Episode 12 | We Crave What's Missing: The Hidden Drive Behind Our Desires

There’s a silent force driving many of our choices, habits, and even our relationships—and most people never name it: craving. Not just the craving for food, sex, or money, but the deep emotional craving for things we were never given space to want or the things we were deprived of.

In this episode, we explore how unfulfilled desires shape our lives without us realizing it. We break down four common types of “cravers”:

• The Responsible Craver who carries the weight of everyone else
• The Rebellious Craver who pushes back against control
• The Silent Craver who holds everything in
• The Denial Craver who pretends they’re unaffected

We address real-world stories through examples of everyday people—we unpack how craving shows up in the form of bitterness, rebellion, addiction, and perfection. 

This episode isn’t about guilt or blame. It’s about understanding. When you recognize what you’ve always craved but were never allowed to name, you begin to see your life through a new lens. And once you become aware, you gain the power to choose differently. Whether you’re leading a family, healing from your past, or just trying to figure yourself out, this episode will give you the language and insight to make sense of what’s been silently shaping you for years.


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Students of Life. We're healing in cute but
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Speaker 2 (00:03):
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
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Speaker 2 (00:11):
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Speaker 1 (00:19):
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(00:44):
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(01:04):
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(01:27):
Let's get strategic.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Welcome to the students of Life Podcasts, and I am
your host, Courtney, and with me again as I said,
always my beautiful wife Erlka. Hey, how you doing.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
I'm good. How are you? I am? I'm doing good, Sweeting.
Is anything crazy going on? Uh? Crazy? No? I am
excited to do this episode today though. No.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Okay, but before we do this episode, you know, warming
up as we always do in some.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Way that you talked ship hunt, go for it. I
promise you. I'm not talking ship this time, me nor
our audience believed you.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
I am not.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
But I do want to bring up the cheating couple though.
The cheating couple.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yeah, the cheating couple. You know that call on the
cold play came. Oh what did you think about that?

Speaker 1 (02:19):
You know what? Not gonna lie to you. When I
saw it, I was like, oh, wow, that's bad. Like
that's a CEO with someone who works like pretty much
maybe a step or two below him on a massive
camera and now it's gone viral. These people have spouses
and children. That's terrible. But you know it was really bad.

(02:41):
It was the worst to me was when you had
like the Phillies mascots, Yeah, like mocking them like you know,
shit is bad whenever. Well they have, but did you
but the Philly mascots were hilarious. Did you see it?
Like like they had that one. They had one just
like a like a female she had on like a

(03:02):
blonde wig. Yeah, and then like the camera and the
camera like panned over to them, and when it did,
he had armed around her and then like she like
duckd and like fell to the floor. He ran the
other way. It was I was like, but you got
emil BT's making fun of you. That's terrible.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
I saw one it was an ai one. When he
was holding her he threw all he just he picked
it up and threw away and the.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
R I was like, damn, I didn't see that. Oh
oh it was.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
It was hilarious. But everybody's been doing these parodies or
this thing. It's it's crazy. But I think what was
even worse. This is the question. I don't know when
it happened, and it happened there and they got caught
on the camera and the person who put the camera
on them saying, oh, they must be having an affair.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
Oh did they? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (03:52):
I don't know if that was actually true when it
first came out.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
Oh, my god.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yeah, you know, like so it was like the the
response immediately, like when they ducked, you know and turned away,
He's like, oh, they must be having an affair.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
No, that was probably real. It was probably a millennial
or gen z behind that camera controlling that, and that
was one of those oh shit moments. That's hilarious. Yeah,
it was funny. I would murder you.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Look, you you never can be calling something like that, absolutely,
I promise you wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
You wouldn't even have to worry about that. No, I'm aware,
but you know, hi, Like all I can think about, honestly,
is God, they're poor spot because they were both married, right,
it wasn't just him, she was married as well.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
It's correct.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
So there's a husband and a wife somewhere being like you,
raggedy bitches of everything you could have done, of everywhere
you could have done it. Y'all got caught on a
fucking kiss cam. Yes, that is crazy. Yeah, so I
thought that was funny as hell. That's priceless. Really, I

(04:57):
love that for them. Could we get to laugh? Yeah?
Look I needed that laugh, you know. Uh.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, I'm so behind on.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Things though, Yeah I am too.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
No, that's all you know what I'm saying. I'm like,
what is this?

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Cause I didn't even know what it was originally?

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Oh really No, I didn't know what it was, so
I had to do a little reading and research. I'm like, oh,
it was a real affair.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Courtney, we're on TikTok. Do you not utilize it cause
you would have seen the same day it happened. No,
I saw it on Facebook.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Oh well you should be cause I saw it multiple
times on Facebook and I didn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
Yeah, you should see TikTok. That shit is hilary. Yeah
it was good. Yes, it's funny as hell. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
So what's going on with this particular episode today? I
think it's gonna be good.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
I am excited about this episode because in this one,
we're going to be talking about if cravings come from
unfulfilled desires.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Okay, so explain a little bit more. I I know
what it is, but explain for the people so they hear.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
Okay, So perspective, right, have you ever stopped mid craving,
whether it was like for food, affection chaos, because you know,
we love a good toxic situation nowadays. You know, whatever, right,
and you ask yourself where's this coming from? Why do
I want this so bad? You know, especially if nobody

(06:17):
ever told me it was okay to want it? Like,
where where is this desire for these things coming from?
That's kind of you know what we're unpacking today. Should
I ever gonna get to the heart of it and say,
is it okay? Is it real? Is it fair to
us or those around us? Or is it craving just
a desire be an.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
Extra Well, it's like like I would say this is
that there is a difference between a desire and a craving.
There's a difference, agreed, There's a difference. You know, A
desire is is a natural thing.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
For us, sue experience.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
So when you when you're growing up and you have
a desire to be good at something, you know, you
put all your effort into it.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
You know, you know that's a desire, you know, just
to naturally want something, you know, like a like like
you and me, I desire you. You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying, you know. And but safe instance,
I would like to put in perspective in this episode,
we're talking about cravings in a different aspect, you know,

(07:23):
because a food craving is not the same type of
craving that we're talking about today.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, we're not talking about craven honeygold wings and you
know red kool aid.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah, yeah, you know that. You know, so safeens like
like you and I in a relationship, or anyone in
a relationship and they crave that person. You know, that's
not a bad thing because you have that passion behind it.
It drives you to to to want the other individual.
But sometimes it dies off. And when it dies off

(07:53):
over a period of time in years, that's when the
craving that we're discussing kicks in. And it's not just
within a relationship, it's just with how we end up
living our lives in general sometimes. So there is a
difference between desire and craving. The desire is a natural
want of something, but the craving is a unnatural obsession

(08:14):
for something that you've been deprived of.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
So what it sounds like you're you're kind of saying is,
in this perspective that we'll be talking about, a desire
is a want and a craving is a wound or
something missing that we need fulfilled.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
That is correct. Okay, And so as we're talking about this,
you know, and it's in this episode we're talking about it,
and I guess the coortion is with this one where
here is that how we end up talking about it.
We end up coming up with this conversation or this
episode just because of a natural conversation that we were having.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, we did, we were in the car.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Actually, yeah, you know. I this one right here is
a pet peeve of mine personally. It is because it's
the number one thing that we act like don't exist,
you know, And and what we just naturally do is
we take the humanity out of the individual. Is if
people don't experience real things like you know, we're shit

(09:13):
on because you have these cravings or desires that have
these outcomes. But I would like to say this right here,
is that we need to understand that it always looks
like the safe instance is because it's easy for us
understand infidelity, right, yeah, Infidelically it looks like the overall outcome,
but really it's only a symptom of something deeper, and

(09:36):
we don't talk about that.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
It's the reaction to something.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Correct. Yeah, there's something that happened that was put in
place that went there, you know what I'm saying. You know,
so so cravings come from different parts of your life,
you know, deprivation, you know, you know, lack of love, peace,
you know, you know, too much control in your life.
There's a lot of things that happen when individuals begin
to crave certain things only because they were deprived of

(10:03):
it or because it was suppressed. That's what it's birth
out of that and in some in some way that's
what happens, you know.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
So just to piggyback off of what you said, you know,
I kind of feel like you could look at this
in a few ways, right. You know, Usually a craving
is the residue from something like I said, we didn't
get some kind of wound that has been left unfulfilled. Yes,
and kind of like okay, example, a lot of people today,

(10:36):
you know what I'm saying, Just oh, just be my peace.
I need peace. You're craving peace like a damn drug.
Because maybe your life is chaos, or you grew up
in chaos and now you brought that over to your marriage,
your relationship, So now your fucking marriage is chaos. It's
chaotic as hell, and you're not realizing here's a problem, right,

(10:59):
You know what I mean. I mean, it's like your
deep need and desire for something without being able to
articulate what you need. You are the chaos that you
are trying to run from.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
But the problem that we always say, excuse me, that
we're facing because we talked about it before, we talked
about it in all our episodes, not every episode, but
a lot of them, the inability to identify what's actually happening,
what's going on. And within this episode, we're going to have,
you know, like these four cravings that I fleshed out.

(11:31):
I know it might be about five, but I can
only develop four.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
But you know, and I want to preface you know,
we're about to go into by saying that a craving
is a craving is something that feels forbidden or unavailable.
You know what I mean it is, There is nothing
wrong with having a craving. It doesn't make you broken,
it doesn't It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
It means you're having a human experience.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
But the problem becomes the life that we've lived. What
it ended up doing is making you feel feel bad
for being a human, like you're not supposed to do it.
And so you know, it's the frameworks that we work within.
Because I talked about the last episode. We have these
frameworks that we work within, and that's how we see
the other person. So the moment people act outside of

(12:19):
the framework, and so and cravings are one of those
things that.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Are outside the framework.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Outside the framework. Inside the framework, you're supposed to operate
like this and you're not supposed to feel like this.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
And so.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
The moment you step outside of that, you think outside
of that, you know, you have a biological response which
is actually natural. Get you get talked about very bad.
And so in this process what we do is hide, well,
we hide, we keep the secret. Yes we do, and
then we act it out in a detrimental way or

(12:55):
to a negative outcome in some way.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
It happens. It does happen, you know. And I need
people to understand who hear this episode that if these
needs that you have continuously go unmet because they are unspoken,
because you're trying to be an image of perfection. Because
I think this episode is going to be geared primarily
toward like relationships, right and what can happen? And because

(13:21):
of that, if you have needs and desires that are unmet,
Like we said, it's going to turn into a craving,
and that craving, if it's not addressed, will tear your
whole damn foundation apart. And when we say relationships, not
just not just like your significant other, like friends, friend right,
so your friendships, your familiar relationships, you know, it's like

(13:44):
all types of relationships, not just oh, husband and wife.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah yeah, and it came from somewhere and we'll do
our best in uncovering that in this episode. And can
you let people know what the those four ravings that
we've identified are.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Yeah. So the first and probably we let you tell
it is the most dangerous is the responsible craver. You know,
in a relationship, that person is usually overburdened too early
and the behaviors and what that looks like is maybe

(14:23):
you're an overachiever, you're a caretaker, you know, you experience
some kind of burnout early on. But then you have
the rebellious craver who tends to be controlled and or restricted.
They're defiant, impulsive, and reactive, and that part is very dangerous.
You have the denial craver who is taught to suppress yourself,

(14:45):
your inner self, your needs, your wants. They're emostly distant
and often performative. Then you have the silent craver. You know,
I feel like this one is the most dangerous. But
the silent craver you've been unseen and unheard most of
your life. And even now, uh, you're quiet, your self, erasing,
you do things to numb yourself. You're not able to

(15:07):
articulate your needs and your wants.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
You know. But with that right there, you said the
responsible one was, you know, was the one. I think
it's the most dangerous. I don't know. I think a
lot of them all the most dangerous, but the denial
craver gets hunder my skin the most. But what we'll
start off with is the we'll start off with the
silent craver, and and we'll just whether anyone seen the

(15:34):
movie or not, because I have to frame it in
this way. It was in the movie The Ledge, and
it was a ledge and that was with liv Tyler,
Charlie Huntum and Patrick I can't remember his name, but
he was a villain eighteen okay, he was the you know,
the the the guy who was the villain you know
who what Patrick Dems is, I don't remember I don't

(15:56):
remember his last name, but all of them were in
the same movie. And and in the movie he was
a religious fanatic. He was a religious fanatic. And liv
Tyler was this very conservative woman only because she was
with a man who was a religious fanatic and far
and and so do I know if she was uh
a virgin or not in that.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
Movie and didn't specify. We don't know.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
It didn't specify, But I just go with it and
say that we did because it was brought up by
Charlie Hunt's character in the movie, you know, and and
what ended up happening in this movie. We would say
that in that movie that he tempted her and he did.
Don't get a twisted he did, But more than anything,

(16:40):
he unwoke something that was all that was there that
she didn't know was there, you know. And and that's
w that's why she was the silent cravy, because she
kept wanting it. Because once she got it, when she
uh started to, you know, cheat on her husband because
he wasn't that man. He wasn't that guy, you know.
And and the the c even inside of her was

(17:01):
always there, just like it is with most people when
you don't get a thing, you always want more of
it or or you know, uh, one of those scenarios
like what was it when I told you about logo
and you know when we was watching logo about the
the woman who was actually who was trains, Well, so.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
It was the woman who was married to a trade
the woman is correct, And she didn't know, right, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
And she didn't know. But years went by, years went by,
and she finally found out, you know, because the family
was keeping it from her, never said nothing to about it,
never said a word.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Her spouse or the family. That's kind of fucked up.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
There was messed up. That's wrong, and so she was
the only one out of the knowe the only one
out of the know and then she ended up finding,
you know, realizing it because she never took showers. They
never took showers together. They never had intimate relationships ever
once like they never had six.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
They didn't have sex at all, did they at all?
And she never saw him naked. She never got to
see him naked.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
And never got to see him naked. Yeah, so she
didn't know that he was a woman at one point, right,
didn't or Steell was to a degree, you know, not
being offensive but cause she s cause he still had
all the woman parts, right, and it years went by
five six years, and so make a long story short,
what ended up happening was she ended up realizing it

(18:27):
and now that she found out that it was missing,
she started to crave the thing that she never got
to experience. Yeah, so that was right there. It was
an example of the silent craver. Just like to Live
Tyler character, there was a silent craver. They everything always surfaces,
what you hide always comes to the light.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
You know, I agree with that, right, And I wanna
talk about the one the exact opposite of that, right,
the rebellious craver. We all know people like that, but
they're dangerous because like unlike the silent craver, you know,
you go through these this thing in your relationship or
friendships whatever, right, something is missing and you don't realize

(19:11):
you need it until you don't have it, like like
the lady from Logo or like like you said, like
Live Tyler in the movie. But I think something that
we need we need to talk about in address is
those scenarios happen every day, like outside of movies and
outside of you know, the Logo show there are people
that we know like this. There are people who are

(19:33):
married and I think, I don't even realize they're like that.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
But they have no idea, No they don't, you know,
but safe things, like with the whole silent crave thing.
And that's the whole point of bringing it up, is
that the outcome of those scenarios look like the real problem,
But the problem happened before that, and so usually years
before that. And so the question becomes, and this is

(19:56):
the question, what do you think the like when we're
talking about the Lev Tyler character, because she was she
was married to a religious fanatic. She was she was,
you know, she was married to religious fanatic, and so
you know, in that she never got to experience she
never experienced. And I asked, what do you believe the

(20:19):
real issue was If it wasn't the infidelity, if the
infidelity was only the symptom, it was the byproduct. Yeah,
it was a byproduct. So and what was it then?

Speaker 1 (20:27):
To you? I mean, you know, I honestly feel like
as humans we have we have desires and we don't
know where the hell they come from. Right, maybe you've
seen something, maybe you heard something in that movie Charlie
Hunt flirted with her. He did. That's how it all started.
It was a simple flirt, that was it. You know,

(20:48):
we see people in past and all day every day
that will flirt with you or whatever. But she was
married to a man and she never got attention. That
was the problem. That was the problem, exactly. The problem
was the attention and the care was missing. So this
man being nice to her, telling her that she was pretty,

(21:09):
you know, like even like and it was like, very subtle,
that's a thing. It was very subtle flirting, right which
you or iying passed. We'd be like, oh, thank you
and keep it moving. But she never got any of that.
She had no idea what that was like. She had
no idea what it felt like to have somebody look
at her and say, damn, you're beautiful.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
At one point in the movie, it was it was subtle,
like you said, if I can remember, it was, he
said you have you have pretty lips? Yep, And she
said I have pretty married lips, yep.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
But that didn't stop him. Yes, I heard either. It didn't.
It didn't.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
Yeah, you know, and and and as we frame it,
it's what happens in relationships all the time. The silent craver.
You can be a relationship for say, for instance, it
starts off real well, but the longer you're together, it
just dies. And now you know what it looks like.

(22:11):
It looks like you know whoever did the act? You know,
even if communication broke down and you gave in, you know,
something happens.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
This is life.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Shit really does happen.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Shit happens every day.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Is not to always excuse it, but you know, things
do happen. Yep, things happen. And we always love to
attack the outcome of a scenario and never address where
it originated from. I'm an origins guy, you know what
I'm saying. I'm an origins guy. And it's always started somewhere,
and it's never about what you see. Most of the time,

(22:44):
it's nothing how it happens, you know.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
But and I think that's why you and I see
life a lot differently than a lot of people, do,
you know, just simply because we're able to take a
step back and say, Okay, we see what happened here,
but what's the why? Correct what led to the It's like, okay, cool,
she like because our friends will call us she cheated
on me. My first question is always why what happened?

(23:08):
I don't know? Now, we ain't gonna do that. Me,
You're not gonna do that. You're gonna tell me what happened,
what led up to it? Like it her behavior changed,
If it changed and you saw it coming, what did
you do about it? Or vice versa, what happened? What happened?
Like Erica, he cheated on me? What did you do?
Or what did you not do? Because usually that one
what did you not do? Yeah, and if you can't

(23:30):
tell me what you didn't do, that means you're unaware
and your ass deserved it because you ain't paying up.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
No way, I don't know if they deserved it.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
That's how I talk to people.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
I understand you know that I get it.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
I think by now our listeners know that I get it.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
But I don't think that they deserved it.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
No one can see her air quotes but.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Me, Yeah, I don't think they deserved it. No shit happens,
does happen, and time gets back and we get we
get lackluster.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Okay, So let me ask you a question. Okay, if
because we have friends right who come to us for
a relationship advice all the time, If if a friend
comes to us like they often do, and say, you know,
I noticed that my partner was changing maybe six or
seven months ago. I know that they started making a
change last year, and I just found out they've been

(24:20):
cheating on me for the past three months. If you
saw something was changing last year and you didn't address
it or talk about it, at this point, I am
holding you complicit as well. Yes, so, yes, that's why
I say it's your fault now honestly, now, honestly believe

(24:40):
it now. We also know we're human, right, So there
is sometimes people just keep shitting their head and just
act on it. You can't help that, but that is
a direct result of someone being a silent craver. They've
left it in their head, they haven't addressed it with
you or anyone else. So when they react and they

(25:01):
they hop on whatever it is they wanna do. Sometimes
maybe you just really didn't see it coming.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
You didn't see it coming, and it's a I want
to say that it's not always a sexual response that
people are going after. Sometimes, No, it's more of an
emotional response to what they're going after. Yeah, it's what
they're missing emotionally, and that's what makes it dangerous, yes,
with the silent craver, because now they got a taste

(25:27):
of it, and now they can't let it go. They
can't let it go. And now say, now we're dealing
with a scenario where and with the with the silent craver,
we're talking about something that becomes an addiction and obsession down.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
So okay, like you said that, Another example of that
would be you know how you talk to people, Yeah, right,
and a woman will say, he was just nice to me.
He paid me attention. Yeah, you know, he told me
I was pretty. He's my my work husband. He noticed

(26:04):
I changed my hair. I've heard that a whole lot. Yeah,
you know the old saying a shoulder to crown becomes
up to ride on. Oh yeah, that that happened with
work husbands and work wives every single day, all the time.
And that's because you know, it's oh, I think you
got your hair cut. I like that you changed your

(26:27):
toe polish. That is good on you. Meanwhile, the husband
at home is like you cooking dinner or all. You
know what I'm saying, And it's like or either you
can go step further, right, cause men are not that
different from women. We all have the same emotional needs.
I don't know why people act like men are not human.
But you got a work wife, you know, she's like,
she come to you. Your beery looked good today. You

(26:49):
weren't different, coloone today you smell good.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Give me a hug, or that smell a good boy?

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Right there? You smell good, Give me a hug and
all shit, now here we go. Yeah, you know that
that hug doesn't lead to some I gotta work overtime,
and you ain't working overtime on the clock. I know
people who did that. That's why I brought it up, you.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
Know, but sometimes on the job, I do know if
scenarios like that.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
Okay, I do too, But we don't want to talk
about that. No, not talking about I'm just bringing it up. Okay,
So then let me ask you a question. Right, so,
the opposite of a silent craver in a relationship would
be the responsible craver.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Right, I don't. I don't look at it as as
the uh as an opposite. I don't look at it
like that. But are they connected? Yeah, they are connected,
But I don't look at it as a as an opposite.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
Okay, then, so in your your mind, what's a responsible
craver then.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Some a person who's been responsible of their entire life
and what what I mean like this, we would you know,
I'm not gonna say that our generations people hadn't endured
this one. I'm not gonna say that because I'm I'm
pretty sure this has happened. But i know older generations
they they they have done it because cause they their

(28:04):
parents used to have shit town.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
The kids life real, Oh my god, yeah, you know,
uh they say twelve kids easy, they.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Used to have like like like in the field and
the NBA teams. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
Your grandma got thirteen kids. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
And so somebody ends up taking up a lot of
their responsibility very early on. Usually it's the oldest daughter
or son, whoever it is. It just happens, you know,
they end up taking up a lot of responsibility early
on in their life. And then they as they move on,
you know what, they still taking care of the family,
still taking needs of the mama. Then they get married.
Yet they get married, they have kids, and then they

(28:40):
they take care of the home, take care of the husband.
But along the way they forgot about themselves. So the
responsible person navigated life that way, and as they navigated,
what ended up happened was they forgot about themselves and
they forgot how to live.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
So been the caretaker their whole lives with no one
to care for them, they just corrected. Okay, so this
is stay with me, y'all right, just don't push pauls.
So would you say that a responsible crave in a
relationship based on what you know? Right? Based on what

(29:18):
I know, I would say that these people are the
people who enjoy being a submissive and a dominant submissive
relationship because they can let go.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
No, I don't think so, you don't think so? Nope,
I don't. Why not because because these people right here,
they're uptight as hell. These people are uptight. They do
everything by the book, you know, so they don't want
to be touched in a certain way sometimes because because
they did things. And now look, and I'm not saying

(29:51):
that there could not be a possibility with what you're saying.
I'm not saying that, but these responsible people they end
up growing very bitter, you know, throughout their life because
they forget about themselves.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
Okay, so all right, so let me die back a
little bit. Let me dial back what I said a
little bit because I agree with you what you're saying,
because we know people like that, right. But when I
say these people are typically or could be submissives in
like a dominant submissive relationship, what I'm saying is these
are people who figured out, I just need someone to

(30:26):
care for me, and the person that I'm married to,
I'm in a relationship with can't do it. And so
if they're approached like liv Tyler, right, if they're approached
and a connection is made, nine times out of ten
they're gonna do it.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
But there's the only issue with this is is it possible? Yeah,
it's very possible. What these people have to contend with
is the fact can they accept it?

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Can they accept the care?

Speaker 2 (30:59):
Can they accepted? Because now, because look they look at
everything as outside, you know, there's the responsible person they did.
They don't take risk.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Very well or at all.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
They don't take risk very well. So anything like with
what you're discussing, it becomes very difficult for them to do.
So it becomes difficult for them to to to not
necessarily disengage, but to let go. They don't know how
because their job is to take care of everybody else,
and so they become very bitter within their life and

(31:33):
anyone who takes risk, they become very judgmental. You know,
they try to you know, talk bad about them and
rhyal them back in. That's what the responsible person just naturally,
naturally does. They criticize, you know, and and they have
this secret envy, you know, because everybody has a freedom
that they hadn't sought out yet because their job was

(31:55):
to take care of everybody. And I guess the question
with this one to you is if we're dealing with
a person like that, how does an individual overcome that,
because it's very difficult to overcome to come that, you.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Know, can it happen?

Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yes, it can.

Speaker 1 (32:12):
Based on how you're describing it. It sounds like the
responsible craver that you're describing because it's not just one type.
There are a lot of people that we could place
under this because I could give you a list right now, correct,
not names, but you know, like personality types. Yes, it
sounds like the type that you're talking about. The specific
box you're talking about right now is they they need

(32:35):
and want control, but then later in life they resent
the control they've always had. That's correct. So that being
the case, you know, honestly, the only thing they can
do is get out of their own way. Can they
do it on their own note.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
It becomes very difficult.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Well, it's fucking impossible. They probably need therapy, you like,
someone to guide them and hold their hand and say, hey,
here's how you get past that. A to B, B,
two C C to D right like that, that's how
you get past these things. Otherwise, like you said, they're
gonna continue to carry their family and the world on
their back. They're going to continue to say I am okay,

(33:12):
when inside they're fucking breaking and they are becoming bitter,
and they're becoming resentful. And it's because I've cared for
everybody nobody cared about me, when in reality, you won't
let anybody care for you. It's correct, you know. So,
I honestly, I don't think without some kind of intervention
that that that's one that somebody can overcome on their own.

(33:33):
I don't believe that at all.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
And and so you know, with that, when I look
at it, you know, the responsible craver they want more.
They just don't know how to get.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
It because they're in their own way.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yeah, they're ain't their own way. Then they didn't know
that being responsible was going to cost them them their self.
They didn't know that. But that's exactly what happened, you know,
them caring for everything, being responsible, not taking risk, taking
care of everything the way they thought they should have.
They didn't know they're gonna it was gonna cost them.

(34:08):
But if anybody is doing that, I think you should
identify that shit right now.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
They can't.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
I'm not saying if they hear this, If they hear this.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
Well, I mean, yes, s but but here's the thing though,
They have to be able to recognize it. And a
lot of people who have done that for that long
they don't see it. Yeah, So that would mean that
you would need somebody to call you out on your
shit and say, hey, hear this podcast and you kind
of fit into this category. Let's talk about it now.
On the flip side of that, you have the fucking rebel,

(34:37):
who to me is a walking toxic as individual, like
they burned down everything they come into contact with, you know,
like as the root word, you know, rebel, rebellious. These
people often hate feeling controlled, They react before they reflect.

(34:57):
They struggle with being told no or to wait, they'll
probably pick fights when things seem I'm doing air quotes here,
y'all too stable or too good because chaos feel safer
than vulnerability. And somewhere along the way they learn that
negative attention from rebellion equals love. So they're gonna test

(35:21):
every limit you have to see how long you'll stay.
They're self sabotage a lot, and then they turn to
you and say, I knew I couldn't trust you. I
knew I shouldn't be here. You are like everybody else,
when in reality it's your fault. And honestly, this is
what today we call toxic relationships and toxic friendships. I'm

(35:47):
doing everything to trigger you because I like to trigger
you because I don't like safety. Although I want safety
and I think I'm craving safety. I'm gonna self sabotage
every single Daymnsel. Then I'm gonna turn around to be
the victim and blame you.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
Right, that's the the outcome to a degree, what you're
talking about.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yes, the outcome. Yes, Now, we didn't talk about the calls.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
You no, no, no, we didn't talk about the cause.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Now.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
We we didn't talk about the cause. The calls overall,
it comes from something from the beginning. It's more of
a parenting issue though oh I agree with that. You know,
the the rebellious person is more. This issue is more
generated from from from a very younger age, yeah, than

(36:36):
it is anything else. Even though a lot of these
things are you know, childhood's cut in childhood in some way.
But this one right here is because you were being
suppressed in some way, you know, held back.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Us being Southern people, and most most of our listeners
are Southern. These are your preacher's kids. You know this.
This is why we say I have learned to ask
people are you are you a are you a PK?
Are you a preacher's kid? And you can normally tell
about the behaviors, you know, because they grew up in
such a tight bubble and they were put into a box.

(37:11):
The box was closed, that shit was tape shut. They
never had a chance to experience or do anything. So
when they got to an age where they could venture
out and start exploring the world, has bringing them at
sixteen seventeen eighteen, God forbid from your like like legit
real KOJK or real Southern baptistness, and you don't see
life so you get to college.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
Oh, but that's when it gets bad.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
That's when your world falls apart.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
It gets bad there. But it was too many guard
rails that was put up without without naturally allowing them
to navigate along the way.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Well, and their parents called that love because they thought
they were protecting them when in reality you were breaking them.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
Yeah, you were breaking them. Yeah. Along, I'm not gonna
say break them. I won't say break them. But once
they out and have a taste of the world, that's
what ends up breaking them, you know, to a degree,
because now.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
There's no going back. No.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
Look, it was just like what was it like Jurassic
Park when the Indominous wrecks, you know, when when what's
his name Chris Prad had said, Hey, now she got
a taste. She don't even know what she is.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
She has no idea what she has, no idea what freedom.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
Now she's out here trying to find it out.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
And she's killed and destroying everything in her.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Past, everything in her path, even herself.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Because if you don't get some control over it, there's
only one alcohol.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
For that one. Yeah, self destruction completely, It is self destruction.

Speaker 2 (38:40):
But when you crave like that, you know when when
when you have those type of guardrails put up and
and you didn't have a taste of what was going
on out there.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
No, that's that's dangerous. That's dangerous. Yes, you know, because again,
not only are you self sabotaging, baby, you are burning
everything around you everything how like you know, you and
I again talking to friends and family or whatever. People
come to us and they talk to us, and we
tell them, you are the common denominator in all of

(39:11):
these issues. You are having the same issues with multiple people. Baby.
The problem is you. You know, if you can't get
along with your friends or your family, if you can't
keep a stable significant other, the problem is you. And
people don't like hearing that, but it's truth though, you know,

(39:33):
and there are so many types of people, you know
that that can fall under this category. You know, I
know we mentioned preacher's kids or whatever, but the overall
behavior is being defiant, like being impulsive, you know, living
that whole, that whole yolo type of type of type

(39:55):
of life. You know, it's like, well I only live once.
You won't need once two foods, so down, like calm down,
and they would and they were deprived of curiosity too.
They were you not, I don't even think they even
understood what the hell curiosity was when they were younger.
They were never even allowed to explore anything.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeuh, denied uh curiosity, you know, made to be obedient, yes.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Like they were orbaten to submiss she let's talk about
that one.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, you know, things like that, you know, and that's
what made these people. You know, these types of people
were bailious and and you know, uh, that insatiable desire
to crave and get a taste of the world out there.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
And you know, and that is like how people sometimes
tell us that that we give trend too much freedom.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
Yeah, you know, but no we don't, you know, and
and so like they're right there, and we'll we'll we'll
continue with that one. Based on how we d how
we talk and while we talk. I think people should
understand that while we talk to to her.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
The way we do the way we do, because she's
a human.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
She's a human.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
One day she's going to have an adult human experience.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
And she has guardrails right now. And look, she does.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Say she gets mad at us often, she gets.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
Mad at us because she sees she she sees even
at this age, how wild her friends are and as
a parent. Look, I had those that conversation with I'm like, Sweetie,
you don't want that. I'm like, I'm like, you don't understand,
Like if we if we let you be that kind
of free, I said, you would, I said, you would
be just as free, free as they are. And like,

(41:27):
I said, you would do it because you wouldn't know any.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
Yeah, I get it better.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
I'm like, so, so you would go with it, I said,
But you don't understand that me and your mother are
trying to protect you. Yes, I said, We're going to
slowly release those guardrails the older you get, but we
can't do it all at one time.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
Baby. You know what's funny about that, it's I'm laughing
because right, of course, she turned thirteen. So a few
weeks ago, right she called Maddie came to her. She
and Maddie is her big sister. It's her cousin, but
it's her big sister. Maddie's where are the end all be?
Maddie and Malik, that's who she calls for everything. She

(42:03):
called both of them and told them both, my mama
won't take screen time off my phone. I'm turning thirteen.
None of my other friends have screen time. You know.
They both told her she's not going to because she
loves you, because you have to earn it. Yeah, and
you know what, I appreciate the fact that she is
surrounded by a village who instill the same values that

(42:25):
we do. You know, and you have maleigue saying no
big brother right like boys, Nah, we ain't doing it
like you're thirteen. I don't care what your friends do.
Does it matter? So she's hearing the same words that
we tell her, reinforced by people that she looks up to.
You got Maddie telling her all the time, Jay, you
got time for a boy? Like wait for college? You know,
like you're doing great in band, You're an honor roll student.

(42:48):
Why do you care about your friends are doing? Like
it's okay to be an individual? Now? Will I? Will
I set all that to say this, our child is thirteen.
She is a real thirteen year old. She is, you know,
and that in today's time, that's no longer common. You know.
Like the most weave she's gonna wear is braids. That's it.

(43:08):
That's all I got for you, sis. It's not less braids.
You know, we let her put on lashes from Friday
to Sunday going to school. Absolutely not. She can wear
a lip gloss trying to makeup she's getting, you know
what I mean. And but we give her enough freedom
while keeping her on the leash so that she'll never
become this rebellious craper.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
But based on her age. But the older she gets.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
What were released, what were released? The lease a little
bit more.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah, we widen the guard rails. Yeah, you know, eventually
they become they come down, you know, once you hit
a certain age. It's just part of life. Yeah, just
part of life. But we have to slowly do that.
And but you don't give her freedom all at one time,
but along the way we have to. It's the communication
that matters, because what happens is this, because this is

(43:55):
the big gap, the big ass gap that I know.
I've seen it in my entire life when when the
parents do not talk about you know why they do
what they do, communicate with the child because if they create,
start creating their own story in their head, they're going
to believe it. I don't give a shit if it's
if it's that kid or an adult. The moment people

(44:16):
start creating their own narratives about what's happening. It's hard
to reshape it. And if we don't discuss it with
her about why we do what we do, she's going
to have this idea in her head that we were
trying to hold her back, and if we don't communicate it,
it's only going to look like we were trying to
hold her back. Yeah, it won't look like her, it
won't look like love. Right, But that's why you have

(44:36):
to talk to your children. But you have to talk
to them, talk to them. And so this goes into
this right here, it's saying, you know, we're not saying
that it's going to one hundred percent prevent anything. We're
only trying to lower the probability of it ever happening.
You can't stop anything one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
But and you know what's cool too. If do you
remember I'm telling you that conversation she had with me,
her friend asked her her friend is thirteen, to say
her right told her Trinity to tell your mama to
bring you to the skating ring, but we're gonna go
somewhere else instead. Yes, I don't think she knew I
heard her through the wall right right, But her exact

(45:16):
words were, do you know who my mama is? Are
you crazy? Just because y'all can do that stuff, I
can't do that. And as a parent, that made me
so happy to know that we have instilled the proper
values in her. Because the trend can formulate a question
like an adult. Therefore, if you can ask me an
adult question, you get an adult answer. Correct. Right, So,

(45:40):
of all of these craver types, we're only telling you
the story about our thirteen year old because she won't
fit any of these boxes.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
We're gonna try to reduce as many boxes as she
fishing in this par correct.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
That's how y'all correct, Because that's what we're supposed to do,
and that's what our parents should have done for us,
but they didn't.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
And we need to understand the progression of how these
things work because it's this right here. Say, for instance,
the rebellious craver. No, not the rebellious craver, It is
part of that, but the responsible craver actually gives birth
to the rebellious craver.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Yes, we need to. I was gonna address that absolutely.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
That's the mathematical equation to get a rebellious You know,
somebody who gets that kind of outcome. Yes, because those
people are so tight with everything they do. They hold
back on their kids yep. On what they can do,
the curiosity or what they think they should do based
on how they see the world yep. And so what

(46:41):
happens is the responsibility versus that natural rebellious spirit.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
It clashes.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
And so the only thing the rebellious, naturally rebellious person
wants to do is fight back. And even when they
become an adult, you know what they go do. They're
going to fight. They're gonna do everything the opposite of
what their parents were just so they didn't have to do,
just so they can say I wouldn't I wasn't.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Like you, I was nothing like you, and I won't
be anything like you. Right. But they're craven. You know,
turns bad too, it does, And you know, the rebellious
craver can sometimes give birth to the one that you
dislike the most, the denial craver. I'm gonna tell you,

(47:28):
Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why.
Because you grow up in the household where everything is
so so loose and so open and just chaotic, right
then you grow up in you and say you know what,
I'm not gonna be like that. So you you're taught
to suppress yourself a little bit, right, unlike the responsible craver.

(47:55):
You know, you become emotionally distant and quite performative, and
just to be real, a lot of these are nile cravers.
All your politicians, they're your preachers, they're your teachers and
principles and people that have to put on a face
for the entire world when it all actually also doing
the same exact shit the rest airbus is doing.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
And the person who was trying to be perfect yep, perfection.
This is about image, that's it. So they care about
the denial craver. It's strictly about image.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
And then you know what, you're out somewhere one night,
you know what you see? You see those people. Yeah,
and those people are in the same place. You're in
the same place they tell the world they're never going
to be in. And they're looking like, oh.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Shit, yeah, we've experienced that.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
We have. Yeah, we have.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
I mean, don't bother me about saying it book, you know,
but no, it was we've literally seen the preacher in
places he shouldn't have.

Speaker 1 (48:49):
Been, not based on when he says in that poolpit. Yeah,
he shouldn't have been there.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
But that's that's the reality of it, you know, and
what he did and what was happening in that process.
You know, it's the image. But the problem that really
comes along with with doing something like that is that
you act like the issue don't exist. You judge on the.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
Outside, but you crave on the inside.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
You crave on the inside.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
You know.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
You act like the biology isn't there. You act like
you know, you act like the world isn't human. You
act like you're more human than anyone else because you
overcame it.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
But the reality of it is you didn't, and it
makes you worse in my opinion.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Yeah, and I don't like them because they're liars, they're hypocrites. Yeah,
I don't like them.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
They're walking freaking hypocrites, you know. And you have this
performative person who will literally dead ass condemn you for
everything that you do that is correct when they are
doing the same exact thing, you know. And for me,
in my mind, I'm like, bro, you could have just

(49:57):
owned your shit andn't have been honest. Now, you know, Memphians,
Now you got to be on your ass it's over.
It's over for you, sir or ma'am.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
But like this, but the court, that's not even just
a question. What makes them so bad is they make
themselves look as if they're better than everyone else, like
this right there. Say, I don't struggle with that. I'm
not like other people. I never had those urges. I'm
just built different.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
I'm built different. That's the one right there. No, for real,
that's it. I'm built different.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Yeah, it's stuff like that, you know, and and and
they suppressed the same you know. You know we said
it early on. You're meant to have these things going on.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yes, you're a human. It's a human. It happens, it's life.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
And so look when when I see people like this,
I'm like, you a lie, you a damn lie. I
know what's going on because you're human. Right.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
Biology is biology, biology, man, woman, it doesn't out of
biology is biology or save instance, we're using passes, but
save instance, like.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Like the things that happened at Atlanta with many years ago,
with Eddie Loan guys, so and it's and to me,
it's not that it happened.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
It's not that it happened. The problem is is that
the image that.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
People put on, the perfectionism, the perfectionism, and everybody buys
into it too, and they and then they and they
believe that those individuals live.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Outside the realm of humanity, of.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Humanity, the.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
Right.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
You know, we don't see them as human. They're they're
the best of us.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
That's what we see we in our actuality them are
the worst.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
And they're because they suppressing more than anyone else. They
have an image of a whole.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yeah. So so when they release it, they're releasing frustration
and anger and irritation, and they're releasing all these negative things.
But you are literally the embodiment of what you say,
don't be So it's like what what the hell? Like
what happens here? How did you get here?

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Or like this right here?

Speaker 1 (52:08):
You know.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Another example I think that's not I think it was
the TV show Billionaire Billionaire with No Billionaire with Giovanni
and it.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
You know, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
He was like a turney general or something. Yeah, he
was right, you know, but what was happening in the bed?
They know what you were about to say, Oh you know,
you know, in the bedroom it was of course it
was him and his wife.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Well, it wasn't. The problem was it wouldn't do him
and his wife.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
But yeah, correct, but it was he was going to
a dungeon. He was going to a dungeon to get there,
to get that fulfillment, and his wife had no idea, right,
But even though they had an agreement, but it was
the when when you.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
Do it right, it was when you followed that part
of the agreement because he needed it, because he needed it.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
He was cravy, So he had this this public image,
this persona, he had it. It was going on. But
while he was shitting on everybody else talking dad to
everyone else, behind the scenes, that's what he's doing. And
we got a lot of people doing that too, just
like when we saw the pastor doing the same thing.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
That was funny.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Yeah, that's the reality, you know. And and so when
we're doing stuff like that, you know, it's these people suppressed,
even the mask to a degree. They try to act
like it don't exist. Oh yeah, they try to act.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
Like they try, but it's there. You can't hide it.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
They act like it's not a real thing, like like
it's they're not a part of it, But it's there
and it comes out. I don't say violently, like in
a in a negative way, but it comes out explosive.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
So and that what do you think fixes it? What helps?

Speaker 2 (53:53):
Honestly?

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (53:56):
Okay, and I'm being honest with this from there, like.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
For real, I always take it to your face. Right now.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
We live in a world where even like what we're
doing right now. You know what people want? What a solution? Yeah,
they want a solution. Okay, I hear all this, but
I need a solution.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
How do I fix it?

Speaker 2 (54:12):
You want to know what? But you want to know
what fixes it? There is no fixing it.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
There is not.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
There's only a path. You know what I'm saying. We
want a solution. There's no real solution. There's only paths
to follow to get out of it. There's only things
you know that you can do. It's tools awareness, that's
what happens. That's the only thing that really helps us
get past this thing right there. And there's no solution
for this. We love it, We love the solution. There's

(54:42):
only a path.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
So you mean to tell me that my willpower I
won't fix it?

Speaker 2 (54:45):
No?

Speaker 1 (54:46):
Are you sure? Because I'm super strong, I can un
become everything.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
Strength has nothing to do with this, Sure, no, because
you've been holding on to it too long, because it's
part of your safe instance. This right here has become
a part of your identity, that secret part of you,
that's who you are. They're craving. It ain't going nowhere,
So I I'm living in a real life secret war.
It's the only thing that Yeah, the only thing you
can do is address it numble. So there's no solution.

(55:13):
There's only paths to to make it better, you know,
to relinquish some of that not necessarily that not not
guilt or shame. That's that's not what I'm trying to say.
But there's ways to relinquish some of that power that
it has over you. And one of the best things
that you can do is is talk and have some
type of communication. I'm saying, like with the person that

(55:35):
you know, if if if you're married, I believe it's
easier if you're married, if you can communicate. If not,
it ain't fixing to happen. So and I apologize. So
there's no real solution, only paths to make it better.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
So my logic won't fix my emotional wounds. Logic does
not fix this, but I think it will. Why do
you think that, I mean, not not ergor personally. But
there are a lot of folks who say that that
I'm logical to fix this on my own.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
But this is beyond logic, is it. Oh yeah, this
is not a logical issue. This is a biological issue
that every human has within themselves that you have to
address in face and stop lying to yourself. I think
that I believe that's one of the biggest ones we
have to stop doing right there. Stop lying. Look, if
you look at that woman, address that woman look good.

(56:22):
Stop lying. It's the secret that kills you because the
secret becomes a thing that explodes out one day. The secret,
you know, is if you don't feel that way, that's
what makes you step out your outside of your marriage,
you know, or that's the secret that you the thing
that you're lying to yourself about is the reason why
you go overboard while you have the addiction, the obsession,

(56:45):
while you don't get enough where you know where you
got this incurable thirst, where you keep warning more this
never feel like a goddamn vampire, just need more.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
So this TikTok or this ig real ain't gonna fix
me if I keep watching it. Never if I keep
looking for advice.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
No, I think this is what what fixes it. The
fact that you stop looking for a quick, fixed solution,
that's what stops it.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
Awareness.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
Awareness starts somewhere, address it, stop blind, and stop living
to everybody else. I want you to know. Have y'all,
y'all know people like that in your life. They lie
to you, and they lie to you right now. Okay,
so look at them and understand. You know, I've seen
some some you know, I know we're talking about pastors
because it's just easy.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
They're they're the most the most notable. That's why, Like,
I know, people like that who who who are cheating.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
On them on their wives? You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (57:41):
Yeah, or you know, or if you don't want to
use pastors, that's cool, fine. What about the female who
has become an habitual cheater because she was silent for
so long? Or what about the fella you know who
who has so much responsibility he just want to decide chee,
he's gotta show.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Up, or you know what, we'll say that it's not
even just it's a split second, but that one right there,
that one, to me is a sad one.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Which one the rebellious craver because you just mentioned it.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
That's a sad one because the majority of those people
they crave, but they never act on it, and they
die like that. You mean responsible, not rebellious, Yeah, not rebellious,
but the responsible. Yeah, to me, that's sad. That's a
sad one. So because they may not ever recover, then

(58:37):
I so, I I.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
Guess it's it's important to let people know that craving
isn't the villain of your story. No, it's more like
your narrator, right, it's what's guiding you, what's leading you.
It's kind of like your body and your experiences saying, hey,
stop forgetting about me. These desires are still here and

(58:59):
address me while they're just desires because I'm not going
away quick. You know it's don't shame it, don't stuff it,
just sit with it, communicate it, talk about it, get
it at number The number one thing is get that
ship out of your head. If you can get it
out of your head, you're said a much better chance

(59:21):
of not becoming one of these people that we're talking about. Yeah,
stop lying to yourself. Don't lie to yourself, lying to yourself,
because there when you lie to yourself, you lying to
your friends and your family and your significant other, and
stop putting a damn band aid on stuff.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Yeah, and understand where it really these things originate from.
You know, it's it's always these cravings come from deprivation, deprivation, suppression,
you know, damn suppress you know, you know, out of guilt, shame,
needing to be.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Accepted, yes, social accepted.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
You know, being accepted, things like that. These are as,
these things originate from, and they happen at a very
young age sometimes and sometimes they don't, but a lot
of it does because it happens over a period of
time and it's just part of it's it's sad, but
just know where it comes from. But it's rooted in

(01:00:17):
suppression and deprivation.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
The craving will be born out of that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
If it's not addressed, you will give birth to it.
And now you got to deal with with the with
the monster that seems uncurable sometimes, So.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
How about either what a challenge, which you think, go
for it. Let's challenge them, all right, So hear me out, y'all,
here's what I want you to do. Take my invitation.
You don't ask yourself what do I crave the most
right now, and then ask what part of me was
told I didn't deserve this? And once you ask that

(01:00:54):
question and you sit with it, that's where you're healing begins.
That's where your understanding of your health begins.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
And after you ask yourself that question, ask yourself who
told you couldn't you couldn't have it? What kind of
people were they? Why did they tell you that? And
once you understand that, you now have your root calls.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
All right, everyone, please do us a favor and follow
us on all streaming platforms everywhere everywhere, Apple, Audible, Spotify,
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Speaker 1 (01:01:35):
Remember, Podbean and that one now too. I don't think
it's Podbeam. What is somewhere around it's one of them,
all the major platforms. We're everywhere except YouTube. Yeah, we're everywhere,
but everywhere else.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
And go to the Students of Life Podcasts Students of
Life Podcasts dot com and download the ebook Three Principles
to Strategic Living.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
Yes, it's wonderful, it's good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
We got some good feedback on give us more and
give us, like I said, give us your feedback and
thank you for listening to the Students of Life podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
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(01:02:29):
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Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
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Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
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Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
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