July 31, 2024 • 35 mins
My why is the road I travelled from adversity being brought up by a narcissistic mother, divorcing parents and many very traumatizing situations in my life to a life. Now healed and helping people within the relationship realm, with my own method based on my experience, education and highly intuitive feeling. The why is that I want people to be able to change their life/business and relationship from what they thought they couldn’t to a I can, and subsequently empower their children to break the cycle. Self Discovery Wisdom TV All shows are supported via donation here www.selfdiscoverywisdom.com www.NewStreamingNetwork.com is home to GoingBoldMedia.com, GoingSoloMedia.com, and WGSN-DB Going Solo Network Radio, Podcasts and TV.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Self Discovery Wisdom dot Com formerly known as
Self Discovery Media. On these podcasts, you're going to hear
people who speak from the heart. They've taken the journey
in life. Many things have happened to them, but they've
changed it to happening for them, and in their strength
and courage, they've discovered their abilities and their wisdom and
(00:23):
they are now sharing it here with you. Do enjoy
each show. We bring it to you with love and
knowing that it's going to help you on your journey
of life. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, everybody.
Welcome back to another edition of Choose Positive Living right
here and Self Discovery Wisdom dot com. I'm your host,
(00:43):
Sarah Troy, and all the way from Holland is Ingelwork Moyvia.
I know I've pronounced it wrong. I have her pronounced
it right in a moment. Hard name to pronounce if
you are on the north side of the continent here,
But we're only be talking about her possible journey today,
her journey to transformation, a journey from adversity to empowerment.
(01:06):
She said, her wires is a road that I travel
from adversity being brought into by a narcissistic mother, divorcing parents,
and many very traumatizing situations in my life to a
life that's now healed, that now healed, and helping people
with the relationships realm and with her own method based
on her experience, education and highly intuitive feeling. The way
(01:29):
is that I want people to able to change their life,
their business, the relationships from what they thought they couldn't
to what they can and subsequently empower their children to
break the cycle. A very important thing there to break cycles.
Folks Inger is an international pioneer in transformation whose journey
from adversity to empowerment has shaped her mission to change
(01:52):
the lives worldwide. Raised in Holland and missed uncertainty and
emotional turmoil and go learned to the reliance of a
young age navigating a challenging environment marked by parental divorce
and psychological abuse of a narcissistic mother, and departing from
her tumultuous life at sixteen, incur pursued and education in
(02:13):
hotel management and later relocating to London, where she flourished
in the luxury hotel industry for eight years, finding love
and starting a family. She balanced motherhood with success corporate
career and eventually realizing her true calling laying the healing
of others in mense traumas and challenges. So we are
(02:34):
going to be talking about that healing here today. You know,
I love it when people find their redirect.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You know that you.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Follow one path, kind of the expectative path, go and
get a good job, a good career, good paying, good
you know, good perks and all of that, and you're
may be good at it. But then you realize, mm,
is this really what I'm meant to be doing? Because
I'm sure you kept hearing stories of people traumas or
in things that they were facing, and knowing that you
(03:04):
had faced it yourself realized there was a calling. There
is this how it happened? I'm going to be calling
you Inger if I may please, because can you just
pronounce your name for everybody so they can hear it correctly?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
War War? Yeah, so a lot of people call.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Me in you're India. But how did it come about
for you?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
You know? Was it what you where? You know what
you've been through? Then study you see everybody else seemed
to be going through it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Not really like that. It is partly because I've been
through it, and I had what you said, the corporate career,
and you know, I was doing well and everything sort
of expected rude. But I went to a I went
to Thailand actually years years, years back, and there it
(04:07):
was something sort of started in me that I wanted
to do something more with my feelings side. The political
side was like in the corporate A lot of times
there what you said. I heard stories from the people
I was managing teams that they trouble things like that,
and I could always listen and help them and everything.
(04:29):
But obviously that was still the other part which I
had to do. And they're like in Thailand on the
Kopp actually Pp Island, I yeah, I got this feeling
that I think I need I want to yeah redirect,
not really doing that word, but it was more like
I want something else. Yes, that was the start of well,
(04:53):
the whole trajectory I've been on.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Actually, I always say, you know, the best teachers of
those are gone through it. You know, you can empathize, relate,
you understand, even if it's not exactly the same journey.
You know, it can relate to the pain, to the anguish,
to the frustration, to the feeling of either worthiness or
(05:20):
a worthlessness, but also of the you know, feeling of powerless.
And you know, if you're brought up by a narcissistic mother,
which I did some wonderful shows on narcissism that broke
it down, narcissist and parenting. You know what is a narcissist?
You know how close are they to psychopaths? And you know, unfortunately,
(05:41):
quote quote there's no cure for a narcissist because a
narcissist never ever thinks there's anything wrong. All right, So
you know, you if you have a narcissist and they
don't recognize it and they don't want to do anything
about it, run run as fast as you can.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
It's your bit to deal with it. Yeahrightly, run leave
because it would never change. Yeah. Unfortunately, I was, you know,
with my mother, and I couldn't leave, you know, when
I was little. So yeah, you're sort of stuck. But
in the end I did leave, I believe.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, and probably the most courageous thing you did, because
what were you were? Sixteen when you did that?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah? I was six? Yeah, Well, things were getting like
worse and worse. I had been living with my aunt
for like six months. Or something in that time because
things were so crazy at home, and then because she
came home like a lot of days and then she said,
(06:43):
or in the morning when she would leave, then she say,
if I'll come back home tonight, you have your luggage,
are packed, and you'll be gone. I mean I was twelve,
thirteen or some y. Yeah, no way, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Where do I go?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Where do I go?
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But a fearfulness, ye, anxiety and everything. And then she
sort of decided that I had to stay with my aunt,
which I did for a bit, which was good for
me actually because I had no quietness. I really liked
my aunt. Then she asked me to come back, and
obviously you kind of get into this people pleasing coded modes.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Well, she loved me. Now, yeah, I do that.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
So I did go back, and then it got worse,
like executive spiral. And then I moved away with the
help of my father to live in another city start
living on my own when I was sixteen.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, and you know, I moved out at sixteen as well.
And it's a you knew you're full of adventurism and
wonderment and excitement, but at the other end, you're not
really equipped all right, are you ready to live on
your own or get out there on your own? And
so you know, you've not really had the guidance because
of your narcissistic mother. You know, you may have God,
the you know, the father helping you that way, but
(08:06):
suddenly here you are, new city, sixteen years of age,
you know, no kind of tools. So did it take
you down a spiraling path? You know? At first, I
mean first you feel freedom.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
But yeah, well I did feel freedom and the calmness
and war and and that. But the thing is, I
was very self supporting when I was still at home,
so I had to do the cooking, groceries, the laundry
and things like that. So that for me wasn't much
(08:44):
of a change. It was not an environment. But I
did that all like before, so I knew what to do,
and I think that's my survival mechanism. That's what I did.
So like you know, doing do I'll make sure I'll eat,
do the girl trees, laundry. I went to school because
I was still in high school, so I had to
(09:05):
do my exams and I just yeah, that was the
sort of thing I developed apart from like dissociates that
but going just doing you know.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, that kind of probably was why it led you
into the hotel business.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Well, I'm able to work hard, yes, yes, I know
what to do.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, you had to be organized at a young age
that the organization of what a hotel needs naturally.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Naturally, Yeah, what's something. Yeah, and I liked it. I
like the hotel industry and with people and everything and yeah,
but that wasn't hard for me.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
No, Yeah, something familiar. You talked about other dramas that
kind of came in your life. You know. It's it's
although you left, you finished school, you went into the
hotel business, you're still out there on your own again
without kind of the life skills. You've got survival skills,
but where are the life skills? Did you run into
(10:10):
any other adversity along the way that kind of again
pivoted you or cause you know pause.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Many Yeah, yeah, well I've had my fair share, so
to speak. Yeah, maybe it's true, like what you say,
like not having the life skills, especially around the emotional
(10:42):
side of thing. You know, I had to learn that
well through therapy as well, I must say. So that
was that's the things she needs to learn. When you
were little and the emotional safety and all the things
that children need to grow up. And I think of well,
I've never got that, so I had to myself and
(11:04):
I had to learn it through therapy and doing stuff
like that. Luckily I have my head screwed on right.
But still, I mean I was, how do you call it,
not a victim, but of God, I got the work
(11:26):
now anyway it will come thinking about it. I was
the first one at the scene of a murder situation
in London. That was a big thing because, oh, the
key witness, that was the word I was looking for,
(11:47):
the key witness. So I had to go through the
whole process and that made a big impact because at
the time it was with my then boyfriend, so that
was a big thing happening. That's always sort of connected
to the London where.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, you know, never mind witnessing the murder, but then
being the key witness and wondering if you know, am
I safe?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Well yeah, and and and and and the thing like
they're going to because I was in court. I had
to come to court in the Old Bailey, which is
very known in London, and they, obviously the other side,
tried to put words in my mouth and I've only
been there like three months, so when I came to London,
(12:38):
so that was a big thing, you know, and the
same thing. It's it's all the things that happened. There's
always this side of like the survival skills kicking one,
I'll do it, and then sort of afterwards, the emotional
bits start kicking in, like wow, you know what's been happening.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And who do you turn to? You haven't got a
mother to turn to you if your father was on
the scene, your aunt is you know, not there. It
was like here you are thinking you had freedom at last,
and then this happens, and who do you turn to
for comfort, for reassurance, you know, for guidance exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, because that's what I learned. That's something you have
to learn later on that you don't have to do
it on your own. You have to reach out. But
that's something which I needed to learn, reach out and
to share. And I had someone from yeah maybe strengthly,
but from the CID who helped me, who guided me
(13:39):
and everything, and he was a really nice man. He
sort of took care of me. Talk to him because
obviously it was his work, so that helped. But other
than that, yeah, I didn't share it with anyone because
I was afraid as well. I felt guilty, maybe a
shame that something happened like that. I was scared that
(14:04):
I was here as well.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, you were witness darling. That's always putting you in jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yes, exactly. So I thought, you know, it was like this,
this this hearing, which they did like it was like
for nine hours or something. It was crazy, and I thought, oh,
what I'm going to say? You know, I don't want
to jeopardize my own thing, but I don't want to
so I'm honest person. So I just thought what I saw.
(14:31):
I still you have no idea how that works because
I've never been in contact with the police before. So, yeah,
but that was quite.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Something hairy, hairy time in your life.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yes, it doesn't happen every day.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Did it kind of you know, either scar you or
kind of marry your way you know from boyfriends? Did
you look at boyfriends differently you know because of that experience?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Not? Really, No, No, I could. No, it was like
sort of thing. I mean, it took me a while
to get over the whole thing. That's but not that
I thought like men, you know or something, right, No, no, luckily.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Luckily yes, because for a lot of people will be
that's it. You know, never trust a man again. So
and you know, generally we go through quite a number
of relationships that don't work for one reason or the
other before we find one that does. I'm still looking
for one that does.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You know.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's the thing is is that you know, your common sense,
your survival, you kind of get through it. But what
we don't realize is because of our sensibility of okay,
now that's over, get over it and get on with it,
we don't realize it's been suppressed and that we haven't
truly released it or allowed it to have it, you know,
(16:03):
emotional expression. Did it come back at you later?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well, years, years, years later?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, sometimes it can take a lifetime and suddenly pop up.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Yeah, yeah it did. It did come back in a
sense that then I came back home. I came back
on to live here, to work here and everything, and
then I went to visit London again years later, and
then it's sort of because when I was back home,
you know, it sort of wasn't there. Yeah, And I
(16:40):
came back to London and then sort of, you know,
recognizing staff and everything, then it came back.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yeah, the trigger.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
The time after that as well, you know, so that
I mean and over time because it's been you know,
in ninety two, so it's quite a while. Wait, but
even yeah, if if if from here in London again,
it's still something which comes up.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's you probably downplayed it
at the time, just trying to get through it, right,
and then but then the trauma kind of finds its
nice way into the you know, the psychic cells there,
and at some point it comes back and says, hey,
(17:25):
you haven't dealt with me. Yeah, I'm in your face
now what are you going to do about it? And
we can't avoid it though, we do really have to
face it. Don't we get through it because you know,
suppressing it or going la la laud or no, no,
it's over, it's okay, I'm moving on now. If we
have not faced it and what it really did make
(17:48):
you feel, then that feeling is trapped inside constantly trying
to bubble up exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what happens. I needed to I
needed to learn how to process, how to process the feelings,
and the anxiety and everything would sort of was part
of the whole process. Yeah, and it needed time. And
what you said, Look, that's what trauma does. It pops
(18:15):
up later and in other situations as well, and then
it sort of reminds you. And I did learn that
through therapy how to process that, that feelings are okay,
that you have them, to acknowledge them, it's okay to
be scared. And but what you said at the time,
(18:37):
there's really beside the cid C, I d guide nobody
really to turn to. Yeah, it didn't come up in
my mind to tell my boss or to tell my
colleagues or something. No, no way.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
And you couldn't turn to your mother. What about your father?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Well they knew, but that was about it actually.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Stepping up in support or anything.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Not really No, and maybe maybe because I don't, you know,
not blaming anyone because our down played it. What you say, right, Yeah,
it's there, I need to do it, you know. Yeah,
it's a bit unfortunate, you know, I wor a bit
a bit of fortunate. I have to do it. It's
like that. So then it's start there. It's not too big.
(19:26):
I'll do it. I'll get there, I'll be on court,
you know. Yeah, it's just what you have to do
and that's that's that's the whole thing. I've been taught
that I can do that very easily.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Well, you were taught on need to rely on yourself
the whole way growing up, right. You couldn't rely on
your mother. I don't know where your father was. He
eventually helped you move out. Your aunt was great when
you were there, but you know otherwise it was you know,
you were on your own, mate, So deal with it. Yeah,
exactly which is you know which anything will come about?
You know. There's a story gentleman out of England as
(20:01):
Dave and Gillian. He had a really rocky life. He
went from London, his mother took him to Island to
live with an aunt. And it was during the you know,
the Irish and British Revolution, and he was out during
a time of the shooting and the bombing and he
shouldn't have been and he hid behind a hedge and
(20:21):
a young guy got shot and he's lying there die
when nobody coming to his aid, and all is doing
is calling for his mother and he's this guy is
seven years old witnessing that, and then you know his
aunt died. He got put into foster care he ended
up being a criminal. You know, England's most wanted at
one point and now is a revered you know, coach
and motivator. But you know that never mind the trauma
(20:45):
of being abandoned by the mother, But that trauma of
watching that young man die at the age of seven
is not something you just get over. It's something that
has an impact on you, whether it does consciously, subconsciously,
it does. And if we don't deal with it, you know,
it's never the mind that you witnessed it. You know,
you're seeing this person's life being stuffed out by somebody.
(21:06):
You know. You know that is traumatizing and it in
itself and we have to deal with it, you know,
big or small. If we don't deal with it, it
keeps come knocking.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, exactly, that's what it does. And how am I
sure your body will do? Oh yes, and stuff like that.
Oh yes, it comes out one way or the other.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Many of our illnesses today are coming out from disease,
something happening in our lives, whether it's happened to his physically, emotionally, spiritually,
that trauma, if it's not dealt with, if it's not
helped through, then starts attacking the body or the mind.
(21:50):
So it's either depression, anxiety, anger, or its physical physicality.
Eighty percent of cancer, is that.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's not we
can snap out.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Of it and get over it, right, No, you're not meant.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
To no, no, no, And it's not like everybody believes that
as well.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, it's maybe.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Coming now that people realize, oh yeah, maybe it can
get stuck in the body, get stuck. It's not like
you've forgot No, it's stuck and you've pushed it away,
still there because you haven't dealt with it, and uh,
and or your body, yeah, will show up, the diseases
and stuff like that. It's it's slowly coming. I mean
(22:36):
here he is coming. I'm not sure about the rest
of all.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah, it's it's definitely becoming more of a recognition, you know,
that that emotional trauma it will cause physical illness. And
we're seeing this more and more with some doctors that
aren't archaic that are now a little more holistic. Though
if they go too holistic they get blacklisted, that's another story.
(23:02):
But they're recognizing that, you know, whatever the ailment is is.
You know, when you go to a psychiatrist, they always say,
tell me about your mother. That's almost the first thing
they ever said. But even doctors understanding what's going on
in your life right now because it's reflecting in your body,
(23:23):
so you know, and just maybe at the time when
you're going through something, it isn't the time to process it.
You're just getting through it. It's the when you're feeling
safe and you're out of it, that's the time to
then look at it. Okay, now I can face it
because I'm removed from it, right, But you can't ignore it.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And that's that's what's like grief
as well. It's it's not like you have to sort
of okay, oh this is happening, I'll be in it
or you know, it's not like linear it like this
you think you're there, you've been from back. It's really yeah,
(24:04):
you said a funny way of dealing. It's not a trauma. Yeah,
grief over something that's yeah, you can't skip that one
as well.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
A loss is a loss. You know, however rational you
are about loss, I'm very rational about death because for me,
it's the end of body, not end of essence. You know,
our spirit and our soul will carry on. But you know,
I lost my dad when I was eleven, and I
opened the door to the room where he was and
said goodbye, and went to my mother and said, God
(24:38):
took the one that was the weakest and left the
one that was the strongest. Because death was very matter
of fact for me at that time and has always been.
But the loss comes from I think what you could
have done with that person, you know, the the unfinished
life with that person. So you know that's what you're missing,
is what you've missed that. I think that we're the
(25:01):
losses and the comfort that they may have brought you
that is no longer there physically, and I think you know,
there is no timeline or loss. No, oh, it's been
a year. You should get over it by now. No,
but we do have to make sure that we can
visit those memories without feeling grief in a way that
(25:23):
consumes us.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Yeah, like overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Yeah yeah, yeah. So this is what you you help
people with now, you know, whatever they're the adversity they're facing,
whatever emotional thing that they have, you know, all those
things that they've suppressed that are coming up knocking on
the door.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Is as well as well, and the relationship realm. Yeah,
the the well marcissist victims of the people with attachment
or an issues, lot of trauma, codependency, the relationship addiction. Yeah,
(26:05):
you need to the same.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
The next one will be the different. No, it isn't.
You haven't changed the program.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah once, yes, yes, and then yeah, that's like the
more sort of personal thing. And then you have the
business side that could be well, they knock on my
door saying, oh, I have trouble managing my team, or
I want to do that promotion but it's not coming.
(26:36):
You know, I'm scared whatever, or they have trouble with
the revenue, things like that, something in their business. And
then eventually it always comes back to something in that child.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
You know, I've been doing this, Yeah, I mean it
always comes back to childhood, the inner child. You know,
whatever the inner child has been. Even if you thought
you had the perfect upbringing, there's something that you witnessed
a soul or went through that you suppressed as a
child because it felt safe to do so. And again
it's knocking at your door and you you know this,
(27:15):
you know, with relationships or even business practices, Well, you know,
I hired a different person or he's a different nationality
to my last boyfriend. That doesn't matter. You are projecting
out your doubt, your fear, your insecurity, and that's what
your wound, and you are attracting that back. For us
(27:37):
to truly find love, we have to find love for
ourselves and for that in a child.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's it's it's a two way.
It's it's always with the trauma. It's something that happened
to them, or it's something that they didn't get. Yes,
that's traumatizing as well, so the unmet needs and then
they starts getting forgot it now the survival mechanisms and
(28:08):
things like that and there. Yeah, so you have to
always go back to that tools of trauma and see
what you said, like the inner child, she needs to
grow up actually, yes, to get what she didn't get
when she was younger. And she needs to learn, like
nea what I said in the beginning, I needed to
(28:29):
learn how to cope with my feelings? Where are they?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You were never allowed them, You were never allowed them
as a child, There was no room for them.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
No. So that's that's what I teach people as well,
the inner child. And you know, acknowledge the feelings, it's okay,
sort of taken by the hand and show them this
is what we're going to do with feelings. And then
with feelings you have the boundaries. That's a lot of it.
(28:59):
Like dependent people, the boundaries to look sort of non existent.
You have to teach that what is boundaries and how
you deal with them.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
And boundaries isn't borders, you know, it's a different thing.
Boundaries is an energetic boundary of what kind of frequency
you will have around you. So if people are negative,
our leeches are a lot of sissistic because growing up
with it, there's kind of that radar, right, so they want,
oh good, a nice victim here, and so you know,
(29:33):
it's raising your frequency to a point that they can't reach.
That's your boundary, that frequency of self value, of self love,
of just this is where if you want to meet me,
you've got to meet me here.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd always say the if
you if for me, for what our teacher as well,
is the if you can get acces to that well
pure feeling, pure feeling for me, that's that's where the
boundaries are. I always sort of explained that, like you
(30:11):
have to sit a point or dot and don't make
it a what do you call it a comma?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Right?
Speaker 2 (30:21):
You understand I'm saying you have.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah, the terminology I use is that don't take a
pimple and make it a volcanic eruption.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah, something like that. So yeah, yeah, well this is it,
and this is yours, and this is what you feel.
This is okay for you, correct for you, no matter
what other people think of it. And that's where your
boundaries are. And if you don't put that dot or
(30:49):
the ex yeah, that's what, thank you, then you're you're
starting to get into the wound or in your survive mechanisms,
and it's anxiety and all kinds of things which you
actually really feel. It's tangible and and if you know
(31:11):
the difference that one is really is yours. It's it's
you know, you can't discuss your own feelings with anyone,
you know, they can't say it's not true. You can
stick to that. Then that's that's the place you want
to live from, make the decisions from, and everything. And
the other part you don't want to go there. You
(31:32):
want to heal it and solve it and everything. And
that's anxiety in the body and you can really feel it.
What I said, I'll teach it. You feel the difference,
and then you know I'm not in the right place.
You can call it the happy place, and the other
one is not your happy place. So you need to
go from here to that place where you want to be.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That's yeah, the empowerment of your own decision making. You know,
all emotions have a reason. They're an indication of where
you're at and how you feel in the moment. What
we are tending to do is become emotional over the
emotions instead of identifying the emotion, what's causing it, and
what do I need to do about it.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Yeah, that's true, that's true. Yeah, that's always like people say, oh,
I've been crying for hours or weeks or whatever, and
then I'll say, well, but that's not really what the
feeling was. It is because of all the stories and
something comes up and oh, there you go again, and
(32:42):
but that's not If you can put your pure attention
towards the feelings which are really there, that's only a
very short time. Yeah, but we make it like you
know what, except people clients say, oh, I've been crying
for hours and it's well, it could happen, obviously, but
it's not. If you really put the attention where it
(33:04):
should be, then it's only a very short time.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
There's the tears of kind of the grief and the
the nurturing of the pain, right, you know, I hear you,
I see you, I feel you, I cry for you,
And then they're the tears of joy of releasing you
from that pain. And there's more of the tears of
(33:31):
I am no longer there, I am empowered, I'm no
longer bound by these feelings. And then you know, you
there's always going to be something that will come up
in life, a trigger or whatever that will remind you
of a time of a feeling, and suddenly your body
goes like that, and then you go, okay, it's all right,
just take a breath, let it go. You are no
(33:53):
longer there, yeah, right, And you know, all it is
is coming up? Why is it coming up? There's this
this a radar that there's some thing happening around me,
somebody around me that's triggered this. And perhaps that means,
you know, intuition saying avoid.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, that could be or what it said like it
could be still sort of all trigger recognizing from little
the hyper alertness what I had for like many, many years.
You know, that's still sort of good.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yes, oh my god, you.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Know I need to do something and oh no, no,
you know she's not there. You know, yes, there's no
lie in front of me. You know, it's okay. Yeah,
you have to remind yourself sometimes yea.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
And that's okay. You know, being healed doesn't mean you've
forgotten all about it and it has no effect in
your life. Being healed means that you can remember it
without going back down the rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, that's where we want to be. That's where the
true empowerment is, and that's where the choosing of positive
living comes from. I am no longer bound to that grief,
bound to that pain, that trauma, right, I see it,
and I will say to people, you know that sometimes
you're driving down the road quote quote in life and
you come to a full stop and you don't know
(35:14):
which way to go.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single relationships, building dating and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Welcome to Self Discovery Wisdom dot Com formerly known as
Self Discovery Media. On these podcasts, you're going to hear
people who speak from the heart. They've taken the journey
in life. Many things have happened to them, but they've
changed it to happening for them, and in their strength
and courage, they've discovered their abilities and their wisdom and
(00:23):
they are now sharing it here with you. Do enjoy
each show. We bring it to you with love and
knowing that it's going to help you on your journey
of life. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, everybody.
Welcome back to another edition of Choose Positive Living right
here and Self Discovery Wisdom dot com. I'm your host,
(00:43):
Sarah Troy, and all the way from Holland is Ingelwork Moyvia.
I know I've pronounced it wrong. I have her pronounced
it right in a moment. Hard name to pronounce if
you are on the north side of the continent here,
But we're only be talking about her possible journey today,
her journey to transformation, a journey from adversity to empowerment.
(01:06):
She said, her wires is a road that I travel
from adversity being brought into by a narcissistic mother, divorcing parents,
and many very traumatizing situations in my life to a
life that's now healed, that now healed, and helping people
with the relationships realm and with her own method based
on her experience, education and highly intuitive feeling. The way
(01:29):
is that I want people to able to change their life,
their business, the relationships from what they thought they couldn't
to what they can and subsequently empower their children to
break the cycle. A very important thing there to break cycles.
Folks Inger is an international pioneer in transformation whose journey
from adversity to empowerment has shaped her mission to change
(01:52):
the lives worldwide. Raised in Holland and missed uncertainty and
emotional turmoil and go learned to the reliance of a
young age navigating a challenging environment marked by parental divorce
and psychological abuse of a narcissistic mother, and departing from
her tumultuous life at sixteen, incur pursued and education in
(02:13):
hotel management and later relocating to London, where she flourished
in the luxury hotel industry for eight years, finding love
and starting a family. She balanced motherhood with success corporate
career and eventually realizing her true calling laying the healing
of others in mense traumas and challenges. So we are
(02:34):
going to be talking about that healing here today. You know,
I love it when people find their redirect.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You know that you.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Follow one path, kind of the expectative path, go and
get a good job, a good career, good paying, good
you know, good perks and all of that, and you're
may be good at it. But then you realize, mm,
is this really what I'm meant to be doing? Because
I'm sure you kept hearing stories of people traumas or
in things that they were facing, and knowing that you
(03:04):
had faced it yourself realized there was a calling. There
is this how it happened? I'm going to be calling
you Inger if I may please, because can you just
pronounce your name for everybody so they can hear it correctly?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
War War? Yeah, so a lot of people call.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Me in you're India. But how did it come about
for you?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
You know? Was it what you where? You know what
you've been through? Then study you see everybody else seemed
to be going through it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Not really like that. It is partly because I've been
through it, and I had what you said, the corporate career,
and you know, I was doing well and everything sort
of expected rude. But I went to a I went
to Thailand actually years years, years back, and there it
(04:07):
was something sort of started in me that I wanted
to do something more with my feelings side. The political
side was like in the corporate A lot of times
there what you said. I heard stories from the people
I was managing teams that they trouble things like that,
and I could always listen and help them and everything.
(04:29):
But obviously that was still the other part which I
had to do. And they're like in Thailand on the
Kopp actually Pp Island, I yeah, I got this feeling
that I think I need I want to yeah redirect,
not really doing that word, but it was more like
I want something else. Yes, that was the start of well,
(04:53):
the whole trajectory I've been on.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Actually, I always say, you know, the best teachers of
those are gone through it. You know, you can empathize, relate,
you understand, even if it's not exactly the same journey.
You know, it can relate to the pain, to the anguish,
to the frustration, to the feeling of either worthiness or
(05:20):
a worthlessness, but also of the you know, feeling of powerless.
And you know, if you're brought up by a narcissistic mother,
which I did some wonderful shows on narcissism that broke
it down, narcissist and parenting. You know what is a narcissist?
You know how close are they to psychopaths? And you know, unfortunately,
(05:41):
quote quote there's no cure for a narcissist because a
narcissist never ever thinks there's anything wrong. All right, So
you know, you if you have a narcissist and they
don't recognize it and they don't want to do anything
about it, run run as fast as you can.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
It's your bit to deal with it. Yeahrightly, run leave
because it would never change. Yeah. Unfortunately, I was, you know,
with my mother, and I couldn't leave, you know, when
I was little. So yeah, you're sort of stuck. But
in the end I did leave, I believe.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, and probably the most courageous thing you did, because
what were you were? Sixteen when you did that?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah? I was six? Yeah, Well, things were getting like
worse and worse. I had been living with my aunt
for like six months. Or something in that time because
things were so crazy at home, and then because she
came home like a lot of days and then she said,
(06:43):
or in the morning when she would leave, then she say,
if I'll come back home tonight, you have your luggage,
are packed, and you'll be gone. I mean I was twelve,
thirteen or some y. Yeah, no way, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Where do I go?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Where do I go?
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But a fearfulness, ye, anxiety and everything. And then she
sort of decided that I had to stay with my aunt,
which I did for a bit, which was good for
me actually because I had no quietness. I really liked
my aunt. Then she asked me to come back, and
obviously you kind of get into this people pleasing coded modes.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Well, she loved me. Now, yeah, I do that.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
So I did go back, and then it got worse,
like executive spiral. And then I moved away with the
help of my father to live in another city start
living on my own when I was sixteen.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, and you know, I moved out at sixteen as well.
And it's a you knew you're full of adventurism and
wonderment and excitement, but at the other end, you're not
really equipped all right, are you ready to live on
your own or get out there on your own? And
so you know, you've not really had the guidance because
of your narcissistic mother. You know, you may have God,
the you know, the father helping you that way, but
(08:06):
suddenly here you are, new city, sixteen years of age,
you know, no kind of tools. So did it take
you down a spiraling path? You know? At first, I
mean first you feel freedom.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
But yeah, well I did feel freedom and the calmness
and war and and that. But the thing is, I
was very self supporting when I was still at home,
so I had to do the cooking, groceries, the laundry
and things like that. So that for me wasn't much
(08:44):
of a change. It was not an environment. But I
did that all like before, so I knew what to do,
and I think that's my survival mechanism. That's what I did.
So like you know, doing do I'll make sure I'll eat,
do the girl trees, laundry. I went to school because
I was still in high school, so I had to
(09:05):
do my exams and I just yeah, that was the
sort of thing I developed apart from like dissociates that
but going just doing you know.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, that kind of probably was why it led you
into the hotel business.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Well, I'm able to work hard, yes, yes, I know
what to do.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, you had to be organized at a young age
that the organization of what a hotel needs naturally.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Naturally, Yeah, what's something. Yeah, and I liked it. I
like the hotel industry and with people and everything and yeah,
but that wasn't hard for me.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
No, Yeah, something familiar. You talked about other dramas that
kind of came in your life. You know. It's it's
although you left, you finished school, you went into the
hotel business, you're still out there on your own again
without kind of the life skills. You've got survival skills,
but where are the life skills? Did you run into
(10:10):
any other adversity along the way that kind of again
pivoted you or cause you know pause.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Many Yeah, yeah, well I've had my fair share, so
to speak. Yeah, maybe it's true, like what you say,
like not having the life skills, especially around the emotional
(10:42):
side of thing. You know, I had to learn that
well through therapy as well, I must say. So that
was that's the things she needs to learn. When you
were little and the emotional safety and all the things
that children need to grow up. And I think of well,
I've never got that, so I had to myself and
(11:04):
I had to learn it through therapy and doing stuff
like that. Luckily I have my head screwed on right.
But still, I mean I was, how do you call it,
not a victim, but of God, I got the work
(11:26):
now anyway it will come thinking about it. I was
the first one at the scene of a murder situation
in London. That was a big thing because, oh, the
key witness, that was the word I was looking for,
(11:47):
the key witness. So I had to go through the
whole process and that made a big impact because at
the time it was with my then boyfriend, so that
was a big thing happening. That's always sort of connected
to the London where.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, you know, never mind witnessing the murder, but then
being the key witness and wondering if you know, am
I safe?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Well yeah, and and and and and the thing like
they're going to because I was in court. I had
to come to court in the Old Bailey, which is
very known in London, and they, obviously the other side,
tried to put words in my mouth and I've only
been there like three months, so when I came to London,
(12:38):
so that was a big thing, you know, and the
same thing. It's it's all the things that happened. There's
always this side of like the survival skills kicking one,
I'll do it, and then sort of afterwards, the emotional
bits start kicking in, like wow, you know what's been happening.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And who do you turn to? You haven't got a
mother to turn to you if your father was on
the scene, your aunt is you know, not there. It
was like here you are thinking you had freedom at last,
and then this happens, and who do you turn to
for comfort, for reassurance, you know, for guidance exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, because that's what I learned. That's something you have
to learn later on that you don't have to do
it on your own. You have to reach out. But
that's something which I needed to learn, reach out and
to share. And I had someone from yeah maybe strengthly,
but from the CID who helped me, who guided me
(13:39):
and everything, and he was a really nice man. He
sort of took care of me. Talk to him because
obviously it was his work, so that helped. But other
than that, yeah, I didn't share it with anyone because
I was afraid as well. I felt guilty, maybe a
shame that something happened like that. I was scared that
(14:04):
I was here as well.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, you were witness darling. That's always putting you in jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yes, exactly. So I thought, you know, it was like this,
this this hearing, which they did like it was like
for nine hours or something. It was crazy, and I thought, oh,
what I'm going to say? You know, I don't want
to jeopardize my own thing, but I don't want to
so I'm honest person. So I just thought what I saw.
(14:31):
I still you have no idea how that works because
I've never been in contact with the police before. So, yeah,
but that was quite.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Something hairy, hairy time in your life.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yes, it doesn't happen every day.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Did it kind of you know, either scar you or
kind of marry your way you know from boyfriends? Did
you look at boyfriends differently you know because of that experience?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Not? Really, No, No, I could. No, it was like
sort of thing. I mean, it took me a while
to get over the whole thing. That's but not that
I thought like men, you know or something, right, No, no, luckily.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Luckily yes, because for a lot of people will be
that's it. You know, never trust a man again. So
and you know, generally we go through quite a number
of relationships that don't work for one reason or the
other before we find one that does. I'm still looking
for one that does.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You know.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's the thing is is that you know, your common sense,
your survival, you kind of get through it. But what
we don't realize is because of our sensibility of okay,
now that's over, get over it and get on with it,
we don't realize it's been suppressed and that we haven't
truly released it or allowed it to have it, you know,
(16:03):
emotional expression. Did it come back at you later?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well, years, years, years later?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, sometimes it can take a lifetime and suddenly pop up.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Yeah, yeah it did. It did come back in a
sense that then I came back home. I came back
on to live here, to work here and everything, and
then I went to visit London again years later, and
then it's sort of because when I was back home,
you know, it sort of wasn't there. Yeah, And I
(16:40):
came back to London and then sort of, you know,
recognizing staff and everything, then it came back.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yeah, the trigger.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
The time after that as well, you know, so that
I mean and over time because it's been you know,
in ninety two, so it's quite a while. Wait, but
even yeah, if if if from here in London again,
it's still something which comes up.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's you probably downplayed it
at the time, just trying to get through it, right,
and then but then the trauma kind of finds its
nice way into the you know, the psychic cells there,
and at some point it comes back and says, hey,
(17:25):
you haven't dealt with me. Yeah, I'm in your face
now what are you going to do about it? And
we can't avoid it though, we do really have to
face it. Don't we get through it because you know,
suppressing it or going la la laud or no, no,
it's over, it's okay, I'm moving on now. If we
have not faced it and what it really did make
(17:48):
you feel, then that feeling is trapped inside constantly trying
to bubble up exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what happens. I needed to I
needed to learn how to process, how to process the feelings,
and the anxiety and everything would sort of was part
of the whole process. Yeah, and it needed time. And
what you said, Look, that's what trauma does. It pops
(18:15):
up later and in other situations as well, and then
it sort of reminds you. And I did learn that
through therapy how to process that, that feelings are okay,
that you have them, to acknowledge them, it's okay to
be scared. And but what you said at the time,
(18:37):
there's really beside the cid C, I d guide nobody
really to turn to. Yeah, it didn't come up in
my mind to tell my boss or to tell my
colleagues or something. No, no way.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
And you couldn't turn to your mother. What about your father?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Well they knew, but that was about it actually.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Stepping up in support or anything.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Not really No, and maybe maybe because I don't, you know,
not blaming anyone because our down played it. What you say, right, Yeah,
it's there, I need to do it, you know. Yeah,
it's a bit unfortunate, you know, I wor a bit
a bit of fortunate. I have to do it. It's
like that. So then it's start there. It's not too big.
(19:26):
I'll do it. I'll get there, I'll be on court,
you know. Yeah, it's just what you have to do
and that's that's that's the whole thing. I've been taught
that I can do that very easily.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Well, you were taught on need to rely on yourself
the whole way growing up, right. You couldn't rely on
your mother. I don't know where your father was. He
eventually helped you move out. Your aunt was great when
you were there, but you know otherwise it was you know,
you were on your own, mate, So deal with it. Yeah,
exactly which is you know which anything will come about?
You know. There's a story gentleman out of England as
(20:01):
Dave and Gillian. He had a really rocky life. He
went from London, his mother took him to Island to
live with an aunt. And it was during the you know,
the Irish and British Revolution, and he was out during
a time of the shooting and the bombing and he
shouldn't have been and he hid behind a hedge and
(20:21):
a young guy got shot and he's lying there die
when nobody coming to his aid, and all is doing
is calling for his mother and he's this guy is
seven years old witnessing that, and then you know his
aunt died. He got put into foster care he ended
up being a criminal. You know, England's most wanted at
one point and now is a revered you know, coach
and motivator. But you know that never mind the trauma
(20:45):
of being abandoned by the mother, But that trauma of
watching that young man die at the age of seven
is not something you just get over. It's something that
has an impact on you, whether it does consciously, subconsciously,
it does. And if we don't deal with it, you know,
it's never the mind that you witnessed it. You know,
you're seeing this person's life being stuffed out by somebody.
(21:06):
You know. You know that is traumatizing and it in
itself and we have to deal with it, you know,
big or small. If we don't deal with it, it
keeps come knocking.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, exactly, that's what it does. And how am I
sure your body will do? Oh yes, and stuff like that.
Oh yes, it comes out one way or the other.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Many of our illnesses today are coming out from disease,
something happening in our lives, whether it's happened to his physically, emotionally, spiritually,
that trauma, if it's not dealt with, if it's not
helped through, then starts attacking the body or the mind.
(21:50):
So it's either depression, anxiety, anger, or its physical physicality.
Eighty percent of cancer, is that.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's not we
can snap out.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Of it and get over it, right, No, you're not meant.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
To no, no, no, And it's not like everybody believes that
as well.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, it's maybe.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Coming now that people realize, oh yeah, maybe it can
get stuck in the body, get stuck. It's not like
you've forgot No, it's stuck and you've pushed it away,
still there because you haven't dealt with it, and uh,
and or your body, yeah, will show up, the diseases
and stuff like that. It's it's slowly coming. I mean
(22:36):
here he is coming. I'm not sure about the rest
of all.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah, it's it's definitely becoming more of a recognition, you know,
that that emotional trauma it will cause physical illness. And
we're seeing this more and more with some doctors that
aren't archaic that are now a little more holistic. Though
if they go too holistic they get blacklisted, that's another story.
(23:02):
But they're recognizing that, you know, whatever the ailment is is.
You know, when you go to a psychiatrist, they always say,
tell me about your mother. That's almost the first thing
they ever said. But even doctors understanding what's going on
in your life right now because it's reflecting in your body,
(23:23):
so you know, and just maybe at the time when
you're going through something, it isn't the time to process it.
You're just getting through it. It's the when you're feeling
safe and you're out of it, that's the time to
then look at it. Okay, now I can face it
because I'm removed from it, right, But you can't ignore it.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And that's that's what's like grief
as well. It's it's not like you have to sort
of okay, oh this is happening, I'll be in it
or you know, it's not like linear it like this
you think you're there, you've been from back. It's really yeah,
(24:04):
you said a funny way of dealing. It's not a trauma. Yeah,
grief over something that's yeah, you can't skip that one
as well.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
A loss is a loss. You know, however rational you
are about loss, I'm very rational about death because for me,
it's the end of body, not end of essence. You know,
our spirit and our soul will carry on. But you know,
I lost my dad when I was eleven, and I
opened the door to the room where he was and
said goodbye, and went to my mother and said, God
(24:38):
took the one that was the weakest and left the
one that was the strongest. Because death was very matter
of fact for me at that time and has always been.
But the loss comes from I think what you could
have done with that person, you know, the the unfinished
life with that person. So you know that's what you're missing,
is what you've missed that. I think that we're the
(25:01):
losses and the comfort that they may have brought you
that is no longer there physically, and I think you know,
there is no timeline or loss. No, oh, it's been
a year. You should get over it by now. No,
but we do have to make sure that we can
visit those memories without feeling grief in a way that
(25:23):
consumes us.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Yeah, like overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Yeah yeah, yeah. So this is what you you help
people with now, you know, whatever they're the adversity they're facing,
whatever emotional thing that they have, you know, all those
things that they've suppressed that are coming up knocking on
the door.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Is as well as well, and the relationship realm. Yeah,
the the well marcissist victims of the people with attachment
or an issues, lot of trauma, codependency, the relationship addiction. Yeah,
(26:05):
you need to the same.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
The next one will be the different. No, it isn't.
You haven't changed the program.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah once, yes, yes, and then yeah, that's like the
more sort of personal thing. And then you have the
business side that could be well, they knock on my
door saying, oh, I have trouble managing my team, or
I want to do that promotion but it's not coming.
(26:36):
You know, I'm scared whatever, or they have trouble with
the revenue, things like that, something in their business. And
then eventually it always comes back to something in that child.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
You know, I've been doing this, Yeah, I mean it
always comes back to childhood, the inner child. You know,
whatever the inner child has been. Even if you thought
you had the perfect upbringing, there's something that you witnessed
a soul or went through that you suppressed as a
child because it felt safe to do so. And again
it's knocking at your door and you you know this,
(27:15):
you know, with relationships or even business practices, Well, you know,
I hired a different person or he's a different nationality
to my last boyfriend. That doesn't matter. You are projecting
out your doubt, your fear, your insecurity, and that's what
your wound, and you are attracting that back. For us
(27:37):
to truly find love, we have to find love for
ourselves and for that in a child.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's it's it's a two way.
It's it's always with the trauma. It's something that happened
to them, or it's something that they didn't get. Yes,
that's traumatizing as well, so the unmet needs and then
they starts getting forgot it now the survival mechanisms and
(28:08):
things like that and there. Yeah, so you have to
always go back to that tools of trauma and see
what you said, like the inner child, she needs to
grow up actually, yes, to get what she didn't get
when she was younger. And she needs to learn, like
nea what I said in the beginning, I needed to
(28:29):
learn how to cope with my feelings? Where are they?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You were never allowed them, You were never allowed them
as a child, There was no room for them.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
No. So that's that's what I teach people as well,
the inner child. And you know, acknowledge the feelings, it's okay,
sort of taken by the hand and show them this
is what we're going to do with feelings. And then
with feelings you have the boundaries. That's a lot of it.
(28:59):
Like dependent people, the boundaries to look sort of non existent.
You have to teach that what is boundaries and how
you deal with them.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
And boundaries isn't borders, you know, it's a different thing.
Boundaries is an energetic boundary of what kind of frequency
you will have around you. So if people are negative,
our leeches are a lot of sissistic because growing up
with it, there's kind of that radar, right, so they want,
oh good, a nice victim here, and so you know,
(29:33):
it's raising your frequency to a point that they can't reach.
That's your boundary, that frequency of self value, of self love,
of just this is where if you want to meet me,
you've got to meet me here.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd always say the if
you if for me, for what our teacher as well,
is the if you can get acces to that well
pure feeling, pure feeling for me, that's that's where the
boundaries are. I always sort of explained that, like you
(30:11):
have to sit a point or dot and don't make
it a what do you call it a comma?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Right?
Speaker 2 (30:21):
You understand I'm saying you have.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah, the terminology I use is that don't take a
pimple and make it a volcanic eruption.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah, something like that. So yeah, yeah, well this is it,
and this is yours, and this is what you feel.
This is okay for you, correct for you, no matter
what other people think of it. And that's where your
boundaries are. And if you don't put that dot or
(30:49):
the ex yeah, that's what, thank you, then you're you're
starting to get into the wound or in your survive mechanisms,
and it's anxiety and all kinds of things which you
actually really feel. It's tangible and and if you know
(31:11):
the difference that one is really is yours. It's it's
you know, you can't discuss your own feelings with anyone,
you know, they can't say it's not true. You can
stick to that. Then that's that's the place you want
to live from, make the decisions from, and everything. And
the other part you don't want to go there. You
(31:32):
want to heal it and solve it and everything. And
that's anxiety in the body and you can really feel it.
What I said, I'll teach it. You feel the difference,
and then you know I'm not in the right place.
You can call it the happy place, and the other
one is not your happy place. So you need to
go from here to that place where you want to be.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That's yeah, the empowerment of your own decision making. You know,
all emotions have a reason. They're an indication of where
you're at and how you feel in the moment. What
we are tending to do is become emotional over the
emotions instead of identifying the emotion, what's causing it, and
what do I need to do about it.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Yeah, that's true, that's true. Yeah, that's always like people say, oh,
I've been crying for hours or weeks or whatever, and
then I'll say, well, but that's not really what the
feeling was. It is because of all the stories and
something comes up and oh, there you go again, and
(32:42):
but that's not If you can put your pure attention
towards the feelings which are really there, that's only a
very short time. Yeah, but we make it like you
know what, except people clients say, oh, I've been crying
for hours and it's well, it could happen, obviously, but
it's not. If you really put the attention where it
(33:04):
should be, then it's only a very short time.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
There's the tears of kind of the grief and the
the nurturing of the pain, right, you know, I hear you,
I see you, I feel you, I cry for you,
And then they're the tears of joy of releasing you
from that pain. And there's more of the tears of
(33:31):
I am no longer there, I am empowered, I'm no
longer bound by these feelings. And then you know, you
there's always going to be something that will come up
in life, a trigger or whatever that will remind you
of a time of a feeling, and suddenly your body
goes like that, and then you go, okay, it's all right,
just take a breath, let it go. You are no
(33:53):
longer there, yeah, right, And you know, all it is
is coming up? Why is it coming up? There's this
this a radar that there's some thing happening around me,
somebody around me that's triggered this. And perhaps that means,
you know, intuition saying avoid.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, that could be or what it said like it
could be still sort of all trigger recognizing from little
the hyper alertness what I had for like many, many years.
You know, that's still sort of good.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yes, oh my god, you.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Know I need to do something and oh no, no,
you know she's not there. You know, yes, there's no
lie in front of me. You know, it's okay. Yeah,
you have to remind yourself sometimes yea.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
And that's okay. You know, being healed doesn't mean you've
forgotten all about it and it has no effect in
your life. Being healed means that you can remember it
without going back down the rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, that's where we want to be. That's where the
true empowerment is, and that's where the choosing of positive
living comes from. I am no longer bound to that grief,
bound to that pain, that trauma, right, I see it,
and I will say to people, you know that sometimes
you're driving down the road quote quote in life and
you come to a full stop and you don't know
(35:14):
which way to go.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
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