August 19, 2025 • 30 mins
Marie Francoise Therese Martin, lovingly known as The Little Flower, was born on January 2, 1873, in Alencon, France, to Louis Martin and Zelie Guerin. As the youngest of nine siblings, she faced profound loss early in life when her mother passed away when she was just three years old. The family relocated to Lisieux to be closer to relatives, setting the stage for Therese’s spiritual journey. At the tender age of 15, Therese entered the Carmelite convent in Lisieux on April 9, 1888, despite facing significant opposition. It was within those sacred walls that she penned her spiritual autobiography, LHistoire dune Ame (The Story of a Soul), out of obedience and love. Her sisters followed her path into religious life, with one joining her at the Carmel and another becoming a Poor Clare at the Visitation Convent in Caen. Thereses life was brief; she succumbed to tuberculosis on September 30, 1897, at the Carmel of Lisieux. Her legacy lives on, as she was beatified on April 29, 1923, and canonized on May 17, 1925. (Summary written by Ann Boulais.)
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter five of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulat The Story of a Soul, The
Autobiography of Saint Therez of Lesieux, translated by Thomas Taylor,
(00:24):
Chapter five, Vocation of Therese. I was far from meriting
all the graces which Our Lord showered on me. I
had a constant and ardent desire to advance in virtue,
but often my actions were spoilt by imperfections. My extreme
sensitiveness made me almost unbearable. All arguments were useless. I
simply could not correct myself of this miserable fault. How
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then could I hope soon to be admitted to the Carmel.
A miracle on a small scale was needed to give
me strength of character all at once, and God worked
this long desired miracle on Christmas Day eighteen eighty On
that blessed night, the sweet Infant Jesus Scarce an hour old,
filled the darkness of my soul with floods of light.
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By becoming weak and little for love of me, He
made me strong and brave. He put his own weapons
into my hands, so that I went from victory to victory, beginning,
if I may say so, to run as a giant.
Footnote cross reference Psalms eighteen nineteen, verse five and footnote.
The fountain of my tears was dried up, and from
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that time they flowed neither easily nor often. Now I
will tell you, dear mother, how I received this inestimable
grace of complete conversion. I knew that when we reached
home after midnight Mass, I should find my shoes in
the chimney corner, filled with presents, just as when I
was a little child, which proves that my sisters still
treated me as a baby. Papa, too, liked to watch
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my enjoyment and hear my cries of delight at each
fresh surprise that came from the magic shoes, and his
pleasure added to mine. But the time had come when
our Lord wished to free me from childhood's failings and
even withdraw me from its innocent pleasures. On this occasion,
instead of indulging me as he generally did, Papa seemed vexed,
and on my way upstairs, I heard him say, really,
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all this is too babyish for a big girl like Terrez,
and I hope it is the last year it will happen.
His words cut me to the quick. Selene, knowing how
sensitive I was, whispered, don't go downstairs yet, Wait a little,
You would cry too much if you looked at your
presence before Papa. But thees was no longer the same
Jesus had changed her heart. Choking back my tears, I
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ran down to the dining room, and though my heart
beat fast, I picked up my shoes and gaily pulled
out all the things, looking as happy as a queen.
Papa laughed and did not show any trace of displeasure,
and Selne thought she must be dreaming. But happily it
was a reality. Little Chrez had regained once for all,
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the strength of mind which she had lost at the
age of four and a half. On this night of grace,
the third period of my life began, the most beautiful
of all, the one most filled with heavenly favors. In
an instant, Our Lord, satisfied with my good will, accomplished
the work I had not been able to do during
all these years. Like the Apostle, I could say, Master,
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we have labored all night and have taken nothing, Luke
five Verse five. More merciful to me even than to
his beloved disciples. Our Lord himself took the net, cast it,
and drew it out full of fishes. He made me
a fisher of men. Love and a spirit of self
forgetfulness took possession of me, and from that time I
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was perfectly happy. One Sunday, closing my book at the
end of Mass, a picture of Our Lord on the
cross half slipped out, showing only one of his divine
hands pierced and bleeding. I felt an indescribable thrill such
as I had never felt before. My heart was torn
with grief to see that precious blood falling to the ground,
and no no one caring to treasure it as it fell.
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And I resolved to remain continually in spirit at the
foot of the cross, that I might receive the divine
due of salvation and pour it forth upon souls. From
that day, the cry of my dying savior, I thirst,
sounded incessantly in my heart, and kindled therein a burning zeal.
Hitherto unknown to me, my one desire was to give
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my beloved to drink. I felt myself consumed with thirst
for souls, and I longed at any cost to snatch
sinners from the everlasting flames of hell. In order still
further to enkindle my ardor Our divine Master soon proved
to me how pleasing to him was my desire. Just
then I heard much talk of a notorious criminal Pranzini,
who was sentenced to death for several shocking murders, and
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as he was quite impenitent, everyone feared he would be
eternally lost. How I longed to avert this irrepable calamity.
In order to do so, I employed all the spiritual
means I could think of, and, knowing that my own
efforts were unavailing, I offered for his pardon the infinite
merits of our Savior and the treasures of Holy Church.
Need I say that, in the depths of my heart,
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I felt certain my requests would be granted, but that
I might gain courage to persevere in the quest for souls.
I said, in all simplicity, my God, I am quite
sure that thou wilt pardon this unhappy Pranzini. I should
still think so if he did not confess his sins
or give any sign of sorrow because I have such
confidence in Thy unbounded mercy. But this is my first sinner,
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and therefore I begged for just one sign of repentance
to reassure me. My prayer was granted to the letter.
My father never allowed us to read the papers, but
I did not think there was any disobedience in looking
at the part about Pranzini. The day after his execution,
I hastily opened the paper lacrois, and what did I see?
Tears betrayed my emotion. I was obliged to run out
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of the room. Pranzini had mounted the scaffold without confessing
or receiving absolution, and the executioners were already dragging him
towards the fatal block, when all at once, apparently in
answer to a sudden inspiration, he turned round, seized the
crucifix which the priest was offering to him, and kissed
Our Lord's sacred wounds three times. I had obtained the
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sign I asked for, and to me it was especially sweet.
Was it not when I saw the precious blood flowing
from the wounds of Jesus that the thirst for souls
first took possession of me. I wished to give them
to drink of the blood of the Immaculate Lamb, that
it might wash away their stains. And the lips of
my firstborn had been pressed to these divine wounds. What
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a wonderful answer. After receiving this grace, my desire for
the salvation of souls increased. Day by day. I seemed
to hear our Lord whispering to me, as he did
to the Samaritan woman, give me to drink John four,
verse seven. It was indeed, in exchange of love upon souls,
I poured forth the precious blood of Jesus, and to
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Jesus I offered these souls refreshed with the dew of Calvary.
In this way I thought to quench his thirst. But
the more I gave him to drink, so much more
did the thirst of my own poor soul increase, And
I accepted it as the most delightful recompense. In a
short time, God in his goodness, had lifted me out
of the narrow sphere in which I lived. The great
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step was taken, But alas I had still a long
road to travel. Now that I was free from scruples
and morbid sensitiveness, my mind developed. I had always loved
what it was noble and beautiful. And about this time
I was seized with a passionate desire for learning. Not
content with lessons from my teachers, I took up certain
subjects by myself, and learnt more in a few months
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than I had in my whole school life. Was not
this ardor vanity and vexation of spirit Ecclesiastes one, verse fourteen.
For me, with my impestuous nature, this was one of
the most dangerous times of my life. But our Lord
fulfilled in me those words of Ezekiel's prophecy. Behold, thy
time was the time of lovers. And I spread my
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garment over THEE, and I swore to THEE, and I
entered into a covenant with THEE. Saith the Lord, and
thou becamest mine. And I washed THEE with water, and
I anointed THEE with oil. I clothed THEE with fine garments,
and put a chain about thy neck. Thou didst eat
fine flour and honey and oil, and was made exceedingly beautiful,
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and was advanced to be a queen. Ezekiel sixteen, verses eight,
nine and thirteen. Yes, our Lord has done all this
for me. I might take each word of that striking
passage and show how it has been completely realized in me.
But the graces of which I have already told you
are sufficient proof. So I will only speak now of
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the food with which my Divine Master abundantly provided me.
For a long time I had nourished my spiritual life
with a fine flower contained in the Imitation of Christ.
It was the only book which did me good, for
I had not yet found the treasures hidden in the
Holy Gospels. I always had it with me to the
amusement of my people at home. My aunt used often
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to open it and make me repeat by heart the
first chapter she chanced to light. Upon seeing my great
thirst for knowledge, God was pleased when I was fourteen
to add to the fine flower honey and oil in abundance.
This honey and oil I found in the conferences of
Father Armanjohn on the end of this world and the
mysteries of the world to come. While reading this book,
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my soul was flooded with a happiness quite supernatural. I
experienced a foretaste of what God has prepared for those
who love Him, and seeing that eternal rewards are so
much in excess of the petty sacrifices of this life.
I yearned to love our Lord, to love him passionately,
and to give him countless proofs of affection. While this
was still in my power, Celine had become the most
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intimate sharer of my thoughts, especially since Christmas. Our Lord,
who wished to make us advance and virtue together, drew
us to one another by ties stronger than blood. He
made his sisters in spirit as well as in the flesh.
The words of our holy father, Saint John of the Cross,
were realized in us. Treading within thy footsteps, young maidens
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lightly run upon the way from the spark's contact and
the spiced wine they give forth aspirations of a balm divine.
It was lightly, indeed, that we followed in the footsteps
of our Savior. The burning sparks which he cast into
our souls, the strong wine which he gave us to drink,
made us lose sight of all earthly things, and we
breathed forth sighs of love. Very sweet is the memory
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of our intercourse. Every evening we went up to our
attic window together and gazed at the starry depths of
the sky. And I think very precious graces were bestowed
on us. Then, as the imitation says, God communicates himself,
sometimes amid great light, and at other times sweetly in
signs and figures. Footnote cross reference imitation of Christ's three
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chapter forty three four and footnote. In this way he
deigned to manifest himself to our hearts. But how slight
and transparent was the veil, doubt was no longer possible.
Already faith and hope had given place to love, which
made us find him whom we sought, even on this earth.
When he found us alone, he gave us his kiss.
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And now no one may despise us. Footnote cross reference
Canticles eight, verse one, and footnote. These divine impressions could
not but bear fruit. The practice of virtue gradually became
sweet and natural to me. At first my looks betrayed
the effort, But little by little self sacrifice seemed to
come more easily and without hesitation. Our Lord has said
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to every one that hath shall be given, and he
shall abound Luke nineteen, verse twenty six. Each grace faithfully
received brought many others. He gave himself to me in
holy communion, oftener than I should have dared to hope.
I had made it my practice to go to communion
as often as my Confessor allowed me, but never to
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ask for leave to go more frequently. Now, however, I
should act differently, For I am convinced that a soul
ought to disclose to her director the longing she has
to receive her God. He does not come down from
heaven each day in order to remain in a golden chiborium,
but to find another heaven, the heaven of our souls,
in which he takes such delight. Our Lord, who knew
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my desire, inspired my confessor to allow me to go
to communion several times a week, And this permission, coming
as it did, straight from him, filled me with joy.
In those days, I did not dare to speak of
my inner feelings. The road which I trod was so direct,
so clear, that I did not feel the need of
any guide. But Jesus I compared directors to mirrors, who
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faithfully reflect our Savior to the souls under their care,
and I thought that in my case, he did not
use an intermediary, but acted directly. When a gardener gives
special attention to a fruit which he wishes to ripen, early.
He does so not with a view to leaving it
on the tree, but in order to place it on
a well, well spread table. Our Lord lavished his favors
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on his little flower, in the same way he wishes
his mercies to shine forth in me. He who while
on earth, cried out in a transport of joy. I
bless thee O Father, because thou hast hidden these things
from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them to
the little ones footnote cross reference loop ten, verse twenty
one end footnote. And because I was small and frail,
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he bent down to me and instructed me sweetly in
the secrets of his love, as Saint John of the
Cross says in his Canticle of the Soul, on that
happy night, in secret, I went forth, beheld by none,
and seeing not having no light nor guide, accepting that
which burned within my heart, which lit my way more
safely than the glare of noonday sun, to wear expectant.
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He waited for me, who doth know me well, where
none appeared, but he this place was Carmel. But before
I could sit down under his shadow whom I desired,
I had to pass through many trials, cantacles two verse.
And yet the divine call was becoming so insistent that
had it been necessary for me to go through fire,
I would have thrown myself into it to follow my
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divine master. Pauline sister Agnes of Jesus was the only
one who encouraged me in my vocation. Marie thought I
was too young, and you, dear mother, no doubt to
prove to me, tried to restrain my ardor from the
start I encountered nothing but difficulties. Then too, I dared
not to speak of it to Celine, and this silence
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pained me deeply. It was so hard to have a secret.
She did not share. However, this dear sister soon found
out my intention, and far from wishing to keep me back,
she accepted the sacrifice with wonderful courage. As she also
wished to be a nun, she ought to have been
given the first opportunity, But imitating the martyrs of old,
who used joyfully to embrace those chosen to go before
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them into the arena, she allowed me to leave her
and took my troubles as much to heart as if
it were a question of her o own vocation. From Celine,
then I had nothing to fear, but I did not
know how to set about telling Papa. How could his
little queen talk of leaving him when he had already
parted with his two eldest daughters. Moreover, this year he
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had been stricken with a serious attack of paralysis, and
though he recovered quickly, we were full of anxiety for
the future. What struggles I went through before I could
make up my mind to speak, But I had to
act decisively. I was now fourteen and a half, and
in six months time the blessed feasts of Christmas would
be here. I had resolved to enter the carmel at
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the same hour at which a year before I had
received the grace of conversion. I chose the feast of
Pentecost on which to make my great disclosure. All day
I was praying for light from the Holy Ghost and
begging the apostles to pray for me, to inspire me
with the words I ought to use. Were they not
the very ones to help a timid child whom God
destined to become an apostle of apostles by prayer and sacrifice.
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In the afternoon, when Vesper's were over, I found the
opportunity I wanted. My father was sitting in the garden,
his hands clasped admiring the wonders of nature. The rays
of the setting sun gilded the tops of the tall trees,
and the birds chanted their evening prayer. His beautiful face
wore a heavenly expression. I could feel that his soul
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was full of peace. Without a word, I sat down
by his side, my eyes already wet with tears. He
looked at me with indescribable tenderness, and, pressing me to
his heart, said, what is it, little queen? Tell me everything. Then,
in order to hide his own emotion, he rose and
walked slowly up and down, still holding me close to him.
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Through my tears, I spoke of the carmel and of
my great wish to enter soon. He too wept, but
did not say a word to turn me from my vocation.
He only told me that I was very young to
make such a grave decision. And as I insisted and
fully explained my reasons, my noble and generous father was
soon convinced. We walked about for a long time. My
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heart was lightened, and Papa no longer shed tears. He
spoke to me as saints speak and showed me some
flowers growing in a low stone wall. Picking one of them,
he gave it to me and explained the loving care
with which God had made it spring up and grow
till now I fancied myself listening to my own story.
So close was the resemblance between the little flower and
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little Theres. I received this flowret as a relic, and
noticed that in gathering it, my father had pulled it
out by the roots without breaking them. It seemed destined
to live on but in other and more fertile soil.
Papa had just done the same for me. He allowed
me to leave the sweet valley where I had passed
the first years of my life, for the mountain of Carmel.
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I fastened my little white flower to a picture of
our Lady of Victories. The blessed Virgin smiles on it,
and the infant Jesus seems to hold it in his hand.
It is still there, but the stock is broken close
to the root. God doubtless wishes me to understand that
he will soon break all the earthly ties of his
little Flower, and will not leave her to wither on
this earth. Having obtained my father's consent, I thought I
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could now fly to the caramel without hindrance far from it.
When I told my uncle of my project, he declared
that to enter such a severe order at the age
of fifteen seemed to him against all common sense, and
that it would be doing a wrong to religion to
let a child embrace such a life. He added that
he should oppose it in every way possible, and that
nothing short of a miracle would make him change his mind.
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I could see that all arguments were useless, so I
left him. My heart weighed down by profound sadness. My
only consolation was prayer. I entreated Our Lord to work
this miracle for me, because thus only could I respond
to his appeal. Some time went by, and my uncle
did not seem even to remember our conversation, though I
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learned later that it had been constantly in his thoughts.
Before allowing a ray of hope to shine on my soul,
our Lord deigned to send me another most painful trial,
which lasted for three days. Never had I understood so
well the bitter grief of our Lady and Saint Joseph,
when they were searching the streets of Jerusalem for the
divine child. I seemed to be in a frightful desert,
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or rather, my soul was like a frail skiff without
a pilot. At the mercy of the stormy waves. I
knew that Jesus was there asleep in my little boat,
but how could I see him while the night was
so dark. If the storm had really broken, a flash
of lightning would perhaps have pierced the clouds that hung
over me, even though it were but a passing ray.
It would have enabled me to catch a momentary glimpse
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of the beloved of my heart. But this was denied me. Instead,
it was night, dark, night, utter desolation, death. Like my
divine master in the agony in the garden, I felt
that I was alone and found no comfort on earth
or in heaven. Nature itself seemed to share my bitter sadness,
for during these three days there was not a ray
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of sunshine, and the rain fell in torrents. I have
noticed again and again that in all the important events
of my life, Nature has reflected my feelings. When I wept,
the sky is wept with me. When I rejoiced, no
cloud darkened the blue of the heavens. On the fourth day,
a Saturday, I went to see my uncle what was
my surprise when I found his attitude towards me entirely changed.
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He invited me into his study, a privilege I had
not asked for. Then, after gently reproaching me for being
a little constrained with him, he told me that the
miracle of which he had spoken was no longer needed.
He had prayed God to guide his heart aright, and
his prayer had been heard. I felt as if I
hardly knew him. He seemed so different. He embraced me
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with fatherly affection, saying, with much feeling, go in peace,
my dear child. You are a privileged little flower which
our Lord wishes to gather. I will put no obstacle
in the way. Joyfully I went home. The clouds had
quite disappeared from the sky, and in my soul also
dark night was over. Jesus had awakened to gladden my heart.
I no longer heard the roar of the waves, instead
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of the bitter wind of trial. A light breathe swelled
my sail, and I fancied myself safe in port alas
more than one storm was yet to rise, sometimes even
making me fear that I should be driven without hope
of return from the shore, which I longed to reach.
I had obtained my uncle's consent, only to be told
by you, dear mother, that the superior of the Carmelites
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would not allow me to enter. Till I was twenty one.
No one had dreamed of this serious opposition, the hardest
of all to overcome. And yet without losing courage, I
went with Papa to lay my request before him. He
received me very coldly and could not be induced to
change his mind. We left him at last with a
very decided no. Of course, he added, I am only
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the Bishop's delegate. If he allows you to enter, I
shall have nothing more to say. When we came out
of the presbytery again, it was raining in torrents, and
my soul too was overcast with heavy clouds. But Papa
did not know how to console me. But he promised
if I wished to take me to Bay You to
see the Bishop. And to this I eagerly consented. Many
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things happened, However, before we were able to go to
all appearances, my life seemed to continue as formerly. I
went on studying, and what is more important, I went
on growing in the love of God. Now and then
I experienced what were indeed raptures of love. One evening,
not knowing in what words to tell our Lord how
much I loved him, and how much I wished that
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he was served and honored everywhere. I thought sorrowfully that
from the depths of hell there does not go up
to him one single act of love. Then from my
inmost heart I cried out that I would gladly be
cast into that place of torment and blasphemy, so that
he might be eternally loved even there. This could not
be for his glory, since he only wishes our happiness.
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But love feels the need of saying foolish things. If
I spoke in this way, it was not that I
did not long to go to heaven. But for me,
heaven was nothing else than love. And in my ardor
I felt that nothing could separate me from the divine
being who held me captive. About this time our Lord
gave me the consolation of an intimate knowledge of the
souls of children. I gained it in this way. During
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the illness of a poor woman, I interested in myself
in her two little girls, the elder of whom was
not yet six. It was a real pleasure to see
how simply they believe all that I told them. Baptism
does indeed plant deeply in our souls the theological virtues
since from early childhood. The hope of heavenly reward is
strong enough to make us practice self denial. When I
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wanted my two little girls to be specially kind to
one another, instead of promising them toys and sweets, I
talked to them about the eternal recompense the Holy Child
Jesus would give to good children. The elder one, who
was coming to the use of reason, used to look
quite pleased and ask me charming questions about the little
Jesus and his beautiful heaven. She promised me faithfully always
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to give in to her little sister, adding that all
through her life she would never forget what I had
taught her. Us to compare these innocent souls to soft wax,
ready to receive any impression evil alas as well as good,
and I understood the words of our Lord. It were
better to be thrown into the sea than to scandalize
one of these little ones. Footnote cross reference Matthew eighteen,
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verse six, and footnote how many souls might attain to
great sanctity if only they were directed aright from the first.
I know God has not need of anyone to help
him in his work of sanctification. But as he allows
a clever gardener to cultivate rare and delicate plants, giving
him the skill to accomplish it, while reserving to himself
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the right of making them grow, so does he wish
to be helped in the cultivation of souls. What would
happen if an ignorant gardener did not graft his trees
in the right way, if he did not understand the
nature of each, and wished, for instance, to make roses
grow on peach trees. This reminds me that I used
to have among my birds a canary which sang beautifully,
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and also a little linnet taken and from the nest
of which I was very fond. This poor little prisoner,
deprived of the teaching it should have received from its parents, and,
hearing the joyous trills of the canary from morning to night,
tried hard to imitate them, a difficult task. Indeed, for
a linnet. It was delightful to follow the efforts of
the poor little thing. His sweet voice found great difficulty
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in accommodating itself to the vibrant notes of his master.
But he succeeded in time, and to my great surprise,
his song became exactly like the song of the Canary. Oh,
dear mother, you know who taught me to sing from
the days of my earliest childhood. You know the voices
which drew me on. And now I trust that one day,
in spite of my weakness, I may sing forever the
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cantacle of Love, the harmonious notes of which I have
often heard sweetly sounding here below. But where am I
These thoughts have carried me too far, and I must
resume the history of my vocation. On October thirty first,
eighteen eighty seven, alone with Papa, I started for Bay You,
my heart full of hope, but also excited at the
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idea of presenting myself at the bishop's house. For the
first time in my life. I was going to pay
a visit without any of my sisters, and this to
a bishop, I who had never yet had to speak
except to answer questions addressed to me, would have to
explain and enlarge all my reasons for begging to enter
the carmel, and so give proofs of the genuineness of
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my vocation. It cost me a great effort to overcome
my shyness sufficiently to do this. But it is true
that love knows no such word as impossible, for it
deems all things possible, all things allowed. Nothing whatsoever but
the love of Jesus could have made me face these
difficulties in other things which followed. For I had to
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purchase my happiness by heavy trials. Now it is true
I think I bought it very cheaply, and I would
willingly bear a thousand times more bitter suffering to gain
it if it were not already mine. When we reached
the bishop's house, the floodgates of heaven seemed open once more.
The Vicar General, Father Reveroni, who had settled the date
of our coming, received us very kindly, though he looked
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a little surprised, and seeing tears in my eyes, said
those diamonds must not be shown to his lordship. We
were led through large reception rooms, which made me feel
how small I was, and I wondered what I should
dare say. The bishop was walking in a corridor with
two priests. I saw the Vicar General speak a few
words to him. Then they came into the room where
we were waiting. There were three large arm chairs in
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front of the fireplace, where a bright fire blazed. As
his lordship entered, My father and I knelt for his blessing.
Then he made us sit down. Father REVERENI offered me
the arm chair in the middle. I excused myself politely,
but he insisted, telling me to show if I knew
how to obey. I did so without any more hesitation,
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and was mortified to see him take an ordinary chair
while I was buried in an enormous seat that would
comfortably have held four children like me. More comfortably in fact,
for I I was far from being at ease. I
hoped that Papa was going to do all the talking,
but he told me to explain the reason of our visit.
I did so as eloquently as I could, though I
knew well that one word from the Superior would have
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carried more weight than all my reasons, while his opposition
told strongly against me. The Bishop asked how long I
wanted to enter the carmel. A very long time, my lord, come,
said the Vicar General, laughing. It cannot be as long
as fifteen years, that is true, I answered, But it
is not much less, for I have wished to give
myself to God from the time I was three. The Bishop,
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no doubt, to please Papa, tried to explain that I
ought to remain some time longer with him. But to
his great surprise and edification, my father took my part,
adding respectfully that we were going to Rome with the
diocesan pilgrimage, and that I should not hesitate to speak
to the Holy Father if I could not obtain permission
before then. However, it was decided that previous to giving
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an answer, and interview with the Superior was absolutely necessary.
This was particularly unpleasant hearing, for I knew his declared
and determined opposition, and in spite of the advice not
to allow the bishop to see any diamonds, I not
only showed them, but let them fall. He seemed touched
and caressed me fondly. I was afterwards told he had
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never treated any child so kindly. All is not lost,
little one, he said, But I am very glad that
you are going to roam with your good Father. You
will thus strengthen your vocation. Instead of weeping, you ought
to rejoice. I am going to Lisiue next week and
I will talk to the Superior about you. You shall
certainly have my answer when you are in Italy. His
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lordship then took us to the garden and was much
interested when Papa told him that to make myself look older,
I had put up my hair for the first time
that morning. This was not forgotten, for I know that
even now, when the Bishop tells anyone about his little daughter,
he always repeats the story about her hair. I must say,
I should prefer my little Sea Macret to have been kept.
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As he took us to the door, the Vicar General
remarked that such a thing had never been seen. A
father as anxious to give his child to God as
the child was to offer herself. We had to return
to the Sioux without a favorable answer. It seemed to
me as though my future were shattered forever. The nearer
I drew to the goal, the greater my difficulties became.
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But all the time I felt, deep down in my
heart a wondrous peace, because I knew that I was
only seeking the will of my lord and of Chapter
five
Chapter five of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulat The Story of a Soul, The
Autobiography of Saint Therez of Lesieux, translated by Thomas Taylor,
(00:24):
Chapter five, Vocation of Therese. I was far from meriting
all the graces which Our Lord showered on me. I
had a constant and ardent desire to advance in virtue,
but often my actions were spoilt by imperfections. My extreme
sensitiveness made me almost unbearable. All arguments were useless. I
simply could not correct myself of this miserable fault. How
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then could I hope soon to be admitted to the Carmel.
A miracle on a small scale was needed to give
me strength of character all at once, and God worked
this long desired miracle on Christmas Day eighteen eighty On
that blessed night, the sweet Infant Jesus Scarce an hour old,
filled the darkness of my soul with floods of light.
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By becoming weak and little for love of me, He
made me strong and brave. He put his own weapons
into my hands, so that I went from victory to victory, beginning,
if I may say so, to run as a giant.
Footnote cross reference Psalms eighteen nineteen, verse five and footnote.
The fountain of my tears was dried up, and from
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that time they flowed neither easily nor often. Now I
will tell you, dear mother, how I received this inestimable
grace of complete conversion. I knew that when we reached
home after midnight Mass, I should find my shoes in
the chimney corner, filled with presents, just as when I
was a little child, which proves that my sisters still
treated me as a baby. Papa, too, liked to watch
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my enjoyment and hear my cries of delight at each
fresh surprise that came from the magic shoes, and his
pleasure added to mine. But the time had come when
our Lord wished to free me from childhood's failings and
even withdraw me from its innocent pleasures. On this occasion,
instead of indulging me as he generally did, Papa seemed vexed,
and on my way upstairs, I heard him say, really,
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all this is too babyish for a big girl like Terrez,
and I hope it is the last year it will happen.
His words cut me to the quick. Selene, knowing how
sensitive I was, whispered, don't go downstairs yet, Wait a little,
You would cry too much if you looked at your
presence before Papa. But thees was no longer the same
Jesus had changed her heart. Choking back my tears, I
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ran down to the dining room, and though my heart
beat fast, I picked up my shoes and gaily pulled
out all the things, looking as happy as a queen.
Papa laughed and did not show any trace of displeasure,
and Selne thought she must be dreaming. But happily it
was a reality. Little Chrez had regained once for all,
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the strength of mind which she had lost at the
age of four and a half. On this night of grace,
the third period of my life began, the most beautiful
of all, the one most filled with heavenly favors. In
an instant, Our Lord, satisfied with my good will, accomplished
the work I had not been able to do during
all these years. Like the Apostle, I could say, Master,
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we have labored all night and have taken nothing, Luke
five Verse five. More merciful to me even than to
his beloved disciples. Our Lord himself took the net, cast it,
and drew it out full of fishes. He made me
a fisher of men. Love and a spirit of self
forgetfulness took possession of me, and from that time I
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was perfectly happy. One Sunday, closing my book at the
end of Mass, a picture of Our Lord on the
cross half slipped out, showing only one of his divine
hands pierced and bleeding. I felt an indescribable thrill such
as I had never felt before. My heart was torn
with grief to see that precious blood falling to the ground,
and no no one caring to treasure it as it fell.
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And I resolved to remain continually in spirit at the
foot of the cross, that I might receive the divine
due of salvation and pour it forth upon souls. From
that day, the cry of my dying savior, I thirst,
sounded incessantly in my heart, and kindled therein a burning zeal.
Hitherto unknown to me, my one desire was to give
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my beloved to drink. I felt myself consumed with thirst
for souls, and I longed at any cost to snatch
sinners from the everlasting flames of hell. In order still
further to enkindle my ardor Our divine Master soon proved
to me how pleasing to him was my desire. Just
then I heard much talk of a notorious criminal Pranzini,
who was sentenced to death for several shocking murders, and
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as he was quite impenitent, everyone feared he would be
eternally lost. How I longed to avert this irrepable calamity.
In order to do so, I employed all the spiritual
means I could think of, and, knowing that my own
efforts were unavailing, I offered for his pardon the infinite
merits of our Savior and the treasures of Holy Church.
Need I say that, in the depths of my heart,
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I felt certain my requests would be granted, but that
I might gain courage to persevere in the quest for souls.
I said, in all simplicity, my God, I am quite
sure that thou wilt pardon this unhappy Pranzini. I should
still think so if he did not confess his sins
or give any sign of sorrow because I have such
confidence in Thy unbounded mercy. But this is my first sinner,
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and therefore I begged for just one sign of repentance
to reassure me. My prayer was granted to the letter.
My father never allowed us to read the papers, but
I did not think there was any disobedience in looking
at the part about Pranzini. The day after his execution,
I hastily opened the paper lacrois, and what did I see?
Tears betrayed my emotion. I was obliged to run out
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of the room. Pranzini had mounted the scaffold without confessing
or receiving absolution, and the executioners were already dragging him
towards the fatal block, when all at once, apparently in
answer to a sudden inspiration, he turned round, seized the
crucifix which the priest was offering to him, and kissed
Our Lord's sacred wounds three times. I had obtained the
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sign I asked for, and to me it was especially sweet.
Was it not when I saw the precious blood flowing
from the wounds of Jesus that the thirst for souls
first took possession of me. I wished to give them
to drink of the blood of the Immaculate Lamb, that
it might wash away their stains. And the lips of
my firstborn had been pressed to these divine wounds. What
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a wonderful answer. After receiving this grace, my desire for
the salvation of souls increased. Day by day. I seemed
to hear our Lord whispering to me, as he did
to the Samaritan woman, give me to drink John four,
verse seven. It was indeed, in exchange of love upon souls,
I poured forth the precious blood of Jesus, and to
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Jesus I offered these souls refreshed with the dew of Calvary.
In this way I thought to quench his thirst. But
the more I gave him to drink, so much more
did the thirst of my own poor soul increase, And
I accepted it as the most delightful recompense. In a
short time, God in his goodness, had lifted me out
of the narrow sphere in which I lived. The great
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step was taken, But alas I had still a long
road to travel. Now that I was free from scruples
and morbid sensitiveness, my mind developed. I had always loved
what it was noble and beautiful. And about this time
I was seized with a passionate desire for learning. Not
content with lessons from my teachers, I took up certain
subjects by myself, and learnt more in a few months
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than I had in my whole school life. Was not
this ardor vanity and vexation of spirit Ecclesiastes one, verse fourteen.
For me, with my impestuous nature, this was one of
the most dangerous times of my life. But our Lord
fulfilled in me those words of Ezekiel's prophecy. Behold, thy
time was the time of lovers. And I spread my
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garment over THEE, and I swore to THEE, and I
entered into a covenant with THEE. Saith the Lord, and
thou becamest mine. And I washed THEE with water, and
I anointed THEE with oil. I clothed THEE with fine garments,
and put a chain about thy neck. Thou didst eat
fine flour and honey and oil, and was made exceedingly beautiful,
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and was advanced to be a queen. Ezekiel sixteen, verses eight,
nine and thirteen. Yes, our Lord has done all this
for me. I might take each word of that striking
passage and show how it has been completely realized in me.
But the graces of which I have already told you
are sufficient proof. So I will only speak now of
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the food with which my Divine Master abundantly provided me.
For a long time I had nourished my spiritual life
with a fine flower contained in the Imitation of Christ.
It was the only book which did me good, for
I had not yet found the treasures hidden in the
Holy Gospels. I always had it with me to the
amusement of my people at home. My aunt used often
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to open it and make me repeat by heart the
first chapter she chanced to light. Upon seeing my great
thirst for knowledge, God was pleased when I was fourteen
to add to the fine flower honey and oil in abundance.
This honey and oil I found in the conferences of
Father Armanjohn on the end of this world and the
mysteries of the world to come. While reading this book,
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my soul was flooded with a happiness quite supernatural. I
experienced a foretaste of what God has prepared for those
who love Him, and seeing that eternal rewards are so
much in excess of the petty sacrifices of this life.
I yearned to love our Lord, to love him passionately,
and to give him countless proofs of affection. While this
was still in my power, Celine had become the most
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intimate sharer of my thoughts, especially since Christmas. Our Lord,
who wished to make us advance and virtue together, drew
us to one another by ties stronger than blood. He
made his sisters in spirit as well as in the flesh.
The words of our holy father, Saint John of the Cross,
were realized in us. Treading within thy footsteps, young maidens
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lightly run upon the way from the spark's contact and
the spiced wine they give forth aspirations of a balm divine.
It was lightly, indeed, that we followed in the footsteps
of our Savior. The burning sparks which he cast into
our souls, the strong wine which he gave us to drink,
made us lose sight of all earthly things, and we
breathed forth sighs of love. Very sweet is the memory
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of our intercourse. Every evening we went up to our
attic window together and gazed at the starry depths of
the sky. And I think very precious graces were bestowed
on us. Then, as the imitation says, God communicates himself,
sometimes amid great light, and at other times sweetly in
signs and figures. Footnote cross reference imitation of Christ's three
(10:51):
chapter forty three four and footnote. In this way he
deigned to manifest himself to our hearts. But how slight
and transparent was the veil, doubt was no longer possible.
Already faith and hope had given place to love, which
made us find him whom we sought, even on this earth.
When he found us alone, he gave us his kiss.
(11:13):
And now no one may despise us. Footnote cross reference
Canticles eight, verse one, and footnote. These divine impressions could
not but bear fruit. The practice of virtue gradually became
sweet and natural to me. At first my looks betrayed
the effort, But little by little self sacrifice seemed to
come more easily and without hesitation. Our Lord has said
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to every one that hath shall be given, and he
shall abound Luke nineteen, verse twenty six. Each grace faithfully
received brought many others. He gave himself to me in
holy communion, oftener than I should have dared to hope.
I had made it my practice to go to communion
as often as my Confessor allowed me, but never to
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ask for leave to go more frequently. Now, however, I
should act differently, For I am convinced that a soul
ought to disclose to her director the longing she has
to receive her God. He does not come down from
heaven each day in order to remain in a golden chiborium,
but to find another heaven, the heaven of our souls,
in which he takes such delight. Our Lord, who knew
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my desire, inspired my confessor to allow me to go
to communion several times a week, And this permission, coming
as it did, straight from him, filled me with joy.
In those days, I did not dare to speak of
my inner feelings. The road which I trod was so direct,
so clear, that I did not feel the need of
any guide. But Jesus I compared directors to mirrors, who
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faithfully reflect our Savior to the souls under their care,
and I thought that in my case, he did not
use an intermediary, but acted directly. When a gardener gives
special attention to a fruit which he wishes to ripen, early.
He does so not with a view to leaving it
on the tree, but in order to place it on
a well, well spread table. Our Lord lavished his favors
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on his little flower, in the same way he wishes
his mercies to shine forth in me. He who while
on earth, cried out in a transport of joy. I
bless thee O Father, because thou hast hidden these things
from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them to
the little ones footnote cross reference loop ten, verse twenty
one end footnote. And because I was small and frail,
(13:25):
he bent down to me and instructed me sweetly in
the secrets of his love, as Saint John of the
Cross says in his Canticle of the Soul, on that
happy night, in secret, I went forth, beheld by none,
and seeing not having no light nor guide, accepting that
which burned within my heart, which lit my way more
safely than the glare of noonday sun, to wear expectant.
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He waited for me, who doth know me well, where
none appeared, but he this place was Carmel. But before
I could sit down under his shadow whom I desired,
I had to pass through many trials, cantacles two verse.
And yet the divine call was becoming so insistent that
had it been necessary for me to go through fire,
I would have thrown myself into it to follow my
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divine master. Pauline sister Agnes of Jesus was the only
one who encouraged me in my vocation. Marie thought I
was too young, and you, dear mother, no doubt to
prove to me, tried to restrain my ardor from the
start I encountered nothing but difficulties. Then too, I dared
not to speak of it to Celine, and this silence
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pained me deeply. It was so hard to have a secret.
She did not share. However, this dear sister soon found
out my intention, and far from wishing to keep me back,
she accepted the sacrifice with wonderful courage. As she also
wished to be a nun, she ought to have been
given the first opportunity, But imitating the martyrs of old,
who used joyfully to embrace those chosen to go before
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them into the arena, she allowed me to leave her
and took my troubles as much to heart as if
it were a question of her o own vocation. From Celine,
then I had nothing to fear, but I did not
know how to set about telling Papa. How could his
little queen talk of leaving him when he had already
parted with his two eldest daughters. Moreover, this year he
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had been stricken with a serious attack of paralysis, and
though he recovered quickly, we were full of anxiety for
the future. What struggles I went through before I could
make up my mind to speak, But I had to
act decisively. I was now fourteen and a half, and
in six months time the blessed feasts of Christmas would
be here. I had resolved to enter the carmel at
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the same hour at which a year before I had
received the grace of conversion. I chose the feast of
Pentecost on which to make my great disclosure. All day
I was praying for light from the Holy Ghost and
begging the apostles to pray for me, to inspire me
with the words I ought to use. Were they not
the very ones to help a timid child whom God
destined to become an apostle of apostles by prayer and sacrifice.
(15:58):
In the afternoon, when Vesper's were over, I found the
opportunity I wanted. My father was sitting in the garden,
his hands clasped admiring the wonders of nature. The rays
of the setting sun gilded the tops of the tall trees,
and the birds chanted their evening prayer. His beautiful face
wore a heavenly expression. I could feel that his soul
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was full of peace. Without a word, I sat down
by his side, my eyes already wet with tears. He
looked at me with indescribable tenderness, and, pressing me to
his heart, said, what is it, little queen? Tell me everything. Then,
in order to hide his own emotion, he rose and
walked slowly up and down, still holding me close to him.
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Through my tears, I spoke of the carmel and of
my great wish to enter soon. He too wept, but
did not say a word to turn me from my vocation.
He only told me that I was very young to
make such a grave decision. And as I insisted and
fully explained my reasons, my noble and generous father was
soon convinced. We walked about for a long time. My
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heart was lightened, and Papa no longer shed tears. He
spoke to me as saints speak and showed me some
flowers growing in a low stone wall. Picking one of them,
he gave it to me and explained the loving care
with which God had made it spring up and grow
till now I fancied myself listening to my own story.
So close was the resemblance between the little flower and
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little Theres. I received this flowret as a relic, and
noticed that in gathering it, my father had pulled it
out by the roots without breaking them. It seemed destined
to live on but in other and more fertile soil.
Papa had just done the same for me. He allowed
me to leave the sweet valley where I had passed
the first years of my life, for the mountain of Carmel.
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I fastened my little white flower to a picture of
our Lady of Victories. The blessed Virgin smiles on it,
and the infant Jesus seems to hold it in his hand.
It is still there, but the stock is broken close
to the root. God doubtless wishes me to understand that
he will soon break all the earthly ties of his
little Flower, and will not leave her to wither on
this earth. Having obtained my father's consent, I thought I
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could now fly to the caramel without hindrance far from it.
When I told my uncle of my project, he declared
that to enter such a severe order at the age
of fifteen seemed to him against all common sense, and
that it would be doing a wrong to religion to
let a child embrace such a life. He added that
he should oppose it in every way possible, and that
nothing short of a miracle would make him change his mind.
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I could see that all arguments were useless, so I
left him. My heart weighed down by profound sadness. My
only consolation was prayer. I entreated Our Lord to work
this miracle for me, because thus only could I respond
to his appeal. Some time went by, and my uncle
did not seem even to remember our conversation, though I
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learned later that it had been constantly in his thoughts.
Before allowing a ray of hope to shine on my soul,
our Lord deigned to send me another most painful trial,
which lasted for three days. Never had I understood so
well the bitter grief of our Lady and Saint Joseph,
when they were searching the streets of Jerusalem for the
divine child. I seemed to be in a frightful desert,
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or rather, my soul was like a frail skiff without
a pilot. At the mercy of the stormy waves. I
knew that Jesus was there asleep in my little boat,
but how could I see him while the night was
so dark. If the storm had really broken, a flash
of lightning would perhaps have pierced the clouds that hung
over me, even though it were but a passing ray.
It would have enabled me to catch a momentary glimpse
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of the beloved of my heart. But this was denied me. Instead,
it was night, dark, night, utter desolation, death. Like my
divine master in the agony in the garden, I felt
that I was alone and found no comfort on earth
or in heaven. Nature itself seemed to share my bitter sadness,
for during these three days there was not a ray
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of sunshine, and the rain fell in torrents. I have
noticed again and again that in all the important events
of my life, Nature has reflected my feelings. When I wept,
the sky is wept with me. When I rejoiced, no
cloud darkened the blue of the heavens. On the fourth day,
a Saturday, I went to see my uncle what was
my surprise when I found his attitude towards me entirely changed.
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He invited me into his study, a privilege I had
not asked for. Then, after gently reproaching me for being
a little constrained with him, he told me that the
miracle of which he had spoken was no longer needed.
He had prayed God to guide his heart aright, and
his prayer had been heard. I felt as if I
hardly knew him. He seemed so different. He embraced me
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with fatherly affection, saying, with much feeling, go in peace,
my dear child. You are a privileged little flower which
our Lord wishes to gather. I will put no obstacle
in the way. Joyfully I went home. The clouds had
quite disappeared from the sky, and in my soul also
dark night was over. Jesus had awakened to gladden my heart.
I no longer heard the roar of the waves, instead
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of the bitter wind of trial. A light breathe swelled
my sail, and I fancied myself safe in port alas
more than one storm was yet to rise, sometimes even
making me fear that I should be driven without hope
of return from the shore, which I longed to reach.
I had obtained my uncle's consent, only to be told
by you, dear mother, that the superior of the Carmelites
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would not allow me to enter. Till I was twenty one.
No one had dreamed of this serious opposition, the hardest
of all to overcome. And yet without losing courage, I
went with Papa to lay my request before him. He
received me very coldly and could not be induced to
change his mind. We left him at last with a
very decided no. Of course, he added, I am only
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the Bishop's delegate. If he allows you to enter, I
shall have nothing more to say. When we came out
of the presbytery again, it was raining in torrents, and
my soul too was overcast with heavy clouds. But Papa
did not know how to console me. But he promised
if I wished to take me to Bay You to
see the Bishop. And to this I eagerly consented. Many
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things happened, However, before we were able to go to
all appearances, my life seemed to continue as formerly. I
went on studying, and what is more important, I went
on growing in the love of God. Now and then
I experienced what were indeed raptures of love. One evening,
not knowing in what words to tell our Lord how
much I loved him, and how much I wished that
(22:28):
he was served and honored everywhere. I thought sorrowfully that
from the depths of hell there does not go up
to him one single act of love. Then from my
inmost heart I cried out that I would gladly be
cast into that place of torment and blasphemy, so that
he might be eternally loved even there. This could not
be for his glory, since he only wishes our happiness.
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But love feels the need of saying foolish things. If
I spoke in this way, it was not that I
did not long to go to heaven. But for me,
heaven was nothing else than love. And in my ardor
I felt that nothing could separate me from the divine
being who held me captive. About this time our Lord
gave me the consolation of an intimate knowledge of the
souls of children. I gained it in this way. During
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the illness of a poor woman, I interested in myself
in her two little girls, the elder of whom was
not yet six. It was a real pleasure to see
how simply they believe all that I told them. Baptism
does indeed plant deeply in our souls the theological virtues
since from early childhood. The hope of heavenly reward is
strong enough to make us practice self denial. When I
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wanted my two little girls to be specially kind to
one another, instead of promising them toys and sweets, I
talked to them about the eternal recompense the Holy Child
Jesus would give to good children. The elder one, who
was coming to the use of reason, used to look
quite pleased and ask me charming questions about the little
Jesus and his beautiful heaven. She promised me faithfully always
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to give in to her little sister, adding that all
through her life she would never forget what I had
taught her. Us to compare these innocent souls to soft wax,
ready to receive any impression evil alas as well as good,
and I understood the words of our Lord. It were
better to be thrown into the sea than to scandalize
one of these little ones. Footnote cross reference Matthew eighteen,
(24:17):
verse six, and footnote how many souls might attain to
great sanctity if only they were directed aright from the first.
I know God has not need of anyone to help
him in his work of sanctification. But as he allows
a clever gardener to cultivate rare and delicate plants, giving
him the skill to accomplish it, while reserving to himself
(24:37):
the right of making them grow, so does he wish
to be helped in the cultivation of souls. What would
happen if an ignorant gardener did not graft his trees
in the right way, if he did not understand the
nature of each, and wished, for instance, to make roses
grow on peach trees. This reminds me that I used
to have among my birds a canary which sang beautifully,
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and also a little linnet taken and from the nest
of which I was very fond. This poor little prisoner,
deprived of the teaching it should have received from its parents, and,
hearing the joyous trills of the canary from morning to night,
tried hard to imitate them, a difficult task. Indeed, for
a linnet. It was delightful to follow the efforts of
the poor little thing. His sweet voice found great difficulty
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in accommodating itself to the vibrant notes of his master.
But he succeeded in time, and to my great surprise,
his song became exactly like the song of the Canary. Oh,
dear mother, you know who taught me to sing from
the days of my earliest childhood. You know the voices
which drew me on. And now I trust that one day,
in spite of my weakness, I may sing forever the
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cantacle of Love, the harmonious notes of which I have
often heard sweetly sounding here below. But where am I
These thoughts have carried me too far, and I must
resume the history of my vocation. On October thirty first,
eighteen eighty seven, alone with Papa, I started for Bay You,
my heart full of hope, but also excited at the
(26:03):
idea of presenting myself at the bishop's house. For the
first time in my life. I was going to pay
a visit without any of my sisters, and this to
a bishop, I who had never yet had to speak
except to answer questions addressed to me, would have to
explain and enlarge all my reasons for begging to enter
the carmel, and so give proofs of the genuineness of
(26:23):
my vocation. It cost me a great effort to overcome
my shyness sufficiently to do this. But it is true
that love knows no such word as impossible, for it
deems all things possible, all things allowed. Nothing whatsoever but
the love of Jesus could have made me face these
difficulties in other things which followed. For I had to
(26:44):
purchase my happiness by heavy trials. Now it is true
I think I bought it very cheaply, and I would
willingly bear a thousand times more bitter suffering to gain
it if it were not already mine. When we reached
the bishop's house, the floodgates of heaven seemed open once more.
The Vicar General, Father Reveroni, who had settled the date
of our coming, received us very kindly, though he looked
(27:07):
a little surprised, and seeing tears in my eyes, said
those diamonds must not be shown to his lordship. We
were led through large reception rooms, which made me feel
how small I was, and I wondered what I should
dare say. The bishop was walking in a corridor with
two priests. I saw the Vicar General speak a few
words to him. Then they came into the room where
we were waiting. There were three large arm chairs in
(27:30):
front of the fireplace, where a bright fire blazed. As
his lordship entered, My father and I knelt for his blessing.
Then he made us sit down. Father REVERENI offered me
the arm chair in the middle. I excused myself politely,
but he insisted, telling me to show if I knew
how to obey. I did so without any more hesitation,
(27:50):
and was mortified to see him take an ordinary chair
while I was buried in an enormous seat that would
comfortably have held four children like me. More comfortably in fact,
for I I was far from being at ease. I
hoped that Papa was going to do all the talking,
but he told me to explain the reason of our visit.
I did so as eloquently as I could, though I
knew well that one word from the Superior would have
(28:12):
carried more weight than all my reasons, while his opposition
told strongly against me. The Bishop asked how long I
wanted to enter the carmel. A very long time, my lord, come,
said the Vicar General, laughing. It cannot be as long
as fifteen years, that is true, I answered, But it
is not much less, for I have wished to give
myself to God from the time I was three. The Bishop,
(28:35):
no doubt, to please Papa, tried to explain that I
ought to remain some time longer with him. But to
his great surprise and edification, my father took my part,
adding respectfully that we were going to Rome with the
diocesan pilgrimage, and that I should not hesitate to speak
to the Holy Father if I could not obtain permission
before then. However, it was decided that previous to giving
(28:58):
an answer, and interview with the Superior was absolutely necessary.
This was particularly unpleasant hearing, for I knew his declared
and determined opposition, and in spite of the advice not
to allow the bishop to see any diamonds, I not
only showed them, but let them fall. He seemed touched
and caressed me fondly. I was afterwards told he had
(29:19):
never treated any child so kindly. All is not lost,
little one, he said, But I am very glad that
you are going to roam with your good Father. You
will thus strengthen your vocation. Instead of weeping, you ought
to rejoice. I am going to Lisiue next week and
I will talk to the Superior about you. You shall
certainly have my answer when you are in Italy. His
(29:40):
lordship then took us to the garden and was much
interested when Papa told him that to make myself look older,
I had put up my hair for the first time
that morning. This was not forgotten, for I know that
even now, when the Bishop tells anyone about his little daughter,
he always repeats the story about her hair. I must say,
I should prefer my little Sea Macret to have been kept.
(30:01):
As he took us to the door, the Vicar General
remarked that such a thing had never been seen. A
father as anxious to give his child to God as
the child was to offer herself. We had to return
to the Sioux without a favorable answer. It seemed to
me as though my future were shattered forever. The nearer
I drew to the goal, the greater my difficulties became.
(30:22):
But all the time I felt, deep down in my
heart a wondrous peace, because I knew that I was
only seeking the will of my lord and of Chapter
five
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