The Original "No Kings" Protest

The French Revolution in 1789 is often regarded as a watershed moment in world history with the violent removal of King Louis XVI and his family from power. Despite its romantic portrayal, this was one of the ugliest and most savage revolts that was covered by blood and feces wall-to-wall. We breakdown what caused the events to set in motion and end with Louis and Marie Antoinette's unpleasant fate. 

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Rob Fox
https://www.instagram.com/robfoxthree/
https://twitter.com/RobFoxThree
https://www.tiktok.com/@robfoxthree

Dan Regester
https://www.instagram.com/danregester/
https://twitter.com/dan_regester

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You am now listening to soft core history.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Welcome back to soft core History. I'm your host for
the week. Damn ri Chester joined as.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Always, but Rob Fox, how's it going?

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Happy Father's Day to me as a dog dad as
we record this drops a day later, But I just
want to congratulate myself on being a father, right right,
right right? Anything new with you?

Speaker 1 (00:33):
No?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Okay, same old, same old good. I have to rely
on you today heavily. Okay, I need your lay miss
oh perfect, because today we're talking about the French Revolution.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Okay, well that happened during a different time, but I
don't care.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
It's I don't even know what lame is.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
Is Lamis took place during a smaller revolution in the
eighteen forties in France.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
Cool. I am not going to defend myself for that. Yeah.
I don't want to know what lay is is in detail,
like I just want to know that it exists. Yeah,
I don't need to actually know.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
What it's about.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
My name is bel Sean. I think it still stands
the two four six so one.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
I could do this all day. Good. I'm fucking Captain
America today.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
That's what we need to do this all day.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
I love fun fact about lay is it's uh, it's
Trey Parker's favorite musical. That makes sense though, Yeah, and
so they're in the south Park movie there is. The
south Park Movie is one of the best musical movies
ever made. And one of the reasons is for me,
as a guy who is like semi interested in musicals,
like someone who actually loves musicals would think I'm stupid,
and I am, but they like do all the songs

(01:41):
are kind of like different types of musical songs, you
know what I mean, It's not like one genre, and
one of them is like lame is like a lay
Mis theme song.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
And then.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
One of the greatest episodes of South Park ever, this
is easily in my top five, is the Thanksgiving Helen
Keller episode. Yeah, and they they hire like an actual
like Broadway guy to do their Hell and Keller play
like an actual director, and people who don't realize I
don't know anying about musicals. It's still funny because he's dramatic.

(02:12):
He's still very dramatic. But the guy is just doing
lay Miz the whole like he never talks. He's just
like I know of a turkey who can't do tricks.
I've worked with her before, and he just that's the
only way he talks the whole episode, and it's like,
every time I watch it, I just like piss my
fucking pants. It's so fucking funny. And the reason for

(02:33):
all of that is is that Trey Parker.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Loves lay miss Yeah, and he also loves great expectations.
He does, Yeah, I'm very familiar with Pip Yeah yeah,
and you're very familiar with like the lame Miz references.
So he bounces it out with the South Park universe
for us too.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
It does.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
But now today we're gonna talk about French Revolution because it's,
you know, currently trying to cash in on that SEO
No Kings, No King protest, which look, so we're going
back to the original on no Kings if it's.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
If Like I am all a I'm fine with people protesting,
even though I think any protest is annoying no matter
what it is or what side of the islet's on
and be there's certainly plenty of things to complain about
that I'm not going to like judge people for. But
the name of it high key pisses me off.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
It's bad. Brandon no Ca, well mostly because.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
I just see all them. I look at all of them,
like it's all like on the left side, and I'm
just like, no, Kings, I'm not convinced that you like
democracy exactly like I know you don't like Donald Trump
and and totally absolutely fair, but I am in no

(03:42):
way convinced that what you seek to do is save
a constitutional republic.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yes, very ironic, like at fucking all.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
It's just I'm just like, just just say you hate them,
like you don't need to do. If you're trying to
win over people in the middle, You're not. I don't
You're not. I'm not buying it now. I'm not, fun
fucking second, am I buying it.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
But we're gonna kind of talk about what leads up
to the French Revolution, and we're gonna kind of end.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
It where heads are rolling.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, yeah, once the heads are rolling, we're gonna cut
it there.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
And what my favorite thing about that because it's.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
So long, Oh, there's so many like details go into it,
and there's so many Honestly, the French Revolution deserves like
a three parter minimum.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
So you know, if we were Dan Carlin, we'd do
a ten part each episode three hours long.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
So we're not talking about Napoleon today. We don't know.
It's very disappointing for you.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
I assume we get up to like robes Pierre.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah yeah, but we mentioned rose Pierre, but like, we're
not gonna do the Reign of Terror. We're gonna get
up to We're gonna get to the rain of Terear.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
I think, Yeah, the French Revolution is one of my
favorite revolutions because, uh, back to the no kings thing
even is that that's really how revolutions go, you know
what I mean, like the American Revolution and by the way,
hype fucking city for the Ken Burns American Revolution doc
coming out. That's gonna be faya.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
And the American Revolution plays a part in this.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yeah, But the thing is that the American Revolution is
a miracle and one of the greatest things that ever
happened because of how it played out. Because normally what
happens is French Revolution, Russian Revolution shit, which is a
shit ton of innocent people die, and then someone gets

(05:33):
in power and power struggle, nothing really changing, more civil wars,
and then you just get another autocrat, whether it's in
France's case a literal just king again, Napoleon yea or
or in Russia's case, a king in all but name.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
A lot of people reference Napoleon as like the Augustus
of France.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
Look, Napoleon was a great leader, but obviously like fuck
him too, you know what I mean, Like he just
wanted power the same way Gustus just wanted power with
all the fuck those guys they ended the fuck fuck
Caesar and fuck Augustus, and uh, Napoleon's fun and he
was only fighting other dicks, so whatever.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
And uh as kind of you know, elitist. We're gonna
probably take the royals.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
I'm already on the side of the royals. Fuck them up.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Some of you French he's maybe you just discovered this
show because every time we do a French episode, we
if they find us somehow, and they're like a typical
American history here, you don't know what the conpredicts. You know,
Nuance French history, there is no nuance. Now, you guys

(06:44):
are fucking animals. And Louis was actually not that bad.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
He probably wasn't. To be honest, I don't know a
ton about him. I know he was not great economically.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
No, but that also wasn't really his that's not all
on him.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Right, Like he was convinced into bankrolling America.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
There's bankroll in America, and it's like, if you're in
French power, you have to go to war with England. Yeah,
that's just a requirement.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
They lose the World War and are in debt from
that and then decide to bankroll America to get back
at England basically, which fair enough. But my favorite factoi
to the French Revolution, I don't know if you bring
it up or not to, which is also just like
mirrors modern day, so comically close that it's painful, was
that when Marie Antoinette was on trial and they they

(07:34):
just weren't getting anything to stick other than she was rich.
They accused her of being a pedophile.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, we're going to get to that. Yeah. Between seventeen
fifteen and seventeen eighty nine, the French population grew from
twenty one million to twenty eight million, which is twenty
percent of that lived in cities and six hundred thousand
were in Paris alone. The middle class triple in size

(08:00):
by seventeen eighty nine.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Which by the way, means the country was doing well.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah. Oh there's a middle class. Yeah, a buddy middle class,
but living standards for peasant farmers and blue collar working
men dropped.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
The middle class will do that, were ladder polers. Yeah,
you know what I mean, you just get one house
in the suburbs and you start spitting on everyone.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
It's kind of like some immigrants these days. What the
legal immigrants. There's zelots. They're like, fuck these illegal immigrants.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
I mean, if you had to do it the right way,
a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire up the ass
for like ten years to.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Like just to get your citizens.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, in terms of bureaucracy and all that shit, and
then like someone else comes in and they're like amnesty,
we need the farm workers. I understand they're pov. I
get it completely.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
There was an incident back in the seventeen thirties with
that group of apprentices who are fed cat food by
their master, did a bit of a silent revolt to
their master by meowan outside of his bedroom, keeping him
and his wife up for several nights. Not realizing it
was his own men. He believed the cats around his
place were possessed, rounded them up, put them on trial

(09:10):
the cats, and hung them for witchcraft. The cats Okay,
so that's just kind of like a sense of where
we're at.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
I'm a little disappointed in this man, actually, because this
is a Catholic nation, and in Catholic nations you burn witches.
So the fact that he didn't burn twin cats at
the stake is a little disappointing off the bat. Maybe
he couldn't spare the fuel.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, Well, an economic recession hit in seventeen eighty five
thanks to both the Seven Years War in American Revolution
plus bad harvest from several free kale storms in seventeen
eighty seven and seventeen eighty eight. Food prices and unemployment
soared simultaneously.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, not a great combo. No, I think this was man.
It either started right after this or had just started.
But there was like a mini ice age in the
late seventeen hundreds, early to mid eighteen hundreds that like
really fucked with harvesting and stuff.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Like that, says The little Ice Age was a period
of regional cool in in the North Atlantic region last
and roughly from thirteen hundred to eighteen fifty.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Okay, all right, so they're already dealing with that.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
An average Frenchman at the time would house two pounds
of bread a day.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Wait, hold on a second. It lasted until eighteen fifty.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Did the Industrial revolution and coal burning save the planet from.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
We talked We've talked about this.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Remember we did an episode on Patreon about eighteen forty eight. Yeah,
simply Yeah, a lot of it, all those revolutions that
were happening, plus the Industrial Revolution, there was a lot
of you know, global warming around that time. So yes,
it saved the plant.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
We saved the planet with the Industrial Revolution.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
We always we always kind of backdoor our way.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
We really knew.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
Into the solution. So an average Frenchman would house two
pounds of bread a day. The prices of flour obviously
went up instead of only a baguette was half your
monthly wages.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
That's uh, that's not tenable long term. No two pounds
of pre days. It's aggressive putting it.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Away, going full carb load.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, but I mean, I guess if these are low
class workers.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
You'reurningat fuel. Yeah, you're on your feet all day, Like.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
A steak in the morning ain't gonna help. Yeah, Well,
when you're when you're doing the when recovery dog, you need.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
To state protein in you, the state also experienced a
debt crisis, though not nearly as bad as England. At
the time, the tax rates and collection were wildly inconsistent
throughout the different regions of France. King Louis the sixteenth
called for the gathering of representatives of the third estates
in seventeen eighty nine, the three states being nobility, clergy

(11:49):
and commoners.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, this is where the term left and right comes from.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
But there's three options, I.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Know, but there's still still just the left, left and
right comes from this assembly. I forget what it's called,
the Assembly National Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
Louis was actually willing to consider improving control of public
finances to the commoners, but would often back down when
the two other estates told him not to bitch out
to the demands of radical reformers. So, you know, you
had a bunch of like ritual leeds. You had the
fucking church being like, yo, fuck those dudes.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah what we got them?

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Who cares? Well?

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Tell them a story and they'll shut.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
The fuck up. Yeah about on the God.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
It is funny that he would even I guess maybe
it's a money situation at this point. But like in
the Middle Ages and prior to that. You know, the
nobles would be important because they're kind of like funding
your wars and like fuel. Like they have armies, like, right,
you collect all it's a Game of Thrones style, right,
you call the banners, right, right, right, But not by
this point the army's kind of nationalized, like there's no like, oh,

(12:54):
we need Lord Saviagnon's you know, twenty regiments.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
The biggest issue between these three, well mainly the commoners
with nobility and the clergy, is they were the only
ones paying taxes on land and wages.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
Right, which is fuck since the nobility owns a fuck
ton of land, a lot of it.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Yeah, and I think at this point that church rounds
like ten percent of the country. Yeah, but does that
even it's a big amount.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
But any land they own that doesn't even belong to
France nominally it's the Vatican. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah. The third estate would eventually break away and get
together at a tennis court of all places outside Versailles
and form their own nationale Assembly in June.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Them fucking up, those fucking dirt monkeys destroying a grass
tennis court like that makes me want to vomit.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
And that's how we got the French shop open with clay.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah, if they turned it into clay, because they are clay.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
Meanwhile, the educated French elite were all about the Age
of Enlightenment, like whatever did uh? The American Revolution inspired
French patriotism and propaganda against the king, often untrue, helped
light the fires of revolution.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, they like to say mean things about the king.
Wasn't one that he was like controlled by maybe by.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
His wife or like Marie Antoinette.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
Controlled by Marie Antoinette's like brother who was a big,
big dick in Austria or something like that.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
They made up a lot of stuff. One was that
he was a cook. He was infertile at first. Oh yeah, yeah,
because they had four kids eventually, but it took a while. Yeah,
and he had this weird obsession with being a locksmith.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Yes, loved locks Actually, their inability to bang is quite
amusingly portrayed in the movie Marie Antoinette. Okay, you know
who plays.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
And they were making a bunch of like locksmith jokes
about not being able to like crack.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
On lout, yeah, his wife. But that's accurate though. That's
not even propaganda, that's just dgging him befo what he
does do you know who plays Louis the sixteenth and
Marine It's it's perfect casting.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
I don't watch any of these movies.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Okay, Jason Swartzman, Okay, it's good casting. I like that movie.
It was fine.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
There was also a falsified story about Marie Antoinette stealing
a diamond necklace from the Crown Jeweler. This ruined her
reputation and the public's eye, and she was never able
to recover from it. She was obviously all about lavish parties.
She like to spend. Yeah, you know, maybe not the
best public image.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
She was a teenager.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
People are struggling. I know she got that.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
I don't remember when she became queen, but it was young,
I mean as young as Louis, almost like and it
actually doesn't help too that. I feel like the two
kings before Louis were kind of like badasses fourteenth and fifteenth,
like didn't fuck around, and then Louise like a little
bit feckless, softer obviously, well, yeah, play.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
He was too courteous to the commoners. He was trying
to bend the knee, and he was just trying to
play both sides too much.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Louis the fourteenth and fifteenth would fucking never no, you
don't you just like those are guys you just don't cross,
and then their soft little boy became king poor guy.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
They would also hand out pamphlets with erotica about these
strange sex lives of French nobility that's just awesome, and
they would pass it around like duff duck confeet to
make the court seem like total deviance.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Right, So essentially, see this is I love episodes like
this because it's the French Revolution that because it's like
a very it's a very shit, don't change episode.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Right.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
So the Clintons are in the woods sacrificing a baby
and then having an energy with like Bill Gates and.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, Warren Buffett, same same kind of thing, same fucking shit.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
It's just so so funny that it's like, what do
we say about them to make people don't like him? Oh?
They they put stuff in other people's holes. Weird.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
Well, that was the whole thing with Lafayette and why
he came to America was a bunch of like the
French royalty actually didn't trust him because he wouldn't cheat
on his wife. Yeah, so he came over to America
helped us with the revolution. Lafia's the man I can't imagine.
And we're gonna talk about lafiyat later.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Hell yeah, he probably found solace in like Washington and Adams,
who definitely just like stand up dude, didn't cheat on
their wives. But he was also really close with Jefferson much.
I just felt like he was back in France at
that point, right at Monticello. Yeah, just like Jesus christ Man.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
On July eleventh, Louis dismissed the finance minister Jacques Necker,
who was starting to cozy up with the Third Estate
and put the Royal Court on a budget. He's like, dude,
we got to pump the brakes on the spending.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
This is getting outrageous. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
He was like their version of j Pal.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
We've got to raise rates. This is getting outrageous.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
We cannot change the rates.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
I can't drop them. He's the only person I trust
in government right now. I'm just like, please, God, let J.
Paul stay in.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
This was seen as the King's direct opposition to reform
and was the catalyst.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
To j fourteen, the storming of Versailles, not Versailles, oh Bestiel, Yeah, yeah,
oh Van j fourteen.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah, they got their own, jay, we should uh obviously.
July fourteenth was when a revolutionary mob of about nine
hundred attempted to storm and seize control of the medieval armory, fortress,
and political prison known as the Bastille.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
If we still had any interest in selling merch a
j fourteen sure would be great.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
I survived j fourteenth.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, but we don't.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, dude, it's just so hard to make profit on
any merch when we're our size.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, it's just a bitch. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
After four hours of fighting and ninety four deaths, the
mob was able to break into the Bastille after tearing
down parts by hand.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Look at them.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
They ritted apart with their hands, by the way.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
Killing a tenth of the crowd. And still and they're
still going.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Is I don't think all ninety four deaths were on
their side? Oh okay, okay, not certainly not.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
They killed the surrendering governor and his garrison.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah it sounds right.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
The governor's head was then put on a pike and
prayed it around the city.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Not great.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
They do a lot of not great things. Yeah, that's
really just the star mob mentality is not the.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Best It's never good. Ever. It never like if you
see a mob, get out of it, what are you
doing in there? Yeah, that's the worst part. I actually
the people I hate the most, anyone mostly peaceful. Yeah,
like anyone who was in a mob, whether it was
some fucking twenty twenty thing or Jay six or something
like that, and like their excuse is just like, well,

(19:32):
I was just there and I wanted to see what
was get swept away, Get the fuck out of there.
What the fuck did you think was gonna happen? Dude,
I was just watching. I wanted to see, you know what.
And then you're mad you got tier You're among other
people that were doing shit.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, but nobody has their phones out. You're just living
in the moment.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
You are just you are living in the moment might
be your last moment.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Louis appointed our Boy uh Lafayette command under of the
National Guard and Jean Sylvian Bailey as head of the
new administrative structure known as the Commune. There was a
brief moment a few days of civil peace, but that
quickly deteriorated on July twenty second, when the National Assembly

(20:18):
mob got their hands on former Finance Minister Joseph Fallon.
If I don't know how to say the last name,
I just kind of put like a French stink to it.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
I've told you before, the key is on any French name,
is you just, especially if there's no e on the end,
you just don't pronounce the last half of it. Fellow,
That's it.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
They made this man walk the streets like he was
Jesus Christ, barefoot with a sack of hay on his
back instead of across oh, while forcing him to drink
peppered vinegar.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
Oh, such a spicy wing sauce.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yep, so it would make him sweat, and in order
to remove the sweatbeats from his face, they used a
stinging needle plan like oh buddy, are you sweaty, before
attempting to lynch him to a light post three different times.
Each time the rope broke, and ultimately they just beheaded him.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yeah, okay, I was gonna say, oh they let him
go or he got away.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
No. They then paraded his head on a pike and
stuffed his mouth with shit.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
People aren't very creative in a mob. And also, by
the way, this isn't a clean guillotine beheading. This is
a dirty isis beheading?

Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, sure, was just like get the butcher.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, this is a that you're chopping sawing.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
It's not you.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
The guillotine's your best. If you know you're gonna be beheaded,
ask for guillotine.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
Better sharpen that bitch.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah. That was actually a problem with like so people
who knew they were fucked, they wanted to be first.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah, because you don't want a dull blade.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
And that was the problem. The blade would dull as
it cut off more heads.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
And boy, howdie that rain a tear. It was just
a line, Yeah, truly.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
It was just it was like Disney World on the
fourth of July. It's the worst ride ever. Yeah, you
you do want to fast pass at the guillotine. If
you don't have a choice, get the fast pass.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
They then confronted his son in law, who was intended
of Paris with the head before lynching him too, Like
here's your father in law's head full of shit.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
I hope they did it creatively, like he was in
his study, like riding the you know, a document, like
filling out the the spreadsheet for the day, and like
his father in law's head just like peeks up on
a pike, you know what I mean, And he's just
like Papa. And then like he they like moved the
pike so it looks like he's talking and shit, it

(22:48):
starts falling out of his mouth, Like I mean, have fun.
If you're gonna be a mob, have fun.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
This led to a total break and containment of law
and order known as the Great Fear, and led to
a bunch of aristocrats fleeing the country and getting out
of dodge. Also, a lot of like farmers started to
like form their own militia and rural areas, fearing that
people were just gonna come for their fucking farms.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah that's smart. See this is why. Look again, totally
right to protest your government, Totally right to get angry
at your government. But at the same time, I do
appreciate things like the eighteen sixty two draft riot in
New York where they were just like sending the troops, like, yeah,

(23:33):
they're just killing people the like Marines in LA is
too soon, Probably not necessary, but like it does, there
is a point where it's just like especially like the.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
HW did it during the LA riots. Yeah, after Rodney King.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Those get those were crazier than anything we've seen anything
we've seen, I'd say twenty first century riots don't even compare.
Like when we talk about these type of riots, like
you know, like a bad like Black Lives Matter riot,
it's like, oh my god, two people were killed, and
it was like one of them is always like someone
who is just like, oh sweet, I can murder this

(24:13):
other guy under the cover of like it's not even riot.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Related, and they always end up somehow being a pedophile.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, but like there was actually it was it was
after in Saint Louis when the Mike Brown stuff happened,
like twenty sixteen, there was a couple like one or
two deaths. It wasn't a lot, and one of them
was literally just like some guy just like murdered a
rival because it was like the perfect time to do it. Yeah, dude,
get your gang rival right right, right right, And it

(24:38):
was just like too crazy and he was never gonna
get solved, whereas like these type this type of shit,
I mean, they're just stacking bodies. And same with the
eighteen sixty two Draft riot, like they were just killing
black people on the street for being like I don't
want to fight for you.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
In late September, seventeen eighty nine, the Flanders Regiment arrived
at Versi to reinforce the Royal Bodyguard, and we're welcomed
with a formal banquet, as it was common practice.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
It's a good look for Louis. Oh yeah, because he
needs to be like, hey, guy, takes care of his book.
Fuck the they already want to kill you.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
They're insane.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
Who cares what they think at that point. Just make
sure the soldiers like you.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
The radical press described it as a gluttonous orgy, while
the Assembly viewed their arrival as an attempt to intimidate them.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
On October, god forbid the king have security, I know.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
On October fifth, seven thousand protesters with the National Assembly
marched on Versailles. They were followed by fifteen thousand members
of the National Guard, who kind of seemed to be
turning towards the commoner's cause, and Lafayette was more or
less a prisoner to his own army.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
I mean, look, the soldiers are normal people. It's like,
you know, you have your musket and then they're just
like your fucking sister with a pitchfork on the other
side of the Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Granted, a lot of people always default to the army
would never, you know, fire upon its own citizens. Yeah,
that's never the case. They always do.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
They always follow order mostly. I mean look at in
later in the French Revolution when we're getting to it,
Napoleon with a grape shot.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
Other's that. But we'll get to Lafayette, Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
But no, I mean that's the most famous one. Give
them with a grape shot. It was just people. It
wasn't another army, it was rioters.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Lafier was able to relocate Louis and his family family
back to Paris after protesters ransacked the palace and killed
a few guards. Back in Paris, Louis and the fam
were eventually essentially under house arrest, yeah, for like a
year by the commoners kind of.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
So it was just like he couldn't leave for his
own safety.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
Both okay, like he was still in power technically, but
he wasn't calling the shots.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Doesn't sound like it.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
The army patrolled the streets to keep law and order,
and there was a weird transitional period of like a
committee consistent of wildly different view is with people like
Jeanne Sea Free Morey, who opposed the revolution, altogether. Yet
radicals like Robespierre, who was on this board and was
just like yo, fuck them, fuck everything, fuck the system,

(27:13):
thought of himself as like almost god. Yeah, there's a
point where rose Pierre, and we're not going to get
to this in this episode, but we'll just kind of
mention it. He gets rid of the Catholic church and
puts himself as like the head of his religion.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah. Never a good sign.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
No, thankfully he meets you know, the proper ending.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Oh. No, one deserved that their end more than Robespierre, absolutely,
no one what it. The only reason he's not one
of history's bigger villains is because he gets taken out
in time.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
He gets exactly what he deserves, right, Yeah, And then
you have moderates like Lafayette all governing the country in
this incredibly tense group. I don't know how they get
anything done. They don't really do anything at that point.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
No, it's like a very ineffective. Have you ever watched
there's like clips of like kind of like far left
political meetings. It probably happens at far right stuff now too,
but in a different way. But at like far left
political meetings or consuls or whatever, they'll start. I mean
like the first twenty minutes or like land acknowledgments and
shit like that, and then it's like and then like

(28:18):
there's I saw this one clip where this chick was like,
excuse me, there's a lot of extraneous chatter here and
as like an eighty HD autistic person and they probably
had like twenty other identifiers. I just needed to stop, Okay,
And I'm not white, and I feel like it's disrespectful,
Like it's just that level of craziness that the French
Revolution invented.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
Really, yeah, you can thank the Shitah. This was all
until June seventeen ninety one, when Louis's brother convinced him
that he had ten thousand troops at his disposal in
northeast France, ready to take back power. Just gotta make
it there.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
Just gotta get a swim.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Yeah, So the royal family left the palace in disguise
on the night of June twentieth, seventeen ninety one. Late
the next day, Louis is recognized, arrested and taking back
to Paris. The Assembly now demanded oh so loyalty to
the regime and began preparing for war. Radicals led by
Jacques Pierre Bressat prepared a petition demanded in his deposition,

(29:20):
and on July seventeenth, an immense crowd gathered in the
Champ de Mars to sign it, led by Lafayette. The
National Guard was ordered to preserve public order and responded
to a barrage of stones by firing into the crowd,
killing dozens of people. So they have their own Boston massacre.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
You kind of kill someone with a well justified please shooting.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
But I think this is a justified please.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
If people start throwing rocks at you, it's fairly justified,
especially in that day and age. I guess it's one
thing if you're like if it's like a modern riot police,
that's basically like a Roman tesseudo, you know what I mean.
Like they have the shield and they can just kind
of sturdy up.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
But like if you're just a guy in a wool
coat wearing a hat and people are throwing big ass
rocks at you, like at some point you're in danger. Yeah,
you are literally in danger. Yeah, especially if you're out numbered,
which I'm sure they were.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
The massacre badly damaged Lafaette's reputation. The authorities responded by
closing radical clubs and newspapers while their leaders went to
exile or hiding. So this in France kind of ruins
Lafayette's whole thing. Like he was a very well respected soldier.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
He was like the hero. Yeah, especially because at that
point they were a bit probably down bad for heroes
since they lost their last major war, so that generation
they didn't Maybe they did not. I just don't know,
but it doesn't feel like they had a lot of
heroes or any heroes from like the Seven Years of
War slash the French and Indian War. So they're only successful,

(30:58):
you know, military officer or their biggest most famous as
the military officer of the last forty years at this
point is Lafayette.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
On August twenty seventh, Emperor Leopold and King Frederick William
the Second of Prussia issued the Declaration of Pilnits, declaring
their support for Louis and Hinton at an invasion of
France on his behalf.

Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh yeah, no one else in Europe was hyped on
this at all. In fact, all in fact, all of
Europe was anti this. Oh they fucking hated it. Like
I don't I would love to actually do an episode
on what they thought of the American Revolution. But at
the end of the day, that's still on the other
side of the world.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, where they're still an ocean. He has to cross right, right.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
Right, and it's like, oh, well, they're colonists.

Speaker 2 (31:43):
Frances like dead center.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Dead center and the strongest one of the if not
the strongest, most central monarchy of Europe.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
For a long time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
In fact, all these other European nations, including England and
stuff like that, they have like different family lines that
take over over time. The French line was the longest line,
but I mean stretched way back into the I mean
it goes back before even like Saint Louis. Saint Louis
is one of the Louis. It goes back a long time.

(32:13):
It was a completely unbroken and yeah, they were probably
just like, dude, fuck fuck this.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
In reality, the midim between Leopold and Frederick was primarily
to discuss uh, dividing up Poland, but the threat rallied
popular support behind the regime.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Port Poland catching strays. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Also, what's not talked about the Polish Revolution. We might
have to do an episode on that.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
I don't know anything about it. Yeah, I don't know
anything about it.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
I think it kind of makes the French Revolution look
like child's play.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Dude. Anything in Eastern Europe, Russia, Poland the Balkans. I
know that's in Europe, but it's a different Europe, like
western Northern Europe is different than Eastern Europe.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Based on a motion proposed by Robespierre, existing deputies were
barred from elections held in September for the French Legislative Assembly.
Although Robespierre was one of those excluded, his support in
the clubs gave him a political power base not available
to Lafayette and Bailey, who resigned, respectively as head of
the National Guard and Paris Commune. The new laws were

(33:21):
gathered together in the seventeen ninety one Constitution and submitted
to Louis, who pledged to defend it from enemies at
home and abroad. So he's just like sign it, No, no,
sign it? Yeah, better sign it.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Do you think what's the just be egregious moving quoting here?
Do you feel like you're in control? It's just Bane
touching that guy's neck.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Or Robespierre had his own auto pen? Yeah, Louis, the
sixteenth that's not Roman numerals you get the point.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Yeah, it's fine. Who's gonna ask any questions.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
In December seventeen ninety one, Louis made a speech in
the Assembly given foreign powers a month to disband or
face war, an act greeted with enthusiasm by supporters but
suspicion from opponents. So like, I don't think he really
means it.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
His heart's not in it.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
It's essentially like, hey, I know you guys are probably
gonna save my ass, but please leave.

Speaker 1 (34:22):
Yeah, he's just the wife when the police come, it's fine,
he's fine. Yeah, No, it's just we were just yelling.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
It's Fineis Louis is the woman in the domestic abuse?

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Yes, it's of God. You could leave.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
Please leave.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
It's gonna get so much worse if you don't leave, Like, ma'am,
we can take you somewhere right now.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
We're gonna help you. Good, We're here to help you.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
You mean children here? Get No, it's fine, it's fine.
He won't do it again. Who's at the door.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
On April twentieth, seventeen ninety two, France declared war against
the King of Bohemia and Hungary. The initial battles were
disaster for the front charmy partially disorganized by mutinies, emigration
of officers, and political change.

Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, I'm sure they had to vote on every time.
They were like, hey, we're gonna flank like it's a battle.
Now we got to vote. We're in. They're shooting at us. Yeah,
we're going to vote on whether we shoot back or not.
Like we're gonna start with a land acknowledgment. This is.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
Prussia then joined Austria in an active alliance against France,
eventually declaring war on France on June thirteenth, seventeen what
seventeen ninety two. The blan for these opening setbacks was
put upon the king and asministers. Of course, it will
always blame that.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah, oh their fault. We lost.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
The morning of August tenth, the combined force of the
Paris National Guard and you know, different regional forces attacked
the Toilet Repalis.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, I think so. I think this happened in the
Russian Revolution too, because they The reason the Soviet Union
is as large as it is is because they once
they got solidified, they started invading other countries. And the
reason they did better than the French is because the
French were fighting proper countries and the Russians were fighting
like busted ass Eastern European countries essentially, and it didn't

(36:16):
go I mean they won, I guess, but like it
was a bloodbath, obvious, classic Russian war and they just
won because they had the numbers.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
But like this.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Happens every time there's a revolution like this, war breaks
out and you can guess who dies, and it's not
the people who were like, oh, I love the people.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
Many of the Swiss gars protecting it were mrked. Louisa's
family took refuge with the Assembly and they eventually just
removed him, suspending the monarchy.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Bound to happen. You can't do it all in one
fell swoop. You got to like normalize it, create the
permission structure, move down the road. Moved down the road,
and then you can find them.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
I was confused by this because this seemed like such
a slow build and slow role. It's like to just
get rid of him, like he's just been a political
prisoner for like a year and a half.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
If you do it too fast, not enough people will
be on your side.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
If you do it that swiftly, though, it's just like
it's over, like it's it's it's on. Yeah, I don't
know what they were trying to build to, is what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
They didn't know what they were trying to build too.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
They should have just got rid of them immediately.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
They This is the thing with the fratulition. Notice any
idea what they're doing. No, it is any idea. They're angry,
and they get the angry part right, They nail it.
They nail the angry. They have no plans afterwards, which
is why someone as competent as Napoleon is able to
come in and like the first competent human being in

(37:39):
like ten years.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
As long as somebody had a plan, yeah, yeah, shows
up and figures it out.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Plus everybody likes a winner.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
The Princess di Lambelle, a close friend of Marie Antoinette,
was brought before a revolutionary tribunal on September third, seventeen
ninety two. When pressed to swear loyalty to the revolution,
she refused, and the assembly washed their hands of her
by throwing her into the streets, where a mob literally

(38:06):
ripped her to pieces.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
Perfect This is, of course, by the way, like one
of the things that the French Revolution was, like more
equality for women, like treat women better.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
But since she was riding for a friend, yeah, it's like, nah.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
They just pulled her rib to pieces. I assume sexually
violated as well, if I had to guess.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
I don't know if they had time just fucking.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Jesus Christ, which, by the way, one of the things
that we talked about this in a previous episode. I
think it was just like horrible executions or something like that.
One of the things that started to sour people on
the French monarchy. And I think this was under Louis
the fifteenth was there was like a revolutionary assassin and

(38:52):
he was pulled apart, like in front of an audience,
like that was his official execution. I think he was
drawn and quartered basically, and people it was like so
horrifying that people were like, the monarchy's bad. But then
they just yeah, do that.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
They just did it.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, it's okay, if you do it, it's okay. Yeah. Again,
no kings or no kings unless it's a king, you like.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
They then carried her head on a pike to the
queen's prison cell, where they tried to force the queen
to kiss the severed head of her dear friends.

Speaker 1 (39:27):
Oh, they're a fun group. Again. I guess if you're
gonna go full psycho, lean into it. And they did.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
January seventeenth, seventeen ninety three, Louis was convicted of high
treason by unanimous vote for what who knows right.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
Existing.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah. The people that voted or that would have voted
against it, just you know, they didn't vote at all. Yeah,
they abstained present. They're like, uh we abstain. Yeah, I
don't want to be on the record saying voted in
his favor for.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
The best to not say anything at that point, you
just kind of got to look out for yourself.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
And he was sentenced to death by guillotine by the
man Samson, who formerly worked as an executioner under his rule.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
He's just working a job. Yeah, it's just a job, man,
it is. Yeah. You only know one thing, Like, I mean,
the guy who chopped off Charles what's his name's had
in England and in the English Civil War, he was
probably an executioner under Charles. It's just a job.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
It's like nothing personal.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yeah, I'm just buddy, I'm just working.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Just clocking in.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
Four days later, on January twenty first, the former king's
hands were bound by his own handkerchief. The executioner's men
then cut his hair and opened his shirt collar. They
then started playing the drums. He had like some drum rolls.
As he walked up the steps, Yeah classic, Louis signaled

(41:05):
to the drummers to stop and proclaimed his innocence to
the crowd and expressed his concern for the future of France.
He would have continued, but the drums continued to just
drown out anything he was saying. I can to hear
anything he was saying.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
Right, guys, this is gonna go bad. Yeah, it's gonna
go bad. It's gonna go bad.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
I just want to let you know. At ten twenty
two am, the device was activated and the blade swiftly
decapitated him. One of Samson's assistants grabbed the severed head
out of the basket, onto which it fell and exhibited
to a cheering crowd. Spectators shouted long Live the Nation,
Long Live the Republic, Long Live Liberty, and gun salutes

(41:50):
were fired while the crowd danced.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Yeah. Fast forward to like eight years later. They were
an emperor.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
People dipped their handkerchiefs in his blood and sold locks
of his hair as souvenirs.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
I'd like to get one of those.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah, if we can get our hands on that, Yeah,
I'll be set and get Louis the sixteenth, just a
piece of him, Yeah, I need it. Next, they decided
what to do with his son, Louis Charles, who was
only eight years at the time. They handed the kid
over to a poor cobbler named Antone Simone.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Okay, better than better than what they could have done.
I really just wait, okay, great, yeah, I mean I
put nothing past these people.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
At the trial of Marie Antoinette, the boy was made
to testify that the queen had sexually assaulted him as
a child. Yep, which was you know.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Just straight up falls completely untrue.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah. So Marie Antoinette would meet the same fate at
the same location as her husband nine months later.

Speaker 1 (42:51):
But let's just walk this back for a second. Let's
just take a step back. This glorious revolution for the people,
you know, the good guys, for everyone, the common man,
right against the tyranny, manipulate and instruct a small child

(43:15):
to get on the stand at his mother's execution trial.
She'd done nothing wrong other than just be married to
the king. She had no choice in it and say
tell everyone your mom raped you.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
Yes, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
If it's you know, I guess the ends justify the means,
do they? No, not remotely. The people who did the
French Revolution were bad fucking people. You can have a
good complaint and still be a fucking terrible person. And
they're probably grifters too, you know what I mean. Like
it's the type of thing where they see like, oh man,

(43:52):
the common people are unhappy over some some serious bullshit.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
It's like I can take advantage of Yeah, how can I.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
Use this to my They're all just like l Ron
Hubbard's like, how can I get these rubes to worship me?

Speaker 2 (44:02):
At least? Elron Hubbert essentially got us to the moon.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Did he?

Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah? Elaborate Well, all right, So there was a rocket
engineer from NASA that did a shit ton of like
mushrooms and different drugs with l Ron Hubbert in the desert.
I think they fucked each other too.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Oh I remember you talking about this, mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
It was a jac episode back then, but NASA guy bangs.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Hubbert.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Yeah, it was a Jack Parsons Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Jack Parsons went and had like a I don't know,
drugged fueled orgy with l Ron Hubbert, and apparently that
gave him a bunch of inspiration perfect for his rocket technology.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
I feel like it didn't feel like a physical textbook.
Probably did that, but.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Maybe yeah, but I don't know. If he gets there,
if he doesn't bang out.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Maybe yeah, maybe it was maybe he gave him the courage.
That's my general rule of thumb. Though. If I see
something I'm like in any political thing today, I'm like,
just this remind me of the French Revolution in any way,
And if the answers yes, then I'm.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Like, I'm out. Nope, That's why I did this episode.
I'm like, yeah, a lot of parallels here.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Yeah, like nah nah.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
So Marie Antoinette would meet the same fate as her husband,
same place. Nine months later. As she approached the guillotine,
she accidentally stepped on the Executionerier's foot. Her last words
were part of me monsieur.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Sorry, mister yep. Her last words were sorry, mister.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
Classic woman always apologized, yeah sorry.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
That is funny that she apologized on her way up
to the sorry sorry, like her kid, although I will say,
by the way, so back to the kid being forced
to say his mom raped him. They actually did retract
that because the women in the audience, like the mothers
in the audience in the courtroom were like fuck this,

(45:54):
like they like they truly were like this is too
fucking much. And the prosecution was like, oh, shoot, were
losing them. So they like were like okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Okay, okay, that didn't happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but then
you're just blatantly just made that up. Yep, seems like
anything else you say moving forward is not.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
Serious, right exactly. But they did walk it back because
all the brothers were like what the fuck, and and yeah,
they're like okay, okay, okay, okay, okaykid.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
Revolutionaries toss their bodies into coffins, dumped them in unmarked graves,
and covered them with quickline at a cemetery in Paris,
along with the remains of thousands of other guillotine victims
during that time.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, so they're buried somewhere.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Who knows. All symbols of the monarchy were attacked, which
meant bringing up the decaying bodies of kings, queens and consorts.
In July seventeen ninety three, they just kept desecrating royal tombs,
and it became like official business of the government. Suite
revolutionaries dug up the royal bodies at the Basilica of

(46:57):
Saint Denis, where the vast majority of French had been
buried for centuries. We're talking about people from like hundreds
of years before.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Probably talking about fucking Saint Louis like a literal saint.
They don't like the church anymore.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
I mean, royal bodies were dug, dug up and reburied
in this manner, including Henry the Fourth, Catherine Medici. The
bodies of Henry the Second, his wife Eleanor, and son
Richard the Lionheart, all of whom were buried in France,
were likewise removed and scattered during the revolution.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
Oh so they even dug up English kings. Yeah, that's funny.
I didn't realize Richard Lenhart was buried in France. M dude.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
I mean, England and France are just so tightly knitted.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
Yeah, And it always.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Didn't really make sense that they were always at war
because it was the same family, right, A lot of
the similar you know, it's cousin.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
The French conquered England and then England just absorbed just
made them English, basically.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
William the conquer.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Yeah, and then they were like, let's go back and
take the mother land.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
When the cobbler who took Louis's son was forced to
go away in January seventeen ninety four, I don't know
what that means. It's just a go away.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
He was disappeared. Yeah, who knows.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
The boy was locked up in Paris's Temple prison and
left to rot Over the next year. The uncaring guards
basically neglected the ten year old child to death. Underfed, lonely,
and utterly miserable. The ten year old boy finally died
of tuberculosis in summer of seventeen ninety five.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Good people.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
It took until two thousand and four for his remains
to be identified and buried near his parents. They found
there that they found Louis and Rie Antoine.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
Yeah, what a I mean, just like, fuck, these people,
these people are awful. Anyone who looked at the front,
like you look at like a picture of the French
Revolution and it's like a crowd like waving flags and like,
you know, it seems aspirational until you read like one
thing they did, like you don't even it can literally
be a cursory read. You don't even need to get

(49:00):
in the weeds. Like the headlines are bad enough. It's
I hate, I hate the French Revolution so fucking much
at some point, none of.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
The Jefferson kind of about it.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
He was all about it, all about it.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
That's kind of a striking because.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Jefferson was like a lot of these revolutionaries. He was
smarter obviously, and he was a good president, but like
in his spirit, like it like most people who call
for like revolution, they just want the revolution, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
Until I think he actually went to France and saw
like firsthand, I think he maybe backed away from it
a bit.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
Yeah, and once like Lafayette probably got on the outs.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
Yeah, Lafayette I think kind of went to Austria. I
think he was in prison for a bit.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Yeah. I think Lafayete probably talks and sense in him too,
and it was like, dude, you don't fucking understand what's
going on here. Like I know it sounds nice because
that was like in his spirit, Jefferson was very much
like it's like someone who has a lot of great
ideas for screenplays but never writes any of them, you
know what I mean? That's like a revolutionary and they're like, well,

(50:10):
I'm so creative of all these ideas, but they never
sit down and like bang anything out. They just want
to talk about their fucking ideas.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
So, yeah, Lafayette died in pneumonia in eighteen thirty four,
nice in Paris, at the age of seventy six. He's
buried with soil from Bunker Hill placed on his coffin.
So he loved that. It fulfilled his wish of being
both French and American. Soil love dude, lof hits the man.
We should do an episode in Loafia.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
He is the band.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah, that is just kind of the French Revolution up
until Louis dies and where were we Antwinette dies obviously
robes Pierre and the reign of.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
Terror, whole other situation.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
We could probably do an entire episode on that, and
we will ultimately.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
I have mentioned they're just the best thing about the
French Revolution all it like, yeah, they killed the king
and they killed the queen, and it also resulted in
the deaths of millions and millions of commoners, like literal
probably tens of millions from all the wars and the
wrongful executions and more. Wars under Napoleon, who was a
direct result of the French Revolution ironically. Yeah, it's just

(51:21):
a huge waste of time. They didn't do anything right.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah. An estimated seventeen thousand people died in the Reign
of Tear alone.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah, and then obviously from the Wars of Revolution through
the Napoleonic Wars its millions. Just a completely pointless exercise.
They got nothing accomplished, nothing accomplished because they ended up
with the king. Yeah, they with an emperor, and the
emperor gets opposed and they put a king back in charge.
Then there's more revolutions. They eventually get a republic, and

(51:52):
then they get another king, and then it's another finally
republicked after that or something.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
It's hard to please the French. They always every you know,
five ten years, need to burn something on.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
They riot every time they want to pay raise.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
Yeah, they just light something up.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
It is it is that that moment forever changed the
French into like just these fucking weirdos that don't know
what they want, but they want to light things on fire.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
They don't care, but they do care.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
Yeah, I do not care.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
I do not care about they care.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
But they do not fucking French.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Yeah, come out as French.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Like truly the French. Every revolution really goes the way
of the French and Russian Revolution, which is why the
American Revolution is actually so dope because it was serious
people doing it. It wasn't a bunch of fucking I mean,
like there were obviously like you know, kind of head
in the clouds types.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Like more of the roses, kind of has a clean
ending to a degree, you have the tutors that take over.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Or you want to go a good one, a good
another good revolution to be like the Glorious Revolution, which
is called so because no one died, they just changed things. Yeah,
that's what you want. But anyone that's like I gotta
take to the streets like it's a French revolution, the
fucking throw those people into the river. They're horrible and

(53:14):
they will only the only people that die in revolutions.
For every king that dies, for the oligarch that dies.
It's like fifty thousand normal people who you're claiming to help.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Yeah, who's today's hitler?

Speaker 1 (53:29):
All of every French commoner.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
The National Assembly of Commoner, Yeah, all of them.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
But specifically the prosecutor who was like, let's have the
kids say his mom molested him.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Yeah, that's not great.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
That's one of the more evil things I've read in history.
I mean there's obviously way more evil shit like actually actually,
although they did actually kill the child as well. But yeah,
just pieces of shit from start to end.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
What did you learn today?

Speaker 1 (54:06):
I knew a lot of this, uh, because I took
a class in college on the French Revolution. So I'm
like cumald and Johnny who had the greatest tweet of
all time when he said he knew Trump was Hitler
because he took a class on Hitlaar in college. Sick
sick did He deleted that tweet, but it's still one

(54:27):
of the funniest things ever. Like it just this isn't
the time.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
It's just like the laziest comparison. Yeah, I just dismiss
you whenever you say Hitler.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
Which is why we do that on this show. Yeah,
but I did actually didn't know about this stuff in
poop and people's mouths or ripping that chick to threads
not great. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
Also the uh you know, you take the Bastille the
guy surrender and you're just like, all right, now you're dead.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
Yeah, I just don't it always mystifies me.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Also, the Bastille there was only like seven political prisoners
in it at the time. Yeah, and symbol they I
think they demolished it a couple of weeks later, like
they were just like they planned to get rid of
it anyway.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Yeah, it's old. Yeah, it's funny they still celebrate Beasteel day.
It's not a good day. It's not a great day,
like fourth of July is a good day, like a
brilliant document was signed into not I don't know laws.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Due j fourteen. It'd be like a celebrate in j Sex.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
It's just not a good day. It's not celebratory in
any way whatsoever. The Fresh Revolution sucks, dude, Like literally
anyone who looks at that and is like, no, it
was actually great. Yeah, they got a little out of hand,
like no, no shitty from start to finish, ended up
worse than they started. Revolution. If you don't have serious

(55:51):
people doing things, that's what's gonna happen. And most revolutions
don't have serious people doing things. They might have mean people,
determined people, but they don't have serious people.

Speaker 2 (56:00):
Well that's all I got today. Thank you for tuning in.
We love you guys. Check out patreon dot com. Slash
Softcore History get two additional episodes every week where you
can only find behind our Patreon paywall. We get an
episode every Wednesday and Friday dropping there and at this
point three years of evergreen content, so so many episodes

(56:23):
is that you can find nowhere else?

Speaker 1 (56:24):
You never get through it. When do we say four years?
I feel like it's coming on four I don't know, man,
who knows? Who could say?

Speaker 2 (56:29):
I think it's our five year anniversary really soon? Just
in general, man, Yeah, yeah, either July or August.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Yeah, I forget when the first episode came out. We
probably recorded.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
We've been knowing this for so long.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
It feels like just yesterday.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
I know.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
I'm just waiting for Jake to walk back in that door.
He will.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Yeah, he's gonna become crawling back pathetic. I know, we'll
see Jake. We'll see you soon, the side or the other.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
It's been a long that got you, my friend. I
don't know the rest sports you shouldn't really. No, it
was a Whiz Khalifa song, Sam Smith Whiz Khalifa. Gross. Yeah,
it's not great.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
Yeah, it's all about Paul Walker. Yeah, r I p
two uh speaking of pedophiles, Rough Fox, I'm Damna Jester
and you just got Saucer