May 12, 2025 • 60 mins
Yep, we're talking about frenemies today. So you know the drill: put your triggers to the side so you have room to open up your mind... and enjoy. XO
For all coaching info, my books, and my Substacks (yes, I have two) you can click here: SisGetYourIshTogether.com
For all coaching info, my books, and my Substacks (yes, I have two) you can click here: SisGetYourIshTogether.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I have a shit ton of TikTok videos saved
and I made little files for them, and this one
particular file is called podcast episodes, and they were reminder.
I put a bunch of videos in there that I
saw of topics that I wanted to speak about. So
I was going through the folder, I'm like, what I
(00:21):
want to speak about today? And I have like so
many of them, and I was like, oh, yes, you.
So today we're going to talk about frenemies. And I'm
going to play this young lady's video first and then
we'll get into it. And I know that I have
spoken about this and like everything else with my ADHD brain,
(00:43):
in bits and pieces of other episodes, but I think
the topic is well deserving of its own episode. PS.
By the way, if you're a new here, Hi, Hello, welcome.
My name is CCB. Most people just call me me.
I'm forty years young. I've been through some shit also
put myself through a shit, some shit, and now I
help other women who are going through the shake get
out of their shit. And it's what I'm saying. I'm
(01:05):
very honest. Okay, So if you are allergic to sensitive
to honesty, I promise you this is not the place
for you to be. I do not sugarcot shit for myself,
so I'm not doing it for anybody else. Okay, Okay,
we have a motto around here. It's called put your
triggers to the side, so you've got room to open
up your mad Okay. This is not Instagram, right, this
(01:27):
is grown folk territory. Put on your big girl panties
and you know. Okay, cool, Okay, So this young lady's
name is on TikTok it's I don't know, it's e
x E dot e ve e and uh yeah, So
(01:48):
I'm gonna go ahead and play her video and if
you know her, peas by the way, you know, shoot
her this episode. And even though there's what is it
now sitting at two and thirty three comments, and I'm
sure she read many of them, you know, it doesn't
hurt to hear one more. All Right, here you go.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
These are that someone's in front of me.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Start over again.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I really want to know why I attract the type
of friends that I have in my life, Like I
genuinely feel like I've always attracted the type of friends
that are like frenemies. I always find that they're always
trying to humble me in subtle ways, and it's the weirdest.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Fucking thing, and it's so covert that it's.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Not something that can confront because it's like, girl, no,
you're doing too much, You're reading too much into it.
But then there are things that I definitely notice, but
because they're not blatant, it's hard for me to decipher.
Is this just me being sensitive misunderstanding or is this
person really trying to indirectly.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Come for me.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
But when the same type of comment or behavior or
energy keeps happening over and over and over again, I'm like, Okay, no,
I'm not being crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
This person doesn't like me, but is my friend.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
It's so weird that I've always attracted friends that I
feel like secretly.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Don't like me, and I don't know what it is,
and I don't know why.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
And what really confuses me is the fact that I
am not a cocky person by any means.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I am not arrogant at all. I'm not boastful.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
If you give me a compliment, I'm going to say
something bad about myself to kind of like deflect, like
I'm that kind of person.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I don't know how to even take compliments sometimes. I'm
working on that still to this day, which.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Is why I find it weird that I still attract
kind of people that want to further humble me, like
I'm already humble.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I don't understand, and I ask, what is it about me?
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Because maybe I'm too nice, maybe I'm too passive. Maybe
like the self deprecating comments make me an easy target
and people pick up on that.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
I'm just kind of sick of like the back handed
compliments or the weird energy, or wondering if my friend
is actually my friend and actually likes me. I just
really need to figure out what it is about me
that attracts is kind of because I don't want.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
To attract these kind of friends anymore.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I don't want this like underlying feeling that someone's a
friend of me or they might not.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Like me or anything of that nature. I just can't
do it.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
So I've been so reclusive when it comes to friends,
like I don't hang out with anybody, and I just
say to myself because I just.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Can't do it anymore. I really want.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
So let me start off by saying this, it's so unfortunate, man,
and it's something that for some of us takes so
long to understand, and when we do it really really hurts.
Like it hurts are ready to be going through it,
But then when you understand why it's happening, or you
(04:44):
you clock into what's happening, it really hurts. First of all,
there is a very thin line between cocky and arrogance, right,
and then competent and self assured right self self as
oh my gosh, self assured and knowing. And I feel
(05:06):
like and I don't feel like, I know that there
are so many women, especially my ladies, who are doing
their inner work so on and so forth, who fear
that line, right, And so they fear that if they
if they how can I say that? They fear being
(05:28):
perceived as cocky and arrogant. So they they small up themselves, right,
they don't, They don't move, speak up for themselves, so
on and so forth, as confidently as they as they
know that they are right. So off the rip. This
girl's beautiful, Okay, I can she's so I'll stop there.
(05:52):
That's why, babe, because because you gorgeous, right, But but
she's beautiful on the outside. I don't know her personality inside,
you know, but based off of what she's saying, I'll continue.
She's beautiful, and she looks very well put together. You know,
her makeup is on point. You can tell by the
way what she's wearing the video anyways. You can tell
by the way that she dresses. She has her own style,
(06:14):
she has her own personality. Right. I also picked up
in the video that she has an extensive vocabulary. I
don't have to know anything else about her. We'll just like,
we'll just use those things for a foundation for a second. Right,
based off of those things, people don't like her, right,
(06:36):
And it's because these things when you are a woman
who is well put together, we're not talking about the
inside right now, Let's just focus on the outside. Right.
If you're a woman who is well put together and
you speak well, you automatically set off a bunch of
(06:57):
triggers for other women who feel like you're better than them,
because you are reflecting back to them all of the
shit that they're not doing for themselves. Okay, let's just
start there. Nobody is telling another woman not to dress
(07:20):
for herself, not to learn how to curate her outfits,
not to learn how to do her hair, not to
go get her hair done, not to learn how some
extensive vocabulary. Right, These are choices that you're making for yourself. Right,
these women are making for themselves. And a lot of
times what happened is what happens with so many women,
especially women who run in groups right from there in
(07:42):
their comfort zone. So they're surrounded by other women who
are just like them. Right, everything is all good, But
the minute they make they meet another woman who goes
against their comfort zone, right, who is a representative of
a world that can exist for them, but they're not
leaning into it becomes a problem. You become a problem.
(08:03):
You didn't do anything wrong, you just existing. It is
nothing wrong, but then you become a problem. Okay, Then
couple that with you know, she says she's kind, that
she somebody gives her a compliment. She you know, she
goes into saying something kind of bad about herself, so
to deflect whatever the case may be. Couple that with that, like,
(08:24):
you're also a kind person. I hate you? Right? Is
what these? Right? Now? That's it? So let me get
this straight. You you fly a shit, you beautiful, you dress well,
you probably smug good. She looks like she's smuggled, you know,
how sometimes you can smoke people with She looks she's smoked. Right.
(08:46):
You look good, you projesska, your hair is on point,
you are well spoken, you have accept the vocabulary and
your kind what no, no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no. Right.
I'm again don't know her personality, but I'm willing to
bet she has an aura to her that is well,
(09:09):
you know what I mean. She has an or to
her that is that her aura is confident, and her
aura is probably a mix of confident and soft, confident
and gentle. You know what I'm saying. She probably has
that aura that women have who are taking care of themselves, right,
(09:30):
who are intentional about themselves right, and who are just existing.
I'm not taking care of myself to slight you. I'm
taking care of myself for me, right. I'm not leaving
the house dress how I'm dressed, thinking that I'm gonna
thinking of or wanting to or the intention of upstaging you.
(09:51):
I'm leaving the house dressing well, smelling well, my hair
did nailed everything day whatever. For me, That's a part
of my self care routine, right. And if I'm coming
across you and you feel some type of way about
the fact that you're dressed down because I'm dressed up.
That sounds like that's a fucking you problem and not
a me problem. Right, But again, for so many women,
(10:13):
it takes such a long time through and it's through
inner work, and it's through the practice of inner work, right.
It's through the practice of inner work, right that you
become more confident in owning your voice and standing up
for yourself right, and more confident in knowing who the
(10:34):
fuck you are as your own woman and being able
to say that out loud, not to offend other people,
but to own who you are, right, And it really does.
One of the reasons why I save this video is
because it really breaks my heart when I see shit
like this, because, as y'all know, I am, I have
(10:57):
been through this so much in my life, man, and
it really really sucks. Balls like bad ones, like long,
like you know, like you know a man who has
really long balls, and do you do your balls hang low?
Do they weibble to the right to to and fro
and then has the nerve to be like put him
in your mouth and you're like, what, why what I do?
Why are your balls so long, right, Like, it's just
(11:19):
like it just sucks, really long balls because you just
want to you feel like such an outsider and you
want sisterhood, you want friendship, right, you want genuine, meaningful connection.
I hate the word connections, and I don't know why
I hate it. I just don't like using it. I
(11:39):
feel like connect I feel like it's because I see
it all connections, connections. I feel like it sounds like
a therapist who is like seventy years old and on
her last couple of years, and she's like, connections. I
don't know, right, but you put whatever right. I digress.
But you want that, and your intentions are rooted in
(12:00):
hey girl, oh my gosh, you looks so good today.
I love your outfit. D d d da dah. Yeah, gral,
I got you, I can put you on, I get
whatever the case may be. Yeah, I got you. Right,
These are where your intentions are rooted. And to know
that so many women gravitate towards you with the opposite
intentions hurts. It really does. This is also coming from
reminder coming from a woman me who had a whole
(12:21):
stalker who was a woman and who did really bad things,
really really bad things, right, really bad things to me,
to me and to people who were close to me,
to try to get to me or try to get
at me. Right, it's not. It really sucks. Couple that
(12:42):
with so everything I just said. Let you be the
type of woman who whenever life knocks you down, you
don't stay down. You're fucked, man, You're fucked right. Let
you be the type of woman who actually walks it
like you talk it. Let you be that woman who actually,
(13:03):
you know who, when life throws lemons at you, you
know how to make not just a lemonade stand, but
a whole business that. Now we have cherry lemonade, regular lemonade,
we've got sweet sweeter lemonade. We've got this type of lemonade.
We've got that type of lemonade, lemonade. You get a glass,
you get a glass. You're fucked. You're fucked. She speaks
(13:27):
a lot about the humbling of her right, how women
come around her and try to humble her. And I'm
gonna say this again. I'm gonna use the sentence I
use all the time, because we're gonna put it into
and we're gonna show how I once again give an
example of how that one's in real life, right, or
(13:48):
how that shows up in real life. A lot of
women are no different than the men that they complain
about every single day. And here's what I'm going to
say about this. One thing that men will do when
they come across a pretty girl is try to humble you. Okay,
(14:13):
a lot of men I'm talking about the an shipment
of the world, we understand, right, A lot of the
ancient men of the world are very big on that.
They will come across a woman who is beautiful, We're okay,
we're just gonna leave it at beautiful a second, right,
who's a beautiful woman? Right, and they'll say, shit, They
purposely will withhold compliments whatever the case may be, because
and they will say, oh, you probably hear that all
(14:34):
the time. You probably hear that all the time. You
probably hear that all the time, right, And it's like, one,
even if I do, so what And two the truth
of the matter is a lot of women who are
pretty like on the outside, right, a lot of men
don't approach them. I'm telling you this, right. A lot
of men are automatically assume whatever they assume, right, So
(15:01):
that's that whole conversation about like pretty privileged or whatever
the case may be. It's not really sometimes it's you
know it has it's not really what people think that
it is in that regard. Right, So a lot of
times these ancient men will come around, and the ones
who do talk to you and do get to know
you and do whatever the case may be. Their goal,
even if they don't even know that this is what
(15:22):
they're doing, but they do know this, right, is to
try to bring you down a couple notes. They do
know what they're doing, try to bring you down a
few notches, specifically enough notches that matches where they are,
their own wounds, their own insecurities, so on and so forth.
To understand, right, Because I want to be next to you,
(15:43):
I want to experience you, but I feel like you're
better than me, and I can't let you be here
thinking or I don't want to feel like you're better
than me. Even though I want access to you and
I want to be around you, I need you to
to be on my level, because God forbid, I do
my own inner work, and you and your inspiration that
(16:07):
I do my own inner work and come up to yours.
A lot of women who are male centered move the
exact same way. I can't. Like, just the next time
you are in the wild, pay attention. The next time
you're in the wild, or the next time that you
have an experience like this, just pay attention, or remember
(16:28):
what I said. A lot of women move the exact
same way for the exact same reason. Sorry, a lot
of male centered women. This is why when we have
the conversation about decentering men, we're not saying you need
to hate men, you need to fuck all these men.
All men are trash. That's not what we're saying. We're
saying that the part of you whose life revolves around
(16:53):
men and who internalizes the ancient men around you and
then becomes them needs to have an exorcism. Okay, like
fuck a detox, you need an exorcism. Right. This is
(17:13):
why when we're saying things to you like, hey, you know,
cut them soul ties, do the work to cut the
soul ties. Hold off, right, Maybe don't swing from man
to man, from dick to dick, to from balls to
balls to da da da dad.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
You know you guys could sit here and go whatever
all you want. Oh, I could do whatever I want.
My pussy, my choice, whatever, cool, do whatever you want.
But these are the consequences. This is what we're talking about. Right,
So when we're saying to you, hey, here's a book,
here's a work book, here's a class, here's something to
teach you how to do your shadow work, to teach
(17:51):
you how to cut them soul ties, to teach you
how how these things are really connected, to show you
that that that these men are quite literally depositing into
and you are into you, and you are absorbing it. Right.
The fact that so many women rejected and don't want
(18:13):
to listen to it is it just it just you're
just like girl, Okay, I guess, I guess the resources
are there, don't want it, okay, Right, But this is
why it's so important, because then we have a bunch
of women who essentially are moving the exact same way
that so many men are, and you're doing it to
(18:34):
other women, and if a woman calls you out about it,
you will spiral men, right, you will spiral. You would
rather hurt that woman physically, fight her, physically fight her,
da da da, go on a smear campaign, hop on TikTok,
whatever the case may be. Whatever, then actually sit with
(18:55):
yourself and be like, Yo, holy mack a run, this
is this is what I've become. Wow, and feel that pain,
feel the burn usher okay, feel feel the feel it,
and then let that feeling move you into a space
(19:17):
where you can start addressing it, unpacking it, working through it,
and then changing it. This this is this is the ship.
This is the ship, and it's so unfortunate and it
really really does break my heart. And I'm actually, you know,
I'm very clearly clearly, I'm very passionate about about this
(19:38):
because I am a victim, right, I am so overly
cautious about which I'm so so overly I have become
so overly cautious. A friend who is a friend of
mine right now, she we she literally had to date me,
Like she makes she makes a joke about like we
(19:59):
run joke, but it's actually but it's like half joke
if serious though, like she quite literally had to date
She had to court me, man, excuse me. She had
to court me, right, She had to really take her
and go slow and let me know that it was safe,
show me through her actions consistently over and over and
(20:22):
over and over and over and over and over again
before I called her my friend one hundred percent, because
the way in which I have experienced a lot of
women is frightening. Man, it is frightening. And it's I've
(20:43):
said this before and it's hurtful. It's very disheartening, right Like,
it's very disheartening. I'm not somebody who how can I
say this in the same way? So this is again,
this is one thing about me that is very consistent.
I'm not biased. So in the same way that I
have been hurt so bad by men in my past,
(21:05):
right like, look like drag by my ankles, right, and
I still believed in love and I still kept it
in my heart that not every man is like that.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. But even
though that's the spirit, right, in the same way is
I keep that same mentality for women, right So I
(21:29):
can speak about how many times I've been betrayed, hurt
and intentionally stabbed man like, intentionally stabbed intentionally I could
speak about that, and one time this girl stabbed me
with a fork like I was fourteen years old. I
will never forget it. She That's when I say intentionally stabbed,
(21:52):
That's what like came off my mind. She stabbed me
with a fork. I still have the scar in my
shoulder and on the top of my shoulder where she
stabbed me. Do you know how hard you have to
stab somebody with a fork? Do you know how much? Anyways,
(22:12):
And I'm all because all because the local boy in
school that she had her eye on he said hello
to me, and I said hello back the girl. The
girl lost her mind. Oh, anyways, whatever the case may be, right, trauma,
oh my god. Right. And even though like it's hurtle
(22:37):
all the things, I still just like when it comes
to dating and relationships, when it comes to friendships, I
don't close myself off to them. I don't think that
all women are this and that's not what I think, right,
that's not that's not at all. But what I've learned
to do with women in the same way that I
had to learn how to do with men, is to
really take my time. Men, you cannot just access me, right,
(23:00):
You cannot just come into my space. You cannot just
start calling. I'm not your friend. I'm not your friend.
Just listen in the same way. And if you've been
here for a long time, you know what was my
motto before when I was dating, I'm never gonna be
your girlfriend. Right, how many times y'all hear me say
that I'm never gonna be your girlfriend. Men will come
(23:23):
into my live it, but like, I'm never gonna be
your girlfriend. Yeah, never gonna be your girlfriend. For me, dating,
it's dating, committed relationship as an engagement, and then marriage.
There's no there's no girlfriend. What the fuck do I
look like here? Right? I'm not your girlfriend. I'm a
big thirty something years of age now I'm forty. But
you know sign I'm saying in the same way, like
(23:46):
that is how I moved. I had to have to
learn how to move with women. I'm not your friend
and I'm not going to be your friend until I
feel safe enough that this is could be a friendship,
all right, until I see you and I and I
observe you enough in all of your natural habitats. Then okay, man,
(24:10):
we can call this a friendship. But until then, you're
just a girl, I know, just like until then, it
was just the guy I was talking to. Until then,
you're just You're just a girl that I know, your
girl that I know of. You're a girl, your an acquaintance,
you're whatever the case may be right, like right, and
it took me. It took me longer to do that
(24:31):
with women than it did with men, because I have
a very specific wound. That is, I, my whole entire
life have craved sisterhood, craved it, craved it, craved it,
craved craved it, craved it I which is how I
ended up in the first place around you know, a
circle of friends who were not good for me, who
(24:52):
really hurt me, like you know, so you know, it's
how I ended up bouncing around too, from like different
circles of friends. And that's you know, at a certain
point in my life, whatever case may mean. But this
is something that is very real inside of me, and
it's something that I've I've tried to deny a million times.
But now is a river in Egypt, and I eventually
(25:13):
had to come to the realizations that right, like I
put I would put women on a pedestal like most
most people put most women put men on a pedestal.
But I would put women on a pedestal a lot
of the times because I just I so badly wanted
to have a sisterhood. I wanted to have those homegirls
(25:34):
who you know, oh man, I feel emotional. I feel
so sometimes when I when I'm having a conversation about
the younger version of Be, I just have so much
compassion for her, Like I just want to go back
(25:54):
in time and just be like, it's you know, girl,
Like it's gonna be okay. Man, Like you're you're chasing
the wrong You're barking up the wrong That's that's the issue. Right,
what you want is not wrong. Right, what you want
is very very valid, But girl, you are barking up
the wrong trees. But you know, she probably wouldn't have
listened anyways, because you know, she's a pissy son and
Aquarius rising and a Turist moon, and she probably would
(26:15):
have been like, why are you even talking to me?
You don't know me. I'm gonna do what I want
to do. Anyways, the fuck did I ask you for
your advice? Okay, so move come out my face? Yeah,
so you know, so sassy she was. But anyway, anyways,
I digress. So so yeah, right, I so badly wanted
(26:39):
a sister it And you know, it wasn't just when
I was younger. This is something that stayed with me
for a very long time. So it took me longer
to start implementing this with men than it did with
women than it did with men, you know, because I
would I quicker learned to and granted I you know,
(27:00):
I was in the both sides, both both people were both.
I was around both men and women who were treating
me like absolute shit. Like let's let's be clearer again,
not biased, you know, but there's there are periods in
my life where I realized I found myself making more
(27:20):
excuses for the women in my life who were treating
me poorly than I was for the men. Right, I
I basically, yeah, I shut shit down with men before
I did with women, you know. So so yeah, so
now it's like no, no, no, no, no, no, right,
(27:41):
this is what the fuck we're not gonna do. So,
like I said, so, my one friend that I have,
she she courted me, right, really took her time. Same
thing with Imani, y'all know, Hemani's a friend of the show,
even though she hasn't been here in a long time,
but she's a friend of the show and we still
talk all the time. Same thing with Imani, right, it
took us time, and she she like picked that up
(28:02):
about me though very very early on and she too
in her own way. She didn't come out and say like, yo,
I could see that you a little wounded here and
it's okay, like I'm gonna be over here when you
need me, you know, but these are She didn't say
it with she said it without saying exact words, but
she did she that's you know, Imani and I became
(28:23):
friends because let me tell you something, both Imani and
my homegirl I'm talking about now, how it's how the
deal got sealed was because they didn't want anything from me.
They didn't want anything for me, right, They didn't want
(28:46):
anything for me. And as somebody who people are constantly
pulling at me, constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly asking me
to break myself, to bend myself, to twist myself to
accommodate them. Right, people are constantly looking for some type
behind up like all the time. These two women didn't
want anything for me. They were a whole on their own.
(29:07):
And as a matter of fact, they you know, they
put me onto things. And this was something that was
new to me because I'm usually always the go to
I'm usually always the person who's putting people on. You see,
who's and in so many different ways. Right, whether that
(29:27):
comes to healing, inner work, whether it comes to a book,
whether it comes to a podcast, whether that comes to this,
whether it comes to a business plan, whether it comes
to whatever, whether it comes connecting you with somebody who knows,
somebody who can help you get your foot in the door.
I'm always the person who is putting people on and
on my end, I'm the person who figures it out
for myself. That's why I have so many That's why
I'm I'm so deeply knowledgeable in so many different areas.
(29:51):
It's because I have dedicated myself to learning them. Because
because nobody was around to teach me, I had to
teach my myself. Right. This is why when women come
to me for coaching, they find like they're like shit,
they realize I can help them in so many different
other areas. Right. Women initially come to me for dating
and relationship coaching. Fine, right, because I'm good at that,
(30:12):
and that's what I think. That's a sidebar. I have
to really realize that about myself the other day and
stop like whatever, I'm very good at what I do.
I'm very good in the dating and relationship roll in
terms of coaching. So I had to stop like trying
to run from that and just embrace it phrase what
it is. But anyways, I digress. But a lot of
the times, the women that are with me, who have
been with me for your plus, like they start out
(30:33):
that way, but then as we progress and they heal
that part and like that's it. They've come out on
their side. Everything is good. Year two. You know, They're like, b,
I actually want to build a I have this idea
for a blog. I have this idea to write a book.
I have this idea for this, I have this idea
for that. I want to learn more about spirituality and
like your womb and you know, herbs and fuck magic
(30:57):
and you know you know. So I'm saying, can you
teach me how to I want to learn how to
use canva. I want to learn how to this. And
I'm able to help them in all these realms, right,
Not because I'm a jack of all trades and a
master at none. Because I'm a jack of all trades
and a master at many, you see, because for me,
(31:17):
I was the one who had to put myself on
or I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't progress, I wouldn't grow,
I wouldn't evolve because nobody around me was able to
teach me what I was where what I was trying
to learn. So, because this has always been my position,
(31:39):
it's very rare that people put me on and those
two women, Imani and my other girl, they gave to
me like they gave to me. They clapped really loud
for me without making it fucking weird, no backhanded remark
(32:00):
at the end of the clap or during the clap,
right like they were excited for me in the moments,
like for the smallest things. They you know, reminded me like, yo,
you just did you know I would? Let's just say
so for example, when I put out when I when
I released Girl read this before your next day, right,
(32:24):
I think I told you this, but I was like, okay,
it's out, okay, next immediately started working the next one.
And you know, the people around me now, all of
the people around me, right, and those two included, had
to be like, hey, including doing you know this is
a big deal, bro. You just wrote another book, Like
you just wrote and published another book that is going
to help women in one thousand million different ways. Can
(32:47):
you take time to celebrate yourself? Please? Because we're going
to celebrate you, would you like to join the party
since it's yours?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Damn?
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I had to be like, oh fuck right, like genuinely, so, see,
this is the shit I'm talking about with ADHD. If
I don't I digress myself, I end up so far
away from not far. I'm still on topic, but I'm
just you know, anyways, I digress. So so I've been
(33:16):
very very cautious and will continue to be, but again
not so cautious that I put walls up. But again
I have to protect myself in a sound of saying,
So I put up gates, you know, I put up
gates and some security cameras, and I watch you. That's
(33:37):
giving Joe from you, but you know, I watch you
to see, I observe and to see if you're safe
for me. And once I feel as though you're safe
for me, then yeah, access granted, but until then not mine.
Little access denied, you know, and the people who get
it get it, and those who don't don't. You know.
(33:57):
This is why when we're talking about dating a relationship
case ap and I'm like, yo, like you have to
like these men who want to move fast fast with you,
like you have to be able to stand ten toes
down and tell them no, like you have to slow down, right, Like,
if this is a real thing, or you think it's
a real thing, or you want it to be a
real thing, then there's no need to rush. I'll still
be here, right, We'll still be ginning to know each other.
(34:19):
There's no need to put a rush on this, right.
This is why it's important for you to heal the
parts of yourself that thinks that you know, a slow
a slow burning relationship is boring. No, man, that's that's healthy.
That's that's very healthy. You know, a candle burning in
(34:40):
your house is very serene and calming. A fire in
your house is fucking hectic and chaotic and dangerous and
anxiety inducing. Right, what the fuck my kitchen, My my
kitchen is on fire. That's a problem, right, that's a problem.
(35:00):
And a kitchen on fire is a fast burning kitchen
and it will burn down your hosts if you don't.
You know that I'm saying. But as a candle that
is that is just sitting there and its soft glow
is calming. And that's that's what you have to realize
about these dating experiences and with friendships, you know, so
(35:22):
I say that to say this, Jesus Christ. But there
was gems in there, you know.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
There was gems.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
You can't deny it. I'm a bad you don't want
to love me anyways? I saw that. To say this,
I can't lost the plot, lost it, remember it. This
is why they say it's lonely at the top. And
the top can mean everybody thinks that the that the
(35:48):
top is you know about money, that's not the top.
If you are a woman who is comfortable and confident
within herself, who walks through the beat, who has learned
right to walk to the beat of her own drum,
who is still kind in the world that is does
everything everything that they can to harden you. Who has boundaries,
(36:11):
not walls, right, who has boundaries, who lives by a
certain standard for herself. Therefore she doesn't allow anybody to
come into her life who's not going to live by
the same standards. They're treated by the same standards. Right,
If you're a woman who walks it like she talks it.
If you are a woman who is who is able
to figure things out for yourself, right, and when life
(36:31):
is happening, you don't just let life beat you and
then sit around and trauma bond with other women until
you're eighty five years old. Right, If you are a
woman who takes accountability for her life and takes hold
of her life, you're rich. You are rich. Like you
(36:52):
need to understand that you are rich and you are powerful,
and everybody else around you sees it and knows it
except for you. This young lady who did the video
is rich. Again, don't know everything else about her, but
from what she eat knows what I'm saying. From what
she's saying, she's rich and everybody else knows it except
(37:15):
for her. And when you don't know that, you are
resourceful and powerful. If you don't know what you're think
of yourself as land, right, think of yourself as land.
And in that land you have you have resources. You
have oil, you have diamonds, right, you have oil, you
(37:35):
have diamonds, you have gems, precious stones. If if you
don't know, all right, let's say it's on your land.
If you don't know that it's there, you're she's gonna
get invaded. That's just what the fuck it is, right,
because people want what you got. You're rich, you are rich, baby, Right,
(38:01):
this is what you have to remember about the line
I spoke about before about confidence and arrogance and cockiness
versus confidence and self assurance assurance. What is my issue
with this word? It's because I yes and a deep knowing.
You can know, okay, you are not here to play small,
(38:30):
and there's nothing wrong with you knowing that. There's nothing
wrong right with you being like nah, I know who
I am. I know the things that I've got going
on for me. I know where I've came from, I
know where I never want to go back again. I
know what that life has so much more to offer me,
and that's what I'm gonna get. I'm gonna go get it.
(38:51):
There's nothing wrong with knowing that. That's not you being cocky.
That's not you being arrogant. You saying that you're good
at some thing is not you me being like yo,
I'm good at what the fuck I do. I am
good at helping women work through their shit and having transformations.
That's not me being cocky. That's not me trying to
(39:12):
sell you nothing. That's not me trying to whatever the
case may need. That's me explaining that I know my
areas of expertise. I am ten years motherfucking eleven maybe
years deep in this shit. I know what the fuck
I'm doing. I know what I'm talking about, and I
know that what I do, I do it from a
place of experience. I don't teach from a pedestal. I
(39:33):
teach from experience, and I know that that is a
big part of what makes me good at what I do.
Because when the right woman, the birth emphasis on the
right woman, when the right women come to me, they're
coming to me because I have the same experience as them.
They're coming to me because they know that they don't
(39:54):
have to feel no type of shame or whatever the
case may be, that I'm not judging them for what
the the fuck is happening in their life right now.
Right they know even if they carry their own shame,
they know that I'm not going to give them back.
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna mirror what they're carrying themselves. Right.
They know if they come to me and they are
still sleeping with their ex, who they know is not
(40:16):
good for them. Right, they know that I'm going to
be like, girl, we got to fix you up, and
also help them fix up. They know I'm going to
keep it real and say, girl, this ain't right, and
also guide them to what's right for them obviously right.
(40:39):
This is the reason why, this is the reason why
a lot of women feel disconnected from their therapists, because
what they're looking for is some humanity in it, right,
They're looking for some type of relatability, and relatability in
the sense where they want to know that I'm that
(40:59):
you understand where they're coming from. That's it. They just
want to know that you understand where they're coming from.
Me saying that I'm good at that doesn't make me cocky,
and if somebody else takes it that way, I'm now
in a place that I can understand. That's their own
insecurities working overtime. And is that doing backflips? Ins that
(41:22):
cart feels backflips all the things making them want to
throw up on themselves inside of them, And it has
nothing to do with me, right, I know now, If
I say I'm good at something and somebody else feels
like it is arrogance, it's because they themselves haven't learned
to claim to name and claim what they're good at,
or maybe they feel like they're not good at any
(41:43):
motherfucking thing either, or that's still not my problem, fack.
It is not my job to tiptoe around your insecurities.
It is not my job to tiptoe around the things
that you haven't actualized within yourself yet. It is not
my job to tip so around your wounds that you
refuse to take accountability for and to go get you
(42:06):
some help for. None of this is on me, and
it took me such a long time to learn that.
And this young lady, you know, hopefully, I don't know
how old she is, I don't know. I don't know
nothing about her other than this video. But my hope
for her and for other women out here who relate
(42:27):
to her, who feel the same as her, my hope
is that you learn that sooner than later. We all
have our own journeys in our own timelines, right, so
you know when it's your time to learn or to
you know, to really get it, then it's your time.
But I have my hope for you is that it's
sooner than later. Right. There is something really beautiful and
(42:55):
powerful about women who know who the fuck they are
and who take up space in their own life, and
just like it triggers the demons and men who haven't
healed right and got all these inner demons running around
them and just just love. That's how as how are
war like? You know, it does the same thing with
other women. Unfortunately, it does the same thing with other women,
(43:19):
and we see it happen in so in so many,
so many ways. Right, this is why you need boundaries.
This is why boundaries are not mean or rude or
any of the other shit that once again comes from
the mouth of people who want to access you without reciprocity,
(43:39):
who just want what they want from you right now, right,
It's like, oh, can I pick your brain? Know? What
you can do is is that you can go to
my website and you can pick a time on my
booking calendar and you can book a session. Then you
can pick my brain in this session that you picked. Like,
(44:04):
that's that's how this is gonna work. Because for me,
I am I have a balance CC. I give so
many so much content. I don't call it content. I
don't really want to content. Call it content, man, that
fucking does my That does mean disservice. That's insulting. I
give so much for free, for free ninety nine. If
(44:30):
you don't want to listen to the shit that I'm
that I'm saying that you're listening to for free ps
by the way, so that means on podcast episodes on Instagram,
lives on substack on my Instagram. If you don't want
to take the time to really hear what I'm saying there,
that's okay, But then don't ask me to then do
(44:51):
more free labor because you want you have a specific
question or you want what you want from me now
and you don't want to you don't want to pay
for my time. That's insulting. So that's why there's a
boundary there, you see, right, That's why there's a boundary there.
(45:12):
That's why I have different tiers of things. You can't
afford a three month program, understandable, girl, I get it it. Shit,
life is life in right now, No problem. Here's a
second option. I introduce one off coaching calls right where
even in the one off coaching calls, get in a
lot in there, girl, right, also can't afford that option,
(45:35):
No problem, I understand life is lifing. There are ebooks
for you. There are paperback books for you. Here's a
fifteen dollars book, here's an eighteen dollar book, here's a
fourteen dollar book.
Speaker 3 (45:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Still can't afford that because times are tough. No, listen,
I'm not even not even judging you, bro, Times are
tough right now. I understand. Catch me on my podcast,
catch me on my Instagram live right, but don't disrespect me.
Don't do that and not even I say it doesn't. No,
(46:09):
let me take that back. I won't allow you. I
want to know. Let me take that back to I
won't disrespect myself right, and I won't let you call
me rude, or call me mean, or call me anything
because I am not willing to accommodate you outside of
my bounds. It took me a really long time to
(46:33):
be able to do that right. And once I learned,
I'm sticking to my guns right, and that alone. A
woman who sticks to her guns is offensive to so
many women because they themselves have no guns to stick to.
(46:54):
They haven't created boundaries within themselves. They haven't. Let me
tell you something I was telling all my clients the
other day. I was explaining to her, I'm like, yo,
you need to remember something. It was about her ex monster. No,
man is just just a trifle and anyways, right, I
told her, I'm like, something, you have to remember, people
(47:16):
who are who are people. People who are working on
themselves are kind of looking around like, oh, maybe everybody
else is working on themselves, right, but everybody else is
not working on themselves. The same thing goes for people
who are not working on themselves. Right. They don't think
that you've changed because they are not changing. So Buddy
(47:36):
thinks that you are the same We're gonna call her
uh Anna, right, Buddy thinks that you are the same
Anna that he was with for eight years. He doesn't
know that since you guys have split, right, and whatever
the case they be, it's been almost two years now
that you have been aggressively working on yourself. He doesn't
(48:01):
know that. So you need to move like the woman
who you've been working on, not moving like the Ana
that he knows. Don't let him drag you back to
a version of yourself that you just spent two years
working on transforming. Don't do that, right, don't do that.
(48:26):
So people without boundaries expect you not to have any,
or if you do, they expect you to bend their
boundaries the way that they bend themselves to accommodate other people.
That's all it is, you see. And for women who
are doing the work, whatever the case may be, whatever,
(48:48):
and who have this aura, right, who have this aura,
this energy of I'm nice, but don't fuck with me,
Like I'm kind, but I'll also punch you in the face, right,
Like I'm cool. As long as you cool. The minute
you not cool, we gonna have a motherfucking problem, Like
it's going to be a problem. Right, I'm chill. As
(49:12):
long as you chill. The minute you not chill, well
then right. And so I'm saying when they come across
women like that, it's it's triggering, it's offensive, it's it's
a mirror to what they aren't. It's a reminder, sorry,
it's a reminder of everything that they are not doing
for themselves. There's a whole, there's a whole. Right. They
(49:34):
recognize your richness, and their first thing is to try
to They recognize your confidence. They see it, they know
it's not cocky, even know it's not. They recognize it
as exactly what it is, as confident, knowing a self
assured woman. And they're like, I'm gonna knock you down
a few notches because who the fuck do you think
you are? When really, the internal dialogue inside the little
(49:57):
girl in them right, just like the A Little Boy
and a Man is like, why haven't we come into
that for ourselves yet? How come we're still very insecure?
How Come we're still very scared of everything? How Come
we are still not willing to be vulnerable with ourselves?
How come? How come? How come you see what I'm
(50:18):
saying and the projection that comes out is Nah, instead
of working on myself, I'm gonna knock you down a
couple notches, bitch, right, so then you can be in
the place that I'm at, Because what say it with me? Ladies?
Misery loves what Okay, good, okay, good? Right, So just
(50:39):
something to keep in mind again. I know we've done
uh probably I've spoken about this and you know, sprinkled
in other episodes before, and maybe I even did do
a whole episode about this before. But you know, I'm
forty now, so sometimes we need to local upgrade and
in the things that we say, right, and there's something
wrong with that sometimes, you know, you, yourself, my my
(51:03):
lady's listening need a refresher. So that's there, there, there
it is. And so to this young lady x e
eat x eat Eve, Grandma's canna call you Eve, Okay,
I hope you I help you. I hope you realize
that it has nothing to do At some point you
realize it has nothing to do with you and everything
(51:24):
to do with those people, right. And the minute that
you stop, you know, smalling up yourself to accommodate them,
and just embrace the fact that, you know, like I
said before, oh that's what I'm trying to go with
that thought, and I think I just want somewhere else.
But I also trying to say, like when they say,
(51:45):
like you know, it's it's it's lonely at the top,
it's because there's only when you're that rich. The majority
of the world vibrates low. It says, do you guys
all the time? So when you were rich in that way, right,
there's only a few other people gonna be up there
(52:06):
with you. Your circle is going to be so small
that it's a period, right, And you have to be
okay with that. And as you become more comfortable with yourself,
and as you start to love yourself more, you will
start to protect yourself more. And as you start to
protect yourself more, you start to honor yourself more. And
as you do that, it won't even be a problem
(52:26):
saying I only got two friends. That's a right, I
only got two motherfucking friends, because anything more than that
is trouble, trouble, trouble. Right, the more you climb up
your own ladder, the more you will respect things like peace.
You will yearn for peace, man, You will want peace.
And once you create peace for yourself, you won't want
anybody to burst that bubble. Right, you will do what
you need to do to protect that peace. And that
(52:48):
means it's not the more the merrier, it's the less
the peaceful. It's like, that's it. Not the more the merrier,
the less people around here, the better the safer for me. Right,
better to have two or three really good, good homegirls man,
(53:10):
that genuinely love you, support, you are rooting for, you,
got you, you guys got each other. You're on the
you know what I mean, whatever the case may be.
Then to have a group of friends who is constant
mix up drama, me backhand the compliments, snide fucking remarks,
cheeky local comments, whatever the case may be, where you
always got to be second guessing yourself and being like
(53:31):
what the like like is I'm not doing anything like,
why are you trust and believe? Trust, trust and believe right,
trust and believe. You know, the the the more you
you step into a certain level of knowing for yourself,
it's very quiet. It's not even loud. It's a very
quiet type of knowing. And the interesting thing is is
(53:55):
that the more you you climb up your own ladder,
the more you kind of want to take back your energy,
Like you'll call back your energy from places you realize
it's important to do that from places and people who
are who have been harvesting it in the first place
and awarding it right. You know how often I had
the sound in my shower and be like, hey, in
(54:15):
my shower, I I call back all of my fucking
energy to me right now, immediately. You know often I
have to do that so often, call back everything come
mine immediately right. I don't know if those of y'all
(54:38):
who are subscribed to my if we're being honest, substack.
I had spoken about and maybe I spoke about it
here before a little bit. I don't know. I don't
remember now, child, But in the case I did a
you're gonna hear it again. I had spoken about how
(55:01):
I started having this feeling that I just wanted to
remove myself as much as myself as possible from these
social media places. Right, And when I say remove myself,
I mean like my pictures, my videos, certain parts of
my life that I have openly shared. I want to
take it back. I don't want people having access like
(55:22):
that to my immediate life. Right as I was saying, like,
there's a lot of i'm I still, you know, I started,
and then I forgot, I'm gonna have to do that today.
Maybe I have some time today. I think I have
some clients today'm and I have to make some time.
But I started to take down a lot of videos
and pictures of me and Duanne and so and so forth,
And I told my audience there, I'm like, if you
guys see that, like you don't see Duanna more, no
(55:42):
pictures and whatever the case may be. It's not because
we're not still together. We're very much married, But it's
because I don't want people having I don't want those
eyes on us men. I don't want those eyes on me.
I don't want it on my family. I barely want
it on my dog, like barely wanted on my dog.
(56:02):
There's a there's a there's a lot of people who
I realize at a point in time, who are who
don't have my best intention, who don't really care, don't
they're just watching and secretly wishing for me to fail. Right,
They're just watching and they're hoping for me to fail.
That just said the same thing twic. It's good for me, right,
(56:23):
they're watching with ill intent, their hate watching. I can't
control it, right, I can't control what other people do,
but I can control what I do knowing what other
people are doing. Right, So I made it. I was like,
I just feel like pulling back things. That's why my
profile pictures now are not me. Both of my Instagram pages,
(56:43):
my Crimson Kiss and my if we're being honest here
at Instagram page are cartoon profile pictures. Now. You know,
they represent a little bit of different seasons of me,
and I'm saying different moods, right, but they're not me.
And I'm going to get to the point where there
will I'm going to go back to how things were
(57:04):
when I first started, where you will not see me,
right unless I'm doing an Instagram Live or something right,
obviously Instagram Live. But I'm all set, right, I'm all set.
You know, and I talked about this before too. Where
it's like certain random life news updates whatever can get
(57:25):
shared on my podcast, but nowhere else, and my substacks
right nowhere else, nowhere else where. It's easy to have
access and to just stalk. That's crazy, that's fucking wild
to me. Man, Like, I'm just like, yo, get a grip, right,
So anyways, I digress because I digress, so yes, So
(57:46):
if you've been feeling like pulling back your energy, do
so right. But if you are listening to this and
you are somebody who, like you said, like the young
lady said, you know, finds yourself attracting a lot of
frenemies and you were wondering why, here's your answer. And
if you are a friend of me, don't think you
don't wanna be better than this. Don't think I was
gonnaddress you' all. Two. If the friend of me is
(58:07):
in the room with us right now, right and you're
listening to this and you're starting to or you through
this knowing that it was you listening to this whole thing,
knowing that it was you, or it is you you're one
of those girls and you feel shame, I invite you
to unpack that shame, right, I invite you to be
(58:29):
like to own it and be like, yeah, this is
what the fuck I do? This is this is fucked.
I'm very insecure. I got and I'm telling you you
don't have to be a friend of me. You don't
have to stay this way, right, you can literally turn
your life around. Everybody can. Everybody can. You are no different, right,
You're no different. So if you know that about yourself,
(58:53):
I am encouraging you to move past your shame and
your ego and step move from a place of I
want to change my life around. I want to change
these habits. I want to learn how to do better
for myself and then put yourself in the position to
do so right again. Books, journals with prompts, fucking a therapist,
(59:20):
a coach, or whatever the case. I mean, it don't
even have to be me. I'm not even like. It
don't have to be me, be care, It don't have
to be my books, It don't have to be anything
to do with me. Go wherever it is that is
going to help you the best. Wherever space that you
feel is going to help you the best. Go do
that because you deserve it. Just like another woman when
(59:42):
she worked hard to get to where she is emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, financially.
She deserves to exist in this world right without constantly
having to look over her shoulder or constantly feel like
she has a tiptoe in order to protect the way
you're existing or not to offend the way you're existing,
when the reality of the situation is the way you're
(01:00:04):
existing is fucked up. Instant. I did not think that
Shay's episode was going to be an hour. But here
we are, baby, here we are, and now it's time
to go. I have nothing left to meet, to give,
so let's wrap it up. Look at me on a
road today. Is it y'all's birthday or something? Because I've
(01:00:24):
been here four days in a row. Baby, let's get
it while it's hot. All right, I'm gonna go now.
So I hope that this episode helped you in some way,
shape or form. You'all on the drill. If nothing else,
let it be food for thought. Just make sure you
finish your plate so you can go be great, all right,
ladies and sometimes gentlemen. I hope that you guys have
a good rest of your morning's evenings. Afternoons or blick
(01:00:45):
y'aller in the world. Please be safe, use contents, trust
your intuition, and use your discernment. And I'm gonna catch
y'all on the next episode. ICH love y'all.
So I have a shit ton of TikTok videos saved
and I made little files for them, and this one
particular file is called podcast episodes, and they were reminder.
I put a bunch of videos in there that I
saw of topics that I wanted to speak about. So
I was going through the folder, I'm like, what I
(00:21):
want to speak about today? And I have like so
many of them, and I was like, oh, yes, you.
So today we're going to talk about frenemies. And I'm
going to play this young lady's video first and then
we'll get into it. And I know that I have
spoken about this and like everything else with my ADHD brain,
(00:43):
in bits and pieces of other episodes, but I think
the topic is well deserving of its own episode. PS.
By the way, if you're a new here, Hi, Hello, welcome.
My name is CCB. Most people just call me me.
I'm forty years young. I've been through some shit also
put myself through a shit, some shit, and now I
help other women who are going through the shake get
out of their shit. And it's what I'm saying. I'm
(01:05):
very honest. Okay, So if you are allergic to sensitive
to honesty, I promise you this is not the place
for you to be. I do not sugarcot shit for myself,
so I'm not doing it for anybody else. Okay, Okay,
we have a motto around here. It's called put your
triggers to the side, so you've got room to open
up your mad Okay. This is not Instagram, right, this
(01:27):
is grown folk territory. Put on your big girl panties
and you know. Okay, cool, Okay, So this young lady's
name is on TikTok it's I don't know, it's e
x E dot e ve e and uh yeah, So
(01:48):
I'm gonna go ahead and play her video and if
you know her, peas by the way, you know, shoot
her this episode. And even though there's what is it
now sitting at two and thirty three comments, and I'm
sure she read many of them, you know, it doesn't
hurt to hear one more. All Right, here you go.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
These are that someone's in front of me.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Start over again.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I really want to know why I attract the type
of friends that I have in my life, Like I
genuinely feel like I've always attracted the type of friends
that are like frenemies. I always find that they're always
trying to humble me in subtle ways, and it's the weirdest.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Fucking thing, and it's so covert that it's.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Not something that can confront because it's like, girl, no,
you're doing too much, You're reading too much into it.
But then there are things that I definitely notice, but
because they're not blatant, it's hard for me to decipher.
Is this just me being sensitive misunderstanding or is this
person really trying to indirectly.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Come for me.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
But when the same type of comment or behavior or
energy keeps happening over and over and over again, I'm like, Okay, no,
I'm not being crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
This person doesn't like me, but is my friend.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
It's so weird that I've always attracted friends that I
feel like secretly.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Don't like me, and I don't know what it is,
and I don't know why.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
And what really confuses me is the fact that I
am not a cocky person by any means.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I am not arrogant at all. I'm not boastful.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
If you give me a compliment, I'm going to say
something bad about myself to kind of like deflect, like
I'm that kind of person.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I don't know how to even take compliments sometimes. I'm
working on that still to this day, which.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Is why I find it weird that I still attract
kind of people that want to further humble me, like
I'm already humble.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I don't understand, and I ask, what is it about me?
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Because maybe I'm too nice, maybe I'm too passive. Maybe
like the self deprecating comments make me an easy target
and people pick up on that.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
I'm just kind of sick of like the back handed
compliments or the weird energy, or wondering if my friend
is actually my friend and actually likes me. I just
really need to figure out what it is about me
that attracts is kind of because I don't want.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
To attract these kind of friends anymore.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I don't want this like underlying feeling that someone's a
friend of me or they might not.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Like me or anything of that nature. I just can't
do it.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
So I've been so reclusive when it comes to friends,
like I don't hang out with anybody, and I just
say to myself because I just.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Can't do it anymore. I really want.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
So let me start off by saying this, it's so unfortunate, man,
and it's something that for some of us takes so
long to understand, and when we do it really really hurts.
Like it hurts are ready to be going through it,
But then when you understand why it's happening, or you
(04:44):
you clock into what's happening, it really hurts. First of all,
there is a very thin line between cocky and arrogance, right,
and then competent and self assured right self self as
oh my gosh, self assured and knowing. And I feel
(05:06):
like and I don't feel like, I know that there
are so many women, especially my ladies, who are doing
their inner work so on and so forth, who fear
that line, right, And so they fear that if they
if they how can I say that? They fear being
(05:28):
perceived as cocky and arrogant. So they they small up themselves, right,
they don't, They don't move, speak up for themselves, so
on and so forth, as confidently as they as they
know that they are right. So off the rip. This
girl's beautiful, Okay, I can she's so I'll stop there.
(05:52):
That's why, babe, because because you gorgeous, right, But but
she's beautiful on the outside. I don't know her personality inside,
you know, but based off of what she's saying, I'll continue.
She's beautiful, and she looks very well put together. You know,
her makeup is on point. You can tell by the
way what she's wearing the video anyways. You can tell
by the way that she dresses. She has her own style,
(06:14):
she has her own personality. Right. I also picked up
in the video that she has an extensive vocabulary. I
don't have to know anything else about her. We'll just like,
we'll just use those things for a foundation for a second. Right,
based off of those things, people don't like her, right,
(06:36):
And it's because these things when you are a woman
who is well put together, we're not talking about the
inside right now, Let's just focus on the outside. Right.
If you're a woman who is well put together and
you speak well, you automatically set off a bunch of
(06:57):
triggers for other women who feel like you're better than them,
because you are reflecting back to them all of the
shit that they're not doing for themselves. Okay, let's just
start there. Nobody is telling another woman not to dress
(07:20):
for herself, not to learn how to curate her outfits,
not to learn how to do her hair, not to
go get her hair done, not to learn how some
extensive vocabulary. Right, These are choices that you're making for yourself. Right,
these women are making for themselves. And a lot of
times what happened is what happens with so many women,
especially women who run in groups right from there in
(07:42):
their comfort zone. So they're surrounded by other women who
are just like them. Right, everything is all good, But
the minute they make they meet another woman who goes
against their comfort zone, right, who is a representative of
a world that can exist for them, but they're not
leaning into it becomes a problem. You become a problem.
(08:03):
You didn't do anything wrong, you just existing. It is
nothing wrong, but then you become a problem. Okay, Then
couple that with you know, she says she's kind, that
she somebody gives her a compliment. She you know, she
goes into saying something kind of bad about herself, so
to deflect whatever the case may be. Couple that with that, like,
(08:24):
you're also a kind person. I hate you? Right? Is
what these? Right? Now? That's it? So let me get
this straight. You you fly a shit, you beautiful, you dress well,
you probably smug good. She looks like she's smuggled, you know,
how sometimes you can smoke people with She looks she's smoked. Right.
(08:46):
You look good, you projesska, your hair is on point,
you are well spoken, you have accept the vocabulary and
your kind what no, no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no. Right.
I'm again don't know her personality, but I'm willing to
bet she has an aura to her that is well,
(09:09):
you know what I mean. She has an or to
her that is that her aura is confident, and her
aura is probably a mix of confident and soft, confident
and gentle. You know what I'm saying. She probably has
that aura that women have who are taking care of themselves, right,
(09:30):
who are intentional about themselves right, and who are just existing.
I'm not taking care of myself to slight you. I'm
taking care of myself for me, right. I'm not leaving
the house dress how I'm dressed, thinking that I'm gonna
thinking of or wanting to or the intention of upstaging you.
(09:51):
I'm leaving the house dressing well, smelling well, my hair
did nailed everything day whatever. For me, That's a part
of my self care routine, right. And if I'm coming
across you and you feel some type of way about
the fact that you're dressed down because I'm dressed up.
That sounds like that's a fucking you problem and not
a me problem. Right, But again, for so many women,
(10:13):
it takes such a long time through and it's through
inner work, and it's through the practice of inner work, right.
It's through the practice of inner work, right that you
become more confident in owning your voice and standing up
for yourself right, and more confident in knowing who the
(10:34):
fuck you are as your own woman and being able
to say that out loud, not to offend other people,
but to own who you are, right, And it really does.
One of the reasons why I save this video is
because it really breaks my heart when I see shit
like this, because, as y'all know, I am, I have
(10:57):
been through this so much in my life, man, and
it really really sucks. Balls like bad ones, like long,
like you know, like you know a man who has
really long balls, and do you do your balls hang low?
Do they weibble to the right to to and fro
and then has the nerve to be like put him
in your mouth and you're like, what, why what I do?
Why are your balls so long, right, Like, it's just
(11:19):
like it just sucks, really long balls because you just
want to you feel like such an outsider and you
want sisterhood, you want friendship, right, you want genuine, meaningful connection.
I hate the word connections, and I don't know why
I hate it. I just don't like using it. I
(11:39):
feel like connect I feel like it's because I see
it all connections, connections. I feel like it sounds like
a therapist who is like seventy years old and on
her last couple of years, and she's like, connections. I
don't know, right, but you put whatever right. I digress.
But you want that, and your intentions are rooted in
(12:00):
hey girl, oh my gosh, you looks so good today.
I love your outfit. D d d da dah. Yeah, gral,
I got you, I can put you on, I get
whatever the case may be. Yeah, I got you. Right,
These are where your intentions are rooted. And to know
that so many women gravitate towards you with the opposite
intentions hurts. It really does. This is also coming from
reminder coming from a woman me who had a whole
(12:21):
stalker who was a woman and who did really bad things,
really really bad things, right, really bad things to me,
to me and to people who were close to me,
to try to get to me or try to get
at me. Right, it's not. It really sucks. Couple that
(12:42):
with so everything I just said. Let you be the
type of woman who whenever life knocks you down, you
don't stay down. You're fucked, man, You're fucked right. Let
you be the type of woman who actually walks it
like you talk it. Let you be that woman who actually,
(13:03):
you know who, when life throws lemons at you, you
know how to make not just a lemonade stand, but
a whole business that. Now we have cherry lemonade, regular lemonade,
we've got sweet sweeter lemonade. We've got this type of lemonade.
We've got that type of lemonade, lemonade. You get a glass,
you get a glass. You're fucked. You're fucked. She speaks
(13:27):
a lot about the humbling of her right, how women
come around her and try to humble her. And I'm
gonna say this again. I'm gonna use the sentence I
use all the time, because we're gonna put it into
and we're gonna show how I once again give an
example of how that one's in real life, right, or
(13:48):
how that shows up in real life. A lot of
women are no different than the men that they complain
about every single day. And here's what I'm going to
say about this. One thing that men will do when
they come across a pretty girl is try to humble you. Okay,
(14:13):
a lot of men I'm talking about the an shipment
of the world, we understand, right, A lot of the
ancient men of the world are very big on that.
They will come across a woman who is beautiful, We're okay,
we're just gonna leave it at beautiful a second, right,
who's a beautiful woman? Right, and they'll say, shit, They
purposely will withhold compliments whatever the case may be, because
and they will say, oh, you probably hear that all
(14:34):
the time. You probably hear that all the time. You
probably hear that all the time, right, And it's like, one,
even if I do, so what And two the truth
of the matter is a lot of women who are
pretty like on the outside, right, a lot of men
don't approach them. I'm telling you this, right. A lot
of men are automatically assume whatever they assume, right, So
(15:01):
that's that whole conversation about like pretty privileged or whatever
the case may be. It's not really sometimes it's you
know it has it's not really what people think that
it is in that regard. Right, So a lot of
times these ancient men will come around, and the ones
who do talk to you and do get to know
you and do whatever the case may be. Their goal,
even if they don't even know that this is what
(15:22):
they're doing, but they do know this, right, is to
try to bring you down a couple notes. They do
know what they're doing, try to bring you down a
few notches, specifically enough notches that matches where they are,
their own wounds, their own insecurities, so on and so forth.
To understand, right, Because I want to be next to you,
(15:43):
I want to experience you, but I feel like you're
better than me, and I can't let you be here
thinking or I don't want to feel like you're better
than me. Even though I want access to you and
I want to be around you, I need you to
to be on my level, because God forbid, I do
my own inner work, and you and your inspiration that
(16:07):
I do my own inner work and come up to yours.
A lot of women who are male centered move the
exact same way. I can't. Like, just the next time
you are in the wild, pay attention. The next time
you're in the wild, or the next time that you
have an experience like this, just pay attention, or remember
(16:28):
what I said. A lot of women move the exact
same way for the exact same reason. Sorry, a lot
of male centered women. This is why when we have
the conversation about decentering men, we're not saying you need
to hate men, you need to fuck all these men.
All men are trash. That's not what we're saying. We're
saying that the part of you whose life revolves around
(16:53):
men and who internalizes the ancient men around you and
then becomes them needs to have an exorcism. Okay, like
fuck a detox, you need an exorcism. Right. This is
(17:13):
why when we're saying things to you like, hey, you know,
cut them soul ties, do the work to cut the
soul ties. Hold off, right, Maybe don't swing from man
to man, from dick to dick, to from balls to
balls to da da da dad.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
You know you guys could sit here and go whatever
all you want. Oh, I could do whatever I want.
My pussy, my choice, whatever, cool, do whatever you want.
But these are the consequences. This is what we're talking about. Right,
So when we're saying to you, hey, here's a book,
here's a work book, here's a class, here's something to
teach you how to do your shadow work, to teach
(17:51):
you how to cut them soul ties, to teach you
how how these things are really connected, to show you
that that that these men are quite literally depositing into
and you are into you, and you are absorbing it. Right.
The fact that so many women rejected and don't want
(18:13):
to listen to it is it just it just you're
just like girl, Okay, I guess, I guess the resources
are there, don't want it, okay, Right, But this is
why it's so important, because then we have a bunch
of women who essentially are moving the exact same way
that so many men are, and you're doing it to
(18:34):
other women, and if a woman calls you out about it,
you will spiral men, right, you will spiral. You would
rather hurt that woman physically, fight her, physically fight her,
da da da, go on a smear campaign, hop on TikTok,
whatever the case may be. Whatever, then actually sit with
(18:55):
yourself and be like, Yo, holy mack a run, this
is this is what I've become. Wow, and feel that pain,
feel the burn usher okay, feel feel the feel it,
and then let that feeling move you into a space
(19:17):
where you can start addressing it, unpacking it, working through it,
and then changing it. This this is this is the ship.
This is the ship, and it's so unfortunate and it
really really does break my heart. And I'm actually, you know,
I'm very clearly clearly, I'm very passionate about about this
(19:38):
because I am a victim, right, I am so overly
cautious about which I'm so so overly I have become
so overly cautious. A friend who is a friend of
mine right now, she we she literally had to date me,
Like she makes she makes a joke about like we
(19:59):
run joke, but it's actually but it's like half joke
if serious though, like she quite literally had to date
She had to court me, man, excuse me. She had
to court me, right, She had to really take her
and go slow and let me know that it was safe,
show me through her actions consistently over and over and
(20:22):
over and over and over and over and over again
before I called her my friend one hundred percent, because
the way in which I have experienced a lot of
women is frightening. Man, it is frightening. And it's I've
(20:43):
said this before and it's hurtful. It's very disheartening, right Like,
it's very disheartening. I'm not somebody who how can I
say this in the same way? So this is again,
this is one thing about me that is very consistent.
I'm not biased. So in the same way that I
have been hurt so bad by men in my past,
(21:05):
right like, look like drag by my ankles, right, and
I still believed in love and I still kept it
in my heart that not every man is like that.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. But even
though that's the spirit, right, in the same way is
I keep that same mentality for women, right So I
(21:29):
can speak about how many times I've been betrayed, hurt
and intentionally stabbed man like, intentionally stabbed intentionally I could
speak about that, and one time this girl stabbed me
with a fork like I was fourteen years old. I
will never forget it. She That's when I say intentionally stabbed,
(21:52):
That's what like came off my mind. She stabbed me
with a fork. I still have the scar in my
shoulder and on the top of my shoulder where she
stabbed me. Do you know how hard you have to
stab somebody with a fork? Do you know how much? Anyways,
(22:12):
And I'm all because all because the local boy in
school that she had her eye on he said hello
to me, and I said hello back the girl. The
girl lost her mind. Oh, anyways, whatever the case may be, right, trauma,
oh my god. Right. And even though like it's hurtle
(22:37):
all the things, I still just like when it comes
to dating and relationships, when it comes to friendships, I
don't close myself off to them. I don't think that
all women are this and that's not what I think, right,
that's not that's not at all. But what I've learned
to do with women in the same way that I
had to learn how to do with men, is to
really take my time. Men, you cannot just access me, right,
(23:00):
You cannot just come into my space. You cannot just
start calling. I'm not your friend. I'm not your friend.
Just listen in the same way. And if you've been
here for a long time, you know what was my
motto before when I was dating, I'm never gonna be
your girlfriend. Right, how many times y'all hear me say
that I'm never gonna be your girlfriend. Men will come
(23:23):
into my live it, but like, I'm never gonna be
your girlfriend. Yeah, never gonna be your girlfriend. For me, dating,
it's dating, committed relationship as an engagement, and then marriage.
There's no there's no girlfriend. What the fuck do I
look like here? Right? I'm not your girlfriend. I'm a
big thirty something years of age now I'm forty. But
you know sign I'm saying in the same way, like
(23:46):
that is how I moved. I had to have to
learn how to move with women. I'm not your friend
and I'm not going to be your friend until I
feel safe enough that this is could be a friendship,
all right, until I see you and I and I
observe you enough in all of your natural habitats. Then okay, man,
(24:10):
we can call this a friendship. But until then, you're
just a girl, I know, just like until then, it
was just the guy I was talking to. Until then,
you're just You're just a girl that I know, your
girl that I know of. You're a girl, your an acquaintance,
you're whatever the case may be right, like right, and
it took me. It took me longer to do that
(24:31):
with women than it did with men, because I have
a very specific wound. That is, I, my whole entire
life have craved sisterhood, craved it, craved it, craved it,
craved craved it, craved it I which is how I
ended up in the first place around you know, a
circle of friends who were not good for me, who
(24:52):
really hurt me, like you know, so you know, it's
how I ended up bouncing around too, from like different
circles of friends. And that's you know, at a certain
point in my life, whatever case may mean. But this
is something that is very real inside of me, and
it's something that I've I've tried to deny a million times.
But now is a river in Egypt, and I eventually
(25:13):
had to come to the realizations that right, like I
put I would put women on a pedestal like most
most people put most women put men on a pedestal.
But I would put women on a pedestal a lot
of the times because I just I so badly wanted
to have a sisterhood. I wanted to have those homegirls
(25:34):
who you know, oh man, I feel emotional. I feel
so sometimes when I when I'm having a conversation about
the younger version of Be, I just have so much
compassion for her, Like I just want to go back
(25:54):
in time and just be like, it's you know, girl,
Like it's gonna be okay. Man, Like you're you're chasing
the wrong You're barking up the wrong That's that's the issue. Right,
what you want is not wrong. Right, what you want
is very very valid, But girl, you are barking up
the wrong trees. But you know, she probably wouldn't have
listened anyways, because you know, she's a pissy son and
Aquarius rising and a Turist moon, and she probably would
(26:15):
have been like, why are you even talking to me?
You don't know me. I'm gonna do what I want
to do. Anyways, the fuck did I ask you for
your advice? Okay, so move come out my face? Yeah,
so you know, so sassy she was. But anyway, anyways,
I digress. So so yeah, right, I so badly wanted
(26:39):
a sister it And you know, it wasn't just when
I was younger. This is something that stayed with me
for a very long time. So it took me longer
to start implementing this with men than it did with
women than it did with men, you know, because I
would I quicker learned to and granted I you know,
(27:00):
I was in the both sides, both both people were both.
I was around both men and women who were treating
me like absolute shit. Like let's let's be clearer again,
not biased, you know, but there's there are periods in
my life where I realized I found myself making more
(27:20):
excuses for the women in my life who were treating
me poorly than I was for the men. Right, I
I basically, yeah, I shut shit down with men before
I did with women, you know. So so yeah, so
now it's like no, no, no, no, no, no, right,
(27:41):
this is what the fuck we're not gonna do. So,
like I said, so, my one friend that I have,
she she courted me, right, really took her time. Same
thing with Imani, y'all know, Hemani's a friend of the show,
even though she hasn't been here in a long time,
but she's a friend of the show and we still
talk all the time. Same thing with Imani, right, it
took us time, and she she like picked that up
(28:02):
about me though very very early on and she too
in her own way. She didn't come out and say like, yo,
I could see that you a little wounded here and
it's okay, like I'm gonna be over here when you
need me, you know, but these are She didn't say
it with she said it without saying exact words, but
she did she that's you know, Imani and I became
(28:23):
friends because let me tell you something, both Imani and
my homegirl I'm talking about now, how it's how the
deal got sealed was because they didn't want anything from me.
They didn't want anything for me, right, They didn't want
(28:46):
anything for me. And as somebody who people are constantly
pulling at me, constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly asking me
to break myself, to bend myself, to twist myself to
accommodate them. Right, people are constantly looking for some type
behind up like all the time. These two women didn't
want anything for me. They were a whole on their own.
(29:07):
And as a matter of fact, they you know, they
put me onto things. And this was something that was
new to me because I'm usually always the go to
I'm usually always the person who's putting people on. You see,
who's and in so many different ways. Right, whether that
(29:27):
comes to healing, inner work, whether it comes to a book,
whether it comes to a podcast, whether that comes to this,
whether it comes to a business plan, whether it comes
to whatever, whether it comes connecting you with somebody who knows,
somebody who can help you get your foot in the door.
I'm always the person who is putting people on and
on my end, I'm the person who figures it out
for myself. That's why I have so many That's why
I'm I'm so deeply knowledgeable in so many different areas.
(29:51):
It's because I have dedicated myself to learning them. Because
because nobody was around to teach me, I had to
teach my myself. Right. This is why when women come
to me for coaching, they find like they're like shit,
they realize I can help them in so many different
other areas. Right. Women initially come to me for dating
and relationship coaching. Fine, right, because I'm good at that,
(30:12):
and that's what I think. That's a sidebar. I have
to really realize that about myself the other day and
stop like whatever, I'm very good at what I do.
I'm very good in the dating and relationship roll in
terms of coaching. So I had to stop like trying
to run from that and just embrace it phrase what
it is. But anyways, I digress. But a lot of
the times, the women that are with me, who have
been with me for your plus, like they start out
(30:33):
that way, but then as we progress and they heal
that part and like that's it. They've come out on
their side. Everything is good. Year two. You know, They're like, b,
I actually want to build a I have this idea
for a blog. I have this idea to write a book.
I have this idea for this, I have this idea
for that. I want to learn more about spirituality and
like your womb and you know, herbs and fuck magic
(30:57):
and you know you know. So I'm saying, can you
teach me how to I want to learn how to
use canva. I want to learn how to this. And
I'm able to help them in all these realms, right,
Not because I'm a jack of all trades and a
master at none. Because I'm a jack of all trades
and a master at many, you see, because for me,
(31:17):
I was the one who had to put myself on
or I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't progress, I wouldn't grow,
I wouldn't evolve because nobody around me was able to
teach me what I was where what I was trying
to learn. So, because this has always been my position,
(31:39):
it's very rare that people put me on and those
two women, Imani and my other girl, they gave to
me like they gave to me. They clapped really loud
for me without making it fucking weird, no backhanded remark
(32:00):
at the end of the clap or during the clap,
right like they were excited for me in the moments,
like for the smallest things. They you know, reminded me like, yo,
you just did you know I would? Let's just say
so for example, when I put out when I when
I released Girl read this before your next day, right,
(32:24):
I think I told you this, but I was like, okay,
it's out, okay, next immediately started working the next one.
And you know, the people around me now, all of
the people around me, right, and those two included, had
to be like, hey, including doing you know this is
a big deal, bro. You just wrote another book, Like
you just wrote and published another book that is going
to help women in one thousand million different ways. Can
(32:47):
you take time to celebrate yourself? Please? Because we're going
to celebrate you, would you like to join the party
since it's yours?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Damn?
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I had to be like, oh fuck right, like genuinely, so, see,
this is the shit I'm talking about with ADHD. If
I don't I digress myself, I end up so far
away from not far. I'm still on topic, but I'm
just you know, anyways, I digress. So so I've been
(33:16):
very very cautious and will continue to be, but again
not so cautious that I put walls up. But again
I have to protect myself in a sound of saying,
So I put up gates, you know, I put up
gates and some security cameras, and I watch you. That's
(33:37):
giving Joe from you, but you know, I watch you
to see, I observe and to see if you're safe
for me. And once I feel as though you're safe
for me, then yeah, access granted, but until then not mine.
Little access denied, you know, and the people who get
it get it, and those who don't don't. You know.
(33:57):
This is why when we're talking about dating a relationship
case ap and I'm like, yo, like you have to
like these men who want to move fast fast with you,
like you have to be able to stand ten toes
down and tell them no, like you have to slow down, right, Like,
if this is a real thing, or you think it's
a real thing, or you want it to be a
real thing, then there's no need to rush. I'll still
be here, right, We'll still be ginning to know each other.
(34:19):
There's no need to put a rush on this, right.
This is why it's important for you to heal the
parts of yourself that thinks that you know, a slow
a slow burning relationship is boring. No, man, that's that's healthy.
That's that's very healthy. You know, a candle burning in
(34:40):
your house is very serene and calming. A fire in
your house is fucking hectic and chaotic and dangerous and
anxiety inducing. Right, what the fuck my kitchen, My my
kitchen is on fire. That's a problem, right, that's a problem.
(35:00):
And a kitchen on fire is a fast burning kitchen
and it will burn down your hosts if you don't.
You know that I'm saying. But as a candle that
is that is just sitting there and its soft glow
is calming. And that's that's what you have to realize
about these dating experiences and with friendships, you know, so
(35:22):
I say that to say this, Jesus Christ. But there
was gems in there, you know.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
There was gems.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
You can't deny it. I'm a bad you don't want
to love me anyways? I saw that. To say this,
I can't lost the plot, lost it, remember it. This
is why they say it's lonely at the top. And
the top can mean everybody thinks that the that the
(35:48):
top is you know about money, that's not the top.
If you are a woman who is comfortable and confident
within herself, who walks through the beat, who has learned
right to walk to the beat of her own drum,
who is still kind in the world that is does
everything everything that they can to harden you. Who has boundaries,
(36:11):
not walls, right, who has boundaries, who lives by a
certain standard for herself. Therefore she doesn't allow anybody to
come into her life who's not going to live by
the same standards. They're treated by the same standards. Right,
If you're a woman who walks it like she talks it.
If you are a woman who is who is able
to figure things out for yourself, right, and when life
(36:31):
is happening, you don't just let life beat you and
then sit around and trauma bond with other women until
you're eighty five years old. Right, If you are a
woman who takes accountability for her life and takes hold
of her life, you're rich. You are rich. Like you
(36:52):
need to understand that you are rich and you are powerful,
and everybody else around you sees it and knows it
except for you. This young lady who did the video
is rich. Again, don't know everything else about her, but
from what she eat knows what I'm saying. From what
she's saying, she's rich and everybody else knows it except
(37:15):
for her. And when you don't know that, you are
resourceful and powerful. If you don't know what you're think
of yourself as land, right, think of yourself as land.
And in that land you have you have resources. You
have oil, you have diamonds, right, you have oil, you
(37:35):
have diamonds, you have gems, precious stones. If if you
don't know, all right, let's say it's on your land.
If you don't know that it's there, you're she's gonna
get invaded. That's just what the fuck it is, right,
because people want what you got. You're rich, you are rich, baby, Right,
(38:01):
this is what you have to remember about the line
I spoke about before about confidence and arrogance and cockiness
versus confidence and self assurance assurance. What is my issue
with this word? It's because I yes and a deep knowing.
You can know, okay, you are not here to play small,
(38:30):
and there's nothing wrong with you knowing that. There's nothing
wrong right with you being like nah, I know who
I am. I know the things that I've got going
on for me. I know where I've came from, I
know where I never want to go back again. I
know what that life has so much more to offer me,
and that's what I'm gonna get. I'm gonna go get it.
(38:51):
There's nothing wrong with knowing that. That's not you being cocky.
That's not you being arrogant. You saying that you're good
at some thing is not you me being like yo,
I'm good at what the fuck I do. I am
good at helping women work through their shit and having transformations.
That's not me being cocky. That's not me trying to
(39:12):
sell you nothing. That's not me trying to whatever the
case may need. That's me explaining that I know my
areas of expertise. I am ten years motherfucking eleven maybe
years deep in this shit. I know what the fuck
I'm doing. I know what I'm talking about, and I
know that what I do, I do it from a
place of experience. I don't teach from a pedestal. I
(39:33):
teach from experience, and I know that that is a
big part of what makes me good at what I do.
Because when the right woman, the birth emphasis on the
right woman, when the right women come to me, they're
coming to me because I have the same experience as them.
They're coming to me because they know that they don't
(39:54):
have to feel no type of shame or whatever the
case may be, that I'm not judging them for what
the the fuck is happening in their life right now.
Right they know even if they carry their own shame,
they know that I'm not going to give them back.
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna mirror what they're carrying themselves. Right.
They know if they come to me and they are
still sleeping with their ex, who they know is not
(40:16):
good for them. Right, they know that I'm going to
be like, girl, we got to fix you up, and
also help them fix up. They know I'm going to
keep it real and say, girl, this ain't right, and
also guide them to what's right for them obviously right.
(40:39):
This is the reason why, this is the reason why
a lot of women feel disconnected from their therapists, because
what they're looking for is some humanity in it, right,
They're looking for some type of relatability, and relatability in
the sense where they want to know that I'm that
(40:59):
you understand where they're coming from. That's it. They just
want to know that you understand where they're coming from.
Me saying that I'm good at that doesn't make me cocky,
and if somebody else takes it that way, I'm now
in a place that I can understand. That's their own
insecurities working overtime. And is that doing backflips? Ins that
(41:22):
cart feels backflips all the things making them want to
throw up on themselves inside of them, And it has
nothing to do with me, right, I know now, If
I say I'm good at something and somebody else feels
like it is arrogance, it's because they themselves haven't learned
to claim to name and claim what they're good at,
or maybe they feel like they're not good at any
(41:43):
motherfucking thing either, or that's still not my problem, fack.
It is not my job to tiptoe around your insecurities.
It is not my job to tiptoe around the things
that you haven't actualized within yourself yet. It is not
my job to tip so around your wounds that you
refuse to take accountability for and to go get you
(42:06):
some help for. None of this is on me, and
it took me such a long time to learn that.
And this young lady, you know, hopefully, I don't know
how old she is, I don't know. I don't know
nothing about her other than this video. But my hope
for her and for other women out here who relate
(42:27):
to her, who feel the same as her, my hope
is that you learn that sooner than later. We all
have our own journeys in our own timelines, right, so
you know when it's your time to learn or to
you know, to really get it, then it's your time.
But I have my hope for you is that it's
sooner than later. Right. There is something really beautiful and
(42:55):
powerful about women who know who the fuck they are
and who take up space in their own life, and
just like it triggers the demons and men who haven't
healed right and got all these inner demons running around
them and just just love. That's how as how are
war like? You know, it does the same thing with
other women. Unfortunately, it does the same thing with other women,
(43:19):
and we see it happen in so in so many,
so many ways. Right, this is why you need boundaries.
This is why boundaries are not mean or rude or
any of the other shit that once again comes from
the mouth of people who want to access you without reciprocity,
(43:39):
who just want what they want from you right now, right,
It's like, oh, can I pick your brain? Know? What
you can do is is that you can go to
my website and you can pick a time on my
booking calendar and you can book a session. Then you
can pick my brain in this session that you picked. Like,
(44:04):
that's that's how this is gonna work. Because for me,
I am I have a balance CC. I give so
many so much content. I don't call it content. I
don't really want to content. Call it content, man, that
fucking does my That does mean disservice. That's insulting. I
give so much for free, for free ninety nine. If
(44:30):
you don't want to listen to the shit that I'm
that I'm saying that you're listening to for free ps
by the way, so that means on podcast episodes on Instagram,
lives on substack on my Instagram. If you don't want
to take the time to really hear what I'm saying there,
that's okay, But then don't ask me to then do
(44:51):
more free labor because you want you have a specific
question or you want what you want from me now
and you don't want to you don't want to pay
for my time. That's insulting. So that's why there's a
boundary there, you see, right, That's why there's a boundary there.
(45:12):
That's why I have different tiers of things. You can't
afford a three month program, understandable, girl, I get it it. Shit,
life is life in right now, No problem. Here's a
second option. I introduce one off coaching calls right where
even in the one off coaching calls, get in a
lot in there, girl, right, also can't afford that option,
(45:35):
No problem, I understand life is lifing. There are ebooks
for you. There are paperback books for you. Here's a
fifteen dollars book, here's an eighteen dollar book, here's a
fourteen dollar book.
Speaker 3 (45:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Still can't afford that because times are tough. No, listen,
I'm not even not even judging you, bro, Times are
tough right now. I understand. Catch me on my podcast,
catch me on my Instagram live right, but don't disrespect me.
Don't do that and not even I say it doesn't. No,
(46:09):
let me take that back. I won't allow you. I
want to know. Let me take that back to I
won't disrespect myself right, and I won't let you call
me rude, or call me mean, or call me anything
because I am not willing to accommodate you outside of
my bounds. It took me a really long time to
(46:33):
be able to do that right. And once I learned,
I'm sticking to my guns right, and that alone. A
woman who sticks to her guns is offensive to so
many women because they themselves have no guns to stick to.
(46:54):
They haven't created boundaries within themselves. They haven't. Let me
tell you something I was telling all my clients the
other day. I was explaining to her, I'm like, yo,
you need to remember something. It was about her ex monster. No,
man is just just a trifle and anyways, right, I
told her, I'm like, something, you have to remember, people
(47:16):
who are who are people. People who are working on
themselves are kind of looking around like, oh, maybe everybody
else is working on themselves, right, but everybody else is
not working on themselves. The same thing goes for people
who are not working on themselves. Right. They don't think
that you've changed because they are not changing. So Buddy
(47:36):
thinks that you are the same We're gonna call her
uh Anna, right, Buddy thinks that you are the same
Anna that he was with for eight years. He doesn't
know that since you guys have split, right, and whatever
the case they be, it's been almost two years now
that you have been aggressively working on yourself. He doesn't
(48:01):
know that. So you need to move like the woman
who you've been working on, not moving like the Ana
that he knows. Don't let him drag you back to
a version of yourself that you just spent two years
working on transforming. Don't do that, right, don't do that.
(48:26):
So people without boundaries expect you not to have any,
or if you do, they expect you to bend their
boundaries the way that they bend themselves to accommodate other people.
That's all it is, you see. And for women who
are doing the work, whatever the case may be, whatever,
(48:48):
and who have this aura, right, who have this aura,
this energy of I'm nice, but don't fuck with me,
Like I'm kind, but I'll also punch you in the face, right,
Like I'm cool. As long as you cool. The minute
you not cool, we gonna have a motherfucking problem, Like
it's going to be a problem. Right, I'm chill. As
(49:12):
long as you chill. The minute you not chill, well
then right. And so I'm saying when they come across
women like that, it's it's triggering, it's offensive, it's it's
a mirror to what they aren't. It's a reminder, sorry,
it's a reminder of everything that they are not doing
for themselves. There's a whole, there's a whole. Right. They
(49:34):
recognize your richness, and their first thing is to try
to They recognize your confidence. They see it, they know
it's not cocky, even know it's not. They recognize it
as exactly what it is, as confident, knowing a self
assured woman. And they're like, I'm gonna knock you down
a few notches because who the fuck do you think
you are? When really, the internal dialogue inside the little
(49:57):
girl in them right, just like the A Little Boy
and a Man is like, why haven't we come into
that for ourselves yet? How come we're still very insecure?
How Come we're still very scared of everything? How Come
we are still not willing to be vulnerable with ourselves?
How come? How come? How come you see what I'm
(50:18):
saying and the projection that comes out is Nah, instead
of working on myself, I'm gonna knock you down a
couple notches, bitch, right, so then you can be in
the place that I'm at, Because what say it with me? Ladies?
Misery loves what Okay, good, okay, good? Right, So just
(50:39):
something to keep in mind again. I know we've done
uh probably I've spoken about this and you know, sprinkled
in other episodes before, and maybe I even did do
a whole episode about this before. But you know, I'm
forty now, so sometimes we need to local upgrade and
in the things that we say, right, and there's something
wrong with that sometimes, you know, you, yourself, my my
(51:03):
lady's listening need a refresher. So that's there, there, there
it is. And so to this young lady x e
eat x eat Eve, Grandma's canna call you Eve, Okay,
I hope you I help you. I hope you realize
that it has nothing to do At some point you
realize it has nothing to do with you and everything
(51:24):
to do with those people, right. And the minute that
you stop, you know, smalling up yourself to accommodate them,
and just embrace the fact that, you know, like I
said before, oh that's what I'm trying to go with
that thought, and I think I just want somewhere else.
But I also trying to say, like when they say,
(51:45):
like you know, it's it's it's lonely at the top,
it's because there's only when you're that rich. The majority
of the world vibrates low. It says, do you guys
all the time? So when you were rich in that way, right,
there's only a few other people gonna be up there
(52:06):
with you. Your circle is going to be so small
that it's a period, right, And you have to be
okay with that. And as you become more comfortable with yourself,
and as you start to love yourself more, you will
start to protect yourself more. And as you start to
protect yourself more, you start to honor yourself more. And
as you do that, it won't even be a problem
(52:26):
saying I only got two friends. That's a right, I
only got two motherfucking friends, because anything more than that
is trouble, trouble, trouble. Right, the more you climb up
your own ladder, the more you will respect things like peace.
You will yearn for peace, man, You will want peace.
And once you create peace for yourself, you won't want
anybody to burst that bubble. Right, you will do what
you need to do to protect that peace. And that
(52:48):
means it's not the more the merrier, it's the less
the peaceful. It's like, that's it. Not the more the merrier,
the less people around here, the better the safer for me. Right,
better to have two or three really good, good homegirls man,
(53:10):
that genuinely love you, support, you are rooting for, you,
got you, you guys got each other. You're on the
you know what I mean, whatever the case may be.
Then to have a group of friends who is constant
mix up drama, me backhand the compliments, snide fucking remarks,
cheeky local comments, whatever the case may be, where you
always got to be second guessing yourself and being like
(53:31):
what the like like is I'm not doing anything like,
why are you trust and believe? Trust, trust and believe right,
trust and believe. You know, the the the more you
you step into a certain level of knowing for yourself,
it's very quiet. It's not even loud. It's a very
quiet type of knowing. And the interesting thing is is
(53:55):
that the more you you climb up your own ladder,
the more you kind of want to take back your energy,
Like you'll call back your energy from places you realize
it's important to do that from places and people who
are who have been harvesting it in the first place
and awarding it right. You know how often I had
the sound in my shower and be like, hey, in
(54:15):
my shower, I I call back all of my fucking
energy to me right now, immediately. You know often I
have to do that so often, call back everything come
mine immediately right. I don't know if those of y'all
(54:38):
who are subscribed to my if we're being honest, substack.
I had spoken about and maybe I spoke about it
here before a little bit. I don't know. I don't
remember now, child, But in the case I did a
you're gonna hear it again. I had spoken about how
(55:01):
I started having this feeling that I just wanted to
remove myself as much as myself as possible from these
social media places. Right, And when I say remove myself,
I mean like my pictures, my videos, certain parts of
my life that I have openly shared. I want to
take it back. I don't want people having access like
(55:22):
that to my immediate life. Right as I was saying, like,
there's a lot of i'm I still, you know, I started,
and then I forgot, I'm gonna have to do that today.
Maybe I have some time today. I think I have
some clients today'm and I have to make some time.
But I started to take down a lot of videos
and pictures of me and Duanne and so and so forth,
And I told my audience there, I'm like, if you
guys see that, like you don't see Duanna more, no
(55:42):
pictures and whatever the case may be. It's not because
we're not still together. We're very much married, But it's
because I don't want people having I don't want those
eyes on us men. I don't want those eyes on me.
I don't want it on my family. I barely want
it on my dog, like barely wanted on my dog.
(56:02):
There's a there's a there's a lot of people who
I realize at a point in time, who are who
don't have my best intention, who don't really care, don't
they're just watching and secretly wishing for me to fail. Right,
They're just watching and they're hoping for me to fail.
That just said the same thing twic. It's good for me, right,
(56:23):
they're watching with ill intent, their hate watching. I can't
control it, right, I can't control what other people do,
but I can control what I do knowing what other
people are doing. Right, So I made it. I was like,
I just feel like pulling back things. That's why my
profile pictures now are not me. Both of my Instagram pages,
(56:43):
my Crimson Kiss and my if we're being honest here
at Instagram page are cartoon profile pictures. Now. You know,
they represent a little bit of different seasons of me,
and I'm saying different moods, right, but they're not me.
And I'm going to get to the point where there
will I'm going to go back to how things were
(57:04):
when I first started, where you will not see me,
right unless I'm doing an Instagram Live or something right,
obviously Instagram Live. But I'm all set, right, I'm all set.
You know, and I talked about this before too. Where
it's like certain random life news updates whatever can get
(57:25):
shared on my podcast, but nowhere else, and my substacks
right nowhere else, nowhere else where. It's easy to have
access and to just stalk. That's crazy, that's fucking wild
to me. Man, Like, I'm just like, yo, get a grip, right,
So anyways, I digress because I digress, so yes, So
(57:46):
if you've been feeling like pulling back your energy, do
so right. But if you are listening to this and
you are somebody who, like you said, like the young
lady said, you know, finds yourself attracting a lot of
frenemies and you were wondering why, here's your answer. And
if you are a friend of me, don't think you
don't wanna be better than this. Don't think I was
gonnaddress you' all. Two. If the friend of me is
(58:07):
in the room with us right now, right and you're
listening to this and you're starting to or you through
this knowing that it was you listening to this whole thing,
knowing that it was you, or it is you you're one
of those girls and you feel shame, I invite you
to unpack that shame, right, I invite you to be
(58:29):
like to own it and be like, yeah, this is
what the fuck I do? This is this is fucked.
I'm very insecure. I got and I'm telling you you
don't have to be a friend of me. You don't
have to stay this way, right, you can literally turn
your life around. Everybody can. Everybody can. You are no different, right,
You're no different. So if you know that about yourself,
(58:53):
I am encouraging you to move past your shame and
your ego and step move from a place of I
want to change my life around. I want to change
these habits. I want to learn how to do better
for myself and then put yourself in the position to
do so right again. Books, journals with prompts, fucking a therapist,
(59:20):
a coach, or whatever the case. I mean, it don't
even have to be me. I'm not even like. It
don't have to be me, be care, It don't have
to be my books, It don't have to be anything
to do with me. Go wherever it is that is
going to help you the best. Wherever space that you
feel is going to help you the best. Go do
that because you deserve it. Just like another woman when
(59:42):
she worked hard to get to where she is emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, financially.
She deserves to exist in this world right without constantly
having to look over her shoulder or constantly feel like
she has a tiptoe in order to protect the way
you're existing or not to offend the way you're existing,
when the reality of the situation is the way you're
(01:00:04):
existing is fucked up. Instant. I did not think that
Shay's episode was going to be an hour. But here
we are, baby, here we are, and now it's time
to go. I have nothing left to meet, to give,
so let's wrap it up. Look at me on a
road today. Is it y'all's birthday or something? Because I've
(01:00:24):
been here four days in a row. Baby, let's get
it while it's hot. All right, I'm gonna go now.
So I hope that this episode helped you in some way,
shape or form. You'all on the drill. If nothing else,
let it be food for thought. Just make sure you
finish your plate so you can go be great, all right,
ladies and sometimes gentlemen. I hope that you guys have
a good rest of your morning's evenings. Afternoons or blick
(01:00:45):
y'aller in the world. Please be safe, use contents, trust
your intuition, and use your discernment. And I'm gonna catch
y'all on the next episode. ICH love y'all.
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