August 19, 2025 • 22 mins
Marie Francoise Therese Martin, lovingly known as The Little Flower, was born on January 2, 1873, in Alencon, France, to Louis Martin and Zelie Guerin. As the youngest of nine siblings, she faced profound loss early in life when her mother passed away when she was just three years old. The family relocated to Lisieux to be closer to relatives, setting the stage for Therese’s spiritual journey. At the tender age of 15, Therese entered the Carmelite convent in Lisieux on April 9, 1888, despite facing significant opposition. It was within those sacred walls that she penned her spiritual autobiography, LHistoire dune Ame (The Story of a Soul), out of obedience and love. Her sisters followed her path into religious life, with one joining her at the Carmel and another becoming a Poor Clare at the Visitation Convent in Caen. Thereses life was brief; she succumbed to tuberculosis on September 30, 1897, at the Carmel of Lisieux. Her legacy lives on, as she was beatified on April 29, 1923, and canonized on May 17, 1925. (Summary written by Ann Boulais.)
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter three of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulat The Story of a Soul, The
autobiography of Saint Terrez of Le Sieux, translated by Thomas Taylor.
(00:24):
Chapter three, Pauline enters the Carmel. I was eight and
a half when Leone left school and I took her
place at the Benedictine Abbey in Le Sieux. The girls
of my class were all older than myself. One of
them was fourteen, and though not clever, she knew how
to impose on the little ones. Seeing me so young,
(00:45):
nearly always first in class, and a favorite with all
the nuns, she was jealous and used to pay me
out in a thousand ways. Naturally timid and sensitive, I
did not know how to defend myself and could only
cry in silence. Celine and my elder sisters did not
know my grief, and not being advanced enough in virtue
(01:05):
to rise above these troubles, I suffered considerably. Every evening
I went home, and then my spirits rose. I would
climb on to Papa's knee, telling him what marks I had,
and his caresses made me forget all my troubles. With
what delight I announced the result of my first essay,
for I won the maximum number of marks. In reward,
(01:27):
I received a silver coin, which I put in my
money box for the poor, and nearly every Thursday I
was able to increase the fund. Indeed, to be spoilt
was a real necessity for me. The little flower had
need to strike its tender roots deeper and deeper into
the dearly loved garden of home, for nowhere else could
it find the nourishment it required. Thursday was a holiday,
(01:49):
but it was not like the holidays I had under Pauline,
which I generally spent upstairs with Papa. Not knowing how
to play like other children, I felt myself a dull companion.
I tried my best to do as the others did,
but without success. After Celine, who was so to say,
indispensable to me, I sought the company of my little
(02:10):
cousin Marie, because she left me free to choose the
games I liked best. We were already closely united in
heart and will, as if God were showing us in
advance how one day in the caramel we should embrace
the same religious life. Footnote. Marie Garrin entered the carmel
at Les Sioux on August fifteenth, eighteen ninety five, and
(02:31):
took the name of Sister Mary of the Eucharist. She
died on April fourteenth, nineteen o five, aged thirty four
n footnote. Very often at my uncle's house we used
to play at being two austere hermits with only a
poor hut and a little patch of corn, and a
garden in which to grow a few vegetables. Our life
(02:53):
was spent in continual contemplation, one praying while the other
engaged in active duties. All was done with religious gravity
and decorum. If we went out, the make believe continued
even in the street. The two hermits would say the Rosary,
using their fingers to count on, so as not to
display their devotion before those who might scoff. One day, however,
(03:15):
the hermit to Rez forgot herself before eating a cake
given her for lunch. She made a large sign of
the cross, and some worldly folk did not repress a smile.
We were so bent on always doing the same thing
that sometimes we carried it too far, endeavoring. One evening,
on our way home from school, to imitate the modest
(03:35):
demeanor of the hermits, I said to Marie lead me,
I am going to shut my eyes, so am I,
she answered. Being on the pavement, we were in no
fear of vehicles, and for a short while all went well,
and we enjoyed walking with our eyes shut. But presently
we both fell over some boxes standing at a shop
door and knocked them down. The shop keeper came out
(03:58):
in a rage to replace them, but the would be
blind pair picked themselves up and ran off as fast
as they could with eyes wide open. Then the Hermits
had to listen to a well deserved scolding from Jean,
the maid, who seemed as vexed as the shopkeeper. I
have not yet told you how Seline and I altered
when we came to Le Sieux. She had now become
(04:19):
the little romp full of mischief, while these had turned
into a very quiet little girl, far too much inclined
to tears. I needed a champion, and who can say
how courageously my dear little sister played that part. We
used to enjoy making each other little presents for at
that age, the simplicity of our hearts was unspoiled. Like
(04:41):
the spring flowers, they unfolded glad to receive the morning dew,
while the same soft breezes swayed their petals. Yes, our
joys were mutual. I felt this especially on the happy
day of Celine's first communion. I was only seven years
old and had not yet begun school at the abbey.
How sweet is the remembrance of her preparation. Every evening
(05:02):
during its last weeks, my sisters talked to her of
the great event. I listened, eager to prepare myself too,
and my heart swelled with grief when I was told
to go away because I was still too young. I
thought that four years was not too long to spend
in making ready to receive our dear Lord. One evening
I heard someone say, to my happy little sister, from
(05:24):
the time of your first communion, you must begin an
entirely new life. At once I made a resolution not
to wait till the time of my first communion, but
to begin with Celine. During her retreat, she remained as
a border at the abbey, and it seemed to me
she was away a long time. But at last the
happy day came. What a delightful impression it has left
(05:46):
on my mind. It was like a foretaste of my
own first communion. How many graces I received that day.
I look on it as one of the most beautiful
of my life. I have gone back a little in
order to recall these happy memories, But now I must
tell you of the mournful parting which crushed my heart.
When Our Lord took from me my little mother, whom
(06:07):
I loved so dearly. I told her once that I
would like to go away with her to a far
off desert. She replied that it was her wish too,
but that she was waiting till I was big enough
to set out This impossible promise I took in earnest
and what was my grief When I heard Pauline talking
to Marie about soon entering the Caramel. I did not
(06:28):
know the caramel, but I knew that she was leaving
me to enter a convent, and that she would not
wait for me. How can I describe the anguish I suffered?
In a flash, I saw my life spread out before
me as it really is, full of sufferings and frequent partings,
and I shed bitter tears. At that time, I did
(06:48):
not know the joy of sacrifice. I was weak, so
weak that I look on it as a great grace
that I was able to bear such a trial, one
seemingly so much beyond my strength, and yet live. I
shall never forget how tenderly my little mother consoled me
while explaining the religious life. Then one evening, when I
(07:09):
was thinking over the picture she had drawn, I felt
that the Carmel was the desert where God wished me
also to hide. I felt this so strongly that I
had not the least doubt about it, nor was it
a childish dream, but the certainty of a divine call.
This impression, which I cannot properly describe, left me with
a feeling of great inward peace. Next day I confided
(07:32):
my desires to Pauline. They seemed to her as a
proof of God's will, and she promised to take me
soon to the Carmel to see the Mother Prioress and
to tell her my secret. This solemn visit was fixed
for a certain Sunday, and great was my embarrassment on
hearing that my cousin Marie, who was still young enough
to be allowed to see the Carmelites was to come
with us. Footnote. With the Carmelites, the grating is only
(07:56):
opened for near relatives and very young children. Editor and footnote.
I had to contrive a means of being alone with
the Reverend Mother, and this is what I planned. I
told Marie that as we were to have the great
privilege of seeing her, we must be very good and
polite and tell her our little secrets, and in order
(08:17):
to do that, we must go out of the room
in turns. Though she did not quite like it because
she had no secrets to confide, Marie took me at
my word, and so I was able to be alone
with you, dear mother. You listened to my great disclosure
and believed in my vocation. But you told me that
postulence were not received at the age of nine, and
(08:37):
that I must wait till I was sixteen. In spite
of my ardent desire to enter with Pauline and make
my first communion on her clothing day, I had to
be resigned. At last. The second of October came a
day of tears but also of blessings, when our Lord
gathered the first of his flowers, the Chosen Flower, who
later on was to become the mother of her sisters. Footnote.
(09:02):
Pauline has several times been prioress of the Carmel of
Le Sieux, and in nineteen o nine again succeeded to
that office on the death of the young and saintly
Mother Mary of Saint Angelus of the Child Jesus editor
en footnote. Whilst Papa, with my uncle Anne Marie, climbed
the mountain of Carmel to offer his first sacrifice, my
(09:24):
aunt took me to Mass with my sisters and cousins.
We were bathed in tears, and people gazed at us
in astonishment when we entered the church, but that did
not stop our crying. I even wondered how the sun
could go on shining. Perhaps, dear Mother, you think I
exaggerate my grief a little. I confess that this parting
ought not to have upset me so much. But my
(09:47):
soul was yet far from mature, and I had to
pass through many trials before reaching the haven of peace,
before tasting the delicious fruits of perfect love and of
complete abandonment to God's will. In the afternoon of that
Oka Toober day, eighteen eighty two, behind the grating of
the Carmel. I saw my beloved Pauline now become Sister
Agnes of Jesus. Oh, how much I suffered in that parlor.
(10:11):
As I am writing the story of my soul, it
seems to me that I ought to tell you everything well.
I acknowledged that I hardly counted the first pains of
this parting in comparison with those which followed, I, who
had been accustomed to talk with my little mother of
all that was in my heart, could now scarcely snatch
two or three minutes with her at the end of
the family visits. Even these short minutes were passed in tears,
(10:35):
and I went away with my heart torn with grief.
I did not realize that it was impossible to give
us each half an hour, and that, of course Papa
and Marie must have the largest share. I could not
understand all this, and I said, from the depths of
my heart, Pauline is lost to me. This suffering so
affected me that I soon became seriously ill. The illness
(10:57):
was undoubtedly the work of the devil. In his fury
at this first entry into the Carmel tried to avenge
himself on me for the great harm my family was
to do him in the future. However, he little knew
that the Queen of Heaven was watching faithfully over her
little flower, that she was smiling upon it from on high,
ready to steal the tempest, just when the delicate and
(11:19):
fragile stock was in danger of being broken once and
for all. At the close of the year eighteen eighty two,
I began to suffer from constant headaches. They were bearable, however,
and did not prevent me from continuing my studies. This
lasted till the Easter of eighteen eighty three. Just then
Papa went to Paris with my elder sisters and confided
(11:39):
Celine and me to the care of our uncle and aunt.
One evening, I was alone with my uncle, and he
talked so tenderly of my mother and of by gone
days that I was deeply moved and began to cry.
My sensitiveness touched him too. He was surprised that one
of my age should feel as I did, so he
determined to do all he could to divert my mind
(11:59):
during the holidays. But God had decided otherwise. That very evening,
my headache became acute, and I was seized with a
strange shivering, which lasted all night. My aunt, like a
real mother, never left me for a moment. All through
my illness. She lavished on me the most tender and
devoted care. You may imagine my poor father's grief when
(12:20):
he returned from Paris to find me in this hopeless state.
He thought I was going to die. But our Lord
might have said to him, this sickness is not unto death,
but for the glory of God John eleven, verse four. Yes,
God was glorified by means of this trial, by the
wonderful resignation of my father and sisters, and to Marie
(12:41):
especially what suffering it brought. And how grateful I am
to this dear sister. She seemed to divine my wants
by instinct, for a mother's heart is more knowing than
the science of the most skillful doctors. And now Pauline's
clothing day was drawing near, but fearing to distress me,
no one dared mention it in my presence, since it
(13:02):
was taken for granted that I should not be well
enough to be there. Deep down in my heart, however,
I firmly believed that God would give me the consolation
of seeing dear Pauline. On that day. I was quite
sure that this feast would be unclouded. I knew that
our Lord would not try his spouse by depriving her
of my presence. She had already suffered so much on
(13:22):
account of my illness. And so it turned out I
was there able to embrace my dear little mother, to
sit on her knee, and hiding myself under her veil,
to receive her loving caresses. I was able to feast
my eyes upon her. She looked so lovely in her
veil and mantle of wight. Truly, it was a day
of happiness in the midst of heavy trials. But this day,
(13:45):
or rather this hour, passed only too quickly, and soon
we were in the carriage which was to take us
away from the carmel. On reaching home, I was made
to lay down, though I did not feel at all tired.
But next day I had a serious relapse and became
so ill that humanly speaking, there was no hope of
any recovery. I do not know how to describe this
(14:08):
extraordinary illness. I said things which I had never thought of.
I acted as though I were forced to act in
spite of myself. I seemed nearly always to be delirious,
and yet I feel certain that I was never for
a minute deprived of my reason. Sometimes I remained in
a state of extreme exhaustion for hours together, unable to
(14:28):
make the least movement. And yet, in spite of this
extraordinary torpor, hearing the least whisper, I remember it still,
and what fears the devil inspired. I was afraid of everything.
My bed seemed to be surrounded by frightful precipices. Nails
in the wall took the terrifying appearance of long fingers,
shriveled and blackened with fire, making me cry out in terror.
(14:51):
One day, while Papa stood looking at me in silence,
the hat in his hand was suddenly transformed into some
horrible shape, and I was so frightened that he and away, sobbing.
But if God allowed the devil to approach me in
this open way, angels too were sent to console and
strengthen me. Marie never left me, and never showed the
least trace of weariness, in spite of all the trouble
(15:13):
I gave her, for I could not rest when she
was away during meals. When Victory took care of me,
I never ceased calling tearfully Marie Marie when she wanted
to go out. It was only if she were going
to mass or to see Pauline that I kept quiet.
As for Leoni and my little Celine, they could not
do enough for me. On Sundays they shut themselves up
(15:35):
for hours with a poor child who seemed almost to
have lost her reason. My own, dear sisters, how much
I made you suffer. My uncle and aunt were also
devoted to me. My aunt came to see me every
day and brought me many little gifts. I could never
tell you how my love for these dear ones increased.
During this illness. I understood better than ever what Papa
(15:56):
had so often told us. Always remember, children, that your
uncle and aunt have devoted themselves to you in a
way that is quite exceptional. In his old age, he
experienced this himself, and now he must bless and protect
those who lavish upon him such affectionate care. Footnote. Madame
Gerran died holy on February thirteenth, nineteen hundred, age fifty two.
(16:20):
During her illness, theres assisted her in an extraordinary way
several times, making her presence felt. Monsieur Gharran having for
many years used his pen in defense of the church,
and his fortune in the support of good works. Died
a beautiful death on September twenty eighth, nineteen o nine.
In his sixty ninth year editor en footnote, when my
(16:43):
sufferings grew less, my great delight was to weave garlands
of daisies, and forget me nots for our Lady's statue.
We were in the beautiful month of May, when all
nature is clothed with the flowers of spring. The little
flower alone drooped and seemed as though it had withered forever.
Yet she Vy two had a shining sun, the miraculous
statue of the Queen of Heaven. How often did the
(17:05):
little flower turn towards this glorious sun. One day Papa
came into my room in the deepest distress, and I
watched him go up to Marie and give her some money,
bidding her write to Paris and have a novena of
masses said at the shrine of our Lady of Victories,
to obtain the cure of his poor little queen. Footnote.
It was in this small church, once deserted, and today
(17:27):
perhaps the most frequented in Paris, that the saintly ab
Dejanet was inspired by our lady in eighteen thirty six
to establish the Confraternity of the Immaculate Heart of Mary
for the Conversion of sinners. Editor and footnote. How touching
were his faith and love, How much I longed to
(17:47):
get up and tell him I was cured alas my
wishes could not work a miracle, and it needed one
to restore me to health. Yes, it needed a great miracle,
and this was wrought by our Lady of Victories herself.
One Sunday, during the novena, Marie went into the garden,
leaving me with Leoni, who was reading by the window.
After a short time, I began to call Marie Marie,
(18:10):
very softly. Leone, accustomed to hear me fret like this,
took no notice, so I called louder until Marie came
back to me. I saw her come into the room
quite well, but for the first time I failed to
recognize her. I looked all round and glanced anxiously into
the garden, still calling Marie Marie. Her anguish was perhaps
(18:31):
greater than mine, and that was unutterable. At last, after
many fruitless efforts to make me recognize her, she whispered
a few words to Leone, and went away, pale and trembling.
Leoni presently carried me to the window. There I saw
the garden and Marie walking up and down, but still
I did not recognize her. She came forward, smiling and
(18:53):
held out her arms to me, calling tenderly therees, dear
little Therese. This last effort failed. She came in again
and knelt in tears at the foot of my bed.
Turning towards the statue of our lady, she entreated her
with the fervor of a mother who begs the life
of her child and will not be refused. Leone and
Celine joined her, and that cry of faith forced the
(19:16):
gates of heaven. I, too, finding no help on earth
and nearly dead with pain, turned to my heavenly mother,
begging her from the bottom of my heart to have
pity on me. Suddenly the statue seemed to come to
life and grow beautiful, with a divine beauty that I
shall never find words to describe. The expression on our
lady's face was ineffably sweet, tender, and compassionate. But what
(19:38):
touched me to the very depths of my soul was
her gracious smile. Then all my pain vanished. Two big
tears started to my eyes and fell silently. They were
indeed tears of unmixed heavenly joy. Our blessed Lady has
come to me. She has smiled at me. How happy
I am. But I shall tell no one, or my
happiness will leave me. Such were my thoughts. Looking around,
(20:02):
I recognized Marie. She seemed very much overcome, and looked
lovingly at me, as though she guessed that I had
just received a great grace. Indeed, her prayers had gained
me this unspeakable favor, a smile from the blessed Virgin.
When she saw me with my eyes fixed on the statue,
she said to herself, terres is cured. And it was true.
(20:23):
The little flower had come to life again. A bright
ray from its glorious sun had warmed and set it
free forever from its cruel enemy. The dark winter is passed,
the rain is over and gone Canticle two, verse eleven.
And our Lady's little flower gathered such strength that five
years later it opened wide its petals on the fertile
mountain of Carmel. As I said before, Marie was convinced
(20:46):
that our blessed Lady, while restoring my bodily health, had
granted me some hidden grace. So when I was alone
with her, I could not resist her tender and pressing inquiries.
I was so astonished to find my secret already known
without my having said a word, that I told her
everything alas as I had foreseen. My joy was turned
(21:08):
into bitterness. For four years, the remembrance of this grace
was a cause of real pain to me, and it
was only in the blessed sanctuary of our Lady of Victories,
at my mother's feet, that I once again found peace.
There it was restored to me in all its fullness.
As I will tell you later, this is how my
joy was changed into sadness. When Marie had heard the
(21:30):
childish but perfectly sincere account of the grace I had received,
she begged my leave to tell them at the Carmel,
and I did not like to refuse her. My first
visit there after, my illness was full of joy at
seeing Pauline clothed in the habit of our Lady of Carmel.
It was a happy time for us both. We had
so much to say, We had both suffered so much.
(21:51):
My heart was so full that I could hardly speak.
You were there, dear mother, and plainly showed your affection
for me. I saw several other sisters too, and you
must remember how they questioned me about my cure. Some
asked if our Lady was holding the infant Jesus in
her arms, others if the angels were with her, and
so on. All these questions distressed and grieved me, and
(22:12):
I could only make one answer. Our lady looked very beautiful.
I saw her come towards me and smile. But noticing
that the nuns thought something quite different had happened from
what I had told them, I began to persuade myself
that I had been guilty of an untruth. If only
I had kept my secret, I should have kept my
happiness also. But our Lady allowed this trouble to befall
(22:34):
me for the good of my soul. Perhaps without it,
vanity would have crept into my heart, whereas now I
was humbled, and I looked on myself with feelings of contempt.
My God, Thou alone knowest all that I suffered. End
of Chapter three
Chapter three of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulat The Story of a Soul, The
autobiography of Saint Terrez of Le Sieux, translated by Thomas Taylor.
(00:24):
Chapter three, Pauline enters the Carmel. I was eight and
a half when Leone left school and I took her
place at the Benedictine Abbey in Le Sieux. The girls
of my class were all older than myself. One of
them was fourteen, and though not clever, she knew how
to impose on the little ones. Seeing me so young,
(00:45):
nearly always first in class, and a favorite with all
the nuns, she was jealous and used to pay me
out in a thousand ways. Naturally timid and sensitive, I
did not know how to defend myself and could only
cry in silence. Celine and my elder sisters did not
know my grief, and not being advanced enough in virtue
(01:05):
to rise above these troubles, I suffered considerably. Every evening
I went home, and then my spirits rose. I would
climb on to Papa's knee, telling him what marks I had,
and his caresses made me forget all my troubles. With
what delight I announced the result of my first essay,
for I won the maximum number of marks. In reward,
(01:27):
I received a silver coin, which I put in my
money box for the poor, and nearly every Thursday I
was able to increase the fund. Indeed, to be spoilt
was a real necessity for me. The little flower had
need to strike its tender roots deeper and deeper into
the dearly loved garden of home, for nowhere else could
it find the nourishment it required. Thursday was a holiday,
(01:49):
but it was not like the holidays I had under Pauline,
which I generally spent upstairs with Papa. Not knowing how
to play like other children, I felt myself a dull companion.
I tried my best to do as the others did,
but without success. After Celine, who was so to say,
indispensable to me, I sought the company of my little
(02:10):
cousin Marie, because she left me free to choose the
games I liked best. We were already closely united in
heart and will, as if God were showing us in
advance how one day in the caramel we should embrace
the same religious life. Footnote. Marie Garrin entered the carmel
at Les Sioux on August fifteenth, eighteen ninety five, and
(02:31):
took the name of Sister Mary of the Eucharist. She
died on April fourteenth, nineteen o five, aged thirty four
n footnote. Very often at my uncle's house we used
to play at being two austere hermits with only a
poor hut and a little patch of corn, and a
garden in which to grow a few vegetables. Our life
(02:53):
was spent in continual contemplation, one praying while the other
engaged in active duties. All was done with religious gravity
and decorum. If we went out, the make believe continued
even in the street. The two hermits would say the Rosary,
using their fingers to count on, so as not to
display their devotion before those who might scoff. One day, however,
(03:15):
the hermit to Rez forgot herself before eating a cake
given her for lunch. She made a large sign of
the cross, and some worldly folk did not repress a smile.
We were so bent on always doing the same thing
that sometimes we carried it too far, endeavoring. One evening,
on our way home from school, to imitate the modest
(03:35):
demeanor of the hermits, I said to Marie lead me,
I am going to shut my eyes, so am I,
she answered. Being on the pavement, we were in no
fear of vehicles, and for a short while all went well,
and we enjoyed walking with our eyes shut. But presently
we both fell over some boxes standing at a shop
door and knocked them down. The shop keeper came out
(03:58):
in a rage to replace them, but the would be
blind pair picked themselves up and ran off as fast
as they could with eyes wide open. Then the Hermits
had to listen to a well deserved scolding from Jean,
the maid, who seemed as vexed as the shopkeeper. I
have not yet told you how Seline and I altered
when we came to Le Sieux. She had now become
(04:19):
the little romp full of mischief, while these had turned
into a very quiet little girl, far too much inclined
to tears. I needed a champion, and who can say
how courageously my dear little sister played that part. We
used to enjoy making each other little presents for at
that age, the simplicity of our hearts was unspoiled. Like
(04:41):
the spring flowers, they unfolded glad to receive the morning dew,
while the same soft breezes swayed their petals. Yes, our
joys were mutual. I felt this especially on the happy
day of Celine's first communion. I was only seven years
old and had not yet begun school at the abbey.
How sweet is the remembrance of her preparation. Every evening
(05:02):
during its last weeks, my sisters talked to her of
the great event. I listened, eager to prepare myself too,
and my heart swelled with grief when I was told
to go away because I was still too young. I
thought that four years was not too long to spend
in making ready to receive our dear Lord. One evening
I heard someone say, to my happy little sister, from
(05:24):
the time of your first communion, you must begin an
entirely new life. At once I made a resolution not
to wait till the time of my first communion, but
to begin with Celine. During her retreat, she remained as
a border at the abbey, and it seemed to me
she was away a long time. But at last the
happy day came. What a delightful impression it has left
(05:46):
on my mind. It was like a foretaste of my
own first communion. How many graces I received that day.
I look on it as one of the most beautiful
of my life. I have gone back a little in
order to recall these happy memories, But now I must
tell you of the mournful parting which crushed my heart.
When Our Lord took from me my little mother, whom
(06:07):
I loved so dearly. I told her once that I
would like to go away with her to a far
off desert. She replied that it was her wish too,
but that she was waiting till I was big enough
to set out This impossible promise I took in earnest
and what was my grief When I heard Pauline talking
to Marie about soon entering the Caramel. I did not
(06:28):
know the caramel, but I knew that she was leaving
me to enter a convent, and that she would not
wait for me. How can I describe the anguish I suffered?
In a flash, I saw my life spread out before
me as it really is, full of sufferings and frequent partings,
and I shed bitter tears. At that time, I did
(06:48):
not know the joy of sacrifice. I was weak, so
weak that I look on it as a great grace
that I was able to bear such a trial, one
seemingly so much beyond my strength, and yet live. I
shall never forget how tenderly my little mother consoled me
while explaining the religious life. Then one evening, when I
(07:09):
was thinking over the picture she had drawn, I felt
that the Carmel was the desert where God wished me
also to hide. I felt this so strongly that I
had not the least doubt about it, nor was it
a childish dream, but the certainty of a divine call.
This impression, which I cannot properly describe, left me with
a feeling of great inward peace. Next day I confided
(07:32):
my desires to Pauline. They seemed to her as a
proof of God's will, and she promised to take me
soon to the Carmel to see the Mother Prioress and
to tell her my secret. This solemn visit was fixed
for a certain Sunday, and great was my embarrassment on
hearing that my cousin Marie, who was still young enough
to be allowed to see the Carmelites was to come
with us. Footnote. With the Carmelites, the grating is only
(07:56):
opened for near relatives and very young children. Editor and footnote.
I had to contrive a means of being alone with
the Reverend Mother, and this is what I planned. I
told Marie that as we were to have the great
privilege of seeing her, we must be very good and
polite and tell her our little secrets, and in order
(08:17):
to do that, we must go out of the room
in turns. Though she did not quite like it because
she had no secrets to confide, Marie took me at
my word, and so I was able to be alone
with you, dear mother. You listened to my great disclosure
and believed in my vocation. But you told me that
postulence were not received at the age of nine, and
(08:37):
that I must wait till I was sixteen. In spite
of my ardent desire to enter with Pauline and make
my first communion on her clothing day, I had to
be resigned. At last. The second of October came a
day of tears but also of blessings, when our Lord
gathered the first of his flowers, the Chosen Flower, who
later on was to become the mother of her sisters. Footnote.
(09:02):
Pauline has several times been prioress of the Carmel of
Le Sieux, and in nineteen o nine again succeeded to
that office on the death of the young and saintly
Mother Mary of Saint Angelus of the Child Jesus editor
en footnote. Whilst Papa, with my uncle Anne Marie, climbed
the mountain of Carmel to offer his first sacrifice, my
(09:24):
aunt took me to Mass with my sisters and cousins.
We were bathed in tears, and people gazed at us
in astonishment when we entered the church, but that did
not stop our crying. I even wondered how the sun
could go on shining. Perhaps, dear Mother, you think I
exaggerate my grief a little. I confess that this parting
ought not to have upset me so much. But my
(09:47):
soul was yet far from mature, and I had to
pass through many trials before reaching the haven of peace,
before tasting the delicious fruits of perfect love and of
complete abandonment to God's will. In the afternoon of that
Oka Toober day, eighteen eighty two, behind the grating of
the Carmel. I saw my beloved Pauline now become Sister
Agnes of Jesus. Oh, how much I suffered in that parlor.
(10:11):
As I am writing the story of my soul, it
seems to me that I ought to tell you everything well.
I acknowledged that I hardly counted the first pains of
this parting in comparison with those which followed, I, who
had been accustomed to talk with my little mother of
all that was in my heart, could now scarcely snatch
two or three minutes with her at the end of
the family visits. Even these short minutes were passed in tears,
(10:35):
and I went away with my heart torn with grief.
I did not realize that it was impossible to give
us each half an hour, and that, of course Papa
and Marie must have the largest share. I could not
understand all this, and I said, from the depths of
my heart, Pauline is lost to me. This suffering so
affected me that I soon became seriously ill. The illness
(10:57):
was undoubtedly the work of the devil. In his fury
at this first entry into the Carmel tried to avenge
himself on me for the great harm my family was
to do him in the future. However, he little knew
that the Queen of Heaven was watching faithfully over her
little flower, that she was smiling upon it from on high,
ready to steal the tempest, just when the delicate and
(11:19):
fragile stock was in danger of being broken once and
for all. At the close of the year eighteen eighty two,
I began to suffer from constant headaches. They were bearable, however,
and did not prevent me from continuing my studies. This
lasted till the Easter of eighteen eighty three. Just then
Papa went to Paris with my elder sisters and confided
(11:39):
Celine and me to the care of our uncle and aunt.
One evening, I was alone with my uncle, and he
talked so tenderly of my mother and of by gone
days that I was deeply moved and began to cry.
My sensitiveness touched him too. He was surprised that one
of my age should feel as I did, so he
determined to do all he could to divert my mind
(11:59):
during the holidays. But God had decided otherwise. That very evening,
my headache became acute, and I was seized with a
strange shivering, which lasted all night. My aunt, like a
real mother, never left me for a moment. All through
my illness. She lavished on me the most tender and
devoted care. You may imagine my poor father's grief when
(12:20):
he returned from Paris to find me in this hopeless state.
He thought I was going to die. But our Lord
might have said to him, this sickness is not unto death,
but for the glory of God John eleven, verse four. Yes,
God was glorified by means of this trial, by the
wonderful resignation of my father and sisters, and to Marie
(12:41):
especially what suffering it brought. And how grateful I am
to this dear sister. She seemed to divine my wants
by instinct, for a mother's heart is more knowing than
the science of the most skillful doctors. And now Pauline's
clothing day was drawing near, but fearing to distress me,
no one dared mention it in my presence, since it
(13:02):
was taken for granted that I should not be well
enough to be there. Deep down in my heart, however,
I firmly believed that God would give me the consolation
of seeing dear Pauline. On that day. I was quite
sure that this feast would be unclouded. I knew that
our Lord would not try his spouse by depriving her
of my presence. She had already suffered so much on
(13:22):
account of my illness. And so it turned out I
was there able to embrace my dear little mother, to
sit on her knee, and hiding myself under her veil,
to receive her loving caresses. I was able to feast
my eyes upon her. She looked so lovely in her
veil and mantle of wight. Truly, it was a day
of happiness in the midst of heavy trials. But this day,
(13:45):
or rather this hour, passed only too quickly, and soon
we were in the carriage which was to take us
away from the carmel. On reaching home, I was made
to lay down, though I did not feel at all tired.
But next day I had a serious relapse and became
so ill that humanly speaking, there was no hope of
any recovery. I do not know how to describe this
(14:08):
extraordinary illness. I said things which I had never thought of.
I acted as though I were forced to act in
spite of myself. I seemed nearly always to be delirious,
and yet I feel certain that I was never for
a minute deprived of my reason. Sometimes I remained in
a state of extreme exhaustion for hours together, unable to
(14:28):
make the least movement. And yet, in spite of this
extraordinary torpor, hearing the least whisper, I remember it still,
and what fears the devil inspired. I was afraid of everything.
My bed seemed to be surrounded by frightful precipices. Nails
in the wall took the terrifying appearance of long fingers,
shriveled and blackened with fire, making me cry out in terror.
(14:51):
One day, while Papa stood looking at me in silence,
the hat in his hand was suddenly transformed into some
horrible shape, and I was so frightened that he and away, sobbing.
But if God allowed the devil to approach me in
this open way, angels too were sent to console and
strengthen me. Marie never left me, and never showed the
least trace of weariness, in spite of all the trouble
(15:13):
I gave her, for I could not rest when she
was away during meals. When Victory took care of me,
I never ceased calling tearfully Marie Marie when she wanted
to go out. It was only if she were going
to mass or to see Pauline that I kept quiet.
As for Leoni and my little Celine, they could not
do enough for me. On Sundays they shut themselves up
(15:35):
for hours with a poor child who seemed almost to
have lost her reason. My own, dear sisters, how much
I made you suffer. My uncle and aunt were also
devoted to me. My aunt came to see me every
day and brought me many little gifts. I could never
tell you how my love for these dear ones increased.
During this illness. I understood better than ever what Papa
(15:56):
had so often told us. Always remember, children, that your
uncle and aunt have devoted themselves to you in a
way that is quite exceptional. In his old age, he
experienced this himself, and now he must bless and protect
those who lavish upon him such affectionate care. Footnote. Madame
Gerran died holy on February thirteenth, nineteen hundred, age fifty two.
(16:20):
During her illness, theres assisted her in an extraordinary way
several times, making her presence felt. Monsieur Gharran having for
many years used his pen in defense of the church,
and his fortune in the support of good works. Died
a beautiful death on September twenty eighth, nineteen o nine.
In his sixty ninth year editor en footnote, when my
(16:43):
sufferings grew less, my great delight was to weave garlands
of daisies, and forget me nots for our Lady's statue.
We were in the beautiful month of May, when all
nature is clothed with the flowers of spring. The little
flower alone drooped and seemed as though it had withered forever.
Yet she Vy two had a shining sun, the miraculous
statue of the Queen of Heaven. How often did the
(17:05):
little flower turn towards this glorious sun. One day Papa
came into my room in the deepest distress, and I
watched him go up to Marie and give her some money,
bidding her write to Paris and have a novena of
masses said at the shrine of our Lady of Victories,
to obtain the cure of his poor little queen. Footnote.
It was in this small church, once deserted, and today
(17:27):
perhaps the most frequented in Paris, that the saintly ab
Dejanet was inspired by our lady in eighteen thirty six
to establish the Confraternity of the Immaculate Heart of Mary
for the Conversion of sinners. Editor and footnote. How touching
were his faith and love, How much I longed to
(17:47):
get up and tell him I was cured alas my
wishes could not work a miracle, and it needed one
to restore me to health. Yes, it needed a great miracle,
and this was wrought by our Lady of Victories herself.
One Sunday, during the novena, Marie went into the garden,
leaving me with Leoni, who was reading by the window.
After a short time, I began to call Marie Marie,
(18:10):
very softly. Leone, accustomed to hear me fret like this,
took no notice, so I called louder until Marie came
back to me. I saw her come into the room
quite well, but for the first time I failed to
recognize her. I looked all round and glanced anxiously into
the garden, still calling Marie Marie. Her anguish was perhaps
(18:31):
greater than mine, and that was unutterable. At last, after
many fruitless efforts to make me recognize her, she whispered
a few words to Leone, and went away, pale and trembling.
Leoni presently carried me to the window. There I saw
the garden and Marie walking up and down, but still
I did not recognize her. She came forward, smiling and
(18:53):
held out her arms to me, calling tenderly therees, dear
little Therese. This last effort failed. She came in again
and knelt in tears at the foot of my bed.
Turning towards the statue of our lady, she entreated her
with the fervor of a mother who begs the life
of her child and will not be refused. Leone and
Celine joined her, and that cry of faith forced the
(19:16):
gates of heaven. I, too, finding no help on earth
and nearly dead with pain, turned to my heavenly mother,
begging her from the bottom of my heart to have
pity on me. Suddenly the statue seemed to come to
life and grow beautiful, with a divine beauty that I
shall never find words to describe. The expression on our
lady's face was ineffably sweet, tender, and compassionate. But what
(19:38):
touched me to the very depths of my soul was
her gracious smile. Then all my pain vanished. Two big
tears started to my eyes and fell silently. They were
indeed tears of unmixed heavenly joy. Our blessed Lady has
come to me. She has smiled at me. How happy
I am. But I shall tell no one, or my
happiness will leave me. Such were my thoughts. Looking around,
(20:02):
I recognized Marie. She seemed very much overcome, and looked
lovingly at me, as though she guessed that I had
just received a great grace. Indeed, her prayers had gained
me this unspeakable favor, a smile from the blessed Virgin.
When she saw me with my eyes fixed on the statue,
she said to herself, terres is cured. And it was true.
(20:23):
The little flower had come to life again. A bright
ray from its glorious sun had warmed and set it
free forever from its cruel enemy. The dark winter is passed,
the rain is over and gone Canticle two, verse eleven.
And our Lady's little flower gathered such strength that five
years later it opened wide its petals on the fertile
mountain of Carmel. As I said before, Marie was convinced
(20:46):
that our blessed Lady, while restoring my bodily health, had
granted me some hidden grace. So when I was alone
with her, I could not resist her tender and pressing inquiries.
I was so astonished to find my secret already known
without my having said a word, that I told her
everything alas as I had foreseen. My joy was turned
(21:08):
into bitterness. For four years, the remembrance of this grace
was a cause of real pain to me, and it
was only in the blessed sanctuary of our Lady of Victories,
at my mother's feet, that I once again found peace.
There it was restored to me in all its fullness.
As I will tell you later, this is how my
joy was changed into sadness. When Marie had heard the
(21:30):
childish but perfectly sincere account of the grace I had received,
she begged my leave to tell them at the Carmel,
and I did not like to refuse her. My first
visit there after, my illness was full of joy at
seeing Pauline clothed in the habit of our Lady of Carmel.
It was a happy time for us both. We had
so much to say, We had both suffered so much.
(21:51):
My heart was so full that I could hardly speak.
You were there, dear mother, and plainly showed your affection
for me. I saw several other sisters too, and you
must remember how they questioned me about my cure. Some
asked if our Lady was holding the infant Jesus in
her arms, others if the angels were with her, and
so on. All these questions distressed and grieved me, and
(22:12):
I could only make one answer. Our lady looked very beautiful.
I saw her come towards me and smile. But noticing
that the nuns thought something quite different had happened from
what I had told them, I began to persuade myself
that I had been guilty of an untruth. If only
I had kept my secret, I should have kept my
happiness also. But our Lady allowed this trouble to befall
(22:34):
me for the good of my soul. Perhaps without it,
vanity would have crept into my heart, whereas now I
was humbled, and I looked on myself with feelings of contempt.
My God, Thou alone knowest all that I suffered. End
of Chapter three
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