Broke men go for big girls and they have no say over the woman's body

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Episode Transcript

(00:05):
All right, all right, thankyou for tuning into the Black Love Group
Chat with myself, Candy Byron,Tiffany and Black Byron. And I said,
Byron branded his twin my sister twin. I don't know why I say
a Byron that is crazy as I'venever done that before. Wow, No
you have not. I am tripping. He'll be all right. It might

(00:33):
be that storm. That storm gotus all eight the fuck up and your
ear and my ear somebody talking shitabout me because it's brand all right,
y'all. Today we got some thingsto talk about on the Black Love Group
Chat. If you're watching us onTikTok, please tune into YouTube via the
link and my bio. You canwatch us in real time. There are

(00:55):
some of us that you will notsee because their pictures are up, but
you will hear our voice. Idon't know what that disconnected between zoom and
YouTube as to why when you justhave a picture and not a video,
they don't prioritize you. But youwill see it in the clips because I'm
recording. All right, y'all,how is everybody doing? Before we get
started, let's just do with checkingeverybody good. Absolutely, I'm wonderful ladies,

(01:19):
it's really good. That's good.That's good that that storm got to
kicking up, and I was like, what the hell? I jumped out
of my seat, ran upstairs.I was looking for something. I don't
know what the hell I was lookingfor, but I thought it was some
shit going on for real, likethe shoe was about to drop. So
I so it's an interesting day.So all right, well let's start with

(01:42):
our first video clip here. Let'ssee here. We'll start with this one
because this is outrageous. All right, can y'all see that? Yeah,
we can see it. Okay,let's go. Man isn't financially confident.

(02:06):
He tends to go for bigger women. True, explain, because you have
to look at when you're When Isay go for I mean I would think
the same way. Like if it'sa woman who is saying, okay,
who can I who can I getsomething out of? She might choose the
guy who might see more lane likewomen don't really approach him. I think

(02:28):
people in our nature are predatory ina way, like when when we are
looking to gain something, we tendto look for who would be most likely.
So to me, if I'm aguy who's got a jail. I
got probation fees. I need somewhereto stay. I'm not gonna go for
a woman who works out five daysa week and looks good. I'm gonna
go for the bigger girl. I'mgonna say. You know, it's more

(02:49):
of a chance that she'll be willingto compromise because deep down inside she feels
like maybe she has to compensate forthe lack of the aesthetics. Respectfully,
that's probably the most ignorance her inmy life. Bro. So you think
because a woman is plus size orout of shape, that her mental and
what she accepts in life and whatshe should have you expected to accept in

(03:12):
life, it's less than because sheaccept for herself, all right. So
you know that was on tonight's conversation. They actually have cards which I actually
have in possession. Those are funcards with different topics and stuff like that.
But what do you guys think aboutthat? What do you is that

(03:34):
nearrow minded or what do you think? All right? Our man going for
bigger women because oh, let mesay this. I I see where she's
going with that. I just don't. The whole bigger woman thing threw me

(03:58):
off. I can understand where she'ssaying. You know, a person might
if they're being like predatory, theymight look for certain characteristics and a person
because they feel like maybe they canget something from them, or they're more
vulnerable to certain things or that kindof thing, more accepting. Again,

(04:26):
that's an assumption, right. Thatdoesn't mean that that's going to work out
that way. But I can't Isee what she's saying. I don't necessarily
agree or think that that's the case, but I do see where she's coming
from with that. Now, Iwouldn't say bigger women or like women go
for bigger men. I don't thinksize is one of those things. But

(04:47):
I don't know. Maybe maybe peopledo that. I don't. I think
that's I think that's the weird characteristicto point out when there are so many
others that lady was full of herself. Lady so full of herself, that
was so fat phobic, Like itwas so much bias, right, like

(05:12):
it was it was too much,Like it was too much. I feel
like she's trying to say that whenmen are insecure, they go for insecure
women, and so in her head, because she has biased against bigger women,
she's automatically assuming that if they're bigger, they have some sort of insecurity
about themselves, right and for things, Yeah, yeah and so, and

(05:35):
that's just not true, Like thatcomes from her bias against bigger women or
plus size women. It has nothingto do with like what's actual factual,
Like that's really, you know,just her bias against these women. And
then to even say something like,oh, well, if they weren't big,
they were working out five days aweek, they'd be taking care of

(05:57):
themselves, like you know what I'msaying, Like she he's just taken all
these assumptions that she has about plussize women that they must be you know,
like they're not taking with their healthand not prioritizing themselves. They have
all these deep insecurities. I thinkit would make more sense to say that
men who are not financially stable lookfor women who have clear insecurities and things

(06:19):
that they can pray on, right, which could be anything. It doesn't
mean that they're necessarily overweight. Iknow a lot of overweight women who project
more confidence than I can't. Imean, well, you know there's always
that running joke, right, uh, you always see around tax time some

(06:42):
dudes trying to get with a woman, a bigger woman for a tax money
and stuff like that, or whenit gets cold, get you a big
woman so you can be warm fellasthis season, you know, stuff like
that. These are running jokes thatgo on. So I think it's safe
to say that that say form ofprogramming that you know people. But I
do agree with both of you inthe sense, and especially Candy what you

(07:05):
were saying. I do think shehas a particular biased I mean, it's
easy for her to say that whenshe's then she's a nice looking woman,
she's staying in shape, whatever willyou know, she's probably very shallow,
and she's probably dividually is just lookingfor your money too. That's a stereotype.
You see what I'm saying. Now, we could throw that shit at
her, you know, because shelooking like the motherfucker coming for your pockets,

(07:29):
you know. So I don't know, gentlemen, Well, I think
it's I just think it's much muchmore simpler me and irrespective of the financial
situation, is looking for pussy,and it doesn't matter if it happened to
happen more, you know, meetaround it. In fact, it's in

(07:56):
that I think I think I thinkit was. I think it was made
to be overly complex. It doesn'tmatter the man's financial circumstance. He's gonna
go for anything. And just sohappened. If the young lady is is
a little bit on the plus sideor on the negative side, doesn't matter.
As long as it is some pussyattached to it, he's gonna go

(08:18):
for it. So it it.I think that, you know, irrespected,
And I do think she she wasprojecting, certainly, I think she
she was and she probably has ayou know, a bias. I wouldn't
call it fat phobic or anything likethat, but yeah, you know,
men are much less complicated than thanwomen could think. It doesn't matter about

(08:43):
what we think in terms of youknow, men men are sitting around and
saying, damn, I wonder ifshe ain't secure enough to let me hit
No, he just he just likehe just like, hey, you know,
you know, you're the last one. You're the straggler, you come
here, you know what I mean? Like if you know, if all
four of them are taking and shethe fifth one, then yeah, you

(09:03):
don't holler. And it's just it'sjust that simple. It's not that it's
not that complex. It has nothingto do with size at this at this
point, especially when it comes toyou know, men of means, you
know you you've just seen them.You know, brothers that take I mean
the most, you know, therichest dude to take anything, you know
what i mean, Like y'all haven'tseen it, y'all haven't seen y'all.

(09:24):
Like how she keeps you know,coming up with a dude is because she's
agreeable, you know what I mean, And she and she's not taken.
If she's the last thing on theshelf, the man's gonna take it because
there's there's value there, and thevalue is in the pa you s s
y, that's why you yourself whenyou're talking about man like all men are

(09:48):
like this is that including Yes,yes, my my first, my first
one, the first ever was ayoung lady. I will not you know,
let her name out, but yes, she she was on on the
plus side and and it was andit was again, it was sucking.
I'm so I'm yes, I'm speakingfrom experience that unfortunately. I'm so sorry.

(10:15):
I'm just telling the truth. Ihave no reasons a lot, I
have no dogs in the race.I've been a man a long time and
yes, I know how we think. I know how we get down.
No, it's it's not deeper thanthat. No. Now, now if
we want to, you know,if we want to compound the conversation and
talk about you know, marriage,minded women and things of that nature.
Okay, yes, we're probably goingin a different direction, but something to

(10:37):
hit. Don't matter what you looklike. No minute, I got sandig,
I know. But yeah, Iwant to say her dude probably left
her for a big girls. That'sthat's probably where all this is even coming

(11:03):
from. And secondly, secondly,they do say now, they do say
big women take care of their men. Literally. Yeah, I ain't never
been with a big girl like likefar as relationship wise, let me,
I have hit a big girl before, but it wasn't like big nasting like

(11:28):
yeah, it wasn't like just outof control. But she was a big
girl. I have got down.But as far as relationship, I don't
know where she's coming from thinking thatof me and gonna run to a big
ship financial because of financial reason.That's not true. I don't I don't
really believe that. Right. Sheshe didn't qualify the level of the relationship,

(11:50):
right, she just said me andshe said something about financial financially,
she was just saying, if you'reif you are basically your financials is messed
up, you're gonna go for youknow, the low hanging fruit, which
is a big girl. And that'snot necessarily the case. Yeah, in
terms in terms of that, andI think that's where the conflation comes.
It is there's this misunderstanding that justbecause a man I laid down with you,

(12:15):
that means that he holds holds youin some sort of high regard and
that's that just after caves. No, that's that's not true at all.
No, that's not what she wassaying. Though she wasn't saying that.
She was saying that he might gofor those kind of women, so he
has somewhere to stay, so hehas somewhere to support him. They weren't.

(12:39):
That's the point. I just didn'thear her, go. I didn't
hear her describe that relationship. Ijust heard her say, men who don't
have their money together go for andshe she didn't say in what manner,
So I'm I'm just the surface level, sure, go for it. Yeah,
absolutely, man, and knocked downpretty much any damn thing. But
in terms of you know, whetheror not she said men or men who

(13:03):
don't have their money together, marry, copulate, get pregnant, move in
with She didn't. I didn't hearher say any of that. Now that's
different. That's different. She definitelybrought up money, that's for sure,
and we we definitely know that's whatshe's about because that's what she brought up.
But I mean, that was aclip, so you know, you

(13:26):
had to be careful with context heretelling you her dude left her for a
big girl, watched out for thebig girl one time for the big girl.
It's black Agreen. Is that yourname? Okay? Are you agreeing
that man will just sleep with anybodythat doesn't know? No, I definitely
do not agree with that, bigbecause it was a real broad statement about

(13:48):
man in general. And I justknow who me no Brandons. I was
like, they just take the lowhanging fruit. No, no, no,
okay't nobody, Ain't nobody taking onefor the team, no more,
and none of that shit. Youjust go home, go home and beat

(14:09):
your shit off of you be hid. We just stop. We've all mature.
Black. Come on, man,you've been disingenuous. Brother, I
know you. It's not and I'mnot saying you specifically. You know,
if we're gonna paint with the broadif we if we're gonna paint with the
broad brush. The truth is,Listen, there has to be a reason

(14:31):
right now if you want to saybrothers aren't doing that, brothers aren't just
hitting anything. There has to beYou have to tell me, how is
it that we have some of themonsters that are being born each day out
of the black community, Like,how is it so many? Like how
is it so many women? Andyou've seen this so many women black?

(14:54):
You gotta explain how how have Howis it possible that you have seen with
your own eyes sisters who are visuallychallenged? Shall we say, ones who
don't have don't don't meet the youknow, the beauty standard. They have
boyfriends, they're pregnant, they havemultiple baby daddies. They how is that
happening? Are they do? Theyhave storks dropping these kids off. Brothers

(15:18):
are hitting these things. It's somebodyfor everybody. I'm not for everybody,
but that don't mean everybody is,you know, all but buying large brothers
are doing that. You can't lieto tell me brothers are not the vast
majority of brothers are just hitting,just hitting anything. Yes, I don't

(15:43):
know. Yes, people listen.Just because you and I don't struggle in
that arena doesn't mean other brothers don't. They're hitting whatever. Bro, you
know this, I don't know.But that's not saying I'm not saying you
are. I say I'm just sayingI'm just not gonna agree with that.

(16:07):
That's all. That's okay. Soa lot of you know. This next
video is very interesting. Tiffany actuallysent this to me and I was like,
this is really good actually to talkabout growing up with my parents.

(16:33):
I had a parent that stayed athome, and then I had my dad
who did all the working and thehustling and everything, and eventually he wanted
my mother to work and she wouldn'tget a job, and there was some
kind of resentment towards that. Iknow a lot of women there there is
some talks that women feel like thereis no advantage to marriage because of all

(16:55):
it comes with. But I'm gonnaplay this video to kind of put some
context to it, and then wecould talk about that, because there is
a disconnect between the black man andthe black woman and why aren't we getting
married more than we are, andwhy is the divorce rate so high?
So let's look at this video.Even though these people aren't black, which

(17:17):
is even more interesting. It goesto show you that we all are just
people. We all got these fuckedup problems. So let's get into it.
You'll be on call all week longand you'll handle everything going on in
the hunk that seems doable, right. You'll handle the clean let me restarted.

(17:37):
Okay, thank you for ten yearsbeing a stay home mother. What
you wanted me to do. Thanksfor coming in for the interview. I
was just hoping to review the jobdescription with you. Yeah, I know
we've talked about raising kids together,so I'm happy to talk about some of
our expectations. All right, Soyou'll be on call all week long and
you'll handle everything going on in thehunk that seems doable, right. You'll
handle the cleaning, so things likevacuming, washing the floors, making sure

(18:00):
the cameras are cleaned, picking upafter the kids and myself. You also
need to handle the dry cleaning,washing the clothes, drying the clothes,
folding the clothes and putting them awayin their respective rooms. All the food,
so you look at the pantry andfigure out what we're missing. You
come up with the grocery list,do the grocery shopping, and prep all
of the meals, just to makesure that I have something new. Is
there anything else? Yeah? Youwould also handle everything with the kids,

(18:22):
like if they get up overnight,you get up overnight. If there's something
going at school, you take themto and from school. You arrange all
their activities. So I'm on callone hundred and sixty eight hours a week.
What about six days or vacation days. Oh, you're right, I
should have thought to mention that earlier. I'm so sorry. Yes, you
will be handling all sick days withthe kids, and when we have a
vacation, you're going to organize itand take care of them and make sure
that they're loaded up and all thestuff is packed. You'll also be packing

(18:45):
my stuff. So will you bedoing anything to contribute to the housework.
I mean, I'll take the trashout and mow the lawn. If you
remind me, this doesn't sound likeyou would be very involved with the home
or the kids. I'll be theone who works in the relationship. I
don't want to put my career onhold for this. Wait, no,
you can't quit. It would costus over one hundred and fifty thousand dollars
to pay people to do what youwould do every year for free. You've

(19:07):
been writing, I've been writing onyour years being a stay at home mother.
You wanted me to thank for Okay, So I am glad that went
around so you'd be like what.So at the beginning, you see the
man is saying, you know,you've been writing on my income for ten
years. She's been a stay athome mom. She's expressing what she's been

(19:27):
going through. And then you seehim roll into a skit basically explaining how
the job is of a stay athome mom and this is how a lot
of women feel. It's a bigjob and you don't get paid for it.

(19:48):
Anybody want to speak to that orwhy women might not want to sign
up for this job? Did hepin accurately? Say? What? What?
What? What? What happened?The video? Black? I'm okay,

(20:11):
okay, what was the question youat? Do you feel like he
painted the role of a stay athome mother accurately? And do you understand
why women that see being home orstay at home mother? You know how
they feel like they want to havetheir jobs in their careers right, And

(20:32):
then you have someone like Kevin Samuelsthat rest his soul was saying, like,
men with money, they want womenat home to tend to their children
and raise them, and this thatand a third bump your career, bump
your money. That's not necessarily valuable, that's not necessarily what a man is
looking for. But the women todayare looking at exactly what this skit portrayed

(20:56):
and be like, I don't wantno parts. Can you see did he
paint that picture for accurately? Andcan you see why women are not wanting
to sign up for that? Idon't think he painted that accurately. With
all the you plan for everything,you pack my bag and pack the kids.
But nah, and shit, Iwouldn't want a woman that a woman

(21:19):
that just stay at the crib either, So per me personally, I don't
you know what I'm saying. Idon't take your way after work so we
can keep getting money, I especiallyif I ain't rich, and shit if
I ain't you know bout it likethat? I mean we teammates, we
both we both can him do thekids, we both can work, we

(21:40):
both can you could do your career, I could do mine. We can.
You know what I'm saying, Icook, you would cook whatever the
hell I'm I was hiring with it. I don't want to stay at home
wife or whatever, just because nowshe ain't got shit to do. Now
you're getting on my goddamn now.So yeah, you need to gonna do
something. I got that in.I think that's the I think that that

(22:03):
she does have a lot to do. I think that's what the skit is
for training, is that stay athome moms in fact are working their asses
off and are doing a lot ofwork. But what I'm saying is when
the kids is gone to school foreight hours, I mean what you're doing
because you ain't cleaning up every dayall day, are you? I mean

(22:26):
at home moms, So I don'tknow what are you? You gotta think
about what you're gonna cook, You'recleaning up your plan. It's a lot
that goes on. I mean,it's it's a NonStop job. I mean,
there's a lot to do. Youain't gonna do that shit with me?
We do that. I appreciate Iappreciate your you saying that we're in

(22:49):
this together. Well, we'll sharein the responsibility. We're not talking about
once there is school, they're stillthat first four years and like, and
why would we choose if we havethe opportunity to have a provider and then
be able to be home with ourchild, why would we send our child

(23:10):
to take care? You know whatI'm saying? Or ask our families to
step in when we want to behome and be with our children and to
be that primary person that's shaping them. And that's what that's what we're supposed
to look for when we look fora partner anyways. And that's I feel
like every time I get out ofa relationship, I'll ask them, like,
you know, what did you lovemost about me? And what did
I mess up? Like you know, what was my issue or whatever?

(23:33):
So I have their reflection and theyalways say you are such I'm just saying,
like, since I've had children,you are such a good mother.
You are an incredible mother, AndI think that that's what men kind of
look for in us. Are younurturing? Are you compassionate? Are you
someone that I would want to bringa creation and help hold? You know
what I'm saying, Like, couldyou be my partner? And that even
if you don't want to have childrenwith me and so, yeah, you

(23:57):
would want them to be the primaryperson at home. That's someone who works
at ninety five, is gone fortyhours a week, comes from stressed out,
and is carrying the way of billsalong with her partner. I don't
think that that's what's meant for us. I don't think that that's a life
that keeps us and our feminine energyat all. Yeah, I mean for

(24:18):
me, whether I'm a stay athome mom or a working mom, I'm
not doing everything, period, I'mnot. I can dig it. Yeah,
with that, I don't see itthat I mean. I'm a single

(24:41):
I'm a single father. I work, sit twelve hours a day, come
home. I still gotta feed mybaby. You know what I'm saying.
Even though she damn it grown andcould do this shit herself, but I
still gotta come home and cook,clean up, mob all that shit.
She do her little shit. Ido mine, and I don't need.

(25:03):
You know what I'm saying. Wecould still even if I had a woman
here and we was whatever, I'mstill gonna do the same. I'm still
gonna you know what I'm saying,cook, I might not. I don't
cook every day, but I'm gonnacook. I'm ana clean, I'm gonna
take the trash out. Should Imade her a little black ass had the
trash out the other day because whywould you let it fall up like that?

(25:26):
And I'll take the shit out.I mean that's just me though,
I'm a different free you know whatI'm saying. So you're saying you're going
to share in the responsibility. Yeah, I'm with sharing the responsibility. They
know, I don't have no problemwith that. You know, it's a
very I think it was Anton Danielsthat was doing this show, and it

(25:48):
was one gentleman in particular, wastalking about how he wants his daughter to
prioritize her career and just to haveher stuff together to be able to self
sustain herself. First, he saidhe does want her to get married if
that will make her happy, butmost importantly, he wants her to be

(26:10):
able to have her stuff together.And so, you know, there is
this argument that girls that don't havefathers behave in a certain matter. But
there are fathers, and I knowI have one that told me you have
to be able to hold your ownyou have to hold your own, you
know, don't go out here dependingon somebody to take care of you,

(26:32):
because that can change at any minute, and then you're left up ship's creep
basically. So I think that wehave to acknowledge that there are some women
being taught that. And the guywas saying, like he doesn't want his
daughter to be left up to themercy to these men today. He just

(26:52):
he doesn't. So I think wewant to hold Here's the thing. Life
moves on and the world is changingand evolving, and we are steadily trying
to hang onto the past for whatreason I will never understand, because there
is no growth when staying in thepast. Life evolves, People evolved,
concept evolves, beliefs evolves. Ithas to. That's just a part of

(27:17):
life. And I think when westart meeting life where it is and how
things is and not how we wantedto be or how we used to be
and all of that shit, wecan get on and move more cohesively.
What are we working with? Becausein anything, if you're you're giving tools.
If you got a job and yougot so many tools, you gotta
look at those tools and say,Kenny, what can I use out of
these tools? To get the jobdone. You can't go on talk about

(27:41):
if. What the fuck is thatbad? Oh? I was trying to
look at us up on YouTube.Oh no, you go, you can
You know all this IF was afifth type shit. So that's just my
thought on it. It's reflective ofwhat kind of men that we have to

(28:02):
choose from them. And a fathertelling his daughter that is saying kind of
like how Brandon was going, likeall men are like that, Like you
know what I'm saying, Like he'slike, these are your choices. You're
not going to be safe with aman. You're not going to be able
to find a man that you canabsolutely depend on and be a provider for
you. That back in the day, like that was something that we were
more likely to be in that situation. But my Grandma's always told me always

(28:23):
having some money. You know,these are women who are married fifty plus
years and you know, have alwaysbeen homemakers and still told me love their
husbands or committed, loving, created, loving families, have some money put
up. You need to always havea secret stash because you can't trust And
what is the purpose of marriage ifit's not to be able to completely depend

(28:47):
on that other person to be yourpartner. And so it's said that men
have to raise the good fathers andas they should, though, would have
to raise their daughters and tell themalways be able to take care of yourself
because you're never going to be trulysafe it's stable with a man. Yeah,
I mean that. Yeah, thatis interesting. So then when you've
got those perspectives being pumped into ourcommunities, there you have it, you

(29:11):
know, But are they teaching theirsons the same thing, like who?
Or are we as mothers telling oursons you know what I'm saying, like,
be safe and stable for a woman, leave them alone. If you
can't provide safety, stability and providedon't lay up with these women at all.
I don't think that we're doing it. It's not balanced. Something has

(29:33):
to shift, And until then,I understand why our statistics are the way
that they are about marriage. Cany'all hear that? Class? Because I'm
trying to get used to using thedamn sound to fix can you hear it?

(29:53):
Yeah? That's some bullshit? Allright? Anybody else? Hey,
let me ask, is this thelady that used to be on the podcast
Shanny No No, No, Shannyis in the comments. Yeah I know.
Is that the lady who used tocall in on the other Yes,
yeah, yeah, okay, tellher what up? You crazy? She

(30:22):
can see all right, let's getto some more controversy here. Let's see.
Uh oh, no, she's gonnapunch you to it. Oh what
do you say? She's gonna punchyou whatever you said? Hey, listening,

(30:45):
man, Sometimes I do ruffle offeathers, man, But you know
it's all in love. Man.I want more people to be father bro.
I'm gonna tell the truth. Ifeel you, I feel you'll feel
all right, let's get to nowthis is gonna pissa maybe, Yeah,
here we go. A woman shouldbe the dominant and a man should be

(31:10):
the submissive. That's yeah, becausey'all follow commands. You go do,
you go do, and she gonnatell you what to do. Because here's
the thing. If y'all don't havesomebody telling y'all what to do, y'all
are going to be reckless. Andso women are divorcing y'all in these relationships
because they are allowing you to quoteunquote lead and they're being submissive. And

(31:34):
since y'all can't lead yourself, y'allleading her into the ground. So here's
the thing. The natural order isfor the feminine to be the leader.
If you give to the feminine right, the feminine is always gonna regenerate life
and everybody's gonna be taken care of. Y'all are territorial. Y'all just want

(31:56):
the image of leadership. You justwant to be out in. Probably I'm
the leader, but all of herresponsibility is actually on the woman. The
leader takes the majority to responsibility.If women allow men, which means she's
submit right and allow him to lead, she don't have no control over what

(32:19):
he's gonna do. She's steady submittingto him. Women have to change their
minds and realize that they ain't supposedto submit to men because men just gonna
do what you allow them to do, because they don't have no governor on
their own behavior to know when tonot do something, to know better.
They don't know. They're just gonnakeep reckless, being reckless, and they're
not gonna take care of your feelingsbecause they're only concerned about theirs. Thoughts.

(32:47):
You say, what, she's soignorant. She's interesting, you know,
I do find herself. I findher really interested because she Actually,
she's interesting to listen to because shehas a lot of you know, bizarre
stuff mixed in with some really insightfulstuff. So you know, it's almost,

(33:12):
you know, it's almost like youknow, you kind of you know,
like a page turner, you know, like a like a good book
that you just gotta keep, youknow, you know, pulling in her
information. But I believe she she'sthe same She's the same woman that said
if she had it, the shewould get rid of like eighty percent of
all men, and the mix wouldbe eighty percent women and twenty percent man.

(33:37):
And and that in itself was justbizarre, but for those twenty guys
it would be wonderful. But thather her logic is, it's kind of
it's kind of kind of bizarre.She reminds me of brother Polite mm And
I've never listened to him, butI've heard I've heard about him. I

(34:00):
Now, I can't say that I'vestudied this myself, right, but I
have of her that it's there aresome tribes or in Africa a long time
ago, women did lead, youknow, I don't know. I think

(34:21):
right now we need to worry aboutworking together cohesively, you know, I
mean, we're going from one endof the spectrum to the other end.
Where's the balance? Well, Ithink that's that's part of the problem is
that you know, most people,especially on social media site who and you

(34:44):
know, maybe it's click bait orwhatever, people want to hear these extreme
opinions and you know, ideals andall of this. But that's just it,
like the lack of balance and manyof statements and let's face it,
there's not gonna be this one sizefits all. This is the one problem

(35:07):
in relationships. This is the oneissue. If only things were run this
way, then the Black family wouldbe, you know, operating optimally or
whatever. Like that's just not thecase. Yeah, Black, you gotta

(35:32):
say anything. Yeah, I thinkI think that she's very fucking delusional.
First of all, Yeah, Iknow I'll be says off the wall ship,
but I don't, Well, everysee the thing. Everybody want to

(35:52):
be. Everybody want to be,you know what I'm saying, a chief
or whatever. Everybody want to bea charge did everybody want to be the
leader? And instead of all that, I'm not understanding why you just can't
work together, right, you knowwhat I'm saying. If you work together,
we probably will have more relationships ofmarriages lasting long and you know,

(36:19):
less than forced Raven missing that shitand whatever. I don't be understanding that
shit. Well, everybody got tobe in the head. You ain't got
to tell me to do nothing unlessyou it's something you want me to do.
I'm not. No, you understandwhat I'm saying. She's just said
you go do this, you dothat. No, that's not how the
ship is. No, not unlessyou want me to do something that I'm

(36:40):
just not. You know what I'msaying. You can ask me to do
something, but it's nothing that needsto be done that I don't already do
any damn way. Like's not tryingto be in control. That's the problem
right there. You women be tryingto be controlling shit, and men do

(37:00):
too. Let me let me clearthat up a little bit. But y'all
jump on me, do too,but you don't. It don't have to
be like that if you just worktogether. That's basically what I'm saying.
Yeah, I understand what you're sayingso much. I just am so curious
if everybody's doing the same thing andwe're working together when we're both paying the

(37:22):
bills and we're both laking the children, we're both doing the house work.
At what point do we differ?Differ at what point? Like? How
do I like, is there anydifference between other than our biological makeup?
What makes you a man? Imean you saying, like, if we

(37:45):
both basically equal, what makes mea man? Like in this relationship?
What makes me a man? Yeah? I'm just saying like from your like,
from this ideal relationship that you're thatyou keep this driving like, what
what are your masculine features? Whatare the things that make you a man?

(38:06):
I'm doing everything that you can't do, like what you said, we
won't do the same things. Youknow what I'm saying, I'm I'm saying
past yeah, because we're working together, because we're paying bills. I mean,
this ain't the This ain't back inthe day no more. You know,
I'm still what I'm saying. Mymanhood doesn't doesn't go away because because

(38:30):
you're standing next to me and we'rehandling this like you know, like we
need to, I'm still a man. Tell me what makes you a man?
That's all I'm just trying to get. I want to because I'm saying,
what doesn't make me a man becauseI'm not everything. Everybody has difference
of perceptions and what masculinity and feminityare. But if that's something that's important

(38:51):
to you in this equal relationship,what are your masculine features? What makes
you different from that woman? Imean, I'm okay, let me not
go there. I was fitting againa little bit of a little bit.
Hello. What I'm saying is,like I said, just because you standing

(39:15):
next to me, though, itdoesn't discredit my manhood nor your womanhood.
I'm a man. That's because that'swhat I am. How biological makeup what
differentiates you. So I think whatshe's trying to say is like your response

(39:37):
will be something like, I'm theone doing the heavy lifting. I'm the
one doing this. I do that. You know there's there's a difference.
Well yeah, I mean yeah,there's certain things that I'm not gonna let
you do. You know what I'msaying, I like, shit, whatever
it may be. No, I'mnot gonna let you move the stove to

(39:58):
sweep from behind the mother. Youknow what I'm saying. I'm not gonna
let you slide the refrigerator or whateverthe case may be. It's certain ship
that I'm not just gonna allow mylady or my wife to do you know
what I'm saying, bills besides payingbills or whatever. If you don't have
it, I got it. IfI ain't got it, shit, hopefully
you got it. So you're sayingyou would do the maintenance, the heavily,

(40:23):
the heavy lifting, and the providing. Yeah, I'm gonna put my
family providing. He said he's gonnamove heavy things in the house. That's
what That's what you're offering. No, but I'm saying, because you said,
don't understand. All he can offerme is because I can pay all
the bills on my own, Itake care of everything, and I can

(40:44):
hire someone to come in here andmove it around. What's the benefit of
So, So what you're saying isyou're saying you don't want to do because
if that's the case, then Ican pay all the bills and ship by
myself what I need what I needyou for. Black, I think exactly

(41:05):
what I'm saying, Like, what'sthe purpose if if we're the same,
like I don't understand, like Candy, I'm curious to know if if is
there something specific that you're looking forin a man I would say, like,
when it comes to masculinity, thereare certain like personality attributes. There
are ways that you contribute to myday to day that I'm being looked out

(41:30):
for that you're providing safety, stability, you know what I'm saying. I'm
like, I don't think. I'mnot going against what you're saying, Black,
And I'm not trying to like startan argument. I'm just trying to
get a good conversation going. Andshe's doing a good job because it's gonna
make for one hell of a clip, so we need. But I'm asking
is if we're so like there stillhas to be a balance of masculine feminine

(41:52):
energy, right, Like I don'tIt's almost like wait till your daddy gets
home, right, Like, whatis he doing that's different? What are
you bringing different than a mother inthe household? Right? Are you both
like you know things that are stern. I'm bringing stability. I'm making the
rules. I'm deciding you know abouthow we should follow. God, I'm

(42:14):
following you know what I'm saying,Like, there should be ways that we
differ. It's not completely equal.Yeah, well I mean if if if
you're asking me a descriptor for menis the famous four peas, you know,
problem solving, appropriation, problems onappropriation, protection, and provision that

(42:36):
that in and of itself is aman. I think all men and here
here I here, I am,you know, painting with the broad brush.
But I think to an extent,all men naturally display these attributes,
you know, in terms of theircompetency in each of them. It varies,

(42:57):
but you know, generally that's whata man is. Like you said,
you know, wait until your dadget home. There's a problem onm
has that only dad can you know, resolve, And that's that's the problems
of aspect of that appropriation. Obviouslyyou know what that is. And you
know the providing, the provisioning.You know, there's like a black said,

(43:21):
there's something certain things you shouldn't haveto do, and any real man
isn't going to allow you to dothose things, not to say that you
can't do it. It's just freeingyou up to do the things that you're
an expert in. And and that'swhat a real man is. He's going
to, you know, free youup to be the best version of yourself
and your full feminine self. Soyou know, and that's I believe pushes

(43:46):
us closer to being balanced, notequal, because there's you know, levels
of superiority that men just simply can'ttouch in certain aspects and as vice versa
for men. So, you know, and and I appreciate this conversation because
I think a lot of times mendon't get an opportunity to have a true

(44:07):
conversation about you know them, youknow, what what what are you really?
You know, and just making itsuccinct, you know, these are
some of the things that you know, we do at you know, various
levels, but to an extent,you know, this is what a man
is, you know. So Iand then you know, I see Black,

(44:28):
I know him. You know,he's one of the best fathers I've
I've ever seen, you know,you know, but I'm surrounded by those
gentlemen, you know, So it'sit's nothing unique, It's just it's just
great to see. So you know, that's what That's what a man is.
And that's what I see that andthat's what I see in myself.
And you know, I want toyou know, perfect myself in certain aspects

(44:50):
or certain you know, you know, disciplines. But you know that that's
that journey of self improvement. Shoutout to Sandy in a common it's shout
out to Millie Shanny going crazy.She's always got our back. I love
it. Shout out to Millie Ramam. If you're watching us some TikTok,
please click the link in and byand watch us on YouTube share. Somebody

(45:13):
tell us about it. Yeah,this is a very important conversation. I
do also want to say I can. I don't have a bumass female friend,
nor do I have any bumbass maleassociates that I'm connected to. So
when I see these hostile conversations,one, it confirms that people are definitely

(45:37):
living in different worlds. Two,it confirms there's a lot of shock jocks
out here. You know what I'msaying, and all these things are true.
Okay, people are living in differentworlds. You got shock jocks,
You got people living vicuriously than otherthrough other people and taking on their energies
that they haven't even experienced. It'sa lot of bullshit going on. But

(45:59):
my point and saying all of thatis based on my circle and the people
that I know. I don't hangaround bullshit. So if your circle and
the people you keep running into,it's bullshit. Then you're gonna have to
check you. Seriously, You're gonnahave to check you because a lot of
these things can be solved with justthe desire to wanting it to be solved.

(46:22):
We'd have to have a conversation.We need to gain understanding, not
arguing because when you arguing, nowwe're just doing a verbal arm wrestle.
I just want to get my pointover and I want you to agree with
me, you know what I'm saying. We also gotta understand that submission.
It's not always I agree with everyfucking thing you come up with. I

(46:45):
can support you, and it's besubmissive to you and not always agree.
We have to realize that relationships isnot about dictatorship. It's a lot of
stuff that we just have to findtune. But it shouldn't be that difficult.
It shouldn't be that difficult for toget along outside of you just a
disagreeable motherfucker, and you can't getalong with nobody, you know what I'm

(47:07):
saying. And that might be thething. Shit, you can't get along
with nobody and just say that.So that brings me to my next clip.
My boy doctor Omar he is saying, we gotta hold these men accountable.
Doctor Omar, I have to say. Byron actually introduced me to doctor

(47:27):
Omar years ago. I actually didgo to a presentation of Here is Here
at the Black Madonna Church. Ienjoy him. Somebody has said that he
might not be him anymore. Idon't know, but I appreciate a lot
of his points. You know,But everybody's not gonna always be right all
the time. I mean, you'reor you're not gonna agree with him all

(47:50):
the time. I will say that, so you know, and to that,
a broken clock is right twice aday too. So people we don't
agree with they write sometime they ain'talways wrong. So let's go into that.
Let's get into this, doctor Umar. Let's go oh, okayd of
sound constantly right. I agree withyou. But that's not all systems,

(48:12):
No, it's not. And ifyou're constantly running into that type of woman,
yeah, then the problem is youbecause you're attracting a certain low vibrational
energy. Why that same energy forwomen? You just you just again,
you have having a conversation as men, Yeah, I got I got plenty
of interviews with all women where Ichecked them too. But as a man,

(48:34):
you should not be concerned about whatI say to them as men.
We should be concerned of what we'regoing to do to produce a better generation
of blackmails for tomorrow. That's theonly that is where we should be focused.
Women bring the choice of life,right, we understand that right.
I can't have a child unless awoman agree. She can't carry one if
you didn't put it in it.I agree with that one, right.

(48:58):
But whether or not, if youwant that child or not, she can
still make that decision. It's allyou don't put a seed in her,
nothing else happens, and no womancan make you put a seed in her.
So the original act was the responsibilityof a man. I mean,
so the black men who willingly leavethe household or was it the system?

(49:22):
It was systemic? Right, Sohow if we if we're giving them grace
for them having to do it withoutus, but it wasn't our fault,
how are we not getting that samegrace in that same respect? Tell you
why. I'll tell you why,because black men as the leaders of the
community. Now we can't be leaders. Here's the here's the question. Here's
here's the question. Because the argumenty'all make feeds into the seminist agenda.

(49:46):
Okay, it's an argument that says, I don't want the responsibility. I'm
a leader, I don't want tofix sh Okay, come on, what
do you think I can get mythoughts? Well, you know, I

(50:08):
know, I know what he wastrying to do. He was trying to
lay the responsibility of where the Blackcommunity is at the feet of the ones
that if it was any other community, they will be responsible. The men
absolutely will be responsible. But that'snot the situation. That's just not our
community. Our community is not likeany other community in that the men lead.

(50:34):
That's the reality. And I believethat doctor Umar's attempt at shifting the
focus and the accountability squarely on theshoulders of the men actually did more to
harm the autonomy of women. Womenhave the ability to say, you know
what, I do take responsibility forthat particular issue or that particular act or

(51:00):
this circumstance. And I don't thinkthat that was fair or balanced. And
I think when you're talking to youngmen like that, and you have to
be a little bit more succinct,and you know, just saying no,
we're not going to talk about womenat all, and you all are a
part of the problem because I thinkhe were trying to, you know,
insinuate that, you know, theyfanned the flames of the discord between men

(51:22):
and women, and that wasn't fair, you know, to do that that
way. It I believe that itcould have been, you know, done
a little bit better. But Iget what he was trying to do.
I just don't think he executed verywell. And that's bizarre for doctor Umar
because you know, he's usually agreat orator. He is a phenomenal communicator,

(51:44):
probably one of the best I've everseen ever, and you know,
I just hate to see because hecould. He took a couple of elves
in that interview, and that wasjust one of them. So do you
believe in infiltration that these people arebeing infiltrated. I believe he's compromised,
certainly, because he's talking differently.You and I know we were there together

(52:07):
at his you know, when hewas speaking here, and he's speaking completely
differently. And I think that comeswith the territory. Now that he has
a greater responsibility with his school whichis built, which is physical, which
is there, and he needs peopleto support him, and unfortunately he has

(52:27):
to do certain things he can't justsay to the constituency that's supporting him the
most that you all are the problem. Because if we want to say he
gets a dollar that because you knowthat percentage of the dollar that belongs to
the women is eighty five cents,ninety cents, you know, he only

(52:47):
gets ten percent, you know,or maybe fifteen percent support from the black
men. So that's another conversation thathe talked about a little bit later in
that conversation. But you know,he has to do what he has to
do, and I think he's kindof pandering to a particular audience. So
I okay, So I want togive my opinion first and then I'm gonna

(53:10):
play devil's advocate. Okay, Okay, My opinion is this, I'm this
constant. It's his fault, it'sher fault. Is it's this motherfucker.
This motherfucker's had in his lap andhe jumped over here and all this this
bullshit. We need to be accountablefor ourselves. Women need to be accountable
for themselves and men need to beaccountable for that. It's not a him

(53:30):
or her thing. We're both whenwe are coming into the relationship. When
a relationship ends it's not just onehundred percent this person, you know what
I'm saying. So because you stillchose to engage with that person, that's
that's accountability right there. So wehave to be accountable in that regard.

(53:52):
Also, I want to say,I think when we're trying to fix the
whole community, we gotta realize sometimeslife will fil itself and we need to
be focusing on the strongest of us, and the stronger of us don't necessarily
need talking to and realize that theothers will weed themselves out and stop worrying
about it. We we we're sobusy trying to put our fucking capes on

(54:14):
all the time. We're not eventaking care of our own homes. Our
own shit ain't even right. Weain't cutting our own grass when ain't sweeping
our own porch, and we're talkingabout what other motherfuckers is doing now to
play doubles advocate, I will saythis, if men are the ones that
want to leave, and if theyare the ones that we should be submissive
to, then quite frankly, ifyou're the leader, and you're you're the

(54:37):
leader in war, if something goeswrong, do you not take the blame
for it. If you're the coachof a basketball team and they keep losing,
do we not blame the coach?So I don't know. I'm just
saying you can you can't. Youcan't say I want to lead, but

(55:00):
it's on you. You know whatI'm saying. You can't do that.
Either you're gonna lead and be thatleader and pick your balls up and do
what the fuck you gotta do,or sit your ass down or let her
lead, which you can't do both. We can't teeter tighter, you know
what I'm saying. Does that?Does that make sense? But honestly,
and a fair assessment or a fairargument would be that women have to be

(55:24):
accountable for themselves and the decisions thatthey make. All of this given passes
about every fucking thing is whack ashell and there's no growth in that.
And men have to be accountable forthe decisions that they make giving them passes
because oh, you know, hehas a dick and he thinks with his

(55:45):
dick or whatever, excuse me,want to give him no fuck that.
He gotta be accountable too. Sothat's it. I'm gonna shut the fuck
up now. Next. Yeah,I mean I agree with that. I
think we're in trouble if we can'tever look at the part we play and
the dynamic. We're in trouble.Yeah, if we're constantly going to deflect,

(56:09):
and it seems like, you know, especially here lately, everybody's pointing
a finger. You know, wehave to determine whose fault it is for
some reason. You know, it'slike it's it's got to be somebody's fault
and we need to it's all womenor it's all men, like you know,

(56:30):
and that's just it's counterproductive. It'snot helpful at all, you know.
So in that particular conversation, though, I think that it is such
a good conversation to having to bringup, especially with people you're interested in,
because the moment I hear a mansay that that, you know,

(56:52):
women have so much more power,But all you're telling me is I have
no sense of self discipline whatsoever,and I'm weak minded. Like the second
you say that you take peral accountabilityand who you lay down with, knowing
that that is what the act isfor the act was not created for your
pleasure and for you to just beout here sleeping with whoever you can sleep

(57:14):
with, Like taking our conversation.Back to the first conversation we had when
we got on here. It wastoo procreate, It was too So if
you're doing that with everybody, andthen you just raw with random people that
you have no respect for, youwould never want to raise a child with
that you would be embarrassed by,and then you try to put it all
on them. This woman is ruiningmy life. She's taking everything away from

(57:36):
me. How dare she is?Like you were the weak one in the
first place. So I love Ilove it when somebody lets me know that
that's how they already view women inthe world, because now I know you're
a weak man and you have nocontrol over your dick, and you don't
take any accountability in your life.All Right, the Bible said be through

(57:59):
for a multiply. I do rememberthat part. That's so you know what,
Because so I got a question,so when it comes to procreation,

(58:19):
right, kind of speaking to whatyou just said, I'm sorry, Candy
is that her name? Yeah?Yeah, So speaking in what you what
you said in terms of appropriation,specifically specifically the topic of appropriation, don't
you believe that women are more responsible? No, this is an equal thing.

(58:47):
It takes two people entirely, right, and even if you go into
the nine ones that I'm holding ababy, it's not completely responsible in me
to take care of myself because ifI have a partner that I created this
child with the health and the outcomeof this baby long term in their entire

(59:07):
life depends on how I was takingcare of what was being provided for me.
So in terms of getting the childto term, we share equally in
that responsibility. Yes, I meango back to the hunter and gatherer days
like caveman days. Right, ifI'm nine months pregnant and I'm out here
and I'm hunting, you know whatI'm saying, like, how well am

(59:30):
I really taking care of the childthat's within me? Right? And okay,
so but what if you force somereason, decide that I'm not a
good hunter and gatherer and you decidethat you don't want to have my child?
How much responsibility or authority do Ihave over you to influence your decision

(59:55):
on whether or not you actually havemy child? What exactly women gonna do
back then? They're gonna throw themselvesoff a damn cliff Like, no,
I'm talking about today. I'm talkingabout today I'm talking about now, So
we're talking about today, and that'sand it's very different. And you've got
to look at the South and otherplaces in the world where we still don't
have those rights. We don't havevery basic human rights to decide that right,

(01:00:20):
like when we decide not to haveyour child because of whatever reason that
we've you know, seen from youor you know, authority we want to
have over our life. We're inflictinga trauma of selves. It's not like
you get one up on this man. It's like, no, I'm now
taking away a life inside of me, and I'm creating a very real trauma
that I'm going to have to processand heal from going forward. This man,

(01:00:44):
he's probably gonna forget all about it. No, this shit is going
to stay with me. I'm goingto do womb healing, I'm going to
do trauma therapy. I'm about togo through it. I'm gonna have to
have to have extra appointments with myob gyn to make sure that my womb
is still good, that my unswill still work after this. I have
to make sure that I went somewherethat was healthy and safe for me,
that I didn't get my ass bewalking in by somebody who was crazy or

(01:01:06):
you know what, like, there'sso many levels to it, and so
it's just it's mind blowing that aman can't even make this shit about me.
Well so so. But and whileI understand that that I mean,
the thought is, I'm I'm Iwill admit I'm pro life. My wife

(01:01:29):
and I we we lost one yearsand years ago, and you know,
it still bothers me to this day. But does it take away and all
of that, It doesn't take awayfrom the fact that if you decided for
whatever reason, that there is nothingI could do about your decision. I

(01:01:51):
couldn't force you to have my childtoday. And the point that I think
it's missed a lot is that thereare certain things that some of us are
more responsible for, and procreation justso happens to be one of those.
And the government agree in nineteen seventythree when they passed or they they had

(01:02:15):
that landmark judge with a robe wayit said, the woman has the right
to, you know, allow thatbirth to come to fruition or determinate it.
And unfortunately, with great responsibility orgreat power, comes great responsibility.
And this is one of them thatI think most of the time some women

(01:02:39):
don't respect their power, and that'sthat's what I'm trying to say. So
in this circumstance, a woman ismore responsible for procreation. That's that's her,
that's her whillhouse, that's the placewhere she's superior at and men,
for the most part, concede that. I'm okay. So for one,

(01:03:05):
Rob Wade has been complete, ithas been overturned. But two, the
I want to make sure that I'munderstanding you correct. So you're saying the
purpose or the point that you're drivingis that women are more responsible because you
can't force us to have the baby. Is that something that you want?
Is that something that you think wouldmake us more equal if you can?

(01:03:30):
My desires are immaterial, and RoeWade has not been overturned. In certain
places, it has, but hereis yeah, yeah, but on a
state level it's different, but itfederally it's been overturned. From my understanding,
No here here that you can getthe divorce. That's the point that
I'm trying to make. But thepoint in terms of whether I desire to

(01:03:54):
force a woman or what have you, that's no, clearly not my point
that I'm trying to make his responsibility. A woman is more responsible for the
process of appropriation, the birthing process, the bringing of life. That is
her wheelhouse, that is her geneticbiological imperative. That's something that she just

(01:04:15):
simply has domination over. We don'tcare and we don't share in that.
In that, we don't share insaying that that's genetic and biological. If
you're bringing in the law, USlaw in our very small country across the
entire world, like, this isnot true anywhere else. So it's like,
what you're saying, that's true here, is that true in all places

(01:04:39):
in Asia, in Africa. I'min the US, and I'm just talking
about the US specifically. I'm talkingyou know, I'm talking about the conversation
that doctor Umar had. That's allI'm talking about. What they were trying
to drive home was that women areresponsible for the process of creation, for

(01:05:00):
the birthing process. So that's wherethey're laying the accountability and the responsibility at
the feet of the women. That'sthat's all I'm trying to convey. We
don't share in that equally, Wejust simply don't and and it's okay,
and we give that up. Wehave no problem with that. That's your
point. This is your point.And then when you're putting your objectives underneath

(01:05:23):
it as to why you believe thatyou're using your you said it's a biological
thing, but but then you're you'reexplaining that with the law and that I'm
confused. So I'm trying to No, I just simply no, I just
I just I just simply said thatthe law agreed that that responsibilit I'm just

(01:05:44):
just anecdotal, obviously, but yeah, certainly the law agrees that the responsibility
on life coming into the world isat the responsibility of the woman. She
is the one who makes the decisionas to whether or not that life comes
in I mean, do you notagree or or do you that I don't
agree, Because that's something that isvery specific to the United States, and

(01:06:04):
when we talk about men and women, we're not just talking about our very
small country. And like we said, it has been overturned on a federal
level, and it's not true inevery single state. So if we're very
particularly talking about women in Detroit havethis genetic and biological you know, responsibility
to carrying out a birth like that'svery different than saying women have this,

(01:06:28):
you know what I'm saying, Andit's still it's different because now we break
it down by different socio economic levels. No, you know, women who
can't afford abortion don't have that sameopportunity to go out and get an abortion.
So I just don't like categorizing allmen and all that. I think.
Okay, I'm thoroughly confused because I'mspecifically talking about this. It sounds

(01:06:49):
like branding. You're talking about physiologically, right, like a woman carries a
baby in her okay, and thebirthing, the bringing this life into the
world largely the responsibility of the womanafter conception, the woman is carrying the

(01:07:14):
baby, not the man. Correct. So if I'm hearing hearing you correctly,
you're talking about the actual birthing ofthe child. The woman can decide
at any point in time during thatpregnancy whether she's going to continue with it
or not. This is this is. This has nothing to do with a

(01:07:35):
law. This has nothing to dowith you know, Rob versus way,
none of this right because honestly,I mean, women have been aboarding babies,
whether it's legal or not, whetherthey go to a clinic or not.
Right, So, it sounds likeyou're just talking about the actual act

(01:07:56):
of carrying a child in your womband deliver, bring birthing that baby or
not? Right? Yeah, weyeah, that's that's that's it. Yes,
but tip, but honestly, ifI'm thirty weeks pregnant, how do
I just go in my pregnancy?You know what I'm saying? If there
are ways women have been doing this, this is I've been doing how safely

(01:08:21):
without risking my own life? Youknow what I'm saying? Or like how
like come on, like for real, Like I don't understand that, Yeah,
without risking your entire life? Arepeople affording their babies that thirty weeks?
Okay? So so do you contend? Are so? Are you saying

(01:08:42):
that women don't have this responsibility,that they don't have this power, they
don't have this genetic and biological advantagethat they can they determine whether or not
like comes into the world if they'relike a whole, like if they have
no care about their own life orlike the outcome of that baby like being

(01:09:04):
born you know, with like disabilitiesare harmed in any kind of way.
I agree with doctor Umar and whathe's saying here that just trying to put
this on the responsibility is wrong thatI agree with Raquel that it is something
that is something where we both haveaccountability in that we should be thinking about

(01:09:26):
who we lay down with and whowere making these decisions with. And I
just think that it's wrong to saythat's completely own woman, because no,
and yes, women have been dyingfor thousands and thousands of years trying to
get out of situations where they havebeen raped or manipulated or you know,
they've laid down with the wrong personand they're scared or they can't afford it
or whatever. They've gone through allthese things. While I mean, am

(01:09:48):
I the only one that watched what'sthat show with the Midwives? You know
what I'm saying? Like people withtheir lives, They have died, people
have been you know, thrown injail, and we're at that right now.
This is something that has been completelyoverturned. We do not have that
right in the same way that likeweed isn't legal federally, but it is

(01:10:09):
in the state of Michigan. Thatdoesn't They don't mean that the Feds can
come knock on your door and takeyour ass to jail for doing this.
So it's just we don't have thesame basic right, and so it's just
not I don't think it's fair tosay that the responsibility lays on us.
Okay, So I want to speakto all of that. Number one,
I did see something the other daywhere there was like a young girl and

(01:10:30):
I want to say ten, butdon't quote me on this. It was
something ridiculously young, Okay, let'sjust say that. And she had gotten
pregnant by her uncle. Well,because it was not legal for her to
get abortion in her state, shewent to another state and they're now pressing
charges on that doctor for performing theabortion, which is wild, right,

(01:10:55):
Okay, So another point is Ithink, well, doctor Umar is saying
at conceptions on both of y'all.You know what I'm saying. She can't
get pregnant less you put the seedin her, you know, in conception.
But then once you realize you're pregnant, because it's levels to it,
right, So now you're pregnant,you realize now if it's legal in your

(01:11:17):
state or whatever, you have optionsof what you want to do with this
child. Now. Growing up,my dad told me men don't have babies,
only women have babies. So youneed to be careful of what you're
doing because he's not having the baby. That baby would be yours. What's

(01:11:38):
the same, Uh, mama's baby, daddy's maybe some shit like that.
So in a perfect world, Ido agree with you, Candy, in
a perfect world, but in ain a mode of survival, it's best
that women be very particular. Andsee that's the problem too, because we

(01:11:58):
get into survival mold and we don'tsnap about of it, and that gets
us fucked up too. But justto keep yourself safe, you gotta realize,
I'm the one that carries the baby, I'm the one that's the receiver,
So let me be very particular.So I think we have to acknowledge
that more than one thing can beright. It's not all or nothing,
you know what I'm saying. Allof these things are right at different stages.

(01:12:23):
And there's there's definitely a disconnect inthis conversation, right because if you
look at the whole procet of it, right, that's without all of the
trauma, that's without you know,all of the shoulds or responsibilities and a

(01:12:43):
joint act and all of these things. If you look at the situation objectively,
then you might have a certain opinionor a certain viewpoint, right,
But once you're adding all of thelayers and the levels to it, like
candy pointing out all of that istrue. Right, It's all true and
it's all relevant. It depends onhow you're looking at it. It's my

(01:13:11):
last point. I'm got to go, and I always all in love.
I love doing this. This isthe whole reason I'm that's the arguing with
everybody, eys. But this forthe last like point, I just pulled
up this article from Harvard Harvard Researchthat says homicide is the leading cause of
death for pregnant women in the UnitedStates. So women are more likely to

(01:13:35):
die by being killed by these men. You know what I'm saying, Because
I know I know some women personallywho have been pregnant and who have been
hurt and been in domestic violent situationsby men who don't want them to have
the baby. You know what I'msaying. So it's like, and that's
what's my point. When I'm saying, if you're thirty weeks pregnant you don't

(01:13:55):
want to have the baby, thatit's more about who are you? Right,
because at that point you know thatyou know, you could do something
to try to get that out ofhere, But do you care about your
own life, your own well beingand in the life of that baby if
it doesn't make it out alive oryou you know, think about all the
women who you know put a babyin a dumpster, they do all these
wild things. It's like, whoare you as an individual? Are you

(01:14:17):
a good human being? At theend of the day, If that man
don't want you to have the baby, you ain't gonna have that baby.
So not out of curiosity, candyand that in that article, was the
father of the baby or alleged fatherof the baby the one murdering the mom?

(01:14:39):
It says it says intimate partner violence. So didn't specify. I didn't
read the whole thing I read.I pulled this up while I was sitting
here. No, I just wonder. Yeah, it says for a health
emergency for pres Yeah, it justsays that homicide deaths amongst pregnant women are

(01:15:04):
more prevalent than death from hypertensive disorders, hemorrhage, or subsists. And then
it goes on to talk about intimatepartner violence and firearms. Okay, that's
that is wild so so here closemy question of that, is there an
instance where a woman can get somethingwith someone? And we're not talking about

(01:15:26):
a Tyler Perry movie, okay,because you know the Tyler Perry The woman
is always what we say to willyou say, shockingly unaware? In a
fucking Tyler Perry movie, She's alwaysshockingly unaware. Is there ever a situation
where a woman will get with aman and she thinks he is just the

(01:15:48):
best thing shaken and then he agreesthat he wants to have a baby and
then all of a sudden he turnsinto a nightmare? Or was she really
not paying attention where there are somesigns there that she just ignored? Can
we be Bamboozle's bamboozel really a thing? Or is it a lack of awareness?

(01:16:13):
You think so, but it's ourchoice. Yeah, you've been like
you said, You've been making thispoint again and again that accountability lays on
us. So you can get bamboozoo. But at the end of the day,
your feeling, you do, yourtherapy, can do you cover enough?
Do you get what I'm saying?Like you said it, like that

(01:16:35):
is your accountability. We make mistakes. Our point of perception and it's our
responsibility to improve our discernment. Yeah, but I think it's still I still
want to make clear because I don'twant anybody to think I'm just taking sides
here. We are both accountable.We gotta stop acting like we're shockingly unaware

(01:17:00):
in these situations. You know whatI'm saying, Well, it was her
fault, No, fuck that itwas his fault. No, it was
both of your fault. Because whyaren't these conversations being had before we're making
major life decisions, And sometimes theyare being had, right, people are
having conversations, and yes, whatit doesn't it's not that conversation we had

(01:17:26):
before we laid down and have thatand conceive that child. Does not mean
that one person is gonna stick aroundand the other one is gonna leave,
or that both people are gonna stickand take responsibility. Hey, and that's
true too. I actually got areal life of actual situation like that,

(01:17:46):
where where the mother of my child, I didn't even know she was pregnant
until she was like five months Likeit was it was way past the point
of abortion or whatever. Like realtalk. And back to what ch'a was

(01:18:10):
saying about the accountability, and shit, I felt like that's some bullshit because
I really didn't get no saying.I didn't even know until it was already
too late. But I got ason out of it, So I,
you know, accepted to accountability.And now I accept the responsibility to take
care of my little home, youknow what I mean? Like, no,

(01:18:33):
I'm real talk. I wish onto see my face. I ain't
on the video of be like,oh my god, no, but that
is. But I'm not about tosit here and point the finger and you
know, go through all, ohit's your faulting, la la da shit,
I we we we fucked around.I hadn't seen her, talked to

(01:18:57):
her, hadn't seen her. Becauseand why I still point the finger a
little bit, just because I don'tcare. You're not gonna just miss five
periods and ship and and and thenand don't think pregnant. I don't give
a fuck all that anatomy, allthat. You know, you can't tell
me that. But you know Igot the baby, ain't I hear you?

(01:19:21):
Black I? And again it's importantto note that these situations, as
we speak on them, we arestill speaking on them in a general sense,
because there are nuances and exceptions tothe rules, and and this is
why there is Like Tiffany said earlier, I know y'all can't see her because

(01:19:42):
their pictures up and you can't seeBlack, but they're talking on YouTube.
You'll see it in the clip likeyou see earlier. Damn, what the
fuck? I lost my train ofthought. Fucking I mean, you know
what, I'll just add this atthis little little piece, my little blur
in your situation. Black, Absolutely, there's there's a common ability share on

(01:20:08):
both sides. My point though,is one party is more responsible. I
believe this is just me. Ibelieve that you were more responsible at the
beginning, prior to practicing having ababy, as Candy put it, and

(01:20:29):
after that, like you said,she decided to miss five periods and then
had the baby. But within thatsame window, just like she didn't tell
you that she was pregnant, shecould have not told you that she aborted
the child. And that is herwheelhouse, that is her total responsibility,

(01:20:51):
that is her total right. Yeah, I agree with you on that because
they told they told me this wasthey told me before, like, you
don't have no rights until that babyis born as a man. Anyway,

(01:21:11):
No, rights until that baby isborn, and then you still don't have
none. Correct, you know whatI'm saying, until you if y'all not
together and married, is it untilyou go to court and get rights in
Michigan anyway? Correct? Which ismessed up, but you know it is

(01:21:32):
what it is. Y'all killing me. I'm sorry, I can't. That's
that's what they told me. Isn'tthat what you want? Is that?
Because this is what I asked Brandon. Brandon, you told me you didn't
want this. I said, doyou want the right to force a woman
to have a baby or to tellher too that she's got to get rid
of it? Like? Is thatthe right that you want? Because I
hear y'all talking about responsibility and accountabilityand all this until you get back to

(01:21:56):
the same conversation. And when youget back to the same conversation, y'all
are the only part that we careabout is that you feel you don't have
a right to tell a woman yougotta get an abortion or you have to
have my baby. So do youwant that control over our bodies? Just
say that we don't, and wewell I know I don't and I don't
want to. It's to want that. As a man, you shouldn't want

(01:22:18):
that. No, that's not whatI was saying. I had no choice,
regardless, I would have loved thechoice to be like, hey,
get an abortion. I didn't.And where they're wrong. No, it's

(01:22:38):
not wrong. What you're saying isnot wrong. You're not wrong. It's
just that we live. And Ican't take that back, you know what
I'm saying. So if it's tunedinto motherfucking you said, you know what
I'm saying. Now you got aheadache for the rest of the week like
that. What's done is done.I love it. I can't No,

(01:23:00):
I can't take nothing back. Itake care of my son. I know
that I love him to death.That's all that mattered. You do.
You're a great father, You're agreat father. I'm just saying, had
I had the choice, you know, I would have definitely suggested something else.
But I never got that choice.Now, I will say this black

(01:23:21):
when, for whatever reason, whenI would get pregnant, it would take
me a very long time to findout I was pregnant. Matter of fact,
with London, I must have tookabout three different blood tests. So
did it go on for five months? Now? That's crazy. You know.
You do hear those rare stories thatthe girl had the period the whole

(01:23:45):
time, her stomach never got big, there was no sign that she went
into labor. But that's a veryvery rare instance. So to believe that
some shit like that would be happening, it would be very far fetched.
So you know, I just wantto say that because you know, it's
always gonna be somebody in the commons. Well they saying I know somebody,
No you don't. That's some shityou're saying on TV. And it's a

(01:24:09):
rare instance. Ain't no way you'rewalking around five months with that hump in
your belly and you ain't know someone'sup. Bitch, wasn't a cheeseburger?
Stop it, because now I wasgonna say one thing that I like.
I know this conversation always kind ofgoes back to abortion. Why, But

(01:24:30):
one thing that I would like topoint out is that there's more to wanting
to know and feeling the need toknow for a father than just the option
to have an abortion right. Imean, you are taking away a lot.

(01:24:53):
I well, I mean not onlythat, but just the the process
or road to becoming, the journeyto becoming a father right is shortened and
a lot of aspects when you're toldright before the delivery, right like,

(01:25:15):
oh yeah, by the way,you're gonna be a dad next month.
I mean, I don't think anybodywill want to know like that. I
don't. I don't think anybody right, whether you want the child or don't
want the child, or whatever thecase may be. You know, I
mean, that's that's rough, andyou know that's that's hard. That's a

(01:25:40):
hard reality to accept. You know, it is no disrespect to the mother
of Black's child. I know,you know, I kind of I know,
but I'm you know, I'd begoing I'd be going in and talking
shit, and it's not really malicious. I don't know this lady. I'm

(01:26:01):
sure she had her reasons whatever theymade me because because the reason was because
I'm black, as you got tohave that baby by black, I'm trying
to tell you black. Even theylook at that, Lady Candy looked at

(01:26:27):
like I've been silly. But weare good. We we co parent very
well. She's excellent mother taking ofher kids. She on't be on my
head, you know what I'm saying. I got what joint custody is shit.
You know, we are good.There's no beef, no drama.
I call her FaceTime. My kidsthey call me who we are good.

(01:26:53):
Well, that's good. That's goodto hear. Damn it, Tiffany.
It is something. And I gethim every weekend too, that's good.
And you keep them everywhere you ain'tmaking no excuses, that's good. I
do want to say though, Ido think that men need to have more
rights. I do think that menand I'm not talking about us that are

(01:27:17):
good women. I'm talking about withthese ratchet ass women, they do need
more rights. They really get thebad end of the deal when shit goes
wrong. You know, they geteverything taken from them. Women can keep
their kids from them, all typeof stupid stuff. And it's like the
court of law doesn't give a fuckbecause it's a money grab to them.

(01:27:41):
You know, they keep you coming, keep you filing petitions or whatever.
It's more and more and more money. And so I think as women to
be fair, I think if wewant to live in a world that's more
fair, then we have to startdoing the work to make it more fair
and say, you know what,these laws have to change. You know,
I think that's something that can beexplored. This ship with this abortion

(01:28:04):
shit though it's wild, Like Idon't I am pro life, but at
the end of the day, thereare various reasons why a person would get
an abortion. And just like thatyoung woman that that baby that was impregnated
by her uncle and was going tobe forced to have that baby, that's

(01:28:24):
that's sick. That's sick. Imean, what quality of life with this
child had I don't want to hearthe shitty he could be as he could
turn out to be a president fromthe struggle in the fucked up situation he
came out of. No fuck that. Why should this young girl be She
was violated by a relative, shewas introduced to sex before she should have

(01:28:47):
been, and then she would havebeen forced to have a baby, and
then she has an abortion in adifferent state and the doctor who was doing
something to help this young girl's lifeis getting charged. What kind of fucked
up shit is that? And whyare we as citizens? Oh? I
want ship like this. You saidthis little girl was ten. I believe

(01:29:09):
she was ten. Yeah, somethingcould have happened to her even trying to
give a ten exactly geez, I'dsay it's someone who and this is why
I'm so passionate, and so like, just bear with me. I'm very,
very passionate. But I've been asocial worker for ten years, and

(01:29:30):
so when it comes to policy andthese types of issues that affect people on
a deep level, like this iswhat I do. When I do it
very intimately, I'm like right herewith people when they're going through things.
It's so complicated, and so evenwhen we talk and I'm very much like
pro single father rights, like Iget it, and I work with a

(01:29:53):
lot of those situations too, LikeI understand why we need that, But
when you try to create policy andlaws out of these things, and then
we put it in the hands ofour all white male policy makers, like,
it gets so complicated and it doesn'tserve the people that is meant to
serve, and it typically just letspeople hurt the people that they want to

(01:30:16):
hurt. It is just it's suchan intricate kind of thing that takes a
lot of navigating and is really dependenton us coming out and voting for people
who grew up in our same neighborhoodsand who look like us and who understand
us on a deeper level. Andnot just you know who keeps getting voted

(01:30:36):
in year after year. I agreewith you, Candy. Oh sorry,
no, I was just gonna piggybackon what Candy was saying. I think
this is why conversations like these areimportant, right, because there's a lot
of work to be done within ourcommunities that really don't belong in the hands

(01:31:02):
of the government, right, Andso you know, I I agree with
you, Candy. This is thisis a problem, and it's a very
very complex issue, and you know, laws aren't going to really address the

(01:31:31):
complexity of these issues. I mean, it's twenty twenty three, right,
and if you cannot govern yourself,someone else is going to govern you.
So we complain about a lot ofthings, but I agree with huh Hello,

(01:31:54):
can y'all hear me? He throwsup, hear me? They should
hear me. Hear me, hearme. Hello,