SOS: The Heart Behind the Mic

In this unforgettable episode of SOS Stories of Survivors, the microphone is turned, and for the first time, beloved host Serina Dansker steps into the guest seat.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Hey there, and welcome back to SOOS Stories of Survivors.
I'm your host, Serena Dancer, and we're going to do
something different today. I've never told my story on SOS
Stories of Survivors, and I thought it was time that
you guys really hear from how this was born and
what it really means to me. And here today we

(00:55):
are flipping the script and my good friend Michelle Journo
is going to be asking the questions and I'm going
to be giving her the answer. So I hope you
enjoyed the show.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
I'm so excited. I'm honored, Serena, thank you so much.
I am so excited to have you the host as
a guest today. Today it's going to be fun. As
we've said so many times, we could just like this
is from our mouth to God's ears. This is happening

(01:28):
for such a beautiful purpose, and I am truly honored
to be the host today to just you know, sharing
this this journey, very intimate journey. So I just wanted
to mention that today or this month, September is suicide
Awareness Month. I wouldn't say necessarily that it's it's special.

(01:54):
It is special because it does need awareness. And I
have many people who have been impacted by suicide, but
nothing impacted me the way that your loss impacted me.
It rocked our world. Everyone who knows the dance or

(02:15):
family and you and Brad and the trips you know,
So I am. I think it's so important for you
to share this and I'm looking forward to it.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Oh my gosh, it's it's it's it's been a journey
and who I was before, who I am after. It's
remarkable the difference. And thank you for being here.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
Oh you're welcome, Thank you, Thank you, Serena. I just
want to say that Stories of Survivors is making a difference.
Daily messages from listeners whose lives have been impacted changed,
people who have heard the show. They want to come
on and they want to share their story. Yeah. And

(03:04):
the thing is, we all have a thread. There's a
thread that connects all of us. And as they say,
like six degrees of separation.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
We all we all, we all have our burdens and
sharing them lets others know that you're not alone. We
all have things going on in our lives.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
I do, Michelle does.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
And if we share them and we talk about them,
and we take away the stigma surrounding it. We can
make a difference and maybe, just maybe suicide would be
a thing of the past. I mean, put it out
there to the universe.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
You know, I agree. So I'm so excited to dig in. Serena,
You're usually the one who's asking all the questions that
today we get to hear your journey. For those who
don't know your full story, can you start by just
telling us who you were before all of this began.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Sure? Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
I grew up in Yonkers, New York, single mom. I
worked my way through college. I worked three jobs put
myself through school. We didn't have a lot of money,
but we had a lot of love. And throughout my
time I at school, at college, I lived at home.
And when I finally graduated, I wanted to get out

(04:27):
of my own and you know, break away and become independent.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
So I moved to.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
California and I got a job at Merrill Lynch and
I worked under the top producer in the Beverly Hills office,
and I got my licenses and I learned the business.
And while I was out there, I had come home
for the holidays during Christmas one year, and to visit

(04:53):
everyone in my friend's older brother, Brah had took me
aside and he goes, you know, I've always had a
crush on you.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
We should start dating now. Mind you. He lived in
New Jersey and I.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Lived in California, and I'm like, how in the world
is this going to work? You know, he said, so
what were you? Because I got this great job. I
travel all the time. I have miles so I could
fly out there. I could fly you in this work.
And I said okay, And so we started dating. We
did the long distance thing, and within six months we

(05:23):
got engaged, and then I have a little bit of
a commitment with work out there, and then I so
once that ended, I moved back and we got married.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
And we're going to be celebrating thirty one years this year.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
WHOA, all right, let's here for that.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:40):
So we so that was my background.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
We we got married, and we had a great life.
We were both working, you know, double income, no kids.
While some of our friends were blessed and we're able
to have children.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
We were not so lucky. You know.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
I went to all these doctors and started and fertility.
As I got older, you know, they're like, oh, I
have sex every day, you'll get pregnant.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
No, it didn't work.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
While my sister in law would look at her husband
and she would get pregnant. So we went through quite
a you know, a tough time because I felt like
I was almost a failure, you know, because the one
thing you want is to build a family.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
And have kids.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
And although we were successful in our careers, we loved
each other. We were the best of friends. There was
one thing missing, you know, and so we you know,
Brad was great. He's like, look, he goes, we will try,
we will do whatever it takes.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
He goes.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
But if it doesn't happen, then it's not meant to
and it's just you and me against the world.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
And you know, just to have that support was really
what I needed. And we tried.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
We tried for ten years, and finally we did in
vitro fertilization.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
And with that, you I was lucky my company covered it.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I had switch firms for Marylands to another like an
insurance company, Prudential Securities.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
And they covered all the instuletal treatments, which was that's amazing.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yeah, And then they were getting bought out by a bank,
Wacobea Securities, and they said oh no, come January, no
more fertility benefits. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So
we had just done the cycle.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
They call it, and it didn't take.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
So I had frozen embryos, and we decided, you know what,
let's it was November. We said, well, even though they
like to usually skip a month so they would normally
skip December and do it in January, we said, you
know what, let's just do it in December and use
the frozen embryos.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
So they put in three frozen embryos. Wow, I have triplet.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
And so yeah, so from the get go triplets it was.
It was crazy. Uh, you know, three.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Little babies, you know, and I never babysat as a kid.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Well, then really was awake up? Paul help?

Speaker 4 (08:06):
Well, eventually, yeah, I did.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
I got help and people taught me to boot them
on schedules, and luckily they were healthy and they were
happy and beautiful children, and they filled my world. They
really did. But what I realized is shortly after having them,
we went through the financial crisis, and so I realized

(08:28):
I could not do both. I could not take care
of my triplets at work in my career and do
both well. So want, something had to go. And since
I worked so hard to have I mean, I worked
hard in my career, but this was the next chapter.

Speaker 3 (08:42):
So taking care of the kids became my priority. And
so that's who I was. I was a mom to triplets.
I was a wife.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
I had my mom who was getting older, who I
would always see and take care of. I had a
full social calendar. I volunteered at the school. I still
gibbled and dabbled in the markets, just managing my own
portfolio and some friends and family.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
But it was it was good. I was We were happy,
and I love.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
That we were a great mom a kind of love.
You're such a good example to me and to so many.
Juggling the schedule for three kids, they're the same age
in my eyes, impossible.

Speaker 4 (09:24):
Also, you just you know, you don't know, you know,
you just do true.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
True.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
So I just wanted to touch on who was Serena
before this advocacy work started, Like aside from being a
mom and the triplets, Like who were you?

Speaker 4 (09:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Who was I? I?

Speaker 1 (09:50):
I basically identified as a as a as a career girl.
You know, I always cared know deeply, as an EmPATH
for my friends and my family. I would always family
was so always so important to me.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
So I would always have in.

Speaker 1 (10:11):
My house a house full of friends and family, because
my friends are like my family, and I know, and
I would always throw parties and entertain and just any
excuse to get together with the people I love because
I just feel like I don't get to see them.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Enough because life is busy.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
And so I taught my kids that, you know, you
always want to put your family and your friends first,
and really, you know, surround yourself with good people, people
that love you and build you up.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
That's so funny. I've said the same thing. It's so
important who you're surround yourself with, you know, and that
goes for anyone who's listening. You know, and you go
through trauma, you want to have those people who lift
you up and build you up.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
And then heard you so and it was something you know,
the teenagers of raising the kids and going through COVID
and with that entail and you know, not being able
to see my mom or bring her around because she
was elderly. I was afraid that somehow one of us

(11:21):
would contract COVID and then give it to her.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
And you know, it was.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
Really early on before there were vaccines, and all the
vaccines were there, but there were no like instant medication
and wals to take care of things. So I still
try to do a few outdoor barbecues and outdoor stuff
with the family.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
So you know, what did happiness look like for you?
You know, I know it was the friends and the
family and the barbecues. Yeah, but there's one thing that
I know that I think is so special and it
is so much part of your story, and I'm going
to tell you what it is, because it is how

(12:04):
much you prioritize your relationship with Brad and your date nights.
And that was a priority. Oh, I mean I met
you like.

Speaker 4 (12:13):
After the triplet, so they were six years old.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
We still prioritized each other always.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
We Friday night was date night. So Friday night, every
Friday night we had a babysitter.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
We would calling whoever I can to be my babysitter,
usually these sweet young women and they were just great,
you know.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Sometimes yeah, that was my cousin's wedding.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
That was that was a really good one.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
But yeah, we always because I knew that once the
kids grew up and they went on their own, who
was going to be left right aweso. And if we
didn't keep that that connection going, you know, you can
kind of grow apart. I've seen it happen, and a
lot of people they grow hard.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
So for Brad and I, we've always been friends, We've
always talked.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
We share so many of the same interests, so we
would go out on Friday nights, or we take weekends
away or take one night away.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
Inevitably all we talk about.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Are the kids, right, yes, But you know, with that said,
it was just really it was a great way for
us to connect and to remember why we still love
each other and why we're connected and why we're on
this journey together. And you know, you laugh and you
support each other, and if you're having a problem with work,

(13:29):
I could understand what he was doing because I was
in that field, you know. And then you know, when
I would talk about the kids and things he wasn't
in the room for, when they would tell me these stories,
we would problem solve together.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
So it was super cool.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
And really important. Thank you for bringing that up.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Oh absolutely, I just I love that. Yeah, you're a
great example as a partner too. So I do want
to segue now to talk about Scott's story. Okay, Gottie,
I would like just I want you to tell us
of Ascot.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
All right, So Scott Scott. So I had triplets, of course,
and Scott was the firstborn. He did everything first. He
walked first, he talked first, he ran first, he climbed
trees first.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
That's that's who Scott was. He But he wasn't just
you know, a pioneer and things.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
He would be there was a crowd of kids in
a room and someone asked for a volunteer, his arm
would go up first, you know, and didn't matter what
it was. You know, he wasn't he wasn't afraid to
take risks and to you know, be out there and
it's fearless. He was, you know, but something flipped on
him when he went off to middle school. It was

(14:47):
you know, a little bit trying trying to figure out
where he belonged to his friend groups and stuff like that.
And he found his friend groups and he became a
little bit of a comedian in school. And and he
got to high school, something again shifted and you know,
the he wanted to play football and he wanted to

(15:08):
play lacrosse.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
You know, those were the.

Speaker 1 (15:10):
Big popular sports, but that's not where he shined. He
shined more in track or in cross country and in wrestling, right,
but those were not the cool sports, and so he
really struggled with finding his friend groups. And I remember
him coming to me and saying, you know, mom, he's like,
I'm not the job. I'm not the smartest kids on

(15:31):
you know, I'm not in with the nerds. He's like,
you know, I have not found my friend group. I'm
not the most popular kid. He goes, I feel like
all that's left for me to hang out with the
kids such your drugs. And he says, you know, that's
not who I want to be. But he felt like
he was, you know, really struggling, right, And so you know,

(15:53):
he would make friends so easily. My god, he would
go all and just you know, had these he after
he passed, I found his phone and he used.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
To have a list of pickup lines and he would
say to a girl, do you like my shirt?

Speaker 1 (16:11):
You think it's boyfriend materia? Like those actually, but he
would do things like that. He was just carefree and crazy.
And I guess, you know, it was before COVID. He
had done ninth grade at school and he the summer

(16:33):
was upon us, and he took Fred and I and
he sat as sound. He was always into the boy
Scouts and stuff, and he had done a trip to
West Point and he just loved it. And he said,
you know, I think what I want to do is
I want to go into the Naval Academy after high school.
And we're like, okay, you know, he's like, but he

(16:54):
goes in order to get there, he goes, I really
think I should go into like a feeder school, like
a military school.

Speaker 3 (17:00):
To get into it.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
And I'm like, you want to leave this plush house
we have, you know, with a great school system that
you're in here in Connecticut to go to a military school.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
Where there's like rules and uniforms. And you know, he
was my fashionist too.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
We love to dress and you know, always you know,
picking up the latest trends.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
He liked to go thrifting. And he's like, yeah, that's
what I really want.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
So we did a lot of soul searching, and we
did a lot of research and we had found a
school down in Florida called Admiral Farragut Academy. It was
in Saint Petersburg and it was actually more like a
country club than a military school, and they had kids
that weren't going to the military route. So it was just,
you know, a high school, but if you wanted to,

(17:48):
they had the uniforms and they had all of that intact,
you had a dress in your uniforms and you learned
a lot of stuff.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
The way the military is.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
And it was a military theater school in two West
Point or the Naval Academy or the Coast Guard.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Lots of kids would get in there.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
I love that before like we go on, I have
one leg, so just letting the audience know I was
Scott and Jake's then later Yes, and that is how
I met Serena. They were in my den. Oh, they
were just so cute and we worked hard to learn
as many patches as possible.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
It was fun.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
We had fun, and I mean it was the cud Scouts. Yes, yes,
But I want to just segue into like one question
that I love because I wanted to share this with you.
But one of my favorite memories of Scott was so
the trips would go to sleep away camp.

Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Now I only have Curran one boy, and I guess
he's a mama's boy. Sorry, Kurran if you're listening. But
I told him the true are going. And I mean
I have many, like great memories of Scott, but one
of the best was that how supportive him and Jake

(19:10):
both were. And we made sure Keran was in the
cabin with him that first two weeks, and he was
such a support and a friend and very loving and
kind and compassionate. And he made sure that Kerran like
got integrated into the group. And I mean I had

(19:34):
to make sure Kurran stuck it out the two weeks.
But it was that is the kind of person that
Scott was.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
He loved camp Oh my gosh, campaigns, and it was magical.
Two weeks no phones, no technology. You couldn't even bring
a radio with you.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
No, they had.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Guitars and stuff like that that they could do. They had,
you know, people come in and play music for them.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
But those two weeks you would just a kid.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, and where our reality Yeah wasn't it was. There
were two connected these kids, unfortunately even at that young age.
But just on that, what's one of your favorite memories
you want to share of Scottie.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
I know it well, there are so many memories, but
one of one of the Scotty stories I can share
is he was always like scheming to do things.

Speaker 4 (20:33):
And I'll never forget.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
It was probably during COVID maybe, and I was, you know,
letting the dog out, coming in the house, and I
noticed his bike was out by the side door and
it wasn't in the garage where we always keep you know,
the bikes. And I was like, huh, that's interesting. So I,
you know, turned locked the doors, you know, turned on

(20:56):
the alarm or whatever, and I went to bed and
it was probably like eleven o'clock at night or whatever.
And so the next morning, you know, I left the
dog out at six am and the bike is still there,
but now there's like mulch all over the tires. And
I'm like, well, that's kind of weird, you know, I
want to wonder what happened there. You know, it's so

(21:18):
you know, it's it just was strange, and so I
decided to We had we have cameras, you know, the
ring caras outside, so I decided to do a little recall.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, of course you did.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
And all of a sudden on the camera I see
coming out of the shadows is Scott. He's like tiptoeing
like a cat burglar and I see him jump on
his bike and take off through the malt and then
he's gone.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
And so and this was at two am. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
So I'm thinking to myself, okay, one, how did he
bypass the alarm?

Speaker 3 (21:52):
Right?

Speaker 4 (21:52):
Two?

Speaker 3 (21:53):
Where in the world is he going?

Speaker 1 (21:57):
So I decide, okay, it's seven am. You know it
is room. I open up to Oh, we need to talk.
He's like, what, like, did you go out last night? What?

Speaker 3 (22:13):
I like, all right, let's call it what it is.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
I think you're busted.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
He's like, how did you find out?

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Okay, I'll answer my question your questions after you answer
my questions. Absolutely, he turned out he was going to
see a girl. Yeah, And and the way he says,
he's like, yes, I went to say I said.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
At two am. He's like, yeah, my mother was fine
with it.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
And I'm thinking of myself, she snuck out? You snuck out?
And what did you do with two am? There's you know,
you're fourteen, fifteen years old, there's you know. And he's like, oh,
we just hung out at the park and sat on
the swinging and talked.

Speaker 3 (22:48):
And I'm like I'm like that's great.

Speaker 4 (22:52):
Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, that.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Was one of my favorite stories. I'm diving lots like that.
I know, I know.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
I'm so happy that we like just shared like lots
of laughs and happy memories. Because now I have to ask,
can you share with us what happened on the day
your life changed forever?

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Yeah? Okay, so that day. So that day was April
twenty second. It was he was away at Admiral Farragut.
He something like, you know, you feel things, so something
close to me. I got to text him and see
how he's doing. He's working on his ego project, trying

(23:35):
to get permission and all that.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, so I want to see what was going on.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
So I call him and we FaceTime and he's like
outside and he's talking a mile limit it all excited.

Speaker 3 (23:46):
I got approvals. I just put up my goalfundme.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
I'm going to build this fire pit that all the
cadets are going to be able to go around and
talk and share some of the stuff that's going on
in their lives and make slores. And he was just
so thrilled because he got the boy Scouts and the
school to agree to allow him to build it.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
And that is that's a big heat you know, to do.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
And he's finally going to get this eagle project done,
to get the coveted eagle, which would help him eventually
getting to the school of his choice, whether it's the
Naval Academy or West Point or the Coast Guard. You
know that that was where he ultimately wanted to be.
And so I was so happy for him.

Speaker 3 (24:24):
He was so over the moon with Jean, and it
was great.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
And he was like making fun of me and my
laugh as I was laughing, He's just I'm like, all right.
So I let him go, and you know, made dinner
for the other two, shared the story with Brad and
the kids and how excited he was, and we all said,
we're going to donate to his GoFundMe and you know,
we'll we'll share it. And and so we go off

(24:51):
to bed that night and put the dog down, you know,
out let the dog go out, lock up, and all
of a sudden, it was seven in the morning, and
I hear I'm like, oh my god, what you know,
what is that?

Speaker 3 (25:06):
You know, and I'm wondering if one of the kids
got locked out of the house. Were they sneaking out?

Speaker 4 (25:11):
You know?

Speaker 3 (25:11):
What? Was it? The dog starts barking.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
I look out the window and I see a police
call outside, and I'm like, that's strange. I'm like, well,
the normal culprit that we're get in trouble, Scott he's
got here, so it's not you know, and I can't
imagine that likes your Jake got you know, into some
serious trouble. But you know, I ran downstairs and I
opened up the door and the policeman both of us looked,

(25:35):
and they said, ma'am, is your husband home? And I'm
like yes, And now I'm thinking, was it an intruder?
Was there someone coming?

Speaker 4 (25:42):
You know?

Speaker 3 (25:43):
What's going on?

Speaker 1 (25:44):
So Brad comes downstairs and the police asked if they
can come in, and we're.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
Like, okay, you know what's going on?

Speaker 1 (25:53):
And they said, we're sorry to tell you, but your
son Scott has died.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
I'm like, well, what do you know. Scott's not here,
Scott's in Florida. This this can't even be true.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
And and and they're like, well, man, the same police
called us and they said that he tied by suicide.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
And right then the air just got knocked out of me.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
I felt like the policeman took his visit and just
might as well punched me in my solar plex because
I couldn't catch my breath.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
He didn't imagine I was.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
I was. I was devastated.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
I held on to a nearby chair and I started
tying for ventilate and whatever they were saying, you know,
cards of condult I couldn't even hear. It was like, well,
you know, all I kept thinking is this.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Is a mistake.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
He was had what in the world, you know, And
they they hand me this card to call, and the
last thing in the world I wanted to do was
to call the police apartment down there, but they wouldn't leave.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Until I called.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
I mean, I just wanted to collapse into Brad's arms
and you know, just hold on. And so I called,
and the police person on charge, so they'd have to
call me back, and it was like a whole thing. God,
And finally the policeman left and they confirmed what they
had said, that.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
They Scott had died by suicide.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
They're doing an investigation, but you know, if I have
any questions, here's the investigator in charge. And my husband
and I just looked at it. We're you know, we're
just at a loss wit we you know, you don't
know anything. You don't know what's going on. You really
have no sense of how this unfolded or what happened.

(27:42):
I reached out to the the head of the school
down there, who didn't call me back because I guess
they were so worried about protecting themselves.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
They said that they've been informed to have me talk.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
To the police, you know, and to try and get
as much information.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Like that's the worst thing as from your like I
can't imagine, but being in your shoes and like you're
just like you want to shake someone and talk to.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
Mean, we're we're in Connecticut, right.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
I trusted my kid with you, I mean, you tell me.

Speaker 4 (28:23):
What's going on.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
So one of the one of the heads there reached
out to me and said that some of the boys
had gotten in trouble. They were smoking in a room
and their phones were confiscated and they were going to
space the commodore in the morning, and is what had happened.
And you know, in the morning, because this was of
course two o'clock in the morning that I was talking to.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
This person said in the morning, Well, we'll give.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
You the full report of what we have, but I
know the police are investigating and until their investigation is done.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
So it's about two point thirty in the.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
Morning and Brad and I decide we have to wait,
got Lexi and Jake and let.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
Them know what happened.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
And it was the craziest thing. So Jake looks at
us and he's like, I felt Scott when he passed.
He goes, I woke up. It was like twelve thirty
or one o'clock. He goes, and I just I felt him,
and he goes. I didn't realize. I thought it was
just dreaming, but that it was him. And Lexi she oh,

(29:24):
my poor precious girl. She was just oh my gosh,
you know, she lost her brother. She's just like, oh,
we're still triplet that's how you know. Yeah, it's fine,
and you know, it's just like in my external and
then I'm just like, no, no, you're.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Not, you know, And he couldn't understand.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
I mean, this is sixteen years old, right, you know,
almost seventeen years old there, You know, this shouldn't be
their biggest worries. Should be passing their their driving tis right,
you know, not that their probably just died. And then
it's junior year, so they're in the midst of all
the SATs and AP classes and everything else going on,

(30:08):
and here they're just they're just they don't even they
can't even focus. They can't even comprehend what's going on.
I couldn't comprehend.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
I just like, that's incredible, coming off of everything these
kids experienced through COVID, oh yeah, and then for Lexi
and Jake to have to figure life out in the
midst of that grief.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Well, and and you know it's crazy, Michelle, because I
mean you and I both know trauma, and we've and
we fell trauma. Yeah, but this kind of grief, I mean,
we felt grief too. I mean, we've all lost people
in our lives. But there is nothing I wasn't a child,
There is nothing that that that can replicate that feeling

(30:57):
of just having your soul ripped out of you and
just you feel like you've just been shattered and you're
in a thousand pieces. And you know, all I could
think about was not me, but with my husband and
my kid kiss because I don't have time.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
To pity myself and fall a pity party.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
I had two kids that I had to show that
how to continue as broken as you are, you need
to pick up the pieces as best you can and
glue them back on in any which way they'll fall,
and just put one foot in front of the other

(31:43):
and will take.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
One moment, one hour, one.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Day at a time, and not to get too far
ahead of things because there's so many questions had, there
are so many you know, things going through. It's like,
how can this possibly happen? And then you're you know,
I'm mad at Scott for doing it. I'm mad at
a god for allowing it to happen. I'm mad at

(32:11):
the school for not protecting him enough. You know, I'm
mad at me for letting him go to a school.
Maybe he wasn't ready. And so there's all of these
emotions that are floating through your body and your mind
and your soul. And and then you have the community
at large. I mean, we a week past and we

(32:32):
had his funeral and this is still during COVID. Okay,
so this is this is twenty twenty one, right, Okay,
so you're still in the thick things real in the thing,
I mean, and so you know, then the question is,
well can you have a funeral during COVID?

Speaker 3 (32:48):
And I'm like, I'm having you know what happens, It's
gonna take it.

Speaker 4 (32:53):
We're going to do it.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
This is too important. We exclosure, yes, you know. And
the day of the funeral, or the day of the wake,
I should say, it was pouring right.

Speaker 3 (33:05):
Out there, and I.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Just remember holding onto Bread's hands for dear life as
we sat it stood there and greeted every person. They
were over eight hundred people that came to the wake
in the pouring way.

Speaker 2 (33:21):
That wrapped around stood and waited to give their condolences.
And because that's the thing, I'm not sure Scotti knew
how loved he was. And that's the thing with our
young kids, you know, when they are in when they're

(33:42):
in a struggle and they can't see, They only see
within their confines of the walls that they have around them.
Oh my gosh, but he he was so loved. We
all were so loved. But you are so loved.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
If the kid always wanted to be popular and he
never realized he was being popular, what definition of popular is?
Alexi used to get so mad because she was on
the volleyball team and they had a Scott Dansker fan club.

Speaker 3 (34:15):
Why don't they have a Lexi dancer?

Speaker 1 (34:19):
God always yeah, he always always stole the you know,
the spotlight, and and and so here we are, we're.

Speaker 3 (34:34):
We're greeting all these people, and a lot of them
are young people. And because I know how.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Impressionable these kids are, I should have been numb. But
the only thing I could feel was I need to
say something to these kids that are coming in to
pay their respects, to explain to them that this is
not a decision I would make that.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Scott made a decision.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
He made a permanent decision for a temporary problem, whatever
was going on in his life at school, whatever he
didn't see beyond it, because this is temporary.

Speaker 3 (35:10):
And if he would have just picked.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
Up the phone or granted his phone was confiscated, but
he knew he was very savvy.

Speaker 3 (35:16):
You could break out of the house at two am.
He could go on the computer and make a.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
Phone call using you know, he little whatever things they
use their hot spots or you know they jail break
the computers.

Speaker 3 (35:27):
He could have done it, but he chose not to.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
He did write us all letters, though, and he explained
what happened, and he explained that he felt he ruined
his life and he was just in a state of
mind that he said, I just I can't do it anymore,
and he gave up.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
He gave up for himself.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
I Serena, like you sharing that is so it's heartbreaking,
but I really want everyone to hear and know that
there's nothing, nothing in this world that is ever life

(36:08):
ending or that it will end your life or that
is that bad. And I know that that's your message.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh my gosh, you are not alone. Whatever's going on
in your life. You may seem like you're never going
to get out of it, but I'm going to.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
Tell you something.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Reach out to me, reach out to somebody, reach out
to the community, because we will help you, will carry
you if you can't walk, will carry you. If you're
having struggles trying to do things. Go to the local church,
the local community center. There is help out there. Dial
nine eight eight always there's someone there that can help

(36:46):
you find a solution. And just know that every hard
point in your life that you've gone through, you've gotten
through it because you're here right And sometimes it's so
hard to realize that when you're going through the storm
and you're in the midst of it. But just by
putting one foot in front of the other and just

(37:09):
making your way through. Eventually you will get through that
storm and we'll get to the rainbow on the other side.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
That I promise you I do.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
I totally agree, and I know that you would say this.
Some of the most beautiful things in life come out
of your pain, and but you've got to fight through
that and just press on. So I don't I don't
want to move on too fast, but I do think

(37:40):
it's important to talk about in especially in that immediate days.
But even as you know, grief is not linear. And
I know that you've you've taught your kids, you know,
Lexi and Jake know that it is an up and down.
There are peaks or valleys you're I know that they've

(38:01):
had some good moments, you know, and sometimes I know
that they could have guilt around those good moments, or
you know they're struggling. But it's like you just have
to keep going. But one of the things I would
love for you to talk about is how did grief

(38:22):
I think most important is what did it look like
for you? And if you want to share at short
for I.

Speaker 3 (38:29):
Yeah, so for everybody, grief is different. Yeah, No, two
people are like I mean, for me, I didn't go
to the traditional therapist drought.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
I sought out my priest, I sought out mediums, I
sought out healers, and the.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
Sound really really strange. But I needed to know that
Scott was okay.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, no, I know he's he's not here anymore, so
he's obviously not okay.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
But I needed to know that wherever he was, that
he was all right right.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
And so I sought the help of a healer, and
that was recommended to me.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
People were so kind.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
They'd left me books and they'd leave me all sorts
of things during this time, and I've read through them
and I, you know, learned as much as I can
and finding out about the other side.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
And so I went to this healer who asked me,
what can I do for you? I said, just just
just fix me. I'm broken.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
I'm totally broken, right, And I had no idea. But
she's like, you know, do you want to ask got
any questions?

Speaker 3 (39:40):
And I'm like, ask goot questions?

Speaker 4 (39:43):
What you know?

Speaker 3 (39:44):
I have a lot of First I.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Want to knock him out because he put us all,
but after that, yes, I have.

Speaker 4 (39:50):
A lot of questions for him.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
So she's so she said, well, I'll try and connect
with him, and so she did.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
And it was just amazing what she was able to
give me the message that he was sorry, I'm sorry
for what happened, and he's ever been to hurt me
the more the way he did and his decision you
know he made was you know a little bit spontaneous,

(40:21):
but that he was okay, he's not in pain anymore,
and he didn't he wasn't suffering.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
And that he was.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
In a better place and he understands now, understands what
it's all about.

Speaker 3 (40:34):
And it's well, what's it like there? It's beautiful, It's light.
There's so much light and energy and love, and.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
You know, he was just that like the most beautiful
message that I mean, anyone could want to perceive.

Speaker 3 (40:48):
It was amazing.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
And then he's at peace, and so for me that helps.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
But it was like a little bit, but I needed more.
I reached out. There's a medium who wrote the book.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Oh Conversations with Mary, and this is an Everymonda and she.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Is very well renowned as a.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
Medium and healer and claravoyant and I so I went
on her website and it was two years before I
could get an appointment.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
She's very sought after two years.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
So a friend of mine told me that, you know,
sometimes if you message directly, they can set up special appointments,
and so I did and I was able to get
an appointment in like two months, within two months, and
so that was wonderful and she really gave me a
lot more clarity and put me at he's knowing he's

(41:50):
with our family, and that had already passed My husband's parents.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
He worked with.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Them, my mother's mother and grandmother, and they were all
together and surrounded by love. And it's really interesting because
going through this journey, I read this book called Signs,
and I didn't.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
You know, I never realized.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
I wasn't open, I guess until now. But there are
signs every day everywhere where. People from the other side
send you messages. They send Scott sends me hearts.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
I see hearts everywhere.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
And it's funny because the healer was working on me
one Mother's Day and you know, and she's like, oh,
Scott's sending you.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
A message, and I'm like a message. It's like look
outside the windows.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
I look outside the window and we had this like
little garden stairs and clear as day, there was this
one leaf, one green leaf that was sheep like a heart,
and it was just it was there and I'm just like, Okay,
you're joking, right, this is my message.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
And he was sending me love on Mother's Day.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
He sends me so many as I see dragonflies all
the time, he sends me hearts all the time. I
take a picture of the sunset, it comes back not
there's a circle, but as a heart.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
I know.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
And that's.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
Why the is a heart for me.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Sos is the spirit of Scottie because his spirit surrounds me.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
It's always around me, and it's it's so important that.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
I know that and I and I'm open to that
because I feel him all the time. And I'll tell
you another quick little story about the science he sends me.
So our dog passed last year and it was it
was sudden, and I was by myself. The kids were
in college and my husband was traveling and I was
at the vet.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
And that's like, it's time, hunt, we need to put
him down.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
And so I made my.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
Calls everybody and got the okay, and she had given
him the little shot.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
And as I'm hugging him.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
There's a voice in my head and it's not my
voice it's God's Boys, and it says I got dog oh.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
And there's only one person that.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Ever called our dog buddy dog o because he hated
the name Buddy, Scott.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
And I'm like, he's got dog o.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
And then John tell me the buddy's crossed over and
he's with Scott. And so I look over at the
vet and she puts on her set and she says, oh,
he's passed. And I didn't want to look like a
lunatic and say, oh, I know my dad's son just
told me like that. I'm like, okay, and then it
just like it hit me, and of course a whole
new wave of tears come because you know, it's like,

(44:34):
at least my boy is with this dog.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
Now I have each other.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
And it's the hardest thing is just you'll always think
about you know, you're grateful for the time you've had
with them, but you always think about what could have been,
you know, and and all all the stuff.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
Where would he be now, what would he be doing?
And it's it's those things that bring on the fresh
wave of and goes. It's just the.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Loss of that, you know, and it's hard.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
I love you, my friend, Oh my gosh, all right,
let's move on to something lighter here.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
Well, my next topic really isn't exactly lighter, but we
can segue into that. It's really like surviving. And I
think you guys, because of the matriarch that you are
for your children and for Brad, but you have just

(45:36):
it's not even just that one foot in front of
the other, but like we are going to live. We're here, Yes,
we are going to live. So what actually helped you
to keep going when things felt impossible?

Speaker 3 (45:53):
That's easy, my friends, my community. I am so blessed
because I have friends like you.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
And in our community, in our neighborhood, who when I
couldn't stand up, you guys picked me up and carried.
I remember when we were putting together picture collages and
we'd sit there drinking so much wine, too much wine,
and telling Scott stories and laughing.

Speaker 3 (46:18):
And then I remember.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
When the one year anniversary came and I needed to
do something, and so I invited all his friends over
and we got these rocks and we painted them, we
spray painted them, and then we wrote little messages and
markers on them so we could decorate around his grave exactly.
And the messages were just so beautiful. I remember just

(46:44):
stowing and meditating and doing yoga and just people who
I wasn't that close to, but they're like.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
I want to come too, I want to join you.
And you know, we would go to the.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Country club and there would be people there having parties
and I played tennis and it was just you know,
it was.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
Just some sense of normalcy a little bit.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
But I will tell you in the early days after
Scott passed, when you know, all people wanted to do
was talk about what happened. Sometimes you need an escape,
and so Bred and I we had.

Speaker 3 (47:22):
Before it happened.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
We had just enrolled in this pickleball class because we
wanted to learn pickleball, the latest graze, and it was
so amazing because we didn't know the instructor. The instructor
didn't know us, and there was another couple doing it
with us who didn't know us and we didn't know them.
So for an hour and a half once a week

(47:44):
after this happened, we just played pickleball like a couple
learning how to play. They you know, you have to,
you know, we just talked about things.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
Just in you know, just on the on the you know, yeah,
just on the.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
Surface if God gave you guys, because it was just
a way to just normal normal.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
We weren't the family that lost the sun. And I,
you know, I need to say to my my priest.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
Was was so good? My son Jake, would you know?

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Turn to the to the church, and they they supported him.
Lexi turned to her friends and she went to some
therapy classes or or sessions to try and make, you know,
an understanding of it. But she realized that, you know,
she preferred to just talk to her friends and to us,

(48:40):
and to do that, Brad Brad buried himself from work,
you know, and and I and then of course when
they see me going on, I went on retreats, retreats,
and and I went.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
I think I made you go to the first class.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
I do.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
It's so important before we move on to the next topic,
because for your birthday, which was in June, and I
was like, I have to do something special, and I
just I loved you. And I'm only bringing this up

(49:23):
because people need to know, as hard as it is,
you have to be there for your friends and don't
be scared. Don't be scared to be that friend to
you know. I so I put together a succulent party
for your birthday at your house. I was like, I

(49:44):
had I met this friend. She did special like these
beautiful succulent you know, just.

Speaker 3 (49:50):
To add a Scott for his summer job.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
He worked at a garden center and his favorite plant
was succulent.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
You just have to add that in there. So you know, there's.

Speaker 3 (50:03):
Double meanings and everything that goes on. And it is.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
True because you know you don't always know what to
say or what to do, and and you know you
want to see your friends smile again. But again, it's
not like you're ever going to.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
Get over losing your ChIL never never know, you know.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
And even though you may see me laughing and you
may see me smiling, it's because, as you say, I
live amongst the living right and even though my son
has passed and a part of me is passed with him,
I'm still here and as long as I'm.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
Living and breathing, I am going to live my life
to the fullest.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
I'm actually living fuller now than I ever have because
I appreciate ones I know.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
So much more because I know how quick it can end.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
And yes, god die by suicide, but there are people
that die by accidents.

Speaker 3 (50:55):
By cancer, by drugs all the time.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
And these are these are children, these are our children,
and so you don't know what's going to happen when
it can happen, So hug your family, hug them tight over.

Speaker 3 (51:08):
Close, and live live your life. And it's just.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
That message to the friends who are you know, you
don't know what to say or what to do. Just
be there, yes, and don't hold space. Hold space.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
You don't have to say anything.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
That's what I want you to like to say, I'm
not going one but I know, but I know, I
just did what was natural for me before you.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
And so you do.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
You hold space and you just you're just there because
there is no right right words to say, there are none.
You can't unless you could say I can bring back
your child, you know, that's the only thing that would
make everything all bitter.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
But no, you know there's nothing.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
I know, absolutely nothing but to know that your friends
are there and they care and just for a little
while you could talk about other things.

Speaker 4 (51:58):
Then you can escape.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
Yeah, the hurt and the and the heartache that you're
going through by building terraneums with succulents.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
That was really cool. Yeah, So I do want to
move on just to turning your pain into a purpose.
I'll never forget when you told me that, you know,
you had Scottie's Book of Poetry, but then you just
started saying, oh, I'm going to write a book. I'm like,

(52:31):
that's amazing.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
Yeah, so that's a story.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
So you know, I went on a journey after scott
passed and you know, trying to trying to really figure
out my soul's purpose because you.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
Know, sure I was a financial advisor mom.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
You know my kids are now getting ready to go
off to college. I was going to be an empty nester.
I didn't want to wallow and self pity. I didn't
want to be like a tin and it's pro or
you know what, we're playing tennis and stuff like that.
So I went on a lot of retreats and I
did a lot of soul searching. And one of the

(53:08):
things that I did, one of the retreats I went
on was called narrative feeling. And what this was was
a way for you to get your trauma or your
grief out was to write. And whether it was just
to you know, write a poem, or to write a
letter to someone, or to just write a story that

(53:30):
had nothing to do with your trauma or your grief.
It was just a way to get from here to
here to the paper, to let it flow. And there
would be like exercises where you would stretch and you
would lay down and you would have a hand on
your chest and practice your breathing and your legs.

Speaker 3 (53:46):
Would be in the air.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
And in one of those moments, it dawns on me,
you know, that I have all my son's poetry. So
he used to write poems as a way for him
to process all that he was going through, you know.
And when he was in therapy, they had said.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
He was like before the time exactly, And.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
So I I realized that, and when I would do
my writings, my writings would inevitably be letters to Scott
letting him know what was going on in our lives,
or telling him how much I missed him, or talking about,
you know, reliving in one of his stories, you know,
and just you know, going through the things of his

(54:28):
childhood and just things I would normally, you know, just
talk to him about. And so as I started writing
those letters and writing and having his poems, we would
have open mics in this group and he could share
what you were writing and so the woman who ran it,

(54:49):
Lisa Winer, said, you know, you know, talk about you know,
give it, give it some context.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
Where is this all coming from?

Speaker 1 (54:58):
And so I started to talk about, you know, the
story of Scott and and what had transpired in our lives,
and intertwine out with my letters and intertwine out with
his poems. And I realized that I have the makings
of a book here that I can share with people.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
So my next question is it's really twofold, because writing
a book is one thing in telling your story, but really, like,
how did you know that you wanted to share your
story publicly? And then to that end, how did stories

(55:37):
of survivors sos? How did that begin?

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Wow, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
So I was, you know, I was doing this writing
workshop and my book was just evolving, and it was
it was special, you know, because it wasn't just me
talking another mom who's lost, you know, somebody or another
book about grief. Was a book about Scott, but it

(56:03):
also had his voice and his side of it because.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
It comes through in his poems.

Speaker 4 (56:13):
So it's like.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
He's coming back from the other side and he's telling
his story. And so with that, said a friend of
mine from years ago that I used to do kung
fu glasses and kinkboxing called me up and said, you know,
I'm on a show called Sosradio Dot Live and it'd

(56:34):
be great if you came on and talk a little
bit about what you're doing.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
And so I did.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
And so the producer behind it, the woman who created this.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
Sorry, did he know the book was SOS?

Speaker 3 (56:46):
So he did eventually. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
So that was what was really crazy because I SOS
Hands for Spirit is Scottie right, and the radio show
was SOS Radio Live, and so.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
He says, this is just too crazy. So it's like,
you have to come on and tell your story.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
And my, my friend, and the producer and the owner
of the radio show is going to be.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
Blown away by this.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
And Marlinique Cruz, who runs SOS Radio Dot Live and
SOS Media Group, she was like, this is not a coincidence.

Speaker 3 (57:17):
She says, you need to be a host on my show.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
And she says you need to have your own show,
and so she said, you know, you call it, and
we stuck with the so S because it's so important
and I didn't want it to be just about grief,
so we called it Stories of Survivors because I wanted
it to be about resilience and about how you put
yourself back together after you've been torn apart, and why

(57:45):
some people can do it while others struggle, and and
what's the secret sauce?

Speaker 4 (57:52):
And you know, maybe if we bought that.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Because we share it.

Speaker 4 (57:58):
And so from that.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
That Meetings SOS Stories of Survivors was born.

Speaker 3 (58:04):
And it's a platform.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
It's a platform for anyone who's ever gone through anything
to share.

Speaker 3 (58:10):
And it's been so oh my.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
God, yeah, thank you. I just wanted to ask a
quick question to that end. What has it meant to you?
The feedback from the listeners.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
It's been it's been mind blowing.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
It's been it's been actually a really an education for
me because, you know, learning I've learned so much about people,
and I've learned.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
How people are just magical and they're special.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
And when they have drive and they have hope, nothing
can stop them. And and you know a lot of
people rely on their faith and it's so beautiful to
see that they don't turn away from God, but God
supports them, and that whatever their religion is, you know,
it doesn't it doesn't matter if it's all of it's

(59:08):
got you know, or you call the universe.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
Whether you're spiritual, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
But what matters is that you're there and you believe,
and you you believe in that there is hope, and
that hope it shines such a light. And from this
I've been able to grab our group of friends and
talk about our self love group and our self love

(59:35):
love and I really want to expand that to include
men and have a men's group. That's coming next that
is we're going to do that. It's kind of fire.
And because I don't know if you know this, but
every ten minutes someone dies by suicide, but more than that,

(59:56):
every humans, it's a man dying by suicide. And it's
got to stop because these times carry so much.

Speaker 3 (01:00:06):
They carry a lot, and they don't they don't talk
like we do.

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
They don't share, they don't like, they don't cry and
let emotions out.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Like you and I can have just a crices.

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
They don't.

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
And it's so important, So tuned for that that's coming
next time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
I yeah, I do want to point out something that
I just because you mentioned hope. Yeah, I think it's
ironic that you lived on hope. It lived on hope.

Speaker 3 (01:00:30):
I did live on hope to that was true.

Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
There is the thread, like we talked about, there's this thread.
So that brings me to something very exciting. I can't wait.
Let's uh tell us about your book.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
My book SO S SO S O S I is
I wrote for Scottie. Scottie, of course, as you know,
is my son who's written poetry and it's become a
labor of love and it's s O S It's it's
a lesson on love, loss and survival. I am in

(01:01:10):
the final stages of the editing and I'm just gonna
give you a quick little this is what the.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
See, this is the We're in the final stages.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
I'm hoping to have it come out next month in
September for suicide prevention and tell us what's inside inside And.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
About the artwork.

Speaker 3 (01:01:31):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
So the artwork was collaboration between my publisher, me and
Scott and it represents you know, the hearts that he
always sends me and my angel boy just last selling
the energy and sending it out to us.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
And the book talks about my journey.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
It goes into my child to my story, but it
also talks about Scott's story and our family and how
we got through this, and inside of here are my
letters to him and every poem he wrote. So it's
definitely one that you're going to want to grab, and
you know, it'll be on my website on Serena Dansker

(01:02:20):
dot com and there'll be lots of opportunities for me
to share it with you and share the poems that
are in there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
I just want to say pre orders are open now.
If you've been moved by Serena's work or have been
touched I lost, this book is for you lessons and
I just want to talk a little bit because I
would be remiss to end this without talking about some

(01:02:51):
what's the biggest lesson that you've learned about grief? And
maybe some lessons on suicide prevention.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
And so the one of the biggest things I've taken
away is kindness.

Speaker 3 (01:03:01):
Kindness matters.

Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
Kindness is so important in every day you know, when
you walk down the street and you see someone and
you like their outfit. Sometimes you don't say anything, but
what if you just say I love your outfit, yeah,
and you just make them smile or you look great,
you know, or I love your shoes you don't know

(01:03:24):
what other people are going through, and that can just
make their day so much brighter. And just to you know,
it doesn't cost anything. Just a little bit of just
kindness goes so far. Check in on that neighbor, that
elderly neighbor to say, hey, how are you today? Spend
a few moments talking to someone instead of rushing off

(01:03:44):
to the next meeting or appointment that you have.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
That's it's ironic that you say this, because I read
a daily devotional every morning from Be Still, and the
devotional today was about out how we self criticize them
we get into the states of unworthiness and and like
in these hard places. But one of the like questions was,

(01:04:12):
or the sort of instruction was to write a letter
to your friend who's feeling the way you're feeling, and
then read it to yourself. And then it said, but
take it a step further and go out and maybe
write a letter to a friend I love, or to strangers.

(01:04:34):
You see a mom with her children, just say I
love the way you smile at your children, or you
could say, like, it's so ironic that that was the
reading for today.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Of course, it's the threads all connected and That's the
other thing that I've learned. It's like, I mean, whether
you believe what I believe or not, that's fine.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
I believe we are all and that we envelop these
bodies for if we're lucky one hundred years, right right.
Not everybody's meant to live one hundred years. We're all
on our own journeys. But once our bodies die, our energy,
our souls are free, and we are all connected.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
We are all love and light.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
And my mission and my goal is to shine my
light on as many people as I possibly can. And
this is what my soul's purpose is. And this is
what I've come to realize, and this is what I've
come to realize, that we need to just spread kindness

(01:05:40):
and spread.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
Love and life.

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
I love that. What do you want people to know
about souciety prevention, especially this month? And I know we've
touched on it, but is there anything else that.

Speaker 3 (01:05:53):
You want to add?

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
Well? I want, I really what I want to say
to people, first aside, is that you are not alone.
No matter what you're going through, whatever your mental state is,
there's help out there. There's people that are going through
or have gone through exactly what you're going through, that
want to help you, that care about you, and just

(01:06:17):
reach out and ask for help. It's not a sign
of weakness by any means. It's actually a sign of strength, right.
And there are people that would love to support you
and help you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
And you matter. You matter more than you think. Even
if you don't think you do. You do. This world
is a better place because you're in it. I never
forget that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
Before we close, I know this hour flew by, and
I do want to thank you so much for your vulnerability,
for your love, for your kindness and compassion that you
share out to the world, to your friends. You know,

(01:07:03):
regardless of what you've gone through, you were a little
white and I love it. We all appreciate you. I
want to remind listeners that there are different ways that
you can connect. Before I do that, I want to
read a poem. We always end with one of Scotty's poems,

(01:07:23):
so I want to read that, and then we will close.

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
Carries to the next page.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
Thank you in Scott's words. I don't know if I'm
supposed to read all this, but this poem's called mom.
Most people, if not all, love their mothers, fathers, sisters,
and brothers. But a mother is the one who holds
everything so tight, stops all the fights, and cooks dinner

(01:07:51):
every night. Now, look, nobody is perfect, and everybody deserves
love and appreciation, no abbreviations. Love is something not every
not everyone possesses. Most people repress it, some can't even

(01:08:11):
express it. But I can say for sure my mom
is more love than anyone perceives. She does so much
for everyone, you wouldn't even believe. People mostly look past
her that even the dog nos She's the master. Mom.

(01:08:38):
I want you to know I will always turn your
seat here you're on because I am that much of
a bastard.

Speaker 1 (01:08:49):
Because he made me think I was having hot flashes
and that MoMA.

Speaker 3 (01:08:55):
Scotty.

Speaker 1 (01:08:57):
But he would get this look at and say what
I'd be like, and just look, I couldn't stop the laughter.

Speaker 3 (01:09:05):
I would look at every like and it would break
out in.

Speaker 1 (01:09:10):
This joyful help oh got laugh.

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
Just a few reminders for listeners. You can connect via
s OS website and socials, pre order the book, share
the episode to help spread hope. And I just want
to say that your story matters, as Serena Journey has shown,
even in the deepest grief, there is still room for love,

(01:09:42):
feeling and purpose.

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
I love you, thank you for doing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
This, and thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
And thank you all my listeners and for listening to
us cry and tell my story. But it needs to
be said and where here? And if you have a
story that you want to share, seem me, we share
on social media.

Speaker 3 (01:10:05):
I'm here for you.