Fresh Starts and Fun Goals: Reset Your Mindset for 2024

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, beautiful people, what's up? So New Year's Eve means
different things to different people. You might be geared up,
ready to go tomorrow your whole life is going to change,
or you're like, forget it. I never do New Year's resolutions.
It's over. There's a happy middle, there's a medium, there's
a gray area that you can live in happily. And
I'm going to show you all about it today. So

(00:21):
relax and settle in and listen up because your stress
therapy session is about to begin right now, Hey, beautiful people,

(00:43):
it's time for some stress therapy, a podcast about how
to meditate and get better at stress for people living
in the real world. Finally a place to park by
twenty five plus years of experience of working as a
psychotherapist in the mental health field, and now your host
me the stress therapist Sherry Flake. Hey, beautiful people, what's up. Okay,

(01:17):
we're gonna talk about New Year's resolutions. Do not hang up,
do not turn this off, do not walk away. Give
me a chance to show you how New Year's resolutions
cannot only work, but they can actually be fun. Okay,
the way that we've been going about New Year's resolutions,
you're absolutely right if you've given up on them, or

(01:38):
if you're like gung ho but like secretly nulled that
by like January twentieth, you're gonna be miserable and sad
and feel bad about things. You're probably in your twenties,
but if you're older than that and you have lost
a little bit of hope, it's only because you've been
going about it all wrong. The way that we've been
brought up to think about New Year's resolutions is just weird. Like,

(01:58):
first of all, we think that something match happens on
January first. Nothing magical happens on January first. You will
not magically be someone who runs two miles three times
a week if you are not running at all right now.
That is the same thing as saying I am going
to be playing Jimmy Hendricks licks on January first this year,
even though I have never picked up a guitar. It's

(02:19):
not reasonable. Even though your body could physically do it,
it won't do it for long. You will be injured,
you will have your brain talking you're out of it.
Your ego will get all riled up, and you will
stop doing it, and you will not feel good about it.
And after about twenty or thirty years of that, you're
gonna be like, I'm not doing it anymore. However, there

(02:40):
are some really cool ways to make New Year's resolutions
work for you and to make them fun. I mean,
come on, let's think about this. Let's seriously think about
New Year's resolutions for a second. They are ridiculous. I
talk about them on radio, I talk about them on TV.
People have me on their shows talking about it all
the time. The first thing you need to do is
rethink what a New Year's resolution is. Okay, First of all,

(03:04):
it starts on an arbitrary day. I do not care
what anyone thinks is happening on January first. There is
nothing magical that day. There might be something magical in
the stars or in the skies, or how the planets
are aligning or something like that, but you might have
better luck looking into that those types of facts, where
the stars are, how the seasons are working, whatever your horoscope,

(03:27):
rather than just by going by January first, Okay, like
it is just a day. You can start with my
clients who are learning how to meditate every day. I
was talking to a client yesterday and we were talking
about how she was going to add a minute or
thirty seconds to her practice so she can ease up
and move up the timing on how long her practice is.

(03:50):
You want to do that very gradually, so we only
do it at thirty second thirty second intervals sometimes or
one minute intervals over long periods of time, so your
brain sort of allows it doesn't really notice it happening.
And we decided that we would always do those on Fridays. Okay,
so the idea of starting something new on a Friday
doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Starting something

(04:10):
new on Monday, all of a sudden, feels like pressure.
It feels different on January first, on Monday after the holidays.
Quote after the holidays, Oh my gosh, why are we
putting so much pressure on ourselves after the holidays? If
do you think so magical time slot is gonna open
up after the holidays. When people say, hey, let's get
together after the holidays, I'm like, what are you doing

(04:31):
right now? What are you doing today? What are you
doing tomorrow? You're gonna eat launching me? Come on after
the holidays. I mean, if some magical, huge time slot
opens up after the holidays, you are going to Puerto Rico.
You are not gonna catch up on this and watch
this show and call this person and all this stuff.
I mean, come on, let's be realistic. So all that aside,
all that crazy old school thinking aside. Let's think new.

(04:55):
Let's be different. Let's decide that instead of New Year's
Eve or New Year's Day or the whole year or
however we're thinking about it, because really it is just
an arbitrary day that someone's picked and decided that you're
going to magically change that day, okay, and we already
know that that does not really happen. Okay, So a
different way to think about it, rather than thinking about
it as a huge to do list that you never

(05:18):
get to totally and completely, which feels terrible and then
stares you in the face all year long. That's the
other thing. It's a year. It's a whole year that
you get to feel bad about what you didn't do
at the beginning of the year, and then next year
you tried again, whatever, whatever. We're not doing that anymore.
We're changing that today. It's different, okay, Rather than think
about it is to do this that we feel bad

(05:40):
about and we're not completing. Why not think of it
like this. By the end of twenty twenty five, I
will have tried blank, I will have gone blank, I
will have finished blank, I will have started blank. I
will have done this particular thing this many times, like

(06:01):
something that you can count up and then at the
end of each month or the beginning of each month,
or at the middle of each month, you have a
check in. Have I addressed this thing? If I want
to be running one mile? Okay, and keep it real, dude,
keep it small. You have your whole life to make
running a habit. You have your whole life to make

(06:22):
meditation a habit. You have your whole life to make
eating carrots instead of birthday cake your habit or whatever
it is. Don't make it so incredibly difficult. Be kind
to yourself. Pretend like you're doing it for your friend. Okay,
So by the end of twenty twenty five, I want
to be running a mile three times a week or
two miles three times a week. Okay. What do you

(06:44):
need to do in January? Well, maybe buy some shoes. Okay,
so let's make our to do list fun. I want
to go buy shoes. I don't know about you guys.
But when I was little, I went shoe shopping with
my mom all the time. It doesn't seem like Southerners
do that. Now that I live in the Southern United States,
I never hear about shoe shopping when I was little.
We want you shopping all the time. Anyway, put something
on that list that's fun to do, Okay. Now, this

(07:08):
implies that running two miles three times a week is
something that's in your heart of hearts, that's gonna light
you up, that's gonna make you happy. If you were
actually doing that thing, you would be happy. And that
is where a lot of stress comes from. When we're
not doing the thing that we wish we were doing
with regularity, it's not in our life with regularity, we
get down. We want to be able to see our

(07:29):
friends more often, we want to be able to go
out to dinner more often. We want to, I don't know,
take a painting class, or do something that we feel
lights us up, and when we're not doing it, it
does cause stress. However, it implies that when you come
up with one of these resolutions, the implication is you
want that thing, You like that thing, so why not

(07:50):
make it as fun as humanly possible. Why does it
have to be like a punishment every damn day for
a year? Man? I mean maybe in dead you could
check it in the middle of January and be like, Oh,
did I buy shoes? If not, it's time to buy
some shoes. Did I buy a jog bra or a
wiki shirt or whatever I need in order to make

(08:11):
running more helpful? Did I subscribe to a running magazine
or blog. Did I call or hang out with or
start a group chat with my friends that already run
and might be able to help me with that. Do
I need a dog to run with me or whatever? Okay,
I don't know. I'm not a runner, but this is
I use this example all the time because it's a
really popular New Year's resolution and a lot of people

(08:33):
are runners, and when they do run, they are happier people.
And that is why you picked it. So you have
to pick happy stuff around it, Like just with your
regular to do list, If you have a long list
of crappy things to do in one day, it's going
to be kind of a miserable day. I always suggest
that people put on that list some things that might
be really fun, like space out on wordle for five minutes.

(08:57):
Put that on your list of things to do, your list,
your agenda. Your life does not need to be filled
with productivity items that you can cross off, things that
you've finished, things that are hard, things you've been putting off.
You can put fun things on there. You can put
shop on my favorite website or Peru's next year's vacations

(09:21):
or whatever. It can be fun stuff. It doesn't have
to be terrible in order for it to be helpful.
Look at it differently. So that would be the first thing.
Look at the year differently. By the end of that year?
What do you want to be doing? And I do
have a podcast I think called New Year's Resolutionist's Mistake
and how we look at New Ye's Secialists, and I

(09:42):
get really, you know, very detailed about that. But with this,
with this New Year's Eve, I want you to just
look at it lighter. Because I got some news this
week about a horrific tragedy where someone that lives in
my neighborhood is about to embar on their first holiday season.

(10:03):
I'm recording this before Christmas time without a member of
their family who was really young. They lost a really
young member of their family and this was a preventable tragedy.
And you don't know what's gonna happen in twenty twenty five.
Every single day on this earth is a gift. None
of us get out alive. And you don't know how

(10:26):
things are gonna change, what's gonna go down, if it's
good or bad, what's gonna happen, how it's all gonna
morph into the most amazing year or day or moment,
or if you're gonna have good luck or bad luck,
or you have no idea how things are gonna go down,
And so seize the very day, seize the very moment
that you're in by celebrating how amazing you are that

(10:49):
you even want to make your life better. Because I
don't want you to look at New Yar's resolutions and say,
I don't do that anymore. It's ridiculous. I don't do
that and give up and feel bad about it, because
I've never met anybody who's like out of jen New
Year's reslue anymore with that that feels good about it,
They feel bad about it. Right, I don't want you
to feel bad about anything. You're doing amazing. You're doing

(11:09):
the best you can with the resources and time, and
limitations and abundance that you have. And it's time now
to be a little kinder to ourselves, to congratulate ourselves,
not by saying I'm doing better than that person, or
that person is toxic, and that person is this, and

(11:30):
all this judgment that goes outward and inward and all
the way around. I mean, can't we just keep it light?
Be kind to you. You are beautiful and amazing and wonderful,
and yeah it is just like everyone else that's beautiful
and amazing and wonderful, but not in the way that
you are, you know. With respect to value, yeah we're

(11:53):
all the same. We're all valued the same in the Earth's,
in the ether, god, whatever. But you have certain gifts
and loveliness to contribute to this earth. And you don't
have to wait till a magical day. You don't have
to wait till tomorrow. You don't have to wait till
later on. You don't have to make excuses why you're

(12:14):
not doing things. You don't have to defend yourself, you
don't need to armor yourself going into it. Take it
a little bit lighter. Use your sense of humor that
I know that you have. Be super kind to yourself
and see what happens and just kind of put a
little something out there that you want to make your

(12:35):
life better because hopefully you will live long, long, long,
prosperous years ahead. They're all ahead of you. That is
the goal, right, And so maybe this year you just
make yourself a little bit better than you used to
be in one part of your life or experience, and
then after a while, a little bit better, a little

(12:57):
bit better, a little bit better, and then you look
and you're like, oh my god, gosh, I am a
lot better. I am a lot better. Not better than
someone else, but just better than I used to be.
And that is the magic of January. First. So let's
meditate together with this new you, this new way of
thinking about it, this lighter way of looking at it,

(13:18):
this kinder, more gentle way of handling yourself. Your ideas,
your hopes and dreams and goals. Hang on to those,
don't give them up. Just look at them for what
they are. They're your gifts that are dying to come out.
So you have to honor that. You know, even if
you give up on your desires, they're not going to
give up on you. It's going to keep coming back.

(13:38):
So figure out how you can make it small, how
you can make it fun. Why is this book still
bugging you? Why is this habit still wanting to come
into your life? Why is this trip still on your mind?
It's a part of who you are. It's probably not
going to go away. So how can you make it
happen in a loving, wonderful way rather than in a

(13:59):
punish and pass or fail type of thing. You know
what I mean? Keep it light, keep it kind, keep
it all you and yours. Okay, we're gonna take a
quick break and the moon meditate together. Find a comfortable

(14:39):
sitting position. Allow your head to saddle, your brow to settle,
the muscles around your eyes and ears and jaw and
neck to settle. Coming down around the tops of your

(15:01):
shoulders and your right bicep and tryceup your right elbow
and forearm and wrist and hand and fingers. Coming over
to your left bicep and tricep and elbow, your left
forearm and wrist and hand and all of your fingers.

(15:26):
Allow your heart center to settle, everything inside your beautiful
rib basket to settle, and your belly and everything around
your belly to settle. Your upper back, coming down your spine,

(15:48):
settling in your middle back and lower back and bottom,
your right thigh and knee and right to shin and
calf and ankle and foot, and all of the toes
on your right foot coming down your left thigh and

(16:10):
knee and left shining calf and ankle and foot, and
all of the toes on your left foot. Your whole head, relaxing,
breathing in, breathing out, your whole right arm, your whole

(16:38):
left arm, your whole torso, your whole right leg, your
whole left leg, your whole upper body, your whole lower body,

(17:07):
your entire body, your whole body. Allow yourself to do
a body scan and find anything that might need settling,
anything that might need an extra breath in with attention

(17:27):
and focus, breathing out, with relaxation and letting go. In
your mind's eye, I want you to see a beautiful
golden ball of light floating right next to your body,
And as you breathe in, you can actually see this

(17:49):
golden light come through the ether, comes through the air
and into your body, bring with it peace and calm
and tranquility. With every breath. You don't have to breathe

(18:10):
any differently, just knowing that you're breathing in this magical
golden ball of light that brings peace, that brings love,
that brings calm, and just notice and become curious about

(18:38):
any way your body is changing breathing in this golden
ball of light. I'm going to leave you for a
few moments with your magical, heavenly divine ball of golden light,

(19:00):
breathing in, breathing out, and I'll be back to guide you.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Out, said.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
Sp I want you to imagine that this golden ball

(25:31):
of light now contains something you want, a desire, you have,
an activity you want to try, a place you want
to go, something you want to be, have, do, whatever
it is you continue to breathid in inhale this manifestation

(25:59):
of what whatever it is you desire, whatever it is
that you want in your life, to make it better, happier,
more joyful, blissful, whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
Breathe it in, breathe it out, breathethed in, breathing out,
breathing in, breathe it out.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
And allow this golden ball of light to just fall
away from your awareness, slowly moving into the ether, knowing
that you can bring it back into your awareness anytime
with just the thought of it, the idea of it,
and as it slowly fades away, release all your breath

(27:09):
and take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose,
letting it all go out of your mouth. And take
another long, slow, deep breath in your nose, releasing this
breath as well out of your mouth, and one last cleansing, awakening,

(27:37):
clearing breath in your nose and let it all go
out of your mouth, and when you're ready you can
open your beautiful eyes. Okay. I hope that was helpful

(27:57):
for you and that you're able to look ahead, which
is you know, really a delusion anyway. There's nothing to
look ahead to. Nothing's going to happen this year. Nothing's
going to happen tomorrow. Nothing's going to happen in January.
Nothing's going to happen in twenty twenty five. It's all
going to happen now with a capital N. And if

(28:21):
you are not in it to win it in this
very moment, it's going to be one more year that
flies by, or maybe brings you negative feelings because you're
not keeping that in check, or another year that fails
to bring you the focus that you need. In order
to make whatever little changes that you want in your
life to come to their fruition, and it doesn't have

(28:43):
to be on anyone else's terms. If everybody loves pickleball,
you still don't need to play. If you absolutely love watercolor,
then you just have a goal of taking two or
three classes by the end of twenty twenty five, and
you have little monthly check ins to make sure sure
that you are honoring that beautiful part of yourself that

(29:04):
wants to learn how to water color or that's really
good at it, or the owl that you want to paint,
or whatever it is. Be kinder to yourself, Be patient
with yourself. Remind yourself that the moment that you're in
is the only one that's real, So don't miss it
by thinking about lamenting about last year, worrying about next year.

(29:29):
Be in the very moment you're in. Chances are it's
quite lovely, all right, I love you, have a lovely,
lovely day. How y'all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good? Awesome?
Check out the show notes to connect with me the
Stress Therapist on social media, at the stress Therapist on

(29:50):
Instagram and at stress Therapy on Twitter. You can always
go to I Loovethapy dot com to find out about
meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there.
If you live in Georgia and you're ready to be
one of my clients, go to my website to find
out how you can sign up for a free face
to face consultation with me. At the very least jump
by my mailer so you don't stress or miss one

(30:12):
thing until next time. Have a lovely, lovely day,

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