March 23, 2023 • 44 mins
In this latest episode, Jasmine & King have two special guests with them. Glittersaurus Rex of the Sex Work Survivor Guide & Royal Fetish Films Production and FiveStar of Filthy Femdom join the set and have a great discussion about the different aspects of where and how sex is frowned upon, as well as being able to own the pride that comes with being in the adult entertainment industry. If you are new to Royal Fetish radio, after you watch this episode, feel free to check out previous episodes right here as well as wherever you stream your podcasts!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Well at possible for our secret fisterGary Richard, and not probably give what
makes you filthy? What makes mefilthy? That's a good question. Um
(00:29):
um I feel like, um,I don't feel filthy. It's a reclaiming
of the word filthy because, um, you know, just expressing your sexuality
and um, being different is hasbeen labeled as filthy and so it's a
reclaiming of that word. Right,what's the word that you've reclaimed? Oh
(00:50):
my goodness, um, oh mygosh, I should know. Just pick
something, Tiana. Um, Iguess the first thing that's popping into my
head is maybe slutty. I feelthat was always a derogatory term. Yeah.
I was like, I'm slutty andwhat I want to be? Slutty?
(01:11):
And I was like a sleek redslut like most of my life,
sleek, sleek, sleek, slick, sleekly figher. I need that to
be knowing a T shirt that Ican purchase from you. Sex word survival
guys, sleek red sluice, Isay that fast five times in your mouth.
(01:40):
Sleecretly. Yeah, a word thatbitch. I just love using it.
I love it, I love it, I love it. It's forceful
when it comes out your mouth.Yeah, sometimes it come out sleep really
too. Yeah. I love it. I love how we use it like
just amongst each other. And itdoesn't you know, like it doesn't mean
(02:06):
anthy deronatory like if you call methat, I'm just like he says for
you, man man, did youever not have claim to it? Well?
I feel like you know when peoplelike man Hord, they're like,
don't go Yeah. I was like, I want to use that in a
kingly with Okay, okay, goody'all. Thought I was gonna say another
(02:30):
word, but that one ain't reclaimed. They'd be trying to act like it
is the one that the police useon you. Yeah, that one.
So here we are her claiming words, making upwards. Who who are who
are we with? Who are thesesleecret selects feels? Sitting here with this
(02:55):
man horn. We are here withTia Little Saurus, Rex of the sex
work s Vival Guy and five starof Filthy, Filthy, Filthy Foumdom.
Yes, happy to be here,Thank you all so much for being thanks
for having me. So we thoughtabout like the most uplifting topic we could
(03:20):
possibly chat with you too, aboutsneak shame, that's a shame. Yes,
yeah, but really, couldn't youknow, pick a better topic.
I mean, there's a million thingsthat we can talk about that we have
been talking about, but couldn't wepick a better topic specifically because of the
(03:42):
things that you you know, we'rejust mentioning, like the need to reclaim
things that have been used against Andyou work with so many filthy foundomes and
main Horse, it's true, andjust all kinds of folks that probably have
had lots of experiences and still experiencecoming up under shame associated with sex and
sexuality. And you help people whoare struggling with their sexual identities of sexual
(04:08):
shame, expression, works placed discrimination, et cetera, help them survive and
thrive. Yes, yes, andyeah we benefit from y'all's works. Yes,
and you help inspire it like yes, you know you're a part of
form my first inspiration for being thisindustry and community. So so when you
(04:30):
think about sex and shame and likeearliest thoughts and you know, thoughts,
memories, experiences, even like understandingthat you were carrying shame if you were,
I'm making an assumption this could befor all of us to chiving on,
Like what comes to mind. Oh, church, church and politics definitely
(04:54):
for me growing up in the church, like anybody who comes from one of
those families where you have someone thatgoes to the church, not just some
days, but like every day there'ssome sort of deacon's meeting and such and
such and planning for this event anddada, da dad. So there was
a lot of time, you know, when I be with my grandmother that
(05:15):
I've spent in the church, andyou know my mother as well. And
anything sexual, whether it be attractionor the actual act or the lack of
referencing anything sexual other than saying likesomething is wrong with whatever it is.
It's just my earliest recollection for sure. Would you get reprimanded or you just
(05:40):
knew that was just like afluen,I mean, it wasn't really the conversation
I was trying to have when Ithink about my earliest recollections or whatever.
It was more overhearing things that adultswere talking about to one another or and
usually talking about somebody else, youknow, like a conversation that they would
be having about somebody else that's aJezebel or someone is search for from the
(06:02):
neighborhood. And because it was likea very neighborhood church, So it's like
everybody knew everybody, not just theones who were in the church, but
everybody knew everybody that lived outside andaround in the community. So if they
were having a conversation about somebody likethis person and then to run down all
the lines, you know, andif you weren't in the church, you
(06:25):
weren't out the church, which meanshe was out there running the streams ripping
and running. How about anybody canrelate to that of it? Yeah,
I feel like family, faith,friends kind of play different roles. How
I feel like parents, first,I guess, handle masturbation when you know
(06:48):
that they catch their kids masturbating orthey see them doing self pleasuring or self
touching kind of acts. And soI feel like I was kind of shamed
around it and talking to other friendfriends and other people's experiences like when their
parents were like, Okay, that'snot something you do here, but that's
something there and it's okay. Andthen seeing how they're you know, how
(07:09):
that kind of unraveled for them,and then comparing that to myself. So
there was a lot of shame builtaround even my own self pleasure. Let
alone, pleasure with other people andother bodies, and I did kind of
My grandmother was in the church,Like we had literally like a block away
was the church, so very insularkind of community. My mom wasn't really
(07:30):
a church person, so I alwayskind of got to get out of going
all the time. But when shewas babysitting me, which was a lot,
I was definitely packing along with her, running through the pews and you
know, especially when she had herdeepnesses meeting. And yeah, yeah,
so it definitely played a role inmy life as well, and still kind
of does. There's still a lotof unpacking and like rewriting of code that
(07:53):
was kind of first and scripted,family, friends and faith. Yeah,
yeah, I could definitely agree withthe influence from all of those things.
How about we same thing? Um, I mean, I identify as a
recovering Catholic for that reason. It'slike just like with you know, alcoholism,
like people are constantly like dealing withthat addiction. It's like the consequences
(08:16):
of growing up Catholic and all ofthat violence really from the church and it
and it does kind of feels likeit centers around sexuality because if you can
control someone's sexuality can control them andyeah, and I can identify with,
you know, the guilt and shamearound masturbation and the community, like just
(08:39):
hearing things in the community and wherewhat's right and what's wrong. So we
have the recovering Catholics over here andthe deacon's children. So we didn't spend
we were We went to church oncea week and it when says was going
(09:00):
through confirmation and communion, but itwas, you know, no privacy in
our household. Everything led to unwantlike everything was centered around having an unwanted
pregnancy. It's like we didn't eventalk about sex. It was like we
talked about how the stain that sexwas going to leave, you know,
(09:24):
so like always like what are youdoing in that what are you doing in
that bathroom? You know, it'slike going to the bathroom, you know,
for too long they just privacy,just let you know, like you're
not supposed to spend time with yourselfbecause you might be doing something wrong.
And as I got older, Iwas like, oh, like that's what
(09:48):
you think I'm in and you're doing. And then then you here like,
of course I'm not in there doingthat in my own head, and so
I started to create like that mustbe bad, and then everything was like
you know, if you go andyou're at the store too long, you're
gonna get pregnant. But no,nothing in between of like how might that
happen? You know? And arethere ways to maybe not have that happen
(10:11):
when I go to the story,like just everything centered around this, like
stain of people will know that youhave had sex. Also watching my sisters
get pregnant early because of no youknow, context or education, and then
seeing them be excommunicated from the familyfor a significant and like in a traumatic
(10:35):
way question of time. So itwas like for me, it's like,
oh my god, I can't dothis thing because like I could be kicked
out. But hormones are fears,you know, and like I said,
friends is fear. So where Istarted to like, Okay, I gotta
(10:56):
figure out how I can like takecare of the way that I'm feeling and
still not get in trouble. Ihave the consequence. So it led to
a lot of being sneaky, somuch being sneaky, and the sneakier I
became, the more shame I startedto put like what am I doing?
I can't even like I can't evenlet anybody know that this is happening.
I can't. You know, It'slike so much secretive stuff around it that
(11:18):
when I became an adult and couldtalk about it, I had to be
like, I'm telling on myself.Oh my gosh, you know, like
I it became really hard to communicatemy needs, things that I wanted,
the things that I felt excited about, because I had spent so many years
being so careful to hide those things. For the Catholic side of things,
(11:39):
do you feel that y'all have anyI guess, like something internal. It's
like I have to go to confessionor I have to speak to somebody about
this or anything like that. Funnyenough, I would pick the lowest level
sins to share in confession. Ilike, I swallowed my I mean,
(12:03):
I wasn't supposed to do what Iwas being disobedient because yeah, so so
and then you know, however,how Mary's outfrothers or if you fight with
your brothers or sisters. Yeah,I do the same thing because it was
so awkward, and it's also kindof creepy to have some like old guy
like listen to like the sexual thoughtsof children. I don't know. Yeah,
(12:24):
I always looked at that. It'slike also like how you talked about
control within the community, like ifyou know everybody's dirt, you have something
on them for how do you wantto move throughout the community. Yeah,
I didn't know who was on theother side of the confessional oftentimes, so
I didn't know like what relationship thatperson he specifically had to any one of
my family who's been going to thatchurch. So even as a child where
(12:46):
I didn't necessarily have anything sexual toshare, this that was how find interesting
too. I should have been sharingwith the sins that were being committed against
me, but it so one dimensionalthat you know, you're supposed to confess
your sin, so I would justfind like the lowest level thing that was
(13:07):
going to give me the least amountof prayer so I could be done with
it. One of my home boysgrowing up was Catholic, and I remember
we were having this conversation. Iwas like, oh, he had to
go to confessions like I had to, you know, say, like was
it like a hall marry my father? You know, a couple of those.
And then I was like, that'swhat you've got, like, because
because for me, anything in theBlack Church, You're gonna straight to hell.
(13:28):
Like maybe if I didn't swallow mybubble gum, you disobedient, you
go straight to hell, you knowwhat I'm saying. Like, so I
already, like when I was younger, for certain things that you know,
I might have experimented with, Idid have this internal feeling like I'm going
to hell and there and there's noI don't know, like maybe I would
have to get born again or getre baptized or something like that, and
(13:50):
I wasn't prepared for that, youknow what I'm saying. But like in
my mind, I definitely felt like, oh shit, like I have gotten
to a point by trying one ortwo things sexually that like I'm already going
on that path though, Yeah,keep it going. I got a lot
of Catholics do think, like gostraight to the hell park. Ye,
(14:11):
Well, because we don't confess allthis sin, so we don't even know
how many of the prayers were supposedto Actually did I like throw one extra
for the thing that I didn't mention? I just got extra, that's y.
Yeah, So you've mentioned about notreally knowing the steps between like not
being pregnant and being pregnant, andsubconsciously I had some similar experience. I
(14:35):
realized when you brought that up withmy mom when we would be going to
the town that she grew up inin Pennsylvania and she'd be like, oh,
yeah, I went to school withthat girl and this person and they
would look like twenty thirty years olderor like her grandmother. And she was
like, oh, yeah, shegot pregnant when she was sixteen, and
she got pregnant and she was thirteen, and like, oh, this person
(14:56):
did drugs, and so it waslike drugs and sex, that's how you
will end up you do those things. It was what I was sort of,
you know, unconsciously taking in andso it kind of felt like I
don't think that maybe that was herattention to meybe deter me, But it
was like in a very gentle kindof way that I didn't even realize until
(15:18):
I was older. It was like, Oh, why did I have all
this fear of drugs and sex andyou know, intimacy in that kind of
way, or partying too much?Because I didn't want to end up like
those people. My mom was rideand past for me. My mother was
different than the church, though mymother was very much like, you know,
(15:39):
sex is something you do when you'reold enough and more mature for it,
and all like, she was veryvery much like, you know,
if you're gonna make those decisions whenyou're ready for it, you know,
just talk to me if you haveany questions. But the church that she
went to was not and my grandmotherwas not that way, you know.
So I got cope by my grandmaof the ones um getting hit. It
(16:04):
was like me worse experience. Likeshe just walked into my room and I
was I was up there with thisyoung lady at the time, you know
what I'm saying, and you know, my grandmother went, oh, she
just started calling her every church name, screaming on her, screaming on me,
(16:26):
and like, oh man, thatwas so bad. Wow, the
shame, shame, the shame.Did you have a talk about it after?
No, it was just cold.After she got out all the words,
it was how long did it taketo get back in good graces?
She was she was up visiting.She was at my mother house visiting,
(16:48):
so probably not until like the nexttime after that that I went to go
visit and there was no no talkof it whatsoever. So in how is
the things that we the things thatwe've talked about so far and all the
things in between that like, Iknow, we can go on shame stories,
like we could probably have a competitionwho got shamed the most or came
(17:14):
in contact with shame, because Ithink the way that we're also talking about
it is that it wasn't necessarily likeyou know, you ought to be ashamed.
It was messaging and yeah, faceto face, how do these like
how do these experiences? How doyou feel like it showed up in your
(17:34):
adult life? Like I know yousaid recovering and you're always having to can
you talk a little bit more aboutwell? And you know, I think
working in the industry, there's somuch stigma and so it's all about even
just talking about your work with peoplewho are not in the industry. It's
just like, Okay, I'm gonnatake a chance here and see if people
judge me. And I've encountered judgmentand shame and um. And one example
(18:00):
that like really sticks with me asI was at I do virtual reality porn
and so I was at a notporn virtual reality event and um, and
it was it was a women's eventand so there was a lot. It
was, you know, a lotof empowered women there, and someone recognized
me. I was like, I'mI recognize you from somewhere and it and
(18:21):
she later figured out that I wasdoing porn demos VR demos, and then
she screamed to the whole room,you make rape v R. Holy shit,
And that I have to say,like that was a that like took
me back to the feeling of shame, Like everyone in the room is looking
at me like I'm perpetuating rape andthat accusation, and um, and I
(18:44):
think about it all. I thinkabout it a lot. That's to be
a reason it was a fun twentyfifteen maybe, yeah, yeah, How
did you respond in that situation?I just kinda walked away, you know.
Um, it was I think shethought it was she interpreted DSM as
rape because it wasn't even rape roleplay. There was no not even consensual non
(19:08):
consent with there's room for that.I think there's room for that, but
it wasn't even that. It waslike a very easy cute I thought it
was cute bondage demo. It wasbecause of course, you know, I'm
not going to show people the likethe most intense medism seen as their like
first demo. But yeah, Ikind of like walked away and started talking
(19:29):
to another group of people. ButI feel like it was kind of an
out of body experience where it's likeI like distanced myself from the whole,
the whole experience. I'm sorry thathappened to you. That terrible, that's
crazy. Doesn't influence your work.It does. Actually, I think about
it a lot. And I know, you know, like we're gonna we're
(19:53):
gonna be putting stuff out there,We're gonna be offending people, um and
you're going to be misunderstood. It'sjust kind of something you have to accept
in life, right, But thelast thing I want to be seen as
is someone who's perpetuating rape. Likeit really it hurts, And so I
do think about it, and Ithink about how we are responsible for the
(20:18):
kind of stuff that we put outthere, and especially with b DSM and
consensual non consent, which is atotally valid like form of sexual expression,
especially I mean, it requires alot of communication and requires safe words and
stuff like that, but it's soeasy to be taken out of context.
So I do think about it.I do think about it because I do
not want to be encouraging violence?Yeah, how do you think shame influences
(20:44):
any aspects of your work? There'sa lot of overcompensation and like overly I
as five stars talking, I'm like, I can imagine you're just like okay,
like sure you want to be here? You sure you want to be
hearing? Shure you want to behere? Okay, do we have all
who checks and boxes? Okay?Did we do the interview beforehand? Did
you do the interview? Act?Like? Okay, we did it?
(21:06):
Said one be here? When arewe going to get to the thing?
But because of that experience, youknow, and not wanting to to to
relive that, And so I thinkfor me, a lot of the shame
as like an adult performer that alsohas a vanilla job that's also a pan
on it, and all of thestigma that is like thrown at all the
(21:29):
mix of those three things, specificallybecause people are like, how can you
help other people when somehow they thinkthat doing sex work means that I need
help myself, you know, Andalso how can you take care of other
people when again, for the stigmais that obviously you're doing this because you
can't take care of yourself, youknow, like those things. So I
(21:51):
think there's an overcompensation to be like, hey, their kids are happy,
they're clean, they're fine, youknow, and I really know my shit
over here. I am hoping peoplethings are going well, like my clients
are thriving. I have my youknow, I have my education, Like
I almost like I want to putmy degrees walking behind me at all times,
(22:12):
but it has my real name onit, so whatever. But U
So yeah, I find like likean over a need to often like all
of my qualifiers for why I shouldbe respected looked at it. As a
full human, I can make sounddecisions like on my constant when like shoving
(22:33):
that down before people even ask,coordinate or need to know. Yeah,
and this person who said that too, they consented to be there, absolutely,
Yeah. It was because we dida demo and there was a room
and it was on the door likethere is adult content in here, so
don't come in here if you don'twant to see it. I mean,
you know, talked about it before. And I tend to overcommunicate for the
(22:56):
same reason. And sometimes I'll eveninterrupt people both pleasure just to be like
are you are you good? Andi'd rather. You know, it's like
we're making movies, so I'd ratherI'd rather be checking in with people I
tend to over, you know,communicate. I think you do see other
people shame a lot in our professionas well. Like you know, you'll
get people who say some crazy,wild shit to you on a site that
(23:21):
they're paying to fucking be there for. Like, wait a minute, why
are you flipping out right now?You paid to be here. This isn't
like some shit that just showed upwhile you was watching television at home.
You know I'm saying, is somethingyou chose to be there for. He
took steps, Yeah, bunch ofsteps, bunch of steps to get it.
But what is your problem? Haveyou? Have you encountered any of
(23:45):
that in your work? Yes?Yes, And I relate to what you're
saying about sharing what I do.And because I have so many different hats
depending on who I'm talking to,I could be like production or operate so
I can be more broad, oryou know, like consultant. You know
all that is in what industry thatyou know consists considers of so I and
(24:08):
sometimes I use it as like aweapon, like I'm a poor What you're
gonna do about lady, I likelikeing people fucking in the ass what you
we just wanted to tea. Thiswas so glad. So I've I've definitely
(24:33):
had both experiences where it's but atthe beginning it was like, oh,
I don't want to share, orif I was dating, I'm always nervous
to kind of share. Especially whenI first started working more professionally in the
industry as a prodom and sugaring andcamping and then working with you guys more
(24:55):
behind the camera for production, andso more confidence I was doing with the
work that I was doing with evenin myself, it became easier to then
talk to share that with other people. And also I feel like representation really
matters, especially as people of colorin this industry and the work that we're
doing, and so for me,I feel like it's important for people to
(25:17):
know that, like, yeah,we're out here, we're doing this,
this is how we do it,this is why we do it. So
those things have been more empowering thanshameful. But at the beginning, it
was very shameful just because of internalthings that I had about myself. And
but I always wanted to work inporn I always love porn. I didn't
at first. I was like,well, once you cross over, you
(25:40):
can't really go back. So Ifeel like I was like slowly making my
way to end up here. Essentially, It's interesting because there is like the
shameful porn whenever, like don't runfor public office. I'm like, I've
you seen the ship, Like anytimeI've wrapped someone by the pussy, it
(26:00):
has been too sensual, Like wehave literally saying like, hey, what
would you like? You know whatI'm saying, And she looked preferably with
your mouth. You know what I'msaying. People, But like, you
know, I think that there isthis whole thing where and that's why I
said, you know, initially likejust for me, I remember like church
(26:22):
and politics, because I do thinkyou know, when I was younger,
I remember like the whole Bill Clintonthing, and there was this shame not
even just for Monica Lewinsky that theyI mean, who they went after crazy,
but also like on Hillary Clinton,who wasn't even fucking there. Yeah,
yeah, you know what I'm saying. And like, but like the
way and the way that shame isdistributed to people, And it's also like
(26:45):
Clinton's shame should have been that hewas a cheater and that he was dishonest
with the American people and his wife, and also this power that he used
over Monica Lewinsky. But it wasall just about getting your dicks up.
That's that's the part that they werelike, this is horrible. He got
his dicks up, but all theno, the fucked up ship was all
(27:06):
this other shit, you know whatI'm saying. But they make the shame
about the sex act, not thefucked up ship that is involved. Yeah,
because it's like, if you're justgetting your dicks up, like and
there's no abuse of power or lyingand all this other shit, like that's
a beautiful thing. There shouldn't beno shame in getting your dicks up or
sucking did Yeah, I want mypresident to be relieved. I want to
(27:27):
see a chill now about those students. Yeah, codes like, no,
I don't want you stressed out aroundthat R button. Chill bro. But
but I mean, like for somuch like and also just being you know,
(27:48):
I grew up in jurors, sothere's always a scandal around politicians and
jurors for some wild ship and howpeople would respond to a sexual of any
sort a sexual scandal or if thispolitician was single or divorced or married or
whatever. And then another one wouldbe like they're stealing. You're way less
(28:10):
mad about the stealing than them beingdivorced, Like I would understand, like
at least hopefully it was an amicablesplit. Yeah, but that's stealing,
not like that's it's it's and it'salways kind of like position that way.
And and with foreign it's always like, you know, once you do that
foreign you can't you can't be astate senator or whatever, the fuck.
(28:33):
You know. Yeah, it's it'sreally interesting that you were talking about Monica
Lewensby because that scandal had, amongstthe church and so many things, had
like such a heavy amount of pressureon oral sex. Yeah, you know,
and like I think about like themusic that can't like I think she's
like one of her name is mentioned, like the whole reference and life.
(29:00):
Everything was like, oh, like, don't be a Monica Lewinsky's Like it
was like, oh, but Iwas doing that and it was enjoyable and
out it can I mean like shouldI? And then on top of her,
like you know, black girls hadso much stigma about around giving head.
So just how things that happen inpolitics, things that are referenced in
non pornographic media, can have suchan impact on your own sexual behavior.
(29:25):
I remember, Oh, I'm justgonna go ahead and say, I went
to college with um, a girlwho crossed another sorority than I did,
and they behave her. Her linename was Monica Lewinsky, and she was
a black girl. I don't knowwhy they gave her that name. It's
usually like usually those names are likesome nickname, something that she did when
(29:45):
she was online or what happened,but like no one ever is supposed to
know the backstory behind it. Butlike the shame that she carried, like
everybody made like clearly it has todo with something, you know, her
being a scandalous and um, wewere adults already, we were in college,
so like twenty years old. Stilllike she did an adult if that
(30:06):
was something that she did, butlike the way we were just like,
oh my god, she so whywould they do that to her. It's
like you couldn't even listen to anythingthat she said because she was like marked
with this other woman's name about ascandal that this man did that was related
to lying and cheating. Not that'sthat. I mean, like I think,
like and where my brain goes thatthat person that interrupted you when you
(30:29):
were speaking, do they go tochurch and just yell about the scandal of
ship that happens in the church,you know? And I find that it's
easy for people to point their shameat porn because after you bust that nut
and after you rubbed that one outand you come back down the earth,
then they're like, oh, man, what did I do? It's your
(30:52):
fault, you know what I'm saying. But in the actual world, you
have institutions that are not like porntells you this is for adults. These
are adults engaging in sex acts.Like nobody's like, let me go watch
this porn to do some shit that'snot porn, you know what I'm saying,
Like, that's that's not what you'rethere for. So if you're going
(31:12):
to look for porn, you knowwhat you're gonna get. But they'd saved,
they saved their anger, their frustration, their shame, and their disdain
for porn. When there's actual institutionsthat you're going there for other shit boy
Scouts of America fucking wrestling programs,at Ohio State, fucking Penn State's whole
(31:33):
fucking football team, cover up allthis shit. Gymnastics, American gymnastics,
Like, those are the motherfuckers youshould be shaming. Those are the people
you should be holding accountable because they'renot there for that. There their institutions
that are meant to take care ofpeople or teach people, or you know,
get them closer to God what I'msaying. And and even like recently,
(31:57):
this whole shit that happened within theEvangelical Church, it's almost like it's
sweat. Oh yeah, I meannot even just a Jerry Folwell one.
There was one that was like likea sweeping investigation, oh, where they
were all those reports and they justof spousal and maritable abuse, child abuse
(32:21):
someone and such forth. And thenthese are the people who are saying like
we're gonna go after porn when it'sone of those kind of situations where it's
like, Yo, look at yourown backyard, Yo, don't clean that
shit fuck up? Well, whoI think? Um, there is a
lot of unfounded information out there aboutthat um porn has such an influence on
(32:43):
people's sex, m sexual attitudes andbehaviors. But we kind of all shared
like having much earlier um like desiresin impulses we all do as just humans
before you before there was corn onyour computer, people still had sexual impulses
and you know, so I thinkit's just often used as a scapecoat.
(33:06):
Yeah, absolutely, And it's thatit's that shame that people are dealing with
that you know, there aren't reallyoutlets for shame. There aren't really outlets
for people unless they're you know,actively involved in therapy or actively involved in
working on themselves through you know,many different routes. But I don't.
But I think most people are,like because most of us grew up in
(33:29):
certain institutions, but like I can't, I can't go to them with this
because they don't send me to hell, right, Yeah. I feel like
even when we're encouraged, like forthe example that popped up to my head
was Superhead, which I felt waslike the pendulum swinging after Monica Lewinsky because
we went from like, oh mygod, we even give blow jobs to
(33:51):
like, yeah, she gives thebest blow jobs to every you know,
dude, that's like big right now, But even she had shame and stigma
about being Superhead and the fact thather name is Superhead and we don't know
her real name, you know,it almost like objectifies her because that's all
we know her form. So it'seven when we're empowering, there's still sort
(34:14):
of like this error or shroud ofshame still attached her around it. It's
very interesting when I think about her. This is not too much of a
tangent, but like somebody who talksa lot badly a lot about porn is
this dud Bill maher on that showand he used to date her and he
went after her to he pursued herwhen that was her name. Wow,
(34:37):
you know what I'm saying. Soit's like I think there's also like this
thing like people will have, youknow, date Superhead and then ten fifteen
years later be like, y'all shouldn'tdo shit like that. It's fucked up,
you know what I mean. Likethere's there's that aspect of where shame
comes from older people pointing down toyounger people that they did stuff that they
(34:57):
did that maybe maybe they like maybethey didn't, but they're definitely like,
well you shouldn't do that shit.Though, it's like taking the shame that
they're feeling and putting around to someone, it's like perpetual, perpetual shame.
So what does everyone who do tohelp reduce shame, whether personally or professionally
whatever you're like sharing, Okay,sure, professionally, I really like blasphemous
(35:22):
porn um, noddy nuns, crucifyingand Jesus like figure which we'll be coming
out uncle fe foumdums soon. Yes, yes, latex nuns. Anything where
people are repressed and expressing themselves whenthey're not supposed to that kind of thing.
(35:45):
Yeah, yeah, it feels good. It feels empowering. And it
also like just because the church iskind of it just feel like it's looming
over so many of us to justgo back and say like I don't care,
I'm gonna I'm gonna put something outthere. It's blasphemous, I'm gonna
go into the fire and um it'sit's it takes away that power, that
threat of hell or that threat ofbeing a center, you know, the
(36:08):
labeled as a center. That's that'syeah, that's strong. That is a
strong push back. For Yeah,fire cleanses. Fires is also a cleansing
cource. So you go into thatfire, can you see it? Um?
For me? I feel like,um, it's a lot of introspection,
(36:30):
you know, thinking through a lotof things, having amazing support systems,
whether that's professional therapists or counselors thatI've had either in a couple counseling
or solo throughout my life. Notas much as I feel like I would
love to um if I had moreopportunity to um. B DSM has also
(36:51):
been super helpful with me in thatway, like I only collar myself,
you know, I identify as aswitch, and so I've been very distinctive
and like what do I top in? What do I bottom in? Instead
of being more fluid and like I'mdown but whatever. And it's like even
certain kinks have sex involved and somedo not have sex involved. And that's
(37:12):
a sacred space that I hold forthat because I need to like release my
shame and stigma around that or whatI've perceived, you know to be that
from from what I've seen in mediaand on TV, and then just the
work that I'm doing here right now, being on this podcast, being in
this house, making all the beautifulcontent that we've been making. All of
(37:34):
that is like just moving that needleforward continuously. But it's ongoing work.
I feel like it never stops.I couldn't even talk about or share the
porn that I enjoyed or watched,and so it was so interesting that I
was like starting to work in porn, but I couldn't talk about the porn
that I watched because I felt like, what are they going to do?
(37:58):
Exactly? So it's definitely been abeautiful growth that I've seen for myself,
and now I feel like I wantto help other people with that process and
bring them to other communities so thatthey're less alone, because I feel like
that's sometimes the hardest part is thatyou feel like you're the only one dealing
with this and then it becomes thisnegative spiral because you don't have other people
(38:21):
to help you give perspective. Ithink that so for me personally, it
is do do the thing, dothe thing? Like that has been like
for the last probably like fifteen years, has been like do it the thing
that you're so scared to do itand then see if everything falls apart,
like and it's just sort of likechallenging the the perceived consequences, you know,
(38:47):
And there hasn't been any fallout,you know, so it's like,
oh, I was scared of thatfor nothing, you know, like,
oh they still love me, likey'all we're just kidding about you know,
and really even challenging people to youknow them, like you thought that if
I did this it was going towhat did you think it was going to
happen? Like, I'm still thesame, I'm still here. Um that
(39:09):
you don't have to watch it,you don't have to be a part of
it. We can still enjoy eachother's relationship whatever that relationship or dynamic is
the same. But it's been reallychallenging it. And then also going if
things do fall apart, were theyever really together because of this thing?
To so I feel like I've beenon solid ground, so that's good.
(39:32):
And then professionally, it's like Ithink that the work that we do important
is it's super important, But I'mreally passionate about creating sex positive institutions outside
of the sex industry. So likeyou were talking about, like these other
things shouldn't be happening because Shane doesexist in religious which we know, you
(39:52):
know, religious spaces that cause peopleto harm other people. Um, you
mentioned you know, yes, peopleshould see therapists, but there's a lot
of their who have a lot ofsexual shame and you know, and even
just that they need their own sortof reclamation of these words and reclamation of
their own sex and sexuality to beable to help other people to work in
(40:15):
the medical field and help them bemore sex positive. So that way,
when people need to share things abouttheir sex or sexual identity gender affirming care,
that they could have dealt with theirshit before projecting it onto someone else.
So that like even to like youknow, realators and attorneys and just
however people where people show up helltech people that they you know, I
(40:38):
just like to like creep in thosespaces and give my little workshops in a
way that it's important to them.Like I usually go with money, like
hey, you're missing out on awhole clientele base, and they're like cute
in with the money, But beforeyou can work with this community, how
do you feel about this community?You know, and start to just like
put that little seat for them tosee us as humans, see us as
(41:00):
valuable members of their community, andsee how we're like more aligned. We
probably you know, click on thesame things and you know, have the
same sexual impulses. Just some ofus choose to do it out loud,
very boldly, you know, andsome of us just want to be able
to experience that in our very personalspace. Can you living it, living
(41:24):
it and trying to show improved byexample? I think that we didn't even
there's so many different forms of shamethat we didn't even touch on. But
like personally, man shame is athing where it's just like you know,
um and across the whole spectrum,whether it's you know, engaging in different
(41:45):
sex acts or sharing those sex acts, or whether those sex acts put you
in a different power dynamic, likewhatever it is, there is a whole
lot of man shame out there,and just being able to open up and
share and and like you said,do the things. I look at shame
(42:06):
and fear kind of in the sameway that if you're afraid of something or
you're ashamed of something, if youattack that shit head on usually are like
what, like you said, likewhat the fuck is I even worried about?
You know? So it's it's kindof like one of those things like
if you're if you're out on aledge, you never really realize that you
can fly, and we all flyas fuck, So just do the shit,
(42:30):
Yes, So I mean just justlike that. So between um,
you know more Finish Radio and theporn Hub is doing this collaboration, so
between their viewers are listeners. It'sprobably like some too many people that will
(42:52):
come across this podcast, so alot of the people that were and don't
be ashamed before you all just aswe say, as long as it is
consenting adults, live your life,enjoy your life orgasmically and do your thing
flowery, you can do that shit. So where should um people find you?
(43:15):
How you are living out your lifeand yeah, your work you can.
You can find me on Twitter andInstagram. I am five star and
my work on Filthy Femdom dot comawesome and how a full awesome um social
media Instagram, Um Glitosaurus dot rexlike tyrannosaurs but with glitter, and then
(43:37):
you can check out all my linksand all the amazing people that I work
with at link tree, backslash GlittosaurusRex. Yes, and of course you
can find us royal fetish xxx dotcom and we all have some profile on
porn Hub. Absolutely, So makesure you listen to previous episodes and be
(43:59):
ready for your episodes. Yeah yeah, enjoy yourselves. Please rap at my
friends like the movie Papa Visi Picture. If it's the gave Richard and I
probably gave richer rat
Well at possible for our secret fisterGary Richard, and not probably give what
makes you filthy? What makes mefilthy? That's a good question. Um
(00:29):
um I feel like, um,I don't feel filthy. It's a reclaiming
of the word filthy because, um, you know, just expressing your sexuality
and um, being different is hasbeen labeled as filthy and so it's a
reclaiming of that word. Right,what's the word that you've reclaimed? Oh
(00:50):
my goodness, um, oh mygosh, I should know. Just pick
something, Tiana. Um, Iguess the first thing that's popping into my
head is maybe slutty. I feelthat was always a derogatory term. Yeah.
I was like, I'm slutty andwhat I want to be? Slutty?
(01:11):
And I was like a sleek redslut like most of my life,
sleek, sleek, sleek, slick, sleekly figher. I need that to
be knowing a T shirt that Ican purchase from you. Sex word survival
guys, sleek red sluice, Isay that fast five times in your mouth.
(01:40):
Sleecretly. Yeah, a word thatbitch. I just love using it.
I love it, I love it, I love it. It's forceful
when it comes out your mouth.Yeah, sometimes it come out sleep really
too. Yeah. I love it. I love how we use it like
just amongst each other. And itdoesn't you know, like it doesn't mean
(02:06):
anthy deronatory like if you call methat, I'm just like he says for
you, man man, did youever not have claim to it? Well?
I feel like you know when peoplelike man Hord, they're like,
don't go Yeah. I was like, I want to use that in a
kingly with Okay, okay, goody'all. Thought I was gonna say another
(02:30):
word, but that one ain't reclaimed. They'd be trying to act like it
is the one that the police useon you. Yeah, that one.
So here we are her claiming words, making upwards. Who who are who
are we with? Who are thesesleecret selects feels? Sitting here with this
(02:55):
man horn. We are here withTia Little Saurus, Rex of the sex
work s Vival Guy and five starof Filthy, Filthy, Filthy Foumdom.
Yes, happy to be here,Thank you all so much for being thanks
for having me. So we thoughtabout like the most uplifting topic we could
(03:20):
possibly chat with you too, aboutsneak shame, that's a shame. Yes,
yeah, but really, couldn't youknow, pick a better topic.
I mean, there's a million thingsthat we can talk about that we have
been talking about, but couldn't wepick a better topic specifically because of the
(03:42):
things that you you know, we'rejust mentioning, like the need to reclaim
things that have been used against Andyou work with so many filthy foundomes and
main Horse, it's true, andjust all kinds of folks that probably have
had lots of experiences and still experiencecoming up under shame associated with sex and
sexuality. And you help people whoare struggling with their sexual identities of sexual
(04:08):
shame, expression, works placed discrimination, et cetera, help them survive and
thrive. Yes, yes, andyeah we benefit from y'all's works. Yes,
and you help inspire it like yes, you know you're a part of
form my first inspiration for being thisindustry and community. So so when you
(04:30):
think about sex and shame and likeearliest thoughts and you know, thoughts,
memories, experiences, even like understandingthat you were carrying shame if you were,
I'm making an assumption this could befor all of us to chiving on,
Like what comes to mind. Oh, church, church and politics definitely
(04:54):
for me growing up in the church, like anybody who comes from one of
those families where you have someone thatgoes to the church, not just some
days, but like every day there'ssome sort of deacon's meeting and such and
such and planning for this event anddada, da dad. So there was
a lot of time, you know, when I be with my grandmother that
(05:15):
I've spent in the church, andyou know my mother as well. And
anything sexual, whether it be attractionor the actual act or the lack of
referencing anything sexual other than saying likesomething is wrong with whatever it is.
It's just my earliest recollection for sure. Would you get reprimanded or you just
(05:40):
knew that was just like afluen,I mean, it wasn't really the conversation
I was trying to have when Ithink about my earliest recollections or whatever.
It was more overhearing things that adultswere talking about to one another or and
usually talking about somebody else, youknow, like a conversation that they would
be having about somebody else that's aJezebel or someone is search for from the
(06:02):
neighborhood. And because it was likea very neighborhood church, So it's like
everybody knew everybody, not just theones who were in the church, but
everybody knew everybody that lived outside andaround in the community. So if they
were having a conversation about somebody likethis person and then to run down all
the lines, you know, andif you weren't in the church, you
(06:25):
weren't out the church, which meanshe was out there running the streams ripping
and running. How about anybody canrelate to that of it? Yeah,
I feel like family, faith,friends kind of play different roles. How
I feel like parents, first,I guess, handle masturbation when you know
(06:48):
that they catch their kids masturbating orthey see them doing self pleasuring or self
touching kind of acts. And soI feel like I was kind of shamed
around it and talking to other friendfriends and other people's experiences like when their
parents were like, Okay, that'snot something you do here, but that's
something there and it's okay. Andthen seeing how they're you know, how
(07:09):
that kind of unraveled for them,and then comparing that to myself. So
there was a lot of shame builtaround even my own self pleasure. Let
alone, pleasure with other people andother bodies, and I did kind of
My grandmother was in the church,Like we had literally like a block away
was the church, so very insularkind of community. My mom wasn't really
(07:30):
a church person, so I alwayskind of got to get out of going
all the time. But when shewas babysitting me, which was a lot,
I was definitely packing along with her, running through the pews and you
know, especially when she had herdeepnesses meeting. And yeah, yeah,
so it definitely played a role inmy life as well, and still kind
of does. There's still a lotof unpacking and like rewriting of code that
(07:53):
was kind of first and scripted,family, friends and faith. Yeah,
yeah, I could definitely agree withthe influence from all of those things.
How about we same thing? Um, I mean, I identify as a
recovering Catholic for that reason. It'slike just like with you know, alcoholism,
like people are constantly like dealing withthat addiction. It's like the consequences
(08:16):
of growing up Catholic and all ofthat violence really from the church and it
and it does kind of feels likeit centers around sexuality because if you can
control someone's sexuality can control them andyeah, and I can identify with,
you know, the guilt and shamearound masturbation and the community, like just
(08:39):
hearing things in the community and wherewhat's right and what's wrong. So we
have the recovering Catholics over here andthe deacon's children. So we didn't spend
we were We went to church oncea week and it when says was going
(09:00):
through confirmation and communion, but itwas, you know, no privacy in
our household. Everything led to unwantlike everything was centered around having an unwanted
pregnancy. It's like we didn't eventalk about sex. It was like we
talked about how the stain that sexwas going to leave, you know,
(09:24):
so like always like what are youdoing in that what are you doing in
that bathroom? You know, it'slike going to the bathroom, you know,
for too long they just privacy,just let you know, like you're
not supposed to spend time with yourselfbecause you might be doing something wrong.
And as I got older, Iwas like, oh, like that's what
(09:48):
you think I'm in and you're doing. And then then you here like,
of course I'm not in there doingthat in my own head, and so
I started to create like that mustbe bad, and then everything was like
you know, if you go andyou're at the store too long, you're
gonna get pregnant. But no,nothing in between of like how might that
happen? You know? And arethere ways to maybe not have that happen
(10:11):
when I go to the story,like just everything centered around this, like
stain of people will know that youhave had sex. Also watching my sisters
get pregnant early because of no youknow, context or education, and then
seeing them be excommunicated from the familyfor a significant and like in a traumatic
(10:35):
way question of time. So itwas like for me, it's like,
oh my god, I can't dothis thing because like I could be kicked
out. But hormones are fears,you know, and like I said,
friends is fear. So where Istarted to like, Okay, I gotta
(10:56):
figure out how I can like takecare of the way that I'm feeling and
still not get in trouble. Ihave the consequence. So it led to
a lot of being sneaky, somuch being sneaky, and the sneakier I
became, the more shame I startedto put like what am I doing?
I can't even like I can't evenlet anybody know that this is happening.
I can't. You know, It'slike so much secretive stuff around it that
(11:18):
when I became an adult and couldtalk about it, I had to be
like, I'm telling on myself.Oh my gosh, you know, like
I it became really hard to communicatemy needs, things that I wanted,
the things that I felt excited about, because I had spent so many years
being so careful to hide those things. For the Catholic side of things,
(11:39):
do you feel that y'all have anyI guess, like something internal. It's
like I have to go to confessionor I have to speak to somebody about
this or anything like that. Funnyenough, I would pick the lowest level
sins to share in confession. Ilike, I swallowed my I mean,
(12:03):
I wasn't supposed to do what Iwas being disobedient because yeah, so so
and then you know, however,how Mary's outfrothers or if you fight with
your brothers or sisters. Yeah,I do the same thing because it was
so awkward, and it's also kindof creepy to have some like old guy
like listen to like the sexual thoughtsof children. I don't know. Yeah,
(12:24):
I always looked at that. It'slike also like how you talked about
control within the community, like ifyou know everybody's dirt, you have something
on them for how do you wantto move throughout the community. Yeah,
I didn't know who was on theother side of the confessional oftentimes, so
I didn't know like what relationship thatperson he specifically had to any one of
my family who's been going to thatchurch. So even as a child where
(12:46):
I didn't necessarily have anything sexual toshare, this that was how find interesting
too. I should have been sharingwith the sins that were being committed against
me, but it so one dimensionalthat you know, you're supposed to confess
your sin, so I would justfind like the lowest level thing that was
(13:07):
going to give me the least amountof prayer so I could be done with
it. One of my home boysgrowing up was Catholic, and I remember
we were having this conversation. Iwas like, oh, he had to
go to confessions like I had to, you know, say, like was
it like a hall marry my father? You know, a couple of those.
And then I was like, that'swhat you've got, like, because
because for me, anything in theBlack Church, You're gonna straight to hell.
(13:28):
Like maybe if I didn't swallow mybubble gum, you disobedient, you
go straight to hell, you knowwhat I'm saying. Like, so I
already, like when I was younger, for certain things that you know,
I might have experimented with, Idid have this internal feeling like I'm going
to hell and there and there's noI don't know, like maybe I would
have to get born again or getre baptized or something like that, and
(13:50):
I wasn't prepared for that, youknow what I'm saying. But like in
my mind, I definitely felt like, oh shit, like I have gotten
to a point by trying one ortwo things sexually that like I'm already going
on that path though, Yeah,keep it going. I got a lot
of Catholics do think, like gostraight to the hell park. Ye,
(14:11):
Well, because we don't confess allthis sin, so we don't even know
how many of the prayers were supposedto Actually did I like throw one extra
for the thing that I didn't mention? I just got extra, that's y.
Yeah, So you've mentioned about notreally knowing the steps between like not
being pregnant and being pregnant, andsubconsciously I had some similar experience. I
(14:35):
realized when you brought that up withmy mom when we would be going to
the town that she grew up inin Pennsylvania and she'd be like, oh,
yeah, I went to school withthat girl and this person and they
would look like twenty thirty years olderor like her grandmother. And she was
like, oh, yeah, shegot pregnant when she was sixteen, and
she got pregnant and she was thirteen, and like, oh, this person
(14:56):
did drugs, and so it waslike drugs and sex, that's how you
will end up you do those things. It was what I was sort of,
you know, unconsciously taking in andso it kind of felt like I
don't think that maybe that was herattention to meybe deter me, But it
was like in a very gentle kindof way that I didn't even realize until
(15:18):
I was older. It was like, Oh, why did I have all
this fear of drugs and sex andyou know, intimacy in that kind of
way, or partying too much?Because I didn't want to end up like
those people. My mom was rideand past for me. My mother was
different than the church, though mymother was very much like, you know,
(15:39):
sex is something you do when you'reold enough and more mature for it,
and all like, she was veryvery much like, you know,
if you're gonna make those decisions whenyou're ready for it, you know,
just talk to me if you haveany questions. But the church that she
went to was not and my grandmotherwas not that way, you know.
So I got cope by my grandmaof the ones um getting hit. It
(16:04):
was like me worse experience. Likeshe just walked into my room and I
was I was up there with thisyoung lady at the time, you know
what I'm saying, and you know, my grandmother went, oh, she
just started calling her every church name, screaming on her, screaming on me,
(16:26):
and like, oh man, thatwas so bad. Wow, the
shame, shame, the shame.Did you have a talk about it after?
No, it was just cold.After she got out all the words,
it was how long did it taketo get back in good graces?
She was she was up visiting.She was at my mother house visiting,
(16:48):
so probably not until like the nexttime after that that I went to go
visit and there was no no talkof it whatsoever. So in how is
the things that we the things thatwe've talked about so far and all the
things in between that like, Iknow, we can go on shame stories,
like we could probably have a competitionwho got shamed the most or came
(17:14):
in contact with shame, because Ithink the way that we're also talking about
it is that it wasn't necessarily likeyou know, you ought to be ashamed.
It was messaging and yeah, faceto face, how do these like
how do these experiences? How doyou feel like it showed up in your
(17:34):
adult life? Like I know yousaid recovering and you're always having to can
you talk a little bit more aboutwell? And you know, I think
working in the industry, there's somuch stigma and so it's all about even
just talking about your work with peoplewho are not in the industry. It's
just like, Okay, I'm gonnatake a chance here and see if people
judge me. And I've encountered judgmentand shame and um. And one example
(18:00):
that like really sticks with me asI was at I do virtual reality porn
and so I was at a notporn virtual reality event and um, and
it was it was a women's eventand so there was a lot. It
was, you know, a lotof empowered women there, and someone recognized
me. I was like, I'mI recognize you from somewhere and it and
(18:21):
she later figured out that I wasdoing porn demos VR demos, and then
she screamed to the whole room,you make rape v R. Holy shit,
And that I have to say,like that was a that like took
me back to the feeling of shame, Like everyone in the room is looking
at me like I'm perpetuating rape andthat accusation, and um, and I
(18:44):
think about it all. I thinkabout it a lot. That's to be
a reason it was a fun twentyfifteen maybe, yeah, yeah, How
did you respond in that situation?I just kinda walked away, you know.
Um, it was I think shethought it was she interpreted DSM as
rape because it wasn't even rape roleplay. There was no not even consensual non
(19:08):
consent with there's room for that.I think there's room for that, but
it wasn't even that. It waslike a very easy cute I thought it
was cute bondage demo. It wasbecause of course, you know, I'm
not going to show people the likethe most intense medism seen as their like
first demo. But yeah, Ikind of like walked away and started talking
(19:29):
to another group of people. ButI feel like it was kind of an
out of body experience where it's likeI like distanced myself from the whole,
the whole experience. I'm sorry thathappened to you. That terrible, that's
crazy. Doesn't influence your work.It does. Actually, I think about
it a lot. And I know, you know, like we're gonna we're
(19:53):
gonna be putting stuff out there,We're gonna be offending people, um and
you're going to be misunderstood. It'sjust kind of something you have to accept
in life, right, But thelast thing I want to be seen as
is someone who's perpetuating rape. Likeit really it hurts, And so I
do think about it, and Ithink about how we are responsible for the
(20:18):
kind of stuff that we put outthere, and especially with b DSM and
consensual non consent, which is atotally valid like form of sexual expression,
especially I mean, it requires alot of communication and requires safe words and
stuff like that, but it's soeasy to be taken out of context.
So I do think about it.I do think about it because I do
not want to be encouraging violence?Yeah, how do you think shame influences
(20:44):
any aspects of your work? There'sa lot of overcompensation and like overly I
as five stars talking, I'm like, I can imagine you're just like okay,
like sure you want to be here? You sure you want to be
hearing? Shure you want to behere? Okay, do we have all
who checks and boxes? Okay?Did we do the interview beforehand? Did
you do the interview? Act?Like? Okay, we did it?
(21:06):
Said one be here? When arewe going to get to the thing?
But because of that experience, youknow, and not wanting to to to
relive that, And so I thinkfor me, a lot of the shame
as like an adult performer that alsohas a vanilla job that's also a pan
on it, and all of thestigma that is like thrown at all the
(21:29):
mix of those three things, specificallybecause people are like, how can you
help other people when somehow they thinkthat doing sex work means that I need
help myself, you know, Andalso how can you take care of other
people when again, for the stigmais that obviously you're doing this because you
can't take care of yourself, youknow, like those things. So I
(21:51):
think there's an overcompensation to be like, hey, their kids are happy,
they're clean, they're fine, youknow, and I really know my shit
over here. I am hoping peoplethings are going well, like my clients
are thriving. I have my youknow, I have my education, Like
I almost like I want to putmy degrees walking behind me at all times,
(22:12):
but it has my real name onit, so whatever. But U
So yeah, I find like likean over a need to often like all
of my qualifiers for why I shouldbe respected looked at it. As a
full human, I can make sounddecisions like on my constant when like shoving
(22:33):
that down before people even ask,coordinate or need to know. Yeah,
and this person who said that too, they consented to be there, absolutely,
Yeah. It was because we dida demo and there was a room
and it was on the door likethere is adult content in here, so
don't come in here if you don'twant to see it. I mean,
you know, talked about it before. And I tend to overcommunicate for the
(22:56):
same reason. And sometimes I'll eveninterrupt people both pleasure just to be like
are you are you good? Andi'd rather. You know, it's like
we're making movies, so I'd ratherI'd rather be checking in with people I
tend to over, you know,communicate. I think you do see other
people shame a lot in our professionas well. Like you know, you'll
get people who say some crazy,wild shit to you on a site that
(23:21):
they're paying to fucking be there for. Like, wait a minute, why
are you flipping out right now?You paid to be here. This isn't
like some shit that just showed upwhile you was watching television at home.
You know I'm saying, is somethingyou chose to be there for. He
took steps, Yeah, bunch ofsteps, bunch of steps to get it.
But what is your problem? Haveyou? Have you encountered any of
(23:45):
that in your work? Yes?Yes, And I relate to what you're
saying about sharing what I do.And because I have so many different hats
depending on who I'm talking to,I could be like production or operate so
I can be more broad, oryou know, like consultant. You know
all that is in what industry thatyou know consists considers of so I and
(24:08):
sometimes I use it as like aweapon, like I'm a poor What you're
gonna do about lady, I likelikeing people fucking in the ass what you
we just wanted to tea. Thiswas so glad. So I've I've definitely
(24:33):
had both experiences where it's but atthe beginning it was like, oh,
I don't want to share, orif I was dating, I'm always nervous
to kind of share. Especially whenI first started working more professionally in the
industry as a prodom and sugaring andcamping and then working with you guys more
(24:55):
behind the camera for production, andso more confidence I was doing with the
work that I was doing with evenin myself, it became easier to then
talk to share that with other people. And also I feel like representation really
matters, especially as people of colorin this industry and the work that we're
doing, and so for me,I feel like it's important for people to
(25:17):
know that, like, yeah,we're out here, we're doing this,
this is how we do it,this is why we do it. So
those things have been more empowering thanshameful. But at the beginning, it
was very shameful just because of internalthings that I had about myself. And
but I always wanted to work inporn I always love porn. I didn't
at first. I was like,well, once you cross over, you
(25:40):
can't really go back. So Ifeel like I was like slowly making my
way to end up here. Essentially, It's interesting because there is like the
shameful porn whenever, like don't runfor public office. I'm like, I've
you seen the ship, Like anytimeI've wrapped someone by the pussy, it
(26:00):
has been too sensual, Like wehave literally saying like, hey, what
would you like? You know whatI'm saying, And she looked preferably with
your mouth. You know what I'msaying. People, But like, you
know, I think that there isthis whole thing where and that's why I
said, you know, initially likejust for me, I remember like church
(26:22):
and politics, because I do thinkyou know, when I was younger,
I remember like the whole Bill Clintonthing, and there was this shame not
even just for Monica Lewinsky that theyI mean, who they went after crazy,
but also like on Hillary Clinton,who wasn't even fucking there. Yeah,
yeah, you know what I'm saying. And like, but like the
way and the way that shame isdistributed to people, And it's also like
(26:45):
Clinton's shame should have been that hewas a cheater and that he was dishonest
with the American people and his wife, and also this power that he used
over Monica Lewinsky. But it wasall just about getting your dicks up.
That's that's the part that they werelike, this is horrible. He got
his dicks up, but all theno, the fucked up ship was all
(27:06):
this other shit, you know whatI'm saying. But they make the shame
about the sex act, not thefucked up ship that is involved. Yeah,
because it's like, if you're justgetting your dicks up, like and
there's no abuse of power or lyingand all this other shit, like that's
a beautiful thing. There shouldn't beno shame in getting your dicks up or
sucking did Yeah, I want mypresident to be relieved. I want to
(27:27):
see a chill now about those students. Yeah, codes like, no,
I don't want you stressed out aroundthat R button. Chill bro. But
but I mean, like for somuch like and also just being you know,
(27:48):
I grew up in jurors, sothere's always a scandal around politicians and
jurors for some wild ship and howpeople would respond to a sexual of any
sort a sexual scandal or if thispolitician was single or divorced or married or
whatever. And then another one wouldbe like they're stealing. You're way less
(28:10):
mad about the stealing than them beingdivorced, Like I would understand, like
at least hopefully it was an amicablesplit. Yeah, but that's stealing,
not like that's it's it's and it'salways kind of like position that way.
And and with foreign it's always like, you know, once you do that
foreign you can't you can't be astate senator or whatever, the fuck.
(28:33):
You know. Yeah, it's it'sreally interesting that you were talking about Monica
Lewensby because that scandal had, amongstthe church and so many things, had
like such a heavy amount of pressureon oral sex. Yeah, you know,
and like I think about like themusic that can't like I think she's
like one of her name is mentioned, like the whole reference and life.
(29:00):
Everything was like, oh, like, don't be a Monica Lewinsky's Like it
was like, oh, but Iwas doing that and it was enjoyable and
out it can I mean like shouldI? And then on top of her,
like you know, black girls hadso much stigma about around giving head.
So just how things that happen inpolitics, things that are referenced in
non pornographic media, can have suchan impact on your own sexual behavior.
(29:25):
I remember, Oh, I'm justgonna go ahead and say, I went
to college with um, a girlwho crossed another sorority than I did,
and they behave her. Her linename was Monica Lewinsky, and she was
a black girl. I don't knowwhy they gave her that name. It's
usually like usually those names are likesome nickname, something that she did when
(29:45):
she was online or what happened,but like no one ever is supposed to
know the backstory behind it. Butlike the shame that she carried, like
everybody made like clearly it has todo with something, you know, her
being a scandalous and um, wewere adults already, we were in college,
so like twenty years old. Stilllike she did an adult if that
(30:06):
was something that she did, butlike the way we were just like,
oh my god, she so whywould they do that to her. It's
like you couldn't even listen to anythingthat she said because she was like marked
with this other woman's name about ascandal that this man did that was related
to lying and cheating. Not that'sthat. I mean, like I think,
like and where my brain goes thatthat person that interrupted you when you
(30:29):
were speaking, do they go tochurch and just yell about the scandal of
ship that happens in the church,you know? And I find that it's
easy for people to point their shameat porn because after you bust that nut
and after you rubbed that one outand you come back down the earth,
then they're like, oh, man, what did I do? It's your
(30:52):
fault, you know what I'm saying. But in the actual world, you
have institutions that are not like porntells you this is for adults. These
are adults engaging in sex acts.Like nobody's like, let me go watch
this porn to do some shit that'snot porn, you know what I'm saying,
Like, that's that's not what you'rethere for. So if you're going
(31:12):
to look for porn, you knowwhat you're gonna get. But they'd saved,
they saved their anger, their frustration, their shame, and their disdain
for porn. When there's actual institutionsthat you're going there for other shit boy
Scouts of America fucking wrestling programs,at Ohio State, fucking Penn State's whole
(31:33):
fucking football team, cover up allthis shit. Gymnastics, American gymnastics,
Like, those are the motherfuckers youshould be shaming. Those are the people
you should be holding accountable because they'renot there for that. There their institutions
that are meant to take care ofpeople or teach people, or you know,
get them closer to God what I'msaying. And and even like recently,
(31:57):
this whole shit that happened within theEvangelical Church, it's almost like it's
sweat. Oh yeah, I meannot even just a Jerry Folwell one.
There was one that was like likea sweeping investigation, oh, where they
were all those reports and they justof spousal and maritable abuse, child abuse
(32:21):
someone and such forth. And thenthese are the people who are saying like
we're gonna go after porn when it'sone of those kind of situations where it's
like, Yo, look at yourown backyard, Yo, don't clean that
shit fuck up? Well, whoI think? Um, there is a
lot of unfounded information out there aboutthat um porn has such an influence on
(32:43):
people's sex, m sexual attitudes andbehaviors. But we kind of all shared
like having much earlier um like desiresin impulses we all do as just humans
before you before there was corn onyour computer, people still had sexual impulses
and you know, so I thinkit's just often used as a scapecoat.
(33:06):
Yeah, absolutely, And it's thatit's that shame that people are dealing with
that you know, there aren't reallyoutlets for shame. There aren't really outlets
for people unless they're you know,actively involved in therapy or actively involved in
working on themselves through you know,many different routes. But I don't.
But I think most people are,like because most of us grew up in
(33:29):
certain institutions, but like I can't, I can't go to them with this
because they don't send me to hell, right, Yeah. I feel like
even when we're encouraged, like forthe example that popped up to my head
was Superhead, which I felt waslike the pendulum swinging after Monica Lewinsky because
we went from like, oh mygod, we even give blow jobs to
(33:51):
like, yeah, she gives thebest blow jobs to every you know,
dude, that's like big right now, But even she had shame and stigma
about being Superhead and the fact thather name is Superhead and we don't know
her real name, you know,it almost like objectifies her because that's all
we know her form. So it'seven when we're empowering, there's still sort
(34:14):
of like this error or shroud ofshame still attached her around it. It's
very interesting when I think about her. This is not too much of a
tangent, but like somebody who talksa lot badly a lot about porn is
this dud Bill maher on that showand he used to date her and he
went after her to he pursued herwhen that was her name. Wow,
(34:37):
you know what I'm saying. Soit's like I think there's also like this
thing like people will have, youknow, date Superhead and then ten fifteen
years later be like, y'all shouldn'tdo shit like that. It's fucked up,
you know what I mean. Likethere's there's that aspect of where shame
comes from older people pointing down toyounger people that they did stuff that they
(34:57):
did that maybe maybe they like maybethey didn't, but they're definitely like,
well you shouldn't do that shit.Though, it's like taking the shame that
they're feeling and putting around to someone, it's like perpetual, perpetual shame.
So what does everyone who do tohelp reduce shame, whether personally or professionally
whatever you're like sharing, Okay,sure, professionally, I really like blasphemous
(35:22):
porn um, noddy nuns, crucifyingand Jesus like figure which we'll be coming
out uncle fe foumdums soon. Yes, yes, latex nuns. Anything where
people are repressed and expressing themselves whenthey're not supposed to that kind of thing.
(35:45):
Yeah, yeah, it feels good. It feels empowering. And it
also like just because the church iskind of it just feel like it's looming
over so many of us to justgo back and say like I don't care,
I'm gonna I'm gonna put something outthere. It's blasphemous, I'm gonna
go into the fire and um it'sit's it takes away that power, that
threat of hell or that threat ofbeing a center, you know, the
(36:08):
labeled as a center. That's that'syeah, that's strong. That is a
strong push back. For Yeah,fire cleanses. Fires is also a cleansing
cource. So you go into thatfire, can you see it? Um?
For me? I feel like,um, it's a lot of introspection,
(36:30):
you know, thinking through a lotof things, having amazing support systems,
whether that's professional therapists or counselors thatI've had either in a couple counseling
or solo throughout my life. Notas much as I feel like I would
love to um if I had moreopportunity to um. B DSM has also
(36:51):
been super helpful with me in thatway, like I only collar myself,
you know, I identify as aswitch, and so I've been very distinctive
and like what do I top in? What do I bottom in? Instead
of being more fluid and like I'mdown but whatever. And it's like even
certain kinks have sex involved and somedo not have sex involved. And that's
(37:12):
a sacred space that I hold forthat because I need to like release my
shame and stigma around that or whatI've perceived, you know to be that
from from what I've seen in mediaand on TV, and then just the
work that I'm doing here right now, being on this podcast, being in
this house, making all the beautifulcontent that we've been making. All of
(37:34):
that is like just moving that needleforward continuously. But it's ongoing work.
I feel like it never stops.I couldn't even talk about or share the
porn that I enjoyed or watched,and so it was so interesting that I
was like starting to work in porn, but I couldn't talk about the porn
that I watched because I felt like, what are they going to do?
(37:58):
Exactly? So it's definitely been abeautiful growth that I've seen for myself,
and now I feel like I wantto help other people with that process and
bring them to other communities so thatthey're less alone, because I feel like
that's sometimes the hardest part is thatyou feel like you're the only one dealing
with this and then it becomes thisnegative spiral because you don't have other people
(38:21):
to help you give perspective. Ithink that so for me personally, it
is do do the thing, dothe thing? Like that has been like
for the last probably like fifteen years, has been like do it the thing
that you're so scared to do itand then see if everything falls apart,
like and it's just sort of likechallenging the the perceived consequences, you know,
(38:47):
And there hasn't been any fallout,you know, so it's like,
oh, I was scared of thatfor nothing, you know, like,
oh they still love me, likey'all we're just kidding about you know,
and really even challenging people to youknow them, like you thought that if
I did this it was going towhat did you think it was going to
happen? Like, I'm still thesame, I'm still here. Um that
(39:09):
you don't have to watch it,you don't have to be a part of
it. We can still enjoy eachother's relationship whatever that relationship or dynamic is
the same. But it's been reallychallenging it. And then also going if
things do fall apart, were theyever really together because of this thing?
To so I feel like I've beenon solid ground, so that's good.
(39:32):
And then professionally, it's like Ithink that the work that we do important
is it's super important, But I'mreally passionate about creating sex positive institutions outside
of the sex industry. So likeyou were talking about, like these other
things shouldn't be happening because Shane doesexist in religious which we know, you
(39:52):
know, religious spaces that cause peopleto harm other people. Um, you
mentioned you know, yes, peopleshould see therapists, but there's a lot
of their who have a lot ofsexual shame and you know, and even
just that they need their own sortof reclamation of these words and reclamation of
their own sex and sexuality to beable to help other people to work in
(40:15):
the medical field and help them bemore sex positive. So that way,
when people need to share things abouttheir sex or sexual identity gender affirming care,
that they could have dealt with theirshit before projecting it onto someone else.
So that like even to like youknow, realators and attorneys and just
however people where people show up helltech people that they you know, I
(40:38):
just like to like creep in thosespaces and give my little workshops in a
way that it's important to them.Like I usually go with money, like
hey, you're missing out on awhole clientele base, and they're like cute
in with the money, But beforeyou can work with this community, how
do you feel about this community?You know, and start to just like
put that little seat for them tosee us as humans, see us as
(41:00):
valuable members of their community, andsee how we're like more aligned. We
probably you know, click on thesame things and you know, have the
same sexual impulses. Just some ofus choose to do it out loud,
very boldly, you know, andsome of us just want to be able
to experience that in our very personalspace. Can you living it, living
(41:24):
it and trying to show improved byexample? I think that we didn't even
there's so many different forms of shamethat we didn't even touch on. But
like personally, man shame is athing where it's just like you know,
um and across the whole spectrum,whether it's you know, engaging in different
(41:45):
sex acts or sharing those sex acts, or whether those sex acts put you
in a different power dynamic, likewhatever it is, there is a whole
lot of man shame out there,and just being able to open up and
share and and like you said,do the things. I look at shame
(42:06):
and fear kind of in the sameway that if you're afraid of something or
you're ashamed of something, if youattack that shit head on usually are like
what, like you said, likewhat the fuck is I even worried about?
You know? So it's it's kindof like one of those things like
if you're if you're out on aledge, you never really realize that you
can fly, and we all flyas fuck, So just do the shit,
(42:30):
Yes, So I mean just justlike that. So between um,
you know more Finish Radio and theporn Hub is doing this collaboration, so
between their viewers are listeners. It'sprobably like some too many people that will
(42:52):
come across this podcast, so alot of the people that were and don't
be ashamed before you all just aswe say, as long as it is
consenting adults, live your life,enjoy your life orgasmically and do your thing
flowery, you can do that shit. So where should um people find you?
(43:15):
How you are living out your lifeand yeah, your work you can.
You can find me on Twitter andInstagram. I am five star and
my work on Filthy Femdom dot comawesome and how a full awesome um social
media Instagram, Um Glitosaurus dot rexlike tyrannosaurs but with glitter, and then
(43:37):
you can check out all my linksand all the amazing people that I work
with at link tree, backslash GlittosaurusRex. Yes, and of course you
can find us royal fetish xxx dotcom and we all have some profile on
porn Hub. Absolutely, So makesure you listen to previous episodes and be
(43:59):
ready for your episodes. Yeah yeah, enjoy yourselves. Please rap at my
friends like the movie Papa Visi Picture. If it's the gave Richard and I
probably gave richer rat
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