July 1, 2025 • 58 mins
Download the New Book: 3 Principles of Strategic Living | CLICK HERE
You’re not stuck because you’re lazy; you’re stuck because you’re loyal to an old way of thinking. In this episode, Courtney and Erica unpack one of the most dangerous, overlooked roadblocks to growth: the belief that you already know what it takes to change. Whether it’s in your marriage, your faith, or your goals, too many people bring familiar thinking into unfamiliar territory and wonder why they keep hitting a wall.
We explore how pride in your current mindset can quietly sabotage your next level, why unlearning is just as powerful as learning, and how to recognize when it’s time to retire a belief that no longer serves you. You’ll hear real-world examples, biblical insight, and coaching-based reflections designed to challenge your comfort zone.
This conversation presents this powerful question:
“What belief or behavior are you protecting that’s no longer protecting you?” If you’re ready to grow, it’s time to lay down what’s not working and make room for what will.
Key Topics Discussed
Download the New Book: 3 Principles of Strategic Living | CLICK HERE
You’re not stuck because you’re lazy; you’re stuck because you’re loyal to an old way of thinking. In this episode, Courtney and Erica unpack one of the most dangerous, overlooked roadblocks to growth: the belief that you already know what it takes to change. Whether it’s in your marriage, your faith, or your goals, too many people bring familiar thinking into unfamiliar territory and wonder why they keep hitting a wall.
We explore how pride in your current mindset can quietly sabotage your next level, why unlearning is just as powerful as learning, and how to recognize when it’s time to retire a belief that no longer serves you. You’ll hear real-world examples, biblical insight, and coaching-based reflections designed to challenge your comfort zone.
This conversation presents this powerful question:
“What belief or behavior are you protecting that’s no longer protecting you?” If you’re ready to grow, it’s time to lay down what’s not working and make room for what will.
Key Topics Discussed
- How outdated thinking keeps people stuck: “People keep applying familiar thinking to unfamiliar problems, and then wonder why nothing changes.”
- The danger of saying “I got this” when the results say otherwise: “Confidence without results isn’t strength, it’s stubbornness dressed up as self-assurance.”
- The trap of repeating broken strategies in relationships: “Most people aren’t failing in love because of a lack of effort; they’re just using strategies that never worked to begin with.”
- Eternal truths need modern application: “Biblical principles are timeless, but the application has to speak to the era you live in.”
Download the New Book: 3 Principles of Strategic Living | CLICK HERE
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to Students of Life. We're healing. Ain't cute, but
it's necessary.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
But growth gets uncomfortable. But staying stuck isn't an option.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
We're not here to preach.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We're here to process out loud in real time.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
No titles, no masks, just truth, transformation, and a whole
lot of accountability. I'm Erica, I'm Coordinat and we're all
just Students of Life.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Classes and sessions. Here, y'all, this is Erica. We're Students
of Life podcast. If you're finding value in the Students
(00:44):
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(01:05):
the donate button on our homepage. Every bit of support
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into the topics that matter most to you.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Welcome to the Students of Life podcast and I am
your host, Courtney, and with me again it is my
lovely wife. Hi. How you doing baby, I'm doing good.
Anything going on good in your life right now? M
I got a new car, fortunately, but unfortunately.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You said good listening to good that's the good.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, you know, and you hurt your fingers in the process, but.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Broke my hand, you did.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
But it's literally coming together.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well now.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
He's getting there. Yeah, he's getting there. Four weeks later,
we're getting there.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
You know.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I want to mention something, and that's something. There's something
crazy you did. It wasn't long ago. We went on vacation.
You remember when we went on vacation. We just went
not long ago South Carolina, right, Charlta, Yes, yeah, we did.
On our way back home. You might not remember, but
I'm going to, you know, recim through your brain with
(02:22):
this one.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
I didn't do anything crazy you did.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
The thing you did was a woman thing. This was
a woman thing you did. I was fixing to get
us water out of the out of the back seat.
Not just water, but coconut water that was in a
box taped up. Okay, it was in a box taped up.
Went and there. I'm like, hey, baby, you want some water.
You're like, no, it's hot, as saying I don't want
none of that. Ilse said, you sure you don't want
any You're like, yeah, yeah, I don't want any it's hot.
(02:49):
I don't want to know hot water. So I got
me some coconut water. Got into the car we was driving.
I'm drinking, and you're like, I am so thirsty. I said,
I told you I would have gotten you some I said,
I would have got you some water. I'm like, why
didn't you take the water when when you said it, well,
you know I was difficult. You should have did it anyway.
I'm like, if I had gotten you the water, you
(03:09):
know what, you would have said. I don't want this
hot ass water. I don't know why you gave it
to me anyway. We should have stopped.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Well, we should have stopped for cold water.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
But the water wasn't cold. I mean it wasn't hot,
it wasn't even warm.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
I disagree.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
But the whole, the whole gist of this is you
knew it was you were difficult. You literally said it.
You're like, you know I'm difficult.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I don't. I don't believe I said that you did.
I don't think I did.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
So Fellas, this is this is for the Fellas. They
know they are difficult. As hell for no reason. So
that's why we ignore. That's why we're ignoring.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
First of all, any married man knows that his wife
is difficult. That is, that is not a secret, right,
So that that being the cave, y'all.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Should just do the stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
But technically I did it, and.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I'm gonna tell you why you should just do it,
because I guarantee you as a wife, I know when
you tell me no, I don't want this or not really,
and I go ahead and do it. You know what
always happens, what literally always happens. You're like, yeah, I
did want that, No shit, no shit. So we expect
(04:26):
y'all to have the same common sense we had.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, I don't do that, though, you a lie and
a half. That might be something like within the house,
but like stuff like that, No, I know me, I
don't do stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I didn't say stuff like that. I'm just speaking in generalities.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And it's more generalities. I can't use generalities, but you.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Can, no, because you're us them for everything. This was
one example.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I just try to make sense of the world.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
All I'm saying is you knew you was being difficult
for no reason. You had to do it just.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Just like yes, yes tomato motto.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
No, No, really it's not. But whatever, go forward. What
are we doing today?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Today? We are talking about the need for people to
stop believing that they know everything.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yes, keep going. We've got so.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
A lot of people, I think, tend to forget the
fact that as we grow, we mature, and as we
do that, we have to let old things go. The
knowledge you had last year, it's not going to help
you in the same position.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
You're in this year.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
You've gained knowledge from twenty twenty four to twenty twenty five.
Any beliefs you had that you were able to disprove.
Let that shit go, don't bring it along with you,
cut it off.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, we have to do that, you know, we need
to understand old thing. It does not create new outcomes. Ever,
you just don't do that.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Ever, it's never gonna work.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
No, you know, I was I was having a conversation
with a with a friend not long ago, and that
conversation was that's pretty let's put it like this. It
was in a realm of business to a degree, you know,
just to frame a way of thought, you know, to
make our conversation go. But the comparison was, you know,
(06:20):
a manager to a CEO, and say, for instance, the
mindset that you that it takes to become a manager,
it's not the same mindset that it takes to become
a CEO. That's a that's a totally different mindset that
you have to do that. You know, it's not too
much different from becoming and being a regular employee to
becoming a manager. That's totally different. Well, operations manager, you
(06:44):
have to have obtain a totally different mindset to operate
a business that an employee does not have to worry about.
An employee, you don't have to worry about his his
or her task exactly. That's it. Operations management is the
numbers and the function over an entire system.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Well, you know, so it's different, it is.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
But it's funny you brought that up because you know,
as everyone knows, I'm a director of operations for a
company and I started at eighteen, right, someone who was
sitting at that desk. All my task were it learn
from every day. I knew what to do from eight
to four thirty.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Then you go from that to being a supervisor. Well,
so some of the things, you know, the functions of
what I did every day helped me be a supervisor.
But then I learned management skills, which means some of
that stuff I knew I couldn't bring with me because
it's not relevant, it doesn't correlate, it doesn't work. And
then going from a supervisor to a manager, I got
(07:42):
to keep the management things that I learned. I got
to keep, you know, the skills on how to deal
with people, conflict resolution, all of that. But me knowing
how to do the back end work is no longer
relevant because I don't do it anymore, right, So you
have to kind of kind of cut some things off
to make room for new stuff. And then going from
a manager to a director is a completely different world.
(08:05):
I went from a manager having just a very small
team of people to a director with fifty employees, two managers,
three supervisors, and at this point I've lost count of
my clients. Right, But I'm stretched from Saint Louis to
ban Rouge, so I do the entire Deep South and
then the midwest part of Missouri. But in doing that
(08:28):
I have learned being in this role. This is my
second time being a director, right, the first time I
didn't know what I needed to know. This time, I've
had people to sit down with me and mentor me
and tell me what I needed to do while allowing
me to figure it out. Right, So in figuring out,
one thing I've learned is the foundations for what I do,
(08:52):
the laws, regulations, all that that I learned years ago.
I still need that. Everything else is a waste of
fucking time. Yeah, I can't do any thing with that.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Also, with that, did you have a hard time transitioning
from the employee to like that management? I think you
did because I did it because you still wanted to
be You still wanted to do the work. Yeah, you know,
it was still an eight in you to do what
you started out doing. It's hard to separate from that.
(09:21):
That's the old way. Going into a new way of
doing things, It's hard to separate.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yes, but I've realized part of my issue there was
I wanted to do the work. Don't judge me, y'all
because other people didn't do it the way I did it,
and it wasn't effective, it wasn't efficient, and it took
to their mom So it's like, I can do this,
(09:45):
manage your job and still do your job.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
What are you here for? Right?
Speaker 1 (09:49):
And that's not how you look at things. No, that's
not how you go about it at all.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
And that's because everybody is not Erica. Well yet you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Well what you say about you say that, but my Alex,
my girl is a close second right there.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
But there's nobody's like that stuff, right you know.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
But you know, over time, we know what you end
up having to do. You had to cultivate those people
to be I did what you need to do?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I did?
Speaker 2 (10:14):
You have to show them how to be, how to
be that, and you know that's what they happen.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It is, But also what's crazy what that is? Speaking
of cultivating people, I think you have to realize that
even though you see a vision for someone and you
see something that you think they would be good at
or great at, because they because they have potential, even
with you sitting down holding their hand, unless they see
it too, it's irrelevant. And that translates to everyday life.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
But that's also dealing with with what we're talking about.
People are stuck in their old ways, in an old
way of how to operate, and what's so crazy about
that with that mindset they're stuck into believing they're only
one way.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Yeah that I'm only like this, and they can't see
that right there.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah, people don't see they don't see the vision even
for themselves. And so what you did was help people
along the way see better for themselves so they can
perform better.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
That's exactly what it is. That's what you did. An
accountability and performance coach, if you will, Yeah, I mean,
it's what you do. That is what I do. You know,
I help people bring out the best of themselves.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
But what's crazy is, you know, you also have people
who who over hype themselves, who think that they are
more than what they are, who think that they're confident,
they're confidence all right, y'all hold on, I want to
(11:44):
tell you this real quick, being someone who was in
upper management. I know y'all see on social media all
the time. Have the confidence apply for all the jobs.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Don't do that.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I have embarrassed people in interviews on purpose, because don't
do that. Don't lie because if you don't know what
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Oh but you know what they call that though, right?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
What do they call that?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
The Dunning Kruger effect.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yes, that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
People with high I mean with high confidence has low capabilities,
and then on the other side you have people with
high capabilities with low confidence. Yeah, that's the Dunning Kruger effect.
And we deal with people like this all the time.
People in life come up like this. What you're talking
about is the Dunning Kruger effect. But that side right there,
(12:29):
you know, the high confidence, low competence. Them people are
very irritating, baby, when I tell you, the folks are irritating.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Hell Courtney.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Those people are the reasons why the two times out
of my twenty one year career have been called d
jar Those people right, mainly because they don't like you
telling them you're all the way wrong. Nothing about your
thought process or how you're doing this is correct. And
(13:00):
now all of a sudden, I'm bullying you correct because
I'm calling you a bullshit out.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I'm bullying you. I can't help it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
You dupe the folks before me not my problem again.
When someone is a twenty one year vet in what
they do, seen it all, done it, all that shit
don't work.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
It's not too much different from the of the episode
we had. I don't think there was what was it
the last episode, Limited Beliefs? Yeah, I think it was
limited beliefs. We had that conversation, and you know exactly
what I'm talking about. Okay, you had to little done
and creug again. You sometimes, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
I do, but but it's not the overconfidence part, you know,
it's more and so likely. Yeah, I can't do that, Louy.
I don't think I should be doing this.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
But you don't want to step down either, right, you
don't want to back down from the challenge. But it's okay, It's.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
All right to be fair though I've never failed.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
You know, you know, but like I said, you gotta
lot done and creu again. You know, like like Captain
Morgan put the leg up. I got a little Captain
in me. Yeah, so how do you deal with that? Though?
Speaker 3 (14:08):
How do you deal with it? But the people or myself.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
No, not not yourself, you know, like when we're coming
across people, you know, who are way more confident than
they should be, and like this right here. I know,
I just asked you a question, but it's very irritating
because I come across these scenarios a lot where people, all,
you know, they always lead with I know you say
something and they say, oh, I know.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Okay, so do you want my you want a corporate
answer or the honest answer.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Oh I don't give a shit about corporate. That's not
while we're here.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Honestly, I break them. Yeah, that's it. That's it.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Because if you're constantly telling me you know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, and you
keep making the same dumb ass mistakes, or you keep
bringing up the same dumb ass issues, or you keep
repeating yourself like a like a loop or a cycle,
then I just are hanging with facts because you can't
dispute the facts. Okay, so if you know this, if
you know A, then why'd you do B? If you
knew A, then why the hell we all way over
(15:04):
here at Z? But you know that right? This is
my conversation. That's how I talk to them. But you
knew that, right, So that means you knew that and
you still did it anyway, which makes you you're obviously
stupid or you're lacking something somewhere, because if you knew
it and you still did it, man, now we have
a problem.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's pretty harsh, it is.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
But by that time, I'm irritated because I've been nice
to you for weeks at a time, trying to get you, Hey,
turn this boat around.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Oh but you but but you know how.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
But this goes into another conversation that we had, and
we have this one on a regular basis, is that
people don't understand what the hell you're saying until shit
hits the fan. Yeah, people don't understand until until things
broke and you know, and can't be corrected no more.
That's when people finally want to listen.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Yeah, you know, and it's difficult to correct absolutely, and
then it becomes a well I thought I knew, now bullshit,
you didn't think you know it because for weeks I
told you, Hey, that's not how we do it. Like,
let me show you. And I am one who will
I have no issue getting the churches with people. I
will sit down with you, I will hold your hand.
I will sit with you, side by side till we
get this right. But as we're going, if if you
(16:12):
keep telling me that the way you're doing it is right,
when I'm sitting here with you holding your hands saying hey,
stop right there, that step, let's back up a little
bit based on law X, Y, and Z. You can't
do that, baby, Let me show you why. Let me
show you in real time what will happen. If you
do that and you still do it, you deserve whatever
heat that gives you.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
But people do this, we know, We've come across people
who do this all the time. They always leave with
I already know, And this is the part that gets
under my damn skin. If you already know, your life
will be a reflection if you already knowing.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Period.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's either that or you're an idiot, which one isn't.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
People don't like to accept the reality that things ain't
going their way.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yeah, you know, and they.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Always hide behind the I already know. But again, the
life never reflects it, you know, Like the safe instance,
if you know you're a shit parent, If you're a
shit parent and.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
It's gonna show your children and you.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And somebody tells you how to navigate a situation, and
you say, you already know. But if you already knew,
why is this not a reflection within your kids? If
you already know?
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Uh huh? Or you know?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I think the other side to that could honestly be
so if you know this but you're not instilling this,
then you don't give a fuck about your children. You
don't care about their outcomes, right, Like if you know this,
but you're not teaching this or I hate one here
folks say, well, excellence is the expectation. You're not teaching
(17:43):
these kids to be excellent because you're teaching them all
the baggage and bullshit you carry. You're not teaching them
quality things. And because of that, now we're stucking yet
another loop.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
But that is a reflection of individuals. But that is
taking all way of doing shit like, yeah, I already know.
Is if it's that simple, I want you understand. Is
it simple? Sometimes if you break it down to its
simplest form, it can be. But these scenarios are never
as easy as we believe they are.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Especially when we dealer with other humans. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
But the reason being is this right here is because
safe instance, although it may be working well for Coordney,
but the fact that I got to deal with Eric
and she operates on a different system than I do.
I need to understand how Erica operates so I can
tap into the best parts of Erica so we can
get the best outcome. Period. But if I never address
(18:40):
it like that, no, I know that shit is fixing
to go foul. So when I see people talking like that,
that shit really does get under my skin. Stop bleeding
with you know all the time, because if you know,
your life will be showing that or safe instance, what
you're talking about would be a reflection of what you
already know.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
So obviously you don't know. You know, I think you
full of shit.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
You are full of shit, And I think the people
get comfortable with their outdated ass mindsets. And we wonder
why folks are pissed off, mad, frustrated, irritated. It's because
you're comfortable being This is just being blunt, y'all. You're
comfortable being dumb because you got people around you telling you, hey,
let's not do it that way, right, Like, Hey, I
(19:21):
was talking to this person or that person and their
situation similar. Let me tell you how we navigated them
getting out of this. And instead we're giving these solutions
because your coach and so am I. You get people
solutions and they tell you, oh, I already knew that.
Then why the fuck you want my couch? Why are
you here? Yeah, and you know all this, why are
(19:42):
you wasting my time? Because and those kind of people
are the kind that coaches can't help. And it takes
therapists forever to get through my job is to kick
you in the back and kick you out this porch
and say hey, let's do this, you know, and then
doing that. It's very important that we recognize.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
These people people have.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Very not just outdated mindsets, but they're very negative and
toxic to everything else around them because they're not open
to learn anything new.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Also, and we'll try to get into that a little bit,
but no one. I'll say, no one. What we don't
do a good job at is admitting that we've been
living by a lot of myths.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Yes, we don't do well about that. Yes, like this
right here.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
And because at the beginning of this conversation, I was
saying that I was having a conversation with a friend
not long ago, and it's one of those outdated principles
that hard work gets you the results that you that
you want. All you got to do is push a
little bit harder. It's a damn lie.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
It's an absolute lie.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
That's you know, that's an antiquated way of thinking, and
it don't And I told them, I'm saying that's a myth,
Like it's a lot of people who work their ass off,
work very hard. Saye fancy, we'll just use this for example,
single mother who got two jobs. She works her ass off,
but it does not equate to a better.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Life, right because she's not sure to do with it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
She don't know what to do with it, you know.
So we've ended up, you know, defining our life off
of myths, and they have not been generating the outcome
that we desire. It hadn't been doing that, and so
we definitely got to work on identifying what the hell
of myth looks like to a degree, and so the
(21:29):
myth itself is an old way of doing stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, you know, and speaking of myths, don't shoot me out.
I think that the things that we perceive as biblical
truths need to be reevaluated and updated for today.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
No, no, for real, you know what, It's one thing,
and people can't get mad at this, at us about this,
But this is not attacking religion. It's attacking the mindset
behind it. You know. It's you know, the principles are
timeless and they always mean something. But it's not like say,
(22:14):
for instance, it's it requires a different approach for today.
It was design and developed for a culture two thousand
plus years ago, yes, but now we're in the twenty
first century. You can't bring two thousand year old, you know,
issues into the twenty first century and expect to have
(22:35):
some type of resolution to the issue. It just I'm
not going to say it don't work like that, but
you will never get the best outcome. So what does
that look like and what does that mean? You really
have to adapt those principles to today. You have to
be able to do that. And so I personally believe
that a lot of those ideals that we've brought from
(22:58):
from biblical perspectives and counting the old ones, and we
still adapted to today. We carry that mindset with everything
that we do. I know it, I see it. Matter
of fact, Like when I talk to people, especially if
they're overly religious, they don't even sound like people no more.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
They sound like robots, like they're just regurgitating what they've heard,
they've learned their whole lit right.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
They sound like a system. So say, for instance, the
you know, like the like I can't say it's the
name of a religious institution, they sound like the institution itself.
They don't sound like humans no more, they do, you know.
And so they take those old principles and they adopt
them into today. If it's going to serve you the
same way in the twenty first century, and it doesn't.
(23:40):
But does that mean that you can't do that, that
that it can't be adapted for today? Yes it can,
but it can be what it was designed for. What
it was designed for was literally another culture. We assigned
for another culture for a different time. We have to
adapt that for the twenty first century. And it's still
is just as price is it always been, but we
(24:02):
have to adapt it for the day. Who can serve
us properly? You know?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
I agree with you, and I think one thing that
I was laughing as you were talking because I saw
that because the pretty smile. We live so creepy we live.
We live in a Bible belt, right and we live
in the deep tail. We're Mississippi. So in the Deep South,
(24:25):
there is nothing worse than a person who grew up
like Southern Baptist who now has to talk about today's issues,
you know what I'm saying, Like, because baby, that hell
fire and brimstone is runs deep in them. It's damn
near in their veins, and it's harder, but it's hard
(24:46):
to break away from it, right, So I feel like
in that world, it is, you know.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
But I feel like in that regard, you have.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Pastors, but we have a close for who's a pastor,
and I absolutely love him. He's probably the only church
that I would go too often, even though we don't.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
He's going to be on the show real soon. We
just got to schedule, your guess.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
But having him as a friend, you know, and someone
who's a pastor, he is leaning people like, yes, the
Bible is the foundation and this and that. But I
have sat on his pews many many times and he
often discusses those the Bible but in today's terms, yes,
and he gives people a new way to think about it.
And I feel like, as a leader of a church,
(25:26):
that is your job. Your job is to help people today,
not to regurgitate to what happened to James, John and
all of them back in the day.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Right, I have to say it like that though, what
Saint Peter, St Paul.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
All them, you know what I'm saying, Like all of
them people, Saint Peter and Saint paulin helping you today, bro,
Saint Peter and Saint Pauline helping with bombs of a
bad dad today. You know what I'm saying. I mean,
like for real, you know what I'm saying. So the
thing is, you need people. If you going to be
a leader of people, especially a Christian leader, then it's
(26:05):
very important for you to be able to make from
old habits, from old indoctrination of yourself. And he is
the only person that I have seen that has done
that honestly.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
All right, question, do you think that misapplying old methods
smartern problems leads to spiritual and practical frustration?
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Absolutely? Absolutely? You know.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
And again living in deep South Baba belt right with you,
And I know people people our age who struggle with
the life they want to live today and they feel
guilty because they grew up on some on the church
pew when people tell them you're going to go to hell?
You believe this, bro, I'm going to hell then, you
know what, So be fucking yolo. But I'm not sitting
(26:47):
here and following the same Bible that was written like
you said, two thousand plus years ago, that's had umpteen
damn edits. And you expect me, an intelligent person in
twenty twenty five to live my life based on some
shit or they don't even have air conditional light in house.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I don't think that's the problem though. I don't think
that's the problem. It's how it's adapted. That's the issue
that we face today. It's not that it exists. The
principles all eternal, but you know what I'm saying. That's
why I keep saying that it hits home.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
The principles are foundational, and they're great, and they I
do think that they serve their purpose.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
They do.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
My problem is just like this, people not not growing
with the times, right. My issue is people trying to
apply those old practices to life today. You can't do
it because it doesn't correlate. It's not the same thing.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
It's like this right here.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
One of the major issues that I've personally noticed that
I've diagnosed over time because I'm always reading, reading, studying
and looking at folks and how they operate.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Okay, doctor Lewis, she might.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
As well be just called me doc now everybody, Okay,
I don't I like that fact.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
You know what, stop Okay, I'm not going to do
that much. What were you saying?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
All right? Like what I'm saying, what we don't really
understand is this or pay attention to is that one
of the greatest issues is we don't see how much
things evolve with time. Yeah, you know, say for instance,
this is we'll we'll just use I use marriage for
for an example, like how mama and daddy or somebody's
mother and father were. It's not you know, and how
(28:28):
they were married. It's not equate to how we should
do it today. Absolutely not the same principles that they
live by when they when they came up and would
work for them, then don't work with us now? Why
because things have evolved and a big pors a big
part of me. I also believe too that their relationships
could have been better if they had a.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Move, evolved a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
They had evolved a little bit, but they always stayed
stuck in a certain era in time in which they
did their marriages, and it didn't work long term. And
so what even they didn't realize is that how things evolve.
People who get who got married like in the sixties,
you know, like fifty sixty seventies, they had a certain mindset.
And not saying that you can't have a good marriage,
(29:12):
That's not what I'm saying. But what we need to
do is be able to adopt the new mindset to say,
you know what, things have evolved, and not only do
things evolve, people have evolved, but right the person that's
across from me has evolved, and I lose touch with them.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
You know, that's the issue.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
It's funny you brought that up because you've heard it.
I hear all the time, probably more than you, because
people are comfortable saying it's kind of shit to me.
For some reason, Eric, I love you and Courtney's marriage.
It's so traditional.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
It's not.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
You know, maybe from the outside looking in it looks
that way. You know, we have the nice house, nice cars,
too well mannered, intelligent children, too happy people. That's as
far as the tradition goes. That's it. That's it.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Everything outside that we throw this shit away a long
time ago, you know.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But it's just like when I was reading a book
with Seth Golden was he said, this is strategy, and
I really liked his example of this. It wasn't about marriage,
but it was about systems to agree, and he was
talking about how, you know, you cannot see the systems
in which a solar system works. You don't see all
(30:25):
the forces that brings it together that makes it do
what it does, you know, like the gravity that holds
it in place. You don't see these things, and so
I look at our marriage just like that, and it's
just like anything, you know, like any system that exists.
It's there, but you can't see it. It's working, but
you can't see it. You can't see it, and you
(30:46):
can't touch it. It's just working. And that's what a
good system is supposed to do. And so I look
at our relationship the same way that I look at
the solar system. It's the systems are there, and so
since no one sees it, it looks it appears traditional.
But since you can't see the system that's actually running
(31:07):
and operating it, it looks like it's something that is
not because it's the only thing that most people can
associate with. So this is it right here? I think
that today, maybe I might be an asshole when I
say this. People equate, you know, a non traditional marriage
to failure. Okay, that's how I look at that, you know,
(31:29):
so no traditional marriage equals failure, a successful marriage equals tradition.
I don't think that's true at all.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
You know, I have an issue with that because every
single traditional marriage that I've seen in my entire life.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
It was a failure.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Like mind you, they stayed together until they died, but
they could not stand each other.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
But that's the thing that we need to stop believing.
Longevity does not equate to success.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
You know, it never happen, is not.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
You don't no, stop thinking it.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
You know, I guarantee you Back in the day, your
grandmama couldn't stand your granddaddy. He was just a good provider.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
And some of those people that you know, you grew
up around, those extra cousins, those extra aunties and uncles
and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
They were more than family friends.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
And so this is this is it, because this is
the episode saying stop believing, stop believing, you know everything.
So stop believing that what we consider tradition in marriages
equates to a successful marriage.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
It does not.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
It does not, especially with what we knew it to be. Yes, no,
it didn't work. It don't work today. As a matter
of fact, I don't believe it worked then. And you know,
it just appeared it didn't had an image of it working.
That's about it.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
But something that that I think we do that is
very quote. I'm using air quotes, y'all non traditional.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
They definitely see that. Shut up with the broken fingers too,
sh up.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
We audit where we're stuck rights. If things aren't aligning
right for us, then we sit down, we have a
conversation and say, hey, what's the problem.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
What's going on?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
You know, And a lot of times for us, it's
an equates to something that simple ass mindset. You know,
you're thinking one thing, I'm thinking another, but we haven't
sat down had a conversation about it to put us
both on the same page at the same time in
the same book.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Matter of fact, let's be real, it happened right before
we started recording. Literally right before we started recording. You said,
are you patronizing me? I was like, no, I'm not.
I'm like, but if we want to have a productive
conversation about this, we need to sit down and talk
about it. Because if I respond now, it's not going
(33:49):
to give no, it's not going to have the best outcome,
even if it has good intentions. I said, so we
need to create an environment where we can have that discussion,
so we can address it and so we can move
on from it. It literally happened right before we recorded
it did, you know.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
But also I will say this, I'll put us out
there like that five years ago, that wasn't us.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Yeah, it wasn't right.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Five years I won't say that we had our moments.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
We had our moments.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah, But now with us every moment it's pretty much
like that. You know. It's like, all right, hold on,
wait a minute, let's walk away and come back, because
this ship is going to go south if we don't.
And I think you know that that's one of those
things about we used to believe that we could just
say that shit he wanted to say and it would
be well received. Just fuck, it will be received how
it's received. Yeah, that doesn't work. That doesn't work, you know.
(34:42):
And that that's auditing where we were stuck at, you
know what I'm saying. That's like, that's sitting down saying, hey,
look us believe in this. It's not working for us.
It doesn't It doesn't help us in any way. It's
not cultivating a good relationship.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
What are we going to do?
Speaker 2 (34:58):
And the which is saying is in my in the
e book that is being created. That's one of the principles.
Love of the Leger and the love of the Ledger.
You got to make your audits to absolutely, you have
to make those audits, you know. But I think that
even you know those things, you know, people hearing makes
(35:19):
sense of it. But you know what makes what makes
shit click? And even though it's writing people's face all
the time, it's always movies. Yeah, it's always movies.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
It's things that there's a writing your damn face. You
just love it, but you never really pay attention to it.
And it's a lot of movies that that I've seen
that really reflect how.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
We experience stuff like what give an example ship.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I got several of them.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
And example is one. Not several were good?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
All right, like this because here we go because you
know I'm going to use.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
All there you go again.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Okay, god, there you go, come on, come on home girl.
That's the wrong hand. But it's this right here. It's
the matrix.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
What what Neo had to do he had to stop.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Believing that what not the good head, good Neo, uh
you know in the matrix. What what he had to
do is he had to to realize that he had
to let go of what he was to become the one. Yes,
he had to So when when he was in the
matrix or to become the one, he had to relinquish
(36:33):
everything he knew. Matter of fact, Morphia said, fear, doubt,
and disbelief, free your mind. And so until he let
all those elements of who he was go, you know what,
he threw what I said through what he knew or
thought that he knew was truth. He had to let
it go and adapt the new truth so he can
(36:54):
evolve to be what he needs to be. Okay, So
that was it.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
I'm glad you brought that up, because let let's talk
about that for a second. Right, let's discuss how not
only did Neo break all those limited beliefs that he had,
that ship was done, and like what you tell me,
like a day.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
It was a day.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
It was a day. It was a day. So if Neo,
if Neo.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Can follow the white Rabbit, yes, take the dog on Pilly,
meet Morpheus, yes, go see the Oracle, find the Architect.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Ye, all in one day.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
And pretty much die and be reborn as the one
one day.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Yeah, you spend a year fixing your ship. I'm just
saying you can. You got a year to do it.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
We just to keep it a couple, don't they don't
have to take a whole life because you won't even
get to enjoyed. So that's all I'm saying, just be
able to enjoyed. But you know, it was just one
movie though. Yeah, he had to he had to let
go of what he thought he knew everything, everything to
become what he needs to be. But it was but
(38:04):
this is a more, a more, a new one, not new.
But but this was a true story. But we saw
the movie Moneyball with Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
Yeah, that was a good movie.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
It was that one. Yeah, true story and the old
and the old the old mindset was this right here.
They determined who should be on baseball teams based on
who they thought, based on how they thought they performed. Yes,
that's what it was, based just verbal confirmation.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
There was no algorithm.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
It was correct and so Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt looked at it was like, you know what
this can work? And so they I said, they constructed
a team based off analytics and data. Yes, even the
people who looked like they didn't perform well, they served
the purpose on the team.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
They did they did they feel the position.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
They feel the position. So but at the end of
you know, at the end, and they didn't you know,
they didn't win. But someone took that same principle, adapted
it and they did win using it. And that and
out and out the window went the old way of thinking.
And so those old guys did not want to adapt
a new way of thinking.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
They didn't.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
The new way of thinking was to look at the
data and say, how do how do people perform and
what do they belong? And so I thought that was
one of the most amazing things I personally ever seen
in the movie.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Well, you know, that was great, and I think that
people don't realize, like in that movie, had the old
guys listened, they would have learned that admitting that they
didn't know something wasn't a weakness.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
It could have been it was strategic.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
They could have they could have monopolized on that a
lot sooner.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
But you know what's so crazy, you said, if they
knew but they didn't know, they didn't know.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
That that too, and trad was the crazy part.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
They didn't know.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
They didn't know, they didn't know. You're right, they.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Didn't and so and so you know what we always
do when we don't know something, We always resist change.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Change is hard, right, you know, I always do it.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
And as humans, the bulk of us, the majority of humanity,
doesn't embrace change. We fight it because it's something new,
it's scary, it's we don't know what's on the other side.
But I also believe, you know, once you get to
a point where you choose to grow in everything that
(40:32):
you do, that's when you know your beliefs are starting
to expire. That is when you're able to listen to
other people. That is when you are.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Able to facilitate.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
All kind of growth, and when you start to achieve
the things that you thought were never possible, that you
only dreamt about. It's when you get over the other side,
you know, of those those old beliefs, and you let
that shit go. You cut them off, right, And I
say that, but and we all know they live in
the back of your head for quite some time. Right.
(41:03):
It takes a while to overcome that because that voice
has been beat into you or drilled into you your
entire life. And now you're thirty five, forty years old
trying to let go of something that was old.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
It's not easy, right, No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
But most of the things that we address on this
podcast are not easy. If they were easy, people would
already be doing them right. But letting go of what
doesn't work for you it allows you to become a
type of leader in your friend group and your family,
and your organization whatever.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
It's like, if you think about it, because you've been
in corporate right at the place you're currently leaving is
a corporate position. You were the first person in the
whole building to adapt to some changes that rolled out
that in turn put you in the forefront of everybody else,
even the person who was the ops director then before you, right,
(42:01):
and you being able to adapt to those changes is
what made you the leader that you became and what
gave you that opps position, right me not giving a
damn and just rolling with the punches, like, Okay, it's changed.
I'm a bit about it behind the scenes, but to you,
I'm with it.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Let's do it. I got it.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
That's what keeps me in the position that I'm in.
The only difference between you and I and everybody else
is we sometimes throw caution to the wind and say fuck.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
It, let's do this.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
But you have to let go of everything that you
learned before to get into a polit new changes you do.
Otherwise you're just again the same loop.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
You know. And what do we need to know or
like based off information and data? Is that based off
the information that has been provided, is that kids normally
adapt to change a lot quicker than oh yeah, than
someone older does. So what does that mean is that
(42:59):
if you want to adapt or apply change, you may
want to make sure that that happens at a at
a younger age because the older you get, the harder
it begins to break old habits and patterns that have
been that have that is that you have developed over time, it.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Becomes nearly impossible, or it feels impossible. It does, it's
not impossible, but it does feel impossible.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
So say, for instance, even like like right now, you know,
you know you're thirty eight approaching forty.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
Ooh and I'm forty approaching fifty.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Go ahead, yeah, yeah, that's fine and mine for sure.
There's experiences, experiences experiencing or experiences developing in me a
little bit so, but I lost my train of.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Thought, fifty year old brain, I'm telling you, no, you
just interrupted me. You do it to me all the time,
But yeah, I remember what was that?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
But the older you get, it becomes harder to break
those patterns, it does, you know, So you have to
identify those as soon as you can and try to
correct those. Because we've come across, you know, scenarios where
even with our show, it's it's hard for some people
to address what we're talking about because they have to
face themselves. Yeah, but we've noticed that it's normally people
(44:18):
who who hit a certain age where it becomes a
little bit harder to face.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
So the number one thing we have to do identify
is even if you can't correct or fix everything that
you're that that that that you're facing, what you need
to do is help the kids identify those those old
old ass beliefs right now so they can change it
so they can so they can have a better future.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
Absolutely, So the number one skill is how do you
identify a bad issue, you know, or bad or bad
or old mindset. You got to be able to identify
that it's gonna be that's going to look a little
bit different for everybody. Yeah, so that definitely has to
be identified for sure. Know how to do it anyway?
Speaker 1 (44:57):
You know.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
I think.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Part of that is is being able to stay curious. Yeah,
you know, like I'm not saying not liking the conversation,
loss of innocence we had, and not that kind of curiosity, right,
it's just staying curious, questioning yourself, everything around you, the
systems you're involved in. Just stay curious, ask questions.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Well, the question would like one would be like why
does that thing work so well?
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Right?
Speaker 2 (45:27):
You know what I'm saying, right, Or what's that invisible
force that makes that thing work?
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Right?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
I mean like seriously, you know it's like or either
safe and something even more simple. You have a friend
who is a great parent, right, and you're like, how
do you get your kids to do.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
X, Y and z.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
It's a simple ask question that we don't mind asking
our friends. Right, Take those same questions that you're not
afraid to ask someone close to you, and ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Like this right here, because you're talking about kids. Based
off and statistics I can't remember, but it's like like
high seventy to eighty percentile gentle parenting yields better results
than the old systems than.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
That that we grew up with. Yes, it does, it does.
Speaker 1 (46:16):
It's funny we cracked jokes back because I tell you
all the time, I cracked jokes, you know, and you
and I talk about how we don't have gentle kids
digital parent, but in all actuality we do digital parent.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
And what But I get to that what happens is
is that these kids, you know, like with the gentle parents,
and what the data says is this right here, they're
more emotionally well rounded overall. But I would say what
we do is not necessarily gentle.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
It's a mix.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
It's hybrid.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
It is definitely hybrid. That's one of those things like
you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
It's funny, we're laughing, but you know, it's a situation
with our children where we have a four year old
and essentially a thirteen year old, so we're dealing with
toddler stages and like adolescents shifting to teenage years. You know,
there are days where it's complete peace in our house
(47:19):
and everything is beautiful and it's great. Then there are
days like the other day where I literally told our
thirteen year old, if you don't get out of my face,
I'm gonna chop the.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
Shit out of you, like I'm a punch with your throat.
Is that gentle parenting?
Speaker 2 (47:33):
No?
Speaker 3 (47:34):
What I actually do with to her, no is she
afraid that I will. Yes, it works, it works, right.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
But also we're not taking a belt out and cussing
them out and screaming at them and beating them for
everything that they do.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
I think people confused, and I really hate I'm gonna
say this, I really hate that people associate gentle parenting
with whiteness.
Speaker 3 (47:55):
Stop that shit.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Gentle parenting is nothing more than then being kind to
your children, treating your children like humans.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
You know. It's not beating them into a fucking submission.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
That's what's so disturbing. We were so used to getting
our ass beats so much, we've we normalized getting the
shit beat out of them.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
We normalized child abuse, man.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
And that's what's crazy about it. Like we think that's
what parenting is. When a kid, you know, does something
that we don't agree with, it is to just beat
the share out of them. It's crazy to here how
we normalize that.
Speaker 3 (48:28):
Yes it is, and it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And that's why again, why I say, stop equating gentle
parenting with whiteness. It's not the same thing. Up on them,
It's just not you know what I mean. Like, laugh
at it.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
We do laugh at it.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
Laugh at it, you know, and like, because I have
friends who tell me all the time my kid would
have said or done that, I beat the shit out.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
I'm good for you.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
I'm not beating my child for having an emotional response
to something. If anything, we're gonna talk about this because okay,
why do you feel that way?
Speaker 3 (48:59):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Who need to address I mean because at the end
of the day, they're still human too.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
People forget that they have they have bad days, just
like we do. People forget that, you know what I mean?
Like like Willias.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Xavier, our four year old, right, little dude is so
emotionally aware it's insane. Like he get his feelings hurt
or we fuss at him or yell at him, he'll
go to his room and cry.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
Then he'll come out and say I need a hug.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
And it's like, hey, bro, you just yelled at me
and now my feelings are hurt. I need some kind
of comfort. But the fact that he is four years
old and he can do that. Otherwise, I know people
who literally yell at their kids, scream with them, their
kids go to their room and cry. Then you go
beat the shell of them because they're crying.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
That's that's stupid. Let that shit go.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Just because your parents beat the shit out of you
don't mean you beat your children.
Speaker 3 (49:49):
Stop that, you know.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
And that's another thing right where it's an outdated mindset
and it's dragging you down, and it's dragging your children down.
Because now that's why we got so many I stand
on this hill. You've heard me say it before, Courtny
I said all the time. That's why so many men
are pissed off and fucked up out here because they're
tall early on, boys don't cry, boys don't feel emotions,
(50:12):
boys don't discuss their feelings, and then you beat the
shit out of them, and they can't voice this anywhere.
So yeah, they're angry and they mad. You've got forty
year old men out here who pissed off at the
whole wide world. All they know is anger. They can't
process any other emotion.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
And then we want to watch some of them abusive
sell that's what I'm saying, like that's what they know.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
That's it?
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Or even women right because now I ain't gonna lie
to you, ain't gonna hold you. There are more women
who out here being on dude, being on.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
Dudes, like a lot of them, and it.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Starts early because you don't give these children space to
explore their feelings. And you don't do that shit because
you need to be on somebody couch somewhere, ye talking
about how you're gonna beat shit out of you. But
it's a mindset shift. It has to shift.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
And that shit it's old. It's old. It's an all
way of of it's an all way of punishment or
addressing an issue. It does not benefit today. It's old.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
It is.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
And you know, and people say that stupid that ship
what is it? Spare the rod spoiler chapter the Bible.
I hate that ship. That's done And I've never understood that.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I never understood it, you know, Like today when I
look at it, I'm like, how do we not realize
that that ship is is outdated? It don't work no more?
Speaker 3 (51:27):
It is.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Why don't we Why don't we see that it is?
Speaker 1 (51:30):
You know?
Speaker 2 (51:31):
And we have a lot of work to do. We
have a lot of work to do and and uh
and a lot of unlearning and relearning that we have
to do. And it's not it's not always an easy
process to do. But that ship right there has to
take place. It has to be done. Because otherwise ain't
no such thing as growth or getting better? Correct, you
living with the conflict within yourself? No want to get
(51:52):
a great outcome, but you living living or performing low
low performance. Yes, you cannot get You cannot get high
per woman's results by performing law. No, you know what
I'm saying. That's a conflict.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
Expect to what I said earlier.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
You know, you have parents out here teaching their children
that excellence is the expectation.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
But you ain't showing them. But you're underperforming yourself. They don't,
They don't, they don't see. So what they don't see
top performing.
Speaker 1 (52:20):
What do you expect them to do? They're following the lead.
Children live what they learn, they're learning from you. Yeah,
so if your mindset is fucked, your kids are gonna
be fucked. Don't be mad when they turn out just
like you, because that's what you taught them. As your fault,
your children are a direct reflection of you. Now, I'm
not saying you don't have the one offs right, oh,
because they stop that. Because we have a few family
(52:41):
members that make you want to shake them because they
know better for the stupid shit they do.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
I mean, the reason why is because everybody's their own
individual in their person. They get to make their own
decisions and choices. Every every scenario ain't gonna be the
perfect one. And that's not what we discussed. We don't
talk about because if you do this, it's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 3 (52:58):
No.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
No, professions not real. I've heard me say that a
million times.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
No, we just help put things in place.
Speaker 3 (53:04):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Yes, and it's up to everyone else to to uh
to to adopt those principles or those mindsets and incorporate
them in their life if they so truse to you.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
Know, and there are there are a couple of questions
that you and I have to often ask ourselves, and
it's which is what, like, what outdated mindsets we're bringing
to our future? What does that look like? And if
we're bringing them, if they don't serve us? Then we
talk about how do we let that go?
Speaker 3 (53:35):
How do we how do we move on from that?
What does that look like?
Speaker 2 (53:38):
Correct?
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Right?
Speaker 1 (53:39):
And then I think another question that we've asked each other.
We've talked about this on road trips and for hours before,
but it's what belief or behaviors are we protecting that
no longer serves us.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
You know, I know we talk about it, but those
things right there are very difficult for people to address. Araka.
Oh yeah, that's the difficult address because now I'm not
just facing me. Now I'm not facing where I'm at.
I'm facing where I came from. Yes, And just imagine
if you if not you, but if you didn't do
(54:13):
the audit, if you didn't do the audit, and now
you just did the audit shit, you know, kind of
like in the TV show Lock and Key or the uncle.
Speaker 3 (54:25):
Oh, yes, he had to be locked back up because
he couldn't.
Speaker 2 (54:27):
It's not that he couldn't be locked back up, it's
that his you know.
Speaker 1 (54:30):
You know, that's what I'm saying, that they had to
lock him back up because his mind couldn't.
Speaker 3 (54:33):
He couldn't deal.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
He couldn't deal with it. He was breaking. Yeah, yeah,
that's exactly what happened when you do the audit too.
Speaker 1 (54:39):
Late yep, yep, or like I remember his name, but
the dad on the Fall of the House of Usher, Yeah,
towards the end, when when never More was coming for
his ass, he was like, I should have done things differently, sir,
are you about to die?
Speaker 3 (54:55):
It don't even matter at this point, it's too late.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
You lost all your children because you made a bad
deal early on and you couldn't even think about it.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
But that's when we all care.
Speaker 3 (55:05):
Yeah, it was too late.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
We care when it's too late. We don't care when
it can be corrected and we can be fixed. No,
even when you have the chances in between, you know what,
we don't do.
Speaker 3 (55:13):
We don't fix it.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
We don't fix it. And then at the end, that's
when we say I didn't mean to do that, I'm
so sorry, or that. That's why you know now it's
too late.
Speaker 3 (55:24):
It's too late.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
That's why you have so many death bed for you know, regrets,
people begging for forgiveness, apologies, confessions. Don't wait until you're
at the end to shift your mindset. Do not wait
until it's too late to let go of those old
belief systems that don't serve you.
Speaker 3 (55:44):
Let that shit go now.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
Yeah, so stop thinking y'all know everything. Okay, that's anybody.
So I'm thinking you know everything and adopt a new
way of thinking. Yes, please do so. So get ready
to close this out, baby, But you got anything that
you need to leave before we go?
Speaker 1 (56:04):
Yeah, you know, I just I really want everyone to
think about. You know what I just said, What beliefs
or behaviors are you protecting that don't serve you, that
don't help you? You know, what beliefs do you have
that you're holding on to, that you're passing down to
your children that you know don't serve you. What mindset
(56:27):
are you holding on to that prevents you from being
the person you dream about being.
Speaker 3 (56:33):
Yeah, I don't have anything to leave behind. I'm gonna
just leave it with her.
Speaker 2 (56:39):
You laid it out, baby, You're the one. You use
the neo on my life right now.
Speaker 3 (56:45):
You could have said for everybody, I'll take it, okay.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
I mean you know I like the matrix, soil had
to say it. Yeah. Yeah, Hey everyone, we thank you
so much for listening to the Student's Life podcast and
we will be back. And one more thing, I apologize
for leaving this out. We have an e book coming
and we're going to keep everything everybody updated about it
(57:11):
and so just like subscribe on Spotify, Apple and audible
and YouTube also and tik talk too, So thank you
for listening. This has been the Students of Life podcast.
Everybody Live and Learn Life is a lesson the Prime
(58:01):
Com bubble
Speaker 1 (58:07):
Cover bubb
Welcome to Students of Life. We're healing. Ain't cute, but
it's necessary.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
But growth gets uncomfortable. But staying stuck isn't an option.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
We're not here to preach.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We're here to process out loud in real time.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
No titles, no masks, just truth, transformation, and a whole
lot of accountability. I'm Erica, I'm Coordinat and we're all
just Students of Life.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Classes and sessions. Here, y'all, this is Erica. We're Students
of Life podcast. If you're finding value in the Students
(00:44):
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(01:05):
the donate button on our homepage. Every bit of support
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into the topics that matter most to you.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Welcome to the Students of Life podcast and I am
your host, Courtney, and with me again it is my
lovely wife. Hi. How you doing baby, I'm doing good.
Anything going on good in your life right now? M
I got a new car, fortunately, but unfortunately.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You said good listening to good that's the good.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, you know, and you hurt your fingers in the process, but.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Broke my hand, you did.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
But it's literally coming together.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well now.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
He's getting there. Yeah, he's getting there. Four weeks later,
we're getting there.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
You know.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I want to mention something, and that's something. There's something
crazy you did. It wasn't long ago. We went on vacation.
You remember when we went on vacation. We just went
not long ago South Carolina, right, Charlta, Yes, yeah, we did.
On our way back home. You might not remember, but
I'm going to, you know, recim through your brain with
(02:22):
this one.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
I didn't do anything crazy you did.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
The thing you did was a woman thing. This was
a woman thing you did. I was fixing to get
us water out of the out of the back seat.
Not just water, but coconut water that was in a
box taped up. Okay, it was in a box taped up.
Went and there. I'm like, hey, baby, you want some water.
You're like, no, it's hot, as saying I don't want
none of that. Ilse said, you sure you don't want
any You're like, yeah, yeah, I don't want any it's hot.
(02:49):
I don't want to know hot water. So I got
me some coconut water. Got into the car we was driving.
I'm drinking, and you're like, I am so thirsty. I said,
I told you I would have gotten you some I said,
I would have got you some water. I'm like, why
didn't you take the water when when you said it, well,
you know I was difficult. You should have did it anyway.
I'm like, if I had gotten you the water, you
(03:09):
know what, you would have said. I don't want this
hot ass water. I don't know why you gave it
to me anyway. We should have stopped.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Well, we should have stopped for cold water.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
But the water wasn't cold. I mean it wasn't hot,
it wasn't even warm.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
I disagree.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
But the whole, the whole gist of this is you
knew it was you were difficult. You literally said it.
You're like, you know I'm difficult.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I don't. I don't believe I said that you did.
I don't think I did.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
So Fellas, this is this is for the Fellas. They
know they are difficult. As hell for no reason. So
that's why we ignore. That's why we're ignoring.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
First of all, any married man knows that his wife
is difficult. That is, that is not a secret, right,
So that that being the cave, y'all.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Should just do the stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
But technically I did it, and.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I'm gonna tell you why you should just do it,
because I guarantee you as a wife, I know when
you tell me no, I don't want this or not really,
and I go ahead and do it. You know what
always happens, what literally always happens. You're like, yeah, I
did want that, No shit, no shit. So we expect
(04:26):
y'all to have the same common sense we had.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, I don't do that, though, you a lie and
a half. That might be something like within the house,
but like stuff like that, No, I know me, I
don't do stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I didn't say stuff like that. I'm just speaking in generalities.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And it's more generalities. I can't use generalities, but you.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Can, no, because you're us them for everything. This was
one example.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I just try to make sense of the world.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
All I'm saying is you knew you was being difficult
for no reason. You had to do it just.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Just like yes, yes tomato motto.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
No, No, really it's not. But whatever, go forward. What
are we doing today?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Today? We are talking about the need for people to
stop believing that they know everything.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yes, keep going. We've got so.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
A lot of people, I think, tend to forget the
fact that as we grow, we mature, and as we
do that, we have to let old things go. The
knowledge you had last year, it's not going to help
you in the same position.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
You're in this year.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
You've gained knowledge from twenty twenty four to twenty twenty five.
Any beliefs you had that you were able to disprove.
Let that shit go, don't bring it along with you,
cut it off.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, we have to do that, you know, we need
to understand old thing. It does not create new outcomes. Ever,
you just don't do that.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Ever, it's never gonna work.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
No, you know, I was I was having a conversation
with a with a friend not long ago, and that
conversation was that's pretty let's put it like this. It
was in a realm of business to a degree, you know,
just to frame a way of thought, you know, to
make our conversation go. But the comparison was, you know,
(06:20):
a manager to a CEO, and say, for instance, the
mindset that you that it takes to become a manager,
it's not the same mindset that it takes to become
a CEO. That's a that's a totally different mindset that
you have to do that. You know, it's not too
much different from becoming and being a regular employee to
becoming a manager. That's totally different. Well, operations manager, you
(06:44):
have to have obtain a totally different mindset to operate
a business that an employee does not have to worry about.
An employee, you don't have to worry about his his
or her task exactly. That's it. Operations management is the
numbers and the function over an entire system.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Well, you know, so it's different, it is.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
But it's funny you brought that up because you know,
as everyone knows, I'm a director of operations for a
company and I started at eighteen, right, someone who was
sitting at that desk. All my task were it learn
from every day. I knew what to do from eight
to four thirty.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Then you go from that to being a supervisor. Well,
so some of the things, you know, the functions of
what I did every day helped me be a supervisor.
But then I learned management skills, which means some of
that stuff I knew I couldn't bring with me because
it's not relevant, it doesn't correlate, it doesn't work. And
then going from a supervisor to a manager, I got
(07:42):
to keep the management things that I learned. I got
to keep, you know, the skills on how to deal
with people, conflict resolution, all of that. But me knowing
how to do the back end work is no longer
relevant because I don't do it anymore, right, So you
have to kind of kind of cut some things off
to make room for new stuff. And then going from
a manager to a director is a completely different world.
(08:05):
I went from a manager having just a very small
team of people to a director with fifty employees, two managers,
three supervisors, and at this point I've lost count of
my clients. Right, But I'm stretched from Saint Louis to
ban Rouge, so I do the entire Deep South and
then the midwest part of Missouri. But in doing that
(08:28):
I have learned being in this role. This is my
second time being a director, right, the first time I
didn't know what I needed to know. This time, I've
had people to sit down with me and mentor me
and tell me what I needed to do while allowing
me to figure it out. Right, So in figuring out,
one thing I've learned is the foundations for what I do,
(08:52):
the laws, regulations, all that that I learned years ago.
I still need that. Everything else is a waste of
fucking time. Yeah, I can't do any thing with that.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Also, with that, did you have a hard time transitioning
from the employee to like that management? I think you
did because I did it because you still wanted to
be You still wanted to do the work. Yeah, you know,
it was still an eight in you to do what
you started out doing. It's hard to separate from that.
(09:21):
That's the old way. Going into a new way of
doing things, It's hard to separate.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yes, but I've realized part of my issue there was
I wanted to do the work. Don't judge me, y'all
because other people didn't do it the way I did it,
and it wasn't effective, it wasn't efficient, and it took
to their mom So it's like, I can do this,
(09:45):
manage your job and still do your job.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
What are you here for? Right?
Speaker 1 (09:49):
And that's not how you look at things. No, that's
not how you go about it at all.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
And that's because everybody is not Erica. Well yet you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Well what you say about you say that, but my Alex,
my girl is a close second right there.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
But there's nobody's like that stuff, right you know.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
But you know, over time, we know what you end
up having to do. You had to cultivate those people
to be I did what you need to do?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I did?
Speaker 2 (10:14):
You have to show them how to be, how to
be that, and you know that's what they happen.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It is, But also what's crazy what that is? Speaking
of cultivating people, I think you have to realize that
even though you see a vision for someone and you
see something that you think they would be good at
or great at, because they because they have potential, even
with you sitting down holding their hand, unless they see
it too, it's irrelevant. And that translates to everyday life.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
But that's also dealing with with what we're talking about.
People are stuck in their old ways, in an old
way of how to operate, and what's so crazy about
that with that mindset they're stuck into believing they're only
one way.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Yeah that I'm only like this, and they can't see
that right there.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah, people don't see they don't see the vision even
for themselves. And so what you did was help people
along the way see better for themselves so they can
perform better.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
That's exactly what it is. That's what you did. An
accountability and performance coach, if you will, Yeah, I mean,
it's what you do. That is what I do. You know,
I help people bring out the best of themselves.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
But what's crazy is, you know, you also have people
who who over hype themselves, who think that they are
more than what they are, who think that they're confident,
they're confidence all right, y'all hold on, I want to
(11:44):
tell you this real quick, being someone who was in
upper management. I know y'all see on social media all
the time. Have the confidence apply for all the jobs.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Don't do that.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I have embarrassed people in interviews on purpose, because don't
do that. Don't lie because if you don't know what
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Oh but you know what they call that though, right?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
What do they call that?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
The Dunning Kruger effect.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yes, that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
People with high I mean with high confidence has low capabilities,
and then on the other side you have people with
high capabilities with low confidence. Yeah, that's the Dunning Kruger effect.
And we deal with people like this all the time.
People in life come up like this. What you're talking
about is the Dunning Kruger effect. But that side right there,
(12:29):
you know, the high confidence, low competence. Them people are
very irritating, baby, when I tell you, the folks are irritating.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Hell Courtney.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Those people are the reasons why the two times out
of my twenty one year career have been called d
jar Those people right, mainly because they don't like you
telling them you're all the way wrong. Nothing about your
thought process or how you're doing this is correct. And
(13:00):
now all of a sudden, I'm bullying you correct because
I'm calling you a bullshit out.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I'm bullying you. I can't help it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
You dupe the folks before me not my problem again.
When someone is a twenty one year vet in what
they do, seen it all, done it, all that shit
don't work.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
It's not too much different from the of the episode
we had. I don't think there was what was it
the last episode, Limited Beliefs? Yeah, I think it was
limited beliefs. We had that conversation, and you know exactly
what I'm talking about. Okay, you had to little done
and creug again. You sometimes, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
I do, but but it's not the overconfidence part, you know,
it's more and so likely. Yeah, I can't do that, Louy.
I don't think I should be doing this.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
But you don't want to step down either, right, you
don't want to back down from the challenge. But it's okay, It's.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
All right to be fair though I've never failed.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
You know, you know, but like I said, you gotta
lot done and creu again. You know, like like Captain
Morgan put the leg up. I got a little Captain
in me. Yeah, so how do you deal with that? Though?
Speaker 3 (14:08):
How do you deal with it? But the people or myself.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
No, not not yourself, you know, like when we're coming
across people, you know, who are way more confident than
they should be, and like this right here. I know,
I just asked you a question, but it's very irritating
because I come across these scenarios a lot where people, all,
you know, they always lead with I know you say
something and they say, oh, I know.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Okay, so do you want my you want a corporate
answer or the honest answer.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Oh I don't give a shit about corporate. That's not
while we're here.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Honestly, I break them. Yeah, that's it. That's it.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Because if you're constantly telling me you know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, and you
keep making the same dumb ass mistakes, or you keep
bringing up the same dumb ass issues, or you keep
repeating yourself like a like a loop or a cycle,
then I just are hanging with facts because you can't
dispute the facts. Okay, so if you know this, if
you know A, then why'd you do B? If you
knew A, then why the hell we all way over
(15:04):
here at Z? But you know that right? This is
my conversation. That's how I talk to them. But you
knew that, right, So that means you knew that and
you still did it anyway, which makes you you're obviously
stupid or you're lacking something somewhere, because if you knew
it and you still did it, man, now we have
a problem.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's pretty harsh, it is.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
But by that time, I'm irritated because I've been nice
to you for weeks at a time, trying to get you, Hey,
turn this boat around.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Oh but you but but you know how.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
But this goes into another conversation that we had, and
we have this one on a regular basis, is that
people don't understand what the hell you're saying until shit
hits the fan. Yeah, people don't understand until until things
broke and you know, and can't be corrected no more.
That's when people finally want to listen.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Yeah, you know, and it's difficult to correct absolutely, and
then it becomes a well I thought I knew, now bullshit,
you didn't think you know it because for weeks I
told you, Hey, that's not how we do it. Like,
let me show you. And I am one who will
I have no issue getting the churches with people. I
will sit down with you, I will hold your hand.
I will sit with you, side by side till we
get this right. But as we're going, if if you
(16:12):
keep telling me that the way you're doing it is right,
when I'm sitting here with you holding your hands saying hey,
stop right there, that step, let's back up a little
bit based on law X, Y, and Z. You can't
do that, baby, Let me show you why. Let me
show you in real time what will happen. If you
do that and you still do it, you deserve whatever
heat that gives you.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
But people do this, we know, We've come across people
who do this all the time. They always leave with
I already know, And this is the part that gets
under my damn skin. If you already know, your life
will be a reflection if you already knowing.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Period.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's either that or you're an idiot, which one isn't.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
People don't like to accept the reality that things ain't
going their way.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yeah, you know, and they.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Always hide behind the I already know. But again, the
life never reflects it, you know, Like the safe instance,
if you know you're a shit parent, If you're a
shit parent and.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
It's gonna show your children and you.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And somebody tells you how to navigate a situation, and
you say, you already know. But if you already knew,
why is this not a reflection within your kids? If
you already know?
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Uh huh? Or you know?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I think the other side to that could honestly be
so if you know this but you're not instilling this,
then you don't give a fuck about your children. You
don't care about their outcomes, right, Like if you know this,
but you're not teaching this or I hate one here
folks say, well, excellence is the expectation. You're not teaching
(17:43):
these kids to be excellent because you're teaching them all
the baggage and bullshit you carry. You're not teaching them
quality things. And because of that, now we're stucking yet
another loop.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
But that is a reflection of individuals. But that is
taking all way of doing shit like, yeah, I already know.
Is if it's that simple, I want you understand. Is
it simple? Sometimes if you break it down to its
simplest form, it can be. But these scenarios are never
as easy as we believe they are.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Especially when we dealer with other humans. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
But the reason being is this right here is because
safe instance, although it may be working well for Coordney,
but the fact that I got to deal with Eric
and she operates on a different system than I do.
I need to understand how Erica operates so I can
tap into the best parts of Erica so we can
get the best outcome. Period. But if I never address
(18:40):
it like that, no, I know that shit is fixing
to go foul. So when I see people talking like that,
that shit really does get under my skin. Stop bleeding
with you know all the time, because if you know,
your life will be showing that or safe instance, what
you're talking about would be a reflection of what you
already know.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
So obviously you don't know. You know, I think you
full of shit.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
You are full of shit, And I think the people
get comfortable with their outdated ass mindsets. And we wonder
why folks are pissed off, mad, frustrated, irritated. It's because
you're comfortable being This is just being blunt, y'all. You're
comfortable being dumb because you got people around you telling you, hey,
let's not do it that way, right, Like, Hey, I
(19:21):
was talking to this person or that person and their
situation similar. Let me tell you how we navigated them
getting out of this. And instead we're giving these solutions
because your coach and so am I. You get people
solutions and they tell you, oh, I already knew that.
Then why the fuck you want my couch? Why are
you here? Yeah, and you know all this, why are
(19:42):
you wasting my time? Because and those kind of people
are the kind that coaches can't help. And it takes
therapists forever to get through my job is to kick
you in the back and kick you out this porch
and say hey, let's do this, you know, and then
doing that. It's very important that we recognize.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
These people people have.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Very not just outdated mindsets, but they're very negative and
toxic to everything else around them because they're not open
to learn anything new.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Also, and we'll try to get into that a little bit,
but no one. I'll say, no one. What we don't
do a good job at is admitting that we've been
living by a lot of myths.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Yes, we don't do well about that. Yes, like this
right here.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
And because at the beginning of this conversation, I was
saying that I was having a conversation with a friend
not long ago, and it's one of those outdated principles
that hard work gets you the results that you that
you want. All you got to do is push a
little bit harder. It's a damn lie.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
It's an absolute lie.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
That's you know, that's an antiquated way of thinking, and
it don't And I told them, I'm saying that's a myth,
Like it's a lot of people who work their ass off,
work very hard. Saye fancy, we'll just use this for example,
single mother who got two jobs. She works her ass off,
but it does not equate to a better.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Life, right because she's not sure to do with it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
She don't know what to do with it, you know.
So we've ended up, you know, defining our life off
of myths, and they have not been generating the outcome
that we desire. It hadn't been doing that, and so
we definitely got to work on identifying what the hell
of myth looks like to a degree, and so the
(21:29):
myth itself is an old way of doing stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, you know, and speaking of myths, don't shoot me out.
I think that the things that we perceive as biblical
truths need to be reevaluated and updated for today.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
No, no, for real, you know what, It's one thing,
and people can't get mad at this, at us about this,
But this is not attacking religion. It's attacking the mindset
behind it. You know. It's you know, the principles are
timeless and they always mean something. But it's not like say,
(22:14):
for instance, it's it requires a different approach for today.
It was design and developed for a culture two thousand
plus years ago, yes, but now we're in the twenty
first century. You can't bring two thousand year old, you know,
issues into the twenty first century and expect to have
(22:35):
some type of resolution to the issue. It just I'm
not going to say it don't work like that, but
you will never get the best outcome. So what does
that look like and what does that mean? You really
have to adapt those principles to today. You have to
be able to do that. And so I personally believe
that a lot of those ideals that we've brought from
(22:58):
from biblical perspectives and counting the old ones, and we
still adapted to today. We carry that mindset with everything
that we do. I know it, I see it. Matter
of fact, Like when I talk to people, especially if
they're overly religious, they don't even sound like people no more.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
They sound like robots, like they're just regurgitating what they've heard,
they've learned their whole lit right.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
They sound like a system. So say, for instance, the
you know, like the like I can't say it's the
name of a religious institution, they sound like the institution itself.
They don't sound like humans no more, they do, you know.
And so they take those old principles and they adopt
them into today. If it's going to serve you the
same way in the twenty first century, and it doesn't.
(23:40):
But does that mean that you can't do that, that
that it can't be adapted for today? Yes it can,
but it can be what it was designed for. What
it was designed for was literally another culture. We assigned
for another culture for a different time. We have to
adapt that for the twenty first century. And it's still
is just as price is it always been, but we
(24:02):
have to adapt it for the day. Who can serve
us properly? You know?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
I agree with you, and I think one thing that
I was laughing as you were talking because I saw
that because the pretty smile. We live so creepy we live.
We live in a Bible belt, right and we live
in the deep tail. We're Mississippi. So in the Deep South,
(24:25):
there is nothing worse than a person who grew up
like Southern Baptist who now has to talk about today's issues,
you know what I'm saying, Like, because baby, that hell
fire and brimstone is runs deep in them. It's damn
near in their veins, and it's harder, but it's hard
(24:46):
to break away from it, right, So I feel like
in that world, it is, you know.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
But I feel like in that regard, you have.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Pastors, but we have a close for who's a pastor,
and I absolutely love him. He's probably the only church
that I would go too often, even though we don't.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
He's going to be on the show real soon. We
just got to schedule, your guess.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
But having him as a friend, you know, and someone
who's a pastor, he is leaning people like, yes, the
Bible is the foundation and this and that. But I
have sat on his pews many many times and he
often discusses those the Bible but in today's terms, yes,
and he gives people a new way to think about it.
And I feel like, as a leader of a church,
(25:26):
that is your job. Your job is to help people today,
not to regurgitate to what happened to James, John and
all of them back in the day.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Right, I have to say it like that though, what
Saint Peter, St Paul.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
All them, you know what I'm saying, Like all of
them people, Saint Peter and Saint paulin helping you today, bro,
Saint Peter and Saint Pauline helping with bombs of a
bad dad today. You know what I'm saying. I mean,
like for real, you know what I'm saying. So the
thing is, you need people. If you going to be
a leader of people, especially a Christian leader, then it's
(26:05):
very important for you to be able to make from
old habits, from old indoctrination of yourself. And he is
the only person that I have seen that has done
that honestly.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
All right, question, do you think that misapplying old methods
smartern problems leads to spiritual and practical frustration?
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Absolutely? Absolutely? You know.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
And again living in deep South Baba belt right with you,
And I know people people our age who struggle with
the life they want to live today and they feel
guilty because they grew up on some on the church
pew when people tell them you're going to go to hell?
You believe this, bro, I'm going to hell then, you
know what, So be fucking yolo. But I'm not sitting
(26:47):
here and following the same Bible that was written like
you said, two thousand plus years ago, that's had umpteen
damn edits. And you expect me, an intelligent person in
twenty twenty five to live my life based on some
shit or they don't even have air conditional light in house.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I don't think that's the problem though. I don't think
that's the problem. It's how it's adapted. That's the issue
that we face today. It's not that it exists. The
principles all eternal, but you know what I'm saying. That's
why I keep saying that it hits home.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
The principles are foundational, and they're great, and they I
do think that they serve their purpose.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
They do.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
My problem is just like this, people not not growing
with the times, right. My issue is people trying to
apply those old practices to life today. You can't do
it because it doesn't correlate. It's not the same thing.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
It's like this right here.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
One of the major issues that I've personally noticed that
I've diagnosed over time because I'm always reading, reading, studying
and looking at folks and how they operate.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Okay, doctor Lewis, she might.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
As well be just called me doc now everybody, Okay,
I don't I like that fact.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
You know what, stop Okay, I'm not going to do
that much. What were you saying?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
All right? Like what I'm saying, what we don't really
understand is this or pay attention to is that one
of the greatest issues is we don't see how much
things evolve with time. Yeah, you know, say for instance,
this is we'll we'll just use I use marriage for
for an example, like how mama and daddy or somebody's
mother and father were. It's not you know, and how
(28:28):
they were married. It's not equate to how we should
do it today. Absolutely not the same principles that they
live by when they when they came up and would
work for them, then don't work with us now? Why
because things have evolved and a big pors a big
part of me. I also believe too that their relationships
could have been better if they had a.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Move, evolved a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
They had evolved a little bit, but they always stayed
stuck in a certain era in time in which they
did their marriages, and it didn't work long term. And
so what even they didn't realize is that how things evolve.
People who get who got married like in the sixties,
you know, like fifty sixty seventies, they had a certain mindset.
And not saying that you can't have a good marriage,
(29:12):
That's not what I'm saying. But what we need to
do is be able to adopt the new mindset to say,
you know what, things have evolved, and not only do
things evolve, people have evolved, but right the person that's
across from me has evolved, and I lose touch with them.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
You know, that's the issue.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
It's funny you brought that up because you've heard it.
I hear all the time, probably more than you, because
people are comfortable saying it's kind of shit to me.
For some reason, Eric, I love you and Courtney's marriage.
It's so traditional.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
It's not.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
You know, maybe from the outside looking in it looks
that way. You know, we have the nice house, nice cars,
too well mannered, intelligent children, too happy people. That's as
far as the tradition goes. That's it. That's it.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Everything outside that we throw this shit away a long
time ago, you know.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But it's just like when I was reading a book
with Seth Golden was he said, this is strategy, and
I really liked his example of this. It wasn't about marriage,
but it was about systems to agree, and he was
talking about how, you know, you cannot see the systems
in which a solar system works. You don't see all
(30:25):
the forces that brings it together that makes it do
what it does, you know, like the gravity that holds
it in place. You don't see these things, and so
I look at our marriage just like that, and it's
just like anything, you know, like any system that exists.
It's there, but you can't see it. It's working, but
you can't see it. You can't see it, and you
(30:46):
can't touch it. It's just working. And that's what a
good system is supposed to do. And so I look
at our relationship the same way that I look at
the solar system. It's the systems are there, and so
since no one sees it, it looks it appears traditional.
But since you can't see the system that's actually running
(31:07):
and operating it, it looks like it's something that is
not because it's the only thing that most people can
associate with. So this is it right here? I think
that today, maybe I might be an asshole when I
say this. People equate, you know, a non traditional marriage
to failure. Okay, that's how I look at that, you know,
(31:29):
so no traditional marriage equals failure, a successful marriage equals tradition.
I don't think that's true at all.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
You know, I have an issue with that because every
single traditional marriage that I've seen in my entire life.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
It was a failure.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Like mind you, they stayed together until they died, but
they could not stand each other.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
But that's the thing that we need to stop believing.
Longevity does not equate to success.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
You know, it never happen, is not.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
You don't no, stop thinking it.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
You know, I guarantee you Back in the day, your
grandmama couldn't stand your granddaddy. He was just a good provider.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
And some of those people that you know, you grew
up around, those extra cousins, those extra aunties and uncles
and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
They were more than family friends.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
And so this is this is it, because this is
the episode saying stop believing, stop believing, you know everything.
So stop believing that what we consider tradition in marriages
equates to a successful marriage.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
It does not.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
It does not, especially with what we knew it to be. Yes, no,
it didn't work. It don't work today. As a matter
of fact, I don't believe it worked then. And you know,
it just appeared it didn't had an image of it working.
That's about it.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
But something that that I think we do that is
very quote. I'm using air quotes, y'all non traditional.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
They definitely see that. Shut up with the broken fingers too,
sh up.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
We audit where we're stuck rights. If things aren't aligning
right for us, then we sit down, we have a
conversation and say, hey, what's the problem.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
What's going on?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
You know, And a lot of times for us, it's
an equates to something that simple ass mindset. You know,
you're thinking one thing, I'm thinking another, but we haven't
sat down had a conversation about it to put us
both on the same page at the same time in
the same book.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Matter of fact, let's be real, it happened right before
we started recording. Literally right before we started recording. You said,
are you patronizing me? I was like, no, I'm not.
I'm like, but if we want to have a productive
conversation about this, we need to sit down and talk
about it. Because if I respond now, it's not going
(33:49):
to give no, it's not going to have the best outcome,
even if it has good intentions. I said, so we
need to create an environment where we can have that discussion,
so we can address it and so we can move
on from it. It literally happened right before we recorded
it did, you know.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
But also I will say this, I'll put us out
there like that five years ago, that wasn't us.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Yeah, it wasn't right.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Five years I won't say that we had our moments.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
We had our moments.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah, But now with us every moment it's pretty much
like that. You know. It's like, all right, hold on,
wait a minute, let's walk away and come back, because
this ship is going to go south if we don't.
And I think you know that that's one of those
things about we used to believe that we could just
say that shit he wanted to say and it would
be well received. Just fuck, it will be received how
it's received. Yeah, that doesn't work. That doesn't work, you know.
(34:42):
And that that's auditing where we were stuck at, you
know what I'm saying. That's like, that's sitting down saying, hey,
look us believe in this. It's not working for us.
It doesn't It doesn't help us in any way. It's
not cultivating a good relationship.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
What are we going to do?
Speaker 2 (34:58):
And the which is saying is in my in the
e book that is being created. That's one of the principles.
Love of the Leger and the love of the Ledger.
You got to make your audits to absolutely, you have
to make those audits, you know. But I think that
even you know those things, you know, people hearing makes
(35:19):
sense of it. But you know what makes what makes
shit click? And even though it's writing people's face all
the time, it's always movies. Yeah, it's always movies.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
It's things that there's a writing your damn face. You
just love it, but you never really pay attention to it.
And it's a lot of movies that that I've seen
that really reflect how.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
We experience stuff like what give an example ship.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I got several of them.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
And example is one. Not several were good?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
All right, like this because here we go because you
know I'm going to use.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
All there you go again.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Okay, god, there you go, come on, come on home girl.
That's the wrong hand. But it's this right here. It's
the matrix.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
What what Neo had to do he had to stop.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Believing that what not the good head, good Neo, uh
you know in the matrix. What what he had to
do is he had to to realize that he had
to let go of what he was to become the one. Yes,
he had to So when when he was in the
matrix or to become the one, he had to relinquish
(36:33):
everything he knew. Matter of fact, Morphia said, fear, doubt,
and disbelief, free your mind. And so until he let
all those elements of who he was go, you know what,
he threw what I said through what he knew or
thought that he knew was truth. He had to let
it go and adapt the new truth so he can
(36:54):
evolve to be what he needs to be. Okay, So
that was it.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
I'm glad you brought that up, because let let's talk
about that for a second. Right, let's discuss how not
only did Neo break all those limited beliefs that he had,
that ship was done, and like what you tell me,
like a day.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
It was a day.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
It was a day. It was a day. So if Neo,
if Neo.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Can follow the white Rabbit, yes, take the dog on Pilly,
meet Morpheus, yes, go see the Oracle, find the Architect.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Ye, all in one day.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
And pretty much die and be reborn as the one
one day.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Yeah, you spend a year fixing your ship. I'm just
saying you can. You got a year to do it.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
We just to keep it a couple, don't they don't
have to take a whole life because you won't even
get to enjoyed. So that's all I'm saying, just be
able to enjoyed. But you know, it was just one
movie though. Yeah, he had to he had to let
go of what he thought he knew everything, everything to
become what he needs to be. But it was but
(38:04):
this is a more, a more, a new one, not new.
But but this was a true story. But we saw
the movie Moneyball with Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
Yeah, that was a good movie.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
It was that one. Yeah, true story and the old
and the old the old mindset was this right here.
They determined who should be on baseball teams based on
who they thought, based on how they thought they performed. Yes,
that's what it was, based just verbal confirmation.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
There was no algorithm.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
It was correct and so Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt looked at it was like, you know what
this can work? And so they I said, they constructed
a team based off analytics and data. Yes, even the
people who looked like they didn't perform well, they served
the purpose on the team.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
They did they did they feel the position.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
They feel the position. So but at the end of
you know, at the end, and they didn't you know,
they didn't win. But someone took that same principle, adapted
it and they did win using it. And that and
out and out the window went the old way of thinking.
And so those old guys did not want to adapt
a new way of thinking.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
They didn't.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
The new way of thinking was to look at the
data and say, how do how do people perform and
what do they belong? And so I thought that was
one of the most amazing things I personally ever seen
in the movie.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Well, you know, that was great, and I think that
people don't realize, like in that movie, had the old
guys listened, they would have learned that admitting that they
didn't know something wasn't a weakness.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
It could have been it was strategic.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
They could have they could have monopolized on that a
lot sooner.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
But you know what's so crazy, you said, if they
knew but they didn't know, they didn't know.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
That that too, and trad was the crazy part.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
They didn't know.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
They didn't know, they didn't know. You're right, they.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Didn't and so and so you know what we always
do when we don't know something, We always resist change.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Change is hard, right, you know, I always do it.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
And as humans, the bulk of us, the majority of humanity,
doesn't embrace change. We fight it because it's something new,
it's scary, it's we don't know what's on the other side.
But I also believe, you know, once you get to
a point where you choose to grow in everything that
(40:32):
you do, that's when you know your beliefs are starting
to expire. That is when you're able to listen to
other people. That is when you are.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Able to facilitate.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
All kind of growth, and when you start to achieve
the things that you thought were never possible, that you
only dreamt about. It's when you get over the other side,
you know, of those those old beliefs, and you let
that shit go. You cut them off, right, And I
say that, but and we all know they live in
the back of your head for quite some time. Right.
(41:03):
It takes a while to overcome that because that voice
has been beat into you or drilled into you your
entire life. And now you're thirty five, forty years old
trying to let go of something that was old.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
It's not easy, right, No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
But most of the things that we address on this
podcast are not easy. If they were easy, people would
already be doing them right. But letting go of what
doesn't work for you it allows you to become a
type of leader in your friend group and your family,
and your organization whatever.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
It's like, if you think about it, because you've been
in corporate right at the place you're currently leaving is
a corporate position. You were the first person in the
whole building to adapt to some changes that rolled out
that in turn put you in the forefront of everybody else,
even the person who was the ops director then before you, right,
(42:01):
and you being able to adapt to those changes is
what made you the leader that you became and what
gave you that opps position, right me not giving a
damn and just rolling with the punches, like, Okay, it's changed.
I'm a bit about it behind the scenes, but to you,
I'm with it.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Let's do it. I got it.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
That's what keeps me in the position that I'm in.
The only difference between you and I and everybody else
is we sometimes throw caution to the wind and say fuck.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
It, let's do this.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
But you have to let go of everything that you
learned before to get into a polit new changes you do.
Otherwise you're just again the same loop.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
You know. And what do we need to know or
like based off information and data? Is that based off
the information that has been provided, is that kids normally
adapt to change a lot quicker than oh yeah, than
someone older does. So what does that mean is that
(42:59):
if you want to adapt or apply change, you may
want to make sure that that happens at a at
a younger age because the older you get, the harder
it begins to break old habits and patterns that have
been that have that is that you have developed over time, it.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Becomes nearly impossible, or it feels impossible. It does, it's
not impossible, but it does feel impossible.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
So say, for instance, even like like right now, you know,
you know you're thirty eight approaching forty.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
Ooh and I'm forty approaching fifty.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Go ahead, yeah, yeah, that's fine and mine for sure.
There's experiences, experiences experiencing or experiences developing in me a
little bit so, but I lost my train of.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Thought, fifty year old brain, I'm telling you, no, you
just interrupted me. You do it to me all the time,
But yeah, I remember what was that?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
But the older you get, it becomes harder to break
those patterns, it does, you know, So you have to
identify those as soon as you can and try to
correct those. Because we've come across, you know, scenarios where
even with our show, it's it's hard for some people
to address what we're talking about because they have to
face themselves. Yeah, but we've noticed that it's normally people
(44:18):
who who hit a certain age where it becomes a
little bit harder to face.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
So the number one thing we have to do identify
is even if you can't correct or fix everything that
you're that that that that you're facing, what you need
to do is help the kids identify those those old
old ass beliefs right now so they can change it
so they can so they can have a better future.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
Absolutely, So the number one skill is how do you
identify a bad issue, you know, or bad or bad
or old mindset. You got to be able to identify
that it's gonna be that's going to look a little
bit different for everybody. Yeah, so that definitely has to
be identified for sure. Know how to do it anyway?
Speaker 1 (44:57):
You know.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
I think.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Part of that is is being able to stay curious. Yeah,
you know, like I'm not saying not liking the conversation,
loss of innocence we had, and not that kind of curiosity, right,
it's just staying curious, questioning yourself, everything around you, the
systems you're involved in. Just stay curious, ask questions.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Well, the question would like one would be like why
does that thing work so well?
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Right?
Speaker 2 (45:27):
You know what I'm saying, right, Or what's that invisible
force that makes that thing work?
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Right?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
I mean like seriously, you know it's like or either
safe and something even more simple. You have a friend
who is a great parent, right, and you're like, how
do you get your kids to do.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
X, Y and z.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
It's a simple ask question that we don't mind asking
our friends. Right, Take those same questions that you're not
afraid to ask someone close to you, and ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Like this right here, because you're talking about kids. Based
off and statistics I can't remember, but it's like like
high seventy to eighty percentile gentle parenting yields better results
than the old systems than.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
That that we grew up with. Yes, it does, it does.
Speaker 1 (46:16):
It's funny we cracked jokes back because I tell you
all the time, I cracked jokes, you know, and you
and I talk about how we don't have gentle kids
digital parent, but in all actuality we do digital parent.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
And what But I get to that what happens is
is that these kids, you know, like with the gentle parents,
and what the data says is this right here, they're
more emotionally well rounded overall. But I would say what
we do is not necessarily gentle.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
It's a mix.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
It's hybrid.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
It is definitely hybrid. That's one of those things like
you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
It's funny, we're laughing, but you know, it's a situation
with our children where we have a four year old
and essentially a thirteen year old, so we're dealing with
toddler stages and like adolescents shifting to teenage years. You know,
there are days where it's complete peace in our house
(47:19):
and everything is beautiful and it's great. Then there are
days like the other day where I literally told our
thirteen year old, if you don't get out of my face,
I'm gonna chop the.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
Shit out of you, like I'm a punch with your throat.
Is that gentle parenting?
Speaker 2 (47:33):
No?
Speaker 3 (47:34):
What I actually do with to her, no is she
afraid that I will. Yes, it works, it works, right.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
But also we're not taking a belt out and cussing
them out and screaming at them and beating them for
everything that they do.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
I think people confused, and I really hate I'm gonna
say this, I really hate that people associate gentle parenting
with whiteness.
Speaker 3 (47:55):
Stop that shit.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Gentle parenting is nothing more than then being kind to
your children, treating your children like humans.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
You know. It's not beating them into a fucking submission.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
That's what's so disturbing. We were so used to getting
our ass beats so much, we've we normalized getting the
shit beat out of them.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
We normalized child abuse, man.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
And that's what's crazy about it. Like we think that's
what parenting is. When a kid, you know, does something
that we don't agree with, it is to just beat
the share out of them. It's crazy to here how
we normalize that.
Speaker 3 (48:28):
Yes it is, and it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And that's why again, why I say, stop equating gentle
parenting with whiteness. It's not the same thing. Up on them,
It's just not you know what I mean. Like, laugh
at it.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
We do laugh at it.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
Laugh at it, you know, and like, because I have
friends who tell me all the time my kid would
have said or done that, I beat the shit out.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
I'm good for you.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
I'm not beating my child for having an emotional response
to something. If anything, we're gonna talk about this because okay,
why do you feel that way?
Speaker 3 (48:59):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Who need to address I mean because at the end
of the day, they're still human too.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
People forget that they have they have bad days, just
like we do. People forget that, you know what I mean?
Like like Willias.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Xavier, our four year old, right, little dude is so
emotionally aware it's insane. Like he get his feelings hurt
or we fuss at him or yell at him, he'll
go to his room and cry.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
Then he'll come out and say I need a hug.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
And it's like, hey, bro, you just yelled at me
and now my feelings are hurt. I need some kind
of comfort. But the fact that he is four years
old and he can do that. Otherwise, I know people
who literally yell at their kids, scream with them, their
kids go to their room and cry. Then you go
beat the shell of them because they're crying.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
That's that's stupid. Let that shit go.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Just because your parents beat the shit out of you
don't mean you beat your children.
Speaker 3 (49:49):
Stop that, you know.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
And that's another thing right where it's an outdated mindset
and it's dragging you down, and it's dragging your children down.
Because now that's why we got so many I stand
on this hill. You've heard me say it before, Courtny
I said all the time. That's why so many men
are pissed off and fucked up out here because they're
tall early on, boys don't cry, boys don't feel emotions,
(50:12):
boys don't discuss their feelings, and then you beat the
shit out of them, and they can't voice this anywhere.
So yeah, they're angry and they mad. You've got forty
year old men out here who pissed off at the
whole wide world. All they know is anger. They can't
process any other emotion.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
And then we want to watch some of them abusive
sell that's what I'm saying, like that's what they know.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
That's it?
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Or even women right because now I ain't gonna lie
to you, ain't gonna hold you. There are more women
who out here being on dude, being on.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
Dudes, like a lot of them, and it.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Starts early because you don't give these children space to
explore their feelings. And you don't do that shit because
you need to be on somebody couch somewhere, ye talking
about how you're gonna beat shit out of you. But
it's a mindset shift. It has to shift.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
And that shit it's old. It's old. It's an all
way of of it's an all way of punishment or
addressing an issue. It does not benefit today. It's old.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
It is.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
And you know, and people say that stupid that ship
what is it? Spare the rod spoiler chapter the Bible.
I hate that ship. That's done And I've never understood that.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I never understood it, you know, Like today when I
look at it, I'm like, how do we not realize
that that ship is is outdated? It don't work no more?
Speaker 3 (51:27):
It is.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Why don't we Why don't we see that it is?
Speaker 1 (51:30):
You know?
Speaker 2 (51:31):
And we have a lot of work to do. We
have a lot of work to do and and uh
and a lot of unlearning and relearning that we have
to do. And it's not it's not always an easy
process to do. But that ship right there has to
take place. It has to be done. Because otherwise ain't
no such thing as growth or getting better? Correct, you
living with the conflict within yourself? No want to get
(51:52):
a great outcome, but you living living or performing low
low performance. Yes, you cannot get You cannot get high
per woman's results by performing law. No, you know what
I'm saying. That's a conflict.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
Expect to what I said earlier.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
You know, you have parents out here teaching their children
that excellence is the expectation.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
But you ain't showing them. But you're underperforming yourself. They don't,
They don't, they don't see. So what they don't see
top performing.
Speaker 1 (52:20):
What do you expect them to do? They're following the lead.
Children live what they learn, they're learning from you. Yeah,
so if your mindset is fucked, your kids are gonna
be fucked. Don't be mad when they turn out just
like you, because that's what you taught them. As your fault,
your children are a direct reflection of you. Now, I'm
not saying you don't have the one offs right, oh,
because they stop that. Because we have a few family
(52:41):
members that make you want to shake them because they
know better for the stupid shit they do.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
I mean, the reason why is because everybody's their own
individual in their person. They get to make their own
decisions and choices. Every every scenario ain't gonna be the
perfect one. And that's not what we discussed. We don't
talk about because if you do this, it's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 3 (52:58):
No.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
No, professions not real. I've heard me say that a
million times.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
No, we just help put things in place.
Speaker 3 (53:04):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Yes, and it's up to everyone else to to uh
to to adopt those principles or those mindsets and incorporate
them in their life if they so truse to you.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
Know, and there are there are a couple of questions
that you and I have to often ask ourselves, and
it's which is what, like, what outdated mindsets we're bringing
to our future? What does that look like? And if
we're bringing them, if they don't serve us? Then we
talk about how do we let that go?
Speaker 3 (53:35):
How do we how do we move on from that?
What does that look like?
Speaker 2 (53:38):
Correct?
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Right?
Speaker 1 (53:39):
And then I think another question that we've asked each other.
We've talked about this on road trips and for hours before,
but it's what belief or behaviors are we protecting that
no longer serves us.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
You know, I know we talk about it, but those
things right there are very difficult for people to address. Araka.
Oh yeah, that's the difficult address because now I'm not
just facing me. Now I'm not facing where I'm at.
I'm facing where I came from. Yes, And just imagine
if you if not you, but if you didn't do
(54:13):
the audit, if you didn't do the audit, and now
you just did the audit shit, you know, kind of
like in the TV show Lock and Key or the uncle.
Speaker 3 (54:25):
Oh, yes, he had to be locked back up because
he couldn't.
Speaker 2 (54:27):
It's not that he couldn't be locked back up, it's
that his you know.
Speaker 1 (54:30):
You know, that's what I'm saying, that they had to
lock him back up because his mind couldn't.
Speaker 3 (54:33):
He couldn't deal.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
He couldn't deal with it. He was breaking. Yeah, yeah,
that's exactly what happened when you do the audit too.
Speaker 1 (54:39):
Late yep, yep, or like I remember his name, but
the dad on the Fall of the House of Usher, Yeah,
towards the end, when when never More was coming for
his ass, he was like, I should have done things differently, sir,
are you about to die?
Speaker 3 (54:55):
It don't even matter at this point, it's too late.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
You lost all your children because you made a bad
deal early on and you couldn't even think about it.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
But that's when we all care.
Speaker 3 (55:05):
Yeah, it was too late.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
We care when it's too late. We don't care when
it can be corrected and we can be fixed. No,
even when you have the chances in between, you know what,
we don't do.
Speaker 3 (55:13):
We don't fix it.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
We don't fix it. And then at the end, that's
when we say I didn't mean to do that, I'm
so sorry, or that. That's why you know now it's
too late.
Speaker 3 (55:24):
It's too late.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
That's why you have so many death bed for you know, regrets,
people begging for forgiveness, apologies, confessions. Don't wait until you're
at the end to shift your mindset. Do not wait
until it's too late to let go of those old
belief systems that don't serve you.
Speaker 3 (55:44):
Let that shit go now.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
Yeah, so stop thinking y'all know everything. Okay, that's anybody.
So I'm thinking you know everything and adopt a new
way of thinking. Yes, please do so. So get ready
to close this out, baby, But you got anything that
you need to leave before we go?
Speaker 1 (56:04):
Yeah, you know, I just I really want everyone to
think about. You know what I just said, What beliefs
or behaviors are you protecting that don't serve you, that
don't help you? You know, what beliefs do you have
that you're holding on to, that you're passing down to
your children that you know don't serve you. What mindset
(56:27):
are you holding on to that prevents you from being
the person you dream about being.
Speaker 3 (56:33):
Yeah, I don't have anything to leave behind. I'm gonna
just leave it with her.
Speaker 2 (56:39):
You laid it out, baby, You're the one. You use
the neo on my life right now.
Speaker 3 (56:45):
You could have said for everybody, I'll take it, okay.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
I mean you know I like the matrix, soil had
to say it. Yeah. Yeah, Hey everyone, we thank you
so much for listening to the Student's Life podcast and
we will be back. And one more thing, I apologize
for leaving this out. We have an e book coming
and we're going to keep everything everybody updated about it
(57:11):
and so just like subscribe on Spotify, Apple and audible
and YouTube also and tik talk too, So thank you
for listening. This has been the Students of Life podcast.
Everybody Live and Learn Life is a lesson the Prime
(58:01):
Com bubble
Speaker 1 (58:07):
Cover bubb
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