Episode 9 | Limiting Beliefs: The Lies That Build Your Life

 Most of your beliefs were installed before you had a choice–these beliefs shape how you speak, love, decide, and show up. But bad beliefs quietly run your life like background software. 

In this episode we are discussing limiting beliefs and how it interferes with your life. We discuss how limiting beliefs are not just isolated issues but a part of an ecosystem of beliefs that run your life without your awareness. Then we bring to the forefront how limiting beliefs aren’t just how you see yourself–but also how you see the world around you. This episode is for anyone that wants to identify the invisible systems of limiting beliefs and how it runs your life or how they shape the behaviors of those around you.

Key Topics Discussed:

• How limiting beliefs grow: “Limiting beliefs create chain reactions that touch every area of your life, usually without you noticing.”
• How limiting Beliefs show up without warning: “Limiting beliefs are not always loud, sometimes they hide inside your ‘normal’ behavior.”
• Limiting Beliefs shape how you see the world: “Your limiting beliefs aren’t just a private problem. They become the walls of the world you live in.”

Share this episode with someone suffering with limiting beliefs. And don’t forget to follow the show for more mind-opening conversations.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Here, y'all.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
This is Erica with Students of Life podcast If you're
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(01:03):
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our homepage. Every bit of support helps us expand, reach
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matter most. Team.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
Welcome to the Students of Life Podcasts. And I'm your host, Courtney,
and with me it's my other host, Erica, my lovely wife.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Hi.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Are you doing wife?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
I'm good? How are you?

Speaker 3 (01:29):
I'm doing good. We hadn't been, We hadn't said here
in a minute.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
It's been quite a while.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
Yes it is. Do you feel good being in my
presses again?

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:39):
My god?

Speaker 1 (01:40):
No, but I think you feel great being in mind.
I see the light in your eyes now, it's the
all the way you're glowing today. I glow anyway.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Oh damn, it's just lights. Okay, so is there anything
special going on.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Right now? Yeah, let me think, you know, not really,
We're just busy. We're busy making moves. We are very busy.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Well, let's not forget you know, we hadn't posted it
or said anything about it, but right now we are
at twelve thousand views as of this recording, right now,
two thousand downloads. Yeah yeah, sorry, twelve thousand downloads. Yeah,
in one month. Yeah, in one month, we hit twelve
thousand downloads. And that's as an accomplishment. That's a hell

(02:30):
of an accomplishment. So, you know, I know one is here,
but I'm going to clap for us.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Thank you, thank you. That's a dad and you am
Yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, I probably should have hit that. The clap button
falls on that one.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
That's all right, No worry about it. I might hit
the wrong don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
I think I just might because I don't remember which
one it was.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
But we have new equipment. We don't want to play
with that right now.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yeah, maybe kind of like playing and what was that
that guessing game?

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Guess who?

Speaker 3 (03:03):
I guess who? You know? The one you got to
fit the cause over. It's not like Goldfish? What is
it memory, memory or whatever it is. What it is
called memory, old maid whatever it was. It was something
like that old Maid.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
It was memory. Okay, whatever, matching what makes you feel
better about it about the same game.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
It's fine, Okay, we'll go with that.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
So let's go on with this episode today. What do
we what are we doing today? Sweet?

Speaker 1 (03:30):
Today we are talking about limiting beliefs and the lies
that you have built your life around. Pretty much.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
Yeah, that's a that's a that's a deep it is.
We've had discussions about this from over the years, but
maybe not as in depth as we're going to go
into with this episode though, No.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
I don't believe so. But you know, I also think that,
you know, when you have people like us who have
both become life coaches in some way, the conversation that
we have had throughout the years, they come back up,
you know, as you're studying and you're learning and you're
navigating your way through Clan Tael or whatever. Right, And

(04:11):
although in the past we didn't call them limited beliefs,
we've discussed all of them in some way.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
We have, and I would say that they've become so
normal that sometimes it becomes very difficult to even identifying. Sometimes, Yeah,
you have no idea. It becomes if I would say,
like how it makes sense of it like a computer,
it become part of our default operating system.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
It does.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
That's what it's become, and so we don't really know
how to recognize it, and so it's hard to navigate
at that point.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
It is. And you know, and I think a lot
of people aren't aware that they're living by limiting beliefs,
because that's you know, these kind of things they start
like early in your life, like d'uring childhood an adolescents,
your teenage years, and your adult years, and then god forbid,
you become one of those people, you know who who
carry your past with you and taking to your new

(05:03):
relationship because now you're teaching your husband and your wife,
your significant other, your children these things and a lot
of excuse me, the limited beliefs that were taught are
hidden in tradition.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
So before we continue, give us the definition of that
absolutely of the limited belief.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
So limited belief they are essentially negative or self defeating
thoughts that limit someone's choices, behaviors, and opportunities that can
originate from childhood experiences. Negative feedback or self criticism. Limited
beliefs can lead to self sabotage, avoidance of challenges, and
lack of motivation. Yeah, so to sum that up right,

(05:41):
you can say that your limited beliefs could be a
very big reason why a lot of us suffer with depression.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
You know, we had this conversation, you asked me. It
wasn't too long ago, you asked. You said, hey, Cordinay,
you know, when do you think that we began with
these limited beliefs? You know, when we saw having them
at the moment we're born.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah, so that's a little bit dramatic.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
And you said, correct, that's exactly what you said. You said,
that's a little bit dramatic, I said, But it's the truth, though,
and it is to me. It's the truth because the
people who've given birth to us, they were living with
limiting beliefs and they pass them along to they do
you know, so they didn't have so safe as if
you were given birth by someone who didn't have much

(06:24):
belief in themselves. They're going to pass that same limiting
belief that they had into themselves unto the child too.
And so it looks like it's a very normal thing,
and it's not normal at all. So we've normalized dysfunction
to a degree.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
So what you're saying is limited beliefs that they're not
necessarily isolated problems, right, they're they're masked by things that
we see every day because we've been taught them correct. Yes,
they're here.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly how it happens.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
Though the moment we're born. You know, they are passed on,
you know, safe and select in school. Hey, you believe
based off your performance, I'm not good enough. You know,
I just don't perform well. You carry that on for
the rest of your life to a degree, you know,
most of us do. We don't know how to shift
or change that because no one intervenes and says, hey,

(07:23):
that's not true, kid, No one ever stops us from
doing this. It's just as if I said before, it's
become too normalized and we got to learn how to
combat that to a degree.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
And it's not easy.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
It's not an easier thing because it's not very easy
to identify. And one of the other issues is that
they look like is if you said isolated, right, they're
not as isolated as they appear, meaning they branch off.
It starts with this one thing, but that one thing
is just like a tree, turns into a many different things,

(07:58):
you know, as far as the limited belie So the
limited belief takes root and creates a life of his own,
and we'll definitely get into that in this episode.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Okay, So I guess if you if someone were to ask,
you know, Courtney, what's a limited belief that you lived
by or what's the one that you had to break?
Like what would be you think you're number one limited
belief that you had to break to become who you
are today? Like what beliefs you have to let go of?

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Well as an adult, you know, coming out of high school,
it was definitely the one dealing with not getting a
bachelor's degree. It would have been that one. And I
want to speak about this or not just because it's
a Courtney thing, Okay, because a lot of people deal
with it. So in my working career, it was like, hey,

(08:49):
I didn't feel like I was possibly good enough though
the more the years, because I had the skills and
the ability to do what I needed to do. But
since I didn't have a college degree, the doors were closed.
The doors were closed. So what I instantly said, you
know what, according to you, ain't good enough and so

(09:10):
I had to change, you know, or what I would say,
I had to pivot. And so the college degree made
me feel like I wasn't good enough although I had
the skills and abilities. I can see that. So that
was the one, but it also created other issues too.
Those issues were created out of that one belief. It

(09:30):
looked isolated, but I didn't really pay attention to the
other issues that it calls as well. And the crazy
part about that is when I say I had the
skills and abilities, yes I did, it didn't matter although
you know, I had a buried of entry for what
I wanted, but I had the skills and abilities to
get there.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
So so you thought that not having a bachelor's degree
meant that you could only go so far in your career,
Like even though you had all the technical know how, right,
you had all of the physical skills and ability, the
technical skills and ability, having that piece of paper made
a bit a huge difference for me.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, in that moment, Yeah it did. Because I did
get my certifications in in web development and graphic design.
I did those, but jobs looked for for you know,
the four year degree or whatever, that's what they looked for. Yeah,
and so I can even you know, be looked at

(10:33):
because of that. And since I couldn't be looked at
because of that, what I ended up having to do
is I had to learn how to pivot. And what
it did, I'm like, I started to choose jobs that
I knew I can get to I didn't have to lose.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
So what did that pivot look like to you? Exactly?
I mean, I hear what you're saying about, you know,
getting getting jobs. Yeah, excuse me, but how did it
play every day life?

Speaker 3 (11:01):
Well, let's put it like this, what ended up happening
the first part of what you asked? What did that
pivot look like? Yes, and that pivot looked like, you know, Okay,
I can't get the jobs that I really won't, so
I need to at least get the jobs that I
can get.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
But what that did?

Speaker 3 (11:19):
You know? I started getting those jobs, and even to
this day, any job that I had an interview for,
I've never not gotten a job. Yea, out of out
of twenty years, I've never not gotten a job that
I've interviewed for. But what that did, too, is that
I was able to get the jobs, but it made
me reach for something a little bit lower.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
Low hanging fruit.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
Correct. I reached for low hanging fruit. And then when
I reached for the low hanging fruit within my jobs,
I didn't realize that throughout my life what was going on,
I was reaching for low hanging fruit all along a
lot of other things. I was reaching for low hanging fruit,
you know, the things that they created a comfort within
an individual because a lot of people deal with conflicts,

(12:04):
and so what the conflict looked like was this right here,
reaching for low hanging fruit but wanting big things in life.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yes, yeah, I think that happens to a lot of us.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
Actually, but it don't work together. Those two things don't
work together. You can't reach for low hanging fruit, you know.
And you know because what low hanging fruit looks like
too is minimal risk taking. Yeah, but big things require
big risk.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
So the low hanging fruit leads you to avoiding risk
out of what fear of rejection or something else.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, but it leads into that so safe instance. Now,
what you don't what you can't deal with is rejection.
You know, you know you won't. They're a low hanging fruit.
You was really reaching for that because it's easier. It
was easier, and you were tired of being rejected from
the get go. Yep, so you actually want to do
something that actually makes you feel good. Yeah, that actually

(12:59):
makes you want But what we need to do understand
this part about it too, is that there's nothing wrong
with that. I don't want people to believe that. Oh
oh my god. Sometimes we hear this things and we
latch onto it, but that ain't what this is. Maybe
it worked for you at one point in your life,
but we hold on to it too long.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
You got to let it go.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
You gotta know when to let it go, when to
throw that towel in, Yes, you know when to transition
open to the next thing. Enough, right, this does not
serve me anymore? Yeah, like safe for instance. Okay, that
served me at one point in my life.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
Yes it didn't.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
It really did serve me, you know, you know, it
got me to where I needed to be. It gave
me little skills and the abilities. But I didn't realize
that I was holding on to it too long. And
a lot of people need to understand and realize that it's. Well.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Okay, So then let me ask you this question because
I think I think they're related. I could be wrong,
but in my mind, I feel like the fear of
rejection can also come from a fear of maybe not
being heard.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
The fear of rejection, yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
Because in my mind, I'm thinking to myself, right, if
I'm not being heard, then they don't believe I'm capable
of X, Y, and Z thing right, which is in
a way, if you don't think I'm capable, then in
some way you are rejecting me.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
That is possible, for sure, you know. But that's an
issue all on its own, though. And I got a
question for you because I understand that you just asked
me a question.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
But is this right as ask a question with a question?

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Yeah, I am. Do you think the fear of being
heard of not being heard as a limited belief or
do you think do you think that that is caused
by something else?

Speaker 1 (14:49):
I think that is caused by something else. I think
a lot of a lot of people who have a
fear of not being heard and not being able to
speak up that stems typically from your childhood. You know,
you're a que you got pass. Just just go play. Oh,
like you know, grandfathers are talking, don't don't interrupt, or
you're being pushed away at school. Oh, just go go
do your work. Don't worry bout asking that question right now,

(15:13):
you'll figure it out. Just go sit down. So if
you're told from a very early age, you know it's
pretty much just just go away or whatever your you
need to say or what I need to ask is
not important. I believe you grow up with that.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
Okay, But because we're talking about these branches that we created,
and we're going to get back to this, but safe
ins is like the previous part, that fear of not
being enough, you know, far as just you know, like
within the job aspect, no, not getting that degree, you know,

(15:46):
that was the fear of not being enough. Then it
made you reach for the low hanging fruit. Then it
made you avoid risk. Then it made you overall rejection,
fear rejection as a whole. Yeah, it created like this
plethoral of other issues that was never isolated.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
So it was a domino effect.

Speaker 3 (16:03):
It correct, it was, but we never talked about it
like that. It's always interesting and so this goes into
what you're saying now, like the fear of not being heard.
When you have that fear of not being heard. The
next portion of that, what it creates is poor listening abilities.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yes, it does. Well, you know, I don't that's a
good point, but I feel like that's a twofold point, right, Okay, Well,
I feel like that we have the poor listening ability
because no one ever listened to us, right, And then

(16:42):
now it's like, okay, just tell me what you want,
what you want me to hear. And now I'm impatient. Right,
It's like, its just come on and spit it out
and go by my day, you know what I mean?
Does that makes sense? It does? You know? So I
feel like, again this is another domino effect, right, you
have the fear of not being heard. Then you got
so because I've never been heard, I don't have to
voice these things. But because of that, I also don't

(17:03):
have to listen very well. If I'm not listening now,
I'm I'm impatient, and I just want you to just
hurry up, just hurry up, right, like to what you
gotta say if I can move on, so we can
move on from this. And then from that, you know,
it kind of goes into a because I wasn't heard
when someone listens to me. Now I need to make
sure I'm always right.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
But I think that's that's that portion right there is
the most dangerous of what we're getting to because now
that actually has an effect on all relationships. It does
like safe instance, you get it safe things like you
are I. We're in the marriage, right for one of us,
but one of them? Did you just say perhaps? The

(17:47):
hell is that perhaps right? Look here, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
I was like, go ahead, Yes, we are in a marriage,
thirteen year marriage, we are.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
Yes, But you did say perhaps though.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Actually I said sometimes we go ahead?

Speaker 3 (18:04):
You know, you don't you know, I like inside of movies,
like you know, like the movies when you know they
just hit somebody in the throat.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
Oh are you advocating for domestic violence on this podcast?

Speaker 3 (18:15):
No, No, I'm just I'm just saying I just I
do like it though. I like when they hit like
the chopped it. That's all I'm saying, you know. And
also in movies, you know, some things just happened off screen.
You know, you don't know what happened. Oh wow, you know,
yeah wow, some of that off screen stuff. Yeah, I
like offscreen stuff. I feel like some off screen stuff

(18:38):
happened at tonight Mitchell letwich.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Was kind of violence tonight? Are you bothered?

Speaker 3 (18:43):
Are you okay?

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Is your spirit advanced? Yea? It isn't turmoil right now.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
But like I'm saying, we're in a marriage, supposedly anyway,
since we're in a supposed marriage, just imagine one of
us always wants.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
To be right.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Yeah, that creates a long, a very big issue because
it goes back into the inability to listen to anybody
else's issues. You know, how can we ever come to
any resolution to any of our problems if I accordinate
always want to be right?

Speaker 1 (19:26):
We can't we want because then if.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
I always want to be right, then that means I'm
actually never listening to you correct. So whatever grievance is
that you have, I can never address them properly, right
because I'm always right no matter what's going on, I'm
the right one. You're not hurt, No, it can't be
because I'm right. And this right here comes from the inability,

(19:52):
that inability to listen for sure, even though that's not
the beginning of it is the fear of not being hurt,
the fear of not being heard creates there's a large
branch of issues that that's very difficult to to recognize.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
So you think that it shapes behaviors. So you think
the fear of not being heard has the potential to
turn somebody essentially into a, for lack of better words,
a bully like I'm always like Matilda's that I'm right,
you're wrong. I'm big, you're small.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
Yeah, I mean big time. And even if you're not
a safe insans a damn bully, I don't believe that
you can develop the way you And I'm speaking from
this from a from a from a family man, Okay,
I'm speaking strictly from being a husband and a father.

(20:52):
I can't properly lead my family if I always want
to be right. I gotta hear y'all out too correct. Yeah,
you know, because you guys have your own personal issues.
You're your own human too. And if I always want
to be right, then that means I'll never be able
to listen to you and direct this family in the
way that needs to go. And and me speaking to
other men out there, you can't always be right. You

(21:15):
do have a wife that needs to be heard, you
have kids that need to be heard and directed in
the right and on the right path, and you can't
do that, always wanting to be right. So I'm telling
y'all that fear of not being heard, especially if they're
generator as a kid, Yeah, that that needs to be
that needs to be addressed.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Okay, so then let's move into this next point then, right,
always needing to be heard. Do you think that also
creates the limited belief or false idea of perfectionism, like
your need to be perfect?

Speaker 3 (21:51):
It does, yeah, hands down. Yeah. But that need to
be perfect that comes from people pleasing, normally people pleasing.
Hold on, okay, why do you think that?

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Well, my thing is this, right, I'll just use me
for an example. Okay, you know our listeners know I
don't believe in perfection. I think it's bullshit. But I've
also never been a people pleaser. Right, Most people who
have people pleasing tendencies, they need to be perfect to
not calls typically to cause any rift in anything or

(22:32):
any drama. They want to be perfect, They want to
do everything right. They want a TO B, T, C
T D to line up perfectly where they are involved, right,
And I do believe that comes from a fear of projection,
or a fear of failure or something else. And in
your need to be perfect, you're normally overcautious, and external

(22:57):
validation is always needed. So that is what I say.
I think they kind of play off of each other.
They do well.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
We need to say. You know, again, this is a
part of me always dislikes that. You know, we always
talk about what generated from from childhood, but so many
of these issues.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
It's true, but it's true, that's where it starts.

Speaker 3 (23:18):
It generated from childhood, and it went unchecked for for
far too long.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
But think about it, if you're being honest, though sometimes
it goes unchecked for an entire lifetime. It does for
a lot of people.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
And so what you're saying is like people pleasing. But
that's like more jumping right into it, you know, into
the middle of it. It's not the beginning of it.
So the beginning of that, because that's part of a problem.
That's not where it begins at. Where it begins at
is that needs to be perfect. That's what I said
early on, but that comes from safely instance, parents that

(23:53):
wants things to be perfect early on. Yeah, and so
you shape and more of who you are base on
how that parent operates.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, I mean that's like you know, you have parents
who you have children, but they can't have toys anywhere
but their room or a playroom. God forbid, they come
back to the living room or the kitchen, because now
your house is a mess. You're asking the fool about it,
you know how they are a lot of older parents
were like that. Everything had a place, everything at a time,
you know what I mean? Or either you have people

(24:23):
who like me my early life, right, nothing beyond straight
a's were acceptable, nothing like Regina was hell being on
Principle's list every six weeks. Yeah, And I can honestly
say because of that, I believe that is why I'm
putting overachiever today, that that is why something is never

(24:43):
enough right. And and I wouldn't. I don't. I don't
think that it created like people pleasing tendencies for me
or need to be perfect. What I think it did
was it created an air of I gotta do this,
and when I do it, I got to be the
best at doing it, which is just an overachiever, you know.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
And with that, you know what, I what I notice
with you when you don't get it the way you
want to it, it pisces you off, even though you're
not supposed to be good at it like you know,
like if you've never done it before. No, you're not
supposed to just jump in like, oh, I'm great at
this thing. That creates issues too, it does, and more

(25:25):
than the reason that creates issues because now the people
who are good at it, you impede on them. You
can get in those people way sometimes because you think
you're supposed to be good at a thing. You know
you're not supposed to be good at it, but you
can easily get in somebody's way.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
I mean, I'm saying if.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
I'm not saying that you have what I'm just saying, if.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
By the second attempt I ain't got it something wrong,
and now whatever system you got right here is broken,
let me show you how to fix it. So I'm
sure I have gotten in one way before. Yeah, but no,
but I will say, to my credit, to my credit,
when I do that kind of thing, systems do normally change.
Because I'm lazy and I find short cuts easier ways

(26:06):
to do it. Oh, there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
But all I'm saying is when people have developed a
life of skill and ability, your second, third time is
not good enough. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
You're right, I just yeah, yeah, you're not good.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
Enough at it, So don't be mad and getting other
people's way when they develop skills and abilities.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Why are you reading me for filth on this podcast episode, Sarah,
why are you putting on my business out here?

Speaker 3 (26:28):
I'm not putting your business out here. I'm just saying
what it would happen, That's all. I'm saying, what would happen,
because I'm pretty sure people out there do.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
It and have done it.

Speaker 3 (26:36):
This is it.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
Don't use me as your an example.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
Well, don't be in my face then okay, let's move
this equipment so you can talk from behind me.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
How about that?

Speaker 3 (26:51):
That's where I'm at.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
So I think it's safe to say that limited beliefs
create chain reactions, right, like a domino effect through your
whole life, right, pretty much saying that without realizing it
and without noticing it, your limitsing beliefs, they touch every
aspect of your life in some way. They have an
effect on you, everything you do and those you come

(27:14):
into contact.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
With, and you don't even realize that, and what you
were what we were just saying, don't you know safetess
is that kind of perfectionism? Because no safeens is no
limiting belief is identical to somebody else's, right, it can
all so. Safe instance, if the limiting beliefs is the
need to be perfect even though we know it's not true, right,

(27:34):
we know it's not true, but yours don't look like mine,
and the branch creates it's a it's a different kind
of branch, correct, So safe inns of your perfectionism, you know,
looks different from mine. Yeah, it created a different a
different kind of branch. Yeah, you know, but you know
that idea of needing to be perfect, it definitely originated
from from childhood.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
And one of the things that I'm not going to
say that it gets under my skin, but that need
to be perfect because safe fingers, you have a parent
that's overly you know, you know, they want things their way.
What that creates in a child is that shapes them
and molds them to just get the hell out of

(28:16):
the way mm hm.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
To retreating to themselves. It also also, if folks don't
talk about enough, is the fact that that is why
you have a lot of anxious adults around here. It's
sort of when they were younger.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
Or safe instance, is an adult you think that you
know your perfectionism is your you know, you just always
wanted to have it right. Your idea of perfectionism is
not because you want it to be right.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Somebody gave you that.

Speaker 3 (28:43):
Somebody gave it to you, and now you just shaped
it and molded it into something else, molded by it.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
Yeah, that's the darkness right there. Now, that is the darkness. Yeah,
you know, And that's and that's the and that's what
I as an adult, when I look at it, and
people think that they're a perfectionism because they love what
they do. Sometimes you're a perfectionist because of that that

(29:14):
damn perfect mother that you had who wanted things her way,
or your father who wanted things just his way.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
And only their way. So you believe it's because you
love what you do.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
That ain't the case. That ain't true.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
It's not you know, not always not the case. But
I think when people don't realize they do is you
take that air perfectionism and you apply it to something
that you know you can perfect. That's why so many
people are perfectionists at work, because work has systems. It's
an organization, you know, it's an ecosystem, it's already built
for you and once you learn it. It's not hard

(29:49):
to be perfect. It's very very easy to be perfect.
To work, it is, you know, so like, yeah, so
I cant you have to work. I can be a one.
I could be the best of the best employee of
the month twelve months running. Yeah, I can be my
boss's favorite. I make their life easier. Like, but yeah,
who did you make easier growing up? Who's like you

(30:09):
to make easy? Correct? That's where it came from.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
That's where it came from.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
But we don't see it because you know, a lot
of shit from our child we put our head. You don't.
You don't think about You come like much older, much
much older.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
And we don't even think about most of us don't
think about it then, right, it's as overthinkers that do
ship like that. I say, we're overthinkers to a degree.
And you yeah, you think so Okay, I say me,
I mean you think a lot, but I think a
whole lot.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
Do you just call me dumb? Beneath you? I did
not do that kind of what we're gonna ask our
listeners kind of what it sounds like.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
That is not what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
We were gonna put a poll on this when did
Courtney say that Erica was beneath him or cannot think?

Speaker 3 (30:47):
Okay, well we're gonna do right here with this is
say this right here. You have always said accordingly, you
think too much. I never would have thought about that.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
I do call you a big brain boo every day.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
Yeah, you do that all the time. So most people
don't think about stuff like this or unless you want
to go get information from Tony Robbins and then you
will know. But outside that, we don't think about it
all the time.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yeah. But to that example, what you were.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
Given that people please you know at work, Now that
goes into two people pleasing that that's a people please
an aspect of that.

Speaker 1 (31:21):
It is, and that is a it's like a micro belief,
right something like that.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
Yeah, Well it feeds in It's not a micro belief,
but it feeds into it. Because it's all a system.
We need to understand that that it's a system as
a whole and based on how it works. And the
reason I'm saying that is because some of these issues
that we deal with and then we face is safe instance,

(31:50):
you're at work, but you don't want to raise your hand.
You know what I'm saying that's part of a limited belief.
We know, you don't see it because what you don't
see is that you're good enough to raise your hand.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
They're afraid to speak up.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah, you're afraid to Yeah. There was this woman, Erica.
She did a TED talk, but she was the CEO
I think of metal. She us the c old metal
Facebook metal. Yeah, Facebook Metal, Okay, yeah, you know. But
she did a TED talk and that TED talk was about,
you know, the fear to speak up or not raising

(32:20):
your hand, and within that she was pretty much saying
how most women in these groups, even where they're qualified
and where they're when they're deserving of it, they never
raised their hand and only if and until you raise
your hand, no you can be heard, you know. And

(32:41):
so that is a limited belief, you know, the fear
of you know, like safetans is not raising your hand
because you fear that you're not good enough to be
where you are. But that was a very good talk though.
You should definitely listen to that one, you know.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
So that's a great example, right, But then you have
the other side of that. A lot of people do,
both men and women. But it's the over explanation at work, right,
where where, Like I need to make sure that you
hear me and that you understand where I'm coming from.
Like if I don't explain myself, then you won't see

(33:15):
my value. Or or if I don't go into detail
about what I've done, you might miss a part of it.
You know, when in all actuality, those those thoughts can
be reframed pretty much right, and it can be me
being quiet doesn't mean I'm invisible, Like you should have

(33:37):
confidence to know that your work speaks for itself, that
you don't owe everyone an over explanation to be taken seriously.
They didn't think you could do the job, your ass
wouldn't be there at the job doing the job correct.
Or here we go. Here's a good one, Cordney, here's
a good one. People who choose emotionally unavailable partners right

(34:01):
thinking for some reason, they don't deserve a deep and
consistent love someone who truly cares for them. You know,
you have people out here who who feel like I'm
just going to accept what I can get because that's
all I deserve, because that's all I'm worth. When that
is not true. You don't have to go for the
dude who's been swept under the rug, or the girl

(34:24):
who smells and looks and X like she just came
out of dumper trash. You know, I mean, that's one
of those things where if you take time to reframe
how you feel about yourself, then it would be easy
for you to say I'm open and I'm ready to

(34:44):
receive good things from these people, or I'm open and
ready to receive genuine love. But that goes back to
being invisible, like we said earlier, right, that goes back
to their fear of speaking up, That goes back to
the lack of self worth. All of those things have
a domino effect. And you know, I know we're talking

(35:04):
about work a lot, but it happens in relationships a lot,
to friendships, significant other family. These limits and beliefs they have,
they have a way of getting into, like you said,
every single aspect of every single thing that you do,
and they slowly from the inside out to show your
life like it's not one of those things that are

(35:28):
that are put up front or that are posted on
the fucking billboard somewhere saying hey look at me, these
are my issues. You don't know it because they've happened
incrementally throughout your entire life, but they started so damn
early you don't know a difference.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
No, you don't. I want you to do this. We
just so people can get an idea of you know,
some of these limited beliefs, you know, like safe instance,
Like what we're discussing, like safe instance, one of these
limited beliefs is I'm not good at it, you know.

(36:02):
Then the other one is I'm too old or too young,
or another one would be I don't have enough time,
and it goes into what you're saying, So say instance,
we use like don't have enough time and these beliefs
that we're putting on ourselves inside of a family. If
I don't never feel like I have enough time, then
it means that I don't feel like I never have

(36:23):
enough time even for you or the things that I need,
you know, to take care of even within you know,
need to take care of for myself so we can
be better off, you know what I'm saying. So it's
being able to identify, you know, some of these these
limited beliefs. So I think we really struggle with that
and with what you're saying, like these micro issues you know,

(36:43):
you know that we're having and One of the biggest
things that we need to be able to do is
identify where we come from.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
You know now that I'm sitting here thinking, there is
one that you still suffer with today, and that is
the feel like you can't rest until everything is done.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Example, say you have something to do, right, and you
can do some today, some tomorrow, and then someone someone
Monday too, Right, you feel like in one day you
have to get everything wrapped up in a nice, neat
bow so that your mind can slow down, so that

(37:26):
you can rest. Okay, all right, So meaning that you
feel like you have to in some way you have
to earn that rest that that should just naturally come
to you anyway, you know what I mean? Like you don't.
You don't have to earn the right to rest me,
you or anybody else. And because of that, you know.

(37:51):
But I've got this issue too though, right, because you
know thing, I travel for work a lot, right, so
my whole thing is my day is not done on
something back home like perfect example, Tuesday, I drove to
Saint Louis and back in one day. Drove to Saint Louis,
had a meeting with clients, came back home that night.
I left my house at like seven thirty that morning
and made it back in nine thirty. But but I

(38:13):
feel like I used to us an example. But I
think a lot of that stems from the fact that you,
like me, are an overachiever. Right, So it's hard to
turn your brain off and settle down and rest peacefully
if you know they're still shit to do.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
But yeah, but I don't think that's a limited belief.
Though you don't know that one right there? I don't,
you know, because this becomes a question, what is the
separation between sometimes just character traits you know and you know,
and a limited belief. What's the separation between that, you know?
Save for instance, I think it's a fine line. How

(38:47):
do you identify, Hey, that's just who he or she
is versus No, that's just a limited belief. And are
we're supposed to dig deep into that? Because I don't
believe that that's necessarily a limited belief.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
I didn't say it was a bad thing, though I know.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
I'm just saying, but I don't believe it's a limits
of belief. Sometimes it can be, you know, misconstrued, so.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
You don't think in somewhere and I'm not saying this
is you at this point where I'm just saying, you
don't think people that believe that everything has to be
put up in a nice, neat little bowl before they
deserve to sit down and rest or sleep for the
nights of limbits and belief.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
That that is what I was saying in that regard.
If it's that extreme, then yes, because that's perfectionism.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
And no one has to earn the right to rest.
That's just something that you need.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Yeah, But say instance, you know, if it's under the
guise of perfectionism, then yes, you know, and I know
everybody hate Elon Musk right now, Oh he's a piece
of shit, right, you know what I'm saying. But save instance,
you know he had so many companies and he did
so much work within him. Do you think that that
would was a limited belief because he did all day

(40:02):
to work in all those companies or or what Steve jobs?
Did you know he was a perfectionist? You know, which
was the guise of a limiting belief? Is the reason
why he operating and worked the way he did or
was he just wanting to achieve what he wanted?

Speaker 1 (40:17):
You know?

Speaker 3 (40:18):
Is it a limited belief or is that just character.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
Traits I just said I think it's a fine line. Yeah,
I do think it's a funk. Okay, so then here's
another one. Then how about someone who always compares her
timeline to somebody else? Okay, like, I'm twenty nine, I'm
not a CEO yet, I'm not married yet, i don't
have children yet. I'm twenty nine, I'm still in college,

(40:43):
my degree is not finished. So now I'm behind everybody else.

Speaker 3 (40:48):
That's an issue.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
I agree with you, and I think it's important that
people learn how to because a lot of our listeners,
we have found out recently they're younger than us, so right,
so it's important for them to learn how to reframe
that thought alone that I'm behind part I fear so
many people, even my clients. Right, A lot of people

(41:12):
say the same thing, Eric, I'm behind the ball, like
my cousin's doing this, my sister's doing that, or either
these people that work they've achieved so much more than me.
We're the same age I'm behind.

Speaker 3 (41:25):
So that seems like that is a people have an
issue with their with their worth.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
I will I would say.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
So based on where they are, is it where we
would kind of like put that on it. Yes, I
don't think so.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Well, maybe a little bit. I think that me comparing
myself to those around me is actually it's a form
of self degridation, right, because I can't possibly be good
at shit if I am not as good as those
around me. My counterparts, sing folks, they age as me,

(42:07):
they've accomplished so much more.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
Okay, So that limited belief is it goes into the
you know, based on you know, too much time, safe instance,
too much time has passed. I'll never be good at
that exactly, you know, or you know what, I'm too
young and I hadn't you know, achieved what somebody achieved after,
you know, putting me in twenty to thirty years of work.

(42:30):
You know, I'm not where they are, right, But you're
not supposed You're not supposed to shouldn't be. You're not
supposed to be unless you're operating on some really good systems.
You know, possible now, It is possible.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Now if they're operating in systems like that, I guarantee
you they are somewhat running their lives like a business.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
Yeah, Well, to be that far that quickly, you have to, Yeah,
you can you have to. But that's kind of you
know what we do anyway. I know we mentioned before
to us yeah you know, yeah, we were mentioned running
your life like a business and you know us having
that that that service, but that's just a way. Running

(43:11):
your life like a business is really just a way
of operating just a tad bit different. Yeah, you know,
you know, updating old systems that don't serve you no more.
Because we mentioned that before, We mentioned it before, you know,
you know earlier. You know it is I know that
I said it that you know, I was operating in
a way or people operating ways that with systems that

(43:33):
don't serve them anymore. It served me at one point
in my life, but I didn't realize that it was
not good anymore, and we didn't realize that. So running
your life like a business is just a way of
updating yourself on new strategies because you cannot move forward
with old beliefs.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
Okay, so then let me do it. Let me ask
you a question then, well, just speak in terms of
a family. Right, we use our family as an example.
What are some old beliefs that that you read our
family of to make our lives run more like a business.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Oh, that's a that's a good one to load the question,
ain't it's I'm not gonna say it's loaded, but you know,
you kind of put me on the spot with that one,
you like. But one of them is to uh sit
down and talk about with the family on a regular basis.
That's one of them. You know, to sit down and
talk with the family, just so we can always see how,

(44:29):
to see how and where the family is, you know,
to do that on a regular basis, you know, say
see where you are, see where where the kids are.
Even even a four year old, he don't say much.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Gets here. He tell you, I played Mario Odyssey.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Yeah, I b bowser, right, I read a book, yeah,
he said, Yeah, that's where he's at.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
That's where he's at, Mario Odyssey. You're reading books. It's
all he really cares about right now.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
But that's one of the it's not the only thing,
but it's one of the things that we've definitely done,
you know, and it definitely changed how we operate as
a family, you know. And then another one, it's just
right here, how we communicate. Yeah, safe instance. You know,
if you running something that's successful, you can't have bad communication.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
And be successful at it correct. Just communication matters.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
It matters where everybody needs to be heard. That's one
of the biggest things that needs to be done. But
it's shaping, you know, and updating our beliefs, you know,
safe instance, you know, understanding and letting everybody know that, no,
you are good enough. Hey, there are improvements that you
can and that you can make. Yes, there are you know,

(45:39):
and and and safe things like this because I told
you this for for many years that you know, it
was just me and you know and Trail. You know,
we are artists and so we learned how to take
critique a little bit differently than everybody else around us.
And even when I brought that to his attention, he

(45:59):
was like, oh, it does make sense. And what it was,
this is this right here, is that when you are
creative and an artist, you take a lot of critique,
not criticism. There's a difference, you know, taking a lot
of critique on improvement. And so what that did within
the family is I taught my family how to take critique,

(46:19):
you know, to know that it was not to put
them down, to put you down, put the kids down,
or even when you guys have to do it to me,
that's just part of how you got to operate, you know,
because you can't get better without critique. You can't think
you're good at everything. That's not how it works. Like
critique not criticism, Yeah, critique not criticism, because with critique

(46:40):
it's saying you've got areas in which you can improve.
So when I made that adjustment for us, that's exactly
what I did. It's looking at those things that make
something like a business run successfully as possible and then
adapting it to a family situational scenario, you know, and
not making it as mechanical, you know, because you know,
we see you got a lot of human elements involve iness,

(47:02):
but it's only looking at what makes it good, you know.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
And I think a part of learning to make things
good also helps you form a sense of empowerment in
some way, right, because once you sit down you have
these conversations, the more you talk, the more you come
to realize that what I have to say is valuable.

(47:26):
What I have to say matters. What I have to
say Courtney or Erica will take into consideration. Even with Jade, right,
she's very heavy on the Mommy, I want to talk
to you and you know, and I know that when
she comes to me like that, then she got some
real shit to say. Yeah, but the fact that she

(47:47):
is twelve years old and she knows she can say
Mommy or Daddy, I need to talk to you and
that she'll be heard. That gives her a sense of
empowerment that even adults don't have.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
And within this no operating system, because that's to me
what it is. It's a it's an operating system. And
one of the biggest adjustments. I ain't gonna say this adjustment,
but the changes that we had to make as a
family was definitely that listening aspect, you know, and making

(48:16):
decisions safe instance, not making a decision or choice based
on just how I feel, but knowing that that choice
or decision is rooted in the outcomes for everybody else
in this family.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Mm hm.

Speaker 3 (48:29):
And that's a big portion of what we lose, you know,
within our family dynamics is that you know, we get
so you know, rooted in how we feel. We don't
realize that who and what we are and how were
making that decision. It's me as a husband is affecting you. Okay,
I might have benefited from it, but what if it

(48:50):
hurts you right now, it hurts the whole home, right
you know, so my so so safe instance, if if
I'm operating within limitsing beliefs, you know, with something that's
not true, it's going to affect everything around me.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
All right, go ahead, I'm sorry, go for it. You good.
I'm gonna ask you a question. So, how do you
think that looks when you have a family, right or
just a partner partnership? Right? Man, woman woman woman man man,
however your dynamic is set up right, how would you
say people deal with that when one partner has grown

(49:26):
but the other hasn't divorce damn leave them. That was swift. Yep,
didn't even let me get it all the way out
of my mouth.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
Okay, you can still continue the jeez. I mean, I said,
I had to say it.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
That was an outburst, not to rich, but I mean,
you know, like I understand, you know, and it's like
I think a lot of times we get so caught
up on how much we care about somebody, how much
we love somebody, that we forget if one of you
are grown up, baby, your relationship is not growing. No,
you're not going anywhere. Your system, your ecosystem, that you're

(50:06):
supposed to build or should be building is broken, which
that would be like you have a business partner and
that business partner is not doing their part. They can't
show up for either way, they need to buy them out,
buy them out, and move the hell on. If you
can't buy them out, just sell the whole goddamn business
and start over.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
But that's kind of like run your life like a
business idea, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
Yeah, yeah, you have to.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
But based off that question, you know, that's how I
see that one. When I say divorce, I do mean that.
I mean, but when you make the commitment, of course,
you got to put the work in.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
Yeah, of course, you know.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
So I don't want people to believe that this is
not about putting the work in. This is still putting
the work in.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
I don't know, bro, you call them. You know, you
said divorce in all caps. I ain't never heard nobody
say the word in all caps before.

Speaker 3 (50:50):
Yeah, because people try to, you know, believe you should
hold on to that just because you married. I don't
believe that.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
I mean, neither one of us do. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
I don't believe that, you know, because you know, you
can't stay and stay on a sinking ship. You know
what I'm saying, I don't want to go down with
the ship.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
You don't want to go.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
Down with the ship. That there's no reason to do that.
And a lot of people have done that in our
lifetimes that we've seen, they stayed on sinking ships that
didn't benefit them.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Our parents and grandparents are great examples of that.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
Yeah, well, we ain't getting into that on this.

Speaker 1 (51:19):
Yeah, I'm just saying yeah, I'm just saying, yeah, they
should have ran their life more like a business.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
Oh, I think they should have and everybody else should
have too. I don't think everybody's capable, but it might
not be capable. But you know, but but to take
the philosophy and do it, yeah, we should definitely, you know,
incorporate what that means.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
I mean, shameless plug. If they want to learn, they
can always teach you up. That's what you do. No,
it is being a strategy coach. You can teach them
how to do it.

Speaker 3 (51:44):
Yeah, I'm available. I have recently gotten more people on
So if that's what, if people want to see better,
I can definitely do that. I mean, that's that's one
of my gifts.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
So I guess overall, what we're saying is, if you
want a different life, you need a different mental system
running it. You need a different, different frame of thought. Right,
you gotta change what you what you've always done. Okay, yeah,
I'm asking you.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Oh you're asking me?

Speaker 1 (52:18):
No?

Speaker 3 (52:18):
Yeah, okay, well that's a question. Then yeah, you have to.
But I believe it's difficult because I don't because we
don't really see the systems that it really run us
like this right here, And this is a question to
you until it's not just because you you're with me.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Okay, are you patting yourself on the back right now?
You do that ship every episode.

Speaker 3 (52:43):
I'm not trying to do that this time.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
These folks gonna think you a narcissist in love with
your damn self.

Speaker 3 (52:49):
I don't care what they think. You're not going to
give me limited beliefs, not at all.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
I love bit. Nope, that's fair.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Okay, No, so it was it safe instance, if we
weren't together, what you have thought about these systems in
this way?

Speaker 1 (53:08):
Absolutely not Like I have the ability to see a lot,
but even the the a lot that I see is
not the same way you see. Yeah, So I think
for us it's our I mean honestly, when we viewed things,
nine times out of ten they're polar opposites, which is
why it works. Yeah, like we bring completely different things

(53:31):
to the table. Sometimes you're like, Erica, what the hell.
I'm like, Cordy, can I I do that in real life?
And then somehow we meet in the middle we're like,
oh shit, it's working.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
Yeah. Because if there's a problem, it's always a solution.
That's what you say all the time, because I believe it.
I can't see it no other way.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
Well, I was gonna say, you haven't been proven wrong yet,
So I'll give you that.

Speaker 3 (53:51):
If there's a problem, there's always there's always a solution,
there's a challenge, there's always something that can be put
in place to overcome it.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
I'll give you that. I agree with that.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
I can't look just because I don't know it right now.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
I will know it.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
I don't know how to build a rocket right now.

Speaker 1 (54:06):
Read enough books.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
That's a that's that's a challenge. Give me some time.
I'm gonna build that rocket. Yeah, yep, I can. But
you know, also, you know it's it's these systems that
we don't understand. That's how this that they're far reaching sometimes,
and these limited beliefs aren't just an inner issue. These
limited beliefs are outer issues too, they're out of issues,

(54:31):
you know. So it's the idea of how the world
is shaped around us. It's how we see the world
around us too, in this right here. And I'm going
to bring this up because it really didn't piss me
off if I did it.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
I'm talking about it.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
Oh no, I'm gonna do a whole episode without you
on that one. Then I'm gonna loaded it up. But
but you know, but but not today, not today. But
it was this right It was with episode seven. It
was with the episode we did with Ashton. Yeah, okay,
oh yeah, it was the episode we did with ash
And this one right here goes into the limited belice

(55:05):
and now limited belief shape how you view the world.
And we put an ad out there, you know, to
to promote that episode. And it was a woman that
put a that was under that post. It was a
white lady, yeah, older white lady. Yeah, white lady. And
what she put under there she called, she said, ghetto
trash murderer. Yeah, didn't even know our nephew, didn't even

(55:27):
know him.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
It was highlighting his academic and analytic accomplishments. That is
a fantastic kid. Yeah, but because he was black, she
assumed he was a ghetto trash murderer.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
Yeah, stupid. Yeah, and that's exactly what it was. So
it's ship like that that, you know, makes you view
the world different. So limited beliefs aren't just how I
feel about me. No, my limited beliefs is how I
see you. You know, the moment I see you, I
can't see I can't see anything outside of anything bad

(55:58):
or negative.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
Yes, I can't see the world any other.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
Way, any other way, you know. So if I see
another culture, so safe inst if I see somebody of
Latino descent and.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
Dirty Latinos, that's what people love to say. They love
to say that stupid shit, right, Like these folks house clean,
probably most of ours. Yeah, so where do you get
that from?

Speaker 3 (56:18):
So it's it's that narrative that has been placed out there,
that's been put in our face, and we just go
with it. So those so safe in those limited beliefs
aren't just shaped by the people who raise us.

Speaker 1 (56:31):
It's shaped by the world around us too. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
So the media has done a good job. It's shaping
our limited beliefs too.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
So it's almost like a mental filter, right that that
forces you to see the world through your fears and
not through facts. Oh always.

Speaker 3 (56:47):
I think it's majority of what we've experienced, especially you know,
when we're dealing with things like this, is we see
the world mostly through fear in some way. So it'd
be like what I believe these systems are built off of.
Just just stick with me on this one. It's safe.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
Safe.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
Ins I think we got like four systems, the ones
that were the most common with you know, the family system,
the education system, religious systems, and financial not financial but.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Media media okay, okaydia.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
We got those four systems, and those are so dangerous
because they all overlap.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
Yeah they do.

Speaker 3 (57:23):
They all overlap in some way with our life. So
which is why it's so difficult to break the programming,
because just's put it like this, that's exactly what this is.
These beliefs are programming, and so we got to really
work on not being programmed. No damn more.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
You know, it's it's it's hard.

Speaker 3 (57:40):
It's hard to see that, you know, just like that woman,
you know what I'm saying, It's gonna be difficult for
her not to see the world like that.

Speaker 1 (57:46):
You know that reminds me of you can say, I'm
reaching that's fine, but you remember learn from you. But
you remember on I forgot which Avengers movie it was,
but where they went to the collector, the Galaxy Artist galaxy.
You remember how they had like all these creatures and
ship and the little tubes, tubes and glasses or whatever,

(58:10):
the little mini prisons or whatever. I feel like that
when you have like that, White lady, when you have
those kind of limited beliefs, you're shrinking yourself into just
a very small bubble and very small not even I
don't even call it an orbit, but a very very
small bubble, a very small cage. And you're doing that

(58:31):
because you'd much rather live in your fear than to
try to find facts. Because had she just listened to
that episode, she would have heard our nephew's a fantastic child,
that he has been a good child his whole life.
You ever been in trouble his whole life? And he's
going to the top wrestlant college in the US, so
she can. She should watch her words, I almost say

(58:53):
to get us canceled. She should watch her words, and
he was very articulate, very extremely intelligent, intelligent, articulate. He
speaks better than some adults, than most adults out here.

Speaker 3 (59:02):
Only things she had to do is listen to the
episode to find out.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
She could have listened to the first ten minutes of
that episode and known that Ashton was completely different, but
instead she let her fear her limits and beliefs say
that that boy was something he he's not.

Speaker 3 (59:17):
Yeah, you know, so this is not just a private problem,
you know what I'm saying. You know, these are walls
that you build up all the way around you, and
it takes work to break those down to realize that
you have been operating in a form of truth that
would benefit you in the world around you.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
You know, I agree with you. It takes work, but
it also takes accountability. You got to own that that
you're living bullshit shit.

Speaker 3 (59:43):
That's that's the issue with most, with most of us.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
Anyone a whole. Nobody likes accountability.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Nobody likes accountability.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
I first one like us. Well, yeah, true, just being
really anyone who has ever had a problem with us,
it's because he made you stand on your bullshit.

Speaker 3 (59:59):
Yeah, but but that's what students of life is you
got to face these things, face these issues that that
you're confronted with. And you know, save in insans with
this episode. I was not going to bring that up
until that happened. I was not going to bring that up,
you know, because this episode already in the works. But

(01:00:20):
I put this in here because we need to understand
that limited you know, because this right here, limited beliefs
are normally talked about only in this way, you know,
from an inner issue. The question is to you erics
this right here, Do you know why we only talk
about it as an inner issue?

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
Why because that's the only thing they sell the coaches.
The coaches always talk about the inner issues.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
They never they never discuss how your inner issues affect
everything around you and the outside.

Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
They never do.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
They don't, they don't.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
They tell you bullshit, right because it's it's to sell more,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
And that's something that I will say, and I'll toot
our horn for this, right That's something that's coaches, that
that you and I do. Often we show people the
big picture, like this is a big picture. This is
the role that your dumbass is playing this big picture.
These are the systems and the people and the things
that you are breaking because you won't. You won't fix

(01:01:24):
yourself like you are the son, and all this shit
going around you is your fault. You're keeping all this
in play and all it's in rotation. So yes, you
have inner issues, but your inner issues are affecting everything
around you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:39):
So Safe Fans is like like that woman, right, we
use her for example. I don't know, I'm pretty sure
she got kids, but oh well try to I got
grandkids too, but Safe she put that limited belief until
her kids too. She did, so that limited belief right
there was was giving to her kids and there's a
big chance it's going to be passed on that so.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
That that's at least for sure. She was older, so
she had from her parents too. That's what three generations ruined, ruined,
gone hate for no damn reason, no damn reason at all. Stupidity.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
Yeah, so you know, So.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
What this is is that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
That no limited beliefs is just a invisible architecture that
you know, that's been built up around you, you know,
by a conscious design.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
That's really what it is. You know. I agree with you,
and I do want to say I have a challenge
for people who This time, we have a challenge for y'all,
anyone listening. I want you to identify one limited belief.
I want you to map the chain where it came from,
where your domino started, and where they fell. And then

(01:02:51):
I want you to break break one link in that
change this week, I want you to attempts to break it.
If you don't know how dm US messages when this
is posted, com in on it. We'll walk you through it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:05):
And even if you don't, this is what I'm going
to read off to you, Okay, And I want you,
guys to know what is a limiting belief. It looks
like saying I'm not good enough, I'm too young, or
I'm too old. I don't have enough time, I'm not
smart enough, I don't have enough experience. I never be successful,

(01:03:27):
I don't have enough money, I never be one of
the best. I'm not talented enough, I never be a
great leader. And this is just so you have an
idea of what it is, so you can exactly so
you can properly map it to something to something that
you're doing, so you can try to work on overcoming
that one thing right there. But always remember and know

(01:03:48):
that that one thing has created a branch into other
aspects of your life. So go back into the into
the episode and look how it branched off into other issues.
Hey can you so we just before we end this episode,
that's talk about you know how how that branch looks

(01:04:09):
one more time there? Okay, so like what it leads
to from one six.

Speaker 1 (01:04:15):
Ye, We're going to map it for you real quick, right,
we'll just go back to the fear of not being enough.
That then flows into you having a low hanging fruit mentality,
meaning that you take what is the most easiest accessible,
even if it does not serve you correct. Then that
teaches you to avoid risk, which in some way leads

(01:04:37):
to fear of rejection. Then you have you could possibly
have a fear of not being heard, which now you
have poor listening skills, which leads you to being impatient,
and sometimes because you're not heard when you are heard,
you feel the need to always be right. You have
perfectionism right, you want to be perfect, and because you
want to be perfect, you're overcautious, meaning there there may

(01:05:00):
be a risk you should have taken that you didn't
take because you went to wait it out until would happen.
A little bit longer. Being overcautious can typically show people
pleasing tendencies, and then from that you might become addicted
to external validation. So these are just a couple of examples,

(01:05:20):
you know, And you know, if I can tell you anything,
I want to tell you that I'm pretty sure you
have a belief that's been steering your life from what
we according. And I call the back seat, so it
sits right behind you. It's a dark passenger, if you will.
When you're driving, you can see it in your rear
view mirror. But I want you to pull over, and
I want you to ask yourself, do I still believe this?

(01:05:43):
Or am I just scared of what's on the other side?
Do I still believe this? Or am I just living
on autopilot? Do I still believe this? Or am I
afraid to take the next step. At the end of
the day, you have to remember everything you do is
a choice. It is, And.

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
A lot of these limited beliefs are invisible systems that
we live by, and that's what makes them so dangerous.
That's what makes any system dangerous, you know, or successful.
I think these are like successfully dangerous. If I if
I always said anything they're invisible, but they're very dangerous.

(01:06:22):
But you need to be able to identify this insit
upart in honestly, tell yourself or ask yourself, are these
things I believe because I believe them? Or do I
believe this because somebody else gave it to me? So
identify that, ask that question, work on it, because if

(01:06:43):
you can't identify it, then you can't work on it.
Then you can't update who you are today, and you
will be operating on an old operating system that no
longer serves you in this today, I mean in this
day and this time, in this era. So you have
to update who and what you are, leave the old

(01:07:03):
stuff behind, become something new today, create new and better
beliefs for today. Because for whatever limited belief you have,
you also have another side, which is the truth. So
tell so say the limited belief, but also say what's
the truth to that as well, because there's two sides

(01:07:24):
to this one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
Yeah, and again, if you don't know the truth, reach
out to us. We'll talk you through it, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:07:33):
So we appreciate everybody for listening to this episode of
the Student's Life podcast, and I appreciate you for being
on point in this episode, My lovely, Lovely wife.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
I'm one point in every episode, but thank you baby.
Oh okay, like subscribe, leave us a comment, tell a friend,
tell a friend, hell, tell your mom, and then to listen.

Speaker 3 (01:07:58):
This has been the Students of Life podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:08:00):
Live a Life is a lesson, come up, Come up,
Come up, Come up, Come up, Come up, Come up,

(01:08:46):
Come upp