Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe - Chapter 6 – Ill and Conscience Stricken

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Dream Audiobooks present Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe, Chapter six,
Ill and conscience stricken. When I came down to the ship,
I found it strangely removed. The forecastle, which lay before

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buried in sand, was heaved up at least six feet,
and the stern, which was broken pieces and parted from
the rest by the force of the sea. Soon after
I had left rummaging, her was tossed up, as it were,
and cast on one side, and the sand was thrown

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so high on that side next to her stern, that,
whereas there was a great place of water before, so
that I could not come within a quarter of a
mile of the wreck without swimming, I could now walk
quite up to her when the tide was out. I
was surprised with this at first, but soon concluded it

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must be done by the earthquake, and by this violence
the ship was more broke open than formerly. So many
things came daily on shore which the sea had loosened,
and which the winds and water rolled by degrees to
the land. This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design

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of removing my habitation, and I busied myself mightily that day,
especially in searching whether I could make any way into
the ship, but I found nothing was to be expected
of that kind, for all the inside of the ship
was choked up with sand. However, as I had learned

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not to despair of anything, I resolved to pull everything
to pieces that I could of the ship, concluding that
everything I could get from her would be of some
use or other to me. May third, I began with
my saw and cut a piece of a beam through

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which I thought held some of the upper part or
quarter deck together. And when I had cut it through,
I cleared away the sand as well as I could
from the side which lay highest. But the tide was
coming in I was obliged to give over for that
May fourth, I went a fishing, but caught not only

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one fish that I durst eat till I was weary
of my sport. When just going to leave off, I
caught a young dolphin. I had made me a long
line of some rope yarn, but I had no hooks.
Yet I frequently caught fish enough as much as I
cared to eat, all which I dried in the sun,

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and ate them dried. May fifth worked on the wreck,
cut another beam asunder and brought three great fur planks
off from the decks, which I tied together and made
to float on shore. When the tide of flood came in,

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May sixth worked on the wreck, got several iron bolts
out of her and other pieces of iron work. Worked
very hard, and came home very much tired, and had
thoughts of giving it over. May seven went to the
wreck again, not with an intent to work, but found

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the weight of the wreck had broke itself down, the
beams being cut, that several pieces of ship seemed to
lie loose, and the inside of the hold lay so
open that I could see into it, but it was
almost full of water and sand. May eighth went to

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the wreck and carried an an iron crow to wrench
up the deck, which lay now quite clear of the
water or sand. I wrenched open two planks and brought
them on shore. Also with the tide, I left the
iron crow in the wreck for next day. May night

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went to the wreck, and with the crow made way
into the body of the wreck, and felt several casts
and loosened them with the crow, but could not break
them up. I felt also a roll of English lead
and could stir it, but it was too heavy to remove.

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May tenth through fourteenth went every day to the wreck
and got a great many pieces of timber and boards
or plank, and two or three hundred weight of iron.
May fifteenth, I carried two hatchets to try if I
could not cut a piece the roll of lead by

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placing the edge of one hatchet and driving it with
the other. But as it lay about a foot and
a half in the water, I could not make any
blow to drive the hatchet. May sixteenth it had blown
hard in the night, and the wreck appeared more broken
by the force of the water. But I stayed so

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long in the woods to get pigeons for food, that
the tide prevented my going to the wreck. That day,
May seventeenth, I saw some pieces of the wreck blown
on shore at a great distance, near two miles off me,
but resolved to see what they were, and found it

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was a piece of the head, but too heavy for
me to bring away. May twenty fourth. Every day to
this day I worked on the wreck, and with the
hard labor I loosened some things so much with the
crow that the first tide several casts floated out, and

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two of the seamen's chests. But the wind blowing from
the shore. Nothing came to land that day but pieces
of timber in a hogshead which had some Brazil pork
in it, but the salt water and the sand had
spoiled it. I continued this work every day to the
fifteenth of June, except the time necessary to get food,

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which I always appointed during this part of my employment
to be when the tide was up, that I might
be ready when it was ebbed out. And by this
time I had got timber and plank and ironwork enough
to have built a good boat if I had known how.

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And also I got at several times, and in several pieces,
near one hundred weight of the sheet lead. June sixteenth,
going down to the seaside, I found a large tortoise
or turtle. This was the first I had seen, which

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it seems was only my misfortune, not any defect of
the place or scarcity, for had I happened to be
on the other side of the island, I might have
had hundreds of them every day, as I found afterwards,
but perhaps had paid dear enough for them. June seventeenth,

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I spent in cooking the turtle I found in her
three score eggs and her flesh was to me at
that time the most savory and pleasant that ever I
tasted in my life, having had no flesh but of
goats and fowls since I landed in this horrid place.

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June eighteenth, rained all day and I stayed within. I
thought at this time the rain felt cold, and I
was something chilly, but which I knew was not unusual
in that latitude. June nineteenth, very ill and shivering as

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if the weather had been cold. June twentieth, no rest
all night, have violent pains in my head and feverish.
June twenty first, very ill, frighted almost to death with

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the apprehensions of my sad condition to be sick, and
no help. Prayed to God were the first time since
the storm off Hull, but scarce knew what I said
or why, my thoughts being all confused. June twenty second,

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a little better, but under dreadful apprehensions of sickness. Killed
a she goat, and with much difficulty got at home
and broiled some of it and ate. I would fain
have stewed it and made some broth, but had no pot.

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June twenty seventh, the agu again so violent that I
lay abed all day, and neither ate nor drank. I
was ready to perish for thirst, but so weak I
had not strength to stand up or to get myself
any water to drink. Prayed to God again, but was

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light headed, And when I was not, I was so
ignorant that I knew not what to say. Only I
lay and cried, Lord, look upon me, Lord, pity me, Lord,
have mercy upon me. I suppose I did nothing else
for two or three hours till the fit wearing off.

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I fell asleep and did not wait till far in
the night. When I awoke, I found myself much refreshed,
but weak and exceeding thirsty. However, as I had no
water in my habitation, I was forced to lie till

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morning and went to sleep again. In this second sleep,
I had this terrible dream. I thought that I was
sitting on the ground on the outside of my wall,
where I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake,
and that I saw a man descend from a great

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black cloud in a bright flame of fire in light
upon the ground. He was all over as bright as
a flame, so that I could not but just bear
to look towards him. His countenance was most inexpressibly dreadful,
impossible for words to describe. When he stepped upon the

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ground with his feet, I thought the earth trembled, just
as it had done before in the earthquake, and all
the air looked, to my apprehension, as if it had
been filled with flashes of fire. He was no sooner
landed upon the earth, but he had moved forward towards me,

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with a long spear or weapon in his hand, to
kill me. And when he came to a rising ground
at some distance, he spoke to me, or I heard
a voice so terrible that it is impossible to express
the terror of it. All that I can say I

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understood was this, Seeing all these things have not brought
thee to repentance, Now thou shalt die. At which words,
I thought, he lifted up the spear that was in
his hand to kill me. No one that shall ever

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read in this account will expect that I should be
able to describe the horrors of my soul at this
terrible vision. I mean that, even while it was a dream,
I even dreamed of those horrors. Nor is it any
more possible to describe the impression that remained upon my

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mind when I await and found it was but a
dream I had alas no divine knowledge. What I had
received by the good instruction of my father was then
worn out by an uninterrupted series for eight years of

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seafaring wickedness, and a constant conversation with none but such
as were like myself, wicked and profane to the last degree.
I do not remember that I had in all that
time one thought that so much as tended either to

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looking upwards towards God, or in words, towards a reflection
upon my own ways. But a certain stupidity of soul,
without desire of good or conscience of evil, had entirely
overwhelmed me. And I was all that the most hardened, unthinking,

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wicked creature among our common sailors can be supposed to be,
not having the least sense either of the fear of
God in danger or of thankfulness to God in deliverance.
In the relating of what already is pasted of my story,

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this will be the more easily believed when I shall
add that, through all the variety of miseries that had
to this day befallen me, I never had so much
as one thought of it being the hand of God,
or that it was a just punishment for my sin,

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my rebellious behavior against my father, or my present sins
which were great, or so much as a punishment for
the general course of my wicked life. When I was
on the desperate expedition on the desert shores of Africa,
I never had so much as one thought of what

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would become of me, or one wish to God to
direct me whether I should go, or to keep me
from the danger which apparently surrounded me, as well as
from voracious creatures as cruel savages. But I was merely
thoughtless of a God or a providence, acted like a

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mere brute from the principles of nature and by the
dictates of common sense only, and indeed hardly that when
I was delivered and taken up at sea by the
Portugal care well used and dealt justly and honorably with,
as well as charitably, I had not the least thankfulness

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in my thoughts. When again I was shipwrecked, ruined, and
in danger of drowning on this island, I was as
far from remorse or looking on it as a judgment.
I only said to myself often that I was an
unfortunate dog and born to always be miserable. It is true,

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when I got on shore first here and found all
my ship's crew drowned and myself spared, I was surprised
with a kind of ecstasy, and some transports of soul,
which had the grace of God assisted, might have come
up to true thankfulness. But it ended where it began,

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in a mere common in flight of joy, or as
I may say, being glad I was alive, without the
least reflection upon the distinguished goodness of the hand which
had preserved me, and had singled me out to be
preserved when all the rest were destroyed, or an inquiry

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why providence had been thus merciful unto me, even just
the same common sort of joy which seamen generally have
after they got safe ashore from a shipwreck, which they
drown all in the next bowl of punch, and forget
almost as soon as it is over. And how the

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rest of my life was like it, even when I
was afterwards undue consideration made sensible of my condition. How
I was cast on this dreadful place, out of the
reach of humankind, out of all hope of relief or
prospect of redemption. As soon as I saw but a

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prospect of living, and that I should not starve and
perish for hunger. All the sense of my affliction wore off,
and I began to be very easy, applied myself to
the works proper for my preservation and supply, and was
far enough from being afflicted at my condition as a

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judgment from Heaven, or as the hand of God against me.
These were thoughts which very seldom entered my head. The
growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my journal,
had at first some little influence upon me, and began
to affect me with seriousness as long as I thought

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it had something miraculous in it. But as soon as
ever that part of the thought was removed, all the
impression that was raised from it wore off. Also, as
I have noted already, even the earthquake, though nothing could
be more terrible in its nature, or more immediately directing

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to the invisible power which alone directs such things, Yet
no sooner was the first fright over. But the impression
it had made went off. Also. I had no more
sense of God or his judgments, much less of the
present affliction of my circumstances being from His hand, than

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if I had been in the most prosperous condition of life.
But now when I began to be sick, and a
leisurely view of the miseries of death came to place
itself before me. When my spirits began to sink under
the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted

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with the violence of the fever, conscience that had slept
so long began to awake, and I began to reproach
myself with my past life in which I had so
evidently by uncommon wickedness, provoked the justice of God to
lay me under uncommon strokes and to deal with me

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in so vindictive a manner. These reflections oppressed me for
the second or third day of my distemper, and in
the violence as well of the fever, as of the
dreadful reproaches of my conscience extorted some words from me,
like praying to God, though I cannot say they were

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either a prayer attended with desires or with hopes. It
was rather the voice of mere fright and distress. My
thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind, and
the horror of dying in such a miserable condition raised
vapors into my head with the mere apprehensions, and in

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these hurries of my soul, I knew not what my
tongue might express, but it was rather exclamation, such as, Lord,
what a miserable creature am I? If I should be sick,
I shall certainly die for want of help, and what
will become of me? Then the tears burst out of

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my eyes, and I could say no more for a
good while. In this interval, the good advice of my
father came to my mind, and presently his prediction which
I mentioned at the beginning of the story, that is
that if I did take this foolish step, God would
not bless me, and I would have leisure hereafter to

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reflect upon having neglected his counsel, when there might be
none to assist in my recovery. Now said I aloud,
my dear father's words are come to pass. God's justice
has overtaken me, and I have none to help or
hear me. I rejected the voice of Providence, which had

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mercifully put me in a posture or station of life,
wherein I might have been happy and easy. But I
would neither see it myself nor learn to know the
blessing of it from my parents. I left them to
mourn over my folly, and now I am left to
mourn under the consequences of it. I abuse their help

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and assistance, which would have lifted me in the world
and would have made everything easy to me. And now
I have difficulties to struggle with, too great for even
nature itself to support. And no assistance, no help, no comfort,
no advice. Then I cried out, Lord, be my help,

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for I am in great distress. This was the first prayer,
if I may call it so, that I had made
for many years. But to return to my journal June
twenty eighth, Having been somewhat refreshed with the sleep I

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had had and the fit being entirely off, I got up,
and though the fright and terror of my dream was
very great, yet I considered that the fit of the
ague would return again the next day, and now was
my time to get something to refresh and support myself
when I should be ill. And the first thing I
did I filled a large square case bottle with water

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and set it upon my table in reach of my bed,
and to take off to chill or aguish disposition of
the water, I put about a quarter of a pint
of rum into it and mixed them together. Then I
got me a piece of the goat's flesh and broiled

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it on the coals, but could eat very little. I
walked about, but was very weak, and with all very
sad and heavy hearted, under a sense of my miserable condition,
dreading the return of my distemper. The next day, at night,
I made my supper of three of the turtle's eggs,

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which I roasted in the ashes and ate, as we
call it, in the shell. And this was the first
bit of meat I had ever asked God's blessing to
that I could remember in my whole life. After I
had eaten, I tried to walk, but found myself so
weak that I could hardly carry a gun, where I

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never went out without that. So I went but a
little way and sat down upon the ground, looking out
upon the sea, which was just before me, and very
calm and smooth. As I sat here, some such thoughts
as these occurred to me. What is this earth and

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sea of which I have seen so much? Whence is
it produced? And what am I and all the other
creatures wild and tame, human and brutal? Whence are we
sure we all are made by some secret power who

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formed the earth and sea, and the air and sky.
And who is that? Then it followed, most naturally, it
is God that has made all well. But then it
came on strangely. If God has made all these things,
he guides and governs them, all and all things that

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concerned them. For the power that could make all things
must certainly have power to guide and direct them. If so,
nothing can happen in the great circuit of His works,
either without his knowledge or appointment. And if nothing happens

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without his knowledge, he knows that I am here and
am in this dreadful condition. And if nothing happens without
his appointment, he has appointed all this to befall me.
Nothing occurred to my thoughts to contradict any of these conclusions,
And therefore it rested upon me with the greater force

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that it must needs be that God had appointed all
this to befall me, that I was brought into this
miserable circumstance by his direction, He having the sole power
not of me only, but of everything that happened in
the Worldmedately, it followed, why has God done this to me?

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What have I done to be thus used? My conscience
presently checked me in that inquiry, as if I had blasphemed,
and we thought it spoke to me like a voice. Wretch,
dost thou ask what thou hast done? Look back upon
a dreadful, misspent life, and ask thyself what thou hast

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not done? Ask why is it that thou wert not
long ago destroyed? Why wert thou not drowned in Yarmouth roads,
killed in the fight when the ship was taken by
the sale man of war, devoured by the wild beasts
on the coast of Africa, or drowned here when all

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the crew perished. But thyself, dost thou ask what have
I done? I was struck dumb with these reflections as one,
and had not a word to say, no, not to
answer to myself, but rose up, pensive and sad walked

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back to my retreat and went up over my wall,
as if I had been going to bed. But my
thoughts were sadly disturbed, and I had no inclination to sleep.
So I sat down in my chair and lighted my lamp,
for it began to be dark now, as the apprehension

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of the return of my distemper terrified me very much.
It occurred to my thought that the Brazilians take no
physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers. And I
had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one
of the chests, which was quite cured, and some also
that was green and not quite cured. I went directed

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by Heaven, no doubt, for in this chat I found
a cure both for soul and body. I opened the
chest and found what I looked for, the tobacco, and
as the few books I had saved lay there too,
I took out one of the Bibles which I mentioned before,

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and which to this time I had not found leisure
or inclination to look into. I say, I took it
out and brought both that and the tobacco with me
to the table. What used to make of the tobacco
I knew, not in my distemper or whether it was
good for it or no. But I tried several experiments

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with it, as if I was resolved, it should hit
one way or another. I took first a piece of
leaf and chewed it in my mouth, which indeed at
first almost stupefied my brain. The tobacco being green and strong,
that I had not been much used to. Then I

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took some and steeped it an hour or two in
some run, and resolved to make a dose of it
when I lay down. And lastly I burnt some upon
a pan of coals, and held my nose over it,
over the smoke of it as long as I could
bear it, as well for the heat as almost for suffocation.

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In the interval of this operation I took up the
Bible and began to read, but my head was too
much disturbed with the tobacco to bear reading, at least
at that time. Only having opened the book casually, the
first words that occurred to me were these call on

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me and the day of trouble, and I will deliver
thee and thou shalt glorify me. These words were very
apt to my case, and made some impression upon my
thoughts at the time of reading them, though not so
much as they did afterwards, For as for being delivered,

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the word had no sound. As I may say to me,
the thing was so remote, so impossible in my apprehension
of things, that I began to say, as the children
of Israel did when they were promised flesh to eat.
Can God spread a table in the wilderness. So I
began to say, can God himself deliver me from this place?

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And as it was not for many years that any
hopes appeared, this prevailed very often upon my thoughts. But
however the words made a great impression upon me, and
I mused upon them very often. It grew now late,
and the tobacco had, as I said, ed my head

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so much that I inclined to sleep. So I left
my lamp burning in the cave lest I should want
anything in the night, and went to bed. But before
I lay down, I did what I never had done
in all my life. I kneeled down and prayed to
God to fulfill the promise to me that if I

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called upon Him in the day of trouble, he would
deliver me. After my broken and imperfect prayer was over,
I drank the rum in which I had steeped the tobacco,
which was so strong and rank of the tobacco that
I could scarcely get it down. Immediately upon this I
went to bed. I found presently it flew up into

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my head violently. But I fell into a sound sleep
and waked no more till by the sun. It must
necessarily be near three o'clock in the afternoon the next day,
nay to this hour, I am partly of opinion that
I slept all the next day and night till almost

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three days after, for otherwise I know not how I
should lose a day out of my reckoning in the
days of the week, as it appeared some years after
I had done. For if I had lost it by
crossing and recrossing the line, I should have lost more

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than one day. But certainly I lost a day in
my account, and never knew why be that. However, one
way or the other, when I awake, I found myself
exceedingly refreshed, in my spirits, lively and cheerful. When I
got up, I was stronger than I was the day before,

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and in my stomach better, for I was hungry, and
in short I had no fit the next day. But
continue you much altered for the better. This was the
twenty ninth. The thirtieth was my well day, of course,
and I went abroad with my gun, but did not

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care to travel too far. I killed a sea fowl
or two, something like a brand goose, and brought them home,
but was not very forward to eat them, so I
ate some more of the turtles eggs, which were very good.
This evening I renewed the medicine, which I had supposed

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did me good the day before. The tobacco steeped and
rum only. I did not take so much as before,
nor did I chew any of the leaf or hold
my head over the smoke. However, I was not so
well the next day, which was the first of July,
as I hoped it should have been, for I had

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a little spice of the cold fit, but it was
not much. July second, I renewed the medicine all the
three ways and dosed myself with it as at first,
and doubled the quantity which I drank. July third, I
missed the fit for good and all, though I did

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not recover my full strength for some weeks after. While
I was thus gathering my strength, my thoughts ran exceedingly
upon this scripture, I will deliver THEE, and the impossibility
of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar
of my ever expecting it. But as I was discouraging

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myself with such thoughts, it occurred to me that I
poured so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction
that I disregarded the deliverance I had received, and I was,
as it were, made to ask myself such questions as these,

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That is, have I not been delivered, and wonderfully too,
from sickness, from the most distressed condition that could be,
and that was so frightful to me? And what notice
had I taken of it? Had I done my part?
God had delivered me, but I had not glorified him,

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that is to say, I had not owned and been
thankful for that as a deliverance. And how could I
expect greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much, and
immediately I knelt down and gave God thanks aloud for

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my recovery from my sickness. July fourth, in the morning,
I took the Bible, and, beginning at the New Testament,
I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself
to read awhile every morning and every night, not tying
myself to the number of chapters, but long as my

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thoughts should engage me. It was not long after I
set seriously to this work that I found my heart
more deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of my
past life. The impression of my dream revived in the words,
all these things have not brought THEE to repentance. Ran

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seriously through my thoughts. I was earnestly begging of God
to give me repentance. When it happened providentially the very
next day that reading the Scripture, I came to these words,
he is exalted, a Prince and a savior to give

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repentance and to give remission. I threw down the book,
and with my heart as well as my hands, lifted
up to heaven in a kind of ecstasy of joy,
I cried out aloud, Jesus Thou, son of David. Jesus, Thou,

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Exalted Prince and Savior, give me repentance. This was the
first time I could say, in the true sense of
the words that I prayed in all my life. For
now I prayed with the sense of my condition and
a true Scripture view of hope founded on the encouragement

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of the word of God. And from this time, I
may say, I began to hope that God would hear me.
Now I began to construe the words mentioned above call
on me, and I will deliver THEE in a different
sense from what I had ever done before. For then

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I had no notion of anything being called deliverance, but
my being delivered from the captivity I was in. For
though I was indeed at large in the place, yet
the island was certainly a prison to me, and that
in the worst sense in the world. But now I

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learned to take it in another sense. Now I look
back upon my past life with such horror, and my
sins appeared so dreadful that my soul sought nothing of
God but deliverance from the load of guilt that bore
down all my comfort. As for my solitary life, it

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was nothing I did not so much as pray to
be delivered from it, or think of it. It was
all of no consideration in comparison to this. And I
add this part here to hint to whoever shall read it,
that whenever they come to a true sense of things,
they will find deliverance from sin, a much greater blessing

(40:11):
than deliverance from affliction. But leaving this part, I returned
to my journal. My condition began now to be, though
not less miserable as to my way of living, yet
much easier to my mind, and my thoughts being directed
by a constant reading the scripture and praying to God

(40:34):
to things of a higher nature. I had a great
deal of comfort, within which till now I knew nothing of. Also,
my health and strength returned. I bestirred myself to furnish
myself with everything that I wanted and make my way
of living as regular as I could. From the fourth

(40:56):
of July to the fourteenth I was chiefly employed in
walking about with my gun in my hand, a little
and a little at a time, as a man that
was gathering up his strength after a fit of sickness.
For it is hardly to be imagined how low I was,
and to what weakness I was reduced. The application which

(41:20):
I made use of was perfectly new, and perhaps which
had never cured an argue before. Neither can I recommend
it to any to practice by this experiment. And though
it did carry off the fit, yet it rather contributed
to weakening me, for I had frequent convulsions in my

(41:43):
nerves and limbs for some time. I learned from it
also this, in particular, that being abroad in the rainy
season was the most pernicious thing to my health that
could be, especially in those rains which came attended with
storms and hurricanes of wind. For as the rain which

(42:04):
came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with
such storms, so I found that that rain was much
more dangerous than the rain which fell in September and October,
and of Chapter six