May 4, 2023 • 51 mins
In this latest episode, Jasmine and King talk about experiences with their exes, including interactions after the breakup, the baggage that we bring into the next relationship and appreciating the good times. We've all been there before, so this will undoubtedly be a relatable experience for everyone! Make sure to subscribe to the channel, and for our newcomers, feel free to catch up on all the previous episodes!!!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Mister gave Richard and that probably rightup at him. So, how are
you going to spend World War three? How are we laughing? This show
(00:28):
is gonna be like a time capsule, Like they're gonna find it. The
aliens are gonna find this ship alongwith uh Marvin Gay's what's going on?
Only built for Cuban links and uhhank Aaron Rookie card in a time capsule
and we'll judge us, they willjudge us. So I was thinking about
spending it online, like sort ofjust watching this ship burn. Yeah,
(00:55):
they out here crashing in the dronesand ship over the Black Sea. You
said, yeah, it's wow,It's wow. It feels like everywhere is
on the brink of something. Yeah, you know, why not the brink
of greatness? No, it ain'tgot time for them brinks. Them brinks
ain't brinking right now. But itdoes seem like all over the world there's
(01:18):
like all these conflicts that are justlike they've either boiled over or are boiling
over. And I just hope thateverybody out there is spending a few moments
of peace and love with themselves,because shit, wow, hectic out here.
I hope everybody is getting their moneyout of those banks. They're building
(01:40):
a bunker. Time with this LF, you can masturbate once you're in hiding.
I can't wow. Laughter is reallya response to stress. I mean
for me, it's medicine. Ifyou can't. If you can't laugh about
shit, you get stuck on itain't funny. Yo, every I find
(02:01):
this this humor and everything like thistopic. Yeah, good segue, Thank
you, thank you. So youwere like we should do a show about
our exes, and then we startedtelling thinking about like who we would invite
to the show, Like, isthat something wrong? I still think that
(02:22):
would be an awesome show to havesome of our exes invite your x X
come on, come, let's talkX minus one of you motherfuckers are all
welcome to the show. Yeah,for real. I think that would be
a very interesting conversation because recently itpopped in my head because one of my
(02:46):
exes who I've spoken about, Um, I don't know if it's on our
show or some show where I wasjust talking about my experience through being Polly
and all that. She just celebratedher birthday and her wife reached out to
me because she was like, Ineed like a stripper or something for her
(03:07):
birthday and it made my whole day, Like you were so on it.
I was so on it. Butit was also like the fact that she
was comfortable enough to reach out forone was dope, like she queen status
for that, you know what I'msaying. And then because she was like
(03:30):
I don't know, I don't knowthis world. I know you know this
world. So this is what Iwant to do for her. Can you
help me out? And you knowthis is an X like we are not
romantically involved in any type of way, but one of those people that I'm
like, I will love you forlife because of the life experiences we had
together, the growth that we've hadtogether, and we've stayed in communication for
(03:53):
like twenty plus years, you know. So I was like, I got
you, and I was able tofind some really dope performers who who we
know and have worked with for RFFthat was there and did like strip and
kink and all this amazing shit,and like they hit me the next day
(04:13):
like YEO, such a good time. I had an amazing time. So
it's like to be able to growand be able to communicate is one thing,
but it's another thing to still beable to add on to someone you
care about happiness and respect their relationshipas y'all have grown. Like to me
that so I was just I wasjust thinking, like exis, I don't
(04:39):
know, I know, we've Iknow, thank you' all for coming out.
God bless you be nice. Butlike you know, so so like
I've I've thought about this because alsoI was writing this song with with with
Lyle. Yeah, and it's it'skind of it's dealing with exis but not
the good side of things. Likeyou know, you you learn what is
(05:01):
it? You can learn two thingsfrom people, what to do what not
to do. And our exes prepareus for who we're with. Sometimes they
prepare us in a good way,sometimes they prepare us in a bad way.
And a lot of people they alwaystalk about all the baggage from your
past relationships, and we all gotbaggage, whether it's from relationships or not.
(05:23):
Is your baggage neatly organized and havesome important tools and shit in there,
hopefully, or is it just allthrown together with shit that you don't
want to pull out in front ofyour new person, right, you know?
So that's what kind of got meinto this thought. Okay, okay,
um, well, it's interesting thisweek and X of Mind reached out
to me to in in combination withwhat we were talking about before we got
(05:48):
started on the topic about some shitthat the governor of Florida is doing.
It's like, you know, asI live in Florida and it's like some
outrageous shit like and this is portin politics right right exactly, And he's
like is this really happening? AndI just thought it was like nice like
that. You don't have to likewonder like I know someone that lives in
(06:13):
Florida that I could reach out to, I could ask this question. I'll
also ask like you know, mywhole family, like of course you're going
to ask how they are, andI know your whole family, how are
they doing? Okay, that's good. You know, um where where there
are a military family? So wherewhere's your wife at right now? How's
how's everything going with the VA andall that kind of stuff, you know,
(06:34):
like we can catch up like thatand it's nothing. Um. I
think that that's really beautiful, especiallybecause like this person knows a part of
kind of how you were saying withyour ex like our life experience like you
knew me when I was trying tofigure out like who I was, you
know, and now that we alllike have arrived or what have you,
(06:56):
Like you have this time capsule thatI'll never you know, I can never
like I can't really I can tellyou stories about that, but this person
experienced that part of my life withme. So it is nice to be
able to to have connection to thatpoint in time in life. That being
said, there are some folks whereit's like you brought me so much hell
during those points in times of life, and like, um, I don't
(07:21):
know if I could say, likeI wish I never met some of my
exes, but I wish I didn'texperience certain things with them. How about
for you that I wish I didn'tknow I didn't know Like I definitely,
I definitely have a couple of peoplein that in that realm where it's like,
(07:42):
nah, this is just to gothis was just some a mistake and
we didn't have to go through this. Um. But I do think in
a way I did, you know, because it'd let me know what I
didn't want or if I was inthe wrong, Okay, what I needed
to learn to be a better manfrom from that situation show It's easy.
(08:07):
In the fucking moment, I'd belike, oh, I wish I never
fucking met you. But like nowthat I'm removed from it, I'm like,
all right, well I learned fromthis relationship X, Y and Z
that now makes my current relationship work, you know what I'm saying. So
(08:28):
it's it's like one of those whatI learned? Do you do you go
back with your exence? Do youdate backwards? What you mean like like
if we broke up, we getback together type ship or after a while,
like I know in the like whenwhen when people are going through a
break like you're kind of figuring outlike should we separate? You know,
(08:50):
and there's some backpor but like haveyou revisited people from you know, your
past, like or do you considerit are dating them? Are not dating?
I don't know if it would bedating get back with him? I
guess I have had people who maybewe might have dated or messed around or
(09:16):
something at some point and then maybeyears later we connected, but it might
not have been like a breakup perse. Uh, we might have lost
touch or disconnected in certain ways.But like if there was like a clear
like we shouldn't funk with each otherno more. I don't think there's I
don't think there's any like maybe we'vereconnected on a on a friend level,
(09:39):
but not on a romantic level,because I do think for me, like
definitely there's times when you'd be like, oh, maybe it's not the full
breakup, y'all take some space orwhatever the case being. But like when
it for me to get to aplace with somebody, when I'm like,
we shouldn't funk with each other nomore, I don't like to go back
(10:01):
on those words. What about you, Um, yeah, I'm pretty much
the same. I mean, well, let's see, I think that there
are there's probably two instances where Idid like a lot of back and forth
for a while because one of usreally wasn't ready to be out of the
(10:24):
relationship for one reason or another,and the other one was like trying to
like compromise for that person. Butthen once it was over, it was
over. So and I don't likewhen I think about those relationships, I'm
like, no, I have nodesire to figure out if that thing that
we couldn't make work can work now. Like I really think that that is
(10:45):
just like a factory defect. Forwe know, it'll always be m it'll
always be a mitch match. Butfor other people, I could say that
like I probably like always maybe wouldsleep with them again, but probably not
the relationship. I could imagine myselflike being in a situation like, yeah,
(11:07):
I fucked you before, Like thereare certain things that like I,
you know, you know a coupleof things, yeah, or just like
like yeah, I'm familiar with yourcurve or whatever whatever the thing is.
Yeah, but I don't think thatI it's sort of like I already kind
of got the best of knowing you, and now it's just like you're familiar,
and I don't know. There aresome people who and I guess this
(11:30):
is this is the tough part forme, because there are certain people who
we might not have been like anitem in the sense of like we are
in a monogamous relationship now and weare you know, there are certain people
who when I was definitely more likeopen and Polly and things like that,
where we might have hung out togetherand experienced one another in different ways and
(11:50):
hung out and all that kind ofshit, and like we were dating,
but not like official tissue where Iwould be like I would be interested in
seeing how that person has grown andwhere they might fit in now. UM
like X XES, that was likewe was in in real deep with it
things. I don't think maybe maybefucking but like a full fledged relationship.
(12:18):
I don't know. There are alot of people that I look at them
like damn. I was there personthat when they would get in a relationship,
they were kind of like I can'tright now, but that as soon
as they get out the relationship,we fucking yeah. Like that like in
those kind of situations. I havesome people like that that was like,
(12:39):
like those kind of situations, I'mlike, yeah, we probably fucking yeah.
So I have an insecurity around XESOkay yeah, um I. And
it's interesting. It's it's the factthat I can say it knows that I'm
It tells me that I am evolvingaround this topic. So for me,
it's like I don't want your fuckinginside jokes. I don't want you like
(13:03):
no, no, no, Idon't want anything. I don't want to
have to deal with that train ofthought with my new partner or with my
partner. So like like for you, UM, I would always be like
I just need to know who inthe room you fuck, who you had
a relationship with, because the bitchesover the giggle and a man like I
need to know is with what's thegiggle about? What's the like you know,
(13:26):
how's your mom doing? Like hmm, ask me, I know how
she's doing so and and you know, um, it is from the from
the place of holding familiar space andlike and and very like very special memories
and things that sort. And thereality is there are friends that are not
(13:48):
x's and romantically that like you havelike when when you're when your homeboys come
over, Like I don't really wantto be there for y'all tell story,
but I do know that being anew person and in that space provides an
opportunity for y'all to tell stories andrelive memories with each other. And I'm
comfortable with that. Like it's it'slike nice to just see the joy even
(14:09):
though I'm just like, yeah,I wasn't there, Like doesn't none of
this stuff really, I don't evenknow who the fuck y'all talking about.
I don't and it doesn't register,but it's like nice to be a part
of that. I don't know thathow we feel comfortable, like remember we
was at the club and then theswingers club, and then you pull my
(14:30):
panties down, and I don't knowhow I want to be there for that
conversation, but I can, Ican, at least in my big mature
brain. And here that big maturebrain that I'm bringing to this table right
now, say that, like,I can understand the really almost the exact
same same connection that one would havewith a non romantic partner. But it
(14:56):
does still make me feel a littlebit insecure. It does make we feel
much more on the outs than you'retalking about a time that you like scored
ten points or whatever on your boy, Like I'm like, okay, um,
it's more than that. Well,I'm just I mean I could see
that. I think when I thinkabout any of my exes that I would
(15:16):
ever entertain, or people that Iused to write with entertain any kind of
romance or sex or even even communicationto me, it's like they're the ones
who are like the open minded orprobably Polly or whatever kind of folk,
(15:37):
because they would also then know,like there's a certain level of respect that
they would have to pay you,right right, So it wouldn't be like
somebody that was just like monogamy.Yeah, I'm trying to make you monogamous.
Yeah, you know, um,because I do have I do have
exes that have hit me up forwhat for what we do and been like
I can't believe you're fucking doing thatshit like like crazy, like I've had
(16:02):
your ex hit me up at thepocket shit like what do you mean?
I don't even talk to you?Who think screen that shit into the void?
You know like that? But that'sdoing with me. That's part of
the idea of like I could Iwant this person back, I shouldn't let
this person go, um if Icould have a chance. And I think
that is my orientation to exes fromthe past, right, is that that
(16:25):
that this person that this is likebad messaging, especially amongst women, that
um, like how we sort ofhave been pit against each other, whether
by each other or by others.It's like this person is trying to get
their man back, right when thereality could very well be like this is
a friend, or it could belike I don't want that or or write
(16:48):
that, or I don't want himwithout you like anyway. And I do
think I think because there is thissocietal pressure on relationships for people to get
married. Like, if you're ina relationship with somebody, either turns out
and is you get married and divorced, or you get married and die and
(17:12):
have kids somewhere and all of that. Right, But not all relationships are
meant for that. Not all relationshipseven need to have that as a goal.
Like you might just be traveling oneday and you meet somebody and just
like I know that and this hashappened to me. That's why I'm saying
(17:32):
it this way, Like I knowI am going back to where I'm from,
or you, like I have metsomebody when I was in I was
like on tour somewhere, and uh, what the fuck was it? No,
I'm trying to I'm messing up allthe country's names in my head.
(17:59):
But like she was cool as fuck, but it was like a known thing.
Like I'm on tour. I'm onlygoing to be here for like three
days, right, so we canhave his rendevo, we can hang out,
but the chances of me coming backto this place probably slim to none.
You traveling to see me, youprobably don't want to do that shit
either. But but having that mutualunderstanding, like we could just make the
(18:23):
best of the time we have together, and it doesn't always have to be
like in that kind of situation whereyou're traveling out of the country, like
it could be somebody you know,and you're just like, I want to
experience you in a in our connectionin a different kind of way without putting
the pressure on it, like yougot to come meet my fucking parents.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like, relationships don't need that,
(18:44):
And I feel like when you whenyou let go of that pressure, it
actually allows you to really get whatit is out of the relationship that is
most beneficial to both of you.So, Okay, I have two things
I want to share. One islike circling back and being like how your
(19:06):
exes have responded to to like anew version of you, whether it's like
now or in the past. I'mshare my stories that And I just want
to remember a time that I feltthat, Um, we've had a situation
with sharing information about an extra anX sort of coming back into the picture,
and um, I'm interested to hearwhat your thoughts were because I don't
(19:30):
really know what they were. Ijust know how you showed up and I
was just like, Wow, what'syour big mature brain. So um.
Okay, So the first one isI remember right when I was like coming
into my like um sexual confidence,learning some new tricks and toys and things
to that story, I was like, you know, I'm gonna make this
(19:52):
my tour. Wasn't it wasn't worldwidelike yours. It was pretty local.
Okay, it wasn't that, itwas local hocal. So um. I
remember like, Okay, I wantto I want to try some of these
things out, but I don't reallywant to do with like with new people
(20:17):
and like flirting with you know peoplelike easy, like you know, just
like something on Facebook and then youwait, they're gonna they're gonna come me,
you know, like how you doing, I'm good, how are you?
What's the new? How's it?I'm gonna be in your area?
And you know, oh we shouldgo and you know, grab dinner or
whatever. I already know I y'allknow from the dating shows like why don't
(20:37):
we getna fuck? Right? Butthen like and when we were dating in
like high school or in college,I didn't have like all this fishnet shit
or these sex swings or whatever,and like bringing all of that and seeing
them like oh, like you've leveledup, and um that just being like
(20:59):
a really really cool experience of likewhen we were together, I was letting
probably you know, I was lettingthem lead and and then coming like back
with like, no, actually thisis what I like, or like you
could learn this from me, andthat being like very very um very exciting,
(21:21):
what about for you. I've hadexcess that have come out to our
events and that it's so dope tome because it's like they're supporting what we
do but also open minded enough tosee me with my partner now and have
fun and go home. Yeah,you know what I'm saying, Like I
(21:45):
think like those those kind of interactionslike I definitely have excess that was like
who knew before we met, myinvolvement in in you know, set work
and things like that, and thenI have excess from way way back that
might just have been like y'all couldsee this being what you wound up doing,
(22:07):
you know what I'm saying, Oryou know, it's only like one
x that I can think of thatreally really really had a problem with all
this, and it was just likeyou know, whatever they made you up
to be something that whatever they wantedme to be not who I am,
because I mean I've always been home, so that's like, but I think
(22:33):
like a level up kind of situation. I can't really do you like I've
kind of been No, it's noteven it's not even that, it's that
I haven't dealt with an X inthat way and so long. That's why
that's why I think of when they'vecome out to events, yeah, or
things like that, where are like, yo, I like I have a
(22:56):
some XS would just be like Ilove what y'all are doing. You know
what I'm saying. I think thatis like to the point where it's like
I'm learning something from my ex.But I didn't get to do what you
did and like pull out the Catof Nine Tales in the bad Room,
and shit, I didn't get todo that. Well, you were too
busy overseas having a rendezvous, athree day rendezvous, so a time that
(23:19):
I thought that you were just like, I was just like, wow,
So is this what it's like todate an adult UM when the one of
our kids were graduate was graduating andyou know, everybody knows our dating history
where a blended family. UM.I had an X with H that was
(23:44):
a part of her life specifically likeearly on in her like elementary, right
before middle school days, and shewas graduating high school and this person wanted
to be a part of that celebration. Um, I personally was not comfortable
with them being like all in theparty, all in the video, Like,
nah, not, we don't evenhave that kind of relationship. We
(24:10):
were throwing the party, So itjust didn't feel right to me. But
they wanted to come in town andat least like celebrate her, and so
I felt comfortable with that. Shewas thoughtful enough to like ask me like
did I think that that was appropriate? How did I feel about it?
How were you going to feel aboutit? And then like I was like,
(24:30):
hey, this is a situation.How do you feel? And you
were just like okay, that thatsounds cool, And it was just very
like and I was looking for like, okay, is he saying like it's
cool? And then like after ithappens, like are you going to be
like not like angry with her orwith me, but just like is it
going to change the chemistry of ofhow you feel? Will you feel disrespected?
(24:56):
Will you feel like um, sortof the insecure that I was talking
about, Like, oh, isthis person trying to like make their way
back in and you were just sogood about it, and so I'm really
curious to ask. I don't knowwhy I never asked. I mean,
I guess because like you, youshowed up in a way that didn't I
wasn't like what's wrong with you?But like what was going on in your
(25:19):
mind? And like is there anythingis there anything too that that we can
learn from? Well, I thinkmy first my initial thought, especially when
you know, having the conversation aboutwhere our daughter was coming from, it
made me think, like I'm gladhe did that because if if not as
(25:44):
if, but he did play apart in her life and her growing up.
If he didn't reach out, thatwould have been back. You know
what I'm saying. So you know, Um, in regards to you and
him, I look at it like, I consider you to be an honest
woman. I've never seen otherwise.So if you were interested in any shaped
(26:07):
form of fashion of reconnecting or keepinga connection or whatever you have told me,
that was it. You know,Um, I think, And I
can't say I'm always I've I've beenopen, Like I can't say that I've
(26:30):
never experienced jealousy or be annoyed aboutX people'ss or whatever, so X out
there don't under this ship and belike time when you know what I'm saying,
like I can't. He's been perfect, but like earlier, like any
of those where I wasn't on it, and also like I what about XS
(27:00):
for everybody? And it also thelevel of which somebody that they possessed their
part, so like super possessed thanthe thought kissing somebody, sleeping with sor
sharing having inside jokes with else cantear you because you see them together.
(27:22):
What are they saying about? Youknow what I'm saying, Like, I
think that that where people come fromwith that go their mind where it's like
what was that movie shot where you'rethinking partner with this person and all this
other shit, So then it putyour head and for me ap this on
(27:45):
a previous EPO, I like tosee my part, I please, So
if they be more off, ifit wasn't that somebody was like, YO,
horrible experience with this, because thenI'm thinking like I hope you don't
add decision another horrible experience. Hopefullythey've changed if that's what y'all used to
(28:08):
do. And I have to backmy like, not my protectiveness, because
some that was the next part Iwas going to get us. I'm very
protective of our partner. So someonehas hurt our partner, then we're another
thing of that person and we forgetit does take two, you know what
(28:32):
I'm saying. That not not goingtoo suations, but everybody hurt other people,
and I'm talking about like some shit, you know what I mean.
It's like, yeah, we hada he wasn't wasn't there for that argument?
(28:52):
Can't really completely like to this person. I just they make it,
you know what I'm saying. That'sthe hard part for me to be able
to put on the back burner.If that makes sense. No, it
makes a lot of sense. Ilove the fact that you made the difference
between possessiveness and protectiveness. That's aword I think. I mean it is
today protective. It's gonna be myinsurance company's name, protectiveness. All you
(29:19):
need is a black RMB singer tosing in the commercial and you can make
it as a little jingle. I'mgood. I'll think about it for later,
all right, to get Kane thesame. But um, I think
I've I know, I know,I've experienced both feelings of possessiveness and that
is sort of like that crazy runningthought of like you know they talk about
(29:44):
this, Oh he missed that,you know, and like that part and
then the protectiveness where it's like,no, like I've seen the damage that
you can cause um and or umbecause my partner is houlnerable to to like
the good feelings or I know howmanipulative this person was based on the things
(30:07):
that you've shared with me before,so like you're just doing that thing and
you know he or she is toowide open to see it. Like,
but all that to say to allowyour partner like to be able to share
like these are the things that I'mconcerned about, and I think we've been
really good with that. Like I'mconcerned that this person has done this before
(30:29):
and that they're going to do itagain, and so I just want you
to be aware, like make sureyou have your self awareness and if I
see something that looks funky, likelike I can I share that with you
without it being like an insult toyour own intelligence and experience. And then
the other is I've seen or Idon't want to say it. This makes
(30:51):
me feel insecure, and this iswhy it's not a youth thing. It's
a me thing. So just likereassuring me by letting me know, like
what's up, and you know,like and if like what where are y'all
at now? Well he's getting evenmore specific. Oh the way, what's
her name? In polly relationships likeours or open relationships, people come and
(31:17):
go when it comes to exis.And I think you spoke about this before,
Like when somebody is with your partnerand they're experiencing a breakup, what
kind of advice can you give peoplefor watching your partner go through either like
the lead up to a breakup ora breakup with a partner that was also
(31:40):
I guess in the mix per se, you know what I mean? Yeah,
I mean I think from an advicestandpoint, it is to to think
about all the different ways that peoplebreak up. Like you said, like
there are different styles to break up. Some breakups are going to be like
sharp and um, like someone hasacross the boundary that is they can't come
(32:01):
back from. And some people that'snot the case, like they just maybe
need some space. For some people, it's like we need space to figure
that out and that they are goingto reconnect. So like all of those
things are possible, and also kindof knowing where you're going to be in
any one of those options, wasit unforgivable for you? Do do you
(32:27):
hold the same boundaries as your partnerand being able to be honest, Like,
hey, that thing that that persondid makes them untrustworthy for me.
So this new like the getting backrelationship is going to need to look different
than maybe what it was before,but still respecting that person's right to again
be partnered with who they want tobe with. If it's going to be
(32:52):
one of those things where there's somelevel of back and forth, I think
it's important to be honest, Likey'all got to do that thing over there,
you know, like I'm not tryingto be on the roller coaster.
Um, you know, work itout for a couple of months and like
let me know where where it isonce you get there. But like I
(33:14):
I think, you know, sometimeswe're like like it's like with your homegirl,
like, um, we hate themor don't like you know, are
we do? I roll my eyeswhen I walk in the house and where
I say hello. So, UM, I think that that is really important.
I do. I think that's somethingthat that couples should discuss um when
(33:34):
things are good, like what happensif things change? Because I think like
for us, I have always said, it's not about it's not that um
if if we have an argument,if we find it out, it's like
how yeah, you know, likeokay, we're gonna get mad we have,
but like we're gonna still eat tonightright like you know UM, Or
(34:00):
it's not going to be one ofthose things that like when you have an
argument with your partner, do westart like blocking them, like that's something
that comes up a lot, likeblocking them on social media and acting,
or do we kind of just likelet things settle and just kind of see
where things are. So I thinkthat is something that you could actually plan
(34:22):
for and like hopefully you don't haveto you don't have to access any of
those plans and things just go assmooth as you would like them to go.
But like you said, now,every breakup is like a terrible thing.
Sometimes it's just like it fades outor you realize like it's not for
you, And that could be okaytoo. How about for you in terms
of breakups, like it's some adviceor some things that were helpful for you
(34:45):
with Polly partners. I think whenit comes to Polly breakups, it can
be tough because sometimes people are withthe person more, or they might see
a different side of the person,or you don't get along with this person
(35:09):
the same kind of way that yourpartner does. So it's important to keep
all that into context when either youor your partner is breaking up with somebody.
You know, Like in the caseof when I have had breakups from
from somebody in our relationship, Itry to explain like as much as I
(35:32):
can, Like I'm also like evenoutside of relationships, I don't like to
if someone tells me something inconfidence aboutlike their personal shit, but that's not
usually why you break up with somebody, but like sharing the this is where
I'm coming from on this ship,this is where they're coming from on ship.
Because I also think that you're you'rea good person to sometimes be like,
(35:54):
am I bugging here? You knowwhat I'm saying, So you can
be like, yeah, you're willingor no, I think you're completely on
point here. So sometimes it's goodto be able to do that with your
partner, because your partner wasn't mightnot have been there for whatever led to
y'all breaking up. So let's sayyour partner does have a strong connection with
(36:16):
this person, You're like, Yo, they just did some real foulshit to
me. And then you're like,but they've never done any foulshit to me,
So that does put you in apredicament where you're like, well,
that ship was foul though, sonow now it might be if y'all are
all together, you do have totalk to that other person as a third
(36:39):
or a fourth or a fifth orwhatever level of Polly y'all in maybe you
gotta have a whole group sit downin an intervention out this smatherfucker something,
because it's it's important to always tryand at least be on the same page,
even if that same page is thatwe can no longer be together personally.
I don't like breakups that end asarguments, and it's hard to do
(37:02):
that, you know, but someof the sometimes for me, even it
is important to reach out to x'sif I feel that I was in the
wrong, or if I feel wewere both wrong, or even if they
were wrong, and I need tounderstand or explain to them, like,
yo, this is what led tome not fucking with you, because I
(37:22):
do feel like, if it's animportant relationship, this is somebody that's not
really like that important in the situation, You're not gonna really do all that,
but like to be able to atleast be like, Yo, if
you see me in the street,you ain't gotta cross the street and ship
bitch crossed the street. If I'mwith him, you could stand across the
street. I don't want to talkto you anymore. And I mean,
(37:45):
but I'm even speaking about just inmy own personal like before we were even
together, Like I've always been thatway where I feel like, especially if
I feel like I was in thewrong, I do want to let that
person go, like this is thisis where I'm at, This is what
I did. This is my apologybecause I am just like that understanding is
(38:08):
so important to you. It isso important that you under it is it
is that you understand why someone woulddo something that led to this discomfort and
what or for them to understand whyyou did what you had like it is
(38:30):
so important to you, and Ithink that is a very stand up quality.
It's also incredibly frustrating, especially inmatters of the heart, where it's
like you may not understand for years. No, that's true, and it
definitely for me in certain circumstances,has been incredibly fucking frustrating. And there
(38:51):
are still relationships that for me,I might be like, I'm glad the
relationship is over, but I wasn'thappy with how it ended, or the
open ended, open endedness of thatlast argument or something like that, you
know what I mean, and thatthat understanding shit is super important to me,
(39:13):
So don't. If you don't needto understand, your life is a
whole lot fucking easier. But it'sbut when I'm done, when I'm done,
I'm usually like I'm done, LikeI'm not trying to gain some understanding
to make it, like to getback together and make it work. I
might just want to make it right, if that makes sense. And that's
(39:34):
and that's not always a fucking possibility. No, especially we can't get right
as people. Some people just can'tget right. And and but then like
usually if that is something that I'vereached out about and it just can't get
right, I can step away.Yeah, but then I'll try to figure
it out on my own with thefucking arithmetic, you know, all that
shit in my brain. Yeah,that's a lot. I don't. I
(39:58):
don't know what um. I don'tthink either of us like a right or
wrong in that approach is just likehow our brains work and the connectiveness to
people. There have been relationships thathave been over for me and I guess
skipping past the understanding and getting tothe like what do I what do I
understand about myself? Like their inputis not really going to be any more
(40:22):
valuable than what I'm gathering. Youknow, well, let me make it
if somebody didn't fucked up shit.Yeah I don't, don't. I'm not
trying to. I'm talking about likeI understand that that was fucked up.
Yeah, and you were fucked upperson, But like if it's like an
amicable kind of situation or something likethat. So I'm gonna get we got
we got deep on that one.But I got another question for it.
(40:45):
Do you have any excess that youwish you could have on Royal Fetish films
at any point in time? Itdoesn't have to be like, oh yeah,
I want to film with them tomorrow, but it was just like,
oh, I had this chemistry withthis person that would have looked amazing on
film, you know, what whenI had when I there's there's one person,
(41:15):
when I have when I circled theblock back again, when I was
just like, let me try toeat the new things out some of them,
I was just like, the fuckhappened to you? Like you fell
off? Yeah, like what wasthe big deal? Like you know?
Um? And and I still don'tknow. I don't have understand I don't
(41:35):
really need it. I don't needto understand why you fell off. It
was like if and it was ifthey fell off, if I was so
infatuated, if I didn't know whatgood sex was, um or I just
really know what I like and expectthat you just like you did you what
you just can't measure up now,you know? Just that's just curious about
(41:57):
that. Um she said one nownow that now all your exes is going
to be in your inbox, likewas it me? Wasn't now this person
I actually kind of kind of dated. They weren't. I wouldn't even necessarily
consider them X because we didn't havelike that, like you know, that
type of relationship. But he's probablythe only person that got very UM that
(42:22):
was like definitely a dominant um whatwe would consider a sexual dominant and m
he pushed my boundaries in a waythat I have never experienced and maybe won't
ever experience again. Like but becauseI had that experience with him, if
(42:43):
he did it again, I alreadyknow now where it starts and where it
ends, and that like we couldbe like we could be cool, We're
fine. He didn't like take thatpersona and it didn't transpire into anything else
outside of it, but it waslike an experience that I was just like,
Okay, you try that and Iand I was like all right that
And so like thinking about for RoyalFetch Films, I think it would sell
(43:05):
well because it's like a persona thatI am never in. Um It's like
this person could be dominant, couldbe dominant of me sexually, and I
wouldn't be shit talking back. Iwouldn't also be like oh yes, I
can't, I can't even utter thosekind of words. But it's just I
think that he brought something out thatbecause we did it and it worked out,
(43:31):
I would be like, hey,let's let's do that whole thing again,
but this time with the cameras,like and then can you say it
and project it into the camera likeI could redirect it. Yeah, well,
if you're all ready, I'll fireup there. Yeah. No,
I justn't wanted to answer the question. But no, I'm also letting him
(43:52):
like, don't please, don't howabout for you? No, that was
your question. No, but I'dlike to know for you now to thank
your own questions. Don't ever askthe question that you're not willing to answer.
Of course that's the statement. Butum, same kind of same kind
(44:16):
of the slapper. The slapper wouldactually be wild on camera. I don't
know where where she is in theworld right now, I don't know if
she's watching, but the story isout, so you know, there's I
mean, there's a couple of peoplewho I'm like, I think they would
(44:37):
look amazing on camera if they werecomfortable on camera. Um, but would
they be I don't. I don'tknow that that's not part of we don't
need to know, but no,I do. I do think there are
there are some people that I had, like really great chemistry or a particular
experience with that I'm like, Iwish that experience was on camera. The
(44:59):
kitty cat. The kitty cat wouldbe amazing on camera. But um,
see you know anything, you alreadyknow, um, Now there's there's Yeah.
I think I think there's a coupleof people who would if they were
(45:19):
interested. Now I would be like, yeah, whatnot. You know what
I'm saying, come come get downwith the team. Okay, see you
would you would open that door.I would open that door. And but
none of them are like people thatare like I was in a committed relationship
with those people that I fuck with. So I think like that would probably
be there a good thing. Ifany of my exes did uh say that
(45:45):
they wanted to be on film orsomething like that, I can I can
think of one and you have mether um out in Chicago. Okay,
that I could see if she ifshe was like yo, I would I
would fuck with it because I knowshe would probably fuck with both of us
too, you know what I'm saying. So I could see I could see
that as being something that would beinteresting because then it would be like a
(46:06):
first got it? You know whatI'm saying, That that would be an
interesting kind of situation. She's avery beautiful woman, this is true,
and she has a good taste inman, but that's on our swinging episode.
She's gonna bring him. Hey,they could we could film them?
(46:27):
We could or or maybe he's likea behind the camera kind of guy and
we could you know, right well, I wouldn't be mad if they hit
it. Yeah, unlike the unlikethe other person we were just on,
I wouldn't be mad if they Yeahwhen when down in the DM Okay,
so let's let's end here so thatway we don't over it, you know,
so like you over talk and thenthey like think they'll walk themselves out
(46:50):
of it. Like no, Nowit's like a time kinking Costa Rica twenty.
Now I'm kind of stuck. Wealready put it out there for any
(47:14):
for the excellencent want to come onthe show and have this conversation. So
I kind of feel like this couldbe a part one. Do you really
think that one? Are you reallyopen to? I mean, and what
is the conversation in itself? Ihave absolutely no idea that that. I
feel like that's one of the onesyou have to show up with your jasmin
(47:35):
card with some real last question dateddid he ever? How did you curb
this bab all right? So it'sa bad idea. I resent no,
No, I just I don't know. I think like the way people view
us and view our relationship, theyhave these ideas either like they're to this
(48:00):
or they can't truly be that,you know what I'm saying, So like
there's this disconnect that I feel likeanybody can have whatever it is that you
want out of your relationship if youwork for it, you know what I'm
saying. Like you might not bePolly, you might not be a sexual
opportunist, you might not be aporn producer, but for whatever it is
(48:20):
that you want out of your relationship, you can get that shit. And
I feel like that's the underlying messageof when we talk about like what we
found in each other, what wework for with each other. And I
feel like if there was just thisconversation that was someone was would actually be
open to, then it's like theseare learning experiences. We all have learning
(48:46):
experiences. We all have relationships thatwe might have high hopes for that don't
meet those or that we had nohope for and it exceeded our expectations.
So I just feel in the inthe sense of honesty and just open this,
I thought that that shit would becool, But I could have thought
(49:07):
of that ship when I was reallyfucking high one night, and who knows,
So maybe maybe it's not a greatidea. Who knows, Well,
we won't know until the motherfucker's doit, and then if that ship is
bad, y'all will never see yourpart too. Okay, So so can
you say that? Can you saythe city of the person that you're thinking
that you would like to invite tothe show? Oh, I ain't saying
I wanted them on the show.I was saying they come on. Well,
(49:30):
we know that, but in acouple of cities, I'll be open
to them being on the show.Okay, you should you read are you
going to send this show to them? Like? If you directly send this
show to them, would they knowI was talking about Well, I mean
I'll just tell them in a messagelike, yeah, would you be open
to being on the show. That'show that's how you roll. Yeah,
(49:50):
I ain't gonna send it in directs. Okay, did we talk about a
lot of people and directly show Ijust know. I mean if I'm saying
if I want somebody to be onthe show, I'll reach out to them.
Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, all right. We
don't be saying in the rights,we just leave out people's names because they
might not want to be on theshow, and that well, I know
(50:12):
that, but I'm also thinking aboutlike see, I've been very clear like
I that I'm not inviting anyone anywhereto talk about anything at any time anywhere.
But I do know that there youhave a lot of exes that would
be like oh, like me,like like no, if it wasn't you,
(50:32):
yeah, if you didn't get itdirect. I don't want anybody to
be just showing up at the nextpodcast schedule. That would be wild,
though it would be that would bea different kind of interview. You do
have some wild exes though, thisis true. And on that note,
good night peace, Ray of Adams
Mister gave Richard and that probably rightup at him. So, how are
you going to spend World War three? How are we laughing? This show
(00:28):
is gonna be like a time capsule, Like they're gonna find it. The
aliens are gonna find this ship alongwith uh Marvin Gay's what's going on?
Only built for Cuban links and uhhank Aaron Rookie card in a time capsule
and we'll judge us, they willjudge us. So I was thinking about
spending it online, like sort ofjust watching this ship burn. Yeah,
(00:55):
they out here crashing in the dronesand ship over the Black Sea. You
said, yeah, it's wow,It's wow. It feels like everywhere is
on the brink of something. Yeah, you know, why not the brink
of greatness? No, it ain'tgot time for them brinks. Them brinks
ain't brinking right now. But itdoes seem like all over the world there's
(01:18):
like all these conflicts that are justlike they've either boiled over or are boiling
over. And I just hope thateverybody out there is spending a few moments
of peace and love with themselves,because shit, wow, hectic out here.
I hope everybody is getting their moneyout of those banks. They're building
(01:40):
a bunker. Time with this LF, you can masturbate once you're in hiding.
I can't wow. Laughter is reallya response to stress. I mean
for me, it's medicine. Ifyou can't. If you can't laugh about
shit, you get stuck on itain't funny. Yo, every I find
(02:01):
this this humor and everything like thistopic. Yeah, good segue, Thank
you, thank you. So youwere like we should do a show about
our exes, and then we startedtelling thinking about like who we would invite
to the show, Like, isthat something wrong? I still think that
(02:22):
would be an awesome show to havesome of our exes invite your x X
come on, come, let's talkX minus one of you motherfuckers are all
welcome to the show. Yeah,for real. I think that would be
a very interesting conversation because recently itpopped in my head because one of my
(02:46):
exes who I've spoken about, Um, I don't know if it's on our
show or some show where I wasjust talking about my experience through being Polly
and all that. She just celebratedher birthday and her wife reached out to
me because she was like, Ineed like a stripper or something for her
(03:07):
birthday and it made my whole day, Like you were so on it.
I was so on it. Butit was also like the fact that she
was comfortable enough to reach out forone was dope, like she queen status
for that, you know what I'msaying. And then because she was like
(03:30):
I don't know, I don't knowthis world. I know you know this
world. So this is what Iwant to do for her. Can you
help me out? And you knowthis is an X like we are not
romantically involved in any type of way, but one of those people that I'm
like, I will love you forlife because of the life experiences we had
together, the growth that we've hadtogether, and we've stayed in communication for
(03:53):
like twenty plus years, you know. So I was like, I got
you, and I was able tofind some really dope performers who who we
know and have worked with for RFFthat was there and did like strip and
kink and all this amazing shit,and like they hit me the next day
(04:13):
like YEO, such a good time. I had an amazing time. So
it's like to be able to growand be able to communicate is one thing,
but it's another thing to still beable to add on to someone you
care about happiness and respect their relationshipas y'all have grown. Like to me
that so I was just I wasjust thinking, like exis, I don't
(04:39):
know, I know, we've Iknow, thank you' all for coming out.
God bless you be nice. Butlike you know, so so like
I've I've thought about this because alsoI was writing this song with with with
Lyle. Yeah, and it's it'skind of it's dealing with exis but not
the good side of things. Likeyou know, you you learn what is
(05:01):
it? You can learn two thingsfrom people, what to do what not
to do. And our exes prepareus for who we're with. Sometimes they
prepare us in a good way,sometimes they prepare us in a bad way.
And a lot of people they alwaystalk about all the baggage from your
past relationships, and we all gotbaggage, whether it's from relationships or not.
(05:23):
Is your baggage neatly organized and havesome important tools and shit in there,
hopefully, or is it just allthrown together with shit that you don't
want to pull out in front ofyour new person, right, you know?
So that's what kind of got meinto this thought. Okay, okay,
um, well, it's interesting thisweek and X of Mind reached out
to me to in in combination withwhat we were talking about before we got
(05:48):
started on the topic about some shitthat the governor of Florida is doing.
It's like, you know, asI live in Florida and it's like some
outrageous shit like and this is portin politics right right exactly, And he's
like is this really happening? AndI just thought it was like nice like
that. You don't have to likewonder like I know someone that lives in
(06:13):
Florida that I could reach out to, I could ask this question. I'll
also ask like you know, mywhole family, like of course you're going
to ask how they are, andI know your whole family, how are
they doing? Okay, that's good. You know, um where where there
are a military family? So wherewhere's your wife at right now? How's
how's everything going with the VA andall that kind of stuff, you know,
(06:34):
like we can catch up like thatand it's nothing. Um. I
think that that's really beautiful, especiallybecause like this person knows a part of
kind of how you were saying withyour ex like our life experience like you
knew me when I was trying tofigure out like who I was, you
know, and now that we alllike have arrived or what have you,
(06:56):
Like you have this time capsule thatI'll never you know, I can never
like I can't really I can tellyou stories about that, but this person
experienced that part of my life withme. So it is nice to be
able to to have connection to thatpoint in time in life. That being
said, there are some folks whereit's like you brought me so much hell
during those points in times of life, and like, um, I don't
(07:21):
know if I could say, likeI wish I never met some of my
exes, but I wish I didn'texperience certain things with them. How about
for you that I wish I didn'tknow I didn't know Like I definitely,
I definitely have a couple of peoplein that in that realm where it's like,
(07:42):
nah, this is just to gothis was just some a mistake and
we didn't have to go through this. Um. But I do think in
a way I did, you know, because it'd let me know what I
didn't want or if I was inthe wrong, Okay, what I needed
to learn to be a better manfrom from that situation show It's easy.
(08:07):
In the fucking moment, I'd belike, oh, I wish I never
fucking met you. But like nowthat I'm removed from it, I'm like,
all right, well I learned fromthis relationship X, Y and Z
that now makes my current relationship work, you know what I'm saying. So
(08:28):
it's it's like one of those whatI learned? Do you do you go
back with your exence? Do youdate backwards? What you mean like like
if we broke up, we getback together type ship or after a while,
like I know in the like whenwhen when people are going through a
break like you're kind of figuring outlike should we separate? You know,
(08:50):
and there's some backpor but like haveyou revisited people from you know, your
past, like or do you considerit are dating them? Are not dating?
I don't know if it would bedating get back with him? I
guess I have had people who maybewe might have dated or messed around or
(09:16):
something at some point and then maybeyears later we connected, but it might
not have been like a breakup perse. Uh, we might have lost
touch or disconnected in certain ways.But like if there was like a clear
like we shouldn't funk with each otherno more. I don't think there's I
don't think there's any like maybe we'vereconnected on a on a friend level,
(09:39):
but not on a romantic level,because I do think for me, like
definitely there's times when you'd be like, oh, maybe it's not the full
breakup, y'all take some space orwhatever the case being. But like when
it for me to get to aplace with somebody, when I'm like,
we shouldn't funk with each other nomore, I don't like to go back
(10:01):
on those words. What about you, Um, yeah, I'm pretty much
the same. I mean, well, let's see, I think that there
are there's probably two instances where Idid like a lot of back and forth
for a while because one of usreally wasn't ready to be out of the
(10:24):
relationship for one reason or another,and the other one was like trying to
like compromise for that person. Butthen once it was over, it was
over. So and I don't likewhen I think about those relationships, I'm
like, no, I have nodesire to figure out if that thing that
we couldn't make work can work now. Like I really think that that is
(10:45):
just like a factory defect. Forwe know, it'll always be m it'll
always be a mitch match. Butfor other people, I could say that
like I probably like always maybe wouldsleep with them again, but probably not
the relationship. I could imagine myselflike being in a situation like, yeah,
(11:07):
I fucked you before, Like thereare certain things that like I,
you know, you know a coupleof things, yeah, or just like
like yeah, I'm familiar with yourcurve or whatever whatever the thing is.
Yeah, but I don't think thatI it's sort of like I already kind
of got the best of knowing you, and now it's just like you're familiar,
and I don't know. There aresome people who and I guess this
(11:30):
is this is the tough part forme, because there are certain people who
we might not have been like anitem in the sense of like we are
in a monogamous relationship now and weare you know, there are certain people
who when I was definitely more likeopen and Polly and things like that,
where we might have hung out togetherand experienced one another in different ways and
(11:50):
hung out and all that kind ofshit, and like we were dating,
but not like official tissue where Iwould be like I would be interested in
seeing how that person has grown andwhere they might fit in now. UM
like X XES, that was likewe was in in real deep with it
things. I don't think maybe maybefucking but like a full fledged relationship.
(12:18):
I don't know. There are alot of people that I look at them
like damn. I was there personthat when they would get in a relationship,
they were kind of like I can'tright now, but that as soon
as they get out the relationship,we fucking yeah. Like that like in
those kind of situations. I havesome people like that that was like,
(12:39):
like those kind of situations, I'mlike, yeah, we probably fucking yeah.
So I have an insecurity around XESOkay yeah, um I. And
it's interesting. It's it's the factthat I can say it knows that I'm
It tells me that I am evolvingaround this topic. So for me,
it's like I don't want your fuckinginside jokes. I don't want you like
(13:03):
no, no, no, Idon't want anything. I don't want to
have to deal with that train ofthought with my new partner or with my
partner. So like like for you, UM, I would always be like
I just need to know who inthe room you fuck, who you had
a relationship with, because the bitchesover the giggle and a man like I
need to know is with what's thegiggle about? What's the like you know,
(13:26):
how's your mom doing? Like hmm, ask me, I know how
she's doing so and and you know, um, it is from the from
the place of holding familiar space andlike and and very like very special memories
and things that sort. And thereality is there are friends that are not
(13:48):
x's and romantically that like you havelike when when you're when your homeboys come
over, Like I don't really wantto be there for y'all tell story,
but I do know that being anew person and in that space provides an
opportunity for y'all to tell stories andrelive memories with each other. And I'm
comfortable with that. Like it's it'slike nice to just see the joy even
(14:09):
though I'm just like, yeah,I wasn't there, Like doesn't none of
this stuff really, I don't evenknow who the fuck y'all talking about.
I don't and it doesn't register,but it's like nice to be a part
of that. I don't know thathow we feel comfortable, like remember we
was at the club and then theswingers club, and then you pull my
(14:30):
panties down, and I don't knowhow I want to be there for that
conversation, but I can, Ican, at least in my big mature
brain. And here that big maturebrain that I'm bringing to this table right
now, say that, like,I can understand the really almost the exact
same same connection that one would havewith a non romantic partner. But it
(14:56):
does still make me feel a littlebit insecure. It does make we feel
much more on the outs than you'retalking about a time that you like scored
ten points or whatever on your boy, Like I'm like, okay, um,
it's more than that. Well,I'm just I mean I could see
that. I think when I thinkabout any of my exes that I would
(15:16):
ever entertain, or people that Iused to write with entertain any kind of
romance or sex or even even communicationto me, it's like they're the ones
who are like the open minded orprobably Polly or whatever kind of folk,
(15:37):
because they would also then know,like there's a certain level of respect that
they would have to pay you,right right, So it wouldn't be like
somebody that was just like monogamy.Yeah, I'm trying to make you monogamous.
Yeah, you know, um,because I do have I do have
exes that have hit me up forwhat for what we do and been like
I can't believe you're fucking doing thatshit like like crazy, like I've had
(16:02):
your ex hit me up at thepocket shit like what do you mean?
I don't even talk to you?Who think screen that shit into the void?
You know like that? But that'sdoing with me. That's part of
the idea of like I could Iwant this person back, I shouldn't let
this person go, um if Icould have a chance. And I think
that is my orientation to exes fromthe past, right, is that that
(16:25):
that this person that this is likebad messaging, especially amongst women, that
um, like how we sort ofhave been pit against each other, whether
by each other or by others.It's like this person is trying to get
their man back, right when thereality could very well be like this is
a friend, or it could belike I don't want that or or write
(16:48):
that, or I don't want himwithout you like anyway. And I do
think I think because there is thissocietal pressure on relationships for people to get
married. Like, if you're ina relationship with somebody, either turns out
and is you get married and divorced, or you get married and die and
(17:12):
have kids somewhere and all of that. Right, But not all relationships are
meant for that. Not all relationshipseven need to have that as a goal.
Like you might just be traveling oneday and you meet somebody and just
like I know that and this hashappened to me. That's why I'm saying
(17:32):
it this way, Like I knowI am going back to where I'm from,
or you, like I have metsomebody when I was in I was
like on tour somewhere, and uh, what the fuck was it? No,
I'm trying to I'm messing up allthe country's names in my head.
(17:59):
But like she was cool as fuck, but it was like a known thing.
Like I'm on tour. I'm onlygoing to be here for like three
days, right, so we canhave his rendevo, we can hang out,
but the chances of me coming backto this place probably slim to none.
You traveling to see me, youprobably don't want to do that shit
either. But but having that mutualunderstanding, like we could just make the
(18:23):
best of the time we have together, and it doesn't always have to be
like in that kind of situation whereyou're traveling out of the country, like
it could be somebody you know,and you're just like, I want to
experience you in a in our connectionin a different kind of way without putting
the pressure on it, like yougot to come meet my fucking parents.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like, relationships don't need that,
(18:44):
And I feel like when you whenyou let go of that pressure, it
actually allows you to really get whatit is out of the relationship that is
most beneficial to both of you.So, Okay, I have two things
I want to share. One islike circling back and being like how your
(19:06):
exes have responded to to like anew version of you, whether it's like
now or in the past. I'mshare my stories that And I just want
to remember a time that I feltthat, Um, we've had a situation
with sharing information about an extra anX sort of coming back into the picture,
and um, I'm interested to hearwhat your thoughts were because I don't
(19:30):
really know what they were. Ijust know how you showed up and I
was just like, Wow, what'syour big mature brain. So um.
Okay, So the first one isI remember right when I was like coming
into my like um sexual confidence,learning some new tricks and toys and things
to that story, I was like, you know, I'm gonna make this
(19:52):
my tour. Wasn't it wasn't worldwidelike yours. It was pretty local.
Okay, it wasn't that, itwas local hocal. So um. I
remember like, Okay, I wantto I want to try some of these
things out, but I don't reallywant to do with like with new people
(20:17):
and like flirting with you know peoplelike easy, like you know, just
like something on Facebook and then youwait, they're gonna they're gonna come me,
you know, like how you doing, I'm good, how are you?
What's the new? How's it?I'm gonna be in your area?
And you know, oh we shouldgo and you know, grab dinner or
whatever. I already know I y'allknow from the dating shows like why don't
(20:37):
we getna fuck? Right? Butthen like and when we were dating in
like high school or in college,I didn't have like all this fishnet shit
or these sex swings or whatever,and like bringing all of that and seeing
them like oh, like you've leveledup, and um that just being like
(20:59):
a really really cool experience of likewhen we were together, I was letting
probably you know, I was lettingthem lead and and then coming like back
with like, no, actually thisis what I like, or like you
could learn this from me, andthat being like very very um very exciting,
(21:21):
what about for you. I've hadexcess that have come out to our
events and that it's so dope tome because it's like they're supporting what we
do but also open minded enough tosee me with my partner now and have
fun and go home. Yeah,you know what I'm saying, Like I
(21:45):
think like those those kind of interactionslike I definitely have excess that was like
who knew before we met, myinvolvement in in you know, set work
and things like that, and thenI have excess from way way back that
might just have been like y'all couldsee this being what you wound up doing,
(22:07):
you know what I'm saying, Oryou know, it's only like one
x that I can think of thatreally really really had a problem with all
this, and it was just likeyou know, whatever they made you up
to be something that whatever they wantedme to be not who I am,
because I mean I've always been home, so that's like, but I think
(22:33):
like a level up kind of situation. I can't really do you like I've
kind of been No, it's noteven it's not even that, it's that
I haven't dealt with an X inthat way and so long. That's why
that's why I think of when they'vecome out to events, yeah, or
things like that, where are like, yo, I like I have a
(22:56):
some XS would just be like Ilove what y'all are doing. You know
what I'm saying. I think thatis like to the point where it's like
I'm learning something from my ex.But I didn't get to do what you
did and like pull out the Catof Nine Tales in the bad Room,
and shit, I didn't get todo that. Well, you were too
busy overseas having a rendezvous, athree day rendezvous, so a time that
(23:19):
I thought that you were just like, I was just like, wow,
So is this what it's like todate an adult UM when the one of
our kids were graduate was graduating andyou know, everybody knows our dating history
where a blended family. UM.I had an X with H that was
(23:44):
a part of her life specifically likeearly on in her like elementary, right
before middle school days, and shewas graduating high school and this person wanted
to be a part of that celebration. Um, I personally was not comfortable
with them being like all in theparty, all in the video, Like,
nah, not, we don't evenhave that kind of relationship. We
(24:10):
were throwing the party, So itjust didn't feel right to me. But
they wanted to come in town andat least like celebrate her, and so
I felt comfortable with that. Shewas thoughtful enough to like ask me like
did I think that that was appropriate? How did I feel about it?
How were you going to feel aboutit? And then like I was like,
(24:30):
hey, this is a situation.How do you feel? And you
were just like okay, that thatsounds cool, And it was just very
like and I was looking for like, okay, is he saying like it's
cool? And then like after ithappens, like are you going to be
like not like angry with her orwith me, but just like is it
going to change the chemistry of ofhow you feel? Will you feel disrespected?
(24:56):
Will you feel like um, sortof the insecure that I was talking
about, Like, oh, isthis person trying to like make their way
back in and you were just sogood about it, and so I'm really
curious to ask. I don't knowwhy I never asked. I mean,
I guess because like you, youshowed up in a way that didn't I
wasn't like what's wrong with you?But like what was going on in your
(25:19):
mind? And like is there anythingis there anything too that that we can
learn from? Well, I thinkmy first my initial thought, especially when
you know, having the conversation aboutwhere our daughter was coming from, it
made me think, like I'm gladhe did that because if if not as
(25:44):
if, but he did play apart in her life and her growing up.
If he didn't reach out, thatwould have been back. You know
what I'm saying. So you know, Um, in regards to you and
him, I look at it like, I consider you to be an honest
woman. I've never seen otherwise.So if you were interested in any shaped
(26:07):
form of fashion of reconnecting or keepinga connection or whatever you have told me,
that was it. You know,Um, I think, And I
can't say I'm always I've I've beenopen, Like I can't say that I've
(26:30):
never experienced jealousy or be annoyed aboutX people'ss or whatever, so X out
there don't under this ship and belike time when you know what I'm saying,
like I can't. He's been perfect, but like earlier, like any
of those where I wasn't on it, and also like I what about XS
(27:00):
for everybody? And it also thelevel of which somebody that they possessed their
part, so like super possessed thanthe thought kissing somebody, sleeping with sor
sharing having inside jokes with else cantear you because you see them together.
(27:22):
What are they saying about? Youknow what I'm saying, Like, I
think that that where people come fromwith that go their mind where it's like
what was that movie shot where you'rethinking partner with this person and all this
other shit, So then it putyour head and for me ap this on
(27:45):
a previous EPO, I like tosee my part, I please, So
if they be more off, ifit wasn't that somebody was like, YO,
horrible experience with this, because thenI'm thinking like I hope you don't
add decision another horrible experience. Hopefullythey've changed if that's what y'all used to
(28:08):
do. And I have to backmy like, not my protectiveness, because
some that was the next part Iwas going to get us. I'm very
protective of our partner. So someonehas hurt our partner, then we're another
thing of that person and we forgetit does take two, you know what
(28:32):
I'm saying. That not not goingtoo suations, but everybody hurt other people,
and I'm talking about like some shit, you know what I mean.
It's like, yeah, we hada he wasn't wasn't there for that argument?
(28:52):
Can't really completely like to this person. I just they make it,
you know what I'm saying. That'sthe hard part for me to be able
to put on the back burner.If that makes sense. No, it
makes a lot of sense. Ilove the fact that you made the difference
between possessiveness and protectiveness. That's aword I think. I mean it is
today protective. It's gonna be myinsurance company's name, protectiveness. All you
(29:19):
need is a black RMB singer tosing in the commercial and you can make
it as a little jingle. I'mgood. I'll think about it for later,
all right, to get Kane thesame. But um, I think
I've I know, I know,I've experienced both feelings of possessiveness and that
is sort of like that crazy runningthought of like you know they talk about
(29:44):
this, Oh he missed that,you know, and like that part and
then the protectiveness where it's like,no, like I've seen the damage that
you can cause um and or umbecause my partner is houlnerable to to like
the good feelings or I know howmanipulative this person was based on the things
(30:07):
that you've shared with me before,so like you're just doing that thing and
you know he or she is toowide open to see it. Like,
but all that to say to allowyour partner like to be able to share
like these are the things that I'mconcerned about, and I think we've been
really good with that. Like I'mconcerned that this person has done this before
(30:29):
and that they're going to do itagain, and so I just want you
to be aware, like make sureyou have your self awareness and if I
see something that looks funky, likelike I can I share that with you
without it being like an insult toyour own intelligence and experience. And then
the other is I've seen or Idon't want to say it. This makes
(30:51):
me feel insecure, and this iswhy it's not a youth thing. It's
a me thing. So just likereassuring me by letting me know, like
what's up, and you know,like and if like what where are y'all
at now? Well he's getting evenmore specific. Oh the way, what's
her name? In polly relationships likeours or open relationships, people come and
(31:17):
go when it comes to exis.And I think you spoke about this before,
Like when somebody is with your partnerand they're experiencing a breakup, what
kind of advice can you give peoplefor watching your partner go through either like
the lead up to a breakup ora breakup with a partner that was also
(31:40):
I guess in the mix per se, you know what I mean? Yeah,
I mean I think from an advicestandpoint, it is to to think
about all the different ways that peoplebreak up. Like you said, like
there are different styles to break up. Some breakups are going to be like
sharp and um, like someone hasacross the boundary that is they can't come
(32:01):
back from. And some people that'snot the case, like they just maybe
need some space. For some people, it's like we need space to figure
that out and that they are goingto reconnect. So like all of those
things are possible, and also kindof knowing where you're going to be in
any one of those options, wasit unforgivable for you? Do do you
(32:27):
hold the same boundaries as your partnerand being able to be honest, Like,
hey, that thing that that persondid makes them untrustworthy for me.
So this new like the getting backrelationship is going to need to look different
than maybe what it was before,but still respecting that person's right to again
be partnered with who they want tobe with. If it's going to be
(32:52):
one of those things where there's somelevel of back and forth, I think
it's important to be honest, Likey'all got to do that thing over there,
you know, like I'm not tryingto be on the roller coaster.
Um, you know, work itout for a couple of months and like
let me know where where it isonce you get there. But like I
(33:14):
I think, you know, sometimeswe're like like it's like with your homegirl,
like, um, we hate themor don't like you know, are
we do? I roll my eyeswhen I walk in the house and where
I say hello. So, UM, I think that that is really important.
I do. I think that's somethingthat that couples should discuss um when
(33:34):
things are good, like what happensif things change? Because I think like
for us, I have always said, it's not about it's not that um
if if we have an argument,if we find it out, it's like
how yeah, you know, likeokay, we're gonna get mad we have,
but like we're gonna still eat tonightright like you know UM, Or
(34:00):
it's not going to be one ofthose things that like when you have an
argument with your partner, do westart like blocking them, like that's something
that comes up a lot, likeblocking them on social media and acting,
or do we kind of just likelet things settle and just kind of see
where things are. So I thinkthat is something that you could actually plan
(34:22):
for and like hopefully you don't haveto you don't have to access any of
those plans and things just go assmooth as you would like them to go.
But like you said, now,every breakup is like a terrible thing.
Sometimes it's just like it fades outor you realize like it's not for
you, And that could be okaytoo. How about for you in terms
of breakups, like it's some adviceor some things that were helpful for you
(34:45):
with Polly partners. I think whenit comes to Polly breakups, it can
be tough because sometimes people are withthe person more, or they might see
a different side of the person,or you don't get along with this person
(35:09):
the same kind of way that yourpartner does. So it's important to keep
all that into context when either youor your partner is breaking up with somebody.
You know, Like in the caseof when I have had breakups from
from somebody in our relationship, Itry to explain like as much as I
(35:32):
can, Like I'm also like evenoutside of relationships, I don't like to
if someone tells me something inconfidence aboutlike their personal shit, but that's not
usually why you break up with somebody, but like sharing the this is where
I'm coming from on this ship,this is where they're coming from on ship.
Because I also think that you're you'rea good person to sometimes be like,
(35:54):
am I bugging here? You knowwhat I'm saying, So you can
be like, yeah, you're willingor no, I think you're completely on
point here. So sometimes it's goodto be able to do that with your
partner, because your partner wasn't mightnot have been there for whatever led to
y'all breaking up. So let's sayyour partner does have a strong connection with
(36:16):
this person, You're like, Yo, they just did some real foulshit to
me. And then you're like,but they've never done any foulshit to me,
So that does put you in apredicament where you're like, well,
that ship was foul though, sonow now it might be if y'all are
all together, you do have totalk to that other person as a third
(36:39):
or a fourth or a fifth orwhatever level of Polly y'all in maybe you
gotta have a whole group sit downin an intervention out this smatherfucker something,
because it's it's important to always tryand at least be on the same page,
even if that same page is thatwe can no longer be together personally.
I don't like breakups that end asarguments, and it's hard to do
(37:02):
that, you know, but someof the sometimes for me, even it
is important to reach out to x'sif I feel that I was in the
wrong, or if I feel wewere both wrong, or even if they
were wrong, and I need tounderstand or explain to them, like,
yo, this is what led tome not fucking with you, because I
(37:22):
do feel like, if it's animportant relationship, this is somebody that's not
really like that important in the situation, You're not gonna really do all that,
but like to be able to atleast be like, Yo, if
you see me in the street,you ain't gotta cross the street and ship
bitch crossed the street. If I'mwith him, you could stand across the
street. I don't want to talkto you anymore. And I mean,
(37:45):
but I'm even speaking about just inmy own personal like before we were even
together, Like I've always been thatway where I feel like, especially if
I feel like I was in thewrong, I do want to let that
person go, like this is thisis where I'm at, This is what
I did. This is my apologybecause I am just like that understanding is
(38:08):
so important to you. It isso important that you under it is it
is that you understand why someone woulddo something that led to this discomfort and
what or for them to understand whyyou did what you had like it is
(38:30):
so important to you, and Ithink that is a very stand up quality.
It's also incredibly frustrating, especially inmatters of the heart, where it's
like you may not understand for years. No, that's true, and it
definitely for me in certain circumstances,has been incredibly fucking frustrating. And there
(38:51):
are still relationships that for me,I might be like, I'm glad the
relationship is over, but I wasn'thappy with how it ended, or the
open ended, open endedness of thatlast argument or something like that, you
know what I mean, and thatthat understanding shit is super important to me,
(39:13):
So don't. If you don't needto understand, your life is a
whole lot fucking easier. But it'sbut when I'm done, when I'm done,
I'm usually like I'm done, LikeI'm not trying to gain some understanding
to make it, like to getback together and make it work. I
might just want to make it right, if that makes sense. And that's
(39:34):
and that's not always a fucking possibility. No, especially we can't get right
as people. Some people just can'tget right. And and but then like
usually if that is something that I'vereached out about and it just can't get
right, I can step away.Yeah, but then I'll try to figure
it out on my own with thefucking arithmetic, you know, all that
shit in my brain. Yeah,that's a lot. I don't. I
(39:58):
don't know what um. I don'tthink either of us like a right or
wrong in that approach is just likehow our brains work and the connectiveness to
people. There have been relationships thathave been over for me and I guess
skipping past the understanding and getting tothe like what do I what do I
understand about myself? Like their inputis not really going to be any more
(40:22):
valuable than what I'm gathering. Youknow, well, let me make it
if somebody didn't fucked up shit.Yeah I don't, don't. I'm not
trying to. I'm talking about likeI understand that that was fucked up.
Yeah, and you were fucked upperson, But like if it's like an
amicable kind of situation or something likethat. So I'm gonna get we got
we got deep on that one.But I got another question for it.
(40:45):
Do you have any excess that youwish you could have on Royal Fetish films
at any point in time? Itdoesn't have to be like, oh yeah,
I want to film with them tomorrow, but it was just like,
oh, I had this chemistry withthis person that would have looked amazing on
film, you know, what whenI had when I there's there's one person,
(41:15):
when I have when I circled theblock back again, when I was
just like, let me try toeat the new things out some of them,
I was just like, the fuckhappened to you? Like you fell
off? Yeah, like what wasthe big deal? Like you know?
Um? And and I still don'tknow. I don't have understand I don't
(41:35):
really need it. I don't needto understand why you fell off. It
was like if and it was ifthey fell off, if I was so
infatuated, if I didn't know whatgood sex was, um or I just
really know what I like and expectthat you just like you did you what
you just can't measure up now,you know? Just that's just curious about
(41:57):
that. Um she said one nownow that now all your exes is going
to be in your inbox, likewas it me? Wasn't now this person
I actually kind of kind of dated. They weren't. I wouldn't even necessarily
consider them X because we didn't havelike that, like you know, that
type of relationship. But he's probablythe only person that got very UM that
(42:22):
was like definitely a dominant um whatwe would consider a sexual dominant and m
he pushed my boundaries in a waythat I have never experienced and maybe won't
ever experience again. Like but becauseI had that experience with him, if
(42:43):
he did it again, I alreadyknow now where it starts and where it
ends, and that like we couldbe like we could be cool, We're
fine. He didn't like take thatpersona and it didn't transpire into anything else
outside of it, but it waslike an experience that I was just like,
Okay, you try that and Iand I was like all right that
And so like thinking about for RoyalFetch Films, I think it would sell
(43:05):
well because it's like a persona thatI am never in. Um It's like
this person could be dominant, couldbe dominant of me sexually, and I
wouldn't be shit talking back. Iwouldn't also be like oh yes, I
can't, I can't even utter thosekind of words. But it's just I
think that he brought something out thatbecause we did it and it worked out,
(43:31):
I would be like, hey,let's let's do that whole thing again,
but this time with the cameras,like and then can you say it
and project it into the camera likeI could redirect it. Yeah, well,
if you're all ready, I'll fireup there. Yeah. No,
I justn't wanted to answer the question. But no, I'm also letting him
(43:52):
like, don't please, don't howabout for you? No, that was
your question. No, but I'dlike to know for you now to thank
your own questions. Don't ever askthe question that you're not willing to answer.
Of course that's the statement. Butum, same kind of same kind
(44:16):
of the slapper. The slapper wouldactually be wild on camera. I don't
know where where she is in theworld right now, I don't know if
she's watching, but the story isout, so you know, there's I
mean, there's a couple of peoplewho I'm like, I think they would
(44:37):
look amazing on camera if they werecomfortable on camera. Um, but would
they be I don't. I don'tknow that that's not part of we don't
need to know, but no,I do. I do think there are
there are some people that I had, like really great chemistry or a particular
experience with that I'm like, Iwish that experience was on camera. The
(44:59):
kitty cat. The kitty cat wouldbe amazing on camera. But um,
see you know anything, you alreadyknow, um, Now there's there's Yeah.
I think I think there's a coupleof people who would if they were
(45:19):
interested. Now I would be like, yeah, whatnot. You know what
I'm saying, come come get downwith the team. Okay, see you
would you would open that door.I would open that door. And but
none of them are like people thatare like I was in a committed relationship
with those people that I fuck with. So I think like that would probably
be there a good thing. Ifany of my exes did uh say that
(45:45):
they wanted to be on film orsomething like that, I can I can
think of one and you have mether um out in Chicago. Okay,
that I could see if she ifshe was like yo, I would I
would fuck with it because I knowshe would probably fuck with both of us
too, you know what I'm saying. So I could see I could see
that as being something that would beinteresting because then it would be like a
(46:06):
first got it? You know whatI'm saying, That that would be an
interesting kind of situation. She's avery beautiful woman, this is true,
and she has a good taste inman, but that's on our swinging episode.
She's gonna bring him. Hey,they could we could film them?
(46:27):
We could or or maybe he's likea behind the camera kind of guy and
we could you know, right well, I wouldn't be mad if they hit
it. Yeah, unlike the unlikethe other person we were just on,
I wouldn't be mad if they Yeahwhen when down in the DM Okay,
so let's let's end here so thatway we don't over it, you know,
so like you over talk and thenthey like think they'll walk themselves out
(46:50):
of it. Like no, Nowit's like a time kinking Costa Rica twenty.
Now I'm kind of stuck. Wealready put it out there for any
(47:14):
for the excellencent want to come onthe show and have this conversation. So
I kind of feel like this couldbe a part one. Do you really
think that one? Are you reallyopen to? I mean, and what
is the conversation in itself? Ihave absolutely no idea that that. I
feel like that's one of the onesyou have to show up with your jasmin
(47:35):
card with some real last question dateddid he ever? How did you curb
this bab all right? So it'sa bad idea. I resent no,
No, I just I don't know. I think like the way people view
us and view our relationship, theyhave these ideas either like they're to this
(48:00):
or they can't truly be that,you know what I'm saying, So like
there's this disconnect that I feel likeanybody can have whatever it is that you
want out of your relationship if youwork for it, you know what I'm
saying. Like you might not bePolly, you might not be a sexual
opportunist, you might not be aporn producer, but for whatever it is
(48:20):
that you want out of your relationship, you can get that shit. And
I feel like that's the underlying messageof when we talk about like what we
found in each other, what wework for with each other. And I
feel like if there was just thisconversation that was someone was would actually be
open to, then it's like theseare learning experiences. We all have learning
(48:46):
experiences. We all have relationships thatwe might have high hopes for that don't
meet those or that we had nohope for and it exceeded our expectations.
So I just feel in the inthe sense of honesty and just open this,
I thought that that shit would becool, But I could have thought
(49:07):
of that ship when I was reallyfucking high one night, and who knows,
So maybe maybe it's not a greatidea. Who knows, Well,
we won't know until the motherfucker's doit, and then if that ship is
bad, y'all will never see yourpart too. Okay, So so can
you say that? Can you saythe city of the person that you're thinking
that you would like to invite tothe show? Oh, I ain't saying
I wanted them on the show.I was saying they come on. Well,
(49:30):
we know that, but in acouple of cities, I'll be open
to them being on the show.Okay, you should you read are you
going to send this show to them? Like? If you directly send this
show to them, would they knowI was talking about Well, I mean
I'll just tell them in a messagelike, yeah, would you be open
to being on the show. That'show that's how you roll. Yeah,
(49:50):
I ain't gonna send it in directs. Okay, did we talk about a
lot of people and directly show Ijust know. I mean if I'm saying
if I want somebody to be onthe show, I'll reach out to them.
Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, all right. We
don't be saying in the rights,we just leave out people's names because they
might not want to be on theshow, and that well, I know
(50:12):
that, but I'm also thinking aboutlike see, I've been very clear like
I that I'm not inviting anyone anywhereto talk about anything at any time anywhere.
But I do know that there youhave a lot of exes that would
be like oh, like me,like like no, if it wasn't you,
(50:32):
yeah, if you didn't get itdirect. I don't want anybody to
be just showing up at the nextpodcast schedule. That would be wild,
though it would be that would bea different kind of interview. You do
have some wild exes though, thisis true. And on that note,
good night peace, Ray of Adams
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