The Servant Problem - Robert F Young

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Servant Problem by Robert J. Young. Selling a whole
town and doing it inconspicuously can be a little difficult,
either giving it away freely or in a more normal
sense of selling. People don't quite believe it. If you
have ever lived in a small town, you have seen
Francis Flouger, and probably you have sent him after sky
Hook's left handed monkey wrenches and pails of steam, and

(00:23):
laughed uproariously behind his back when he set forth to
do your bidding. The Francis Flougers of the world have
inspired both fun and laughter for generations. Out of mind.
The Francis Flouger we are concerned with here lived in
a small town named Valley View, and in addition to
suffering the distinction of being the village idiot, he also
suffered the distinction of being the village inventor. These two

(00:46):
distinctions frequently go hand in hand and afford, in their
incongruous togetherness, an even greater inspiration for fun and laughter.
For in this advanced stage of streamlined electric can openers
and sleep pop up toasters, who but the most naive
among us can fail to be titillated by the thought
of a buck toothed, wall eyed moron building Rube Goldberg

(01:07):
contrivances in his basement. The Francis Floiger we are concerned with,
did his inventing in his kitchen rather than in his basement. Nevertheless,
his machines were in the Rube Goldberg tradition. Take the
one he was assembling now, for example. It stood on
the kitchen table, and its various attachments jutted this way
and that with no apparent rhyme or reason. In its

(01:29):
center there was a transparent globe that looked like an
upside down goldfish bowl. And in the center of the
bowl there was an object that startlingly resembled a goldfish,
but which of course was nothing of the sort. Whatever
it was, though, it kept growing brighter and brighter each
time Francis added another attachment, and had already attained a
degree of incandescence so intense that he had been forced

(01:51):
to don cobalt blue goggles in order to look at it.
The date was the first of April nineteen sixty two,
April Fool's Day. Actually, the idea for this particular machine
had not originated in France's brain, nor had the parts
for it originated in his kitchen workshop. When he had
gone out to get the milk that morning, he had

(02:12):
found a box on his doorstep, and in the box
he had found the goldfish bowl. In the attachments plus
a sheet of instructions entitled Directions for assembling a multiple
mobius knot Dynamo. Francis thought that a machine capable of
tying knots would be pretty keen, and he had carried
the box into the kitchen and set to work forthwith.

(02:32):
He now had but one more part to go, and
he proceeded to screw it into place. Then he stepped
back to admire his handiwork. Simultaneously, his handiwork went into action.
The attachments began to quiver and wem its sparks, The
globe glowed, and the goldfish like object in its center
began to dot this way and that, as though striking
at flies. A blue halo formed above the machine and

(02:55):
began to rotate faster and faster. It rotated, until finally
its assi has components separated and flew off in a
hundred different directions. Three things happened, then, in swift succession,
Francis back doorway took on a bluish cast. The sheet
of instructions vanished and the machine began to melt. A
moment later, he heard a whining sound on his back

(03:16):
door step. Simultaneously, all of the residents of Valley View
heard whining sounds on their back door steps. Naturally, everybody
went to find out about the whining. The sign was
a new one at the most, it was no more
than six months old. You are entering the village of Valleyview,
it said, Please drive carefully, we are fond of our dogs.

(03:39):
Philip Miles drove carefully. He was fond of dogs too.
Night had tiptoed in over the October country side quite
some time ago, but the village of Valley Vue had
not turned on so much as a single street light,
nor apparently any other kind of light. All was in darkness,
and not a soul was to be seen. Philip began
to suspect that he had entered a ghost town, and

(04:01):
when his head lights started across a dark intersection and
picked up the overgrown grass and unkempt shrubbery of the
village park, he was convinced that he had. Then he
saw the girl walking the dog. He kitty cornered the
intersection and pulled up alongside her. She was a blonde,
tall and chek in a gray fall suit. Her face
was attractive, beautiful, even in a cold and classic way.

(04:25):
But she would never see twenty five again. But then
Philip would never again see thirty. When she paused, her
dog paused too, although she did not have it on
a leash. It was on the small side, tawny in hue,
with golden brown eyes, a slender, white tipped tail, and
shaggy ears that hung down on either side of its
face in a manner reminiscent of a cocker spaniel's. It

(04:48):
wasn't a cocker spaniel, though, the ears were much too
long for one thing, and the tail was much too
delicate for another. It was a breed or combination of
breeds that Philip had never seen before. He leaned across
the seat and rolled down the right hand window. Could
you direct me to number twenty three Locust Street, he asked.
It's the residence of Judith Darrow, the village attorney. Maybe

(05:10):
you know her. The girl gave a start? Are you
the real estate man I sent for? Philip gave a
start too. Recovering himself, he said, then you're Judith Darrow
I'm afraid i'm a little late. The girl's eyes flashed.
The radiant backwash of the headlights revealed them to be
both green and gray. I specified in my letter that

(05:33):
you were supposed to be here at nine o'clock this morning,
She said, maybe you'll tell me how you're going to
a praise property in the dark. I'm sorry, Philip said,
my car broke down on the way and I had
to wait for it to be fixed. When I tried
to call you, the operator told me that your phone
had been disconnected. If you'll direct me to the hotel,
i'll stay there over night and appraise your property in

(05:54):
the morning. There is a hotel, isn't there? There is,
but it's closed. Zarathustra doh. The dog had raised up
on its hind legs and placed its forepaws on the
door in an unsuccessful attempt appear in the window. At
the girl's command, it sank obediently down on its haunches.
Except for Zarathustra and myself, she went on, the village

(06:15):
is empty. Every one else has already moved out, and
we'd have moved out too, if I hadn't been entrusted
with arranging for the sale of the business places and
the houses. It makes for a rather awkward situation. She
had leaned forward, and the light from the dash lay
palely upon her face, softening its austerity. I don't get
this at all, Philip said, from your letter, I assumed

(06:36):
that you had two or three places you wanted me
to sell, but not a whole town. There must have
been at least a thousand people living here, and a
thousand people just don't pack up and move out all
at once. When she volunteered no explanation, he added, where
did they move to to Floygersville. I know you've never
heard of it, so save the observation. Then, do you

(06:59):
have any identify ocasion? She asked. He gave her his
driver's license, his business card, and the letter she had
written him. After glancing at them, she handed them back.
She appeared to be undecided about something. Why don't you
let me stay at the hotel? He suggested, you must
have the key if it's one of the places I'm
supposed to a praise. She shook her head. I have

(07:23):
the key, but there's not a stick of furniture in
the place. We had a village action last week and
got rid of everything that we didn't plan on taking
with us. She sighed, well, there's nothing for it. I
guess the nearest motel is thirty miles away, so I'll
have to put you up at my house. I have
a few articles of furniture left wedding gifts, mostly that
I was too sentimental to part with. She got into

(07:46):
the car. Come on, Zarathustra. Zarathustra climbed in, leapt across
her lap, and sat down between them. Philip pulled away
from the curb. That's an odd name for a dog,
he said, I know. I guess the reason I gave
it him is because he puts me in mind of
a little old man sometimes. But the original Zarathustra isn't

(08:07):
noted for his longevity. Perhaps another association was at work.
Then turn right at the next corner, a lonely light
burned in one of Number twenty three Locust Street's three
front windows. Its source, however, was not an incandescent bulb,
but the mantle of a gasoline lantern. The village's power
supply was cut off yesterday, Judith's Darrow explained, pumping the

(08:30):
lantern into renewed brightness, She glanced at him sideways. Did
you have dinner? As a matter of fact, no, but
please don't bother. I couldn't if I wanted to. My
larder is on its last legs. But sit down and
I'll make you some sandwiches. I'll make a pot of
coffee too. The gas hasn't been turned off yet. The
living room had precisely three articles of furniture to its name,

(08:53):
two arm chairs and a coffee table. After Judith left him,
Phillips had his briefcase on the floor and sat down
in one of the chairs. He wondered idly how she
expected to make the trip to Floygersville. He had seen
no car in the driveway, and there was no garage
on the property in which one could be concealed. Moreover,
it was highly unlikely that bussers surfaced the village any more.

(09:15):
Valley View had been bypassed quite some time ago by
one of the new super duper highways. He shrugged. Getting
to Floygersville was her problem, not his. He returned his
attention to the living room. It was a large room.
The house was large, too large in victorianesque Judith apparently
had opened the back door for a breeze. Was wafting

(09:36):
through the downstairs rooms, a breeze laden with the scent
of flowers and the dew damp breath of growing grass.
He frowned. The month was October, not June, and since
when did flowers bloom and grass grow in October? He
concluded that the scent must be artificial. Zarathustra was regarding
him with large golden eyes from the middle of the

(09:56):
living room floor. The animal did somehow bring to mind,
and a little old man, though he could not have
been more than two or three years old, you're not
very good company, Philip said, rough said Zarathustra, and turning,
trotted through an archway into a large room that, judging
from the empty shelves lining its walls, had once been
a library, and thence through another archway into another room,

(10:19):
the dining room. Undoubtedly and out of sight. Philip leaned
back wearily in the arm chair he had chosen. He
was beat Take six days a week, ten hours a day,
and multiply by fifty two and you get three hundred
and twelve three hundred and twelve days a year, hunting
down clients, talking, walking, driving, expounding, Trying in his early

(10:40):
thirties to build the foundation he should have begun building
in his early twenties, the foundation for the family had
suddenly realized he wanted and some day hoped to have.
Sometimes he wished that ambition had missed him altogether, instead
of waiting for so long to strike. Sometimes he wished
he could have gone right on being what he once
had been. After all, there was nothing wrong in living

(11:01):
in cheap hotels and even cheaper rooming houses. There was
nothing wrong in being a lackadaisical daughter door salesman with
run down heels. Nothing wrong, that is, except the aching
want that comes over you sometimes, and the loneliness of
long and empty evenings. Zarathustra had re entered the room
and was sitting in the middle of the floor. Again.

(11:23):
He had not returned empty handed, or rather empty mouthed,
although the object he had brought with him was not
the sort of object dogs generally pick up. It was
a rose, a green rose. Disbelievingly, Philip leaned forward and
took it from the animal's mouth before he had a
chance to examine it. However, footsteps sounded in the next room, and,

(11:44):
prompted by he knew not what he thrust the rose
into his suit coat pocket. An instant later, Judith Darrow
came through the archway bearing a large tray. After setting
it down on the coffee table, she poured two cups
of coffee from a little silver pot and indicated a
plate of sandwich. Please help yourself, she said. She sat
down in the other chair and sipped her coffee. He

(12:06):
had one of the sandwiches, found that he didn't want
any more. Somehow, her proximity, coupled with her silence, made
him feel uncomfortable. Has your husband already left for Floygusville,
he asked politely. Her gray green eyes grew cold. Yes,
he left quite some time ago, she said, a year ago,
as a matter of fact, but for parts unknown, not Floygusville.

(12:29):
Floygusville wasn't accessible then anyway. He had a brunette on
one arm, a red head on the other, and a
pint of cutty sock in his hip pocket. Philip was distressed. Ah,
I didn't mean to pry, he said, I'm sorry. Why
should you be? Some men are born to settle down
and raise children, and others are born to drink in flander.
It's as simple as that, is it. Something made Philip

(12:53):
ask into which category would you say, I fall You're
in a class by yourself. Tiny silver flex had come
into our eyes, and he realized to his astonishment that
they were flecks of malevolence. You've never married, but playing
the field hasn't made you one hundred percent cynical. You're
still convinced that somewhere there is a woman worthy of

(13:13):
your devotion, and you're quite right. The world is full
of them. His face tingled as though she had slapped it,
and in a sense she had. He restrained his anger
with difficulty. I didn't know that my celibacy was that noticeable,
he said, it isn't. I took the liberty of having
a private investigated check in your background. It proved to

(13:35):
be unsavory in some respects, as I implied before, But
unlike the backgrounds of the other real estate agents I
had checked, it contained not the slightest hint of dishonesty.
The nature of my business is such that I need
someone of maximum integrity to contract it with. I had
to go far and wide to find you. Your being unfair,

(13:55):
Philip said, mollified, despite himself. Most real estate agents are honest.
As a matter of fact. There's one in the same
office building with me that I trust with the family jewels,
if I had any family jewels. Good, Judith Darrow said,
I gambled on you knowing someone like that. He waited
for her to elaborate, and when she did not, he

(14:17):
finished his coffee and stood up. If you don't mind,
I'll turn in, he said, I've had a pretty hard day.
I'll show you to your room. She got two candles,
lit them, and after placing them in gilt candlesticks, and
at one of the candlesticks to him. The room was
on the third floor, in under the eaves, as far
away from hers, probably as the size of the house permitted.

(14:39):
Philip did not mind. He liked to sleep in rooms
under eaves. There was an enchantment about the rain on
the roof that people who slept in less celestial bowers
never got to know. After Judith left, he threw open
the single window and undressed and climbed into bed. Remembering
the rose, he got it out of his coat pocket
and examined it by candlelight. It was green, all right,

(15:01):
even greener than he had at first thought. Its scent
was reminiscent of the summer breeze that was blowing through
the downstairs rooms, though not at all in keeping with
the chill October air that was coming through his bedroom window.
He laid it on the table beside the bed and
blew out the candle. He would go looking for the
bush to morrow. Philip was an early riser and dawn

(15:23):
had not yet departed. When fully dressed, he left the
room with the rose in his coat pocket and quietly
descended the stairs. Entering the living room, he found Zarathustra
curled up in one of the arm chairs, and for
a moment he had the eerie impression that the animal
had extended one of his shaggy ears and was scratching
his back with it. When Philip did a double take, however,

(15:44):
the ear was back to normal size and reposing on
its owner's torny cheek. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes,
he said, come on, Zarathustra, we're going for a walk.
He headed for the back door. Zarathustra at his heels
a double door leading off from the dining and barred
his way and proved to be locked. Frowning, he returned
to the living room. All right, he said to Zarathustra,

(16:07):
we'll go out the front way. Then he walked around
the side of the house, his canine companion trotting beside him.
The side yard turned out to be disappointing. It contained
no roses, green ones, or any other kind about. All
it did contain that was worthy of notice was a
dog house, an ancient affair that was much too large
for Zarathustra, and which probably dated from the days when

(16:29):
Judith had owned a larger dog. The yard itself was
a mess. The grass hadn't been cut all summer. The
shrubbery was ragged, and dead leaves lay everywhere. A similar
state of affairs existed next door, and glancing across lots,
he saw that the same desuetude prevailed throughout the entire neighborhood. Obviously,
the good citizens of Valley View had lost interest in

(16:51):
their real estate long before they'd moved out. At length,
his explorations led him to the back door. If there
were green roses in anywhere, the trellis that adorned the
small back porch was the logical place for them to be.
He found nothing but bedraggled Virginia creeper and more dead leaves.
He tried the back door, and finding it locked, circled

(17:12):
the rest of the way around the house. Judith was
waiting for him on the front porch. How nice of
you to walk, Zarathustra, she said icily, I do hope
you found the yard in order. The yellow dress she
was wearing did not match the tone of her voice,
and the frilly blue apron tied around her waist belied
the frostiness of her gray green eyes. Nevertheless, her rancor

(17:34):
was real. Sorry, he said, I didn't know your back
yard was out of bounds. Then, if you'll give me
a list of the places you want evaluated, I'll get
started right away. I'll take you around again personally after
we have breakfast. Again, he was consigned to the living
room while she performed the necessary culinary operations, and again

(17:55):
she served him by tray. Clearly she did not want
him in the kitchen or anywhere near it. He was
not much of a one for mysteries, but this one
was intriguing him more and more by the minute breakfast over.
She told him to wait on the front porch while
she did the dishes, and instructed Zarathustra to keep him company.
She had two voices. The one she used in addressing

(18:16):
Zarathustra contained overtones of summer, and the one she used
in addressing Philip contained overtones of fall. Some day, Philip
told the little dog that chip she carries on her
shoulders going to fall off of its own accord, and
by then it'll be too late, the way it was
too late for me when I found out that the
person I'd been running away from all my life was
myself in wolf's clothing, Rough, said Zarathustra, looking up at

(18:40):
him with benign golden eyes. Rough Rough. Presently Judy three
appeared Sand's apron, and the three of them set forth
into the golden October day. It was Philip's first experience
in evaluating an entire village, but he had a knack
for estimating the worth of property, and by the time
noon came around he had the job half done. If

(19:01):
you people had made even half an effort to keep
your places up, he told Judith, over cold cut sandwiches
and coffee in her living room, we could have asked
for a third again as much. Why in the world
did you let everything go to pot just because you
were moving someplace else? She shrugged. It's hard to get
anyone to do housework these days, not to mention gardening. Besides,

(19:22):
in addition to the servant problem, there's another consideration human nature.
When you've lived in a shack all your life and
you suddenly acquire a palace, you cease caring very much
what the shack looks like. Shack. Philip was indignant. Why
this house is lovely? Practically every house you've shown me
as lovely. Old, yes, but oldness is an essential part

(19:43):
of the loveliness of houses. If Floygersville's on the order
of most housing developments I've seen, you and your neighbors
are going to be good and sorry one of these
fine days. But Floygersville isn't on the order of most
housing developments you've seen. In fact, it's not a housing
development at all. But let's not go into that anyway.
We're concerned with Valley View, not Floygersville. Very well, Philip said,

(20:08):
this afternoon should wind things up so far as the
appraising goes. That evening, after a coffeeless supper, both the
gas and the water had been turned off. That afternoon,
he totaled up his figures. They made quite a respectable sum.
He looked across the coffee table, which he had commandeered
as a desk to where Judith, with the dubious help
of Zarathustra, was sorting out a pile of manilla envelopes,

(20:31):
which he had placed in the middle of the living
room floor. I'll do my best to sell everything, he said,
but it's going to be difficult going until we get
a few families living here. People are reluctant about moving
into empty neighborhoods, and business men aren't keen about opening
up business places before the customers are available. But I
think it'll work out all right. There's a plaza not

(20:52):
far from here that will provide a place to shop
until the local markets are functioning, and Valleyview is part
of a centralized school district. He slipped the paper he'd
been figuring on into his briefcase, closed the case, and
stood up. I'll keep in touch with you, Judith shook
her head. You'll do nothing of the sort. As soon
as you leave. I'm moving to Floygersville. My business here

(21:14):
is finished. I'll keep in touch with you there. Then
all you have to do is give me address and
phone number. She shook her head again. I could give
you both, but neither would do you any good. But
that's beside the point value view is your responsibility now,
not mine. Philip sat back down again. You can start

(21:34):
explaining any time, he said. It's very simple. The property
owners of Value Vue signed all of their houses and
places of business over to me. I in turn, have
signed all of them over to you, with the qualification,
of course, that after selling them you'll be entitled to
no more than your usual commission. She withdrew a paper
from one of the manilla envelopes. After selling them, she

(21:57):
went on, you are to divide the proceeds equal among
the four charities specified in this contract. She handed him
the paper. Do you understand now why I tried so
hard to find a trustworthy agent. Philip was staring at
the paper, unable in his astonishment to read the words
it contained. Suppose he said presently that circumstances should make

(22:19):
it impossible for me to carry out my end of
the agreement. In case of illness, you will already have
taken the necessary steps to transfer the property to another agent, who,
in your opinion, is as completely honest as you are.
And in case of death, you will already have taken
the necessary steps to bequeath the property to the same agent,
and he in both cases will already have agreed that

(22:41):
the terms laid down in the contract your holding in
your hands. Why don't you read it? Now that his
astonishment had abated somewhat, Philip found that he could do so.
But this still doesn't make sense, he said, a short
while later. Obviously you and the rest of the owners
have purchased new houses. Would it be bess sumptuous of
me to ask how you're going to pay for them

(23:02):
when you're virtually giving your old houses away? I'm afraid
it would be, mister Miles. She withdrew another paper from
the envelope and handed it to him. This is the
other copy. If you'll kindly affix your signature to both,
we can bring our business to a close. As you'll notice,
I've already signed. But if you're going to be in communicado,

(23:23):
Philip pointed out, I hanger building up in him despite
all he could do to stop it, what good will
your copy do you? Judith's countenance took on a glacial quality,
so did her voice. My copy will go into the
hands of a trusted attorney, sealed in an envelope which
I have already instructed him. Not to open until five
years from this state. If at the time it is

(23:45):
opened you have violated the terms of our agreement, he
will institute legal proceedings at once. Fortunately, although the Valley
View Post Office is closed, a mail truck passes through
every weekday, evening at date. It's not that I don't
trust you, mister Miles, but you are a man, you know.
Philip was tempted to tear up the two copies then
and there and tossed the pieces into the air, but

(24:08):
he didn't for the very good reason that he couldn't
afford to. Instead, he bore down viciously on his pen
and brought his name to life twice in large and
angry letters. He handed Judith one copy, slipped the other
into his breast pocket, and got to his feet. That,
he said, brings our official business to a close. Now,
I'd like to add an unofficial word of advice. It

(24:30):
seems to me that you're exacting an exorbitant price from
the world for your husband's having sold you out for
a brunette and a red head and a pint of scotch.
I've been sold out lots of times for less than that,
but I found out long ago that the world doesn't
pay its bills even when you ask a fair price
for the damages done to you. I suggest that you
write the matter off as a bad debt and forget

(24:50):
about it. Then maybe you'll become a human being again.
She had risen to her feet and was standing stiffly
before him. She put him in mind of an ext
quizit and fragile statue, and for a moment he had
the feeling that if he were to reach out and
touch her, she would shatter into a million pieces. She
didn't move for some time, nor did he. Then she

(25:11):
bent down, picked up three of the manilla envelopes, straightened,
and handed them to him. Two of these contain the deeds, maps,
and the other records you will need, she said in
a dead voice. The third contains the keys to the
houses and business places. Each key is tagged with a
correct address. Good Bye, mister Miles, good bye, Philip said.

(25:32):
He looked around the room, intending to say good bye
to Zarathustra, but Zarathustra was nowhere to be seen. Finally,
he went into the hall, opened the front door, and
stepped out into the night. A full moon was rising
in the east. He walked down the moonlit walk, climbed
into his car, and threw his briefcase in the manilla
envelopes into the back seat. Soon, Valley View was far

(25:55):
behind him, but not as far as it should have been.
He could get the green rose out of his mind.
He couldn't get Judith Darrow out of his mind either,
nor could he exorcize the summer breeze that kept wafting
through the crevices. In his common sense, a green rose
and a grass widow, and a breeze with a green breath,

(26:16):
a whole town taking off for greener pastures. He reached
into his coat pocket and touched the rose. It was
no more than a stem and a handful of petals now,
but its reality could not be denied. But roses do
not bloom in autumn, and green roses do not bloom
at all. Rough He turned into the new highway some

(26:37):
time ago and was driving along it at a brisk
sixty five. Now, disbelievingly, he slowed and pulled over onto
the shoulder. Sure enough, he had a stowaway in the
back seat, a tawny haired stow away with golden eyes,
oversized ears, and a restless white tipped tail, Zarathustra, He gasped,
How in the dickens did you get in there? Rough

(26:59):
Sarahustra replied. Philip groaned. Now he would have to go
all the way back to Valley View. Now he would
have to see Judith Darrow again. Now he would have
to he paused in mid thought, astonished at the abrupt
acceleration of his heart beat. Well, I'll be damned, he said,
and without further preamble, transferred Zarathustra to the front seat.

(27:22):
You turned and started back. The gasoline lantern had been
moved out of the living room window, but a light
still showed beyond the panes. He pulled over to the
curb and turned off the ignition. He gave one of
Zarathustra's oversized ears a playful tug, absently noting a series
of small nodules along its lower extremity. Go on, Zarathustra,

(27:44):
he said, I may as well deliver you personally while
I'm at it. After locking the car, he started up
the walk, Zarathustra at his heels. He knocked on the
front door. Presently, he knocked again. The door creaked, swung
partially open. He frowned, had she forgotten to latch it,
he wondered, or had she deliberately left it unlatched so

(28:05):
that Zarathustra could get in. Zarathustra himself lent plausibility to
the latter conjecture by rising up on his hind legs
and pushing the door the rest of the way open
with his forepaws, after which he trotted into the hall
and disappeared. Philip pounded on the panels Miss Darrow. He
called Judith. No answer. He called again, still no answer.

(28:30):
A summer breeze came trapesing out of the house and
engulfed him in the scent of roses. What kind of roses,
he wondered, Green ones. He stepped into the hall and
closed the door behind him. He made his way into
the living room. The two chairs were gone, and so
was the coffee table. He walked through the living room
and into the library, through the library and into the

(28:52):
dining room. The gasoline lantern burned brightly on the dining
room table, its harsh white light bathing bare floors and
naked wall. The breeze was stronger here, the scent of
roses almost cloying. He saw then that the double door
that had thwart at him. That morning was open, and
he moved towards it, across the room as he had suspected,

(29:13):
it gave access to the kitchen. Pausing on the threshold,
he peered inside. It was an ordinary enough kitchen. Some
of the appliances were gone, but the stove and the
refrigerator was still there. The back doorway had an odd
bluish cast that caused the framework to shimmer. The door
itself was open, and he could see starlight lying softly

(29:34):
on fields and trees. Wonderingly, he walked across the room
and stepped outside. There was a faint, sputtering sound, as
though live wires had been crossed and profleting. Second the
scene before him seemed to waver, then abruptly it grew still.
He grew still, too immobile in the strange yet peaceful
summer night. He was standing on a grassy plain. In

(29:57):
the plain, spread out on either hand to promontories little
trees before him, The land sloped gently upward and was
covered with multicolored flowers that twinkled like microcosmic stars. In
the distance, the lights of a village showed to his right,
a riot as green rose bush bloomed, and beneath it,
Zarathustra sat wagging his tail. Philip took two steps forward, stopped,

(30:21):
and looked up at the sky. It was wrong somehow.
For one thing, Cassiopea had changed position, and for another,
Orion was awrye For still another, there were no clouds
for the moon to hide behind, and yet the moon
had disappeared. Zarathustra trotted over to where he was standing,
gazed up at him with golden eyes, then headed in

(30:41):
the direction of the lights. Philip took a deep breath
and followed him. He would have visited the village anyway.
Zarathustra or no Zarathustra. Was it Floygersville? He knew suddenly
that it was. He had not gone far before he
saw a highway. A pair of head lights appeared suddenly
in the direction of the village and resolved rapidly into

(31:03):
a moving van. To his consternation, the van turned off
the thoroughfare and headed in his direction. He ducked into
a coppice Zarathustra at his heels and watched the heavy
vehicle bounce by. There were two men in the cab,
and painted on the paneling of the truck bed were
the words Floygersville Movers Incorporated. The van continued on in

(31:23):
the direction from which he had come, and presently he
guessed its destination. Judith clearly was in the midst of
moving out the furniture she had been too sentimental to sell.
The only trouble was her house had disappeared, so had
the village of Valley View. He stared at where the
houses should have been, saw nothing at first except a
continuation of the starlit plaine. Then he noticed an upright

(31:47):
rectangle of pale light hovering just above the ground, and
presently he identified it as Judith's back doorway. He could
see through it into the kitchen, and by straining his
eyes he could even see the stove and the refrigerator.
Gradually he made out other upright rectangles hovering just above
the ground, some of them in a line with Judiths.

(32:07):
All of them, however, while outlined in the same shimmering
blue that outlined hers, lacked lighted interiors. As he stood
there staring, the van came to a halt, turned around,
and backed up to the brightest rectangle, hiding it from view.
The two men got out of the cab and walked
around to the rear of the truck bed who put
the stove in first. Philip heard one of them say,

(32:28):
and then wonder why she wants to hang on to
junk like this. The other man's voice was fainter, but
his words were unmistakable enough. Grass widows who turn into
old maids have funny notions sometimes. Judith Darrow wasn't really
moving out a valley view, after all, she only thought
she was. Philip went on. The breeze was all around him.

(32:49):
It blew through his hair, kissed his cheeks, and caressed
his forehead. The stars shone palely down. Some of the
land was under cultivation, and he could see green things
growing in the starla night, and the breeze carried their
green breath to his nostrils. He reached the highway and
began walking along it. He saw no further signs of
vehicles until he came opposite a large brick building with

(33:11):
bright lights spilling through its windows. In front of it
were parked a dozen automobiles of a make that he
was unfamiliar with. He heard the whir of machinery and
the pounding of hammers, and he went over and peered
through one of the windows. The building proved to be
a furniture factory. Most of the work was being done
by machines, but there were enough tasks left over to

(33:32):
keep the owners of the parked cars busily occupied. The
main manual task was upholstering. The machines cut and sewed
and trimmed, and planed and dulled and assembled, but apparently
none of them was up to the fine art of
spitting tacks. Philip returned to the highway and went on.
He came to other buildings and peered into each. One

(33:53):
was a small automobile assembly plant, another was a dairy.
A third was a long greenhouse. In the first, too,
the preponderance of the work was being performed by machines.
In the third, however, machines were conspicuously absent. Clearly, it
was one thing to build a machine with the superhuman
work potential, but quite another to build one with a
green thumb. He passed a pasture and saw animals that

(34:17):
looked like cows sleeping in the starlight. He passed a
field of newly sprouted corn. He passed a power plant
and heard the whine of a generator. Finally, he came
to the outskirts of Floygersville. There was a big illuminated
sign by the side of the road. It stopped him
in his tracks, and he stood there staring at its
embossed letters. Flougersville Serious twenty one discovered April the first,

(34:41):
nineteen sixty two, incorporated September the eleventh, nineteen sixty two.
Philip wiped his forehead. Zarathustra had trotted on ahead. Now
he stopped and looked back. Come on, he seemed to say,
Now that you've seen this much, you might as well
see the rest, Sir. Philip entered Floougersville and fell in love.

(35:02):
Fell in love with the lovely houses and the darling
trees in summer bloom, with the parterres of twinkling star flowers,
and the expanses of verdant lawns, with the trellised green
roses that tapestried every porch, with the hydranger like blooms
that garnished every corner, With Floygersville itself. Obviously, the hour
was late for other than himself. There was no one

(35:24):
on the streets, although lights burned in the windows of
some of the houses, and dogs of the same breed
in size as Zarathustra occasionally trotted by, and yet according
to his watch, the time was ten fifty one, maybe
though Floygersville was on a different time. Maybe here in
Floygersville it was the middle of the night. The further
he progressed into the village, the more enchanted he became.

(35:47):
He simply couldn't get over the houses. The difference between
them and the houses he was familiar with was subtle,
but it was there. It was the difference that exists
between good and not quite good taste. Here were no
standardized patios, but little marble aprons that were as much
a part of the overall architecture as a glen is
a part of a woods. Here were no stereotype picture windows,

(36:11):
but walls that blended imperceptibly into pleasing patterns of transparency.
Here were no four square back yards, but rambling, star
flowered playgrounds with swings and sea saws, and shaded swimming
holes with exquisite dog houses good enough for little girls
dolls to live in. He passed a school that seemed
to grow out of the very ground it stood on.

(36:32):
He passed a library that had been built around a
huge tree, the branches of which had intertwined their foliage
into a living roof. He passed a block long supermarket
built of tinted glass. Finally he came to the park.
He gasped, then gasped at the delicate trees and the
little blue eyed lakes, at the fairy fountains. In the
winding pebbled paths, star flowers shed their multicolored radiance everywhere,

(36:57):
and starlight poured prodigally down from the sky. He chose
a path at random and walked along it in the
twofold radiance until he came to the sinoshore. The sinoshore
was a statue, a statue of bucktooth walll eyed youth,
gazing steadfastly up into the heavens. In one hand, the
youth held a Philip's screwdriver, and in the other a

(37:18):
six inch crescent wrench. Standing several yards away and staring
raptly up into the statue's face was the youth himself,
And so immobile was he that if it hadn't been
for the pedestal on which the statue rested, Philip would
have been unable to distinguish one from the other. There
was an inscription on the pedestal. He walked over and
read it in the light cast by a nearby parterre

(37:40):
of star flowers. Francis Farnsworth Flouger, discoverer of Flougersville, born
May the fifth, nineteen forty one, died blank profession inventor.
On the first day of April of the year of
Our Lord nineteen sixty two. Francis Farnsworth Flouger brought into
being a mobious coincidence field and established multiple contact with

(38:02):
the twenty first satellite of the star Sirius, thereby giving
the people of Valley View access fear their back doorways
to a new world. Here. We have come to live here,
We have come to raise our children here in this
idyllic village which the noble race at once inhabited, this
fair planet left behind them when they migrated to the
greater Magellanic Cloud. We have settled down to create a

(38:24):
new and better way of life here. Thanks to Francis
Farnsworth Flouger, we shall know happiness, prosperity, and freedom from fear.
Francis Farnsworth Flouger, we the new inhabitants of Sirius twenty
one salute you. Philip wiped his forehead again presently he
noticed that the Flesh and Blood Francis Floger was looking

(38:45):
in his direction. Me the flesh and Blood, Francis Floger said,
pointing proudly at the statue. Me so I gather, Philip said, dryly.
And then Zarathustra, come back here. The little dog had
started down one of the paths that converged on the statue.
At Philip's command, he stopped, but did not turn. Instead,

(39:06):
he remained where he was, as though waiting for some
one to come down the path. After a moment, some
one did. Judith Darrow. She was wearing a simple white dress,
reminiscent both in design and dacre of a Grecian tunic.
A wide gilt belt augmented the effect, and her delicate
sandals did nothing to mar it in the radiance of
the star flowers. Her eyes were more gray than green.

(39:29):
There were shadows under them, Philip noticed, and the lids
were faintly red. She halted a few feet from him
and looked at him without saying a word. I er,
I brought your dog back, he said, lamely. I found
him in the back seat of my car. Thank you.
I've been looking all over Floygersville for him. I left
my Valley View doors open, hoping he'd come home of

(39:51):
his own accord. But I guess he had other ideas.
Now that you've discovered our secret, mister Myles, what do
you think of our brave new world? I think it's lovely,
Philip said, But I don't believe it's where you seem
to think it is, don't you? She asked, Then suppose
you show me the full moon that rose over Valley
View to night or Betty? Yet, suppose I show you

(40:13):
something else. She pointed to a region of the heavens
just to the left of the statues turned up nose.
You can't see them from here, she said, But around
that insignificant yellow star, nine planets are in orbit. One
of them is Earth. But that's impossible, he objected, Consider
the distance in the sort of space we're dealing with,
mister Miles. Distance is not a factor. In Mobya's space,

(40:36):
as we have come to call it, for lack of
a better term, Any two given points are coincidental, regardless
of how far apart they may be. A non mobius space.
But this becomes manifest only when a mobiu's coincidence field
is established. As you probably know by now, Francis Floyger
created such a field. At the mention of his name,
Frances Flouger came hurrying over to where they were standing.

(41:00):
E he declared, equals M C squared. Thank you, Francis.
Judith said, then to Philip, shall we walk? They started
down one of the converging paths Zarathustra bringing up the
rear behind them. Francis returned to his narcissistic study of
himself in Stone. We were neighbors back in Valley View,

(41:20):
Judith said, But I never dreamed he thought quite so
much of himself. Ever since we put up that statue
last week, he's been staring at at night and day.
Sometimes even brings his lunch with him. He seems to
be familiar with Einstein. He is not, really, though. He
memorized the energy mass equation in an attempt to justify
his new status in life, but he hasn't the remotest

(41:43):
notion of what it means. It's ironic in a way
that Floygersville should have been discovered by some one with
an IQ of less than seventy five. No one with
an IQ of less than seventy five could create the
sort of field you were talking about. He didn't create
it deliberately. He brought it into being accidentally by means
of a machine he was building to tie knots with,

(42:05):
or at least that's what he says. But we do
know that there was such a machine, because we saw
its fused parts in his kitchen, and there's no question
but what it was the source of the field. Francis, though,
can't remember how he made the parts or how he
put them together. As a matter of fact, to this day,
he still doesn't understand what happens, though I have a
feeling he knows more than he lets on. What did happen?

(42:28):
Philip asked For a while, Judith was silent. Then all
of us promised solemnly not to divulge our secret to
an outsider unless he was first accepted by the group
as a whole. She said, But thanks to my negligence,
you know most of it already, so I suppose you're
entitled to know the rest. She sighed, Very well, I'll

(42:48):
try to explain when Francis Flouger's field had come into being.
Something had happened at the back doors of Valley View
that caused them to open upon a planet which one
of the local stargazers promptly identified as Serious twenty one.
The good folk of Valley View had no idea of
how such a state of affairs could exist, to say
nothing of how it could have come about, until one

(43:11):
of the scientists, whom they asked to join them as
part of the plan which they presently devised to make
their forthcoming utopia self sufficient, came up with the theory
that explained everything. According to his theory, the round trip
distance between any planetary or squared stellar bodies was curved
in the manner of a mobius strip, i e. A
strip of paper given a half twist before bringing the

(43:33):
two ends together. In this case, the strip represented the
round trip distance from Earth to Serious twenty one. Earth
was represented on the strip by one dot, and Sirious
twenty one by another, and quite naturally, the two dots
were in equal distance, or approximately eight point eight light
years apart. This brought them directly opposite one another, one

(43:53):
on one side of the strip and the other on
the other side. But since a mobius strip has only
one surface or side, the two dots were actually occupying
the same space at the same time. In Mobia's space,
then Earth and Serious twenty one were coincidental. Philip looked
over his shoulder at the little yellow sun twinkling in
the sky. Common Sense, he said, tells me differently. Common

(44:17):
sense is a liar of the first magnitude, Judith said,
it is misled man ever since he first climbed down
from the trees. It was common sense that inspired Ptolemy's
theory of cosmogony. It was common sense that inspired the
burning of Giordano Bruno. The fact that common sense indicated
that eight point eight light years separated Earth and Serious
twenty one in common sense reality didn't prove that eight

(44:41):
point eight light years separated them in a form of
reality that was outside common sense, as Dominion i e.
Mobia's Space and Francis Floiger's Field had demonstrated as much.
The back door nodal areas which it had established, however,
were merely limited manifestations of that reality. In other words,
the field had merely provided limited access to a form

(45:02):
of space that had been in existence all along. Though
why Judith concluded our back doors should have been effected
rather than our front doors, for example, is inexplicable unless
it was because Francis built the machine in his kitchen.
At any event, when they did become nodal areas, they
manifested themselves unserious twenty one, and the dogs in the

(45:23):
immediate vicinity associated them with the doorways of their departed masters,
and began whining to be let in their departed masters.
The race that built this village, the race that built
the factories and developed the encompassing farms. A year ago,
according to the records they left behind them they migrated
to the Greater Magellanic Cloud. Philip was indignant. Why didn't

(45:46):
they take their dogs with them? They couldn't. After all,
they had to leave their cars and their furniture behind
them too, not to mention almost unbelievable stockpiles of every
metal imaginable that will last us for centuries. The logistics
of space trouble make taking even an extra handkerchief along
a calculated risk. Anyway, when their dogs found us, they

(46:07):
were overjoyed. And as for us, we fell in love
with them at first sight. Our own dogs so didn't
take to them at all, and every one of them
ran away. This can't be the only village, Philip said,
There must be others. Somewhere, undoubtedly there are. All we
know is that the people who built this one were
the last to leave. The park was behind them now,

(46:28):
and they were walking down a pleasant street. And when
you and your neighbors discovered the village, did you decide
to become expatriates right then and there? Philip assed, She nodded,
do you blame us? You've seen for yourself what a
lovely place it is. But it's far more than that.
In Valley View we had unemployment. Here there's work for
every one, and a corresponding feeling of wontedness and togetherness. True,

(46:52):
most of the work is farm work, but what of that.
We have every conceivable kind of machine to help us
in our tasks. Indeed, I think that the only machine
the Syrians lacked was one that could manufacture food out
of whole cloth. But consider the most important advantage of all.
When we go to bed at night, we can do
so without being afraid that sometime during our sleep, a

(47:14):
thermonuclear missile will descend out of the sky and of
ourus in one huge, incandescent bite. If we've made a
culture hero out of our village, idiot, it's no more
than right for unwittingly or not, he opened up the
gates of paradise, and you immediately saw to it that
no one beside yourselves and a chosen few would pass
through them. Judith paused beside a white gate. Yes, that's true,

(47:38):
she said, To keep our secret. We lived in our
old houses while we were settling our affairs, closing down
our few industries and setting up a new monetary system.
In fact, we even kept our the children in the
dark for fear that they would talk at school. Suppose, however,
we had publicized our utopia. Can't you imagine the mockery
opportunists would have made out of it. The village we

(48:00):
found was large enough to accommodate ourselves and the few friends, relatives,
and specialists we asked to join us, but no larger,
And we did, after all, find it in our own
back yard. She placed her hand on the white gate.
This is where I live. He looked at the house,
and it was enchanting. Slightly less enchanting, but delightful in
its own right, was the much smaller house beside it.

(48:23):
Judith pointed toward the latter dwelling and looked at Zarathustra.
It's almost morning, Zarathustra, she said, sternly, go to bed
this minute. She opened the gate so that the little
dog could pass through, and raised her eyes to Philip.
Our time is different here, she explained. And then I'm
afraid you'll have to hurry if you expect to make
it to my back door before the field dies out.

(48:45):
He felt suddenly empty and eyes out, he repeated numbly. Yes,
we don't know why. It's been diminishing in strength ever
since it first came into being and our mobias stripped.
Scientists has predicted that it will cease to exist during
the next twenty four hours. I guess I don't need
to remind you that you have important business on earth. No,

(49:06):
he said, I guess you don't. His emptiness bowed up
before a wave of bitterness. He had rested his hand
on the gate as close to hers as he had dared.
Now he saw that while it was inches away from
hers in one sense, it was light years away in another.
He removed it angrily. Business always comes first with you,
doesn't it. Yes, business never let you down. Do you

(49:29):
know what I think, Philip said, I think that you
were the one who did the selling out, not your husband.
I think you sold him out for a law practice.
Her face turned white, as though he had slapped it,
and in a sense he had. Good Bye, she said,
and this time he was certain that if he were
to reach out and touch her, she would shatter into
a million pieces. Give my love to the planet Earth,

(49:50):
she added icily. Good Bye, Philip said, his anger gone now,
and the emptiness rushing back. Don't sell a short though.
We'll make a big splash in your sky one of
these days when we blow ourselves up. He turned and
walked away, walked out of the enchanting village and down
the highway and across the flower pulsing plain to Judith's
back doorway. It was unlighted now, and he had trouble

(50:13):
distinguishing it from the others. Its shimmering blue framework was flickering.
Judith had not lied. Then the field was dying out.
He locked the back door behind him, walked sadly through
the dark and empty house, and let himself out the
front door. He locked the front door behind him too,
and went down the walk and climbed into his car.
He thought he had locked it, but apparently he hadn't.

(50:36):
He drove out of town and down the road to
the highway, and down the highway toward the big bright
bonfire of the city. Dawn was exploring the eastern sky
with pale, pink fingers when at last he parked his
car in the garage behind his apartment building. He reached
into the back seat for his briefcase in the Manila envelopes.
His briefcase had hair on it. It was warm and soft. Rough.

(50:59):
It barked rough rough. He knew then that everything was
all right. Just because no one had invited him to
the party didn't mean that he couldn't invite himself. He
would have to hurry, though. He had a lot of
things to do and time was running out. Noon found
him on the highway again, his business transacted, his affairs settled.

(51:20):
Zarathustra sitting beside him on the seat. One o'clock found
him driving into Valley View. Two five frowned him. Turning
down a familiar street. He would have to leave his
car behind him, but that was all right. Leaving it
to rust away in a ghost town was better than
selling it to some opportunistic dealer for a sum he
would have no use for anyway. He parked it by

(51:40):
the curb, and after getting his suit case out of
the trunk, walked up to the front door of Number
twenty three. He unlocked and opened the door, and after
Zarathustra followed him inside, closed and locked it behind him.
He strode through the house to the kitchen. He unlocked
and opened the back door. He stepped eagerly across the
threshold and stopped dead still. There were boards beneath his

(52:03):
feet instead of grass. Instead of a flower pied plain,
he saw a series of unkempt back yards. Beside him.
On an unpainted trellis Virginia creeper rattled in an October wind.
Zarathustra came out behind him, descended the back porch steps
and ran around the side of the house looking for
the green rose bush. Probably Rouf Zarathustra had returned and

(52:25):
was looking up at him from the bottom step. On
the top step he had placed an offering. The offering
was a green rose. Philip bent down and picked it up.
It was fresh and its fragrance epitomized the very essence
of Sirius twenty one Zarathustra. He gasped, where did you
get it? Errouf, said Zarathustra and ran around the side

(52:46):
of the house. Philip followed around at the corner, just
in time to see the white tipped tail disappear into
the ancient dog house. Disappointment numbed him. That was where
the rose had been, then stored away for safe keeping,
like an old and worthless bone. But the rose was fresh.
He reminded himself. Did dog houses have back doorways? This

(53:08):
one did? He saw, kneeling down and peering inside a
lovely backed doorway, rimmed with shimmering blue. It framed a
familiar vista in the foreground of which a familiar green
rose bush stood. Beneath the rose bush, Zarathustra sat wagging
his tail. It was a tight squeeze, but Philip made it.
He even managed to get his suit case through, and

(53:29):
just in time, too, for hardly had he done so
when the doorway began to flicker. Now it was on
its way out, and as he watched, it faded into
transparency and disappeared. He crawled from beneath the rose bush
and stood up. The day was bright and warm, and
the position of the sun indicated early morning or late afternoon. No,
not some sun's. One of them was a brilliant blue

(53:52):
white orb. The other a twinkling point of light. He
set off across the plain in Zarathustra's wake. He had
a speech all ready prepared, and when Judith met him
at the gate with wide and wondering eyes, he delivered
it without preamble. Judith, he said, I am contemptuous of
the notion that some things are meant to be in
other's aunt, and I firmly believe in my own free will.

(54:14):
But when your dog stows away in the back seat
of my car two times running and makes it impossible
for me not to see you again, then there must
be something afoot which neither you nor I can do
a thing about. Whatever it is, I have given in
to it and have transferred your real estate to an
agent more trustworthy than myself. I know you haven't known
me long, and I know I am not an accepted

(54:35):
member of your group. But maybe somebody will give me
a job breaking lawns or washing windows or hoeing corn
long enough for me to prove that I am not
in the least antisocial, and maybe in time, you yourself will
get to know me well enough to realize that while
I have a weakness for blondes who look like Grecian goddesses.
I have no taste whatever for Redhead's brunettes or Cuddy Sark.

(54:57):
In any event, I have burned my bridges behind me.
And whether I ever become a resident of Floygersville or not,
I have already become a residence of Sirius twenty one.
Judith Darrow was silent for some time. Then this morning
she said, I wanted to ask you to join us,
but I couldn't for two reasons. The first with your
commitment to sell our houses. The second was my bitterness

(55:20):
towards men. You have eliminated the first, and the second
seemed suddenly inane. She raised her eyes. Philip, please join us.
I want you to Sarathustra, whose real name was siddon
On Fenfonderil left them standing there in each other's arms,
and trotted down the street and out of town. He
covered the ground in easy lopes that belied his three

(55:41):
hundred and twenty five years, and soon he arrived at
the meeting place. The mayors of the other villagers had
been awaiting him since early morning and were shifting impatiently
on their haunches. When he clambered up on the rostrum.
They extended their audio appendages and retract our fingers, and
accorded him a round of applause extended at his own hands,
and held them up for silence, then retracting them again.

(56:04):
He seated himself before the little lectern and began his report,
the idiomatic translation of which follows forthwith gentlemen, my apologies
for my late arrival. I will touch upon the circumstances
that were responsible for it, presently to get down to
the matter uppermost in your minds. Yes, the experiment was
his success. And if you will use your psycho transmutative

(56:26):
powers to remodel your villages along the lines my constituents
and I remodeled ours, and to build enough factories to
give your masters that sense of self sufficiency so essential
to their well being. And if you will plant your
disassembled multiple mobius not dynamos in such a way that
the resultant fields will be ascribed to accidental causes, you
will have no more trouble attracting personnel than we did.

(56:49):
Just make sure that your master's quarters are superior to
your own, and that you behave like dogs in their presence.
And when you fabricate your records concerning your mythical departed
masters see to it that they do not conflict with
the records we fabricated concerning ours. It would be desirable, indeed,
if our Syrian human society could be based on less
deceitful grounds than these. But the very human attitude we

(57:12):
are exploiting renders this impossible At the moment. I hate
to think of the resentment we would incur were we
to reveal that, far from being the mere dogs we
seem to be, we are capable of mentally transputing natural
resources into virtually anything from a key to a concert hall.
And I hate even more to think of the resentment
we would incur were we to reveal that, for all

(57:34):
our ability in the inanimate field, we have never been
able to materialize so much as a single blade of
grass in the animate field, and that our reason for
coincidentalizing the planet Earth and creating our irresistible little utopias
stems not from a need for companionship, but from a
need for gardeners. However, you will find that all of
this can be ironed out eventually through the human children,

(57:56):
with whom you will be thrown into daily contact, and
whom you will find to possess all of their parents
abiding love for us, and none of their parents superior
attitude towards us. To a little child, a dog is
a companion, not a pet, an equal not an inferior,
and the little children of to day will be the
grown ups of to morrow. To return to the circumstances

(58:16):
that occasioned my late arrival, I I must confess, gentlemen,
that I became quite attached to the mistress into whose
house I sought entry when we first established our field,
and who subsequently adopted me when I convinced her real
dog that he would find greener pastures elsewhere. So greatly
attached did I become, in fact, that when the opportunity
of ostracizing her loneliness presented itself, I could not refrain

(58:40):
from taking advantage of it. The person to whom she
was most suited, and who was most suited to her
appeared virtually upon her very doorstep. But in her stubbornness
and in her pride, she aggravated rather than encouraged him,
causing him to rebel against the natural attraction he felt
towards her. I am happy to report that, by means
of a number of subterfusions, the final one of which

(59:02):
necessitated the use of our original doorway. I was able
to set this matter right, and that these two once
lonely people are about to embark upon a relationship which,
in their folklore is oftentimes quaintly alluded to by the
words they lived happily ever after. And now, gentlemen, the
best of luck to you and your constituents, and may
you end up with servants as excellent as ours. I

(59:24):
hereby declare this meeting adjourned. End of the servant problem.