From Rock Bottom to Redemption: Derek Gordon's Journey from Touring with Blink-182 to Finding Jesus

In this compelling episode of Stuff God Never Said, host Audrey Cauthen sits down with Derek Gordon, a man whose life story is a testament to redemption and transformation. Derek, who spent years touring with iconic bands like Blink-182 and The Vandals, opens up about his tumultuous journey through the highs of rock and roll fame and the lows of addiction.

🎸 Highlights of the Episode:

• Derek's early life and how music became his escape.
• The allure and pitfalls of the rock and roll lifestyle, including his experiences with bands like Blink-182 and Sugar Ray.
• The turning point: hitting rock bottom and the moment he decided to change his life.
• How a chance encounter with faith at Celebrate Recovery led him to a profound relationship with Jesus.
• The role of prayer and spirituality in his ongoing recovery and life transformation.
• Derek's candid reflections on the power of vulnerability and the importance of sharing one's story.

Join us as Derek shares his raw and inspiring journey from the chaos of addiction to the peace he found in faith. This episode is a must-watch for anyone seeking hope and encouragement in their own struggles.

🔔 Don't forget to subscribe to our channel for more powerful stories and discussions on faith, redemption, and the things God never said.

📢 Connect with Derek:
Follow Derek on Instagram: @DerekDeebH📧

Contact Us: Have questions or comments? 
Reach out to us at [e-mail]

#RedemptionStory #Blink182 #FaithJourney #AddictionRecovery #ChristianTestimony #StuffGodNeverSaid #DerekGordon #JesusSaves #RockBottomToRedemption

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/stuff-god-never-said--6381256/support.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Drugs and alcohol didn't hold up their end of the deal, right?

(00:03):
They were supposed to forever make me feel better and make me comfortable in my own skin and they stopped doing that.
Hey guys, welcome back to Stuff God Never Said. I'm your host Audrey Cauthen and with me today is my good buddy Derek

(00:23):
who just has
He has a story to tell for sure and he has a really awesome redemptive
Situation going on so
Welcome Derek awesome. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Thanks for being here
Tell us tell us about yourself
Wow, there's so much to tell I'm four- I'm 48 years old

(00:44):
I did not grow up in the church, but I grew up believing in God my parents and still that in us
But we did not grow up going to church or yeah or reading the Bible together every night or like that and it led to a lot of
interesting things I started at a young age I started

(01:04):
Looking to to music to save me and it was I was looking to you know the music I heard on the radio it back in the day
If if you're a younger person we used to listen to music on the radio and and then have to put a tape in and
Press record to and to be able to hear that song again and then you'd call into the radio station to have them play the song that you wanted

(01:27):
To hear so as a young kid, you know 10 11 years old. I'm listening to these songs on the radio and I'm listening to love songs
Yeah, and they're they're they're kind of teaching me like like oh my God
I have so many feelings. Yeah, I have all these feelings that I don't know what to do with and I'm I'm in love with this girl
And I'm 11 right and this song told me so told you know, they'll be sad songs that make you cry

(01:52):
Yeah, and I would listen to these and I would lay in my room and I would cry and I would like be I was very emotional
I felt very deeply as it yeah
and
then I
Was uncomfortable. I was an uncomfortable kid. I would go to I go to parties. I never felt like a fit in I never felt like anybody

(02:15):
I had a lot of anxiety. I felt like everybody was judging me
Mm-hmm. I
Carried what everyone thought I never felt like I was a good-looking kid. I always wanted to I always wanted to
God, why can't you just look like my friend? Why can't I hear me straight? Why can't I it was all the things that
I always looked at all the things that I didn't have yeah not all the things that I had and I had a good life

(02:37):
I mean my parents were amazing I grew up in
Newport Beach, California and lived on Babbo Island and went surfing every day and
like had an amazing life that I just didn't appreciate it all at that time and
Around 10 or 11 years old. I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol
10 or 11 and I thought that was um

(02:58):
all the sudden it gave me
false confidence
sudden it
It curbed some something in me some anxiety
Some uncomfortableness that all the sudden I felt comfortable
And I was able to meet friends and I was able to talk to girls and I was able to do all these things that I couldn't do
and

(03:19):
Music was still a huge part of my life
And you know, I was working at a grocery store and realizing that
You can't you can't do a lot of drugs and work at the grocery store and stay employed
And so I'm guessing you learned that the hard way. I didn't learn that the hard way
They you know they saw me go to rehab
When I was 17 years old

(03:39):
But I had a job at this club and I was
I was setting up gear for punk bands at this club
So like blink would come play the vandals and all of these bands and I was like I love the club and I was like
Oh
Well, I can shrink and use drugs like I want to this world because this is this is rock and roll. Yeah, it's cool

(04:00):
This is filled for it
and so I started doing that
And at 18 years old a band called the vandals was like hey we want you to go on tour with us
Yeah, like cool. Awesome. This is great. And so I went on tour and
Was able to shrink they had everything in the dress
They had tons of beer in the dressing room and I was just they had a nickname for me and they called me puppety

(04:24):
Because I literally got so drunk every night that it was like I was just like stumbling and kind of a mess and
And they didn't know this but like when I would come home. I had a really bad drug addiction
And so I was an inner being a drug user
And I would come home and I had a heroin addiction and I would go on the tour and I would kick before every tour

(04:46):
So I would kick heroin before every tour and then go on tour and then I wouldn't use it all tour for a month
And then come back and then I would use again
And then I would go into this deep lake
Depression from not being out on the road which I thought was so fulfilling
You know, oh, it's so cool. I'm out here. I'm traveling and I don't have to deal with any of the headaches of home

(05:08):
Yeah, and um, so I was escaping. Yeah
and
And then I got the job with I got the job with blank and that was right when I kind of quit
Using heroin. I had someone come to me and they're like hey if you want to do this for a living. I was 20 years old
It was I think I was 20. I was 96 and he goes if you want to do this for a living he goes you're gonna have to get

(05:31):
sober
And I just didn't know what that meant
Yeah, and so I
Quit and quit using heroin and I went on the road and I still drank
Partied had a slide and I was like this is what normal people do in my household
We went to family parties and everyone drank and had a good time
Yeah, we're partying and smoking weed and doing whatever they were doing and that was okay

(05:53):
But obviously heroin was too far. Yeah, right
So I did so I toured for a long time and I had just like everybody's life
I had ups and downs and
And it was never a thing to me that like that drugs and alcohol were the issue
It was always like well, you just do those and and I could never have

(06:13):
I could never have a
Strong relationship with another person
And have a good job at the same time
So I had to pick between one or the other and I could never figure out what that was
And what I realized was is that I was I always had my addiction in the background
And so I could only do two things and I had to choose because I would never not choose my addiction

(06:36):
Yeah, and I had to choose between relationships or a job
Yeah, so when my job was going great my relationship was failing
And when my job was going terrible my relationships were great
It was very it was awkward
It was I toured for a long time and was and you know ended up being very successful at it
Yeah, and working for a lot of big bands and doing a lot of big things and

(06:59):
Doing a lot of drugs with a lot of big people
and
And then
I
Got into pills because I thought those were like prescribed by doctors so they're obvious. They're safe
They're totally way better for you. It's super safe. It makes sense
And if you drink a little bit with them it really kicks them in so

(07:20):
Great. I thought that that would be the solution for me
Yeah, you know painkillers and and but you're taking so many painkillers that you can't go to sleep
So you got to take something to go to sleep
So you start you start taking you know value and Xanax and things like that to help you go to sleep and
next thing I knew I
I was

(07:41):
40
I was 40 something 41 years old and
And I couldn't stop like I felt so awful and so you know, I woke up one day in December in 2017
And I called my mom and I said
You know everybody knew I didn't think anybody knew anybody knew
Yeah, and it's kind of like when you're going through it. You're like nobody knows. I'm just I'm totally playing this off

(08:05):
Yeah
Totally playing this off nobody knows. Yeah, everybody knows and um I called my mom and I said
I took my last pill last night. I am done. I'm not gonna do this again
And she'd see me get sober several times. So she was like okay honey. Yeah, I said
It was uh, it was December 16th

(08:26):
And I said by Christmas time I will see you guys at Christmas at my sister's house and I will be sober
I said I've done this before I quit doing heroin. I can quit doing anything. Mm-hmm
And um, I ended up in a mental institution
for uh, just having
crazy crazy hallucinations and thinking people were trying to kill me and cops on myself and all of this stuff and my sister really helped me through it

(08:50):
and I got sober
And it was January and I had had like a few weeks and my sister goes you should go to this thing called celebrate recovery with
Mm-hmm, and I go cool. So I went to it and they're
They're just in there just talking about Jesus and all of this and they're talking about their their sexual addiction

(09:11):
And they're talking about all of their other sort of addictions and I'm like I don't get this. This is ridiculous
I shouldn't be here what is going on and I had this big resentment. I remember
They gave me the recovery Bible from celebrate recovery and I went through and I crossed out Jesus through the whole entire
thing
Because I was like this is ridiculous, right? I go this isn't how is this keeping me sober this is done

(09:36):
and um, oh man
And I joined another support group with a friend of mine that I had known for 30 years who happened to get sober
And I went to it and
What I found going through this was that
I
Had a spiritual malady
Mm-hmm. And until I could
Figure out my relationship with God. I wasn't going to be able to stay sober. I can get sober

(10:02):
I could get a month I get two months
But until I could figure out that relationship. I think sometimes they say I had
I had a god-size-hole and I was filling it with drugs and alcohol instead of filling it with the Holy Spirit
Yeah, and that's truly what was happening
and um
I continued to go to to both programs. I continued to go to celebrate recovery and I continued to go to to my other program

(10:26):
Which I still do today
I don't know what happened. It was it was this very weird like people say that like
You know
God
God brought me into these programs into recovery
And then recovery turned around and pushed me right back to God
That's what it's supposed to be and

(10:49):
My the whole thing was
finding this
Finding this way with Jesus for me was like they told me in the program
They're like you just need to find a god of your own understanding and I said well, that's easy
I've had it the whole time. Yeah, time I was growing up. I knew that Jesus was
Was my Lord and Savior and I had just never said it. I had never really studied it. I'd never understood it

(11:12):
I've never had any
Didn't really have the desire. I was looking to false idols. I was looking to rock stars in these people
Comparing myself to them and trying to be more like them
Yeah, you know, and I'm watching them die of drug overdoses here and there and all of these things
And I'm like I don't want to end up like this
What do I need to do and and you know and I'm praying to God like God? What do I need to do?

(11:35):
I don't want to feel like this anymore and he had a solution
But it's never an easy one. Yeah, it's not like
You know what I think what I wanted was
The hand on the head you're healed. Yeah, and that's not what it is. Yeah, it's not a hand on the head you're healed
It'd say it's a this is gonna be really hard
Yeah, you know, I learned from now from going to the Bible that

(11:58):
That Jesus never said it was easy to follow him in anything that he said
Yeah, he always said that this will be difficult and every one of his disciples was
Was tortured and and murdered right? Yeah, that's just what it was
Yeah, and it's it's like it's always a risk a risk of
Are you gonna do it and are you gonna trust me? Yes, and

(12:22):
It sounds like even what you're saying is it feels like every person who's been
On this show so far had the same
Same point at some point in their story where they're like I thought I love Jesus or I thought I knew Jesus
But I didn't really love Jesus, but I don't think it's that you didn't really love Jesus

(12:45):
I think it's that you didn't you didn't know the real Jesus to love because you hadn't given him that
Opportunity yet you hadn't said yes to the risk of allowing
Yourself to feel a God's eyes hole and whatever that looks like
But I mean that it's just so it's so I mean even Moses Moses is like dude. What why why are you asking me to do this?

(13:10):
Big thing. I'm like some kind of orphan dude who like has half one foot in both camps like what do you want for me?
Like I'm not fit and he's like yeah, yes or not his his solution wasn't let me tell you why you're so fit for this
It was I'm with you. I am I am with you. That's why you could do this
That's why you can take the the risky step to become sober and give up the drugs for real this time because that is I mean I can't

(13:39):
Of all the of all the risks I've taken in life drugs has not been one of them. That's good. That's a good thing
But I have watched many family members and friends
battle that and
and
I can't imagine the courage it takes to say
Like I'm done with the one thing that I've believed has sustained me my whole life

(14:01):
It's uh, it's definitely a
I wish it was like I'm so great. It's so courageous, but it was truly a surrender is
Drugs and alcohol didn't hold up their end of the deal right they were supposed to
They were supposed to forever make me feel better
and make me comfortable in my own skin and they stopped doing that and

(14:23):
You know, I'm still
New to Christianity generally speaking. I mean I I was baptized in
2018
And it was a really emotional big moment for me my whole family was there no
and
And I think that what I've learned is that

(14:45):
God never fails right Jesus will never fail you
Like all of the things this world yeah, do yeah, and so if you look you know, I I call it the higher the higher
Arche of life if I put my family is the number one thing in my life they will never live up to that
If I put my job is the number one thing in my life they will never it will never live up to that

(15:07):
But if I put Jesus is the number one thing in my life and then let everything else fall down below that
Then he will always protect everything that's that yeah
This is all good. So it's you know every day. I don't do a perfect yeah, everyone else who does
Literally no one ever um except Jesus, you know, but it's it's been interesting and looking back on all the things I've been through

(15:32):
I realized that he was there all along
Right
Because of all the things I've been through in my life of all the times I've
I've struggled and
And he's figured it out. I think
I see it now whereas I didn't see it then I have this scene and I don't know if it really makes any sense at all
But you know a lot of people said that this

(15:54):
The devil's greatest trick is making him think you didn't exist right like that's every that's everyone's yeah
That's every once thing that they say and I was like I think the
devil's greatest trick is that
He lets your will work
And it's really really awful because I will my will will fail a thousand times

(16:16):
But it'll work a couple times because it just does yeah and I will lean on those two times
Like my life depends on it. I'll be like well that one time totally worked out
And I just yeah just all me it was all me
Right yeah and
And I find myself leaning on that so you know the big thing is every day I wake up

(16:37):
And I pray
That I can turn my life in my will over to the care of God that day
And because it's a daily reprieve
You know it's not something you can just be like oh well I prayed at once when I was 13
And so I guess I'll just it'll be that way forever. Yeah
It's it's a daily thing because we constantly want to feel like we have control

(16:58):
Of things yeah, and we don't we just don't we don't have control over
So much we don't have control over other people
Yeah, and I want control over other people I can't like go
God these people just do what I said says the manager the band manager
Exactly and I don't and as a band manager I've had to like

(17:18):
Being a Christian and learning this way has helped me
Huge yeah, because now I know like everything's gonna work out
Exactly the way it's supposed to work out. Yeah, and that doesn't mean it's gonna be easy
It doesn't mean it's gonna be great. Yeah, but my perception of the way things should be are making me unhappy

(17:39):
Yeah, so oh yeah, if I can just go hey, you know what I
Trust you
So much with everything I trust you with my life. I trust you with every decision
Tell me which step I need to take next and I will take it
So good and so
So I try I try to do that like in an airy decision and

(18:01):
There's a thing I live by called the three Ps
And it's pause
Pray and proceed
Because a lot of times we make these decisions that are like
Enhaste
An anger yeah, and they're they're quickly made and most of our most of our quickly made decisions is our will
Yeah, well, this is what I want to happen. So this what I'm gonna do

(18:24):
This is what I'm gonna tell this person because this is the response I want for our time field
It's how I if they need to know how I feel you need to know exactly how I fit right now
If he just pause a minute yeah, and just take him in it and pray and
In everything in personal relationships and business decisions a lot of times I will people be like we got to solve this problem right now

(18:46):
No, we don't need to solve this problem. Yeah, we need to wait
And I pray on it and I pray with them
And we wait
And we see in the time to move
We'll present itself
So it's just in it's just interesting to to work in that world where everything before was
This is my will. This is how it's gonna go and if it doesn't go this way

(19:09):
I'm gonna be very resentful against all of you. Yeah. Yeah
That's a lot of resentment for you to live with every day a lot of resentment
That's not fair to you. No, well, it's not fair to anybody. Yeah for me. It's not fair to for me to resent them
I mean, I
I
Have forgiven people who have no idea they've done anything to me. Yeah, because I have to

(19:33):
Mm-hmm
Because I can't live with resentments. Yeah
Yeah, that's so good. You said something that I want to circle back to you said when you went to celebrate recovery
You read the Bible, but you crossed out the Jesus

(19:54):
I have a lot of things I want to I want to ask about that, but the hostility towards Jesus
Where do you think that that came from because I feel like we live in a world where people aren't mad at other
Gods they're not mad the world's not mad at
At you know Buddha no one's mad at Muhammad, but you bring up Jesus and it triggers

(20:16):
hurt people well
so
I've always had people trying to
Like send me send me scripture and text messages and every day sending me their morning pray thing and I'm like stop
Yeah, like just stop and even when I first got sober my my brother would like he would send me every morning like a different scripture

(20:41):
right and and my sister went to him and she goes dude you need to stop
This is this is this is having the reverse effect that you want it to have
Yeah, and I see it now like I I see it in the church is like
There's some people out there that are that are very like
I'm gonna cram Jesus down their throat. I'm just not that way. Yeah, I needed to

(21:02):
I needed to find my own relationship with Jesus and I needed it to come in his timing not somebody else's
telling me because
I needed to learn about it. I needed to understand it and I started reading
You know, I remember reading through Matthew and just crying

(21:23):
Like the whole time of all these things that were happening and I was like oh my god. This is amazing
Like and I'd never read it from that
Perspective before yeah, and then reading through
Reading through the other the other stories and seeing them all match up
But yeah, my own way and like yeah, oh my god. Do it's like this is this is you know, this is who I'm this is who I'm following and I think

(21:47):
I think for me it was
It was it was people
I blamed Jesus for the people that followed Jesus
Right because I'm like well, they aren't perfect
And they're constant like like give me a break, you know bob over here
You know cheated on his wife have that guy following Jesus and I'm I'm basically like judging all of them because I have no desire to take a look at myself

(22:13):
Yeah, and it's easier to judge other people
Way easier yeah, it's really hard to look take a look at yourself and who you are and what you're doing in life. Yeah
um
But I think that's one of the things that makes you and your wife Megan like both of your stories so powerful is that
You guys are so authentic in your love

(22:35):
For Jesus and your love for people because someone who's been forgiven much loves much right and and you're like
I have nothing to hide and I'm never gonna be perfect and that's the point like I'm never gonna be perfect and I think it's
I think people have really good intentions to love people and brokenness and I'm no idea how to do it

(22:56):
And they're like scripture here's another scripture that you don't understand the context to or anything but here you go
Right, you know when maybe
When maybe what we should do is like sit down with you and like let you
Where you were then I don't know that I would want to do this with you now
But where you were then just like let you rage and cuss and let you not feel judged and be like dude

(23:21):
That's hard. I hear you. I see you. I love you
I
I love the phrase
You know a traction rather than promotion
Mm-hmm Jesus doesn't need me to promote him
Mm-hmm, right? He doesn't need me to go out and and and create big billboards and

(23:41):
banners to say follow Jesus or burn in hell or burn in hell right? It doesn't I don't know
That gets the job done. Let's threaten them
And instead I think the greatest thing for me was that
I heard people's stories like let me hear like when I read when I read through and I read Matthew what I read was someone's stories

(24:03):
Yeah, I read the stories of what Jesus did for these people and I'm like that's so powerful isn't this what
Christians should be doing yeah instead of instead of me trying to be oh well, you know
I'm sober and I'm Christian now so I'm gonna go ahead and read a bunch of stuff from the Bible that I just learned and try to tell you how all of this relates to life

(24:26):
Instead of that
Maybe the best thing we can be as Christians is to be incredibly vulnerable. Yeah, because
That's what he's called us to do. Yeah, and there's so many stories
I think of the woman the bleeding woman who grabbed his cloak got Jesus's cloak
Like I think her picture of faith

(24:46):
Is so good because because there were so many times throughout
My you know mining codeies walk through infertility and miscarriage and lost and all that stuff was like
Oh, it's my faith not good enough and my like I
Associated faith and happiness like can I walk through this with a smile on my face if I can then my faith is good

(25:12):
If I can't my faith is bad and if I have bad faith and I'm not gonna get what I want like this very like structured
This is how it works which is so untrue and I remember I and it get like you it wasn't anyone preaching at me
It was just me reading this
The story of this woman who's so desperate. She's crawling on the ground probably through like

(25:34):
People's feces and stuff because it was back there like she's so freaking desperate like
And her faith or it was like her last ditch effort to just try to touch him just to touch him
Just if I can just touch something he's wearing
Maybe that will do the trick like I don't think it was this like oh, I'm gonna go touch Jesus and I get I'm ready like okay

(25:56):
No, dude, like she was so freaking desperate. She was like I'll try this. I'm just gonna try it
I have nothing left to do but to try to try this and she did and he was like your faith
That level of faith like from the from the disgusting ground
That's the faith that's gonna heal you of not you know

(26:17):
Saying the right thing using the right scripture keeping a smile on your face preaching the right words
Like no, you're so desperate
That like I'm gonna meet you where you are and and that's where it's gonna be and like that gross
Picture of faith to me was like oh
I've been serving the wrong Jesus. I've been like using the wrong game plan

(26:40):
For this like it's not
I really thought my sadness was a picture of me not trusting him right okay, so
You're on the road live in your best life. Yeah
Which is actually secretly not your best life but feels like it for a little bit. Yeah
Were there ever like Jesus encounters that made you

(27:04):
Second guests your choices
uh
I mean
Yeah, there was there was a few well the
So first of all
Going out on the road and working for bands and doing this was like
I always wanted to be in a band, but this was like the second best thing

(27:28):
So this is the life that I built right I built my dream life
and
My dream life is traveling around the world with these bands and doing this stuff and
What I'm finding and and this is a huge bummer is that I'm not happy
I'm not happy doing this
Yeah, I'm out there and I'm traveling around and I'm like I'm lonely and

(27:51):
I'm resentful
I'm resentful that I'm not the one playing on stage
I always want more. I'm like oh wolf. I'm the stage manager of this giant band
But why am I not the tour manager and then I became the tour manager and I'm like I'm the tour manager
But why am I not the manager
Everyone I'm judging everyone else's decisions and I'm and I'm struggling through it and uh

(28:14):
I remember there was one band that I toured with uh
Sugar a and they're crazy partiers and
Like in such a fun way they're like they're still really good friends of mine and
Couple of members came to Megan in my wedding and I just saw I just some market the festival the other day

(28:34):
And he's just a great friend and a great person. They're all great people that grew up in Newport Beach
But this the bass player at the time when we were all like
raging
You know
Alcohol and drugs like drinking gallons of vodka every day like this is what we do
You know, you know, I was
I was a stage manager in his bass tech and he all the sudden came to me one day and he had me put Jesus fish on his bases

(29:00):
He had gotten married he had had his first kid and he had had his come to Jesus moment and
I resented him so much for it right like I was I was like oh great now. I can't party with my friend right like
Like it was all these things like oh great now. He's this guy and he's he's telling me about scripture

(29:23):
And he's talking about his church and he's talking he's talking about worship music and he's talking about these things
And I'm just like oh this is so lame
Right because I didn't want to hear it. Yeah, and I think until you're ready to hear something you're just going to spin in whatever way you can
Yeah, and
You know another time that God really showed up for me as I was I was working for

(29:48):
I struggled with religion. I struggled with organized religion
I still do I really struggle with organized religion. I have a I have a huge problem with it. I have a problem with
I have a problem with people thinking that their leaders
In that world instead of you know the best
The best leaders know know how to follow the best and that's really what it comes down to and people get this like

(30:11):
Superiority complex where they feel like they're in charge of everything like this is my congregation and I am their leader
And it's like you're not their leader. Yeah, you're just the one that was appointed
To help in Jesus's church. Yeah, and so I had a real problem with all and all the other religions. I I went and tried them

(30:32):
tried Buddhism
Thought that was like it was like well obviously look at how passive and amazing Buddha is this must be it right this must be the path
And then I was on tour with this artist named a. R. Ramon and he had done all the music for slum dog millionaire
So he's the biggest Bollywood
Biggest Bollywood artist in the world and we're playing like stadiums

(30:56):
Yeah, and I'm just I took a job because I just needed to after I was I was in between jobs
I just got done working with scott wildland and I needed something to fill in the time. Yeah
And so I went out with them and we were on tour and
I've got heart christina beads on and I'm doing the heart christina prayer with these people and I'm doing all of this stuff

(31:19):
and
And not only that but the debauchery of just just drinking massively and taking tons of pills
I like a my my back pack sounded like a rattle
And I'm drinking every single day and it was and it was awful and
Butty and I'm you know shaving my head into a mohawk because I just trying anything

(31:40):
It's also bleached. Oh, yeah, and I'm just trying anything to make myself feel like okay
Yeah, and I'm I'm homesick and I don't want to be there
And I'm finding all the reason all the things they're doing wrong because I'd already been a tour manager
And I'm like, oh this tour sucks and you guys don't know what you're doing and this and that and I'm out there and we get to Detroit and we load in to

(32:01):
the Pontiac
Silver dome
And we load everything in and it's kind of a disaster and I'm hearing that like the ticket sales aren't that great and
And they're loading in and they're setting everything up and mind you this whole entire time
I think I'm a heart of christina, right?
Like it's just so ridiculous and I'm like doing it with all of these Indian people
There's since there was 90 people from india on this tour. Oh, oh, yeah

(32:24):
So I'm thinking that this is like oh, obviously this is how what I'm supposed to do
Um, and we're loading in that morning and everybody kind of goes to lunch and I'm just loading in the band gear my stuff and I'm pushing a case
and
the whole entire structure
with
like 250 moving lights in a video wall and all of these things above

(32:46):
Completely collapses on the stage with me on it and
There was a set piece that hit me in the head and it hit me here
And if it would have hit me here, it would have killed me
so I was
That far inches from from dying and it hit me and then knocked me underneath this catwalk bridge that was on stage and I and I survived and

(33:10):
You know, I ended up rolling off the stage and then going to hospital. I had this crazy concussion
It was this whole it was this whole ordeal, but I really think that like
That was God looking after me
All the times that God's that all the time that God
Has saved you
And we don't think of it that way because we're like wow what a lucky coincidence. Yeah. Oh, it was super lucky that I was just

(33:35):
those
bands those
and like amazing and like I think that just looking back on on life
There's so many times where I thought that it was like even in my drug addiction. I really thought that it was the paramedics that saved me
Right, I was in a Bible study and we were talking about God's grace
Mm-hmm. We're talking about okay, so

(33:57):
So who wants to say the definition of God's grace? You know, and they're like well, it's
It's God not giving you the punishment that you deserve
Mm-hmm, and I'm like that's powerful
It's powerful that God has so much grace that he doesn't give you the punishment that you deserve because
A lot of times the punishment we deserve is death. Yeah, and he saves us from that

(34:17):
Yeah, and so in my addiction I
I overdosed and died twice and when I was 19
I over 19 and 20 I think I overdosed and died twice and the paramedics came brought me back to life
foot me in the hospital

(34:39):
Hand cuff to the bed that type of thing
Because the cops were like what you did was illegal
I said well not really because you can't find the drugs and um
But I was looking back on that after I got sober and I'm like I was like I always thought that the paramedics saved my life
Oh, thank you paramedics
but truly it was

(35:01):
God who saved me yeah and decided that this story wasn't done yet. Yeah
um and someone and someone in the group said well
You weren't a believer then was there anybody praying for you
And I'm like yeah, you know what?
I can guarantee I was an inner Venus drug user at 19 years old and I can guarantee my mother was praying for me

(35:23):
Oh, yeah every single day because she is a believer
and I'm like
So that's the power of prayer, right? Oh
Oh, yes, the power of prayer is definitely a real thing
Oh, it is very real and you are keeping the street going of every person who has been on this show to say that

(35:45):
because
Like I've said every time it people are just minimize it downplay. Oh, you've been praying for me. Cool. Yeah, thanks for nothing
You're not doing anything
somebody I love dearly
Whenever I talk about praying
He's like oh, so you were you were driving down the road and talking to nobody or like talking to yourself and I'm like

(36:05):
I pray for you to my guy. Yeah, you just wait just wait
It is it's so powerful. It's so powerful and it makes such a difference changes everything we live in a spiritual world
I didn't know I didn't know how to pray when I got sober. Mm-hmm. It's like this is so dumb
Thankfully the program I was in had a bunch of prayers in there that would help me yeah

(36:26):
You know Jesus gives us a prayer
Yeah, just say right. Yeah, he's like you don't know how to pray pray this
Hey, the Lord's Prayer. Yeah, I was one of the first ones I learned
Did my heart and I said it a lot
The serenity prayer. Mm-hmm. I I use a lot
and

(36:49):
But I thought they're praying
Because the only type of praying I knew how to do was how to
Tell God what you wanted I wanted
So I was basically praying I was like all right God
Do my will yeah, right? That was my prayer God do my will and if you don't do my will
I'm gonna have this huge resentment against you and until everyone that you're not real

(37:14):
Because obviously you're not real because I just asked for a bunch of stuff and you did none of it. Yeah
So that was my prayer every small time yeah, and it was sad
Yeah, you know, and I think a lot of people are stuck in that yeah like well, I prayed you know, I prayed that
So-and-so would be healed and they weren't healed
So how does God exist? Yep

(37:34):
And it's that's not
You know what I pray for and I Megan and I were big on this at home is what we pray for is strength
Like God please just give me the strength to get through whatever it is that you have and store for us because it's not always gonna be easy
But you're helped to be strong enough to get through this yeah

(37:56):
Yeah, because I'm not
It's so good tell us about meeting Megan. I'm at Megan
in a in a sober meeting
And and she was dating this other guy
Megan it was amazing
I talked it I talked to my sponsor and I'm like I really like her and he's he's like yeah, she's a serial data

(38:19):
And I was like okay
So I'm going through like
The beginnings of sobriety so I'm going through these steps. Yeah, you know, I'm crying every day and and I've you know people are telling me that
If I just say sober God will give me a life beyond my wildest dreams and that makes me cry and yeah

(38:39):
You know, I'm I'm going through my the wreckage of my past and yeah, I did to
In having to make a list of all of these things that I'm resentful against which I find is actually like
Five pages of stuff
From you know from people from high school to the IRS to the creditors to government to

(39:03):
Just everything right. It's all in there every relationship. I'd ever been in you know, I had this thing right thought that I had never
I was like I've never broken up with anyone. They've always broken up with me. So they're the bad people
Oh, yeah, but what I did was I made myself so
Unlikable
Did they have no choice right yeah, and so I met Megan and she was like do you tour and I was like no I don't tour

(39:31):
And I was a tour manager. So it didn't really go over the same
She was like you're a tour manager, but you don't tour and I'm like well
They're a reggae band and they don't really tour that much and so she canceled our first three dates
But she liked me and I liked her and so
Wait did she cancel them because you lied to her she is cancel she was like she's your deal

(39:55):
canceled them because she didn't want a data guy that tours. Okay, because she didn't think we were trustworthy
I mean
History tells you that the guys the tour are cheating on significant others
Yeah, you know from like the 80s when you see those like the motley crew
Stage videos and stuff right that's just kind of what it is
Um behind the scenes with

(40:17):
Things have obviously changed a lot. Mm-hmm. Now. Mm-hmm. A lot of a lot of people on tour are so ver and there's a lot more family oriented
Yeah a lot less of the sex drugs and rock and roll. Yeah, it used to be
um, so she finally agreed to go out with me and
So we're just kind of dating and I had a call with her and I called her and I was like hey look I go if we're going to

(40:44):
Date and we're going to try this
Then we have to only date each other
I go we can't date any other people or else we're not trying
Mm-hmm, and I go and I'm not gonna go through that
because
For me, I'll just find something else right yeah, and
So she was like wow, okay

(41:05):
She's like come on. I was strong man. That's a lot and I'm like all right. I love her so what
So we so we were out on a date and I was like I remember I remember this specifically because I'm struggling
I'm I just got sober and I'm going through this program and she's going through the same program and I'm
And I'm like okay

(41:25):
Well, I never knew how to get sober. So what did I do when I got sober? I did
Contrary action and everything that I used to do I was trying to do things differently. Yeah, so I was taking time and I'm like
I should take that same
Mindset and put it towards my relationship
And I go because every you know, I told her on this date. I was like hey just so you know

(41:48):
Every relationship I've ever been in has failed
And that's why I'm here right now
Or else I wouldn't be here
But every one of them has failed. So obviously, I don't know how to be in relationship
But I'm willing to learn
So let's learn together and that was my I think that was our second date, which is a little coming on a little strong

(42:11):
Yeah, but I mean this but I'm like
Ford and yeah, come on like like this is it was a point of yeah, not this
It's just I was just more like let's just be direct and real
And so we did you know, we read through
We read through so many books together in our early relationship like that's what we used to do we'd go on drives to go see your parents and flag staff and we read books the whole way no

(42:36):
And we'd read like
We read the love languages book
Right, which is really good. We read the
Love and respect, which is a really good one about how the guys need respect and the women need love in the lot of times
We confuse those two things and so that was a really good one. Yeah

(42:56):
And we just we just read books about
Being in a relationship. Yeah, and what that entailed. Mm-hmm. And
We didn't we didn't date for very long, you know, I'm in my 40s
And I'd never been married
And we didn't date for very long we dated for
We dated for about a year and a half before I asked her to marry me

(43:21):
And that was on 4th of July 2019
No, she was like oh, you know, she of course she said yes, and we're happy
Or was she like it's a little soon. Don't you think she's actually all for it and I I love that
All for it and it was it was great and she's the best and we were
We started taking this seriously dating and engaged class at our church

(43:43):
Which was something I would never do yeah, and I suggest it to people now some friends of mine
I'm like hey you guys you know like hey you guys should take this seriously dating in a gauge class and most of the most of the women go
Oh, he would never do that. Oh, and I'm like wait me he would never do that
Has he been so successful at all of his relationships? He doesn't think he needs to do it

(44:05):
Because that was my thought is I'm I'm not very good at this yeah like we only learn how to be in relationships from what we see
Right, so we see our friends or we see our parents or we see
Whoever in my parents have been married for a really long time
But I don't know the intricacies of how they've stayed together that long just see this
I you know, I just see what's on the outside. Yeah, so I'm comparing

(44:28):
So I'm comparing my insights to everyone else's outsides. Yeah, and I'm failing. Yeah
And so I was like okay, well let's just dive into it and be vulnerable and go through this
So we you know, I would I would go meet her
She played in worship bands. Yeah, and I didn't go to church at the time before we even
When we were just dating in 2018 I go to church

(44:50):
I went to that celebrate recovery a saddleback
Which was this giant church and every once in a while I'd go on Sunday and they would it would be like church on a screen
I don't right very impersonal
Very impersonal church on a screen and then some some pastor would come out and talk to everybody afterwards and you'd be like
Why do I need to hear this guy just yeah, sermon and I would go meet Megan

(45:11):
I'd just want to hang out with her. Yeah, I'd be like when can we hang out again? She says well, I'm really busy
If got you know, I've got work and I work all day and she's like you don't understand you just tour and then when you're home
You've got nothing but time. Yeah, you go to meetings in the morning and then go to the gym. Yeah, she's all you don't get it
I'm like okay, when can we hang out again?
She goes
Well Sunday morning. I am playing at the church

(45:34):
I don't like okay, I'll come there and then we'll go have coffee afterwards
So I would go to the church this church in a box it there was it some auditorium and
and I would watch her play and
I'm like bawling from the song right like I'm like I'm it's creating this connection

(45:55):
With Jesus that I never thought that I could have and so I'm watching her play and these I'm listening to these songs that I've never heard
Like everyone I talk to now has heard all these songs
Like I remember going to lead with Jason one day and he goes
Derek we're just gonna play the Christian standards and I go there are no Christian standards for me. Yeah, they're all new like

(46:17):
I literally heard oh come to the altar and it was the first time I heard it. Yeah like five years ago. Oh yeah
I've never heard these things and I'm listening to these and I'm just like you know it brings on so much emotion and I'm like
I'm thinking back and I'm like oh win his music
I felt music is so much to me. I didn't realize that music could be something that could

(46:43):
Do this yeah, and that could help and when it's when it's written in a way
that is
Biblically accurate and not just put there to bring on a motion
Then I think it makes a lot of sense and I love worship music. Yeah, I love it when it's pure dude

(47:03):
How freaking kind of the Lord to use your first love of music
To bring you
closer to him crazy like
It's literally like I feel like I could burst inside like I feel like it's like you started this conversation

(47:23):
Oh, I'm tearing up you started this conversation with your love for music
And then he tied it all together with this beautiful bow of your love for music
Yeah, and the love of your life who was your future wife
And meeting you there in the midst of that and he's like this is what I've always had for you always
Crazy why he's so good so crazy

(47:47):
He's so good. Yeah, it's amazing how it works my mom used to tell me like you should play worship songs and I'm like
Can you break those guys don't get laid?
Why
Like that's not that's not fun
Like wins last time the worship guy was like you know had his foot up on the monitor and with rocking out
Like it just doesn't it's so I was like it wasn't happening and I remember leading uh

(48:12):
I remember leading at church with my mom there. It was very emotional
Like just for that that full circle of her like telling me all along like you should be using your your musical ability
I always know yeah, I always know they do
And I was like and I'm going no no no that's not happening
um
And then Megan and I started playing in worship hands together

(48:34):
Which was amazing, you know after we after we got married we started playing a worship hands together which was
Incredible
Um, and then we moved to we moved to Franklin moved to Tennessee
because we did not like
We didn't feel like
the family and

(48:55):
Jesus
Was in the church and all of those things were
Is prevalent in California? Mm-hmm where we were yeah, there's a lot of like look at what I built
Look at what I did yeah, instead of look at what he did
Yeah, he built yeah, get what he's done for me and look at how
Look how gracious he is in life with all the mistakes. I've made he still loves me and still does this for me

(49:20):
Yeah, um, and that's kind of the way we live right yeah for me. It's look at all the mistakes. I've made in my life look at all the
All the harm I've caused and all the things I've done
And he still lets me have this life yeah, and that's amazing
He still tied it together with that pretty little bow that's it every time and it's I mean all of it every time

(49:44):
Yeah
And it's it wasn't anything I expected
You know when I first when I got sober they told me they were like just stay stay sober
and
continue to improve your conscious contact with God and
You will have a life beyond your wildest dreams and I remember I used to sit in the parking lot like like with 60 days of writing

(50:05):
I would just cry but you like life beyond my wildest dreams
And I'm like I don't know I have some pretty big dreams, you know, I'm thinking like this is it
I'm gonna be a rock star
I'm finally gonna get everything that I always wanted. I'm finally gonna have all of that in and
God had different plans
Which turned out the reason it was beyond my wildest dreams is because I was something I never dreamed about because it was so much better

(50:30):
It was so much better than anything I could have thought of
And I ended up with an amazing beautiful wife
That loves Jesus and loves to play worship music and two beautiful daughters
And I'm living in
Tennessee where in you know in Spring Hill, Tennessee where thankfully there's more coffee there's more churches than coffee shops

(50:55):
Right now the coffee shops are catching up the catching up really quickly which is which is which is terrifying and the coffee shops are turning to churches and churches in the coffee shop
It's crazy
But it's just you know, it's just nice and it's nice to be around people like
When you meet people one of the first questions is oh what church do you go to yeah

(51:17):
And we didn't do that in California
Not one of the first
Things that you brought up to people. Yeah, wasn't what church you go to yeah
So it's nice for us to be here into
And to feel like we have a sense of community and and that's really important to us. Yeah
Yeah, so so good

(51:38):
Okay, so just for fun
Can you tell me a few hilarious
Top moments
from
Tor life band life
Blink 182
Just good old good old memories. Well with Blink we used to we were kids right yeah, you're like I sort of think I was I was well

(52:03):
I was 21 years old so and I sort of but like
Megan calls Megan calls us the lost boys
Like like from Peter Pan because we just never grow up
We literally have everything given like that we have everything taken care of for us sure sure
I mean, I felt that so when I saw Blink and like are they still the same age I was when I listed to they are

(52:25):
I love it. They're my I kind of love it and
Well, we would so we'd go fly on planes right yeah to go to places
And I remember we flew like I think we flew 40 times in 30 days one one time it was a lot because they
Dammit and Josie had gotten really big from yeah from their album to ranch
And so we were we were traveling around and when we would travel you no one was safe on the plane none of us

(52:50):
Right, so we would weigh and as soon as somebody would wear like khaki pants on the plane like khaki dickies because that's more sticky. Yeah
Right before we were about to land we would pour water on their laps. So I looked like they put their pants
So they'd have to walk out
And then Tom would always fall asleep next to the window

(53:10):
and um
And so mark and I got a bunch of like a bunch of gay pornocards
And we taped them up all around them and then with this sign that said I'm gay
Oh, man, he was so lucky that iPhones were a thing then they were not a thing then but we it was fun

(53:31):
We were having so much fun just being kids and we're just yeah, I don't know how and it wasn't like it wasn't an ego thing
We were just being dumb kids. Yeah
Yeah, I remember a flight that I was on we had we had flown back to Los Angeles and
Mark and I lived with Mark in San Diego and Mark and I were we're sitting on the plane
And our tour manager at the time the sky Jeff Moss was on there and

(53:54):
We had to get on this smaller commuter plane to fly to San Diego right right after we landed in LA
And it was like the end of this the end of this tour that we had done and
And we get on and and everything's always just jokes and dick jokes and this it's
It's all halaries even even their concerts even their concerts content
But the cool thing is is that's really the way it is so it's not like it's not like they're just getting up there and playing some act

(54:21):
Yeah, oh yeah, no way. It's very believable and it was and it was holy it was hilarious and so Mark and I were on the plane
And Mark goes to the back of the plane and sits in this seat and the
The stewardess is doing her whole thing and he keeps going like this
and
She's all sir. I need you to stop doing that and he goes

(54:43):
He keeps doing it right and he keeps doing it. They kicked us off the plane
Though they kicked him off the plane and I'm like and I look at our tour manager
I'm like I'm going to I'm not gonna let him go by himself and
And so just just making jokes like that like people just didn't understand what we were doing

(55:04):
And so I look back on the stories with them and like we had so much fun together. It's kids
We we had fun together in that time and I don't think that we can ever you can ever go back to that yeah
Right, so where they are now and what they're doing. I'm super happy for them and what I'm doing
I'm I'm perfectly happy and what I do
but
Having those memories of that time is super cool and I

(55:25):
When I manage younger bands now, I hope they're having those times to yeah, and I'll get mad at them for it
Yeah, I'm like go have your fun. Do you think look at the grease
God gave you
For real and he's just like he's used he's used all of it. Yeah, it's so good and I've been I've been in some
I think you know in some crazy situations too. I think with uh, I think it's okay to talk about it now because it's been so long

(55:50):
I was with sugar a and we we went and we played a show
God this opportunity to play in Jamaica
for
for this very prominent persons
Private birthday party
and they rented out the whole entire resort and they had like us and five other very large bands

(56:15):
playing here and the only people that were there
and this is my debauchery loving life and
and it not working out well the only people there were 50
50 Russian models 100 strippers
and 100 point stars. Oh my other than that, it's just us band members

(56:38):
And the people you're playing for and the people are the like for him and his friends him and his friends
Because it was his birthday party and we show up and they pick us up and we each have a model
That takes us to our room with the glass of champagne and there's as much drugs as you want as much everything as you want
And um, why does that make me so sad? I honestly

(56:59):
truthfully speaking
I did not end up hooking up with anyone the whole entire weekend because I was so messed up on drugs
Oh, that I didn't did that nothing happened, but it was crazy. They'd be like like first
You know 40 girls naked into the pool get a thousand dollars a piece
Yeah, and then naked foam party

(57:21):
Sounds like a wild dream that you had what it sounds like a wild dream and then we left that and we flew to ash cush was
Conson in the middle of winter and we started her tour
And it was like 10 below
What in the world yeah, so the whiplash you probably experienced it's a lot from
It's a lot one flight. I've been through I've been through a lot of those things and it's just like

(57:46):
I would never want to go back and do them again
Yeah, but they're I think that I
Think God sends you on a journey of your exposed experience all of these things. Yeah a lot of times I go man
I'm so
One of the things I always say is
God why couldn't I have gotten so far earlier? Why didn't I figure this out earlier?
Why didn't this you know this is life is so good now? Why didn't I figure this out earlier?

(58:11):
And I think that God need your story
Right, he needs your story
So it didn't happen earlier because God needed my story
Yeah, he had a plan he has a plan for everybody
And everything happens exactly the time it's supposed to happen when tragic things happen in people's lives
I believe
You know incredible loss
Cancer all of these things that are affecting people is

(58:33):
You know these things affect people not because they're bad people they affect people because
He needs your story. He needs you to go out and be
Be able to tell that story and to be able to help other people
Right, that's the story of redemption. Yeah
And then nature of a fallen world always where we can't escape it anyway
So he's gonna use it absolutely. He's gonna use it all

(58:57):
Yeah, not to mention
He's a good gracious God who allows us to make our own choices. Which is amazing
It's so good. It's so good and it is heartbreaking when people are like well, why's God let bad stuff happen
And like oh, there's so much more than
Than that like he didn't want bad stuff to happen. We let that in the world humans did that

(59:19):
I heard this bad this rad story that like just changed my mind and it was this
um
There was this
There was a pastor and he went in to get a haircut
And the guy was a non-believer the guy cutting his hair. Mm-hmm
The pastor walks into the barber and and and he sits down and the barber is a non-believer and he's talking to him

(59:42):
And he's like I just don't believe in God. You know these all these bad things happen to all of these people
So how can God be real? Yeah, and he was like okay, well
You know, I guess that's the way you feel
So the guy finishes
He finishes cutting his hair and he comes out
He shows him and there's this homeless guy sitting there and he's he's super bushy hair and right big beard

(01:00:06):
But she hair and he goes
He goes he goes see that homeless guy right there
He goes
How can there be barbers if his hair is so bushy and his hair is so long
And he goes well, he never came to see me
And he goes that's right
He never came to see you

(01:00:27):
And it's the same thing with God right it's all these people it's like all of this stuff happens and it's like you never turned to him
Yeah, you never asked him yeah, that's so good. He's not pushy. He's just not he's not that he will pursue you
But he's not gonna
He's not gonna force himself on you right. That's so good. It's so good. I

(01:00:48):
Will like that. That's a great ending
Dude, thank you so much for coming
Being here today and sharing and just just being you and like letting Jesus just shine through it all
It's thank you so best. I'm so glad to be a friend too
Thank you

(01:01:08):
All right Derek. Thank you so much for being with us today. Um, how can people get in touch with you?
They can find me online on social media the internet the internet you find Derek Gordon on the internet
Yeah, I'm the world-wide web as that's old-timers calling
At a well.com. Yeah
You should dial up. Yeah, check it out. Yeah, what's your your handle? Derek Derek DBH Derek DBH

(01:01:34):
Give him a follow learn about his awesome wife and family and all the good things
So thank y'all for being here with us today as always if you have any questions or comments or want to reach out for anything
You can contact us at sup that's S-U-P, [e-mail]
and we will see you next time

(01:01:55):
you
[Music]