March 18, 2025 • 27 mins
Tequilla, now 52, has spent nearly two decades behind bars after entering the prison system at 33. Raised by her grandmother while her mother was incarcerated, her story is one of generational cycles, resilience, and the harsh reality of a life sentence without parole.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
We'd like to acknowledge for our listeners just upfront that
what you will hear from individual incarcerated women throughout the
episode you may find to be emotionally charged and even disturbing,
So we just want to acknowledge that and make you
aware of that. Furthermore, something that listeners probably don't realize
(00:22):
is that all of our individual conversations with each woman
was recorded inside a maximum security prison, the State Correctional
Institution SCI Munsey in Pennsylvania here in the United States.
So the noise, there's any chatter, anything in the background.
(00:44):
For our listeners just to understand that we actually recorded
inside a prison where the day goes on. The women,
the officers, the staff, they all have their jobs. Just
because we're there, it doesn't stop or everything becomes quiet.
So if you do, as listeners here any background noise,
please understand that is part of being inside a prison.
(01:17):
Hello everyone, and thank you for tuning into our podcast
Self Identities Conversations with Convicted Women. My name is doctor
Catherine Whiteley, and I'm a feminist criminologist. Today I'm visiting
SCI Muncy, a state correctional facility for women in Pennsylvania
(01:39):
in the United States and joining me today is Tequila.
Welcome Tequila.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Oh, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It is wonderful and I'm sorry to say, but that
word tequila, something else goes through my mind, not at all. Again,
lovely to finally meet you, Tequila, because we haven't physically
met before. We've you know, we've spoken via zoom or
via you know, shall we say online communication, but and
(02:08):
we've never had a journey together because some of the
women previously I've known for many years. So this is
a special occasion for both of us. Yes, ma'am wonderful. Okay.
So Tequila, what I'd like to do is ask you
if you wouldn't mind to talk about your childhood and
then we'll look at your teenage years and a little
(02:28):
bit later on from that and where you are today.
So would you be able to share? We best start
with how old are you today?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I am fifty two years young. I love that.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I'll stay that fifty two years young, yeah, okay? And
how young were you when you entered the prison system?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I was thirty three years old?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Okay, thank you. You're well supposed to be young, not
old to keep. So would you be able to share?
Going all the way back. I'm until your teenage years,
what was what was happening with you? And who was tequila? Then?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Willman's kay?
Speaker 3 (03:06):
To be honest with you, I cannot remember being the
little child the fathers.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
I can remember is being in my.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Teenage years okay, like preteens and teenage yeers. And I
was raised by my grandmother and my mother okay, and
my mother ended up going to prison because she was
sexually assaulted and assaulted a dude. Well he was trying
to sexual assault it, I should say, and she ended
(03:33):
up stabbing me. So we was raised by my grandmother,
went to church every day almost and I got pregnant
early in my teenage years. I was like fifteen years
old when I got pregnant. So she's always tell us
stay away from boys, stay away from the boys, and
I got curious and one thing led to another and boom.
(03:55):
So the Church of God in Christ, that's what her
domine nation was, you know, holding this or hell. They
like shun me sort of. So I was like, that
make you feel some type of way as a teenager.
These same people who say God this and God that
(04:15):
wanted to shun you, saying, you know, make you feel
like you're shame and that you're pregnant at this age.
So after we got through that, I ended up getting
pregnant again, same father, different timing. So I was like
seventeen years old, right, and my son was allergic to
(04:35):
the dog. And this is what brung me to prison.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Right, Thank you for sharing, Yes to kill. When you
think about that time that your mother went to prison,
can you share with this that impact of not having
your mother, but your grandmother stepped up. What was the
relationship like with your grandmother and how did that impact
you growing up and your mother being inside a prison
(05:00):
for that period of time.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Oh, my grandmother was my rock. She was the matriarch
of the family. Sure to say, because my mother is
the only she's the only child. So when my mother
went away, I was like heartbroken, like my best friend,
because she schooled us on everything.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
She just kept it one hundred reals.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
She didn't pushy foot around or anything was right is
right and wrong is wrong and that's.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Just how she raised us and to be respectful.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yes, So when she left to go to prison, I
didn't understand like what I'm gonna do now type thing.
So when my grandmother stepped up, it was a different
type of energy.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
She was more religious. She went by the Bible.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
She didn't tell us about the birds and the bees
per se or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
It was just like, say your prayers, believe in God,
trust in God, YadA, YadA, YadA. You know you know
what I mean.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yes, So it was completely completely different. So we had
to learn all over again. So that makes you sneaky.
She's not telling us anything, So me and my brother
became sneaky if I'm just keeping it real with you
wanting to do and getting the things that we had
no business.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
No, thank you, Quila. What about education? What you of
schooling or what was your schooling like?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Well, I got up to the tenth grade and schooling
because I ended up getting pregnant. I got my gen
It was hard. They raised me that if I was
going at play, I had to stay and be with
my children. So I did that. The trouble came with
(06:42):
my son's allergies.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yes, yes, right, yes.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
It was always.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Raised to protect your loved ones, protect your child at
all costs.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I just did it the wrong way.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah. So to Quilla, when you were first, let's move along, okay,
as you're sharing here. So when you were first incarcerated,
you spent time in a county jail. Is that correct?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Like seven months, only seven months. I had a real
speeded drought.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Could you share with listeners that don't know what a
county jail is because this podcast is international, so if
you could share for people that are in different countries,
what is a county jail? What was that experience like
for you?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Horrible? Oh, it's dirty, it's very it's horrible.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
From being in the state penitentiary to county jail. You
will always choose the state penitentiary, right, Not that you
want to come to jail at all, it's just that, Yes,
it's horrible.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Can you recall how you were feeling when you say
those seven months if you don't mind, and no doubt
was traumatic. But what were you like in those seven months?
What was going on with you whilst you're incarcerated in
the county jail?
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Mental health, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, right, it was? You know,
I think that was like mostly the lowest point, one
of one of the lowest points in my.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Life, was it?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
And then moving forward to arriving here at sci Muncie
in Pennsylvania, can you describe what was happening going through
your mind when you first arrived here, and then we're
going to talk about what's going on now. But what
we Who was Tequilla when she first arrived here?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
When I first arrived here, it was like I couldn't
believe that life. You know, you go through a u
a phase like you don't believe it. So I cut up.
I was bad, you know, disrespectful because you're aim you're angry,
and then you're in shock as well. So it took
(09:04):
some adjusting.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
You know, how old were you a game?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Thirty three?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Thirty three when you came And when you say adjustment,
if you can recall, how have you or how did
you and how have you been adjusting to your life? Sentence?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Good?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Can you share what good represents?
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Good is uh wanting to give back? You know, I
come a time in my life that you figure like
it is what it is. You know, I committed a crime.
I've been convicted of it. And my mother she would say,
she said, Tequila, no matter where you is, be content,
(09:47):
do what you can, you know, and I think about
my grandma saying so it said, instead of putting out
negative energy, try to give positive.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Energy, and how do you do that? Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I like I like to have fun, you know.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
I like to laugh sometimes maybe joke too much, but
that's just one of my mechnisums.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I might see a j and I'm say, why you're
looking like that?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Smile.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It's good.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
It's your day will get better to you know, just
fellow inmates that I don't even know, just to make
their day a little brighter, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
You have to give back, thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And you mentioned earlier on about mental health issues when
you're going through the county jail to hear can you
share a little bit about how is your health today?
If you don't mind talking about that.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Girl.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
I am overweight, I got I got diabetes, yes, but
I used to suffer from depression and I used to
take medicine while I was here.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I got off that.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I started doing other things, you know, reading more, being active.
I'm active in the church okay, and I'm acting. But
in my own monthly inmate organization.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Can you share a little bit about the organization, the
m i O. What that represents. Oh?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yes, the m i O represents we are a community
here and we give back to local charities and we like,
for instance, we just gave five hundred dollars to autism
children around the area.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That's autumn, it's all over Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
When you say give back, how does that look? What
do you do? What to raise some money? Will give back?
What do you do?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
We'll have a fundraiser okay, and you know women, they
like to spend money. Shot, and we'll donate that money
back out to the communicator.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Well. You also mentioned about faith, you know, could you
share what what do you do? You know, if it's
spiritual Christianity, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I'm a choir to wet the wow. Yes, I love music.
I love all types of music.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Really, yes, any.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Chance I can get in to get some music going,
I'm there.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And when you say choir director though, but but what
is that role? You know? What do you do.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Get You pick out music for the choir, You get
them on tone. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't
I'm singing, but I got a good ear for sound. Yes,
and we teach them the songs and they performing on
Sunday mornings.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Right, Okay, so you're the boss sort of sort of
tequila again, just looking at your life here at the prison,
inside the state prison. Do you ever think about aging?
What is aging in the prison system look like?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
For you? It's scary.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
You see somebody comes straight up, then next thing you
see them all but over. Yeah, I worry about that.
That's why I'm trying to get healthy.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Now.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
There's nothing that you could do about it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
You know, everybody age and maybe we were born to die.
It's just that it here is kind of different.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Sorry, it's all right. The table moves everyone, but the aging.
When you think about that, what things cross your mind?
As you said, everyone's going to die, but what things
cross your mind?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Health? Dying alone?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Can you just elaborate on that?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like your health? Your health deteriorates quickly here, and I
worry about that.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
I worry about dying alone, you know, not with my
mother or my mother dying while I'm here family. But
I try not to think about it too.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Much, right right, So we look at aging, death and dying.
When you think about the women around you, the support
you give to one another, do you do that or
is it you know? Is it you know? What is
it like? Do you support mentor each other? Particularly women
like yourself that are in the system. For a long time.
(14:17):
What do you do to rally around and help?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Absolutely, you always turn to the old heads. They know best, really, yes,
they know best. Yeah, because they donet been through it.
You know, it's best to get through a blase from now.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah, when you first came in a few years back
to where you are today, what changes have you seen
within yourself?
Speaker 3 (14:40):
I'm more patient now, I'm more humble now. I don't
get such as the urge of one of a quick
fix anymore. I asked for help. I used didn't used
to ask for help at all.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So Tequila, when you share that, you know that you
ask for support. Here, what is the support you're asking
for and who is there that helps you? What does
that look like?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Okay, Like, for example, if I needed to go to
sit call for a health reason, and I went through
all the lower channels, I'll go to a good staff
member to try to see this issue because it's very important.
Might be something detrimental to my health, and they will
plug me in and help me get down there and
(15:30):
get my situation sold.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Okay, you mentioned medical, Yes, what does medical look like,
particularly for people on the outside, What does medical look
like inside a prison system?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Trust me?
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Stay healthy, don't get fat like me, Stay healthy.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Your great sense of hear my yes, yes. On that
note of health, some of the women I've spoken to
in recent podcasts, what weighs heavily on their heart is
when they go through menopause. Would you mind sharing because
you chatted a little bit earlier on prior to the
(16:16):
podcast about some of the challenges are being incarcerated and
going through menopause, would you be able to share your
experience please?
Speaker 3 (16:25):
I never knew what menopause was until it started happening
to me. Hot flashes. I mean, it feels like they're foreigner.
I'm flashing out, y'all see from inside out my memory.
I could be just talking to you and it just
go blank, just a fall, not being able to sleep,
(16:51):
the aches, I didn't even know X was supported at
embody aches for no reason. We got the raw and
the stick with Eve.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
She did is dirty. She did is dirty, And nobody
talks about it.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
They don't. Can you just yeah, talk a little bit
more that they don't.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
They don't talk about it. Nobody tells us. I even
asked my mother. My mother's seventy three years old, and
I said, Mom, why don't you tell me about menopause.
She said she don't remember going through it, so she
was one of the lucky ones.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
So how do you deal with it?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Though?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
With all these as you mentioned things happening to you psychologically, physically,
et cetera, how do you manage that? How do you
cope incide with that?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Well?
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I have a good doctor, thank god, and he gives
me black ohash for the hot flashes, and he tells
me to try to keep more active during the daytime
so I can try to sleep at night because you
be up half the night. And then it's harder here
because you be wanting to run out your clothes and
(18:01):
you can't do that here.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
So it's just like it's real hard.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
But we're coping well, I think. And you say you
said something earlier prior to the podcast, that you're working
out or you're an aerobic group and this is part
of your health. Would you like to share with the listeners?
What is that?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Well?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
My risinroom weight, I was always a big girl, but
my risinroom weight was two seventy and I've raised up
the three hundred and twenty four pounds.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I said, oh, tired breakfast.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
So there's this exercise programs called nainety day Transformation, so
I ended it. It helps with my blood pressure out.
I lost four pounds in two weeks. I'm like, thank God.
So they can chert the training strengthening because I'm over fifty.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You know, our muscles get week and.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Next month we go into the weight It's three months
we did strengthening. This month we'll go in the weight room,
and then the third month, I'm not sure what we do,
but I'm hoping to lose fifty pounds within the ninety days.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
And they teach you how to eat healthy.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
They give me emotional support, physical support. So if I
don't feel like doing it, or something gets in my
head like I ain't going, my partner say no, Tequila,
let's go. Yes, they give you that encouragement.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Right. I won't recognize you in a few months, will I.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I hope, Matt. I can't get a Tugby tuck here,
so we'll just work it out.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
To Quilla for the really great sense of human I'm
trying to keep serious here and it's not working. But
you know, when you talk about that emotional support, can
you describe a little bit more about how that has
impacted you there's certain people and you touched on the
so on, But what does that mean to you? And
how does that help you get through the day.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Emotional support is a big factor for me because you know,
sometimes we get in our head and.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
You just need somebody just.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
To even vent. Like and president here they got CPS.
Is that you could just talk to.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
And what is the CPS? Sorry? What is the CPS?
For people that don't know what a CPS?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
A CPS is empiricistant.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
And they just go around and talk to you if
you have any troubles or if you just simply want
event something might be going on at home and that
and you sit down there and just talk with them.
Me personally, I like to talk to the old heads,
the yes yes, yes yes.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
What about your experience with younger women coming through? This
is a reaction I seem to get quite often an
expression on yours. If people could see that, now, could
you just share with us a little bit about that,
the experience with younger women coming through You've been through
that now years later? What is that?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Like?
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I was bad when younger, but this generation they have
no respect, They have no self respect, they have no
respect for other people.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Or anything. I've never seen nothing like this.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
So I try to communicate with them as best as
I can through humor and just you know, sometimes I
have to put my foot down to get that respect
because you got to show them that, yeah, I respect
you too, You're going to respect me as well.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
But this generation, I ain't never seen nothing like it.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
It's different, really, And like you touched on the rules,
I suppose you know what you've gone through and now
you can reflect upon and you know, looking at the
younger females coming through, it's a bit like in hindsight,
you know you've been there, done that. But you just
mentioned your echoed what many other women have said older
(22:06):
women in the prison here that it's a challenge. It
can be a challenge working with the younger women coming through. Yes,
what would you like to see done or what sort
of mentoring or hope could be done for these younger
women coming through? Or is it being done and they're
not paying attention to that.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
That's a lot of pressure because it is being done,
they just don't want to do it right.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
That's that's the difference.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yes, you know, back in our generations, we would listen
to the older people, even if they did, we didn't
disrespect them.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Blatantly in their face. Yes, this one's no. They don't care, right,
thank you. The help was there. They just just gotta want.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It right, Thank you? Alcome, What else can we learn
about tequila? What would you like to share?
Speaker 3 (22:58):
I would like to tell they that, no matter what
you do, always ask for help. I'm here because I
didn't ask for help. Always ask for help, no matter what,
No matter what it is, ask for help and express
(23:19):
how you feel. Yes, but help is important.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
And so sitting in opposite me today, how do you
describe yourself?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
You want me to describe me?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
I do? Have We got time? Ready, We've got plenty
of time. I think.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I'm fun, I'm loving, I'm kind, I'm generous.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I love God. I love my mother, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
And I'm learning to and bring no matter where my
situation is, to be content. That's who Tequila is. I
love to laugh. I love to cook. I love to eat.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Well, you didn't tell me I love it? You cook?
I have to I have to ask, Oh, what what
do you love to cook? What's your favorite?
Speaker 3 (24:18):
My favorite is strong BALLI but I can't eat that
right now. Yes, I'm only on fish and chicken you're
very hard now and fruits.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yeah, you're a good woman. So before we are going
to close very shortly, if we just reflect on your journey,
how would you describe that? All the years your life?
How do you how do you reflect on your journey
to hear if someone asked, what's your journey been?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Like, Tequila, it's been up, it's been down. It's been good,
it's been bad, it's been learning.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I learned a lot through this journey.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
And you know how people say, y'alln't have no regrets.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
You shouldn't have no regrets.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
I just know how to do things in a better way.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Then, moving forward, what would you like to see happen
with you? Moving forward?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Moving forward, with me.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Moving forward day by day your future.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I would like to see me on the streets teaching
some young girls, young pregnant women, you know, give them
a life's lessons learned.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
And I would like to have a home for them,
you know what I mean? Yes, because a.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Lot of young these young girls, they don't have nowhere
to go, nowhere to turn, and they think about the
fashion and the boys and all that.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
That's not what it's up.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Snap, Tequila. It has been a joy talking to you,
having so much fun. Thank you. We're going to finish
up now, but I would like to say what a
pleasure to learning about your journey. It's been wonderful.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Thank you, mail, Thank you see me.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Yeah absolutely losing weight? Yeah absolutely, I won't recognize.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
You might call me slimmy.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
For the listeners, I guarantee I will. Okay, Thank you
very much, Thank you.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Thank you for joining us on another episode of Self
Identities Conversations with Convicted Women, a Flying Possum's production in
association with Matter Productions. We deeply appreciate the support of
our listeners and the contributions from everyone who has made
this podcast possible. Your engagement and encouragement drive us to
(26:56):
continue these important conversations until next time. Take care.
We'd like to acknowledge for our listeners just upfront that
what you will hear from individual incarcerated women throughout the
episode you may find to be emotionally charged and even disturbing,
So we just want to acknowledge that and make you
aware of that. Furthermore, something that listeners probably don't realize
(00:22):
is that all of our individual conversations with each woman
was recorded inside a maximum security prison, the State Correctional
Institution SCI Munsey in Pennsylvania here in the United States.
So the noise, there's any chatter, anything in the background.
(00:44):
For our listeners just to understand that we actually recorded
inside a prison where the day goes on. The women,
the officers, the staff, they all have their jobs. Just
because we're there, it doesn't stop or everything becomes quiet.
So if you do, as listeners here any background noise,
please understand that is part of being inside a prison.
(01:17):
Hello everyone, and thank you for tuning into our podcast
Self Identities Conversations with Convicted Women. My name is doctor
Catherine Whiteley, and I'm a feminist criminologist. Today I'm visiting
SCI Muncy, a state correctional facility for women in Pennsylvania
(01:39):
in the United States and joining me today is Tequila.
Welcome Tequila.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Oh, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It is wonderful and I'm sorry to say, but that
word tequila, something else goes through my mind, not at all. Again,
lovely to finally meet you, Tequila, because we haven't physically
met before. We've you know, we've spoken via zoom or
via you know, shall we say online communication, but and
(02:08):
we've never had a journey together because some of the
women previously I've known for many years. So this is
a special occasion for both of us. Yes, ma'am wonderful. Okay.
So Tequila, what I'd like to do is ask you
if you wouldn't mind to talk about your childhood and
then we'll look at your teenage years and a little
(02:28):
bit later on from that and where you are today.
So would you be able to share? We best start
with how old are you today?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I am fifty two years young. I love that.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I'll stay that fifty two years young, yeah, okay? And
how young were you when you entered the prison system?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I was thirty three years old?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Okay, thank you. You're well supposed to be young, not
old to keep. So would you be able to share?
Going all the way back. I'm until your teenage years,
what was what was happening with you? And who was tequila? Then?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Willman's kay?
Speaker 3 (03:06):
To be honest with you, I cannot remember being the
little child the fathers.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
I can remember is being in my.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Teenage years okay, like preteens and teenage yeers. And I
was raised by my grandmother and my mother okay, and
my mother ended up going to prison because she was
sexually assaulted and assaulted a dude. Well he was trying
to sexual assault it, I should say, and she ended
(03:33):
up stabbing me. So we was raised by my grandmother,
went to church every day almost and I got pregnant
early in my teenage years. I was like fifteen years
old when I got pregnant. So she's always tell us
stay away from boys, stay away from the boys, and
I got curious and one thing led to another and boom.
(03:55):
So the Church of God in Christ, that's what her
domine nation was, you know, holding this or hell. They
like shun me sort of. So I was like, that
make you feel some type of way as a teenager.
These same people who say God this and God that
(04:15):
wanted to shun you, saying, you know, make you feel
like you're shame and that you're pregnant at this age.
So after we got through that, I ended up getting
pregnant again, same father, different timing. So I was like
seventeen years old, right, and my son was allergic to
(04:35):
the dog. And this is what brung me to prison.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Right, Thank you for sharing, Yes to kill. When you
think about that time that your mother went to prison,
can you share with this that impact of not having
your mother, but your grandmother stepped up. What was the
relationship like with your grandmother and how did that impact
you growing up and your mother being inside a prison
(05:00):
for that period of time.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Oh, my grandmother was my rock. She was the matriarch
of the family. Sure to say, because my mother is
the only she's the only child. So when my mother
went away, I was like heartbroken, like my best friend,
because she schooled us on everything.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
She just kept it one hundred reals.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
She didn't pushy foot around or anything was right is
right and wrong is wrong and that's.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Just how she raised us and to be respectful.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yes, So when she left to go to prison, I
didn't understand like what I'm gonna do now type thing.
So when my grandmother stepped up, it was a different
type of energy.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
She was more religious. She went by the Bible.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
She didn't tell us about the birds and the bees
per se or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
It was just like, say your prayers, believe in God,
trust in God, YadA, YadA, YadA. You know you know
what I mean.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yes, So it was completely completely different. So we had
to learn all over again. So that makes you sneaky.
She's not telling us anything, So me and my brother
became sneaky if I'm just keeping it real with you
wanting to do and getting the things that we had
no business.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
No, thank you, Quila. What about education? What you of
schooling or what was your schooling like?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Well, I got up to the tenth grade and schooling
because I ended up getting pregnant. I got my gen
It was hard. They raised me that if I was
going at play, I had to stay and be with
my children. So I did that. The trouble came with
(06:42):
my son's allergies.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yes, yes, right, yes.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
It was always.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Raised to protect your loved ones, protect your child at
all costs.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I just did it the wrong way.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah. So to Quilla, when you were first, let's move along, okay,
as you're sharing here. So when you were first incarcerated,
you spent time in a county jail. Is that correct?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Like seven months, only seven months. I had a real
speeded drought.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Could you share with listeners that don't know what a
county jail is because this podcast is international, so if
you could share for people that are in different countries,
what is a county jail? What was that experience like
for you?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Horrible? Oh, it's dirty, it's very it's horrible.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
From being in the state penitentiary to county jail. You
will always choose the state penitentiary, right, Not that you
want to come to jail at all, it's just that, Yes,
it's horrible.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Can you recall how you were feeling when you say
those seven months if you don't mind, and no doubt
was traumatic. But what were you like in those seven months?
What was going on with you whilst you're incarcerated in
the county jail?
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Mental health, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, right, it was? You know,
I think that was like mostly the lowest point, one
of one of the lowest points in my.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Life, was it?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
And then moving forward to arriving here at sci Muncie
in Pennsylvania, can you describe what was happening going through
your mind when you first arrived here, and then we're
going to talk about what's going on now. But what
we Who was Tequilla when she first arrived here?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
When I first arrived here, it was like I couldn't
believe that life. You know, you go through a u
a phase like you don't believe it. So I cut up.
I was bad, you know, disrespectful because you're aim you're angry,
and then you're in shock as well. So it took
(09:04):
some adjusting.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
You know, how old were you a game?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Thirty three?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Thirty three when you came And when you say adjustment,
if you can recall, how have you or how did
you and how have you been adjusting to your life? Sentence?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Good?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Can you share what good represents?
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Good is uh wanting to give back? You know, I
come a time in my life that you figure like
it is what it is. You know, I committed a crime.
I've been convicted of it. And my mother she would say,
she said, Tequila, no matter where you is, be content,
(09:47):
do what you can, you know, and I think about
my grandma saying so it said, instead of putting out
negative energy, try to give positive.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Energy, and how do you do that? Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I like I like to have fun, you know.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
I like to laugh sometimes maybe joke too much, but
that's just one of my mechnisums.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
I might see a j and I'm say, why you're
looking like that?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Smile.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It's good.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
It's your day will get better to you know, just
fellow inmates that I don't even know, just to make
their day a little brighter, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
You have to give back, thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And you mentioned earlier on about mental health issues when
you're going through the county jail to hear can you
share a little bit about how is your health today?
If you don't mind talking about that.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Girl.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
I am overweight, I got I got diabetes, yes, but
I used to suffer from depression and I used to
take medicine while I was here.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I got off that.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I started doing other things, you know, reading more, being active.
I'm active in the church okay, and I'm acting. But
in my own monthly inmate organization.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Can you share a little bit about the organization, the
m i O. What that represents. Oh?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yes, the m i O represents we are a community
here and we give back to local charities and we like,
for instance, we just gave five hundred dollars to autism
children around the area.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That's autumn, it's all over Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
When you say give back, how does that look? What
do you do? What to raise some money? Will give back?
What do you do?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
We'll have a fundraiser okay, and you know women, they
like to spend money. Shot, and we'll donate that money
back out to the communicator.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Well. You also mentioned about faith, you know, could you
share what what do you do? You know, if it's
spiritual Christianity, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I'm a choir to wet the wow. Yes, I love music.
I love all types of music.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Really, yes, any.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Chance I can get in to get some music going,
I'm there.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And when you say choir director though, but but what
is that role? You know? What do you do.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Get You pick out music for the choir, You get
them on tone. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't
I'm singing, but I got a good ear for sound. Yes,
and we teach them the songs and they performing on
Sunday mornings.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Right, Okay, so you're the boss sort of sort of
tequila again, just looking at your life here at the prison,
inside the state prison. Do you ever think about aging?
What is aging in the prison system look like?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
For you? It's scary.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
You see somebody comes straight up, then next thing you
see them all but over. Yeah, I worry about that.
That's why I'm trying to get healthy.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Now.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
There's nothing that you could do about it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
You know, everybody age and maybe we were born to die.
It's just that it here is kind of different.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Sorry, it's all right. The table moves everyone, but the aging.
When you think about that, what things cross your mind?
As you said, everyone's going to die, but what things
cross your mind?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Health? Dying alone?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Can you just elaborate on that?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like your health? Your health deteriorates quickly here, and I
worry about that.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
I worry about dying alone, you know, not with my
mother or my mother dying while I'm here family. But
I try not to think about it too.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Much, right right, So we look at aging, death and dying.
When you think about the women around you, the support
you give to one another, do you do that or
is it you know? Is it you know? What is
it like? Do you support mentor each other? Particularly women
like yourself that are in the system. For a long time.
(14:17):
What do you do to rally around and help?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Absolutely, you always turn to the old heads. They know best, really, yes,
they know best. Yeah, because they donet been through it.
You know, it's best to get through a blase from now.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah, when you first came in a few years back
to where you are today, what changes have you seen
within yourself?
Speaker 3 (14:40):
I'm more patient now, I'm more humble now. I don't
get such as the urge of one of a quick
fix anymore. I asked for help. I used didn't used
to ask for help at all.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So Tequila, when you share that, you know that you
ask for support. Here, what is the support you're asking
for and who is there that helps you? What does
that look like?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Okay, Like, for example, if I needed to go to
sit call for a health reason, and I went through
all the lower channels, I'll go to a good staff
member to try to see this issue because it's very important.
Might be something detrimental to my health, and they will
plug me in and help me get down there and
(15:30):
get my situation sold.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Okay, you mentioned medical, Yes, what does medical look like,
particularly for people on the outside, What does medical look
like inside a prison system?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Trust me?
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Stay healthy, don't get fat like me, Stay healthy.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Your great sense of hear my yes, yes. On that
note of health, some of the women I've spoken to
in recent podcasts, what weighs heavily on their heart is
when they go through menopause. Would you mind sharing because
you chatted a little bit earlier on prior to the
(16:16):
podcast about some of the challenges are being incarcerated and
going through menopause, would you be able to share your
experience please?
Speaker 3 (16:25):
I never knew what menopause was until it started happening
to me. Hot flashes. I mean, it feels like they're foreigner.
I'm flashing out, y'all see from inside out my memory.
I could be just talking to you and it just
go blank, just a fall, not being able to sleep,
(16:51):
the aches, I didn't even know X was supported at
embody aches for no reason. We got the raw and
the stick with Eve.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
She did is dirty. She did is dirty, And nobody
talks about it.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
They don't. Can you just yeah, talk a little bit
more that they don't.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
They don't talk about it. Nobody tells us. I even
asked my mother. My mother's seventy three years old, and
I said, Mom, why don't you tell me about menopause.
She said she don't remember going through it, so she
was one of the lucky ones.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
So how do you deal with it?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Though?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
With all these as you mentioned things happening to you psychologically, physically,
et cetera, how do you manage that? How do you
cope incide with that?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Well?
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I have a good doctor, thank god, and he gives
me black ohash for the hot flashes, and he tells
me to try to keep more active during the daytime
so I can try to sleep at night because you
be up half the night. And then it's harder here
because you be wanting to run out your clothes and
(18:01):
you can't do that here.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
So it's just like it's real hard.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
But we're coping well, I think. And you say you
said something earlier prior to the podcast, that you're working
out or you're an aerobic group and this is part
of your health. Would you like to share with the listeners?
What is that?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Well?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
My risinroom weight, I was always a big girl, but
my risinroom weight was two seventy and I've raised up
the three hundred and twenty four pounds.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I said, oh, tired breakfast.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
So there's this exercise programs called nainety day Transformation, so
I ended it. It helps with my blood pressure out.
I lost four pounds in two weeks. I'm like, thank God.
So they can chert the training strengthening because I'm over fifty.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You know, our muscles get week and.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Next month we go into the weight It's three months
we did strengthening. This month we'll go in the weight room,
and then the third month, I'm not sure what we do,
but I'm hoping to lose fifty pounds within the ninety days.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
And they teach you how to eat healthy.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
They give me emotional support, physical support. So if I
don't feel like doing it, or something gets in my
head like I ain't going, my partner say no, Tequila,
let's go. Yes, they give you that encouragement.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Right. I won't recognize you in a few months, will I.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I hope, Matt. I can't get a Tugby tuck here,
so we'll just work it out.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
To Quilla for the really great sense of human I'm
trying to keep serious here and it's not working. But
you know, when you talk about that emotional support, can
you describe a little bit more about how that has
impacted you there's certain people and you touched on the
so on, But what does that mean to you? And
how does that help you get through the day.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Emotional support is a big factor for me because you know,
sometimes we get in our head and.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
You just need somebody just.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
To even vent. Like and president here they got CPS.
Is that you could just talk to.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
And what is the CPS? Sorry? What is the CPS?
For people that don't know what a CPS?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
A CPS is empiricistant.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
And they just go around and talk to you if
you have any troubles or if you just simply want
event something might be going on at home and that
and you sit down there and just talk with them.
Me personally, I like to talk to the old heads,
the yes yes, yes yes.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
What about your experience with younger women coming through? This
is a reaction I seem to get quite often an
expression on yours. If people could see that, now, could
you just share with us a little bit about that,
the experience with younger women coming through You've been through
that now years later? What is that?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Like?
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I was bad when younger, but this generation they have
no respect, They have no self respect, they have no
respect for other people.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Or anything. I've never seen nothing like this.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
So I try to communicate with them as best as
I can through humor and just you know, sometimes I
have to put my foot down to get that respect
because you got to show them that, yeah, I respect
you too, You're going to respect me as well.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
But this generation, I ain't never seen nothing like it.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
It's different, really, And like you touched on the rules,
I suppose you know what you've gone through and now
you can reflect upon and you know, looking at the
younger females coming through, it's a bit like in hindsight,
you know you've been there, done that. But you just
mentioned your echoed what many other women have said older
(22:06):
women in the prison here that it's a challenge. It
can be a challenge working with the younger women coming through. Yes,
what would you like to see done or what sort
of mentoring or hope could be done for these younger
women coming through? Or is it being done and they're
not paying attention to that.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
That's a lot of pressure because it is being done,
they just don't want to do it right.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
That's that's the difference.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yes, you know, back in our generations, we would listen
to the older people, even if they did, we didn't
disrespect them.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Blatantly in their face. Yes, this one's no. They don't care, right,
thank you. The help was there. They just just gotta want.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It right, Thank you? Alcome, What else can we learn
about tequila? What would you like to share?
Speaker 3 (22:58):
I would like to tell they that, no matter what
you do, always ask for help. I'm here because I
didn't ask for help. Always ask for help, no matter what,
No matter what it is, ask for help and express
(23:19):
how you feel. Yes, but help is important.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
And so sitting in opposite me today, how do you
describe yourself?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
You want me to describe me?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
I do? Have We got time? Ready, We've got plenty
of time. I think.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I'm fun, I'm loving, I'm kind, I'm generous.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I love God. I love my mother, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
And I'm learning to and bring no matter where my
situation is, to be content. That's who Tequila is. I
love to laugh. I love to cook. I love to eat.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Well, you didn't tell me I love it? You cook?
I have to I have to ask, Oh, what what
do you love to cook? What's your favorite?
Speaker 3 (24:18):
My favorite is strong BALLI but I can't eat that
right now. Yes, I'm only on fish and chicken you're
very hard now and fruits.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yeah, you're a good woman. So before we are going
to close very shortly, if we just reflect on your journey,
how would you describe that? All the years your life?
How do you how do you reflect on your journey
to hear if someone asked, what's your journey been?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Like, Tequila, it's been up, it's been down. It's been good,
it's been bad, it's been learning.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I learned a lot through this journey.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
And you know how people say, y'alln't have no regrets.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
You shouldn't have no regrets.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
I just know how to do things in a better way.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Then, moving forward, what would you like to see happen
with you? Moving forward?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Moving forward, with me.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Moving forward day by day your future.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I would like to see me on the streets teaching
some young girls, young pregnant women, you know, give them
a life's lessons learned.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
And I would like to have a home for them,
you know what I mean? Yes, because a.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Lot of young these young girls, they don't have nowhere
to go, nowhere to turn, and they think about the
fashion and the boys and all that.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
That's not what it's up.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Snap, Tequila. It has been a joy talking to you,
having so much fun. Thank you. We're going to finish
up now, but I would like to say what a
pleasure to learning about your journey. It's been wonderful.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Thank you, mail, Thank you see me.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Yeah absolutely losing weight? Yeah absolutely, I won't recognize.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
You might call me slimmy.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
For the listeners, I guarantee I will. Okay, Thank you
very much, Thank you.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Thank you for joining us on another episode of Self
Identities Conversations with Convicted Women, a Flying Possum's production in
association with Matter Productions. We deeply appreciate the support of
our listeners and the contributions from everyone who has made
this podcast possible. Your engagement and encouragement drive us to
(26:56):
continue these important conversations until next time. Take care.
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