Episode 6 | Who are You Really?: A Conversation About Self Discovery

Are you making choices that truly serve you, or are you just following the script you were given? In this episode, we dive deep into the illusion of self-discovery, exploring how false identities lead people to make harmful political decisions, cling to hate, and stay blindly loyal to systems that don’t serve them. Through thought-provoking questions and hard-hitting truths, we challenge you to strip away the labels, confront your hidden fears, and uncover the person you were before the world told you who to be.

This one will make you think—are you ready?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hey, y'all, this is Erica with Students of Life podcast
If you're finding value in the Students of Life Podcasts,
we love your support. Your support allows us to grow
and continue to bring you medical content. You can show
your support by checking out our exclusive merchandise at Students
of Life Podcasts dot com. Every purchase not only gives
you something unique to wear, but also directly fuels the

(00:58):
podcast growth. Preferred to Nate, that's cool, just hit the
dull Nigh button on our homepage. Every bit of support
helps us expand, reach more listeners and dive even deeper
into the topics that matter most to you.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Welcome to the Students of Life Podcasts, and I am
your host, Courtney. With me is my lovely wife, Erica.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Hi.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
How you doing, wife?

Speaker 1 (01:29):
I'm good, husband. How are you?

Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'm doing all right. You just celebrated a birthday, didn't you.
I did. I'm a whole thirty eight years old. Okay, yep,
you're knocking on ford this door.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
You beat me to it.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Yeah, I did. But that's okay. But you got to
celebrate your thirty eighth birthday after now, after you got home,
right after you get home from leaving me to be
a single father for a whole week by myself. Yes,
you did. You left me to be a single father

(02:03):
all by myself.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
I was at work.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
I was a single dad.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
I was at work.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
You single mothers. I don't know how you do it.
Oh my god, I don't know how you do it.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
Wait, not only did I leave you, I cooked for
y'all before I left, partially cooked partially my ass partially.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Okay, Yeah, why are you lying to these people like
like you cooked a meal and something. You can't complete
that all the way, So you're.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Gonna lie like that to these people. You're gonna lie
to these people like that, you.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Like made a meal and some tuna fish. You know
what I'm saying. So it wasn't like complete, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
That's what you're gonna I went too to see your
face right now. Oh you such a lye shit. I
talk to y'all every day. I facetimed y'all every day.
I was there, just not physically. I wish you would look.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
You left me to be a single father, and I
don't appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Xavier's clothes are picked out for the whole week. I'll
wait down the underwear and socks. Are you gonna do
is choose with shoes he was gonna wear. I made
Ja get her stuff together before I left, make it
easier about breakfast stuff for her in the mornings. Are
you serious right now?

Speaker 2 (03:10):
But I had to do everything else though I had to.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Do it all takes Ada school yourself.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Can you believe this? I can't believe you.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
You take Zada school every day anyway? All you did
was pick them up and bring them home and put
food to microwave.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
This single parent thing, I don't know. We can do this?

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Oh my god, Oh my god. Lord, that's why i'd
be saying people need therapy.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Are you trying to say I need therapy? I'm trying
to say you are did Lulu, That's what I'm saying. Look,
I don't appreciate this, okay, but we need to work
on this, you know, we need to work on our communication.
And you're being more present as a parent, okay, and
as a wife.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
How about you to stay at home dad, and it
will make it work. I don't know about it. All right,
let's get into this episode, all right. More so, just
in getting into the episode, is there anything that's been
plaguing you, anything on your mind, anything. Everything with me
has been really good. Shout out to herself. Finished my

(04:15):
life coaching certifications. Okay, the students of life we are
now also life coaches at this point. Okay, I'm kind
of proud of that.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yeah. We've been putting in work.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
We have behind the scenes, little quiet work. Yeah, slight work,
if you will.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, anything else.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Now Other than that, everything is pretty good. Oh okay, Yeah,
I'm good. How are you.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I'm doing I'm doing all right, It's all right, Yeah,
just all right. It's more so out of out of
concern for you know, political climate right now.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Yeah, that's depressing, Yeah, it is, it is. It's frightening, honestly.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Yeah. It's a place that I never saw what's being
so I don't I'm not even just it's not even
just my family I think about I'm thinking about other
people too in this process. You know, the damage just
being caused to multiple people across our nation and then eventually,
you know, depending on how bad it gets, it could
be worldwide. Correct, worldwide, because you know we're so interconnected today. Yeah,

(05:20):
so to me that is concerning.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, it's concerning. But you know, I think, you know,
as you always say, that's not something that we can
dwell on because we can't change it.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
No, we can't dwell on it. But at the same time,
it's still I guess the best way I can describe
it all play things like what our episode it does
play until episode two degree it you know it does,
And so before we even get into to that, you know,

(05:52):
I guess the episode is about self discovery. And I'm
pretty sure somebody like, how the hell does politics coincide
with self discovery?

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Stay tuned?

Speaker 2 (06:05):
Well, well, we'll stay tuned, but I don't mind explaining
it right now either, you know, just because of how
things have transpired, because I don't understand how we have
made these decisions, you know, against our own self interest.
And so what that would mean is who we are
sometimes it's not sometimes, yeah, yeah, sometimes who we are

(06:27):
sometimes is because of external factors. Yeah, So, safe instance,
somebody is a Democrat or a Republican, Right, are you
a Democrat or a Republican because you chose to be one?
Or it's detro affiliation based off of how you were raised?
Is that tradition? So that's a courtion I have.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
So Okay, I'm glad you brought that up, right. I
have a question, statement, whatever you want to call it,
about that. You know, I'm often talking about traditions and
helping need to break them, right, But I do believe
that despite what we think, sometimes a lot of people
and their political views are tied to tradition. Like, yo, well,

(07:11):
my family has always been a Democrat, or my film
has always been a Republican. Why would I vote any different?
Now that's one of those things you might want to
look at.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, this, I don't understand how safe fence is worthy
Democrat or Republican, no matter what it is that you
choose to be. How can you vote against your own
self interest, your own best self interest, even if you know,
just to hold up a political affiliation, so safe instance,
if Democrats don't serve me, why do I vote at

(07:40):
if it doesn't serve not just me, but my family
or my culture or the nation as a whole.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
Because you don't think about it. You just you go
to the polling booth, You look for people with the
R beside their name, and you just click the button
because that's what you've always done.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, that's what.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Your dad did, is how your mom voted or how
your grandparents voted.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
That's what you do. And so that's just like like
you and I, we have these discussions at home, okay,
you know, we have these discussions at home about not
having a divided home, like you voting Republican or I
vote Democrat or vice versa. We have these discussions because
it's just like going to the casino, playing roulette, bedding
on black and red at the same time betting against yourself,

(08:19):
betting against yourself. You're never win, Yep, you never win, yep,
you know. So just imagine a sports team. Okay, you
got a sports team. Everybody loves their sports team, the
Cowboys correct, even when they're losers.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
For two decades.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yes, you even if they're losers. They love that. But say,
for instance, in the world of politics, it's dangerous. It's
more dangerous.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
It is.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
The reason is more dangerous is because the team that
you end up defending sometimes can end up hurting you.
We can still defend the team that hurts us the most,
even just to hold up an identity of what we
believe we are. And to get into what we're talking
about is as far as its topic is self discovery.
Is this who you really are or or is this

(09:08):
something that was put on you? You can't be against yourself?

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Well, you know, and what you're saying directly relates to
what the definition of self discovery is. Okay, right, So
self discovery is the process of understanding your true self,
your values, your needs and wants. It's also the process
it's about peeling away the many layers we created to

(09:34):
mask our past, our fears, our pain. Once these are recognized,
the healing process begins, along with the rebuilding process, beginning
with our core values, beliefs, and attitudes that are more
consistent with our dreams, aspirations and purpose. So what we're
saying is you voting or you betting against yourself is

(09:57):
going to require you to take a deep die into
self and ask why am I self sabotaging? What am
I doing?

Speaker 2 (10:05):
And we're figuring, geting ready to move into this. But
it's kind of like, what was what's happening in like
this right here in Nebraska? You know what what's going
on in Nebraska? Right now?

Speaker 1 (10:16):
I didn't know that TI last night when you told me,
but yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
Correct with the farmers, like I think it was Nebraska, Yeah,
it's Nebraska. And two quarters looking at possibly the state
going bankrupt.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
To two quarters equals in six months.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Correct, Okay, about six months. It's a possibility of going
bankrupt because they voted you know, you know, Republican, and
so all the immigrants are are leaving, or they've been
picked up, or they just won't come.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
So but Nebraska, just just to clarify, to make sure
I'm right, my thinking is right. It's a pretty much
it's a rural state, right. Agriculture is their big thing.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Ranches, farms, that's what they do. Majority of the work
being done there was done by undocumented working.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
So they voted against the people that were keep keeping
their ranches and farms going. That is correct, that's so intelligent.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
And then afterwards they end up saying, man, I don't
know why I did this. I voted against my own
self interest. You don't say, I mean these are the
literal awards. Voted against my own self interest.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
Well, it sounds like they needed to peel back some layers,
don't it.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
They got some layers to peel because that's exactly what
they did. They voted not only against this individual self interest,
but the self interests of the family and the surrounding
area they all did, so they do have some serious
ass self discovery discovering to do. We go into the question,

(11:48):
the question, since we're since we're here, Okay, do you
or have you ever really wondered actually or know who
we are? Have you ever really wanted that I have? Yeah,
and not even just from your point, you know, from
a broad perspective, like, damn, do we really know who
we are?

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah? I asked that question all the time. Okay, yeah,
you know, and I think a lot of us honestly don't.
But again, right, that that goes back to school, because
when you're in school, you're taught a certain school of thought. Right, Okay, skip, Yeah,
So think about it like this. You have a kid

(12:30):
who is brilliant, right, whether that be creatively, whether that
be scholarly, or whether this kid is it just has
a very brilliant, beautiful personality. Right. When you go to school,
you're put into a box. Right, It's like a box
of crayons, except the colors are no longer vibrant. The

(12:51):
top keeps being closed for so long that the color
starts to dull. Right, and over time, what you once
were not anymore. Example, you have a child, it's a creative.
You give them a critical thinking test, they think critically
about whatever question you're asking them. Right, But yet there's

(13:11):
a right and a wrong answer when you ask them
to think critically, but it's not a critical think it's not.
But there's a right or a wrong answer in that
teacher's book to grade by. Or you have a child
who is a creative, right, This child loves to draw,
loves to paint, loves the color, loves to dance. Whatever. Right,

(13:32):
you put them into a box and say, no, you're
gonna excel in mathematics instead, But I won't. That's not
what I do. This child could have learned mathematics, could
have learned science and coupled that with their creativity and
been an amazing inventor. But now we'll never know.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
You're familiar with the movie it's true Mishow, Right.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
I am. Yes, it's been a while since I've seen it.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
But yeah, right, whether you have or not, we understood
the gist of the movie. Yeah, his whole existence was
a big ass lie. Yeah, that's that's what this was.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
So his life was somewhat scripted.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
It was scripted. The life that he lived wasn't what
he thought it was. It was created by the people
that were surrounding him, yes, upholding his lie, and he
had to find a way to break through on his own.
He had to see that he was being lied to,
you know, by the end of the movie, that's what
it was. And so a big part of who we are,
you know, it was built up by habits, expectations and

(14:28):
worst case scenarios, survival modes.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh that's yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
So so that's that's a rough place to be in,
you know, for our existence to be that right there,
and so we believe that that's who we are. So
when when I asked, like, damn, do we really know
who we are? That's a very that's a that's a hard,
harsh question because we don't know who we are because
we define ourselves by so many things that surround him.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
By us, I guess he here is my thought on that, right,
it would be if we're going to talk about it
from the stands of the Truman Show, then that kind
of goes directly into what I was saying, right, okay,
because giving you are giving children or people will just
say people in general, right, You're giving them a thought

(15:18):
process by which they need to live that's not their
own correct, and in doing that, you're causing them more
harm than good, you know, because from what I recall
from the Truman Show, he wasn't okay when he found
out his whole life was a lie.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
He wasn't okay. And in that process, throughout the movie,
he knew that something.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Was off right, he knew something was wrong, he.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
Knew something was wrong. Yeah, I believe that's the story
of our life, you know, to a degree. You know.
It's so it's the lies that we tell ourselves.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
But are they lies that we're telling ourselves or are
these lies that were told or sold to us?

Speaker 2 (15:57):
That's a good question, Eric, or if that's a good
point to be made. But maybe we don't really know.
I don't think we do initially. Maybe we don't know,
you know, maybe we aren't what we believe we are correct,
you know. I guess it's maybe the qualities that make

(16:18):
us up ain't what we never really imagine, you know.
So like those strengths that we would perceive that we have, right,
maybe they're not strengths. Maybe those strengths are are something
that we created.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
So you think our strengths are weaknesses.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
Depending on what they are, yes, ma'am, I do okay,
Like what okay, say Fancin's you say that you're a
good person, right, yeah, you're a good person. But we
say that that's our strength because I'm a good person.
That's the strength on the backside of that, you're a
good person because you don't want to take up for yourself,

(16:59):
you don't want to defend you.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
Oh so you think I would be calling not me,
well disclosure, damn sure me. But so you think that
someone who is a people pleaser would define themselves as
a good person because they lack the ability for conflict.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
That is correct, And of course you know that always
comes from somewhere. Correct, that comes from somewhere you know,
or safe. For instance, the man because it's always would say,
you know, he's the loner, like a lone wolf, like
the lone wolf, and we truely have those guys, you know.

(17:38):
But maybe though that that being a lone wolf originated from,
you know, abandonment issues because you never thought that people
was because people always left you. So you learned how
to be a lone wolf, and you made that look
like it was a strength, Like I love being alone,
you know.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
And I'm glad you brought that point up, right, because
I think that us saying that we are independent people,
or that we are lone wolves, or that we are
extremely resilient. Right, these types of descriptures, they're they're dangerous

(18:17):
because all of them hold some kind of toxic past.
No one think about it. Right, if you have children,
when your child is small, they gravitate towards people, Right,
as long as you're a good parent, they're going to
always do that. They don't know how to make friends,
you know, how to socialize. You know, you'll grow up
knowing how to be a productive member of society and

(18:40):
not an asshole. Now on the flip side of that, right,
you have people who, like you said, you know, may
have been abandoned in some way. Abandonment creates a lot
of issues, both mental, psychological shit sometimes even physically. Right,
the fact that maybe a woman feels like she has

(19:03):
to be independent. Maybe she saw her grandmother being a
single mother doing everything on her own and somehow making
it happen. She's strong, she's resilient. So in my mind,
that's what I think a woman is.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
So say Offens is like, like, with this, do you
if we're defining ourselves as these things. You know, it's
an illusion at this point. It's an illusion for this
right here is an illusion. What is the impact of
this illusion? What do you think the impact of this
would be?

Speaker 1 (19:33):
I think it's a very negative impact, and I believe that. Again,
this is just my belief. People that I've talked to,
you know, but my belief is that it keeps you
guarded and it shuts people out. And shutting people out,

(19:54):
you have made it seem as though being a lone
wolf or whatever is what you should be because I
knew people weren't shit anyway. No, but that's not true.
You're afraid to give people a chance.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
But the lone wolf thing right there, safe instance, if
you know, like being the lone wolf. There's a real
problem that becomes with that is because when you think
that you have to do everything alone, you really don't
grow as well as you do as you should sometimes
because so much is required to build a network and

(20:27):
to be successful these days. Yes, some people, I'm not
saying that people who are lone wolves can't do that.
I'm not saying that, but so much of what we
build today, like having a network and being successful, it
requires other people community, right, and not having that ability
to have those social skills, it can impede on reaching

(20:47):
those goals.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
Well, so think about it like this, right, if you
think back to Neanderthal's cave men, like way way back when, right,
We've always been communal creatures, always had a village mentality
or mind state. That's how we survived. So I'm not
sure at which time society shifted, but when it did,

(21:11):
it's had very negative impacts.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
It's American, of course.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yes, I know that for a fact. It's it's American culture, right,
you know it's I can't wait to grow up and
get out of my parents' house.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
Why. I can tell you why. Because it was put
out by some of the adults.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
But no, I mean you're laughing, but that that's true.
But not everybody's put out. Some people have it great
at home but choose to leave. Yeah, that's a fact too.
I don't even like that, Like we both know folks
like that. So I mean, so no, it's not always
Oh I was put out, Now, that's not it. You're
a dumb ass. You left when you could have staved,
Like you left when you were eighteen, but you could
have stayed until you were thirty and got on your

(21:52):
feet and had goog gobs of money because your parents
would have helped you fund college and whatever else, but
you chose to follow your friends or society and be like,
I can do this shit on my own, and now
you're magic folks. Because you're struggling, you're a dumb ass.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
But you know that's not always the case.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
Being put out isn't either though.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
It's true. But far as what I know, not because
I lived it, but because of what I've seen, I've
seen that a lot.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
I mean I have too, but it's still two sides
every coin.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, I do, I get it. I'm just saying, you know,
the anomally for what I've seen is that parents don't
want their kids to stay at home and along.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
This is that.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
About, you know, discovering self in this process? How do
we how do we go about discover himself like this? Then?

Speaker 1 (22:40):
So I think it depends on your scenario, right, Honestly,
it's messed up as this may sound. If we're speaking
about people who are put out at an early age,
Unfortunately they can't afford to do that. They don't have
time to sit back and think and wonder who I am,
What should I be? What can I be? What could
I be? If you're put out and you're made to

(23:02):
find for yourself, then what happens to you at that
point is I got to figure this shit out. I
got bules of pay. Now they're paid a bill in
my life, but now I got bules to pay.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
So what you're saying too, is that a big part
of this illusion is a response.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
To pain trauma.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Yeah, what I said, it's absolutely it's a response to pain.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
So the illusion and the lie is a pain response
pain trauma.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Okay, So what are we safe? Instance, if we strip
it all, if we have nothing else, if everything is gone, okay,
if people are define who they are, if we got
to start over from scratch to a degree, you don't
have the labels, you know, the titles, the job, the home,
the cars, You don't have any of these things that

(23:50):
make you who you believe you are. The husband, wife, father,
I mean, you know, son, daughter? How do you introduce yourself?
And that's me saying this is who I really am.
How do you introduce herself? How does one do that?

Speaker 1 (24:05):
I mean, I don't, I don't know. Are you asking
me specifically?

Speaker 2 (24:08):
So?

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Because you're speaking in general here, but I can answer
that one.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
Okay, well, so I'll do that one directly. Then, So, Erica,
how would you introduce yourself if it's all gone?

Speaker 1 (24:19):
You know, if it's all gone. And if I if
I were to put me and who I am and
all of my pieces in front of you, right, I
would I would not be afraid to tell you that.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
I am.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
I am Erica, and all that encompasses me would be.
I am a lover. I'm a fighter of both good
and bad things. Right. I can sometimes be arumentative. I
shut your face. I can sometimes be arumentative.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
You know.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
I have the ability to to bring people together, to
help people find the best versions of themselves. I can
push people past their breaking points, but in a very
positive way. I can help people to be the very
best versions of themselves. I am an advocate. I advocate

(25:22):
for those that I care about to the very end.
I am also sometimes afraid of things, right, I still
do them scared, but that does not stop the fact
that I am afraid when I am doing them. So
I guess in the way that that would make me
somewhat courageous or stupid depends on how you look at it.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
No, I call that being human.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
I am honestly and this is not me being arrogant,
but I am probably a part of the best out
of humanity.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
I think you are. I mean because I'd say that
you're the best, the best side of me. You are
everything that I can be. I will say that, you know, like,
I'm empathetic to a degree to a degree, being honest
right to a degree. And I'm not gonna lie like.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
The first degree.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
Mm.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah, I love this honesty that night.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. But you are the things
that I can be, you make up.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yeah, well, that's also the purpose of marrying someone, right,
You're not supposed to marry the person who who is
exactly like you. You marry someone who makes you better,
who pushes you to be better, who can teach you something.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah yeah, and to understand those things who we have
to really strip ourselves apart sometimes. But I think it's difficult.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's hard.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
I believe it's difficult, and I don't believe that we
actually know that that's a thing that we need to do.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
So I agree with you, right, And that being the case,
that is why you know, I always advocate for a
life coach. So I became a life coach. I'll advocate,
go to therapy, go sit on that woman or that
man's couch. You need help, right, And you know, in
doing so, you go there for one thing, but if

(27:15):
they're good at their job, they're going to help you
unravel everything else that causes that one thing. And in
doing that, that's where your transformation begins.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yeah, I get it, but you have to find a
good one.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
Oh god, yess, there are terrible ones out here.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
But you know it's a good example. You know, again,
because I'm always talking about a movie just to make
this these topics relatable. This goes into the movie Fight Club.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
I love that movie.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
What the whole movie was about that, you know, the
main character had to strip himself all the way down
of all material goods because that's what the movie was
really about, you know, about stripping one stripping apart oneself
of his material or her material possessions so he's not
tied down by reality, so he or she can become

(28:03):
whatever they need to be and not because of these
material aspects of life that that what we believe we need.
And so what he ended up doing was creating the
character in his head, Tyler Dirton, That's what he did.
He stripped all that down to find out who he
was at his core, and that was a hell of
a transformation for a character. And sometimes that's the journey

(28:25):
what we have to go on. We just don't know
how to do it. I mean, even with me. Throughout
my life, I went on that journey. I went on
that journey to a degree as well. And it wasn't
an easy one, no, because I didn't have help. I
had to find it out on my own.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Well, so here is the other side to that, right,
you have a lot of people who are anti therapy,
who are anti help. Who are I can do this
shit on my own names Courtney.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
I don't appreciate that, that look that you're getting me,
I don't appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
But on the other side of that, though, right, there
are ways to go about this where you can you
can have help. And by help, I mean, like I
said before, like a therapist or somebody who can help
you peel back those layers one or two at a
time and do it in a healthy manner. Or you
have those people you know, like me and you, who
are like fuck it, yolo light all on fire? Where's

(29:25):
matching the kerosene?

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Oh that's some dark Knight shit right there.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
I mean, you know, but I've done that and so
have you. Right, it wasn't the best thing. It wasn't
the best thing to do, but I do believe that
it gave us somewhat of a head start.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
That's because we didn't know something that needs to be done.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
We didn't.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
It happened on its own.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
And it happened too from a traumatic experience.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
That is there. Yes, that's exactly what happened. The best
part of us always emerges because of the challenge that
we face. It always emerges because of the hurt or
the pain that we feel. It never emerges because everything
was always good, because it was always easy. But sometimes
that's what we do well, you know.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
I think as humans right, speaking of self discovery, the
main thing that I have learned through talking to people
through my own life experience is pain. Pain is always
a catalyst for change. It has to on discomfort, Yeah, no,

(30:30):
being uncomfortable, being pushed out of your element. You know,
these things are the main catalysts for change. And I'm
not saying that, you know, from a point of oh
my god, all change is great. No, because we just said, hey,
we just told you we set some shit a blaze,
like you could very much so have called us joker

(30:52):
from a dark Knight at the time. Yeah, I mean,
like not being funny, but it's funny now. It wasn't
funny at all then, but it's funny now, you know,
and being able to come back from that. But that
the downside to that too is you and I are
very resilient because we are far too stubborn to let
something beat us.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah right, Yeah, I'm dealing with pains right now because
I'm stubborn you are.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I almost two decades later.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeaheah, yeah, dealing with pains from from my twenties because
of stupid shit I did. Yeah, I'm still living with that,
but I am with that. Where this ship is a
badge of honor.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Believe you know. But like, but seriously, though, you know,
it's the best way I can describe this is from
a men fian standpoint, right, it's despite what you go through,
as long as you've got that dog in you and
that that grid and grinding you, you'll be okay. But
this episode is more geared towards the people who don't. Right,

(31:55):
it's how do you peel back those layers so that
you can discover who and what you should have been.
What does that look like? How do I do that?

Speaker 2 (32:04):
I never thought about it this before, but just imagine
you have an individual who's successful. I believe that we
or what we label as successful, whether there's money, cars,
the home and all that stuff. I still believe that
you can have an individual like that and they still
don't know who the hell they are.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
Oh what happens every day? Right?

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Absolutely, that just means I found a way to make
myself wealthy, doesn't mean you know who you are.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
They still may not know because they instance they have
certain parts of themselves that's missing, like love, care, compassion,
and you.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
Know, most people who are uper successful lack those exact things.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, so this isn't, you know,
a money thing. I don't want people to believe or
think that this is a you know, success, you know,
or the discovering oneself has to do anything with monetary success.
And we said this before earlier podcasts. I think it
said there's something similar to this in the episode about

(33:05):
purpose finding out who you are is never tied to money.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
No, it's not.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's about your happiness. It's about you being happy with
who you are. This is what this is about fixing
those missing pieces to yourself. And this one has me
thinking about regrets a little bit too. What we regret
to find us more than the things we regreat we've done.

Speaker 1 (33:28):
Okay, So what regret do you have that defines you
or defines you if it still does.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
The thing that defines me would be that I didn't
think big.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Enough elaborate, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
So I was creative my whole life, creative my whole life.
And it's not that I never did what I wanted
to do in my career, you know what I'm saying.
It's just that I never thought big enough about doing it.
And what that means is this right here, Say, for instance,
you got an individual who thinks small and you got
an individual who thinks very big. Right, on one hand,

(34:03):
the person who thinks small achieves everything that they wanted,
you know, achieved their goals. But on the other hand,
the person who thought extremely big didn't achieve their goal.
Although the person who thought big may not have achieved
their goal, they still achieved more than the person who
thought small and so and so with me, my issue
was is that I thought too small and I did

(34:25):
it for too long. And so my regret is that
I didn't think huge or think a lot bigger early on.

Speaker 1 (34:32):
Okay, so part two that question, because I know you right,
what is it that happened to you or that caused
you to have that small way of thinking or that
box didn thinking? What stopped it?

Speaker 2 (34:45):
Honestly, it was just how I was raised, honestly, you know.
And it's not an excuse. So I mean throughout my
life I had a decision I possibly could have made
that could have made any of this better, but I
held on to beliefs that weren't mind on how to
navigate this life. And so I didn't know who I
was at that point. So yes, I do have a

(35:07):
regret that I just didn't think large enough. But that
came from upbringing. Go to work, have a good job,
and take care of your responsibilities. That's where it came from.
It didn't have much room to think big, you know.
It was don't take risk, think small, you know, play
it safe, but plan is safe. Never get you where

(35:28):
you want to get. Ever, you will get something, don't
get it wrong, and you you will probably even reach
your goal, but it'll never be what you were seeking.
You're gonna always wish and won't wish that, and wish
for more and not because you know, of course, you
know how I feel about more. More has to be defined.
But we could have done better, and we know we
could have done better if we had taken the risk.

(35:50):
And so the regret, honestly is that right there is
that I didn't think big enough because the risks I
took weren't big enough either. You only get what your risk.
If you risk big, you win big too.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
That goes into, you know, the school of thought of
higher risk, high reward. I do believe in that, you know,
and I believe that if you play your cards right
and you risk it all, your double, a triple your winnings.
But you but being raised in fear. You know that
that's a great example that that you gave, because I

(36:24):
think a lot of people are raised that way. Personally,
I wasn't. I was raised by Larry, Yeah, you know,
and he was very If you want to do it,
do it, If it's on your mind to do it,
do it. What's gonna happen. The worst you can do
is follow on your asthma be here to pick you up.
You know, I'm I'm I raised well. You know, I'm

(36:46):
a mother to our daughter and I raised her that
that frame of thinking too. You know, it's if you follow,
I'll always be here to pick you up. But a
lot of people, unfortunately don't have that. So so they
grow up and this team the tiny box right, and
say you graduate high school, you graduate college, you're like
twenty five, twenty six years old. You're graduating college, and

(37:09):
now you're getting to the workforce, and you're afraid to
negotiate for yourself. You're afraid to speak up for yourself.
You're afraid to ask for a seat at a table
that you know you deserve it's correct. So you lead
your whole life in fear. And then one day you
get tired of being pushed around, You get tired of
being pushed over, you get tired of being treated like shit,

(37:32):
and now your entire life has caused you to go
fucking postal. You'd be like, I don't know where it
came room. He was so quiet. That person was shipped
on his whole life, and it started his childhood, and
he had no idea how to peel back those layers.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
That's correct.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
He never had a chance to figure out who he was,
but he had one defining moment that defined his whole
life and what he could have been. He'll never be
because he was boxing in far too early and kept there.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
You know, regrets, regrets is it's proof that you betrayed yourself. Hmm,
I've never thought about like that. Yeah, they explain that one. No,
it's so so. Say for instance, like me, I'm using
me for example, because you asked the question and the
answer walls. I didn't think big enough. I was never

(38:17):
taught to think big, never to take the risk. I
betrayed myself by not thinking big.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
How did you betray yourself if you didn't know to
do that?

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Because I should have discovered it.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
How how could you have discovered that if it was
never put in front of you, if you would never
afford the opportunity. Why do you fought yourself for that?
That's not fair to me.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
That is fair, though, because everything that we learn, no
one would teach you. Sometimes you know what you have
to do, say fuck what other people think, stop looking
for it, or to be what's the word accepted. Stop
looking for the approval of the people around you. You
can't look for the approval of the people around you
who aren't, who aren't where you want to be at

(39:05):
in your life. So, say instance, you know what, a
kid can't look for his mother or father's approval who
never achieved what he's trying to achieve. It'll never work
because they're going to always play it safe. Their thought
process is play it safe. And so I fought myself
for that one. And I betrayed myself because I shouldn't

(39:27):
have looked for the approval of other people. You know,
I think I shouldn't have done that, and so I
blame myself for that. I betrayed me by doing that.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
I think possibly once you got to a certain age, okay,
I'll accept that, but as a child, high school student.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
Well, and I'm not talking about that, I'm talking.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
About as an adult.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Yeah, like early mid twenties.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
I'll give you that. Okay, at that point, you knew better.
I knew you then, so I know that you.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
Knew better, knew better, Okay, can't look for the approval
of nobody else.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
I'll give you that.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
And so I betrayed myself because I was looking for
the approval of people who were not where I want
to be.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
Okay, So you just made a really good point there
because I know for a fact that those layers have
been shed. Oh fuck, I know that you You took
them bitches up and burned them. Uh huh, they can
never There's no phoenix rising there.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
No no that dead phoenix dead.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
It's dead dead. What was I almost saying? D E
D D E D. But I you know that that's
a good point, you know, I will give you that.
I think at some point you have to know when

(40:44):
you have in some way screwed yourself over so bad
that you can't recoup from it. And at that point
you stopped blaming other people and start blaming yourself. You
look yourself in the mirror and say, bro, how the
hell did we get here? And how do I get
out of this?

Speaker 2 (40:57):
It's one of the issues that we faced though, LKA.
You know, is that no one is willing to look
themselves in the mirror. I said that last episode. No,
I had to get comfortable with looking myself in the mirror.
I got to be happy with what I see. Everybody
out there has to be happy with what they see. Yeah,
because the decisions you make lead you to where you are.

(41:18):
You have a choice. We all do. And I know
it's difficult. Sometimes I know.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
It and it feels impossible.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Yet it's not impossible.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
But it's not. It's not, it's not, it's not. You know,
I really wish that more people who listen to us
took us seriously when we said we're here, reach out
to us, mainly because we do not speak on anything
that we have not lived through or experienced. So, you know,
if if there's ever a time where people need help

(41:47):
peeling back those layers, what we're.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Here for, you know, and we was talking about you know, hey,
you know the whole regrets thing or not becoming what
we should. You know, you have to destroy that false identity.
You have to. You've got to get rid of it.
You got to put in the work to uncover what's
really beneath there. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
So all right, here's my question. I guess right this
take it back to the whole lone wolf real quick.
If you believe something like that is your greatest strength
and you made money off of it, you think you're
successful at what point do you question it?

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Repeat that one more time, going.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Back to the whole lone wolf thing. Right, if you
have made a career, if you have become successful, if
in the eyes of an American because again different culture,
right in American culture, if you're checking off all the
boxes to say you are successful, that say you are
doing the things that you are supposed to do to
be a thriving American, how would you know to question it?

(42:50):
How would you what would make you think for even
a moment, damn, maybe this isn't who I am, this
is a false identity. How do you look at that?

Speaker 2 (42:59):
I believe something has to reveal itself to you and
what I mean by that safe instance, that part of
your life might be really good, but there's going to
be something else that's going to show the cracks, you know,
in the surface. There's gonna be something, So it may
be safe instance. If you're married, maybe something's going on
in the marriage. Maybe it's some type of communication issues,

(43:20):
you know, maybe you can't be attendant to the needs
of your wife. Maybe it's your kids. Maybe you can't
be there the way that you need to be there
for them. No, you got the money, you got all
these aspects to take care of the resources, but maybe
it's something inside of you that you can't provide them
that they're seeking. So to reiterate, it's going to always

(43:41):
be something that's going to show that I'm not good
in some of these areas, that I have an issue
here and this is just my disguise. This is what
I'm using to cover that up to say that I'm
not good at it. Because you know what somebody with
money going to say, with the resources, Well, I'm giving
you this in this nice home, this nice house, what
are you complaining about?

Speaker 1 (44:00):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
But it's people. We need more than that. Absolutely, we
have needs, we have desires, we have wants, and sometimes
it ain't just financial what we're seeking. It's true love, compassion,
being empathetic, you know, hearing me out, you know, you
know what I'm.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
Saying, genuine care care.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
Yeah. So it could be a multitude of things. It's
different variables in this, okay, But what that being said
is that it's going to always be something that shows
that something was slipping through the cracks. Even if you
are financially successful, it'll always show something will show.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Okay, So you know, speaking of you know, show showing
your true self, being who you really are. You know,
all these things that that we keep talking about, what
if you're never given a chance to be that? Please
vibrate a little bit, all right? Say, for instance, you
have a kid, okay, who is what is to say?

(44:58):
He's maybe sixth seventh grade, right, little buddy is a
phenomenal artist, but he can only be an artist at
school because at home you have parents telling him, oh, son,
you're going to join the family business. You're gonna be
a lawyer, an accountant, a doctor, whatever. Right, what kind
of dilemma for self do you think something like that

(45:18):
could create for someone?

Speaker 2 (45:20):
That's going to be another form of a regret to
a degree. But you know that kid is going to
all as an adult, he's going to always be seeking something.
It was I'll say this right here, Terrence Howard said,
I've been thinking that, you know, even before I saw it.
But he said, this thing right here, We're always going

(45:42):
to be, you know, seeking the thing that we once
were in some way around the age fourteen to fifteen.
You start out around there, you kind of know who
you are, but as time goes on, you lose yourself.
You don't really know who you are anymore. You get
twenty five thirty, then you look back and you don't
even remember who you were. And so the problem is

(46:05):
is that whatever is that that we need to be,
we're not trying to discover something new. We're trying to
discover what we were. So what we need to be
is already there in some way. As a kid, that's
very hard to overcome, you know, to say like, hey,
I'm an artist. Yes, i am an artist, but if
it's not curated. You know, what you're gonna do what

(46:28):
makes you the most money is a career. You're gonna
you know, because that's that's what we do. Hey, that
don't make money. Hey, they don't make money, So no,
you can't be an artist. Hey, you know, Hey, once
you say, go ahead, be a be a cop or
something you know, you know that puts money on the table. Hey,
be a doctor. It puts money on the table. Do
something that's reliable, that it has good benefits. That's what

(46:49):
we do. Okay. So that's one of the biggest issues
that we face, or that kids will face, is that
one day you're gonna look back, you go forget who
the hell you were. You're not you. It's a big
chance that you may not ever remember that you were
the kid that loved art, and even if you try,
you may not even be able to explore the way
you need to. You forgot.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
You know what just made me think about something. Do
you remember it's a really good movie, but that movie
with Jason Momoa Slumberland? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah, yeah?

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Do you remember how he became that really mean, nasty
monster or whatever, right because he forgot who he was? Yes,
you know, it's I've never never thought about it in
terms of real life until right now. But you know,
he didn't remember who he was until his knee showed
him a picture that he drew. Remember that, Yeah, I do,

(47:45):
And in doing that something something changing him. Seeing that
picture of what he drew when he was younger and
watching the videos of him being silly with his brother
reminded him that he was in this asshole monster, that
he was actually really a really good guy who gave
a damn about things. And you know, based on this

(48:06):
episode today, I think that happens to us a lot.
You know, we're often taking off of our path, and
we are often we are often forgotten, you know, and
being forgotten it leads you to just put your head down, focus,
just move forward, just move forward, just move forward. And

(48:27):
I honestly believe that is why we have so many
to press adults out here. We're all doing shit we
don't want to do because we're doing what we have
to do, not what we want to do. Yeah, and
these things we have to do, it's because of our responsibilities. Yeah, yeah,
you know we got we got mortgage debate, rent debate.
Kids are take care of schools.

Speaker 2 (48:45):
We have all these aspects of our life that we
have to tend to. You know what tip through the
cracks we do we do for ourselves.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
You know that that's unfortunate, it really is, you know.
Or Like we were discussing earlier about the Hulk, right,
you asked a really good question when you asked, what
if the part of ourselves that we are most ashamed
of is our greatest strength. I've never thought about that
question before until you asked it. Gamma raised is the

(49:16):
hell of a thing.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Yes, it is that ship I wish I und take,
so I need all of it. Give me all the Gammel.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
No, you dont, You don't need that. You be red
Hulk in this month.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Ship I made. I don't know what hulk i'd be.
I'd be a hawk though, Obama hawkmation.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
That's terrible, that's awful. Betty couldn't help you.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
I mean you are my Betty.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
If you if any particle abomination, Bro, I can't help you.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
You got me. Look, I got faith in.

Speaker 1 (49:51):
You want you want me to want me to get
my black widow on and sing your son down song.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
Damn right, I need it right now. I'm feeling real
hawkish right now.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
That is hilarious.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
Okay, I forgot what we were saying.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
It's because you go off script all the time. You'll
know how to act.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
How are you blaming me for.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
I'm not They can hear you. I've gotta blame you
for nothing. They can hear you. But I you know,
we're just saying. You know, like, if if you could
say a part of you that you are most ashamed
about that could potentially be your greatest strength, what would
it be like? He was his anger.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
At one point, my at one point it was anger
for me. At one point it was what is it now? Ambition?

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Oh yeah, why are you ashamed of it?

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Because it makes me seem too Damn arrogant. Oh, that's why,
because I believe in myself that much.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
You know What's funny about that? Though, it does make
you seem arrogant, and you can come off as an
asshole sometimes, but I think that's because the people around
you don't know what it's like to be that passionate
about something.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
No, I know it, because I too have called you
an asshole before you have you still do not for
that reason, I don't, but I have to downplay that
shit a lot though I call.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
You an asshole, but don't do that. These folks thinking
that I call you an asshole but not for that reason, then.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Look, shit, it's all right. I'm alright.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
Oh my god, my height.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
I got a thick skin, so I can take it,
So I can take that.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
But you know, I do believe, as we've gotten older,
as I've gotten older and more mature, that that is
your greatest attribute, your arrogance. It really is. That's what
defines you. It makes you who you are.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Yeah, you know, it's some.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
I hate how it has a negative connotation. Being arrogant
is not always a bad thing.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
But it has. It's put like this, it's a bad thing,
but it's a bad thing based off of the people
you surround yourself with. Oh. Absolutely, that's really what it
comes down to. And I end up having to realize it.
And that's why I've never stopped being ambitious or or
that appearance of being arrogant, because that's not the intention
to be arrogant. But it turns certain people off who

(52:17):
don't understand where you're coming from. It's a huge fucking
turn off to everybody. So if people don't have that
kind of love or ambition towards things, if you're not
like other people, if you're not playing it playing it safe,
or you're not average, people look at you different.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
Absolutely, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, so if you're
not where they are or below, people treat you totally different.
They do, and that's the issue.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
But see, but here we go with that, Right, that's
their inferiority. Would you give them a superiority complex?

Speaker 2 (52:48):
Right?

Speaker 1 (52:49):
That is those people saying, I don't want you to
be better than me, but I still want you in
my presence because I feed off of you, or I
learned something from you, or I need you. That's correct,
but they can't tell you that, and that's unfortunate. Yeah,
that's very unfortunate.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
So that's the number one thing for me though, it's
definitely that ambition. I have to hide that because of
the people I deal with. I'm not gonna lie I do,
you know, but I'll let you I'll let you go
keep going, No, go ahead, You're not gonna get away
with that with not being able to answer that one
back because that's a good question.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
Well, I mean, like just thinking about it, right for you.
I don't know that there are any parts of me
that I'm ashamed of like currently, but you know, I've
done a lot of inner work right to be able
to accept all of me for who I am. But
at one time I would probably say it was probably

(53:50):
my personality and the care I had for people.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
M Yes, that's true, that's true.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
But over time I have just learned learned who to
give that care too, because that makes all the difference, right,
because I can't be fucking Mother Teresa out here.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Yeah, because you know what happened to Mother Teresa then
even she was unhappy as hell, she was she died depressed. Yeah, yeah,
and that hurts you in the process.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
Yeah, it did.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
It broke me.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
What it did?

Speaker 2 (54:19):
You gave it to the wrong people.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
I did, I did, I did, I did, which is
probably why now outside of my inner circle people have
to pay for that care.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Yes they should.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
I mean, you know, I spent years just just giving
those parts of myself away freely, and I wouldn't I
don't know that I would say I was ashamed of
it when I was doing it. I felt ashamed and
foolish after the fallout from situations happened, right, So though
those things, Yeah, that's probably it. That's what I was

(54:54):
easily my personality and my care for people.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Yeah, you know, self acceptance is uh is a hell
of a thing.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
It's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
It's a beautiful thing, but it's it's a hell of
a thing because say, for instance, you know, like the
characteristic that you held, you held the characteristic for a
long time, but it was very hard to shed and
it was a characteristic. It's a good characteristic, but at
the same time detrimental for me, it was it was
detrimental at the same time, you know, but that's still
who you were at your court. You just have to
redefine you just you redefined it a little bit, did

(55:22):
a lot of bit shit.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
You ain't got to underplay this, Okay, I can admit it.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
But what happened in that process you actually ended up
shedding that it all. You shd it all. So what
I mean is you stopped dealing with people for years,
for years until you learn have to relearn what it
actually meant to give it up.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
I was alone for a long time, for a long
time outside of you. I was alone, well ship, outside
of you and Sarah. I was alone for a very
long time.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Yeah it was.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
It was years, probably probably about a good way five
seven years, something like that.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
But I won't lie that, even to this, that that
is still one of your greatest characteristics, even.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
To this, that I just had to redefine it so
so that they worked for me instead of against me.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
And it and it and it does and it and
it's worked well for you. And I'm proud of you
for that one though. Oh because I look up I
look I look up to you for that reason right there.
Because I look up to you for that reason right there.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
I'm so glad it's recorded.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Because I can't. I can't be I can't be that,
and I'm being honest, I can't because I because I
can help people.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
But not how you do right, but you're not meant
to right.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Yeah, you know, I'm good at helping people the way
I do, But how you do it, I think it's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Thank you, it is thank you.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
And and it's just a part of you know, ship, uncovering,
covering your real self. You know when when you do that,
you have to dig deep in and cover who you
really are at your core.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
But you know, and this is something that I think
people either don't know or forget.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Right.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Going on the journey of self discovery is not meant
to be pleasant. That ship is not meant to feel good.
It is not meant to make you feel good. You know.
In my world, the spiritual world that I come from,
I remember it not. But when I was, when I
was shedding all these layers and I was going through
all this ship, I was part I feel like I'm
going crazy, Like I can literally feel things shifting. Do

(57:23):
you remember that?

Speaker 2 (57:24):
Yeah? Can I interrupt your kind of Yeah? I remember that,
but you know what was really happening. But it's not.
It's not too much different from Neo and the Matrix.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
He was putting me in another movie.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
I am, but you know, I'm not going to death
about the movie. But you were shedding the illusion the
same way he did. Yeah, it was that's a painful process.
You shed it. You were shedding the illusion, you know,
you know, with layer by layer getting rid of it.
But it was so ingrained in you that it was painful,
you know, you know, seeing life for what it was.

(57:57):
You were shedding the illusion.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Know and going on that journey right or during that process,
I lost a lot. I gained a lot because I
found myself who I should have been, But I lost
a life. I lost people, I lost family members, I
lost the parts of me that I thought made me me.

(58:23):
If that makes sense?

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Okay, question because we know we was, you know, talking
about these illusions. You know what I'm saying, those parts
of you that you thought were you? Was that you?
Or can you say that something created that? No?

Speaker 1 (58:40):
I can absolutely tell you that that that outside influence
has created that. And you know that. That's why I'm
very heavy on shadow work, right, all of my clients,
let me start with shadow work. If you can make
it through shadow work, then you deserve to work with me. Correct,
you know, but being able to look yourself in the
mirror and ask yourself like like I mean literally, this

(59:02):
is what I started my clients with. Look in the mirror,
look yourself out of eye. It's very creepy when you
do it, But look yourself in the mirror, ou to
eye and ask yourself, the fuck are we? Who are we?
What happened? How do we get here? Do you want
to be here? Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? If
you can't answer those questions, or if you answer no

(59:25):
to those questions, it's time to start doing some work.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
My idea of this is that we're not searching for
something new, or we're looking for something that is already there.
So can you say what you found was not something new,
but something that was already there for.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
The most part, Yeah, what was it?

Speaker 2 (59:48):
So?

Speaker 1 (59:48):
I can say this right, me being who I am,
and a lot of our listeners know me personally, right, So,
me being who I am, I can honestly say that
the layers that I shed there were the parts of
who I am today that that didn't serve me. That's it,
plain and simple. It was the parts of who I
am that didn't serve me well, that didn't help me

(01:00:11):
out at all, and that kept me bound to traditions
or schools of thought. That or political beliefs that I
didn't even believe.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
Correct, you know, A big part of self discovery is
this right here. And I talk about it all the time,
you know, with you, but I've developed the program about
running your life like a business because that's what we
do as a family. Now, we run our life like
a business. But a big part of this self discovery
or the lack of self discovery is this right here,

(01:00:40):
a mismanagement of oneself. This shit gets out of hand
because we mismanaged ourselves for a very long time and
so safe instance, like when you shad the illusion of
yourself and it was pain for a long period of time, Well,
that process was was a very painful process because you
mismanaged yourself for many years and you didn't even know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
My whole life. Correct, me too, you got down play
it my whole life, right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Yeah, So this is what this comes down to. We
have mismanaged the fuck out of ourselves.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
Yeah. But you know, if more people I don't want
to pu anything on anybody, but if more people are
like us, you're mismanaged because you don't know any better.
But right, that's where people like we come in. That's
where students of life come in.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
That's what we do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
That's how we help you. We help you figure that out,
and we help you. We help your A plus your
B equal C if you will. Yeah, and you know,
and in doing that we can help and have helped
guide people into who they should be.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
Okay, So what would you like to leave the people
with you know? Today?

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
You know, normally I end these on like some some
high hope type type of thought, right, but today I
want to I want to leave people with a few questions.
It's who are you? And no one is looking? Who
are you when you break yourself down to your foundation?

(01:02:11):
What makes you happy? If you can answer those questions?
And by all means, when this is posted, could and comments,
we'll talk to you about it. Yeah, what's going to
death about it? You can DM me, you can DM Courtney.
We'll talk to you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
We can set a video call if you need to.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
Yeah, I'd love to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
I'd absolutely set a video call. I'll give give you
all some free coaching.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
The first time only the first time though.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
Yeah, the first time Capital FI R S T time.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
And and these are my couple of takeaways. If you
don't know who you are, someone will tell you who
to be and use that power against you and the
last thing I want to leave you with. People easiest
to control are the ones that never question or they
believe what they believe. Everyone, I really do appreciate you.

(01:03:07):
Listening to the Student's Life podcast Live and Learn. Life
is a listener