Processing Out Loud Isn't Complaining

Been a while. Let's catch up :)

You can find all my books, the Substacks, and my coaching programs here: Sis, Get Your Ish Together

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
A lot. It's been a while. Hi. Hello all the
ladies in the place with style and grace. Hello, my ladies. Hi,
I hope that everybody is having a good day today,
all things considered, around the world. Here here I am.
Let me just say this, if it's your first time

(00:21):
ever listening, Like if you just stumbled on this podcast
and this is the first episode you chose, because you're like, oh, title, Yeah,
maybe listen to a few other ones first, because this
one is really just an update and it's going to
be long, and you're probably I'm giving an update to
you know, to where the book I've been for the

(00:42):
last couple of months, and so you you know, just
go listen to the other episodes and then come back
here after you've caught up to like seven or eight
of them or ten, and then this one will make sense.
But to all my regular my OG's, I feel so
weird to be recording again. I don't even know, Like

(01:03):
I don't even know how to set I'm like, what's
wrong with me? Get it together? This is so impromptu.
I wasn't even gonna I've been thinking about recording for
a while, don't get me wrong, but I don't know
something just moved me today. I'm like, you know what,
just press record and so here I am. Like I mentioned,
this is going to be a longer episode because we

(01:26):
have a lot to catch up on and I really
want to take my time and just speak I think lately,
and we'll get into more of what I'm about to
say right now, but I think lately I have been
feeling Oh god, I've been feeling a lot of things.
But I told myself as I was sitting down to
record this, I'm like, you know what, I'm not going

(01:47):
to rush through this. I'm gonna take my time, and
you know, my og ladies will be happy to hear
a play by a play of what the fuck's been
going on? So here I am. There's no intro today,
as you noticed, because I need to update it, and
I'll explain why in somewhere in this. It'll come out,
but I need to I need to update it, so

(02:11):
I'm working on that. Mentally, I'm thinking of how I
can update the intro. So that's why there's no intro. Okay,
where have I been? Where have you been? My Lanya
can calm down. I've been. I've been. I've been inside
of me really and truly, where do I start? So

(02:37):
I turned forty. There's that. I turned forty on February
twenty fifth, And leading up to that, there was a
solid I think maybe two months or I was just
doing a lot of processing. And this is where the
title of this episode actually comes from, because I had

(03:00):
hopped on my Instagram live. Wait, let me just say this.
I have been so absent from all everywhere that and
you know, I love y'all. I really do. My like
my real ogs, my broader dies. Some of y'all were
in my dms like, okay, just show us signs of
life because you are fucking nowhere, bitch, Like where are you?
Just let us know that you're okay. That's all. That's

(03:20):
really all. I appreciate y'all. Thank you so much. Alive.
So I had done a random Instagram live to show
signs of life, and I was talking about the fact
that I was turning forward and just you know how

(03:41):
I had had a conversation with somebody. I was just
processing out loud the feelings that I was having leading
up to that, and you know, immediately, you know, and
I had started that. I had started it with you know,
I I believe that aging is a privilege. Don't get
me wrong. You know, I'm not like, oh my god,
I'm turning forty, my life is over. No, that's not

(04:03):
where I was right. Aging is a privilege. I like,
I always say, you know I have unfortunately, I have
friends who didn't make it past twenty five, you know
what I mean, to make it past twenty two, who
would love to be forty. So you know, I know
that aging is a privilege. But two things can be

(04:24):
truth true at the same time. I can know that
and also feel feelings right, And so the woman was like, ah,
I'm so fucking tired of women acting other women like
acting like it's the end of your life and dah
da da, And I can't even remember what she said,
but she I was like, uh, that's literally not what
I said. I'm literally just processing out loud. And so

(04:46):
I had said that on my Instagram live and one
of the one of my ogenes kmeg shows a Kmegs.
She had said She's like, people need to normalize that
processing out loud is not complaining. And I was like, okay, Megs,
I'm gonna use that somewhere. Thank you for that. So
here we are. I spent a few months just like
you know, looking at my calendar and mean like, oh,

(05:07):
you know when it's circled my birthday, and I'm like,
and I have a lot of feelings about my birthday
as well. Some of you guys know the history of
my birthday. And I'll explain a little bit more later.
But I've been changing. I'm gonna try to get emotional.
It's like, oh this, but I've just been I've been changing,
and I can feel it in me. But more than that,

(05:31):
i can see it in the mirror. And it's something
that is I don't know if you if you forty
and you or you over forty, you understand what I'm saying, right,
It's something that is, uh, it's weird. It's like looking
at myself and like I know you, but then I

(05:51):
also don't know you, like you know, like I I
see I see the girl that I've known for so long,
but then I also see somebody who was emerging who
I don't quite recognize yet, and I'm still getting used
to her. I guess every day, right, you know, a

(06:13):
little bit of fine lines under the eyes. I'm just like,
what is this? What is this? You know? I had
a conversation with my mom and I was telling her,
I was just talking. She doesn't being really beautiful to me.
She's like, you know, and I'm paraphrasing here, but I

(06:34):
had started crying. I was just like, I just I
can't help but feel like I wasted a lot of
my call a lot of my twenties, a lot of
my twenties, and even some of my thirties. Not really
my thirties were good, but I always feel like I
wasted a lot of my twenties, just like running behind
the wrong things and just you know, and by wrong thing,

(06:58):
I mean boys, you know I'm saying. And I think
during my processing, like I know I've accomplished a lot,
I know all these things, Like I know I've accomplished
a lot. I've know I've done the damn thing. I know.
I know, I know, I know. But there's something about
my twenties that I think I needed to to let
go of, to heal, to forgive all the things right.

(07:23):
And I can help, but think like, because you know
there are some things that and yes, you're never too
too old to do X y Z right, but can
we keep can we keep it? A bug? For a second.
There are some things that in your twenties you you're
lighter to experience than when you're in your fortes. Do
you understand what I'm saying. You know, your twenties, you

(07:48):
still I don't know, you know what? You know what
I'm saying. I know you know what I'm saying. Don't
don't do that. I know you know. So anyways, let's
talking to my mom and I was just telling her
all these feelings that I was having, and I had mentioned, like,
my these little fine lines that I see appearing under
my eyes. And she said again paraphrasing, but she was like,

(08:11):
you know, like she validated all my feelings. And then
she was like, you know, you're these are all stories.
I'm gonna cry. These are all storylines. You know, your
fine lines, fine lines, sprinkles, these are these tell stories

(08:31):
of where you've been and what you've learned and the
wisdom you've accumulated along the way. They're your storylines. Ah.
And so she was like, every time you see a
new one, you know, do what you do best, tell
the story. Because you have an audience of women who

(09:01):
you help with your stories. Do what your mission, what
you were called here to do you were called here
on this earth to do and tell your stories? And
I just just give me a different perspective, do you

(09:22):
know what I mean. I'm just like I'm crying. I
love my mom. I really do. Should be getting a
fucking nurse sometimes, but I really love my mom anyways,
So it just gave me a different perspective, and it
made me think, to you of like where I've been,

(09:44):
why I've been kind of absent, just kind of all
worked together and flow. I've just been feeling very introspective.
I think I haven't had the urge or the want
necessarily to talk like at all like I had. Just
I've been quiet for the past few months, like genuinely quiet.

(10:07):
I don't want to talk to anybody, and not because
I'm mad, and not because I'm sad or not because
I'm I just like, I just don't want to talk
to anybody. I don't know how else to explain it
other than that. And I found myself in the midst
of not wanting to talk, wanting to write more. It's

(10:29):
it's been a homecoming. I think it's really just last
few months have been a coming home because I had
been having trouble writing for some time, I had been
feeling very disconnected to my art, I guess, if you
would say, right, And I think I've spoken about this

(10:50):
a little bit, or maybe a little bit in a
past episode. I don't really listen to my episode's child,
I don't know, but maybe the previous one I think
I did, where you know, I kind of ended up
in a space with the Crimson Kiss over the years
where I had to write a certain way to to

(11:13):
fit kind of to just fit a certain theme. And
while that worked and it served its purpose for who
it was meant for and for me at the time too,
to be honest, I've grown throughout the years and that
just doesn't work anymore for me, and I know I

(11:35):
miss being more poetic and more decorative in my writing.
And that's just what I've been doing. I've been I
have been doing that, and I have felt really, really,
really at peace with it. I did tell you guys
this because I also I read a piece from That's right.
I read a piece that I called a love letter

(11:57):
to life, simple joys, which piece, by the way, I
did her into a book. I was gonna tad that
at the end, but here we are now. I did
turn into a book. The book is not ready yet
because because we don't have Amazon anymore, okay in Quebec,
in Montreal, Quebec. It's a long story. I don't even
I don't even know the real reason why we just

(12:18):
don't Amazon pulled it out of here. So now it
takes ten business days to get a proof copy of
a book, and uh, if there's errors in it or
things that need to be fixed, I have to upload
a new file and then it takes another ten fucking
business days. It's just you know, but I but the

(12:39):
book is done. I'm just waiting for some more business
days for another proof to get here to make sure
this is the right one. But so yeah, so that
that's I've been amongst other things I've been doing. So
I did do that, and I'm really proud of it.
It felt really, really really good. I didn't know that

(12:59):
I've was going to turn into a book, but I did,
and so that was great. But yeah, I've just been,
you know, leading up to my fortieth I've just been
with myself a lot, intentionally with myself, and I have
just I think been looking back at my life through

(13:22):
a different lens, you know, and not necessarily on a
like hindsight is twenty twenty. But some parts, yes, and
then other parts of my life I've been looking back
at kind of admiration, and I'm very proud of myself.
You know, I'm this is going to be so emotional

(13:43):
a lot, but I could have been a statistic, you know.
And many people kind of wash their mouth on me
growing up, you know, or in my early time twenties,
you know, like people said I was going to be

(14:04):
pregnant at sixteen and be a single mom, and you know,
nothing around with single mom. As what I'm just saying.
I understand. I'm saying like I'm maybe this and you know,
I'm gonna be a stripper for the rest of my
life and you know I'm dad da da like all
these things, and none of that happened. As a matter
of fact. The you know, the women who wash their

(14:25):
mouth on me, that's their lives, not mine. And that's
why you've gotta be careful which you say about people.
But anyways, you know, I have had so many bricks
thrown at me, you know, nothing, like my best friend says,

(14:49):
she always says that she's like God damn, like, you know,
I'll be facing something challenging and she'll be like shit,
like life really just doesn't give you anything, huh, Like
you really just beh going to work for everything you got,
like you know what I mean. Like it's crazy, and
she's correct. You know, I've always felt like that too,
Like I don't I never just get things. Everything. I

(15:11):
have to work for and and be very focused and
determined about and fight. And you know, people have thrown
bricks at me and I've taken them and I've built
houses not just for myself but for other women who

(15:34):
needed them. You know, everything my life has thrown at me,
I have alchemized. And so I really when I was
as I was processing just the months leading out to
my forties, you know, it was a mix of both.
It was a mix of things that I feel like
in my twenties, I you know, wish I would have

(15:55):
done or known or not done or so on and
so forth, and then so looking at my thirties like
you fucking did a lot, girl, and congratulations, but she
did it, you know what I'm saying. So it's just
it was just a mix of emotions, you know. So, yeah,

(16:20):
I just didn't I didn't feel like talking to anybody,
And I just wanted to be with myself and with
Dwayne and with the kids and with Bentley, you know
what I'm saying. And so that's that's that is where
I have been. And then my fortieth birthday came around,
and so basically Dwayne asked me, he asked me like
three months ago, like what do you want to do

(16:41):
for your birthday? Birthdays coming? What do you want to do?
And my thing was because you know, I'm tired, you know,
I want to be in bed by eleven pm. You
so I'm saying. So I was like, honestly, I'm like,
I just want to go to the Marcus, which is
a nice restaurant in the four seasons, and we hadn't
been since like last year, I think, And I was like,

(17:02):
I just want to go to the market. I want
to have a nice dinner, you know, a nice I
want to dress up cute, you know, have a nice
dinner and then come home. Right. So it's like, okay,
So I knew that we were going to dinner on
my birthday, but I did not know all the things

(17:24):
that Dwyane actually had in store for me that day.
And before I talk about Dane, you know I've been
contemplating sharing this story, and I will tell you why
I'm social media can be a very vicious place, as
you guys know, and for me in particular. You know,

(17:47):
social media is there's a lot of people who watch
me and who wish very bad on me, you know.
And this is not it's just me like being paranoid.
This is a very thing. As many of y'all know.
I had a stalker who emerged from social media, a
woman who got close to me through there. And you

(18:11):
know the sound I'm saying I've had anyways, just you know,
my experience with women through the channels of social media
a lot of times has been you know. So I
have shared a little bit about Dwayne and I just
like silly things and you know, our vacation and stuff
like that. But I'm more cautious. I have more reservations

(18:37):
about sharing intimate things about Duane and I because I
get nervous, you know, I do. I do, And so
I wasn't I wasn't even going to share this story,
but I am because of this. So I have a client.

(18:59):
Her name is Christina. Shout to Christina, and the other
day she asked me she was like, I don't want to.
I'm not going to tell her business. But basically, at
the at the end of our session, towards the end
of our session, she was basically talking about how the
fact that she doesn't have, like, you know, she looks
around her, she doesn't really have an examples of healthy relationships.
And because there was a prompt she's doing some homework

(19:20):
that I'd given her, and one of the prompts was
you know something about a healthy relationship and which you
know who around you do you what relationships around you
do you admire or something like that, or what would
you like something out of I can't remember the exact
prompt What would you like to be in your next relationship?
Have those qualities or something like that. And she had
said she doesn't have any she looks around her, she

(19:41):
doesn't know anybody in healthy relationships, right, and she's like,
so she wrote down the only example that she does.
I'm gonna cry again the only example that she does have,
and that's Dwayne and I because I share with her
some things, you know, and it really touched me, like
it really really touched me, and so shout outs at Christina.

(20:08):
It made me think, like I've shared so much of
my life and as much as I share, as much
as I keep to myself, right, I tell you that
all the time. But I did start this by sharing
and being very vulnerable about the things I've been through
and also put myself through, and how I made it
out of toxic relationships. And now that it has been
years since I've even been on the edge of a
toxic relationship and I've been in a healthy one, and

(20:30):
Duenna and I have you know enough years in that
you know it's we have navigated certain things together and
still remained healthy. I can share. And her saying that
made me realize, you know that there are so many

(20:54):
other women out there who have no idea what a
healthy relationship looks like. And you know, and I myself
in the past, right I was you you know what
I mean? Like I was either I was so many women,
and so I decided that I would share here. I
think my podcast is safe. I think that you know,

(21:17):
people who are like trolls, like real fuck controls, and
people who have bad intentions for me would have to
be really really really really really really like a next
level type of stick in the head to be listening
through every single episode, you know, for someone that they
hate trying to get you know, is that what I'm saying,
social media is really easy. It's it's social media is

(21:38):
low hanging fruit. There I said, What the fuck? I said? Okay,
And we'll talk about that a little bit later too,
probably maybe, But social media is low hanging fruit. It's
so easy to have access to fucking everything and to
you know. But podcasts are a little bit different, and
especially the way that I roll the way I I
I talk in my podcasts. Sometimes I'll mention things about

(22:00):
whatever and you wouldn't know it based on the title, right,
I'll say it like forty five minutes in, and then
I give a piece about something, you know. So so yeah,
So I decided that I would share some things here
with you guys, because I do think that it's important
as well that you know, you know, what a healthy

(22:23):
relationship is, and from a mature perspective as well. Sometimes
I see tiktoks of young girls. I just you know,
I'm just I you know. Anyways, we'll talk about that.
Let's talk about that later maybe, But from a mature
perspective as well, you guys know, I'm not going to

(22:44):
bullshit you and you guys know that I'm not going
to sit here and be ridiculous. You know what I mean.
A healthy relationship means that you guys, you know, you
never have any problems and you never have this. It's
just not true. Okay, this is not true. But I'm
not going to bullshit y'all and blow smoke up your
ass and you know that. So anyways, I digress. I'm

(23:05):
going to share. So for my fortieth birthday p s.
By the way, uh those some of ya, I know
this already, but my birthday carries a real negative history
for me. Here comes the dog. Okay, just okay, badly,
please hold on a second. I think since my probably

(23:27):
te my late teens, so like, from the ages of
eighteen onwards, I don't really remember my birthdays, mostly because
you know, people didn't show up for me. It is
what the fuck it is. I had a not a
good circle of friends back then, leading all the way
up intil my thirties. I did not have good relationships

(23:50):
with men. Evidently, you know, men would mean that I
was with a lot of times would go out of
their way to hurt me on my birthday. You know.
So there's that, and I just a lot of my

(24:13):
birthdays I found myself by myself. I found myself abandoned
and forgotten. And so that's part of the reason why,
not the whole entire reason, but that's the big part
of the reason why I started leaving. In the wintertime,
I became a snowbird, says, you know, if I'm gonna
be alone for my birthday, might as well be doing
it in a place that surrounded by things that I love,

(24:33):
which is water, a beach, you know what I'm saying,
some palm trees and sand and a little drink in
my hand, you know. So that's that. And ever since
doing you know, came back into my life, he has
made his mission to make sure that I never have
another sad birthday again. And he has, oh he has.

(25:02):
He has been very good at that. Let's just say so.
I think it's you know, I think a testament to
a healthy, happy relationship is when two people really know
about each other and are considerate and are thoughtful, you know,
and they knows me. So what might be important for

(25:23):
another person is not important for me, and vice versa, right,
and for me, I am the type of woman who
I am I'm really simple, Like I can't ex you know,
I'm I'm really simple, and I think my simplicities is
what makes me complex for some people, right, this strange thing,

(25:46):
you know. But I'm really cheesy romantic. I like very
intimate things. Sure, grand gestures of love are great, right,
Like they're they'red nights and they're fun and they're there,
there's there's spectacle, you know, But I prefer I prefer

(26:12):
moments that last, you know. I prefer moments that are
every day. I prefer I prefer romance in a in
a soft, quiet way, if that makes sense. And I

(26:35):
I prefer to be seen. So the day of my no,
not the day of my birthdays. Rememberthdays on a Tuesday.
So the weekend and my birthday it was this s day.
We wake up in the morning and I knew we
were going for dinner that night, but I was like, uh,
do we wake up in the morning. Duanne is like,

(26:58):
you need to be ready by ten thirty so we
could be out the door. And I was like, where
are we going? And He's like, I'm just a girl,
just be ready by ten thirty. And I was like,
oh shit. I was excited, right so I'm like, uh, okay,
what do I wear? So? Can I wear? What's the
attalia for the day? He said, whatever you feel comfortable.

(27:18):
And that's the fuck that don't make I don't you know,
but I trust doing So I was like, can I
wear a matching sweatsuit? Because at ten thirty in the
morning on a Saturday. He's like, yes, you go wear
a matching sweatsuit of it, So go up red day.
It took a shower and go ready to my hair,
blah blah blah blah, hopped in into my comfy matching sweatsuit.

(27:40):
We hit the road and so we started the day.
I went on my favorite breakfast spots and we hadn't
been in so long, and I was so excited when
we turned there, I was like, eye, I'm so happy,
excuse me, Oh my gosh. So we had a nice
breakfast and then we leave breakfast and we went shopping.

(28:05):
So we went shopping and that was nice, and then
we went to Sephara, Poor Duane and Safara because and Pace.
By the way, I don't know what the fuck is
wrong with the girls who work at Safara, specifically the
one in distant in Brassard. I said what I said,
some of y'all need to get it together, Okay, Like
because when I tell you we were in there and

(28:29):
God forbid, we asked somebody for help. They looked like
they were, oh, like what what what? That's always missing?
They didn't save everybody, but that was always missing and
it felt Actually, I don't really typically like to ask
for help in the store because of this shit, right,
I like to know what the fuck I'm doing. But
I had some questions about certain things because I'm in
Sofara and I was getting some skincare. We're getting do

(28:51):
that in a second, and like the girls acted like
they couldn't, like they just really pissed me off. And
this is the second time that this has happened for
in sets of girls. So I just wanted to say that, Okay,
whoever works in discomp brassards, Okay, I know we all
have bad days and that's fine, but like, oh my god, anyways,

(29:12):
I digress. So we went to Safara, and if you
are an OG of mine, you know that everybody asked
me for my skin caroutine for years, right, people on
instagraming live oh my god, what Cancrete with skin care team.
I'm like I don't have skin, Like, stop this, I've
asked me this. Okay, it's soap and water and whatever
fucking face cream is on special. This is what I'm

(29:33):
putting on my face, like I don't have one. Well,
the day has come, darlings where your girl's officially a
skink Garantine, because what the fuck is going on with
my skin? Anyways? So I got myself some nice linege products,
some shit from the ordinary, and I got these. Let

(29:53):
me say something, I got these Peter Thomas roths Peter
Thomas Roth eye patches. Okay, when I first so one
of the girls was helpful. Let me oh, let me
be clear. There was one girl who was She was
all right, she was you know, she was all right.
But I had told her. I was like, hey, I
need some eye patches, like I need some stuffunder my eyes.

(30:14):
What do I do? I don't even know what do
I do? She was like, I really like the Peter
Thomas Ross winds. And I thought she said Penis Thomas
Rother and so I repeated it back to her. I said,
did you did you say Penis Thomas what? She looked
at me and I was there, It's like no, I

(30:34):
was like, oh my god, I'm sorry, said Peter Penis Peter,
She's like Peter. I was like Peter, like Peter, Piper
picked a peck, I'm gonna go. This is I'm gonna go,
saawa is okay, listen, I didn't he should have thought

(30:54):
about that. Whoever this Peter Thomas Rother person is, he
should have thought about that shit before he Peter Thomas. Okay, anyways,
I love these things. First of all, let me tell
you something. They're seventy five dollars, and I was like,
that's okay. I said, for five motherfucking dollars, these things
better do choky, and they do. I put them on

(31:15):
under my eyes for fifteen minutes the first day I
used them, and then I took them off, and I
swear before God, this is not sponsored. Swear before God.
I was like, this is magic in a little tubby tub. Okay.
So whatever was under my eyes was gone for twenty
four hours. It was gone, It was gone, was gone,
was gone. So I highly recommend. Anyways, I digress. So

(31:38):
we what else did I? So? Some linesh some Penis
Peter Peter Peter Thomas Rother Ross girl whatever and what
else did I get that's it, because that's seven hundred dollars. Okay. Anyways,

(31:59):
I digress like a toner. Anyways, so we did that
and then Duane was trying to kill time, So what
is going on? But me and I asked so many questions,
you know, and this isn't let me add this in.
I ask questions because I'm excited, and Duane anticipates me

(32:21):
asking questions because he knows I'm excited, and he thinks
it's cute. And I want to say this, in past relationships,
men have been very irritated. I actually had an ex
who had said to me, verbatim, planning a surprise for
you is the most annoying thing ever, because you out,
you're always asking questions. Why can't you just be quiet

(32:42):
and like let the day unfold? And it it made
me feel so bad because and I remember in the
smallest voice because I was trying to keep myself from
my voice breaking, you know, from Chris, and I said,

(33:02):
I'm just excited. I just like surprises and I'm excited.
So Duane anticipates me asking questions and he knows I'm excited,
and he thinks this is the sweetest, cutest thing ever.
That's just a tibet in there. You know. Don't don't
change the parts of yourself that that light you up

(33:24):
for a man who can't stand them. Okay, don't don't
do that. Don't do that, all right. So he's like,
we're going to get massages. I was like, ah, yet
he's like, I'm trying to kill some time because they're
not until whatever time it was in Dada whatever. So
it is, So we go and join booked us two

(33:48):
couples of massages and some pedicures, and hear this. So
afterwards I find out he tells me, so he had
a great, great pedicures and then great obviously great couple
of massages, and then he had told me he said
I was going to book facials as well for the day.
He's like, but he's like, we had dinner, He's like,
and I don't know what they're gonna be using on

(34:10):
our faces. He's like, and I didn't want them to
put something on your face. And then I don't know
if you're get a reaction or something like that. And
then you know it's time for dinner and you're like,
I'm not going anywhere. Look at my motherfucker face. You know.
I was like, you know what, baby, high five. This
is some good motherfucking thinking. That's it. That's all you,
my man, that's some good thinking. He's like, baby, you
know what I'm saying, I got you. You know I'm saying that,
you know, so he's thinking ten steps ahead. So we go.

(34:37):
So we had the day whatever. It was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
By the time that we were done everything, because we
went to the spa, which is where the massage is
in the thing took place, it was time to like
come home and start getting ready, you know, slowly for dinner,
because dinner was at seven, I believe because my man
knows how to book time so that we can be

(34:59):
home by left. So oh cool. Dwayne looks so nice.
One thing about done. He get dressed, like Dwayne can
dress anyways. So we get dressed. Woo woo woo woo woop.
We go to the Marcus, We go up to the elevator,
We get to the four seasons, look up to the elevator,
boo boop. We get to the hostess and immediately she

(35:24):
hands me forty roses. Forty roses for my fortieth birthday.
And you guys know this about me. Roses is my thing.
You know that at this point, anybody who knows me
knows that roses are my thing. So you know, immediately
already right there, I'm like, oh my god, oh god.

(35:45):
So I'm like walking and following the hostes with all
these roses in my hand, and you know, women are like,
oh my god, oh you know the smile that you
give another woman she's passing by, because you know, it's
just like, oh, you know what I mean, because she
has some U seats, somebody does something nice for her,
she has roses or whatever. That's Those were the smiles
I was getting from the women. It was very very nice. Anyways,

(36:06):
before I get to what happened when I turned the corner,
let me say this. Actually, no, I can say it.
I'll give it backwards. I'll do it in order. So
we are walking and following the hostess to our table,
and Duenna's behind me, and as we turn the corner
and we get to our table, I look and I

(36:27):
see I see my bestest friends there. My bestest bestest
friends were there. And one of them, what made this
so special was one of them who her son is
my godson. She has not left this kid since he

(36:50):
was born. I don't think you guys understand. I don't
think you understand. She does not leave because she was
there with her with her fiance. Then I was like,
where's Logan? I was so I was shocked, Where the
fuck is Logan? She does not leave him with babysitters, right,
So this was the first time that she had left
him without, you know, with a with a sitter to

(37:16):
come to to come be there for me and I
just you know, so I started to bawl, and Duayne
being b again knowing me so well. As soon as
I saw them all there, I started to cry, cry, cry.
I turned and he already had tissue, like a bunch
of tissue waiting for me. There's actually a video because
somebody was filming and you can hear doing in the background.

(37:40):
He's like, I came prepared. I came prepared. I know,
I know, my baby, I can't prepared. So the thing
is is, so my best friend Bee, her name is Blake,
but we're two bees. We collosed to be. She is
the only one of the only people in my life
who when she came into my life many many years
ago and had like seen how people my old friends

(38:05):
or whatever at the time, you know, treated me for
my birthday whatever. She was the only one who's like, Okay,
that's not gonna be that's not gonna be a thing. Right.
So every every year she's like, what are you doing?
What are we doing for your birthday? And every year
I'll be like, I don't want to do anything. She's like,
can you stop the ship? Please do wait to do something.
She'll she'll be the one who does something, you know
what I mean, Like if she's in town or she can't,
you know, she'll she'll be the one who she'll cook

(38:26):
something for me, or she'll try to get me to
go out, even if I don't want to, she'll try to.
You know, she'll be the one to try to do something.
So leading up to my birth I think it was
like four days before my birthday, I was walking Bentley
one evening. We're walking outside, nothing to myself, Like I
haven't heard from my best friend in like two months,

(38:47):
like two three months, Like we talked like you know
once in a blue check in, but I haven't really
like we haven't really you know, talked, talked. But you know,
she's a real estate agent and I'm like, whatever, she might.
You know, she's probably busy and da da dah, whatever
the case may be. And you know we all that
all happens to all of us or whatever. But I
was like, it's my birthday coming. But she even asked me.
She she didn't even ask me what are we doing

(39:07):
for your birthday? And she always as she always does.
It's like, I come in the house, Duynea's sitting in
the kitchen and literally, if I feel like to, well,
Doane tell the story. It's so funny. But I opened
the door and the first words out of my mouth
me and Bentley walk in and I'm like, and you
want to know what? And Duyne's like, Dwayne turns confused

(39:28):
if he was eating something too. He's like, uh, I'm like,
I'm still dressing my winter jacket, saw my ear muffs on.
Bentley is still by my side, panting and just and
you want to know what. B didn't even message me
nothing for my birthday to ask da da da da da.

(39:49):
And that hurts my feelings, I said, hurts my feelings.
So Duane goes, okay, He's like, well, you know, I'm
sure you know she's gonna get to it. Your birthday's
on Tuesday, and I think, you know, it was like
a couple, Like I said, like four fridays before. It's
like anyways. So I'm staring at him, staring at me.
He's like, it's okay, babe. I was like whatever, So
I start undressing, take my ear offs, left him and

(40:12):
check it off. Whatever. So at the table. Now fast
forward to us being at the dinner. Now they start
everybody starts telling me the moving pieces behind this this right,
So it turns out that Dwayne had been planning this
since November. Okay, in November, this was when we were

(40:33):
on vacation in Mexico. From Mexico, Dwayne had had messaged
b But something you need to know about be is
she's cannot good at secrets. God, she cannot keep a secret.
She cannot keep a secret to save her life. So
now she's explaining to me, She's like, this guy messaged

(40:54):
me in November, and I'm like, fuck, well, now I
can't talk to her. She's like, well, now I cannot
talk to this girl by myself, you know, because because
I can't. She's she's just she's she can't keep a secret.
So she has been avoiding me. For the most part

(41:15):
since November because of this thing that was being planned.
She's so funny. Anyways, and that night she's like, Duane
messaged me and he said, hey, you better message your
friend because she just came in here talking about some
messager for her birthday to make plans whatever. So Be's like,

(41:35):
oh shit, uh okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay okay.
So the next day she actually called me, She's like, hey,
what's up. I'm like, yeah, Le's good with you. She's
nothing to da and like, I'm so proud of her.
Though she talked as regular as possible, but she had
told me at the dinner she was like, at the
end of our conversation, I almost said see you Saturday, girl. Gosh.

(41:57):
So we had a really nice dinner and she was
there as well with her man, and so you know,
we were all coupled up, and I just my heart
felt so so, so so full. The most important people
in my life, honestly, my my bestest friends. You know,
we're all in the same room at the same time.

(42:18):
It just and to know that Dwayne, like he would,
he intentionally made sure to do this in advance so
that everybody would have enough time to figure their shit
out so they could be there. It just really speaks
to it. There's just so it was very overwhelming, but
in a good in a good way, you know. It

(42:43):
just speaks to how like he could have just he
He could have just been like, Okay, you just want
to go to dinner, Okay, whatever, you know, or he
could have planned the whole day and then still just
had dinner just just us. But the fact that he
share like he shared it with the everybody he knows
that I love, not just him, It really just it

(43:05):
just speaks to the character of who he is, you know,
because this wasn't about him. It was about my birthday
and making making sure that I felt full. So I
had a and again like for other people, you know,

(43:27):
with other people, but for me, this was everything for me,
this is this is all I. Like I said, I'm
a simple a simple kind of girl. You know. I
like nice things, but I'm still a simple girl. So
after the dinner, am I miss am I forgetting anything
in here? Maybe whatever, But if I think of it,

(43:49):
I'll come back. Anyways, So after the dinner, we go
to the valet to get our cars and so we're
sitting in the car and we don't take off yet.
So Dane is like, I have something that I want
you to hear. So I'm like, okay, I'm more surprises
as oh oh oh oh, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot.

(44:10):
On the way to dinner, Duane had made a playlist
because so a couple of days before he was like, hey, babe,
he came to me. I was doing some work and
he was like, okay, babe, what what do you say?
Send me your Spotify playlist? And so I was like,
which one? Dude? Do you remember who you're talking to?

(44:35):
You here? Okay? Like I'm I'm a juke box. I
have many different playlists for many different things in many
different moods, Like do you think this is just a game.
So he's like, okay, send me an old school one.
I'm like again, which one? I got? Old school? I
got old school R and B. I got old school

(44:55):
hip hop. I got old school. It takes too to
make things go by. I got old school? Like what,
like what old school? Are we talking to me? He's
like Jesus Christ, just okay the old school R and B.
I was like, bet, now do you want old school
slow jams? Do you want old says? I sent him
an old school I was like, this is just one

(45:18):
simple west Bro it is. So when we got in
the car, he had made a playlist and he timed it.
So he timed the playlist to go with the journey
of the car ride from the host to the restaurant,
and I had all of my like my favorite slow
jams on there. It's just really nice. He's just, you know,
just the little things that matter. Anyways, So now we're

(45:42):
in the car. We're still like in the valley section,
and he's like, Okay, I want you to hear something.
So he turns to me and he starts playing this
song and I'm listening to the fucking sometimes the lights
upstairs in my brain. It takes a minute, but aways
I'm listening to this excuse me. Through the song, I'm
looking at him, he's looking at me, and I'm thinking

(46:04):
to myself like, oh, like like this this sounds like
our story, y'all, because it was our story, long story short.
And then like somewhere and I'm like, oh my god,
wait that's me. Hold on this, this is the song
is about me? Wait a second, So Dwyane wrote tell you.

(46:27):
Duane wrote and produced a song for me and then
hired somebody to sing it. Do you understand I'm saying
Duane wrote a song for me. I don't know about
the producing bart, but he wrote a song for me.
Found it was like, no, it has to be on

(46:49):
this beat. I need to hear these beats, whatever whatever,
And then hired an artist, a recording artist, to go
in the studio and record the song for me. Do
you okay me? Pisces emotional ass, romantic gas, sappy, cheesy,
romance type of me. I'm gonna play all the song.

(47:11):
I don't play all the song, so obviously I'm like
bawling in the goddamn car. Anyways, but here, here is
my here's my song. I took a change and I

(47:47):
show a message because I'm so sure glad you went
with shapter. How the how is that we speak on
the phone just learning you. You took time to chase yours.
I brought grape back to me. Make devisious baby, it's calling.
It's been nude the first time I hazz on you

(48:11):
indusday with the one. It may be the men that
I have become everything you want in the world. Couldn't
as follow that upon a spark could have funded anyone
a stronger show. How kind of showing up? You're the

(48:35):
only thing I don't want to know, never had an
all of the same mob perfect money, you are racist
gift two o hads, and you'll make that's beautiful being
who you are. Everybody of you is shakey and just

(48:58):
wasn't for both of your eyes. She gets maybe both
the ghost of your birthday ge and some of your
wordy says baby, you're okay. She s your incredible nobody
else that I would rather love the food and cash
and let you know that, please, you're the only thing

(49:22):
that I got a home. I don't have all of
this SMA perfect mommy, you are prisis gift two our hearts,
and you'll make that beautiful me who you are? You

(49:42):
know I love you with my homes famite, I do
do you? I don't want so every time I listen

(50:21):
to it, I cry, okay, okay, please hold oh. I
cried so so much in that car, like it's all

(50:43):
of the intention though, like you know in the beginning
of the song, that's like you know you took the
time to chase your dreams and in life brought you
way back to me. You know. For those of y'all
who don't know, I think I've told you this before.
I'm sure I've told you this before.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
But I I left Wayne before, right years ago, before,
you know, like seven years ago or sixty seven something,
you know, we were I had to let him go
because I I had to choose myself.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
I had just gotten oe of a shitty relationship with
Cordell and she almost said his real name good damn Cordell,
and Dwayne came into my life, and I I didn't
know how to I didn't know how to choose my
I didn't know how to choose myself yet. I didn't

(51:38):
know how to balance being in love with a man
and not abandoning myself. And it was the first time,
and I was like, I can't, I can't. I wanted
to create the Crimson Kiss, I wanted to write books.
I wanted to live life for myself, and so I
you know, and so I did. I chose my self.

(52:01):
And then years later, here we are back again, right
and this time was the right time. So so you know,
including that and just including so many things, you know,
I love you with my whole spirit is something that
I say to Duane all the time, and so for
him to say it at the end, like I just
like I just cried to cry, to cry, I cried.
He had given me a card. I'm going to read it.

(52:25):
It's my beautiful Cci, happy fortieth birthday today as we
celebrate you, I'm filled with so much gratitude, not just
for this day, but for every moment that has led
us to this point in time. To the person you are, kind,
wise and loving. Your smile lights up every room you
walk into, and your heart has a way of making

(52:48):
everyone feel like they just belong. As you look at
everyone here tonight, you don't just see friends. You see family.
Every single person gathered here is here because of the
love you've shared and the deep connections you've built with
each and every one of them. You've created a family.

(53:10):
You've made a space for people to be themselves, to
feel seen, to feel safe, and to grow together. And
I can see how each of them, in their own way,
is grateful for the love you bring into their lives.
I feel beyond blessed to spend my life with you,
to be the one who gets to grow with you.

(53:32):
Love you and share our dreams together. Today isn't just
a celebration of your forty years. It's a celebration of
everything you've become, all that you've accomplished, and all the
lives you've touched along the way. But more than that,
it's a celebration of the incredible woman you are inside
and out. You are at my heart, my best friend,

(53:54):
and my favorite person. Here's the next chapter of Here's
to the next chapter of my love. I can't even
see my eyess, I'm blurry. Here's the next chapter of
my love to the many more years of laughter, adventures,
growth and love. I love you with my whole spirit.
Happy birthday. If you've ever taken one of my classes,

(54:29):
specifically the No More Toxic Relationships class or the No
More abandoning yourself while dating, there's a part in there
where I say you will remember those who haven't taken it.
I'm gonna say right now, but there's a part where
I'm talking about how y'all will ask a man how
we used to do how I this is me included

(54:51):
in the past, right. Ask a man what he likes
about us, and you will start lifting off, listing off
how we make them feel I just love how you're
always there for me. I love how you take care
of me. I love how you make me feel. I
love how you know what I mean. And so many

(55:12):
of us have fallen smitten to that, like, oh, yeah,
you know, I do like taking that as a compliment,
not listening to the fact that or not hearing you
asked what this man likes about you, and he listed
off all the things you do for him or how
you make him feel that has nothing to do with
you not. I like the way you get really excited

(55:37):
when you know your whatever. I love the way your
eyes crinkle when you whatever. I love the way that you,
no matter what in life, you get back up and
you keep going. I love the way that you can
put a positive spin on things. Excuse me. I love
the way you alchemize things. I love how your spirit

(55:57):
Just so you know's what I'm saying. And through my
years of inner work, that's one thing I really just
started to I really that's why I was in the classes,
and that's why it's in the book too. I'll get
to that in a second. I really started to pay
attention to that and pay attention to men who were
talking to me, who wanted to be with me, or

(56:19):
who were dating me, or whatever the case they be,
and made it about them, made what they liked about
me in ways that I could show up for them
because I started to realize, no shit, you don't see
me as a person. You don't see me at all.
You see me as something that you benefit from, not
something as my own person. You don't see me as

(56:40):
my own fucking person. You don't see me as somebody
who has her own dreams, for her own aspirations, her
own thought process, her own spirit, her own light, her
own shadows, her own love. You don't see me as that.
You just see me as a fucking stepping stone, a
tool for you to use. And then there's the way

(57:05):
who sees me, who damn near studies me, not in
a creepy way, but you know who, for the first
time in my life, has given me pure true love.

(57:40):
I don't have to chase it. I don't have to
fight for it. I don't have to prove I'm worthy
of it. I don't have to perform for it. I
don't have to beg it for it. I don't have
to I don't have to be somebody else for it.
It's just it is. And I say this because through

(58:04):
the course of my career, listen to women all the
time talk about how you know it's too late for
them this and da da dah and whatever, and their
thirty seven or they're thirty five or they're thirty two,
and some of y'all are twenty seven talking this shit
and you know whatever, and oh my god, and you
know there's no love out there. There's never going to
find a man and never going to be what a
good man and da da dah, And it's just like, yo,
like we all have our own timing in life, and

(58:26):
I guess I'm all A part of the reason why
I'm sharing about Duyne is to you know, for those
of y'all who feel like it's too late, you know
it's not. I think sometimes I feel embarrassed to say
that I've never been loved before by a man. I

(58:47):
think sometimes I think that's a feeling that comes up.
I think sometimes I just feel embarrassed to say that
I've had these relationships with men who didn't love me,
men who maybe some of them liked the idea of me,
they loved the idea of me, but they didn't love me.

(59:09):
Men who thought they might have loved me, but only
loved me from the capacity of which they themselves. Maybe
no love, and a skewed version of it, so it
wasn't even love at all. Men who loved also too,
men who loved the idea of conquering me, but they
didn't love me. Duane loves me. And and I'm I'm

(59:44):
just I'm very am Yeah, I'm I'm just. It's a
it's an amazing thing. It's a beep. Amazing is a
boring word, but I can't find another word right now.
It's just a beautiful thing. So you know, this is
something that I I always knew existed. I always, no

(01:00:06):
matter what I've been through, no matter what I put
myself through, no matter how many heart egs, I always
believed that there was a real love that existed and
it and here it is. So in the midst of
me sharing this, I hope that I am also as
always inspiring y'all to you know, tune out from all

(01:00:29):
the negativity that you see in your timelines all the time,
and from the stories that you hear from your homegirls,
and you know, and not to not to swallow those
whole you know, take the meat and leave the bones.
But know that that doesn't have to be your journey.
And you know, other things can exist for you if
you believe that they exist, and they don't have to
exist on your exact timeline that you decide, and if

(01:00:51):
you just kind of let life do its thing and
you continue operating in you know, the energy of or
the mindset of even when she gets hard. You know,
one day you go and turn the corner and you
know it'll be there for you and you won't have
to do anything to earn it. So that was my

(01:01:17):
birthday and that's my duine. And so I am officially forty.
I am joined the forty year old club. Hello, hi,
And and in this you know, I've been doing a
lot of changes too, and so I'm laughing because listen,

(01:01:39):
the other day I changed, Okay, so I know we
went from I don't know what my second the Choral Kiss.
This is my second Instagram. It was another name before.
I don't remember what it was now, but it was something,
and then I changed to the chirl Kiss. And now
we have changed a third time too, if we're being
honest here, and I'll tell you why, yo, y'all. I

(01:02:00):
know i'd be taking you all through some journeys. But
let me explain for the beast. I think year I've known,
I've known something inside me. I just didn't know how
to separate it. And I finally figured it out. So
I created a substack, and now I have two substacks.
So the first substack is called if We're being honest, right,
the link is in the show notes subscribe if We're

(01:02:23):
being honest, and I love it there, I love I
love the substack, I love the whole situation. So it's
called if We're being honest. And then I was like,
you know what I want to I want it. I
want this my second Instagram page to match that. You know,
I don't want to have a bunch of freaking you
know what I mean? And plus like, you know, the

(01:02:43):
Coral Kiss was something I I was, I was, I
was like, okay, I don't want to stray too far
from the Crimson Kiss. So Dad, da da, But honestly,
fuck that, we grown up. We're grown up. So if
We're being honest substacked is basically where I write, you know,
self reflection, growth, spirituality, personal stories, and random thoughts, you know.

(01:03:11):
And then I have a second substack that I just open,
which is the sisketchish together substack, and there is all things,
you know, dating and relationships and breaking toxic patterns and
setting boundaries and healing and standards and you know, all
this stuff, right, And I realized that, you know, as
much as I have wanted to get away from dating

(01:03:33):
and relationship content, I actually realized that I have a
lot of valuable things to stay still about them are
not necessarily still, but I've you know, through my books,
and even still I might have some one off thoughts
here and there. And also too, there are still women.
As much as I've grown and some of y'all have
grown with me, there are still women who every day
are still in the midst of these toxic as patterns.

(01:03:55):
And to be honest, I know that my shit can
help them. Okay, okay, it's tried and true. I know
my shit can help them. And so I finally figured
out how to separate the two. Even the two brandings
are different. I rebranded. I finally feel good about it.
And so I'm sorry for all of the fucking ping

(01:04:16):
ponging that I had my OG's, my audience do. But
you know, there was a method to my madness. I
just I guess I didn't know how to properly articulate
it because I didn't even I knew I was on
the precipice of understanding, and I just didn't know when
it was going to happen. So some might have called
it a midlife crisis, but I also started to realize
that there's no soucing as a midlife crisis, that people
really just becoming more of who they are, Like that's it,

(01:04:40):
You're just becoming more of who you are. And I now,
at forty, I am the most sure of myself that
I've ever been. I'm the most grounded that I've ever been,
and I know what the fuck I'm doing, and I
don't know how to explain it other than that there's
a real clarity that has come over me that it
is very clear, which is why is able to separate
the two brands like fucking Moses. It's part of the

(01:05:03):
motherfucking scene shit, is what I'm saying. And so I'm
really happy about it. I'm really happy that I have
two places and where people can you know, the ladies
who are still going through shit with men and so
on and so forth, and need some you know, they
can go to the siskesch Is Together Substack and the
Crimson Kiss page. I reactivated that as well, and I'm

(01:05:26):
you know, I have stuff set up for there. We'll
have somebody posting there for the women who need it right.
And then the if We're being honest here Instagram page,
because if We're being honest was taken on Instagram. Motherfuckers.
I'm not even doing anything with it anyways. I digress.
I went to go with their page. I'm like, you
don't even doing anything, bro, But I digress. It was
the closest to if We're being honest, So if we're

(01:05:47):
being honest on substack and then on Instagram it's if
we're being honest here, and then Ciskitches Together on Substack
and then the Crimson Kisses always and they're two separate
things and both even with the branding of both, I
you know, it's really it kind of shows my two
different personalities. I sound like a Gemini, but it kind
of shows shout out to Amanda and shout out to Dwayne,

(01:06:09):
both the other Geminis we know, and shout to Myosigy
our son as a Gemini as well. It's crazy but
I'm definitely multifaceted, and I like, I like really girly stuff,
you know, I like pinks and and I like kiss marks,
and I like hearts, and I like you know, pop
art girls, and I like you know, and you can

(01:06:31):
kind of see that on the on the covers of
a lot of my books. You can kind of see
that that that like flirty, girly element of me. But
then I also like like some sophisticated and moody shit,
and you know, some beige's and earthy's and you know,
all this thing, right which you can kind of start
singing on the if we're being on this here Instagram page,
you can kind of see that vibe. So I really

(01:06:52):
figured out how to split them into and I'm very
fucking happy about it. So go subscribe to both of
them or or one of them, which everyone you feel
called to, and maybe some of you guys feel called
to both, and so that's fine too, Yay. So yeah,
that's where that's that's that's where I have been that
and then immersed also to my clients. I love my

(01:07:13):
clients so much. I've really that's another thing I reramped.
I revamped my coaching business as well, I had a
I've been thinking about this for a while. But I
had one client. I'm not going to go too I'm
not I'm not I'm not going to give it. I'm
not going to give it too much error. But I
had one client who went a little rogue. I had
to tell YO, like, you are not a safe person

(01:07:35):
for me, and I got to end this right now,
and it was it was just a thing. And I
after her, I was like, yeah, nah, I want to
work with a specific type of woman moving forward. I
want to work with the women who are empowered to
get their shit together, you know, and who are anyways,
So I rebranded my coaching business and it just goes

(01:07:57):
to show you, like when you start moving the univer spirit,
whatever you believe, and we'll move with you. Right. Remember
I wasn't on social media, I wasn't posting. I was
a ghost, you know. And I rebranded, and I think
like three days after I rebranded, man, I had one
client find me. She wrote, She reached out, She was like, hey,
I need you right now. Right. I signed her on

(01:08:21):
and then I just uh too. Two months ago or
a month ago, I signed on someone else who is
like I've been listening to your podcast for Da da
Da da, and she found me and and she signed on.
And then just to a build a week and a
half ago or two weeks ago, I have uh a

(01:08:41):
new girl who shout out to Emily fucking sweetheart who
who hit me up on it. She's like, hey, Bee,
I know you don't be fuck opening your DMS. I
really hope you see this one. Please help, and so
she said. So it just goes to show, you know again,
I wasn't promoting, I wasn't anywhere and and you know,

(01:09:01):
it's just a testament I know to to the seeds
that I've planted to what I have grown, you know,
and what I will continue to grow here with my work.
And so I just want to say shout out to everybody,
thank you so much. I really really appreciate y'all. Thank
you for just rock with me, for all these ears
and for seeing me through. It's hard to process. I

(01:09:25):
think I said it's another episode, but it's really hard
to grow sometimes to process out loud, and to grow
in front of an audience. There are moments in life
where you're just you're throwing things against the wall and
you're seeing what sticks and It's one thing to do
it in the privacy of your own home or with
your own self, you know, but it's very different when
you have an audience and you know, there's four thousand people,

(01:09:45):
let's say, on the podcast, you know, listening to you,
and you're like, okay, I've rebranded. I'm going this way,
and they're like, okay, let's go this way. And they're
like it's like, I'm actually gonna go this way. They're like, okay,
let's go and you're like, actually, I think they're like, okay, bitch.
You know. So I know that the last I think

(01:10:07):
year and the half man ever being you know, maybe
two years. I know it seems like I've been all
over the place because I have been, and that's life.
And I really hope that you guys can see that
that's life, that it's normal to sometimes have times when
you're all the fuck over the place, because that is life,
and that is you figuring out what works for you.

(01:10:28):
We don't always know at the first you know, in
the first moment, in the first twenty four hours, at
the first forty eight get it the show, the first
forty eight Okay, anyways, we don't always know. You know
exactly what we're doing. Sometimes it takes a minute to
be in it and be like, yeah, I don't I

(01:10:49):
don't want to do this right. It's like, I don't
know about y'all, but I'm pretty sure it's happened to y'all.
Where you trying to pair of shoes in the store.
You walk around a little bit and you're like, Okay,
I really love these bet let's pack it up. Let's
ring her up. And then you bring it home and
you pay for the shoes, and you walk with the
shoes and use the shoes, and maybe after like three
four days of using the shoes, you're like, actually, you
shoes fucking hurt. What the fuck? You didn't know that
in the store. They didn't hurt in the motherfucking store, right,

(01:11:13):
You thought it was a good idea to pay one
hundred and forty four dollars for the fucking Steve Maddens
I look really cute on your fucking feet and didn't
hurt you. And then when you walked in them for
three days, they really fucking hurt. This is a true
story about a pair of Steve maddens. Anyways, I digress, right,
And that's life life is like a pair of shoes

(01:11:35):
that you didn't know hurt your feet in the store
and you only realize after you started walking around in
the mint a bit. Okay, and that's okay. So I
hope that I've inspired you to buy some new shoes,
to keep buying shoes until you find one, stay with

(01:12:00):
the analogy here, or you know, get to sell some shoes. Girl.
You know, a girl can never have too many parents
shoes child, right, So that's so, that's so, that's that's
that's where I'm at. I'm not missing anything. No, I
think we're I think we're all caught up. Yeah, I
think we're all caught up. Okay, this has been an

(01:12:24):
hour and twelve minutes and now I have to go
because I have to actually it's twelve twenty five and
have a CLIENTE one. I gotta get ready for her.
But oh so in case you are, because you know,
I kind of sped past it. My coaching business is
now split into two. I offer author coaching. I always did,
but now I'm just it's very clear offer author coaching

(01:12:47):
and life coaching. So there's plenty of two different packages.
They are all three month programs to start and then
you can obviously renew if you want to renew, and
so on and so forth. Right, listen, I'm gonna say this.
I'm happy to work with you if you want to
work with me, but you need to be ready to

(01:13:09):
work for yourself. That's first and foremost right. You have
to be to come in and work with me. You
have to be willing to want to face your stuff
and want to You want to have solutions, not resistant. Right.
So the link in the if you want it, The
link is in the bio. No, there's no bio here.

(01:13:31):
The link is in the show notes. The link is
in the show notes over here in the episode. It's
just me one link. It'll take you all to the
same place. It'll take you all to the landing place,
and everything that you need is on that page. Okay,
it's literally just SI Sketchish Together dot com. That's the
where you go. But the link will be there as well.

(01:13:52):
Something else I'll surprised to see too. I like Spotify
is comments. Now. I think that I knew that that
was coming. I can't remember when, but the other day
I'd opened my Spotify and I'd seen like comments and
some of my podcast episodes, I was like, what the
fuck is this? And you guys know, the comments kind
of stress me out. I get nervous when I see comments.
I'm like, what the fuck's happening, you know? And I
was like, Spotify is trying to turn into its own

(01:14:13):
social media, I guess, but yeah, I don't really know.
But yeah, so there's that. It kind of took me
off guard a little bit. Ew So that's what I
want to tell you guys as well. So I turned

(01:14:33):
the no More Abandoning Yourself well Dating into an ebook
a while ago. You guys know that already. It was
called it's called something. It was called no More Uh no,
it was called something. I don't remember what it's called
no More Dates until you read this first or something
like that. Well I have that. I went back in

(01:14:56):
and I was like, I can do so much better,
and this is bullshit, like if it's not bullshit, but
I just felt like I could. Aesthetic wise, this is
the beauty as well. This is also the beauty as
well of being self published, because you can update your
files whenever the book you want. And so I was
looking at it and I said, ah, no, aesthetically this

(01:15:19):
could be a lot better, and then also I wanted
to add some chapters in there, and I wanted to
add more prompts in there for each chapter and different prompts,
and so I did. So. Those of y'all who had
already downloaded the ebook version, your files got updated automatically.
When I updated the file, your stuff got updated automatically.

(01:15:41):
But now it is also drum all, please for paperback? Yay,
where's my handclapy thing? Exactly? When I write the podcast
so long, I forgot I had sound effects and shit,
it's also available for paperback. Hold on, let me get
this in it. You hear this? Yes, stay a bit.

(01:16:07):
It's been a long time coming and I finally did that. Shit.
So I'm really happy about how it turned out. It
has like it's just it's nice you get to see
it has like some colored pages. It's very Just get
the book, Bentley, please, okay this hold on. You cannot
ever get excited around the dog because the autumatically thinks

(01:16:30):
you're talking to him. Anyways, I digress. So the book
is available in paperback now, and it is available on
Amazon and whatever Amazon, whatever country you live in, just
go to your If you live in the UK, go
to Amazon dot UK, the US go to Amazon dot Com,
Canada to Amazon dot Ca and so on and so forth.
I'm very very happy about it. I'm just really happy

(01:16:52):
about the shit I've been doing lately. I'm very very like,
I feel very connected to it. I feel very proud
of it. And yes, it's taking me a little bit longer,
but to get things, you know, out and stuff, but
it's well worth it. I'm also working on I think
I told you guys this too, but I'm also working

(01:17:12):
on work books, book slash workbooks for every single zodiac sign. Yeah, yeah,
exciting shit. I had the idea some time ago, and
then I started doing the drafts and by the time
I think I got to By the time I got
to I think Gemini, I was like, why the fuck

(01:17:33):
did I think it was a good idea to make
twelve fucking books? Bro, this is what's wrong with me.
But you know it's in my head now and ADHD
says you must swallow through, and so I am slowly
doing the best to do that. I definitely missed. Sorry Pisces.
I know I was trying to get at least the

(01:17:54):
Pisces one out for Pisce season, but that did not happen.
I will try to do my best. You know what
I'm i I want to stop saying things like I'm
gonna try to do this. I'm just gonna do It's
twain saying. Dwayns always tell the kids, don't try to
do God damn it, no none, but you try and
just do it. If you did it, then you wouldn't
have to try. God damn it this doing and then

(01:18:16):
tell me that you tried. The boys said he tried.
Don't try, just do Dwayne is so funny. What's your problem?
But anys I digress. I'm gonna take my time. I
want them. They're very special to me. You know, y'all
know I love my zodiacs. I love my astrology, I

(01:18:39):
love my you know. So I'm gonna I'm taking my
time with them. I'm not rushing through them. If I
release them one at a time, then it'll be one
at a time. And if it's not your sign, well
you won't have to wait in line bars. I don't
even you know, that wasn't even planned. I'm telling you
so you could be on the lookout for those as well.

(01:19:00):
And that's it. That's That's where I'm at. So that's
my catching up. Oh. We also have parenting books parent
for you and your teens. Dayne created a workbook called
Through my Lens. That's also you can find it through
link in my bio. Oh my God, through the link
in the shout notes. Fuck. And there's also a workbook

(01:19:25):
for a mother daughter workbook. It's called Life Without a Dad.
And there's also a work book called Word of the
Days to help your team build a vocabulary. So we
did those ones together. Dwayne is Dwayne did Through my Lens.
That's his baby. So yeah, you can find those all.

(01:19:45):
We got. We got stuff. We were doing stuff. It
wasn't just the way you know, picking my nose, although
y'all know how I feel, but picking my nose in privacy,
it's for a comfort of mind. I enjoy doing it.
A little box of clinics. Just ad me a little coffee,
little nose pick. Anyways, I digress. Don't know to click.
You're not human, okay, But that's it. That's all I
got today. This has been an hour and twenty minutes.

(01:20:05):
I hope that if you were working out, that I
was able to keep you company on your workout, If
you were walking your ten k I hope I was
able to keep you company on your ten k if
you're phone, some clothes, if you were driving, if you
had to, you know, your commute to work, whatever it
is that you were doing, the dishes, the laundry, the whatever.
Maybe you were walking the park. I don't know, but
I hope I was able to keep you not just
only company, but good company. And I hope that today's

(01:20:28):
episode and is not only give you a reason to
where the fuck I've been, but also inspired you. There's
you know, in whatever wherever you felt called to be inspired.
I'm going to go now. I'm going to work on
an intro. I don't know, but I'll be back. I

(01:20:48):
don't know when, but I will be We're gonna we're
going to do our best, but I will be back.
It it felt really good to talk again. It's been
a while. It's been a hot minute. But yeah, so
that's it, ladies. I appreciate y'all sometimes gentlemen. Yeah, yeah,

(01:21:09):
but I no, if you're here and you know you're
you got good intentions and all that stuff. I appreciate you, guys.
I hope that you have a good rest of your mornings, evenings, afternoons.
Wherever the Bok y'all are in the world, please be safe,
use condoms, okay, trust your intuition and use your discernment.

(01:21:30):
And I'll see you guys. When I see y'all, all right,
sending out much love. Go'll be great.