Episode 5 | The Mask We Wear: Uncovering the Truth to Our Identities

Have you ever felt like you’re wearing a mask—not just metaphorically, but emotionally and psychologically? In this thought-provoking episode, we dive deep into the masks we wear in our daily lives, from the roles society assigns us to the personas we create for protection. 

We explore the Japanese Three Mask Theory, breaking down the layers of identity we present to the world, our loved ones, and, most importantly, ourselves. But what happens when the mask becomes too comfortable? When does self-protection turn into self-deception?

From false identities imposed by others to the exhausting cycle of pretending to be someone you’re not, we uncover how societal pressures and imposter syndrome shape our self-perception. And finally, we tackle the ultimate question: What happens when you've worn the mask for so long that you forget who you truly are?

Join us as we strip away the layers, challenge the illusions, and take a step toward authentic self-discovery. Because the most powerful version of you is the one that doesn’t need a mask.


It’s time to take it off. Are you ready?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hey, y'all, this is Erica with Students of Life podcast.
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(00:58):
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Speaker 2 (01:16):
Welcome to the Students of Life podcast and I am
your host, Courtney and with me it's Elka my wife.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Hi.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
How you doing today, wife?

Speaker 1 (01:27):
I'm good.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
I am doing great. Has everything going on?

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Everything on my hand is great, work is great, kids
are great, my husband is great. We're great.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Your husband is real great. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
He's all right.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Seem just you know, I'm just too my horn just
a little bit and go go.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
Too far, be beat. You're done.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
But you're looking at me like I'm fit going to
say something crazy though? Is that what you're think of.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Me, because I know you were lying when you said
you weren't.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
I was not lying. I promise you. I have nothing
nothing bad to say.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
More so, people who listen to us know you're lying.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Well, they can be misleading sometimes.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
You know.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
It's because something happens four times in a row does
not mean it's gonna happen in fifth time.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
We called bullshit. That's called the fallacy. If you do,
don't you start that shit.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
With that being said, I just wanted to say, you
know what, this still wouldn't have been capable, you know,
us here without you, really, of course not.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
And this is more so to give your things.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
You know, you bought this equipment years ago, and when
we were ready, it was already ready to go, when
we had an idea up ready to go, all we
had to do is just sit down and do the work.
And so technically this one't been easy or it's capable
of us doing this without you. So with that right there,
all bullshit aside, no jokes is thank you.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
You're welcome. Who knew you could be nice?

Speaker 3 (03:03):
I'm very nice?

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Did yeah? Okay, I mean I mean it wasn't that day.
It wasn't to you Okay, all right, don't edit it
out either.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
I mean I can. I've become become real good at
editing things out.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
So what are we talking about today. It's been a
while since we have we have released something and had
a chance to sit down and talk with our favorite
people out there and podcast land. Yeah, it has been
life has been life, and y'all, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
We've been getting things together and you know, but it's
very good with some of the things that we've been
getting together because it has some great things that's happened
to her too. You know, whenever she wants to share that,
we you know she will. But this episode is about
the mask we wear, uncovering the truth to our identities
and what that means is. We're going to start this

(04:01):
out by looking at the origins of what it means
to wear the mask. And the origins of wearing a
mask came from the Celts, and they celebrated this holiday
called Salin, and they put on masks, and they put
on masks because during this particular time of the year,
the veil was very thin between you know, the realm

(04:21):
that we're in and the dead, and so they wore
masks to protect themselves from the spirits.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
They still do today, by the way, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
What that means for us, It's one of the reasons
why we even still celebrate Halloween today.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
It became this major holiday. But I find it.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Very interesting that we still but we wear a mask,
but we wear them in a different way. You know,
they wore them for protection then from spirits, but we
still transcended that and we still wear it for protection
to today, but it's more for societal protection.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
What do you think about that?

Speaker 1 (04:54):
So, I excuse me, I agree with you on that.
I think that a lot of times we are put
in situations where we are not allowed to be our
authentic selves, right, whether that's with family or it's at work.
I mean, sometimes when you look in the mirror, you
still got one more masks to take off, you know.

(05:17):
So I think there are a lot of a lot
of reasons that go into us wearing these masks, and
I know that we're going to dig into most of them.
And I'm actually quite excited to jump in and talk
about these because I think a lot of times people
don't even understand or realize that they're wearing a mask.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
And I also believe it's scary sometimes when you don't
know you wear a mask because you unintentionally created.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
It or someone created for you, that's worse.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, or you're created just to fit in. Sometimes you
don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh yeah, you don't know, you're.

Speaker 3 (05:49):
Unaware of it sometimes.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
But also besides the just the origins of you know,
from a historical point of you know, like holidays, they're
still more origins to what it means to wear masks
because either it's through modern day psychology or it's either
through what I call our modern mythology and mythology, which

(06:13):
is Martin would be comic books. A lot of Yeah,
a lot of people don't look at comic books is mythology.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
But hey, you know what, that's just how I look
at it.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
I think by now our lovely listener family knows there's
a lot of things that people don't call things that
you relate to things. I do that with a lot.
I make a knowledge of uncommon analogies. Your brain is
extremely abstract. Yeah, that's where it works best.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
With that being said, it's two things I want to
focus on, you know, and that's the philosophy of wearing
a mask, and.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
It's with.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Okay, what it is is like with Young he called
it the persona. That was the mask, that was the
one that everyone shows the world. There was that mask.
But that is one thing that him and Nietzsche actually
agree on, that the mask that we originally wear, it's
a society and what they see of us.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
That overall they have the same ideas about.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
But it's the other parts that it differs a little
bit because you when he talks about it, he talks
about the shadow, and the shadow is the part of
that's the deep part inside of you. But you understand
what the shadow is anyway. You know, it's work that
you do.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, I know the shadow for quite a few reasons.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
But yeah, they're correct, you know. So that's the deeper
part of yourself. But he believes that integrating that and
the persona, which is the outer mask, creates a balanced individual.
But holding on to the personas too long, what happens
is the individual loses them himself or herself. But with

(07:58):
nietzschee this is why I don't agree with him. He
believed wearing the mask is a way of you being
able to create who you are.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Well, okay, hold on, hold on right, because a social
mask in psychology is also known as the performer, so
in that regard, technically, I guess he would also be right.
He is for the first mask, at least he.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Is, but his The only thing I disagree with is
the overall mask and saying that it's not what he
says is how it's implemented.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
He believed it's what we're supposed to do.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
So because now the mask is something that's not authentic
no more.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
You know, you know, you can create who you want
to be.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
It's just like when an actor creates, you know, when
they become a character.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
You see how hard it becomes trying to shed it.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yeah, that's just like Michael B. Jordan. He was kill Monger, right,
he the therapy before and after.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
Correct, because you got so imersed in the character.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Yeah, he didn't come out of it. He couldn't come
out of it. Yeah, but that that backs up what
Nietzsche said though, right, it does.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
But that's why to me, I don't agree with it.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
That's all.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Whether somebody believes he's he's right or not, it's just
my view that I believe that that's not a path
that I would tell people to go down unless you're
good at shedding that stuff. Yeah, unless you're like what
I would call these characters in comic books. It's only
two of them, well, only two of them, I want
to talk about it anyway. And the first one is More, Yes,

(09:36):
the first one is more from X Men. And if
you watched the X Men, the original, well, yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
X Men ninety six, it's only yeah, ninety seven, it's
on Disney right now, not ninety seven, but the original. Okay,
so like the ninety two, three ninety four X Men.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
The early X Man. Right.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
But there's a reason because when we're talking about, you know,
shape shifters. I know we're talking about More but shape
shifter is overall they always end up coming up with
and dealing with some type of identity crisis they all do,
where they end up morphing and changing and changing and changing,
where they lose themselves. But this was special with Moreph

(10:16):
because to me it relates to us a whole lot.
More lost himself, but he lost himself to an individual
called Sinister.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Yes, Sinister was a mofo.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
He was, but Sinistor took control of him and he
lost who he was. But I always found that, you know,
very interesting, Well, now I find it very interesting that
he lost hisself to something sinister, because it's something that
we do all the time, every day, meaning that it's
never a reason why we lose ourselves to something good.

(10:48):
We always lose ourselves to something sinister. So whether the
people who created that meant it or not, that's how
I saw it. More kept changing and changing and changing
due to a guy named sinister. But he lost himself
for senator reasons, just like we do every day.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
And well, you know, you got take into account, right
Although these are cartoons, these are cartoons that are being
written and illustrated by adults. They are so there are
always undertones to all these cartoons.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
But I wish I would know that if that was
the real undertone for why they did that. Yeah, because
like I say, being redundant when I say it, and
I say it again, we never lose ourselves to a
for a good reason, I mean for you know, yeah,
we never lose ourselves because of something good. We always
lose ourselves for bad reasons. Yes, something bad always happens.

(11:40):
And then the second was was it? I know it
was Flash and the character was Hannibal Baits.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Oh yeah, that the ending of that was crazy. It
was the ending Yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
The ending, and I know it was the first season,
but I can't remember what episode.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
I don't know. There were a lot I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
But at the end end of that episode, they captured
him and then they asked him why after they captured him, So,
who are you really? So Hannibal Baits? He said, so,
Hannibal Baits.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
Who are you? Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
And then he tried to change, He tried to find himself.
He said, I forgot who I am? He said, I forgot.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
You know, that episode sticks out to me quite a
bit too, because while he was in the cell behind
the glass, his face just kept changing. He just kept
changing and changing and changing and changing because he lost
who he was physically and psychologically because he had been
so many people.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
And that's one of those things that we experienced today
because now I ask who are you really? Are you you?
Or are you the people you try to please? Are
you like your mama? Are you your father, your brother,
your sister, your teacher.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Your friends, your friends? They're better? Yet you know how
people sometimes tend to be the people that they don't like.
They still mimic them anyway. Yeah, just to fit in,
Just to fit in, just to fit in, and I
believe that's the worst of all it is.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
So with that being said, we're going to go to this,
to this, this last example right here, the one that
I still love the most because most comic books or mythologist,
I ain't gonna say that I hadn't.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
Read all of them.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
It's a lot of this ship I don't know, but
that's okay. So we're gonna go with with iron Man.
We're going with iron Man on this one. But from
the Marvel universe, Tony Stark at the end of the
first Iron Man that was the one and he said
I am iron Man mm hm, because he was struggling

(13:43):
with hey, am I going to just you know, go
with these cards or am I going to hide behind
the identity of iron Man? And he would have been
just like any other hero he would have He would
have been like Badman. You know, you got the character himself,
the Iron Man, then you got Tony star.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
Well, when he said I am iron Man.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
He owned it.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
He owned it. He was iron Man, and iron Man
was him. He took off the mask. Yep, we are
the same person. So the question becomes how many people
you think can actually pull that one?

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Off depends on who you ask, you know. And it's
funny you say that because I've gotten a reputation for
being using air quotes authentic. Yeah, but that's not always
a good thing.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
Shit, Why not?

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Well, because sometimes it bites you, right, because you have
people who appreciate and who love that, just like Tony Sark, right,
people loved it and there like oh shit, this is
iron Man. But then there were other folks who were like,
ow shit, that's iron Man, you know what I mean,
Like same words, but completely different conversations. You know. So

(14:53):
you have people will say, oh, that's Erica. You are
other folks who were like, oh god, damn, that's Erica.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
Well it seems like it's more like a tinge of
jealousy there, because people can't be themselves.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
You know, I believe that, but for a long time
I wasn't either, just like you weren't.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it took me
a long time to get there, but hey, get there.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
If we're lucky, we're you get there.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
You're lucky, you get there.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
And then you don't give a shit what anybody thinks.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
You know.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
But that comes with being okay with taking off the
mask and not caring what people think.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
But that goes into the Japanese three mask theory, and
that would life for you to tell us more about it.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
Okay, So the Japanese three mask theory is a metaphorical
framework often associated with understanding human personality and behavior. Technically
speaking of it in this term. It's not a Japanese
excuse me concept and its origins, but it's gained popularity

(15:58):
and discussions about identity, psychology, and self awareness. The idea
suggests that each person metaphorically wears three masks, representing the
different selves that we present in various contexts of our lives.
And I'll tell you what they are. So you have
Number one is the social mask, the performer. We just
talked about that one a little bit. Number two is

(16:20):
the relational mask, the confidant. And then the third mask,
which is my favorite, is your core mask. That's who
you are at your essence.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
It's correct.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
You know.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
What I find very intriguing about the mask in general,
and you can pick up after this one is that
the older I got, I end up realizing the seeing
how some of these they overlap a whole lot. Sometimes
you think sometimes sometimes they overlap. How so it's like

(16:51):
the safe For instance, I know you've been at work
and you've met some fucking de what I asshole at work?

Speaker 3 (17:01):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
You know you're supposed to have We're supposed to be
having that first mask on, correct, because that's the one
you show, you know, your professional.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Face, correct, that's your performer, right.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
But sometimes you have assholes whose third masks show are
where the first mask is supposed to be on, and
they get away with it, and so times it actually overlaps.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
They are called and I'm using air quotes again, y'all,
they are called type A leaders. Oh that's a turn poem.
Mm hmm. I'm serious. Well, but I do I understand it.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
But sometimes these masks overlapp I'll.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Give you that, I will, you know, even even if
you don't recognize it, they overlap.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
That goes into you know, when we go to work
every day.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
It's a certain persona that which is naturally supposed to
have when you go to work every day.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, but you know, I will say this though, it's
not just us at work that we wear these pasonas, right,
because then you can lead into the second mask, the confidente,
which feeds directly off of the first mask. It's still
a performative mask that we wear. Yeah, right, but that's
the one for like friends and family. That's the ones

(18:17):
you know, for your friends, your family, the people that
you want and you will say your inner circle, right,
not associates, but these are like your inner circle type people.
This is more so you know, the mask where you
take it off or you use it with people that
you trust. It's easily adaptable. In my opinion, that is

(18:41):
the mask where people lose themselves the most, because it's
also around the same area people become people pleasing and
you know, I'm gonna do what I gotta do to
fit in with you because I need friends. I want friends.
I want to be a part of my family. I
want my cousins to like me. I want my sister
or my brother or I want to you know, I
want to please mom so I don't piss them off. So,

(19:02):
in my opinion, I feel like that is a harder
mask to wear than the mask you show it to
the entire world man often because I think you wear
it more, you wear it longer.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
You do, you wear longer, you know, and it's just
one thing with that second mask, especially when we're dealing
with if we're talking about friends and family, for example,
we just go with the family one. Right, Okay, I
think this shit is dangerous because what ends up happening.
What happens when you have family, right, two different types

(19:36):
of family, one secular or more.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
Open of the world, if you will, of the world,
correct of the world.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
Then you got another one with it's highly religious. We
have people like that in our families.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
Oh, we both do.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yeah, we have that, and you have to wear a
separate masks with both of them.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
Sometimes a lot people do and say, for.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Instance, this this would be a difficult you know, like
difficult one secular you know, uh, you know of the
world type people, religious people, right, But then you got
somebody in the middle. It's intelligent, highly intelligent. But you see,
have to deal with your family.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Oh that's a fucking nightmare.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
That's a nightmare that you understand the mask that you
have to wear. You will never be yourself around them.
You will never be one side always in Oh you
think you're better than me. Then you got the other
side who has no boundaries and think that you want
to hear about God every time you see them, yep, yes,
you know.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
What I'm saying. Yes, Or they tell you know why
you should be going to church and how you're damned
to hell because you don't go to church because oh
my god, I have a brain to think of my
fucking own.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
And you got the other side of man, you ain't
messing with all them damn women, right.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Girl, You weren't trying to take out that Nigal money.
Come on, man, you know so. But but honestly you're laughing,
you're laughing, but you know it's the truth. It's the truth, right,
you know. So in that regard, where do you fit in? Right?
It's difficult? Or you have two options. You either put

(21:12):
the mask on to associate with both sides when you're
in both on both sides, or do the airca thing
and you don't give it themn you don't wear a
mask at all, and you pick everybody else.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
But that's why I think Nietzsche's concept is very difficult.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
I think it's dangerous.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
It's dangerous.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
I understand it, and yes we do it, most people
do it. But that doesn't take away from the dangers
of that mask.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
And that's the that's why I say I don't agree
with it because it's dangerous. Because everyone can't take it off,
people end up becoming annimal.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Baits, absolutely, especially unfortunately those who are people pleasers.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
They end up saying, hey, I don't remember who I am. Yeah,
I can't find it.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Yeah. And that's why your people who are forty five
years old in therapy saying I don't know what to
do next.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Yeah, yeah, no, But but that second master is that
shit is its very dangerous.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
It is dangerous. It's very dangerous.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
It is you know, So when we're talking about or
even with the second mask, when you know you have
very promiscuous friends, you're not promiscuous, and you're hanging around
and you're not.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Promiscuous, that is hard.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
You have to pretend to give a damn people do absolutely,
you're right when you can't find anyone else and these
only people you know, you wear the mask too.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
Correct, even if you're not doing the same thing.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
So, how do you overcome some shit like that? Though
you know what I'm saying, and it's not even can
you overcome it? How do you overcome it? How would
you tell somebody to navigate that? How do you find
yourself in it? What would you do so?

Speaker 1 (22:41):
First of all, I just I want to put out
there real quick that we're currently only pointing out the
negatives to wearing a mask, but they are great positives
to it as well, right, and I don't want to
leave those out, so we're going to address those as well.
But like I said, you know a few minutes ago,
you have two options. You either assimilate to whatever side

(23:03):
you're with and you know you be two different people,
or you don't give a damn at all and you
remain true and authentic to who you are and run
the risk of pissing everybody off. Like honestly, those are
your options, you know, and you have to figure out
which one best suits you. How much do you care

(23:24):
about someone else's opinion of you?

Speaker 2 (23:26):
But that's part of what we're trying to navigate even here,
and that is what does that mean to be you?

Speaker 1 (23:33):
I can't answer that question for other people.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Correct, you know, and so it's just putting it out there.
What does it mean to be you know? Through all
the things, all the masks you wear, because we all
wear them, oh we have to, And I want you
to understand, even in this podcast, I don't think that
sometimes wearing the mask is a positive or negative thing.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
It is just a thing.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
And in there we have to find what best suits us.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
We just got to find who we are while wearing
these masks. You know, I don't. I will say this.
I believe that we attach a lot of negative connotations
to like mask wearing or not being your authentic self,
when in reality, people who are chameleons, people who can

(24:23):
switch up, people who can take these masks on and off,
are some of the most dangerous people in our damn society.
A lot of politicians are like that because they can
fit in with anyone anywhere they can. They're pretty much mimics,
you know what I mean, Like they can mirror you
and what you do, and those people are dangerous. A

(24:46):
fantastic skill to have. It's a major manipulation technique, but
it's a fantastic skill to have if you use it right.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
Only a few of us can do that. Oi you
the two very narcissis people.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
I was gonna say it's a very nice statistic change, but.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
It was very narcissist track for sure. And within it,
you know, yeah, some people are chameleons.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah they are. And I've only known I've known.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
A few chameleons, but I've only known one.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
But he struggled sometimes too, because he was such a
narcissist there.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
But you know what, he couldn't help but to show
who he was. I know exactly who you're talking about.
But I don't think I don't think that he was
a chameleon. Actually, yeah, I think that he was far
too narcissistic. But that's why he and that's why he
felt at it because he was because he was not
a chameleon, because he couldn't. He couldn't I don't want

(25:43):
to say assimilate, that's the wrong word. But he couldn't
take off his mask. He didn't know when to change
him up.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Yeah, he was gonna know it all.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Well, I mean he kind of didn't know it all.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
But I won't I won't lie to say.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah, very very intelligent.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
I think he's the second most intelligent person that ever
came across, which is what made him an asshole. Yeah,
that was a third mask, if you ask me, he
always wore his third mask, m So you.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Know, And that's the funny thing about that third mask.
That third mask, essentially, if we put it in terms
of quote unquote witchy things. That's your shadow self. Yeah,
that's who you really are. That's what you talked about exactly.
That's who you are at your core, and that I
agree with wholeheartedly. Because if you've been to therapy, or

(26:36):
if you've been like to any kind of counseling or
coaching or anything like that, you go through shadow work
because it's a part of healing those broken pieces, you
accepting those broken pieces. Right. But that's also where those
type A people come in because they know their strengths.
Like they know and they admit, I'm an asshole, but
I get shit done. I'm an asshole, but I may

(26:57):
be low on emotional intelligence, but I do what needs
to be done to run this business. And that is
why a lot of people in that position, if they're
not combative, they excel and exceed.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
And those people who are the third mass who you're
talking about, they know me very disagreeable.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Very disagreeable.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
And people who are very disagree very disagreeable always do
very well in management, CEO and leadership positions.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
They do always they do.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
And that's that's the data. That's status.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
That is a scientific fact that's been proven with years
and years of research. And you know, for me, I've
always thought that was interesting. And why yeah, simply because
you know, when you think of it, you think of
things that people like, right, and you would think that

(27:49):
you want someone managing people or directing people to be likable,
to be somewhat agreeable. But after being in management as
long as I have been, I had to learn to
be disagreeable. I had to learn to say no, we're
not doing that, or either you're an adult. I'm an adult.

(28:13):
It's still X, Y and Z at the end of
the day. So you can either do it this way
or you can find somewhere else to work. It's that temple.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
But whether people agree with it or not, well, I
don't give a damnage somebody agree with it.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
But is this right here, saying no? It is a skill.
It is.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
It's a goddamn skill.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
It's a learned skill at that It is.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
It is because really, what you're doing when you say no,
you're putting a lot of things on your plate that
you can actually do, because if you say yes to everything,
you're stretching yourself then.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
And nothing is done, Nothing gets done it a way no.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
So if anybody can learn anything, learn how to say no.
That's a skill. You'll get a lot of shit done.
You take a lot of things off your plate. You'll
prioritize very high. Now you things learn how to say
fucking know. But with the third mask, that's also that
mask where you know, that that position where we don't

(29:08):
even want.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
To face ourselves. Oh yea, that's where shake is hard.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
It gets very difficult. You know, you know safe things.
You wear the first mask, which is going to work
every day, and that second mask for your friends and family.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
You avoid the third one sometimes because it's something that's
lurking underneath the surface, sometimes very insidious or dark. You
know that that that's that's a part of you that
even you don't want to face, parts of you that
exists that you don't even want to deal with, the
scary parts, scary parts, things that hide.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
You know that that's where you take that mask off
when you're alone with yourself. I've told clients this, Right
when you're alone with yourself and you're sitting there, there's
no one around you, there's no friends, no family, no children.
The feelings and emotions that you have at that time,

(30:04):
that's your third mask. That is who you are at
your core. Are you angry? Are you upset? Are you happy?
Are you indifferent? Are you anxious? You need to figure
out who you are when you are alone with yourself,
because if you can't, that's where nine times out of ten,

(30:25):
my boy, my girl, you're a people pleaser. You're in now,
you're you're morph You're letting other people take all of
your shit from you and you have no idea who
you are. And that's dangerous.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
It's a dangerous place to be in. But you imagine
what it's like to know. I ain't gonna say what
it's like. But people there's serial killers. They always wear
their mask like safe. It's like a dama.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
You think so, because I don't think so, because because
how are you looking? People in?

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Well, what I'm saying is this right here. I ain't
gonna say I always wear a mask. But they're very
but being who they are, which is why they're killers.
Oh yeah, yeah, says is like on a day to
day basis of comparison between someone like them and us,
they know who and what they are like this right here,
like Dexter, Dexter, that's a really good show.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Dexter wore a lot of masks. He did. Matter of fact,
he had to wear all three in the show. He did.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
He had to wear the one at work, the family one,
and the one where he was a serial.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
Killer at night. Yeah, he did.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
He had to wear all three masks. So what I'm
saying is that serial killers wear a mask as an example,
it's an extreme on both ends for us, just to
flesh out what it looks like. They show who they are,
and they know who they are. But we wear so
many masks on a day to day basis.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
We run away.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
We don't want to look into the mirror and see
who we are. It's difficult.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
So you think we're living with false identities? Oh yeah,
I think a lot of us are. So you think
it's it's fair to say that we're out here living,
like I said, false identities with the personality and perception
of ourself that someone else or people have given us. Yes,

(32:21):
I do. Okay, have you dealt with that ever?

Speaker 3 (32:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:26):
I won't.

Speaker 3 (32:26):
Line Separence, I hadn't.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
What was it like?

Speaker 3 (32:30):
It was eye opening?

Speaker 1 (32:33):
It at what point? Like, but when you realized what
was what you were doing or what you had been
doing or how you were affected.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Well, it was more so when when I truly became
an adult. But I'll go back, not necessarily just to
the origins, but for a long time and to flesh
it out. This is a third mask issue. Okay, it's
a third mask issue, but it looks a little different

(33:00):
because this is experience. This is my personal experience. Personal
experience is that this is a third mask issue. But
I created a mask within the third mask, so I
believed that was something that I wasn't for a very
long time, you know. So I was just going through,
just navigating, you know, just shutting the hell up because

(33:22):
just to keep peace, that's what I did. But within that,
I lost who I was to a degree. I ain't
gonna say to a degree. I lost who I was
and I believed that was something that was not. But
the funny part about this is life has its way
of chipping, its chipping away at you, slowly revealing the
things underneath. No to a degree, you know, but I

(33:45):
did do that, And what I intentionally did was create
a mask that made me look like I was perfect.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
And I didn't know this what I was doing.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I swear I didn't until shit hit the fan one day,
like you know, disaster hit and shit hit the fan.
You know what somebody, well, I ain't gonna say somebody,
multiple people said after.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
Ship hit the fan. They was like, hmmm, so you're
not perfect.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
That had to be a kick in the nuts. It wasn't.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
It was an eye opener, you know, although you know
in that moment, you know, I knew that it felt
like as if we would call throwing shade. That's what
it was. They threw shade. But at the same time,
it was a realization. It was two open. One of
them is that I broke one of the a law
in the forty eight Laws of Power, which was Law

(34:41):
forty six. It was Law forty six never appear too perfect.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
And now if you appear.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Too perfect, and what it means is that you will
create unintentionally create enemies. That's what you will do because
you've seen you've seen as an as an individual that's
not real.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
You've seen perfect like you have no flaws.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
And so even in the law would it says, hey,
you need to act like you got vices or something
so you can pure real, so you don't create enemies
and people hate you secretly, so you can be real
and relatable. Correct, so you can be relatable. And that's
what I was not. And I didn't really I truly
didn't know know that, you know, but when you are
in it, you just keep on acting. You're acting, you're acting.

(35:25):
But that definitely chipped away at the piece of the
mask that was left because I was pretending for a
very long time to be perfect. And when they said,
you know, but hey, you're not perfect, I was like, well, damn,
and that won't hit me. That hit a little hard,

(35:46):
you know, not necessarily a bad way, but in an old,
wild way. And at the moment, I end up realizing
that people will create models of you. That's what people do,
that this is what happens. Y'all need to understand this,
create models of who they believe you are. So what
I ended up doing in that moment, it was creating

(36:06):
this idea that I was perfect and I didn't even
know it, and so people looked at me that way.
Even though I didn't feel that way, That's how people
saw me. They created this model of me. So what
you need to understand is that no matter how you
act or how you behave people are going to create
a model of how you act and how you behave
and there's no one else's fault as yours because that's

(36:28):
the mask that you show people, and that's what they
build the idea of what you are off of what
you show.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Well, that's all they have to build their idea off of.
It is because I mean they're not they're not so
deeply connected to you that they know and understand the
quote unquote real you. Yeah. But the problem with this
is right here is this right here?

Speaker 2 (36:49):
If you are safe instance, you know, you wearing this
mask of say, fence is like none necessary, just shyness,
but like a mask of you know, just it's real.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
We just say shy, We just say shy.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
And the moment that what you end up doing, you
have this outburst, like you get pissed off. What people
gonna end up saying where you're the one is wrong? Yeah,
what's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah? Or if you're passive and then one day you
blow up and you're pissed off and you're angriy, Oh
my god, where did that come from? Right, they're going
to say that you're the one who's wrong because now
you're an angry person and why are you angry? You
never get angry?

Speaker 2 (37:24):
And now because you have not played into a model
that they created. A few Yes, that is what has happened.
And so in these moments or in that moment, I
didn't over all these years, I didn't realize that I
was creating a model of.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
Myself for the world to see.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
I never thought about it like that until it chipped
all the way away and I was like, okay, I
gotta change this.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Okay, so then that's great. But I have another question
for you. Do you think within that time, what was
it even now, right, you wearing that mask for so
long or you being that other man for so long
that it has in some way maybe giving you a
little bit or a lot of bit of imposter syndrome.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
No, with that one, I think we all have a
little tinge of imposter syndrome where we don't treat ourselves
well sometimes yeah, well we all have that one. But
I won't lie and say that I don't have a
little bit of IMPARTI syndrome. And that per impost syndrome
comes from what we just talked about, this sense of perfectionism.

(38:36):
That what I yeah, you know what I'm saying, you know,
but imposter syndrome and perfection is a part of impost
syndrome too, and if I wear it sometimes it would
definitely be that one. It's appearing to not necessarily to
be perfect, but being extremely hard on myself because it's
not exactly how I think it should be.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
And so it's and if it's not.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
It's okay. So all right, So then let me ask
you this.

Speaker 4 (39:05):
So let's talk to myself about that all the time.
Just don't answer yourself, I repeated to myself. Just don't
answer yourself. So real question. You just said that.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
You put up an image of perfectionism that people expected
from you, right, But it sounds like you too expect
perfection from yourself. So the same image situ case everybody else.
Somehow you're still wearing that. It may not be as bad,
but it's still there.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
Well you know me. The courtion is, why do you think.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
That it's not about me? So this is about mister Lewis.
This is the people getting to meet you because I
have spilled all of my beings.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
I spilled beings too with your death experiences too, so
you know I really have.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
I damned to die. I mean you got to know
I have that ship pretty well. People learned if nothing
else that Courtney Lewis is fearless and does not fear
death for even a freaking minute. No, No, I don't.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
Yeah, I fear living more so that one.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
So we're gonna address that's another episode. We move right
home past now.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
But honestly, you know, to your question, it's about about
perfectionism in myself.

Speaker 3 (40:28):
It's because I love, because I'm an artist. It's what
I do.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
You know, So you're an artist and you sense it
about your ship like Erica.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
I'm not saying, no, I'm not sensitive, and it's not
that I even give a shit about what other people think.
It's about what I think, and it's if I believe
it's good enough.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
So I'm always extremely hard on myself. So that relates
to every part of your life, and I have to
shut it off sometimes. How do you shut it off?
I'm sure there are other folks who suffer with it too,
So I'm asking what do you do to shut it off?
How do you stop it?

Speaker 2 (41:00):
That's the way I can do or explain that is
I just shut my brain off and just say it's enough. Really, Look,
if that's too simplistic, I apologize like fuck that. No,
I don't apologize. But sometimes I just stop and say,
you know, what I've done as much as.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
I can do to get it walk away, Get up.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
Walk away, because you know what, there's always a time
where you can come back and refine.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
It might not be what I want right now. It's
safe things.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
If I did a writing, Okay, it may not be
what I wanted to be right now, but I'm gonna
come back to it. You know, I can do it again,
or it's gonna be another time where I can write
something else. I can improve on what I think I
didn't do the last time. So it's not perfectionism. Does
it not have to be just right now? I can
do it over a period of time.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Do you think that's put less stress on you? Definitely,
because I stopped giving a fuck as much. There we go. Okay,
I'm just being honest. I mean no, but that's probably
a good thing for you. Yeah, that's really what I
do because knowing you, I know that sometimes you can
get okay in Lyne all the time. You can get
wrapped up in and caring too much about one particular thing,

(42:09):
and then you become kind of, you know, a little
bit obsessive about it, and until it's perfect. It used
to be. You're much better now, but until it was perfect,
you would obsess over things. So you got it just
the way you wanted it. And that's not just art.
That's you like as a man.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
Yeah, that's who I am.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
It's just And also sometimes you got to accept that
some things are just part of your character.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
And your personality. Absolutely, you know.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
So although we can characterize some of those things that's
imposter syndrome, like the perfectionism, I just think that maybe
a part of who I am.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Well, that's where I was leading with that. I don't
think it's always a bad thing.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
Yeah, I don't, so with that, it might be a
little bit of both.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
And it is part of mask wine, you know what
I'm saying, you know, the imposter syndrome. But but overall
I just think that sometimes that is can be a
character and a personality thing too.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
But but previously you know.

Speaker 1 (43:06):
That was a that was a legit mask. That was
a legit mask.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
But this one right here that you know, if we
can say that's a mass, it's a mass because I care.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
I care about what I do. So then we put a.

Speaker 2 (43:19):
Lot of work in, Like say, if it's someone when
I do this podcast, No, I'm getting everything together for it.
I put a lot of work into it or infrastructure
that that that it, that it took to get it up.
A lot of work is going into it. Or when
we work on the blog, you know what, it's a
lot of work that goes into that, and I oversee
it all, you know. So that's just who I am overall,

(43:42):
that's who I am. And and and with that again,
with that being said, that's kind of a of a
mask that I wear.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
That that mask is who I am. That's so so.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
As young would say, that's a part of your shadow.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
That's honestly, that's part of just who I am. Because
when I get immersed in it, I'm in it. So
that's not like something I'm intending to do. That's who
I am. You know. It's like this right here, you know,
you know, you know my saying, you know, the same
that I have like either I'm doing this shit or

(44:19):
I ain't. That's how I am. Either I'm all in
or I'm not. If I'm doing this shit or I'm not.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
So and being in either zero percent or one kind
of person having like no no really middle, middle ground
or gray area are there any ever time? Are there
ever any times where maybe you feel like you haven't
done enough, or maybe you're not enough, or maybe you

(44:50):
need to do just a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
I'll answer the part of not enough, you know, because
I know a lot of people might feel with, you know,
deal with those moments of not being enough. And the
only time those moments are not enough comes into this
right here, and this is being as transparent as possible.
Those moments were have no control over. And that's the

(45:15):
damn truth. That's the truth.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
Can you give an example?

Speaker 3 (45:19):
It's hard to give give an example, but.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
Because the one that comes to my mind, I really
don't feel like sharing right now, honestly I don't.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
But okay, do that one. I don't really feel like.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
Sharing, But I can't say the one that comes to
my mind I have not much control over because it
was out of my control to begin with.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
It wasn't my problem to begin with, but the problem
became mine.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
So so the fear of not being enough in this
regard is because of a responsibility that someone or some
other people placed on you inadvertently. That is true.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Yeah, that's exactly it, you know.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
And but that ship right there, you know, it reveals
parts of the mask too, the third one. The third one,
because with the third mask, it's parts of you that
you hadn't faced or that you don't want to face.
And as this thing has transpired, it made me face

(46:22):
parts of myself that I didn't want to deal with.
I'm not gonna lie about that when they did, because
it was it was difficult because there was a lot
of things that had to be processed on top of
dealing with you know that issue, you know, with what
we're discussing right now, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
So it was so that's what was difficult about that one.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
You know, I think I, if I were to speak
for myself, there are only a couple of times in
my life where I feel like or fear I'm not
doing enough. One of those. Well, in both of these things,
I just want to say I care a great deal
about because I've spent my life building both. Right. Number

(47:09):
one is my family, Like as a wife, am I
doing enough? As a mom? Am I doing enough? But
the second one, I think it's a little more frustrating
sometimes because that's my career. You know, I've spent I'm
going into my twenty first year in my career field,
and you know, it makes you, it makes you sit

(47:31):
back and even after all these years, and yes I'm
an expert, and yes I've trained tons and tons of people,
I've you know, open and closed tons of accounts, but
there's always in the back of my mind like what
else could I have done? What more could have been done?
What did I miss?

Speaker 2 (47:51):
But that's part of your personality though it is It
is because you care. You know, you have a passion.
It's the best that where I can describe that. That's
you know how sometimes they say, you know, you know,
find your passion life. I don't think that's necessarily always true.
Maybe just need to find out what you're passionate about,

(48:13):
and I, you know, just be passionate about the is
be passionate about the things that you do and not
just finding your passion. And what I see with you
is you're passionate about what you do. So I believe
whether you do what you do or not, you're going
to be the exact same passionate no matter what you do.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
And I think that you find personally that's.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
Just me a secret, that's a secret that no, I
ain't gonna say no one, but many people don't find
Most people want to find a passion, find out what
they do. But the problem with that becomes, if you
find a passion and then it don't work out.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Then you have nothing. Then you have nothing.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
But when you're passionate about what you do, that's something
totally different. So with you, you found out what you're
passionate about. I mean, you're passionate about what you.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
Do, you know, and because of that, that's probably honestly
the number one reason why excel in what I do.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
Yeah, so that's a good part of your mask though.
That's that's who you are.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
It is at my chur it's your core yep, you know.
And but I support you with that though, you always have.

Speaker 2 (49:18):
I support you with that, and you have a lot
of responsibility, and I'm like, okay, go do what you
have to do out there.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Do you that I hold this down? You do it.
I always support I'm always support you with that always.
You know. That makes in a lot of ways, And
don't get the big head right now, but in a
lot of ways, that makes me a lot more fortunate
than a lot of women, honestly, because there's no there's
no power or gender struggle in our house, right, there's

(49:45):
no Courtney does this except Quinna Gras. I ain't doing that. Chit.
I'll pay somebody to do it. But there is no
Courtney does this and Erica does that. We don't have
to worry about that in this house. There's no there's
no Oh my god, I do more than you or
you do more than me. It's whenever we're home. Whenever
I'm home and we're all together, that's what we do.

Speaker 3 (50:06):
That's a whole mask. Is that such a thing If
it's not, I just created it.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
You ain't creating nothing. Hush what were you telling you?
You're hush it? That's the home mask. Stop it, stop that.
We're not creating nothing today.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
Look, I'm a creator. That's what I do. I create Shiit.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
See that dead silence again? Did you see that? Did
you see what you did? That? That was on behalf
of you, not me. I didn't do that.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
You the one who just went sidelent.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
I didn't do that. You know the last show and
then this show. Every time I get on the road
talking about things, you cut me off and you stop me.
What how about that? That is quite disrespectful. Well, I
know your Mama taught you better than that. She didn't.
She was horrid for herself. Well, shit, tell the truth

(51:02):
and shamee the devil.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
Yeah that's what she said too. But please, I will
allow you to retort. And you were talking about the home.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
You know what, I don't even want to anymore. I lost.
I lost the zeala what I had going on there.
It took the wind out of my cels.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Well, I put the wind back in yoursels because I
will always support you in what you do and your
third mask as deep as it goes when they're talking
about the passion of what it is that you do.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
No, I got you. I always will. But you know,
like not being funny at all when I say this,
But between therapy for myself and digging deeper into like spirituality,
who do all that other stuff where it required me
to do a different type of shadow work, I was

(51:57):
able to dig my heels into myself. I got to
dig my nails into myself, and everything that I did
not like I did learn to accept. But once I
accepted that shit, I discarded it. And that is how
I have become so authensive. Because anyone who really knows
me will say the same thing about me, Oh Erica,
that this is who she is, like that's how she rocks.

(52:20):
Like if I rock with you, I rock with you tough,
and if I don't, then I just don't. But I'm
not gonna wear one, two, three mask. That's number one
is exhausting and number two I did that for just
like you the majority of my life. Like, turning thirty

(52:41):
was probably one of the best things that happened to
me because me turning thirty made me realize that I
genuinely don't care about a lot of shit, Like my
early life was hell. And because of that, I had
to learn how to shed layers right, And I think
that's important for everyone to do. If you cannot do

(53:02):
it on your own, then by all means, get a
life coach, go to therapy. But you have to learn
how to be able to adapt. And there's nothing wrong
with wearing each one of these masks as long as
you're adaptable in a way that suits you, that doesn't
leave you empty and unfilled and unfulfilled.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
And also, you know, with this one, I would recommend
people to actually get involved with other people, whether they're friends,
especially especially with a romantic relationship. If you have one,
find someone to get close to, you know, have someone
where you can actually take the mask off period. Yes,

(53:43):
I mean period where you don't have to you know,
where you don't have to slightly wear the first one,
second and third one. Where you can just be, where
you can just be who you are. And the reason
is because the shit is exhausting wearing a mask. I'm
pretty sure that you've come across moments in your life
or you wore a mask long enough.

Speaker 3 (54:02):
Safe fence is like going to work mask.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
And it's hard to ship it when you come home,
like going to work every day. Then you come home,
you know, you got to come home and take that
mask off. Sometimes it's hard to take the mask off
at home after you've been working all.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
Day, well you know, Or let's just take a step further.
What about you've been working all day, but you had
a really shitty day, but you come through the door.
You got kids. Yeah, now you got to you know,
the whole way home you were cussing and pissed off.
But when that key turns and that door open, you
gotta hey, mommy, hey daddy. Maybe I don't want to small,
but let me flip this damn switch. Because I really

(54:41):
just want to be locked away in a room somewhere
where I can just de freaking compress. But no from
mask once. Now we're on the mask too, you know.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
It was something I want to address a little bit.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
What happens with you know, because I know it's the
these moments in life where people wear masks because we expected,
we expect.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
To see them.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
And I'm not talking about this is kind of dealing with,
you know what I was talking about when people when you,
people create models of who they think you are. But say,
for instance, like when you wear a mask, and for
instance the mask of a pastor, right, and that mask
is like this mask where people always expect a certain

(55:28):
something of you because of what you represent.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
What do you think about that one? I think that
if you wear that mask for too long, you completely
forget who the hell you really are. I think there's
troubling though.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
I mean, to me, I find that mask troubling or
mask like it or anything similar.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
It's kind of scary if you think about.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
It, because it takes you know, because they forget that,
people forget that you're human.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Well, you know. I mean the best example of that,
honestly is from my life that I can't remember, probably
princess die and how ultimately how she ended up dying. Right, people,
she was number one, she's seen from what we saw
and what we've heard, she was a great woman. But

(56:16):
people put her on such a high damn pedestal that
this lady was literally chased to death. People forget you
know that you're a human, Like you said, think you
got these big pastors, right, we'll use man. I didn't
want to use that. Okay, okay, okay, TDJS. You know,

(56:40):
people forget that at the end of the day, when
he is not in that pool pit, he is still
a man. He is a human being, right, and he's
never done anything ill to anybody, anybody that's ever said.
He's not one of those little boy touching pastors. But
the issue is the mask you wear. It's a persona.
It's the persona. Yeah, it becomes who he is.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
That's you and everybody, you know, he says, the persona,
that's the one that everybody sees, and that's the one.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
He says.

Speaker 3 (57:11):
It's dangerous. Why he says, you have.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
To incorporate the shadow, because if you do not incorporate
the shadow, then you have this chance of getting lost
in it. And I do believe that these that these
guys or people who have to wear masks like they're
based off their base off appearances and what people perceive
the position to be or something similar, they can easily
get lost in it.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
So here's my thing with that. But then you have
on the flip side of that, we'll say celebrities who
don't wear the mask, who are like, get your camera
out my fucking face now, now you know what, they're
a bad guy, they're a feeling.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
I'll go with what's his name, Jeff Bezos on this
one when him and his wife who is splitting up
and the Papa ROSSI took the picture of him naked
over the over his fence or something like that here
his own balcony, you know what he you know, and
him and this woman and it's you know, and what
he did.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
He went out there and he released the photos.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
Himself, just like you remember to see it, did the
same thing.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
Yeah, it's correct.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
She was in her own yard and the paper arches
preser to release her face, so before you know, that's
what she was wearing. You know, the big wigs to
come to her face and stuff, and she was nicked
and so they would like see his real face. And
before that article ever hit Press, she was on Twitter saying,
here I am, here's my nicked ass in my face.

(58:32):
I like her music though, I love her. Her music's
just phenomenal. I love her a lot. But the thing is,
these people don't have a ptomomy anymore. They're not viewed as people.
These pastors aren't viewed as humans. They're viewed as some
godlike creature because they talk about the damn Bible in
a pool pit for an hour on Sunday.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
And then the moment they have a human experience is
Dave Chappelle would say.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
Not that bad guys going to hell. Now they're going
to hell, but mind you, but yes, but they're humans.
Experience the same ship them folks, and there they're damn
on their pews every Sunday. Do are not nearly as
bad as shit they're doing. You got folks in the
church having whole ass origies.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
But the only difference is everybody knows him and it's publicized.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
Exactly exactly like what Betty Wright said. The only difference
is you know me and I don't know you. That's
the only difference.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
You know so I found I find that wearing certain
kinds of masks and those types of masks, it's the
one that I wouldn't want to wear.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
Yeah, no, I never want to be larger than life.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
But also that, like I said that, that one still,
you know, that mask still goes into kind of like perfection,
their particular mass. I'm just using it as an example,
and that breaks the four to six law. Yeah, and
if that's the mask you wear, you may want.

Speaker 1 (59:56):
To wear it really well. Don't have any cracks. They
don't have no cracks in that masks. You don't have
any damn cracks.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Because people are secretly looking to hurt you or waiting
for you to fail, because they're there, you know what,
not even fail.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
I think he's a crack and they'll do the rest.
They'll help you fail. And that's unfortunate.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
Yeah, that's it's very unfortunate.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
But that's this part of or or you're getting into
the just saying that you can't wear the mask for
too long. And this goes into into back to what
we started. You we said the persona. You can get
lost in persona if you don't incorporate your shadow, and

(01:00:41):
you have to incorporate this shadow because you don't want
to get lost in the persona. And some of these
people get lost in who we see them ass you know,
in this in this idea of perfection or or there's
idea of greatness.

Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
So when somebody becomes great, the word is you know,
we think they're great and they or this mask of greatness,
but then they fall off, like an athlete perform you know,
great performer, but then he has bad financial issues.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Later on he falls off. Everybody talks bad about him.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
He's not shit anymore, or she's not shit anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
You know. If somebody gets injured, hey, well, since.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
You can't hit that goddamn ball, and you know, hit
the ball, especially if it's tennis or kick the ball,
soccer or whatever it is, if you can't wear the
mask of an athlete no more, who are you?

Speaker 1 (01:01:35):
Like? These aren't real humans with real feelings and real emotion.
Yeah yeah, but.

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
At the end of the day, you're still human.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
So what we need to be very aware of is
that mask that we wear because it's easy to get
lost in it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
Just like Young said, incorporate the shadow.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
You have to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
You got to find out who you are don't let
your persona take over.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
Yep, you know. And in order to accept that shadow,
like I said earlier, I suggest you get a life
coach or a therapist who deals with with spirituality as well,
because traditional therapists that they're not going to take you
through through shadow worth the way it needs to be done.
And that's not a knocks anybody. It's just that they

(01:02:19):
have a certain a certain set of rules they have
to stick to. But you need to find somebody who
can help you through that, who can help you accept
you because once you do that, you bro, it's the
most freeing ship that you could ever ever do for yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Okay, weird, I know we're coming close towards the end
of this.

Speaker 3 (01:02:43):
My question for you is when did you get free?

Speaker 1 (01:02:47):
When?

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
When that you shed your mask?

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Like I said, turning thirty was was great for me,
But honestly, when I finally just like shed it all,
I was probably maybe around thirty two thirty two when
I was just like you know what, bro, fuck this,
like I am who I am either going to accept

(01:03:15):
me or you not. And when I did that, I
lost a lot of people because I stopped. I was
not agreeable, right, I was saying what I really thought.
I really thought the whole time. Like it's funny now
looking back on it, because it was like, why did
you wait so long? It's a process. It's definitely a

(01:03:36):
process process, you know. But I can say now though
the people who are around me, because I've asked, like,
if you could describe me, won't word what would it be?
You know, people are like, you know, funny, silly, goofy,
but they all say authentic And that means more to
me than anything else. You know, me being known as

(01:03:56):
someone who is myself through and through or what that
gives me peace?

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
Well, that's a that's a beautiful thing because that's what
everybody needs to try to seek out. Everybody needs to
seek out what it means to be authentic, to be themselves.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
But you know, I don't think the authenticity is for everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:04:19):
Maybe not, but for those who can find it, please find.

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
It, Please don't be afraid of it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
More so so you can know not because of what
the world thinks of you, but because of what you
think of you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
So when you look at yourself and you can say
I didn't leave anything on the table, I know who
I am and that's what we need to be proud of,
not what the world thinks of us.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Correct, What do we think about it? Correct? Because that's
the one that matters to me the most.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Well, even though whether others give a fuck about it
or not, that's what I care about. I don't care
about what no one thinks about me. When I look
in the mirror, when I look look at it, look
at the person that I'm staring at. Are you happy
with what you see? Am I happy with what I see?
And I remember it was moments why I would glance

(01:05:08):
away mm hmmm, because I was uncomfortable with who I was.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
It was hard to look at yourself. It was hard
to look at myself. But now I don't give a fuck.
We know.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
And I can look across for him. I can look
at him and he can stare back, and we know
we are. We're there together on the same page.

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
You like, Yeah, bro, we're here.

Speaker 3 (01:05:32):
You did what you're supposed.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
To do if you have fulfeeling, isn't it? I was
freeing as hell. Yeah, it's like those those puppet strings
get cut.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
Yeah, no, ultron, I say that there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:44):
Are no strings on me. Yeah, boy, you know there
are a lot of things that people can say about
us podcast, but we probably think we don't take shit seriously.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
Oh no, I'm pretty sure after these god damn episodes
that we drop, they know this shit is serious. These
are not like regular topics that people talk about every day.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
We're very serious, you know, but like every other episode, right,
the beautiful part about this is even if you've lost
yourself along the way, the beautiful part about it is,
you can always find yourself again or better yet, you
can reinvent yourself without having to give a damn about

(01:06:41):
your past. You don't have to worry about what you
worry you have to worry about who you need to
you know, to make happy. You don't have to worry
about who you need to please or what someone will
think of you. Put yourself first. Love yourself first, Be
self aware number one shit, be self aware of take accountability.

(01:07:05):
Let's start there. Let's do that first and then worry
about the other shit later.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Yeah, that's exactly what we're going to do. Is there
anything else that you want to leave with people?

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
You know? I want to bring back the question that
you asked, you know, in the beginning, who are you?
Who are you? Not only who are you? But who
are you? And what do you want? If you can't
answer either of those questions, I highly suggest you start
your shadow work. If you can't say I am Erica

(01:07:44):
Lewis and describe yourself as a person, not a wife,
not a mother, not an employee, but as an individual person.
And if nothing you come up with even comes close
to I am happy. Yeah, please start working on you
become self aware because you need it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:07):
And I would say you should question who are you
pretending to be? Who you're pretending to be? Because you
guys need to understand that the mask overlap the third
mask can overlap with the first and overlap with the second.

Speaker 3 (01:08:30):
They can twitch around.

Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
It happens, and sometimes you can even create masks that
you'd even know that you was creating, just like I did.
So what you need to do is just question yourself,
who are you pretending to be? And can you overcome
who you're pretending to be? Are you like those characters

(01:08:52):
and that we were talking about earlier more from X Men,
Hannibal Baits from Flash when they lost they self and
it took them a long time to find ourselves and
one of them never did.

Speaker 1 (01:09:07):
So who are you?

Speaker 3 (01:09:08):
Pretending to be?

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Are you your cousins, your mother, your father, your brothers,
your sister, your friends, your culture?

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
What are you? The people you don't like?

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
Yeah, the people you don't like? Who are you pretending
to be? Whoever you pretend to be? Chip away at
that mask, Chip away at it and find who resides underneath.
In this episode, I have taken off my makeup. Let's
see if you can take off yours. And I want

(01:09:43):
you to thank everyone to listen to the students of
Life Podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
We appreciate you, yes.

Speaker 3 (01:09:50):
And again thanks for listening.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
And you can find us on all streaming platforms currently. Okay,
we're on Spreaker, We're on Apple, our Heart Heart Radio,
our Heart Radio, Audible, Audible, Spotify, let's say Spotify, No
Spotify Spotify Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
We don't so many I'm forgetting about coming soon.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
YouTube shorts, Yeah, that's that's coming real soon. So look
at flows. We're gonna put them on Facebook too.

Speaker 1 (01:10:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:10:20):
So everyone, I want to say thank you for listening.

Speaker 1 (01:10:24):
As soon as a Life Podcast Live and learn, Life
is a lesson cabole bumble cap, cable cap