Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Manners of the Age by Horace brown Fife. The red
tennis robot scooted desperately across the court, its four wide
set wheels, squealing for a moment, Robert's hard hit passing
shot seemed to have scored. Then at the last instant,
the robot whipped around its single racket equipped arm. Robert
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sprawled headlong in a futile lunge at the return gay
manset to Red three, announced the referee box from its
high station above the net. Ah shut up, growled Robert,
and flung down his racket for one of the white
serving robots to retrieve. Yes, Robert agreed. The voice will
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Robert continue to play? Interpreting the man's savage mumble as
a negative, It told his opponent, return to your stall,
Red three. Robert strode off wordlessly toward the house. Reaching
the hundred foot square swimming pool, he hesitated uncertainly. Weather's
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so damned hot, He muttered, Why didn't the old time
scientists find out how to do something about that while
there were still enough people on earth to manage it.
He stripped off his damp clothing and dropped it on
the beach of white sand behind him. Sounded the steps
of a humanoid serving robot hastening to pick it up.
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Robert plunged deep into the cooling water and let himself
float lazily to the surface. Maybe they did, He thought,
I could send a robot over to the Old City
library for information. Still, actually doing anything would probably take
the resources of a good many persons, and it isn't
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so easy to find people now that Earth is practically deserted.
He rolled sideward for a breath and began to swim
slowly for the opposite side of the pool, reflecting upon
the curious culture of the planet. Although he had accepted
this all his life, it really was remarkable how the
original home of the human race had been forsaken for
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fresher worlds among the stars. Or was it more remarkable
that a few individuals had asserted their independence by remaining.
Robert was aware that the decision involved few difficulties, considering
the wealth of robots and other automatic machines. He regretted
knowing so few humans, though they were really not necessary.
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If not for his hobby of televising, he would probably
not know any at all. Wonder how far past the
Old City I'd have to go to meet someone in person,
he murmured as he pulled himself from the pool. Maybe
I ought to try accepting that televised invitation of The
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other night, several dark usiform robots were smoothing the sand
on this beach under the direction of a blue humanoid supervisor.
Watching them idly, Robert estimated that it must be ten
years since he had seen another human face to face.
His parents were dim memories. He got along very well, however,
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with robots to serve him, or to obtain occasional information
from the automatic scanners of the city library that had
long ago been equipped to serve such a purpose. Much
better than things were in the old days, he told
himself as he crossed the lawn to his sprawling white mansion.
Must have been awful before the population declined. Imagine having
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people all around you, having to listen to them, see them,
and argue to make them do what you wanted. The
heel of his bare right foot came down heavily on
a pebble, and he swore, without awareness of the precise
meaning of the ancient phrases. He limped into the baths
and beckoned a waiting robot as he stretched out on
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a rubbing table. Call Blue one. He ordered. The red
robot pushed a button on the wall before beginning the massage.
In a few moments, the major domo arrived. Did Robert
enjoy the tennis? It? Inquired politely, I did not, snapped.
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The man read three one and by too big a score.
Have it geared down a few feet per second, yes, Robert,
and have the launch screened again for pebbles. As Blue
one retired, he relaxed and turned his mind to ideas
for filling the evening. He hoped Henry would televise Robert
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had news for him. After a short nap and dinner,
he took the elevator to his three story tower and
turned on the television robot. Seating himself in a comfortable
arm chair, he directed the machine from one channel to another.
For some time there was no answer to his perfunctory
call signals, but one of his few acquaintances finally came on.
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Jack Here, said a quiet voice that Robert had long
suspected of being disguised by a filter microphone. I haven't
heard you for some weeks, he remarked, eyeing the swirling
colors on the screen. He disliked Jack for never showing
his face, but curiosity as to what lay behind the
mechanical image projected by the other's transmitter preserved the acquaintance.
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I was busy, said the bodyless voice, with a discreet
hint of a chuckle that Robert found chilling. He wondered
what Jack had been up to. He remembered once being
favored with a televised view of Jack's favorite sport, a
battle between companies of robots designed for the purpose, horribly
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reminiscent of human conflicts Robert had seen on historical films.
He soon made an excuse to break off and set
the robot to scanning Henry's channel. He had something to
tell the older man, who lived only about one hundred
miles away and was as close to being his friend
as was possible in this age of scattered, self sufficient dwellings.
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I don't mind talking to him, Robert reflected, At least
he doesn't overdo this business of individual privacy. He thought
briefly of the disdainful face seemingly on a distant station,
which had merely examined him for several minutes one night
without ever condescending to speak, Recalling his rage at this treatment.
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Robert wondered how the ancients had managed to get along
together when there were so many of them. They must
have had some strict code of behavior, he supposed, or
they never would have bred so enormous a population. I
must find out about that some day, he decided, How
do you act? For instance, if he wanted to play
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tennis but someone else just refused and went to eat dinner.
Maybe that was why the ancients had so many murders.
He noticed that the robot was getting an answer from
Henry's station, and was pleased he could talk as long
as he liked, knowing Henry would not resent his cutting
off any time he became bored with the conversation. The
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robot focused the image smoothly. Henry gave the impression of
being a small man. He was gray and wrinkled compared
with Robert, but his black eyes were alertly sharp. He
smiled his greeting and immediately launched into a story of
one of his youthful trips through the mountains from the
point at which it had been interrupted the last time
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they had talked. Robert listened impatiently. Maybe I have some
interesting news, he remarked, as the other finished I picked
up a new station the other night. That reminds me
of a time when I was a boy. And Robert
fidgeted while Henry described watching his father build a spare
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television set as a hobby with only a minimum of
robot help. He pounced upon the first pause. A new station,
he repeated, came in very well too. I can't imagine
why I never picked it up before. Distant, perhaps, asked
Henry resignedly, No, not very far from me. As a
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matter of fact, you can't always tell, especially with the
ocean so close. Now that there are so few people,
you'd think there'd be land enough for all of them.
But a good many spend all their lives aboard ship robots.
Not this one, said Robert. She even showed me an
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outside view of her home. Henry's eyebrows rose. She a woman.
Her name is Marcia Joan well Well, said Henry. Imagine
that women, as I recall, usually do have funny names.
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He gazed thoughtfully at his well kept hands. Did I
ever tell you about the last woman I knew? He asked,
about twenty years ago. We had a son, you know,
but he grew up and wanted his own home and
robots naturally enough, Robert commented, somewhat briefly, since Henry had
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told him the story before, I often wonder what became
of him, mused the older man. That's the trouble with
what's left of earth culture. No families any more. Now
he'll tell me about the time he lived in a
crowd of five, thought Robert, He his wife, their boy,
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and the visiting couple. With the fleet of robot helicopters.
Deciding that Henry could reminisce just as well without a listener,
Robert quietly ordered the robot to turn itself off. Maybe
I will make the trip, he pondered, on the way downstairs,
if only to see what it's like with another person.
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About at about noon of the second day after that,
he remembered that thought with regret. The ancient roads, seldom
used and never repaired, were rough and bumpy. Having no
flying robots, Robert was compelled to transport himself and a
few mechanical servants in ground vehicles. He had, idiotically, he
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now realized, started with the dawn and was already tired. Consequently,
he was perhaps unduly annoyed when two tiny spy eyes
flew down from the hills to hover above his caravan
on whirrying little propellers. He tried to glance up pleasantly
while their lenses televised pictures to their base, but he
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feared that his smile was strained. The spy eyes retired
after a few minutes. Robert's vehicle, at his voiced order,
turned onto a road leading between two forested hills. Right there,
he thought, four hours later, was where I made my mistake.
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I should have turned back and gone home. He stood
in the doorway of a small cottage of pale blue
trimmed with yellow, watching his robots unload baggage. They were
supervised by Blue two, the spare for Blue one. Also
watching as silently as Robert, was a pink and blue
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striped robot, which had guided the caravan from the entrance
gate to the cottage after one confused protest in a
curiously high voice. It had not spoken. Maybe we shouldn't
have driven through that flower bed, thought Robert. Still, the
thing ought to be versatile enough to say so, I
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wouldn't have such a jim crack contraption. He looked up
as another humanoid robot in similar colors approached along the
line of shrubs separating the main lawns from the surrounding cottage.
Marcia Jane has finished her nap. You may come to
the house now. Robert's jaw hung slack as he sought
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for a reply. His face flushed at the idea of
a robot's offering him permission to enter the house. Nevertheless,
he followed it across the wall lawn and between banks
of gaily blossoming flowers to the main house. Robert was
not sure which color scheme he disliked more, that of
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the robot or the unemphatic pastel tints of the house.
The robot led the way inside and along a hall.
It pulled back a curtain near the other end, revealing
a room with furniture for human use. Robert stared at
the girl, who sat in an arm chair, clad in
a long robe of soft paque material. She looked a
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few years younger than he. Her hair and eyes were
also brown, though darker in contrast to Robert's. Her smooth
skin was only lightly tanned, and she wore her hair
much longer. He thought her oval face might have been pleasant,
if not for the analytical expression she wore. I am
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quite human, he said, in annoyance. Do you have a voice.
She rose and walked over to him. Curiously, Robert saw
that she was several inches shorter than he, about the
height of one of his robots. He condescended to bear
her scrutiny. You look just as you do on the telescreen,
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she marveled. Robert began to wonder if the girl were
feeble minded, how else should he look? I usually swim
at this hour, he said, to change the subject, where's
the pool? Marcia Jones stared at him. Pool of what?
She asked? Sensing sarcasm, he scowled, pool of water, of course,
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to swim in? What do you think I meant a
pool of oil? I am not acquainted with your habits,
retorted the girl. None of that, stupid wit, He snapped,
where is the pool? Don't shout? Shouted the girl. Her
voice was high and unpleasantly shrill, compared with his. I
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don't have a pool. Who wants a swimming pool anyway?
Robert felt his face flushing with rage. So she won't
tell me, he thought, all right, I'll find it myself.
Everybody has a pool, and if she comes in, I'll
hold her head under for a While sneering, he turned
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toward the nearest exit from the house. The gaily striped
robot hastened after him. The door failed to swing back
as it should have at Robert's approach. Impatiently, he seized
the ornamental handle. He felt his shoulder grasp by a
metal hand. Do not use the front door, said the robot.
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Let go, ordered Robert, in sense that any robot should
presume to hinder him. Only Marcia Joan uses this door,
said the robot, ignoring Robert's displeasure. I'll use it if
i'd like, declared Robert, jerking the handle. The next moment,
he was lifted bodily into the air. By the time
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he realized what was happening, he was carried face down
along the hall, too astonished even to yell. He caught
a glimpse of Marcia Jones's tiny feet beneath the hem
of her pink robe. As his head passed the curtained doorway.
The robot clumped on to the door at the rear
of the house and out into the sunshine. There it
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released its grip when Robert regained the breath knocked out
of him by the drop, and assured himself that no
bones were broken. His anger returned. I'll find it wherever
it is, he growled, and set out to search the grounds.
About twenty minutes later, he was forced to admit that
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there really was no swimming pool except for a brook
fifty yards away. There was only the tiled bathroom of
the cottage to bathe then, primitive, exclaimed Robert, eyeing this
manually operated water supply too, I must have the robots
fix something better for tomorrow. Since none of his robots
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was equipped with a thermometer, he had to draw the
bath himself. Meanwhile, he gave orders to Blue two regarding
the brook and a place to swim. He managed to
fill the tub without scalding himself, mainly because there was
no hot water. His irritation, by the time he had
dressed in fresh clothes and prepared for another talk with
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his hostess, was still lively. Ah you return, Marsha Joan
commented from a window above the back door. It is
time to eat, said Robert, frankly, you are mistaken. He
glanced at the sunset, which was already fading. It is time,
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he insisted, I always eat at this hour. Well I don't,
Robert leaned back to examine her expression more carefully. He
felt very much the way he had the day the
water supply robot for his pool had broken down, and
despite Robert's bellowed orders, had flooded a good part of
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the lawn before Blue one had disconnected it. Some instinct
warned him moreover that bellowing now would be useless as
it had been. Then what do you do now, he asked.
I'd dress for the evening, and when do you eat?
After I finished dressing, I'll wait for you, said Robert,
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feeling that that much tolerance could do no particular harm.
He encountered the pink and blue robot in the hall,
superintending several plain yellow ones bearing dishes and covered platters.
Robert followed them into a dining room. Marcia Jones sits there,
the majordomo informed him. As he moved toward the only
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chair at the table. Robert warily retreated to the opposite
side of the table and looked for another chair. None
was visible, of course, he thought, trying to be fair,
why should anybody in this day have more than one chair?
Robots don't sit. He waited for the majordomo to leave,
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but it did not the serving robots finished laying out
the dishes and retired to posts along the wall. Finally,
Robert decided that he would have to make his status clear.
A risk going hungry if I sit down somewhere, he decided,
it may recognize me as human. What a stupid machine
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to have. He started around the edge of the table again,
but the striped robot moved to intercept him. Robert stopped.
Oh well, he sighed, sitting sidewise on a corner of
the table. The robot hesitated, made one or two false
starts at different directions, then halted. The situation had apparently
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not been included among its memory tapes. Robert grinned and
lifted the cover of the nearest platter. He managed to eat,
despite his ungraceful position and what he considered the scarcity
of the food. Just as he finished the last dish,
he heard footsteps in the hall. Marcia Joan had dressed
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in a fresh robe of crimson. Its thinner material was
gathered at the waist by clasps of gleaming gold. The
arrangement emphasized bodily contours Robert had previously seen only in
historical films. He became I'm aware that she was regarding
him with much the same suggestion of helpless dismay as
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the majordomo. Why you've eaten it all? She exclaimed, All
snorted Robert. There was hardly any food. Marcia Jane walked
slowly around the table, staring at the empty dishes, a
few bits of raw vegetables and the tiniest portion of
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protein concentrate I ever saw. Robert continued, Do you call
that a dinner? To serve a guest? And I especially
ordered two portions two? Robert repeated, in astonishment. You must
visit me sometime. I'll show you. What's the matter with
my food? Interrupted the girl. I follow the best diet
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advice my robots confined in the city library. They should
have looked for human diets, not songbirds. He lifted a
cover in hopes of finding some overlooked morsel, but the
platter was bare. No wonder you act so strangely, he said,
You must be suffering from malnutrition. I don't wonder with
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a skippy diet like this, it's very healthful, insisted Marcia Jane.
The old film said it was good for the figure too.
Not interested, grunted Robert, I'm satisfied as I am. Oh, yes,
you look gawky to me. You don't, retorted Robert, examining
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her disdainfully. You are short and stubby and too plump, plump. Worse,
you're actually fat and lots of places I'm not, at
least not between the ears. Robert blinked, well what and besides,
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she stormed on those robots you brought are pain needed
the most repulsive colors. Robert closed his mouth and silently
sought the connection. Robots, he thought, not fat, but repulsive colors.
She said, what has that to do with food? The
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woman seems incapable of logic. And furthermore, Marcia Joan was saying,
I'm not sure I care for the looks of you.
Lulu put him out. Who's Lulu? Demanded Robert. Then, as
the Majordomo moved forward, he understood. What a silly name
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for a robot? He exclaimed, I suppose you'd call it Robert?
Will you go now? Or shall I call more robots?
I am not a fool, said Robert haughtily. I shall go.
Thank you for the disgusting dinner. Do not use the
front door, said the robot. Only Marcia Joan uses that
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all robots use other doors. Robert growled, but walked down
the hall to the back door. As this swung open
to permit his passage, he halted. It's dark out there now,
he complained over his shoulder. Don't you have any lights
on your grounds? Do you want me to trip over something?
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Of course, I have ground lights, shrilled Marcia Joan. I'll
show you not that I care if you trip or not.
A moment later, lights concealed among the trees glowed into life.
Robert walked outside and turned toward the cottage. I should
have asked her what the colors of my robots had
to do with it, he thought, and turned back to
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re enter. He walked right into the closed door, which
failed to open before him, though it had operated smoothly
a moment ago. Robots not admitted after dark. A mechanical
voice informed him, returned to your stall in the shed.
Whom do you think you're talking to? Demanded Robert. I'm
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not one of your robots. There was a pause, Is
it Marcia Joan asked the voice box, after considerable buzzing
and whirring, No, I'm Robert. There was another pause while
the mechanism laboriously shifted back to its other speech tape.
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Then robots not admitted after dark returned to your stall
in the shed. Robert slowly raised both hands to his temples. Lingeringly,
he dragged them down over his cheeks and under his chin,
until at last the fingers interlaced over his tight lips.
After a moment, he lit out his breath between his
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fingers and dropped his hands to his sides. He raised
one foot to kick, but decided that the door looked
too hard. He walked away between the beds of flowers, grumbling.
Reaching the vicinity of the cottage, he parted the tall
shrubs bordering its grounds and looked through carefully before proceeding.
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Pleased at the gleam of water, he called Blue too
good enough. Put the other robots away for the night.
They can trim the edges tomorrow. He started into the cottage,
but his major Domo warned someone comes. Robert looked around
through thin porsches of the shrubbery. He caught a glimpse
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of Marcia Jones Crimson robe, nearly black in the diffused
glow of the lights illuminating the grounds. Robert called the
girl angrily, what are your robots doing I saw them
from my upstairs window. Wait there, exclaimed Robert, as she
reached the shrubs. What are you trying to tell me
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where I can go? Oh? Or not? Go? I yai.
The shriek was followed by a tremendous splash. Robert stepped
forward in time to be splattered by part of the
flying spray. It was cold, naturally being drawn from the brook,
He reflected, Oh, well, the sun will warm it tomorrow.
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There was a frenzy of thrashing and splashing in the
dimly lighted water at his feet, accompanied by coughs and
sputtering demands that he do something. Robert reached down with
one hand, caught his hostess by the wrist, and heaved
her up to solid ground. My robots are digging you
a little swimming hole, he told her. They brought the
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water from the brook by a trench. You can finish
it with concrete or plastics later. It's only fifteen by
thirty feet. He expected some sort of acknowledgment of his
efforts and peered at her through the gloom. When none
was forthcoming. He thus caught a glimpse of the full
swinging slap aimed at his face. He tried to duck.
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There was another splash, followed by more floundering about. Reach up,
said Robert patiently, and I'll pull you out again. I
didn't expect you to like it this much. Marcia Jones
scrambled up the bank, tugged viciously at her sodden robe,
and headed for the nearest pathway without replying. Robert followed along.
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As they passed under one of the lights, he noticed
that the red reflections of the wet material where it
clung snugly to the girl's body were almost the color
of some of his robots, the tennis robot, he thought,
and the moving targets for archery. In fact, all the
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sporting equipment you talk about, food for the figure, he
remarked lightly. You should see yourself now. It's really funny
the way he stopped. Some strange emotion stifled his impulse
to laugh at the way the robe clung. Instead, he
lengthened his stride, but he was still a few feet
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behind when she charged through the front entrance of the house.
The door, having opened automatically for her, started to swing closed.
Robert sprang forward to catch it. Wait a minute, he cried,
Marcia Jones snapped something that sounded like get out over
her shoulder and squished off toward the stairs. As Robert
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started through the door to follow, the striped robot hastened
toward him from its post in the hall. Do not
use the front door, it warned him. Out of my way,
growled Robert. The robot reached out to enforce the command.
Robert seized it by the forearm and put all his
weight into a sudden tug. The machine tottered off balance.
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Releasing grip, he sent it staggering out the door with
a quick shove. A hasty glance showed Marcia Joan flapping
wetly up the last steps. Robert turned to face the robot.
Do not use that door, he quoted vindictively, and the
robot halted its rush indecisively. Only Marsha Joan uses it.
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The Majordomo hesitated. After a moment, it strode off around
the corner of the house, first darting one more look
at the stairs. Robert thrust his head outside and shouted
blue too. He held the door open while he waited.
There was an answer from the shrubbery. Presently, his own
supervisor hurried up fetch the emergency toolbox, Robert ordered, and
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bring a couple of the others with you. Naturally, Robert,
I would not carry it myself. A moment after the
robot had departed on the errand heavy steps sounded at
the rear of the hall, Marcia Jones' robot had dealt
with the mechanism of the back door. Robert eyed the
metal mask as the robot walked up to him. He
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found the color contrast less pleasant than ever. I am
not using the door, he said hastily. I am merely
holding it open. Do you intend to use it? I
haven't decided. I shall carry you out back. The robot
decided for him. No you don't, exclaimed Robert, leaping backward,
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The door immediately began to swing shut. As he passed through. Cursing,
he lunged forward. The robot reached for him. This time,
Robert missed his grip. Before he could duck away, his
wrist was trapped in a metal grasp. The door will close,
he despaired, They'll be too late. Then suddenly he felt
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the portal drawn back and heard Blue Too speak. What
does Robert wish? Throw this? Heap out the door, gasped
Robert amid a trampling of many feet. The Majordomo was
raised bodily by Blue two and another pair of Robert's
machines and hustled outside. Since the grip on Robert's wrist
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was not relaxed, he involuntarily accompanied the rush of metal
bodies catch the door. He called to Blue two. When
the latter sprang to obey, the other two took the
action as a signal to drop their burden. The Pink
and Blue robot landed full length with a jingling crash.
Robert was free with the robots. He made for the entrance,
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hearing footsteps behind him. As the Majordomo regained his feet,
he slipped hastily inside. Pick up that toolbox. He snapped.
When that robot stops in the doorway, knock its head off. Turning,
he held up a finger, do not use use the
front door. The Majordomo hesitated the heavy toolbox in the
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grip of Blue two, descended with a thud. The Pink
and Blue robot landed on the ground a yard or
two outside the door, as if dropped from the second floor.
It bounced once, emitted a few sparks, and pungent wisps
of smoke lay still never mind, that's good enough, said Robert,
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as Blue two stepped forward. One of the others can
drag it off to the repair shop. Have the toolbox
brought with us? What does Robert wish now, inquired Blue two,
trailing the man toward the stairway. I'm going upstairs, said Robert,
and I intend to be prepared if any more doors
are closed against me. He started up, the measured treads
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of his own robots sounding reassuringly behind him. It was
about a week later that Robert sat relaxed in the
armchair before his own telescreen, facing Henry's wizened visage. The
elder man clucked sympathetically as he re examined the scratches
on Robert's face in the bruise under his right eye.
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And so you left there in the morning, I certainly did,
declared Robert. We registered a marriage record at the city
Library by television, of course, But I don't care if
I never see her again. She needn't tell me all
about the child if any. I simply can't stand that
girl now now, Henry said, I mean it absolutely no
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consideration for my wishes everything in the house was run
to suit her convenience. After all, Henry pointed out, it
is her house. Robert glared, what has that to do
with it? I don't think I was as unreasonable as
she said in smashing that robot. The thing just wouldn't
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let me alone, I guess. Henry suggested it was condition
to obey. Marcia joan, not you. Well, that shows you
whose orders are to count. Anyway, when I tell a
robot to do something, I expect it done. How would
you like to find robots trying to boss you around?
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Are you talking about robots? Asked Henry? Or the girl?
Same thing, isn't it? Or it would be if I
decided to bring her home with me. Conflict of desires,
murmured Henry. Exactly. It's maddening to have a perfectly logical
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action interfered with because there's another person present to insist, insist,
mind you on having her way, and for twenty odd
years you've had your own way in every tiny thing.
Somewhere in the back of Roberts lurked a feeling that
Henry sounded slightly sarcastic. Well, why shouldn't I, he demanded,
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I noticed that in every disagreement, my view was the
right one. It was, of course, it was What do
you mean by that tone? Nothing? Henry seemed lost in thought.
I was just wondering how many right views are left
on this planet. There must be quite a few, all different,
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even if we have picked up only a few by television,
an interesting facet of our peculiar culture. Every individual omnipotent
and omniscient within his own sphere. Robert regarded him with
indignant incredulity. You don't seem to understand my point, he
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began again. I told we ought to come to my
house where things are better arranged, and she simply refused,
contradicted me. It was the most he broke off, the
impudence of him, he exclaimed, signing off when I wanted
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to talk the end of manners of the age,