December 17, 2024 • 38 mins
Have you ever wondered what it truly means to open your heart and home to a child in need?
Welcome to episode 05 of the "Stuff God Never Said" podcast, I'm Audrey Cauthen, and I invite you to join me for a deeply moving conversation with our producer, Stewart White, and his wife, Alycia. Together, we unravel their transformative journey through the world of foster care—a path fraught with emotional highs and lows that tested their faith and resilience. Discover how this challenging experience not only humbled them but also enriched their understanding of God's calling, service, and the essence of relationships. The Whites bravely share their struggles, doubts, and the profound healing they eventually found, offering a beacon of hope and encouragement to anyone considering the path of foster care. Tune in for an episode that promises to touch your heart and inspire your spirit.
Links:
Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction and Welcome
0:15 Meet the Hosts and Guests
1:33 The Start of the Foster Journey
3:02 Unexpected Challenges in Foster Care
5:28 Navigating Stress and Chaos
7:19 Questioning the Call to Foster Care
9:59 Learning to Rely on God
12:12 Trusting God's Sovereignty
14:20 Facing Criticism and Misunderstanding
17:47 Faith vs. Fear in Difficult Times
19:32 Finding Redemption in the Journey
21:20 Lessons Learned from Foster Care
24:12 Growing in Faith and Patience
26:01 The Impact of Suffering and Struggle
28:29 Recognizing God's Voice
30:20 Continuing the Foster Care Journey
33:21 Experiencing God's Tailwind
35:04 Encouragement for Future Foster Parents
36:38 How to Connect with the Guests
37:21 Closing Remarks and Contact Information
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/stuff-god-never-said--6381256/support.
Welcome to episode 05 of the "Stuff God Never Said" podcast, I'm Audrey Cauthen, and I invite you to join me for a deeply moving conversation with our producer, Stewart White, and his wife, Alycia. Together, we unravel their transformative journey through the world of foster care—a path fraught with emotional highs and lows that tested their faith and resilience. Discover how this challenging experience not only humbled them but also enriched their understanding of God's calling, service, and the essence of relationships. The Whites bravely share their struggles, doubts, and the profound healing they eventually found, offering a beacon of hope and encouragement to anyone considering the path of foster care. Tune in for an episode that promises to touch your heart and inspire your spirit.
Links:
- Website: https://stuffgodneversaid.com/
- All of Life Show: https://www.youtube.com/@UCz8r8gW8HnL52IK7OtTS-ow
Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction and Welcome
0:15 Meet the Hosts and Guests
1:33 The Start of the Foster Journey
3:02 Unexpected Challenges in Foster Care
5:28 Navigating Stress and Chaos
7:19 Questioning the Call to Foster Care
9:59 Learning to Rely on God
12:12 Trusting God's Sovereignty
14:20 Facing Criticism and Misunderstanding
17:47 Faith vs. Fear in Difficult Times
19:32 Finding Redemption in the Journey
21:20 Lessons Learned from Foster Care
24:12 Growing in Faith and Patience
26:01 The Impact of Suffering and Struggle
28:29 Recognizing God's Voice
30:20 Continuing the Foster Care Journey
33:21 Experiencing God's Tailwind
35:04 Encouragement for Future Foster Parents
36:38 How to Connect with the Guests
37:21 Closing Remarks and Contact Information
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/stuff-god-never-said--6381256/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It ended up being a journey that wrecked us and the Lord healed us.
(00:10):
Hello, thank you guys for coming back for another episode of Stuff God Never Said.
I am your host Audrey Cauthen.
This is Stew, my very talented producer and friend, Alycia.
(00:32):
She's literally talented at everything.
So also very talented friend.
The Whites are with us today and they are going to share a little bit of their foster
journey and more specifically all that God has done through it in the midst of heartache
and mountain tops and valleys and all the things.
(00:54):
So thank you guys so much for having us.
Thanks for having us.
It's just very special.
On this side.
I know.
This is definitely the first time we're here.
We usually over on the other side here.
This is the best thing in my life.
You can't tell they like each other.
We are a little fan girlies.
Welcome.
(01:14):
Okay.
So introduce yourselves.
Who you are.
Tell us the worst thing you've ever thought.
Oh, cool.
And cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool.
That'll be easy.
Just kidding.
Just tell us what you're sorry and foster care and all the things.
Well, I'm Stewart.
This is Alycia.
(01:35):
In case you've got to mix up.
Yes.
Do it.
Sometimes I get confused.
I'm the boy.
Yeah.
So we have been married 18 years and we have three lovely biological children.
And they are 14, 10 and seven as of recording date here.
So we got into foster care though about, well, it was 2018.
(01:59):
I think the end of 2018.
Something we had been praying about even before our very first was born.
We had been in talks about doing foster care.
And then we found out we were pregnant and we're like, well, this is our first kid.
We probably don't want to just jump into this like blindly wisdom.
Yeah.
So we waited and we waited a good long while until our oldest was about 10 years old.
(02:23):
And the Lord has a way of working things out that you, it's not how I would have done
it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'll let Alycia kind of fill in the color on the story because a lot of it involved
her early on.
So, but it ended up being a journey that wrecked us and the Lord healed us.
(02:48):
And there's so many conflicting things because I, in the same way I wouldn't have done it
this way.
I probably wouldn't choose to do it this way again.
But God knew what he was doing.
And babe, what do you, what do you think about as far as how that story started?
Yeah.
And getting down to the details we had built a house and there was no one across the street
(03:11):
from us.
It was just vacant land.
So we were there for about, I don't know, two or three years.
And then someone built a house across the street from us.
And we, they moved in and we started getting to know them because our girls were similar
ages and very soon after they moved in, they ended up with emergency custody of their
(03:31):
great niece and nephew.
And at the same time Stu and I had kind of been talking about and praying about foster
care because it had been on our hearts for years.
And so the timing seemed to line up.
It was kind of interesting like, oh, we're talking about foster care or adoption.
(03:51):
And we had actually, we had been praying about it and we had actually settled on adoption.
And so we started talking to adoption agencies.
But then from across the street, they got emergency custody of their great niece and nephew and
weren't able to keep them.
Yeah.
It wasn't going to be a good fit for their family, but didn't just want to put them in
(04:13):
any foster right understandably.
So Stu and I offered to take the kids and we had obviously our three biological kids
at the time.
And then these two kids came in and at the time they were a year and a half and three.
So we basically had two sets of twins with our kiddos.
So we went from three kids to five kids in a day, emergency foster care training.
(04:40):
They actually moved in halfway through our training.
So we were literally gone when they moved into the house.
Oh wow.
The aunt moved them into the house and we were gone at the emergency training for it.
And there's a honeymoon period.
People will say in foster care, there's a honeymoon period and there totally is.
I would say for the first two weeks, maybe 30 days, it was, it was great.
(05:06):
It was exciting.
We're getting to know each other and then they began to settle in and we discovered there
were a lot of social and emotional issues from the year and a half year old.
And at that point, he was almost coming up on to and it became pretty chaotic in our family.
(05:28):
Hi, hi, stress.
Like he took all the air out of the room for all the four other kids combined were less
work than him.
So it was very stressful.
Yeah.
So we were trying to navigate that, trying to find the right resources.
We at the time, like I still had a business that I was trying to run and he was working still.
(05:50):
And we had now four other kids to take care of and ministry were still like leading worship
every other week at that point.
And we just have way too much going on.
So we started like dropping things one by one because we couldn't manage it all.
But the faster we dropped things, the harder it got.
It didn't matter.
(06:11):
Like it wasn't evening out the way it should have.
We were getting rid of things to try to pour into these kids and it was getting even harder.
And so not only was it getting harder with the kids, but the dynamic from the neighbors across
the street being involved also because we hadn't known them for very long.
That dynamic was also incredibly challenging.
(06:34):
So, yeah, I would just, I would say that the way it all started was very fast and furious.
And what started with like a burden on our hearts turned into hastily maybe taking these
kids and not really, I don't know.
(06:56):
I still don't even know now.
People have said or asked the question, like how did you know God was calling you to foster
care?
And I would say right now, I don't know that he was.
I don't know that he was.
I think we had a heart and a burden for it.
I think he did call us to foster cases we had later.
(07:17):
I don't know that he called us to that one.
Yeah.
And it's not that there wasn't any prayer or any thought that went into it.
We knew it was a big deal, but I don't know that there is some quota of prayer that you
need to put into it.
But there were times for sure, even now that we wonder, did we not pray?
Did we not hear?
(07:38):
Or were we just prideful in our assumption that we were going to be God's gift to these
kids?
And I want to back up and say like God calls us all to take care of orphans.
That's a scripture.
So there's a call on us all to take care of orphans.
But I think what we perceived or maybe even what I perceived in that moment was, oh,
(07:59):
the timing lines up.
We've been praying about foster care.
We've been praying about adoption.
Clearly, these kids moved in across the street and we're supposed to take them.
I'm also not saying that just because it was hard means we shouldn't have done it.
Because the Lord absolutely used all of that.
I'm just being honest about where I was at in that moment.
(08:20):
I think I was pridefully assuming that God was calling us to be the redeemer for these
kids.
And that may not have been the case.
Yeah.
But he used it anyway.
It's so hard to know, I feel like, because there are times where I feel like God
calls us into really hard things.
(08:43):
And sometimes I think that he, I'm not God.
So I can't, you know, I know.
Newsflash.
That's it.
No, does anyone say that anywhere?
Oh, I don't know.
Newsflash?
Probably not.
It's very nice.
I'll say all the old things with you.
Newsflash.
I'm not God, everyone.
(09:03):
But I think about some of the things that he very clearly called me into.
And after going through them, learning how to continually hear his voice in the midst
of obedience and coming out of it and thinking, I think the only thing I went through that
for was for me to learn to rely on God more.
(09:27):
Yeah.
I think what you thought you were going into it for was not.
Yeah.
Like it wasn't to be the hero.
Like I worked when I was working in orphanage in India.
I was like, oh, these kids, they just need, they need me to come love them.
Yeah.
And what came out of that more than anything is like realizing that I can't love my way
(09:50):
into God loving me.
Yeah.
And that was a lesson that my heart needed more than anything that anything else could have
given me.
Like, I'm the orphan.
I'm not the hero.
I'm the orphan.
And I need God.
Yeah.
So, so, so much.
And what that looks like.
(10:11):
Like I think it's beautiful to kind of picture ourselves as orphans of like, like I'm never
going to even the score.
And early in, early in faith, I really felt like, oh, he gave me, I got to give, like, I
got to, I got to keep it, keep it even.
Like that's never going to be a thing.
It's never going to be a thing.
And I think back to what you were saying about, about being called is we had foster care on
(10:34):
our hearts to big time, especially as we were walking through infertility.
And the Lord closes doors multiple times.
But somebody who was very much called into foster care had kind of lovingly called us out.
And was like, we keep hearing you say that you want children and that you have the, you
(10:55):
have the capacity to foster and you are able to, but are you called?
And he said that and it really ticked me off.
Because I was like, look at my life.
Like all I want to do is fill my home with children and I, I can't.
Why would I not be called to this?
(11:16):
And it takes me off so much because he was right.
Yeah.
He was right.
Like we weren't called.
We were trying to shove a door open to get what we wanted.
Yeah.
And of course it looks like a good thing, but that doesn't mean it's the obedient thing.
How can we love, how can we love kids without opening our home to them if that is, if that
(11:36):
is not what the Lord has for us, even though it looks like this path is busted, wide open
and we have every opportunity that does not mean that we're called to that.
And so I think I don't know.
Like I could never, you could never answer for me if I was called and I could never answer
for you if you were called, but I can't even answer for me if I was called.
(11:58):
We definitely go back and forth on trying to figure that out.
And there are times where I'm like, no, I really think even though it was hard, it was the
Lord's will, then there are times where I go, but was it though?
Yeah.
And you even know, I don't, that's, I guess maybe that's a, you should even just ask, like
what is the Lord's call anyway?
Because he knew you were going to do it and he already had a plan in advance for what he
(12:22):
was going to do in you.
You know what I mean?
So maybe that's even just the wrong question.
My best friend was just in town and she, I don't know where the passage was, darn it, but
the verse that says, whether you turn to the right or to the left, like you'll hear my
voice behind you saying, or behind you saying go, whatever, I'm butchering it, I'm sure.
But I was like, that is literally the, the verse that we should all talk about when we're
(12:47):
asking what the Lord's will for our life is or what the Lord's call on our life is, like
whether you turn to the right or to the left, you'll hear my voice behind you saying, no,
I really hope I'm not.
I think I'm not, Lord Jesus, don't let me put you in that.
In this whole time and process and even now, like wondering, I still believe, and obviously
(13:09):
we are not going to get into God's sovereign will and all that, but I do believe you don't,
you never really go outside of it.
I think it's more of a case of even in things where you aren't going the right direction,
God in His grace, brings it back around and uses it for His good, your good in His glory.
And I think in this situation, which we haven't even shared the deeper parts of it, but
(13:32):
and in the interest of like, sparing people and names and giving too many details, I think
we'll be cautious in what we share.
But I do believe that yet he did somehow will this and allow this, like he wouldn't have
allowed it if he hadn't had his will in it some way.
And somehow he uses it either way.
(13:54):
But for us, it was, it was a learning experience.
It was a humbling experience because we thought like everybody who goes into foster care,
same thing, they just need to be loved.
They're going to be so thankful for what we've done for them.
And instead, it becomes this like literal traumatic PTSD type of response, both in the entire
(14:17):
process and everything that was involved.
You get not all the time, but in this case, we got beaten and then like we poured out
ourselves, you know what I mean?
And it just tried to walk in faithfulness and literally got like spit on, lied about,
beaten.
(14:39):
And then there was nothing.
And then it was just it.
There was just like, there was no thank you.
There was no appreciation.
All of these things that you kind of think in the back of your mind, like, oh, they'll be
thankful that we helped their family or they'll understand that this is really hard
and we're not going to do it perfectly.
And then it was just like, nope, you know, just nothing really cool.
(15:04):
So we don't get the kids and we don't and we don't get appreciation.
And we just walk away with PTSD trauma that we're just dealing with for the next few years,
you know.
And it wasn't just the kids.
People involved family members of the kids that I'm sure they see it a different way.
They, you know, one particular person, I think thinks that we're safe.
(15:27):
They hate our guts and would probably laugh at our funeral.
That's how it came across.
And I can attest that you are not Satan.
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
I do know that.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
But it is something where it's like their perspective was that we somehow would do,
I don't know what the actual plan was like, hey, let's take in these children and have
(15:50):
a really difficult life and time, you know, for some weird, sadistic plot to hurt you
or something.
That it didn't make any sense.
And then after all of that, we, there was a whole thing involving the kids and they'd moved
on and we ended up not being allowed to see them again because of these people.
(16:12):
And almost I, it really, I'll just be very frank, they were used as a weapon against us
to kind of torture us psychologically.
And it hurt.
It hurt really bad.
It hurt our kids.
And I think it honestly hurt our foster kids.
It was not cool.
(16:33):
And I think it was just a person who had been hurt enough in their life that they, they
believed that anytime somebody did something, it was intentional.
And so they needed to be taught a lesson.
So I understand what went behind it, but still it hurt really bad.
And I don't know if we want to wrap to the end of that story, but yeah, I mean, because
(16:57):
there's some good redemption there, but I do want to just properly quote scripture.
So Isaiah 30, 21 says, whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear
a voice behind you saying, this is the way.
Walk in it.
How am I 38 years old and just hearing this, I know I've heard this first before.
(17:18):
But just like the, when we're talking about the Lord's call on your life or will for
your life and like that idea of the fact that you are not powerful enough to screw it up,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like he's got you and you may walk into something that you are not called to walk into by him.
(17:40):
And he still has something beautiful in it for you.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
And that is like the God I want to serve.
Yeah.
I just had a conversation with somebody and he was talking about that faith and fear both
have the expectation of a future outcome yet to come.
And it's just which one are you looking at?
Am I afraid of what's to come or am I looking in faith toward what hasn't happened yet,
(18:03):
but I'm certain we'll will happen.
And I think that kind of ended up being our situation in this was what do we want to look
to is God powerful?
Is he in control or are these people in these circumstances in control and we are just
victims to them?
And ultimately we had to go, no, okay, God, even though I don't see it right now, I don't
(18:25):
understand it.
You have this in your hands.
We're going to trust you.
And we didn't do that perfectly for sure.
Yeah.
Well, that's the beauty of the God we serve is it's not about what we do perfectly.
Yeah.
And I'm like, he wore the orphans, he shows up, he saves us, he swoops in.
Yeah.
And he uses it all.
(18:47):
Obviously this particular foster care situation, you guys did have other maybe more, maybe
easier, maybe smoother.
I don't want to say easy.
I don't think anyone goes into foster care thinking this is going to be easy.
Yeah.
But different, different situations, but was there an outcome in this situation where you
(19:12):
were like, okay, God, God called us here.
At least, you know, you said you're so, you even still today are kind of doubting, like,
did he call us to that?
But when you, is there just a moment where you're like, God showed up and he is in this.
And he is the one who's going to make it all right.
You'll probably have more to add to this, but what I look at it like is in scripture,
(19:38):
Paul talks about there's a process of one person plants, another one waters, God gives
the increase.
Yes.
And we kind of went into it thinking we're going to be all of those in this.
We're going to be the heroes or the good Christians who help the poor foster children.
And I guess in a sense, we did some of that, but what ultimately ended up happening is I
(20:03):
feel like we were just used to set the table and give the seat to somebody else.
And that was kind of what happened is the kids ended up moving from one thing to another.
And then ultimately ending up with a family that loves the Lord and that serves the Lord
and is raising them to know the Lord and they're, they've officially adopted them.
(20:26):
And that to us was like our heart, even in the end when we knew we were approaching no
longer having these kids with us, which in total it was about nine months that we had
them, our first placement.
And it was really hard though to move them on.
We didn't want to, but we knew like something has to be changed in this situation because it's
(20:52):
only getting worse and with dynamics of relationships that people involved.
And so hard being neighbors.
Yeah.
So hard.
It is really.
If you know, jokes here, but if you're thinking of getting involved with your neighbors in a foster
care situation, just say it really hard about that.
(21:16):
It's just too much too soon.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
And we are just as much at fault, I think, in that where we, we didn't exercise the wisdom.
I thought we were going to exercise.
But to your question, I know you, you had more, you wanted to fill in on that.
Yeah.
I think the Lord did, the Lord taught me how to grieve.
(21:43):
You know, like I needed to be humbled.
Yes.
But like hard things were coming in my life, in our life.
And I needed to learn how to grieve.
And I needed to learn how to press into him.
(22:04):
And I needed to learn that if he knew the truth about me, that's all that mattered, you
know?
Yeah.
Because I didn't know who knew what about me or who thought what about me or our family
or the things that were being said about us that were legitimately not true and believed
by people who also claimed to love the Lord.
The temptation was to want to try and go around and find where all the fires are and put
(22:27):
them out.
Yeah.
And I like to do the tattoo.
I just got this tattoo a couple days ago.
And it's Exodus 14, 14.
And it was the verse that got me through that whole time.
Like every single day, I just would think like the Lord will fight for you.
You need only to be still because that's literally all I could be.
(22:50):
I couldn't fight for myself.
I couldn't make it right.
The harder that I wanted to or tried, it seemed to just make it worse.
It was like quicksand, like the more you fight it, the more you get pulled on us.
Yeah.
And I feel like the Lord, it was the beginning of our faith journey because we've been on
like I a sounding so cliche.
(23:12):
That is the worst thing to me is to be a cliche.
But the last four or five years has been like a faith building experience like none other
that what started with this whatever the day was that that they moved in that day started
a faith journey that only the Lord could have had planned for us.
(23:34):
And it wasn't just that like it was leading us to the next thing, which was leading us
to the next thing.
And each little piece of that story in the last four or five years was getting us ready
for what he had for us next.
So I wouldn't even say it's what he did in that it's like he had this whole plan planned
out for us woven together to and he knew like as a perfect parent, he knew exactly what
(23:59):
Stu needed exactly what I needed exactly what our family needed to call us into what
he was calling us into next.
And we thought it was all about that.
We thought it was all about that scenario, but it wasn't.
It was about what he had for us next.
You know that joke where they say like if you pray to God and you say God give me patience.
And then you later on are being tested in patience.
(24:20):
Yes.
Well, you asked for patience.
How in the world are you going to practice or grow in patience?
You know how that well I think in this there were prayers that we'd had where it was like
God, I need to grow in this way.
But it's not that he's like capricious or something and vindictive.
He's like, Oh, okay.
I'll get you.
So like careful what you wish for things.
It really is you just don't count the cost.
(24:42):
You don't know what you ask.
Like it can be so much difficulty and struggle, but do you believe that on the other side of
that God has something bigger for you and you're going to grow tremendously administered people
so much better than you would have had you not gone through this difficulty.
I really think that before this foster care experience with our first case, I relied
(25:05):
so heavily on number one myself and number two, the people around me.
Like those were idols for me, you know, and the Lord was somewhere up there just for when
I needed help.
You know, yeah.
And I think I couldn't in this situation what he did in me most was I couldn't rely on
(25:28):
myself because I had no control over any of it.
I couldn't change it.
And I couldn't rely on anyone else because people were failing me left and right.
I didn't know who I could trust and I didn't know who thought they could trust me or not.
And so it just like every direction that I turned was like, Nope, that's not going to
(25:49):
work.
That's not going to work.
And so it just all kept pushing me into him.
And it was just like, Okay, be still.
I'll fight for you.
You just be still.
I know we had talked about this too, but not that you personally had never suffered or gone
through any struggles in your life, but I lost my childhood dog.
(26:09):
Yeah, that was about it.
But it was it was that's probably hard.
It was a situation though where you had not ever struggled or suffered to that degree
ever.
And you wouldn't choose it, but it was something that you learned so much through it.
We both did.
And again, to our very beginning in the show, like I would I don't I would not want to do
(26:34):
it again, but I am so glad we did.
So in that, I do think it was the Lord's will.
And I do I do want to say because there's such a redemptive piece of the story.
The kids did get adopted by an amazing family and they're doing well.
And we did get to see them before we moved to Tennessee.
And that was so healing.
Like all at once.
(26:54):
It was so healing.
Yeah, it was amazing, but it also did even getting through the door of foster care.
We ended up having an impact on a few other kids.
And then we got our 17 year old who like all of that pain was so worth it because we got
(27:16):
her and we were supposed to have her.
And I know that was a call that the Lord had on our life that we probably wouldn't have
been ready for because I had always said we would never take a teen.
And we wouldn't have.
We got this call and we're like, we're both of us.
I don't know why I think we're I think we are supposed to do this one.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I still get like shivers thinking about it because she's so special and she's so much
(27:40):
a part of our family and she has a baby now and we're like grandparents.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You look so good.
I know.
But like I knew I I can tell you for sure we never would have jumped into her case had we
not gone through what we had been through.
And so the Lord just set that groundwork for us to give our yes for her.
(28:05):
And so 100% worth it in that case.
And it wild how a lot of times you can go through something like that.
How I don't I don't know like a metaphor for this.
But it just feels so much easier to hear his voice after you've gone through something
where you can't hear anything you have to choose to hear this voice.
(28:28):
And you're like and you have to fight for it.
You have to fight for it.
Yes.
And you have to work to obey it.
And then you're like you come out of that and you're like, Oh, I know what that voice
sounds like.
Yeah.
I recognize it.
Yes.
Like I feel like it's like you're a baby in a womb and you're like, Oh yeah, I kind of like
can hear that from afar and then you like, like it's kind of a gross metaphor.
(28:49):
But then you're like, here your dad's voice on the other side.
Yeah.
And you're like, I know that so much more clear.
And it brings you comfort.
Yeah.
And you're like, I've gone through, I've gone through whatever I had to go through.
And there was a reason for it.
But now I know it's just so much more.
It's familiar.
Yeah.
(29:10):
Forever.
Yes.
It's familiar forever.
Yeah.
I think I need to sit on that for a second because I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
I think though one of the things that the Lord has done for me in the last few years has
been teaching me how to hear his voice.
And I think that that's like, that's like a muscle that you grow.
(29:32):
You don't like you're just saying with a, even a baby, like they learn the voice of their,
of their parent.
And I pridefully thought I knew what the voice of my father sounded like.
It was in my own strengths.
But he graciously taught me what his voice, number one, he taught me what his voice sounded
(29:53):
like.
And number two, I started running after it because I was at rock bottom in that case, in
that, in that foster case.
And, and he knew I needed to get to that place to run after him.
And that was, that was it.
That was like, that's all we need in this life.
Like if it takes getting to rock bottom to finally chase after the voice of our father,
(30:16):
it is worth all of the pain that goes into us.
That's so good.
And you know what else I love about your story?
And this was like a quick little subtle thing you said, but you walked through that and
it was your first case.
It wasn't your only case.
Yeah.
This is not you pitching against foster care or this, you know, like, oh, it's so hard.
(30:39):
Don't do it.
You're sharing the hard stuff you had to walk through that you didn't know you were going
to walk through.
You didn't even probably didn't even know was a choice to walk through when you said yes
to foster care.
And you went through it and then you kept going.
Yeah.
I have Jesus chills to see them.
I do.
Like if that is not what solid faith in Jesus looks like, I don't know what is because
(31:08):
I feel like we could have just cut this episode off after a story and like they got adopted
everything worked out great.
Yeah.
But it's not.
It's like they got adopted the Lord healed that situation and opened the door for the
next child who we still see when we still love and is still our daughter and whatever
else has come after that and will come in the future.
(31:29):
Like you didn't say that was hard.
I'm done.
Yeah.
You said that was hard.
Now I feel prepared to hear his voice and to go forward with him when he makes the way.
That's so friggin brave.
Yes.
You guys are so good.
I know that both of us would say like and this isn't false humility or anything.
(31:51):
It's literally like by the grace of God that any of that was accomplished because I feel
like we were bumbling idiots at times just going like what is going on and yeah.
And God's just like just keep following my voice.
Yeah.
Marco.
Yeah, Marco Polo.
So yeah, in those moments, both of us, when everything leading up to us even moving to
(32:15):
Tennessee, it's been almost two and a half years now.
And all of it that was used to prepare us for that and hearing the Lord's voice and then
doors opening and taking a step and going, okay, well, if I go here and this next one goes,
then we'll go to the next one and the next one.
And then you just keep thinking no way that this next one is going to happen and here we
(32:36):
are.
And I can't even describe that I don't think we would have been in the place probably
prepared to do that.
It had we not even gone through those other things.
So it truly has God knows better what's going on.
He sees the end from the beginning and he knows everything that you need to do and every
(32:57):
mistake you're going to make along the way and still loves you and is graciously working
all things together for the good.
I don't even understand how that works yet it does.
Yeah.
My friend Seth said, when you're walking in the will of the Lord or when you're walking
in step with the spirit, like when there's something that you really want and you move forward
(33:19):
in it, you can either experience like a tailwind or a headwind, you know, and when you're
getting that headwind, it's usually because you are pushing forward and something that you
think God's calling you into.
And there's a difference between like turbulence happens no matter what.
Yeah.
You're going to get turbulence no matter what.
(33:40):
We're going to be hard times in a flight no matter what, but there's this headwind that
you get when you're pushing for something that you think the Lord is calling you into.
And maybe he's not, but you keep pushing and pushing and pushing.
But the Lord still gets you to that destination, you know, wherever that is.
But then there's times where he's calling you into something and now I've experienced
(34:02):
this where it's like tailwind all the way.
Like he just picks you up.
Yes, you still have turbulence.
But it's like, he's just like the Holy Spirit breeds on it and the door is just open left
and right.
And he's, you're still getting to where he's taking you, you know, it's just like were
you pushing for it or did you, did he just lift you up and provide the way for it?
(34:27):
And I think that's one thing I'm learning to experience now.
Like is this a headwind moment or is this a tailwind moment because it gives me more
discernment on how to move forward with it?
That's so good.
That's so big.
And I wish we could take credit for that.
That's what I mean.
(34:48):
Seth knew what you needed to do.
Yeah.
Because you're so good at making things happen.
Yeah.
Like I feel like that's one of your gifts of like, oh, I'm going to make this happen.
And I don't have that gift.
I'm just like, this seems fun.
Never mind, I don't seem fun anymore.
I do work together.
I'm true.
We're a very good team.
(35:08):
Complementary.
I would say so.
Well, thank you guys so much for being here and sharing your story and putting your hearts
out there.
And I just can't get over.
I can't get over how you so beautifully walked through something that broke you and you
let him put it all back the way he wants to put it back.
(35:31):
And then you walk forward and it's more, I think that's really encouraging to people who
are, I would imagine it would be encouraging to people who are considering foster care and
mentally preparing, even maybe even walking in some fear about it.
If they're, if they're being called to it because your story, it just, it tells the truth
(35:52):
that it is hard and it might break you.
And for a moment, and God is going to be with you.
If he is bringing you there, he's going to bring you through it and he's going to piece
you back together in the most beautiful way because what are we if we're not broken vessels
where light can shine through like that's, that's what we are.
(36:14):
And you guys have done that so beautifully and so obediently.
And it's just an honor to be your friend.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for having us.
Thanks for being here.
You're the best ever.
Best of you in my life.
I'm so happy.
If people have questions or are seeking encouragement about foster care or anything
(36:35):
along those lines, is how can they get in touch with you?
You can reach us at our podcast email.
We didn't really mention this.
We have amazing podcast.
We have a podcast.
We will be starting it back up soon.
It's been on a bit of a hiatus, but you had a little bit going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little bit.
Feedback@alloflifeshow.com.
(36:55):
And if you just have a comment or you want to ask us a question about it, we'll do our best
(37:16):
to answer it.
We make no claims to be pros at this.
But you're honest.
But you're honest and you love Jesus.
And what else can you ask for?
Yeah.
True.
That's the best.
True.
Thank you guys so much for being here today.
If you have any questions, you can always reach out to us at sup@stuffgodneversaid.com.
(37:38):
Like, subscribe, comment if you're watching this on YouTube.
And you can find us on Instagram @stuffgodneversaid.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
[Music]
It ended up being a journey that wrecked us and the Lord healed us.
(00:10):
Hello, thank you guys for coming back for another episode of Stuff God Never Said.
I am your host Audrey Cauthen.
This is Stew, my very talented producer and friend, Alycia.
(00:32):
She's literally talented at everything.
So also very talented friend.
The Whites are with us today and they are going to share a little bit of their foster
journey and more specifically all that God has done through it in the midst of heartache
and mountain tops and valleys and all the things.
(00:54):
So thank you guys so much for having us.
Thanks for having us.
It's just very special.
On this side.
I know.
This is definitely the first time we're here.
We usually over on the other side here.
This is the best thing in my life.
You can't tell they like each other.
We are a little fan girlies.
Welcome.
(01:14):
Okay.
So introduce yourselves.
Who you are.
Tell us the worst thing you've ever thought.
Oh, cool.
And cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool.
That'll be easy.
Just kidding.
Just tell us what you're sorry and foster care and all the things.
Well, I'm Stewart.
This is Alycia.
(01:35):
In case you've got to mix up.
Yes.
Do it.
Sometimes I get confused.
I'm the boy.
Yeah.
So we have been married 18 years and we have three lovely biological children.
And they are 14, 10 and seven as of recording date here.
So we got into foster care though about, well, it was 2018.
(01:59):
I think the end of 2018.
Something we had been praying about even before our very first was born.
We had been in talks about doing foster care.
And then we found out we were pregnant and we're like, well, this is our first kid.
We probably don't want to just jump into this like blindly wisdom.
Yeah.
So we waited and we waited a good long while until our oldest was about 10 years old.
(02:23):
And the Lord has a way of working things out that you, it's not how I would have done
it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'll let Alycia kind of fill in the color on the story because a lot of it involved
her early on.
So, but it ended up being a journey that wrecked us and the Lord healed us.
(02:48):
And there's so many conflicting things because I, in the same way I wouldn't have done it
this way.
I probably wouldn't choose to do it this way again.
But God knew what he was doing.
And babe, what do you, what do you think about as far as how that story started?
Yeah.
And getting down to the details we had built a house and there was no one across the street
(03:11):
from us.
It was just vacant land.
So we were there for about, I don't know, two or three years.
And then someone built a house across the street from us.
And we, they moved in and we started getting to know them because our girls were similar
ages and very soon after they moved in, they ended up with emergency custody of their
(03:31):
great niece and nephew.
And at the same time Stu and I had kind of been talking about and praying about foster
care because it had been on our hearts for years.
And so the timing seemed to line up.
It was kind of interesting like, oh, we're talking about foster care or adoption.
(03:51):
And we had actually, we had been praying about it and we had actually settled on adoption.
And so we started talking to adoption agencies.
But then from across the street, they got emergency custody of their great niece and nephew and
weren't able to keep them.
Yeah.
It wasn't going to be a good fit for their family, but didn't just want to put them in
(04:13):
any foster right understandably.
So Stu and I offered to take the kids and we had obviously our three biological kids
at the time.
And then these two kids came in and at the time they were a year and a half and three.
So we basically had two sets of twins with our kiddos.
So we went from three kids to five kids in a day, emergency foster care training.
(04:40):
They actually moved in halfway through our training.
So we were literally gone when they moved into the house.
Oh wow.
The aunt moved them into the house and we were gone at the emergency training for it.
And there's a honeymoon period.
People will say in foster care, there's a honeymoon period and there totally is.
I would say for the first two weeks, maybe 30 days, it was, it was great.
(05:06):
It was exciting.
We're getting to know each other and then they began to settle in and we discovered there
were a lot of social and emotional issues from the year and a half year old.
And at that point, he was almost coming up on to and it became pretty chaotic in our family.
(05:28):
Hi, hi, stress.
Like he took all the air out of the room for all the four other kids combined were less
work than him.
So it was very stressful.
Yeah.
So we were trying to navigate that, trying to find the right resources.
We at the time, like I still had a business that I was trying to run and he was working still.
(05:50):
And we had now four other kids to take care of and ministry were still like leading worship
every other week at that point.
And we just have way too much going on.
So we started like dropping things one by one because we couldn't manage it all.
But the faster we dropped things, the harder it got.
It didn't matter.
(06:11):
Like it wasn't evening out the way it should have.
We were getting rid of things to try to pour into these kids and it was getting even harder.
And so not only was it getting harder with the kids, but the dynamic from the neighbors across
the street being involved also because we hadn't known them for very long.
That dynamic was also incredibly challenging.
(06:34):
So, yeah, I would just, I would say that the way it all started was very fast and furious.
And what started with like a burden on our hearts turned into hastily maybe taking these
kids and not really, I don't know.
(06:56):
I still don't even know now.
People have said or asked the question, like how did you know God was calling you to foster
care?
And I would say right now, I don't know that he was.
I don't know that he was.
I think we had a heart and a burden for it.
I think he did call us to foster cases we had later.
(07:17):
I don't know that he called us to that one.
Yeah.
And it's not that there wasn't any prayer or any thought that went into it.
We knew it was a big deal, but I don't know that there is some quota of prayer that you
need to put into it.
But there were times for sure, even now that we wonder, did we not pray?
Did we not hear?
(07:38):
Or were we just prideful in our assumption that we were going to be God's gift to these
kids?
And I want to back up and say like God calls us all to take care of orphans.
That's a scripture.
So there's a call on us all to take care of orphans.
But I think what we perceived or maybe even what I perceived in that moment was, oh,
(07:59):
the timing lines up.
We've been praying about foster care.
We've been praying about adoption.
Clearly, these kids moved in across the street and we're supposed to take them.
I'm also not saying that just because it was hard means we shouldn't have done it.
Because the Lord absolutely used all of that.
I'm just being honest about where I was at in that moment.
(08:20):
I think I was pridefully assuming that God was calling us to be the redeemer for these
kids.
And that may not have been the case.
Yeah.
But he used it anyway.
It's so hard to know, I feel like, because there are times where I feel like God
calls us into really hard things.
(08:43):
And sometimes I think that he, I'm not God.
So I can't, you know, I know.
Newsflash.
That's it.
No, does anyone say that anywhere?
Oh, I don't know.
Newsflash?
Probably not.
It's very nice.
I'll say all the old things with you.
Newsflash.
I'm not God, everyone.
(09:03):
But I think about some of the things that he very clearly called me into.
And after going through them, learning how to continually hear his voice in the midst
of obedience and coming out of it and thinking, I think the only thing I went through that
for was for me to learn to rely on God more.
(09:27):
Yeah.
I think what you thought you were going into it for was not.
Yeah.
Like it wasn't to be the hero.
Like I worked when I was working in orphanage in India.
I was like, oh, these kids, they just need, they need me to come love them.
Yeah.
And what came out of that more than anything is like realizing that I can't love my way
(09:50):
into God loving me.
Yeah.
And that was a lesson that my heart needed more than anything that anything else could have
given me.
Like, I'm the orphan.
I'm not the hero.
I'm the orphan.
And I need God.
Yeah.
So, so, so much.
And what that looks like.
(10:11):
Like I think it's beautiful to kind of picture ourselves as orphans of like, like I'm never
going to even the score.
And early in, early in faith, I really felt like, oh, he gave me, I got to give, like, I
got to, I got to keep it, keep it even.
Like that's never going to be a thing.
It's never going to be a thing.
And I think back to what you were saying about, about being called is we had foster care on
(10:34):
our hearts to big time, especially as we were walking through infertility.
And the Lord closes doors multiple times.
But somebody who was very much called into foster care had kind of lovingly called us out.
And was like, we keep hearing you say that you want children and that you have the, you
(10:55):
have the capacity to foster and you are able to, but are you called?
And he said that and it really ticked me off.
Because I was like, look at my life.
Like all I want to do is fill my home with children and I, I can't.
Why would I not be called to this?
(11:16):
And it takes me off so much because he was right.
Yeah.
He was right.
Like we weren't called.
We were trying to shove a door open to get what we wanted.
Yeah.
And of course it looks like a good thing, but that doesn't mean it's the obedient thing.
How can we love, how can we love kids without opening our home to them if that is, if that
(11:36):
is not what the Lord has for us, even though it looks like this path is busted, wide open
and we have every opportunity that does not mean that we're called to that.
And so I think I don't know.
Like I could never, you could never answer for me if I was called and I could never answer
for you if you were called, but I can't even answer for me if I was called.
(11:58):
We definitely go back and forth on trying to figure that out.
And there are times where I'm like, no, I really think even though it was hard, it was the
Lord's will, then there are times where I go, but was it though?
Yeah.
And you even know, I don't, that's, I guess maybe that's a, you should even just ask, like
what is the Lord's call anyway?
Because he knew you were going to do it and he already had a plan in advance for what he
(12:22):
was going to do in you.
You know what I mean?
So maybe that's even just the wrong question.
My best friend was just in town and she, I don't know where the passage was, darn it, but
the verse that says, whether you turn to the right or to the left, like you'll hear my
voice behind you saying, or behind you saying go, whatever, I'm butchering it, I'm sure.
But I was like, that is literally the, the verse that we should all talk about when we're
(12:47):
asking what the Lord's will for our life is or what the Lord's call on our life is, like
whether you turn to the right or to the left, you'll hear my voice behind you saying, no,
I really hope I'm not.
I think I'm not, Lord Jesus, don't let me put you in that.
In this whole time and process and even now, like wondering, I still believe, and obviously
(13:09):
we are not going to get into God's sovereign will and all that, but I do believe you don't,
you never really go outside of it.
I think it's more of a case of even in things where you aren't going the right direction,
God in His grace, brings it back around and uses it for His good, your good in His glory.
And I think in this situation, which we haven't even shared the deeper parts of it, but
(13:32):
and in the interest of like, sparing people and names and giving too many details, I think
we'll be cautious in what we share.
But I do believe that yet he did somehow will this and allow this, like he wouldn't have
allowed it if he hadn't had his will in it some way.
And somehow he uses it either way.
(13:54):
But for us, it was, it was a learning experience.
It was a humbling experience because we thought like everybody who goes into foster care,
same thing, they just need to be loved.
They're going to be so thankful for what we've done for them.
And instead, it becomes this like literal traumatic PTSD type of response, both in the entire
(14:17):
process and everything that was involved.
You get not all the time, but in this case, we got beaten and then like we poured out
ourselves, you know what I mean?
And it just tried to walk in faithfulness and literally got like spit on, lied about,
beaten.
(14:39):
And then there was nothing.
And then it was just it.
There was just like, there was no thank you.
There was no appreciation.
All of these things that you kind of think in the back of your mind, like, oh, they'll be
thankful that we helped their family or they'll understand that this is really hard
and we're not going to do it perfectly.
And then it was just like, nope, you know, just nothing really cool.
(15:04):
So we don't get the kids and we don't and we don't get appreciation.
And we just walk away with PTSD trauma that we're just dealing with for the next few years,
you know.
And it wasn't just the kids.
People involved family members of the kids that I'm sure they see it a different way.
They, you know, one particular person, I think thinks that we're safe.
(15:27):
They hate our guts and would probably laugh at our funeral.
That's how it came across.
And I can attest that you are not Satan.
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
I do know that.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
But it is something where it's like their perspective was that we somehow would do,
I don't know what the actual plan was like, hey, let's take in these children and have
(15:50):
a really difficult life and time, you know, for some weird, sadistic plot to hurt you
or something.
That it didn't make any sense.
And then after all of that, we, there was a whole thing involving the kids and they'd moved
on and we ended up not being allowed to see them again because of these people.
(16:12):
And almost I, it really, I'll just be very frank, they were used as a weapon against us
to kind of torture us psychologically.
And it hurt.
It hurt really bad.
It hurt our kids.
And I think it honestly hurt our foster kids.
It was not cool.
(16:33):
And I think it was just a person who had been hurt enough in their life that they, they
believed that anytime somebody did something, it was intentional.
And so they needed to be taught a lesson.
So I understand what went behind it, but still it hurt really bad.
And I don't know if we want to wrap to the end of that story, but yeah, I mean, because
(16:57):
there's some good redemption there, but I do want to just properly quote scripture.
So Isaiah 30, 21 says, whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear
a voice behind you saying, this is the way.
Walk in it.
How am I 38 years old and just hearing this, I know I've heard this first before.
(17:18):
But just like the, when we're talking about the Lord's call on your life or will for
your life and like that idea of the fact that you are not powerful enough to screw it up,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like he's got you and you may walk into something that you are not called to walk into by him.
(17:40):
And he still has something beautiful in it for you.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
And that is like the God I want to serve.
Yeah.
I just had a conversation with somebody and he was talking about that faith and fear both
have the expectation of a future outcome yet to come.
And it's just which one are you looking at?
Am I afraid of what's to come or am I looking in faith toward what hasn't happened yet,
(18:03):
but I'm certain we'll will happen.
And I think that kind of ended up being our situation in this was what do we want to look
to is God powerful?
Is he in control or are these people in these circumstances in control and we are just
victims to them?
And ultimately we had to go, no, okay, God, even though I don't see it right now, I don't
(18:25):
understand it.
You have this in your hands.
We're going to trust you.
And we didn't do that perfectly for sure.
Yeah.
Well, that's the beauty of the God we serve is it's not about what we do perfectly.
Yeah.
And I'm like, he wore the orphans, he shows up, he saves us, he swoops in.
Yeah.
And he uses it all.
(18:47):
Obviously this particular foster care situation, you guys did have other maybe more, maybe
easier, maybe smoother.
I don't want to say easy.
I don't think anyone goes into foster care thinking this is going to be easy.
Yeah.
But different, different situations, but was there an outcome in this situation where you
(19:12):
were like, okay, God, God called us here.
At least, you know, you said you're so, you even still today are kind of doubting, like,
did he call us to that?
But when you, is there just a moment where you're like, God showed up and he is in this.
And he is the one who's going to make it all right.
You'll probably have more to add to this, but what I look at it like is in scripture,
(19:38):
Paul talks about there's a process of one person plants, another one waters, God gives
the increase.
Yes.
And we kind of went into it thinking we're going to be all of those in this.
We're going to be the heroes or the good Christians who help the poor foster children.
And I guess in a sense, we did some of that, but what ultimately ended up happening is I
(20:03):
feel like we were just used to set the table and give the seat to somebody else.
And that was kind of what happened is the kids ended up moving from one thing to another.
And then ultimately ending up with a family that loves the Lord and that serves the Lord
and is raising them to know the Lord and they're, they've officially adopted them.
(20:26):
And that to us was like our heart, even in the end when we knew we were approaching no
longer having these kids with us, which in total it was about nine months that we had
them, our first placement.
And it was really hard though to move them on.
We didn't want to, but we knew like something has to be changed in this situation because it's
(20:52):
only getting worse and with dynamics of relationships that people involved.
And so hard being neighbors.
Yeah.
So hard.
It is really.
If you know, jokes here, but if you're thinking of getting involved with your neighbors in a foster
care situation, just say it really hard about that.
(21:16):
It's just too much too soon.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
And we are just as much at fault, I think, in that where we, we didn't exercise the wisdom.
I thought we were going to exercise.
But to your question, I know you, you had more, you wanted to fill in on that.
Yeah.
I think the Lord did, the Lord taught me how to grieve.
(21:43):
You know, like I needed to be humbled.
Yes.
But like hard things were coming in my life, in our life.
And I needed to learn how to grieve.
And I needed to learn how to press into him.
(22:04):
And I needed to learn that if he knew the truth about me, that's all that mattered, you
know?
Yeah.
Because I didn't know who knew what about me or who thought what about me or our family
or the things that were being said about us that were legitimately not true and believed
by people who also claimed to love the Lord.
The temptation was to want to try and go around and find where all the fires are and put
(22:27):
them out.
Yeah.
And I like to do the tattoo.
I just got this tattoo a couple days ago.
And it's Exodus 14, 14.
And it was the verse that got me through that whole time.
Like every single day, I just would think like the Lord will fight for you.
You need only to be still because that's literally all I could be.
(22:50):
I couldn't fight for myself.
I couldn't make it right.
The harder that I wanted to or tried, it seemed to just make it worse.
It was like quicksand, like the more you fight it, the more you get pulled on us.
Yeah.
And I feel like the Lord, it was the beginning of our faith journey because we've been on
like I a sounding so cliche.
(23:12):
That is the worst thing to me is to be a cliche.
But the last four or five years has been like a faith building experience like none other
that what started with this whatever the day was that that they moved in that day started
a faith journey that only the Lord could have had planned for us.
(23:34):
And it wasn't just that like it was leading us to the next thing, which was leading us
to the next thing.
And each little piece of that story in the last four or five years was getting us ready
for what he had for us next.
So I wouldn't even say it's what he did in that it's like he had this whole plan planned
out for us woven together to and he knew like as a perfect parent, he knew exactly what
(23:59):
Stu needed exactly what I needed exactly what our family needed to call us into what
he was calling us into next.
And we thought it was all about that.
We thought it was all about that scenario, but it wasn't.
It was about what he had for us next.
You know that joke where they say like if you pray to God and you say God give me patience.
And then you later on are being tested in patience.
(24:20):
Yes.
Well, you asked for patience.
How in the world are you going to practice or grow in patience?
You know how that well I think in this there were prayers that we'd had where it was like
God, I need to grow in this way.
But it's not that he's like capricious or something and vindictive.
He's like, Oh, okay.
I'll get you.
So like careful what you wish for things.
It really is you just don't count the cost.
(24:42):
You don't know what you ask.
Like it can be so much difficulty and struggle, but do you believe that on the other side of
that God has something bigger for you and you're going to grow tremendously administered people
so much better than you would have had you not gone through this difficulty.
I really think that before this foster care experience with our first case, I relied
(25:05):
so heavily on number one myself and number two, the people around me.
Like those were idols for me, you know, and the Lord was somewhere up there just for when
I needed help.
You know, yeah.
And I think I couldn't in this situation what he did in me most was I couldn't rely on
(25:28):
myself because I had no control over any of it.
I couldn't change it.
And I couldn't rely on anyone else because people were failing me left and right.
I didn't know who I could trust and I didn't know who thought they could trust me or not.
And so it just like every direction that I turned was like, Nope, that's not going to
(25:49):
work.
That's not going to work.
And so it just all kept pushing me into him.
And it was just like, Okay, be still.
I'll fight for you.
You just be still.
I know we had talked about this too, but not that you personally had never suffered or gone
through any struggles in your life, but I lost my childhood dog.
(26:09):
Yeah, that was about it.
But it was it was that's probably hard.
It was a situation though where you had not ever struggled or suffered to that degree
ever.
And you wouldn't choose it, but it was something that you learned so much through it.
We both did.
And again, to our very beginning in the show, like I would I don't I would not want to do
(26:34):
it again, but I am so glad we did.
So in that, I do think it was the Lord's will.
And I do I do want to say because there's such a redemptive piece of the story.
The kids did get adopted by an amazing family and they're doing well.
And we did get to see them before we moved to Tennessee.
And that was so healing.
Like all at once.
(26:54):
It was so healing.
Yeah, it was amazing, but it also did even getting through the door of foster care.
We ended up having an impact on a few other kids.
And then we got our 17 year old who like all of that pain was so worth it because we got
(27:16):
her and we were supposed to have her.
And I know that was a call that the Lord had on our life that we probably wouldn't have
been ready for because I had always said we would never take a teen.
And we wouldn't have.
We got this call and we're like, we're both of us.
I don't know why I think we're I think we are supposed to do this one.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I still get like shivers thinking about it because she's so special and she's so much
(27:40):
a part of our family and she has a baby now and we're like grandparents.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You look so good.
I know.
But like I knew I I can tell you for sure we never would have jumped into her case had we
not gone through what we had been through.
And so the Lord just set that groundwork for us to give our yes for her.
(28:05):
And so 100% worth it in that case.
And it wild how a lot of times you can go through something like that.
How I don't I don't know like a metaphor for this.
But it just feels so much easier to hear his voice after you've gone through something
where you can't hear anything you have to choose to hear this voice.
(28:28):
And you're like and you have to fight for it.
You have to fight for it.
Yes.
And you have to work to obey it.
And then you're like you come out of that and you're like, Oh, I know what that voice
sounds like.
Yeah.
I recognize it.
Yes.
Like I feel like it's like you're a baby in a womb and you're like, Oh yeah, I kind of like
can hear that from afar and then you like, like it's kind of a gross metaphor.
(28:49):
But then you're like, here your dad's voice on the other side.
Yeah.
And you're like, I know that so much more clear.
And it brings you comfort.
Yeah.
And you're like, I've gone through, I've gone through whatever I had to go through.
And there was a reason for it.
But now I know it's just so much more.
It's familiar.
Yeah.
(29:10):
Forever.
Yes.
It's familiar forever.
Yeah.
I think I need to sit on that for a second because I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
I think though one of the things that the Lord has done for me in the last few years has
been teaching me how to hear his voice.
And I think that that's like, that's like a muscle that you grow.
(29:32):
You don't like you're just saying with a, even a baby, like they learn the voice of their,
of their parent.
And I pridefully thought I knew what the voice of my father sounded like.
It was in my own strengths.
But he graciously taught me what his voice, number one, he taught me what his voice sounded
(29:53):
like.
And number two, I started running after it because I was at rock bottom in that case, in
that, in that foster case.
And, and he knew I needed to get to that place to run after him.
And that was, that was it.
That was like, that's all we need in this life.
Like if it takes getting to rock bottom to finally chase after the voice of our father,
(30:16):
it is worth all of the pain that goes into us.
That's so good.
And you know what else I love about your story?
And this was like a quick little subtle thing you said, but you walked through that and
it was your first case.
It wasn't your only case.
Yeah.
This is not you pitching against foster care or this, you know, like, oh, it's so hard.
(30:39):
Don't do it.
You're sharing the hard stuff you had to walk through that you didn't know you were going
to walk through.
You didn't even probably didn't even know was a choice to walk through when you said yes
to foster care.
And you went through it and then you kept going.
Yeah.
I have Jesus chills to see them.
I do.
Like if that is not what solid faith in Jesus looks like, I don't know what is because
(31:08):
I feel like we could have just cut this episode off after a story and like they got adopted
everything worked out great.
Yeah.
But it's not.
It's like they got adopted the Lord healed that situation and opened the door for the
next child who we still see when we still love and is still our daughter and whatever
else has come after that and will come in the future.
(31:29):
Like you didn't say that was hard.
I'm done.
Yeah.
You said that was hard.
Now I feel prepared to hear his voice and to go forward with him when he makes the way.
That's so friggin brave.
Yes.
You guys are so good.
I know that both of us would say like and this isn't false humility or anything.
(31:51):
It's literally like by the grace of God that any of that was accomplished because I feel
like we were bumbling idiots at times just going like what is going on and yeah.
And God's just like just keep following my voice.
Yeah.
Marco.
Yeah, Marco Polo.
So yeah, in those moments, both of us, when everything leading up to us even moving to
(32:15):
Tennessee, it's been almost two and a half years now.
And all of it that was used to prepare us for that and hearing the Lord's voice and then
doors opening and taking a step and going, okay, well, if I go here and this next one goes,
then we'll go to the next one and the next one.
And then you just keep thinking no way that this next one is going to happen and here we
(32:36):
are.
And I can't even describe that I don't think we would have been in the place probably
prepared to do that.
It had we not even gone through those other things.
So it truly has God knows better what's going on.
He sees the end from the beginning and he knows everything that you need to do and every
(32:57):
mistake you're going to make along the way and still loves you and is graciously working
all things together for the good.
I don't even understand how that works yet it does.
Yeah.
My friend Seth said, when you're walking in the will of the Lord or when you're walking
in step with the spirit, like when there's something that you really want and you move forward
(33:19):
in it, you can either experience like a tailwind or a headwind, you know, and when you're
getting that headwind, it's usually because you are pushing forward and something that you
think God's calling you into.
And there's a difference between like turbulence happens no matter what.
Yeah.
You're going to get turbulence no matter what.
(33:40):
We're going to be hard times in a flight no matter what, but there's this headwind that
you get when you're pushing for something that you think the Lord is calling you into.
And maybe he's not, but you keep pushing and pushing and pushing.
But the Lord still gets you to that destination, you know, wherever that is.
But then there's times where he's calling you into something and now I've experienced
(34:02):
this where it's like tailwind all the way.
Like he just picks you up.
Yes, you still have turbulence.
But it's like, he's just like the Holy Spirit breeds on it and the door is just open left
and right.
And he's, you're still getting to where he's taking you, you know, it's just like were
you pushing for it or did you, did he just lift you up and provide the way for it?
(34:27):
And I think that's one thing I'm learning to experience now.
Like is this a headwind moment or is this a tailwind moment because it gives me more
discernment on how to move forward with it?
That's so good.
That's so big.
And I wish we could take credit for that.
That's what I mean.
(34:48):
Seth knew what you needed to do.
Yeah.
Because you're so good at making things happen.
Yeah.
Like I feel like that's one of your gifts of like, oh, I'm going to make this happen.
And I don't have that gift.
I'm just like, this seems fun.
Never mind, I don't seem fun anymore.
I do work together.
I'm true.
We're a very good team.
(35:08):
Complementary.
I would say so.
Well, thank you guys so much for being here and sharing your story and putting your hearts
out there.
And I just can't get over.
I can't get over how you so beautifully walked through something that broke you and you
let him put it all back the way he wants to put it back.
(35:31):
And then you walk forward and it's more, I think that's really encouraging to people who
are, I would imagine it would be encouraging to people who are considering foster care and
mentally preparing, even maybe even walking in some fear about it.
If they're, if they're being called to it because your story, it just, it tells the truth
(35:52):
that it is hard and it might break you.
And for a moment, and God is going to be with you.
If he is bringing you there, he's going to bring you through it and he's going to piece
you back together in the most beautiful way because what are we if we're not broken vessels
where light can shine through like that's, that's what we are.
(36:14):
And you guys have done that so beautifully and so obediently.
And it's just an honor to be your friend.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for having us.
Thanks for being here.
You're the best ever.
Best of you in my life.
I'm so happy.
If people have questions or are seeking encouragement about foster care or anything
(36:35):
along those lines, is how can they get in touch with you?
You can reach us at our podcast email.
We didn't really mention this.
We have amazing podcast.
We have a podcast.
We will be starting it back up soon.
It's been on a bit of a hiatus, but you had a little bit going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little bit.
Feedback@alloflifeshow.com.
(36:55):
And if you just have a comment or you want to ask us a question about it, we'll do our best
(37:16):
to answer it.
We make no claims to be pros at this.
But you're honest.
But you're honest and you love Jesus.
And what else can you ask for?
Yeah.
True.
That's the best.
True.
Thank you guys so much for being here today.
If you have any questions, you can always reach out to us at sup@stuffgodneversaid.com.
(37:38):
Like, subscribe, comment if you're watching this on YouTube.
And you can find us on Instagram @stuffgodneversaid.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
.
.
.
.
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