June 12, 2025 • 26 mins
In this powerful solo episode, host Michelle Taylor gets real about a topic too many women avoid: what happens when your romantic partner is quietly sabotaging your wealth-building journey. From hidden debt and lack of ambition to outdated gender roles and unfair financial burdens, Michelle breaks down the subtle red flags that could be costing you more than just money.
Whether you're dating, living together, or already in a committed relationship, this episode will challenge you to rethink what a financial partnership should look like and how to protect yourself along the way. With actionable tips, candid insight, and heartfelt personal stories, Michelle empowers you to reclaim your financial voice and build a future aligned with your goals.
Key Topics:
👉 Tag a friend, send it to the group chat, and let’s change the way women think and feel about money, together.
Connect with Michelle: https://www.instagram.com/women_in_wealth
Ready to Redefine Wealth on Your Terms?
It's Here: Join the Women in Wealth community, a robust network of ambitious women, access expert-led workshops, and gain resources to take control of your financial journey.
Join today: https://womeninwealth.co/
Whether you're dating, living together, or already in a committed relationship, this episode will challenge you to rethink what a financial partnership should look like and how to protect yourself along the way. With actionable tips, candid insight, and heartfelt personal stories, Michelle empowers you to reclaim your financial voice and build a future aligned with your goals.
Key Topics:
- Financial red flags in relationships
- The myth of the “provider” role
- Healthy ways to discuss money with your partner
- Why chemistry is not a substitute for compatibility
- Protecting your credit and your peace
- Redefining balance in modern relationships
👉 Tag a friend, send it to the group chat, and let’s change the way women think and feel about money, together.
Connect with Michelle: https://www.instagram.com/women_in_wealth
Ready to Redefine Wealth on Your Terms?
It's Here: Join the Women in Wealth community, a robust network of ambitious women, access expert-led workshops, and gain resources to take control of your financial journey.
Join today: https://womeninwealth.co/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's know's welcome, talk Welcome we Talk Wealthy to Me.
I'm Michelle Taylor, founder of Women and Well and Wealth.
From breaking money myths to building wealth and achieving financial freedom.
We're here to empower you to create your own path
path Talk Wealth. Now, join the conversation and let's change
the way women think and feel about money. Are you ready? Hi, everybody,
(00:27):
Welcome back to the Talk Wealthy to Me podcast. I'm Michelle,
your host, and I'm happy to have you here again.
So let's talk about something that we don't talk about enough.
What happens when you are in a relationship or madly
in love with somebody who is keeping you from building wealth.
(00:47):
I know that that can sound a little crazy, but
I think it happens more often than you think it does.
I want you to take a second to realize that
this is not about bashing who you're with, but truly
just making sure that you're in alignment with each other.
You can be dating a walking red flag financially and
(01:09):
not even know it because we've been taught to prioritize
chemistry over compatibility. So don't get me wrong. You don't
want to not be compatible with someone, but I think
that it's really important that you have chemistry and that
you're financially compatible with someone. How they deal with money,
(01:29):
what kind of debt they're bringing into the situation, how
they plan for their future, all super important things to
talk about. One of the clients that I have really
learned a lot from in this situation, she was crushing
it new promotion saving aggressively, and then she moved in
with her boyfriend and within six months a lot of
(01:50):
the hard work and big stride she had made were diminished.
And that was because she was footing so much of
the responsibilities have a second person in her day to
day sphere and didn't really know how to manage that
with somebody who she had a ton of chemistry with
but that wasn't pulling their weight financially. So I want
(02:14):
you guys to think about again, this is not a negative.
And if you're already in a situation where somebody is
your better half or other half, it doesn't mean that
you need to get out of a relationship. It just
means we need to be really intentional about the conversations
that we're having and making sure that we're on the
same page when it comes to financially planning for a
(02:37):
future that you're building with someone. It's not just about
love and chemistry, all right. So when you're thinking through this,
remember you deserve a partner and not a dependent. Some
of the red flags that you want to look for
inconsistent or unstable income without a plan or a hustle
to back it up. Now, this doesn't mean that the
(03:01):
person that you're in a relationship with has to be
a C suite executive or running a fortune five hundred company.
But what it does mean is that there should be
some drive around providing consistently financially to your situation. If
the income is not consistent, the hope would be that
(03:23):
they are looking for ways to have a side hustle
or grow in their career to make sure that the
financial stability they need to bring to the table is
on the forefront of their mind and they're not just
relying on you to provide it. Another thing you want
to talk about is hidden debt or reluctance to share
their financial background or their financial picture. Now, it may
(03:47):
not seem like a big deal in the moment. If
the person that you're sharing your life with has a
lot of debt and I want to preface this by
saying I'm not talking about student loan debt. That is fine.
As I've mentioned in many episodes, financial debt. When you're
looking at the big picture, student loan debt is not
considered negative. It's considered a positive because it was building
(04:08):
something for your future. So I'm talking about other debt,
personal loans, revolving credit card debt, things that could be
a red flag. If they're opening up a credit card
to save a little bit of money on financing, anything
like that you want to know about because if you
start to build a life with someone, you're inevitably going
(04:29):
to have to apply for credit or different investment opportunities together,
and if they have a ton of credit card debt
or bad credit, that is going to significantly impact you. Again,
if that's the case, it doesn't mean it's a negative,
but you all should have a conversation, an honest one,
(04:49):
about what the plan is around debt and how they're
going to address it, because the reality is is, just
like with investments and tax strategy, somebody's tolerance to debt
can widely differentiate them from the next person in a room.
So people oftentimes will be really concerned about personal debt,
(05:13):
and then somebody else is not and thinks it's no
big deal, And that is something that you need to
have a good clear understanding on before you get further
down the road with someone that you're sharing credit with.
The next thing is lack of ambition and vision. You again,
are so blessed if you are somebody who has passion
(05:34):
around what they're doing. And I want to be perfectly clear,
not everybody has that vision, and that is okay. However,
you want to make sure that the ambition is not lacking.
For some people living a very mundane life of just
working nine to five and never striving for the growth
(05:58):
in a career or the growth financially, that is their
journey and that's okay. But you want to make sure
that if your vision for the next one three five
years looks differently, that you identify that in the very beginning.
Hustle and drive and ambition are critical when you're talking
about spending your life with someone. Again, not that one
(06:20):
is better than the other, but just that you both
are on the same page, because those two things will
not vibe together if you're on different stratospheres. And then
the last thing you really think about is is the
person that you're sharing in your life with disrespecting your goals?
Are they supporting you? Or are they making side remarks
(06:43):
or jokes about how you're spending and how you're saving.
And then when you are doing good financially, maybe there's
comments like, oh, you have a good job or you
have discipline around these financial things. So it makes you
come across as entitled or thinking you're better. Ladies, do
(07:04):
not tolerate any of that. That is not the kind
of partner that you want to share your life with.
And it is truly part of the most important decision
you'll ever make. And I heard that comment. I'm sure
you guys have heard it. But who you choose to
spend your life with is the number one decision you
will make to dictate what kind of life that you live.
(07:27):
So if you're getting any kind of you know, side
jabbing or jokes being made at your expense that call
into question the disciplines and the habits that you have,
have a real conversation about that so that the person
that you're with knows that it is not okay. They
need to get on board with what you're working towards.
(07:47):
Or get off the train, all right. So this one
is super close to my heart because I am lucky
enough and have been blessed with a partner that is
comfortable with kind of the gender roles and money and
how that all works. My husband, I could not do
any of the things that I do in this life,
(08:08):
whether it is spending time with my kids and making
sure that I'm present there, growing a business, hosting a podcast, traveling,
being a friend, a daughter, a niece, all of those
things I could not do without him. And when we
first met, his goal was always to give me the
(08:31):
rope that I needed to run, because I knew I
wanted to build something really significant. And what that means
is there are plenty of times that he's taking the
back seat to some of the financial decisions that we
need to make, or the picking up some of the
slack that comes with having to have late nights at
(08:51):
the office or a travel schedule with the kids, and
again he's comfortable with that, and that has made all
of the difference. So I want to encourage everybody to
take the gender roles and what we traditionally have grown
up thinking and challenge that narrative and find a partner
that will challenge that narrative. So let's talk about the
(09:13):
idea of a provider and how that gets twisted. Being
a provider doesn't necessarily mean just a financial provider. There
are so many different ways to provide for a family,
and it's really important that everybody is on the same page.
So traditionally, we grew up thinking that the man was
a provider and the woman was a caretaker, and that
(09:34):
doesn't always match reality. I don't know about you, guys,
but I've seen this said before and it is so true.
Women are expected to hustle like a CEO and then
raise their kids like they're a stay at home mom.
And I don't need to tell you, but that is impossible,
and so having a partner that understands that those roles
(09:55):
could be a little bit shifted is critical. Women are
expecting to be the emotional and financial backbone of a relationship,
and then they feel guilty about asking questions. I know,
even for me and mom and my mother in law.
I don't mean to put you on blast, but there
are so many times that I've had to remind them.
(10:16):
Would you be saying this to me if it were Jason?
That was traveling or are you just saying it because
I am not fitting into the traditional gender role that
you guys grew up with. And they both said, oh
my god, you're totally right. I think that that's so
important is call it out. It's never I don't think,
in at least this situation, it's never done with malice
(10:39):
or ill intent. But it is just something that we've
been raised with and it's been ingrained in us from
the very beginning. Address it now so that there's no
animosity and build out what works for your family. Also
when you're thinking through what these provider caretaker roles look like,
(11:00):
So some of the imbalances that show up are not
just around the financial imbalance of who's staying home and
who's the one that's going out and working later nights,
but also splitting everything fifty to fifty. If someone's income
is half of what the others is, that doesn't really
(11:20):
seem fair all the time, especially if you're in a
relationship where there's you guys aren't married, you're not sharing accounts.
So think with me for a second about somebody who is,
let's say, starting a new business and they're bringing in
fifty thousand dollars a year. They're married to somebody that's established,
and maybe that person is making one hundred and fifty
(11:40):
thousand dollars a year. For them to split all of
the bills fifty to fifty would have a much higher
impact on the person that only is bringing in a
third of what the other person is bringing. So it
doesn't matter if it's the man or the woman. It
doesn't matter if it's the one that's staying home. Maybe
their business is based at home and they're doing exceptionally well,
(12:02):
and the other person is the one going out and
working in nine to five that's maybe not at the
same level that they're at. It doesn't matter who it is.
It just matters that how you're contributing to the household
or your family should be indicative of the salary and
where you all are at. That is going to prevent
people from feeling like they are either inadequate or not
(12:25):
getting enough of a say because they're not bringing enough
into the family. It should definitely be a cohesive conversation,
but one that feels fair. The other thing is one
person managing all of the bills. This gets really hard,
and I can speak from experience. Sorry, babe. But I
(12:46):
think it partly is because so many of us may
just be Type A personalities and used to being in
control and making big decisions that sometimes it's hard to
let your partner in and share that responsibility. And I
think that that's really important. One person should not be
responsible for all of the financial ins and outs of
(13:09):
a household. You need to be splitting the responsibility, having
those money dates that we've talked about before, and really
encouraging the other person to ask questions, know what you're
working towards, know what bills are due and when they're due,
and how that fits into your overall strategy. The other
thing I would say is investing in your future and
(13:31):
you have a partner that's maybe living paycheck to paycheck
by choice. This again goes back to spending habits, and
I'm the first to say that that can be something
that's a little intimidating, especially if you're not married. But
if you're just living your life with someone, it's hard
to feel that you can dictate how they're spending their money.
(13:51):
And I can relate to that. I understand. However, when
you're talking about bringing funds into a household together or
a like overall financial plan. Together, you want to make
sure that one person isn't doing all of the investing,
in all of the saving, and the other person is
(14:13):
spending frivolously and doing things that are important to them
and not pulling their weight with building the big picture.
So love is not a financial plan. If you're building alone,
it certainly won't work. You are in a partnership and
this is not a project, and you are not supposed
(14:35):
to be molding the person you're with. Now. I understand
being patient and working with someone because you love them,
that's fine. But if you see a trend that they
don't want to change, don't want to have the same conversations,
they could get to a point where they are holding
you back financially, and that is something that you will
never recover from, especially if you get married and the
(14:58):
trajectory of your life look different forever. So have those
conversations today and make sure that you're on the same page. Okay,
so how do we have these conversations? Transparency is key.
Financial transparency should not wait until you're engaged. You should
be having the conversations now before you get to a
(15:21):
point where things are really serious, just to make sure
that you're either at the same place or working towards
the same place. I want to give you permission to
ask the hard questions, and I don't want you to
sound like it's an interrogation, because that's never going to
feel fun. You don't want this conversation to take place
(15:41):
in an environment where someone could feel defensive or like
they were being attacked. So some of the things you
may want to say when you're thinking through this is, Hey,
I've been thinking about how we handle money as a couple.
Can we both lay out where we're working with and
what we're doing and see if it's in a alignment
for the future that we're planning together, or what does
(16:04):
financial security look like to you? What are your goals
in the next three to five years. Are you open
to looking at our monthly expenses together and seeing what's
working and what's not working. I think that again, women
in general have been taught to not operate in the
space where things can get uncomfortable. We are always taught
(16:27):
to be conservative, be quiet, don't be loud, don't be
too much, don't talk about money, don't talk about politics,
don't talk about religion. All of these things in my
opinion have held us back. So be the one to
bring up the conversation, even if you're not the primary breadwinner.
I know that can be even harder. But if you
are in a situation where you feel you're making really
(16:47):
good financial decisions, have the conversation. Have it in a
non confrontational way, make it feel collaborative, and let's normalize.
Bringing back the second date money question. So you go
on a first date or you're in the honeymoon phase
of a relationship, make sure you understand this. You are
(17:09):
not a gold digger. You are not focused on money
in a way that would be unhealthy if you just
ask your partner if you're financially aligned. You are committed
to building a life and a future that you envision
for yourself. You want to build wealth and you want
to have somebody with you that's doing the same thing. Now,
(17:31):
don't ask them what they make when you guys are
brand new, but start to pepper in questions that don't
feel intrusive, because you will start to get a good
idea of exactly what kind of conversations need to happen
in the beginning, and keep a healthy conversation going throughout
the lifetime of your relationship. Okay, so what do we
(17:53):
do if you're already in a relationship where you feel
that you're carrying a lot of the financial load. If
you're already doing it all, you need a plan that
doesn't just protect him, it protects you. So start with grace.
Many women are financially carrying partners out of love, loyalty,
(18:15):
or fear. And again, if this is something that you
guys have agreed upon, if one of you is in
a transitional space in your life, looking for a promotion,
starting a new business, that's all fine. The burden of
carrying more of the financial responsibility will shift many times
in a relationship, but you want to make sure that
(18:36):
you're handling it gracefully and having honest conversations around it.
But if you're covering the rent, the groceries, the car notes,
and you're still expected to act like everything is equal,
that is not love. Its leverage. And as much as
we love leverage in the investment space and in building wealth,
(19:00):
you don't want to have that kind of relationship leverage.
So if you're feeling like things are a little bit
uneven and you maybe are being taken advantage of that's
a conversation we need to get in front of immediately.
So how do we reclaim this financial power? Draw a
(19:21):
clear boundary. Here's what I can contribute every single month.
Beyond this, we need to rebalance. That should feel good
to any of you listening because it is not combative,
but it is strong and it's confident. You also want
to insist on sharing responsibilities or contributions, even if it's
(19:43):
non monetary cooking, childcare, cleaning. And this one is a
hard one, you guys, because again, just like the financial
balance will change a million times in a relationship, so
will these type of things. And that is okay, But again,
you don't want any kind of animosity building up. So
make sure that if you have a partner that's doing
(20:06):
heavy lifting in another area of y'all's life, that you
are appreciative, you're talking about it, and just know that
it is temporary and that it's part of the big plan,
and that the ebbs and flows of a healthy relationship
will always include a balance of or rebalance of responsibility,
whether it's financial or taking care of the kids, giving
(20:28):
bath time, cooking, whatever it is. Balance is the key
to the game. You also want to keep your account
separate if you're not legally tied and bound to each other.
Protect your credit at all costs, Ladies, I don't care
how much you envision a future with someone you're madly
(20:48):
in love with the person. Do not co sign or
put your credit on the line for somebody that you
are not legally tied to. Having bad debt or bad
credit is something that will follow you and haunt you
for a long time. And if you're not in a
(21:10):
relationship where you are married or in a domestic partnership,
something you could be paying for these mistakes well after
the relationship ends. I know for me, several years ago,
I had a co signing situation with somebody that I
was with, and every time I would look at my
(21:33):
credit report and see that little snaffoo on there, it
just reminded me of all of the decisions I could
have made that would have been better. So it was
a good life lesson. But take it from me. Let
me be your hindsight and foresight so that you're not
figuring this out after the fact. Avoided at all costs.
(21:55):
Your credit should be protected as much as your Social
Security number or it is your baby, and it is
always yours. It's never going to shift to be a
shared responsibility. Protect your credit, do not co sign, be
part of the solution. Help find reasonable alternatives if somebody
needs the help, but one of them should never be
(22:17):
co signing on a loan unless you are married. Another
thing is bank account So even at that point, I
don't think it's a bad idea to have a shared
account if you are working towards a vacation or a
common goal. But just know that that account technically can
be wiped out if you and the relationship and you
(22:40):
have no recourse, So keep that in mind. There's nothing
to protect you if you are sharing financial accounts without
being married. Another thing to think through always is revisit
your goals. I want you to think, is this partnership
helping or hindering what I'm trying to build? And again,
(23:01):
if it feels a little bit like it's hindering, it
doesn't mean that it needs to end or it's bad.
But you want to just have those honest conversations, which
I feel like is something we always come back to.
Consistency conversations, Transparency and just communicating with the people that
you're involving in your life is going to be critical,
(23:24):
so make sure that you're always looking back at your goals.
Have you gotten off track? Is this person off track?
Are you guys still working at the same speed or
level that you always were? And make it something fun,
Have a date night, talk about it, bring it to
the forefront, and if it needs to be fixed, fix
(23:45):
it now. So as this conversation comes to a close,
I want you to remember that you are not high
maintenance for wanting financial alignment with your partner. You are
high value. Again, this is a decision that will impact
the rest of your life. So no pressure, ladies, but
this is one to take seriously. Have the conversations. You
(24:07):
want a partner, not a dependent. You want somebody that
is contributing to the big overarching theme of your financial
wellness or your wealth building journey. Have those conversations. Don't
be worried about the perception if someone loves you enough
to share their life with you, as long as you
approach the conversation in a healthy, collaborative way, it shouldn't
(24:32):
have any negative recourse. Have the conversations now. A man
or a woman can be incredible in many ways and
still be a liability for your future. So get ahead
of that, identify it now, and money conversations are a
form of intimacy. Transparency is sexy. To know what somebody
(24:54):
is working with, what their goals are, what they're thinking about,
what their debt is not is an intimate conversation, and
if you're being intimate in many other ways, add this
to the piece that needs care and to be looked after,
and then you're allowed to outgrow a relationship that is
no longer serving you or supporting your vision. And again
(25:18):
not to say that anybody listening needs to do that,
just give yourself the permission. If it's feeling like it's
no longer serving you, identify it now and pull the
band aid off and start readjusting and reevaluating what a
plan to build wealth will look like. As a single person,
(25:38):
sometimes it's way easier and a little bit more fun
because you only have to consider your wants and needs.
So if you're in a position where that's the case,
it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. The
next chapter could be your best chapter. So as we
wrap up, I have a few asks of you. If
this resonated and there's a woman in your life that
(26:00):
needs to hear it, text this to the group chat ladies.
I know we all have one, but let's help each
other and make sure that the people that we care
about are getting the information that they need. Have the
honest conversations this week about money with your partner, make
it fun, sit on the couch, don't hit play on Netflix,
(26:22):
have this conversation instead, and then DM and tag us
if something in this really resonated with you. We love
to see all of the feedback, so tag us at
talk Wealthy to me so we can share it with
other listeners and keep the awareness and impact going. And
as always, let's change the way women think and feel
(26:46):
about money together. Until next time,
Let's know's welcome, talk Welcome we Talk Wealthy to Me.
I'm Michelle Taylor, founder of Women and Well and Wealth.
From breaking money myths to building wealth and achieving financial freedom.
We're here to empower you to create your own path
path Talk Wealth. Now, join the conversation and let's change
the way women think and feel about money. Are you ready? Hi, everybody,
(00:27):
Welcome back to the Talk Wealthy to Me podcast. I'm Michelle,
your host, and I'm happy to have you here again.
So let's talk about something that we don't talk about enough.
What happens when you are in a relationship or madly
in love with somebody who is keeping you from building wealth.
(00:47):
I know that that can sound a little crazy, but
I think it happens more often than you think it does.
I want you to take a second to realize that
this is not about bashing who you're with, but truly
just making sure that you're in alignment with each other.
You can be dating a walking red flag financially and
(01:09):
not even know it because we've been taught to prioritize
chemistry over compatibility. So don't get me wrong. You don't
want to not be compatible with someone, but I think
that it's really important that you have chemistry and that
you're financially compatible with someone. How they deal with money,
(01:29):
what kind of debt they're bringing into the situation, how
they plan for their future, all super important things to
talk about. One of the clients that I have really
learned a lot from in this situation, she was crushing
it new promotion saving aggressively, and then she moved in
with her boyfriend and within six months a lot of
(01:50):
the hard work and big stride she had made were diminished.
And that was because she was footing so much of
the responsibilities have a second person in her day to
day sphere and didn't really know how to manage that
with somebody who she had a ton of chemistry with
but that wasn't pulling their weight financially. So I want
(02:14):
you guys to think about again, this is not a negative.
And if you're already in a situation where somebody is
your better half or other half, it doesn't mean that
you need to get out of a relationship. It just
means we need to be really intentional about the conversations
that we're having and making sure that we're on the
same page when it comes to financially planning for a
(02:37):
future that you're building with someone. It's not just about
love and chemistry, all right. So when you're thinking through this,
remember you deserve a partner and not a dependent. Some
of the red flags that you want to look for
inconsistent or unstable income without a plan or a hustle
to back it up. Now, this doesn't mean that the
(03:01):
person that you're in a relationship with has to be
a C suite executive or running a fortune five hundred company.
But what it does mean is that there should be
some drive around providing consistently financially to your situation. If
the income is not consistent, the hope would be that
(03:23):
they are looking for ways to have a side hustle
or grow in their career to make sure that the
financial stability they need to bring to the table is
on the forefront of their mind and they're not just
relying on you to provide it. Another thing you want
to talk about is hidden debt or reluctance to share
their financial background or their financial picture. Now, it may
(03:47):
not seem like a big deal in the moment. If
the person that you're sharing your life with has a
lot of debt and I want to preface this by
saying I'm not talking about student loan debt. That is fine.
As I've mentioned in many episodes, financial debt. When you're
looking at the big picture, student loan debt is not
considered negative. It's considered a positive because it was building
(04:08):
something for your future. So I'm talking about other debt,
personal loans, revolving credit card debt, things that could be
a red flag. If they're opening up a credit card
to save a little bit of money on financing, anything
like that you want to know about because if you
start to build a life with someone, you're inevitably going
(04:29):
to have to apply for credit or different investment opportunities together,
and if they have a ton of credit card debt
or bad credit, that is going to significantly impact you. Again,
if that's the case, it doesn't mean it's a negative,
but you all should have a conversation, an honest one,
(04:49):
about what the plan is around debt and how they're
going to address it, because the reality is is, just
like with investments and tax strategy, somebody's tolerance to debt
can widely differentiate them from the next person in a room.
So people oftentimes will be really concerned about personal debt,
(05:13):
and then somebody else is not and thinks it's no
big deal, And that is something that you need to
have a good clear understanding on before you get further
down the road with someone that you're sharing credit with.
The next thing is lack of ambition and vision. You again,
are so blessed if you are somebody who has passion
(05:34):
around what they're doing. And I want to be perfectly clear,
not everybody has that vision, and that is okay. However,
you want to make sure that the ambition is not lacking.
For some people living a very mundane life of just
working nine to five and never striving for the growth
(05:58):
in a career or the growth financially, that is their
journey and that's okay. But you want to make sure
that if your vision for the next one three five
years looks differently, that you identify that in the very beginning.
Hustle and drive and ambition are critical when you're talking
about spending your life with someone. Again, not that one
(06:20):
is better than the other, but just that you both
are on the same page, because those two things will
not vibe together if you're on different stratospheres. And then
the last thing you really think about is is the
person that you're sharing in your life with disrespecting your goals?
Are they supporting you? Or are they making side remarks
(06:43):
or jokes about how you're spending and how you're saving.
And then when you are doing good financially, maybe there's
comments like, oh, you have a good job or you
have discipline around these financial things. So it makes you
come across as entitled or thinking you're better. Ladies, do
(07:04):
not tolerate any of that. That is not the kind
of partner that you want to share your life with.
And it is truly part of the most important decision
you'll ever make. And I heard that comment. I'm sure
you guys have heard it. But who you choose to
spend your life with is the number one decision you
will make to dictate what kind of life that you live.
(07:27):
So if you're getting any kind of you know, side
jabbing or jokes being made at your expense that call
into question the disciplines and the habits that you have,
have a real conversation about that so that the person
that you're with knows that it is not okay. They
need to get on board with what you're working towards.
(07:47):
Or get off the train, all right. So this one
is super close to my heart because I am lucky
enough and have been blessed with a partner that is
comfortable with kind of the gender roles and money and
how that all works. My husband, I could not do
any of the things that I do in this life,
(08:08):
whether it is spending time with my kids and making
sure that I'm present there, growing a business, hosting a podcast, traveling,
being a friend, a daughter, a niece, all of those
things I could not do without him. And when we
first met, his goal was always to give me the
(08:31):
rope that I needed to run, because I knew I
wanted to build something really significant. And what that means
is there are plenty of times that he's taking the
back seat to some of the financial decisions that we
need to make, or the picking up some of the
slack that comes with having to have late nights at
(08:51):
the office or a travel schedule with the kids, and
again he's comfortable with that, and that has made all
of the difference. So I want to encourage everybody to
take the gender roles and what we traditionally have grown
up thinking and challenge that narrative and find a partner
that will challenge that narrative. So let's talk about the
(09:13):
idea of a provider and how that gets twisted. Being
a provider doesn't necessarily mean just a financial provider. There
are so many different ways to provide for a family,
and it's really important that everybody is on the same page.
So traditionally, we grew up thinking that the man was
a provider and the woman was a caretaker, and that
(09:34):
doesn't always match reality. I don't know about you, guys,
but I've seen this said before and it is so true.
Women are expected to hustle like a CEO and then
raise their kids like they're a stay at home mom.
And I don't need to tell you, but that is impossible,
and so having a partner that understands that those roles
(09:55):
could be a little bit shifted is critical. Women are
expecting to be the emotional and financial backbone of a relationship,
and then they feel guilty about asking questions. I know,
even for me and mom and my mother in law.
I don't mean to put you on blast, but there
are so many times that I've had to remind them.
(10:16):
Would you be saying this to me if it were Jason?
That was traveling or are you just saying it because
I am not fitting into the traditional gender role that
you guys grew up with. And they both said, oh
my god, you're totally right. I think that that's so
important is call it out. It's never I don't think,
in at least this situation, it's never done with malice
(10:39):
or ill intent. But it is just something that we've
been raised with and it's been ingrained in us from
the very beginning. Address it now so that there's no
animosity and build out what works for your family. Also
when you're thinking through what these provider caretaker roles look like,
(11:00):
So some of the imbalances that show up are not
just around the financial imbalance of who's staying home and
who's the one that's going out and working later nights,
but also splitting everything fifty to fifty. If someone's income
is half of what the others is, that doesn't really
(11:20):
seem fair all the time, especially if you're in a
relationship where there's you guys aren't married, you're not sharing accounts.
So think with me for a second about somebody who is,
let's say, starting a new business and they're bringing in
fifty thousand dollars a year. They're married to somebody that's established,
and maybe that person is making one hundred and fifty
(11:40):
thousand dollars a year. For them to split all of
the bills fifty to fifty would have a much higher
impact on the person that only is bringing in a
third of what the other person is bringing. So it
doesn't matter if it's the man or the woman. It
doesn't matter if it's the one that's staying home. Maybe
their business is based at home and they're doing exceptionally well,
(12:02):
and the other person is the one going out and
working in nine to five that's maybe not at the
same level that they're at. It doesn't matter who it is.
It just matters that how you're contributing to the household
or your family should be indicative of the salary and
where you all are at. That is going to prevent
people from feeling like they are either inadequate or not
(12:25):
getting enough of a say because they're not bringing enough
into the family. It should definitely be a cohesive conversation,
but one that feels fair. The other thing is one
person managing all of the bills. This gets really hard,
and I can speak from experience. Sorry, babe. But I
(12:46):
think it partly is because so many of us may
just be Type A personalities and used to being in
control and making big decisions that sometimes it's hard to
let your partner in and share that responsibility. And I
think that that's really important. One person should not be
responsible for all of the financial ins and outs of
(13:09):
a household. You need to be splitting the responsibility, having
those money dates that we've talked about before, and really
encouraging the other person to ask questions, know what you're
working towards, know what bills are due and when they're due,
and how that fits into your overall strategy. The other
thing I would say is investing in your future and
(13:31):
you have a partner that's maybe living paycheck to paycheck
by choice. This again goes back to spending habits, and
I'm the first to say that that can be something
that's a little intimidating, especially if you're not married. But
if you're just living your life with someone, it's hard
to feel that you can dictate how they're spending their money.
(13:51):
And I can relate to that. I understand. However, when
you're talking about bringing funds into a household together or
a like overall financial plan. Together, you want to make
sure that one person isn't doing all of the investing,
in all of the saving, and the other person is
(14:13):
spending frivolously and doing things that are important to them
and not pulling their weight with building the big picture.
So love is not a financial plan. If you're building alone,
it certainly won't work. You are in a partnership and
this is not a project, and you are not supposed
(14:35):
to be molding the person you're with. Now. I understand
being patient and working with someone because you love them,
that's fine. But if you see a trend that they
don't want to change, don't want to have the same conversations,
they could get to a point where they are holding
you back financially, and that is something that you will
never recover from, especially if you get married and the
(14:58):
trajectory of your life look different forever. So have those
conversations today and make sure that you're on the same page. Okay,
so how do we have these conversations? Transparency is key.
Financial transparency should not wait until you're engaged. You should
be having the conversations now before you get to a
(15:21):
point where things are really serious, just to make sure
that you're either at the same place or working towards
the same place. I want to give you permission to
ask the hard questions, and I don't want you to
sound like it's an interrogation, because that's never going to
feel fun. You don't want this conversation to take place
(15:41):
in an environment where someone could feel defensive or like
they were being attacked. So some of the things you
may want to say when you're thinking through this is, Hey,
I've been thinking about how we handle money as a couple.
Can we both lay out where we're working with and
what we're doing and see if it's in a alignment
for the future that we're planning together, or what does
(16:04):
financial security look like to you? What are your goals
in the next three to five years. Are you open
to looking at our monthly expenses together and seeing what's
working and what's not working. I think that again, women
in general have been taught to not operate in the
space where things can get uncomfortable. We are always taught
(16:27):
to be conservative, be quiet, don't be loud, don't be
too much, don't talk about money, don't talk about politics,
don't talk about religion. All of these things in my
opinion have held us back. So be the one to
bring up the conversation, even if you're not the primary breadwinner.
I know that can be even harder. But if you
are in a situation where you feel you're making really
(16:47):
good financial decisions, have the conversation. Have it in a
non confrontational way, make it feel collaborative, and let's normalize.
Bringing back the second date money question. So you go
on a first date or you're in the honeymoon phase
of a relationship, make sure you understand this. You are
(17:09):
not a gold digger. You are not focused on money
in a way that would be unhealthy if you just
ask your partner if you're financially aligned. You are committed
to building a life and a future that you envision
for yourself. You want to build wealth and you want
to have somebody with you that's doing the same thing. Now,
(17:31):
don't ask them what they make when you guys are
brand new, but start to pepper in questions that don't
feel intrusive, because you will start to get a good
idea of exactly what kind of conversations need to happen
in the beginning, and keep a healthy conversation going throughout
the lifetime of your relationship. Okay, so what do we
(17:53):
do if you're already in a relationship where you feel
that you're carrying a lot of the financial load. If
you're already doing it all, you need a plan that
doesn't just protect him, it protects you. So start with grace.
Many women are financially carrying partners out of love, loyalty,
(18:15):
or fear. And again, if this is something that you
guys have agreed upon, if one of you is in
a transitional space in your life, looking for a promotion,
starting a new business, that's all fine. The burden of
carrying more of the financial responsibility will shift many times
in a relationship, but you want to make sure that
(18:36):
you're handling it gracefully and having honest conversations around it.
But if you're covering the rent, the groceries, the car notes,
and you're still expected to act like everything is equal,
that is not love. Its leverage. And as much as
we love leverage in the investment space and in building wealth,
(19:00):
you don't want to have that kind of relationship leverage.
So if you're feeling like things are a little bit
uneven and you maybe are being taken advantage of that's
a conversation we need to get in front of immediately.
So how do we reclaim this financial power? Draw a
(19:21):
clear boundary. Here's what I can contribute every single month.
Beyond this, we need to rebalance. That should feel good
to any of you listening because it is not combative,
but it is strong and it's confident. You also want
to insist on sharing responsibilities or contributions, even if it's
(19:43):
non monetary cooking, childcare, cleaning. And this one is a
hard one, you guys, because again, just like the financial
balance will change a million times in a relationship, so
will these type of things. And that is okay, But again,
you don't want any kind of animosity building up. So
make sure that if you have a partner that's doing
(20:06):
heavy lifting in another area of y'all's life, that you
are appreciative, you're talking about it, and just know that
it is temporary and that it's part of the big plan,
and that the ebbs and flows of a healthy relationship
will always include a balance of or rebalance of responsibility,
whether it's financial or taking care of the kids, giving
(20:28):
bath time, cooking, whatever it is. Balance is the key
to the game. You also want to keep your account
separate if you're not legally tied and bound to each other.
Protect your credit at all costs, Ladies, I don't care
how much you envision a future with someone you're madly
(20:48):
in love with the person. Do not co sign or
put your credit on the line for somebody that you
are not legally tied to. Having bad debt or bad
credit is something that will follow you and haunt you
for a long time. And if you're not in a
(21:10):
relationship where you are married or in a domestic partnership,
something you could be paying for these mistakes well after
the relationship ends. I know for me, several years ago,
I had a co signing situation with somebody that I
was with, and every time I would look at my
(21:33):
credit report and see that little snaffoo on there, it
just reminded me of all of the decisions I could
have made that would have been better. So it was
a good life lesson. But take it from me. Let
me be your hindsight and foresight so that you're not
figuring this out after the fact. Avoided at all costs.
(21:55):
Your credit should be protected as much as your Social
Security number or it is your baby, and it is
always yours. It's never going to shift to be a
shared responsibility. Protect your credit, do not co sign, be
part of the solution. Help find reasonable alternatives if somebody
needs the help, but one of them should never be
(22:17):
co signing on a loan unless you are married. Another
thing is bank account So even at that point, I
don't think it's a bad idea to have a shared
account if you are working towards a vacation or a
common goal. But just know that that account technically can
be wiped out if you and the relationship and you
(22:40):
have no recourse, So keep that in mind. There's nothing
to protect you if you are sharing financial accounts without
being married. Another thing to think through always is revisit
your goals. I want you to think, is this partnership
helping or hindering what I'm trying to build? And again,
(23:01):
if it feels a little bit like it's hindering, it
doesn't mean that it needs to end or it's bad.
But you want to just have those honest conversations, which
I feel like is something we always come back to.
Consistency conversations, Transparency and just communicating with the people that
you're involving in your life is going to be critical,
(23:24):
so make sure that you're always looking back at your goals.
Have you gotten off track? Is this person off track?
Are you guys still working at the same speed or
level that you always were? And make it something fun,
Have a date night, talk about it, bring it to
the forefront, and if it needs to be fixed, fix
(23:45):
it now. So as this conversation comes to a close,
I want you to remember that you are not high
maintenance for wanting financial alignment with your partner. You are
high value. Again, this is a decision that will impact
the rest of your life. So no pressure, ladies, but
this is one to take seriously. Have the conversations. You
(24:07):
want a partner, not a dependent. You want somebody that
is contributing to the big overarching theme of your financial
wellness or your wealth building journey. Have those conversations. Don't
be worried about the perception if someone loves you enough
to share their life with you, as long as you
approach the conversation in a healthy, collaborative way, it shouldn't
(24:32):
have any negative recourse. Have the conversations now. A man
or a woman can be incredible in many ways and
still be a liability for your future. So get ahead
of that, identify it now, and money conversations are a
form of intimacy. Transparency is sexy. To know what somebody
(24:54):
is working with, what their goals are, what they're thinking about,
what their debt is not is an intimate conversation, and
if you're being intimate in many other ways, add this
to the piece that needs care and to be looked after,
and then you're allowed to outgrow a relationship that is
no longer serving you or supporting your vision. And again
(25:18):
not to say that anybody listening needs to do that,
just give yourself the permission. If it's feeling like it's
no longer serving you, identify it now and pull the
band aid off and start readjusting and reevaluating what a
plan to build wealth will look like. As a single person,
(25:38):
sometimes it's way easier and a little bit more fun
because you only have to consider your wants and needs.
So if you're in a position where that's the case,
it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. The
next chapter could be your best chapter. So as we
wrap up, I have a few asks of you. If
this resonated and there's a woman in your life that
(26:00):
needs to hear it, text this to the group chat ladies.
I know we all have one, but let's help each
other and make sure that the people that we care
about are getting the information that they need. Have the
honest conversations this week about money with your partner, make
it fun, sit on the couch, don't hit play on Netflix,
(26:22):
have this conversation instead, and then DM and tag us
if something in this really resonated with you. We love
to see all of the feedback, so tag us at
talk Wealthy to me so we can share it with
other listeners and keep the awareness and impact going. And
as always, let's change the way women think and feel
(26:46):
about money together. Until next time,
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