August 19, 2025 • 32 mins
Marie Francoise Therese Martin, lovingly known as The Little Flower, was born on January 2, 1873, in Alencon, France, to Louis Martin and Zelie Guerin. As the youngest of nine siblings, she faced profound loss early in life when her mother passed away when she was just three years old. The family relocated to Lisieux to be closer to relatives, setting the stage for Therese’s spiritual journey. At the tender age of 15, Therese entered the Carmelite convent in Lisieux on April 9, 1888, despite facing significant opposition. It was within those sacred walls that she penned her spiritual autobiography, LHistoire dune Ame (The Story of a Soul), out of obedience and love. Her sisters followed her path into religious life, with one joining her at the Carmel and another becoming a Poor Clare at the Visitation Convent in Caen. Thereses life was brief; she succumbed to tuberculosis on September 30, 1897, at the Carmel of Lisieux. Her legacy lives on, as she was beatified on April 29, 1923, and canonized on May 17, 1925. (Summary written by Ann Boulais.)
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter ten of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulay, The Story of a Soul, The
autobiography of Saint Herez of Le Sieux, translated by Thomas Taylor.
(00:23):
Chapter ten the New Commandment. Dear Mother, God, in his
infinite goodness, has given me a clear insight into the
deep mysteries of charity. If I could but express what
I know, you would hear a heavenly music. But alas
I can only stammer like a child. And if God's
own words were not my support, I should be tempted
to beg leave to hold my peace. When the Divine
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Master tells me to give to whosoever asks of me,
and to let what is mine be taken without asking
it again, it seems to me that he speaks not
only of the goods of earth, but also of the
goods of Heaven. Besides, neither one nor the other are
really mine. I renounce the former by the vow of poverty,
and the latter gifts are simply lent. If God withdraw them.
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I have no right to complain. But our very own ideas,
the fruit of our mind and heart, form a treasury
on which none dare lay hands. For instance, if I
revealed to a sister some light given me in prayer,
and she repeats it later on as though it were
her own, it seems as though she appropriates what is mine.
Or if during recreation someone makes an apt and witty
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remark which her neighbor repeats to the community without acknowledging
whence it came, it is a sort of theft, and
the person who originated the remark is naturally inclined to
seize the first opportunity of delicately insinuating that her thoughts
have been borrowed. I could not so well explain all
these weaknesses of human nature had I not experienced them,
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I should have preferred to indulge in the illusion that
I was the only one who suffered. Thus, had you
not bidden me advised the novices in their difficulties. I
have learnt much in the discharge of this duty, and
especially I feel bound to put in practice what I teach.
I can say with truth that, by God's grace I
am no more attached to the gifts of the intellect
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than to material things. If it happens that a thought
of mine should please my sisters, I find it quite
easy to let them regard it as their own. My
thoughts belong to the Holy Ghost. They are not mine.
Saint Paul assures us that without the spirit of love,
we cannot call God our father footnote cross reference Romans eight,
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verse fifteen en footnote. And besides, though far from deprecating
those beautiful thoughts which bring us nearer to God, I
have long been of opinion that we must be careful
not to overestimate their worth. The highest inspirations are of
no value without good works. It is true that others
may derive much profit therefrom if they are duly grateful
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to our Lord for allowing them to share in the
abundance of one of his privileged souls. But should they
this privileged soul take pride in spiritual wealth and imitate
the pharisee, she becomes like a hostess dying of starvation
at a well spread table, while her guests enjoy the richest, fair,
and perhaps case envious glances at the possessor of so
many treasures. Verily, it is true that God alone can
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sound the heart, how short sighted are his creatures? When
they see a soul whose lights surpass their own, they
conclude that the divine Master loves them less. Since when
has he lost the right to make use of one
of his children in order to supply the others with
the nourishment they need. That right was not lost in
the days of Pharaoh? For God said unto him, And
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therefore I have raised THEE, that I may show my
power in THEE, and my name may be spoken throughout
all the earth Exodus nine, verse sixteen. Generations have passed
away since the most highs spoke these words, and his
ways have not changed. He has ever chosen human instruments
for the accomplishment of his work. If an artist can
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could but think and speak, surely it would never complain
of being touched and retouched by the brush, nor would
it feel envious thereof knowing that all its beauty is
due to the artist alone. So too, the brush itself
could not boast of the masterpiece it had helped to produce,
for it must know that an artist is never at
a loss, that difficulties do but stimulate him, and that
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at times it pleases him to make use of instruments
the most unlikely and defective. Dear Mother, I am the
little brush that Jesus has chosen to paint his likeness
in the souls you have confided to my care. Now,
an artist has several brushes too, at least the first,
which is more useful, gives the ground tints and rapidly
covers the whole canvas. The other and smaller one puts
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in the lesser touches. Mother, you represent the big brush
which our Lord holds lovingly in his hand when he
wishes to do some great work in the souls of
your children, and I am the little one he deigns
to use afterwards to fill in the minor details. The
first time the Divine Master took up his little brush
was about December eighth, eighteen ninety two. I shall always
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remember that time as one of special grace. When I
entered the Carmel, I found in the novitiate a companion
about eight years older than I was. In spite of
this difference of age, we became the closest friends, and
to encourage an affection which gave promise of fostering virtue,
we were allowed to converse together on spiritual subjects. My
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companion charmed me by her innocence and by her open
and frank disposition. Though I was surprised to find how
her love for you differed from mine. And besides I
regretted many things in her behavior. But God had already
given me to understand that there are souls for whom,
in his mercy he waits unweariedly, and to whom he
gives his light by degrees. So I was very careful
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not to forestall him. One day, when I was thinking
over the permission we had to talk together, so that
we might, as our holy constitutions tell us, incite ourselves
more ardently to the love of our divine spouse. It
came home to me sadly that our conversations did not
attain the desired end. And I understood that either I
must no longer fear to speak out, or else I
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must put to an end what was degenerating into mere
worldly talk. I begged our Lord to inspire me with
words kind and convincing, or better still, to speak himself
for me. He heard my prayer, for those who look
upon him shall be enlightened. Footnote cross reference Psalms thirty
three thirty four, verse six, and footnote. And to the upright,
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a light is risen in the darkness Psalms one eleven
one twelve, verse four. The first of these texts I
applied to myself, the other to my companion, who was
truly upright in heart. The next time we met, the
poor little sister saw at once that my manner had changed, and,
blushing deeply, she sat down beside me. I pressed her
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to my heart and told her gently what was in
my mind. Then I pointed out to her in what
true love consists, and proved that in loving her prioress
with such natural affection, she was, in reality loving herself.
I confided to her the sacrifices of this kind which
I had been obliged to make at the beginning of
my religious life. And before long her tears were mingled
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with mine. She admitted, very humbly that she was in
the wrong and that I was right, and begging me
as a favor always to point out her faults, she
promised to begin a new life. From this time, our
love for one another became truly spiritual. In us were fulfilled.
The words of the Holy Ghost. A brother that is
held by his brother is like a strong city Proverbs eighteen,
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verse nineteen. Dear mother, you know very well that it
was not my wish to turn my companion away from you.
I only wanted her to grasp that true love feeds
on sacrifice, and that in proportion, as our souls renounced
natural enjoyments, our affections become stronger and more detached. I
remember that when I was a postulant, I was sometimes
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so violently tempted to seek my own satisfaction by having
a word with you, that I was obliged to hurry
past yoursel and hold on to the banisters to keep
myself from turning back. Numerous permissions I wanted to ask,
and a hundred pretexts for yielding to my desires suggested themselves.
But now I am truly glad that I did not listen.
I already enjoy the reward promised to those who fight bravely.
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I no longer feel the need of refusing myself these consolations,
for my heart is fixed on God. But it has
loved him only. It has grown little by little, and
now it can give to those who are dear to Him,
a far truer and deeper love than if it were
centered in a barren and selfish affection. I have told
you of the first piece of work, which you accomplished
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together with our Lord by means of the little brush,
But that was only the prelude to the masterpiece, which
was afterwards to be painted. From the moment I entered
the sanctuary of souls, I saw at a glance that
the task was beyond my strength. Throwing myself without delay
into our Lord's arms, I imitated those tiny children, who,
when they were frightened, hide their faces on their father's shoulder,
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And I said, dear Lord, thou seest that I am
too small to feed these little ones. But if through
me thou wilt give to each what is suitable, then
fill my hands. And without leaving the shelter of thine arms,
or even turning away, I will distribute thy treasures to
the souls who come to me asking for food. Should
they find it to their taste, I shall know that
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it is due not to me, but to THEE. And
if on the contrary they find fault with its bitterness,
I shall not be cast down, but try to persuade
them that it cometh from THEE, while taking good care
to make no change in it. The knowledge that it
was impossible to do anything of myself rendered my task easier.
My one interior occupation was to unite myself more and
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more closely to God, knowing that the rest would be
given to me over and above. And indeed my hope
has never been deceived. I have always found my hands
filled when sustenance was needed for the souls of my sisters.
But had I done otherwise and relied on my own strength,
I should very soon have been forced to abandon my task.
From afar. It seems so easy to do good to souls,
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to teach them to love God more, and to model
them according to one's own ideas. But when we draw nearer,
we quickly feel that without God's help, this is quite
as impossible as to bring back the sun, when once
it has set. We must forget ourselves and put aside
our tastes and ideas, and guide souls not by our
own way, but along the path which our Lord points out.
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Even this is not the most difficult part. What costs
me more than all is having to observe their faults,
their slightest imperfections, and wage war against them. Unhappily for me,
I was going to say, but that would be cowardly,
so I will say happily for my sisters. Ever since
I placed myself in the arms of Jesus, I have
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been like a watchman on the lookout for the enemy
from the highest turret of a fortified castle. Nothing escapes
my vigilance. Indeed, I am sometimes surprised at my own
clear sightedness, and I think it was quite excusable on
the prophet Jonahs to fly before the face of the Lord,
that he might not have to announce the ruin of Nineveh.
Rather than make one single reproach, I would prefer to
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receive a thousand. Yet I feel it is necessary that
the task should cause me pain, for if I spoke
only through natural impulse, then the sole in fault would
not understand its defects and would simply think, this sister
is displeased, and her displeasure falls on me. Although I
am full of the best intentions, But in this as
in all else, I must practice sacrifice and self denial.
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Even in the matter of writing a letter, I feel
that it will produce no fruit unless I am disinclined
to write, and only do so from obedience. When conversing
with a novice, I am on the watch to mortify myself,
and I avoid asking questions which would satisfy my curiosity.
If she begins to speak on an interesting subject, and,
leaving it unfinished, passes on to another that wearies me,
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I take care not to remind her of the interruption,
for it seems to me that no good can come
of self seeking. I know, dear mother, that your little
lambs find me severe. If they were to read these lines,
they would say that, so far as they can see,
it does not distress me to run after them and
show them how they have soiled their beautiful white fleece
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or torn it in the brambles. Well, the little lambs
may say what they like. In their hearts. They know
I love them dearly. There is no fear of my
imitating the hireling who seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth
the sheep and flieth John ten, verse twelve. I am
ready to lay down my life for them, and my
affection is so disinterested that I would not have my
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novices know this. By God's help, I have never tried
to draw their hearts to myself, for I have always
understood that my mission was to lead them to him
and to you, dear Mother, who on this earth hold
his place in their regard, and whom therefore they must
love and respect. I said before that I have learnt
much by guiding others. In the first place, I see
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that all souls have more or less the same battles
to fight, and on the other hand, that one soul
differs widely from another, so each must be dealt with differently.
With some, I must humble myself and not shrink from
acknowledging my own struggles and defeats. Then they confess more
readily the faults into which they fall, and are pleased
that I know by experience what they suffer. With others.
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My only means of success is to be firm and
never go back on what I have once said self
abasement would be taken for weakness. Our Lord has granted
me the grace never to fear the conflict at all costs.
I must do my duty. I have more than once
been told. If you want me to obey, you must
be gentle and not severe, otherwise you will gain nothing.
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But no one is a good judge in his own case.
During a painful operation, a child would be sure to
cry out and say that the remedy is worse than
the disease. But if after a few days he is cured,
then he is greatly delighted that he can run about
and play. And it is the same with souls. They
soon recognize that a little bitter is better than too
much sweet, and they are not afraid to make the acknowledgment.
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Sometimes the change which takes place from one day to
another seems almost magical. A novice will say to me,
you did well to be severe yesterday. At first I
was indignant, but when I thought it all over, I
saw that you were quite right. I left yourself, thinking
this ends it. I will tell our mother that I
shall never go to soortures again. But I knew this
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was the devil's suggestion, and then I felt you were
praying for me, and I grew calm. I began to
see things more clearly, and now I come to you
for further guidance. I am only too happy to follow
the dictates of my heart and hasten to console with
a little sweetness. But I see that one must not
press forward too quickly. A word might undo the work
that costs so many tears. If I say the least
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thing which seems to tone down the hard truths of
the previous day. I see my little sister trying to
take advantage of the opening thus given her. At once
I have recourse to prayer. I turn to our blessed Lady,
and Jesus always triumphs verily in prayer and sacrifice lies
all my strength. They are my invincible arms. Experience has
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taught me that they touch hearts far more easily than words.
Two years ago, during Lent, a novice came to me
smiling and said, you would never imagine. When I dreamt
last night, I thought I was with my sister, who
is so worldly, and I wanted to withdraw her from
all vain things. To this end, I explain the words
of your hymn. They richly lose those who love thee
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Dearest Lord, Thine are my perfumes, Thine forever more. I
felt that my words sank deep into her soul, and
I was overjoyed this morning. It seems to me that
perhaps our Lord would like me to gain him this soul.
How would it do if I wrote it Easter and
describe my dream, telling her that Jesus desires to have
her for his spouse. I answered that she might certainly
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ask permission, as Lent was not nearly over. You were surprised,
dear mother, at such a premature request, and evidently guided
by God, you replied that Caramelites should save souls by
prayer rather than by letters. When I heard your decision,
I said to the little sister, you must set to
work and pray hard. If our prayers are answered at
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the end of Lent, What a joy it will be,
Oh infinite mercy of our Lord. At the close of Lent,
one soul more had given herself to God. It was
a real miracle of grace, a miracle obtained through the
fervor of a humble novice. How wonderful is the power
of prayer. It is like unto a queen, who, having
free access to the King, obtains whatsoever she asks in
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order to secure a hearing. There is no need to
recite set prayers composed for the occasion. Were it so,
I ought indeed to be pitied apart from the divine office, which,
in spite of my unworthiness, is a daily joy. I
have not the courage to look through books for beautiful prayers.
I only get a headache because of their number, and besides,
one is more lovely than the other. Unable therefore to
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say them all, and lost in choice, I do as
children who have not learnt to read. I simply tell
Our Lord all that I want, and he always understands
with me. Prayer is an uplifting of the heart, a
glance towards Heaven, a cry of gratitude and love, uttered
equally in sorrow and in joy. In a word, it
is something noble, supernatural, which expands my soul and unites
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it to God. Sometimes, when I am in such a
state of spiritual dryness that not a single good thought
occurs to me, I say very slowly, the Our Father
or the Hail Mary. And these prayers suffice to take
me out of myself and wonderfully refresh me. But what
was I speaking of? Again? I am lost in a
maze of my reflections. Forgive me, dear Mother, for wandering them.
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My story is like a tangled skein. But I fear
I can do no better. I write my thoughts as
they come. I fish at random in the stream of
my heart and offer you all that I catch. I
was telling you about the novices. They often say you
have an answer for everything. This time I thought I
should puzzle you, where do you find all that you
teach us? Some are even simple enough to think I
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can read their souls, because at times it happens I
discover to them without revelation the subject of their thoughts.
The senior novice had determined to hide from me a
great sorrow. She spent the night in anguish, keeping back
her tears lest her eyes might betray her. Yet she
came to me with a smile next day, seeming even
more cheerful than usual. And when I said you are
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in trouble, I am sure, she looked at me in
inexpressible amazement. Her surprise was so great that it reacted
on me and imparted a sense of the supernatural. I
felt that God was close to us, unwittingly, for I
have not the gift of reading souls. I had spoken
as one inspired and was able to console her completely.
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And now, dear mother, I will tell you wherein I
gain most With the novices. You know, they are allowed
without restriction to say anything to me agreeable or the reverse.
This is all the easier since they do not owe
me the respect due to a novice mistress I cannot
say that our Lord makes me walk in the way
of exterior humiliation. He is satisfied with humbling me in
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my inmost soul. In the eyes of creatures, all is success,
and I walk in the dangerous path of honor. If
a religious may so speak, I understand God's way and
that of my superiors in this respect. For if the
community thought me incapable, unintelligent, and wanting in judgment, I
could be of no possible use to you, dear mother.
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This is why the Divine Master has thrown a veil
over all my shortcomings, both interior and exterior. Because of
this veil, I received many compliments from the novices, compliments
without flattery, for they really mean what say, and they
do not inspire me with vanity, for the remembrance of
my weakness is ever before me. At times my soul
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tires of this oversweet food, and I long to hear
something other than praise. Then our Lord serves me with
a nice little salad, well spiced with plenty of vinegar.
Oil alone is wanting, and this it is which makes
it more to my taste. And the salad is offered
to me by the novices at the moment I least expect,
God lifts the veil that hides my faults, and my
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dear little sisters beholding me as I really am. Do
not find me altogether agreeable with charming simplicity. They tell
me how I try them and what they dislike in me.
In fact, they are as frank as though they were
speaking of someone else, for they are aware that I
am pleased when they act in this way, I am
more than pleased. I am transported with delight by this
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splendid banquet set before me. How can anything so contrary
to our natural inclinations afford such extraordinary pleasure? Had I
not experienced it, I could not have believed it possible.
One day, when I was ardently longing for some humiliation,
a young postulant came to me and stated my desire
so completely that I was reminded of the occasion when
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sameh cursed David, and I repeated to myself the words
of the Holy King. Yea, it is the Lord who
hath bidden him say all these things. Footnote cross referenced
Second King sixteen, verse ten, and footnote. In this way
God takes care of me, he cannot always provide that
strength giving bread exterior humiliation, but from time to time
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he allows me to eat of the crumbs from the
table of the children Mark seven, verse twenty eight. How
magnificent are his mercies, dear mother, Since that infinite mercy
is the subject of this my earthly song, I ought
also to discover to you one real advantage reaped with
many others in the discharge of my task. Formerly, if
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I saw his sister acting in a way that displeased
me and was seemingly contrary to rule, I would think, Ah,
how glad I should be if I could only warn
her and point out where she is wrong. Since, however,
this burden has been laid upon me, my ideas have changed.
And when I happen to see something not quite right,
I say, with a sigh of relief, thank God, it
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is not a novice, and I am not obliged to correct,
And at once I try to find excuses and credit
the doer with the good intentions. She no doubt possesses
your devotedness, dear mother. Now that I am ill has
also taught me many a lesson of charity. No remedy
is too costly, and if one does not succeed, you
unhesitatingly try something new when I am present at recreation,
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how careful you are to shield me from drafts. I
feel that I ought to be as compassionate for the
spiritual infirmities of my sisters as you are for my
bodily ills. I have noticed that it is the holiest
nuns who are most deeply loved. Every One is anxious
to seek their company and do them service without even
being asked. These very souls you are well able to
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bear with want of affection and little attentions, are always
surrounded by an atmosphere of love. Our father, Saint John
of the Cross says, with great truth, all good things
have come unto me since I no longer sought them
for myself. Imperfect souls, on the contrary, are left alone.
They are treated, it is true, with the measure of
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politeness which religious life demands. Yet their company is avoided
lest a word might be said which would hurt their feelings.
When I say imperfect souls, I am not referring to
souls with spiritual imperfections only, for the holiest souls will
not be perfect till they are in heaven. I mean
those who are also afflicted with want of tact and refinement,
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as well as ultra sensitive souls. I know such defects
are incurable, but I also know how patient you would
be in nursing and striving to relieve me, were my
illness to last for many years. From all this I
draw the conclusion I ought to seek the companionship of
those sisters towards whom I I feel a natural aversion,
and try to be their good Samaritan. A word or
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a smile is often enough to put fresh life in
a despondent soul. And yet it is not merely in
the hope of giving consolation that I try to be kind.
If it were, I know that I should soon be discouraged,
for well intentioned words are often totally misunderstood. Consequently, not
to lose my time or labor, I try to act
solely to please our Lord, and follow this precept of
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the Gospel. When thou makest a dinner or a supper,
call not thy friends or thy brethren, lest perhaps they
also invite THEE again, and a recompense be made to THEE.
But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the man,
the blind, and the lame, And thou shalt be blessed,
because they have not wherewith to make THEE recompense, and
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thy father, who seeth in secret, will repay THEE. Footnote
cross reference Luke fourteen, verses twelve, thirteen and fourteen, and
footnote What feasts can I offer my sisters but a
spiritual one of sweet and joyful charity. I know none other,
And I wish to imitate Saint Paul, who rejoiced with
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those who rejoiced. It is true that he wept with
those who wept, and at my feast too, the tears
must sometimes fall still, I shall always try to change
them into smiles, for God loveth a cheerful giver. Second
Corinthians nine, verse seven. I remember an act of charity
with which God inspired me while I was still a novice.
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And this act, though seemingly small, has been rewarded even
in this life by our heavenly Father, who seeth a secret.
Shortly before sister Saint Peter became quite bedridden, it was
necessary every evening at ten minutes to six for someone
to leave meditation and take her to the refectory. It
cost me a good deal to offer my services, for
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I knew the difficulty or I should say the impossibility
of pleasing the poor invalid. But I did not want
to lose such a good opportun tunity. For I recalled
our Lord's words, as long as you did it to
one of these my least brethren, you did it to
me Matthew twenty five, verse forty. I therefore humbly offered
my aid. It was not without difficulty I induced her
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to accept it, but after considerable persuasion I succeeded. Every evening,
when I saw her shake her sand glass, I understood
that she meant let us go. Summoning up all my courage,
I rose, and the ceremony began. First of all, her
stool had to be moved and carried in a particular way,
and on no account must there be any hurry. The
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solemn procession ensued. I had to follow the good sister,
supporting her by her girdle. I did it as gently
as possible. But if by some mischance she stumbled, she
imagined I had not a firm hold, and that she
was going to fall. You were going too fast, she
would say, I shall fall and hurt myself. Then, when
I tried to lead her more quietly, come quicker. I
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cannot feel you you are letting me go. I was
right when I said you were too young to take
care of me. When we reached the refractory without further mishap,
more troubles were in store. I had to settle my
poor invalid in her place, taking great pains not to
hurt her. Then I had to turn back her sleeves,
always according to her own special rubric. And after that
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I was allowed to go. But I soon noticed that
she found it very difficult to cut her bread, so
I did not leave her till I had performed this
last service. She was much touched by this attention on
my part, for she had not expressed any wish on
the subject. It was by this unsought for kindness that
I gained her entire confidence, and chiefly because, as I
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learned later, at the end of my humble task, I
bestowed upon her my sweetest smile. Dear mother. It is
long since all this happened, but our Lord allows the
memory of it to linger with me like a perfume
from heaven. One cold winter evening, I was occupied in
the lowly work which I have just spoken, when suddenly
I heard in the distance the harmonious strains of music.
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Outside the convent walls, I pictured a drawing room, brilliantly
lighted and decorated, and richly furnished. Young ladies, elegantly dressed,
exchanged a thousand compliments, as is the way of the world.
Then I looked on the poor, invalid I was tending
instead of sweet music. I heard her complaints instead of
rich gilding. I saw the brick walls of our bare cloister,
(28:26):
scarcely visible in the dim light. The contrast was very moving.
Our Lord so illuminated my soul with the rays of truth,
before which the pleasures of the world are but as darkness,
that for a thousand years of such worldly delights, I
would not have bartered even the ten minutes spent in
my act of charity. If, even now, in days of
(28:46):
pain and amid the smoke of battle, the thought that
God has withdrawn us from the world is so entrancing,
What will it be when, in eternal glory and everlasting
repose we realize the favor beyond compare He has done
us here by seeing King us out to dwell in
his caramel, the very portal of heaven. I have not
always felt these transports of joy in performing acts of charity.
(29:08):
But at the beginning of my religious life, Jesus wished
to make me feel how sweet to him is charity
when found in the hearts of his spouses. Thus, when
I led Sister Saint Peter, it was with so much
love that I could not have shown more were I
guiding our divine Lord himself. The practice of charity has
not always been so pleasant, as I have just pointed out,
(29:29):
dear Mother, And to prove it, I will recount some
of my many struggles. For a long time, my place
at meditation was nearest Sister, who fidgeted continually, either with
her rosary or something else. Possibly, as I am very
quick of hearing, I alone heard her. But I cannot
tell you how much it tried me. I should have
liked to turn round and, by looking at the offender,
(29:51):
make her stop the noise. But in my heart I
knew that I ought to bear it tranquility, both for
the love of God and to avoid giving pain. So
I I kept quiet. But the ever cost me so
much that sometimes I was bathed in perspiration, and my
meditation consisted merely in suffering with patience. After a time,
I tried to endure it in peace and joy, at
(30:12):
least deep down in my soul, and I strove to
take actual pleasure in the disagreeable little noise. Instead of
trying not to hear it, which was impossible, I set
myself to listen as though it had been some delightful music,
and my meditation, which was not the prayer of quiet,
was passed in offering this music to our Lord. Another time,
I was working in the laundry and the sister opposite,
(30:35):
while washing handkerchiefs, repeatedly splashed me with dirty water. My
first impulse was to draw back and wipe my face
to show the offender I should be glad if she
would behave more quietly. But the next minute I thought
how foolish it was to refuse the treasures God offered
me so generously, and I refrained from betraying my annoyance.
On the contrary, I made such efforts to welcome the
(30:57):
shower of dirty water that at the end of half
an hour I had taken quite a fancy to this
novel kind of aspiration, and I resolved to come as
often as I could to the happy spot where such
treasures were freely bestowed, dear mother. You see that I
am a very little soul who can only offer very
little things to our Lord. It still happens that I
frequently let slip the occasion of these slender sacrifices which
(31:21):
bring so much peace. But this does not discourage me.
I bear the loss of a little peace, and I
try to be more watchful for the future. How happy
does our Lord make me, and how sweet and easy
is his service on this earth. He has always given
me what I desired, or rather has made me desire
what he wishes to give. A short time before my
(31:42):
terrible temptation against faith, I had reflected how few exterior
trials worthy of mention had fallen to my lot, and
that if I were to have interior trials, God must
change my path, and this I did not think he
would do. Yet I could not always live at ease
of what means. Then would he make use. I had
not long to wait for an answer, and it showed
(32:05):
me that He whom I love, is never at a
loss for without changing my way, He sent me this
great trial, and thus mingled a healing bitterness with all
the sweet end of Chapter ten
Chapter ten of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulay, The Story of a Soul, The
autobiography of Saint Herez of Le Sieux, translated by Thomas Taylor.
(00:23):
Chapter ten the New Commandment. Dear Mother, God, in his
infinite goodness, has given me a clear insight into the
deep mysteries of charity. If I could but express what
I know, you would hear a heavenly music. But alas
I can only stammer like a child. And if God's
own words were not my support, I should be tempted
to beg leave to hold my peace. When the Divine
(00:46):
Master tells me to give to whosoever asks of me,
and to let what is mine be taken without asking
it again, it seems to me that he speaks not
only of the goods of earth, but also of the
goods of Heaven. Besides, neither one nor the other are
really mine. I renounce the former by the vow of poverty,
and the latter gifts are simply lent. If God withdraw them.
(01:08):
I have no right to complain. But our very own ideas,
the fruit of our mind and heart, form a treasury
on which none dare lay hands. For instance, if I
revealed to a sister some light given me in prayer,
and she repeats it later on as though it were
her own, it seems as though she appropriates what is mine.
Or if during recreation someone makes an apt and witty
(01:30):
remark which her neighbor repeats to the community without acknowledging
whence it came, it is a sort of theft, and
the person who originated the remark is naturally inclined to
seize the first opportunity of delicately insinuating that her thoughts
have been borrowed. I could not so well explain all
these weaknesses of human nature had I not experienced them,
(01:51):
I should have preferred to indulge in the illusion that
I was the only one who suffered. Thus, had you
not bidden me advised the novices in their difficulties. I
have learnt much in the discharge of this duty, and
especially I feel bound to put in practice what I teach.
I can say with truth that, by God's grace I
am no more attached to the gifts of the intellect
(02:12):
than to material things. If it happens that a thought
of mine should please my sisters, I find it quite
easy to let them regard it as their own. My
thoughts belong to the Holy Ghost. They are not mine.
Saint Paul assures us that without the spirit of love,
we cannot call God our father footnote cross reference Romans eight,
(02:33):
verse fifteen en footnote. And besides, though far from deprecating
those beautiful thoughts which bring us nearer to God, I
have long been of opinion that we must be careful
not to overestimate their worth. The highest inspirations are of
no value without good works. It is true that others
may derive much profit therefrom if they are duly grateful
(02:54):
to our Lord for allowing them to share in the
abundance of one of his privileged souls. But should they
this privileged soul take pride in spiritual wealth and imitate
the pharisee, she becomes like a hostess dying of starvation
at a well spread table, while her guests enjoy the richest, fair,
and perhaps case envious glances at the possessor of so
many treasures. Verily, it is true that God alone can
(03:17):
sound the heart, how short sighted are his creatures? When
they see a soul whose lights surpass their own, they
conclude that the divine Master loves them less. Since when
has he lost the right to make use of one
of his children in order to supply the others with
the nourishment they need. That right was not lost in
the days of Pharaoh? For God said unto him, And
(03:39):
therefore I have raised THEE, that I may show my
power in THEE, and my name may be spoken throughout
all the earth Exodus nine, verse sixteen. Generations have passed
away since the most highs spoke these words, and his
ways have not changed. He has ever chosen human instruments
for the accomplishment of his work. If an artist can
(04:00):
could but think and speak, surely it would never complain
of being touched and retouched by the brush, nor would
it feel envious thereof knowing that all its beauty is
due to the artist alone. So too, the brush itself
could not boast of the masterpiece it had helped to produce,
for it must know that an artist is never at
a loss, that difficulties do but stimulate him, and that
(04:23):
at times it pleases him to make use of instruments
the most unlikely and defective. Dear Mother, I am the
little brush that Jesus has chosen to paint his likeness
in the souls you have confided to my care. Now,
an artist has several brushes too, at least the first,
which is more useful, gives the ground tints and rapidly
covers the whole canvas. The other and smaller one puts
(04:47):
in the lesser touches. Mother, you represent the big brush
which our Lord holds lovingly in his hand when he
wishes to do some great work in the souls of
your children, and I am the little one he deigns
to use afterwards to fill in the minor details. The
first time the Divine Master took up his little brush
was about December eighth, eighteen ninety two. I shall always
(05:09):
remember that time as one of special grace. When I
entered the Carmel, I found in the novitiate a companion
about eight years older than I was. In spite of
this difference of age, we became the closest friends, and
to encourage an affection which gave promise of fostering virtue,
we were allowed to converse together on spiritual subjects. My
(05:29):
companion charmed me by her innocence and by her open
and frank disposition. Though I was surprised to find how
her love for you differed from mine. And besides I
regretted many things in her behavior. But God had already
given me to understand that there are souls for whom,
in his mercy he waits unweariedly, and to whom he
gives his light by degrees. So I was very careful
(05:52):
not to forestall him. One day, when I was thinking
over the permission we had to talk together, so that
we might, as our holy constitutions tell us, incite ourselves
more ardently to the love of our divine spouse. It
came home to me sadly that our conversations did not
attain the desired end. And I understood that either I
must no longer fear to speak out, or else I
(06:14):
must put to an end what was degenerating into mere
worldly talk. I begged our Lord to inspire me with
words kind and convincing, or better still, to speak himself
for me. He heard my prayer, for those who look
upon him shall be enlightened. Footnote cross reference Psalms thirty
three thirty four, verse six, and footnote. And to the upright,
(06:37):
a light is risen in the darkness Psalms one eleven
one twelve, verse four. The first of these texts I
applied to myself, the other to my companion, who was
truly upright in heart. The next time we met, the
poor little sister saw at once that my manner had changed, and,
blushing deeply, she sat down beside me. I pressed her
(06:58):
to my heart and told her gently what was in
my mind. Then I pointed out to her in what
true love consists, and proved that in loving her prioress
with such natural affection, she was, in reality loving herself.
I confided to her the sacrifices of this kind which
I had been obliged to make at the beginning of
my religious life. And before long her tears were mingled
(07:18):
with mine. She admitted, very humbly that she was in
the wrong and that I was right, and begging me
as a favor always to point out her faults, she
promised to begin a new life. From this time, our
love for one another became truly spiritual. In us were fulfilled.
The words of the Holy Ghost. A brother that is
held by his brother is like a strong city Proverbs eighteen,
(07:41):
verse nineteen. Dear mother, you know very well that it
was not my wish to turn my companion away from you.
I only wanted her to grasp that true love feeds
on sacrifice, and that in proportion, as our souls renounced
natural enjoyments, our affections become stronger and more detached. I
remember that when I was a postulant, I was sometimes
(08:02):
so violently tempted to seek my own satisfaction by having
a word with you, that I was obliged to hurry
past yoursel and hold on to the banisters to keep
myself from turning back. Numerous permissions I wanted to ask,
and a hundred pretexts for yielding to my desires suggested themselves.
But now I am truly glad that I did not listen.
I already enjoy the reward promised to those who fight bravely.
(08:25):
I no longer feel the need of refusing myself these consolations,
for my heart is fixed on God. But it has
loved him only. It has grown little by little, and
now it can give to those who are dear to Him,
a far truer and deeper love than if it were
centered in a barren and selfish affection. I have told
you of the first piece of work, which you accomplished
(08:46):
together with our Lord by means of the little brush,
But that was only the prelude to the masterpiece, which
was afterwards to be painted. From the moment I entered
the sanctuary of souls, I saw at a glance that
the task was beyond my strength. Throwing myself without delay
into our Lord's arms, I imitated those tiny children, who,
when they were frightened, hide their faces on their father's shoulder,
(09:08):
And I said, dear Lord, thou seest that I am
too small to feed these little ones. But if through
me thou wilt give to each what is suitable, then
fill my hands. And without leaving the shelter of thine arms,
or even turning away, I will distribute thy treasures to
the souls who come to me asking for food. Should
they find it to their taste, I shall know that
(09:28):
it is due not to me, but to THEE. And
if on the contrary they find fault with its bitterness,
I shall not be cast down, but try to persuade
them that it cometh from THEE, while taking good care
to make no change in it. The knowledge that it
was impossible to do anything of myself rendered my task easier.
My one interior occupation was to unite myself more and
(09:51):
more closely to God, knowing that the rest would be
given to me over and above. And indeed my hope
has never been deceived. I have always found my hands
filled when sustenance was needed for the souls of my sisters.
But had I done otherwise and relied on my own strength,
I should very soon have been forced to abandon my task.
From afar. It seems so easy to do good to souls,
(10:14):
to teach them to love God more, and to model
them according to one's own ideas. But when we draw nearer,
we quickly feel that without God's help, this is quite
as impossible as to bring back the sun, when once
it has set. We must forget ourselves and put aside
our tastes and ideas, and guide souls not by our
own way, but along the path which our Lord points out.
(10:36):
Even this is not the most difficult part. What costs
me more than all is having to observe their faults,
their slightest imperfections, and wage war against them. Unhappily for me,
I was going to say, but that would be cowardly,
so I will say happily for my sisters. Ever since
I placed myself in the arms of Jesus, I have
(10:56):
been like a watchman on the lookout for the enemy
from the highest turret of a fortified castle. Nothing escapes
my vigilance. Indeed, I am sometimes surprised at my own
clear sightedness, and I think it was quite excusable on
the prophet Jonahs to fly before the face of the Lord,
that he might not have to announce the ruin of Nineveh.
Rather than make one single reproach, I would prefer to
(11:19):
receive a thousand. Yet I feel it is necessary that
the task should cause me pain, for if I spoke
only through natural impulse, then the sole in fault would
not understand its defects and would simply think, this sister
is displeased, and her displeasure falls on me. Although I
am full of the best intentions, But in this as
in all else, I must practice sacrifice and self denial.
(11:42):
Even in the matter of writing a letter, I feel
that it will produce no fruit unless I am disinclined
to write, and only do so from obedience. When conversing
with a novice, I am on the watch to mortify myself,
and I avoid asking questions which would satisfy my curiosity.
If she begins to speak on an interesting subject, and,
leaving it unfinished, passes on to another that wearies me,
(12:06):
I take care not to remind her of the interruption,
for it seems to me that no good can come
of self seeking. I know, dear mother, that your little
lambs find me severe. If they were to read these lines,
they would say that, so far as they can see,
it does not distress me to run after them and
show them how they have soiled their beautiful white fleece
(12:26):
or torn it in the brambles. Well, the little lambs
may say what they like. In their hearts. They know
I love them dearly. There is no fear of my
imitating the hireling who seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth
the sheep and flieth John ten, verse twelve. I am
ready to lay down my life for them, and my
affection is so disinterested that I would not have my
(12:48):
novices know this. By God's help, I have never tried
to draw their hearts to myself, for I have always
understood that my mission was to lead them to him
and to you, dear Mother, who on this earth hold
his place in their regard, and whom therefore they must
love and respect. I said before that I have learnt
much by guiding others. In the first place, I see
(13:10):
that all souls have more or less the same battles
to fight, and on the other hand, that one soul
differs widely from another, so each must be dealt with differently.
With some, I must humble myself and not shrink from
acknowledging my own struggles and defeats. Then they confess more
readily the faults into which they fall, and are pleased
that I know by experience what they suffer. With others.
(13:32):
My only means of success is to be firm and
never go back on what I have once said self
abasement would be taken for weakness. Our Lord has granted
me the grace never to fear the conflict at all costs.
I must do my duty. I have more than once
been told. If you want me to obey, you must
be gentle and not severe, otherwise you will gain nothing.
(13:54):
But no one is a good judge in his own case.
During a painful operation, a child would be sure to
cry out and say that the remedy is worse than
the disease. But if after a few days he is cured,
then he is greatly delighted that he can run about
and play. And it is the same with souls. They
soon recognize that a little bitter is better than too
much sweet, and they are not afraid to make the acknowledgment.
(14:18):
Sometimes the change which takes place from one day to
another seems almost magical. A novice will say to me,
you did well to be severe yesterday. At first I
was indignant, but when I thought it all over, I
saw that you were quite right. I left yourself, thinking
this ends it. I will tell our mother that I
shall never go to soortures again. But I knew this
(14:38):
was the devil's suggestion, and then I felt you were
praying for me, and I grew calm. I began to
see things more clearly, and now I come to you
for further guidance. I am only too happy to follow
the dictates of my heart and hasten to console with
a little sweetness. But I see that one must not
press forward too quickly. A word might undo the work
that costs so many tears. If I say the least
(15:01):
thing which seems to tone down the hard truths of
the previous day. I see my little sister trying to
take advantage of the opening thus given her. At once
I have recourse to prayer. I turn to our blessed Lady,
and Jesus always triumphs verily in prayer and sacrifice lies
all my strength. They are my invincible arms. Experience has
(15:22):
taught me that they touch hearts far more easily than words.
Two years ago, during Lent, a novice came to me
smiling and said, you would never imagine. When I dreamt
last night, I thought I was with my sister, who
is so worldly, and I wanted to withdraw her from
all vain things. To this end, I explain the words
of your hymn. They richly lose those who love thee
(15:44):
Dearest Lord, Thine are my perfumes, Thine forever more. I
felt that my words sank deep into her soul, and
I was overjoyed this morning. It seems to me that
perhaps our Lord would like me to gain him this soul.
How would it do if I wrote it Easter and
describe my dream, telling her that Jesus desires to have
her for his spouse. I answered that she might certainly
(16:05):
ask permission, as Lent was not nearly over. You were surprised,
dear mother, at such a premature request, and evidently guided
by God, you replied that Caramelites should save souls by
prayer rather than by letters. When I heard your decision,
I said to the little sister, you must set to
work and pray hard. If our prayers are answered at
(16:25):
the end of Lent, What a joy it will be,
Oh infinite mercy of our Lord. At the close of Lent,
one soul more had given herself to God. It was
a real miracle of grace, a miracle obtained through the
fervor of a humble novice. How wonderful is the power
of prayer. It is like unto a queen, who, having
free access to the King, obtains whatsoever she asks in
(16:49):
order to secure a hearing. There is no need to
recite set prayers composed for the occasion. Were it so,
I ought indeed to be pitied apart from the divine office, which,
in spite of my unworthiness, is a daily joy. I
have not the courage to look through books for beautiful prayers.
I only get a headache because of their number, and besides,
one is more lovely than the other. Unable therefore to
(17:13):
say them all, and lost in choice, I do as
children who have not learnt to read. I simply tell
Our Lord all that I want, and he always understands
with me. Prayer is an uplifting of the heart, a
glance towards Heaven, a cry of gratitude and love, uttered
equally in sorrow and in joy. In a word, it
is something noble, supernatural, which expands my soul and unites
(17:37):
it to God. Sometimes, when I am in such a
state of spiritual dryness that not a single good thought
occurs to me, I say very slowly, the Our Father
or the Hail Mary. And these prayers suffice to take
me out of myself and wonderfully refresh me. But what
was I speaking of? Again? I am lost in a
maze of my reflections. Forgive me, dear Mother, for wandering them.
(18:00):
My story is like a tangled skein. But I fear
I can do no better. I write my thoughts as
they come. I fish at random in the stream of
my heart and offer you all that I catch. I
was telling you about the novices. They often say you
have an answer for everything. This time I thought I
should puzzle you, where do you find all that you
teach us? Some are even simple enough to think I
(18:23):
can read their souls, because at times it happens I
discover to them without revelation the subject of their thoughts.
The senior novice had determined to hide from me a
great sorrow. She spent the night in anguish, keeping back
her tears lest her eyes might betray her. Yet she
came to me with a smile next day, seeming even
more cheerful than usual. And when I said you are
(18:44):
in trouble, I am sure, she looked at me in
inexpressible amazement. Her surprise was so great that it reacted
on me and imparted a sense of the supernatural. I
felt that God was close to us, unwittingly, for I
have not the gift of reading souls. I had spoken
as one inspired and was able to console her completely.
(19:05):
And now, dear mother, I will tell you wherein I
gain most With the novices. You know, they are allowed
without restriction to say anything to me agreeable or the reverse.
This is all the easier since they do not owe
me the respect due to a novice mistress I cannot
say that our Lord makes me walk in the way
of exterior humiliation. He is satisfied with humbling me in
(19:26):
my inmost soul. In the eyes of creatures, all is success,
and I walk in the dangerous path of honor. If
a religious may so speak, I understand God's way and
that of my superiors in this respect. For if the
community thought me incapable, unintelligent, and wanting in judgment, I
could be of no possible use to you, dear mother.
(19:46):
This is why the Divine Master has thrown a veil
over all my shortcomings, both interior and exterior. Because of
this veil, I received many compliments from the novices, compliments
without flattery, for they really mean what say, and they
do not inspire me with vanity, for the remembrance of
my weakness is ever before me. At times my soul
(20:07):
tires of this oversweet food, and I long to hear
something other than praise. Then our Lord serves me with
a nice little salad, well spiced with plenty of vinegar.
Oil alone is wanting, and this it is which makes
it more to my taste. And the salad is offered
to me by the novices at the moment I least expect,
God lifts the veil that hides my faults, and my
(20:29):
dear little sisters beholding me as I really am. Do
not find me altogether agreeable with charming simplicity. They tell
me how I try them and what they dislike in me.
In fact, they are as frank as though they were
speaking of someone else, for they are aware that I
am pleased when they act in this way, I am
more than pleased. I am transported with delight by this
(20:50):
splendid banquet set before me. How can anything so contrary
to our natural inclinations afford such extraordinary pleasure? Had I
not experienced it, I could not have believed it possible.
One day, when I was ardently longing for some humiliation,
a young postulant came to me and stated my desire
so completely that I was reminded of the occasion when
(21:10):
sameh cursed David, and I repeated to myself the words
of the Holy King. Yea, it is the Lord who
hath bidden him say all these things. Footnote cross referenced
Second King sixteen, verse ten, and footnote. In this way
God takes care of me, he cannot always provide that
strength giving bread exterior humiliation, but from time to time
(21:33):
he allows me to eat of the crumbs from the
table of the children Mark seven, verse twenty eight. How
magnificent are his mercies, dear mother, Since that infinite mercy
is the subject of this my earthly song, I ought
also to discover to you one real advantage reaped with
many others in the discharge of my task. Formerly, if
(21:54):
I saw his sister acting in a way that displeased
me and was seemingly contrary to rule, I would think, Ah,
how glad I should be if I could only warn
her and point out where she is wrong. Since, however,
this burden has been laid upon me, my ideas have changed.
And when I happen to see something not quite right,
I say, with a sigh of relief, thank God, it
(22:15):
is not a novice, and I am not obliged to correct,
And at once I try to find excuses and credit
the doer with the good intentions. She no doubt possesses
your devotedness, dear mother. Now that I am ill has
also taught me many a lesson of charity. No remedy
is too costly, and if one does not succeed, you
unhesitatingly try something new when I am present at recreation,
(22:39):
how careful you are to shield me from drafts. I
feel that I ought to be as compassionate for the
spiritual infirmities of my sisters as you are for my
bodily ills. I have noticed that it is the holiest
nuns who are most deeply loved. Every One is anxious
to seek their company and do them service without even
being asked. These very souls you are well able to
(23:01):
bear with want of affection and little attentions, are always
surrounded by an atmosphere of love. Our father, Saint John
of the Cross says, with great truth, all good things
have come unto me since I no longer sought them
for myself. Imperfect souls, on the contrary, are left alone.
They are treated, it is true, with the measure of
(23:21):
politeness which religious life demands. Yet their company is avoided
lest a word might be said which would hurt their feelings.
When I say imperfect souls, I am not referring to
souls with spiritual imperfections only, for the holiest souls will
not be perfect till they are in heaven. I mean
those who are also afflicted with want of tact and refinement,
(23:42):
as well as ultra sensitive souls. I know such defects
are incurable, but I also know how patient you would
be in nursing and striving to relieve me, were my
illness to last for many years. From all this I
draw the conclusion I ought to seek the companionship of
those sisters towards whom I I feel a natural aversion,
and try to be their good Samaritan. A word or
(24:04):
a smile is often enough to put fresh life in
a despondent soul. And yet it is not merely in
the hope of giving consolation that I try to be kind.
If it were, I know that I should soon be discouraged,
for well intentioned words are often totally misunderstood. Consequently, not
to lose my time or labor, I try to act
solely to please our Lord, and follow this precept of
(24:28):
the Gospel. When thou makest a dinner or a supper,
call not thy friends or thy brethren, lest perhaps they
also invite THEE again, and a recompense be made to THEE.
But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the man,
the blind, and the lame, And thou shalt be blessed,
because they have not wherewith to make THEE recompense, and
(24:49):
thy father, who seeth in secret, will repay THEE. Footnote
cross reference Luke fourteen, verses twelve, thirteen and fourteen, and
footnote What feasts can I offer my sisters but a
spiritual one of sweet and joyful charity. I know none other,
And I wish to imitate Saint Paul, who rejoiced with
(25:09):
those who rejoiced. It is true that he wept with
those who wept, and at my feast too, the tears
must sometimes fall still, I shall always try to change
them into smiles, for God loveth a cheerful giver. Second
Corinthians nine, verse seven. I remember an act of charity
with which God inspired me while I was still a novice.
(25:30):
And this act, though seemingly small, has been rewarded even
in this life by our heavenly Father, who seeth a secret.
Shortly before sister Saint Peter became quite bedridden, it was
necessary every evening at ten minutes to six for someone
to leave meditation and take her to the refectory. It
cost me a good deal to offer my services, for
(25:52):
I knew the difficulty or I should say the impossibility
of pleasing the poor invalid. But I did not want
to lose such a good opportun tunity. For I recalled
our Lord's words, as long as you did it to
one of these my least brethren, you did it to
me Matthew twenty five, verse forty. I therefore humbly offered
my aid. It was not without difficulty I induced her
(26:14):
to accept it, but after considerable persuasion I succeeded. Every evening,
when I saw her shake her sand glass, I understood
that she meant let us go. Summoning up all my courage,
I rose, and the ceremony began. First of all, her
stool had to be moved and carried in a particular way,
and on no account must there be any hurry. The
(26:37):
solemn procession ensued. I had to follow the good sister,
supporting her by her girdle. I did it as gently
as possible. But if by some mischance she stumbled, she
imagined I had not a firm hold, and that she
was going to fall. You were going too fast, she
would say, I shall fall and hurt myself. Then, when
I tried to lead her more quietly, come quicker. I
(27:00):
cannot feel you you are letting me go. I was
right when I said you were too young to take
care of me. When we reached the refractory without further mishap,
more troubles were in store. I had to settle my
poor invalid in her place, taking great pains not to
hurt her. Then I had to turn back her sleeves,
always according to her own special rubric. And after that
(27:21):
I was allowed to go. But I soon noticed that
she found it very difficult to cut her bread, so
I did not leave her till I had performed this
last service. She was much touched by this attention on
my part, for she had not expressed any wish on
the subject. It was by this unsought for kindness that
I gained her entire confidence, and chiefly because, as I
(27:42):
learned later, at the end of my humble task, I
bestowed upon her my sweetest smile. Dear mother. It is
long since all this happened, but our Lord allows the
memory of it to linger with me like a perfume
from heaven. One cold winter evening, I was occupied in
the lowly work which I have just spoken, when suddenly
I heard in the distance the harmonious strains of music.
(28:04):
Outside the convent walls, I pictured a drawing room, brilliantly
lighted and decorated, and richly furnished. Young ladies, elegantly dressed,
exchanged a thousand compliments, as is the way of the world.
Then I looked on the poor, invalid I was tending
instead of sweet music. I heard her complaints instead of
rich gilding. I saw the brick walls of our bare cloister,
(28:26):
scarcely visible in the dim light. The contrast was very moving.
Our Lord so illuminated my soul with the rays of truth,
before which the pleasures of the world are but as darkness,
that for a thousand years of such worldly delights, I
would not have bartered even the ten minutes spent in
my act of charity. If, even now, in days of
(28:46):
pain and amid the smoke of battle, the thought that
God has withdrawn us from the world is so entrancing,
What will it be when, in eternal glory and everlasting
repose we realize the favor beyond compare He has done
us here by seeing King us out to dwell in
his caramel, the very portal of heaven. I have not
always felt these transports of joy in performing acts of charity.
(29:08):
But at the beginning of my religious life, Jesus wished
to make me feel how sweet to him is charity
when found in the hearts of his spouses. Thus, when
I led Sister Saint Peter, it was with so much
love that I could not have shown more were I
guiding our divine Lord himself. The practice of charity has
not always been so pleasant, as I have just pointed out,
(29:29):
dear Mother, And to prove it, I will recount some
of my many struggles. For a long time, my place
at meditation was nearest Sister, who fidgeted continually, either with
her rosary or something else. Possibly, as I am very
quick of hearing, I alone heard her. But I cannot
tell you how much it tried me. I should have
liked to turn round and, by looking at the offender,
(29:51):
make her stop the noise. But in my heart I
knew that I ought to bear it tranquility, both for
the love of God and to avoid giving pain. So
I I kept quiet. But the ever cost me so
much that sometimes I was bathed in perspiration, and my
meditation consisted merely in suffering with patience. After a time,
I tried to endure it in peace and joy, at
(30:12):
least deep down in my soul, and I strove to
take actual pleasure in the disagreeable little noise. Instead of
trying not to hear it, which was impossible, I set
myself to listen as though it had been some delightful music,
and my meditation, which was not the prayer of quiet,
was passed in offering this music to our Lord. Another time,
I was working in the laundry and the sister opposite,
(30:35):
while washing handkerchiefs, repeatedly splashed me with dirty water. My
first impulse was to draw back and wipe my face
to show the offender I should be glad if she
would behave more quietly. But the next minute I thought
how foolish it was to refuse the treasures God offered
me so generously, and I refrained from betraying my annoyance.
On the contrary, I made such efforts to welcome the
(30:57):
shower of dirty water that at the end of half
an hour I had taken quite a fancy to this
novel kind of aspiration, and I resolved to come as
often as I could to the happy spot where such
treasures were freely bestowed, dear mother. You see that I
am a very little soul who can only offer very
little things to our Lord. It still happens that I
frequently let slip the occasion of these slender sacrifices which
(31:21):
bring so much peace. But this does not discourage me.
I bear the loss of a little peace, and I
try to be more watchful for the future. How happy
does our Lord make me, and how sweet and easy
is his service on this earth. He has always given
me what I desired, or rather has made me desire
what he wishes to give. A short time before my
(31:42):
terrible temptation against faith, I had reflected how few exterior
trials worthy of mention had fallen to my lot, and
that if I were to have interior trials, God must
change my path, and this I did not think he
would do. Yet I could not always live at ease
of what means. Then would he make use. I had
not long to wait for an answer, and it showed
(32:05):
me that He whom I love, is never at a
loss for without changing my way, He sent me this
great trial, and thus mingled a healing bitterness with all
the sweet end of Chapter ten
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