Europe's Vampire Hysteria

After the death of a local farmer, Petar Blagojević, a small Serbian town went into full vampire paranoia as nine other villagers suddenly dropped dead after claiming to see Blagojević risen from the grave. Jack Mandaville joins the show to discuss how much of Europe fell into a blood sucking monster craze in the early 18th century.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You are now listening to soft Core History.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Softcore History. It is
officially the last week on the main feed about Spooky Moth.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
I'm aa sad ghosts.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, goes just how the schedule works. Yeah, halloweens on
a Friday, So we got.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
Two more Patreon episodes for Spooky mod we do, but
on the.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Main mains we kind of get the short end of
the stick.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
To get shafted. Yeah, kind of get shafted on the
main for Spooky Month this year.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
But we figured we bring in a heavy hitter, your favorite,
our favorite, our favorite. But I mean people honestly come
to Softcore History for Jack Mandeville.

Speaker 4 (01:18):
Well you know, look, I'm I'm probably in your top
five biggest fans for one, and I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Still mind blowing to me.

Speaker 4 (01:26):
But I've listened to two episodes in the last two days.
I was listening one on the way up here. And
the reason why I'm segregated on the couch all the
way over here is although every my underwear and socks
and clothes are clean, I haven't bathed in three or
four days, So as a just in case, I'm keeping
distance because I respect your fellows so much.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Oh it's okay, I'm pretty stinky right now. I have
a huge crash underneath my armpits right now from a
new deodorant.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Well, just call us the stink Boys, because I spent
the entire morning standing next to bison and cows pissing
in the MUDs. So yeah, yeah, they smelled horrible. I
was actually by how bad these animals smelled.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
Like.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
It couldn't have been a normal petting zoo situation.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
Like going into Riverside, California.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, it was gnarly. And I did actually see a
cow get a red rocket today.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Oh really, it was capable of getting red rocket.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Dude, it was peeking out. He's excited because someone was
feeding it.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
I guess I've never seen a cow's penis.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
I would imagine they're reasonably sized, right, it was.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
It was just poking.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
Okay, it was just poking.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
But they hook in like a dog.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
I don't I couldn't tell you. I have seen I
have seen zebra's fuck at the zoo before, and that
thing is like a ten foot like jet black day.

Speaker 4 (02:35):
Oh yeah, any horse species is blessed.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, yeah, thankfully, though we all smell so maybe it
gives off fumes of garlic.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Okay, I think I think I know where you're going
with this. Were Wolves, Yeah, definitely wear wolves. Yeah, everyone knows.
In order to ward off the were wolves, it's garlic,
cloves of garlic.

Speaker 4 (02:57):
You know what I learned from one of the episodes
of Salt, which is now I'm going around telling everybody,
but I learned it on your show.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
Was that's a dicey proposition would go on.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
Yeah, the brothers grim that they weren't. They didn't write
those stories. They were just documenting things that had been
around for thousands of years. Oh yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
They wrote down. Huh, they just wrote it down.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
I think there's a lot of.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
Books back then they just wrote stories down and took
the credit.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
I think there's a lot of that in maybe more
so ancient history than medieval history.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
The art of war. Yeah yeah, but like if your
enemy makes a mistake.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
There's like stories so wise yeah, incredible, But there's stories
in ancient Greece, for example, that had been going around, right,
there's a oral tradition and then some asshole like Homer
or someone just wrote it down. Yeah, and then they're like, oh,
Homer I don't know if Homer's specifically, but there are
people who get credited as authors who are really just documenters.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
Yeah. Yeah, all they were doing is just they were
one of five people in the country that could write.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
So Robert, it's not werewolves today we're talking about it's
one of the earliest documented vampire events in European history.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
Let me guess Eastern Europe. Of course, it's always Eastern Europe.
We're going to Serbia today.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Oh boy, Well, there's always blood being let in Serbia,
so the vampire would do well there.

Speaker 4 (04:19):
Yeah. Yeah, they're really good at killing each other out there.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
I would I would be. I gotta say. You know
who wouldn't be the worst count Dracula for Halloween is
Nikola Jokic.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yeah. You know what do you think He's the type
of person when that NBA career starts winding down, they're
gonna want to you know, that's an NBA big time
NBA names have a great history of appearing in movies.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
Jabbar, you'll never see him again?

Speaker 4 (04:43):
No, you that farm?

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, well he's going to be racing his horses.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
Are Serbians? Is that one of the Are they? Are?
They Muslim? In that country.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
No, no, no, they're Bosnians. They committed genocide against the Muslims.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
That's right, okay. I you know what, can I go
into a little story here. Always, I don't have a
lot of regrets, and I pretty much say yes to everything.
We were talking about that right before we started the show.
I just say yes when I'm offered any type of
acting part.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
That's how we got you here, dude.

Speaker 4 (05:11):
Well, I mean I'm I'm again. I'm like probably your
fourth or fifth biggest fan other than you know you
guys one and two. Anyways, I uh, I did brown
face one time for a role and I didn't feel
comfortable at the time, and I was trying to explain

(05:31):
to the the director would not He was insistent on
it that because I was playing a Muslim terrorist, and
I had to keep in mind him like, there's a
lot of white Muslims in the world. You don't have
to paint me brown. Yeah, I could just be a
white Muslim. And also, I'm like race at certain times,
I'm racially ambiguous enough to where I could pull off
a light skinned Arab if I wanted to. You canot

(05:53):
having to do the.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
Face paint Albanian, right, now yes, yeah, right.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Now, depending on the length of my beard, I will
get pull over to the side at the airport, Yes.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
As a like a Georgian or what is what's.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Especially if I, you know, shaved the mustache, should do
that before I go on my.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
Next tripify white hat, yeah, the habib pat Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Today though, we're talking about a man by the name
of Peter Blakovich. I don't even know if that's really
how you pronounce it.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
That sounds like a Serbian soccer player that lives today is.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Going to refer to him as Pete?

Speaker 3 (06:27):
Is that is that? Bgoyevitch like the Illinois governor.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, sure, could be not familiar with local Illinois politics.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
He was the one who went to jail for trying
to sell ab He was.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
One of many yeah yeah, yeah, Illinois governors that have
gone to jail.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
So you pronounced it right, then, I think it's yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (06:49):
And then and then Trump loved him for whatever reason.
It's I don't think Trump's thing is whether you're a
Republican or a Democrat. It's if you're at his level,
and old Boyevich was kind kind of at a Trump level.

Speaker 3 (07:01):
He straight upset in a phone call He's like, this
thing isn't good getting given away for free? About the
Senate seat. Yeah, he's like, I've just given this away.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Maybe this is an eighteenth century relative of his.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Could it legitimately could be.

Speaker 4 (07:16):
So.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
He's a farmer who lived in a small village on
the outskirts of the Habsburg Empire in what is modern
day Serbia. His life, like many farmers of the early
eighteenth century, was fairly unremarkable. He was married, he had kids,
and was well known and liked in his small community.
The village was surrounded by a dense forest, which contributed

(07:37):
to a sense of isolation from the rest of the world,
and villagers primarily relied on each other for survival. And
this is at a time where it was both the
Habsburgs and the Ottoman Empire kind of battling the area.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
Yeah, it was just like the front lines of the
Last Holy War.

Speaker 4 (07:53):
It's crazy that Habsburg family went all the way to
the Russian border and then all the way to Portugal, pretty.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Much on the Austrians.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
Yeah, that's I think the last remnants of them were
in Central Europe.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
There, because I think they died off in Spain with that.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
Charles, Yeah, yeah, Charles's on the monitor.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah, yeah, okay, we did. Yeah that was yours, I believe.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
So yeah, just talking about everything wrong with him.

Speaker 4 (08:18):
Yeah. You know what's funny is I tried researching him
for one of my own episodes, and I wanted to
start off with the family line, and it was so
complicated I just gave up.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Oh yeah, I've definitely gotten to topics like that where
I'm like, this is too complex.

Speaker 4 (08:31):
Yeah, there's way too much incest in his family.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
That's why we we've said before on the show. I guess.
I'm sure you've heard. I guess because you're I think
you're our biggest fan. But uh, just like not enough
credit gets given to Egypt for having a thousand year,
thousands of year empire with inbreeding that would make the
Habsburg's blood.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
The Ptolemy the last one, specifically the Potolnac line. Yeah.
People don't realize how inbred Cleopatra was.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
Yeah, I mean she her.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
Brother before she got before the Romans showed up.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, but what that mouth do, no, but that.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
She learned on her brother. Everything she did to caese
her she learned on her brother.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
Nancy Reagan mouth she had Nancy Reagan mouth. Dude, they
didn't know about Nancy Reagan.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah. I think people that don't even pay attention to
history know that factoid.

Speaker 4 (09:21):
But because that broke what maybe five years ago, somebody
wrote a book that like, oh yeah everyone in hollywoodknew
Nancy Reagan sucked a dick.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
Good for ron.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, but then she's like whispering in your ear about
getting rid of drugs. Yeah yeah, and then Pillow talks
just bad. That postnut clarity is like, all right, get
out on my bed, Nancy.

Speaker 4 (09:42):
And he she'd definitely blown every single one of Reagan's
bosses when he worked in.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Hollywood, bosses, buddies, yeah, everything. But you know what, I
think you should marry a whore. I think you're gonna
have a happy life.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
Yeah, as long as she ye, yeah, put all that
energy onto you.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
Yeah yeah, as long as she can control.

Speaker 4 (10:01):
Yeah, as long as yeah, as long as she's your whoreror.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
The eighteenth century in Royal Serbia was a time of
profound superstition, obviously, and deeply rooted beliefs in the supernatural.
Traditional customs included placing garlic and religious symbols in the
coffin to prevent the dead from returning.

Speaker 4 (10:20):
Well didn't they didn't they Before they started embalming people,
they realized that, uh, catatonic state was kind of a
real issue. Back then, people would go catatonic and they
thought they were dead, and they'd bury him alive.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
I mean, like Alexander the Great, he was paralyzed though.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
Yeah, they buried him alive.

Speaker 3 (10:38):
They buried him a great because he didn't he didn't
rot for seven days after he died.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
They thought he was divine.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yeah, but really he was alive.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
He was alive.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Oh god, he's a vegetable.

Speaker 4 (10:48):
I know that's where Edgar Allan Poe's crazy came from.
Is I think his mom. That happened to his mom,
and it inspired the rest of his darkness.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
Well that would make sense about the heart beating below
the floor board.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah yeah, yeah, a deceased person might linger if proper
funeral rites were not observed. Peter died in seventeen twenty
five of seemingly natural causes in his sixties. I think
he was sixty two.

Speaker 4 (11:11):
Oh that was old.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yeah, good for him.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
And his passing quickly ignited fear into his neighbors and
sparked vampire hysteria. Throughout Europe.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
Why what do he do? Just he died and people
were like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Well that's what we're getting to her, all right. Shortly
after his burial, reports of strange occurrences began to circulate.
Several villagers claimed to have seen Peter in the day's
following his death, and rumors that he had returned from
the grave ran wild. The terror escalated rapidly as other

(11:45):
villagers were starting to suddenly drop like flies from sudden illness.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
Oo. Now this is a vampire situation, not in uh
what was the Stephen King movie? In the Indian biogram
pet cemetery, Uh, which makes no sense to me, because
like that toddler starts killing people. I could, I could fun, I.

Speaker 4 (12:06):
Gotta kick it.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (12:08):
Yeah, it's like the snail chase and you just got
to always keep a distance.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean that's always a hypothetical you
have with your friends to how many toddlers could he
be before they overrun you?

Speaker 4 (12:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
Now the difference is apparently, you know, in pet cemetery.
And then the question here is are do the toddlers
possess fear? The toddler in pet cemetery no longer possesses.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
There's zombie toddler. Yeah, yah yah, yeah, because you want
to remove humanity from them in order to punch a toddler.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Right, because the limit doesn't exist if they possess toddler. Yeah,
but they also, however much you have a taste for.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
They need to be bloodthirsty, yeah, in order to keep coming.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yeah, like rabid toddlers. I don't think it's that many.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I think I could take a lot.

Speaker 4 (12:49):
They But toddlers can swing fast. Have you ever had
one of your kids just sock you before?

Speaker 3 (12:55):
Uh? Sock?

Speaker 4 (12:56):
But they it's fast.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
It's that. And the thing is too, is like they
they will catch you and not necessarily harder than you expect,
but like in a place where it's sensitive, like your
eye or your Yeah, your jaws are like that and
you're just it's always why I'm carrying them too? Yeah,
because then there had level.

Speaker 4 (13:13):
And it's like what do I do? Drop them? Right?
What are we doing here? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Dude, they're putty people from power Rangers. You're gonna destroy him.
I mean, take one kid too, and you start swinging
them around, use them as.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
We couldn't absolutely use one as a weapon, no doubt. Oh, yeah, yeah,
ring around the rosie, you get you find a kid
with a big head like a lollipop.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Oh yeah, you ground by the legs so he can't
bite you too. Yeah, and you're and you just start
smashing like a club.

Speaker 4 (13:36):
What if there was like an apocalypse now, but it
was it was somebody who was in charge of a
child army, like like Colonel the Colonel, but it.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Was like all child sold Yeah, that could just be
an African movie.

Speaker 4 (13:50):
Yeah, oh that's true.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
I actually think let's do that, but let's think that's
blood diamond yeah oh yeah instead of Apocalypse. Now, let's
make it stripes, but it's a child army.

Speaker 4 (14:00):
Well, they were doing that in the eighties. They were
basically recreating epic stories but using all child casts. It
was like a thing they were doing in the eighties,
Like that Bugsy movie was about like all gangsters, but
they hired like all twelve year olds to play this
to be in this gangster story. Sick, we should start
doing that, just like taking class, like really dark like
pulp fiction. Yeah, cast all children to redo pulp fiction.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
But they're on top of each other's shoulders wearing a
giant trash coat.

Speaker 3 (14:27):
Yeah, you might go to jail for filming half of
pulp fiction with children.

Speaker 4 (14:31):
That is true, you got, yeah, we gotta do maybe,
I don't know, serbian movie or something like that.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Are you all right?

Speaker 3 (14:37):
I'm pretty fucking far from all right.

Speaker 4 (14:42):
Yeah, I don't know how. I don't know how child
Avski groups will feel about the gimp scene. I guess
now that I think about it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
In the span of just a few days, nine individuals
succumb to their mysterious illness, each claiming in their final
moments to have been visited by Peter. Many claim to
have seen Peter in their dreams or standing at the
foot of their beds, his presence accompanied by a suffocating
sense of dread.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
Chase is scared.

Speaker 4 (15:10):
I like how he was all barkie and but there's
a sense of professionalism about that dog. He knows you're
on air, and he's not barking all of a sudden.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Just go let down. But there you go.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
He can go sit in my volvo.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
Just leave him in a hot car.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
Yeah, it's got a nice well, it's white leather, so
it'll take longer to they cook them.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, we already talked about murdering children. We might as
well add dogs to the list.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
Yeah, yeah, the real tragedy.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Each victim reported Peter had laid himself upon them and
after suffering a mysterious twenty four hour illness, they all died.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
So he comes in a dream or whatever.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, kind of like a Freddy Kugar vampire mixture.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Lays on them and then they wake up and they're sick, okay,
and die with them.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
Getting real Salem sixteen ninety three vibes from this, I
feel like there's gonna be a lot of hysteria about
to happen.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
There are descriptions of feeling drained and weakened before succumb
into an unknown illness were taken as proof that Peter
was indeed a vampire, because yeah, why not do we.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
Have any bitemarks? Or is he like an energy vampire?

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Both?

Speaker 3 (16:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
Allegedly, his widow claimed her husband knocked on her door
after the funeral, demanding his shoes back.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I mean that's fair. You can't go kill half the
town barefoot.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
Yeah, and they only had one pair of shoes back then.
It's not like they had a foot locker in the neighborhood.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Everything was that scene from Pursuit of happiness where he
loses his shoe and he does not have another shoe
to get.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
Now.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, but as vampire lord goes, you have to invite
them into the house, right.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
That's right, you can't. They have to, Yeah, and they'll
they'll try to trick you. They'll be like, come on,
let me can you let me in?

Speaker 4 (16:46):
A isn't that a thing in Eastern Europe? I mean
still to this day, but historically there's they live by
certain kind of codes.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
The vampires have a code.

Speaker 4 (16:57):
Well, no, I'm saying, like, if someone wants to come
in for dinner, like you're kind of morally obligated to feed,
you know, people traveling through and oh.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Yeah, anyone knocks on your door in Eastern Europe, you
have to offer up food, shelter, bed, and your wife.

Speaker 4 (17:14):
And that's basically how Rasputint got away with a lot
of the bull crud that he did.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
I don't like goat trip.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
I don't like that I have to give my wife
to Resputin, but it is. He's a man of customs,
so I guess I have to. Yeah, it's unfortunate we're
in the cloth. Apparently he attempted to strangle her, but
she survived it. She didn't die, so he just strangled her,
got his shoes back, and then pieced out. Austrian health

(17:44):
official Ernst from Bald was summoned so he could conduct
a formal autopsy of the body of Peter. To do so, though,
they had to have, of course, exhumed the body.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Here we go. What does an autopsy even look like
in the sixteen eighties or seventeen twenty regardless, it doesn't.

Speaker 4 (18:03):
Yeah, I don't know if they had precision tools back then.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Villagers gathered at the cemetery at dusk, carrying torches, shovels,
wooden steaks, and other ritual tools, ready for whatever they
might find.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
This feels like something you do in the morning, if
you're concerned he's a vampire.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Dusk.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Yeah, it doesn't feel like an evening activity.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
Well, you gotta make sure he is the vampire, right,
he won't wake up?

Speaker 3 (18:27):
True, true, cross all the t's.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Dot, all the eyes.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
When they finally reached the coffin, the group hesitated for
a moment before opening it, fearing what they might uncover.
The coffin creaking as it was pried up and revealed
a sight that defied all natural expectations. To their astonishment,
the body showed little to no signs of decomposition. His
skin appeared unnervingly fresh.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
How long was he dead at this point?

Speaker 2 (18:59):
I believe ten days?

Speaker 4 (19:00):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
His nails and hair had grown longer, given him a feral,
almost predatory appearance, and most disturbingly, there was fresh blood
at his mouth, as though he had just recently fed.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
Oh boy, couldn't couldn't be fluids just bubbling up inside
of overreadything?

Speaker 4 (19:19):
What year was this again?

Speaker 2 (19:20):
Seventeen twenty five?

Speaker 4 (19:21):
We were vampire novels.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Nope, so Dracula was eighteen nineties.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
Okay, which that really?

Speaker 3 (19:31):
I mean?

Speaker 2 (19:31):
There were there was vampire lore, yeah, yeah, but nobody
wrote them down as you said earlier.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Yeah, maybe some stories, but nothing serious. Yeah, but Dracula
set all the modern rules of vampirism.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Really put the vlad Daddy on the map.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
So they weren't imagining this based off of some like
pop culture influence.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
No, it was just like stories passed down from generation
to generation.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
And presumably some pretty bad games of telephone.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
Yeah yeah. Yeah. Only in thestern Europe are Serbians considered Slavic.
I think so they're Okay.

Speaker 3 (20:05):
Almost certainly, because I mean you look at like Joe
Kitchen and uh Djokovic looking Yeah, yeah, those are the
only two Serbs I know.

Speaker 4 (20:15):
Do you remember, like when Eastern Europeans started getting into
the NBA, like in the early to mid nineties, they
were all ugly as shit. They were just ogre, like
you you could tell the difference between one of the
European players and a white American American media immedia, Like

(20:35):
they had an ogre look about them, I will say,
but they.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Had swagger about themselves.

Speaker 4 (20:40):
That yeah, Soviet swagger. Yeah. But I will say, uh,
the Eastern European ballplayers are starting to get a little
more I guess traditionally good looking, like like Luca. Luca
is a good looking dude. You wouldn't expect that from
an Eastern here.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
Like barely Eastern European sloven Yeah, that's like next to Italy.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Okay, Croatia too. It's just like beautiful places and beautiful people.

Speaker 4 (21:04):
Yeah, but Vade Divac was Croatian. He's a goon looking.
Oh I'm pretty sure he was Serbian or Croatian, but.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
You're right he was an ogre. Yeah, Like he looked
like they found him like Yugoslavian. I'm sorry, okay, yeah,
but they he looks like they found him just like
chucking pumpkins into a wagon.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
And yeah, there are certainly levels to it, like Dirk
was a good handsome fella because he's from Germany.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
Yeah, yeah, he's a.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
German, but yeah, Germans are traditionally good looking folks, right.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
I just like that he do Turculeu right now?

Speaker 3 (21:36):
Is uh?

Speaker 2 (21:36):
I believe pretty high up in the Turkish command. Oh
really yeah, it's like he uh he went to the finals,
I believe with the Orlando Magic.

Speaker 3 (21:45):
And he did. Yeah, got got swept out of there,
but they got there just him and Dwight Howard.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah, just knocking down threes. And now he's knocking down
anyone that speaks out against the government.

Speaker 4 (21:56):
That's wholesome.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
That makes sense to me for heat Turculu too. My
only if my only memory of hed Turkuleu was playing
swimming pool basketball with my ex girlfriend's dad, like on
a we were all at like a house on Saturday,
like playing on a Saturday, like playing and grilling and
his dad her her dad kept throwing up threes or
whatever and screaming he do Turklu not Kobe, not Kobe,

(22:17):
And I was like, what the fuck? And then he
would just like play when he played defense on me,
he would just he had like long nails and he
just scratched the fuck out of my back like that,
like was playing dirty girl defense against me. Pool basket,
pool basketball, and it was so bad that I got
out of the pool.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
It was then I got out of the pool.

Speaker 3 (22:35):
One boy and my girlfriend and her mom were like, oh,
like saw my back, Like, oh my god, like I'm
bleeding in the pool.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
Like what is wrong with rob?

Speaker 4 (22:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (22:44):
I was like, your dad did this.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
I didn't want to say, but I was like your
fucking dad to me, and she was like, dad.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Fuck you can't handle the physicality. Get out of the paint.
I guess, so, dude, you gotta stay on the arcs.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
I didn't. I That's what I did. I wasn't gonna
back him down after that, Are you kidding me? Wolverined
me for like fucking ten minutes.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
No easy baskets.

Speaker 4 (23:04):
He can't.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Oh no, let your fucking daughter's boyfriend's score on you.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Yeah, at all costs. Like, don't worry, buddy, she's gonna
be adding to these marks later tonight.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
As yeah, was she the whore you should have married?

Speaker 4 (23:17):
No?

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Okay, no, The blood had congealed slightly, standing in his
lips and teeth, a horrific contrast to his pale skin.
The villagers recoiled in terror at the sight, with some
crossing themselves.

Speaker 3 (23:31):
Like a scared one, though like a you don't even
know where to go.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Others were whispering prayers. These observations were taken as irrefutable
proof that Peter had become a vampire. I mean, he's pale,
he hasn't decomposed, he's got a bunch of blood in
his mouth. Yeah, all the signs of the beast.

Speaker 3 (23:55):
I think they buried him alive. At one point he
was forced to eat his own tongue. Just keep going
a couple extra.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
Yeah from bald. You know, he was a little bit skeptical,
but once they dug him up, he's like, this is
this is proof?

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Oh he was like. The doctor was like, hmm vampire.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, okay, so that's medicine in seventeen twenties.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
Well yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
His report confirmed all this and is now considered the
earliest recorded vampire incident in European history. Just his actual documentation.

Speaker 3 (24:29):
Of it, like opened coffin Vampire, I'm a doctor.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
In a desperate effort to put an end to the
perceived threat, they drove a wooden steak through Peter's dead
corpse in his chest. Some villagers covered their eyes while
others watched in horrific fascination as dark, almost black blood
oozed from the wound.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah, it's coagulated blood because he's fucking dead. One of
my favorite I forgot what it was from. One of
my favorite lines in any vampire thing I've seen is
like some girls so by It was to take through
your heart? Would you die? And he was like anyone
would die. Anyone would die from a wooden steak to
the heart.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Everything.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, every single thing on earth, all.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Animal and for good measure, the villagers had to burn
the body.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
To ash as well they should so they.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Just completely if they thought the sanctity of a burial
meant anything for the afterlife. Yeah, this dude was Toad.
They were like, sorry, bro, he's out of heaven now.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
Yeah, you're crossing the river of Stycks is a cloud
of ash.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
He's actually just chilling and he just gets pulled from underneath.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, a door in heaven just falls out from underneath.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
Sorry, you're nothing now.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
His victims were also reburied with garlic and white thorn
placed with each corpse in their grave so they would
not come back a vampires just in case. So they
had to dig up all the people that died around him.
All nine What a day. So it's a busy day
for the grave.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah, good lord, the undertaker, that guy's just Do.

Speaker 4 (26:03):
You think those guys got paid well back then?

Speaker 3 (26:05):
No, but they got tips, yeah, from this stuff they
stole from the coffin.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah yeah, yeah, anything they were buried with the undertakers.

Speaker 4 (26:15):
Yeah yeah, pretty like work in the front desk at
a hotel. These days, you kind of got DIBs on
stuff that's left behind.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
There was a I like to tell you there's no
such thing as a loss and found at a hotel.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
No, no, they still do that today. I like to
tell the story, like different parts of the story a
lot on the show. But like in high school, one
time in a religion class it was called I think
it's called Death and Resurrection was the religion class. I
was in my senior year high school, and we went
to one.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
Day you went you had a class called Death and Resurrection. Yeah, yeah,
he went to I know you went to Catholic school.
I didn't know they were still rocking that kind of curriculum.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
Oh yeah, uh that class was fucking pointless. Like we
spent like three weeks and he was just reading Lance
Armstrong's biography to us or autobiography to us. This is
a pre him getting.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
Think about it though. Oh I was gonna say that's
a true resurrection.

Speaker 3 (26:57):
It really is. Yeah, but while testicle, I mean yeah,
but it was before he got busted, so he was
a hero when he was reading it. But we took
a field trip to a funeral.

Speaker 4 (27:06):
Home and uh oh Catholics go hard.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
Yeah, and like we got to see like all the stuff.
And at one point he was like showing off coffins
and he's like, this is one of our models. Like
we the mor mortician was just like it was one
of our model. And it's interesting. You know, there's a
little area here slides back and you can put possessions
that the bolt that you're deceased treasured, put them here.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
It's also paid to play to get in the heaven.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
Yeah, you slide things here. Yeah, it's like a little
like a little door on it.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
What would your possessions be that you'd want to be
buried with.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
My children alive.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Like a pharaoh.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
I don't fucking know. I was thinking about this today actually,
and like if I died suddenly, I was like, I
wonder if Courtney would put like a miszoo thing or
something and my thing, and I just thought, like, that's pathetic,
Like someone some some archaeologists finds you and they're just
like this guy, I guess liked sports. What a basic loser,
fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Probably have a six pack of like ranch waters for you.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
I appreciate that. I'll crush those in the afterlife.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
I want a little I'd want a little pack of
Marlboroughs in my front pocket.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
Yeah yeah, yeah, someone have to sneak the zin z
ins as my wife doesn't know it zen so still
it's been almost a year. Still yeah, has not even not.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
The sharpest or she just doesn't care at this point,
she's never said a word about it. Like I said,
your house is a war zone right now. Yeah, it's
like item number eighty to be concerned on the triage list.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
It's low, yeah, one hundred percent, but yeah, I'll get
to it getting a fucking like show him, just like
showing off all the little parts of the cool, little
parts of the coffin that we might not have known about.
I was like, why the fuck are we here? Actually
I was happier there because it was an easy day
of class, But it was just like the weirdest, most
bizarre field trip I've ever been on in my life.

Speaker 4 (28:51):
Dude, I gotta say, as a secular person, uh, and
I'm not anti religious, I'm just non religious. I don't
have anything against any religonigens. But if I had to
rank religions based on like kind of the cooler things
purely from a secular point of view, yeah, Catholicism we
run away with it. Catholicism rocks.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
Yeah, it's number Its just like number one with a bullets.

Speaker 4 (29:14):
The architects, great architecture, but all the whole, like man,
Catholics were just adding all sorts of fun little parts
to the story for thousands of years after the fact,
and just just all all the stuff that the dogma
that comes with it. It's it's really fascinating.

Speaker 3 (29:30):
And the history too. I mean, at one point, I
think at the Council of Nice, see it maybe Uh,
Santa Claus beat the shit out of someone for questioning
the Virgin Mary.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
Yeah, that's that's Catholic awesomeness, right right.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Santa Claus also saved a bunch of horse women that
would have became Santa Claus.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
Do you know Santa Claus is the patron saint of
horse No, Saint Nick is the patron sant of prostitutes.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Because he put gold in their stock and so they
didn't have to sell their bodies.

Speaker 4 (29:56):
Oh what a good guy. Yeah, you think got a
couple of blowies out of it.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
One would hope, because it's sort of sort of a
self defeating reward.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
But it was a single dad who was going to
offer up his daughters to other men, and Saint Nick's like,
na I got you. Yeah, so really that guy should
be blowing them the dad.

Speaker 4 (30:14):
Why don't we just why don't we redo a more
true to fact kind of Christmas Santa Claus movie? But
it's it's him hanging out with prostitutes and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
I just want to when like one of my kids
is old enough.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Prostitutes play a big role in the Bible, Jesus Christ himself.

Speaker 3 (30:30):
Mary Maggs, Yeah, they're the kind of the glue guys
of the Gospels. To be honest, hookers, Do.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
We still have Mary Mag's skull allegedly?

Speaker 3 (30:37):
Yeah, it's in some golden iron manesque.

Speaker 4 (30:41):
The Catholics have it. Yeah, not the cops, not the Orthodox,
certainly not the Protestants.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
We got relics, Yeah, we love our relics. I think
Saint John Newman, his entire body is just at the
altar of this church in Philly that I went on
a school trip to.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
Oh yeah, there's a lot of churches with skeletons, and
even in America.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
They had to reconstruct his face though with Clay Dude, you.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
Know what we should do. We're going to talk about
a little thing we're working on between the three of us.
But the San Antonio missions have a lot of good
Franciscan Spanish history, Spanish Franciscan history down there.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
Oh yeah, Oh, I'm sure San Antonio is kind of
a it's an old ass city.

Speaker 4 (31:21):
My American standards.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
Oh yeah, it's old Mexican, extremely old.

Speaker 4 (31:24):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
Yeah, nobody's more Catholic than the Mexicans. They love Mary.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
Yeah, and I mean this right, I mean this Obviously
there's cultural differences between the Irish and Mexicans. But there's
a lot of stuff where if you just start making
broad statements, you wouldn't know if you're talking about an
Irishman or a Mexican. No.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
Yeah, there would be no way to tell, Yeah, until
you put an accent or a color on it.

Speaker 4 (31:50):
Yeah, that's literally what.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
Might have remained a grim village legend took a life
of its own when Fronbaum's detailed report reached Austrian officials
in Vienna. Authorities didn't really care about what happened, but
of course that mass media certainly did.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
What are we talking about pamphlets proto newspapers, newspapers, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
Newspapers kept printing.

Speaker 4 (32:13):
Fitch News, Foxoslav News.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
You don't hate the media enough printing vampire stories.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
It's never the media that it's never been different. Like
people are like the beauty is so dope to look
at the stories they cover. Go read a newspaper from
any other time period and it is the same. Thun
Thomas shit.

Speaker 4 (32:33):
Thomas Jefferson literally started his own paper just so he
could talk shit about John Abbas.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Pamphlets, newspapers, they were all to talk shit.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
Yeah, pamphlets were really the podcasts of the like seventeen
to eighteen hundreds, sixteen hundreds too r yeah, like the
blog podcast. Yeah, people, we did an episode where.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
That was the whole thing with Hamilton, right, Uh, he
cheated on his wife. Yeah, and they just kept printing that.
So Adams had to like kind of weeping under the rug.

Speaker 3 (33:01):
Yeah, I had to kind of handle that. But he
also fucking hated Hamilton, so probably because he had everybody did.

Speaker 4 (33:06):
Yeah, he was really useful, but he was not well
liked in those founding father circles.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
I think he was very much like he couldn't hide
his own ambition and everyone was just like, ugh, like
act like you've been there. Yeah, weird thirsty right yeah,
thirsty little asshole.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
So because they print these stories in all the papers,
of course, similar occurrences happen pretty quickly after in Serbia,
Romania and Hungary.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
A social contagion if you will, like dig him up. Yeah,
everyone's seeing vampires.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Weird, weird holl that happens, weird how human beings you
put it into like the the zeitgeist, and it just
enters everyone's brains.

Speaker 4 (33:48):
Yeah, which we still deal with to this day, just
in different forms.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
Yes, it's it's it's so it's such a weird dichotomy.
We always talk about of the show, how like we're
such an insanely like creative and innovative species. But at
the same time, like just repeat the same simple patterns
scared his cattle over and over and over again.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
We're we're like, they're like that poor pizza parlor guy
in DC. One guy, one anonymous guy on a form
just started a rumor about that guy's family owned pizza business,
and now people are trying to kill him.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
It's just like, just take a step back for a
second and ask yourself, why would they want to rape
a child in a pizza basement.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, at least go to a Chuck e Cheese like
do Yeah, Like, I get the pizza and then you
get the game down the animal.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
They can get a hotel suite just fine. Yeah, doesn't
need to be.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Well, the pizza entrant is like a tunnel, Okay. Yeah,
if I had to guess, I never really looked into que.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
I didn't either.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
Yeah, And so people are trying to take care of
that guy. Meanwhile, we clearly know some of the top
people in the world are on that Epstein list, and
no one wants to release that thing.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
It's fine.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
I initially told News, I initially thought q QAnon was
just schoolboy Q the rapper fan base.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
QAnon is a good rapper name. Also it is.

Speaker 4 (35:09):
I started a group chat. Uh. There's a couple of
British English specifically actors that I know, and I just
send them British memes and they send me American memes.
That's all our chat is. It's nice, but I renamed
it the Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew Island Party group chat.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
We have another similar case also in Serbia that pops
up after with Arnold Pohle.

Speaker 3 (35:34):
Great name, it's it's a good porno name.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
When he was alive, Pole claimed he protected himself from
a vampire's bye by eden dirt from its tomb and
cleansing himself within its blood.

Speaker 4 (35:48):
He just made that up on the spot.

Speaker 3 (35:50):
Yes, fake as could be. They just took it. So
he got bitten by a vampire, but knew where the
vampire was buried, just ran too his grave.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
And it was like, yeah, saved his life.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
It worked. I mean he said it happened.

Speaker 4 (36:03):
That ground is spoiled.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
Prove him wrong.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Well, these precautions didn't prevent him from breaking his neck
when he fell off his hay wagon well.

Speaker 4 (36:11):
Which I would imagine was a common accident in those days.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
One would imagine, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
So many people died in dumb ways.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
Yeah, because I mean, you get one tiny cut, you're
that could be it for you.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
Yeah, truly, you have no idea. You're like, you just
cut your foot.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
And you're just like, well, you see, you're making the
stew for the family, cutting potatoes and onions and stuff
and carrots, and all of a sudden, yep, I'm dead.

Speaker 4 (36:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
One of my favorite stories I pulled from a newspaper
for the Patreon was just some chick stepped on a
nail in her house. Dead a couple days later.

Speaker 4 (36:45):
Dead. We are such an ungrateful time in history that
we don't even appreciate that penicillin exists.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
It's yeah, I mean, the only way to put it
would be like, just like if you if a person
want to really so imple analogy for how spoiled people
are today. It's like listening to like a peak Bowls
or Peak Warriors or peak Alabama fan complaining about their team.
Have some perspective, right, you fucking asshole.

Speaker 4 (37:14):
Any sec people in Chicago are still riding that fricking
high to this day. That than the nineties Bulls.

Speaker 3 (37:20):
Yeah, like have some goddamn perspective they have.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
If you're a Chicago sports fan, you're down bad, especially
if you're a Cubs fan. Definitely white.

Speaker 4 (37:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
Historically, I mean the Bears have never really had a quarterback.

Speaker 4 (37:36):
No, they had Jim McMahon, who wasn't a great quarterback,
but uh, one of the greatest personalities in NFL history.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
They had that Blackhawk run in like the twenty ten
they won three Steele Cups. Yeah, but I don't think
enough of Chicagoans care.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
No, they went insane for that.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
They were.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
My buddy was uh managing a bar in Wrigleyville during
that run, and he was like, the after the won
the first.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
One, well they would always pop in that you could
literally party with the Chicago.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Black He was like, it was the most dangerous night
of my life. Like at one point he was like,
we had to break fire code and just lock the
door and lock everyone who was in in and to
keep everyone else out, and and that was just it.
We had to do it for like three hours. No
one could leave, no one could get in.

Speaker 4 (38:21):
I will say that Chicago Blackhawks, with the exception of
them being a historically significant team to the NHL, I
think they have the coolest freaking.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
Love great sweaters. Yea, great sweaters all the.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Like original six teams have the best logo. Yeah, they're
just timeless, little.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
Little changes over the years. They're almost perfect.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Retro is always in mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (38:45):
The new ones are pretty shitty right now, like the
Kraken and the Nights I think are kind of mid
The Nights are awful. Yeah, it's not a good not
a good sweater.

Speaker 4 (38:55):
And there they and nobody's ballsy with name and expansion teams.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
Anyways, we got the Mammoth now.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
The Mammoth one sucks too. It looks just like the
cracking almost like it's the it's the same thing. It's Meanwhile,
the team that they used to be had a goaded sweater. Dude.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
It's the same thing as religion, right, you try to
make a new religion. It's hard, not as good, it's
not as good. You need that time.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
Credit to a religion like scientology for trying their best,
because I think they have a lot of swag compared
to like someone who starts a new Christian church today
and it's just in a strip mall and there's nothing
interesting about it. Like the Scientologists try.

Speaker 4 (39:35):
They hire the band where they're all wearing Chuck Taylor's
and the jeans and the flannel.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, and Scientologists though they have hitters, they got Tom Cruise.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
Travolta.

Speaker 4 (39:49):
I mean that was part of the strategy, right Will Smith?

Speaker 3 (39:52):
Probably he is.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
I think that's the entire movie with his son on.

Speaker 3 (40:00):
Didn't Shamalan directed?

Speaker 2 (40:01):
It's an l ron joint.

Speaker 3 (40:02):
Why did Shamalan get in on that?

Speaker 4 (40:03):
Jada Pinkett Smith is one of the biggest goddamn frauds
on this planet.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
She's like an evil person.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yes, she seems bad.

Speaker 4 (40:11):
Just from what I've seen as a wife. What a
horrible person to be married to. But let me let
you want to talk about Cleopatra. I'm sorry, guys, it
pisses me off so.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
Much that she played Cleopatra.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
No, she didn't play Cleopatra.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
But she ruined a good man.

Speaker 4 (40:28):
She she prodyd I.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
Know, I think she did play Cleopatra.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
Netflix has been putting out these bang and docu docu
dramas for years now. The one that they did on
the the Romanovs on the Last Sar, the one that
they did on speaking of Vampires, the one that they
did on uh Mamet, the second of the Ottoman Empire,
the second season was about him going in up against
Vladvian paler Uh. They did some one on the Samurai,

(40:54):
their Bangers. I look forward to those releases so much
because they have like actual historian in speaking to it.
Then they hire like really good actors and high level
production to do reenactments. Yeah, and then anyways, they were
Jada Smith production Company was releasing one on Cleopatra executive producer.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
Yeah, okay, yeah, and she had another black chick player.

Speaker 4 (41:18):
She had a black chick played Cleopatra. And this is dude,
if you want to if you want to accelerate and
and give voices to great people of African descent in history,
you have no shortage of options. But what Jada Smith
did she took Cleopatra and in the first five minutes

(41:39):
of the documentary, some dipshit liberal arts professors from bumpfuck
Georgia is on there going first off, Cleopatra. I don't
care what anybody says. She was a black woman and
I'm like, no, that's not true at all. Remote Now
I'm gonna look racist for say you're wrong, but you're
so wrong.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
What was funny about that too, is you you don't
hear this as much anymore, but they're but you do
a little bit. But it was a bigger thing, uh
a little while back where white people were called racists
for kind of just like making like africatures Africa. You
know what I mean, top to bottom, it's Africa. There's
no we don't like, we don't like acknowledge, like the
ethnic differences in the different cultures were just like Africa.

Speaker 4 (42:19):
You know what I mean. But because there are a
lot of differences on that big ass.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
Contents exactly what they did. They're just like, dude, Africa,
she's black.

Speaker 4 (42:28):
No, it's like no, this is a woman that was
an inbred Greek.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
Yeah, and even but even I mean there were some
I think blacker, darker.

Speaker 4 (42:36):
Nubians ran Egypt for a long time. Do a story
on that, right, don't read like every egypt. Egyptians were pissed.
I think they they sued Netflix. Good, the country of
Egypt sued Netflix. Good.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
They were right too, because they're not ethnically black. There,
I gets yeah, they're African.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
They had the The Egyptians absolutely had a different comment
sempt of race than we did. By all means, they
were actually way more inclusive than we are in our
modern society in a lot of ways. But the Greek
Potolemaic rulers were not mixing with people that from that
far in South and no Africa.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
I'm not even sure how much like what Nubians or
what was the sort of the k that's right below
the nut canyons, but Cush heitsh, I don't I'm not
sure how much the Ptolemies were even dealing with them
at that point.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
No Kingdom of Cush, Yeah no.

Speaker 4 (43:31):
And it is like, if you want to do stories
about influential black people in history, you have no shortage
of options. Why did you literally blackface Cleopatra?

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Right, it's it's the dumbest thing.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
In the world because we're not creative, we're not just
take already exist in IP.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
There is a play in New York right now. I
just saw this headline today and so and then of
course the comment section was going ape shit about it.
But it's an actual set tire of left culture. But
it's about Anne Frank. But she's like a neuro divergent
pan sexual perfect, you know, like they completely change her,

(44:13):
change her. And but the whole point of the play
is to mock that kind of thing. But of course
the comment section is like, this is something they would do.
I'm like, well, they're making fun of what.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
You can't do satire anymore.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
It's pasted it. Yeah, I'll never forget the first Onion
headline I ever saw. It was when Obama. This is
when Onion was still a printed newspaper and on college campuses.
And I was at the University of Minnesota walking by,
and it's when Obama was running in two thousand and
eight and just says, black Eye asks for change. I

(44:53):
was like, that's what I got introduced to the Onion.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
That's fucking perfect.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Another Chicago oh Man.

Speaker 4 (45:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Forty days after his demise, four villagers declared that Pole
had returned to torment them, and then those four people
promptly expired. They zoomed his girl documented. Yeah, well, as
well documented as it could be. Yeah, for the time.
You know, However, Serbian in the eighteenth century.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
They were part of a functioning empire. So the good
infest so.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
He got to all the way to Vienna, so I
imagine it's it's there.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
Yeah, and we consider them real people, so if they
say it's right exactly.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Plus like early seventeen hundreds, the Habsburgers weren't complete dogshit yet. Yeah, no,
not the Austrian Habsburgs. They were still a force to
be reckoned with.

Speaker 4 (45:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
I think Napoleon kind of put the final like they
didn't go down until World War One, but Napoleon kind
of the nail on the cough and did any relevancy
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Speaker 2 (49:01):
So they drove a stick through his heart, to which
he allegedly reacted with a frightful shriek as if he
was still alive. That done, they cut off his head,
burnt his whole body. Then they went to the four
supposed victims of poll and did the same thing as well.

Speaker 3 (49:20):
Just to be die your eyes did they also scream.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
I don't know this guy.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
Yeah, that'd be funny if he was just buried alive
and was like, that's how he gets woken up? Yeah,
just barely even hanging on. And then they just put
a steak in his heart.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
He was in a coma.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
Yeah, that'll get you out of it. Maybe we should.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
Try it somebody that has no chance waking up, just
a complete vegetable. Yeah, yeah, Terry Schivo.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
I was gonna say, where's a Terry Schivo when you
need one?

Speaker 2 (49:50):
We haven't had a Terry Schivo in a moment.

Speaker 4 (49:53):
There's a guy. Uh, I don't know him, but I
always get a giggle when he comments on my I
think he follows me on Twitter. His handle is just
big Terry Schivo fan, and it's got a picture of
her as his avatar god.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
Medical professionals of the time suggest that the apparent lack
of decomposition in their bodies could be explained by various
natural factors. Obviously, the cold climate would have naturally preserved
the body, causing it to appear almost lifelike long after death.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
I mean, especially if it's six feet underground. It's goddamn
refrigerated at that point.

Speaker 4 (50:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Additionally, the presence of fresh blood in the mouth of
the corpse could have been the result of natural body
processes such as the pulling of blood, which were misunderstood
by the untrained eyes of the villagers and mistaken for
signs of vampires.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Yeah, I mean the illiterates got confused and scared.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
That's really all it is. Yeah, Yeah, they can't really explain.
Maybe it was just diseased from the body not being
six feet deep. There were shallow grays. Okay, maybe they
were just a round a guy that was like really sick,
and it could have just been you know, similar to
like a plague spreading.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
Yeah. I wonder if there's certain diseases that actually like
stop you from decomposing as quickly for some reason too,
just I don't know why it would, but.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
The gases produced during the decomposition could also lead to
the body appearing bloated, given the impression that the decease
was still nourished and therefore active.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
It also, I guess if you stake it in the
heart when what you think is screaming, might just be
escaping them mouth like, oh my god, it's vampire.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
The Enlightenment thinkers believed that such phenomena were not supernatural,
but rather the result of natural processes that were not
yet well understood by the general population. Who, right, Who
were just you know, fucking farmers and people just trying
to get by, And the way they dealt with death,
which was very common, was to just pass it off

(51:57):
to something supernatural because it gave it more were more
meaning than just oh yeah, my brother died.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
That's another thing that people forget too, is like there's
some kind of like special anger people holding their hearts
currently for how people from cities, coastal elites type of
thing view like Middle America or the country you all
the time.

Speaker 4 (52:18):
It is.

Speaker 3 (52:20):
The oldest thing in history for people from cities to
look down on people from the country.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
Unique to the United States.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Not remotely. Back then, anyone from Vienna was looking at
these people like at backwards garbage.

Speaker 4 (52:33):
If you were middle class in ancient Rome, you didn't
give a fuck about what some Sicilian was up to.

Speaker 3 (52:41):
No for their garbage, I guarantee you. The first city
states in like Sumer and stuff like that, they looked
at the hunter gatherers out there and were like, those
people are garbage, absolute hobo.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
They crash and they can't even supply our food for us. Yeah, yeah,
we're work, we're doing all yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Like there's no point in human history where people who
lived in cities didn't look at people who didn't live
in cities and think you are a piece of trash
and vice versa. Oh, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (53:10):
Yeah, like you ever talked to a real people, a
real person who's got like all the guns and opinions
about the city in the world, but they won't go
into that city. Yeah, that's a dangerous place. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
Like, oh and I guarantee you. Yeah, the hunter gatherers
probably looked at the cities and sumer and we're like,
look at those soft pussy bitch.

Speaker 4 (53:27):
Yes exactly.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
So yeah, we had you know, probably hundreds of people
after this that were dug up, had stakes driven through
their heart.

Speaker 3 (53:35):
Their corps victimless crimes.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
Kind of, but they had such sanctity for the burial
process and for people's rights post death that yeah, they're
kind of stepping.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
All over I mean, but to that point in their minds,
the dead has violated the sanctity of their own burial right.
So they've lost all right to a sanctified great, a
dignified gras. Yeah, they they crossed the line. They lose
their rights.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
It's fair.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
I'm just trying to lawyer this. I think that I
don't think the dead were victims here.

Speaker 4 (54:11):
I wonder how the families were in that, like the
immediate families, the kids or spouses were they like on
board with the villagers. Do they buy a god you
doing this to my dad?

Speaker 3 (54:21):
Yeah, like papa, like they opened the grave.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
Well, the Peter or whatever allegedly assaulted his wife. I
wonder how much grief she was in for that to
have happened.

Speaker 4 (54:34):
Did he assault his wife by the standards of the
day or was it above.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
No, he's trying to strangle her after he died, so.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
Okay, Yeah, I mean, I think mild strangulation is not
going to get anyone. He just wanted to shoot antenna up,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Neither kicks.

Speaker 4 (54:48):
Yeah, they didn't have domestic disturbance calls back and.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
Then no, no, no, you You basically have to be
literally stabbing your wife before a police officer is going
to get up in do something.

Speaker 4 (55:00):
Dude, if you were a woman off time period in
that part of the world who didn't get smacked, you
hit the lottery of having a man.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Yeah, yeah, although they probably wouldn't respect you. True seventeen
hundreds woman in Serbia.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
He's never hits me once. He's he doesn't love me,
baby man, he's a beach. No kind of gets himself roused.
He's so soft. Won't hit me once she probably like
even tries to get him to like just does things
that she knows will really tick him off, and he's
still just like, but I love you, and she's just like,
oh god, you the what's fucking pussy of vivid man.

Speaker 4 (55:39):
That's why I have had never had any interest in
my lifetime of dating an Eastern European woman. I feel like, culturally,
I uh, I'm not I'm not exactly yeah, like they
want someone to I don't know that. You know, I'm
not an expert on that culture by any means, but uh,

(55:59):
I don't think I could live up to the culture
they come from.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
I don't have the energy to dominate them in the
way they need to be dominated, like if I can
from the couch be like, hey shut up, I'm not
getting up.

Speaker 4 (56:11):
Yeah, I'm like, oh, I got to hit you.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
And then of course around this time too, is when
all the werewolf trials were going on, the Wish trials
for men, yeah, yeah, not talked about enough everyone. I
saw some real trying to say that the Salem Witsch
trials and stuff, which he got all like the facts
wrong about, of course, but he was essentially just white
nighting for women. Saying that they were just trying to

(56:36):
steal their land and stuff.

Speaker 4 (56:38):
I mean that did I mean they did that to
men too. Gyles Corey, the guy who that they stacked
all the stones on and pressed him to death. A
week later, they did the same thing to his wife,
and the sheriff took the land.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
I mean, right as soon as they tried to get
rid of the people who owned it, anyone who had
a contractual claim to it.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
Yeah, it wasn't just specifically women. Well you know, also
the accuser were women, two teenage girls.

Speaker 4 (57:02):
Girls started off with and it was against the people
they accused. Their parents were in a family dispute with.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
Yeah, yeah, it was a little like local almost political
dispute that they weaponized, which trials for Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
So you know, Europe kind of had something similar with
the werewolves.

Speaker 3 (57:22):
Sick being accused of being a were wolf would be
awesome because I would just be like, Okay, well there's
a full moon in eight days. I will I will
voluntarily walk into this cage and sleep in there, and
you can watch me all fucking night. Dickhead. Put it
right under the moon, you can watch and I'll sleep.

(57:43):
I probably jerk off in the middle of that.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
You might cover that on the patreon Patreon dot com
s last Sophomore History again, we got two more Halloween
episodes that you will find nowhere else that are ad
free on our Patreon. So we'll be doing that this week,
getting you know, all the spooky content while.

Speaker 4 (57:56):
We still do this much spooky last year.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah, We've doing this three year.

Speaker 4 (58:00):
Yeah, like a whole.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
Month every month, every October, we do spooky.

Speaker 3 (58:05):
The only theme we stick to year after year.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
We tried to do a Black History Month and it
didn't work well and.

Speaker 3 (58:12):
We didn't do bad, but we just got we got boredl.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
No, no, but we we fell into the tropes of
artist athlete.

Speaker 3 (58:20):
I actually one of my Black.

Speaker 4 (58:22):
History well you could do Cleopatra if you want.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
Yeah, one of my Black History one episodes I actually
still think is one of my personal favorite episodes. I've
at least researched to this day on the land of
punt where Egypt got all their fancy things from. Yeah,
they go down there and buy like monkeys and leopards.
It was like some all yeah, basically yeah, it was nice.

Speaker 4 (58:40):
Uh, the I could throw some specifically a black American
like soldiers there's a lot of great.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
Oh we've done Harlem hell Fighters, and we've done a
bunch of episodes.

Speaker 4 (58:53):
You know, who would be a good one to do
and you wouldn't even have to focus on his actual
athletic career as much because it's a really interesting is
Jackie Robinson. He wasn't the best Negro league player there
was at that time, but he went to u C.
L A and he was one of the only guys

(59:14):
playing in the Negro leagues that actually at one point
had white teammates. So he was a natural choice because, uh,
he was a He's from southern California. He had a
different mentality than those guys who grew up in Mississippi.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
Gonna gonna push back. Everyone knows, Babe Ruth was black.
Oh yeah, he was the first black baseball player Black German.

Speaker 4 (59:35):
It's a thing.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
There was you know, one of the dudes from Bander
Brothers played with Jackie at UCLA.

Speaker 4 (59:41):
Yeah, but uh Buck Compton, Yeah and then uh great,
that guy had a great story. Yeah, they were on
the baseball team. Jackie was a four sport athlete at UCLA.
If I'm not.

Speaker 3 (59:52):
Mistakes, track, football, baseball.

Speaker 4 (59:54):
Basketball probably would have been good at hockey too, one
would imagine.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Anyway, that's our episode for today, Jack always pleasured. I
thank you for coming to my house.

Speaker 4 (01:00:05):
Yeah, this is awesome. This is rad I I really
I wish, I wish I would have done this in August,
because that pool you got out there is really great one.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
It's still kind of toasty. You can you can pull
your trunk.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
It's seventy nine degrees, bro, you can hop in.

Speaker 4 (01:00:17):
All right, yeah, because we're about to have a cold
front this week.

Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
I better get on its finally autumn.

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
Now now he wants to get up and hang.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
And now it's chill, but he's out of friend. He
knows what he's doing.

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
He knows the show's over.

Speaker 4 (01:00:28):
Good boy.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Yeah, anyway, Jack, where can the good people find you?
Obviously Jack's history.

Speaker 4 (01:00:33):
Yep, jacked history on YouTube. That's j A C K
E D H I S T O R Y and
uh and and uh, I give I give my weekly
shout out to soft Court on that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Uh. You got one of our last hats ever called
collectors out him hat I was gonna wear today.

Speaker 4 (01:00:50):
I didn't think it matched this, Uh, but I wore
that hat when I was in Ireland. For like an
entire week.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
We shut the store down so you can no longer
buy that hat.

Speaker 3 (01:00:58):
Well, I love that hat. Are Miami Vice hat.

Speaker 4 (01:01:01):
It's rad It typically goes good with most color schemes,
but it probably wouldn't have been best with this one.

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
It's okay. I appreciate that you thought about your aesthetic
for the show. We've had to do Who's Hitler?

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
We haven't done any of that. What you learn?

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
What I learned? I mean all of this, I suppose
I relearned that. You know, don't trust backwoods rednecks when
they tell you they saw a bigfoot or a vampire.
Maybe they did, though, I mean I trust Teddy Roosevelt,
but I don't trust them.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Who would you need to hear from an American history
to believe in vampires?

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
Hmmm? I mean, just anyone credible?

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
George Washington?

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Washington, Yes, I wouldn't believe Jefferson. He's a liar, he's
a he's dramatic.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
Definitely. Not Hamilton.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
No, Hamilton would do it for the cloud.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Who's Today's Hitler?

Speaker 4 (01:01:57):
Well, I would say, uh, human beings in general, it's
the media, Oh yeah, yeah, Eighteenth century media, Eighteenth century
Eastern European media to be specific, horrible people.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
Yeah, yeah, the media is hitler.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
So thanks for tuning in. Guys, Jack, we love you.
Thanks for having me on for Jack Manville, Rob Fox,
I'm damn for Jester, and you just got saucered