episode 1 talk the talks.m4a

Meet Lady V and Kay as they Talk the Talks on Online dating... Can love be found on an App?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I actually called a career because Lordknows, we have a resume that to
be honest, yeah, it's alittle bit of as a little bit something
I'm not proud of, was alittle bit of a resume. Um,
speaking of dating, how's that beengoing for you? Like, Oh my
god, how's dating been after kids? We both had kids? We do
you know, um, from previousrelationships and now we're in the dating world

(00:23):
and relationship world. So how doesthat look for me? Yeah? Okay,
Um, I've been through it.Not gonna lie. Um. You
know, I think I kind oftook certain things for granted, and after
I gave myself what I thought wasa reasonable amount of time, I thought
that maybe I had I had cometo a place where I knew what the

(00:46):
parameters were and I knew what Iwas looking for, right until I didn't.
I didn't I want this, No, no, get that off,
not because you know what happened.Okay, this is what I should have
done. Honestly, I should havetaken my friend's advice and I should have
written that list and then adhered tothe list of things that I needed.

(01:07):
Because what happened was what I had. What happened was I went in with
an idea of what I wanted.Yeah, I thought I thought that it
ticked the majority of my boxes,and then the things that were missing were
actually the most pertinent. And itwas a whole mashup situation that I could
have avoided all together. Yeah,and so do you find so like when

(01:30):
it came to dating, are youfinding your dates on apps or you out
in the real world? Like,how how do we date these days?
So let me tell you what.At first, I think that there was
a stigma attached to apps. Yes, and people were like, oh my
god, I can't believe you metsome quality people on apps. But you
know what turned me onto apps?The lockdown everyone? Okay, everyone changed

(01:53):
them too. Funnily, Everybody's like, I can't get out into the real
world to meet real people, can'tmeet people at work? Where am I
going to find these people? AndI think just like, the isolation of
it just drove people to a spotwhere now it came to a place to
where now people were accepting of itbecause there was no other options. Yes,

(02:14):
okay, I being one of thosepeople. So in the past I
had created a profile, but Idon't think I really used it. Yeah,
I have a few out there,y'all, but most of them are
not active, like I might havemade it up once. No, two
points where I can't remember the pictures. I can't get back in. No,
seriously, I've locked myself out andI don't know. No, I

(02:37):
didn't even tried to get off ofany of these apps. Some of them.
I was just so frustrated. Ijust left them on because I'm trying
to unsubscribe. Listen, and they'reasking for things that I don't remember giving
you. Okay, how do Ibut listen? How did I currently how
did I find the person that I'mcurrently talking to? Though? Was I
not on the brink of deletion?I was about messaging no word of a

(02:58):
lie on my own life on myheadtop. I actually went in, and
I was at the point where Ihad gotten exasperated because the last person was
such a poor decision on my part. But it sets myself. I'm like,
you know what, You're not suitablefor human consumption at this point.
You're gonna need to now figure yourselfout and just take it back to the
lab because I need to cook itup in the kitchen back in the lab,

(03:22):
because I just knew At that point, I'm like, you know,
you know what, you're making thispoor decision. After it's like the same
guy over and over in different thesame person, it's the same person.
Two points where I was told almostjust like God, lets you take a
retests and I was just constantly takingthis horrible tests over and over, filing

(03:45):
repeatedly. Two points where I wasjust like, you know what, I'm
just I had almost relegated myself toa life of just being single. Yes,
I'm like, screw it. Atthe end of the day, I'm
just gonna get a really loyal dogand it's gonna be me my dog until
my dog dies or I die first. And like that was just gonna be
I'm like, I'm done. I'vegot my kids were good, but I
swear to you on my life.The day I was ready to delete the

(04:08):
profile, man showed up and Iwas like really yeah, I'm like,
I don't know what told me.Just last ditche just just like caught those
like I have nothing else to losethis boy, I have nothing else to
lose. Cash into the wind.Let's see what happens at this point.
Now, I messaged like, hey, what's good and he answered in a
way that was just like, ohmy god, no spelling errors. Oh

(04:30):
that was the first thing, like, oh my god, this guy can
spell. That's how low the barwas that. You know what, it's
accurate people. People, people willspell things deliberately. For slang. Yeah,
And there's a difference between being cuteand using slang just being completely literate.
And the line is so yet thatyou're just like spell check much it

(04:53):
is use grammarly braw something, something'san app It's not cute. It's not
cute in our age. I literallywrote, Oh, I'm gonna come over
and visit. I'm gonna come.I thought to myself, are you being
cute? Is a double entendre?Is this a pun? Or did you
just misspell? Are you trying tomissy? People? I was like,

(05:13):
that's so gross. They text theway they I don't know, it's it's
really weird even their emails now,is it the way they text? What
is that? I don't know.I don't know, Sorr. If you're
going off on a tangent, it'strue. Sorry, back to my story,
right. I was so disgusted withthe cum and the thing is he
held a high position at a bankhe was just he was good looking.
All the things were going well.That was definitely that. That was definitely.

(05:35):
It was dead in the wte Yeahin the water it is. I
read that something like in my ownmouth. Yeah. Done. It was
a rap for me, never tobe heard of again. Yes, he
vanished into the ether. I wasdone. So okay, so you've been
on dating site. I met somebodyout there, right, so sorry,

(05:55):
to continue with my story, Iwent off on a rambling tangent. Okay,
back to what I was saying.So he texted, well, and
I was like, whoa this guyhe's texting. Yeah, and it's making
sense. Yes, he's coherent.It's words, it's work. It's so
punctuation. Might listen punctuation. Iwas like, yo, No, he
didn't use a comment. I'm alreadyI'm already. I'm already married in my
own mind. Now right. Asentence ended, and he did use grab.

(06:24):
He did it. He didn't needits a. He had a diction,
a thesaurus, he had other words. Listening. I said, I'm
here for the education. That's that'sa thing. Though. Listen, my
mother always said to me, andGod knows well spoken man. Listen,
my mother always said to me,you know what you need to date people
at your own station hundred life atfirst, your own level. You're right,

(06:47):
And I thought your level or higher, right, you cannot go under.
And I thought, it's like,are you being elitist? Yes?
What a snod mine right now?Now? I embraced it. Yeah,
I embraced it. Or you're justlike no, people are no, people
are not people are not people,and not all people are suitable or created
equally or walkable, you know,like I can't know. You don't know

(07:10):
what fork to use when we're eatingand dining? What are you eating with?
What are you doing? Yeah?No? What were you raised that?
Have you seen many people going outon dates? I have? I
have seen a couple Okay, I'veseen a couple of like real howse dates
like dates? I know. Ithink I think um lockdown was the death
of the first date. Maybe.But do you know that there's actually an

(07:31):
etiquette too? This is what Icame to find out as I was you
know, we're talking about online.There's an etiquette, right, and there's
there's there's levels to it. Sothe first level is just an exchange on
the site, yes, right,yes, and the second level will be
like, hey, you know,did you want to go off site right
and talk? No? But onsocial media, so it's like, oh,

(07:51):
have on your Instagram, right,because I want you need to go
stroll through someone's Instagram. You needto create it. You need to create
ye, you need to stalk it, do whatever you whatever, whatever you
feel you need to do or tobe comfortable enough to get to the next
step. Yes. So usually thenext step after that's like, oh,
here's my hand or whatever or here'smy what's up? So then you're talking
on WhatsApp. Yes, that's rightafter that, it's just like, oh,
did you now want to FaceTime?Okay? Because right because remember on

(08:16):
Lockdown, it was like that's whenthat's when the advent of the zoom became
big, right right, right,So it was zoom, it was what's
up, it was hangouts, itwas whatever platform you could use to actually
see that person in person. Yes, and like date that way, like
oh did you want to get adrink? Yes, we can do together,
yes, and watch something together,watch something together, a movie together.

(08:37):
Let's watch a movie together, youknow what I mean. And it
was almost just like a renaissance,right, it was back to connecting on
things on the physical. So,speaking of that, do you have a
rule for physical like do you Ohmy god, you know what I mean.
I mean I always had any Forme. It was like anyone I

(08:58):
saw a potential with and someone i'dwant to get to know, I would
actually wait. I would wait forany physical you know, maybe a hug,
maybe you know, nice to see, yes, but I would you
know, maybe you do the kissthing because you need to know if that
spark is there, that's right.But when it comes to actual physical yeah,
I would wait. I think allmy boyfriends or you know, even

(09:20):
ex husbands or whatever, yeah,they waited. I don't think that that's
there. There's a hard and fastrule to your point with regards to how
long would be appropriate to it.But I do feel like there's something about
the way, there's something endearing.There's something endearing there is, and I
feel also it gives you a littlebit more context, a little bit of
an opportunity to delve deeper, becausewhen you when something matters to you,

(09:43):
it's almost like working for it makesthe thing more appealing. Yes, And
that's what I work about the onlinedating, That's what I liked about the
online dating, because for me,I would meet somebody online right I would
start talking to them and I wouldn'tmeet them right away, and for someone
you know, for and then youkind of get to weed out the ones

(10:05):
who are not worth your time.That's right. Better if you're not willing
to wait and have a conversation withme right for a few weeks, for
even a couple of months, youknow what I mean. If you're not
willing just to check just to havea conversation, yeah, then you're not
worth my time actually. But alsoright in that in that space of dating

(10:26):
online, didn't you also find thatyou could also look at other people's activities,
see when last they were on andwhat you have. You could,
But you know what, I neverreally did. It didn't bother me because
I'm like, we're all online,whether you're there all the time for whatever
reason or whether you know you're justchecking in on a Friday or whatever it
is. I wasn't really paying attentionto that to be I think it all
okay, Okay, there's a caveatto that. For me, Okay,

(10:50):
it all depended on how serious wewere or what they were saying. Yeah,
you know, it's almost like youcould almost feel the tone yes through
it. It was almost like apalpable kindne that you could kind of feel
and try to gauge where they're atbecause if they were talking like you know,
I really want to get to knowyou, and it seemed like they
had some serious intent behind us.But then you check and they're on it

(11:11):
every single day at the same time, but never reached out to you.
It's just right, right, Yeah, you just kicking gains. But I
never paid attention, like maybe becauseI mean, what you were looking for.
Maybe when you go on these things, I mean, I mean when
you first sign up to a lotof these apps, you're going to get
the most attention. That's right rightaway. So you know, you do
it and like what, in amatter of a day, you have your

(11:33):
right and just like okay, soyou kind of you know, go through
it. So sometimes people just fallto the side because you know, the
conversation isn't flowing. I don't likewhat you were saying. Maybe you weren't
feeling my vibe by what you knowwhat I mean, So people just kind
of get So I never paid attentionto how often they're on or whatever,
like you know, what I meanU when it came down to when I
finally start to meeting, so I'mlike, okay, let's let's take it

(11:56):
over. Let's you know, let'stalk on WhatsApp or or meet in person.
Although I didn't meet anyone in personand months later yep, I mean
you know, months later almost.I think the last one was like six
months later. I talked to himfor about six months and when he met
me, he actually said, hegoes, I don't do this. Oh,
I never had to do this.I've never had it. I never

(12:20):
had to do this. So isthat when he said I've never had to
do this? Was that like anego thing or was it just like a
sign of the times, like I'venever I think when he said it was
it was just a thing. Itwas he was just like wow, like
I've never done the sign like itlike it's okay. It was kind of
like that's not kind of like uhlike I never do this shit, like
you're making me do this, youknow, okay, because I'm look like,
listen, if it hadn't been foryou, I wouldn't be doing this.
Yeah, you know who I am. It wasn't like that. It

(12:41):
was kind of like, you know, he's like, you know, I
never do this. It's like we'vebeen talking for like six months, right,
and I never do this and weknow it. And it's funny because
when I had met that particular person, I was just like, obviously you
see each other on pictures, right, right, so the attractions there,
that's right, right, you aresending you know the attraction the attractions there,

(13:03):
right. So my always thing was, Okay, we know the attractions
there, right, So when wetalk and if that chemistry is still there
and if we actually move into talkingon the phone and then meeting in person,
yeah, like you know, everything'soffen Like it's good to go.
But it's just a matter of seeingbut that part of things, right.
But but isn't that the whole point? What are you gonna stringe somebody along?

(13:24):
And definitely like some people do that. There's this well there's this other
term. It's not ghosting anymore.No, it's something kind of like ghosting,
yeah, but not zombiing from it, like yes, yeah, like
they disappear, yeah, and thenall of a sudden they pop back up
and it's like, oh, hey, like nothing happened. I'm like,

(13:45):
oh, I guess you've been busyfor half a year. You know what
everything happens at that time. Ithink they go and they dabble in something,
and then that doesn't work out.You're like, you know, you
kind of pick like, okay,like I'm talking to three or four people
here, that's right. You know, I'm gonna go out. You know,
this one doesn't want to see meanytime soon, so I'm gonna go

(14:07):
with this next one. And theykind of dabble and they see and nothing
works out. So they come tolike, I still think we had that
connection. So they'll come back torevisit it, and they'll revisit it,
right God, they're yeah, yeah, they're being very grossery shows. There's
that. There's yeah, there's that. So am I too old for this?

(14:28):
This is the most exhausting. It'slike I just find it just so
depleting and exhausting sometimes. Yeah,do you know what I mean? It
is? It is? Sorry,just I guess continuing with my story again,
look at us going off from Tangacy. I know, Okay, So
back to what I was saying,So I um I had finally we had
finally decided that we meet, andthen something came up and we couldn't.

(14:48):
Yeah. So then finally he wasall like, hey, I'm in the
area, and I'm like, oh, perfect, it just will happened that
I have the availability. So,um, this is when the ma Ask
mandate was still a thing. Okay, so even strange, even more mystique
and mystery for reasons no one canunderstand. Yeah, and I had an
opportunity because so we met at amall actually, and he was shopping,

(15:13):
so before even approaching, I haveto admit that I stepped back and I
just kind of watched what he wasdoing and how he was interacted with people
to check out the vibe in thefirst place before even approaching. Yes,
because what if I went in andhe was just like being super arrogant or
rude to the sales staff or justye, I wanted to see someone like

(15:33):
show their ass. Yeah that's whatI wanted. Yeah, you want to
see what it looks like an areyou gonna act a fool? Yeah?
I mean, but like, um, I watch. I liked what I
saw, and he just seemed tobe just very calm and together and just
just a very kind of calm.The moment I stepped in, I had
no regrets. It's a very kindof calm and energy another person I had
like awesome emotional management. Set ittogether and it's like, okay, this

(15:56):
is a real feeling, real manenergy here, like I'm about this life.
See what happens now? Yeah,And even when he spoke, the
voice was like it was firm butcalm. Okay that it was yeah,
and see there's a line between confidenceand contacts, right right, and it
was just it was a very confident, calm voice. It was probably a
really good place at that point.It seemed like he was and I'm right

(16:18):
vibe with this, yes, yeah, and then it was just very respectful,
still kept our distance, still keptthat same conversation. Energy was still
there, and I was like,okay, because you know sometimes when you
see the person, you get reallyhype and then it just becomes sexual energy.
Yes, exchange quickly turned. That'sright, that's right. No,
energy was still the same amazing,so good, it's so far so good,

(16:42):
freaking not good that what is whatI mean? So I didn't want
to talk about it to Jing.Yeah you know what I mean. Almost
you heard it here a guy likeit happens it loves and romance and all
that does. And he's a gentleman, like does he open the doors?
Like these are choirement. I havenot stepped in a vehicle yet, and

(17:03):
he has not opened the door opened. It's important. Why do people think
you should not open a door?Why do people stop bringing flowers? Why?
No, it does not need tobe dead. It should be alive.
And men need to understand this,okay, and women need to understand
this. So what's our responsibility?Women? Feet? We can stop jumping

(17:27):
in feet first, head first whenwe're getting nothing, nothing in return.
What happened according Oh that that wasthat died until the until the pandemic happened.
Well, no, it needs tocome back because the pandemic has gone
apparently, people you know what Imean? So have we reverted back?
I don't think the world has kindof changed since pandemic. Are not gonna

(17:48):
lie. People have changed personality.The world has gone a little mad since
pandemic. But relationships are still there. People still want to do these things.
Yeah, although during the pen there'sbeen a lot of divorce and separations
because people were in close quarters andthere's no moment of reprieve before you went
like ey ten twelve hours a daywithout seeing your partners. All of a

(18:08):
sudden you realize you don't like thisperson at all. Sometimes you don't even
like your kids. We don't likeour partners, We don't like our kids.
What life are we living? Right? Tell you? So, I
have family who is now who nowcrossed over and went to law enforcement,
and he was just saying, likethe amount of domestics that were lockdown big

(18:29):
times were ridiculous and astounded big time. What we mean because people were just
doing they had to keep the liquorstore open as an essential service. That's
the thing that killed me. I'mlike, so I can't have access to
certain things on the shelf, butalcohol you have to for people to cope,
just for people to cope, becausethe ones who are already alcoholics that
we're being able to get it,we're now being extra domestic at you know,

(18:51):
domestic abuse at home. Hum.And then it's just to keep them
at bait, that's right. Soit's basically just just something to tranquil and
person the path. That is nuts. It is nuts. But yeah,
So I'm glad that you've found someonein dating. I'm hoping I find somebody.
It'd be nice. But here's saythat I say that somebody to what,

(19:15):
right, that's the question, youknow what, I want somebody to
spend time with. Like, soyou want companionship, I do want to.
I do want companionship. It'd benice. It would just be nice
to have something to go out withevery now and then I go by myself
sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that. I think you should start going out
with yourself first before you invite otherpeople. Because, yes, to be

(19:36):
honest, and I do that.I will take myself out to lunch,
I will go watch a move.I have no problems hanging out by myself.
Well, I love I really enjoymy own company, right and I
can never be bored because of allthe voices in my head. Just how
about that? Right, every woman? How about that? Literally? Literally
everyone, Barbie, but don't dothat. I cannot can't. I am

(19:57):
with you. And if anyone knows, they know I love a Barbie.
So it's a big fact. Also, you know what I was thinking,
Let's circle back to what we're sayingin terms of chivalry, right, yeah,
and like you know bouncing that energyback, Yeah, that energy to
me, it looks like two things, right, Number one, it actually
looks like appreciation, yes for thethings that they've done, yes, but

(20:18):
also getting out of your that headspacewhere you can extend kindness and acts of
gratitude and genuine kindness to them too, because like, why can't we is
it? Because like I understand thatwe enjoy this idea of chivalry or our
direction, but like can the wordyeah, what can we not reciprocate thing
too? I think you can.And I also think that has a lot

(20:41):
to do with love languages, true, right, gift giving and stuff like
that. It's a love language,true. So you know, if you
know your person who likes when someoneshows up with flowers for you or something
like that, then I think naturallyyou'll probably be the person who will give
something back. For instance, youknow, I went out with somebody not
too long ago, someone from mypast actually, and I went out with

(21:03):
them, and you know, theytold me they were into doing this new
like a yoga hobby type of athing, but they were embarrassed to do
yoga around other people kind of athing. Right, So for me,
I'm just like, you know what, I'll go get a yoga mat that
has all the poses on it.Yeah, So that you can go do
yoga in your room. No onewill see you. You're doing your poses,
no one will ever know, butyou can practice your yoga, you

(21:25):
know what I mean. So forme, it's like, Okay, I
thought, you know, you saidsomething to me. Yeah right, I
thought this might be something cute seeor kind of something you might maybe or
may not use or appreciate. Butto me that would be that was active
listening, like live and also anact of consideration. Right, Yeah,
I mean like I took in andbooked the fact that the idea of being

(21:48):
around other people was maybe stressful orembarrassing, right, but it was an
activity that this person enjoyed. Soyou decided to combine the two and come
up with something genius. Right?Was the person appreciative? I think so?
I think so. But the reasonI also would have done that was
because that person showed me right kindnesstoo. Right. They're like, okay,

(22:11):
you're working late, I'm going topick you up. Come on,
right, I'm gonna pick you upafter one. I'm gonna take you somewhere
to hang out. We haven't spokento each other in years, come on,
and I mean years, I meanmore than fifteen years. Right,
I haven't seen you, spoken toyou more than fifteen years. I'm gonna
come pick you up. We're gonnahang out. That is, you know
what I mean. And it's justlike time, that is a long time.

(22:32):
That's a lot of time to thatis one night catching Like, is
one night enough to catch up onfifteen years? It's not? Yes and
no. And that's another thing.I find that as much as things change,
a lot of things do say thesame. Okay, so yeah,
and I mean, like, ifyou're literally catching up, it doesn't take
that long. We catch up allthe time. It's true, Right,
we could not talk for months ata time, even a year at a
time possibly, But when we catchup, it takes a few hours that

(22:56):
we're all caught up. Good.You know what it is, You know
what it is. I think it'sa matter of being able to weed out
what the highlights are, Yeah,Jamie, we don't need to niggle over
the minutia of all the craps.Yes, yes, just give me the
best, ye and give me theworst. Yes. I want I want
the highlight. Really tell me what'sgoing on? Yes, what's popping and
what's not yet popped? And what'spop, What pop down? And what

(23:21):
pop? Tell me that? Andwe've been a lot of pop down situation.
Oh my god, another day,another story, another another episode,
next episode. Because we've been throughit listen, and came through and came
gone through it. We transcended,ascended one hundred percent much needed though.
I think we needed that. Yeah, that was that that that we had

(23:45):
different times, y'all. Listen,we had different times listen. Wildness,
Yeah, yeah, those things thatI hadn't Truthfully, honestly, it's things
I hadn't lived myself or witnessed withmy own eyes, probably would not have
believed it. Listen you, I'msure we both have in our heads flashbacks.

(24:10):
Oh my god. The foolishness.Oh that was our word for some
time. Do you remember the foolishWe would just message each other and be
like, it's the foolishness. What'shappened? Foolishness? It was a lot
of foolishness, That whole notion ofyou're the culmination of all the decisions to
ever made to this point. Yeah, it was just like, what the
hell decisions am I making? Yes? I need to make It was almost

(24:30):
like making decisions differently in a panicnow, Yeah, like I need to
Here's okay, here's a million dollarquestion. If you could undo a redo,
uh huh a certain portion in yourlife, would you ought to do
it knowing that would change everything elseafter? You don't even know, we

(24:52):
don't even know what it is thereone, Yes, there is there a
moment of time in your life thatyou could have done without that you feel
that you would still be the youthat you are now. Oh, and
still be that you by you thatyou are now. I think so.
I think there's certain things I wouldhave changed going back in the day.
I specifically have the top three.I've been musing over this and mulling and

(25:14):
showing my mental clite over this wonway for how long we'll talk about that
another episode, another episode? Yeah, well, we'll definitely delve into that.
Yes, I think the do over, the duel the staples like that
was easy. Do over switch IfI can't get that crap to you right
now? Yes, are you hittingit? And for what moment? Oh
that's a good one. Yeah,yes, yeah, do over? Yeah,

(25:36):
because I know, I know fora fact, even though things were
kind of dicey, there's some thingsI probably wouldn't do over because I understand
how they end the end, butthere's some crap that literally like why four?
Why come? Yes? Yeah?Why purpose of this? What did
what was this? I still can'teven you know, sometimes you look back
and like, yo, that wasrough, but I understood the takeaway.

(26:00):
Yes, there's some things in lifeand I think these are the things are
the most. These are things aretorment me the most because I can't.
I can't, for the life ofme, understand what the takeaway was.
Yeah, yeah, that's true,because you're just like, Okay, I
get I gone through this, butwhat was the lesson here? What was
it? What was it for?What was it? Why I just do
that to myself? For why Ihave to go through this? Why why

(26:22):
did I do that to me?Well? Yeah, for no reason?
No, no, damn reason,damn reason. We ain't that's like,
what what's that song where she sayswe ain't got no, we ain't got
no kids. We we we hadno property, we had no kids,
we had nothing joining us, Butyet I was there for like why?
Yes? And that's another thing,is it only do we stay a long

(26:47):
around too long if there's kids notinvolved. Sometimes we do even when there's
kids involved. I think even whenthere's kids, I feel like sometimes there
is um a moment where things aredone. Yeah, but we we stay
long past that time. And Ithink that actually is what causes resentment.
It does staying longer than it does. It does, it really does do

(27:08):
what I mean? And what hasyou doing that is your ego? Is
it the fact that you feel thatother people may judge you for that's a
lot of those. I think ithas to do with ego. Yeah,
I think it depending on what's happeningright. Um, you know, sometimes
you don't want that person to behappy. Yeah, so you know you
cut off your note, your ownnose to spite your face kind of a
thing. Um, pettiness and pettiness, financial reason, There's different reasons that

(27:32):
triss people not to just leave orstuff. But it's true a lot of
times we do stick around. AndI think the fear is what makes us
not progress because we're scared. Okay, how am I going to financially support
myself? Real? How am Igoing to tell my family, my religious
family, or my that this ishappening, that I'm leaving this person?
Right? How? You know whatI mean? I've hidden it for so

(27:56):
long, you know, like it'sgoing to come out of nowhere, but
not really. No one lives inyour home, right, So right,
that's a tough one. I think. I think, um, there comes
a point where you're just like,you know what, like keeping the lie
alive is killing me? Yes,yes, you know what I'm saying.
Yes, And that point, yeah, I think it really doesn't weighs on

(28:18):
you. That's it, right,because you have to keep up with it.
And it's just like you know howa lie is, man, you
know already how the weight, thefull weight and the gravity of that lie
bro will have you in a bindemotionally, financially, spiritually, getting me
physically, everything. You turn toa different person. Literally, I look

(28:38):
at pictures. Do you know thatI've actually looked at pictures of my former
self in the midst of stuff,and I can tell, yes, stuff
happened. Yes, it's like mywhole key too, if your eyes are
different, my whole countenance and myyes, everything like I feel like even
my skin was dull. Yes,it makes me sense, it does.
Does that make sense? The radiantI used to say, the sparkle in
your eye goes, it's gone.For me, it was gone no sparkling.

(29:00):
I would look at myself. Iremember looking at myself in the mirror
and being like, who where areyou in? There? Where all come
back? Where literally the radiant changewas gone. I was just like it
changed. What the actual hell?It definitely changes, you listen. I
just feel like I'm glad that thatmoment is over and I'm just like in

(29:22):
a better place with myself. Soeven with how things are going right now
in my life, and I feellike I'm blessed for that to happen.
Even if the slightest was to change, I'm still in a better place than
I was and in a better spaceto be able to handle what quoit or
could not happen. That makes thesense, ye, Jamie, Like,
I feel like I don't. Idon't like the success of my relationship is

(29:45):
not I don't measure myself or byby the success of my relationship. Yeah,
it makes thee sense. It doesn'tmake sense, Jamie, Like,
I don't. I don't hold myselfin that space where you know I defined
myself by my relationship. Yeah.Yeah, and you shouldn't, Jamie.
You know, I feel like I'mmulti for a lot of people do that.
They define themselves by the relationship they'rein who they're with, right,

(30:07):
you know what I mean? So, so think about it. If that
relationship fails, then then you're afailure and you're a failure. You've equated
your relationships. That's what you're into, that's where you are, right,
It's what you ram this couple.I am just it's not something that
you're in, it's something that youare. That you are that makes these
No, it doesn't make sense,It doesn't make which is wild. So
I don't know, but yeah,you know, oh sorry, circling back

(30:27):
to the idea, because I thinkour initial talk was just like dating after
children, right, yeah. Sothe next thing about that was just like
when would it be appropriate do youthink to like introduce your children or your
family to this person, to thenew person. I think the age of
the kids has a lot to dowith it. Facts, I think the

(30:47):
amount of time you might have beenout of your last relationship has a lot
to do with it. Um.For me, I think I would take
the idea of when the kids arecomfortable, are you ready to meet somebody
yet? Do you know what Imean? Because I think I always try
to take their not opinion, buttheir feelings into consideration makes sense. So

(31:10):
if they're not ready to meet somebody, I'm not going to push it on
them. However, when I domeet somebody, right off the bat,
they know I have children right rightoff the bat. That they know they're
the most important things. Right offthe bat. They know my time might
be limited because outside of working crazyhours, I have kids. So if
you're coming into my life and I'mcoming into your life, you'll have to
understand that. Yeah, and viceversa. If you have children, the

(31:33):
same thing, right, I wouldhope for full disclosure. What do you
mean I hear about some secret child? After having stopped this happened, I
knew this. I met this guy. I hate this already. I met
this guy and I significantly asked him, do you have children? I no,
No, he does not have thechildren. There's no kid, no
children, none to speak of,not that he knew of at that moment.

(31:56):
He said, one day he callsme one day, No, no,
didn't. He sends a voice notenice, but in the back of
the voice note you hear a littlea kid yeah in the voice, And
I was like, okay, maybeniece, maybe whatever, right, right,
right? So you know. SoI send back a voice no,
and then you're talking talking It's like, oh, and who said baby in
the background? Right, baby,let's sound like a little kid, right,
a little one. Who's a littleone in the background? Yeah,

(32:19):
thing, my niece? Oh thisis my niece. Oh okay, that's
cool. Oh you got your niece? Yeah? Cool, baby, your
baby? Sit your knees? Right? I didn't know. Okay, is
that a thing? I don't know? Maybe it is? Okay, Oh
cool? Yeah, Amy not okay, sure, here we go. So
then like a week later, don'tdo this a week later? Um,
going back to the instruct I neverwent through his social or anything like that.

(32:39):
Right, one day he sends,Oh, I'm applying for this other
job. Can you be my reference? Okay? Your voice? You know?
Can we know each other well enoughfor this? Can I vouch for
you? I cannot, but askedme if I could be. So I
was just like, He's like,okay, so if they call you,
you know, my knee And itwasn't the name that I knew him by,

(33:00):
okay, So I was like,weird, this is a different name,
right, I'm like, this isa different name. Batman, you
know, he goes, yeah,oh that's my middle name and no.
So I was like, okay,So at this point, now I'm curious.
Right, So now I go onthe Instagram and I look in the
name, right, and the namepops up and his daughter. I can't

(33:21):
do this, right, a pictureof him holding his daughter. How daddy
blah blah blah. Girls right,So I so I said, so,
I'm like, and I sent ascreenshot. Oh god, And I sent
it to him and I said,I said, she's so cute a little
girl in the picture. She's socute your daughter. I love this.
How did you get that picture?Your social went I went to church Jesus

(33:46):
belt. Yes, so yeah,so needless to say, yeah, that's
no more. That was like,no, who lies about their kid in
these days? Come on, you'rean adult, you're grown up with people
have kids, but why can't you? But why can't you have kids?
So he just thought he'd be sexierwithout being a maybe maybe but it was

(34:07):
gross? So then, how soat what point were you going to find
out when you're how deep in this? I don't know? Share? Oh
incidentally, by the way, yeah, that it was my daughter, that
was my daughter? SI? Yeah, yeah, yeah he didn't think that.
Throw he didn't unless he just thoughthe wanted me as a hookup,
and then I would that would neverhave come then why but like, why

(34:30):
not be transparent? I mean,if I'm offering you this information, if
it's just a hook up, thenit's then what's the problem? Doesn't say
it's envoyd. She's not going tobe a problem for me, and my
kids are not going to be aproblem for you because we know what it
is or Adlon eating and what's abig deal. Well, I can't do
this. These are the days.Yeah, yeah, oh my god,
this is this is what made mewant to delete my stuff from the first
place. Definitely, I'm talking aboutI've met, you know, on online.

(34:53):
I've met some great guys. I'vealso met some really creepy and weird
ones. And weird ones are onlyin for sex obviously and stuff like that.
You're going to get those, thegood looking ones with no personality and
not attractive ones with great personalities.Let me talk about the good looking ones.
If no personalities, I almost feellike they feel like my looks speak

(35:14):
for themselves. They've never taken thetime to cultivate anything. Yeah, they've
never taken the time to cultivate anythingthey don't need to be. I think
women operate that way too, tobe honest. Yes, yes they have
these They can get anything they want. No one says no to them,
every privilege. It's just like theyhave this like weird, flatline, vapid

(35:34):
conversation where this dead exchange of awfulnessand you're just like, you know what,
I'd rather just watch my grass grow, watch the paint dry, watch
that. That's actually literally more interestinginteresting in here and talking to What are
you talking about? Though? Nothing? I have been on dates whereas very
attractive, you know, you're mytype, mishish, you know, yes

(36:00):
for you, and then there's nothing. All of it is is about themselves
always. But is it like acell or is it just them basically?
You know what I feel like doing. I feel like we should always just
walk with mirrors and just pop themirrors up and leave. You want to
talk to you? At this point, I feel like it's all about you.
Just want to talk to you,It's not about me being here.

(36:21):
Yeah, you're literally just what areyou doing? Yeah? I just get
to observe you, you know thatthe whole the whole um, the whole
movement of being the main character.Yes, I feel like they've taken it
to the nth degree. Yes,Or it's just like they're the only one
that they're the only one in themovie. Yeah, the only you play
a cameo, if the character supportingactor, all of it charrector the whole
one. They're the one man showand you're just there to witness it.

(36:44):
It's true, and I'm just like, what the hell am I here for?
It's true, right, It's true. Exhausting, yeah, exhausting.
Yeah, but I do find thatI I initially online, I kind of
get drawn to those toxics. Hate. I hate it. But why does
that happen? I don't know.I feel like people are like, you
know, we have to vet peoplea little better, Yes, differently now?

(37:05):
Yes? Right? How because theylie at first? I feel like
everybody shows up with as their ownrepresentative. Yes, right. I enjoy
the profiles that they say on it, what their faults are. I like
those tell me that writer's parency.I like it. There's people like,
listen, this is how I am. Yeah, I will you know,
stop you if you reject me?Yeah, And I'm like, oh,

(37:25):
I don't want to be stopped.So it's a past for me, right,
I will you know what I mean, Craig crazy and me sometimes thinks
every rite does every And I couldsay he made me crazy. Not really,
I don't think so. No.Sometimes though you might have pushed a
couple button might yes, you sugar, Yeah, but you still have you
are you are your own you haveyour own crazy. Yeah, there's levels

(37:47):
to that, and you're right owncrazy. Just own it. Yeah.
I think I'm gonna update my profileand what it means. I'm going to
put my I can be crazy,I still put it there. Fair.
It is fair. I like that. For you it is, and for
others in the world, like itmakes sense to them it is. It
is also you know, and youknow, I like what you said about

(38:08):
it depends on the age of thechildren. Yeah, because if your children
are adult children, yes, isn'tnecessary no, yeah, h no,
I guess you have to say whatyour relationship is like with your children,
right, right too. So there'sso many conditions. There is conditions,
there's a lot of things that haveto be taken. But say that everything
is good to say. The kidssay, I want you to go dating

(38:30):
somebody, and you know, whoeveryou didn't want to meet them and all
that kind of stuff. How howlong would I wait? I think,
I wait until I know that theperson is serious about me, because I'm
not introducing different dates to my kids? What does that just because you imagine?
No, just because, No,it has to be a serious,
committed imagine this is just a slamkids, No, it's my new slam.

(38:52):
But yeah, boy, that's all. This is the kind that's all
it is. Tinder twenty nineteen dollarright, that was a fun year.
Tinder twenty nineteen was good for Imissed out. I missed out on Twitter.
I liked twin, I liked Twitterand twenty nineteen people. I thought
people were hinging now or people onhit. That's a new thing. That's
hinge hinge one now. Bumble,I'm on bumble. I do like a

(39:15):
bumble because bumble, the woman talksfirst. You initiate, you match,
ye, but then the woman isthe one who's initiating. You have twenty
four hours to do it, Okay, and yeah, so yeah I like
bumble. Okay, match, Iwent on. I found guys on match
before. Okay, but my mostsuccess has been bumble. Huh. Yeah,

(39:37):
Well, you know what what aboutOkay, Cupid, I haven't done
that one, but I heard otherpeople doing that one. Did you do
that one? I did? That'ssomeone you did, right, I did
that Cupid. That sounds like it'sa thing though. Okay, for like
more mature people, I haven't seenvery many young you know, their age
brackets. Maybe that's why I haven'tseen yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm
not looking yeah, or any kindof ja. Yeah. Well, I

(39:58):
haven't been active on this for sometime. Yeah, because what I wanted
before isn't the same as what Iwant now from when I first you know,
you evolved as a person, oryou change your mind. I'm a
woman's yeah, it's prerogative talks,you know. So I changed. So
now I have to change maybe theapp, maybe stay on the same app,

(40:21):
I don't know, but update myprofile of it because my requirements are
now different, right, or whatI want? That's no, I think
the word requirements was appropriate. Yeah, yeah, it is. It is
what you require now. Yeah.You know, you're no longer change by
with certain things. You've evolved andthese are requirements. Yeah, you know,
and maybe maybe that's the key toattracting a different kind of person now

(40:43):
it has to be, of courseit is. Let me know, I'll
let you know. I'll let youall know how it goes. All right,
I'm gonna update maya dating profile andsee who I meet. All right,
let you guys know. Um,yeah, well you know what time
is coming. That's it. Soyou know, this is the wrap up

(41:04):
for our first question. So tunein next week. Come in next week.
I hope you guys enjoyed it.Let us know. We're gonna tell
you that much. We're always goingto enjoy it because whether you guys do
or not, we have a goodtime to hang it out with each other.
So next time on Talk to Talk, Lady, V and K will
be here. So we love youguys. Peace out later next time.