August 19, 2025 • 38 mins
Marie Francoise Therese Martin, lovingly known as The Little Flower, was born on January 2, 1873, in Alencon, France, to Louis Martin and Zelie Guerin. As the youngest of nine siblings, she faced profound loss early in life when her mother passed away when she was just three years old. The family relocated to Lisieux to be closer to relatives, setting the stage for Therese’s spiritual journey. At the tender age of 15, Therese entered the Carmelite convent in Lisieux on April 9, 1888, despite facing significant opposition. It was within those sacred walls that she penned her spiritual autobiography, LHistoire dune Ame (The Story of a Soul), out of obedience and love. Her sisters followed her path into religious life, with one joining her at the Carmel and another becoming a Poor Clare at the Visitation Convent in Caen. Thereses life was brief; she succumbed to tuberculosis on September 30, 1897, at the Carmel of Lisieux. Her legacy lives on, as she was beatified on April 29, 1923, and canonized on May 17, 1925. (Summary written by Ann Boulais.)
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter eleven of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulay, The Story of a Soul, The
autobiography of Saint Terres of Le Sieux, translated by Thomas Taylor.
(00:24):
Chapter eleven a canticle of love. It is not only
when he is about to send me some trial that
our Lord gives me warning and awakens my desire for it.
For years I had cherished a longing which seemed impossible
of realization, to have a brother a priest. I often
used to think that if my little brothers had not
gone to Heaven, I should have had the happiness of
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seeing them at the altar. I greatly regretted being deprived
of this joy. Yet God went beyond my dream. I
only ask for one brother who would remember me each
day at the Holy Altar, and He has united me
in the bonds of spiritual friendship with two of his apostles.
I should like to tell you, dear Mother, how our
Divine master fulfilled my desire. In eighteen ninety five, our
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Holy Mother Saint Teresa sent my first brother as a
gift for my feast. It was Washing day, and I
was busy at my work when Mother Agnes of Jesus,
then Prioress, called me aside and read me a letter
from a young seminarist in which he said he had
been inspired by Saint Teresa to ask for a sister
who would devote herself specially to his salvation and to
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the salvation of his future flock. He promised always to
remember the spiritual sister when saying Mass, and the choice
fell upon me. Dear Mother, I cannot tell you how
happy this made me. Such unlooked for fulfillment of my
desire awoke in my heart the joy of a child.
It carried me back to those early days when pleasures
were so keen that my heart seemed too small to
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contain them. Years had passed since I had tasted alike, happy,
so fresh, so unfamiliar, as if forgotten chords had been
stirred within me. Fully aware of my obligations, I set
to work and strove to redouble my fervor. Now and again,
I wrote to my new brother, Undoubtedly it is by
prayer and sacrifice that we can help our missionaries. But sometimes,
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when it pleases our Lord to unite two souls for
his glory, he permits them to communicate their thoughts and
thus inspire each other to love God more. Of course,
an express command from those in authority is needed for this,
Otherwise it seems to me that such a correspondence would
do more harm than good, if not to the missionary,
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at least to the carmelite, whose manner of life tends
to continual introversion. This exchange of letters, though rare, would
occupy her mind uselessly instead of uniting her to God.
She would perhaps fancy she was doing wonders, when in reality,
under cover of zeal she was doing nothing but producing
needless distract And here I am launched not upon a distraction,
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but upon a dissertation equally superfluous. I shall never be
able to correct myself of these lengthy digressions, which must
be so wearisome to you, dear mother, forgive me should
I offend again. Last year, at the end of May,
it was your turn to give me my second brother.
And when I represented that, having given all my merits
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to one future apostle, I feared they could not be
given to another. You told me that obedience would double
their value. In the depths of my heart, I thought
the same thing, And since the zeal of a Carmelite
ought to embrace the whole world, I hope, with God's help,
to be of use to even more than two missionaries.
I pray for all, not forgetting our priests at home,
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whose ministry is quite as difficult as that of the
missionary preaching to the heathen. In a word, I wish
to be a true daughter of the Church, like our
holy mother, Saint Teresa, and pray for all the intentions
of Christ's vicar. That is the one great aim of
my life. But just as I should have had a
special interest in my little brothers had they lived, and
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that without neglecting the general interests of the church, so
now I unite myself in a special way to the
new brothers, whom Jesus has given me. All that I
possess is theirs. Also, God is too good to give
by halves. He is so rich that he gives me
all I ask for, even though I do not lose
myself in lengthy enumerations. As I have my two brothers
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and my little sisters, the novices. The days would be
too short were I to ask in detail for the
needs of each soul, and I fear I might forget
something important. Simple souls cannot understand complicated methods, And as
I am one of their number, our Lord has inspired
me with a very simple way of fulfilling my obligations.
(04:50):
One day after Holy Communion, he made me understand. These
words of the canticles draw me. We will run after
thee to the odor of Thy ointment. Canticles one, verse three. Oh,
my Jesus, there is no need to say in drawing me,
draw also the souls that I love. These words draw
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me suffice. When a soul has let herself be taken
captive by the inebriating odor of thy perfumes, she cannot
run alone. As a natural consequence of her attraction towards THEE,
the souls of all those she loves are drawn in
her train. Just as a torrent carries into the depths
of the sea all that it meets on its way, So,
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my Jesus, does the soul who plunges into this shoreless
ocean of Thy love bring with it all its treasures.
My treasures are the souls it has pleased THEE to
unite with mine. Thou hast confided them to me, and
therefore I do not fear to use thy own words
uttered by THEE on the last night that saw THEE
still a traveler on this earth. Jesus is my beloved.
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I know not when my exile will have an end.
Many a night I may yet sing thy mercies here belore,
But for me also will come the last night, and
then I shall be able to say I have glorified
THEE upon earth. I have finished the work which Thou
gavest to me. I have manifested thy name to the
men whom thou hast given me. Out of the world.
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Thine they were, and to me Thou gavest them, and
they have kept thy word. Now they have known that
all things which thou hast given me are from THEE.
Because the words which thou gavest me I have given
to them, and they have received them, and have known
for certain that I came forth from THEE. And they
have believed that Thou didst send me. I pray for them.
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I pray not for the world, but for them whom
thou hast given me, because they are Thine, and all
mine are thine, and thine are mine. And I am
glorified in them. And now I am no more in
the world. And these are in the world. And I
come to THEE, Holy Father, Keep them in thy name,
whom thou hast given me, that they may be one,
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as we also are one. And now I come to THEE,
and these things I speak in the world, that they
may have my joy filled in themselves. I do not
ask that thou take them away out of the world,
but that thou preserve them from evil. They are not
of the world, as I also am not of the world.
And not for them only do I pray, but for
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those also who through their words shall believe in me. Father,
I will that where I am, they also whom thou
hast given me, may be with me, that they may
see my glory which thou hast given me, because thou
hast loved me before the foundation of the world. And
I have made known thy name unto them, and will
make it known that the love wherewith thou hast loved me,
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may be in them, and I in them. Footnote cross
reference John seventeen and footnote yea Lord, thus what I
repeat thy words before losing myself in thy loving embrace.
Perhaps it is daring, But for a long time hast
thou not allowed me to be daring with THEE. Thou
hast said to me, as the prodigal's father to his
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eldest son, All I have is thine luke fifteen, verse
thirty one. And therefore I may use thy very own
words to draw down favors from our heavenly father on
all who are dear to me, My God. Thou knowest
that I have ever desired to love THEE alone. It
has been my only ambition. Thy love has gone before me,
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even from the days of my childhood. It has grown
with my growth. And now it is an abyss whose
depths I cannot fathom. Love attracts love. Mine darts towards THEE,
and would fain make thee abyss brim over. But alas
it is not even as a dewdrop in the ocean,
to love THEE as thou lovest me, I must make
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thy love mine own. Thus alone can I find rest
o my Jesus. It seems to me that thou couldest
not have overwhelmed a soul with more love than thou
hast poured out on mine. And that is why I
dare ask THEE to love those thou hast given me
even as thou lovest me. If in heaven I find
that thou lovest them more than thou lovest me, I
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shall rejoice, for I acknowledge that their deserts are greater
than mine. But now I can conceive no love more
vast than that with which thou hast favored me. Without
any merit on my part, Dear mother, what I have
just written amazes me. I had no intention of writing it.
When I said the words which thou gavest me, I
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have given unto them. I was thinking only of my
little sisters in the novitiate. I am not able to
teach missionaries, and the words I wrote for them were
from the prayer of our Lord. I do not ask
that thou shouldst take them out of the world. I
pray also for them, who, through their words shall believe
in THEE. How could I forget those souls they are
to win by their sufferings and exhortations. But I have
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not told you all my thoughts on this passage of
the Sacred Canticle. Draw me we will run. Our Lord
has said no man can come to me, except the
Father who has sent me draw him John six, verse
forty four. And later he tells us that whosoever seeks
shall find, whosoever asks shall receive that unto him that knocks,
(10:19):
it shall be opened. And he adds that whatever we
ask the Father in his name shall be given us.
It was no doubt for this reason that long before
the birth of our Lord, the Holy Spirit dictated these
prophetic words, draw me. We will run by asking to
be drawn. We desire an intimate union with the object
of our love. If iron and fire were endowed with reason,
(10:42):
and the iron could say, draw me, would not that
prove its desire to be identified with the fire to
the point of sharing its substance. Well, this is precisely
my prayer. I ask Jesus to draw me into the
fire of his love, and to unite me so closely
to himself that he may live naped in me. I
feel that the more the fire of love consumes my
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heart so much, the more shall I say, draw me.
And the more also will souls who draw near me
run swiftly in the sweet odor of the beloved. Yes,
they will run. We shall all run together, for souls
that are on fire can never be at rest. They may, indeed,
like Saint Mary Magdalene, sit at the feet of Jesus,
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listening to his sweet and burning words. But though they
seem to give him nothing, they give much more than Martha,
who busied herself about many things. It is not Martha's
work that our Lord blames, but her over solicitude. His
blessed mother humbly occupied herself in the same kind of
work when she prepared the meals for the Holy Family.
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All the saints have understood this, especially those who have
illumined the earth with the light of Christ's teaching. Was
it not from prayer that Saint Paul, Saint Augustine, Saint Thomas, Aquinas,
Saint John of the Cross, Saint Teresa, and so many
other friends of God drew that wonderful science which has
enthralled the loftiest minds. Give me a lover and a
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fulcrum on which to lean, it said Archimedes, and I
will lift the world what he could not obtain because
his request had only a material end without reference to God.
The saints have obtained in all its fullness. They lean
on God Almighty's power itself and their lover is the
prayer that inflames with Love's fire. With this lover, they
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have raised the world with this lover. The saints of
the Church militant still raise it and will raise it
to the end of time. Dear Mother, I have still
to tell you what I understand by the sweet odor
of the Beloved. As our Lord is now in heaven,
I can only follow him by the footprints he has left,
footprints full of life, full of fragrance. I have only
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to open the Holy Gospels, and at once I breathe
the perfume of Jesus, and I then know which way
to run. And it is not to the first place,
but to the last that I hasten. I leave the
Pharisee to go up, and full of confidence, I repeat
the humble prayer of the Publican. Above all, I follow
Magdalen for the amazing. Rather, I should say, the loving
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audacity that delights the heart of Jesus has cast its
spell upon me. It is not because I have been
preserved from mortal sin that I lift up my heart
to God in trust and love. I feel that, even
had I on my conscience every crime one could commit,
I should lose nothing of my confidence, my heart broken
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with sorrow, I would throw myself into the arms of
my Savior. I know that he loves the prodigal son.
I have heard his words to Saint Mary Magdalene, to
the woman taken in adultery, and to the woman of Samaria.
No one could frighten me, for I know what to
believe concerning his mercy and his love. And I know
that all that multitude of sins would disappear in an instant,
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even as a drop of water cast into a flaming furnace.
It is told in the lives of the Fathers of
the Death how one of them converted a public sinner
whose evil deeds were the scandal of the whole country.
This wicked woman, touched by grace, follow the Saint into
the desert, there to perform rigorous penance. But on the
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first night of the journey, before even reaching the place
of her retirement, the bonds that bound her to earth
were broken by the vehemence of her loving sorrow. The
Holy Man at the same instant saw her soul borne
my angels to the bosom of God. This is a
striking example of what I want to say. But these
things cannot be expressed dearest Mother. If weak and imperfect
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souls like mine felt what I feel, none would despair
of reaching the summit of the mountain of love. Since
Jesus does not ask for great deeds, but only for
gratitude and self surrender. He says, I will not take
the hegos from out of the flocks, for all the
beasts of the forests are mine, the cattle on the hills,
and the oxen. I know all the fowls of the air.
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If I were hungry, I would not tell thee for
the world is mine and the fullness thereof. Shall I
eat the flesh of bullets? Or shall I drink the
blood of goats? Offer to God the sacrifice of praise
and thanksgiving, Psalm forty nine fifty, verses nine through fourteen.
This is all our Lord claims from us. He has
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need of our love. He has no need of our works.
The same God who declares that he has no need
to tell us if he be hungry, did not disdain
to beg a little water from the Samaritan woman. He
was a thirst But when he said, give me to
drink John four, verse seven, he the creator of the universe,
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asked for the love of his creature, he thirsted for love,
and this thirst of our Divine Lord was ever on
the increase. Amongst the disciples of the world, he meets
with nothing but indifference and ingratitude, and alas among his own,
how few hearts surrender themselves without reserve to the infinite
tenderness of His love. Happy are we, who are privileged
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to understand the inmost secrets of our divine spouse. If you,
dear mother, would but set down in writing all you know,
what wonders could you not unfold? But like our blessed lady,
you prefer to keep all these things in your heart.
Footnote cross reference Luke two, verse nineteen, and footnote to me,
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you say that it is honorable to reveal and confess
the world of God Tobias twelve, verse seven. Yet you
are right to keep silence, for no earthly words can
convey the secrets of Heaven. As for me, in spite
of all I have written, I have not as yet begun.
I see so many beautiful horizons, such infinitely varied tints,
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that the pellet of the Divine painter will alone, after
the darkness of this life, be able to supply me
with the colors, wherewith I may portray the wonders that
my soul descries. Since, however, you have expressed a desire
to penetrate into the hidden sanctuary of my heart, and
to have in writing what was the most consoling dream
of my life, I will end this story of my
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soul by an act of obedience, if you will allow me.
It is to Jesus I will address myself, for in
this way I shall speak more easily. You may find
my expression somewhat exaggerated, but I assure you there is
no exaggeration in my heart. There all is calm and peace.
Oh my Jesus, who can say how tenderly and gently
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thou dost lead my soul? The storm had raged there
ever since Easter, the glorious feast of Thy triumph, until
in the month of May, there shone through the darkness
of my night one bright ray of grace. My mind
dwelt on mysterious dreams sent sometimes to Thy favored ones,
And I thought how such a consolation was not to
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be mine? That for me it was night, always the
dark night, in the midst of the storm. I fell asleep.
The following day, May tenth, just at dawn I dreamt
that I was walking in a gallery alone with our mother. Suddenly,
without knowing how they had entered, I perceived three carmelites
in mantles and long veils, and I knew they came
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from heaven. Ah. I thought how glad I should be
if I could but look on the face of one
of these Carmelites, And as if my wish had been heard,
I saw the tallest of the three saints advanced towards me.
An inexpressible joy took possession of me as she raised
her veil and then covered me with it. At once
I recognized our Venerable Mother, Anne of Jesus, foundress of
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the carmel in France footnote The Venerable Mother Anne of
Jesus in the world. Anne of Lobera was born in
Spain in fifteen forty five. She entered the Carmelie order
in fifteen seventy in the first convent of Saint Joseph
of Babyla, and shortly afterwards became the councilor and coadjutor
of Saint Teresa, who called her her daughter, and her
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crown Saint John of the Cross, who was her spiritual
director for fourteen years described her as a seraph incarnate,
and her prudence and sanctity were held in such esteem
that most learned men consulted her in their doubts and
accepted her answers as oracles. She was always faithful to
the spirit of Saint Theresa, and had received from heaven
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the mission to restore the caramel to its primitive perfection.
Having founded three convents of the reform in Spain, she
established one in France and another in Belgium. She died
in the odor of Sanctity in the Caramel of Brussels
on March fourth, sixteen twenty one. On May threeh eighteen
seventy eight, his Holiness Pope Leo the thirteenth signed the
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decree introducing the cause of her beatification. En footnote. Her
face was beautiful, with an unearthly beauty. No rays came
from it, and yet in spite of the thick veil
which enveloped us, I could see it suffused by a
soft light which seemed to emanate from her heavenly countenance.
She caressed me tenderly, and seeing myself the object of
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such effect, I made bold to say, dear Mother, I
entreat you tell me. Will our Lord leave me much
longer in this world? Will he not soon come to
fetch me? She smiled sweetly and answered, yes, soon, very soon,
I promise you, dear mother, I said again, tell me
if he does not want more from me than these
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poor little acts and desires that I offer him, is
he pleased with me? Then our venerable Mother's face shone
with a new splendor, and her expression became still more gracious.
The Good God asked no more of you. She said,
he is pleased, quite pleased, and taking my head between
her hands, she kissed me so tenderly that it would
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be impossible to describe the joy I felt. My heart
was overflowing with gladness, and remembering my sisters, I was
about to beseeched some favor for them when alas I awoke.
My happiness was too great for words. Many months have
passed since I had this wonderful dream, and yet its
memory is as fresh and delightful as ever. I can
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still picture the loving smiles of this holy carmelite and
feel her fond caresses. Oh Jesus, Thou didst command the
winds and the storm, and there came a great calm
Matthew eight, verse ten. On waking, I realize that heaven
does indeed exist, and that this heaven is peopled with
souls who cherish me as their child. And this impression
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still remains with me all the sweeter because up to
that time I had but little devotion to the venerable
Mother Anne of Jesus. I had never sought her help,
and but rarely heard her name. And now I know
and understand how constantly I was in her thoughts, And
the knowledge adds to my love for her and for
all the dear ones in my father's home, Oh, my beloved,
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this was but the prelude of graces yet greater, which
Thou didst desire to heap upon me. Let me remind
THEE of them to day, and forgive my folly if
I venture to tell THEE once more of my hopes
and my heart's well nigh infinite longings. Forgive me and
grant my desire, that it may be well with my
soul to be thy spouse, O my Jesus, to be
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a daughter of Carmel, and by my union with THEE,
to be the mother of souls. Should not all this
content me and yet other vocations make themselves felt. I
feel called to the priesthood and to the apostolate. I
would be a martyr, a doctor of the church. I
should like to accomplish the most heroic deeds. The spirit
of the Crusader burns within me, and I long to
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die on the fields of battle in defense of Holy Church.
The vocation of a priest with what love, my Jesus,
would I bear THEE in my hand when my words
brought THEE down from heaven? With what love would I
give THEE to souls? And Yet, while longing to be
a priest, I admire and envy the humility of Saint
Francis of Assizi, and am drawn to imitate him by
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refusing the sublime dignity of the priesthood. Footnote Saint Francis
of ASSIZI, out of humility, refuse to accept the sublime
dignity of the priesthood and remained a deacon until his
death editor and footnote How reconcile these opposite tendencies, Like
the prophets and doctors, I would be a light unto souls.
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I would travel to every land to preach thy name, O,
my beloved, and raise on heathen soil, the glorious standard
of thy cross. One mission alone would not satisfy my longings.
I would spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth,
even to the most distant isles. I would be a missionary,
not for a few years only, but were it possible,
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from the beginning of the world to the consummation of time.
Above all, I thirst for the martyr's crown. It was
the desire of my earliest days, and the desire has
deepened with the years passed in the carmel's narrow cell.
But this too is folly, since I do not sigh
for one torment. I need them all to slake my thirst.
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Like thee o adorable spouse, I would be scourged. I
will be crucified. I would be flayed like Saint Bartholomeule,
plunged into boiling oil, like Saint John, or like Saint
Ignatius of Antioch, ground by the teeth of wild beasts
into a bread worthy of God. Footnote an allusion to
the beautiful words of the martyr Saint Ignatius of Antioch
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uttered when he heard the roar of the lions in
the Roman arena. I am the wheat of Christ, let
me be ground by the teeth of the wild beasts,
that I may become clean bread, editor and footnote. With
Saint Agnes and Saint Cecilia, I would offer my neck
to the sword of the executioner, and like Joan of
arc I would murmur the name of Jesus at the stake.
(24:41):
My heart thrills at the thought of the frightful tortures
Christians are to suffer at the time of Antichrist, and
I long to undergo them. All. Open, o Jesus, the
Book of Life, in which are written the deeds of
Thy saints, all the deeds told in that book I
long to have accomplished. For THEE to such folly as this,
What anat answer wilt thou make? Is there on the
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face of this earth a soul more feeble than mine.
And yet precisely because I am feeble, it has delighted
THEE to accede to my least and most childlike desires.
And to day it is thy good pleasure to realize
those other desires more vast than the universe, these aspirations,
becoming my true martyrdom. I open one day the epistles
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of Saint Paul to seek relief in my sufferings. My
eyes fell on the twelfth and thirteenth chapters of the
First Epistles to the Corinthians. I read that all cannot
be apostles, prophets, and doctors, that the Church is composed
of different members, that the eye cannot also be the hand.
The answer was clearer, but it did not fulfill my
desires or give me the peace I sought. Then, descending
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into the depths of my nothingness, I was so lifted
up that I reached my aim Saint John of the Cross,
without being discouraged. I read on and found comfort in
this council. Be zealous for the better gifts, and I
shall show unto you a yet more excellent way one
Corinthians twelve, verse thirty one. The apostle then explains how
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all perfect gifts are nothing without love, that charity is
the most excellent way of going surely to God. At last,
I had found rest. Meditating on the mystical body of
the Holy Church. I could not recognize myself among any
of its members, as described by Saint Paul. Or was
it not rather that I wished to recognize myself in all?
Charity provided me with the key to my vocation. I
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understood that, since the Church is a body composed of
different members, the noblest and most important of all the
organs would not be wanting. I knew that the Church
has a heart, that this heart burns with love, and
that it is love alone which gives life to its members.
I knew that if this love were extinguished, the apostles
would no longer preach the Gospel, and the martyrs would
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refuse to shed their blood. I understood that love embraces
all vocations, that it is all things, and that it
reaches out through all the ages and to the uttermost
limits of the earth, because it is eternal. Then beside
myself with joy, I cried out, Oh Jesus, my love.
At last, I have found my vocation. My vocation is love. Yes,
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I have found my place in the bosom of the church.
And this place, O, my God, thou hast thyself given
to me in the heart of the Church, my Mother,
I will be love. Thus I shall be all things.
Thus will my dream be realized. Why do I say
I am beside myself with joy? This does not convey
my thought. Rather, it is peace which has become my portion,
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the calm piece of the sailor when he catches sight
of the beacon which lights him to port O luminous
beacon of love. I know how to come even unto thee.
I have found the means of borrowing thy fires. I
am but a weak and helpless child. Yet it is
my very weakness which makes me dare to offer myself,
Oh Jesus, as victim to thy love. In olden days,
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pure and spotless holocausts alone were acceptable to the omnipotent God.
Nor could his justice be appeased save by the most
perfect sacrifices. But the law of fear has given place
to the law of love, and Love has chosen me,
a weak and imperfect creature, as its victim. Is not
such a choice worthy of God's love, yea, For in
(28:22):
order that love may be fully satisfied, it must stoop
even unto nothingness, and must transform that nothingness into fire. O,
my God, I know it. Love is repaid by love alone,
Saint John of the Cross. Therefore I have sought. I
have found how to ease my heart by rendering thee
love for love. Use the riches that make men unjust
(28:45):
to find you friends who may receive you into everlasting dwellings.
Footnote cross reference Luke sixteen verse nine, and footnote This, O, Lord,
is the advice thou gavest to thy disciples. After complaining
that the children of this world are wiser in their
generation than the children of Light Luke sixteen verse eight,
(29:05):
Child of Light, as I am, I understood that my
desires to be all things and to embrace all vocations
were riches that might well make me unjust. So I
set to work to use them for the making of friends.
Mindful of the prayer of Elysius when he asked the
prophet Elias for his double spirit, I presented myself before
the company of the angels and saints and addressed them, Thus,
(29:28):
I am the least of all creatures. I know my
mean estate, but I know that noble and generous hearts
love to do good. Therefore, Oh, blessed inhabitants of the
celestial City, I entreat you to adopt me as your child.
All the glory that you help me to acquire will
be yours. Only. Deign to hear my prayer and obtain
for me a double portion of the love of God. Oh,
(29:51):
my God, I cannot measure the extent of my request,
I should fear to be crushed by the very weight
of its audacity. My only excuse is my claim to childhood,
and that children do not grasp the full meaning of
their words. Yet, if a father or mother were on
the throne and possess vast treasures, they would not hesitate
to grant the desires of those little ones more dear
(30:13):
to them than life itself. To give them pleasure, They
will stoop even unto folly Well. I am a child
of holy Church, and the Church is a queen because
she is now espoused to the divine King of kings.
I ask not for riches or glory, not even the
glory of heaven that belongs by right to my brothers,
the angels and saints. And my own glory shall be
(30:35):
the radiance that streams from the queenly brow of my mother,
the Church. Nay, I ask for love. To love THEE
Jesus is now my only desire. Great deeds are not
for me. I cannot preach the gospel or shed my blood,
no matter. My brothers work in my stead, and I
a little child, shall stay close to the throne and
(30:56):
love THEE. For all who are in the strife But
how shall well I show my love? Since love proves
itself by deeds. Well, the little child will strew flowers.
She will embrace the divine throne with their fragrance. She
will sing Love's canticle and silvery tones. Yes, my beloved,
it is thus my short life shall be spent in
thy sight. The only way I have approving my love
(31:19):
is to strew flowers before THEE. That is to say,
I will let no tiny sacrifice pass, no look, no word.
I wish to profit by the smallest actions, and to
do them for love. I wish to suffer for love's sake,
and for love's sake even to rejoice. Thus I shall
strew flowers. Not one shall I find without scattering its
(31:40):
petals before THEE. And I will sing. I will sing always,
even if my roses must be gathered from amidst thorns,
and the longer and sharper the thorns, the sweeter shall
be my song. But of what avail to THEE, my Jesus,
are my flowers and my songs. I know it well.
This fragrant shower, these delicate petals of little price, these
(32:02):
songs of love from a poor little heart like mine,
will nevertheless be pleasing unto THEE. Trifles they are, but
thou wilt smile on them. The Church, triumphant, stooping towards
her child, will gather up these scattered rose leaves, and,
placing them in thy divine hands, there to acquire an
infinite value, will shower them on the Church, suffering to
(32:24):
extinguish its flames, and on the Church militant to obtain
its victory. Oh, my Jesus, I love THEE. I love
my mother the Church. I bear in mind that the
least act of pure love is of more value to
her than all other works together, Saint John of the Cross,
But is this pure love really in my heart? Are
(32:44):
not my boundless desires but dreams but foolishness? If this
be so, I beseech THEE to enlighten me. Thou knowest
I seek but the truth. If my desires be rash,
then deliver me from them and from this most grievous
of all myne martyrdoms. And yet I confess, if I
reach not those heights to which my soul aspires, this
(33:06):
very martyrdom, this foolishness will have been sweeter to me
than eternal bliss will be unless by a miracle thou
shouldst take from me all memory of the hopes I
entertained upon earth. Jesus, Jesus, If the mere desire of
thy love awakens such delight, what will it be to
possess it, to enjoy it forever? How can a soul
(33:27):
so imperfect as mine aspire to the plenitude of love?
What is the key of this mystery? O, my only friend,
Why dost thou not reserve these infinite longings to lofty souls,
to the eagles as sore in the heights? Alas I
am but a poor, little, unfledged bird, I am not
an eagle. I have but the eagle's eyes and heart.
(33:47):
Yet notwithstanding my exceeding littleness, I dare to gaze upon
the divine Son of Love, and I burn to dart
upwards unto him. I would fly, I would imitate the eagles.
But all that I can do is to lift up
my little wings. It is beyond my feeble power to soar.
What is to become of me? Must I die of
sorrow because of my helplessness? Oh? No, I will not
(34:11):
even grieve with daring self abandonment. There I will remain
until death my gaze fixed upon that divine sun, nothing
shall affright me, nor wind, nor rain. And should impenetrable
clouds conceal the orbled love? And should I seem to
believe that beyond this life there is only darkness? That
would be the hour of perfect joy, the hour in
(34:32):
which to push my confidence to its uttermost bounds. I
should not dare to detach my gaze, well, knowing that
beyond the dark clouds the sweet sun still shines so far, O,
my God, I understand thy love for thee, But thou
knowest how often I forget this my only care. I
stray from thy side, and my scarcely fledged wings become
(34:53):
draggled in the muddy pools of earth. Then I lament
like a young swallow Isaiah thirty eight, verse four thirteen.
And my lament tells thee all, And I remember, o
infinite mercy, that thou didst not come to call the
just but sinners Matthew nine, verse fifteen. Yet shouldst thou
still be deaf to the plaintive cries of thy feeble creature,
(35:15):
shouldst thou still be veiled, then I am content to
remain benumbed with cold, My wings be draggled, and once
more I rejoice in this well deserved suffering, O, Son,
my only love. I am happy to feel myself so small,
so frail, in thy sunshine, and I am in peace.
I know that all the eagles of thy celestial court
(35:37):
have pity on me. They guard and defend me. They
put to flight the vultures, the demons that fain would
devour me. I fear them, not these demons. I am
not destined to be their prey, but the prey of
the Divine Eagle, Oh eternal word, O my Savior, Thou
art the divine Eagle whom I love, who lurest me. Thou, who,
(36:00):
sending to this land of exile, diswill to suffer and
to die in order to bear away the souls of
men and plunge them into the very heart of the
blessed Trinity, Love's eternal home. Thou, who reascending into inaccessible light,
dost still remain concealed here in our veil of tears,
under the snow white semblance of the host. And this
(36:21):
to nourish me with Thine own substance. Oh Jesus, forgive
me if I tell thee that thy love reacheth even
unto folly. And in face of this folly, what wilt
thou but that my heart leap up to thee. How
could my trust have any limits? I know that the
saints have made themselves as fools for thy sake. Being eagles,
they have done great things. I am too little for
(36:43):
great things, and my folly. It is to hope that
Thy love accepts me as victim my folly. It is
to count on the aid of angels and saints, in
order that I may fly unto thee with thine own wings, Oh,
my divine Eagle. For as long as the time as
thou will, I shall remain my eyes fixed upon thee.
I long to be allured by thy divine eyes. I
(37:06):
would become Love's pray. I have the hope that Thou
wilt one day swoop down upon me and bearing me
away to the source of all love. Thou wilt plunge
me at last into the glowing abyss, that I may
become forever its happy victim. Oh Jesus, would that I
could tell all little souls of thine ineffable condescension. I
(37:28):
feel that, if by any possibility Thou couldst find one
weaker than my own, Thou wouldst take delight in loading
her with still greater favors, provided that she abandoned herself
with entire confidence to Thine infinite mercy. But, O, my spouse,
why these desires of mine to make known the secrets
of thy love? Is it not thyself alone who hast
(37:49):
taught them to me? And canst thou not unveil them
to others? YEA, I know it, And this I implore THEE.
I entreat THEE to let thy divine eyes rest upon
a vast number of little souls. I entreat THEE to
choose in this world a legion of little victims of
thy love. End of Chapter eleven.
Chapter eleven of the Story of a Soul. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
Recording by Anne Boulay, The Story of a Soul, The
autobiography of Saint Terres of Le Sieux, translated by Thomas Taylor.
(00:24):
Chapter eleven a canticle of love. It is not only
when he is about to send me some trial that
our Lord gives me warning and awakens my desire for it.
For years I had cherished a longing which seemed impossible
of realization, to have a brother a priest. I often
used to think that if my little brothers had not
gone to Heaven, I should have had the happiness of
(00:47):
seeing them at the altar. I greatly regretted being deprived
of this joy. Yet God went beyond my dream. I
only ask for one brother who would remember me each
day at the Holy Altar, and He has united me
in the bonds of spiritual friendship with two of his apostles.
I should like to tell you, dear Mother, how our
Divine master fulfilled my desire. In eighteen ninety five, our
(01:11):
Holy Mother Saint Teresa sent my first brother as a
gift for my feast. It was Washing day, and I
was busy at my work when Mother Agnes of Jesus,
then Prioress, called me aside and read me a letter
from a young seminarist in which he said he had
been inspired by Saint Teresa to ask for a sister
who would devote herself specially to his salvation and to
(01:33):
the salvation of his future flock. He promised always to
remember the spiritual sister when saying Mass, and the choice
fell upon me. Dear Mother, I cannot tell you how
happy this made me. Such unlooked for fulfillment of my
desire awoke in my heart the joy of a child.
It carried me back to those early days when pleasures
were so keen that my heart seemed too small to
(01:56):
contain them. Years had passed since I had tasted alike, happy,
so fresh, so unfamiliar, as if forgotten chords had been
stirred within me. Fully aware of my obligations, I set
to work and strove to redouble my fervor. Now and again,
I wrote to my new brother, Undoubtedly it is by
prayer and sacrifice that we can help our missionaries. But sometimes,
(02:19):
when it pleases our Lord to unite two souls for
his glory, he permits them to communicate their thoughts and
thus inspire each other to love God more. Of course,
an express command from those in authority is needed for this,
Otherwise it seems to me that such a correspondence would
do more harm than good, if not to the missionary,
(02:40):
at least to the carmelite, whose manner of life tends
to continual introversion. This exchange of letters, though rare, would
occupy her mind uselessly instead of uniting her to God.
She would perhaps fancy she was doing wonders, when in reality,
under cover of zeal she was doing nothing but producing
needless distract And here I am launched not upon a distraction,
(03:04):
but upon a dissertation equally superfluous. I shall never be
able to correct myself of these lengthy digressions, which must
be so wearisome to you, dear mother, forgive me should
I offend again. Last year, at the end of May,
it was your turn to give me my second brother.
And when I represented that, having given all my merits
(03:24):
to one future apostle, I feared they could not be
given to another. You told me that obedience would double
their value. In the depths of my heart, I thought
the same thing, And since the zeal of a Carmelite
ought to embrace the whole world, I hope, with God's help,
to be of use to even more than two missionaries.
I pray for all, not forgetting our priests at home,
(03:47):
whose ministry is quite as difficult as that of the
missionary preaching to the heathen. In a word, I wish
to be a true daughter of the Church, like our
holy mother, Saint Teresa, and pray for all the intentions
of Christ's vicar. That is the one great aim of
my life. But just as I should have had a
special interest in my little brothers had they lived, and
(04:08):
that without neglecting the general interests of the church, so
now I unite myself in a special way to the
new brothers, whom Jesus has given me. All that I
possess is theirs. Also, God is too good to give
by halves. He is so rich that he gives me
all I ask for, even though I do not lose
myself in lengthy enumerations. As I have my two brothers
(04:30):
and my little sisters, the novices. The days would be
too short were I to ask in detail for the
needs of each soul, and I fear I might forget
something important. Simple souls cannot understand complicated methods, And as
I am one of their number, our Lord has inspired
me with a very simple way of fulfilling my obligations.
(04:50):
One day after Holy Communion, he made me understand. These
words of the canticles draw me. We will run after
thee to the odor of Thy ointment. Canticles one, verse three. Oh,
my Jesus, there is no need to say in drawing me,
draw also the souls that I love. These words draw
(05:10):
me suffice. When a soul has let herself be taken
captive by the inebriating odor of thy perfumes, she cannot
run alone. As a natural consequence of her attraction towards THEE,
the souls of all those she loves are drawn in
her train. Just as a torrent carries into the depths
of the sea all that it meets on its way, So,
(05:31):
my Jesus, does the soul who plunges into this shoreless
ocean of Thy love bring with it all its treasures.
My treasures are the souls it has pleased THEE to
unite with mine. Thou hast confided them to me, and
therefore I do not fear to use thy own words
uttered by THEE on the last night that saw THEE
still a traveler on this earth. Jesus is my beloved.
(05:54):
I know not when my exile will have an end.
Many a night I may yet sing thy mercies here belore,
But for me also will come the last night, and
then I shall be able to say I have glorified
THEE upon earth. I have finished the work which Thou
gavest to me. I have manifested thy name to the
men whom thou hast given me. Out of the world.
(06:15):
Thine they were, and to me Thou gavest them, and
they have kept thy word. Now they have known that
all things which thou hast given me are from THEE.
Because the words which thou gavest me I have given
to them, and they have received them, and have known
for certain that I came forth from THEE. And they
have believed that Thou didst send me. I pray for them.
(06:37):
I pray not for the world, but for them whom
thou hast given me, because they are Thine, and all
mine are thine, and thine are mine. And I am
glorified in them. And now I am no more in
the world. And these are in the world. And I
come to THEE, Holy Father, Keep them in thy name,
whom thou hast given me, that they may be one,
(06:59):
as we also are one. And now I come to THEE,
and these things I speak in the world, that they
may have my joy filled in themselves. I do not
ask that thou take them away out of the world,
but that thou preserve them from evil. They are not
of the world, as I also am not of the world.
And not for them only do I pray, but for
(07:21):
those also who through their words shall believe in me. Father,
I will that where I am, they also whom thou
hast given me, may be with me, that they may
see my glory which thou hast given me, because thou
hast loved me before the foundation of the world. And
I have made known thy name unto them, and will
make it known that the love wherewith thou hast loved me,
(07:44):
may be in them, and I in them. Footnote cross
reference John seventeen and footnote yea Lord, thus what I
repeat thy words before losing myself in thy loving embrace.
Perhaps it is daring, But for a long time hast
thou not allowed me to be daring with THEE. Thou
hast said to me, as the prodigal's father to his
(08:06):
eldest son, All I have is thine luke fifteen, verse
thirty one. And therefore I may use thy very own
words to draw down favors from our heavenly father on
all who are dear to me, My God. Thou knowest
that I have ever desired to love THEE alone. It
has been my only ambition. Thy love has gone before me,
(08:28):
even from the days of my childhood. It has grown
with my growth. And now it is an abyss whose
depths I cannot fathom. Love attracts love. Mine darts towards THEE,
and would fain make thee abyss brim over. But alas
it is not even as a dewdrop in the ocean,
to love THEE as thou lovest me, I must make
(08:48):
thy love mine own. Thus alone can I find rest
o my Jesus. It seems to me that thou couldest
not have overwhelmed a soul with more love than thou
hast poured out on mine. And that is why I
dare ask THEE to love those thou hast given me
even as thou lovest me. If in heaven I find
that thou lovest them more than thou lovest me, I
(09:11):
shall rejoice, for I acknowledge that their deserts are greater
than mine. But now I can conceive no love more
vast than that with which thou hast favored me. Without
any merit on my part, Dear mother, what I have
just written amazes me. I had no intention of writing it.
When I said the words which thou gavest me, I
(09:33):
have given unto them. I was thinking only of my
little sisters in the novitiate. I am not able to
teach missionaries, and the words I wrote for them were
from the prayer of our Lord. I do not ask
that thou shouldst take them out of the world. I
pray also for them, who, through their words shall believe
in THEE. How could I forget those souls they are
to win by their sufferings and exhortations. But I have
(09:56):
not told you all my thoughts on this passage of
the Sacred Canticle. Draw me we will run. Our Lord
has said no man can come to me, except the
Father who has sent me draw him John six, verse
forty four. And later he tells us that whosoever seeks
shall find, whosoever asks shall receive that unto him that knocks,
(10:19):
it shall be opened. And he adds that whatever we
ask the Father in his name shall be given us.
It was no doubt for this reason that long before
the birth of our Lord, the Holy Spirit dictated these
prophetic words, draw me. We will run by asking to
be drawn. We desire an intimate union with the object
of our love. If iron and fire were endowed with reason,
(10:42):
and the iron could say, draw me, would not that
prove its desire to be identified with the fire to
the point of sharing its substance. Well, this is precisely
my prayer. I ask Jesus to draw me into the
fire of his love, and to unite me so closely
to himself that he may live naped in me. I
feel that the more the fire of love consumes my
(11:03):
heart so much, the more shall I say, draw me.
And the more also will souls who draw near me
run swiftly in the sweet odor of the beloved. Yes,
they will run. We shall all run together, for souls
that are on fire can never be at rest. They may, indeed,
like Saint Mary Magdalene, sit at the feet of Jesus,
(11:25):
listening to his sweet and burning words. But though they
seem to give him nothing, they give much more than Martha,
who busied herself about many things. It is not Martha's
work that our Lord blames, but her over solicitude. His
blessed mother humbly occupied herself in the same kind of
work when she prepared the meals for the Holy Family.
(11:46):
All the saints have understood this, especially those who have
illumined the earth with the light of Christ's teaching. Was
it not from prayer that Saint Paul, Saint Augustine, Saint Thomas, Aquinas,
Saint John of the Cross, Saint Teresa, and so many
other friends of God drew that wonderful science which has
enthralled the loftiest minds. Give me a lover and a
(12:06):
fulcrum on which to lean, it said Archimedes, and I
will lift the world what he could not obtain because
his request had only a material end without reference to God.
The saints have obtained in all its fullness. They lean
on God Almighty's power itself and their lover is the
prayer that inflames with Love's fire. With this lover, they
(12:27):
have raised the world with this lover. The saints of
the Church militant still raise it and will raise it
to the end of time. Dear Mother, I have still
to tell you what I understand by the sweet odor
of the Beloved. As our Lord is now in heaven,
I can only follow him by the footprints he has left,
footprints full of life, full of fragrance. I have only
(12:49):
to open the Holy Gospels, and at once I breathe
the perfume of Jesus, and I then know which way
to run. And it is not to the first place,
but to the last that I hasten. I leave the
Pharisee to go up, and full of confidence, I repeat
the humble prayer of the Publican. Above all, I follow
Magdalen for the amazing. Rather, I should say, the loving
(13:11):
audacity that delights the heart of Jesus has cast its
spell upon me. It is not because I have been
preserved from mortal sin that I lift up my heart
to God in trust and love. I feel that, even
had I on my conscience every crime one could commit,
I should lose nothing of my confidence, my heart broken
(13:31):
with sorrow, I would throw myself into the arms of
my Savior. I know that he loves the prodigal son.
I have heard his words to Saint Mary Magdalene, to
the woman taken in adultery, and to the woman of Samaria.
No one could frighten me, for I know what to
believe concerning his mercy and his love. And I know
that all that multitude of sins would disappear in an instant,
(13:53):
even as a drop of water cast into a flaming furnace.
It is told in the lives of the Fathers of
the Death how one of them converted a public sinner
whose evil deeds were the scandal of the whole country.
This wicked woman, touched by grace, follow the Saint into
the desert, there to perform rigorous penance. But on the
(14:14):
first night of the journey, before even reaching the place
of her retirement, the bonds that bound her to earth
were broken by the vehemence of her loving sorrow. The
Holy Man at the same instant saw her soul borne
my angels to the bosom of God. This is a
striking example of what I want to say. But these
things cannot be expressed dearest Mother. If weak and imperfect
(14:37):
souls like mine felt what I feel, none would despair
of reaching the summit of the mountain of love. Since
Jesus does not ask for great deeds, but only for
gratitude and self surrender. He says, I will not take
the hegos from out of the flocks, for all the
beasts of the forests are mine, the cattle on the hills,
and the oxen. I know all the fowls of the air.
(15:00):
If I were hungry, I would not tell thee for
the world is mine and the fullness thereof. Shall I
eat the flesh of bullets? Or shall I drink the
blood of goats? Offer to God the sacrifice of praise
and thanksgiving, Psalm forty nine fifty, verses nine through fourteen.
This is all our Lord claims from us. He has
(15:21):
need of our love. He has no need of our works.
The same God who declares that he has no need
to tell us if he be hungry, did not disdain
to beg a little water from the Samaritan woman. He
was a thirst But when he said, give me to
drink John four, verse seven, he the creator of the universe,
(15:42):
asked for the love of his creature, he thirsted for love,
and this thirst of our Divine Lord was ever on
the increase. Amongst the disciples of the world, he meets
with nothing but indifference and ingratitude, and alas among his own,
how few hearts surrender themselves without reserve to the infinite
tenderness of His love. Happy are we, who are privileged
(16:04):
to understand the inmost secrets of our divine spouse. If you,
dear mother, would but set down in writing all you know,
what wonders could you not unfold? But like our blessed lady,
you prefer to keep all these things in your heart.
Footnote cross reference Luke two, verse nineteen, and footnote to me,
(16:24):
you say that it is honorable to reveal and confess
the world of God Tobias twelve, verse seven. Yet you
are right to keep silence, for no earthly words can
convey the secrets of Heaven. As for me, in spite
of all I have written, I have not as yet begun.
I see so many beautiful horizons, such infinitely varied tints,
(16:46):
that the pellet of the Divine painter will alone, after
the darkness of this life, be able to supply me
with the colors, wherewith I may portray the wonders that
my soul descries. Since, however, you have expressed a desire
to penetrate into the hidden sanctuary of my heart, and
to have in writing what was the most consoling dream
of my life, I will end this story of my
(17:07):
soul by an act of obedience, if you will allow me.
It is to Jesus I will address myself, for in
this way I shall speak more easily. You may find
my expression somewhat exaggerated, but I assure you there is
no exaggeration in my heart. There all is calm and peace.
Oh my Jesus, who can say how tenderly and gently
(17:28):
thou dost lead my soul? The storm had raged there
ever since Easter, the glorious feast of Thy triumph, until
in the month of May, there shone through the darkness
of my night one bright ray of grace. My mind
dwelt on mysterious dreams sent sometimes to Thy favored ones,
And I thought how such a consolation was not to
(17:49):
be mine? That for me it was night, always the
dark night, in the midst of the storm. I fell asleep.
The following day, May tenth, just at dawn I dreamt
that I was walking in a gallery alone with our mother. Suddenly,
without knowing how they had entered, I perceived three carmelites
in mantles and long veils, and I knew they came
(18:10):
from heaven. Ah. I thought how glad I should be
if I could but look on the face of one
of these Carmelites, And as if my wish had been heard,
I saw the tallest of the three saints advanced towards me.
An inexpressible joy took possession of me as she raised
her veil and then covered me with it. At once
I recognized our Venerable Mother, Anne of Jesus, foundress of
(18:33):
the carmel in France footnote The Venerable Mother Anne of
Jesus in the world. Anne of Lobera was born in
Spain in fifteen forty five. She entered the Carmelie order
in fifteen seventy in the first convent of Saint Joseph
of Babyla, and shortly afterwards became the councilor and coadjutor
of Saint Teresa, who called her her daughter, and her
(18:56):
crown Saint John of the Cross, who was her spiritual
director for fourteen years described her as a seraph incarnate,
and her prudence and sanctity were held in such esteem
that most learned men consulted her in their doubts and
accepted her answers as oracles. She was always faithful to
the spirit of Saint Theresa, and had received from heaven
(19:16):
the mission to restore the caramel to its primitive perfection.
Having founded three convents of the reform in Spain, she
established one in France and another in Belgium. She died
in the odor of Sanctity in the Caramel of Brussels
on March fourth, sixteen twenty one. On May threeh eighteen
seventy eight, his Holiness Pope Leo the thirteenth signed the
(19:37):
decree introducing the cause of her beatification. En footnote. Her
face was beautiful, with an unearthly beauty. No rays came
from it, and yet in spite of the thick veil
which enveloped us, I could see it suffused by a
soft light which seemed to emanate from her heavenly countenance.
She caressed me tenderly, and seeing myself the object of
(19:59):
such effect, I made bold to say, dear Mother, I
entreat you tell me. Will our Lord leave me much
longer in this world? Will he not soon come to
fetch me? She smiled sweetly and answered, yes, soon, very soon,
I promise you, dear mother, I said again, tell me
if he does not want more from me than these
(20:21):
poor little acts and desires that I offer him, is
he pleased with me? Then our venerable Mother's face shone
with a new splendor, and her expression became still more gracious.
The Good God asked no more of you. She said,
he is pleased, quite pleased, and taking my head between
her hands, she kissed me so tenderly that it would
(20:41):
be impossible to describe the joy I felt. My heart
was overflowing with gladness, and remembering my sisters, I was
about to beseeched some favor for them when alas I awoke.
My happiness was too great for words. Many months have
passed since I had this wonderful dream, and yet its
memory is as fresh and delightful as ever. I can
(21:04):
still picture the loving smiles of this holy carmelite and
feel her fond caresses. Oh Jesus, Thou didst command the
winds and the storm, and there came a great calm
Matthew eight, verse ten. On waking, I realize that heaven
does indeed exist, and that this heaven is peopled with
souls who cherish me as their child. And this impression
(21:25):
still remains with me all the sweeter because up to
that time I had but little devotion to the venerable
Mother Anne of Jesus. I had never sought her help,
and but rarely heard her name. And now I know
and understand how constantly I was in her thoughts, And
the knowledge adds to my love for her and for
all the dear ones in my father's home, Oh, my beloved,
(21:47):
this was but the prelude of graces yet greater, which
Thou didst desire to heap upon me. Let me remind
THEE of them to day, and forgive my folly if
I venture to tell THEE once more of my hopes
and my heart's well nigh infinite longings. Forgive me and
grant my desire, that it may be well with my
soul to be thy spouse, O my Jesus, to be
(22:09):
a daughter of Carmel, and by my union with THEE,
to be the mother of souls. Should not all this
content me and yet other vocations make themselves felt. I
feel called to the priesthood and to the apostolate. I
would be a martyr, a doctor of the church. I
should like to accomplish the most heroic deeds. The spirit
of the Crusader burns within me, and I long to
(22:31):
die on the fields of battle in defense of Holy Church.
The vocation of a priest with what love, my Jesus,
would I bear THEE in my hand when my words
brought THEE down from heaven? With what love would I
give THEE to souls? And Yet, while longing to be
a priest, I admire and envy the humility of Saint
Francis of Assizi, and am drawn to imitate him by
(22:53):
refusing the sublime dignity of the priesthood. Footnote Saint Francis
of ASSIZI, out of humility, refuse to accept the sublime
dignity of the priesthood and remained a deacon until his
death editor and footnote How reconcile these opposite tendencies, Like
the prophets and doctors, I would be a light unto souls.
(23:14):
I would travel to every land to preach thy name, O,
my beloved, and raise on heathen soil, the glorious standard
of thy cross. One mission alone would not satisfy my longings.
I would spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth,
even to the most distant isles. I would be a missionary,
not for a few years only, but were it possible,
(23:35):
from the beginning of the world to the consummation of time.
Above all, I thirst for the martyr's crown. It was
the desire of my earliest days, and the desire has
deepened with the years passed in the carmel's narrow cell.
But this too is folly, since I do not sigh
for one torment. I need them all to slake my thirst.
(23:55):
Like thee o adorable spouse, I would be scourged. I
will be crucified. I would be flayed like Saint Bartholomeule,
plunged into boiling oil, like Saint John, or like Saint
Ignatius of Antioch, ground by the teeth of wild beasts
into a bread worthy of God. Footnote an allusion to
the beautiful words of the martyr Saint Ignatius of Antioch
(24:18):
uttered when he heard the roar of the lions in
the Roman arena. I am the wheat of Christ, let
me be ground by the teeth of the wild beasts,
that I may become clean bread, editor and footnote. With
Saint Agnes and Saint Cecilia, I would offer my neck
to the sword of the executioner, and like Joan of
arc I would murmur the name of Jesus at the stake.
(24:41):
My heart thrills at the thought of the frightful tortures
Christians are to suffer at the time of Antichrist, and
I long to undergo them. All. Open, o Jesus, the
Book of Life, in which are written the deeds of
Thy saints, all the deeds told in that book I
long to have accomplished. For THEE to such folly as this,
What anat answer wilt thou make? Is there on the
(25:02):
face of this earth a soul more feeble than mine.
And yet precisely because I am feeble, it has delighted
THEE to accede to my least and most childlike desires.
And to day it is thy good pleasure to realize
those other desires more vast than the universe, these aspirations,
becoming my true martyrdom. I open one day the epistles
(25:23):
of Saint Paul to seek relief in my sufferings. My
eyes fell on the twelfth and thirteenth chapters of the
First Epistles to the Corinthians. I read that all cannot
be apostles, prophets, and doctors, that the Church is composed
of different members, that the eye cannot also be the hand.
The answer was clearer, but it did not fulfill my
desires or give me the peace I sought. Then, descending
(25:46):
into the depths of my nothingness, I was so lifted
up that I reached my aim Saint John of the Cross,
without being discouraged. I read on and found comfort in
this council. Be zealous for the better gifts, and I
shall show unto you a yet more excellent way one
Corinthians twelve, verse thirty one. The apostle then explains how
(26:07):
all perfect gifts are nothing without love, that charity is
the most excellent way of going surely to God. At last,
I had found rest. Meditating on the mystical body of
the Holy Church. I could not recognize myself among any
of its members, as described by Saint Paul. Or was
it not rather that I wished to recognize myself in all?
Charity provided me with the key to my vocation. I
(26:30):
understood that, since the Church is a body composed of
different members, the noblest and most important of all the
organs would not be wanting. I knew that the Church
has a heart, that this heart burns with love, and
that it is love alone which gives life to its members.
I knew that if this love were extinguished, the apostles
would no longer preach the Gospel, and the martyrs would
(26:51):
refuse to shed their blood. I understood that love embraces
all vocations, that it is all things, and that it
reaches out through all the ages and to the uttermost
limits of the earth, because it is eternal. Then beside
myself with joy, I cried out, Oh Jesus, my love.
At last, I have found my vocation. My vocation is love. Yes,
(27:14):
I have found my place in the bosom of the church.
And this place, O, my God, thou hast thyself given
to me in the heart of the Church, my Mother,
I will be love. Thus I shall be all things.
Thus will my dream be realized. Why do I say
I am beside myself with joy? This does not convey
my thought. Rather, it is peace which has become my portion,
(27:38):
the calm piece of the sailor when he catches sight
of the beacon which lights him to port O luminous
beacon of love. I know how to come even unto thee.
I have found the means of borrowing thy fires. I
am but a weak and helpless child. Yet it is
my very weakness which makes me dare to offer myself,
Oh Jesus, as victim to thy love. In olden days,
(28:01):
pure and spotless holocausts alone were acceptable to the omnipotent God.
Nor could his justice be appeased save by the most
perfect sacrifices. But the law of fear has given place
to the law of love, and Love has chosen me,
a weak and imperfect creature, as its victim. Is not
such a choice worthy of God's love, yea, For in
(28:22):
order that love may be fully satisfied, it must stoop
even unto nothingness, and must transform that nothingness into fire. O,
my God, I know it. Love is repaid by love alone,
Saint John of the Cross. Therefore I have sought. I
have found how to ease my heart by rendering thee
love for love. Use the riches that make men unjust
(28:45):
to find you friends who may receive you into everlasting dwellings.
Footnote cross reference Luke sixteen verse nine, and footnote This, O, Lord,
is the advice thou gavest to thy disciples. After complaining
that the children of this world are wiser in their
generation than the children of Light Luke sixteen verse eight,
(29:05):
Child of Light, as I am, I understood that my
desires to be all things and to embrace all vocations
were riches that might well make me unjust. So I
set to work to use them for the making of friends.
Mindful of the prayer of Elysius when he asked the
prophet Elias for his double spirit, I presented myself before
the company of the angels and saints and addressed them, Thus,
(29:28):
I am the least of all creatures. I know my
mean estate, but I know that noble and generous hearts
love to do good. Therefore, Oh, blessed inhabitants of the
celestial City, I entreat you to adopt me as your child.
All the glory that you help me to acquire will
be yours. Only. Deign to hear my prayer and obtain
for me a double portion of the love of God. Oh,
(29:51):
my God, I cannot measure the extent of my request,
I should fear to be crushed by the very weight
of its audacity. My only excuse is my claim to childhood,
and that children do not grasp the full meaning of
their words. Yet, if a father or mother were on
the throne and possess vast treasures, they would not hesitate
to grant the desires of those little ones more dear
(30:13):
to them than life itself. To give them pleasure, They
will stoop even unto folly Well. I am a child
of holy Church, and the Church is a queen because
she is now espoused to the divine King of kings.
I ask not for riches or glory, not even the
glory of heaven that belongs by right to my brothers,
the angels and saints. And my own glory shall be
(30:35):
the radiance that streams from the queenly brow of my mother,
the Church. Nay, I ask for love. To love THEE
Jesus is now my only desire. Great deeds are not
for me. I cannot preach the gospel or shed my blood,
no matter. My brothers work in my stead, and I
a little child, shall stay close to the throne and
(30:56):
love THEE. For all who are in the strife But
how shall well I show my love? Since love proves
itself by deeds. Well, the little child will strew flowers.
She will embrace the divine throne with their fragrance. She
will sing Love's canticle and silvery tones. Yes, my beloved,
it is thus my short life shall be spent in
thy sight. The only way I have approving my love
(31:19):
is to strew flowers before THEE. That is to say,
I will let no tiny sacrifice pass, no look, no word.
I wish to profit by the smallest actions, and to
do them for love. I wish to suffer for love's sake,
and for love's sake even to rejoice. Thus I shall
strew flowers. Not one shall I find without scattering its
(31:40):
petals before THEE. And I will sing. I will sing always,
even if my roses must be gathered from amidst thorns,
and the longer and sharper the thorns, the sweeter shall
be my song. But of what avail to THEE, my Jesus,
are my flowers and my songs. I know it well.
This fragrant shower, these delicate petals of little price, these
(32:02):
songs of love from a poor little heart like mine,
will nevertheless be pleasing unto THEE. Trifles they are, but
thou wilt smile on them. The Church, triumphant, stooping towards
her child, will gather up these scattered rose leaves, and,
placing them in thy divine hands, there to acquire an
infinite value, will shower them on the Church, suffering to
(32:24):
extinguish its flames, and on the Church militant to obtain
its victory. Oh, my Jesus, I love THEE. I love
my mother the Church. I bear in mind that the
least act of pure love is of more value to
her than all other works together, Saint John of the Cross,
But is this pure love really in my heart? Are
(32:44):
not my boundless desires but dreams but foolishness? If this
be so, I beseech THEE to enlighten me. Thou knowest
I seek but the truth. If my desires be rash,
then deliver me from them and from this most grievous
of all myne martyrdoms. And yet I confess, if I
reach not those heights to which my soul aspires, this
(33:06):
very martyrdom, this foolishness will have been sweeter to me
than eternal bliss will be unless by a miracle thou
shouldst take from me all memory of the hopes I
entertained upon earth. Jesus, Jesus, If the mere desire of
thy love awakens such delight, what will it be to
possess it, to enjoy it forever? How can a soul
(33:27):
so imperfect as mine aspire to the plenitude of love?
What is the key of this mystery? O, my only friend,
Why dost thou not reserve these infinite longings to lofty souls,
to the eagles as sore in the heights? Alas I
am but a poor, little, unfledged bird, I am not
an eagle. I have but the eagle's eyes and heart.
(33:47):
Yet notwithstanding my exceeding littleness, I dare to gaze upon
the divine Son of Love, and I burn to dart
upwards unto him. I would fly, I would imitate the eagles.
But all that I can do is to lift up
my little wings. It is beyond my feeble power to soar.
What is to become of me? Must I die of
sorrow because of my helplessness? Oh? No, I will not
(34:11):
even grieve with daring self abandonment. There I will remain
until death my gaze fixed upon that divine sun, nothing
shall affright me, nor wind, nor rain. And should impenetrable
clouds conceal the orbled love? And should I seem to
believe that beyond this life there is only darkness? That
would be the hour of perfect joy, the hour in
(34:32):
which to push my confidence to its uttermost bounds. I
should not dare to detach my gaze, well, knowing that
beyond the dark clouds the sweet sun still shines so far, O,
my God, I understand thy love for thee, But thou
knowest how often I forget this my only care. I
stray from thy side, and my scarcely fledged wings become
(34:53):
draggled in the muddy pools of earth. Then I lament
like a young swallow Isaiah thirty eight, verse four thirteen.
And my lament tells thee all, And I remember, o
infinite mercy, that thou didst not come to call the
just but sinners Matthew nine, verse fifteen. Yet shouldst thou
still be deaf to the plaintive cries of thy feeble creature,
(35:15):
shouldst thou still be veiled, then I am content to
remain benumbed with cold, My wings be draggled, and once
more I rejoice in this well deserved suffering, O, Son,
my only love. I am happy to feel myself so small,
so frail, in thy sunshine, and I am in peace.
I know that all the eagles of thy celestial court
(35:37):
have pity on me. They guard and defend me. They
put to flight the vultures, the demons that fain would
devour me. I fear them, not these demons. I am
not destined to be their prey, but the prey of
the Divine Eagle, Oh eternal word, O my Savior, Thou
art the divine Eagle whom I love, who lurest me. Thou, who,
(36:00):
sending to this land of exile, diswill to suffer and
to die in order to bear away the souls of
men and plunge them into the very heart of the
blessed Trinity, Love's eternal home. Thou, who reascending into inaccessible light,
dost still remain concealed here in our veil of tears,
under the snow white semblance of the host. And this
(36:21):
to nourish me with Thine own substance. Oh Jesus, forgive
me if I tell thee that thy love reacheth even
unto folly. And in face of this folly, what wilt
thou but that my heart leap up to thee. How
could my trust have any limits? I know that the
saints have made themselves as fools for thy sake. Being eagles,
they have done great things. I am too little for
(36:43):
great things, and my folly. It is to hope that
Thy love accepts me as victim my folly. It is
to count on the aid of angels and saints, in
order that I may fly unto thee with thine own wings, Oh,
my divine Eagle. For as long as the time as
thou will, I shall remain my eyes fixed upon thee.
I long to be allured by thy divine eyes. I
(37:06):
would become Love's pray. I have the hope that Thou
wilt one day swoop down upon me and bearing me
away to the source of all love. Thou wilt plunge
me at last into the glowing abyss, that I may
become forever its happy victim. Oh Jesus, would that I
could tell all little souls of thine ineffable condescension. I
(37:28):
feel that, if by any possibility Thou couldst find one
weaker than my own, Thou wouldst take delight in loading
her with still greater favors, provided that she abandoned herself
with entire confidence to Thine infinite mercy. But, O, my spouse,
why these desires of mine to make known the secrets
of thy love? Is it not thyself alone who hast
(37:49):
taught them to me? And canst thou not unveil them
to others? YEA, I know it, And this I implore THEE.
I entreat THEE to let thy divine eyes rest upon
a vast number of little souls. I entreat THEE to
choose in this world a legion of little victims of
thy love. End of Chapter eleven.
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