Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Small Dunce help from Small Human Area Small, It's so funky.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Welcome to this week's episode of Small Doses Podcast. This
is a personal episode. I mean not that the solo
episodes are not personal, but I feel like, you know,
ever so often I do an episode where I feel
like I'm speaking directly to you all and explaining to
you all my methodology and processes on a life level.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
This week's episode side effects of disting from Celebrity.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
It's interesting because it's something that I'm doing individually, but
it's something that came out of what I witnessed people
doing in response to being in.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Support of Palestine.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
So I don't know if you all saw this movement
that happened online where people were literally just like, you
know what, we need to unfollow all the celebrities.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
We need to unfollow them.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Anyone who hasn't supported Palsign, any celebrity who hasn't talked
about palot Sign, We're unfollowing them. And this was like
a thing for I mean like three days, but three
days and internet time is like three weeks. And what
they were basically saying was that the idea of the
celebrity as this person who has a huge platform that
is supported by the people is only valuable and useful
(01:28):
if they are using their platform for things beyond just
more gain. In terms of a capital context, here's a
scenario where they could be using their platform to garner
support to challenge politicians and lawmakers to of course hold
corporations accountable, and they're choosing not to, and so the
people said, well, we don't want to support you the
cash twenty two. There is that in America and in
(01:50):
other places too. For the most part, in order to
be a celebrity and stay a celebrity, you can't do
any of that. It's essentially that your role as a
celebrity is to distract. Your role as a celebrity is
to keep people intuned and invoked into whatever you're doing,
so that they're not paying attention to corporations, so that
they're not paying attention to politicians and lawmakers, and so
(02:14):
anything can go on as it goes on, because the
people are just entertained. The people are just entertained. The
people are just entertained. I mean, it's some straight like
Roman Empire. Let's go to the coliseum and watch some
slaves get eaten by bees, like that's what they really
be on. So when we are looking at media in
this country and we know that media is very very
(02:35):
very largely controlled by government, etc. We have to then
trickle that down and point out that celebrity as a
part of media can very validly be a part of
that vision of keeping folks tuned in to things that
are just going to keep them moving in a direction
away from demanding change.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So when I saw them doing this, I kind of
was like, I mean, this is pointless, Like what is
this really going to do?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
But the other part of it is that for three
days it made people feel hopeful. It made people feel
like they were being active about taking change in their
own hands.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So, Amanda, who are you to say this thing, I'll
do nothing.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
If it is actualizing that for a movement that for
so long has just felt completely pointless, then do what
you gotta do. So in this I watched and something
started to kind of happen internally for me around what
is divesting from celebrity mean for me as somebody who
(03:35):
some people call a celebrity.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Z list wireless w list celebrities.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
So be it. But once you want a TV show
and the TV show is successful, a lot of times
that's just kind of part for the course. And when
I really started to think about that as it relates
to me, my mind started to shift. And the big
catalyst was what happened in March and April with these
(04:00):
black media companies attacking me with their platforms, going on
Club Shay Shay, him making a choice to undermine my experiences,
to attempt to doubt my point of view around my
own life, and you know, to simply just blindside me
(04:24):
because I came to that platform under the auspices that
it was a safe space where I would get the
opportunity to speak my piece, like Kat Williams did and
like Monique did, with the support of an interviewer who
was there to basically cheer you on.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And that was what I was told, That's what was
presented to me, and that was not what I experienced.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I actually went there and was completely blindsided by somebody
who from the gate made it abundantly clear that they
had preconceived notions about me that they were applying to
literally everything that I shared. And people have asked me since, well,
why did you go on Club Sha Shae in the
first place? That doesn't make sense why would you go
on Club Shae in the first place? And it is
impair that I explained this as it relates to the
(05:02):
divesting from celebrity. I went on Club Shasha because within
the context of Hollywood and LA and black Hollywood and
black LA at the time of what was happening with
black media, Club Shasha had become the place where people
were going who had been harangued, who had been misunderstood,
to speak their peace. Kat William's monique to speak their peace.
(05:26):
I am somebody who's been harangued and misunderstood consistently. So
it was a natural progression within this context that I
go to that place. Previous to his platform, I would
say the Breakfast Club was a space for that as well,
So that seemed like a natural choice. So when they
reached out to me and they asked me, you know
what I want to talk about, and I was able
to give them a list of the things that I
(05:47):
wanted to discuss, I genuinely felt like this was the
course of action that made sense to take. It wasn't
until after when I watched it back having been removed
from it, that I really realized how shitty of an
experience it was and how much.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I just didn't need that, And I asked myself, if this.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Was the right move to make in the space that
you're in, then you don't need.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
To be in this space because this isn't the right
move for you. Let's go to a gem drop.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Dim dropping, gem dropping, dim dropping dropping. So today's gem
dropping is notability versus notoriety. These are two words that
oftentimes get intermingled and discombabulated because sometimes people think they're
the same thing.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
They think it's just.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
About being known, but it ain't about just being known.
It's about what a route you take to get there.
I see notability. Let's look at the root word. No
Notability is related to you being notable. And I think
it's fair to say that being notable is a positive
connotation about somebody who is doing something of note, something
(07:11):
that's noteworthy, right, something that is valuable, something that has merit,
something that is contributory to whatever canon they partake in,
whether it's the arts or you know, all different subgenres
of the arts, whether it's politics, etc. But being a
notable person and having notability is something of reverence. Notoriety,
(07:33):
on the other hand, let's look at the root notoriety.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Comes from being notorious.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Now, I don't know by job. I ain't trying to
be notorious not for everything. I don't mind being notorious
for telling the truth notorious, right, I don't mind being
notoriously authentic, because these are the things that scare folks
in a space that is trying to uphold fakeness and phoniness.
So like, yeah, fine, call me notorious, but I don't
want to be notorious as like I'm coming through, like
(08:02):
I'm boxing out with a bad reputation and listen, in
some spaces, I am considered notorious even though they don't
never have no examples, they don't never have no quotes,
they don't never have no sources.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Not sauces like Polynesian sauces, a filable sources.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
They still will continue to push this rhetoric that I'm unlikable,
that I'm hard to work with, et cetera, and that makes.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Me quote unquote notorious.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
In the celebrity space, you have folks that literally like
make it their business to be notorious, like that's what
they want, Like they want to be the person that
people are scared to bring because they know that they'll
still get brought there, right, and they want to be
the person who is shaking things up in a way
that is attention seeking, in a way that you know.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Rattles the cage.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
But it's not necessarily a value, right, It's not necessarily
that they're doing it to have any like actionable change happen,
or like there's any real intention. It's typically just to
stay relevant. It's just to stay in people's lips. It's
just to stay in the zeitgeist. And that is the
element of celebrity that is so infused in where we
(09:15):
are right now that I'd realize that I had to
completely let go of celebrity because I want no parts
of that.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I want no parts of it, and it is now
an integral part.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's seemingly like everybody is trying to choose how to
be a part of celebrity by doing these little things
that are notorious. And that's not to say that there
aren't exceptions. So when I say everybody, I want to
make sure that I point out that no, there are exceptions.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
But it sometimes.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Feels like it's everybody because it's so constant and it's
on such a regular basis, and when you're not doing
that people look at you like, well, who do you
think you are? You're not interacting with this the way
it needs to be. For instance, like I have people
that at the time of this taping are using their
platforms to just talk crazy about me, even though they
have my phone number.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And their issues with me are so pointless. But I
have become like this person that gets.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Clickbait because I'm quote unquote notorious in this space, and
so they use me to expound upon their own notoriety.
I do not seek any of that any longer, which
is why I don't name them. I don't respond to them.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I don't know her.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I seek notability. I don't seek fame. I seek reverence.
I don't want people to simply know me. I want
them to respect me. I want my work to not
simply be supported, I want it to be regarded. I
am coming into this space of awakening where it feels
(10:49):
as though all the work that I've done and then
all of the learning that I've done, are finally reaching
a nexus. And there's a quote from one of my
favorite movies starring Glenn Close and Robert Redford, The Natural
Side note, don't like baseball, love baseball movies? Love them
(11:10):
in the natural. Glenn Close says, there's the life you
learn with and the life you live with what you've learned.
And that is the transition that I'm making right now,
and anyone who's been paying attention.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Has been seeing it happen.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
There is a life that I was learning with because
I'm making attempts to do things, I'm trying things, and
I'm taking links, and I'm with the wrong crowd, I'm
with the right crowd, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
And it now just feels as though it's not like
I won't continue to learn, because that is the best
(11:43):
part of this process, but it feels as though I'm
reaching a space of as someone said on my Small
Doses Bonus episode, enlightenment like the stage of enlightenment.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
And in this stage of enlightenment, notability feels like a
hand on the shoulder from my ancestors.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Notability feels like people saying to me that the work
that I've done has helped them realize their own purpose,
has helped them realize their own love of self, has
helped them realize their own things that were holding them back. Notability,
for me, feels like living a life of my own choosing,
where I'm not chasing the aspirations that are handed down
(12:23):
to me. Instead, I'm living a life of my own,
choosing and existing in the definition of what I desire
to be. Notoriety doesn't allow you that You're always responding.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
You're always reacting, You're always defending.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
And so as I divest from celebrity, I am divesting
from that piece of existing.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
It doesn't feel like anything that trees would do. And
so I'm gonna make like a leaf and leads.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
D All right, let's get to some DMTS fast question.
Do you find that divesting from celebrity also allows you
the freedom to divest from certain pressures of the capitalist
system that uses celebrity as a tool. If so, what
kind of freedom or feeling are you experiencing. I would
say that this is probably like the best part of
(13:25):
what I'm experiencing and divesting from celebrity.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
The capitalist system does a lot of things right.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It expects a lot of things from you, expects you
to not only continue to pour into it, but it
also expects you to continue to want to be approved
by it.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And in order to do that, you have.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
To constantly be chasing it, chasing it, chasing it, and
it's incredibly exhausting. Like me and Kevin Stage talk a
lot about how much we just hate having to sell tickets,
Like just the effort of having to sell tickets and
having to come on and be like, y.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Dam buy my tickets. Yes, ye do? I want you
to want you to.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
It just feels all the time like you're peddling your wares.
But you are expected to do that in this capitalist scenario, right,
Like you're expected in also in the celebrity space, to
constantly be elevating in a capitalist context.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So it's like, oh, you.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Did a show with three hundred people, Well, now you
better do a show with five hundred people.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Are you doing a show with five hundred people? You
better do a show with a thousand people.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And if you're not doing shows more than a thousand people,
then really, who are you really?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
How popping are you really? How good are you?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Like that's the vibe, and that right there is so
incredibly perfunctory when you start to realize that, like it's
quality over quantity, it's quality over quantity, Like that aspiration
to like I want to be in stadiums, I'm not
saying that that can't be like what you want. But
then you have to ask yourself, why is that what
you want? And I have to ask myself that why
(14:49):
is that what you want? What does it prove to you?
What is it really about? Is it that you just
want to get to as many people as possible or
is this just something that you're trying to prove to
yourself in terms of like I'm that girl. So yes,
to answer your question, I do find that divesting from
celebrity allows me the freedom to divest from the pressures
of the capitalist system that uses celebrity as a tool.
(15:11):
It also just allows me to not require as much
And so that's the freedom is because I don't need
as much staff, I don't need to deal with as
many people. I don't need to make as much money
because I have to pay these people. I don't need
to make as much money because I need these people
to be able to look at me a certain way, etc.
(15:34):
Like that, right, there is so freeing. I panicked when
I lost my agents, when I lost my publicists, because
I thought, well, what am I going to do now?
Like this is the part of the job, Like you're
supposed to have these elements and if you don't have them,
then how are you going to do this job? And
then in divesting from celebrity, I realize I don't want
to do this job. I don't want to do the
job of celebrity. I want to do the job of
(15:57):
being an artistic intellectual. And that's someone who makes art
that is based and rooted in the expansion of our intellectualism.
And for me, intellectualism is not simply about reading books.
Intellectualism is about your knowledge of self as well, not
just your knowledge of information, It's also about your knowledge
of nature.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right. Intellectualism is not simply just being able to understand
the white man's language and synthesize it into other ideas.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And the work that I'm making uses comedy to bring
all of these things into space.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
But that's where I want to go. That's where I
want to be, and that's where I want to do.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
And it simply is very freeing to have identified that
and know that. And once I did, it made me
understand that I no longer not only had a place
in celebrity, but had a need for it. Next question,
how has your definition of success changed over the years
(16:59):
and what is it now? You know, my definition of
success when I was younger was simply like, I'm gonna
have a bends.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Then I have a ends, I'm gonna pay my mom's bills.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
So then my definitions of success changed once I was
living in New York because successless literally meant like not
stressing paying my bills because I couldn't pay my bills
once I had at certain point no jobs, like it
was just like I can't, like I literally can't piny
my bills. So like success at this point would just
(17:32):
be being able to not worry about being.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Able to pay my bills.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Then, as I, you know, started to find my way
and I moved to Los Angeles and I got on
the TV show et cetera, success shifted drastically because success
in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Meant being famous.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
It wasn't just about having money, and famous in Los
Angeles is not simply just about let me just say this,
being famous as an actor is not just about like
being on magazines, like being recognized, like being famous also
means being in demand, being in demand by studios, being
in demand by media, being in demand by other creatives.
(18:15):
And that thing about being in demand is a whole
science that's what publicity is about. How do we make
you in demand, how do we make you matter to
this space that we've decided matters. And I remember a
makeup art is telling me straight up, if you're trying
to really be out here and do it, you're gonna
(18:36):
have to get in the game.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
You're gonna have to do the glam.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
You're gonna have to wear the lash, You're gonna have
to get the stilust, You're gonna have to do the carpets.
And I know that you don't like that shit and
you don't want to do that shit, but either be
in the game or get out the game. And I'm like, well, shit,
I'm in a motherfucking game, so I gotta beat these
I was at that game, and I would eat them up.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I would eat them up.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Your girl would get a hair done, your girl will
get a lash on, your girl will get an outfit
put together. I would eat these hefas up. So the
question isn't whether or not I can eat them up,
is do I want that meal? Because it really is
not substantive, and you are chasing.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
The approval of people that you don't even approve of.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
I don't even like a lot of these heffas out here, Okay,
the ones who fuck with me, fuck with me, and
I fuck with them. When it comes to these studios,
they're not seeking artists, they're seeking commerce.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I mean, at one point in time I think they were,
but they're not now.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
So like, I'm over here like brinding my gears and
like trying to really make these studios like mean something,
and like I trying to make myself mean something to them,
when at the same time I'm selling out my independent, smart,
funny and black shows in theaters.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Across the nation.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
At the same time, my podcast small Thoses that you're
listening to it's getting hundreds of thousands of downloads, even
though I've never promoted it.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I didn't start promoting.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Small Those until last year. I had never ever promoted it.
So like, at the same time that I am independently
garnering the support of people who genuinely like my work,
I'm still over here pressed that these people who don't
even fuck with the kind of work that I do,
press to figure out how to make myself matter to them.
I distinctly remember saying, like, I need to get myself
(20:19):
in the trades so that I'm coming across the desk
of these people, Amanda, please.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Please cut it out.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
So it's like success in La became this thing that
was also attached to, like the superior approval is getting
the production deal. The production deal is when a studio
or a network pays you a shit ton of money
to create for them. Now mind you, you don't even
know what you create, but you got the money. And
I remember when ESA got like one hundred million dollar
(20:49):
production deal. Everybody was like, oh my god, like this
is the pinnacle. And I said to myself, like, I
guess I'm supposed to want this. I'm supposed to want this.
Why did I feel it in my to want this?
It's because you know, I'm a former gymnast, like competition
drives me, so.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Like why am I not being driven here?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
And I started to understand, And it took time, but
I started to understand that I wasn't being driven for
that goal because that goal was never going to serve
like what I've been sent here to do and the
type of work that I do, They're not.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Going to make space for it. So it's a feudal
effort to like chase after that.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
So success then started to develop into Over the past
four years, success starts to develop into autonomy, being able
to make decisions about my business for myself without having
to consider the broader scope of the business out there.
And over time that autonomy has grown and grown and grown,
(21:53):
where I rely less on the outside dollars that I
would get in compacting that with the inside dollars I
would get. Even with my shows with the unlikable tour,
the last four shows were rentals and a rental is
you investing in yourself?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
My one woman show.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I decided at the top of the year that I
was going to do a show this year, And at
first it was like, I'm going to do a political
based show and I'm going to have a live audience, etc.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
And then something said to me, Amanda, you know what
you need to do. You need to do something artistic
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
And anything I do artistic for myself is going to
serve with people, So that's not even a question that
it was like, you need to do something artistic, innately artistic.
You got people out here thinking that you're a quote
unquote video actress, as they referred to me in the Senate.
You got people out here calling me an influencer.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
That is not success for me.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
So now success is being able to create on my
own terms without the fear, panic, and pressure of drowning
under capitalism, and knowing that there is an audience of
folks that not only want to support that, but that
feel enriched by it.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Next question, how do you get us more? Get us more?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
How do you balance intuition and logic when making important
career decisions. I would say that for me, intuition has
become my logic, but that's been because I've had to
really hone my intuition and learn the difference between intuition
and fear.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
And sometimes that's hard to tell the difference.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Am I being held back from doing this because I'm
scared to do it? Or am I being held back
from doing this because I'm not supposed to do it?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
And I've had to really just pay attention to myself.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Something I know very innately about myself is that I
am a go getter and I am somebody who is
very self actualizing.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
And I mean that in the greatest and most minimal
sense of the word.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Whether it's like I want to do a documentary and
I'm going to do it, and then I take the
sets to do it, or whether it's like I'm going
to call this person's back and I do it.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
In both cases, if.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I'm not really bad about it and doing it, there's
usually a reason that I maybe just haven't discovered yet,
but it will get discovered. It will get uncovered, And
that's something that I had to only learn by trust, right. So,
Like a really good example of this is when I
was doing the documentary and Amanda We Trust and in
(24:33):
the beginning of the year, I knew that I wanted
to do it, but like there was just something that
wasn't pushing me. And I'm somebody that's like when I
want to do something, I do it, So like, why
are you talking about it but you're not being about it?
And whenever that happens, I know that it's time for
me to do a self reflection. What is the reason
why you have it in your mind? But like, God
isn't pushing you towards it. And nine times out of ten,
(24:55):
once I do the assessment, I uncover something that I
had not been really paying attention that I overlooked. In
that case, it was realizing that, oh, maybe I don't
want to do a special Maybe I actually want to
do something else than just a special. How can you
think more about doing something special for your special?
Speaker 1 (25:18):
So like things like that. That's intuition.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
A really great example of intuition is that when I
was doing an Amanda we Trust, we were combining my
stand up with footage that we had captured in DC,
and we had captured really incredible footage in DC, and
I was just like, man, like, that's it was its
alln documentary, okay o. I said that to anyone who
would hear it. I was sitting here one night doing
(25:42):
my radio show. That was when JERREMI like the Bible,
was on the radio show and he was also working
with me on the documentary, and I got an email
from the editor and the editor was like, Hey, just
want you to know that the footage for the special
for the stand up is actually not four K. It's
ten eighty And for those who aren't tech, that means
that it's not the highest quality. And we shot the
DC footage in so it would have just looked like
it was uneven. And I thought, Oh, that's weird. Let
(26:05):
me go back to the emails when they sent me
the footage. Maybe I downloaded the wrong quality footage. Well,
it was when I read those emails that I realized
that I had actually downloaded footage, but I hadn't taken
the necessary steps to get clearance for the amount of
performance footage that I.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Was going to use.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
So that meant I couldn't use that footage unless I
was going to pay for it. But like, who knew
how much they were gonna charge me to pay for it?
Like I would be calling them and asking them for
a fee that I would have to pay to use
the footage for commercial use.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Well, I'm doing this inside of my pocket. Okay, it's
a lot of people try to do that.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
I laid down on the couch and I let myself
get still, And this is a part of the intuition.
I let myself get still, and I let myself not
think about any of the Well, if you do this,
then this, then this and this and this. I just
let myself get still, and I basically treat myself as
like it's almost like a conductor, like a lightning rod for.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
The idea to come to me. Now.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Some might say that ideas coming from James just Some
might say that ideas coming from the ancestors.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Some might say that ideas.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Coming from my soul talking to me from another plane
of existence and my physical existence. But whatever the case is,
be working for me, y'all, because the ideas be coming,
and the idea came, and you know that idea was.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
That idea was you.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Don't need the stand up, just use the footage from DC.
You've been talking about it to everybody anyway, so you
know that you can just do that. But that was
like such a drastic shift from what we had planned
to do, but in the immediacy of it, it didn't
seem wrong. So then I called James Bland, who was directing,
(27:49):
and I ran it by him, and in typical beautiful
James fashion, he asked me like three questions that were
very legitimate questions. I was able to answer all of
them without skipping a beat, and he was like, I
think this is the move.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And in doing that.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
I was able to create something so unique and so
special within Amanda we Trust as a political comedy documentary.
And I'm really proud of that project for a number
of reasons, but the biggest reason is because I completely
trusted my intuition for every step of that project, and
(28:25):
I know that what I produced was really.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Sound and solid and lasting.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Because of that, the last question was how can people
support my work best. The number one way to support
my work is to subscribe to Patreon and to stay
subscribed to Patreon. That's the number one way, because I
don't get to deal with Mark Zuckerberg and his algorithm.
(28:51):
At Patreon, I can get you all the information straight ahead.
I can get you discounts on Masterclass. I can get
you ticket information. I can get you the knowledge, the jokes,
all that good stuff. I can get you directly without
anybody interfering. It's direct to consumer. It's us to Seal Squad.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
So that's the number one way.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
The number two way if you don't got that is
you know if you can come to a show, come
to a show.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
If you can't come to.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
A show, at least share the show when I promote it,
Share it in your stories, share it somewhere on these Internet,
shared in your group chat. The grassroots effort of marketing
is the word of mouth effort. When the algorithm fails.
I need everybody else to be talkie talkie and mixy
mixy when it comes to my work. And I would
(29:41):
say the third way that you can best support me
is to be positive and to be encouraging if you
are interacting with me, whether in person, at a show
or on the Internet's like to be contributory to keeping
those spaces as safe spaces, and to see that as
an obligation and the responsibility. Because a lot of folks
(30:02):
will say they want the type of work that I do.
They say they want the type of person that I
am to be able to thrive. They'll put up the
gift that says like protect her, but they're not necessarily
sure of what that looks like. And protecting someone like
me is just as much about like making sure that
I can still create in like a physical way with money,
but also as like making sure that my brain is cool.
(30:22):
And the mental health that is required in the exchange
between creative and audience is something that a lot of
people may not want to give attention to, but it's there,
and you need your audience to continue to support you
and lift you up because this is a work that's
all about.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. I'll just tell you
this quick little anecdote.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
The first Smart, Funny and Black in the Crib that
we did during the pandemic. I was in the house
and we're doing it on the computer. And the next
day after that show, I went into a depression. And
it was because I had given all of my energy,
but I didn't have an audience to get it back from.
So my dopamine plummeted. There wasn't any dopamine coming back.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Because I'm giving it.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
I'm giving it, I'm giving it, and I wasn't recreating
it simultaneously because I wasn't getting a key component that
I need from performing, which is that feedback from the audience.
And so I literally remember the next day just being
like bottomed out, like straight up.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Burnout, just done.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And I had to, like, over the course of those
two years of doing smartphnting Black in the crib, I
had to learn better about how to kind of let
my energy come through the screen not in the same
way that I do on stage, because I know I'm
not going to get it back the same way. So
they got more questions here because you know, y'all don't
play around, and we're gonna head over to the Seal Squad.
Shout out to everybody who has subscribed to the Seal Squad.
(31:46):
We are on Patreon at Amanda Seals and it's a
dope community that continues to grow. We have multiple tiers
that you can subscribe to and get access to unique content,
bonus footage, exclusive early viewing, all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
So head on over seal squad. I'm come and tell
y'all that one time.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
So, yes, I am divesting from celebrity, but I want
to just tell y'all some high points in this time,
in this little chunk of time where I was pursuing celebrity,
I need y'all to know. There's a lot of feelings
in this world. But seeing yourself on a billboard or
some shit. Okay, I gotta tell you. There was a
lot of bullshittery that I've experienced in this process. But
(32:33):
one thing that I'm really glad I got to experience
was seeing myself on a billboard for a piece of
work that I knew that I had really put my
foot in and that I stood behind. When my special
I be Knowing came out on HBO, they had a
billboard on Sunset Bulevard, Joab And when.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I tell you, I would drop by that home.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Like I remember, I was talking to this dude and
we had had this little moment where we were trying
to saide are we going to still keep talking or whatever,
and so we were on the phone and we just decided, Okay,
we are going to keep talking. We're going to keep talking.
So then we say, you know what, let's get in
our cars. Let's meet halfway. And I was like, you
know what, meet me on the corner of Sunset and
Crest and Hyats, cause that's like halfway. Joah, we met
(33:15):
under my billboard. We didn't even know that billboard was there.
He was like, are you fucking kidding me? I was like,
it's an easy thing.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
And then we made out of this car. But that
was vibes going to New York where they say, if.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You can make it here, you can make it anywhere,
and seeing like the posters for ib Knowing on bus stops.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Bonkers bonkers, like it truly was crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I would say the other element of this whole experience
and time in celebrity has been getting to meet people
that I really regard their work and then finding out
that they regard my work.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
That's been so fulfilling.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
And I know that, you know, we don't ever want
to base everything that we're about in outward validation, because
it's not able to the same. But boy, when you
get it from the right folk, you feel like something,
don't you. You feel like something, don't you. That's flight's
always so tribute to me with this whole narrative. Like
a man isn't likable, like Hollywood doesn't like her. I'm
just like the people that I like in Hollywood like me.
That's what matters to me. Like Queen Latifa like me,
(34:17):
That's what matters to me. The creator of Living Single,
Vett Lee Brown, I mean Vett Lee Bowser like well
that Lee Brown like me too, But if at Lee
Bowser like me, that's what matters to me. I don't
care if people I don't respect don't respect me. But
getting the opportunity to hold space with damn fine Asce
(34:40):
Lorenz Tate and him being like, oh man.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
You know, I really, I really like your commentary. It's
just like, you know, getting the opportunity to.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Run into LeVar Burton in an airport, say his name
and have him turn around and go into genuflect on
one knee and say.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Amendacy, I'm a fan of yours.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
What coming off stage after opening for Chris Rock in
the same theater where they have the oscars and hearing
the clank of Durango's and realizing that it's Eddie Murphy
that's walking ahead of me, and working up the nerve
to yell the day and having him turn around and
give the classic Eddie smile and then say to me.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Oh, you just got off stage. I missed your set.
But me and Chris were talking about how funny you are.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
What Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy were having a conversation
about how funny I am and I wasn't even in
the room. Like those are moments where I'm just like, man,
you had a good run.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
You had a good run the last.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
I really am not regretful about this time, and I
want to make that clear. I'm not regretful about this
time and space and this era of my life. It
was imperative that I go through and live through and
love through all of this, and it's going to definitely
help to bolster this next phase of my life where
I get to serve my purpose as an educator and
(36:23):
entertainer in a whole new realm. Because at the end
of the day, regardless of all of this, it's always
been about the art.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
For me.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
It's just been about where I'm doing it, how I'm
doing it, and who I'm doing it with.
Small Dunce help from Small Human Area Small, It's so funky.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Welcome to this week's episode of Small Doses Podcast. This
is a personal episode. I mean not that the solo
episodes are not personal, but I feel like, you know,
ever so often I do an episode where I feel
like I'm speaking directly to you all and explaining to
you all my methodology and processes on a life level.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
This week's episode side effects of disting from Celebrity.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
It's interesting because it's something that I'm doing individually, but
it's something that came out of what I witnessed people
doing in response to being in.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Support of Palestine.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
So I don't know if you all saw this movement
that happened online where people were literally just like, you
know what, we need to unfollow all the celebrities.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
We need to unfollow them.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Anyone who hasn't supported Palsign, any celebrity who hasn't talked
about palot Sign, We're unfollowing them. And this was like
a thing for I mean like three days, but three
days and internet time is like three weeks. And what
they were basically saying was that the idea of the
celebrity as this person who has a huge platform that
is supported by the people is only valuable and useful
(01:28):
if they are using their platform for things beyond just
more gain. In terms of a capital context, here's a
scenario where they could be using their platform to garner
support to challenge politicians and lawmakers to of course hold
corporations accountable, and they're choosing not to, and so the
people said, well, we don't want to support you the
cash twenty two. There is that in America and in
(01:50):
other places too. For the most part, in order to
be a celebrity and stay a celebrity, you can't do
any of that. It's essentially that your role as a
celebrity is to distract. Your role as a celebrity is
to keep people intuned and invoked into whatever you're doing,
so that they're not paying attention to corporations, so that
they're not paying attention to politicians and lawmakers, and so
(02:14):
anything can go on as it goes on, because the
people are just entertained. The people are just entertained. The
people are just entertained. I mean, it's some straight like
Roman Empire. Let's go to the coliseum and watch some
slaves get eaten by bees, like that's what they really
be on. So when we are looking at media in
this country and we know that media is very very
(02:35):
very largely controlled by government, etc. We have to then
trickle that down and point out that celebrity as a
part of media can very validly be a part of
that vision of keeping folks tuned in to things that
are just going to keep them moving in a direction
away from demanding change.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So when I saw them doing this, I kind of
was like, I mean, this is pointless, Like what is
this really going to do?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
But the other part of it is that for three
days it made people feel hopeful. It made people feel
like they were being active about taking change in their
own hands.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So, Amanda, who are you to say this thing, I'll
do nothing.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
If it is actualizing that for a movement that for
so long has just felt completely pointless, then do what
you gotta do. So in this I watched and something
started to kind of happen internally for me around what
is divesting from celebrity mean for me as somebody who
(03:35):
some people call a celebrity.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Z list wireless w list celebrities.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
So be it. But once you want a TV show
and the TV show is successful, a lot of times
that's just kind of part for the course. And when
I really started to think about that as it relates
to me, my mind started to shift. And the big
catalyst was what happened in March and April with these
(04:00):
black media companies attacking me with their platforms, going on
Club Shay Shay, him making a choice to undermine my experiences,
to attempt to doubt my point of view around my
own life, and you know, to simply just blindside me
(04:24):
because I came to that platform under the auspices that
it was a safe space where I would get the
opportunity to speak my piece, like Kat Williams did and
like Monique did, with the support of an interviewer who
was there to basically cheer you on.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And that was what I was told, That's what was
presented to me, and that was not what I experienced.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I actually went there and was completely blindsided by somebody
who from the gate made it abundantly clear that they
had preconceived notions about me that they were applying to
literally everything that I shared. And people have asked me since, well,
why did you go on Club Sha Shae in the
first place? That doesn't make sense why would you go
on Club Shae in the first place? And it is
impair that I explained this as it relates to the
(05:02):
divesting from celebrity. I went on Club Shasha because within
the context of Hollywood and LA and black Hollywood and
black LA at the time of what was happening with
black media, Club Shasha had become the place where people
were going who had been harangued, who had been misunderstood,
to speak their peace. Kat William's monique to speak their peace.
(05:26):
I am somebody who's been harangued and misunderstood consistently. So
it was a natural progression within this context that I
go to that place. Previous to his platform, I would
say the Breakfast Club was a space for that as well,
So that seemed like a natural choice. So when they
reached out to me and they asked me, you know
what I want to talk about, and I was able
to give them a list of the things that I
(05:47):
wanted to discuss, I genuinely felt like this was the
course of action that made sense to take. It wasn't
until after when I watched it back having been removed
from it, that I really realized how shitty of an
experience it was and how much.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I just didn't need that, And I asked myself, if this.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Was the right move to make in the space that
you're in, then you don't need.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
To be in this space because this isn't the right
move for you. Let's go to a gem drop.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Dim dropping, gem dropping, dim dropping dropping. So today's gem
dropping is notability versus notoriety. These are two words that
oftentimes get intermingled and discombabulated because sometimes people think they're
the same thing.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
They think it's just.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
About being known, but it ain't about just being known.
It's about what a route you take to get there.
I see notability. Let's look at the root word. No
Notability is related to you being notable. And I think
it's fair to say that being notable is a positive
connotation about somebody who is doing something of note, something
(07:11):
that's noteworthy, right, something that is valuable, something that has merit,
something that is contributory to whatever canon they partake in,
whether it's the arts or you know, all different subgenres
of the arts, whether it's politics, etc. But being a
notable person and having notability is something of reverence. Notoriety,
(07:33):
on the other hand, let's look at the root notoriety.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Comes from being notorious.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Now, I don't know by job. I ain't trying to
be notorious not for everything. I don't mind being notorious
for telling the truth notorious, right, I don't mind being
notoriously authentic, because these are the things that scare folks
in a space that is trying to uphold fakeness and phoniness.
So like, yeah, fine, call me notorious, but I don't
want to be notorious as like I'm coming through, like
(08:02):
I'm boxing out with a bad reputation and listen, in
some spaces, I am considered notorious even though they don't
never have no examples, they don't never have no quotes,
they don't never have no sources.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Not sauces like Polynesian sauces, a filable sources.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
They still will continue to push this rhetoric that I'm unlikable,
that I'm hard to work with, et cetera, and that makes.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Me quote unquote notorious.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
In the celebrity space, you have folks that literally like
make it their business to be notorious, like that's what
they want, Like they want to be the person that
people are scared to bring because they know that they'll
still get brought there, right, and they want to be
the person who is shaking things up in a way
that is attention seeking, in a way that you know.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Rattles the cage.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
But it's not necessarily a value, right, It's not necessarily
that they're doing it to have any like actionable change happen,
or like there's any real intention. It's typically just to
stay relevant. It's just to stay in people's lips. It's
just to stay in the zeitgeist. And that is the
element of celebrity that is so infused in where we
(09:15):
are right now that I'd realize that I had to
completely let go of celebrity because I want no parts
of that.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I want no parts of it, and it is now
an integral part.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's seemingly like everybody is trying to choose how to
be a part of celebrity by doing these little things
that are notorious. And that's not to say that there
aren't exceptions. So when I say everybody, I want to
make sure that I point out that no, there are exceptions.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
But it sometimes.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Feels like it's everybody because it's so constant and it's
on such a regular basis, and when you're not doing
that people look at you like, well, who do you
think you are? You're not interacting with this the way
it needs to be. For instance, like I have people
that at the time of this taping are using their
platforms to just talk crazy about me, even though they
have my phone number.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And their issues with me are so pointless. But I
have become like this person that gets.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Clickbait because I'm quote unquote notorious in this space, and
so they use me to expound upon their own notoriety.
I do not seek any of that any longer, which
is why I don't name them. I don't respond to them.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I don't know her.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I seek notability. I don't seek fame. I seek reverence.
I don't want people to simply know me. I want
them to respect me. I want my work to not
simply be supported, I want it to be regarded. I
am coming into this space of awakening where it feels
(10:49):
as though all the work that I've done and then
all of the learning that I've done, are finally reaching
a nexus. And there's a quote from one of my
favorite movies starring Glenn Close and Robert Redford, The Natural
Side note, don't like baseball, love baseball movies? Love them
(11:10):
in the natural. Glenn Close says, there's the life you
learn with and the life you live with what you've learned.
And that is the transition that I'm making right now,
and anyone who's been paying attention.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Has been seeing it happen.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
There is a life that I was learning with because
I'm making attempts to do things, I'm trying things, and
I'm taking links, and I'm with the wrong crowd, I'm
with the right crowd, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
And it now just feels as though it's not like
I won't continue to learn, because that is the best
(11:43):
part of this process, but it feels as though I'm
reaching a space of as someone said on my Small
Doses Bonus episode, enlightenment like the stage of enlightenment.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
And in this stage of enlightenment, notability feels like a
hand on the shoulder from my ancestors.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Notability feels like people saying to me that the work
that I've done has helped them realize their own purpose,
has helped them realize their own love of self, has
helped them realize their own things that were holding them back. Notability,
for me, feels like living a life of my own choosing,
where I'm not chasing the aspirations that are handed down
(12:23):
to me. Instead, I'm living a life of my own,
choosing and existing in the definition of what I desire
to be. Notoriety doesn't allow you that You're always responding.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
You're always reacting, You're always defending.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
And so as I divest from celebrity, I am divesting
from that piece of existing.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
It doesn't feel like anything that trees would do. And
so I'm gonna make like a leaf and leads.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
D All right, let's get to some DMTS fast question.
Do you find that divesting from celebrity also allows you
the freedom to divest from certain pressures of the capitalist
system that uses celebrity as a tool. If so, what
kind of freedom or feeling are you experiencing. I would
say that this is probably like the best part of
(13:25):
what I'm experiencing and divesting from celebrity.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
The capitalist system does a lot of things right.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It expects a lot of things from you, expects you
to not only continue to pour into it, but it
also expects you to continue to want to be approved
by it.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And in order to do that, you have.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
To constantly be chasing it, chasing it, chasing it, and
it's incredibly exhausting. Like me and Kevin Stage talk a
lot about how much we just hate having to sell tickets,
Like just the effort of having to sell tickets and
having to come on and be like, y.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Dam buy my tickets. Yes, ye do? I want you
to want you to.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
It just feels all the time like you're peddling your wares.
But you are expected to do that in this capitalist scenario, right,
Like you're expected in also in the celebrity space, to
constantly be elevating in a capitalist context.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So it's like, oh, you.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Did a show with three hundred people, Well, now you
better do a show with five hundred people.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Are you doing a show with five hundred people? You
better do a show with a thousand people.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And if you're not doing shows more than a thousand people,
then really, who are you really?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
How popping are you really? How good are you?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Like that's the vibe, and that right there is so
incredibly perfunctory when you start to realize that, like it's
quality over quantity, it's quality over quantity, Like that aspiration
to like I want to be in stadiums, I'm not
saying that that can't be like what you want. But
then you have to ask yourself, why is that what
you want? And I have to ask myself that why
(14:49):
is that what you want? What does it prove to you?
What is it really about? Is it that you just
want to get to as many people as possible or
is this just something that you're trying to prove to
yourself in terms of like I'm that girl. So yes,
to answer your question, I do find that divesting from
celebrity allows me the freedom to divest from the pressures
of the capitalist system that uses celebrity as a tool.
(15:11):
It also just allows me to not require as much
And so that's the freedom is because I don't need
as much staff, I don't need to deal with as
many people. I don't need to make as much money
because I have to pay these people. I don't need
to make as much money because I need these people
to be able to look at me a certain way, etc.
(15:34):
Like that, right, there is so freeing. I panicked when
I lost my agents, when I lost my publicists, because
I thought, well, what am I going to do now?
Like this is the part of the job, Like you're
supposed to have these elements and if you don't have them,
then how are you going to do this job? And
then in divesting from celebrity, I realize I don't want
to do this job. I don't want to do the
job of celebrity. I want to do the job of
(15:57):
being an artistic intellectual. And that's someone who makes art
that is based and rooted in the expansion of our intellectualism.
And for me, intellectualism is not simply about reading books.
Intellectualism is about your knowledge of self as well, not
just your knowledge of information, It's also about your knowledge
of nature.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right. Intellectualism is not simply just being able to understand
the white man's language and synthesize it into other ideas.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And the work that I'm making uses comedy to bring
all of these things into space.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
But that's where I want to go. That's where I
want to be, and that's where I want to do.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
And it simply is very freeing to have identified that
and know that. And once I did, it made me
understand that I no longer not only had a place
in celebrity, but had a need for it. Next question,
how has your definition of success changed over the years
(16:59):
and what is it now? You know, my definition of
success when I was younger was simply like, I'm gonna
have a bends.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Then I have a ends, I'm gonna pay my mom's bills.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
So then my definitions of success changed once I was
living in New York because successless literally meant like not
stressing paying my bills because I couldn't pay my bills
once I had at certain point no jobs, like it
was just like I can't, like I literally can't piny
my bills. So like success at this point would just
(17:32):
be being able to not worry about being.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Able to pay my bills.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Then, as I, you know, started to find my way
and I moved to Los Angeles and I got on
the TV show et cetera, success shifted drastically because success
in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Meant being famous.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
It wasn't just about having money, and famous in Los
Angeles is not simply just about let me just say this,
being famous as an actor is not just about like
being on magazines, like being recognized, like being famous also
means being in demand, being in demand by studios, being
in demand by media, being in demand by other creatives.
(18:15):
And that thing about being in demand is a whole
science that's what publicity is about. How do we make
you in demand, how do we make you matter to
this space that we've decided matters. And I remember a
makeup art is telling me straight up, if you're trying
to really be out here and do it, you're gonna
(18:36):
have to get in the game.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
You're gonna have to do the glam.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
You're gonna have to wear the lash, You're gonna have
to get the stilust, You're gonna have to do the carpets.
And I know that you don't like that shit and
you don't want to do that shit, but either be
in the game or get out the game. And I'm like, well, shit,
I'm in a motherfucking game, so I gotta beat these
I was at that game, and I would eat them up.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I would eat them up.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Your girl would get a hair done, your girl will
get a lash on, your girl will get an outfit
put together. I would eat these hefas up. So the
question isn't whether or not I can eat them up,
is do I want that meal? Because it really is
not substantive, and you are chasing.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
The approval of people that you don't even approve of.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
I don't even like a lot of these heffas out here, Okay,
the ones who fuck with me, fuck with me, and
I fuck with them. When it comes to these studios,
they're not seeking artists, they're seeking commerce.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I mean, at one point in time I think they were,
but they're not now.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
So like, I'm over here like brinding my gears and
like trying to really make these studios like mean something,
and like I trying to make myself mean something to them,
when at the same time I'm selling out my independent, smart,
funny and black shows in theaters.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Across the nation.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
At the same time, my podcast small Thoses that you're
listening to it's getting hundreds of thousands of downloads, even
though I've never promoted it.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I didn't start promoting.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Small Those until last year. I had never ever promoted it.
So like, at the same time that I am independently
garnering the support of people who genuinely like my work,
I'm still over here pressed that these people who don't
even fuck with the kind of work that I do,
press to figure out how to make myself matter to them.
I distinctly remember saying, like, I need to get myself
(20:19):
in the trades so that I'm coming across the desk
of these people, Amanda, please.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Please cut it out.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
So it's like success in La became this thing that
was also attached to, like the superior approval is getting
the production deal. The production deal is when a studio
or a network pays you a shit ton of money
to create for them. Now mind you, you don't even
know what you create, but you got the money. And
I remember when ESA got like one hundred million dollar
(20:49):
production deal. Everybody was like, oh my god, like this
is the pinnacle. And I said to myself, like, I
guess I'm supposed to want this. I'm supposed to want this.
Why did I feel it in my to want this?
It's because you know, I'm a former gymnast, like competition
drives me, so.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Like why am I not being driven here?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
And I started to understand, And it took time, but
I started to understand that I wasn't being driven for
that goal because that goal was never going to serve
like what I've been sent here to do and the
type of work that I do, They're not.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Going to make space for it. So it's a feudal
effort to like chase after that.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
So success then started to develop into Over the past
four years, success starts to develop into autonomy, being able
to make decisions about my business for myself without having
to consider the broader scope of the business out there.
And over time that autonomy has grown and grown and grown,
(21:53):
where I rely less on the outside dollars that I
would get in compacting that with the inside dollars I
would get. Even with my shows with the unlikable tour,
the last four shows were rentals and a rental is
you investing in yourself?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
My one woman show.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I decided at the top of the year that I
was going to do a show this year, And at
first it was like, I'm going to do a political
based show and I'm going to have a live audience, etc.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
And then something said to me, Amanda, you know what
you need to do. You need to do something artistic
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
And anything I do artistic for myself is going to
serve with people, So that's not even a question that
it was like, you need to do something artistic, innately artistic.
You got people out here thinking that you're a quote
unquote video actress, as they referred to me in the Senate.
You got people out here calling me an influencer.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
That is not success for me.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
So now success is being able to create on my
own terms without the fear, panic, and pressure of drowning
under capitalism, and knowing that there is an audience of
folks that not only want to support that, but that
feel enriched by it.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Next question, how do you get us more? Get us more?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
How do you balance intuition and logic when making important
career decisions. I would say that for me, intuition has
become my logic, but that's been because I've had to
really hone my intuition and learn the difference between intuition
and fear.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
And sometimes that's hard to tell the difference.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Am I being held back from doing this because I'm
scared to do it? Or am I being held back
from doing this because I'm not supposed to do it?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
And I've had to really just pay attention to myself.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Something I know very innately about myself is that I
am a go getter and I am somebody who is
very self actualizing.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
And I mean that in the greatest and most minimal
sense of the word.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Whether it's like I want to do a documentary and
I'm going to do it, and then I take the
sets to do it, or whether it's like I'm going
to call this person's back and I do it.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
In both cases, if.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I'm not really bad about it and doing it, there's
usually a reason that I maybe just haven't discovered yet,
but it will get discovered. It will get uncovered, And
that's something that I had to only learn by trust, right. So,
Like a really good example of this is when I
was doing the documentary and Amanda We Trust and in
(24:33):
the beginning of the year, I knew that I wanted
to do it, but like there was just something that
wasn't pushing me. And I'm somebody that's like when I
want to do something, I do it, So like, why
are you talking about it but you're not being about it?
And whenever that happens, I know that it's time for
me to do a self reflection. What is the reason
why you have it in your mind? But like, God
isn't pushing you towards it. And nine times out of ten,
(24:55):
once I do the assessment, I uncover something that I
had not been really paying attention that I overlooked. In
that case, it was realizing that, oh, maybe I don't
want to do a special Maybe I actually want to
do something else than just a special. How can you
think more about doing something special for your special?
Speaker 1 (25:18):
So like things like that. That's intuition.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
A really great example of intuition is that when I
was doing an Amanda we Trust, we were combining my
stand up with footage that we had captured in DC,
and we had captured really incredible footage in DC, and
I was just like, man, like, that's it was its
alln documentary, okay o. I said that to anyone who
would hear it. I was sitting here one night doing
(25:42):
my radio show. That was when JERREMI like the Bible,
was on the radio show and he was also working
with me on the documentary, and I got an email
from the editor and the editor was like, Hey, just
want you to know that the footage for the special
for the stand up is actually not four K. It's
ten eighty And for those who aren't tech, that means
that it's not the highest quality. And we shot the
DC footage in so it would have just looked like
it was uneven. And I thought, Oh, that's weird. Let
(26:05):
me go back to the emails when they sent me
the footage. Maybe I downloaded the wrong quality footage. Well,
it was when I read those emails that I realized
that I had actually downloaded footage, but I hadn't taken
the necessary steps to get clearance for the amount of
performance footage that I.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Was going to use.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
So that meant I couldn't use that footage unless I
was going to pay for it. But like, who knew
how much they were gonna charge me to pay for it?
Like I would be calling them and asking them for
a fee that I would have to pay to use
the footage for commercial use.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Well, I'm doing this inside of my pocket. Okay, it's
a lot of people try to do that.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
I laid down on the couch and I let myself
get still, And this is a part of the intuition.
I let myself get still, and I let myself not
think about any of the Well, if you do this,
then this, then this and this and this. I just
let myself get still, and I basically treat myself as
like it's almost like a conductor, like a lightning rod for.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
The idea to come to me. Now.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Some might say that ideas coming from James just Some
might say that ideas coming from the ancestors.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Some might say that ideas.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Coming from my soul talking to me from another plane
of existence and my physical existence. But whatever the case is,
be working for me, y'all, because the ideas be coming,
and the idea came, and you know that idea was.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
That idea was you.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Don't need the stand up, just use the footage from DC.
You've been talking about it to everybody anyway, so you
know that you can just do that. But that was
like such a drastic shift from what we had planned
to do, but in the immediacy of it, it didn't
seem wrong. So then I called James Bland, who was directing,
(27:49):
and I ran it by him, and in typical beautiful
James fashion, he asked me like three questions that were
very legitimate questions. I was able to answer all of
them without skipping a beat, and he was like, I
think this is the move.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And in doing that.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
I was able to create something so unique and so
special within Amanda we Trust as a political comedy documentary.
And I'm really proud of that project for a number
of reasons, but the biggest reason is because I completely
trusted my intuition for every step of that project, and
(28:25):
I know that what I produced was really.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Sound and solid and lasting.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Because of that, the last question was how can people
support my work best. The number one way to support
my work is to subscribe to Patreon and to stay
subscribed to Patreon. That's the number one way, because I
don't get to deal with Mark Zuckerberg and his algorithm.
(28:51):
At Patreon, I can get you all the information straight ahead.
I can get you discounts on Masterclass. I can get
you ticket information. I can get you the knowledge, the jokes,
all that good stuff. I can get you directly without
anybody interfering. It's direct to consumer. It's us to Seal Squad.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
So that's the number one way.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
The number two way if you don't got that is
you know if you can come to a show, come
to a show.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
If you can't come to.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
A show, at least share the show when I promote it,
Share it in your stories, share it somewhere on these Internet,
shared in your group chat. The grassroots effort of marketing
is the word of mouth effort. When the algorithm fails.
I need everybody else to be talkie talkie and mixy
mixy when it comes to my work. And I would
(29:41):
say the third way that you can best support me
is to be positive and to be encouraging if you
are interacting with me, whether in person, at a show
or on the Internet's like to be contributory to keeping
those spaces as safe spaces, and to see that as
an obligation and the responsibility. Because a lot of folks
(30:02):
will say they want the type of work that I do.
They say they want the type of person that I
am to be able to thrive. They'll put up the
gift that says like protect her, but they're not necessarily
sure of what that looks like. And protecting someone like
me is just as much about like making sure that
I can still create in like a physical way with money,
but also as like making sure that my brain is cool.
(30:22):
And the mental health that is required in the exchange
between creative and audience is something that a lot of
people may not want to give attention to, but it's there,
and you need your audience to continue to support you
and lift you up because this is a work that's
all about.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. I'll just tell you
this quick little anecdote.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
The first Smart, Funny and Black in the Crib that
we did during the pandemic. I was in the house
and we're doing it on the computer. And the next
day after that show, I went into a depression. And
it was because I had given all of my energy,
but I didn't have an audience to get it back from.
So my dopamine plummeted. There wasn't any dopamine coming back.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Because I'm giving it.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
I'm giving it, I'm giving it, and I wasn't recreating
it simultaneously because I wasn't getting a key component that
I need from performing, which is that feedback from the audience.
And so I literally remember the next day just being
like bottomed out, like straight up.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Burnout, just done.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And I had to, like, over the course of those
two years of doing smartphnting Black in the crib, I
had to learn better about how to kind of let
my energy come through the screen not in the same
way that I do on stage, because I know I'm
not going to get it back the same way. So
they got more questions here because you know, y'all don't
play around, and we're gonna head over to the Seal Squad.
Shout out to everybody who has subscribed to the Seal Squad.
(31:46):
We are on Patreon at Amanda Seals and it's a
dope community that continues to grow. We have multiple tiers
that you can subscribe to and get access to unique content,
bonus footage, exclusive early viewing, all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
So head on over seal squad. I'm come and tell
y'all that one time.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
So, yes, I am divesting from celebrity, but I want
to just tell y'all some high points in this time,
in this little chunk of time where I was pursuing celebrity,
I need y'all to know. There's a lot of feelings
in this world. But seeing yourself on a billboard or
some shit. Okay, I gotta tell you. There was a
lot of bullshittery that I've experienced in this process. But
(32:33):
one thing that I'm really glad I got to experience
was seeing myself on a billboard for a piece of
work that I knew that I had really put my
foot in and that I stood behind. When my special
I be Knowing came out on HBO, they had a
billboard on Sunset Bulevard, Joab And when.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I tell you, I would drop by that home.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Like I remember, I was talking to this dude and
we had had this little moment where we were trying
to saide are we going to still keep talking or whatever,
and so we were on the phone and we just decided, Okay,
we are going to keep talking. We're going to keep talking.
So then we say, you know what, let's get in
our cars. Let's meet halfway. And I was like, you
know what, meet me on the corner of Sunset and
Crest and Hyats, cause that's like halfway. Joah, we met
(33:15):
under my billboard. We didn't even know that billboard was there.
He was like, are you fucking kidding me? I was like,
it's an easy thing.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
And then we made out of this car. But that
was vibes going to New York where they say, if.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You can make it here, you can make it anywhere,
and seeing like the posters for ib Knowing on bus stops.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Bonkers bonkers, like it truly was crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I would say the other element of this whole experience
and time in celebrity has been getting to meet people
that I really regard their work and then finding out
that they regard my work.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
That's been so fulfilling.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
And I know that, you know, we don't ever want
to base everything that we're about in outward validation, because
it's not able to the same. But boy, when you
get it from the right folk, you feel like something,
don't you. You feel like something, don't you. That's flight's
always so tribute to me with this whole narrative. Like
a man isn't likable, like Hollywood doesn't like her. I'm
just like the people that I like in Hollywood like me.
That's what matters to me. Like Queen Latifa like me,
(34:17):
That's what matters to me. The creator of Living Single,
Vett Lee Brown, I mean Vett Lee Bowser like well
that Lee Brown like me too, But if at Lee
Bowser like me, that's what matters to me. I don't
care if people I don't respect don't respect me. But
getting the opportunity to hold space with damn fine Asce
(34:40):
Lorenz Tate and him being like, oh man.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
You know, I really, I really like your commentary. It's
just like, you know, getting the opportunity to.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Run into LeVar Burton in an airport, say his name
and have him turn around and go into genuflect on
one knee and say.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Amendacy, I'm a fan of yours.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
What coming off stage after opening for Chris Rock in
the same theater where they have the oscars and hearing
the clank of Durango's and realizing that it's Eddie Murphy
that's walking ahead of me, and working up the nerve
to yell the day and having him turn around and
give the classic Eddie smile and then say to me.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Oh, you just got off stage. I missed your set.
But me and Chris were talking about how funny you are.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
What Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy were having a conversation
about how funny I am and I wasn't even in
the room. Like those are moments where I'm just like, man,
you had a good run.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
You had a good run the last.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
I really am not regretful about this time, and I
want to make that clear. I'm not regretful about this
time and space and this era of my life. It
was imperative that I go through and live through and
love through all of this, and it's going to definitely
help to bolster this next phase of my life where
I get to serve my purpose as an educator and
(36:23):
entertainer in a whole new realm. Because at the end
of the day, regardless of all of this, it's always
been about the art.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
For me.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
It's just been about where I'm doing it, how I'm
doing it, and who I'm doing it with.
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