All Episodes

August 14, 2025 36 mins
Dre & Bre Smith — Couch Conversations. In this deeply personal episode, we open up about our second miscarriage experience — from the emotional rollercoaster to the physical pain and everything in between. We share what it was like going through a D&C surgery, how this loss felt different than the first, and the ways we’ve leaned on each other to heal and grow.

We also talk about:
  • How we’re coping as a couple
  • Dre’s perspective as a husband during this process
  • The importance of gratitude and faith
  • What we’ve learned, what we’re still processing, and what we hope for the future
Whether you’ve experienced miscarriage or love someone who has, our hope is that this conversation reminds you that you’re not alone. Thank you for holding space with us. 💛

Chapters: 
00:00 Our Journey Begins: Trying for Baby Number One
00:19 A New Look: Before and After of Our Videos
00:47 Miscarriage Experience: The Emotional Rollercoaster
02:29 The D&C Surgery: A Tough Recovery
05:59 Coping Mechanisms: Finding Gratitude and Hope
09:28 Dre's Perspective: Supporting Your Partner
16:15 Seeking Answers: Medical Insights and Next Steps
22:12 Healing Together: Quality Time and Future Plans
30:50 Looking Ahead: Our Plan for the Future
32:31 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Join Our Relationship Community: https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbY...

Follow Us:
@breannaaponte -   / breannaaponte  
@itsdresmith -   / smithsondemand  
@smithsondemand -   / smithsondemand  
@relationshiprestored -   / relationshiprestored  

For More Relationship Content, Subscribe to our
Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, guys, Welcome back to Smith's on Demand.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
This is Couch Conversations, and today we're going to be
talking about our second miscarriage. As y'all know, we decided
what about a year ago that we were starting for
baby number one, and we created a video back in January.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
February January.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
I believe of our experience going through miscarriage number one,
but this experience was different. So we're going to talk
about it. But before we jump in, babe, look at
this background. Can we just talk about the before and
after like our videos? Yes, so this is what I
was looking like before it was very black and white.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
I mean it's not it doesn't look bad. I just
feel like this setup with.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Like the texture of like the paneling and the well,
it's just it's such a vibe.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
And my contribution a new lens that give us that
nice blur in the back round.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
You know, our baby tape Bark tape bark, we did that.
I even I forgot we did get a new camera lens. Yeah,
lets same different.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
But yeah, so it's beautiful and we're both very happy
with our investments and purchases. AnyWho, let's talk about miscarriage.
So at this point, I am almost two weeks post
up from the DNC surgery.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
In a nutshell last go round.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
What happened was at the eleven week mark, I got
a DNC procedure and I was fine right Like at
the hospital, I was just like yeah, like, you know,
let's get it over with, and everything was good.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
I think we had a very.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Like hopeful mentality of like, we know that everything happens
in God's timing. We knew that a miscarriage was a possibility,
and we were just it's like, you know, let's get
this over with so we can get back on the
horse of trying again. So the first time wasn't as bad.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
You know, what's funny now I think about it is
that I would I don't know if it's funny, but
the first go round as far as DNC is concerned, yeah,
you felt much more relaxed and calm, but the process
was much like more strenuous and like dragged out.

Speaker 4 (02:29):
And was like, oh my gosh, how long are we
going to be here?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
It was oh like the actual the actual time. Yeah, well,
I thought you were talking about the timeline.

Speaker 4 (02:38):
Of like no, I mean to get a wait.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
In between appointments to know what the heck was going on.
So just in general, the first go round, it was
a tedious timely process, like we had to go two
to three.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Weeks at a time without getting answers.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Then the actual procedure itself, we were there for like
seven hours when they told us, they were like, oh,
it's a fifteen minute procedure. You guys be in and
out seven hours.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
Seven hours. So that was that this go round. Let's
name the differences. Difference Number one.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
I was sick the first time, Like the I knew
I was pregnant because I was sick.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
I was like, none of this is making sense. I've
been sick for like a week.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
And a half and I just knew this go round,
I thought that I was sick from a travel bug.
I had went to Arizona, Cabo like it was all
these like Florida.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, it was just it was like it was Arizona
in Florida. It was something else too. We went somewhere.
It was like three back to back.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh, our anniversary trip went from Anniversary to Florida to Arizona.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
No, I didn't feel sick.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
I'm saying we went boomoom boom, and when I got home,
I got sick, so I just thought I had a
travel bug. It felt like the flu on top of
like food poisoning on top of men troll pain on
top of I just had an attitude like a mug.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
It was just not cool.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
So it was a very hard first trimester this go
round because my sickness had me in the bed. I
was like, I felt like I was in prison and
I couldn't leave my bedroom. Every time I did it
ended up with me throwing up or crying. So I
was like, the bed is my safe space. Dre and
I were button heads. Everything he did irritated me. Everything

(04:32):
he didn't do irritated me. Just the thought of him
poor thing, I'm so sorry irritated me, like completely.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
It was just I just, yeah, it was hard. I
was in a very dark space. So that was a
major difference.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Then the way that we found out was the exact same,
except expedited. So last go round we had to wait
two weeks before before we knew if it was or
was in her miscarriage. This go around, we only had
to wait five days. So like when in they heard
a heartbeat, we heard a heart beat.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
We have a video of it. I'll show you all
a little clip right here.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
That's fright. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
It was very much like there one minute, not there
the next, which is kind of creepy because like I'm
sitting there and I'm like, so it's is it just
literally dying while we're sitting here, like can you at
least get this thing out of my vagina? Like it
was just oh God sucks. But AnyWho, once that was
the dilemma, and she's like, we don't know. Come back

(05:32):
in a week and we'll know for certain. Go back
in a week, and that doctor was actually, well, all
the doctors have been nice, but she was just kind
of like, you know, I'm sorry that this is happening
twice in a row. And I was like, is there
anything that we could do differently, Like is there something
that we did that caused this, especially with it being

(05:54):
back to back and.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
So quickly, And she's like, nope, nope, everything looks fine,
but moving forward, you have a thirty five percent chance
of miscarriage.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I'm like, how you gonna tell me I'm fine
and then tell me I have a thirty five percent
chance of miscarriage when the average percentage of miscarriage is
fifteen percent. I'm like, no, something isn't right. So when
we went to go get the DNC surgery.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
This go round, I was not okay.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
I think the difference was because the first time it
was spread out, it was.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Essentially three weeks came down.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, I had like three weeks before the surgery last
time of like my hormones being able to like fade away.
I was pretty much back to normal by the time
I had the surgery, so I was in my right mind.
This go around again, it was like six days later
or an even quicker, and I was like six days later.

Speaker 4 (06:43):
It was like a Thursday to a Tuesday.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Or yeahing like that. So not even yeah, not a
full week. It's like a five to six day turnaround.
And I was in shambles.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
Like we got there and sat in like the waiting
area and I'm just like sobbing, crying.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
And Dre's like what's wrong, and I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
And then they have this part right before they do
your procedure where they take you, they leave your partner
outside because this is their chance to make sure that
you had consensual sex.

Speaker 4 (07:11):
Especially with her going back there crying like.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
This is also when they have yes. This is when
they asked are you safe at home? They asked all
the questions, so he's not supposed to be back there.
They bring me back and all the women said is
can you just verify your date of birth and last name?

Speaker 1 (07:29):
And I could not talk. I was just boohoo crying
and she was like, do you want me to get
your husband? And I'm like yeah, I get by. She's
like she's like, okay, well I just have to ask
are you safe at home?

Speaker 2 (07:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (07:44):
So get to Dre. He comes and he's like, oh gosh,
he's like hugging me. He prayed over me. And then
I finally like get it together.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
And I'm sitting there and they're starting to, you know,
do all the things now, y'all. They did not do
this last time because I didn't have my symptoms last time.
This go around, I am still like tremendously nauseous and
I'm sitting there and she's like, you know, how are
you feeling And I was like, I feel like I'm
going to vomit. I am very nauseous. She was like, oh,

(08:15):
no problem, we can just put some zofran through your IV.
And I'm like Okay, y'all, they put this thing in there.

Speaker 5 (08:23):
I told Dre, I was like I felt healed it
literally like you could feel it going through your veins.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
And just it wiped all the nausea right away, and
I could like taste almost like quarters or nickels, like
I taste like I was slicking coins. But other than that,
I mean, the nausea went almost immediately away, and I
was just like, where have you been?

Speaker 1 (08:47):
Alf of my life? So once I did that, I'm like, okay,
like this is this is cool. I'm feeling better. But
same thing.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
I just was very emotional. I kept crying the entire time.
Even after the surgery. I'm eating gold fish crackers and
sipping on orange juice and I am crying, Like I
just was crying NonStop. I don't think that that day
I was myself because I had all the stuff still,
you know, I was on anesthesia, I'd.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
Have all the medications.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
I felt better, but I was like tired and just
kind of like out of it. But yeah, when I
woke up that morning.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
I was like, she's back, yesh.

Speaker 5 (09:28):
Dre was probably so freaked out because I was a whole,
literal different person like night and day, I was ready
to get back to my life.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
I was like, yes, yes, I want to go work out,
but I have to wait.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
So technically Monday is when I can get back to
full swing, being active, doing all the things. And I'm
just very excited because I just feel like.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
My whole life was on pause.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
And I think that that was the major difference with
our first miscarriage in this miscake.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
This time, I was actually angry.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
And I think I was angry because the first go round,
it's like, Okay, it happens, sure, Okay, second time, there's
no way that the same.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Thing's gonna happen to me.

Speaker 4 (10:16):
Right.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
I even thought it was possible that I would have
a miscarriage, but I would have like a natural miscarriage.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
The fact that I had to go through another DNC
is like absurd.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
And we weren't trying to get pregnant this go around.
We were waiting until the safe zone, which was essentially
the next month or well no technically good waiting for
I had trips, I had girls trips and stuff that
I had to go on sober and I was the
designated driver.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
I was throwing up. It was it was not fun,
and I remember being on the trips.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
Being like, I'm gonna be so pissed if if this
baby doesn't stick, and I'm like on these trips suffering
for no reason, and ah, yeah, it sucks. But anyways,
the second time, I think because it happened again, and
it happened the exact same way, but my experience was
like twice as worse with me how I was feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
It just felt like I was being robbed of my time,
like I was.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Literally that week, the week that we found out we
were gonna need surgery to remove it, we hung out
with our couple friends, Jeremy and Rachel, who.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Literally any day now should be giving birth to her baby.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
The d date was like three days ago, you know,
a little bit more than that, like four or five
days ago. But here we are sitting with them. I
had gotten pregnant at the same time as her. We
told each other that we were pregnant together, and I'm
like witnessing her full term about to have her baby,
and here I am going on my second miscarriage. So
it makes you realize, like, wow, a whole year has passed,

(11:53):
and I've wasted a year being sick, being pregnant, not
being pregnant, being pregnant, not being pregnant. It just feels
like this unfair roller coaster. But at the same time,
the thing that brought I think me andre back to
a space of like just complete gratitude. And I remember
we said this to the woman when she told us.
She was like, you guys are taking this so well,
like and I'm like, I mean, we've been through it already,

(12:15):
And I was like, the good thing is I'm thirty two,
not forty two. And I don't mean that in any
shade or shameful way to women who are in their
forties trying to have babies. What I'm saying is i
still have more than enough time, and I'm healthy, and I'm.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Able at least we're able to get pregnant.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
There are women out there, no matter what their age,
who are suffering just trying to do the thing that
we were created to do. And that's a whole different
level of like grief and sadness and struggle. And so
even though miscarriage sucks, I'm like, we still have so
much to be grateful for. And time is, you know,

(12:53):
not against us in this case, Like women are having
babies into their mid and late forties, so it's like
it's gonna happen for us, and I think.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
That that's where our heads were, was.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Like it's happening again, and yes, this sucks, but like
it's gonna be okay.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
I think I was so angry because of my hormones.

Speaker 2 (13:11):
Now I'm gonna let Drake talk because I have been
talking to this the entire time, which makes sense.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
It's more of a I mean, it was more of
like a me thing, you know.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
But let's talk about for you, what the difference between
like the process this go around, Like how did that
feel to you going through like being there as my
support system for the surgery, where first time go around
I was like a one good myself to like the
second time I was like falling apart.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah, it's definitely challenging, I would say, now dealing with
our second miscarriage. What I wouldn't say it's necessarily challenging
just for the man, but with every single part of

(14:04):
the process of getting pregnant each time, then enjoyment is
like sucked out of it and it's more replaced with
like anxiety fear. Right, So it's like the first time
you get pregnant, you're excited, right, extremely happy you're telling people.

(14:25):
Then if you have a miscarriage the first time, then
the second time you get pregnant, it's less excitement and
more just like anxiety and fear.

Speaker 4 (14:37):
What will happen, Will this go full.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Term, whether the issues, especially with number two, because number
two is kind of your factor, kind of your your
your thing to know is there something really wrong or
was it just the first time was bad luck? Right,
So there's anxiety around there. Then when you have the

(15:01):
second miscarriage, now going into number three, you even have
less excitement, right, it's just more anxiety and fear.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
And the thing about going through your second.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
Miscarriage and preparing for number three of trying to get pregnant,
is that the excitement kind of goes away because now
we know we are able to get pregnant.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
Right.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
Part of the excitement of getting pregnant is like see
the two lines babies coming. But now when we're trying
for baby number three, you know you can get pregnant now,
So even the excitement of the two lines and knowing
that you're pregnant is like, I mean, we tried, we've
tried before, the excitement of being able to be pregnant

(15:46):
kind of goes away because like we've been here before, right,
And that's part of some of the issues that we
had and why I told her in her first trimester
why it may have felt like I was little disconnected
because I was trying to put myself mentally in a
position of this isn't real yet. And I told her before,

(16:09):
I was like, I feel like you're pregnant, but I
don't feel like a baby.

Speaker 4 (16:14):
Is coming yet.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
And for me, it means like I can tell like
she's going through the symptoms all that, but like an
actual child is coming into our lives. I do not
have that feeling yet. So therefore my brain, I'm not
even thinking about it in that way or preparing for
it in that way. So that was the truly the
difference between like one and two is just the excitement

(16:38):
for it goes away and it's more filled with anxiety
and fear and just a little a more stressful environment
that happens around you that makes it very tough.

Speaker 4 (16:51):
And then.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Also from a male perspective, it's like trying to understand
it's like somewhat possible to know what your wife needs
in the situation because I think she's still processing how
she feels right, Like somebody might say in the moment,

(17:14):
I'm okay, I'm doing okay, I'm doing fine, but then
after you know, a.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
Few weeks, she might not be right.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Or with just seeing a pregnant woman walking down the street,
she might have went to being fine to like not
being fine right. So it's like it's trying to understand
how to support your person is very challenging to do,
and I think the second go around it was even
harder because Bree still had those hormones within her body,

(17:43):
so her emotional state and reaction to things was so
much different than what it was in the previous one
when we had the first miscarriage.

Speaker 4 (17:51):
So it was just it was a lot different. And
it's like.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
I said in the last video we recorded that sometimes
I feel like the love that you can have for
your partner almost resembles.

Speaker 4 (18:08):
Like the love a parent can have for their child.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
And for me, it's like to see you hurting, to
see you like feeling like you failed, like and to
be helpless in that like really sucks because there's nothing
I could do to make you feel better in that moment.
As far as being able to have the child and
be able to move forward. And I know that internally

(18:35):
you subconsciously or consciously put the blame on yourself. You know,
I'm thinking, what did I do something? You know, It's
just all these different thoughts and it's all comes with,
you know, having these miscarriages and not being able to
carry a child full term, which is very challenging and
heart So the second go round I am not necessarily

(19:00):
grateful for, but I feel like we grew a lot
more in the second miscarriage and probably what we did
in the first one.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah, I think because the second one was more trying, right,
It's like the first one, we went into it knowing that, like, okay,
miscarriage is on the level or is on the list
of things that can happen. Secondle round, I think because
it just happened to us. I didn't really feel that
it would happen. I knew it was still a chance,

(19:29):
but like I just.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Was more hopeful.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
And so I think when you take hope and mesh
it with hormones and feelings and emotions and like you know,
you're planning your life and like we're going through this
major life transition together. To have it snatched away again.
It was like what the how like because now, like
to Dre's point, now we're like, okay, well what's wrong,

(19:53):
Like there's something wrong.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
So what I do want to talk about is what we.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Learned basically at the DNC like surgery day, like what
that experience was like with the doctor who did it
this time, and what we were told.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
And we won't have for sure, for sure, for sure, for.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Sure answers until my next appointment on the twenty first.
But this doctor came in and she was like, I'm
sorry that you're here again. We're gonna get answers. She
was like, the fetus is big enough for me to
take out multiple samples to send off to labs to
figure out if there was like some sort of genetic issue,
if there's something wrong with like your eggs pairing with

(20:34):
your husband's sperm, because that's a thing. Like we're gonna
figure out what is happening here because you guys are
getting pregnant quickly.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
You're in good health.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
This shouldn't have happened essentially, so we're like, okay, cool,
this is great, like we should be getting answers.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
I will say too, that the doctor who did our
second appointment this second go around. She didn't all just
say like, oh, you're fine. She did say that there's
possible that you know, there's a blood issue as well,
like a blood flow issue down there, and that there
is a blood test that can be done to figure that.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
I forgot what it was called. It was like AVTV
something something.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
But typically the solution for that as like blood thin
er is maybe doing baby aspirin or something like that.
So that is something that we might even do just
without even like knowing if it's the thing or not,
because blood baby aspirin isn't necessarily harmful to you or
your baby if you do it, but definitely submit it

(21:36):
for tests and hoping to get some answers. I mean,
one thing that you could talk about, because I remember
asking Bree. I'm like, because it's always weird in these situations, right,
is like when you send test off, do you want
there to be something wrong or do you like not want.

Speaker 4 (21:55):
It to be anything wrong?

Speaker 3 (21:56):
And she was like, I wanted to be something wrong
because at least like let me know that it's something.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
I didn't say I want there to be something wrong,
I said, I'd rather have a definite answer. So if
that means being told that something's wrong and they're being
a solution.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
I would prefer that versus them being like, yeah, no.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
It looks like everything's fine and then we have another
miscarriage because I'm more of like a piece of mind
person and I have I can easily have a piece
of mind when I have like definite answers. But again,
something I'm something I'm practicing. But I want to explain
to you all why getting the DNC.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
Wow, I feel like I'm taking off. Don't see. This
is why our pillows we messed up. You don't shove
pillows like that.

Speaker 4 (22:46):
I'm just trying to get us on the same plane.
So you're not how to focus.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
Oh gosh, okay, so get your arm your strong arms.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Like.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Why are you so big?

Speaker 2 (22:58):
There we go, So I forgot I've been training it
at because I'm thinking about your muscles.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Oh okay.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
I want to explain why the DNC surgery is such
a kind of like setback. So if you have a
natural miscarriage, it comes out, you bleed, you essentially go
through having.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
Like a period.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
You're still fertile, you can still get pregnant when you
get a DNC surgery. They go in and they take
everything out, and by them taking yes, by them going
in and sucking everything out, it can take up to
three months for your period to return, which means if
you don't have a period, you can't get pregnant, So
you have to basically wait around four months until you

(23:42):
can get pregnant again. So that's the issue, is like,
we wanted to get pregnant a year ago. Now here
we are, we have to wait three to four months.
And then because it happened twice now they said they
want us to wait at least two cycles. So now
we're looking at six months minimum. It is you keep
saying it's not true.

Speaker 4 (24:02):
I was.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
She said, we got pregnant right away, And she was like, well,
because this is your second time, because.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
You're talking about the DNC surgery, because I remember asking
the one.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
In the yes, because this is my second time, No,
my second time going through a miscarriage.

Speaker 4 (24:19):
I know. I asked the lady and she said.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
One the one who did the surgery.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
No, not the one who did the surgery, the one
who we had the appointment with.

Speaker 4 (24:27):
She said one month.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
No, she did not.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
We said we waited one month last time, and she
said Oh, if that's the case, I would wait one
more month because since you guys have gone. She was like,
just to be safe, wait one more month.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
Because we didn't wait one month last.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
Time we did. We weren't trying to get pregnant, I.

Speaker 4 (24:45):
Know, but we were already two months in already.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Listen, either way, one month does not make a difference.
What I'm saying is the process of trying to get
pregnant is delayed by months, versus if you have a
natural miscarriage, you can just continue to try with getting pregnant.
But it's a waiting game of like every time I
goes to the bathroom, like is there blood?

Speaker 4 (25:06):
Is?

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Their blood?

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Is their blood and you don't know when it's coming
back to then be like Okay, once the blood comes,
then you know we can start planning to try. So
it's kind of like having your life just be put
on paus and it's like there's nothing I can do
about that, right, It's like it's a waiting game.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
So that's what's kind of frustrating. But the second go.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
Round, we were only at the hospital for like two
and a half hours, whereas the first DNC surgery we
were there for seven so that was a major difference.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
We were very happy.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
With that is I guess with any surgery, try to
get the first appointment of the day.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yes, it makes a big difference.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
That makes it go faster. If you get like midday
or something, you might be there forever.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
I also had better snacks this time, gold fish and
apple juice. It's very scrumptious.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Okay, So next we're in to share what we did
this time to really make sure that we had time
to like process and to just be realigned as a couple.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
So the first thing that we did.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Was, oh, where did this green fuss come from?

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Interesting? Very strange.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
The first thing that we did was we went to
Dre's parents, who did our pre marital counseling, and we
just talked to them for four hours and that was
really great. It really helped us with just that miscarriage
second go round situation and us just getting on like
the same page because this first trimester was.

Speaker 1 (26:40):
Much more trying.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
If you want to learn more about that, go check
out our first trimester video. But after we did that,
we were on our way home and this was a Sunday,
and Dre was like, let's just get away let's just
go somewhere, Like I'm going to take the week off,
Let's just.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Like go somewhere. And so I go on Airbnb.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
And I find a place and we literally packed our
bags and we left Monday morning, and we had like
a week long, well not a week long, but like
a week, a true week Monday through Thursday.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
We had like we went.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Somewhere during the week, and that was great. We were
so productive, had lots of quality time. We were able
to just like talk about our life, our vision of
like our marriage in the next few years, and just
getting on a place or getting to a place where

(27:37):
we were just truly aligned and like refocused. And Drake
kind of talked about how like not everybody needs like
therapy sessions every single week, but it's good to just
go at least every once in a while as like
a reset. It's just good for accountability and like holding
yourself true to the things that you say you.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Want to do. And so that was kind of what
this was. We decided from.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Now on, at least every quarter, and we already picked
our months for this upcoming year that we're just gonna
do like a drive staycation anywhere within eight hours driving
distance and just go somewhere for a week.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
And do what we did this this trip because it
was just it was so good.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
It was funny because we were driving home, like we
checked out the Airbnb, and as we were driving home,
I could just feel like my blissful happiness starting to
like fade away.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
I was like, am I allergic to the city? Like,
is what's going on? What's happening?

Speaker 2 (28:38):
But yeah, so that staycation is actually where we were like,
all right, Smith's on Demand is going to be one
of our focuses and we're going to be consistent and
get back to it.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
So we're very excited about that.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yeah, I think what else is that? I don't know
if you did it. I mean you kind of did,
but your hormones are still in a weird place.

Speaker 4 (28:58):
But like.

Speaker 3 (29:00):
Me just going out with like my boys and sometime
and just I know, but I'm talking about like right
after it, like just to be able to like take
my mind, especially for me because I especially in the
state that she's in, especially like pre DNC, Like I know,
I still have to be there for her. And if

(29:21):
we're talking about like what it looks like in a relationship,
she definitely takes priority of how she's feeling because she's
physically going through this procedure and all the different hormones
and things. So I needed my like reset recharge, taking
your mind off of things so I can get back
in the right headspace to be supportive of her. So
being able to take that time to just like relax

(29:42):
and take my mind off of stuff for a little
while was definitely helpful for me too.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
What would you say was the hardest part where the
hardest thing about this second miscarriage experience.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
I think for me it's the I think it's probably
gonna be the same for one of this for two
is just seeing you go through it all and not
necessarily have anything tangible to show for Like for me,
it's like, I you know how I operate, and I
feel like, as being a leader and a man, it's like,

(30:25):
while there is chaos, somebody has to be the studying force.
So in my mind I already kind of mentally run
through all the scenarios, and especially after my mom is
as miscarriages. After you had your first one, like like
I said, I felt like we were pregnant but weren't
having a baby. So to learn that we weren't having
a baby. Kind of my mind was already there that

(30:47):
we weren't having a baby, but seeing you go through
the process and understanding that you know you're not working
and that was something that you're really looking forward to.
It just sucks to know that it's like you then
have to go through all of this stuff again at
some point. So I think that's the most hard part,

(31:08):
is that seeing your wife have to go.

Speaker 4 (31:10):
Through it all.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
I feel like for me, I think the hardest part
was just the physical setback. Like I mean, you know this,
but like I gain and lose weight very easily.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
Well more, I gain weight very easily. I feel like.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Not being active, not being like a part of my
normal routine.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
I just felt a physical setback of like.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Now I feel like on Monday, once I am cleared
to work out again, I'm feeling like I'm kind of
starting from like a negative number and like I have
to like make up for all of this time. And
it's like to feel like, oh, I got to make
up for all that time all to basically go through

(32:07):
it again.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
You know.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
It's like because at some point I'm gonna be pregnant again.
And if I was sick both times, the first two
go rounds. Why would I think I wouldn't be sick
to some degree, you know, the third time.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
So it's kind of like, how do you wrap your
mind around this?

Speaker 2 (32:25):
Like pause, play, pause, play situation, And I think, and
this is it's not fair to you, and this is
no shade to you, But I think it's also hard
to be like and I'm the only one who has
to make that sacrifice for us to have kids, right,
It's like you don't have to press pause and play
on your workout journey, or on your physical.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
Stuff, or on work or career things.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
But like I'm over here pausing, stopping things, and then
it's like allst time goes by, and I'm like, so
should I have retired my business?

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Like here we are a year later and I still
don't have a baby.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
So it's kind of like just the physical time lost
and set back I think is the hardest. But if
you guys check out our how to Support your Partner
through First Miscarriage video not first Miscarriage first, if you
tune into how.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
To Support your Partner through the First Time mister video.
We talked about our session.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
With Joy's parents, and I think the analogy of like
the hills and mountaintop valleys thing is such a good
analogy for me to take into our next step, which
is like at the end of the day, second epsis,
it's like one of us has to do it, and
unfortunately it can't be him, so it has to be me.
So I know that right now I'm essentially climbing up

(33:44):
to a peak, and then getting pregnant will be like
now I'm here and the pregnancy is gonna be like
going down in the valley. And it's just it's like,
I just need to accept that, and I think try
to find beauty in that because it is a miracle,
Like having and creating a whole person is wild, that's insane,

(34:04):
Like the fact that I get to do that is
a blessing and I need to look at it that
way instead of like a curse. But I think it's
hard because you know, as women, we bear a lot
and having to bear all the things while also like
try to make kids and still be the best version
of yourself and the best wife.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
It's not it doesn't sound exciting at all, Like I'm like,
is there another option? You know, but that would be
my my hardest thing.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
So let's just talk about like our plan and what
we kind of decided we're gonna do from a kid's
standpoint or a baby standpoint.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Now is what what is this month? This is July,
so twenty twenty five. My period could come back in July, August,
or September. Our birthdays are in October, so I would
love to be not sober.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
So maybe if we try start trying and what we said,
we're gonna start trying before the end of the year.

Speaker 4 (35:07):
We talk about our plan, and we really have a plan, no,
we did.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
We talked about it. We said we were gonna start
trying again at the end of this year.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
But like that the next few months, like I'm just
focusing on like me getting back to like feeling good.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
And like we're not gonna stress anything.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
But like by the end of the year, we're gonna
try and we should be pregnant by early next year.
It should be like a repeat of when we got
pregnant the first time we got pregnant, found out we're
pregnant in November.

Speaker 4 (35:29):
I think you should be having these conversations with herself.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
You talked to me about this, we did the math,
and then remember when we were talking about the months
for our staycations.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah, and I was like, oh, I was like, October, I.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
Care about the birthday month thing.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
That's you, I know, but you know that I care.
So October.

Speaker 3 (35:50):
What they say, man, plan, God's God laughs, Like we
were not expecting in June to get pregnant altogether.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
The plan is that we're just not making a plan
basically that we're like, we're just gonna let things happen
as they happen. But from a logical standpoint, we would
or should or could start trying by the end of
this year.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
That's all I was saying.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
So you always gonna make sure to go check out
our Support your Partner through First Trimester because we share
a lot of things about what happened and how we
got through it and what we would do differently and gave.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Really great tips.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
So make sure to check that out, like comment, and
until next time, We'll see y'all later.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.

The Joe Rogan Experience

The Joe Rogan Experience

The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.