when all that stuff, I thinkhe was out of work for like a
few years. But still I stillsaw him lead in a household when you
know, he wasn't working, andI was just like, this is interesting.

(07:30):
And I never seen them argue.I never seen them have any issues,
and I was just like, huh. And it really gave me a
perspective on what love was, whatleadership was, how to operate in a
relationship. Didn't see my parents argue. But it's just so interesting because Breede's
story is different, just like youguys, like our stories are different,
but how somehow we still are ableto merge together and being like a happy

(07:53):
relationship is dope, and that youguys have done that, that's really cool.
Yeah, Yeah, we take differentthings from each thing like nobody's ways.
Yeah, but we're able to belike, Okay, I saw like
similar to you, Like I didn'tsee my parents or even though I know
they had arguments, we never wereprivy to them. They always presented a
united front and that I know thatthat was a conscious decision. So I'll
bring that from our relationship versus orhe can bring something else from his parents'

(08:16):
relationship even in a divorce and beable to still learn something from those different
scenarios and be like, all right, we're definitely not doing that, so
like, let's let's learn from ourp's and q's. Well, what made
you so like I want to getmarried, you know, because I understand
your things like this, I wantthis, But what made you not be

(08:37):
like heartened towards it and just belike, you know what, this is
something that I ultimately want for myselfor did it take time to get there?
Dang, that's deep already that Ifeel like I'm a lovely douvey person.
Like since I was a kid,I always remember just being a loving
kid, right, So, butI was in an environment that didn't nurture

(09:01):
that in me. So it's likeI always felt like, well, I'm
being too nice like people saying stufflike that to be like, oh you
mean, like I remember somebody waslike you being too nice to these holes.
I just like I'm a nice person. Like to me, I don't
look at uh. If I wantto make friends with a dude or whatever,
I'm not gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be nice to him,

(09:22):
but her I like her, I'mgonna be mean. It's like I'm
just nice to everybody. So Ithink when I was growing up, for
me, I didn't grow up inlike a super loving environment and home and
in like outside, so it wasjust like weird on I didn't know how
to express love or anything like that. So I just would be really frustrated

(09:43):
because I felt you were in thehood. So you were like like hood
is that's not no place for lovefor real, like especially when you're young.
So I was just trying to juststay low like that was my thing.
Like I'm just like yo, Ijust want to stay low like the
little girls out like and keep everythingjust super chill out. Don't try to
get blasted, you know what Imean. I'm not gonna do nothing overtly

(10:07):
wild, like buy somebody a cardor something, because then like a card,
like so I would just keep itchill. But I always knew that
like I wanted to anything either,which is death. That goes into this
is my first time, my last, she's my second, his first one

(10:30):
don't really count. It was likethree months. I learned a lot from
that. I learned a lot fromthat relationship, although it was small.
But are you're allowed to say thatyou learned something from a past relationship?
Clearing that up right, because itwas like that was not I. I
never had girlfriends because I was like, I'm not gonna be with you unless

(10:50):
I want to be with you.So like at that time, I was
just like playing the field, playingfootball college, having fun. But I
met a girl and I thought shewas great. At the time, I
had the best intentions of wanting tobe with her, but I was not
ready. But I had the bestintentions, so I tried to make that
leap. But even in that shorttime I learned so much from that relationship.

(11:11):
I learned that you're not always right, which sounds simple, right,
sounds simple, But like I wastelling, you need to do this,
you need to do that, youneed to be like this, you need
to cook, you need to dothis, and I was just like,
but the issue is the issue issometimes is like I had what you were
talking about, right, It waslike I had this vision of marriage and

(11:33):
that's something I always wanted, andI was like, meeting one person out
of everybody on this earth that youcould spend the rest of your life would
have to be an amazing thing.But if you have this vision for yourself,
then you start to build up inyour mind like what this is going
to be and how it's supposed tolook and what it's supposed to be like.
And then I put all those expectationson her at the age of nineteen,

(11:58):
and it's like, you don't knowhow to do this, you want
to do this, You'll know youdon't do this for me. You don't
do that for me. And it'slike it's like we two months, but
you know what it is. Though. I think sometimes when you see something
so clear in your head, youtry to force it to be that right
now. It's just like, especiallybecause he liked her, so he like
he wanted it to work. Butthat's when that's when your pop, which

(12:20):
is his stepdad, really I think, stepped in and helped dre understand like
what dating and courting and all ofthat is supposed to look like, and
you know, kind of making himcheck himself and be like, hey,
like this is not how men operate, Like what are you doing girl?
Well, he was just saying thatwasn't what relationships are about. Yeah,
Like he was like, what isher heart? Tell me about her heart?

(12:43):
Is she a good person? Likethese like you can develop certain skills
and certain behaviors and you know,relationship compromise and do certain things. People
take on different roles, but youcan figure that all out. This is
a good person, like what's herheart and all that stuff. And then
when I realized that, the amountof guilt that came over me because I
was like, dang, like Iwas completely wrong and I'm telling her this

(13:03):
like it's Bible, like you needto be this this man, you know,
you know you need to And I'mglad I had the opportunity to apologize
because I feel like at the ageof nineteen twenty as a woman like that
can shape your mindset sometimes too.If a guy is like telling you constantly
telling you this, you ain't doingthis, you ain't doing that, that
could shape your mind to be something. But I was able at least apologize
to her, and she was like, you know, we're good now and

(13:26):
stuff. Yeah, try, youknow. And if it wasn't for that
dynamic, that situation and Pop havingthat conversation with you, then he wouldn't
have received me when I came intohis life because I ain't have nothing together,
so he was only looking at myheart. And I think, like
that thing, yes, So Imean I thought daddy's were optional, like

(13:48):
I thought husbands and fathers like,it's like optional. I all of my
cousins, all of my friends,like, I didn't know a single person
who had their dad in their life. And so I just was like,
Mommy, take care of you,and mommy's try to find like a daddy
that they like that will maybe bethere for two weeks, maybe be there
for two years. But I wasn'twith it, and it really caused me

(14:11):
to have a lot of resentment formy mom almost because I would look at
these men and I never understood whymy dad wasn't there, and I thought,
like she did something. I thoughtit was like, there's a reason
why these men aren't around. Andso what I started to realize when I
got older after dating and being inlike toxic after toxic relationship, was I

(14:33):
was essentially dating my father, LikeI was dating the type of man that
I saw my mom run away from. And it was like, why do
I keep being in these really dumbsituations? And I never was dating with
intent for marriage, like that wasn'ta thing. I was just trying to
find someone I could tolerate and havefun with. And when I got to

(14:56):
the age of like this isn't servingme, Like I I feel broken,
I feel lost, I feel confused. They would hurt me and just do
do things, I'm like, whatis it me? Like what am I
doing? So before Dre was inthe picture, I was going through a
lot of like really dark deep thingslike I lost my ex. He was
murdered. It was like a reallybig deal, and I was just like

(15:18):
what am I doing with my life? Like I could have been at that
barber shop. I was literally allmy way to pick him up, like
I could have been there. Andwhen I decided to kind of make a
life shift, I was like,that's when I started to see a husband
and like a life. But itwas because I started to learn who God
was. I was like, I'mso lost as a person. I don't
really understand religion because my mom raisedme to just be a good person.

(15:41):
She was like, treat people howyou want to be treated. And then
her mom was a Catholic, andthen my dad's mom was a Jehovah witness.
I thought they both were crazy.I couldn't stand going to church with
either of them. I was like, these people are nuts. So once
I got in a space of wantingto receive God for me to be a
better individual, then understood the powerof what marriage could be. And I

(16:03):
was like, I need to becomea woman that would attract the type of
man that I want in my life. And I've never seen that type of
man in my family and any friendships, Like never. I don't even know
how I created him in my mindbecause I never saw one. So it
was really interesting to make that shift, and that's why I think I was
able to receive him saying he wantedto wait for marriage, because Oldbrie would

(16:23):
have been like, what that makeszero sense to me, Like, no,
I'm not going to marry you beforeI ride the pony, Like we
need to make sure this is agreat if I'm going to be on the
ride for the rest of my life. Yeah, I was. I was.
I was like, but because ofall that inner work, I was
able to receive him and what hewas saying, and because of the person

(16:44):
he was and again his heart,I was like, I could do this.
I want to do this. Soyeah, So I know that you
say that Bonnie was your first andlast. Yeah, but Pek was he
like, did you have other likeI guess first loves or anything like that
to where you what did you learnfrom those experiences? I guess that made
you be able to receive him?Yeah. I mean I had only like

(17:07):
a high school sweetheart a situation,but I was a virgin all the way
up until marriage. Oh wow,I knew. Like I was sixteen.
I was like, why I'm makingthis decision. I had a whole little
ceremony and everything. I had alittle chastity ring and it was so I

(17:27):
was like, I want to savemyself until marriage, and I made the
vow and I just stuck to it. I feel like, I mean,
it's definitely hard, yeah, youknow, even especially being in like I
dated, I still was like inlike situationships and stuff like that. But
I was just like I knew Iknew myself enough to know, like,
or maybe my mom knew myself enoughto know because she told me when I

(17:48):
was that age, like maybe likefifteen or sixteen, She's like, you
know, we talked about sex andall the things, and she's like,
you know, every time you havesex with someone, you're giving a piece
of yourself to me. Yeah,and then and you will never fully be
able to give all of yourself toyour husband. And it's something I regret.
I wish that I could have givenall of myself to my husband.
And how beautiful would that be thatyou would be able to give your whole

(18:11):
self and all its entirety to yourhusband. And I just like locked in
on that something about that because youhear about it in church and all the
But once she broke it down tome like that, I was like,
I want to I want to giveall of myself to my husband. Like
I'm like I said, I'm alover girl. So I was like,
shoot, like, if that's theway to do it, I need to
do it that way. So Isuck it out. He definitely at the

(18:33):
beginning was like ol shirts. Whenhe first met me, he didn't believe
it because like I'm not giving,Like I don't feel like I'm giving virgin,
you know, like I was verymuch like I'm a dancer image in
my head, like a virgin.You don't wear a cleavage out like never
wear pants. Time know, Iwas turning up like I still enjoyed my

(18:57):
life. Yeah, just that thatwas off limits for me even so,
And I'm glad I did because Iprobably would have been psycho. Yeah no,
for real, you saved yourself alot of heartbreak and stress. I
was able to, Like, Ifeel like that can sometimes blanket like a
relationship. It can be like thislike tie that you don't even know,

(19:18):
especially with women, we don't realizethat that connection is chemical. It's literally
scientific that you are connecting with thisperson. So it can be hard to
leave a situation that you can't evensee that it's not for you because you
have this bond with them. Soyou're like, oh, no, I
love him, I love him.No, you love that dick listen and
you're digmatized, but it may notreally be it for you. So I
don't know that was a decision forme. I'm not like pooping on anybody

(19:38):
who doesn't do that because I mean, like, he wasn't a virgin,
so it wasn't like I was lookingat other people like, oh, you
know, you got to be avirgin too, you gotta be perfect.
But I was just like, thisis my decision, and I'm glad.
I love to put in the workto I always wondered how I like when
I have a daughter someday, likehow I'll have a conversation with her that

(19:59):
It's like, I don't don't wantto force what we did on my kids,
but I do want to be ableto express them. And I love
that you said that because then nowI feel like I know how to approach
the situation, like what your momsaid that was, what does she say
to you we have a daughter.I'm not sexist with it because it's certain
things where I'm like, dang,like I wish that I fully would have

(20:22):
just had the courage because I wasraised probably more churchy than her, but
they just, honestly, no adultreally gave me those kinds of words.
It's just like God understand that Idon't even know what God is. I'm
watching y'all and looking at y'all exampleof God. I'm like this ain't looking

(20:42):
right. So you kind of doyour own thing, live your own life.
But I feel like for me beinglike I'm saying the pink person,
I am like, I'll naturally everyevery every person that I would kind of
connect with out in my journey ofjust like trying to figure myself out and

(21:03):
like, Okay, well this iswrong. Why why is it wrong?
No one's taught. My dad wouldjust be like so anti like if yeah,
like literally, like it's certain partsof things that my parents used to
say, well, I don't knowif they were serious or not, but
like me and my brothers, wejust believed it. They'd be like,
what's a girlfriend? And we justnever had an answer. They're like,

(21:26):
I don't know. So it's likewe always the same way. We was
like, yo, well if webring somebody home, then that's when y'all
know, like this is our wifewhen we was kids when we said that,
yeah, and then we all kindof kept that kind of energy where
it's like and it feels bad whenI would be dating and stuff, but
that's just how I was raised.Like my parents didn't date, So it's

(21:48):
like that's the example that I have. It's like I don't need other people's
validation by calling you my girlfriend orsomething. I need to know that like
your spirit, your heart and mindthat's all aligned, because we could do
this tomorrow for real if it's youknow what I mean, because we making
a decision, I could date youfor ten years and we get married and

(22:11):
still get divorced. Yep, that'snot bulletproof. So it's kind of like
how I always thought of it wasjust like, all right, well,
if we vibing and our values alignedto me, that's when it was.
It just made sense because she waschallenging me, but those was my values.
It's just I had to be rejolted into it because it's like,

(22:33):
wait, I really believe in thisstuff. There's stuff that I grew up
on that like doesn't allow me tomaneuver it and be like all the other
guys that I knew, Like Ican't just play a girl and be like
this or that. It's like,no, I'm like, I'd rather than
play me first, cause I don'twant the guilt of being like I did
somebody wrong. I'm dying to knowhow long did you guys date before you

(22:59):
got engaged and then how long wereyou engaged before getting married. So we
it was like one year, yeah, one year, but we got engaged
like during COVID. So it waslike I didn't want a COVID wedding.
I know I was. He wasready engaged. Like we knew each other.
We were friends for like years.We had met in Philly like a

(23:22):
long time ago. But it waslike we were just like homies. We
see each other when we see eachother, like we're in the same city.
We hang out very like, onlyon about like music and like friendship
was sorry, that wasn't for noreason. I just for some reason watch
it, like what was that about? So then I feel like after we

(23:44):
became like boyfriend and girlfriend, itwas like three months and then we got
yes. He was like to rangon it and then it was like COVID
and so I was like I justdon't want to. I try. I
try to convince my child we cando it, but it was just something
about not having like my dad there. I was like I couldn't do it.
But even he was telling on thephone, like just go ahead do

(24:11):
it now, we'll figure But herdad was with it. We had the
same things. It was like ourwedding was supposed to be when COVID hit.
And then I think it was thewaiting for marriage thing that we were
living together already, we were doingall that, and it's like the one
thing that we're not doing, youknow, with living together and stuff,

(24:33):
is having sex. And she wantedit to be like a like a thing,
like not just like we just godown the courthouse. It's like,
no, we we celebrated because wewere about to do the doude. I
know, that's it pushed. Itpushed our wedding back another year, which
you know, I was preparing forthe original date and I actually had what
did I do? I think Imade a post or something so like I'm

(24:55):
very transparent about my life and justlike everything about as good on social I
feel like it there needs to bemore of that. Everyone always shows the
glamour and I basically had just madea post saying, like, you know,
COVID sucks. We now have topush our wedding back a year.
That means, you know, formost people, it's not that big of
a deal, but like we're waitingfor marriage. This was not my decision

(25:17):
in the beginning. You know,this was something that my husband asked of
me, and I'm really struggling withit, and he was like, Yo,
why would you put that on Instagram? Like it makes it come across
like we're not a team, We'renot on the same front. And I
didn't realize that. So I waslike, well, obviously I'm gonna still
wait. But it's like I didn'tsay I'm not going to but he just
didn't like the way it came across. And that was one of a really

(25:37):
good learning lesson for me, justwhen it comes to social and appearance and
presentation, it's like, you know, perspective is big. And I ended
up having to like reword my post, but I really was angry with him,
and I was just like, Godwill love us either way. This
is really like I was like anotheryear like I and I was like,
I don't feel we need to goto the courthouse and get married. I

(25:59):
feel like, let's just do thedamn thing. Like we waited for a
specific reason. It was to havea a happy, healthy relationship with a
strong foundation we have that. Iwas like, nothing's changing in the year,
and he really had to bring meback down to ground and I was
like, I know I had allthese things, and he was like it
was I ain't trying to get tochurchy, I ain't trying to preach in
here, but you know what I'msaying, I organ going. But for

(26:26):
me, it was like I hadgot tired of messing with a whole bunch
of women. Like I was ata point to where I was like sleeping
with women. Did any want tostay over? Because I ain't like him
that much. It was just alust attraction. And I was in that
mindset. But kind of like likeyou said with the Roots, I was
like, this isn't me, Like, this isn't me. And I was
like, I feel like I'm readyfor a wife. And I was like

(26:48):
whenever I did things the way Godsaid to do, it always turned out
better for me in my life.So when I made that decision, I
was like, I'm gonna wait formarriage. No woman in sight, nobody
I was talking to anything. AndI met her one weekend through mutual friends,
like a year ago, No,it was like six months before that.
And then I had a test,right, I feel like God put

(27:10):
something in front of me. Iknow it was a test. I went
back to my school and this girlI used to frequently have sex with,
she like saw me on campus andright around one o'clock she hit me up.
One am. She hit me upand was like, she was like,
what you like? What you on? Like? What you on like?
And I was just like, nowI'm not having sex and she was

(27:30):
just like what like for like it? Like I was like noah, Like
I was like, I'm not havingLike, I'm not having sex. And
she made some convincing arguments, butI didn't do it, and I was
just really sitting there on my friend'scouch and I was like, man,
I'm really like doing this. Thenext day, this girl that I met

(27:51):
one weekend from Cleveland text me waslike, Hey, this is Breed from
Cleveland. I don't know if youremember me, but I'm moving to DC
and I wanted to know if wecould have dinner or something like that talk
about the area. And that's whenshe hit me up. The day after,
I like said no, didn't knowthat was gonna be my wife,
but it's like that. So forme, I'm like, I can't ask
God for a wife. I willdo this abstaining for marriage if you gave

(28:15):
my wife and then cut the agreementshort. Once I feel like I found
my wife. So it's like,even though it got pushed back, I
was like I got to see itthrough because before I had anybody, I
prayed, like, God, wantto find my wife, and this is
the commitment that I'm making, soI can't end it early. So I
just had I had to have thediscipline in that. She wasn't happy,
you know for some of it.We ended up making it make sense.

(28:37):
But to her point, I wantto ask you guys because we made a
big sense and pray to God likeI'm so sorry for trying to man.
I'm here. I'm here, butit's so crazy. Not the end of
RUP, but I think that processof waiting it purges because it's like a
lot of things end up coming outwhere it's like then why am I tripping

(29:00):
and like you know what I'm sayingor whatever. Because for me with us,
I was more so like all right, let me use this COVID time
to be honest, to have realconversations because we was friends before, so
it's like we kind of got thegist of po each other the heart of
the person that we with because likeI seen her with her friends, she

(29:25):
seen me with my friends. Wewas friends, so it's like all right,
I see how he is as theheart of him, this is a
good person. I could see theheart of her, this is a good
person. But it's the things thatpurges, like over time with each other,
being in that close proximity where thisone thing is off the table,
you start noticing dark sides of yourself, the light sides of yourself, and

(29:48):
it's like dang, and I wouldjust I would come to her and be
like, yo, like I'm feelingthis or I did this, and I
just wanted you to know. Andit's like just that friend and ship part
which her dad talks about a lot, where he's like, yo, like
just stay friends. Like when whenI sat with him to like tell him
that I wanted to propose to her, and he was like, yo,

(30:11):
just stay friends because things are goingto happen. Life is going to happen.
And he was like, just maintainthat friendship so you always see the
human in each other. And Iwas like, dang, Like the like
the longer we you know, stickingout our marriage and we one year in
their marriage, so it's like,dang, you just realize how important that
friendship aspect is versus the romance that'sfleet you know what I mean, your

(30:37):
friendship. That's like that's when youcan laugh when everything's going wrong. You
know what I'm saying, It's likeit's goofy, like it's COVID. Like
for sure, I'm not bad,you know what I mean. I ain't
mean to do this, or I'mlike what I always say, relationships is
like who you choosing to go throughshit with essentially right, And it's like
if you got your friend with you, your best friend, that makes things

(31:00):
just more you know, easy togo through. But I know earlier we
were talking about the social media stuff, and I know the child public on
social media with our relationship, Sohow do you deal with I know we
dealt with backlash when we decide towait for marriage but live together. It's
crazy. You always deal with backlashfrom the good I said. I'm not
saying that with everybody I got tobe, but based on how we was,

(31:26):
you know, raised, it's like, dang, this is what I
was raised to do. You're tryingto criticize that. It's crazy and it's
like for us too, it waslike I grew up in the church.
She was like trying to figure out, like hold on, these people say
they god this and they sitting herejudging, and I'm like this, How
I go like this is I waslike, they rather us live separately but

(31:49):
still possibly be sleeping together but liveseparately. But if we were shocking up
living together but not having sex atall, then that's an issue and it's
a It's like crazy, But Iknow we dealt with a lot of backlash.
We deal with stuff all the timeto where you know, she may
post certain things or something like that, or even when we first got together,
she was like, all right,you know you're trying to get your
social media jump in, like youdon't got to post me first. She

(32:12):
was okay with that because I waslike doing Shaye more Men's modeling and all
that stuff, and she was like, you know, you're gonna lose followers
if you post. So it waslike a thing that we were doing,
but just navigating that space. Howdo you guys get the best I'm think
took the picture, but how doy'all deal with that? I feel like

(32:35):
she used to do the same thingat first. She would be like,
well, you don't have to postme because I know and me I wanted
I needed the accountability. Yeah,I feel like when you single for so
long, you have a lot ofsingle ways that you don't realize. So
like for me, I'm like,yo, I need this accountability so that

(32:59):
I know that people know and thenI know. So now if you slid
ms right, which honestly, I'mnot gonna lie since I post her so
much and like the kind of peoplethat I gather because I mean, I'm
like the love guy, so yeah, I know since I started posting her
so consistently, it's borderline. Icould tell somebody's a psycho if they DM

(33:22):
me something like oh you crazy,like you just out of pocket. So
it's so way way down. Andfor me, I needed that accountability before
we got married. I'm like,yo, they need to know, like
so that I know that they know. So if you hit me up,
I know you crazy. That's alreadyoff that I've never heard a man say

(33:44):
that, But that makes so muchsense. That is, I get a
lot of perspective, and what yousaid makes so much sense because it's like
I realized too, like a lotof places I would go would be in
more of a single mindset, butnow when I was in a relationship and
I would go a certain places I'mlike, I'm in here, you know,
like why my mindset is different,mindset different. No, that makes

(34:06):
that makes a lot of sense.If I go to the club with my
girls, like I hits a certaintime where I'm like, all right,
I want my man to be here. She was more nervous about me posted
than anything. I was like,no, no, no, it's cool.
Like if I take a little bitof a hit brand, I'm like,
this is getting I know, andit's a real thing. You know
what I'm saying, Like this isyour bread and butter. I don't want
to like nd through that. AndI also grew up in the music industry

(34:30):
too, so I already had allthese like notions in my head that were
like, oh, being in apublic relationship will hurt your art and my
group people they were like, oh, you can't post him because you don't
want to be not sexy. Youdon't want to come across and not not
available. So that was in myhead. So I was like, Okay,
well, you know, take yourtime. You know, we don't
have to like be out and about. He's like, no, I need

(34:52):
I need the world to know.I was like, okay, I needed
that because it's important, especially whatI'm trying to ill. As far as
just image wise, it's like,dang, I didn't see people like me
growing up where it's like, oh, this person's in a healthy relationship.
It seems like things are going wellfor them and they're not being belligerent or

(35:15):
crazy to try to get your attention. It's like, it can be a
healthy black love and it exists.You can be young, and you can
be cool, you can even beoutside and still you can have fun too.
You can have fun with the personyou love. And I feel like
for me, I didn't grow upseeing people having fun with the people they
was married too. So I'm like, nah, were gonna have an obligation

(35:38):
like a chore like they just oreven if it was just like their love
languages, just was not what Iwanted. I mean, I want to
put my judgments on somebody. It'sjust like, I mean, that's just
not what I want, Like justeating dinner, coming home to kids.
Like to me, I'm like,nah, I want to go outside,

(35:59):
I want to have fun, Iwant to live, I want to travel.
And then by the time we decideto have kids, it's like we
don't have a lot of things orregrets, yeah, versus like probably generations,
I'll go, they probably didn't havethat access to the world that we
all did to just move and shakehow they want, or even if they

(36:19):
thought they could do it, LikeI don't even think my parents thought that
they could just get up and goand moved somewhere. So that's really cool,
man. Like do y'all deal withlike backlash or anything like that,
like negativity as well? And howdo y'all do they you just block?
What do y'all do? Not backlash? I would say, like, Okay,

(36:43):
So for our wedding, I dida wedding dance and I like surprise,
which ma'am, so that this isone of my major things I wanted
to talk about. I didn't thisis before like I knew we were doing
this. Like I showed Dre thevideo and I was so sad because I
did a similar thing, like awhole eight minute routine and someone didn't hit

(37:06):
play on the videographer that week.Well that's what I made. Yeah,
he didn't hit play on the maincamera, so all he got was movement
shots. But what he was doingwas he would like get a pan and
then all you'd see is like thefloor because he's running to get a different
angle. I was so pissed.But I saw your video. I didn't

(37:27):
even realize that that it was y'all. Like I was like, babe,
like I just it was everything.So y'all gotta go follow Bunny and make
sure you watch it. She hasit like pinned. It's it's a vibe,
it's a whole live but we'll talkabout it more like because they probably
don't care, but I care.We don't talk about it. It was
amazing. You surprised me with thatfool so I didn't. I have no

(37:52):
idea that I can't hold water.So he knew about it. Well,
he was at the time we gotmarried, eating up to it wedding.
He's on tour, so I wastalking on the phone, but like if
I was going to rehearsal, said, oh yeah, I'm going to go
hang out with Cat. I'm goingto go hang out whatever. He's like,
Okay, I'm like, please don'tcheck my location. Please don't like
if he's like my location, yougo on line. But he just is

(38:14):
not a spy, so I justcheck it. Wait, now it's all
coming together. The pink, thefeather, Yes, like everybody like pink
and yeah it was red, pinkand red okay. Originally getting backlash about

(38:37):
that once I put it out,people were like, oh, I cannot
believe like that in front of kid. First off, there was no kids
at our wedding, so let's startthere. Crazy in front of grandparents,
I'm like, my grandparents, Idon't know I did. It's like they've
seen me perform my entire life.They are just like excited. Every all

(38:57):
of my family were like, yes, girl, get it, like they
were all on board. So Iwas like, first off, if you
knew my family and you would knowthat they already are like for me going
off. Yeah, So I don'tknow. People were just like where that.
But I'm like, everything was covered. If you watch Beyonce the Queen
pel Hello, these are Beyonce greattights. Hello, this is a foll
guitar. Nothing was out, everythingwas covered. It's just an illusion of

(39:21):
rhyanstones like a body suit or whatever. And it had friends. It was.
It was just a vibe. Idon't care what people were hating it.
Hater through accounts. You're you're helpingmy algorithm, so thank you.
I don't know why, but everybody. Oh, there was this one guy.
He was like, I can't believesomeone you would let your wife or
whatever. And then Pink was like, well, that's why she's my wife.
Hello. My husband loved it,and that's all that matters. Like,

(39:42):
I don't care about any other man'sthought, thought process, what you
thought of it. My husband lovedit. Yeah, the end that was
fire. I ain't gonna lie.Yeah, this is sick, But I
mean we building our own norms,and I feel like, yes, for
me, that's like the essence ofwho I am. It's like I'm constantly
trying to build new norms in ourrelationship. Because even though her parents might

(40:06):
have had a good relationship my parents, their marriage is pretty good as far
as I'm aware. I never seenthem fight or argue. But it's like
it's things that we do that theyprobably just didn't do, and it's like
that's fine. We make our ownrules for our marriage, for our life
that we're building and maintaining that friendship. Like she dances. If I want

(40:31):
to be some kind of fake traditionalhusband where I'm like no woman ought to
be, it's like that, ain'tme. I married somebody who dances and
that's her, you know her artform and love language, and she wants
to share that with me. Thenthat's lit. Like I'm with it,
Like that's cool. I'm not gonnabe like cover up what's going on,

(40:51):
Like you know what I'm saying.It was lit, you know what I'm
saying. So And because I knewthat we were we really was doing the
work before getting married, because mything was never about dating. It's like,
no, when we married, Iwant to be the best husband.
I want to be able to dieand leave the earth and be like,
yo, I never stepped out ofmy wife. That's like things that in

(41:14):
my mind that I these like goalsgoing in. It's like, yo,
I want to be the best husbandI can be. Doug, like,
I don't want I don't want tohave the same generational problems where it's like
this, dude, it's you justrealize, like I'm in a point where
I'm like I can see so muchin my family and like the brokenness and

(41:37):
all these things just because men mademistakes. Sure we made, but it
was like you wasn't living intentional.And I think that's I replaced the word
mistake with intention, Like you justwasn't living with intention and I'm not.
I'm not the person to catch like, oh you you you. It's just
like, you know what, that'ssomething that I don't like that I don't

(41:58):
want to do. I never wantmy family to be broken apart, or
my kids to have to, youknow, travel from this place to this
place because we can't get the longor you know what I'm saying, Because
that's the first infraction a kid cansuffer is the two people that came together
to create you, they don't work, so like it can create questions in

(42:20):
your mind subconsciously, like well Idon't work because I got the two of
them in me, so it mustbe something wrong with me. They couldn't
work it out. But I can'tsplit myself and have so you end up
having all these external identity crisis alot of times, especially now, if
you look around and look how muchdivorce it is and you're really looking into

(42:43):
the soul of who people are,Like it's so much division internally for who
they are because they can't say nothinggood about Dad around mom. Now Mom
mad like that it's a superhero man. You get that cheated when you was
five. You don't know them likeI know. I'm like, all right,
I take it back. Like sothat's something that was super super vital

(43:07):
for me to be like, allright, when we do this covenant between
God and in front of our family, I really want to take it serious
because I'm not playing with that likeanything before now it's like dust to me.
But this I've taken this like nobodygonna ever be able to say like,

(43:29):
oh, her husband was with melast night, or like no,
you tripping, that's ai. Iwas not there. I won't. You
won't see me in your DM youwon't. Like that's just something that's as
a black man especially, we neverreally talk publicly about the desires and the

(43:51):
standards of what we gonna do asthe man. It's like especially now,
you know, so like, yeah, the girls, she supposed to do
this, So what you're supposed todo exactly. Let's let's spend more time
on that because we've been feeling fora long time as far as just community
wise, we've been letting the womendown, we've been letting the children down.

(44:13):
Not by being imperfect like saying wegot to be perfect, but it's
like just intention Yeah, like thisone thing that discipline that self control to
say I stood in front especially formarriage. I can't really speak about boyfriend,
girlfriend stuff. For marriage, tostand in front of the god that
you say you believe in, nobodyforced you. You believe in God?

(44:35):
You staying, you invite all theseyou know, come on, you won't
see me get married to just suiton just to be like, oh no,
none of that don't mean nothing.So what you bring us here for?
And you know what, social mediacauses a lot of issues depression,
anxiety and stuff like that in theworld. But that is one really good
positive benefit of social media and stufflike podcasts. Is I think that because

(44:59):
more black men and are speaking aboutmarriage and healthy love and what it means
to be a leader and to livewith intent. It's like, now we
have created and cultivated a space whereour young black boys are going to grow
up knowing relationships like this. Soit's really cool because the option we're making
that ship choose. You got thatoption. Yeah, my uncle always said

(45:20):
he ain't buying two toasters. That'sgood he said, and stuff. You
were like, what does that mean? Oh yeah, I said, yo,
listen if I because people just begetting divorced, like it's too easy
now I'm like, yo, ifyou invite me and I bought a suit,

(45:40):
I bought a flight, I wantmy money back. I'm suing,
y'all and I want my bread becausenah, I think that's people don't know
what love truly is and what thatmeans, and that it is a commitment.
And now I always tell you itis not because of it's in spite
of It's like I can love breathebecause she buys me things and because she

(46:02):
loves me and kisses on me andmassages me. But will I love her
in spite of I don't know,weight gain, or in spite of her
being upset at me, or inspite of, like, in spite of
like what, am I still gonnabe around with stuff get hard and stuff
get difficult and stuff get challenging,in spite of what's going on, and
I'm still gonna show up and becommitted to my wife. And I feel

(46:24):
like that's where love truly shows up, because he's a like somebody when things
are rosy, perfect, great andall that. But I think you said
you said something that was very interestingto me that as far as like you
had a lot of things that youhad to do and put in the work,
and I wonder like what was thatwork? Like what things did you
have to work on? How didyou work on it? Was it therapy?

(46:45):
Was it like reading books? Wasit like talking through it? Like?
How did y'all work through the therapy? I was like yo. Immediately
She's like, well, I ain'tnothing wrong. I'm like, that's no,
it's stuff brewing. It's like whenyou not connecting, like you know
what I'm saying. For her,she was already used to doing living like
it was way easier for her tobe like oh, she was like,

(47:08):
well, this is I don't understand. I was like, I ain't gonna
lie, like I'm with this,but it's difficult and it's bringing out things
that I thought that I had healedfrom. Yep. So it's like you're
always dealing with your I feel likeyou I don't know what age. Maybe
they need to study this more,but like I feel like you spent a
lot of your life dealing with theinner child who you are, so like

(47:30):
it would just be like dang,like I realized, like, okay,
so as a kid, I'm outhere trying to chase what I think is
the image of a man but Ihave a man in the house. But
that's how powerful outside influence is becausemy dad is was being a good example

(47:50):
for the most part as far aswhat I could see. Now things come
out to me, people tell mestuff, But as far as what my
eyes saw, my dad was beinga great father. But that wasn't enough.
I'm looking at the community I'm aroundto look at, like these dudes
selling drugs or these dudes towing guns. So I'm like, dang, well,
this is what I need to becometo get girls. I need all

(48:14):
these things for people to really likeme for who I am. So it's
like you start unraveling all these thingswhere it's like, dang, like that's
not at all who I want tobe, you know what I'm saying In
any way, Like that's just theblind leading the blind kind of vibe where
it's like, once I took astep back, I'm like, we need
therapy like now, because I don'twant to wait till everything's wrong, and

(48:37):
I do, and I also wantto be super honest and going in like
all right, this is what I'mstruggling with. What are you struggling with?
Okay? Because everything's not always sexual, sure, so some things it's
just life, like you grow upin two different homes. I'm very much
like I gotta always figure it outbecause that's how I grew up. She

(49:00):
didn't grow up like that. Soit's like me trying to put my thoughts
and ideas of like, well,you just need to thunk it out,
and and it's like, well no, like I could go home, and
I'm like, no, you can't, No, don't think like that.
But she's like no, like Icould go back to my dad crib or
whatever, and I'm just like,well I can't, so we can't now.

(49:22):
But just that's my inner trauma ofjust feeling like abandonment and stuff like
that from like family stuff where likeeven my parents getting divorced. Like when
I got older, I started feelinglike, damn, y'all ain't love me,
cause like y'all wouldn't stay together toavoid this moment that I'm facing right
now where it's like I'm about toget married and I don't feel like I

(49:43):
can really go to either one ofy'all because I'm like, well, they
already fractured me, so how canI get advice from them on this particular
thing? Or would they even behonest with me. So those are things
that I had to deal with andshe could talk about it. I'm trying
to think of what we work doingtherapy. What was it like five?

(50:07):
It's giving, like me and Pinkare on the same way and you and
Bunny were in the same space.Because I was almost it was hard because
I was like, if we're lookingat on a scale to like Dre's up
here and I'm down here and I'mtrying to do everything I can to get
here with like my maturity, myfinancial awareness, my just anger, my

(50:27):
the way I looked at the world, like positivity, all these things.
So like we would go into ourtherapy sessions and it's like Bree brief re
bring, It's like Dre, It'slike basically something to help breathe, like
you know, And it was ata point where it's almost it makes you
feel like dang, like like you'reso good of a person that it's it's
hard to feel worthy of you.And then also like it is a lot

(50:51):
of pressure to like put in allthe work and you don't want to get
to the point where you say Ido, and then you feel like you're
in this thing. But you're stillnot at a place to really receive it.
And that was my thing. Itfelt like a ticking time clock of
like, oh my god, Idon't have three three months to get the
rest of me fixed. Like youknow, so therapy was really helpful for
me, But yeah, was thereanything that you would like? I think

(51:13):
it really helped me, like withcommunicating with him, because I think because
I grew up how I grew up, I could look at I can sometimes
look at things with like rose coloredglasses, and I can just like I
think almost too positively, like notthinking like oh, this could be something
really deep for him, And I'mlike it socks, like why are you

(51:35):
tripping over socks? And then hehas to break down. Well, I
never had my own pair of socks. I had to share these socks growing
up. I grew up like this, blah blah blah. So you just
taking a paras hundreds of socks anda brand new pop the tag on my
socks. I would freak out.I'm like, yo, what are you
doing? Or she'll wear like abrand new hoodie I just bought, and

(52:00):
she knows an expensive hoodie, she'llwear it before me. I can't.
I will out and she's like,well, it's just a hoodie. I'm
like, but it's my hoodie.Though I wouldn't just wear nothing of yours
anyway, but I'm trying your skin, like brought me something for my birthday,

(52:24):
and I'm just saying around the house, I'm like, you want this
every day? This for us justa little good on me. I didn't
mean you pretty much had to getme together there and be like, you
know, you have to kind ofgive me grace and certain certain areas where

(52:44):
I could just kind of be likethat's not a big deal and treating it
like it's not a big deal versusbeing like, well it's a big deal
for I'm the traumatized one in therelationship. Just put that out there.
It's just that it's such a challengeand it's like you get through it,
you learn, you go to therapyand you come on the other side of
it, and sometimes you can havesome laughs about it, but like in
it it's like rough, like Andthe thing is that for me, I

(53:07):
feel like it created a dynamic assometimes to where she would put me on
a pedestal as if there was nothingwrong with me. And I will always
use the analogy sometimes like all right, we go to the emergency room.
You got an amputated leg that's bleeding, and I got the flu, and
it's like all the attension that's goingon you and rightfully so, but I'm
still sick too, like I needsome attention. I got some stuff I'm

(53:30):
going through. But it's like likethat, we all are focused on you
because there's certain things that you're tryingto, you know, figure out and
get together. But that was challenging. So then I was held to almost
a standard of perfection at a pointto where if I would do anything wrong,
then it was like how could youdo this? And it was like
the end of the world versus likeme having grace. And then I also

(53:50):
had to learn to give her gracebecause, like you, in a little
different way, I was an athletemy whole life. So coaches like,
yo, either you injured or youhurt. Like if you injured, sit
on the sideline, if you goingto play, I don't want to hear
you complain about nothing. Right,So for me it's like I don't like
complaining. I don't like hearing aboutnothing. I'm like, this ain't that,
but deal, get it done.Get it done, Get it done,

(54:13):
Get it done. And I hadto give her the grace to understand
like how she works through things tounderstand the person that she was, and
then truly get to a point towhere I understood how to love her what
her love language was, because thatwas love language was a big thing for
me, man, like I wasloving her the wrong way and I was
showing her love and I and shecame to me it was like I know

(54:34):
you love me, but I'm justnot like feeling it. And I didn't
understand that. I'm like, I'mdoing this, I'm doing this, I'm
doing this. How could you saythat? Until I read the book and
I was like, oh, basically, she speaks Spanish and I'm speaking Chinese
to her and she sees me doingit, but she don't feel it,
like it don't mean nothing to her. So I had to realize like,

(54:54):
oh, that's what that means.And also understand physical touch isn't sucks.
It's like hand on the leg,you know, arm around you holding,
It's like different things that that's yourlove lengthe So that was a journey for
me. When you say, y'alldealt with that too, Like the love
language thing like kind of figuring thatout, and now, yeah, she
helped me with that because I wasI'm hyper and I feel like when you

(55:15):
I feel like, when you gotlike certain traumas, you become hyper sensitive
to other people and how they feel, so like for me, which kind
of plays because I'm an artist too, so I expressed that through creativity.
But I'm super in tune to howshe feels all the time, which for
me it was exhausting because but Ican't turn it off, like I've just

(55:37):
been that way like most of mylife. So it's like I felt like
she wouldn't understand what I needed atthe time, so it's like I would
try to make sure, like,Okay, she's cool, but she grew
up in a house with a certainkind of dad where he's working, he
comes in the crib, he tendshe's doing more of the tending, so

(56:00):
certain things she probably just didn't reallysee, but it was happening. But
it's like, oh, well,maybe I was a kid. I was
playing or doing, so it's likefor me, I'm like, well,
I didn't feel like she knew atthat time what I needed, like how
I needed to be loved in acertain way, and she kind of taught
me about love languages by just showingme stuff like I'm like, okay,

(56:22):
well maybe this is my love language, and then we'll try that and I'm
like that's it. And then she'dbe like whoa, you changed, like
you you love you need this,and then I'm like, oh, so
then I was realizing, like differentpoints in your life you need different kinds
of love. So it's like,okay, well, she kind of helped
me identify the things that I needed, and then I was even able to

(56:46):
identify the thing she needed more.David Gotman I think that's his name,
him and his wife that book you'retalking about, So we kind of jumped
into that world. It's just like, okay, how do we be the
best version of ourselves for each other? And I feel like, to me,
that was super cool because I neverreally saw that right in my face,

(57:08):
like my parents they could have beendoing it, but I just didn't
see it. So I was like, yo, Like it just felt like
I'm just really rocking with my homie. So it's like the whole process of
like us, I would say,becoming one because that's never ending process and
marriage, but I think the beautyof it continuously is just us being friends.

(57:32):
Because there's certain things we not gonnaget right on the first try.
But it's like we can laugh,we can joke. It's we'll go out
to dinner, hang like we justhomies. Like it don't always have to
be a thing. It's just likethis is my homie. Like when I'm
telling my friends, like I can'talways relate to everybody's situation where they're like,

(57:52):
man, she's doing this, I'mlike, I mean we kind of
just chilling, We just cooling,we having a good time. It's like,
literally, this is my best friend. And even when she go out,
I'll be like I'll be wanting herto go. I'm like, go
hang out with your friends, likedo you I'll be at the crib watching
anime or whatever. She called me. You gonna come out too, I'm

(58:17):
like, Gabe, I'm like rightin the middle of this anime, like
y'all just have fun, do y'all? So you know, I love that.
I think it's always so weird whenpeople get married and then it becomes
this thing of like that they don'thave their own individual like hangout times and
like guys night girls' nights like thatstuff is so healthy in relationships, and

(58:38):
it's something that you know, evenI think for me because I didn't really
know exactly what marriage looked like.I was afraid of that, like,
oh, I'm not gonna be ableto like have fun and like do things
as an individual. And now thatwe're married, it's like we enjoy very
different things and like there's certain thingsthat we do together and love together,
but then certain things where it's like, yeah, That's what I think makes

(59:02):
marriage feel great to me is thatit doesn't feel like a cage or a
prison, you know, like likesome people make it feel like oh,
like you know, oh he gotanother one. We lost another lost,
So it's like what like this isdope, Like I got somebody who I
can trust depend on like one hundredpercent there for me, like you said,

(59:23):
my best friend, and I canstill hang out with my friends.
I can still like go and dotrips. God, Like, I don't
feel what I make it. Ithink as everybody individual, because like I
feel like some people that I knowthey shouldn't because of them, not because
because the old guy shouldn't be ableor should know you can't. So it's

(59:46):
like and I'm I'm like that though, Like I'm like, I don't want
I don't need to be in noenvironments where my brain start thinking of things
because I'm creative. I'll get realcreative, real fast. So it was
like, nah, I don't needto be out over there because that's not
my vibe. So I always tellpeople like you just gotta know you because

(01:00:07):
she can go out all day andhave fun like me, I can't just
hang out with anybody and everybody anddo anything because I might be like,
dang, like you know what,let's go the next level and now like
I'm doing well, so you justgot more access to do stupid stuff where
I'm like, nah, I'm gonnakeep myself accountable. I'm gonna watch my

(01:00:29):
anime machill. If she wants meto come out, I might pop out.
But I really don't even like beingout with a bunch of dudes like
that for me. But I don'tsay it in a negative connotation because that's
just how I grew up around mydad and my uncle. I don't have
a lot of men in my life, so it's not even like a lot

(01:00:51):
of people. And I didn't playsports either, like she she's like a
sports person, athletic. I'm obviouslynot athletic. I'm a music guy.
I'm playing music. I'm doing mything. So I grew up around with
a lot of women on my mom'sside, so even with the masculine energy,
it was just my dad and thenlike my one uncle, and I

(01:01:12):
didn't see him all the time.So it's like when I'm with my mom,
I'm like with ten it could beten women at any given time.
And then I would work at ahair salon with her to sweep the floors,
to make like cash whatever. SoI'm just constantly around feminine energy.
So naturally I just was like whenI was hanging with my guy friends,

(01:01:32):
I'm like, yo, like y'allbe doing too much. And it's not
that they're really doing too much.I'm not as familiar with that energy where
I'm like, nah, let's go, let's I'll be whispering sweet, nothing's
in somebody else this nigga man go, I'm like what. So I realized,

(01:01:53):
like I have a lot more softnessas far as like when I'm around
women, when I'm around guys,I'm like, all right, what are
we doing? Like even my brothersis like very similar. But that's something
we had to consciously be aware ofbecause we grew up in a weird environment.
Like so it's like whenever guys wasgetting together, we was only getting

(01:02:15):
together to try to get girls.Yeah, that's exactly. That's a dangerous
thing when your mentality is always thatway. So for me, I was
like I need time to recondition myadolescent mind because it's like why every time
I'm hanging with dudes, it's like, oh, where the hose at?
Like that thought comes into your mindand you get it from TV videos.

(01:02:37):
Like literally people would get clown LikeI remember, It'll be an older guy.
You'll see like a bunch of dudeswe kicking it. We might be
playing football or something like, hey, I think it's the hose. Like
you're like, day, we're justplaying, like we can't play, Like
I remember I told BT that onetime. It's like I hang out with

(01:02:58):
my boys and most of mys aresingle, and it's like I'm like,
yeah, we're doing a guys night, but it's like and we're watching the
game or something. But I'm likethey want to be around like they like
as they should because they single,and I feel like sometimes women, y'all
do a better job of thats justthe girls and we're just hanging out and
it's just us. But I feellike, dude, sometimes it's like my

(01:03:22):
boys. I'm like, I getit. I told her it was just
like it's just us. So y'alltry and get me. A lot of
guys nice up and ended up withyou in the same group of girls.
I'm like, but like you said, they all single, so it's not
like you know, But then it'slike after a while, I like look

(01:03:43):
at certain environments and I'm like,why am I even here in the first
place or doing that? So likemore people like you can come over the
house and we kick it and watcha game or something like that. But
no, so well, I wantedto ask you guys. Was more around
like supporting your partner through their ambitionsand things like that we talked about or
you know, went popular. MichelleObama Baracks. You was talking about sheen
like him for a long time,and I kind of knew that because I

(01:04:05):
read his book when he was asenator and he was talking about how he
was running for state senate but howhe would have to leave all the time.
And Michelle was just kind of likebruh, Like right, come on.
But it's like you look at Barackand you're like, I mean,
this is once in a lifetime,like first black president, but still you
sitting there with the kids and doingall this and have these responsibilities. He's

(01:04:27):
still looking like and her and herown right was a lawyer and she was
an attorney and stuff like that.So I know that you guys, you
know both were artists or you knoware artists and in the music and things
like that. So how do youjuggle that dynamic, you know, supporting
your partner through the different things thatthey're doing, And like what was that
like for you? I think Ihad a transition phase for sure, where

(01:04:50):
I had to go from being likethe actual artist to being a supporting role.
And it's kind of crazy because Ifeel like I manifested this in some
ways because what he does things thatI know that I put on like my
vision board for like things that Ithought I was supposed to accomplish. For
example, be like when he didCoachella. I remember I had that big
on my vision word Coachella, DaDa da da performing there, And now

(01:05:13):
I'm standing at Coachella. I'm watchingmy husband at that time, my fiance
or I don't know what you wereat that time. We're married already,
we were married at no and soI was like watching him perform. I
remember having this moment of like thisis us, like where his win is
my win. You know, ifhe's performing at Coachella, we're performing at
Coachella. It's like not a notenvy, it feels like it feels like

(01:05:35):
a win. I feel like I'mwinning when he's winning. I feel like
we're both like we're both thriving rightnow and being able to like do my
part as his wife as like whetherit's packing his bag, whether it's getting
his social media together, whether it'scooking for him every day at home,
making sure he's healthy, whether it'sgetting the house together so when he comes
home from a show it feels likehome, or if it's just being a

(01:05:56):
presence in the studio so that he'snot feeling lonely, or on the road
if you don't like, I travelwith him everywhere we go to like tours
or whatever, so he's not alone, not feeling abandoned. If I know
his issues, you know, soit's like learning your person then being able
to provide support and encouragement, LikeI feel like a lot of especially black

(01:06:16):
men, need way more encouragement thanlike they give off that they need.
So I'm his biggest cheerleader. I'mhis biggest man. You ask me who's
my favorite artist Pink Sweats, He'smy favorite man of pink sweats. Who's
my Like, I don't have noother celebrity crush, He's my celebrity crush,
you know what I mean. Iwant to be that girl for him
at all times. So you're notlooking for it in any other way either,
So I don't know. I feltlike I had to. Once I

(01:06:38):
found the value in my role,I was like guns blazing, Like whatever
I do, I do one hundredpercent. So I'm like, okay,
shoot, if this is my supportingrole, I'm gonna be the best freaking
wife I can be. So I'mten toes and I feel like he is
the best husband as well. He'salso showing up for me. He's making
sure I don't pay bill. I'mset like he's taking care of me.
He's making sure that I feel secureand so that I don't feel like you're

(01:07:00):
taking advantage of me. Just beingthe supportive role. You're also making me
feel like this supportive role is importantto you as well. You give me
the validation. You do that reallywell. Well, she taught me to
see from a different perspective too,because she has a mom who like wanted
to be a mom who was likea mom beyond her like beyond her own

(01:07:23):
kids. Like and I think ina like really deep cool way, I
believe that, like she kind ofshowed me something that I never seen because
all the women in my world theyall work. Yeah, and like I
always would hear women talking in thesalon on like hair salon and stuff,

(01:07:46):
and they will always be talking aboutmoney and what men ain't doing and this
and that. So that kind ofimprinted on me as a kid. I'm
like, okay, so I'm takingnotes. I'm like I can't do that,
like, don't do this, don'tdo like I'm listening to everything as
a kid. So it would becertain things that she kind of taught me
about, like valuing the different rolesbecause like me, I always just think

(01:08:12):
about like, well, you gottabring some money in, like what you're
doing all day? Like then Irealized I really didn't want her working because
it's so much things that I endedup needing. That would be like,
dang, I would have to payall these different people when I have her
and she's qualified to do those things. Like she's really good with social media,

(01:08:34):
so it's like, okay, Ihate social media. I don't even
like being on there, so shewould help subsidize my hate for that.
And she'll say, oh, I'lljust do it, like you just shoot
the content, I'll post it,I'll make sure it goes up. All
that. And then with the housestuff. I had a housekeeper when we

(01:08:56):
first started eeding, so it's likeonce we got married, just took over
all these roles because realistically, Ididn't want her to do anything that you
like anybody else telling me. Whatbesides, I was like, that's really
the thing. It's like if somebodyelse telling me something to do and I'm
coming to you complaining about it,He's like that made that made you feel
like, I'm like, what kindof why are you even listening to you?

(01:09:19):
Don't got to be there, Igotta be doing that. But it
got to a point where I wasjust like, Okay, I had to
think about what kind of wife,what kind of husband do we want to
be and we really had to sitdown and start having a Those are tough
conversations because my dad was, Mydad worked, my stepmom worked, but

(01:09:44):
in a modern day, a lotof women make more than the man.
So my step mom had a job, my dad was working, so it's
like, Okay, I didn't growup seeing my dad take care of everything,
so that was strange even for me, where it's like, I know,
I don't know no man that justtake care of everything. It's a
lot of pressure, it's scary,and I feel like a lot of guys

(01:10:05):
we don't articulate that part of itwhere it's like I'm kind of nervous for
real, Like I don't really knowwhat that looks like. And even when
I do, it's like rappers,you know what I mean, people that
I don't look. I don't idolizerappers and artists, like I respect everybody

(01:10:26):
what they do, but those arenot my idols of like what men should
be anymore. So it's like Ihave to look around at everyday people that
I know and I'm like, well, this makes me nervous because I don't
know anybody that does that. Doyou And she's like, well, yeah,
my dad did this and my momdid this, and I had a
negative connotation cause I'm like, well, no, you're just gonna be at

(01:10:46):
the house poisoning the kids against me, Like that's what y'all do the same
thing, because these are the thingsthat I grew up seeing, So it's
like it would make me really nervous. And then she would just like I
was like, that's not and Iwould see her really acted out, like
in real life, I've seen herwith her dad, like the love,
the honor, the respect that himas a working dad and her mom being

(01:11:12):
a stay at home mom, thelove that she had for both of them.
It wasn't like, oh my dadhe was never around. He was
good. It was no ill thingtowards either parent. And for me,
she really had to love me throughmy disposition because I already had seen so
much negativity in that space where shejust kind of like kept loving me through

(01:11:34):
and being like no, like I'mnot going to do that to you,
Like I'm like I don't know,like this is scary. But then it
came to a point where I likeI presented out. I'm like, listen,
how about this, you come home. We started practicing for the role
now because we started getting really reallyserious at this point, we about to

(01:11:56):
get married, so I'm like,I want to know what this is going
to feel like what I'm saying.So then we would just start discussing,
like what are you going to do? You know what I'm saying, What
are the things the routine that we'regoing to develop, And she just start
doing stuff and I'm like, Okay, I like the way this feels.
Like she would pack my bag andmake sure that I had all the stuff
that I stuff I would always forget, like she would just like make sure

(01:12:19):
it's there, like underwear women areunderwear. Forget my flaws sticks that I
love, forgetting the basics. Sometimesmine be all over the place though it's
just the gap the other day,like I'm so glad you put these tooth
picks things every time. I neverwould have thought her, but I forget

(01:12:44):
them all the time. Are great, man, that's really great. And
when they when they choose the rightperspective, it's great for them too.
I think that's the hard part aboutsociety now. It's like you got all
these dudes that they're doing the quoteunquote right thing, but they not happy
doing the right thing because they feellike they're getting the short end of a
stick. Yeah, And then yougot the women on that side too,

(01:13:06):
they mad they doing the quote unquoteright thing, But it's like that masculine
energy. I feel like it isanother thing too that we're battling a lot
because we're doing so much more andlike the day to day life as like
a working girl, it's like you'recarrying that masculine energy home. So I
just feel like it's a little bitharder to be submissive. And I feel

(01:13:28):
like when the right husband shows up, like a leader shows up and giving
you security and show it shows upfor you, You're like, okay,
shoot out what you want. Likeyou can be way more submissive easily without
even thinking like, oh, I'mbeing submissive. You're just doing it naturally
because you want to want to makethem happy. You're like, I want
to do whatever's going to make thiswork and this be love. What y'all
figured out, though, is whatI think people need to understand is that

(01:13:51):
we're on the same team. Everythingthat I'm doing, you're doing, we're
working together and making that happen andmaking that a reality. So, like
you said, even if it's packingthe bag or making sure you're healthy,
Like that's helping us. That's notjust helping you or just helping me,
that's us. But so many peopleare like against each other and they envy
each other and resent each other forlike the different positions like a competition.

(01:14:14):
Yeah, and it's like it shouldn'tbe that way because if I'm up,
you up, like we are,like we just whatever way that is in
relationships, as we know, thatchanges, right, It's like sometimes it
may be you, sometimes it maybe me doing this for you, Like
it's it changes, so we haveto have that mindset that we're on the
same team. And it's funny Isaid that because Brin I was just talking

(01:14:34):
about that yesterday or Friday, liketheir whole conversation where they were discussing,
Yeah, I'm struggling, she's struggling, So I really am. And I
when I struggle with something, it'slike I can't like escape it or run
from it. It's like it's onmy mind constantly, NonStop, and and

(01:14:57):
it's like it's just very weighing onme and like makes me mentally drain,
physically drained. But basically it waslike, you know, before I met
Dre, I was like super independent. I already had my own business,
I had investors, I had allthese things in place, and then I
meet this man and I'm learning aboutGod who says be submissive and I'm like,
what is that? And really learninga different dynamic that I wasn't used

(01:15:20):
to. And it went from youknow, dre being like what we would
say, a quote unquote regular guy, like just a property manager, like
had a normal job, like livingin the DMV and where he is and
who he is now. I meanit's like it was an an extremely quick

(01:15:41):
execution of like he just scaled fromlike here to their immediately. And it's
hard when you have a dynamic oflike I feel like I've always struggled for
everything that I had or anything thatI got. It was like a tremendous
amount of struggle, and when you'rewith someone who I feel like is just
touched by the heavens. No,it's just things just come so easily for

(01:16:02):
him, and it's hard when youknow, I'm like, I know that
you have no idea what I'm talkingabout because the struggle that you haven't seen
that type of struggle, the dynamicof our relationship and how he became who
he is now and all the thingsthat he's doing. It all happened super
organically and natural, as if Godwas like, let me just lay out
the map and you just follow.Whereas for me, it's like I'm climbing

(01:16:25):
trees, I'm knocking down bears,I'm doing all these things, and then
still I'm like where is this?This isn't where I was even trying to
get to. So where I'm strugglingright now is I've been having thoughts of
like thinking and imagining a life withlike babies and like having a family.
And I've been a business owner forover ten years now. I am a
very high achieving, like almost likeoveractive worker, Like I like feeling busy

(01:16:51):
and doing all these things. Andthen I had a moment of like being
content, and I've struggled with thatbecause I was like, Dre, why
am I okay say no to thisand no to that? And like I'm
finding days where I'm literally choosing todo nothing and it feels good, but
I also feel guilty. And soin a space where we are now,
we worked together had our own businessfor what seven years, and we did

(01:17:14):
that full time and then we werelike we need to do our own thing,
because I almost felt like he wastrying to be my boss, and
I'm like, this is like thisis my ship. I'm stilling my ship
where I want to take it,and vice versa. And we are now
in this moment doing our own things, but we have been feeling like God
is trying to pull us back togetherand like instead of me doing my own
thing over here and him doing hisown thing over there, for us to

(01:17:35):
just do it together and almost mergethe two things, but it would almost
be me losing a big identity ofwho I feel I am and what I'm
supposed to do to be like yeah, let me come up under your arm
and like we do this together.So I'm really struggling with it, and
like even just hearing what you said, I'm like that is super helpful,
like you finding value in the role, and I think for me because I've

(01:17:59):
always strung so much and like moneyis this, and you know, it's
just all these different things that myinner child looks at and it's like this
is what it's supposed to be.I struggle to let go of those things
because it feels like I'm giving upmyself when in reality, I don't want
a lot of these parts. That'swhy he's even mentioning it to me.
He's like, you're stressed out,like you're dealing with too many people,
you're overseeing too many things, likeyou don't got to do all that,

(01:18:20):
Like we're good, and I'm like, but no, So yeah, it's
it's a dynamic that we're like,it's very new, and it's very uncomfortable
for me, and I'm trying tofigure out what to do. Like one
of our friends told us this,and I'm correct me if it's like the
wrong stat but they were telling usthat when a woman joins forces with her

(01:18:44):
husband, let's say, like shejoins the business or she like you're saying
you're trying to merge your businesses together, that the family or the husband is
seventy percent more successful at whatever thatbusiness career thing is when they have that
supportive role, they're pushing the sameengine. Yep. Like hearing that was
like, well, shoot, Ilove being on board, Like I love
making sure like that we're both winningbecause you know, what's yours is yours.

(01:19:08):
So it's like and I feel likewe have like as women, we
like can sometimes identifying things that reallyaren't our identity, like that job,
your career, that's not who youare, and like maybe God's really making
you make space for the kids ormake space more space for your husband,
Like, oh, I don't feellike doing anything today, that's because maybe
in like a who knows nine months. No, that's so good, and

(01:19:34):
thank you for saying that, becauseit's you know, my husband can talk
me till I'm blue in the face. But like sometimes when you hear it
from someone else, it's it's superfrom sometimes. I tried to tell her
when we were talking the other day, though, I'm like, I don't
think you give yourself enough credit.But even like for me, I'm like
where I'm at now versus where Iwas You like I wouldn't have. Like

(01:19:59):
we came into the I was workingin property management. We started our business
in social media and branding because ofher skill set and because she was able
to do those things. She didthe majority of the work. I did
the back end strategy, but thathelped elevate us to where we started getting
more clients. Then we were ableto sign a big client called the Saint
James. But that's because the businesswas already built through her talent and abilities,

(01:20:21):
and she helped me to grow mysocial media and build my platform.
So now the Saint James turning abreakbeat, which is the Don't Call Me
White Girls Show, which I startedproducing and doing all this videography, Like
all this stuff came from the businessthat we started based off of her ability
and her teaching me and showing me. So now that I'm in a position

(01:20:42):
where I'm running a network. Ihave my own network, but running one
for a big media company, I'mlike, this is like this isn't just
me succeeding and you failing at things? Yeah, like this is I'm looking
like you the catalyst for it.I'm choose me as your number one client.
You have you successful in this andthe power in us doing things together
is there. So it's like tryingto get that encouragement. But like I

(01:21:04):
said, sometimes it's like yeah,I hear you. But it's almost like
my whole life I wanted to bea lead singer, but it's like God
keep tapping me on my shoulder,like I'm gonna need you to do background
vocals, like get in his background, Like it's gonna be the same performance.
It's gonna be great, but likeyou got to get back here,
and I'm like, but I wantto be on center stage, like you
know, Like I feel like it'sa step back, it's a failure,

(01:21:26):
and it's almost like not doing mystory justice, not doing my skill set
justice. Like if I'm not doingthis kind of work, I feel like
I'm not serving how I should beserving. I feel it's selfish for me
to sit back and just do whatI know I can do to be comfortable
and to be happy and have apeace of mind if I'm not challenging myself
to do this too. So it'slike, yeah, it's a real thing.

(01:21:49):
I'm dealing with it. But Ithink you're doing the right thing though
you're thinking about it, and Ithink that's where the process starts. Because
it was hard for her as well. It was really hard. I used
to like when I was in agroup and then I like in my eyes,
I'm like, this is this isit. If I don't do this,
if I don't complete this task,is nothing like a failure at life.

(01:22:12):
If I don't do this one thing, I'm not waking up to them
every day. I'm not having kidswith you know, the music industry,
you know, like it's not goingto serve me in the way that I
was trying to make it serve me, and it wasn't giving me. It
honestly wasn't giving me the happiness thatI really wanted. So it's like,
if I'm miserable in this, I'mbeing abused, I'm being treated horribly.

(01:22:32):
Everything about this is toxic, andI'm just trying to like, oh well,
let me just like stick it out, stick it out. And finally
he just had he had to bemy messenger and be like, you're not
even happy. You're literally making yourselfphysically sick by the energy and the toxicity
that you're surrounding yourself by choice thatyou don't have to be here, Like
you could also just choose happiness.You could also just choose me and be

(01:22:58):
happy. It's just like, Idon't know, It's like it's a really
tough though. Once you have likeyour heart set on something, you're like,
no, this is this is hasto do it, which is a
beautiful characteristics as a person that youhave that drive. I think that that's
what he's saying, like your driveis what motivated him to be skyrocket into
this thing. But it's really hard. It's really hard to let go of,
like something that you felt like isyour is your end goal? But

(01:23:21):
then maybe God is trying to redirectyou to your real end goal. Yeah,
that could be way more massive,way more beautiful, way more happy,
Like I would never honestly, I'mthankful for that chapter because I never
would have met him. I neverwould have been married right now. I
never would have been here today ifit had not been for that. But
I was also able to see thatthere's there can be a different, perfect

(01:23:42):
ending. Yeah, yeah, forsure, I think that's for us.
Like even me, I had tolearn in the same process because I saw
her in pain and I didn't knowhow to react to it because I'm like,
my first thing is always to justsay fit and keep moving on because
I'm not gonna sit here and letpeople treat me any kind of way.

(01:24:06):
But that's not how she is.She wasn't naturally like that. She was
just like, well, she waskind of following the status quo of what
people say, like, oh,there, all artists go through this,
it's supposed to be like this,Like no, it's not like that's toxic.
I'm like, that's how people continueto take advantage of people's dreams,
and it's like your dream can becomea nightmare if you if you're being led

(01:24:30):
totally by that dream, you'll wakeup one day somewhere like what you were
saying, like, I don't evenI didn't even know I was coming here.
It's like, because you're supposed tobe in my opinion, you're supposed
to be led by God, andthe dream is just it's his glimpse to
what he's gonna give you. Butif you're trying to chase it and force
everything to happen, it's like endsup being a nightmare. Because people play

(01:24:55):
on your dreams every day. Mostof the world is built on playing on
people was ideas and things that theywant to do. Oh, you want
to go on a vacation, youcan't afford it. We got this thing
where you can pay later, whichis cool, but most people ain't gonna
have the money to pay to share. They paid the time share, never
end up going to the location andstill a bunch of money. So I

(01:25:16):
had to learn how to love herand speak into her during that process.
So it's like we both was learningat the same time, where it's like
nobody never encouraged me. Nobody reallywas like in my corner. So I
don't even know how to I don'tknow what that really looked like. I'm
like, well just quit, juststop. They making you unhappy. Yeah,

(01:25:41):
and she comes from you know,competitive like dancing, so that competitive
edge also always makes me be like, no, if I'm not getting the
first place, then what am Idoing? Yep? So was that look
was like my dance to the NBAall this stuff, and I feel like
that place a big part too.I'm always like, even with aging,

(01:26:02):
like there's a point where I waslike, Okay, I think I should
stop trying to dance, Like I'mlike, maybe I'm not a dancer anymore.
Like, I don't know, it'sall these it's just all these weird
dynamics. But growing is beautiful,but it's also growing pains come with it.
But we have two more things toask you before you get out of
here. So the biggest thing isthat routines, Like we are struggling with

(01:26:27):
routines and staying in the same routinelike we'll be good, but then the
moment we travel, it'd be likelike a month off and we do good
with our individual routines, but likefinding a routine that works, that works
together, it's tough. So howdid you guys get your routine like together?
Was it a struggle? Was iteasy? Like what was that process

(01:26:50):
of just as a married couple gettingthe routines together to make sure that you're
achieving the goals that you want toachieve. So we both want to work
out consistently, right, so makingsure that we're able to do that and
that we're eating healthy and all thatstuff. Like how did you guys establish
your routine as a as a couple. I don't think I just kind of
once I made the decision like this'swhat we're doing, she just naturally was

(01:27:12):
like, Okay, this is whatwe're doing. Because she's a routine person.
I'm not had to drag him downthis this journey and he's but he's
on that bicycle now, he's onlywith me, he's there. It took
a long time, I think toget an agreement because I'll tell you this,
So for me, I'm used totaking care of people, so I

(01:27:35):
wasn't used to taking care of me, and when we got married, that
was just something that was a bigchange where I'm thinking I'm just about to
be taking care of her, butit's like she's like, no, you
need to take care of you too, because I need you here. And
it's like I'm running at one hundredmiles per hour doing touring, doing this

(01:27:55):
studio, just doing all this stuff. My health is declining, I'm sick,
and it's like she's just like,yo, I need you, and
I'm like, dang, like I'vebeen neglecting me for so long by just
going going, going going, notrealizing like, Okay, now that I'm

(01:28:16):
married, I'm giving her the worstversion of myself because I didn't warm myself
to the ground to get to thispoint trying to get money, trying to
just you know, escape the povertyand just things like that where it's like
now from the outside, it canbe like, oh, well she's living
like they got bread, they doanything, but it's like, what's the
money if if the love of yourlife is sick all the time? Yeah?

(01:28:42):
You. So it's like I reallyhad to wake up and say,
Okay, what do I need todo? And I was just like I
need a routine because that was theonly difference. I was like, I
never had a routine. I neverhad consistency in my life where I was
like, Okay, this is whatI can control. She already is naturally
has routine, but she will breakit because she's kicking it with me.

(01:29:05):
Let's just go somewhere, let's eatthis, let's fly. She's like okay,
okay. People would be like youwant and then she's like okay.
With him, we had to havelike a serious talk where I was like,

(01:29:27):
you know, my trauma is thatI lost a parent through sickness.
So I'm like, if you don'ttake this serious, I'm going to crack
like I'm going to I'm scared.This is a real fear for me.
So if you don't get this undercontrol, I'm going to be living in
fear that I'm going to lose youevery day. So once we were able
to like him to hear that thatwas like a real fear of mine.

(01:29:50):
I think it clicked at some pointlike okay, I'll listen, what's what's
the schedule, what's the routine?And then once we got it is hard
with traveling. I would say it'svery hard with traveling, especially with exercise,
but I don't know when we travel. For me, it's easier to
take classes versus being like, Okay, let's go to the gym because I'm
like I like to have people aroundme. But we tried working out together.

(01:30:13):
We try to because look, theybe trying to do too much.
Starting out, I'm like, allright, she's athletic. I'm not.
Look, let me do the fatpeople work out. I do some little
light stuff. But they be havingme doing the same thing she doing.
She not really getting as good ofa workout as she should because I'm like,
no, she ain't dealing with whatI'm dealing with. She need to

(01:30:34):
do thirty, but whatever she doing, I need to do ten. Like
she not getting it like how I'mgetting it right now. That's definitely But
no, that's good advice. Weneed to figure it out, like we
But I think it's about finding whatworks for you, right. So for
somebody, that might be classes,for somebody that might be a personal trainer,

(01:30:55):
for somebody that might be something else. But yeah, we just got
we're good. Sometimes we just got. Are you guys good at like holding
each other accountable? Like or issomebody like the snack versus we want some
we so we're great, Like wedon't keep snacks like we keep only healthy
things in the house. But becauseyou know, downstairs, we're just walking

(01:31:15):
distance from parisbeg Get which has allthe sweets, all everything. We got
ice cream, all the stuff islike walking distance. But so we're good
with Like our eating is pretty good. And as long as I'm not overwhelmed
in my day to day schedule,I like, I enjoy cooking. I
only will cook if I have stuffhere that's cut up and prepared, So
I do a good job of that. But when we have like back to

(01:31:35):
back events or like traveling stuff,or like he has he comes home later
than normal from the office, orhe comes home at like seven and then
also wants to go play basketball tillnine, and then the Warriors come on
and ten, the game don't endtill twelve thirty. I can't fall asleep
till he's in the bed. Likeit just throws us off. Honestly,
your sports is a big going offour. I mean, yeah, it

(01:32:01):
is, But I think it's ifyou work hard, you have the things
that you enjoy, whatever that is. So you have to figure out a
way to include that into you know, the discipline and the schedule and not
always say that. Like motivation islighting the flame, but discipline is sustaining
the flame, and in order tosustain the flame, you got to build

(01:32:21):
a mechanism that works for you tosustain it. So I think we just
have to cater things to, youknow, work for us and our dynamics
and the things that we like andthe days that it happened. So we're
just still trying to adjust to that. But I think it's also just like
trusting the other person. Like evenwith Breede, like I'm always like a

(01:32:42):
i'll do it myself type person.Right like I'm hungry, I'll go get
something to eat. If I wantsomething, I'll go get it. She
says, hard to surprise me becausewhen I want something, I just do
it. I would say like Iwant it and then just sit there and
like don't get it. Like ifI want it, I go get it.
But lately it's like she'll be like, I'll cook dinner, and I'm
like, okay. I'll like insteadof being like I can cook, what

(01:33:04):
do you want, He'll be like, I don't know, I probably just
grab what I feel like. I'mjust like I'm cooking and he'll just be
like all right, okay. Butthat helps me to stay like you know,
in a routine and like I'm like, okay, I gotta be more
give up things and trust her thatshe is a way more organized person than
me. So she's saying, likethis is how we can keep things organized,

(01:33:28):
just trusting her instead of like fightingback on it, like this is
how I normally do. It's likeno, I just you set the routine
and I got you know, I'lljust follow it and I gotta do better,
a better job at that. MeLike cooking during the week, I
think it's also helped us be more. Yeah, it's super hard weekends almost
she will do like a meal prepnow, just cook it all that way,

(01:33:49):
it's already done when he gets homefrom the gym or something like,
you don't have no excuse so whileyou choosing to eat something else that you
know you ain't supposed to be Sothat definitely, I'll just go right in
the free popped. That's awesome.We're gonna get there. We're gonna get
there when she accepts that she's gonnabe at the crib. Yeah, if

(01:34:11):
we if we just got a big, beautiful house, I would be very
happy just be at home and Iwould just make my home my project.
It'll take me like three months tofully renovate. I'll be in heaven and
I'll be like work work, wherebusinesses in my element. She will get
lost in that. But as wego to the end of this time,
thank you guys for sitting down withus. Number one. This is very

(01:34:34):
informing for us as well and asI'm sure the people that are watching listening.
But one last question. You know, this show is worth the way,
and it's really it was about ourjourney of waiting for marriage, but
really about finding somebody worth waiting for. And this as a last thing,
I just want to know from youguys. You know, talking person up,
talking person, How'd you know thatthat person you know, Bunny for

(01:34:56):
you, Pink Pink for you,Bunny, that this was the person that
was worth waiting for. What wasit about her and what was it about
him that made you be like thisis it? Wow? I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go first because this easierbecause I remember my dad told me
love was a decision, and Ifeel like I was just at that place
where I was ready to make thatchoice and I was like, Okay,

(01:35:21):
I think she could love the uglinessand me I think she had the capacity
to and I feel like that's Ithink for a lot of guys, we
we get so used to showing ourbest face, like oh yeah on pink
sweats, I'm doing my thing,but it's it's ugly side to who I
am that I don't want to showsomebody. But it's just it was I

(01:35:45):
had an inkling that like she hasthe capacity to love me through that,
and I just had to trust thatinkling like all right, something something's different
about it. I don't really knowwhat it is and word, but it
was a feeling of like I feelsecure, like I feel safe, and
like I feel like for a godto say that it's abnormal, but like

(01:36:09):
genuinely I felt like when we wouldtalk, I could say what's really on
my mind and she where somebody wouldprobably be like, oh you think like
that or do it? She wouldjust laugh like yeah, like she would
just laugh or she'll say something funnyback. Like it felt like a safe
It felt like home, like ina way that I hadn't experienced yet.

(01:36:30):
So I was like, dang,like she really has the capacity to love
the ugliness that's like I'm not showingall the time. I feel like vice
versa. I'm like, you knowwhat, I feel like I have the
capacity to love the dark side ofher too, So yeah, and then
I just made the decision that's awesome. She that's hard to follow up,

(01:36:58):
Okay. I feel like I haveto two points where I saw that he
was like my person. So therewas like one point. The first point
was like we weren't even like dating, we were friends where I saw his
true character. But I mean wewere just friends. Sorry, And I
saw his true character and we Itwas a point in my life where I
was dead broke, so broke,and I was like homeless doing the whole

(01:37:21):
creative artist thing in l A.Like, Okay, I'm going to go
out there. I didn't even knowthat I thought she was good because they
was doing the whole social media likewe live looked lit. I thought she
was. I thought she was Iwas shiny, but in real life I
was dead, broke, struggling,and so he hit me up because he
was in l A at the sametime. He's like, hey, you

(01:37:42):
want to like go out grab somefood. I'm like, yes, I
want to go grab some food,but I'm starving. So I'm sitting there,
I get my first little plate.I'm scarfing it down. He's like,
hey, you want to take somethingto go. I'm like, yes,
I want to take you can getjoint she was, So I'm like,
yeah, of course. And hisgenerous heart is what it was.

(01:38:05):
You want something else? Yes,hey, I have an airbnb. He
looks higher you when you want tolike, I don't know, maybe he
didn't know, but his spirit knewI needed it. So I go to
his airbnb. He said that there'sa bed upstairs if he wanted to just
like lay down for a second beforeyou go wherever you're going. He don't
know. I don't got nowhere elseto go. I'm to be going to
my freaking car. But I'm like, yeah, okay whatever. I lay
down, knocked out because I hadn'tslept in the bed in a minute.

(01:38:29):
And I remember he just left mealone. He didn't like to try to
know like weird stuff, you know, like an industry is look, yeah,
people do weird stuff. And Iremember him being like, I don't
know how just thought that. Thatwas such like a generous heart of him.
And then I don't know, I'mgetting worked up, and then O
girl, I know it's some andthen I think, I don't even know

(01:38:55):
what the second one was. Oh, the second one was he was always
very clear and direct about wanting me, and I feel like, besides my
father, this is the first likeman, I felt like it was like
I want you, you are whatI need to do, Like I love
you, like three months be mywife. Like I just feel like that

(01:39:15):
direct energy, almost like aggressive,but good aggression, like good obsession.
To me, I'm always wanted myman a little bit obsessed. Ye be
obsessive me because I'm like that,I'm like, I want to be in
your skin. But I just feltlike he he just wanted me in every
way and that made me feel soloved. Oh my gosh. Yeah,

(01:39:39):
I just I love that. Ilove that about him, that he's always
been direct, very straight shooter,but direct in love and like I never
have I have never had to questionhow he felt about me. I've never
had to question if he was attractedto me. Valid that he always gave
me the valid from the beginning.Once it was stopped across friendship, it
was like girl, yeah you areit, like I want you, I
want this, I want that youlike and them to me, that was

(01:40:00):
so that was love to me,Like there's assurance in that, and that
assurance made me be like, welove life. Can you guys get married
again? I'm like, this ismaking me just she really she really,
Like this softness is what really wonme over because I feel like I wanted

(01:40:25):
that, but I didn't know whatI was looking for, and I also
didn't know how to accept that atfirst either. So like I'm like a
face first person, like once Idecided something, I just gotta jump in,
like because I don't need to givemyself too much job to think or
start rationalizing, well, marriage doesn'twork, like nah, we're doing this,

(01:40:46):
like you the one, let's jumpin. And I feel like for
maybe for the ladies watching who arelooking, sometimes you just got to look
at men's character of like who theyare, because even like our single friends
who we know are like girls.I'll just say, like, pay attention
to how he is with everybody,Like I'm like, if you're with a

(01:41:09):
generous man, he's not just generousto you, And then to get homeless
people in the face like back up, like no, he's probably has the
pattern of generosity, just like somebodythat's mean. It's like, well,
He's probably not just mean to you. He probably has a history and a
pattern of being mean. And Ifeel like for us, my jet was

(01:41:31):
like one of the first times whereI felt like my generosity in my mind,
I'm like I wasn't thinking of anythingas far as like our relationship.
I was just like constantly giving andshe would give, and I'm like,
oh, that's interesting, that's coolbecause like in my mind and if I
was dating or having fun, I'mnever expecting anything back because I'm just doing

(01:41:57):
what I do and whether it's likeeven with my homies, like I would
be broke, but if I gotsome money, I tell my homies we
going to dinner, we gonna kickit. So I'm just always giving.
And this is the first time whereit was like I feel like a reciprocation
where it was like man, thatwas nice, like I and it wasn't

(01:42:19):
like, oh, here's some moneybecause you gave you gave me some food.
It was like reassurance of like,yo, like no, this,
I appreciate that because I had noidea that this is the power of social
media. Because she had me food, like I'm thinking I'm about to leve
them up. I got me one, she gonna take care of us,

(01:42:42):
like I had no idea. Butwhen she when she told me, she
didn't even tell me immediately. Shetold me like years later, and I
was like, wow, that's crazybecause I don't even know why I offered
her that room either. I justwas just my natural instinct was be like
yo, you hear, go ahead, chill And she was like yo,
I was sleeping in my car andI was like huh and she's like yeah,

(01:43:05):
beautiful. It's like wow, ohmy gosh. And for her to
say that, like so often Iwould see people do things for especially La.
It's like everybody wants to put onthe independent front and you'll see like
somebody living with your boy but onlineit's like I'm running this so but they

(01:43:28):
will never say like this person helpedme, this guy helped me, because
now in our generation, it's likewomen have so much fear on saying like
a guy did X y Z forthem. It's always like no, I'm
bossed up, and it's like,nah, he helped you, and that's
cool, that's perbably fine. Justlike the thing she helped me with changed

(01:43:49):
my life. Let me go,he changed my life. Well, there's
so much negative connotation. I thinkthat's something that for me. I'm like,
it's so much negative connotation around peoplehelping people. It's weird. It's
like it's like, oh, whoa, you didn't have nothing and that's why

(01:44:12):
you acting like that. It's like, or she just grateful, Like you
could be a grateful person, AndI'm extremely grateful because on the flip side,
I needed her. I probably wouldn'teven be alive right now because I
just wasn't living a good life.It's like I'm drinking all the time,
I got all the immune disease inmy liver. It was just only a
matter of time before I was justchecked out. Where it's like she gave

(01:44:33):
me a new sense of purpose oflike why am I doing this again?
Like what is all this about?It's like, oh, yeah, I
forgot I thought it was just aboutgetting some money and doing what I've seen
people do on TV. It's like, nah, you gotta be here for
somebody. Somebody's depending on you,somebody needs you. And her dad told

(01:44:55):
me this. He was like,you know, men, we need to
feel needed. I don't got theanswers why. It's like, but if
you notice a man that's not useful. It's usually up to something he's not
doing. He's not usually a productiveperson if he don't have somebody that is
depending on him. And I waslike, wow, I really started observing

(01:45:15):
the world like that. And I'mlike, dang, I know a lot
of dudes who nobody need them.They act like that, they move like
nobody need them. They just doingwhatever, hurting people living whatever kind of
way. But yeah, that wasbeautiful man. That's I'm glad this was
our first interview because this is trulywhat partnership is all about. It's like
that reciprocation that coming together to help, you know, achieve an accomplished one

(01:45:41):
goal. And I love that lovethat you guys have for each other and
how you've impacted each other's lives insuch a positive way. Like that's how
you know you with your person forsure. Thank you all for having us
check crying tissues next. So justput it in. We're dropping glasses at

(01:46:08):
home. Do you have anything y'allwant to plug anything that's going on?
Yeah, yes you do. Igot I got new music out. Music
Volume three is out right now.You can check it out anywhere. Extream
Music Volume three go streaming it's beautifulwork. Check it out. That's that's
really it, and then I'll beposting my tour updates. Manny coming out

(01:46:30):
Onday. I got a song withManny Wells, who's from the d m
V area that's coming out on Friday. On Friday, November, I think
it's the third. I don't knowwhat today is, but yeah, well
today is Sunday because my shirt sayshe has different days of the week.
Shirts say Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Just like this. I'm

(01:46:53):
a child living out his cartoon dreamsright now. And I have check out
my YouTube Funny About and I'm onthere vlogging what we do I have.
I'm about to start a whole likewedding series on things I've learned from planning
our wedding dudes and don'ts. ThingsI loved, unique things, regrets,

(01:47:15):
all the tea. So if you'reabout to do a wedding or anything,
tap in with your girl Bunny on. I think it's bunny About in on
YouTube and we'll tag it. Butyeah, I have and I have to
do like vlogs and stuff on there, and then also like dance videos.
So yeah, y'all gotta go watchthe wedding dance, Like, can we

(01:47:35):
link that specifically, say, wecould do a whole nother episode on planning
the wedding. And no, itwas Jersey. It was in Jersey.
Oh yeah, man, I wason tour with Keys, and she she
got us flowers and everything when Icame back because I had like two or

(01:47:57):
three days off, get off,alright, She allowed me off and then
she sent flowers and stuff to us. That was dope. That dope.
Well, thank you guys for joiningus. Appreciate it. Thank you,

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