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July 13, 2025 84 mins
In this week’s episode, my guest is Jason “The Dyceman” Moore—dad, entrepreneur, and platonic relationship coach. We dive into the heart of his work, exploring what truly makes a healthy relationship. Along the way, Jason shares stories from his journey as a father and entrepreneur, offering insights on the importance of accountability, the dangers of projection, and how self-awareness plays a key role in building stronger connections.
How to get in touch with Jason "The Dyceman" Moore:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Dyceman
Email:

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Spirit Journey Collective. I'm your host, Sarah Tai.
Get ready for compelling conversations with guests of all walks
of life who believe they have found their purpose. Together,
we will uncover unique backstories, hearing the raw experiences that
led them to the work they're doing today. Let's expand
our minds together with the captivating stories and inspiration that awaits.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you so much for joining me for another episode
of Spirit Journey Collective. I have a really special guest today.
His name is Jason the Diceman Moore, and he's a
fellow podcaster, a dad, an entrepreneur, and a platonic relationship coach.
And we're going to focus a lot more on the
platonic relationship coach today and I'm really excited to dive
in on all the different layers of that. Thank you

(00:43):
so much for being here today, Jason.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
Glad you for over me.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Yeah, I'm so excited. I got to meet you on
in the Blood podcast and that you co host with
and it was a really great getting to know you,
and now I get to have you on I'm excited
about that. Why don't you share our listeners a little
bit more about you and what you you know, what
you offer and what you do.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Okay, I'm a bit of an inventor, a little bit
of somebody who likes to dabble in playing with different herbs, spices, ingredients,
magic pofy stuff to make your pets feel there. My
passions being an entrepreneur, being a dad, that's a huge
one for me, Being a platonic life coach, and helping

(01:25):
people get to where they want to be and fix
relationships and fix themselves. You know, not that anybody is
actually terminally broken, but yeah, we can all deal with
a little tweaking. And one of my passions is just
being the person that turns the knobs to tweak things
going right.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
I love that's so that's cool. I mean it sounds
like you kind of dabble and what lights you up
in different ways and so you're like, oh, this is
exciting and this is exciting and this is important to me,
and you kind of put your feelers out there, which
I love that because some people think when it comes
to purpose, it has to be like one thing and
it can be multipaceted. So yeah, why don't you share

(02:05):
a little bit about how you got to where you
are in your life right now, Like how you you know,
discovered being an entrepreneur and you know, being a platonic
relationship coach. How did all that unfold for you?

Speaker 3 (02:17):
Okay, Well it started back in. My path to becoming
a coach started back in two thousand. I bought a
coffee shop and it became kind of like the local bar.
People would come in and order their coffee and close
up to the table and I'd been doing my traditional
Washington glasses, drying out the glass, and we'd be talking

(02:39):
about their problems. And it grew from there. My partner,
my best mate, Ac, we worked on each other together,
another phenomenal coach, phenomenal human being. We worked together to

(03:02):
hone our skills. We practiced on each other as well
as other people in our lives, and I know it
became passion for him, but for me it became this
massive giving back. I guess you know. I had a
pretty rough upbanging. I was a street kid for many,
many years. There's interviews out there about that Out at

(03:26):
seven I think it's called so if anybody wants to
search it out, it's called Out at seven. It's another
interview that tells about my backstory, so everybody can see
where this is culminating from. I found talking to people
and and talking to a see that I'll learned more
about me and it allowed me to be more, to

(03:48):
build on my character, to become a better person today
than I was yesterday. And that grew into well, I
can apply this to other people. I can help other
people with this stuff. I took a bit of psychology
back at UFT in Toronto in the in the late eighties,

(04:09):
and I had a passion for it back then lost
it because of my addiction. And yeah, it culminated into
a profound love of seeing people succeed, seeing people be
better for themselves.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
That's amazing. I love how your your your version means
are your story into coaching started at a coffee shop
and you know, being like that, it's kind of like
salons do it too, Like you know, if you talk
to you like a barber or like I don't know
about barbers, but at least like salons and women who

(04:46):
would do that, like they'll be like, yeah, people tell
us their life stories all the time. You know, it's
like you become that friendly ear to whatever is going on.
And so I like how that turned into oh, hey,
maybe I can actually do this with people one on one,
and you know, and out of curiosity. When did you
first become a coach?

Speaker 3 (05:06):
Probably fifteen years ago ish?

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Amazing because coaches were not really that big of a
thing back then.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
It wasn't a position where people paid me to do it.
It was okay, Now I would talk with people and
you know, people have a problem, we go for coffee
and we specifically go to one where people didn't know us,
and we'd talk and share and help.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
And.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
I guess for them it was free.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, So it's kind of like, so it started to
look at mentorship almost.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yeah, yeah, very much so. And then through podcasting and
telling people what we were, we got clients and turn
to a really great life for me.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
And I see this over and over. But oftentimes, you know,
in our own personal journey, we get to a point
where we realize that we've learned so much that now
we actually have something we can give back and offer
from what we've learned. And so it's like one of
the one of my favorite quotes is we teach what
we most need to learn, and then it's becomes like
you're still learning, but as you learn you're now you're

(06:06):
able to like take what you learn to pass them
on to make it easier for someone else who maybe
you know, you wish when you were in their position
you had that, and now you're able to have the
privilege of doing that for them.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
Right, it's neat. It leads a lot to to one's ego,
I guess, you know, as much as I try to
keep my ego out of it, Like there's there's no
room for ego and coaching. You know, when you're sitting
down with somebody and you have a conversation for a
half hour forty five minutes to an hour and a half,
and you walk away, and that person's better after the

(06:37):
conversation because they're thinking clearer, because they feel better because
they're they're walking up right where when they first came
into slopes. Oh well, you know this is mine. So
in coaching, not only do I know talk and work
to the problem, but I also build them up. You
know the reason for this is because you've got so
much of black right, give so much and they walk

(06:58):
out feeling proud. And to me, that's the cat's past.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
That's yeah now, And I wouldn't even say that that's ego.
I mean, I like to say that my personal definition
of like purpose or mission is it's something that lights
you up, so like you enjoy doing it. You you know,
you would do it for free if you could, kind
of a thing like if you didn't have bills to
pay and whatever else, And you can see the impact
it's making, so it's like it it basically kind of

(07:23):
like recharges you because and so it's not like it's
you're being it's not like an ego thing. I feel
like that's just more of like a passing it and
paying it forward kind of a thing. And I feel
the same way like when I do my readings, and
I don't even like to take credit for what it
comes through in my readings. I kind of just like
to see myself as that vessel. But I get that
same thing when people come to me and they're you know,

(07:45):
they're feeling lost or confused and they don't have the
clarity and then they leave with Okay, now I have direction, now,
you know. Just being a part of that, I think
that's what it is is when you're part of something
where you can see the difference it's making, like yeah,
it's gonna make us feel good like that's and that's
it's supposed to. That's why, you know, giving back is
such a big thing. It's we're all human beings, right,

(08:09):
and so when we're able to be a part of
the bigger collective, I think that, you know, that's like
I think that's like the best kind of paying aboard,
I guess.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
And I got to cut the conversation just for a
second because I got to put a kudos out to
you as well, going out standing up for other people
in their rights and going to that to that collective
and making your voice heard along with all the others.
Kudos to you. That is fantastic.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Thank you. Yeah, no, that was my first experience of that.
I've never you know, I've I've seen protests and there's
a few different things where I wish I could have
been out there with it with them, but I don't know.
I always it's very grielled in and quiet, and like,
I don't know if I can do that. Then I
made a friend who's a very you know, she's more

(08:58):
she's an activist, but no, I mean she really was
kind of the one that helped give me permission in
a way, you know, So that just goes back to
leaning on each other, right, And it was incredible, and
she'd done this before, so you know, and I trust her,
so I knew I was safe with her, and it
was just so much love. I think it's because the

(09:19):
news will spend it spend these protests and make it
sound dangerous or rioting, but it was nothing like that.
And I went to a smaller one that was like
in my own hometown with about fifteen hundred people, and
then I went to a bigger one in a local
city and it was just peaceful and loving and everyone
was so nice, like it was just like we were
just coming together to make a stand and make a statement,

(09:41):
and it was just it was incredible and I will
definitely be doing more in the future for the things
that I really believe in. So thank you for showcasing
that too.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
It was really scary, maybe a little b weird, because
I knew you were going out. You had informed us,
And there was a sheriff an interview that I saw,
and a sheriff said that Waller, if you throw a
rock or if you fight a gun at our at
our deputies, well then we're going to shoot your ass dead.
Coffin dead and I thought, like, what kind of stance

(10:12):
was that to take?

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Oh my god, that was in Florida. I'm in California,
so thankfully I'm on the other side of the country.
It's interesting when you see like what the news is
saying versus like what's actually happening. That was my biggest
thing was I was like, whoa, the news is not accurate,
and even la there's only a small handful of places
where they were throwing rocks and burning cars, Like most

(10:34):
of the tens of thousands of people that were protesting,
we're doing it peacefully. But of course the news wasn't
covering that side of it because it wasn't shocking. Yeah,
so it was. It was very eye opening in that way.
But yeah, no, thank you for at least, you know,
for honoring that. I didn't plan on talking about that today,

(10:55):
but it was a really incredible experience and being a
part of that collective. What I would love to ask you,
and I think you might have already touched on this though,
I mean, well, you did touch on why you're doing
what you're doing and why it lights you up and
seeing the difference it's making. Do you feel like in
the things you're doing, and I know you're doing multiple things,
so you can touch on all of it if you want.
Do you feel like you are living in your purpose

(11:17):
or life's mission and the work that you're doing, and
like all the ways that you mentioned that you're doing.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
I do now. For a long time, my purpose was
being a dad, and I wrapped my entire life up
in being a dad. For at least eighteen years, I
was a single dad, raised my two kids by myself, well,
and of course help from the community. Like I'm not
ever going to say it was just me, ac was

(11:44):
there a lot you know, a lot of people put
their hands in there and helped me, you know, whether
it be emotionally or took the kids for a couple
hours or you know. And I thought that was my purpose,
and I became so wrapped up in being a dad
that I had the hardest time let it go. Like
I raised my kids to be independent. And I'm going

(12:08):
to specifically talk about my daughter because this is a
really big example for people out there that need to
learn how to let go. I raised my daughter to
never never think no is not a good answer, it
doesn't matter what she's doing. And then I did have
the sex talk with her, and no matter how far
you're going, if you say no, the people have to stop. Period. Period.

(12:29):
No is no period. You can be right there at
the precipice of let's say central intercourse and you say no,
then it stops. There's no Oh, I can't hold it.
That's a bull crap, bold faced lie. I taught her
how to fight. I taught her how to defend herself.
I taught her so well. One time I scared enough,

(12:49):
she broke my nose. But what happened was eventually she
of course grew up and moved out and got her
own place. And our relationship we used to be really
tight and we still are. But my personal shit got
the way. I was always well, you know, like I'm

(13:12):
your dad and we don't see each other very much
in our relationship. Is going to crap and blah blah blah.
But what I had to realize was I raised my daughter,
and this is part of what I learned through coaching
as well. I raised my daughter to be independent. And
now I'm but hurt. Thought my daughter's independent. I'm making
this mountain out of a mole hill that I built myself.

(13:36):
She was told, hey, you know what, like, go out there,
don't do what everybody's do. What you want to do.
Once I shut up and let her go on her way,
she flourished. She's going to school, she's going to be
a game designer. She holds down a well, she held
down a full time job at Katie Tire, which is

(13:57):
our king store up here, and she's still going to
school full time and working halftime to three quarter time.
She was the youngest person in BC from what I understand,
to get an artificial hip because she was born with
Perthy's disease. But this didn't stop her. She was still
going out and doing all her stuff. She was still

(14:18):
with her sore hip, going to school, participating in field
and track days and that kind of stuff. And she
had Perthy's disease, which means her ball had misformed because
the cartilage between the ball and the socket had gone.
She was born with none, and she had a hole
in her socket from her bone constantly pushing through her socket.
But even before the surgery, she participated in sports. She

(14:42):
pushed herself to just be an active part of school.
And then she got very fortunate in a lot of
pushing from her dad because she was a minor, so
I had to do that. She could have done it herself,
but because I'm her dad, they wanted me to do
the you know, I'm here, g aready, and so therefore
this is okay, YadA YadA YadA, and pushing before she

(15:04):
was of age, and then her pushing afterwards. She got
a fake hip at twenty and again she just she
gave herself a bit of time to heal, and then
she excelled again. Off she went and did her thing.
All that to say that the identity that I created
for myself stopped me from enjoying the relationship for a

(15:26):
couple of years. And once I let go of that
and I started focusing on something other than my kids.
Like my kids were, always have been, and always will
be my main priority. But once I said, you know what,
why don't you grow up being me? Let your children
be adults. Because they're in their twenties now help my

(15:47):
daughter's thirty, I'm really old. Once I started letting them
live their lives and living mine, that's when I found
my passions. One of my passions being helping people, talking
to people, helping them work through crap, and allowing me
to use my outside perspective, because most people have a
hard time seeing what the problem is because they're in

(16:07):
the situation there inside perspective. And once I started talking
to people and started showing them that I'm looking at
this from an outside perspective. So what I'm going to
do is, in our session, I'm going to remove you
from your body and make you look at it from
a different angle, and we'll talk. You and I will
talk like you're the third person in the room, and

(16:31):
therefore you can examine what's going on in your own life.
And through that started developing a niche for myself about
teaching people how to look inward and figure out whether
they're projecting or if they're blaming out of appropriate reasons,

(16:51):
you know, And I found ninety percent of the time
people project, they find fault in other people because they
are so wound up in the emotion of their moment.
You know, they're hot, they're frustrated, they're aggravated, and when
they're arguing with the partner, you can't see the reality
of the situation one because you're in it too, because

(17:13):
you're heated. So when you're angry and you're talking to
somebody and you say, well, you yelled at me because
of this first blah blah blah. The reality is you
probably don't really even realize who yelled at each other first.
The fact is you're yelling at each other, and what
are you projecting about? And once people stop and actually

(17:34):
sit back and realize, like, hey, you know what, like
oh seven eighths of that argument was me projecting. So Jay,
while we're talking what can I do to fix this?
What can I do to make sure that I stop
and check myself before I wreck myself? And then we
have a conversation about progression and recognition and it's not blame.

(18:02):
I'm not blaming you, or you shouldn't blame you because
you have these these outbursts. Just allow yourself to recognize it.
Be the awesome person you are anyways, because everybody's an
awesome person. They just have garbage that gets in the
way to show that. So recognize that you're a great person.
Bad circumstance, and because you don't know how to deal

(18:25):
with it properly, you get heated. And then shit said,
that's projection rather than fact. And then people sometimes, you know,
in their search for I have to be right, they
judge the situation. They think, they think they're being logical
and accountable and making sure their lovely wife has an

(18:46):
option to say something. They're judging their logic is based
on fallacy. They're basing their logic. They're blaming somebody on something,
but they're basing it on logic that is coming from
their own motions, and they don't even realize. And I think,
and this is my opinion. And now I've been doing

(19:06):
this for a little while now, and you know, there's
always opportunity to step back and stop the anger, start
the calm, you know, if you're angry. Stop When I
raised when I was raising my children, and I know
this is becoming a bit of a re antonal stop

(19:28):
in just a quick second, But when I was raising
my kid I never ever disciplined my children when I
was angry. If I was angry, they went to their
room until I calmed down. Then they came out and
we would talk about what was going on. When my
kids saw me angry, it was an act. I had
to act angry. Why did you do that? You go
up to your room? And I don't know how many times,
like as I've already stated, at AC's been my best

(19:50):
friend for twenty five years, and he'd come over and
my kids would do something that they weren't supposed to do,
and I Dylan, why did you do that? You get
up to your room right now, bah blah blah, or
go to the corner and think about what you did.
And at one time I actually spanked him on the bum.
And I'd send them to the corner, and then after
they go to the corner they come out, we talk
about what they did wrong. But most of the time

(20:12):
I was angry and I set them to the room
or I set them to the corner ac and I
would laugh in the living room because, oh my god,
did you see what he did over good? That was
so funny, because a lot of the time what they
did wrong, the way they did it was hilarious. But
because I'm the dad and they have to learn right
from wrong, I had to act angry and blah blah blah,

(20:33):
who are your room? Blah blah blah, And then we'd
laugh about what they did because I wasn't angry. But
I had to be the disciplinarian, and I wouldn't do
it when I was actually mad because I had a
really problem, a really big problem. With violence, and I
was a very violent person, and I would never hit

(20:53):
my kids when I'm actually angry because that would get
a hanger and you know, always close on on the
bomb in the corner. Then you come out afterwards we talk.
I would never do that. Now as a dad, my
philosophy has totally changed, But back then I didn't know anybotter.
I did the best I could. Sorry for my rent,
but thank you.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
No. I love the backstory and I think that it
also really it shows what evolution looks like. And I
mean the first thing that came to me very early on.
We were talking about your kind of identity crisis when you were,
you know, separating from your letting your kids be independent
for the first time and struggling with well, wait, where
do I fit in? Because this isn't this isn't where

(21:33):
I don't know how to be a dad and you
be independent at the same time. Like, that's just something
to understand. I want to first give you kudos for
the self awareness it took to start realizing, oh wait
a second, you know, now I'm backtracking on what I've
been teaching them, and it's because I feel like my
identity is falling apart as cracking. But you know, part

(21:53):
of evolution is ego deaths, right, it's letting go of
parts of us that weren't meant to you. They it
served its purpose and of course now your dad, but
it's in a different capacity than it was, you know,
so it grew and it changed and evolved. And just
the fact that you realize, like, oh my gosh, this
is harming my relationship and not just that, but it

(22:13):
was probably harming you, like you know what I mean,
you probably were not in the best mind or headspace
either due to it. So being able to catch yourself
and change gears is huge, and I think you know,
that's something that not everyone has. I mean, everyone has
capacity for it, but not everyone realizes it, you know,

(22:34):
and able and is able to shift gears. Especially it
sounds like you're able to do that in a couple
of years, and sometimes that takes decades, right, So you know,
just wanted to honor that. And and then when you
went on to talk about, you know, helping other people
in platonic relationships. I love the focus that you take.
I wrote some notes down as I can you touch

(22:54):
on them, but like I love how you focus on
not on, not the blame of what going on, because
it's it's never is about the blame. The blame is
just the ego trying to be right or wrong. And
when it comes to platonic relationships or any relationships for
that matter, it's about, you know, connection and solution, and

(23:16):
you can't find that if you're too busy pointing think
fingers right. And it's kind of funny because it just
it is. It is projection, and it's it's even funnier
when you know better, when you when you're self awaren
of to start catching yourself and then like in the moment,
you have to figure out how to stop the blame train,
you know, and that's hard too. Like as you were

(23:38):
sharing about that, I was thinking of me and my
daughter and there's been times where we get caught up
and then well you did this, Well, no, you did this,
and then you did this, and we're going back and
forth and I'm like, I notice, and it's so frustrating
when I'm in it. I'm like, I notice that I'm
not letting go, and I'm like, in my mind, just
let it go. It's not about that. It's about you know,
talking about the actual issue or repair, right, But I'm so,

(24:01):
you know, I get caught up sometimes and I'm like,
and it's funny because when you know better, you know
better and you know so it's just but it was
just such a great reminder that, yeah, it's not about
the blame game. It's about connection and how can we
am teaching and especially if you're the parent being like
that carving out the lesson in there. But you have
to first be able to be self aware enough to

(24:22):
know what the purpose and focus should be versus getting
caught up in your own emotions, which is easier said
than done because projection is basically your own old wounds
and triggers being poked at, and you know, being able
to discern that and then catch yourself is not easy.

Speaker 3 (24:38):
Sorry, most times we're poking orotion. It isn't the other person.
We're poking our own stuff. Yeah, I would even realize
it's one hundred percent some conscious Like AC and I
have had arguments in the past, My partner and I
we've had arguments in the past. My partner and I
haven't had an argument for three and a half years
because one the petty stuff we don't bother us. She

(25:01):
gets a little b annoyed one time, and you know,
she'll walk and do a little bit of stump in
the living room and think, oh, well, fuck this, blah
blah blah. So a couple of minutes later, I'll look
at her and say, okay, what did that have to
do with and she'll tell me stop, there's no more bullshit,
there's no more petty. Well, you took half your dishes
in your left one on the on the coffee table.

(25:23):
That really pissed me off. Oh shit, I'm sorry. Okay,
I will do better. Not next time. Just let me
know and I'll move it. Because you shouldn't have to
put up with that crap. You know, I wouldn't do
it from you. I would tell you so absolutely. And
when things happened that we know could cause an argument,

(25:45):
we do a just just a a silent time.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
You know.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
We'll we'll she'll bicker a little bout something, I'll bick
her back about something. I'll she'll bicker a little bit,
and then we'll look at each other realize we don't
have to say anything more. We realize where it is,
and we stop and she goes on her phone. I
go into a show, or we both watch a show
and we totally disregard what we were talking about, and we'll

(26:11):
joke around about the show, or I'll bug her for
oh yeah, you instantly go on your phone. You wouldn't
watch a show with me and cuddah blah blah blah.
You know, fun joking little things. And when we've brought
ourselves to a point where where we're not so much
into that anymore, then we'll revisit it. Hey darling, sorry,
you know this happened, and I reacted this way because

(26:31):
I saw this it was I accurate, either yes or no,
and it carries on from there and then it's a discussion,
it's no longer not good, and it's settled inside of
like seven to ten minutes.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
That's a great example. It makes me think a lot
of how I rate the seven of Ones, because that
one's all about being triggered, and then you have like
usually when you're triggered, you know, you get defensive, sometimes
you lash out or reactive, And what the invitation of
the subvative wants is to take a moment to check
in with yourself because either a you're reacting to something

(27:08):
that happened in your past that this person is mirroring
to you without meaning to.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
Are you talking like a trauma response, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Exactly where you know. So it's like they're the trigger,
isn't isn't even like they're not they're not poking out purpose,
They're just you know, it's like wrong place, wrong time,
but it's poking your trigger like it happened whatever it
was that happened, you know, in the past, it feels
like it's happening now. So that's where the reaction and
defensive comes from. Or you might actually need to set

(27:35):
a boundary, right, but unless you're able to check in
with yourself when you're in that triggered state, you're gonna
be reactive regardless. And then and then even when even
if you have to set a boundary, you're so triggered
you're not even able to do it in a healthy way.
So the whole invitation around the subvative wands is being
able to be like, oh my goodness, I need to
step away and I need to sit with myself and

(27:56):
figure out because this person deserve my like like all
the stuff coming up I'm about to release and like
lash out at them. Are they actually part of the problem, Like,
is it actually something I need to fix, or is
this something I need to go heal and it really
they're just wrong place, wrong time kind of a thing.
Or maybe how you look at it, right place, right
time because they're marrying to you something you need to heal.

(28:16):
I mean, depending on how you see that.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
I don't set a lot of boundaries only because I
deal with situations in the moment. If you and I
are out for coffee and you do something that irks
me in the moment right there, I will let you know, Hey,
you know, just so you know this bothers me. I'd
prefer I don't know what it is, just when we're talking.

(28:41):
Let's say you haven't done this. But I'm just gonna
give you an example. I was trying to make a
statement and you cut me off four times. What I'd
like you to do, if you don't mind, is take
a moment let me finish what I'm saying. You know,
if it only happens one or two times during our
conversation doesn't bother me. But if you like, you've done
it four times. So what I'm what I'd like to
ask you is, while we are talking, let me finish

(29:04):
what my statement and then you can come in with
your remodels, but follow my full statement, because two thirds
of your questions would have been answered had I finished
the statement, you know, and I put it in the moment,
so I don't have to set those boundaries because I
don't let people get there. AC's is my best friend,
my compadre. I love the man more than a brother,

(29:26):
and I never have to set boundaries with him because
in the moment, if I have an issue with what
he does, I tell him do that kind of bothered me? Then,
you know, like pay attention. And I never go into
something thinking I'm going to fix everything. When we have
a conversation, the first thing I say is, Okay, I

(29:47):
understand what your problem is. What do you need from me.
Do you need me to listen? Do you need me
to shut up and you yell at me? Or do
you want conversation back and forth? Are you looking for
a couple opinions afterwards? And with us, opinion is just
that if we have an idea of something that might
help you or make something in your life a bit

(30:10):
easier or whatever, we'll give you our opinion. If you
use none of it, you throw in the garbage. That's
perfectly fine. We don't have any expectations with it. If
you use two thirds of it and throw a third
of it away, that's perfectly fine as well. It's not
having any expectations. Therefore, the need for boundaries isn't there
because I tell you what I need during our interactions.

(30:32):
If you do something when I'm not there, I'll do
the same thing. I'll let you know. Hey, listen, you
know what you said this and you acted this way
when I wasn't there. That's kind of that's kind of bitchy.
I prefer you didn't do that, or if you do
have an issue, come to me. So, yeah, boundaries are
for me. There are times that I set them, but
most of the time I really don't need them because

(30:53):
I guide what I need during the conversation.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Yeah, yeah, I know. That's great cause that that's like
the difference between making a request and setting a boundary.
And usually if you're you know, if it's a healthy relationship,
then the request is all you need because the person's
going to respect you, and that's that I think the
boundaries is more for like, So that's a great point.
So when I when I speak to that card, I
might switch it to make a request, because boundaries are

(31:20):
so they're so hard, like like line in the sand,
you know, And whereas a request is just first making
it known your feelings about something and then making a request,
you know, boundaries is more like it's more like when
you've made the request and nothing's changing, and now you
have to say, hey, I've already told you that this

(31:40):
really is something that I'm not okay with and if
you know, you can keep doing it if you want to,
but I'm going to remove myself from the equation if
you continue to save my piece. And yeah, that's definitely
like you know, I think, and I think I'm glad
you mentioned that, because I do think that boundary boundaries
can be weaponized nowadays and people don't understand and like

(32:01):
it's not a I'm going to make you do this,
or even having even jumping straight to boundaries can be
harmful if you don't even have the you know, the
chance to just make the request first, because when you
come in so hard without even having the person has
no idea that this even bothered them. Now you're coming
in with like a hammer and they're like, wait ah,
I didn't even know, and you know, but making that

(32:22):
request actually it's I think it's respectful on both sides,
you know. So I'm actually really glad that you brought
that up, because it is it's making that request first.
So yeah, so coming back to that card, it's deciding
if you need to make a request and speak to
something versus lash out. You know, I think that that's
a great a better way is to start, because boundaries
can be so they're they're they're there for a reason,

(32:45):
and they matter when you have to set them, but
you don't have to jump straight there, right And.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
For me, you know, I think more people weaponize their
boundaries then accommodate them. If somebody keeps breaking something that
I've requested, I don't say a boundary. I cut them out.
You're obviously not friend enough to respect me. And then
you come back at me and blame me because I
broke a boundary. You didn't tell me anything for fifteen

(33:13):
times if I was doing something fifteen times I bothered you,
and now you're angry at me because I broke a boundary.
All of you did was set me up for failure.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
Yeah, so how can.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
We have a cohesive relationship without what you're doing?

Speaker 2 (33:28):
Now?

Speaker 3 (33:28):
If I'm bothering. You tell me in the moment, we
can talk through it and move forward. I do that
with everybody in my life. I don't have anybody in
my life that I have boundaries with. I lend certain
people certain tools, and people that I can't trust have
a limited relationship and they don't get opportunity to borrow
those tools. So there's no boundary set. Well, if you're

(33:48):
gonna borrow my tool, do this, do that, do this. No,
if you're gonna borrow my tool, I trust you. If
it gets broken because of natural use, whatever, you're not
going to be abusive with it. I don't have to
set out those boundaries. And I'm just using the tool
because it's an and mid object. But like I said,
the boundaries and say, hey, when you pull down the song,

(34:10):
make sure the guards down, make sure it's stable. Makes
If you don't know enough to do that, then I
shouldn't even talk to you about borrowing my tools. That's
the same thing because we have personal toolboxes, right, and
if you want to help somebody and lend them your
tool to get something, make sure you're not putting them
in a position that they'll fail, right, that's your responsibility,

(34:33):
not theirs.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
That is this is such a great point because yeah,
I do. I do feel like in the world of boundaries,
they're needed. Like I went from being completely boundaryless too.
Now I my boundaries are more I don't have to
just like for you saying that you said, I don't
have people in my life that I have to set
hard boundaries with. And it's because now those that I

(34:56):
had to obviously didn't respect me, and there's a reason
why they're no longer. You're there, you know, And but
that's just my that's my mentality is like, look, you
either are get a respect where I'm coming from or
you're not. But I'm not going to make you do anything.
But I do think there's there's a whole either it's
weaponized where people use it to make people, you know,
to use it in a control tactic unfortunately, where they

(35:18):
think a boundary means you do what I say, because
now you're otherwise you're breaking my boundary, you know, without
realizing that we all have free will and we can
all do what we want to do, and you know,
you're just it's just you're up to you to decide
if you're going to allow that in your life. Or not.
That's all a boundary is meant to be for, you know,
or this idea of And I will say this though,
for those who don't know what a boundary is, sometimes

(35:43):
well not sometimes I think at first it will come
off maybe where it feels like out of the blow,
where you're like, well, I didn't know that bothered you.
And so I do think there's an allowance of to
that point where they're learning how to say, hey, this
bothers me for the first time, and sometimes it might
come off that way. And so I do think that
it's it depends on the relationship, it depends on the situation,
it depends on the background, you know. But I think

(36:06):
it all comes back down to respect and if even
if free, I would imagine, even if it fell out
of the blue, you would still be willing to talk
about it, you know, and and and you know, accommodate
if it's something that is of both of your values
and all of that. I think that that's the difference
versus those that like don't care about your boundaries, even
if you come in hard with that like hey, this

(36:28):
this is an accumulation. It's been bothering me. I'm finally
brave enough to speak up and they're like, oh, that's
a you problem and they don't stop. Then it's you know,
that's more of a oh, I'm going to step away now,
you know what I mean? But I think so, I
think that there's just so many different areas of that.
But I do love this idea of learning how to
first start with their request because I think that that's

(36:48):
just a softer way to initiate, Hey, this is this
is a problem before it has to become like a
I'm setting a boundary, because I do think that there's that,
you know, there can be that first step first.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
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questions out loud, and that's okay. That's why my email
terwer ratings are a perfect fit for the inward seekers,
the ones who feel deeply process everything and don't always
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(37:24):
tune in, pull cards, and record a seventeen to twenty
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(37:44):
of support you've been craving, let's connect. You can find
me at the link below or at www dot Spirit
Journey Collective dot com.

Speaker 3 (37:55):
And just to bookmark what you were saying, ignizing all
kin of stuff like you were saying. It's absolutely correct,
but it's also owning. It's never a U problem, you know,
and and that ac and I use it in joking.
I use it very commonly. And you know, well, well
that sounds like a you problem, you know, when we're
answering a response or something or we're joking around about it.

(38:18):
But the reality is it's never a you problem. It's
an US problem because if it affects me, it's going
to affect you. There's no eye in there. There's a
Y and oh you and M and E. There's no eye.
So it can never be a one sided problem. Yeah,

(38:39):
and if both parties are not willing to talk, well,
you know that's why seventy percent of our relationships are
marriages and the divorce because somebody is not willing to talk. Yeah,
it's not proponed to males. It's not proponent to females.
It's not because somebody have anchor management or something. Okay,

(39:00):
now that can be a case, but in the example
I'm using, it's more a what am I willing to
own because if you don't own your side of the problem.
And I absolutely detest when somebody says, well, maybe it's
my fault because I didn't set a boundary. No, it's

(39:24):
never your fault. If one party is doing something and
somebody's doing something else and Party A does something that
bothers you and you don't tell them at that point, yes,
that's a you problem because you didn't share. It couldn't
be fixed. You have no right getting mad at a
person because you didn't share it. You could have mentioned

(39:46):
it on very early and then casually talked about it.
And I think that's one of the biggest problems in
our society today when it comes to communication and breaking
down personal responsibilit Now Ac and I have a fantastic realism,
and I absolutely, like I said, I say many times
because he's my favorite person in the world. We have arguments.

(40:09):
We are human beings. We're not at a level where
we're intimate, so we can't know each other like that
because there's no physical contact in that sense, right, And
we have arguments, We've had arguments, we'll probably have more
arguments in the past in the future, but we'll always

(40:31):
recognize where we came from. And that may not be
for like two or three weeks down the road. But
if we're at fault, ninety nine percent of the time,
we'll say to the other, yeah, yeah I did this,
I was there. I thought you were one. I was
the other, and then we'll just talk about it now.

(40:51):
We one time we separated for like eight months, I
think it was. We didn't have word one to each other.
There's a big blowout, and one day I picked up
the phone and I said, you have to move to
talk And at the time he said, no, give me
a couple of days. I guess some shit going on, okay, Pine,
So he called me back a couple of days later
and we talked for a couple hours, put everything on

(41:14):
the table, recognize where one faltered and the other didn't,
or vice versa. And I think that's what everybody should do.
Everybody should put themselves in a position where they have
an opportunity to keep something that's great if you have
a relationship with somebody, do the work. You can't sit

(41:35):
on the couch and hope to god she likes the
same shows and it likes the same flavor popcorn you do,
and your life's gonna be fucking candy floss and apple farts.
It's not gonna happen. You gotta work, You gotta learn
each other. You got to fix yourself. I agree with that,
But you have to learn each other or there can

(41:59):
never be probus because if you don't know what you
need to do to make somebody else's life a little
bit easier, whether it's platonic or love, it doesn't matter,
that relationship is not going to progress.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yeah. Absolutely, no, No, I mean one hundred percent to
all of that, because it is it's I think it's
kind of it's first. It starts with you right, doing
your own work and that self awareness and being able
to I mean, I can totally attest to the whole
You know, if you didn't tell, if you didn't say anything,
you know, even if it's something that bothers you, when

(42:31):
you do eventually make the requestors at the boundary, you
have to own the bat you didn't say anything. You
have to because they don't know what they don't know.
And I can totally understand why someone wouldn't say something
right away because that's me, I mean, in my own relationships.
I mean, it's funny because like platonic ones, it's a
lot easier for me to speak up, but like romantically,

(42:53):
and I think it's just I had my own own stuff,
you know, but I'll hold it in because I don't
want to rock the boat. But then you know, you
do that and it builds up and then eventually it explodes.
And so yes, and so what I've learned, you know,
and and so even even now when I when that
does happen, which I try, I'm working on not having

(43:14):
it happen so often, but when it does happen with
my current partner with you know, I'll let him know,
like hey, I'll usually start off with I know I
probably should have said something sooner, and so I know
you don't know that this bothers me yet, but I so,
and I always start with that because it's like I am,
I'm self aware enough to know that that's a lot

(43:35):
of that is me me not speaking up, is my
own issues with with my using my voice and fear
and all that fear of rejection, abandonment, all that, Like
that's all me, which is why I was afraid to
speak up. But now that I am speaking up, now
I'm I'm you know, now it's it's his turn to
show up for me, so that way we can work
through it and work past it. But yeah, even if

(43:56):
whatever he was doing wasn't okay, it's like if he
doesn't know it's it's not okay. I haven't made it
known to him that this is something that's really bothering me,
how is he going to fix it? You know, Like
if you don't know, you can't do anything different. So yeah,
I just I love that you speak to that because
it's accountability on both sides. It's being able to hear

(44:17):
the person and have enough respect for them to make
a change an effort, and it's also being willing to
own like where you're coming from. Like even if it's
the first time you are saying something, maybe you're in
the moment and you're saying, hey, this bothers me, there
usually is also a component of where did that even
start for yourself that maybe you can even take a
look at, like why does this bother me right.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
That actually is gonna be my next question to you.
I was going to ask you if, if or rather,
now that you're in a position where you're starting to
speak up, do you find it's also helping with personal
your owning of your stuff as well.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah. I think it's interesting because I do feel like
that's all always been something I've been pretty good at.
I mean not always, but over this several last several
years with my own healing, like I've really learned how
to take that personal accountability. So I think that that's
always been there. I think it's just more realizing because
I when I was doing my own healing and I
was already starting to pick up that personal accountability, I

(45:21):
wasn't in a relationship, so I didn't have to have that,
you know that that wasn't part of it. So it
was interesting when I finally was in a relationship. It
took a lot to get to that point though, where
I could start speaking up, because for me, it's more
of the internalization where I blame myself and then realizing like,

(45:41):
oh wait, no my needs matter, It's okay that I
speak up. You know, he will be he will show
up for me if he's you know, if he's as
good as a person as I know he is, you
know what I mean, like starting to trust, and I
think it's a trust too, is trusting the other person
with that kind of vulnerability. But yeah, taking owners I
think is just kind of its its own other journey

(46:03):
that I've been on. I think for me, the biggest
part is with my daughter, is learning how to do
that in those heated moments like you like where you
find yourself projecting Like that's more where like I'm really happy.
I feel like that if anything else has helped me
in all my other relationships with ownership, it has it's
time in my romantic one. It's my it's it's the
journey I've had with my daughter of you know, learning

(46:24):
how to both deal with my own triggers and difficult
situations and repair and take ownership. So it's it's definitely
I feel like I feel like that's been the one
that's that's helped me with ownership as a whole than
my my romantic one.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
Yeah. Yeah, I found I found projection was a main
component in a lot of my past relationships, romantic relationships,
and I at one point I took an eight year
sabbatical from relationships, and I worked on me. I was
a dad, my kids were young. I had to be

(46:59):
there for me and be there for them, because if
I was allowing myself to go down that whirlwind of
toilet swirl garbage in relationships, I wasn't going to be
anything for my kids. And I was going to show
my kids that what kind of lesson is that? So
I cut myself off. I didn't have a physical relationship.

(47:19):
I allowed myself to grow. I identified what was wrong
with me, including stuff I carried over. Like when I
stopped my addiction, I stopped being an addict. I don't
agree with AA, I believe it's a good first step,
but when I quit being an addict, I literally quit

(47:41):
being an adict. I'm no longer an addict. I haven't
been an addict for thirty years. And I applied that
philosophy to when I cut myself off from relationships. Because
the projection becomes habit comes habitual, and if I didn't

(48:03):
treat that the same way, I was never going to
get out of it. So first thing was owning my
crap and remembering that I have the willpower to stop it.
So I dealt with my garbage for eight years. And
it took a lot of what I learned in psychology
and what I read about psychology and in school, and

(48:24):
I internalized it and I made it a functioning map
for helping people because ninety percent of what I do
in coaching, I did to myself in those eight years

(48:45):
that I was single. I was a dad first, and
this is how I looked at it. I'm a dad first,
I'm a human being second. That was my thing. As
long as my kids are psychologically okay, and they're fed
and they're happy and they know where home is now,

(49:07):
I can concentrate on taking care of me. So when
they were at school and I wasn't working, I was
on my off time, I was taking care of me.
And for a lot of years, I've had my own businesses,
so I had a lot of time where I'm working
from home, So I had a lot of time where
I could centralize and focus on me and make me

(49:29):
a better person. And it's helped me in my relationships.
It's helped me in my and all of my relationships,
business relationships, my entrepreneurial relationship, going out and talking to people.
Had I been that angry hurtful person. I never could
have approached the owner of Bosli's and said, hey, would
you be interested in carrying my product? And you know,

(49:52):
it has literally transformed every facet in a life.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
Awareness is literally everything. It's it's literally the first step.
If you're not aware, you can't change it. Once you're aware,
you can run from it, but you know, but then
you're able to see how things aren't changing despite your awareness,
or you can do something about it, right, And yeah,
projection is definitely It's funny because when I look back

(50:19):
because before my my current relationship, like I said, I
was single for about three years. So like I was,
I think think I'm very thankful for COVID because it
literally squashed any chance of me, you know, continuing because I,
as my brother used to jokingly say, I was a

(50:40):
serial monogamous. I'd go from one long term relationship to
an X. But I was never single for very long
and unfortunately a lot of those relationships were pretty toxic
and I didn't even realize it. And it's it's crazy,
Like I want to say, it was like a year
or two ago. It just happened to go back to
I don't remember why, but I ended up going back
to an old conversation with an ex, and I is like,
oh my gosh, like we're fighting, and I was projecting

(51:05):
so hard on this person and I at the time,
I was just hurting and I didn't realize, you know,
and I was and I had controlling, I was trying
to be controlling. I was jealous, I was, you know,
like all these things that like it's funny because like
now I don't have those things, and you know, not
say I don't ever project, but I think it's now.

(51:28):
I see it now. I know when it's happening, even
like like what I said with my daughter, when like
when we're we're holding where we're like we're going back
and forth, and I'm like holding on to it and
I'm like catching myself. I know what I'm doing. And
when you know, you know, and you can continue down
the path of destruction or you can stop it, you
know what I mean. There's and so it's like in

(51:50):
the past, I did do a lot of those projecting
patterns that taking that those three years to not date
anyone and just really get to know me, get to
know my triggers, get to know, like what is it
that I want or don't want a relationship of all
kinds platotic or romantic, like really getting clear on that.
And I think that you know, everyone's timeline is different,

(52:11):
whether it's eight years, three years. Some people you know,
just feel like they need one year. But I think
it's just getting to that self awareness where you're ready
to do the work.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Yep. There's there's also a point where you have to
recognize is it me is the other person I'm talking to,
because sometimes we don't even know what it is like.
It could have nothing to do with either of you.
Something picked at your butt and it seems like it's

(52:45):
been going on for a long time, But it could
be I had an argument or something's I'm settling with
my partner, I'm unsatisfied with what's happening with my son
or daughter at this point in my life, or I
am happy something's happening and it altering my life. Though
I could have been in the mall and somebody treated

(53:06):
me a certain way and this happened for like four days.
I met four assholes in the mall and they did this.
But what you don't realize is what they did puts
a coat on you and you wear that and when
somebody else that you're close to does something, well, all
of a sudden, because they're safe, you know they're going

(53:26):
to be there. Bam, you're the problem. I'm going to
take it out on you. But it really had nothing
to do with that person. It could have been a
component from somewhere else in your life that's not even
related to anything you're doing. You're just feeling like a
piece of crap because you and the wife had an
argument and you don't know if it's going to work.

(53:49):
You and your neighbor you pulled out, you were driving
your car, you pulled out. Your neighbor pulled out the
wrong way, and you guys got into an argument about it,
and he said it's your fault. You say it's well,
you guys, get all he did. You go inside. You
think you calmed down four or five hours later, two
three days later, but maybe that's still picking at you.
And because it happened four days ago, your conversations with

(54:11):
certain people, or or or the way things situations were working,
it seems like that person was picking at you because
that thing's been going on in the background and now
all of a sudden, well you've been doing this and
you've been picking at me and blah blah blah, and
you know you did it blah blah blah. No, no
I didn't, but it was it had nothing to do

(54:32):
with me, and it had to do with the argument
you had with your neighbor outside about the car four
days ago. That's still bothering you because he was such
an idiot. It picked at your cross for four days.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
It's a smaller example, but I get a shorter time frame.
But the other day, my daughter was being difficult putting
her to bed, and so my boyfriend was waiting downstairs.
We usually after you know, if he's off work, after
she's in bed, that's when we get to hang out.
So I was coming down. I was I was just annoyed,
and I was just like not happy and all of

(55:06):
this stuff and I don't want He asked me something something,
and I like snapped at him and I was slamming
things right out of the kitchen.

Speaker 4 (55:12):
And then I was like, wait a minute, I'm not
mad at him. He's not the I'm upset about what
just happened upstairs, you know, with putting my daughter to bed.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
And so I could tell he was kind of like,
you know, like what is going on? And I called
myself and I was like, I'm sorry, I I'm not
upset with you. I'm upset with what just happened. I
didn't mean to snap at you. That wasn't you know,
that wasn't okay. You know, he called me out a
little bit. He's like, yeah, I don't do that to you.

(55:45):
And he doesn't to be fair like it's I He's
very internal with his stuff, so he I don't ever
see him like lash out. And so it's funny. I'm
more the one that will do that, and not that
I do it very often, but you know, I'm able
to catch myself and be like, yeah, that was I'm
not I shouldn't have slashed at you because I'm calling
down from being you know, a difficult being a parent,

(56:08):
you know what I mean, and you know, and and
so that's I think that it's it's good to be
able to be aware of that. And for sure, like
there are times where the outside world's going to do
things that's gonna and I like your example of wearing
it like a coat, because that's totally valid. I think
we all, you know, there's a sense of like victimized,
like feeling victimized is almost like putting a big like

(56:31):
identity on your on your your jacket or your shirt
like that happened to me. But that doesn't do anything
except for stew the pot, and it doesn't help you.
It just keeps you stewing.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
It was with your example about the kitchen send things around.
There have been examples where I go to the store
and we have a service dog named Tobias, and he
was actually the inspiration for the product. That's why the
name of the company is Tobias right now.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Oh okay.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
But like I go to the store and he's very good.
He walks with me, you know. He when I say
with me, he's inside of a two foot range. When
I say close, he walked right beside me, inside of
the sixth in range. And I'll go through the store
and sometimes there's just one person that that so okay.
One time I was in the store and I was

(57:23):
going around getting some stuff, and this person started in
on me, what are you doing with the dog at
the store. There's never an exception for a nugna store.
There's food in here, you should never have an animal
in here, blah blah blah. And I very politely said,
do you have any animals? And she says, yeah, I
got a dog, but I never bring him in a store.
And I'm jokingly because I'm not mad at this time.
I say, well, would you let your dog in your kitchen? Well, yeah,

(57:46):
that's where he eats. Is there no food in your kitchen?
How's that different from walking around in the store. And
she got irate. She got really mad. She's started throwing
at me and calling me a cocksucker and not respecting
other people's lives and blah blah blah. And I got

(58:06):
really angry, so I told Tomia is close, and I
walked away from her at a very quick pace, because,
as I mentioned before in the past, I had like
angry issues and I get really violent. And my Violet
doesn't necessarily hit people, but I get really animated when
I get angry, and I get right in people's faces.
So I went home and I turned the music up

(58:29):
and I drove home, and ninety percent of the time
that calms me down. And I'm okay because I love
driving and I love music, and that's my go to
I go for a drive with my dog with loud
music done. So I got home and I walked right
into the kitchen. I put the stuff down, and I
put the stuff away, and I start slamming shit around
and I don't even realize I'm doing it. Open up
the fridge, I put something in the fridge, and send the
fucking door. I put some stuff over here and put

(58:51):
some stuff in my treet covered. I slammed the door,
and it's my partner says from the living room, I do,
why are you so angry? And I said, it's not you.
I'm just pissed off. Let me sign. But her first
instinct was that this and of course this was early

(59:12):
on in our in our service dogs, because when he
was a puppy, we accuse him in the store. They
let us tick him in the training, and so it
was early in his training. And I guess the way
he went into the living room or something, she thought
she did something wrong. That's why I was signing stuff around.

(59:33):
And even in my anger, I knew enough that it
wasn't her too clarify that you're not the problem. You're
not making me angry. This is my crap. And then
I told her about the scenario. Once I put him
away and I calmed down, and I wasn't gonna talk
to her while I'm still angry, because it's not her crap.
She doesn't need to deal with that. She needs she
has a right to know what went on, but she

(59:54):
doesn't need to do with my anger. So I told
her I'm gonna take a couple of minutes. I'm gonna
go downstairs and watch them and do some work. And
you know that was while I was still developing my
medicine allointment. You know, nothing was made yet, it was
all still in development. So I went downstairs, I worked
for a couple hours and went back upstairs and I

(01:00:14):
told her what happened. It wasn't her problem. And a
lot of people, sorry, the reason I went through that
call wolluted story was because a lot of people will,
in the moment that they're angry, pick something that their
partner did when they said, well what did I do,
and say you did this, and then it turned into

(01:00:34):
a blame game. And it's by reaction, not by by thought.
And again there's another problem where people start getting angry
and you're, like I said, your example about smack sliming
things around the living in the kitchen gave me the
perfect and lead into this because even in that moment.

(01:00:59):
If she who are not in the habit of doing
self actualization, you're going to respond when somebody says, what
did I do? You're going to want to naturally come
up with an answer for that question. And ninety percent
of the time that answer is going to be, well,
you put your shoes on the wrong side of the mat.

(01:01:20):
That really pissed me off when I came in. It
wasn't the shoes, it was the person at the store.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
Oh that's a great yeah, great example and a great
thing to be mindful of. You know, for those listenings,
I think we all have those moments. We all come
across people who, you know, whether it directly or indirectly
upsets us or offends us, and what were we going
to do with it? So from here, I'd like to
switch to like what I like to call synchronicity story time.

(01:01:51):
And I know we talked just briefly before this, but
I just love this segment because it's like, for me,
it's like talking about real life magic, and you know,
when things just line up and it's just proof that
there's a higher power, there's it's proof that things happen
and unfold the way that they're meant to. Do you
have any stories like that that you could share where
things just either lined up perfectly, or positive paranormal story

(01:02:12):
or something where you know it just really solidified, like, yeah,
this is this was supposed to happen.

Speaker 3 (01:02:18):
You said. I'm sorry, but I have to go here.
You said, it proves that there's a higher power.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
That's the way I like to look at it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:27):
Yeah, can you explain to me what do you mean
by higher power? Just so I don't take I don't
want to take something other context.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
Oh yeah, no, I just so for me, it's like
when you think about everything happening for a reason, I
feel like there's a divine Okay, well, I guess let
me backtrack a little bit. I do believe in free will,
and I also do believe in a divine power also
that's that's navigating things at the same time. And I
think that what we do with that, the synchronous things
that happen, is our choice and what we So, you know,

(01:02:57):
you could have the things line up and then go
the other direction, that's your choice. So I do believe
in that aspect, but I one believe there is we
we have a higher power of some kind that is,
you know, laying out the map for us.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
Are you saying like like a higher intellect that we
have or are you talking like a godlike power?

Speaker 2 (01:03:15):
Oh? Sorry, it's like a godlike power, like god, universe
things like that. I mean, I do think that our
higher self is one and the same to a point,
but I'm speaking to like, yeah, higher than.

Speaker 3 (01:03:28):
That, Okay. I have no belief in a god, a
higher power. I do believe in a I guess collective
intelligence okay, not a being.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
Yeah, that's that's about where I'm at too.

Speaker 3 (01:03:48):
Do you so synchronicity? Okay? Do you ever sit in
your car before our phone started listening to us? Okay,
because that that's a whole different technological aspect. That is
not synchronicity. That's paid advertising. But you'd be sitting in

(01:04:08):
your car and you'd be driving along and you know,
you stop somewhere and you see a sign and then
you think, oh, you know what, it would be really
cool if somebody came out with blah, that would make
my life so much easier. So you think about this
for a couple of days and you think how cool

(01:04:29):
that would be, and then six months later, somebody comes
out with it. Okay, So and that happens all the time.
So that's why I believe in a united consciousness. Okay,
I don't believe it in God. I don't. I don't
think when we die we go to heaven and in

(01:04:51):
that I'm not afraid of hell either. Hell is what
you make it here on earth. Right, how you treat people,
decide whether you're going to have a heavenly life or
a helm like life. You know you can you can
live in trauma or you can live in peace. But
that's your thing. But I don't believe in a heaven
and hell. But what I do believe in is a

(01:05:13):
collective intelligence, spontaneous ideas. There's people say, well, you can
never come out with something new, which which I don't
disagree with, but you can combine all those new things
to make something that doesn't exist. And I very firmly

(01:05:36):
believe my idea. For for instance, my my appointment, my
pet medicinappointment came from a collective knowledge. And and if
you want to say that's because I read a book
or because I did all this, and a lot of
times I sat in quiet contemplation, not reading a book,

(01:05:59):
not having a screen on which is really hard for
me because I'm severely EIGHTHD on my computer, I have
one or two three four monitors, and I have one
hundred inch screen in my other room to project other
stuff onto it, so I can't do one thing at
a time, neither send the time. But once in a
rare while, I could sit and be quiet and think,

(01:06:21):
like I had to come up with a recipe for
my ointment, and I couldn't. I just tried. I tried
this recipe, I tried that recipe, I tried this recipe
and amount of elimination. Certain things didn't work, and I
could not figure out what was the proper ratio, because realistically,
with these ingredients, there really is only one ratio that

(01:06:44):
works phenomenally. How mine does. If you put too much
vitamin E in it, it doesn't work. If you put
too much vitamin D three in it, it absolutely ruins it.
If you heat it too much, it breaks the hempseed oil,
so it has no medicinal properties. And I literally had
to shut everything off. I have a couch in the
other room, and I quieted everything. And I can do

(01:07:06):
this maybe once every six months because my head's so busy.
And I sat for hours in quiet contemplation, making stuff
in my head. Okay, if I cooked this and this
and this happened, then that wasn't working. That was too
much of this, This was too much of that. That
was too hot, So I have to bring it down.
What kind of temperature do I need? Okay, the first

(01:07:26):
thing I need to do is find out what kind
of temperature I'm doing, so on and so forth. But
that came through quiet contemplation, through everything I read on
the internet. But I also believe that there's a little
bit of that collective consciousness that put into it, that
created a synchronicity with everything else that has been done
by me and other people, and it fed to the

(01:07:47):
knowledge I already had, because in that contemplation I came
up with my recipe and from there it went astronomical.
I have people buying my dog formula stuff for the
personal human bodies. So all the things I've did, all
the things I've learnt, brought me to a point. And

(01:08:08):
then sorry, the big catalyst to this was I got
a dog, and I've never got a dog before because
with me, I always saw a dog is lost because
I have friends and I don't mourn death like most
people do when people pass. It doesn't affect me. I
don't cry, I don't get sad, I don't I don't

(01:08:32):
out poor emotion like that, because while the person's alive,
I say everything to them that matters in the moment.
Like with you, I appreciate you. I really love who
you are. I love how you bring out the best
in other people in your podcast, I've watched quite a
few of them, and what you do for people is
phenomenal and I respect you so much because what I

(01:08:56):
do is I tell people while I'm alive, as you
know how I feel about Ac. If AC died tomorrow,
I would not shed a tear because he knows exactly
how I feel right now, how much I love him,
and how much he is respected and admired. So what
is there to cry about? Am I going to cry

(01:09:19):
because I can't go for coffee with him? He lives
in Calgary. I can't go for coffee with him anyways,
I show him how much I love him and how
much care about him now. So with that, the reason
I told that story was because when I got a
dog and I started training him to be a service
dog for my partner, I absolutely changed my philosophy on animals.

(01:09:42):
I fell in love with this dog. My problem is,
I don't think I could ever truly let him know
how much he means to me and how much he's
done for us. So when he passes, I know I'm
going to weep like a baby because I cannot communicate
to him him how much he means to me, but
because of how much he means to me. One day

(01:10:05):
we're out and he had a thorn in his paw
and it ripped his paw, his his pad, and I
put cocon oil in it. It didn't do anything. It
didn't do anything. And I thought, you know what, there
has to be something out there that's not going to
cost people a million bucks that can that can fix
this kind of stuff. And I went looking at the
pet stores. I went to the VAT and they gave
me crap. And I didn't do crap. Really, it didn't.
It didn't heal anything. That's when I started my journey

(01:10:27):
to make in my my my ointment. So accumulation of
situations to create a synchronicity, a synchronous development. Well there
it is my learning about people, my learning about love,
my learning about compassion, Like getting a dog, perpetuated to

(01:10:49):
look at this, Now I got a great thing that
can help hundreds and hundreds of other people do something
that I was looking for that I couldn't fix my dog.
Now they can. Sorry that was long winded and thank
you for your patience.

Speaker 2 (01:11:02):
No, no, it's well, it's just a great see that.
I love that because I mean, it really shows if
you didn't get a dog, if you like, you wouldn't
be where you're at now. Like it really kind of
points out like things happen, like they just tend to
sometimes just lay out perfectly and you don't notice until
you look backwards and you realize, huh, if this didn't happen,

(01:11:23):
then this wouldn't happen. Then this wouldn't have happened. And
now look, I'm changing all these people's lives with this
ointment for their dogs and now people and you know,
and it's like it's almost like in a way, and
I have to say, I love your point with the
collective consciousness about how if you don't do something else
with it, someone else will, even if it's even if

(01:11:43):
you don't tell a single person about this, eventually, if
you don't do anything with what the collective consciousness or
divine or God or whatever trying to give you. It's
going to move on to the next person who's going
to take action, and you know, but there has to
be certain things lined up to at least have it
introduced to you. And there's this I want to say

(01:12:03):
it's called Big Magic. I'm not one hundred percent sure.
It's by Elizabeth Gilbert. She's the same author who wrote Eat, Pray, Love,
but she has a story just like that in her
book that was really cool. She had this particular storyline.
It was like based in this place and this era,
this kind of a story like a fictional and she

(01:12:27):
was really excited about it. But it just never took off.
It never took off, and it wasn't one that she
talked about with anyone. It was just something that she
was working on. And I mean she might have talked to,
you know, like her editor or something, but it wasn't
like known nor anything, and it was super specific to
like the name of the character all this stuff. And
then she happened to meet this woman I think she

(01:12:47):
was like a speaker or something, and she instead immediately
they kind of hit it off and they went out
to lunch and this speaker when they were just going
out to lunch, started telling you about her new book
coming out, and it was literally to a tee this
story that she'd been sitting with for like one to
two years but just never had the time to and
they were like, oh my goodness, like what you know

(01:13:09):
it was? It was and how this person got it?
It was just things coding is download that came through her.
And you know, Elizabeth Gilbert was like, you know what,
I'm so glad that this that this story is found
another way, found another outlet to be born because I
was too busy to make it happen. And you know,
so it's just it's a kind of a perfect example

(01:13:29):
of you know, these these ideas, they're coming from somewhere, right,
and whether you call it collective consciousness or higher power,
whatever it's it's not necessarily coming from you. It's coming
from something greater in a sense. And so I just
I love I loved the whole story because it's just
kind of put it touches on different aspects that I

(01:13:50):
don't even think I touched on yet in this podcast.
So that's really cool.

Speaker 3 (01:13:53):
No, sometime we can do another and I'll tell you
my theory about evolution and yeah, I love to hear
that one.

Speaker 2 (01:14:02):
So we are we have been chatting for a bit,
so we do have to start winding down. My final
question I like to ask is what kind of legacy
do you want to leave with? With you know, everything
you're you're putting out there, what is it that you
want the future generation to know? Well?

Speaker 3 (01:14:18):
And it's a calm moment. You know. Relationships take work.
But if I had to leave a legacy, I would
want it to be something around. I made the world
a better place because I helped teach people how to
love each other again. I taught people how to work

(01:14:42):
at relationships. Again. Too many people give up these days,
they oh, I married the wrong person. I married this
was that, and then they carry it on even afterwards
and hate the person and so on and so forth.
If I was privileged enough to touch the person at
the right time in their life and because of something

(01:15:04):
I talked to them about, and I helped them through
their relationship that person that is right for them that
they didn't realize and threw away, they never had to
do that. They got to keep that person, They got
to love that person, and they got to be their
best person all in the same bout. That's what I
would like people to say. You know, yeah, he was
a good dad. You know, I want to be known

(01:15:25):
as a good dad and and somebody who was really
there for his children. Now that that's my half of
number one. The other half of number one is being
somebody that helped people love you know I I I
personally don't agree with marriage. I don't need a piece

(01:15:46):
of paper to tell my wife how much I care
about her. I call my partner my wife. She's my
my uh ride or die. You know, I'm going to
spend the rest of my life with this woman. But
I want to help other people get there. I want
other people to be able to say, hey, you know what,
Jay like, listen, I got a relationship. When we first met,

(01:16:09):
my partner and I were inseparable. We got along for
so well and blah blah blah, and now it's ten
years and I think we're going to get divorced. Can
you help me? To me, that's the biggest privilege anybody
could ever give me is because maybe I can't. Maybe
one party just doesn't want to work on it anymore
and is having too much fun with somebody else. At

(01:16:30):
the moment, so they don't want to fix it. But
what I can give whatever partner comes to me mail
or or whatever the end do they come to me
with and they're having a problem with their partner. To
be privileged enough to have my words listen to to
teach people how to love again, not just we've become

(01:16:51):
a disposable society. They make DVD players and Blu ray
players that are meant to They sold for sixty dollars
because you're meant to mind the one that breaks, not
get it fixed. Same with cars, you're meant to buy
another one, not to fix your own one. You keep
it fixing for as long as you can so you
can drive it, but you're eventually you're supposed to buy
another one. Keep a car for sixty years? Are you crazy? Well,

(01:17:15):
why not fix the car or fix the car you love,
fix yourself so you can be that car for somebody else.
I want these people to hug themselves and love themselves
and then be able to transfer that to somebody else.
That's what I want to do.

Speaker 2 (01:17:33):
That's a really beautiful legacy. And I think that honestly,
when it comes down to it, like love is all
that matters, and I like that that analogy with the
car and then also with this is with our society.
I mean, I do think there wasn't a place in
time where staying in a relationship just because you had

(01:17:58):
to wasn't healthy. And there's a lot and I think
it's bred a lot of abuse in that people felt trapped,
So that part so, but what I'm hearing you saying
is if it's if it's not abusive and there is
love for each other, why you know, do what you
can before you call it quit. It's like, really try,
and I think, you know, I think most of the

(01:18:20):
time it's it is possible. But I think it's also
a society will say, oh well, it sounds like it's
just they're the problems. It is really quick. We do
like that instant gratification. There's less putting in the work
for things because why put in the work when you
can find somebody else quicker or you know, buy a

(01:18:42):
quick solution quicker. And so, but relationships, there there is
no quick fix. It's you know, you have to both
be two feet in and so I think being able
to teach that you know and then also be able
to honor if you if one partner isn't doing the work,
being able to honor the one that is and say, hey,
maybe you know this isn't gonna work because the other

(01:19:03):
person isn't in on it with you, but at least
giving them space to try to know what's possible and
then know their worth it if the other person can't
meet them and then know what to look for next time.
You know, it's it's still it's I love that message
that you're putting out there.

Speaker 3 (01:19:19):
Well, yeah, and you still gave that other person an opportunity.
You still help that other person heal so in their
next relationship they can do that extra work. Yeah, maybe
the next person's the right person. At least now they'll know, right.

Speaker 2 (01:19:34):
Yeah. So if bart listeners want to work with you,
either go buy that ointment that you have, you know,
if they want to purchase that for their pet or
they want to use it for themselves, or if they
want to work with you as a coach. How can
they find you?

Speaker 3 (01:19:48):
I'm on Facebook, I don't do Instagram, I don't do
X Yeah pretty much Facebook or Tobias Royale one at
gmail dot com. Those are my emails and people can
get a hold of me and send me a message
if they want to or yeah, if they want to
connect as a coach, send me an email. Let me know.

(01:20:11):
Look me up on Facebook. You'll see me standing there
like this with a black shirt out.

Speaker 2 (01:20:16):
Perfect. I'll be sure to put all that in the show.
That'll put your email and your Facebook link so they
can find you easily and thank you this. I honestly
feel like we could just keep talking, so we do
have to put an end to it. But I really
really enjoyed our conversation and enjoyed your perspective on things
and all the wisdom that you brought here today.

Speaker 3 (01:20:33):
No, I say one more thing.

Speaker 2 (01:20:35):
Yeah, absolutely, in all of.

Speaker 3 (01:20:37):
This, I want you also to sit back. Look at
what you've done for people. Look at your joyous attitude,
Look at the fun you bring to people. Look at
how you help people with your readings. Not everybody believes
in it, and that's okay, but you're making a difference.
You're really trying to help you and I absolutely love

(01:20:59):
your art. You are a beautiful person. You are so giving.
The mand you're with right now he'd best be knowing
how lucky he is, because he's really got a gym.
Keep doing what you're doing and thank you very much
for doing it.

Speaker 2 (01:21:17):
Oh my gosh, you got to make me cry. I
thank you that know that that really means a lot,
because it's everything I do is is you know, for
everyone else, So you know, I mean if it's for
me too, it's my podcast. This is a labor of love.
I really really love being being able to talk to people.
It's funny. I never really realized how much because I'm

(01:21:38):
It's funny. If you were to meet me outside my podcast,
I am more on the shire side. I am more
like less likely to just go up and engage in conversation.
But in this space I get to be an extrovert
for an hour and I get to you yeah, and
then I get to engage with all sorts of people
with you know, different perspectives and wisdoms. And the biggest

(01:21:59):
part is every one who I talk to has the
same kind of of a heart that wants to be
helping other people. And whether it's just sharing wisdom over
the podcast or working with people one on one, or
putting out you know, ointments or artwork or you know,
I mean, there's all sorts of different ways that we
can show up for our society and the community. But

(01:22:19):
I love the space that I get to talk to
people and learn about what it is that lights them up.
And so, you know, I do love to showcase that
for them, and I love to showcase the and I
love the you know, brief connections I get with everyone.
So thank you for putting that out. And then of
course the readings. I mean, that's just I think the

(01:22:40):
readings for me is like coaching is for you, because
that's where you get to see that one on one.
You know, my podcast, I don't really know who listens
to it. I don't really know, you know, that's kind
of I trust whoever's gonna find it's gonna find, it's
gonna land where it's gonna land. But with my readings,
it's more person interpersonal. I get to see the more immediate,
you know, responses with that. But I just thank you

(01:23:00):
for taking the time to point that out. It means
a lot because everything I do, I try and do
and love so well.

Speaker 3 (01:23:07):
Thank you very much. I'm very honored. I really appreciate you.

Speaker 1 (01:23:10):
Thank you, thank you for joining me on another inspiring episode.
Remember your purpose is a unique and unfolding path. I
hope these conversations have ignited a spark within you. Until
next time, keep exploring, growing, and embracing the beautiful adventure
of connecting with your purpose. Stay tuned for more meaningful conversations.

(01:23:33):
If you're wanting more, consider joining our free Facebook community
called spirit Journey Collective. Your haven for spiritual exploration and
personal growth. Dive into a supportive community where sharing spiritual
experiences is encouraged. Unlock the power of intuitions, embark on
a journey of self discovery, and connect with like minded souls.

(01:23:54):
If this sounds like a community you'd love to plug into,
the link is in the show notes below. You enjoyed
the episode today, don't forget to like, share, and subscribe,
and thank you for joining me on this journey.
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