November 4, 2024 • 45 mins
I hope this episode helps y'all to have better conversations with the (GOOD) men in your life that you care about. Sending love! XO
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is CCB, but most people just call me B.
I'm thirty nine years young. I've been through a lot.
I've also put myself through a lot, and one day
I got sick and tired of my own shit. And
that's the day when change started happening. I stopped lying
to myself and started getting painfully honest with myself. But
it was only painful because I had been lying to
(00:22):
myself for so long. About nine or ten years ago, now,
give or take, I started writing books about my journey
through my toxic relationships and how I got out of
them and then stayed out of them by building a
healthy relationship with myself. There's nothing that I say on
this podcast that I haven't already had to say to
myself at some point in time, and yes, in the
(00:43):
exact same tone as I say it here. So if
you are sensitive to honesty, girl, this is not the
place for you to be.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I don't sugarcoat shit for myself, so I'm not doing
it for anyone else. Besides, how are you going to
be more offended by another woman being honest with you,
telling you the truth than you are by the man
or men who lied to you? Every day and treat
you like shit. Food for thought, finish your.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Plate, help you what up? Booz?
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Is your girl?
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Be? And Welcome back to another episode of the SIST
Get Your Ish Together Podcast. I hope that you guys
are having a great day today. I hope that you
woke up feeling revived and rejuvenated with faith that everything
that you spoke about with your spirit team the night
before is being worked out for you in the background, somehow,
some way. Well, please remember, you got to help your
spirit team help you, all right. That means you got
(01:41):
to put yourself in a position to get the things
that you want, niece to chest and niece to chest,
because that's right. Even the person who wishes to win
the lottery knows that they've got to play the numbers.
It is cind only twelve thirty pm here in Montreal.
It's cold outside. It's gloomy and gray Canada. In today's episode,
we're going to be talking about creating safe places for
(02:04):
healthy men, men not toxic men, to talk and have
conversations with and allow them to talk to you. Okay,
so go get a snack, a juice box or a
glass of wine. Oh my god, put your triggers to
the side. Okay, so you got room to open up
your mind and let's get into the episode.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Shelly, I want.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
To talk about before we start, how yesterday I was
on Instagram Live and Vanessa shouts of Vanessa and Elsa's like, KILLO,
can we get a new podcast? I'm like, Vanessa, I
just uploaded one two days ago. It's just like yeah,
but I'm all caught up. But I'm all caught up,
so I fuck. Okay, you're dying of black ter. Okay,
(03:06):
that's gravy by like and another one. Okay, so shout
out to Vanessa. We're here, here you go. I love y'all.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Man, I appreciate y'all.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Today's episode, though, is inspired actually by Sorry, Vanessa, I
wasn't inspired by you, but today's episode. The topic of
today's episode rather is inspired by a young lady name
by the name of Brittany who sent me a ZM
a few days ago.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Lies.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
She sent me a damn October twenty third.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
It's November fourth, and I was like, I'll make this
my next episode, and then I completely forgot So sorry Brittany,
but I'm late, but I be on time. Do you
know what I mean, I'm late, but I'm on time.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
So Brittany says, Hey, ii CC. I am new to
your channel, but I've been following you for a couple
of year years now. I'm a huge fan of your
podcasts and thank you for all the things you've taught
me in my healing journey and gaining better self perspective.
So sweet, My question to you is how does a
woman create a safe place for men to talk to you.
(04:15):
I don't remember if you talked about this before, but
I was listening to one of your older podcasts, ten
First Dating Questions, and to realize, I don't know if
I ever made a man genuinely feel safe to communicate
with me, I would love your insight and opinion. So
I was like, you know what, this is a good question,
(04:35):
and I told her. I was like, rather than sending
you a fifteen paragraph motherfucking Dan, I'm gonna talk about
on the podcast because I think one there's context, do
you know what I mean? And so I'm pretty sure
other women could benefit from it. So here we are,
face two face. My voice is back. I'm back, baby,
(04:55):
kind of. I'm still like recovering. I still have a
little bit in my chest, you, I'm saying, but for
the most part we back anyways. Well, we're not face
to face, we're ear to ear. I'm mouth to ear.
My mouth is in you guys's ear. Okay, I'm gonna stop.
It's getting weird.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Anyways.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
So I want to preface this by saying, we're not
talking about This is not about toxic men. This is
not about any ship men. This is not about men
who don't deserve you. We're not talking about men like this. Hey,
we're not talking about creating safe spaces for men like
these idiots to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Okay, that's not What's not what we're talking about. We're
talking about.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Men who have a head on their shoulders, who are
doing their inner work, who are regular everyday men, just
without the toxicity. Okay, that's what we're talking about here.
So perhaps this is men in your life, and it
doesn't only have to be relationships ps by the way,
Perhaps this is your male friends. Perhaps this is your siblings,
are your siblings. Perhaps it is a man that you
(05:53):
are dating, a man that you are in a relationship with. Right,
So we're not I'm going to talk about from a
relationship point of view. However, this can apply to any
man who's in your life. You know, you got I
gotta give the disclaimers because some of y'all brains just
go right to the narcissist. We're not doing that, Okay,
what about that?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Cool?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So I'm gonna I'm gonna start off real strong here
by saying this, and y'all you know you don't want
to hear this, But the reality is is that a
lot of men don't feel safe talking to women, or
(06:35):
a lot of women don't allow a safe space for
men to speak with them because one we bump our gums,
we're always fucking talking. There is a disconnect a lot
of the times before just listen between just listening and
always having to insert yourself, okay, which and then in
(06:56):
turn you make it about yourself. So number one, we're
gonna get more depth in a minute, but just off rip.
Number one, learn how to shut up sometimes not in
a bad way, not in a submissive and will submit
to me, not in any of that way, but literally
stop talking so.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
That you can listen.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
You can listen, and if you must talk, ask engaging
questions based on and I'm trying, like I want to
understand a little bit better.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Can you explain this? Can you explain that?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Right?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Like that part, But stay on topic. Do not make
it about yourself. Do not share a story about you.
Do not talk about the last guy that da da da.
Do not talk about your mom had this. No no, no,
no no. Just stay in the room, stay in the moment,
stay in the energy, and let that man talk and
(07:49):
get whatever he needs to get off of his chest.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Two, Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
The things that are going to come out of the
man's mouth are going to trigger you. And this is
why it's going to be really important for you to
y'all to work together and for you to work on
yourself as well. Because when we think of like when
we think of these conversations, we think of sugar and
(08:20):
spice and everything nice. We think of safety as this
warm blanket, you know, and they're cozy wrapped up in
it on a cool autumn day. But the reality of
the situation is a lot of these conversations that require
a safety net to have or a safe space to
have are difficult conversations. And they're difficult because they could
(08:44):
be a lot of the times vulnerable in a way
that the person is not used to being vulnerable or
is afraid of being vulnerable in that way, and in
when we're having conversations in vulnerability, we're being honest with ourselves.
Therefore we can be honest with the other person and
sometimes man the things we're being honest about. On the
(09:07):
other end, you know, you as a woman are like
what the fuck is this? Right? You know, so you
might get triggered, you might feel some typ away, whatever
the case may be, but it's going to be important
for you to man mind your triggers, work through them
in real time.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
The second thing is practice, So practice.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Having in depth conversation, Practice asking each other questions literally
like okay, so for example, you know what, let's just okay,
so this is number two is all wrapped up into
number two. So what is safety for this man? What
(09:56):
does it even look like for him? Because a lot
of the time we and this is human this is
this is not just a man.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Woman thinks it's just human behavior.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
We tend to think that whatever one thing is for
us is how it is for somebody else, and it's
not that we're doing it on purpose, it's just it
is what it is, right. But the reality is is
what safety means to you might not always look the
same or mean the same for the man that you're with,
and it's important that you ask them, oh right, what
(10:28):
does safety mean to you? And probably eight out of
ten times you will that man will be taken aback
because no one really asks men what safety is to them.
And so because nobody really asks them a lot of
times they don't even think about what safety means to them.
Number one, and then number two, a lot of men,
(10:49):
you have to remember, are brought up to protect women, right,
that's the that's their mind, you know, and protect, protect, product,
protector and provider, protect and provider. So most people don't
think to ask a man what's say means to them,
and they don't think of asking themselves what it means
to themselves. So even just asking that question to the
men in your life, Hey, what does safety even mean
(11:10):
for you? You know, not to you about me, but
what does it mean for you? What makes you feel safe?
In conversations in the home, in responses in right, like
what makes you feel safe mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually,
(11:31):
what does that look like to you? And you might
find this man be like Okay, well, huh, nobody's ever
asked me that before.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
This is strange. Maybe I need to think about it.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You'd be very surprised at how many men have to
be like, you know what, I'm going to retreat for
a second for a moment. Let me get back to
you in two to seventeen business days, because holy shit,
never been asked that before. So once you guys have
that conversation, and again in this conversation, you might even
(12:07):
be triggered as he starts telling you what safety looks
like means for him. You know, a lot of things
might pop up. You might be a well truggered this
shit or a lot And it's going to be important
for you to regulate yourself and to listen, to just
listen and again ask questions for more understanding, right, not
(12:30):
for not to probe, not to judge, not to attack,
not to belittle, but to gain more understanding and make
it really clear that that's why you're asking those questions.
I think people really underestimate the power of making things clear. Right.
So one thing I do. You know, if you've ever
been in one of my Instagram lives, you know that
(12:53):
I'm one very big on context and two, i will
say it of my mouth, something along the lines of, hey,
just to you know, be clear, I'm asking this question,
not judging you. I'm asking because I genuinely don't know
the answer. I'm genuinely curious, right, Or I'll say something
like I'll start to speak, and then I'll somebody ask
(13:15):
a question, I'll answer their question, and I'll start I'm
about to start talking about something else. And then I'll
say to the person who originally answer the question, I'll say, hey,
just so you know, this isn't a personal attack that
I'm about to talk about right now, your question just
made me think of something else, another topic. So now
I'm speaking in general. This is not I don't want
you to think this is about you, right. I have
really learned the importance of doing that so people can
(13:40):
can feel safe. Okay, thanks for letting me know that.
So they don't think that I'm still you know what
I mean. Now what they think after that is their business.
But I'm just saying in general, right, so that at
least I said and they know that this isn't about you,
you know, And so never underestimate the power of gaining
of asking for clarity and making it clear that you're
(14:01):
asking for clarity, right, and that said, Hey, I'm just
going to ask you this question, not because you know
of anything else, but just because I want to. I'm
really curious more about this part. I want to better
understand you, right, I want to better understand you so
that I can help you where I can. This is
also a really good sentence, I want to better understand
you so I can help you where I can. I'm
(14:23):
gonna cough, Oh my gosh, hold, I got to process
a lot. Oh almost gonna make it sick of this. Right.
The I want to better understand you so I can
help you where I can is very disarming for someone.
So I can help you where I can. Think about
how many people don't get help, right, aren't offered help?
(14:46):
So on and so forth, especially if you're dealing with
the type of man who is an independent woman. That's
not what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I only said it like that.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Listen to me.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Look, I only said it like that so that you
all my independent ladies out there can have an AHA
moment like oh okay, right. In the same sense that
a lot of independent women, hyper independent women don't like
to ask for help or never really get offered help
because everybody thinks that they got everything and they can
handle it on their own right, a lot of times
people don't offer them help. It's the same thing when
(15:22):
we're talking about a man who is, you know, a
doer and who kind of just takes on, takes it on,
takes it on, takes everything on the chin and looks
like he's getting through life and looks like this person,
looks like that person, but in the end looks like
he's strong and blah blah blah. But in the end
he wishes that somebody would see him, you know, he
wishes that somebody would would ask him too if he
(15:43):
needed some help sometimes because yeah, he does, right. It's
the same thing, you know. And I think that so
many times we just don't see men, especially the men
in their lives that we love we appreciate, as needing help,
and they do in their own way and in different ways.
And that's why it's imporant to have conversations so you
(16:05):
know what the fuck they need help with.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Because you might be okay, let me give you example.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Maybe maybe you see your man cutting the grass all
the time and you say, you want to know what
today I'm going to before he gets home from work,
I'm gonna cut the grass and take that off his plate.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
I'm going to help him.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Right, and he comes home and the grass is cut,
and you're like surprise, and he is appreciative, Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Babe, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Right, and you're like, I just want to take this
off your plate, and you're like, man, he's like, thank
you so much. But inside he's kind of like he
likes to cut the grass one, and that's not where
he needs the help. Right, that's for him. You cutting
the grass is for you. You're like, that's helpful for him.
He's like, that's wasn't helpful. I actually like to cut
(16:58):
the grass because while I'm out there doing it gives me,
like I get to think, I get to be in
my head, I get to you know, whatever, whatever the
case they be. It's my time to myself. You see,
this is why we need to have conversations. It's the
same thing as I'll give you a better another example,
better another same thing for some of y'all. A man
(17:20):
getting a woman flowers, right, this isn't nice. This is nice,
and men are conditioned to believe that all women love flowers.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
But here's the kicker.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Not all women love flowers, not all women like to
get flowers, and so here you are kind of accepting
them because you don't want to seem ungrateful. You're like, oh, thanks, thanks, Brian,
you know, and then he starts to pick up when like,
you know, and he's like, what the fuck You're like,
(17:49):
I don't I don't like flowers. I appreciate the gesture,
but I don't like flowers. You guys have to have
those conversations so then he can when he wants to
get you something, a little something, or whatever the case be,
every day to brighten up your day. Maybe instead of
him bringing home flowers every Friday, he brings you a
thing of chocolates. Maybe you're like, yeah, maybe it's a
(18:09):
Oh Henry, Maybe it's a Reese's pieces cups, you know,
maybe it's some Lindor chocolates. And you're like, yeah, that's
my shit, that's my jam. Turn it up and play
it again. You know what I'm saying, And that for
you is okay. Right, So you have to have conversations.
Healthy relationships require so much talking that even the the
(18:32):
yuppiest of women shout to any any one of my clients.
She calls herself a yapper. She's so cute, even the
y happiest, y happiest of women. Right, well, think this
is too much motherfucking talking. Now we just well we
motherfucking do is talk. It requires a lot of conversation.
(18:53):
And what a lot of people find A lot of women,
interestingly enough, find when they are in or start to
get into where they meet a man who is not
a piece of shit, and they start being around him
more and more, and you know, there's start dating. A
lot of women will find that they actually don't know
(19:16):
how to women them themselves don't actually know how to
have conversations because so many women are used to being
in relationships with toxic men. And in those relationships, you're
not really conversing. You're telling somebody you're always to You're
telling someone how you feel, you're telling someone that you're
tired of this. You're telling someone what to do, you're
telling someone what not to do. You're doing a lot
(19:37):
of telling, which you're not doing a lot of conversing.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
You see, So that's important.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
And in shitty relationships, everything's always about you because you're
the victim. Right, So, not being an asshole I'm just
saying what it is, right. So literally, you are the
somebody's doing something to you in the relationship, and you're
always trying to you know, how you feeling, and get
your point across and try to make somebody understand you.
So a lot of women, when they transition, we're gonna
(20:08):
use that word, right, and they get around a man
who is not that and they don't have to do
that for a man who sees them first, they start
to realize, oh shit, I actually don't know how to
have a two sided conversation because I'm so used to
talking to a fucking wall, you know, and I'm so
used to pleading my case, and I have to make
everything about me because that person is constantly hurting me
(20:31):
that I actually don't know now how to.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Make things about us.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I don't know how to or make things about somebody
else in a good way, like give you the I'm
giving you the floor, you know, and I'm just holding
space for you. A lot of women don't actually know
how to do that. So it's really it's really important
to ask a lot of questions. I asked doing fifty
eleven thousand questions, I might as well be one of
(20:57):
his children.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Okay, this is just it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
But similarly, Duayne asked me fifty eleven thousand questions a day, right,
and not questions like babe, what is the scissors? What
did your where is that? No?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Sometimes those are things too, But how can I help you?
How did this make you feel?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
How did this or how do you do it?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Or how did this?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
I have? Right? So asking a man what makes them
feel safe is important. What safety means to them is
very important. And working through triggers together, talking through things together.
It's like sometimes you can give somebody this the most
safest and also also to.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Being honest with them. How do I say this?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
So sorry, my thoughts are getting a little bit jumbled.
Please hold what I gather my thoughts?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
All right?
Speaker 1 (21:55):
So, for example, you ever be having a conversation and
you feel judged, like I'm feeling a little judge right now.
But the person hasn't necessarily done or said, like said
anything outwardly judge. Ye, right, maybe they ask they asked
a question and the question made you feel judged. It's
like am I judging you? Or do you feel judged
(22:18):
because you already have your own shame? Around whatever subject.
And so no matter what I ask you, you don't
really want to You're still going to feel the shame
that you feel around it, and so you're going to
feel judged.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
But really, this is not me judging you. This is
just how you feel in your own right.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
These kind of quests, this kind of conversation is important
because a lot of people don't even realize they just
snapped to I'm being judged. So when you're asking them
a question, right, So let's say I'm What I'm trying
to get to is, Let's say you ask buddy a question, right,
and you start to realize, you know, he's going into
he's going a little inward or he outwards says, you know,
(22:53):
I feel a little judged by the question. Calmly, very calmly,
you can say, that's interesting, I'm not judging you in
all honesty. Have you ever explored any shame that you
might have around what you're talking to me about right now? Right?
Is there any shame that you might have that you
might be carrying, whether it is your shame or not,
right that you feel is now so deeply intertwined and
(23:19):
part of you, that me asking question kind of presses
on for you that shame point, and so you feel
like you're being judged, right, guarantee you that I'm not
gonna be like huh, well, I've never in my love
not never been seen like this before. I just would
never thought about it that way before. Are you a therapist?
Should not be paying you? Yes, you should be paying me. Sorry,
(23:41):
just got triggered at my own thoughts of all the
men who I've been an armchair therapist for my past.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Triggered.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Okay, that was then this is now, let it go
all right? But my point is is that.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
In these genuine these conversations that are genuine and the
questions to genuinely gain more understanding and clarity about that person,
and then even in the midst helping them gain clarity
about themselves. That creates safety. You know, that in itself
(24:22):
creates safety. But other people realize that shit or not
excuse me, that is a form of safety in itself. So,
you know, how can we work together to navigate your
feelings of shame?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
You know?
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Do we need safe words when things are getting too
when you're feeling you know, a little bit too overwhelmed
and you don't want to talk about this anymore. You
don't mind revisiting it, but right now it's just a
little bit too much. Do we need safe words? Right?
So we can so instead of it being I don't
want to talk about this, you can maybe say something,
(24:56):
you know what, I feel myself getting a little bubbly
and not the poopy type, not the type that I
got a poop. Well, and maybe we can table this
and come back to it another day because I haven't
even had time to process it myself.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Fair.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
That is so fair. Absolutely, thank you for sharing that
with me. Really appreciate you. You know, I understand now
why you want to table it. You explain it perfectly.
I'm perfectly okay with it. I respect it. Let's do
that because I want you to feel safe when we're
having these conversations. I don't want you to feel like
you have to shait yourself, you know what I mean.
I don't want you to feel like you're about to
(25:34):
shut down, like you're about to snap. Right. So that's
perfectly fair, and that's how we navigate through those things together.
And maybe the next time when we, you know, have
the conversation, when you're ready to, you can say things
to me like Okay, this is something that's really difficult
for me. So I'm going to do my best to
get through this. You know, things like that, right, do
(25:56):
we need safe words? Do we need a save sentence?
So I give you your example, so of like safe words,
safe sentences, stuff like that. So I get really over stimulated.
I have ADHD right, And the thing about it is very,
very frustrating for me because I am such.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
A cuddly person in my relationships right, not to be
mistaken with.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I don't like hugs and I'm not a hugger. I'm
a cuddler with my man. There's a difference.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Cool.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
So I really like physical touch, you know, my foot
on your foot, my toe touching your toes, something out
of touch. However, I have times when I'm really over
stimulated and I don't want to be touched. And this
in of itself is really difficult for me to deal
with on my own because I want to touch you
and I want you to touch me, but when you do,
(26:57):
it feels like tag on my shirt and I'm like yeah,
and I'm ready to I'm ready to rip the tail.
I'm ready to make a hole in the back of
my shirt, just like I rip the tag out. That's
how much I'm like, get the fuck off me, right.
So it's a very very difficult and weird thing for
me to navigate, and I really don't like it. But
(27:21):
I'm also embarrassed by it. And I know I have
no reason to be embarrassed, but it is something that
I'm working through, and most more times it was embarrassing
because I didn't know how to explain it. Okay, I
didn't really know how to explain it. This is the
first time in my life, you know, in my adult life,
(27:41):
that I am that I can put words to feelings
first time for the most part, right, for a lot
of the feelings that I couldn't put words to before.
And it's the first time in my adult life that
I'm in a relationship with a man who genuinely gives
a fuck about trying to help me put words to
(28:03):
feelings because he wants to know how to make things
easier for me.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Oh, it's just you know, it's just a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Anyways. Duane is a touchy feel If Dwayne could be
inside my skin, he would, Okay, Dwyane likes to love
me up, touch me up, hug me up, rub me up,
lick me up, kiss me up, okay, any chance he gets.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Dwayne just likes to touch me.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
As Dwane learns more and more about Adhd, both on
his own and through our conversation, he asks me more
and more questions, right, and not even necessarily Adhd related.
He'll just ask questions. And sometimes he's inspired, right because
to ask the questions. So because sometimes I can't thoroughly
(28:51):
explain how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling and why, right,
but he'll he's so attuned to me that he'll just
pick up on things and know that I'm feeling uncomfortable
or so no sofo it. And so one of the
best examples I could give of this is recently, Dwayne.
You know, Dwayne watched the entire season of Love Is Blind.
I did not.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Dwayne gave me the footnotes, you know, he told me,
give me the submaries and shit.
Speaker 3 (29:12):
But I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I told you I couldn't get through it. But the
Marissa situation where she's explaining that what ad that she
gets over stimulated and sometimes she just don't want to
be touched. So we're Dwayne, I think we were sitting
in the no no, No, we weren't sitting in the kitchen.
We were laying on the on the coach. So we're
(29:34):
laying on the coach on the sofa and he says,
so he's I'm eating my sunflower scenes.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
One thing about me. I'm using some flar seats with
the shell. I love seats.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
It's my wine down time, it's my anyways, it's just like,
so I'm there, I'm eating my sunflower scenes and I'm
in my phone. I don't know what I'm doing my phone,
but I'm chomping on my seeds and Dwayne starts rubbing
up my booty. He's sitting on the couch too, and
he's in his phone. Who he's doing his own thing,
and he starts revving up my booby, my booty, my booby,
(30:07):
my booty. And I kind of like, I kind of
move a little bit right, not too much, but it's subtle,
but it's enough. And so he says, Babe, is this
over stimulating to you? And I turned to him and
he's like, no, no, no, like no, no, no hard feeling, no,
(30:32):
not hard feelings. I'm not going to take it as
a rejection, right, because that's something you could take as
a rejection, right, I'm not gonna take it as rejection.
I'm not going to anything, like, I really want to know,
is this something that's overstimulating to you? And I was
like yeah, sometimes, you know, and he's like really, I'm
like yeah sometimes sometimes, Like I always want you to
(30:52):
So I go out and explain to him what I
explain to y'all. Right now, I always want you to
touch me, but sometimes I don't want to be touched.
And it has nothing to do with you. It's just
my body feels like a like a like a like
a tag on the back of my clothes, like it
just feel I'm just, you know, I just don't want
to be touched. I didn't say it like that, but
you know, I'm saying I did say it like that,
(31:15):
but not in a bad way. You know. I'm very animated.
And he says, man, he's like, I didn't know that.
He's like, okay, He's like that makes sense. He's like okay.
He's like, do we want to have let's get a
safe word going, you know, so in the time if
I touch you and you don't want to be touched,
we can use a safe word.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
And I don't have to feel no rejection. I don't
have to feel this.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
I don't internalize it as anything other than my baby
is overstimulated right now, and so I want to make
sure that she's as comfortable as possible. And so we
created a safe word, right and I was like, I
love you with my whole fucking spirit because wow, and
that exchange it just it just lets me be more
(32:05):
and more and more and more of myself without feeling
guilty or feeling bad about being myself. Do you understand
what I'm saying? And that.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Is, in my opinion and for myself, for me, top
tier safety.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Now, the examples that I could give about Duayne are
way too personal and they're private to him, and so
I'm not about to do that. This is not.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
This is not that's it. These are not my.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Things to tell their personal joy and I respect that,
but I will say that it is vice versa. So
in the same way that he supports me in helping
to create these these safe spaces for us to work through,
navigate through, feel okay in, feel good in, feel safe in,
(32:55):
is the same way I do for him. And granted,
I'm not going to sit here and act like as
if I've been you know, perfect at this at all times,
because I haven't. Admittedly, I've had some moments where I
was like, wow, that was really shitty of me. I
did not extend the same grace to him as he
extends to me, right, and had to check myself and
(33:17):
allow myself to get checked. Granted, Douane does not check
me in the way that you might be thinking about,
you know what I'm saying, doing very much gentle partners
me very much, And through Doanne gentle partnering me, he
taught me gentle parering period. Right. So I haven't always
been uh, I haven't always been poy fixed, and we
(33:44):
all know the goal is not to be poy fect.
But I have caught myself, allowed myself to be caught,
and have done the work and practiced better being better,
if that makes sense, and vice versa for doing too.
There's you know, times where there's moments where I'm like whoa, whoa,
(34:06):
you know, and he has course corrected, apologized, course corrected,
and we've navigated through it, so, you know, but through
lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of conversation,
Dwayne and I will talk.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Excuse me. Dwayne and I will talk.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
About everything and anything, and the more time we spend together,
the more the more we continue learning about one another.
And you would, you know, you would think that that's
our thing too, you know, the learning one another. Dwayne
and I have been together now officially since what twenty
(34:51):
twenty two, but we have known each other over ten years, right,
And we have tried this before, and we've dated before
and da da da, and still you know, about to
head into twenty twenty five, and we are still learning
certain things about one another as we continue getting more
(35:13):
and more comfortable with each other. And please note that
we have been comfortable with each other since day one,
So imagine, you know, imagine and I say that to
say you we are all still self developing as people
(35:36):
we should be any ways. And there is no okay,
I'm done learning about myself now I'm fanned, or there
is no this person need learn has knows everything we
need to know about me. No, as much as we
think that we are that we've are open books and
we share with people. There are as many things as
we keep to ourselves. We all do, and sometimes we
(35:58):
don't do it on purpose. Sometimes we don't even know.
Excuse me that we're keeping it to ourselves is because
the opportunity hasn't presented itself for that to come up. Right.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's like, I'll give you an example.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
One day, about four months ago, five months ago, no,
a lie, a year and some change ago, Duenna said.
He asked me, is there any.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
He's like, do you have any Do you have any
like weird things about you that nobody knows?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
I was like, what I am the weird thing about
me that everybody knows it though, But no, He's like, no, silly,
Like he said, for example, whenever he's walking up or
down steps, he counts steps. Right, He's like something I've
been doing since I was a kid. He's like, but
I count them, you know, I count the steps. And
(36:51):
I'm like that's really interesting. I'm like out loud. He's
like no, he's like just in my mind. He's like,
I don't know why I do it. I just do it.
So it's like, oh, that's so cool, interesting, you know,
And I'm like, no, I'm trying to think of any
weird things that I quote unquote weird things that I
do with that, and I'm like, no, I can't think
of anything yesterday. So a whole year and a half later, yesterday,
(37:13):
we're sitting at We're sitting at the kitchen counter on
our kitchen island, and we're doing our nails. Yes, we
are doing our nails, waiting it for going on vacation.
So Duwayne is buffing his nails, and he Dwayne likes
to buff his nails. He likes to have good nails
and good toes. Right, So he's buffing his nails, buffing
his nails and the sound of it buffing, right, And
(37:37):
at the same time, I'm painting my press ons because
ain't nobody got time to go to the motherfucker nails.
Want to get my nails done, and then for one
to break, and then I'm in Mexico and I have
a broken nail and now nobody can fixaus it for
me because I'm not out of time for the shit,
all right, So press ons, it shall be.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Y'all know my favorite press ons Bett art Box on Amazon.
You better go get you some.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Anyways, So I'm painting my press ons. I'm prepping them
with clear polish before I press them on, and he's buffing,
and we're quiet, right, because that's another thing too. I
love about Dane in our relationships that a lot of
times we can share space without talking and just share
space and it's dope.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
It's puffing.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
And in my head, I'm like, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny,
n ny ny Nanny, Nanny, nanny, nanny. But I'm going
to the beat. I'm going to the beat of the brushing, right,
the buffing.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, nanny something.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
I'm like, oh my god, like say that. I'm like, hey,
you remember when you asked me if I had any
weird things I do? Like you count steps. He's like yeah,
I'm like, I have one. So I'm like, I realize
actually that I do this every time. I've been doing this,
probably since I ever started getting my nails done at
the nail salon. This.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
I don't know, I don't know why, but the sound
of nail filing right in my mind, I'm like, Nanny, Nny, nanny,
many mant and it just it's just something that's playing
over and over again. So I tell him and he
starts dying of laughter, and I'm dying of laughter. He's like,
so this whole time you were sitting here, nanny nanny,
and I'm like, yeah, anyways, so now you guys know
(39:22):
my weird thing too.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
But I said that to say, sometimes you don't know
it in the moment.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
So, so the longer you spend together, the more time
you guys spend together, the more you grow together is
the more you learn. You continue learning about each other
because opportunities have to present themselves in order for you
guys to continue learning. Ye a sound I'm saying. And
so yes, there are things baseline things that you learn
(39:52):
about someone that should let you know user discernment. Ah,
this is going to be a hell no for me, dog?
Or yeah, shall we proceed to give you what you need?
You know?
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Shall I proceed?
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Yes? Indeed, I'm gonna throw shade if I can't get
paid up to your girl like the okay you can
slide on my eyes like the escapade.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
And need to get you know you with okay.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Right. So all that to say, all that to say,
the best way to create safe spaces or a safe
place or safety for a man in your life to
speak with you, to speak to you, to converse to
(40:36):
open up to you is spend time together and ask
questions to learn about that person and to have a
lot of conversations to know that sometimes it takes time.
But allow you, guys, allow you, guys, the the experience
(40:57):
and the opportunities to you learn in real time about
each other and learn in real time about yourselves while
you're learning about each other. And I know that sounds
a little mixed up, but you'll understand it once you're there, right,
And So.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
That's that's, that's it. That's what I that's what that's
that's my two cents on that. So yeah, So I
hope that this helped Brittany. I helped this, This answered
easy why Brandy.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
Now.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I couldn't write all this and it would have been
a book. You would have been in your DMS like okay, girl,
this is long, this is a is this a free story? Yeah?
This is okay. But I hope that it gave you
something to think about. Everybody listening and gave you something
to think about and helped you gain even more clarity
(41:49):
or had some light bulb moments for for yourself.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
And so I hope that moving forward.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
With whatever man that you're with date, whatever man is
in your life, you know, you can start having the
conversations you need and creating the space for him to
be safe with you the same way that you are
safe with him, you know. And that's it, ladies, That
(42:17):
is it. So on that note, do I have any
random life news?
Speaker 3 (42:24):
No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
Oh wait, you know what I do? Actually real random,
not random, but real quick.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I had a last the other day when I did
the podcast, and I was like, I only have one
slot left. Somebody booked it immediately for the Creating Your
Soft Life one to one coaching, but I did have
somebody free up. I did have something free up for
I think Friday's at one pm. Anyways, there is another
(42:54):
date that opened up. So I'm going to leave the
link in the show notes the you know descript know
this episode of course, so if you did want to work.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
One on one with me, you can.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Go ahead and click on it and uh and yeah,
book book it up.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
For the ladies who are into the tarrar readings the
full moon slots for the tear readings for Full Moon
in November, there's only one slot left. I think there's
only one slot left. But there are a few other
slots that are not full moon though, so for you
to be with the calendar in November if you want
to book a tower reading or a shadow a shower reading,
(43:37):
good day, a shadow reading.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Somebody is pregnant. It ain't me, it's one of y'all.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Go take a pregnancy test, all right. Some of you
are like, why would you put that on us? That
is fucked up? Going to the pharmacy right now, though, bitch, Okay, cool.
Something that I'm grateful for. I am grateful for Britney's DM.
Thank you so much, appreciate you. I'm grateful that I
(44:09):
was the person that you asked and and and you
know that you feel comfortable asking and yeah, I'm really
grateful for you. Grateful for my audience. I'm grateful for everybody.
Everybody gets a gratitude You get a gratitude card, you
get a gratitude card. Everybody gets a gratitude card. Some
of y'all are too young to know why I'm speaking
like this, but go watch Oprah gives out cards.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Okay, And.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
On that note, I'm going to see myself out ladies
and sometimes gentlemen. I appreciate y'all man, I hope that
today's episode helped you guys in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
Nothing else that is food for thought. Finish up plates,
go be great.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
I hope that you guys have a good rest of
your morning's evenings afternoons over the book.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Y'all are in the world.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
Please be safe, use condoms, trust your intuition, and use
your discernment, and I will catch y'all in the next episode.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Sending U a much love
My name is CCB, but most people just call me B.
I'm thirty nine years young. I've been through a lot.
I've also put myself through a lot, and one day
I got sick and tired of my own shit. And
that's the day when change started happening. I stopped lying
to myself and started getting painfully honest with myself. But
it was only painful because I had been lying to
(00:22):
myself for so long. About nine or ten years ago, now,
give or take, I started writing books about my journey
through my toxic relationships and how I got out of
them and then stayed out of them by building a
healthy relationship with myself. There's nothing that I say on
this podcast that I haven't already had to say to
myself at some point in time, and yes, in the
(00:43):
exact same tone as I say it here. So if
you are sensitive to honesty, girl, this is not the
place for you to be.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I don't sugarcoat shit for myself, so I'm not doing
it for anyone else. Besides, how are you going to
be more offended by another woman being honest with you,
telling you the truth than you are by the man
or men who lied to you? Every day and treat
you like shit. Food for thought, finish your.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Plate, help you what up? Booz?
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Is your girl?
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Be? And Welcome back to another episode of the SIST
Get Your Ish Together Podcast. I hope that you guys
are having a great day today. I hope that you
woke up feeling revived and rejuvenated with faith that everything
that you spoke about with your spirit team the night
before is being worked out for you in the background, somehow,
some way. Well, please remember, you got to help your
spirit team help you, all right. That means you got
(01:41):
to put yourself in a position to get the things
that you want, niece to chest and niece to chest,
because that's right. Even the person who wishes to win
the lottery knows that they've got to play the numbers.
It is cind only twelve thirty pm here in Montreal.
It's cold outside. It's gloomy and gray Canada. In today's episode,
we're going to be talking about creating safe places for
(02:04):
healthy men, men not toxic men, to talk and have
conversations with and allow them to talk to you. Okay,
so go get a snack, a juice box or a
glass of wine. Oh my god, put your triggers to
the side. Okay, so you got room to open up
your mind and let's get into the episode.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Shelly, I want.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
To talk about before we start, how yesterday I was
on Instagram Live and Vanessa shouts of Vanessa and Elsa's like, KILLO,
can we get a new podcast? I'm like, Vanessa, I
just uploaded one two days ago. It's just like yeah,
but I'm all caught up. But I'm all caught up,
so I fuck. Okay, you're dying of black ter. Okay,
(03:06):
that's gravy by like and another one. Okay, so shout
out to Vanessa. We're here, here you go. I love y'all.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Man, I appreciate y'all.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Today's episode, though, is inspired actually by Sorry, Vanessa, I
wasn't inspired by you, but today's episode. The topic of
today's episode rather is inspired by a young lady name
by the name of Brittany who sent me a ZM
a few days ago.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Lies.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
She sent me a damn October twenty third.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
It's November fourth, and I was like, I'll make this
my next episode, and then I completely forgot So sorry Brittany,
but I'm late, but I be on time. Do you
know what I mean, I'm late, but I'm on time.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
So Brittany says, Hey, ii CC. I am new to
your channel, but I've been following you for a couple
of year years now. I'm a huge fan of your
podcasts and thank you for all the things you've taught
me in my healing journey and gaining better self perspective.
So sweet, My question to you is how does a
woman create a safe place for men to talk to you.
(04:15):
I don't remember if you talked about this before, but
I was listening to one of your older podcasts, ten
First Dating Questions, and to realize, I don't know if
I ever made a man genuinely feel safe to communicate
with me, I would love your insight and opinion. So
I was like, you know what, this is a good question,
(04:35):
and I told her. I was like, rather than sending
you a fifteen paragraph motherfucking Dan, I'm gonna talk about
on the podcast because I think one there's context, do
you know what I mean? And so I'm pretty sure
other women could benefit from it. So here we are,
face two face. My voice is back. I'm back, baby,
(04:55):
kind of. I'm still like recovering. I still have a
little bit in my chest, you, I'm saying, but for
the most part we back anyways. Well, we're not face
to face, we're ear to ear. I'm mouth to ear.
My mouth is in you guys's ear. Okay, I'm gonna stop.
It's getting weird.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Anyways.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
So I want to preface this by saying, we're not
talking about This is not about toxic men. This is
not about any ship men. This is not about men
who don't deserve you. We're not talking about men like this. Hey,
we're not talking about creating safe spaces for men like
these idiots to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Okay, that's not What's not what we're talking about. We're
talking about.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Men who have a head on their shoulders, who are
doing their inner work, who are regular everyday men, just
without the toxicity. Okay, that's what we're talking about here.
So perhaps this is men in your life, and it
doesn't only have to be relationships ps by the way,
Perhaps this is your male friends. Perhaps this is your siblings,
are your siblings. Perhaps it is a man that you
(05:53):
are dating, a man that you are in a relationship with. Right,
So we're not I'm going to talk about from a
relationship point of view. However, this can apply to any
man who's in your life. You know, you got I
gotta give the disclaimers because some of y'all brains just
go right to the narcissist. We're not doing that, Okay,
what about that?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Cool?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So I'm gonna I'm gonna start off real strong here
by saying this, and y'all you know you don't want
to hear this, But the reality is is that a
lot of men don't feel safe talking to women, or
(06:35):
a lot of women don't allow a safe space for
men to speak with them because one we bump our gums,
we're always fucking talking. There is a disconnect a lot
of the times before just listen between just listening and
always having to insert yourself, okay, which and then in
(06:56):
turn you make it about yourself. So number one, we're
gonna get more depth in a minute, but just off rip.
Number one, learn how to shut up sometimes not in
a bad way, not in a submissive and will submit
to me, not in any of that way, but literally
stop talking so.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
That you can listen.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
You can listen, and if you must talk, ask engaging
questions based on and I'm trying, like I want to
understand a little bit better.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Can you explain this? Can you explain that?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Right?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Like that part, But stay on topic. Do not make
it about yourself. Do not share a story about you.
Do not talk about the last guy that da da da.
Do not talk about your mom had this. No no, no,
no no. Just stay in the room, stay in the moment,
stay in the energy, and let that man talk and
(07:49):
get whatever he needs to get off of his chest.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Two, Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
The things that are going to come out of the
man's mouth are going to trigger you. And this is
why it's going to be really important for you to
y'all to work together and for you to work on
yourself as well. Because when we think of like when
we think of these conversations, we think of sugar and
(08:20):
spice and everything nice. We think of safety as this
warm blanket, you know, and they're cozy wrapped up in
it on a cool autumn day. But the reality of
the situation is a lot of these conversations that require
a safety net to have or a safe space to
have are difficult conversations. And they're difficult because they could
(08:44):
be a lot of the times vulnerable in a way
that the person is not used to being vulnerable or
is afraid of being vulnerable in that way, and in
when we're having conversations in vulnerability, we're being honest with ourselves.
Therefore we can be honest with the other person and
sometimes man the things we're being honest about. On the
(09:07):
other end, you know, you as a woman are like
what the fuck is this? Right? You know, so you
might get triggered, you might feel some typ away, whatever
the case may be, but it's going to be important
for you to man mind your triggers, work through them
in real time.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
The second thing is practice, So practice.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Having in depth conversation, Practice asking each other questions literally
like okay, so for example, you know what, let's just okay,
so this is number two is all wrapped up into
number two. So what is safety for this man? What
(09:56):
does it even look like for him? Because a lot
of the time we and this is human this is
this is not just a man.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Woman thinks it's just human behavior.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
We tend to think that whatever one thing is for
us is how it is for somebody else, and it's
not that we're doing it on purpose, it's just it
is what it is, right. But the reality is is
what safety means to you might not always look the
same or mean the same for the man that you're with,
and it's important that you ask them, oh right, what
(10:28):
does safety mean to you? And probably eight out of
ten times you will that man will be taken aback
because no one really asks men what safety is to them.
And so because nobody really asks them a lot of
times they don't even think about what safety means to them.
Number one, and then number two, a lot of men,
(10:49):
you have to remember, are brought up to protect women, right,
that's the that's their mind, you know, and protect, protect, product,
protector and provider, protect and provider. So most people don't
think to ask a man what's say means to them,
and they don't think of asking themselves what it means
to themselves. So even just asking that question to the
men in your life, Hey, what does safety even mean
(11:10):
for you? You know, not to you about me, but
what does it mean for you? What makes you feel safe?
In conversations in the home, in responses in right, like
what makes you feel safe mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually,
(11:31):
what does that look like to you? And you might
find this man be like Okay, well, huh, nobody's ever
asked me that before.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
This is strange. Maybe I need to think about it.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You'd be very surprised at how many men have to
be like, you know what, I'm going to retreat for
a second for a moment. Let me get back to
you in two to seventeen business days, because holy shit,
never been asked that before. So once you guys have
that conversation, and again in this conversation, you might even
(12:07):
be triggered as he starts telling you what safety looks
like means for him. You know, a lot of things
might pop up. You might be a well truggered this
shit or a lot And it's going to be important
for you to regulate yourself and to listen, to just
listen and again ask questions for more understanding, right, not
(12:30):
for not to probe, not to judge, not to attack,
not to belittle, but to gain more understanding and make
it really clear that that's why you're asking those questions.
I think people really underestimate the power of making things clear. Right.
So one thing I do. You know, if you've ever
been in one of my Instagram lives, you know that
(12:53):
I'm one very big on context and two, i will
say it of my mouth, something along the lines of, hey,
just to you know, be clear, I'm asking this question,
not judging you. I'm asking because I genuinely don't know
the answer. I'm genuinely curious, right, Or I'll say something
like I'll start to speak, and then I'll somebody ask
(13:15):
a question, I'll answer their question, and I'll start I'm
about to start talking about something else. And then I'll
say to the person who originally answer the question, I'll say, hey,
just so you know, this isn't a personal attack that
I'm about to talk about right now, your question just
made me think of something else, another topic. So now
I'm speaking in general. This is not I don't want
you to think this is about you, right. I have
really learned the importance of doing that so people can
(13:40):
can feel safe. Okay, thanks for letting me know that.
So they don't think that I'm still you know what
I mean. Now what they think after that is their business.
But I'm just saying in general, right, so that at
least I said and they know that this isn't about you,
you know, And so never underestimate the power of gaining
of asking for clarity and making it clear that you're
(14:01):
asking for clarity, right, and that said, Hey, I'm just
going to ask you this question, not because you know
of anything else, but just because I want to. I'm
really curious more about this part. I want to better
understand you, right, I want to better understand you so
that I can help you where I can. This is
also a really good sentence, I want to better understand
you so I can help you where I can. I'm
(14:23):
gonna cough, Oh my gosh, hold, I got to process
a lot. Oh almost gonna make it sick of this. Right.
The I want to better understand you so I can
help you where I can is very disarming for someone.
So I can help you where I can. Think about
how many people don't get help, right, aren't offered help?
(14:46):
So on and so forth, especially if you're dealing with
the type of man who is an independent woman. That's
not what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I only said it like that.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Listen to me.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Look, I only said it like that so that you
all my independent ladies out there can have an AHA
moment like oh okay, right. In the same sense that
a lot of independent women, hyper independent women don't like
to ask for help or never really get offered help
because everybody thinks that they got everything and they can
handle it on their own right, a lot of times
people don't offer them help. It's the same thing when
(15:22):
we're talking about a man who is, you know, a
doer and who kind of just takes on, takes it on,
takes it on, takes everything on the chin and looks
like he's getting through life and looks like this person,
looks like that person, but in the end looks like
he's strong and blah blah blah. But in the end
he wishes that somebody would see him, you know, he
wishes that somebody would would ask him too if he
(15:43):
needed some help sometimes because yeah, he does, right. It's
the same thing, you know. And I think that so
many times we just don't see men, especially the men
in their lives that we love we appreciate, as needing help,
and they do in their own way and in different ways.
And that's why it's imporant to have conversations so you
(16:05):
know what the fuck they need help with.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Because you might be okay, let me give you example.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Maybe maybe you see your man cutting the grass all
the time and you say, you want to know what
today I'm going to before he gets home from work,
I'm gonna cut the grass and take that off his plate.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
I'm going to help him.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Right, and he comes home and the grass is cut,
and you're like surprise, and he is appreciative, Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Babe, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Right, and you're like, I just want to take this
off your plate, and you're like, man, he's like, thank
you so much. But inside he's kind of like he
likes to cut the grass one, and that's not where
he needs the help. Right, that's for him. You cutting
the grass is for you. You're like, that's helpful for him.
He's like, that's wasn't helpful. I actually like to cut
(16:58):
the grass because while I'm out there doing it gives me,
like I get to think, I get to be in
my head, I get to you know, whatever, whatever the
case they be. It's my time to myself. You see,
this is why we need to have conversations. It's the
same thing as I'll give you a better another example,
better another same thing for some of y'all. A man
(17:20):
getting a woman flowers, right, this isn't nice. This is nice,
and men are conditioned to believe that all women love flowers.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
But here's the kicker.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Not all women love flowers, not all women like to
get flowers, and so here you are kind of accepting
them because you don't want to seem ungrateful. You're like, oh, thanks, thanks, Brian,
you know, and then he starts to pick up when like,
you know, and he's like, what the fuck You're like,
(17:49):
I don't I don't like flowers. I appreciate the gesture,
but I don't like flowers. You guys have to have
those conversations so then he can when he wants to
get you something, a little something, or whatever the case be,
every day to brighten up your day. Maybe instead of
him bringing home flowers every Friday, he brings you a
thing of chocolates. Maybe you're like, yeah, maybe it's a
(18:09):
Oh Henry, Maybe it's a Reese's pieces cups, you know,
maybe it's some Lindor chocolates. And you're like, yeah, that's
my shit, that's my jam. Turn it up and play
it again. You know what I'm saying, And that for
you is okay. Right, So you have to have conversations.
Healthy relationships require so much talking that even the the
(18:32):
yuppiest of women shout to any any one of my clients.
She calls herself a yapper. She's so cute, even the
y happiest, y happiest of women. Right, well, think this
is too much motherfucking talking. Now we just well we
motherfucking do is talk. It requires a lot of conversation.
(18:53):
And what a lot of people find A lot of women,
interestingly enough, find when they are in or start to
get into where they meet a man who is not
a piece of shit, and they start being around him
more and more, and you know, there's start dating. A
lot of women will find that they actually don't know
(19:16):
how to women them themselves don't actually know how to
have conversations because so many women are used to being
in relationships with toxic men. And in those relationships, you're
not really conversing. You're telling somebody you're always to You're
telling someone how you feel, you're telling someone that you're
tired of this. You're telling someone what to do, you're
telling someone what not to do. You're doing a lot
(19:37):
of telling, which you're not doing a lot of conversing.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
You see, So that's important.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
And in shitty relationships, everything's always about you because you're
the victim. Right, So, not being an asshole I'm just
saying what it is, right. So literally, you are the
somebody's doing something to you in the relationship, and you're
always trying to you know, how you feeling, and get
your point across and try to make somebody understand you.
So a lot of women, when they transition, we're gonna
(20:08):
use that word, right, and they get around a man
who is not that and they don't have to do
that for a man who sees them first, they start
to realize, oh shit, I actually don't know how to
have a two sided conversation because I'm so used to
talking to a fucking wall, you know, and I'm so
used to pleading my case, and I have to make
everything about me because that person is constantly hurting me
(20:31):
that I actually don't know now how to.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Make things about us.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I don't know how to or make things about somebody
else in a good way, like give you the I'm
giving you the floor, you know, and I'm just holding
space for you. A lot of women don't actually know
how to do that. So it's really it's really important
to ask a lot of questions. I asked doing fifty
eleven thousand questions, I might as well be one of
(20:57):
his children.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Okay, this is just it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
But similarly, Duayne asked me fifty eleven thousand questions a day, right,
and not questions like babe, what is the scissors? What
did your where is that? No?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Sometimes those are things too, But how can I help you?
How did this make you feel?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
How did this or how do you do it?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Or how did this?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
I have? Right? So asking a man what makes them
feel safe is important. What safety means to them is
very important. And working through triggers together, talking through things together.
It's like sometimes you can give somebody this the most
safest and also also to.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Being honest with them. How do I say this?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
So sorry, my thoughts are getting a little bit jumbled.
Please hold what I gather my thoughts?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
All right?
Speaker 1 (21:55):
So, for example, you ever be having a conversation and
you feel judged, like I'm feeling a little judge right now.
But the person hasn't necessarily done or said, like said
anything outwardly judge. Ye, right, maybe they ask they asked
a question and the question made you feel judged. It's
like am I judging you? Or do you feel judged
(22:18):
because you already have your own shame? Around whatever subject.
And so no matter what I ask you, you don't
really want to You're still going to feel the shame
that you feel around it, and so you're going to
feel judged.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
But really, this is not me judging you. This is
just how you feel in your own right.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
These kind of quests, this kind of conversation is important
because a lot of people don't even realize they just
snapped to I'm being judged. So when you're asking them
a question, right, So let's say I'm What I'm trying
to get to is, Let's say you ask buddy a question, right,
and you start to realize, you know, he's going into
he's going a little inward or he outwards says, you know,
(22:53):
I feel a little judged by the question. Calmly, very calmly,
you can say, that's interesting, I'm not judging you in
all honesty. Have you ever explored any shame that you
might have around what you're talking to me about right now? Right?
Is there any shame that you might have that you
might be carrying, whether it is your shame or not,
right that you feel is now so deeply intertwined and
(23:19):
part of you, that me asking question kind of presses
on for you that shame point, and so you feel
like you're being judged, right, guarantee you that I'm not
gonna be like huh, well, I've never in my love
not never been seen like this before. I just would
never thought about it that way before. Are you a therapist?
Should not be paying you? Yes, you should be paying me. Sorry,
(23:41):
just got triggered at my own thoughts of all the
men who I've been an armchair therapist for my past.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Triggered.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Okay, that was then this is now, let it go
all right? But my point is is that.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
In these genuine these conversations that are genuine and the
questions to genuinely gain more understanding and clarity about that person,
and then even in the midst helping them gain clarity
about themselves. That creates safety. You know, that in itself
(24:22):
creates safety. But other people realize that shit or not
excuse me, that is a form of safety in itself. So,
you know, how can we work together to navigate your
feelings of shame?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
You know?
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Do we need safe words when things are getting too
when you're feeling you know, a little bit too overwhelmed
and you don't want to talk about this anymore. You
don't mind revisiting it, but right now it's just a
little bit too much. Do we need safe words? Right?
So we can so instead of it being I don't
want to talk about this, you can maybe say something,
(24:56):
you know what, I feel myself getting a little bubbly
and not the poopy type, not the type that I
got a poop. Well, and maybe we can table this
and come back to it another day because I haven't
even had time to process it myself.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Fair.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
That is so fair. Absolutely, thank you for sharing that
with me. Really appreciate you. You know, I understand now
why you want to table it. You explain it perfectly.
I'm perfectly okay with it. I respect it. Let's do
that because I want you to feel safe when we're
having these conversations. I don't want you to feel like
you have to shait yourself, you know what I mean.
I don't want you to feel like you're about to
(25:34):
shut down, like you're about to snap. Right. So that's
perfectly fair, and that's how we navigate through those things together.
And maybe the next time when we, you know, have
the conversation, when you're ready to, you can say things
to me like Okay, this is something that's really difficult
for me. So I'm going to do my best to
get through this. You know, things like that, right, do
(25:56):
we need safe words? Do we need a save sentence?
So I give you your example, so of like safe words,
safe sentences, stuff like that. So I get really over stimulated.
I have ADHD right, And the thing about it is very,
very frustrating for me because I am such.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
A cuddly person in my relationships right, not to be
mistaken with.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I don't like hugs and I'm not a hugger. I'm
a cuddler with my man. There's a difference.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Cool.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
So I really like physical touch, you know, my foot
on your foot, my toe touching your toes, something out
of touch. However, I have times when I'm really over
stimulated and I don't want to be touched. And this
in of itself is really difficult for me to deal
with on my own because I want to touch you
and I want you to touch me, but when you do,
(26:57):
it feels like tag on my shirt and I'm like yeah,
and I'm ready to I'm ready to rip the tail.
I'm ready to make a hole in the back of
my shirt, just like I rip the tag out. That's
how much I'm like, get the fuck off me, right.
So it's a very very difficult and weird thing for
me to navigate, and I really don't like it. But
(27:21):
I'm also embarrassed by it. And I know I have
no reason to be embarrassed, but it is something that
I'm working through, and most more times it was embarrassing
because I didn't know how to explain it. Okay, I
didn't really know how to explain it. This is the
first time in my life, you know, in my adult life,
(27:41):
that I am that I can put words to feelings
first time for the most part, right, for a lot
of the feelings that I couldn't put words to before.
And it's the first time in my adult life that
I'm in a relationship with a man who genuinely gives
a fuck about trying to help me put words to
(28:03):
feelings because he wants to know how to make things
easier for me.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Oh, it's just you know, it's just a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Anyways. Duane is a touchy feel If Dwayne could be
inside my skin, he would, Okay, Dwyane likes to love
me up, touch me up, hug me up, rub me up,
lick me up, kiss me up, okay, any chance he gets.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Dwayne just likes to touch me.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
As Dwane learns more and more about Adhd, both on
his own and through our conversation, he asks me more
and more questions, right, and not even necessarily Adhd related.
He'll just ask questions. And sometimes he's inspired, right because
to ask the questions. So because sometimes I can't thoroughly
(28:51):
explain how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling and why, right,
but he'll he's so attuned to me that he'll just
pick up on things and know that I'm feeling uncomfortable
or so no sofo it. And so one of the
best examples I could give of this is recently, Dwayne.
You know, Dwayne watched the entire season of Love Is Blind.
I did not.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Dwayne gave me the footnotes, you know, he told me,
give me the submaries and shit.
Speaker 3 (29:12):
But I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I told you I couldn't get through it. But the
Marissa situation where she's explaining that what ad that she
gets over stimulated and sometimes she just don't want to
be touched. So we're Dwayne, I think we were sitting
in the no no, No, we weren't sitting in the kitchen.
We were laying on the on the coach. So we're
(29:34):
laying on the coach on the sofa and he says,
so he's I'm eating my sunflower scenes.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
One thing about me. I'm using some flar seats with
the shell. I love seats.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
It's my wine down time, it's my anyways, it's just like,
so I'm there, I'm eating my sunflower scenes and I'm
in my phone. I don't know what I'm doing my phone,
but I'm chomping on my seeds and Dwayne starts rubbing
up my booty. He's sitting on the couch too, and
he's in his phone. Who he's doing his own thing,
and he starts revving up my booby, my booty, my booby,
(30:07):
my booty. And I kind of like, I kind of
move a little bit right, not too much, but it's subtle,
but it's enough. And so he says, Babe, is this
over stimulating to you? And I turned to him and
he's like, no, no, no, like no, no, no hard feeling, no,
(30:32):
not hard feelings. I'm not going to take it as
a rejection, right, because that's something you could take as
a rejection, right, I'm not gonna take it as rejection.
I'm not going to anything, like, I really want to know,
is this something that's overstimulating to you? And I was
like yeah, sometimes, you know, and he's like really, I'm
like yeah sometimes sometimes, Like I always want you to
(30:52):
So I go out and explain to him what I
explain to y'all. Right now, I always want you to
touch me, but sometimes I don't want to be touched.
And it has nothing to do with you. It's just
my body feels like a like a like a like
a tag on the back of my clothes, like it
just feel I'm just, you know, I just don't want
to be touched. I didn't say it like that, but
you know, I'm saying I did say it like that,
(31:15):
but not in a bad way. You know. I'm very animated.
And he says, man, he's like, I didn't know that.
He's like, okay, He's like that makes sense. He's like okay.
He's like, do we want to have let's get a
safe word going, you know, so in the time if
I touch you and you don't want to be touched,
we can use a safe word.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
And I don't have to feel no rejection. I don't
have to feel this.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
I don't internalize it as anything other than my baby
is overstimulated right now, and so I want to make
sure that she's as comfortable as possible. And so we
created a safe word, right and I was like, I
love you with my whole fucking spirit because wow, and
that exchange it just it just lets me be more
(32:05):
and more and more and more of myself without feeling
guilty or feeling bad about being myself. Do you understand
what I'm saying? And that.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Is, in my opinion and for myself, for me, top
tier safety.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Now, the examples that I could give about Duayne are
way too personal and they're private to him, and so
I'm not about to do that. This is not.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
This is not that's it. These are not my.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Things to tell their personal joy and I respect that,
but I will say that it is vice versa. So
in the same way that he supports me in helping
to create these these safe spaces for us to work through,
navigate through, feel okay in, feel good in, feel safe in,
(32:55):
is the same way I do for him. And granted,
I'm not going to sit here and act like as
if I've been you know, perfect at this at all times,
because I haven't. Admittedly, I've had some moments where I
was like, wow, that was really shitty of me. I
did not extend the same grace to him as he
extends to me, right, and had to check myself and
(33:17):
allow myself to get checked. Granted, Douane does not check
me in the way that you might be thinking about,
you know what I'm saying, doing very much gentle partners
me very much, And through Doanne gentle partnering me, he
taught me gentle parering period. Right. So I haven't always
been uh, I haven't always been poy fixed, and we
(33:44):
all know the goal is not to be poy fect.
But I have caught myself, allowed myself to be caught,
and have done the work and practiced better being better,
if that makes sense, and vice versa for doing too.
There's you know, times where there's moments where I'm like whoa, whoa,
(34:06):
you know, and he has course corrected, apologized, course corrected,
and we've navigated through it, so, you know, but through
lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of conversation,
Dwayne and I will talk.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Excuse me. Dwayne and I will talk.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
About everything and anything, and the more time we spend together,
the more the more we continue learning about one another.
And you would, you know, you would think that that's
our thing too, you know, the learning one another. Dwayne
and I have been together now officially since what twenty
(34:51):
twenty two, but we have known each other over ten years, right,
And we have tried this before, and we've dated before
and da da da, and still you know, about to
head into twenty twenty five, and we are still learning
certain things about one another as we continue getting more
(35:13):
and more comfortable with each other. And please note that
we have been comfortable with each other since day one,
So imagine, you know, imagine and I say that to
say you we are all still self developing as people
(35:36):
we should be any ways. And there is no okay,
I'm done learning about myself now I'm fanned, or there
is no this person need learn has knows everything we
need to know about me. No, as much as we
think that we are that we've are open books and
we share with people. There are as many things as
we keep to ourselves. We all do, and sometimes we
(35:58):
don't do it on purpose. Sometimes we don't even know.
Excuse me that we're keeping it to ourselves is because
the opportunity hasn't presented itself for that to come up. Right.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's like, I'll give you an example.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
One day, about four months ago, five months ago, no,
a lie, a year and some change ago, Duenna said.
He asked me, is there any.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
He's like, do you have any Do you have any
like weird things about you that nobody knows?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
I was like, what I am the weird thing about
me that everybody knows it though, But no, He's like, no, silly,
Like he said, for example, whenever he's walking up or
down steps, he counts steps. Right, He's like something I've
been doing since I was a kid. He's like, but
I count them, you know, I count the steps. And
(36:51):
I'm like that's really interesting. I'm like out loud. He's
like no, he's like just in my mind. He's like,
I don't know why I do it. I just do it.
So it's like, oh, that's so cool, interesting, you know,
And I'm like, no, I'm trying to think of any
weird things that I quote unquote weird things that I
do with that, and I'm like, no, I can't think
of anything yesterday. So a whole year and a half later, yesterday,
(37:13):
we're sitting at We're sitting at the kitchen counter on
our kitchen island, and we're doing our nails. Yes, we
are doing our nails, waiting it for going on vacation.
So Duwayne is buffing his nails, and he Dwayne likes
to buff his nails. He likes to have good nails
and good toes. Right, So he's buffing his nails, buffing
his nails and the sound of it buffing, right, And
(37:37):
at the same time, I'm painting my press ons because
ain't nobody got time to go to the motherfucker nails.
Want to get my nails done, and then for one
to break, and then I'm in Mexico and I have
a broken nail and now nobody can fixaus it for
me because I'm not out of time for the shit,
all right, So press ons, it shall be.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Y'all know my favorite press ons Bett art Box on Amazon.
You better go get you some.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Anyways, So I'm painting my press ons. I'm prepping them
with clear polish before I press them on, and he's buffing,
and we're quiet, right, because that's another thing too. I
love about Dane in our relationships that a lot of
times we can share space without talking and just share
space and it's dope.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
It's puffing.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
And in my head, I'm like, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, Nanny,
n ny ny Nanny, Nanny, nanny, nanny. But I'm going
to the beat. I'm going to the beat of the brushing, right,
the buffing.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Nanny, Nanny, Nanny, nanny something.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
I'm like, oh my god, like say that. I'm like, hey,
you remember when you asked me if I had any
weird things I do? Like you count steps. He's like yeah,
I'm like, I have one. So I'm like, I realize
actually that I do this every time. I've been doing this,
probably since I ever started getting my nails done at
the nail salon. This.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
I don't know, I don't know why, but the sound
of nail filing right in my mind, I'm like, Nanny, Nny, nanny,
many mant and it just it's just something that's playing
over and over again. So I tell him and he
starts dying of laughter, and I'm dying of laughter. He's like,
so this whole time you were sitting here, nanny nanny,
and I'm like, yeah, anyways, so now you guys know
(39:22):
my weird thing too.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
But I said that to say, sometimes you don't know
it in the moment.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
So, so the longer you spend together, the more time
you guys spend together, the more you grow together is
the more you learn. You continue learning about each other
because opportunities have to present themselves in order for you
guys to continue learning. Ye a sound I'm saying. And
so yes, there are things baseline things that you learn
(39:52):
about someone that should let you know user discernment. Ah,
this is going to be a hell no for me, dog?
Or yeah, shall we proceed to give you what you need?
You know?
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Shall I proceed?
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Yes? Indeed, I'm gonna throw shade if I can't get
paid up to your girl like the okay you can
slide on my eyes like the escapade.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
And need to get you know you with okay.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Right. So all that to say, all that to say,
the best way to create safe spaces or a safe
place or safety for a man in your life to
speak with you, to speak to you, to converse to
(40:36):
open up to you is spend time together and ask
questions to learn about that person and to have a
lot of conversations to know that sometimes it takes time.
But allow you, guys, allow you, guys, the the experience
(40:57):
and the opportunities to you learn in real time about
each other and learn in real time about yourselves while
you're learning about each other. And I know that sounds
a little mixed up, but you'll understand it once you're there, right,
And So.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
That's that's, that's it. That's what I that's what that's
that's my two cents on that. So yeah, So I
hope that this helped Brittany. I helped this, This answered
easy why Brandy.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
Now.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I couldn't write all this and it would have been
a book. You would have been in your DMS like okay, girl,
this is long, this is a is this a free story? Yeah?
This is okay. But I hope that it gave you
something to think about. Everybody listening and gave you something
to think about and helped you gain even more clarity
(41:49):
or had some light bulb moments for for yourself.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
And so I hope that moving forward.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
With whatever man that you're with date, whatever man is
in your life, you know, you can start having the
conversations you need and creating the space for him to
be safe with you the same way that you are
safe with him, you know. And that's it, ladies, That
(42:17):
is it. So on that note, do I have any
random life news?
Speaker 3 (42:24):
No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
Oh wait, you know what I do? Actually real random,
not random, but real quick.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I had a last the other day when I did
the podcast, and I was like, I only have one
slot left. Somebody booked it immediately for the Creating Your
Soft Life one to one coaching, but I did have
somebody free up. I did have something free up for
I think Friday's at one pm. Anyways, there is another
(42:54):
date that opened up. So I'm going to leave the
link in the show notes the you know descript know
this episode of course, so if you did want to work.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
One on one with me, you can.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Go ahead and click on it and uh and yeah,
book book it up.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
For the ladies who are into the tarrar readings the
full moon slots for the tear readings for Full Moon
in November, there's only one slot left. I think there's
only one slot left. But there are a few other
slots that are not full moon though, so for you
to be with the calendar in November if you want
to book a tower reading or a shadow a shower reading,
(43:37):
good day, a shadow reading.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Somebody is pregnant. It ain't me, it's one of y'all.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Go take a pregnancy test, all right. Some of you
are like, why would you put that on us? That
is fucked up? Going to the pharmacy right now, though, bitch, Okay, cool.
Something that I'm grateful for. I am grateful for Britney's DM.
Thank you so much, appreciate you. I'm grateful that I
(44:09):
was the person that you asked and and and you
know that you feel comfortable asking and yeah, I'm really
grateful for you. Grateful for my audience. I'm grateful for everybody.
Everybody gets a gratitude You get a gratitude card, you
get a gratitude card. Everybody gets a gratitude card. Some
of y'all are too young to know why I'm speaking
like this, but go watch Oprah gives out cards.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Okay, And.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
On that note, I'm going to see myself out ladies
and sometimes gentlemen. I appreciate y'all man, I hope that
today's episode helped you guys in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
Nothing else that is food for thought. Finish up plates,
go be great.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
I hope that you guys have a good rest of
your morning's evenings afternoons over the book.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Y'all are in the world.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
Please be safe, use condoms, trust your intuition, and use
your discernment, and I will catch y'all in the next episode.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Sending U a much love
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