May 10, 2025 • 48 mins
In this episode, I’m talking to the women who want kids but need a reminder to take their time. Because, girl, before you let family, friends, or Instagram guilt you into rushing this season of your life, I need you to remember a few things: You have time. You don’t have to settle. And there’s a whole world waiting for you outside the four walls of your home and your comfort zone.
For my books and coaching program click here: SisGetYourIshTogether.com
For my books and coaching program click here: SisGetYourIshTogether.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I had a conversation the other day with one
of my clients and it has been replaying in my
mind since we had the conversation. And Mother's Day is
coming up, so shout out to everybody, all the moms
out there, Happy Mother's Day in advance. Ps. By the way,
this episode is sponsored by me. So I do have
Mother's a Day specials going on up until Mother's Day,
(00:22):
so ebook bundle deals and a two month coaching program
that I created specifically for this Mother's Day special because
normally my program is three months, and I you know,
I put it down two months in get a little
discount on the shit, so you do, okay, So if
you you know, if you've ever wanted to get one
of my bundle deals or you wanted to get all
my books for coaching, now is the time. I'll leave
(00:45):
the link in this show note to take advantage of
your girl clar I'm I'm doing this two months special again.
But anyways, I digress. So today's episode, I'm going to
be speaking specifically to women who don't have children but
who are thinking about it, or who do want children
(01:06):
in the future. Right, and if you're a mom listening
to this like you already have children, You're more than
welcome to stay. Of course, obviously, right, you're more than
welcome to stay. Maybe you even have a teenage daughter
or something, and you could be like, after you listen
to this, you'd be like, hey, you need to listen.
Give me here. You see what she's saying. You need
to listen to this shit, right, So you're more than
welcome to stay. But I really wanted to speak to
these ladies today, and I actually think that we need
(01:29):
to have these conversations more often. And I know that
I sprinkle it in. I know I sprinkle in what
I'm about to say, or a lot of what I'm
about to say in different episodes and different because you
know my ADHD. But I just thought it deserved its own,
just full stream of consciousness. Ps. By the way, if
(01:49):
you are new here, hello, welcome. My name is CCB.
Most people just call me BE. I am forty years young, okay,
been through some shit, also put myself through some shit,
overcame that shit, and now I help women get through
the shit. You see what I'm saying. Each one to
each one, you live, you'll learn and you share. Okay,
if you're sensitive to honesty. Promise you, this is not
(02:11):
the place to be. Promise you, if you are sensitive
to honesty, if you're easily offended by every little thing,
this is not the place for you to be. I
don't suga kosha for myself, so I'm not doing it
for anybody else. So there's a motto around here, and
it is put your trickers to the side so you
have room to open up your mind. Okay, good talk. So, uh,
(02:34):
for the purpose of this episode, I'm gonna change my
client's name because, you know, because and so shit, what
am I gonna call her Melinda? Call her Melinda because
it's the furthest thing from her name, furthest She gonna
listen to the episode like the really, yeah, it's the
furthest thing from your name. Shout out anybody out the
who's going to be Linda? By the way. Anyways, So
(02:57):
my client Melinda, she beautiful girl, beautiful girl. And I'm
talking inside and oh right, she is twenty eight. She
might be twenty seven, you know, but I'm pretty sure
she's twenty eight, and she is. Its Luminism, if spirituality
how to look it would be her right if if
(03:20):
if saging your house calmly and you know, and and
walking barefoot in a beautiful forest right out of it
would be her, you know. So it's so funny because
she always gets I'm like you you She's like, oh people,
(03:41):
you know, she'll be like people always like come up
to me or you know, ask me for advice, or
like people are drawn to me. You know, you can't
see it. You can't see why, girl, you can't see what.
You can't see your own aura. But anyways, I digress.
So without saying which with anything about her stuff, I
was based telling her, so she doesn't have children, and
(04:03):
we're having a conversation, and I had said to her,
you know, I said, you know, Melinda, that's the name
of raying. You are twenty eight years young. You don't
have any children, you ain't got no man, right, and
all these things are good things. Right. You have the
world at your feet right now. If you allow yourself
(04:27):
to see it this way, you do not have to
stay grounded in one place, right. You don't have to
tether yourself rather to one place, right you Because she
you know, she has a good job, she makes good money,
like you know what I mean, she's doing her things.
She really really really proud of her. She really set
herself up well, you know, and I'm like, please go, like,
(04:54):
please go live your life, man, Please go live your life, right,
Go enjoy yourself. Go take advantage of what the world
has to offer you, because the world has so much
to offer you, right, so much more than just the
four corners of your hosts, the four corners of your walls,
(05:16):
the four walls of your house, four walls of your job.
You know, like, lean lean into life, right, lean into
life on your rhythm, you know. And we had had
a conversation before about what it means to be a parent,
(05:41):
you know, And this is what I want to talk
to you all about. I think we we we need
to have more conversations with women about the realities of
parenting because it's not the same for men, right, It's
(06:04):
just not It is just not okay. I always tell women,
before you say some shit like you have baby fever,
ask yourself if you have parenting fever, because the two
things are not the same. They're they're not the same.
(06:24):
And maybe you're listening to this and you are the
woman who has the weird mix of in between you
have maybe you know this baby fever and then also
at the same time some type of secondhand exhaustion. Every
time you see a mom struggling to like wrangle her
toddler at target, say just like, whow that must be
(06:49):
pop sports control pill. All right, Maybe you scroll through
your camera roll and you realize that you got you know,
more pictures of your nieces and your nephews than you
do of yourself. You're just like, oh the yellow my
kid kids. You know, maybe maybe you dream of the
(07:13):
day that like tiny feet just run through your home
and you know what I'm saying, you here the little
pitter pattern. But you also really really cherish your very
slow and quiet mornings and having clean back seats in
your car. Sorry kids, having clean back seats in your car.
(07:36):
Let me explain something to you. You really don't know.
You really do not know how many little things you
take for granted until you have these kids, because there's
no there's no escaping it. There's there's really no escaping it.
I'm pretty sure everybody says, you know, da da da
(07:57):
da da, and I know my kids are going to
be different, but but no or not, No, they're not.
They're sitting in the car seat eating their goddamn cheetos.
And guess what they're doing. They're kicking the chair man.
They're putting their little boots on the Okay, they're putting
little little boots. They're three years old for it. So
they're putting little boots in the back of your on
the back of your beige leather anyways, Okay, it's okay.
(08:22):
So maybe maybe maybe maybe you're in between that, right,
you know you? You can you see tiny little sneakers
and you're just like going on looking these You're cute,
lit right you? You you imagine, you know, with the
blend of you know, you and your person, if he's
(08:43):
in your life right now or your future person, what
that would look like in a in a little other person,
a new person. Right, maybe you want to hear somebody
call you mommy. All the things you want, the family photos,
the holiday traditions, the sticky hugs, right, but I would
(09:04):
like you to just hear me out. Take your time.
I'm telling you to take your time right rely, think right.
I'm not telling you not to have kids. I'm saying
that's what I'm saying. I'm saying to take your time
(09:25):
and really think about it. Right, there are more and
more women who are coming out nowadays and are telling
the truth about what motherhood is really like. There are
so many things that before women didn't talk about. You know.
I was having this conversation with Doing the other day. Actually,
(09:46):
we were talking about it, and he was like, well,
think about it there, you know, because I was like, yo,
nobody told us the truth about what the shit was like, right,
And he was like, we have to think about it.
There must be there's there's a lot of shame that
comes with that, right of you are a mom, and
it's not like it was like before. You know, now
(10:06):
we have people talking about a little bit more openly,
but you know, up and before social media or this,
you know, the last years have changed two years, right,
there's a lot of shame in saying that, you know, yo,
like all the things that really come into parenthood and
how some days you're one thing and some days you're
their thing and so on and so forth, and you know,
(10:27):
and I was like, you know what, you're right, right,
just like there was a lot of shame and that's
why people couldn't go to therapy before, but especially if
you're from a Caribbean family. You know what goes on
in the house day isn't other houses? Right? So you know,
all these things are and we're having these conversations, and
they're they're fairly new, right in terms of being out
in the open. But there are some women out there
(10:51):
who are listening. And then there are some women out
there who are not part of these conversations. And I
can see a lot of these women being swept up
by the timelines of their families, the pressure, right, the
timeline pressures of their families. You know, their mom is like,
what are you gonna give me a grand baby? You
know what it is? The Instagram mom fluencers. What is
(11:17):
it called. I don't know, Instagram mom influencers. I don't know, right,
and so and and their their stuff is like perfectly curated,
and you know, and and and it may make you
feel like you're behind, but I'm telling you that you're not.
I'm telling you that you're not right. There is so
(11:43):
much that goes into preparing for motherhood, and it starts
way before you ever get pregnant, way before you have
a man, way before it right, especially before you have
a man. Because and I know that I've said this
before in other episode, but I'm gonna say it again here.
(12:08):
You can break up with buddy, you can leave buddy,
you can divorce buddy. Da da dah. But your child
can't rechoose his father or her father. Right. That's their dad,
that's their dad, regardless, that's their dad. Right. And so
if you are somebody who is thinking about having a baby, no,
(12:30):
let me take that back. If you are somebody who's
thinking about having a child and to raise that child
into adulthood to be a functioning member of mobile society,
then you must also think about the man that you
choose to be this kid's dad. And this is why
(12:55):
this is one of the biggest re not one of
the biggest. This is a big part of the reason
why that book I just wrote, Your pussy is a
portal and he was lucky to be let in. It
is is it is explaining to you, right, the power
of a woman, the magic of a woman. Right, the
(13:16):
responsibility is of a woman. You see, everything goes through us, everything,
ey thing, everything goes through us. Right, And a lot
of times women rebuke this. They get upset. They want
tussle in the comment sessions. They want tussle somewhere, They
(13:36):
want to tussle da da da da. But the reality
is we are the choice makers, right, and it is
high time that you start looking at that as a
gift rather than a curse. You see, right, we are
(13:56):
the choice makers nothing everything has to come through us.
So when it comes to becoming a parent, let me
do something. And I'm sure you know them as well,
but I work with some women who have I'm pretty men, men,
the you know, the the fathers of there are there
(14:19):
something else? You know what I'm saying. And I'm sure
you know so many as well. I'm sure there are
women listening to this right now who are moms and
their their their baby daddies, the father of their children.
Are You're They're just like, why? Who'd have fucked it?
I have a kid with right part seventy five. So
(14:43):
if you are in a space where you have the
opportunity to take your time, take your time right. And
something else I want to say is you can do everything.
I'm gonna air quote this all right, right, you can
you know, choose the right god blah blah blah blah
blah blah b and still end up a single mom, right,
still end up doing it by yourself. So Another part
(15:06):
of this is before fuck, relying on just okay, yes,
he's a good case may be if something happens to this,
if he dies, because that's life, right, if he dies,
or the child comes between you, I known't listen to me.
You trigger to the sids. You have room to open
(15:27):
up in your mind. Or the child comes between y'all's
relationship and you split up. That happens a lot. That's
another thing that happens a lot. It happens so often
that two people are like, they're just everything is great, man,
best relationship for four years, best relationship, everything is good,
(15:51):
everything is on here comes to dog. I just I
don't understand why you must always please don't unplug my tings.
I don't understand. Sorry, me and the dog for the
last couple of days. Okay. Anyways, right, so, you know,
(16:12):
a great relationship, four years, three years, whatever the case
may be, and then they have a child and the
reality of the situation is the reality of the situation
is that this is when Bentley is deciding to eat
food in my microphone, that my microphone is picking up
in the background. Anyways, I'm just going to continue and
hopefully you guys won't hear it. The reality of the
(16:32):
situation is that now there's a third person in the mix.
It's not just you and this man anymore. It's not
just you guys in your slow mornings. It's not just
you guys in your spontaneous trips. It's not just you
guys laying up in bed holding each other all day long.
It's not just you guys deciding you want to have
a couch rot day together. It's not just you guys,
(16:54):
you know, playing scrabble in the living room on a
Tuesday night. It's not just you guys going to dinner.
But it's not just you guys anymore. Right, It is
now you and possibly postpartum, possibly complications, possibly right, and
then a child in limits, you know, who needs you
(17:17):
and demands literally all of your attention for quite some time, right,
for at least the next eight years. Right, And this
can end up really putting a strain on people because
because there goes my I don't get time on my
(17:39):
person anymore. You know, everything is about the baby. But up, up, up, up,
and then you change as well, right, rightfully, So you
just freaking brought life into the world, dur right, parts
of you change, your body changes, your brain changes. Like
(18:02):
the things that happened to women in pregnancy is so wild,
Like what I learned about all of the things that
happen to women in pregnancy, like the chemical change. It's
just I just I just nobody cannot tell us that
we I don't care. Nonbody says I don't care. Anybody
says nobody cannot tell us that our magic period point blank
the end, full stop. But anyways, I digress, right, But
(18:22):
like these are things I'm not saying that is going
to happen. I'm saying that we're having a conversation about
things that do happen a lot more than people care
to talk about. And I think a lot of the
times what happens is when these things happen, rather people
can't even pinpoint or don't even want People don't talk
about it. Okay, people don't talk about it as openly
(18:44):
because who the fuck wants to say we broke up
because our child got in between us. Nobody wants to
Nobody wants to say that out loud, right, And a
lot of times you don't even realize that's what it is.
Now we're just like things are just snowing there's arguments,
there's this or that, and things are so far gone
you don't even remember what was the what was the
(19:06):
thing that started at all? Right? And it was the
poor baby. I mean, so what I'm saying this sounds
fucking durable, but you know, no sound what I'm saying. Right,
So there's a lot to consider, right, And the biggest
thing is will you be okay to do this yourself? Right?
(19:28):
It's another thing too, there's no village for a lot
of women, for most of y'all, man, there is no village. Okay,
it's that ship is that ship has sailed for a
lot of y'all. We're living in a time. Some of
you guys may have family, that's okay, cool, But like
we very much are living in a time where, for
(19:50):
the most part, I don't know some people live in
still live in places where you know, you're still friends
with your neighbors. But I'm just saying, kids are not
outside the way that they're used to. People don't know
that theyborhood kids the way that they used to. Right,
Like God forbid, somebody disciplines your kid outside. You know,
people are all I don't talk to my kids like that.
Set it up. But that's not how we grew up, right.
We Our parents, for the most part, had a village,
(20:13):
right even if they were if they were single moms,
like my mom was a single mom, she didn't have
nobody helping her. But the reality is is that there
was still a village within the community because everybody knew
whose kid I was. Right, So, when I was outside
playing outside on the road, walking home from school, whatever
the case may be, somebody knew my mom. Somebody knew
(20:34):
that I was in the sound I'm saying, the neighbors knew.
You get it right, and this was this was it right?
Somebody's somebody else's mom, you know, could be like, could
not discipline not you can't put your hands on me.
My mom would kill you. Don't be crazy, Oh I
kill you. Get right there. But you know they were
(20:56):
allowed to. You know, somebody else's mom could be like, hey,
oh what are you doing and come and talk to sense.
You know what I'm saying, Yo, when you're trying to
your clousing trouble outside, you're going to your house man,
da da da dah, whatever case it be, it is
so what I'm saying, babysit kids babysat for free, for free,
or for like five ten dollars, right when our parents
(21:17):
want to go out. Call one thing about our parents
from the from from the eighties and the nineties, they
were outside, I don't know, like they were outside and
they were outside, right. So and now it's different, right,
you see everybody day even I think I even made
a mention the other day in a podcast, was going
(21:38):
on one of my tangents again, just furthering myself away.
That's why I got to I digress myself to bring
it back. But the fact that we don't have porches anymore, right,
People don't sit outside anymore now, we just have a
lot of houses that there's no it's meant for you
to be inside your house or maybe in your backyard,
but it's inside your house. Right, So the times are
(22:00):
just different. And unless you are putting away some money
to pay for a village, right, like I'm so serious,
unless you are starting a baby fund to pay for
a village, yeah, listen, it's gonna be you and that pickney, right,
(22:23):
you and that pickney. You see, some of you guys
might have a grandma or a mom or whatever. But
even at that, right, like it's different. People don't want
to take care of people's skits. It's just this is
what it is. You had that baby, and that's the thing.
Some of you guys have moms. That's another thing too.
Let me stay here for a second. Some of you
guys have moms that are nipping when you get on
(22:43):
my grand baby, when you get on my grandbaby, When
are you gonna on my grandbaby? But they know good
and goddamn well that they're not finished. They're gonna be.
They're not here to really help with the grand baby,
you see. They're here to drop in once in a
blue moon. They're here to be a social media dad,
a social media grandparent. Right. They pop in gifts on
(23:03):
a god wait, pick me up out their sleep, so
that you're gonna have to spend so much time to
put the picking back down later on, Take a few pictures,
bring a pot of food, and dip the hell right.
I'm not saying this is everybody's situation. Please don't get
my word twisted, but you it' soun what I'm saying, right,
So it's really important. I just I just feel it's
(23:26):
just really important. Just really think, just think, don't be impulsed.
This is not something to be impulsive about. It's something
to really It's not just your future, it's the future
of a childhood and asked to be born at the
end of the day, right, And I always say that
good parenting starts before there is a baby. That's what
(23:52):
I said, right, Good parenting starts before you have a baby.
And that includes if you never choose, if you choose
to never have kids, you're an excellent parent. That was
an excellent parenting decision, right, And it is what I'm saying.
So you know, just just think about it. And if
(24:14):
you are again, so there's that, think about it. Take
your time. Don't do things for the plot, don't do
things for anybody else's timeline. Make sure that it is
something man that you you are ready for. And you're
never really ready to at the end of the day,
you never really really you don't, you don't, you don't know.
(24:40):
The other day, I can't even remember what the situation was.
But the other day, the little one, seven year old,
I don't know what the fuck was. She wasn't ask
me something that I turned a look at her, I said,
I don't know what I'm doing. Squeeze I don't know
what I'm doing. She must have been like, She's like, yeah,
but you're the parent. I was like, I don't know
what I'm so, so don't even don't don't always look to
(25:05):
me for I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes she's like,
what he listen, I'm just gonna keep it a buck
with you. Sometimes I don't know. It's my first time
doing this too. I don't know. Okay, we're learning together, kiddoh,
so you know, but you know what, she's gonna grow
up and she's gonna read me for that sentence, because
(25:26):
at least I didn't. I don't be asking like I
got all shit figured out. Sometimes I gotta be sit
down and just be like, girl, I don't know what
I'm doing either, So I guess we'll find out together. Okay,
I guess we're gonna write the chapter together. Girl, I
don't know freaking unhinged households, right. So you can never
(25:50):
really be ready because you know, you everybody's kid. You know,
you think you're gonna have one kid, type of kid
you imagine. That's another thing you you romanticize the type
of kid you're gonna that you're gonna have, and your
kid comes out completely different. Your kid comes out completely different. Right,
You're like, oh, my child is never gonna do x
(26:11):
y Z and your child does x y Z and
doubles down on x y Z. Right, you be thinking
to yourself like, no, I'm not gonna you know, You're like, oh,
my kid is never gonna have any screen time, and
fast forward You're just like, you're here, watch the freaking
thing on the iPad. Mine, just come here, here, here,
just watch the thing on the iPad. Right, Like, there's
so many things that you think you know before you
(26:36):
have kids that you're not gonna do or your kid's
not gonna do whatever, kid. But guess what, you can't
control that. These are things that are out of your control. Right.
Your kid's gonna have their own personality, they're gonna have
their own quirks, they're gonna have their own strengths, they're
gonna have their own things that they have to work on,
they're gonna end and they're for a lot of these things,
they're just born with it, right. This is not things
(26:57):
that develop over. For some of these things, they're just
worn with it. You have some kids that are super oversensitive,
You have some kids that are super strong willed. You
have some kids that are super stubborn. You have some
kids we're just chaotic, and you're just like, what is
your issue? Right? You have some kids that just have
behavior problems. You have some kids that are you just
and they're born with it, right Like you have some
(27:18):
kids that have way too much energy. You have some
kids that don't have enough energy. You have said like,
you don't know, so you know, at the end of
the day, I don't want to say, you know, make
sure you're ready, because you're never really ready, but make
sure you're ready to the extent that you could be ready.
Dannisund what I'm saying. You see what I'm saying here
before you, before you, Oh my gosh, the dog is drinking. Please.
I'm just gonna make you guys hear this. It's ten
(27:44):
fourteen in the evening and the dog decides now he
wants to come slurp up in an eyes bull because me,
I'm on the microphone. I'm trying to explain to you guys,
nobody believes when I tell you the dog does things
on purpose with me. Oh, mom's on a microphone. One
two one two. Let me be the co host in
the background. Let me walk around, let me knock things over,
(28:05):
let me drink copious amounts of water and make it loud. Gosh. Anyways,
I digress. I want to encourage y'all before you make
those decisions, right, which is completely by the way, they're
completely yours. To make you know, I'm we're just having
(28:27):
a conversation here in case nobody's having the conversation with you.
But you could be like, that's the cool story being
I'm gonna go get me some sperm tomorrow. Then okay, girl,
that's that's your business. Right. We don't say nobody to
never motherfucking tell you so, right, regardless of whatever you
choose to do right now, I'm asking you right for
(28:50):
you do it for yourself. But I'm asking you to
live your life while it's while it belongs just to you.
You know what I'm saying. Not to say because I
fuck man, ever tell me have this conversation, you know,
not to say for the moms listening, Oh, I have
kids and I still have a life in da da
da sh hush, it is not the same thing. Okay,
(29:17):
Hat being a mom and hat still having a bit
of a life is not the same thing as not
having a child and having your whole self to yourself. Right,
There's a very big difference between taking a shower by
yours and everything shower and not have to worry about somebody,
some little not little little fist knocking on your door
(29:37):
every thirty five seconds now that you're in the shower
because they need something. Now, can I have the soa na,
na can, No. No, isn't it you understand? It is
not the same thing deciding that you don't want to
cook dinner tonight as a person who doesn't have children,
and you're like, fuck it, I'm just going I'm just
(29:59):
going eat some chips and some salsa, like having a
girl dinner. Some chips and some salsa, some little cheese
on the mofucket, maybe up a little bit of shitted
chicken if I have some leftover rotisserie chicken that I
got from the grocery store, and scoop your bottle of
wine and that's what you're having for dinner. Is not
the same thing when you have to You can't just
(30:21):
decide to do that when you have a child that
you have to feed actual food with like food groups
for their development. You see, right, so you eat. When
you don't have children in your life, it's fully fully
you yourself. You are completely yours. You don't have to
(30:41):
compromise yourself anywhere. You don't have to share yourself. You
don't have to. You don't have to. On days when
you're over stimulated and you don't net anybody to fucking
touch you, you can't eat eat when you have a toddler.
You can't be like, don't touch me for seventeen hours
because I'm overstimulated. No, the kid needs hug That's how
you end up giving your kid freaking fucking anxious attachment style.
(31:04):
My mom never hugged me up because she was overstimulated,
you know. But when you are your own self right, like,
you can decide on overstimulated mid Wan, nobody touched me
and stay in your host for seventeen hours, right, and
nobody touch you. That's it, that's all you see. So
right now, while your life is yours alone, please go
(31:26):
live it, please, please please go please please go live
your life right. Go out there, go explore for the
love of everything that is holy that you believe in,
get off your fucking phones and go experience the world.
(31:49):
Let me tell you something. So our thirteen year old
is grounded for life right now, I'm just serious. And
one of the things is that so he has no
phone and I don't I don't know if it was
ever gonna get the phone back again, to be honest, anyways,
I digress, but we took the phone away. He basically
has no nothing, nothing. The boy has no phone, and
(32:14):
I have no PlayStation and I have no TV. He
just got TV back, but the caveat is he can
only watch shows in French. Yeah, it's it's a thing,
it's a whole thing. Anyways, but we have noticed such
a significant change in him since he has had no phone,
(32:36):
no TV, no game, no nothing. Right, and one of
the things that we have noticed in his D talks
all right, I'm actually not being funny, like I'm actually
not being funny is literally we watched the boy D talks, right,
is how much more alive he became. It's it's it's
(33:00):
it's crazy to say it like that, but that's what
it is, right, he is, you know, before whatever the
case may be, if Dwayne was going to the park
with Squeezed with the seven year old, I call her
Squeeze obviously. If you guys can pick up buy it now.
But you know he'd be like, hey, to the boy,
you want to come? You know the boy'd be like no, no, no, no, no,
(33:24):
no no. Right now, the boy's electing. Can I take
squeeze at the park? Daddy? You go to park? Can
I come to the park? Dad? You want to play
some hoop? You want on the ball? Right, he's more
involved in family stuff. He's asking more questions, he's participating more,
and he's always in our face though, because because it's
(33:45):
literally nothing else to do. So warning anybody out there
who has a teen and is thinking about exercising this
type of grounding, they will be in your face. So
he's always in your face the whole. He has a
bunch of questions. But he's conversing more, and there's more
(34:06):
fun conversations happening, and he's initiating them and or he's
staying around for them. He's not just okay, yeah, okay,
you know he's listening. He's listening to to engage, not
to just get a conversation over with. Right. So, the
actual change that we saw in him and how much
(34:26):
more he's come alive due to not having a screen
in his face has actually been a case study that
needs to be studied? Is that? Did I just say that? Right?
A case study that needs to be studied? I don't
think I said that, right. It doesn't matter. Everybody know
what I meant, Okay, cool? Right? And it made me
(34:47):
think of how much adults, grown women man so much
you know, spent with our face in our phone. And
you guys know that I've had this aversation with you
multiple times. This is nothing new under the sun if
you're a regular og over here. But we're gonna have
it again, right I. People don't even know how to
(35:13):
talk to each other anymore. People. Everybody has anxiety something
or other. Everybody is nervous to say something to somebody,
to say what's up in face to face. Everybody is
behind a screen, living vicariously through other people, and your
life is they're passing you by it. No sense, man,
No type of sense is made right, No type of
(35:37):
sense is being made. I know that a lot of
y'all like the comfort of your own home, and that's marvelous,
that it's fabulous. You should absolutely love the comfort of
your own home. Your home is a safe place. It
should absolutely be a sanctuary. But there's also a whole
world out there waiting for you. And to my ladies
who want to have children, who are thinking about having children,
But right now you are for yourself. I am telling you,
(35:59):
right now, I'm telling you you will regret. You will
regret at some point should you choose have children, not
living your like living for yourself right now. I'm not
This is not a this is not a maybe you
will maybe you won't. I'm telling you, and I'm not
testling with nobody. And so if that just triggered you
(36:20):
right now, go talk about it with your therapist, not me.
I'm traumatized, okay, just both Choosing to be a parent
is a brave thing, a very very brave thing. Choosing
(36:44):
not to be a parent is also a brave thing.
These are both very very brave decisions that just live
on opposite ends of the spectrum. But both of them
are brave. And I really want you to know that
no matter which way you try to swing, which way,
no matter which way you you you you you swing,
(37:06):
both of them are brave. And so right now, while
you have yourself to yourself, be brave, do the things
that you want to do for yourself. Dust off the
list of your bucket list. Thingy, what's wrong with me?
I can't talk today. Dust off your list, with your
(37:27):
bucket list. I could have just said, dust off your
bucket list. That's what I could have said. It's late, man,
it's time for me to go. It's time for me.
It's time for me to wrap it up. Wrap it up,
dust off your bucket list, right, go do the things
(37:48):
right to go to the things that you've been putting off.
Go you wanted to the last three years, You're like,
I wanna, you know, do horseback riding in the summer.
Go do horseback riding. It's been three years, man, I really,
I really do want to get a journal with prompts
in it. But like, get the journal with the prompts
in it. It's been two years. You've been telling yourself,
(38:10):
I really want to get into pottery. Go get into pottery.
It's been a year you've been telling yourself, Man, I
really want to go to these cooking classes that are
up the street from me. Go to the cooking classes.
It's been six months you've been saying the same thing over.
I really want to start this passion project. I really
(38:30):
want to start this business. I really wanted this, I
would do the things. Now do the things. Be so
fucking selfish, Be so selfish, Be Samantha from Sex and
the City without all the fucking okay, because you don't
(38:51):
be absorbed. It's your pussy. Do whatever you want. But
you should read your Pussy as a portal before you
do that. I'm just saying. I'm just saying you should
read the book. I'll link it. It's linked in the
show notes. Right now, You're pussy is a portal before
you do that. But anyways, right where you it's just me, me, me, me, me.
(39:11):
Forget about anybody else, because now is the time. Now's
the time, now's the time. You don't have to be considerate,
you really doubt it, Like you don't have to be thoughtful,
you don't like you don't have to compromise, you don't
have to watch what you say, you don't have to
tipso right like you just ye know what I'm saying, right,
(39:32):
don't be an asshole to strangers on the street. You
know what I'm saying. I'm saying in terms of having
space to yourself, right, it's just you, so please take it. Please,
please take up space in your own life please take
up space in your own life. Okay, all right, okay,
(39:53):
all right man. And on that note, I'm gonna go
because I'm now I'm starting to blend words to get
O there in sentences, and you know, we're not gonna
We're not going to continue down this this path that
the same thing, this treatch it thea. I was on
Instagram Live and I was like, hey, how do I
say Because Dwayne says I say I digress a lot.
(40:13):
I was like, it's like, do I say I digress
a lot? And everyone's like, yeah, you. Everyone was like
you know you, yes, you do. You say it all
the time. You say that I digress and you know
what I mean or you know what I'm saying. So
I was expected, so I was excepted. So anyways, I
(40:36):
was explaining, I was like, fuck, I do say I
digress a lot. But it's because I go my brain, man,
my brain, my brain, my brain. If I don't bring
myself back, we'll have seven episodes in one episode. Man,
that's crazy. But then I realized that a lot of
times when I do do episodes, when I do do
grow up, that's what ends uppy. Anyways, sometimes we have
(41:01):
seven different topics happening in one episode. Anyways, man shout
out to all of y'all who like get me, who've
been rocking with me for this long And y'all speak
CEC be that's that's that's what it is, right, y'all
speak CEC and I speak y'all. Clearly we speak each
other because clearly you get me. So I really appreciate y'all.
(41:22):
That is it. That's all I'm gonna say, because Bentley
is restless and it's time to go here. It's gonna
make a bunch of noise now, I'm berdin I promise. Also,
did I say this earlier? But raising a puppy is
not for the week anyways. Bentley already stubborn as a
(41:43):
Saint Bernard, but on top of it, he's a tarist.
So you you do the math, all right, ladies, I'm
gonna go Happy Mother's Day in advance to everybody out there.
Happy Mother's Day to the to the mom's Happy Mother's
Day to the eldest daughters. Mm hmm, Happy Mother's Day
to the women who are reparenting themselves, and happy Mother's
(42:05):
Day to all the ladies who are taking care of
other people period. Right, happy Mother's Day, not if you're
taking care of nobody's dusty crusty as the grown ass man.
Though I'm not saying, have mother this to you? You
need to do better, girl, but yes, that's it. Fix up,
no mind, fix up? All right? So that oh, on
(42:33):
Monday morning, I am going to you know what, let
me know, can we have like just a little sidebar
Powell right now? Okay, okay, I did not realize that
I have been gone from the Sister User Intuition podcast,
My Oracle Card, My Tarot Oracle Podcast since November bro
(42:56):
twenty twenty four. Hey, I said to myself, Okay, that's wow, man,
Like I really ghosted the shit out of that pocket.
And I know that I'm y'all know that i'd be sometimes,
but I really really really ghosted the shit at it
is May twenty twenty five, miss said, Oh my gosh.
(43:22):
So anyways, those of y'all who loose used to listen
to this this user Intuition podcast, and I had to
stop because I stopped showing up. I'll be back there
on Monday morning. Don't know what time, no, but I
know that I will be back there on Monday morning.
(43:43):
You know, while I've been away reinventing myself for the
seventeenth million times, doing my thing, doing whatever. It's slowing down,
speeding up, slowing down, taking a break, slowing down. I
also made some new tarot spreads for myself really and
then I'll like, you know what, I'm going to use
these as well for the podcast sentience. I'll be back
(44:05):
there on Monday, so on Mother's Day there, so happy
Mother's Day. That's a free gift for me to you.
So yeah, those of y'all are into that, and or
you used to listen to it before. It'll be back
on Monday, okay, and I think that is it. Yeah,
I think that's it. Okay, great, okay, go now I'm
(44:34):
like trying to think us, is there's something else? IM
sutos to say, no, there's nothing else. Still don't have
outro music. I'm gonna get on that at some point.
At this point, you guys are like, yeah, yeah, be
whatever this point, forget the music because you say this.
You said this three times already. I know, I know.
Click link in the show notes. Go take advantage of
the Mother's Day especially. I got going on. And that's that.
(44:54):
On that, ladies, I hope that you go, oh oh oh, No,
I do have one more thing to say, listen to.
I don't know something in my spirit, but today I
got some things burst of creative energy and I don't
even know where it came from, but I'm happy that
it was there. I do know where it came from.
But you know, there's something else is between me and
the man. But the point I love myself and I
(45:19):
want everybody to know that. But the point is I
wanted I always had like something in my mind for this.
So y'all know, I have a second Instagram page. It's
called it for being honest, But I don't really be
posting on there too. I don't. I haven't been posting anywhere,
but lately I've been back on my pages though, and
I'll be back on my substack as well. But lately
I've just been having these bursts of creative energy. Anyways,
(45:40):
I digress. So I was having a little zodiac fun
and like wrote a bunch of like Pisces, be like Virgos,
be like Geminis, be like. I had such a fun
time doing it. I really did such a fun time. Anyways,
(46:00):
go follow the if we're being honest, Instagram page because
now I think I have like a proper understanding of
like what I even want to do for that page,
and have like I think I want to do. I'm
just gonna tell y'all, we're gonna maybe this will help
somebody who's doing their own stuff too. I don't know,
but I'm just to share my Instagram pages, both the
(46:23):
Crimson Kiss and the Sisketchish. I mean, oh my god,
the Crimson Kiss and the if we're being honest here
Instagram pages, they're gonna be like really short form like content,
you know, to do this short form. But my substacks,
so my if we're being honest substack and my Sisketchish
Together substack. Is that the name of my substack, Yeah,
(46:49):
subsketious Together subsstack. And if we're being on a substack,
we're gonna have my longer form writing pieces, whatever the
case may be, and then we're gonna have our podcast.
I think I finally figured out the formula. It just
fucking took me a minute, man, but I figured it out.
And for those of y'all who don't know that, if
we're being honest here Instagram page, it's like a little
(47:10):
bit of everything. It's like Zodiac. That's what I originally
I wanted to be, right, So I'm working on it
right now. But a little bit of Zodiac fun, a
little bit of the whole point of the if we're
being honest anyws, is that I could be do whatever
the fuck I want and I'm not boxed into to
one situation and one you know. So a little bit
of Zodiac talk, a little bit of life past stuff,
a little bit of random advice, a little bit of
(47:33):
a little bit and a little bit and a little bit.
But the point is this is fun anyways. I want
to share that with y'all. Okay, thanks for listening. All right,
I'm gonna go now for real. I hope that you
guys have a good rest of your morning's, evenings, afternoons
or the buck y'all are in the world when you're
listening to this, please be safe, definitely. Hey, that's a
use condoms. Okay, trust your intuition and use your discernment
(47:55):
and I will catch y'all on the next episode. Sending
you'll much love, appreciate y'all. Gloomy great
So I had a conversation the other day with one
of my clients and it has been replaying in my
mind since we had the conversation. And Mother's Day is
coming up, so shout out to everybody, all the moms
out there, Happy Mother's Day in advance. Ps. By the way,
this episode is sponsored by me. So I do have
Mother's a Day specials going on up until Mother's Day,
(00:22):
so ebook bundle deals and a two month coaching program
that I created specifically for this Mother's Day special because
normally my program is three months, and I you know,
I put it down two months in get a little
discount on the shit, so you do, okay, So if
you you know, if you've ever wanted to get one
of my bundle deals or you wanted to get all
my books for coaching, now is the time. I'll leave
(00:45):
the link in this show note to take advantage of
your girl clar I'm I'm doing this two months special again.
But anyways, I digress. So today's episode, I'm going to
be speaking specifically to women who don't have children but
who are thinking about it, or who do want children
(01:06):
in the future. Right, and if you're a mom listening
to this like you already have children, You're more than
welcome to stay. Of course, obviously, right, you're more than
welcome to stay. Maybe you even have a teenage daughter
or something, and you could be like, after you listen
to this, you'd be like, hey, you need to listen.
Give me here. You see what she's saying. You need
to listen to this shit, right, So you're more than
welcome to stay. But I really wanted to speak to
these ladies today, and I actually think that we need
(01:29):
to have these conversations more often. And I know that
I sprinkle it in. I know I sprinkle in what
I'm about to say, or a lot of what I'm
about to say in different episodes and different because you
know my ADHD. But I just thought it deserved its own,
just full stream of consciousness. Ps. By the way, if
(01:49):
you are new here, hello, welcome. My name is CCB.
Most people just call me BE. I am forty years young, okay,
been through some shit, also put myself through some shit,
overcame that shit, and now I help women get through
the shit. You see what I'm saying. Each one to
each one, you live, you'll learn and you share. Okay,
if you're sensitive to honesty. Promise you, this is not
(02:11):
the place to be. Promise you, if you are sensitive
to honesty, if you're easily offended by every little thing,
this is not the place for you to be. I
don't suga kosha for myself, so I'm not doing it
for anybody else. So there's a motto around here, and
it is put your trickers to the side so you
have room to open up your mind. Okay, good talk. So, uh,
(02:34):
for the purpose of this episode, I'm gonna change my
client's name because, you know, because and so shit, what
am I gonna call her Melinda? Call her Melinda because
it's the furthest thing from her name, furthest She gonna
listen to the episode like the really, yeah, it's the
furthest thing from your name. Shout out anybody out the
who's going to be Linda? By the way. Anyways, So
(02:57):
my client Melinda, she beautiful girl, beautiful girl. And I'm
talking inside and oh right, she is twenty eight. She
might be twenty seven, you know, but I'm pretty sure
she's twenty eight, and she is. Its Luminism, if spirituality
how to look it would be her right if if
(03:20):
if saging your house calmly and you know, and and
walking barefoot in a beautiful forest right out of it
would be her, you know. So it's so funny because
she always gets I'm like you you She's like, oh people,
(03:41):
you know, she'll be like people always like come up
to me or you know, ask me for advice, or
like people are drawn to me. You know, you can't
see it. You can't see why, girl, you can't see what.
You can't see your own aura. But anyways, I digress.
So without saying which with anything about her stuff, I
was based telling her, so she doesn't have children, and
(04:03):
we're having a conversation, and I had said to her,
you know, I said, you know, Melinda, that's the name
of raying. You are twenty eight years young. You don't
have any children, you ain't got no man, right, and
all these things are good things. Right. You have the
world at your feet right now. If you allow yourself
(04:27):
to see it this way, you do not have to
stay grounded in one place, right. You don't have to
tether yourself rather to one place, right you Because she
you know, she has a good job, she makes good money,
like you know what I mean, she's doing her things.
She really really really proud of her. She really set
herself up well, you know, and I'm like, please go, like,
(04:54):
please go live your life, man, Please go live your life, right,
Go enjoy yourself. Go take advantage of what the world
has to offer you, because the world has so much
to offer you, right, so much more than just the
four corners of your hosts, the four corners of your walls,
(05:16):
the four walls of your house, four walls of your job.
You know, like, lean lean into life, right, lean into
life on your rhythm, you know. And we had had
a conversation before about what it means to be a parent,
(05:41):
you know, And this is what I want to talk
to you all about. I think we we we need
to have more conversations with women about the realities of
parenting because it's not the same for men, right, It's
(06:04):
just not It is just not okay. I always tell women,
before you say some shit like you have baby fever,
ask yourself if you have parenting fever, because the two
things are not the same. They're they're not the same.
(06:24):
And maybe you're listening to this and you are the
woman who has the weird mix of in between you
have maybe you know this baby fever and then also
at the same time some type of secondhand exhaustion. Every
time you see a mom struggling to like wrangle her
toddler at target, say just like, whow that must be
(06:49):
pop sports control pill. All right, Maybe you scroll through
your camera roll and you realize that you got you know,
more pictures of your nieces and your nephews than you
do of yourself. You're just like, oh the yellow my
kid kids. You know, maybe maybe you dream of the
(07:13):
day that like tiny feet just run through your home
and you know what I'm saying, you here the little
pitter pattern. But you also really really cherish your very
slow and quiet mornings and having clean back seats in
your car. Sorry kids, having clean back seats in your car.
(07:36):
Let me explain something to you. You really don't know.
You really do not know how many little things you
take for granted until you have these kids, because there's
no there's no escaping it. There's there's really no escaping it.
I'm pretty sure everybody says, you know, da da da
(07:57):
da da, and I know my kids are going to
be different, but but no or not, No, they're not.
They're sitting in the car seat eating their goddamn cheetos.
And guess what they're doing. They're kicking the chair man.
They're putting their little boots on the Okay, they're putting
little little boots. They're three years old for it. So
they're putting little boots in the back of your on
the back of your beige leather anyways, Okay, it's okay.
(08:22):
So maybe maybe maybe maybe you're in between that, right,
you know you? You can you see tiny little sneakers
and you're just like going on looking these You're cute,
lit right you? You you imagine, you know, with the
blend of you know, you and your person, if he's
(08:43):
in your life right now or your future person, what
that would look like in a in a little other person,
a new person. Right, maybe you want to hear somebody
call you mommy. All the things you want, the family photos,
the holiday traditions, the sticky hugs, right, but I would
(09:04):
like you to just hear me out. Take your time.
I'm telling you to take your time right rely, think right.
I'm not telling you not to have kids. I'm saying
that's what I'm saying. I'm saying to take your time
(09:25):
and really think about it. Right, there are more and
more women who are coming out nowadays and are telling
the truth about what motherhood is really like. There are
so many things that before women didn't talk about. You know.
I was having this conversation with Doing the other day. Actually,
(09:46):
we were talking about it, and he was like, well,
think about it there, you know, because I was like, yo,
nobody told us the truth about what the shit was like, right,
And he was like, we have to think about it.
There must be there's there's a lot of shame that
comes with that, right of you are a mom, and
it's not like it was like before. You know, now
(10:06):
we have people talking about a little bit more openly,
but you know, up and before social media or this,
you know, the last years have changed two years, right,
there's a lot of shame in saying that, you know, yo,
like all the things that really come into parenthood and
how some days you're one thing and some days you're
their thing and so on and so forth, and you know,
(10:27):
and I was like, you know what, you're right, right,
just like there was a lot of shame and that's
why people couldn't go to therapy before, but especially if
you're from a Caribbean family. You know what goes on
in the house day isn't other houses? Right? So you know,
all these things are and we're having these conversations, and
they're they're fairly new, right in terms of being out
in the open. But there are some women out there
(10:51):
who are listening. And then there are some women out
there who are not part of these conversations. And I
can see a lot of these women being swept up
by the timelines of their families, the pressure, right, the
timeline pressures of their families. You know, their mom is like,
what are you gonna give me a grand baby? You
know what it is? The Instagram mom fluencers. What is
(11:17):
it called. I don't know, Instagram mom influencers. I don't know, right,
and so and and their their stuff is like perfectly curated,
and you know, and and and it may make you
feel like you're behind, but I'm telling you that you're not.
I'm telling you that you're not right. There is so
(11:43):
much that goes into preparing for motherhood, and it starts
way before you ever get pregnant, way before you have
a man, way before it right, especially before you have
a man. Because and I know that I've said this
before in other episode, but I'm gonna say it again here.
(12:08):
You can break up with buddy, you can leave buddy,
you can divorce buddy. Da da dah. But your child
can't rechoose his father or her father. Right. That's their dad,
that's their dad, regardless, that's their dad. Right. And so
if you are somebody who is thinking about having a baby, no,
(12:30):
let me take that back. If you are somebody who's
thinking about having a child and to raise that child
into adulthood to be a functioning member of mobile society,
then you must also think about the man that you
choose to be this kid's dad. And this is why
(12:55):
this is one of the biggest re not one of
the biggest. This is a big part of the reason
why that book I just wrote, Your pussy is a
portal and he was lucky to be let in. It
is is it is explaining to you, right, the power
of a woman, the magic of a woman. Right, the
(13:16):
responsibility is of a woman. You see, everything goes through us, everything,
ey thing, everything goes through us. Right, And a lot
of times women rebuke this. They get upset. They want
tussle in the comment sessions. They want tussle somewhere, They
(13:36):
want to tussle da da da da. But the reality
is we are the choice makers, right, and it is
high time that you start looking at that as a
gift rather than a curse. You see, right, we are
(13:56):
the choice makers nothing everything has to come through us.
So when it comes to becoming a parent, let me
do something. And I'm sure you know them as well,
but I work with some women who have I'm pretty men, men,
the you know, the the fathers of there are there
(14:19):
something else? You know what I'm saying. And I'm sure
you know so many as well. I'm sure there are
women listening to this right now who are moms and
their their their baby daddies, the father of their children.
Are You're They're just like, why? Who'd have fucked it?
I have a kid with right part seventy five. So
(14:43):
if you are in a space where you have the
opportunity to take your time, take your time right. And
something else I want to say is you can do everything.
I'm gonna air quote this all right, right, you can
you know, choose the right god blah blah blah blah
blah blah b and still end up a single mom, right,
still end up doing it by yourself. So Another part
(15:06):
of this is before fuck, relying on just okay, yes,
he's a good case may be if something happens to this,
if he dies, because that's life, right, if he dies,
or the child comes between you, I known't listen to me.
You trigger to the sids. You have room to open
(15:27):
up in your mind. Or the child comes between y'all's
relationship and you split up. That happens a lot. That's
another thing that happens a lot. It happens so often
that two people are like, they're just everything is great, man,
best relationship for four years, best relationship, everything is good,
(15:51):
everything is on here comes to dog. I just I
don't understand why you must always please don't unplug my tings.
I don't understand. Sorry, me and the dog for the
last couple of days. Okay. Anyways, right, so, you know,
(16:12):
a great relationship, four years, three years, whatever the case
may be, and then they have a child and the
reality of the situation is the reality of the situation
is that this is when Bentley is deciding to eat
food in my microphone, that my microphone is picking up
in the background. Anyways, I'm just going to continue and
hopefully you guys won't hear it. The reality of the
(16:32):
situation is that now there's a third person in the mix.
It's not just you and this man anymore. It's not
just you guys in your slow mornings. It's not just
you guys in your spontaneous trips. It's not just you
guys laying up in bed holding each other all day long.
It's not just you guys deciding you want to have
a couch rot day together. It's not just you guys,
(16:54):
you know, playing scrabble in the living room on a
Tuesday night. It's not just you guys going to dinner.
But it's not just you guys anymore. Right, It is
now you and possibly postpartum, possibly complications, possibly right, and
then a child in limits, you know, who needs you
(17:17):
and demands literally all of your attention for quite some time, right,
for at least the next eight years. Right, And this
can end up really putting a strain on people because
because there goes my I don't get time on my
(17:39):
person anymore. You know, everything is about the baby. But up, up, up, up,
and then you change as well, right, rightfully, So you
just freaking brought life into the world, dur right, parts
of you change, your body changes, your brain changes. Like
(18:02):
the things that happened to women in pregnancy is so wild,
Like what I learned about all of the things that
happen to women in pregnancy, like the chemical change. It's
just I just I just nobody cannot tell us that
we I don't care. Nonbody says I don't care. Anybody
says nobody cannot tell us that our magic period point blank
the end, full stop. But anyways, I digress, right, But
(18:22):
like these are things I'm not saying that is going
to happen. I'm saying that we're having a conversation about
things that do happen a lot more than people care
to talk about. And I think a lot of the
times what happens is when these things happen, rather people
can't even pinpoint or don't even want People don't talk
about it. Okay, people don't talk about it as openly
(18:44):
because who the fuck wants to say we broke up
because our child got in between us. Nobody wants to
Nobody wants to say that out loud, right, And a
lot of times you don't even realize that's what it is.
Now we're just like things are just snowing there's arguments,
there's this or that, and things are so far gone
you don't even remember what was the what was the
(19:06):
thing that started at all? Right? And it was the
poor baby. I mean, so what I'm saying this sounds
fucking durable, but you know, no sound what I'm saying. Right,
So there's a lot to consider, right, And the biggest
thing is will you be okay to do this yourself? Right?
(19:28):
It's another thing too, there's no village for a lot
of women, for most of y'all, man, there is no village. Okay,
it's that ship is that ship has sailed for a
lot of y'all. We're living in a time. Some of
you guys may have family, that's okay, cool, But like
we very much are living in a time where, for
(19:50):
the most part, I don't know some people live in
still live in places where you know, you're still friends
with your neighbors. But I'm just saying, kids are not
outside the way that they're used to. People don't know
that theyborhood kids the way that they used to. Right,
Like God forbid, somebody disciplines your kid outside. You know,
people are all I don't talk to my kids like that.
Set it up. But that's not how we grew up, right.
We Our parents, for the most part, had a village,
(20:13):
right even if they were if they were single moms,
like my mom was a single mom, she didn't have
nobody helping her. But the reality is is that there
was still a village within the community because everybody knew
whose kid I was. Right, So, when I was outside
playing outside on the road, walking home from school, whatever
the case may be, somebody knew my mom. Somebody knew
(20:34):
that I was in the sound I'm saying, the neighbors knew.
You get it right, and this was this was it right?
Somebody's somebody else's mom, you know, could be like, could
not discipline not you can't put your hands on me.
My mom would kill you. Don't be crazy, Oh I
kill you. Get right there. But you know they were
(20:56):
allowed to. You know, somebody else's mom could be like, hey,
oh what are you doing and come and talk to sense.
You know what I'm saying, Yo, when you're trying to
your clousing trouble outside, you're going to your house man,
da da da dah, whatever case it be, it is
so what I'm saying, babysit kids babysat for free, for free,
or for like five ten dollars, right when our parents
(21:17):
want to go out. Call one thing about our parents
from the from from the eighties and the nineties, they
were outside, I don't know, like they were outside and
they were outside, right. So and now it's different, right,
you see everybody day even I think I even made
a mention the other day in a podcast, was going
(21:38):
on one of my tangents again, just furthering myself away.
That's why I got to I digress myself to bring
it back. But the fact that we don't have porches anymore, right,
People don't sit outside anymore now, we just have a
lot of houses that there's no it's meant for you
to be inside your house or maybe in your backyard,
but it's inside your house. Right, So the times are
(22:00):
just different. And unless you are putting away some money
to pay for a village, right, like I'm so serious,
unless you are starting a baby fund to pay for
a village, yeah, listen, it's gonna be you and that pickney, right,
(22:23):
you and that pickney. You see, some of you guys
might have a grandma or a mom or whatever. But
even at that, right, like it's different. People don't want
to take care of people's skits. It's just this is
what it is. You had that baby, and that's the thing.
Some of you guys have moms. That's another thing too.
Let me stay here for a second. Some of you
guys have moms that are nipping when you get on
(22:43):
my grand baby, when you get on my grandbaby, When
are you gonna on my grandbaby? But they know good
and goddamn well that they're not finished. They're gonna be.
They're not here to really help with the grand baby,
you see. They're here to drop in once in a
blue moon. They're here to be a social media dad,
a social media grandparent. Right. They pop in gifts on
(23:03):
a god wait, pick me up out their sleep, so
that you're gonna have to spend so much time to
put the picking back down later on, Take a few pictures,
bring a pot of food, and dip the hell right.
I'm not saying this is everybody's situation. Please don't get
my word twisted, but you it' soun what I'm saying, right,
So it's really important. I just I just feel it's
(23:26):
just really important. Just really think, just think, don't be impulsed.
This is not something to be impulsive about. It's something
to really It's not just your future, it's the future
of a childhood and asked to be born at the
end of the day, right, And I always say that
good parenting starts before there is a baby. That's what
(23:52):
I said, right, Good parenting starts before you have a baby.
And that includes if you never choose, if you choose
to never have kids, you're an excellent parent. That was
an excellent parenting decision, right, And it is what I'm saying.
So you know, just just think about it. And if
(24:14):
you are again, so there's that, think about it. Take
your time. Don't do things for the plot, don't do
things for anybody else's timeline. Make sure that it is
something man that you you are ready for. And you're
never really ready to at the end of the day,
you never really really you don't, you don't, you don't know.
(24:40):
The other day, I can't even remember what the situation was.
But the other day, the little one, seven year old,
I don't know what the fuck was. She wasn't ask
me something that I turned a look at her, I said,
I don't know what I'm doing. Squeeze I don't know
what I'm doing. She must have been like, She's like, yeah,
but you're the parent. I was like, I don't know
what I'm so, so don't even don't don't always look to
(25:05):
me for I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes she's like,
what he listen, I'm just gonna keep it a buck
with you. Sometimes I don't know. It's my first time
doing this too. I don't know. Okay, we're learning together, kiddoh,
so you know, but you know what, she's gonna grow
up and she's gonna read me for that sentence, because
(25:26):
at least I didn't. I don't be asking like I
got all shit figured out. Sometimes I gotta be sit
down and just be like, girl, I don't know what
I'm doing either, So I guess we'll find out together. Okay,
I guess we're gonna write the chapter together. Girl, I
don't know freaking unhinged households, right. So you can never
(25:50):
really be ready because you know, you everybody's kid. You know,
you think you're gonna have one kid, type of kid
you imagine. That's another thing you you romanticize the type
of kid you're gonna that you're gonna have, and your
kid comes out completely different. Your kid comes out completely different. Right,
You're like, oh, my child is never gonna do x
(26:11):
y Z and your child does x y Z and
doubles down on x y Z. Right, you be thinking
to yourself like, no, I'm not gonna you know, You're like, oh,
my kid is never gonna have any screen time, and
fast forward You're just like, you're here, watch the freaking
thing on the iPad. Mine, just come here, here, here,
just watch the thing on the iPad. Right, Like, there's
so many things that you think you know before you
(26:36):
have kids that you're not gonna do or your kid's
not gonna do whatever, kid. But guess what, you can't
control that. These are things that are out of your control. Right.
Your kid's gonna have their own personality, they're gonna have
their own quirks, they're gonna have their own strengths, they're
gonna have their own things that they have to work on,
they're gonna end and they're for a lot of these things,
they're just born with it, right. This is not things
(26:57):
that develop over. For some of these things, they're just
worn with it. You have some kids that are super oversensitive,
You have some kids that are super strong willed. You
have some kids that are super stubborn. You have some
kids we're just chaotic, and you're just like, what is
your issue? Right? You have some kids that just have
behavior problems. You have some kids that are you just
and they're born with it, right Like you have some
(27:18):
kids that have way too much energy. You have some
kids that don't have enough energy. You have said like,
you don't know, so you know, at the end of
the day, I don't want to say, you know, make
sure you're ready, because you're never really ready, but make
sure you're ready to the extent that you could be ready.
Dannisund what I'm saying. You see what I'm saying here
before you, before you, Oh my gosh, the dog is drinking. Please.
I'm just gonna make you guys hear this. It's ten
(27:44):
fourteen in the evening and the dog decides now he
wants to come slurp up in an eyes bull because me,
I'm on the microphone. I'm trying to explain to you guys,
nobody believes when I tell you the dog does things
on purpose with me. Oh, mom's on a microphone. One
two one two. Let me be the co host in
the background. Let me walk around, let me knock things over,
(28:05):
let me drink copious amounts of water and make it loud. Gosh. Anyways,
I digress. I want to encourage y'all before you make
those decisions, right, which is completely by the way, they're
completely yours. To make you know, I'm we're just having
(28:27):
a conversation here in case nobody's having the conversation with you.
But you could be like, that's the cool story being
I'm gonna go get me some sperm tomorrow. Then okay, girl,
that's that's your business. Right. We don't say nobody to
never motherfucking tell you so, right, regardless of whatever you
choose to do right now, I'm asking you right for
(28:50):
you do it for yourself. But I'm asking you to
live your life while it's while it belongs just to you.
You know what I'm saying. Not to say because I
fuck man, ever tell me have this conversation, you know,
not to say for the moms listening, Oh, I have
kids and I still have a life in da da
da sh hush, it is not the same thing. Okay,
(29:17):
Hat being a mom and hat still having a bit
of a life is not the same thing as not
having a child and having your whole self to yourself. Right,
There's a very big difference between taking a shower by
yours and everything shower and not have to worry about somebody,
some little not little little fist knocking on your door
(29:37):
every thirty five seconds now that you're in the shower
because they need something. Now, can I have the soa na,
na can, No. No, isn't it you understand? It is
not the same thing deciding that you don't want to
cook dinner tonight as a person who doesn't have children,
and you're like, fuck it, I'm just going I'm just
(29:59):
going eat some chips and some salsa, like having a
girl dinner. Some chips and some salsa, some little cheese
on the mofucket, maybe up a little bit of shitted
chicken if I have some leftover rotisserie chicken that I
got from the grocery store, and scoop your bottle of
wine and that's what you're having for dinner. Is not
the same thing when you have to You can't just
(30:21):
decide to do that when you have a child that
you have to feed actual food with like food groups
for their development. You see, right, so you eat. When
you don't have children in your life, it's fully fully
you yourself. You are completely yours. You don't have to
(30:41):
compromise yourself anywhere. You don't have to share yourself. You
don't have to. You don't have to. On days when
you're over stimulated and you don't net anybody to fucking
touch you, you can't eat eat when you have a toddler.
You can't be like, don't touch me for seventeen hours
because I'm overstimulated. No, the kid needs hug That's how
you end up giving your kid freaking fucking anxious attachment style.
(31:04):
My mom never hugged me up because she was overstimulated,
you know. But when you are your own self right, like,
you can decide on overstimulated mid Wan, nobody touched me
and stay in your host for seventeen hours, right, and
nobody touch you. That's it, that's all you see. So
right now, while your life is yours alone, please go
(31:26):
live it, please, please please go please please go live
your life right. Go out there, go explore for the
love of everything that is holy that you believe in,
get off your fucking phones and go experience the world.
(31:49):
Let me tell you something. So our thirteen year old
is grounded for life right now, I'm just serious. And
one of the things is that so he has no
phone and I don't I don't know if it was
ever gonna get the phone back again, to be honest, anyways,
I digress, but we took the phone away. He basically
has no nothing, nothing. The boy has no phone, and
(32:14):
I have no PlayStation and I have no TV. He
just got TV back, but the caveat is he can
only watch shows in French. Yeah, it's it's a thing,
it's a whole thing. Anyways, but we have noticed such
a significant change in him since he has had no phone,
(32:36):
no TV, no game, no nothing. Right, and one of
the things that we have noticed in his D talks
all right, I'm actually not being funny, like I'm actually
not being funny is literally we watched the boy D talks, right,
is how much more alive he became. It's it's it's
(33:00):
it's crazy to say it like that, but that's what
it is, right, he is, you know, before whatever the
case may be, if Dwayne was going to the park
with Squeezed with the seven year old, I call her
Squeeze obviously. If you guys can pick up buy it now.
But you know he'd be like, hey, to the boy,
you want to come? You know the boy'd be like no, no, no, no, no,
(33:24):
no no. Right now, the boy's electing. Can I take
squeeze at the park? Daddy? You go to park? Can
I come to the park? Dad? You want to play
some hoop? You want on the ball? Right, he's more
involved in family stuff. He's asking more questions, he's participating more,
and he's always in our face though, because because it's
(33:45):
literally nothing else to do. So warning anybody out there
who has a teen and is thinking about exercising this
type of grounding, they will be in your face. So
he's always in your face the whole. He has a
bunch of questions. But he's conversing more, and there's more
(34:06):
fun conversations happening, and he's initiating them and or he's
staying around for them. He's not just okay, yeah, okay,
you know he's listening. He's listening to to engage, not
to just get a conversation over with. Right. So, the
actual change that we saw in him and how much
(34:26):
more he's come alive due to not having a screen
in his face has actually been a case study that
needs to be studied? Is that? Did I just say that? Right?
A case study that needs to be studied? I don't
think I said that, right. It doesn't matter. Everybody know
what I meant, Okay, cool? Right? And it made me
(34:47):
think of how much adults, grown women man so much
you know, spent with our face in our phone. And
you guys know that I've had this aversation with you
multiple times. This is nothing new under the sun if
you're a regular og over here. But we're gonna have
it again, right I. People don't even know how to
(35:13):
talk to each other anymore. People. Everybody has anxiety something
or other. Everybody is nervous to say something to somebody,
to say what's up in face to face. Everybody is
behind a screen, living vicariously through other people, and your
life is they're passing you by it. No sense, man,
No type of sense is made right, No type of
(35:37):
sense is being made. I know that a lot of
y'all like the comfort of your own home, and that's marvelous,
that it's fabulous. You should absolutely love the comfort of
your own home. Your home is a safe place. It
should absolutely be a sanctuary. But there's also a whole
world out there waiting for you. And to my ladies
who want to have children, who are thinking about having children,
But right now you are for yourself. I am telling you,
(35:59):
right now, I'm telling you you will regret. You will
regret at some point should you choose have children, not
living your like living for yourself right now. I'm not
This is not a this is not a maybe you
will maybe you won't. I'm telling you, and I'm not
testling with nobody. And so if that just triggered you
(36:20):
right now, go talk about it with your therapist, not me.
I'm traumatized, okay, just both Choosing to be a parent
is a brave thing, a very very brave thing. Choosing
(36:44):
not to be a parent is also a brave thing.
These are both very very brave decisions that just live
on opposite ends of the spectrum. But both of them
are brave. And I really want you to know that
no matter which way you try to swing, which way,
no matter which way you you you you you swing,
(37:06):
both of them are brave. And so right now, while
you have yourself to yourself, be brave, do the things
that you want to do for yourself. Dust off the
list of your bucket list. Thingy, what's wrong with me?
I can't talk today. Dust off your list, with your
(37:27):
bucket list. I could have just said, dust off your
bucket list. That's what I could have said. It's late, man,
it's time for me to go. It's time for me.
It's time for me to wrap it up. Wrap it up,
dust off your bucket list, right, go do the things
(37:48):
right to go to the things that you've been putting off.
Go you wanted to the last three years, You're like,
I wanna, you know, do horseback riding in the summer.
Go do horseback riding. It's been three years, man, I really,
I really do want to get a journal with prompts
in it. But like, get the journal with the prompts
in it. It's been two years. You've been telling yourself,
(38:10):
I really want to get into pottery. Go get into pottery.
It's been a year you've been telling yourself, Man, I
really want to go to these cooking classes that are
up the street from me. Go to the cooking classes.
It's been six months you've been saying the same thing over.
I really want to start this passion project. I really
(38:30):
want to start this business. I really wanted this, I
would do the things. Now do the things. Be so
fucking selfish, Be so selfish, Be Samantha from Sex and
the City without all the fucking okay, because you don't
(38:51):
be absorbed. It's your pussy. Do whatever you want. But
you should read your Pussy as a portal before you
do that. I'm just saying. I'm just saying you should
read the book. I'll link it. It's linked in the
show notes. Right now, You're pussy is a portal before
you do that. But anyways, right where you it's just me, me, me, me, me.
(39:11):
Forget about anybody else, because now is the time. Now's
the time, now's the time. You don't have to be considerate,
you really doubt it, Like you don't have to be thoughtful,
you don't like you don't have to compromise, you don't
have to watch what you say, you don't have to
tipso right like you just ye know what I'm saying, right,
(39:32):
don't be an asshole to strangers on the street. You
know what I'm saying. I'm saying in terms of having
space to yourself, right, it's just you, so please take it. Please,
please take up space in your own life please take
up space in your own life. Okay, all right, okay,
(39:53):
all right man. And on that note, I'm gonna go
because I'm now I'm starting to blend words to get
O there in sentences, and you know, we're not gonna
We're not going to continue down this this path that
the same thing, this treatch it thea. I was on
Instagram Live and I was like, hey, how do I
say Because Dwayne says I say I digress a lot.
(40:13):
I was like, it's like, do I say I digress
a lot? And everyone's like, yeah, you. Everyone was like
you know you, yes, you do. You say it all
the time. You say that I digress and you know
what I mean or you know what I'm saying. So
I was expected, so I was excepted. So anyways, I
(40:36):
was explaining, I was like, fuck, I do say I
digress a lot. But it's because I go my brain, man,
my brain, my brain, my brain. If I don't bring
myself back, we'll have seven episodes in one episode. Man,
that's crazy. But then I realized that a lot of
times when I do do episodes, when I do do
grow up, that's what ends uppy. Anyways, sometimes we have
(41:01):
seven different topics happening in one episode. Anyways, man shout
out to all of y'all who like get me, who've
been rocking with me for this long And y'all speak
CEC be that's that's that's what it is, right, y'all
speak CEC and I speak y'all. Clearly we speak each
other because clearly you get me. So I really appreciate y'all.
(41:22):
That is it. That's all I'm gonna say, because Bentley
is restless and it's time to go here. It's gonna
make a bunch of noise now, I'm berdin I promise. Also,
did I say this earlier? But raising a puppy is
not for the week anyways. Bentley already stubborn as a
(41:43):
Saint Bernard, but on top of it, he's a tarist.
So you you do the math, all right, ladies, I'm
gonna go Happy Mother's Day in advance to everybody out there.
Happy Mother's Day to the to the mom's Happy Mother's
Day to the eldest daughters. Mm hmm, Happy Mother's Day
to the women who are reparenting themselves, and happy Mother's
(42:05):
Day to all the ladies who are taking care of
other people period. Right, happy Mother's Day, not if you're
taking care of nobody's dusty crusty as the grown ass man.
Though I'm not saying, have mother this to you? You
need to do better, girl, but yes, that's it. Fix up,
no mind, fix up? All right? So that oh, on
(42:33):
Monday morning, I am going to you know what, let
me know, can we have like just a little sidebar
Powell right now? Okay, okay, I did not realize that
I have been gone from the Sister User Intuition podcast,
My Oracle Card, My Tarot Oracle Podcast since November bro
(42:56):
twenty twenty four. Hey, I said to myself, Okay, that's wow, man,
Like I really ghosted the shit out of that pocket.
And I know that I'm y'all know that i'd be sometimes,
but I really really really ghosted the shit at it
is May twenty twenty five, miss said, Oh my gosh.
(43:22):
So anyways, those of y'all who loose used to listen
to this this user Intuition podcast, and I had to
stop because I stopped showing up. I'll be back there
on Monday morning. Don't know what time, no, but I
know that I will be back there on Monday morning.
(43:43):
You know, while I've been away reinventing myself for the
seventeenth million times, doing my thing, doing whatever. It's slowing down,
speeding up, slowing down, taking a break, slowing down. I
also made some new tarot spreads for myself really and
then I'll like, you know what, I'm going to use
these as well for the podcast sentience. I'll be back
(44:05):
there on Monday, so on Mother's Day there, so happy
Mother's Day. That's a free gift for me to you.
So yeah, those of y'all are into that, and or
you used to listen to it before. It'll be back
on Monday, okay, and I think that is it. Yeah,
I think that's it. Okay, great, okay, go now I'm
(44:34):
like trying to think us, is there's something else? IM
sutos to say, no, there's nothing else. Still don't have
outro music. I'm gonna get on that at some point.
At this point, you guys are like, yeah, yeah, be
whatever this point, forget the music because you say this.
You said this three times already. I know, I know.
Click link in the show notes. Go take advantage of
the Mother's Day especially. I got going on. And that's that.
(44:54):
On that, ladies, I hope that you go, oh oh oh, No,
I do have one more thing to say, listen to.
I don't know something in my spirit, but today I
got some things burst of creative energy and I don't
even know where it came from, but I'm happy that
it was there. I do know where it came from.
But you know, there's something else is between me and
the man. But the point I love myself and I
(45:19):
want everybody to know that. But the point is I
wanted I always had like something in my mind for this.
So y'all know, I have a second Instagram page. It's
called it for being honest, But I don't really be
posting on there too. I don't. I haven't been posting anywhere,
but lately I've been back on my pages though, and
I'll be back on my substack as well. But lately
I've just been having these bursts of creative energy. Anyways,
(45:40):
I digress. So I was having a little zodiac fun
and like wrote a bunch of like Pisces, be like Virgos,
be like Geminis, be like. I had such a fun
time doing it. I really did such a fun time. Anyways,
(46:00):
go follow the if we're being honest, Instagram page because
now I think I have like a proper understanding of
like what I even want to do for that page,
and have like I think I want to do. I'm
just gonna tell y'all, we're gonna maybe this will help
somebody who's doing their own stuff too. I don't know,
but I'm just to share my Instagram pages, both the
(46:23):
Crimson Kiss and the Sisketchish. I mean, oh my god,
the Crimson Kiss and the if we're being honest here
Instagram pages, they're gonna be like really short form like content,
you know, to do this short form. But my substacks,
so my if we're being honest substack and my Sisketchish
Together substack. Is that the name of my substack, Yeah,
(46:49):
subsketious Together subsstack. And if we're being on a substack,
we're gonna have my longer form writing pieces, whatever the
case may be, and then we're gonna have our podcast.
I think I finally figured out the formula. It just
fucking took me a minute, man, but I figured it out.
And for those of y'all who don't know that, if
we're being honest here Instagram page, it's like a little
(47:10):
bit of everything. It's like Zodiac. That's what I originally
I wanted to be, right, So I'm working on it
right now. But a little bit of Zodiac fun, a
little bit of the whole point of the if we're
being honest anyws, is that I could be do whatever
the fuck I want and I'm not boxed into to
one situation and one you know. So a little bit
of Zodiac talk, a little bit of life past stuff,
a little bit of random advice, a little bit of
(47:33):
a little bit and a little bit and a little bit.
But the point is this is fun anyways. I want
to share that with y'all. Okay, thanks for listening. All right,
I'm gonna go now for real. I hope that you
guys have a good rest of your morning's, evenings, afternoons
or the buck y'all are in the world when you're
listening to this, please be safe, definitely. Hey, that's a
use condoms. Okay, trust your intuition and use your discernment
(47:55):
and I will catch y'all on the next episode. Sending
you'll much love, appreciate y'all. Gloomy great
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