February 22, 2025 • 35 mins
Host Dr. Teresa A. Smith, Dr. TAS welcomes Penda L. James Scribe Coach to discuss the importance of using your voice when you find it
Contact Penda L. James
Connect with Dr. TAS at Linktree Bio
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Contact Penda L. James
Connect with Dr. TAS at Linktree Bio
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/talk-with-tas-show--6128538/support
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Doctor Tis and welcome to this edition of Talk with
Tars for everybody. I am so thrilled to have Benda
James on with me today. We're going to be talking
about how do we claim our voice and help us
to bring forward our story. Have a client that was
recognized in December of twenty twenty four with an award
(00:22):
by Chosen Pion. So tell them a little bit about
him and what type of worker, how you coached him
to the point that he was recognized as an award.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Well, thank you for the question, Thank you for having me.
His name is Anthony, but we call him Pop's Anthony
Pops Mitchell, and he's eighty two years old. He was
was a R and B singer in his younger days.
He sang with a group called Samson and Delilah and
(00:52):
they were very popular in the Pittsburgh and surrounding areas.
As a gift, some one bought some software for Pops
and they helped him to write his story, but they
didn't know what to do to help move him to completion.
In somebody say he need a god. Penda and I
helped Pops to the way that I coached him was
(01:16):
his When they brought it to me. His book was
only forty pages, and what I did was I would
I asked him tell me more, and as he would
tell me more about a particular story, I would type
it for him. And that's how we were able to
get his book from forty pages to what it is now.
And how do I help people?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I listen, And you know that's almost an art that
we just don't even have anymore, that skill set of
actually listening to people.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, that is important.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Well, Benda, tell us, how did you how did you
get to this profession? I mean, what was it that
helped you to understand that this was your passion, this
was your mission in life to have other people bring
this forward.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
This is a really, really good question, and I don't
know if anyone has ever asked me that this way.
I been writing since as long as I could remember.
My grandmother on my mom's side, Grandma Dear had a big,
king sized bed and she was a literary specialist, so
reading was very important to her, and she would send
(02:29):
me books over the summer. I'd have to write assignments.
But one of my fondest memories is climbing up in
her king sized bed with her and reading Shell Silverstein
poetry with her over the year. Years. I would have
journals and I would write in my journals. But when
I went to college at Wilberforce University, I was on
the newspaper staff, and people would always come to me
(02:52):
and say, I like my article, but it needs some help.
Can you help me? And I found myself doing that.
So you're talking about nineteen twenty years old, I'm doing
that and it's been with me since then. When I
was in high school, I believe my father speak his
(03:14):
name because he's no longer here. Wonderful will Horton was
an English major at Bowling Green State University, and one
thing that he said to me was when you write
something down, you have that person's full attention. And because
he told me that, writing became deeply important to me
(03:35):
because I want people want I don't want you thinking
about what you're eating for dinner when I'm trying to
tell you my heart thoughts, you know. So that's how
I kind of got into the work. When I was
in college, and then when I turned twenty five, I
was an AmeriCorps program. I'm not sure if you're familiar
with AmeriCorps, but it's like the domestic Peace Corps. And
(03:57):
our program was intentional, with twenty four different personalities and
different nationalities and ages and educational backgrounds. I was turning
twenty five and I felt like I hadn't you know,
I don't know. I felt like I was an old
maid or something. And I started to ask the people
in my cohort what does it mean to be a woman,
(04:21):
Like tell me about your mom, and if you have children,
like tell me about your daughter. And what happened was
people started to give me things that they had written,
things that were in their journals or a card that
they wrote and gate I pulled this from my mama's Geordan,
I wanted to share it with you, and that became
my first book, fe to Fly. And that's how I
(04:44):
knew that this is what I was supposed to be doing.
You know.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I interviewed Chris call you, and Chris, this is a
digital brand strategy, it's amongst a lot of different things.
But he's also a pastor and he said, if I'm
not mistaken during that interview, that our purpose and I'm
propa with butching it, but I thought he said our
(05:14):
purpose was found. We find our purpose and I may
be seeing it backwards because it seems like, well maybe
i'm I'll see it this way. Regardless of my princess,
your purpose found you your purpose because I like to
believe things are in our DNA. Oh, so to me,
it started with your grandmother and the king side they
(05:37):
then you know that that woke up the genies is
where I see it. Then your father, you know the
advice said that he gave you. And then, like you said,
you have been writing and transcribed. I've been describing other
people's thoughts for lack of a better way for me
saying it your whole life.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yeah, yeah, I want to go back to what you
said about purpose, and I have come to the belief
that our purpose is what people ask us for. What
are when people come to you and they're saying, can
you help me with something? What are they asking you
to help them with? Are they calling you, what's that
recipe for the macaroni and jeez? Or come and show
(06:21):
me how to cut this grass? Like if you listen
to the people around you, that's God speaking to you
about what you're supposed to be doing. At least that's
how it was for me. People would call me, hey,
can you I wrote this paragraph? I can you just
read it? You know, and now this is something that
I look forward to doing, to helping people.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, and we're write in line with what Chris was saying, because,
as he stated, our purpose is not for us, it's
for other people. And you just confirmed what he said.
And I think you know, when we've heard people say,
if you do what you like, you're never working day
in your life, but I don't think we understand what
(07:06):
that really means, because I think it means what you've
just said, because when people the things that I do
now like this, I have been doing. This is my
whole life. You know, Yes, it would be nice to
get paid, don't get me wrong, but I do this
for free. I've been doing this since I was a
little girl. But I'm still refining, trying to figure out,
(07:26):
as you said, what is it that people are coming
to me for. And I'm slowly getting clearer about that.
And so that has become my platform because that's what
I've always been doing, is helping people to see their strengths,
see the resilience that was there, see how they could
(07:47):
transform whatever situation into a different circumstances for them. So
I think when you say that, you realize that this
was it because people were coming to you. And it's
so interesting when you talk about the cards, the sections
from people's journals, when they brought those things to you,
(08:10):
understand they brought them for a reason, because there were
many different pieces they could have brought, but they brought
those specific ones to you, and then you were able
to then provide them with what they needed, and then
ultimately it became, as you said, your first book. And
(08:31):
my sister would say, look at God, I love it. God,
I mean, it's so amazing. So given all of that,
what do you tell someone who feels like their story
doesn't matter?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
This is an excellent, excellent question. I tell them that
there's somebody with a headache and they have the medication
to help them, and it's selfish holding back if they
don't tell their story.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Now, my Mike Murdoch side of my brain would say,
years ago, when I first came to know Mike Murdoch,
I saw him in person and journy. He said, we
are all, we are all the solution to someone's problem,
and you just confirm that. So whomever's needing to hear
all of this today, we are confirming multiple things and
(09:27):
this is not playing. But we are all the solution
to someone else's issue, and so why would we be
selfish and not share that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
But you know, I was just gonna say I want
to say it a little bit differently because that sounds harsh,
and I don't mean I don't mean to be harsh,
but what I'm what I mean when I say that
is there's somebody going through something and they feel alone,
they feel invisible, they feel for God, and if we
(10:02):
tell the story of what we have gone through, it
confirms for them that God sees them. And that's what
I tell them. That's why you have to tell your story.
You know.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I said to my mother this week week a couple
of nights ago, and I said to my sister, probably
tease you or ween see that. I said to Mama,
the power of the words, because our words are spelling.
And by that I mean a different way of thinking
about the fact that we say that death and life
(10:37):
is in the tongue. Well, we can kill something with
our mouth, with our words, and we have to be
so careful with what we say and how we say it.
But at the same time, we can cause things to
grow things that were weeping down, they can sprout up
(10:59):
because our wars. So my question is how do you
help people silence that in a critic and find that
courage to use their voice, because sometimes I'm just too
afraid to do it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Another excellent question. It's not me. I pray before every
session with any client, and typically I let them pray
because it's their meeting, and I let them pray, but
I pray beforehand in order to get prepared. I am
led by the Holy Spirit and some This is a really,
really good question because it's something that has been coming
(11:36):
up over the past couple of months. I have a
couple of older clients, not as old as pops, but
they're in their seventies, and they too their older women.
They don't know each other, they live in different states,
but they are so hard on themselves. And one day
(11:58):
I just said some kind of thinking, and I was like, Lord,
I never would have said the things to myself that
these women say to themselves in front of my parents.
I never never would have had the courage to say
things like that unless I wanted attention. I listen and
(12:22):
I need knowledge. I know you have a story to tell,
and I know that it's challenging and it's difficult, and
it may be painful, and I'm striving to be a
safe space. I half the time I forget about what
they talk about, you know, Like I just I'm like, okay, Lord,
I hear them, but I can't digest it for myself.
(12:43):
Like if it's heavy, I can't. I can't digest it.
So I listened to them. I counteract what they say
with the word of God. I tell them what I
see in them. I'm always like, you look so beautiful today,
you know. I'm trying to affirm and give that to them.
I think, especially as as a writing coach, you have
(13:07):
to get you have to empty all of that out
before before you can get to the place that you
can write without being without hurt.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You said something I was having a conversation with someone
regarding someone made a statement that they're wanting to write
their story, but the story story is so heavy for
them that they're not ready. But they're still trying to
(13:40):
get their story written. And I think about what you
just said in reference to the mindset shift. You have
to be in a place I believe and you and
like less in the audience where you have you can
write about the past, because because if you can't yet,
(14:04):
you are traumatizing yourself all over again. Because our stories
are traumatic. Yeah, I'm gonna insist survivor. So I have
to have dealt with that issue, that trauma in order
to write about it so that I can then be
a vessel to be used for other people. So I
(14:26):
guess my question is, how do you really help someone
who's on the flip side, who's eager, eager, eager very
much could be like the person that's wanted to tip
to be what was?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I can't read my hed write about the herd?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Why do you help them when they're ready, Well, they
think they're ready to write, but they haven't dealt with
the pain to be able to write a story that
would bring hope to someone else.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I let them write the pain because I teach that
you have to write through it. So an example would
be my mom had breast cancer and for one week
I was in the hospital with her when she was transitioning.
I went back home to Pittsburgh and she passed, so
she I wasn't there when she made her transition, but
(15:22):
every single day that that's when periscope was a big thing.
Before we had you know ig, and I was going
live every day on Periscope talking about my journey and
talking about what I was experiencing, and sometimes I would
be sobbing. And I tell the writers that I work
with every word that you write is necessary. Even if
(15:46):
you delete it later. You can empty I'll call it
the empty out. You can empty out all of these
feelings and then you'll feel better. And then you go
back and you read it and you're like, oh, this
was really heavy. Now let's write from the perspective of
I'm healed, be because you don't want to retraumatize someone else.
(16:10):
I tell people a lot of times like you can.
Let's say you're writing about a car accident. You don't
have to say there was all of this all around.
You could just say, you know, it was a mess
of a scene, and let us interpret what the mess
of a scene looks like. Instead of you being so
descriptive that you are giving us a vision of what
(16:33):
you want us to see when it may not be healthy.
So I don't don't tell people. I let them tell
me that they're not ready. You know, when we come
Sometimes we come into our coaching sessions and I'm asking
very very hard questions, you know. And there might be
times where it will be on a zoom call and
(16:55):
I'll set a timer for ten minutes and give them
an assignment and I'll be there, but my camera will
be off and I'll the ten minutes will be up,
and I'll have them read it to me and they
will see or hear that it needs to change. I
want people to write, and I don't care if it's messy.
I don't care if it's grammatically incorrect, if it doesn't
(17:16):
make sense. You have got to get it out of
your body. The body keeps the score. So if you
spend time and you're the person that you're talking about,
if they if they want to do it, that's a
good place to be. And it may not be that
it's gonna be easy for them to take pens of
paper and write it or type it finger to a computer.
(17:40):
They might need to sit like this and have a
conversation and then transcribe it later. So there are diff
different ways that you can get your story out. And
depending upon who the person is that I'm working with,
God will show me what they need. I hope that
answers the question.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Does it does? And So my follow up question would
be what does it actually mean to let your heart
speak and how can someone start doing that today?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Aw Letting your heart speak is being steel to let
the words come out. Like sometimes I feel like the
words are inside of me and they feel like thorns.
They're like thorns moving all around because I'm ignoring them
and I'm not just like I don't want to write.
(18:32):
I don't want to But when I sit down and
I'm present with myself and present at God's feet, letting
my heart speak is being completely vulnerable and transparent and
honest with what I'm saying and doing it from a
(18:53):
place of healing because I want other people to be
healed and be drawn back to Christ. So letting your
heart speak is sometimes your mind is going to think
something that may not necessarily be truth. Yeah, Haard knows
(19:13):
the truth out of the bones of the heart.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
The mouth speaks, and that being still so that I
would normally say it so that I can hear God.
Sometimes I call it that download. But I like the
way you said that those words are like thorns that
they got to come out, And that's a good analogy
(19:38):
for it, because there's sometimes it's like I have to
do it now. It's not what I wanted to do,
but I have to do it now, and that's a
good analogy for it. Thank you, I am jewious for
joining us. Benda.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
That's one small step someone can take right now to
start writing, to say out loud, I'm a writer.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
A penda. That sounds so simple, but when you say it,
I got a few tiles because I was listening to
something and we hear it. Because I grew up a Baptist,
I grew up in the church. So hello, a'm alita,
thank you for joining us. And you know we talk
(20:32):
about speak things as though they are. You know that
you got the affirmation, then you got the declarations. But
when you said I am a writer, when.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
People come for their first consultation with me, I tell them,
now go change your bio on your social media the author,
because you're an author. That's one step that you can
take right now. And the other thing would be to
set your writing atmosphere, create a space that you feel
(21:07):
that you can curl up and write. Make it beautiful
for you. In my space you can't see because I'm
on my phone, but this space is surrounded by things
that inspired me. It's pictures of my family. There are dandelions.
There's a film. Can see my name right there because
I write films, you know, dandellions. That's from my book cover.
(21:30):
There's remember your Strength and the award that I want.
And so I think creating a space for yourself as
an author is another thing that you can do. And
then what is your writing habit? When I'm writing, I
need I need some water, I need a candle burning,
or some some music playing. I create playlists for every project,
(21:51):
and when I'm i'm writing, I'll sit down and I'll
play my playlist and just write.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
You very intentional, and I'm helping the audiences listening. You
select a playlist for every project, you're studying, your candle
or whatever you're doing for that particular project. You set
that atmosphere so that when you go in to walk
to walk, when you go in to work, you're there
(22:21):
fully present. Because you talked about that, you have to
be fully present in the moment for the download. So
those words that are like thorns can come out, but
you are very intentional about that.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I am. It's something that I've learned over the years
that I can't just jump into writing you know, I
carry a notebook with me at all times, or my
phone I will record. I have a Sometimes I keep
a dry erase marker in the shower because I'm always
getting a lot of ideas and it is important to
(22:57):
me that when God gives me a download, so I
don't miss it. And I heard her why I need
to buy them say. I heard her speak in Pittsburgh
one time and she talked about how when God gives
you a download, you might have an idea from A
to Z that you want to write about. But he
might say, write about bananas today, and you're like, but
I want to write about apples. He gives you nothing
(23:19):
but the banana subject. Then the next day you'll come
back with apples, and then he might say that now
I want you to write about zebras. So you have
to be intentional to follow the unction of the Holy
Spirit when you're writing. Because you're writing. I created an
atmosphere because I want the people who are reading my
work or the work that I'm helping other authors. They
(23:42):
create playlists for their projects, so when I'm working on
their projects, I'm listening to their music. We are creating
an atmosphere for the reader for them to walk into
their next level. They may never meet us in person.
So we have to set the atmosphere on our end
(24:03):
to invite the Holy Spirit in to do all the
things that we need to do, remove the clutter off
our desks, or whatever we need to do, because we
don't want to bring the anxiety or whatever is in
us into the reader. And if we start that way,
if I start and I'm just like, I'm feeling all
these things and I just need to write it. Every
(24:24):
word that we write is important. Get it out and
reframe it so that they don't read your anger when
they're you know, when they're reading. I hope that's tough.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
This was good, It's very helpful. And I'm working on
a project right now, and I'm always working on a project.
I'm like, you know, I take notes everywhere for yeah,
they're just everywhere because I'm like you, I know, when
I get an idea, it's not my idea. I know that,
and so I surrender everything to him. And I'm working
(25:01):
on a project right now, and it's interesting. The music
that I'm playing, it's the manifestation music, and I don't
normally fully have that on, but I'm listening to you
because I tell folks every time I interview somewhere I
learned also, and that's the reason I love doing this,
(25:23):
because you're right, because the music is going into what
I'm wanting them to be able to do, because I'm
finalizing a work book and I want that work book
to be able to move them.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Hello Charlotte Wilson Jack. Thank you for joining me, my
song Rob. This is our next president of Sorority Incorporated.
She is our international first vice president. Thank you so
much for me.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Hello. I agree, I'm a dull helloss degree. Thank you
for joining us. I hope you are writing, write your
story please.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Now you see I did that was in your family
a little bit with this colored It wasn't and I
didn't realize. You see how God brought that out, said
I can have two more years and never known that
you were a delta. But you know, like I said,
I'm finishing up the finishing touches on a work book.
(26:26):
But that makes sense that I'm listening to Manifest Station
music because it's calm, and I want people to be
able to manifest and transform into who they know and
who God has said that they should be. So it's
interesting when you talk about that playlist. One last question
(26:48):
for this for this interview, Okay, you're gonna have to
come back because you have dropped so many jams and
you're helping so many people in so many different ways.
Because again, you work with folks who are musicians, who
are poets, who are authors, screenwriters. You work with graduate
students or undergrad students who are trying to get their
(27:11):
papers or their dissertation capstones written. You you help individuals
who may be journalists to refine articles, so are bloggers.
If someone wrote down their story today, even if it
was just a paragraph, and I'm going to say even
if they recorded it, because they may not write it
(27:32):
in the paper, they may not type them. What's the
biggest gift that they've given to themselves?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
A reminder that gout is with them h and Pender.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
That's the best gift anybody could give Themselve, Absolutely, it's
with them.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I just want to say this. I know this is
all last, This is our last thing. One of the
reasons why this work is so important to me is
because when I was in college, my parents moved from
one house to another and I was packing my old
bedroom and I found my journal, and I was very
self righteous then in my faith as a Christian, and
(28:31):
I was reading about some of the things I had done,
and I was like, I don't want nobody ever to
read this, and I sat down on the floor. I
will never forget this. I had a beautiful kintake clock
journal that my mother gave to me, and I sat
on the floor cross legged and tored each page out
and ripped it up into tiny shreds. And by the
(28:52):
time I got to the middle, I was sobbing, like
sobbing with the fact like as I was reading things
like my grandfather had died and reading different things, and
I'm sobbing, and that self righteousness of like I don't
want anybody to read this turned into regret. But I
had gone so far that I couldn't stop. So then
(29:15):
I got to the end. I just had the hardback
version of the outside the cover, and I threw it away.
And I cannot find you know, especially with my mom
being gone, I can't find any journal life. It was
like a one of a kind thing. And that's why
I tell people, when you write your story, I'm like
eighteen nineteen years old doing that. I had been writing
(29:39):
in a journal since I was probably in the fourth grade.
So to rip up that that whole section of my
life is missing. I don't know dependa from back then.
I can't compare what God did for me back then
that got me to where I am as a fifty
year old woman now. And that's why I want people
(30:02):
to write their stories down. And if you're a shamed
there is no shame in God. Write your story down
and you can put it up somewhere. Somebody will read
it and they'll be like Grandma did that.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Another thing, this is a promise.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
This is the last time.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
When my husband and I got married. Before we got married,
I was living in Colorado for a year, so he
had a long difference relationship, and every Saconnday I wrote
him a letter. When we moved from Dayton, Ohio to Pittsburgh,
I found all of my letters unopened in his drawer
and he was saving them. But I was so angry
(30:43):
that my husband, my new husband, did not open one
of my letters that I wrote to him every single
Sunday for a whole year that I was apart from
him and what he sat and he watched me rip
them up in anger and immaturity, and he stood back
and me said I was saving them for a bad day.
(31:08):
And that bad day came ten years later, like when
he was the pastor of the church, and it was
just a really, really hard time for him because the
church has really come batter. And now I am more
intentional about what I write and how I write, and
even sending cards to people just because those words are important.
(31:32):
My mom and dad had being gone. Me being able
to go in my closet right now and pull out
journals that they have written in their own handwriting gets
me through the day when I'm having a hard time.
And if I could say anything to anybody out right now,
those of you who are watching, I want to say
to you, remember your strength so you can write it down.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Then, Yes, ma'am, you wrapped it up in the boat.
Remember your strength so you can write it down. Because
when we write it down we have a bad day,
I can go back and read what I wrote and
(32:17):
lift my spirit, lift my spirit and imagine what it
will do for other people. Yes, because your story is
not for you, it's for everyone else. Um hm, Penda,
I am. I'm sorry that you ripped up the journal.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Me too.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Because that hurts me. I'm sorry you ripped pulled up
the letters because that hurts me because you said ten
years later it came. That day came and he didn't
have that to hold on to. Yes, he has you,
but it's different when you can read because he knows
(33:04):
you love him. But when he picked up those letters, Okay,
that was Sunday, a week one, we a week one
and week twenty six and she said, da da da
da da da.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I climbed up mountain today. I was a cheerleader today,
Like everything that I did in that year was in
those letters. I regret that. I regret those moments. So
it's Valentine's Day. He's out of town. I wrote him
three and this is our twentieth year of marriage this year,
so I was intentional. I printed out pictures and I
(33:39):
wrote him cards, and I slipped him in his suitcase
and I said, read this one today, tomorrow and the
next day. Because I learned the hard lesson and I'm
trying to do better. And that's why I am a scribe.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Coach, and that that's why I I'm so glad that
you are transparent and I want to go back to that.
Though we may do things that we shouldn't do. It
doesn't mean we can't bounce back and we cannot course
correct and do it the right way. Because you know
what matters to your husband. That matters. It may not
(34:16):
matter to somebody else, but to be able to get
a letter from you, because he knows you, he knows
how important words are to you. You are very selected.
So when you write something, it means a whole lot,
and that means a whole lot of love for whoever
receives it. Yes, I look forward to our next time
(34:39):
communicating about the power of getting your words out and
the healing properties that come from that. And to our audience,
I want to thank you so much for being with
us today. And remember before you go try and take
care of anybody else. Guys, make sure you take care
of yourself first. Right now,
Doctor Tis and welcome to this edition of Talk with
Tars for everybody. I am so thrilled to have Benda
James on with me today. We're going to be talking
about how do we claim our voice and help us
to bring forward our story. Have a client that was
recognized in December of twenty twenty four with an award
(00:22):
by Chosen Pion. So tell them a little bit about
him and what type of worker, how you coached him
to the point that he was recognized as an award.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Well, thank you for the question, Thank you for having me.
His name is Anthony, but we call him Pop's Anthony
Pops Mitchell, and he's eighty two years old. He was
was a R and B singer in his younger days.
He sang with a group called Samson and Delilah and
(00:52):
they were very popular in the Pittsburgh and surrounding areas.
As a gift, some one bought some software for Pops
and they helped him to write his story, but they
didn't know what to do to help move him to completion.
In somebody say he need a god. Penda and I
helped Pops to the way that I coached him was
(01:16):
his When they brought it to me. His book was
only forty pages, and what I did was I would
I asked him tell me more, and as he would
tell me more about a particular story, I would type
it for him. And that's how we were able to
get his book from forty pages to what it is now.
And how do I help people?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I listen, And you know that's almost an art that
we just don't even have anymore, that skill set of
actually listening to people.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, that is important.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Well, Benda, tell us, how did you how did you
get to this profession? I mean, what was it that
helped you to understand that this was your passion, this
was your mission in life to have other people bring
this forward.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
This is a really, really good question, and I don't
know if anyone has ever asked me that this way.
I been writing since as long as I could remember.
My grandmother on my mom's side, Grandma Dear had a big,
king sized bed and she was a literary specialist, so
reading was very important to her, and she would send
(02:29):
me books over the summer. I'd have to write assignments.
But one of my fondest memories is climbing up in
her king sized bed with her and reading Shell Silverstein
poetry with her over the year. Years. I would have
journals and I would write in my journals. But when
I went to college at Wilberforce University, I was on
the newspaper staff, and people would always come to me
(02:52):
and say, I like my article, but it needs some help.
Can you help me? And I found myself doing that.
So you're talking about nineteen twenty years old, I'm doing
that and it's been with me since then. When I
was in high school, I believe my father speak his
(03:14):
name because he's no longer here. Wonderful will Horton was
an English major at Bowling Green State University, and one
thing that he said to me was when you write
something down, you have that person's full attention. And because
he told me that, writing became deeply important to me
(03:35):
because I want people want I don't want you thinking
about what you're eating for dinner when I'm trying to
tell you my heart thoughts, you know. So that's how
I kind of got into the work. When I was
in college, and then when I turned twenty five, I
was an AmeriCorps program. I'm not sure if you're familiar
with AmeriCorps, but it's like the domestic Peace Corps. And
(03:57):
our program was intentional, with twenty four different personalities and
different nationalities and ages and educational backgrounds. I was turning
twenty five and I felt like I hadn't you know,
I don't know. I felt like I was an old
maid or something. And I started to ask the people
in my cohort what does it mean to be a woman,
(04:21):
Like tell me about your mom, and if you have children,
like tell me about your daughter. And what happened was
people started to give me things that they had written,
things that were in their journals or a card that
they wrote and gate I pulled this from my mama's Geordan,
I wanted to share it with you, and that became
my first book, fe to Fly. And that's how I
(04:44):
knew that this is what I was supposed to be doing.
You know.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I interviewed Chris call you, and Chris, this is a
digital brand strategy, it's amongst a lot of different things.
But he's also a pastor and he said, if I'm
not mistaken during that interview, that our purpose and I'm
propa with butching it, but I thought he said our
(05:14):
purpose was found. We find our purpose and I may
be seeing it backwards because it seems like, well maybe
i'm I'll see it this way. Regardless of my princess,
your purpose found you your purpose because I like to
believe things are in our DNA. Oh, so to me,
it started with your grandmother and the king side they
(05:37):
then you know that that woke up the genies is
where I see it. Then your father, you know the
advice said that he gave you. And then, like you said,
you have been writing and transcribed. I've been describing other
people's thoughts for lack of a better way for me
saying it your whole life.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yeah, yeah, I want to go back to what you
said about purpose, and I have come to the belief
that our purpose is what people ask us for. What
are when people come to you and they're saying, can
you help me with something? What are they asking you
to help them with? Are they calling you, what's that
recipe for the macaroni and jeez? Or come and show
(06:21):
me how to cut this grass? Like if you listen
to the people around you, that's God speaking to you
about what you're supposed to be doing. At least that's
how it was for me. People would call me, hey,
can you I wrote this paragraph? I can you just
read it? You know, and now this is something that
I look forward to doing, to helping people.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, and we're write in line with what Chris was saying, because,
as he stated, our purpose is not for us, it's
for other people. And you just confirmed what he said.
And I think you know, when we've heard people say,
if you do what you like, you're never working day
in your life, but I don't think we understand what
(07:06):
that really means, because I think it means what you've
just said, because when people the things that I do
now like this, I have been doing. This is my
whole life. You know, Yes, it would be nice to
get paid, don't get me wrong, but I do this
for free. I've been doing this since I was a
little girl. But I'm still refining, trying to figure out,
(07:26):
as you said, what is it that people are coming
to me for. And I'm slowly getting clearer about that.
And so that has become my platform because that's what
I've always been doing, is helping people to see their strengths,
see the resilience that was there, see how they could
(07:47):
transform whatever situation into a different circumstances for them. So
I think when you say that, you realize that this
was it because people were coming to you. And it's
so interesting when you talk about the cards, the sections
from people's journals, when they brought those things to you,
(08:10):
understand they brought them for a reason, because there were
many different pieces they could have brought, but they brought
those specific ones to you, and then you were able
to then provide them with what they needed, and then
ultimately it became, as you said, your first book. And
(08:31):
my sister would say, look at God, I love it. God,
I mean, it's so amazing. So given all of that,
what do you tell someone who feels like their story
doesn't matter?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
This is an excellent, excellent question. I tell them that
there's somebody with a headache and they have the medication
to help them, and it's selfish holding back if they
don't tell their story.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Now, my Mike Murdoch side of my brain would say,
years ago, when I first came to know Mike Murdoch,
I saw him in person and journy. He said, we
are all, we are all the solution to someone's problem,
and you just confirm that. So whomever's needing to hear
all of this today, we are confirming multiple things and
(09:27):
this is not playing. But we are all the solution
to someone else's issue, and so why would we be
selfish and not share that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
But you know, I was just gonna say I want
to say it a little bit differently because that sounds harsh,
and I don't mean I don't mean to be harsh,
but what I'm what I mean when I say that
is there's somebody going through something and they feel alone,
they feel invisible, they feel for God, and if we
(10:02):
tell the story of what we have gone through, it
confirms for them that God sees them. And that's what
I tell them. That's why you have to tell your story.
You know.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I said to my mother this week week a couple
of nights ago, and I said to my sister, probably
tease you or ween see that. I said to Mama,
the power of the words, because our words are spelling.
And by that I mean a different way of thinking
about the fact that we say that death and life
(10:37):
is in the tongue. Well, we can kill something with
our mouth, with our words, and we have to be
so careful with what we say and how we say it.
But at the same time, we can cause things to
grow things that were weeping down, they can sprout up
(10:59):
because our wars. So my question is how do you
help people silence that in a critic and find that
courage to use their voice, because sometimes I'm just too
afraid to do it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Another excellent question. It's not me. I pray before every
session with any client, and typically I let them pray
because it's their meeting, and I let them pray, but
I pray beforehand in order to get prepared. I am
led by the Holy Spirit and some This is a really,
really good question because it's something that has been coming
(11:36):
up over the past couple of months. I have a
couple of older clients, not as old as pops, but
they're in their seventies, and they too their older women.
They don't know each other, they live in different states,
but they are so hard on themselves. And one day
(11:58):
I just said some kind of thinking, and I was like, Lord,
I never would have said the things to myself that
these women say to themselves in front of my parents.
I never never would have had the courage to say
things like that unless I wanted attention. I listen and
(12:22):
I need knowledge. I know you have a story to tell,
and I know that it's challenging and it's difficult, and
it may be painful, and I'm striving to be a
safe space. I half the time I forget about what
they talk about, you know, Like I just I'm like, okay, Lord,
I hear them, but I can't digest it for myself.
(12:43):
Like if it's heavy, I can't. I can't digest it.
So I listened to them. I counteract what they say
with the word of God. I tell them what I
see in them. I'm always like, you look so beautiful today,
you know. I'm trying to affirm and give that to them.
I think, especially as as a writing coach, you have
(13:07):
to get you have to empty all of that out
before before you can get to the place that you
can write without being without hurt.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You said something I was having a conversation with someone
regarding someone made a statement that they're wanting to write
their story, but the story story is so heavy for
them that they're not ready. But they're still trying to
(13:40):
get their story written. And I think about what you
just said in reference to the mindset shift. You have
to be in a place I believe and you and
like less in the audience where you have you can
write about the past, because because if you can't yet,
(14:04):
you are traumatizing yourself all over again. Because our stories
are traumatic. Yeah, I'm gonna insist survivor. So I have
to have dealt with that issue, that trauma in order
to write about it so that I can then be
a vessel to be used for other people. So I
(14:26):
guess my question is, how do you really help someone
who's on the flip side, who's eager, eager, eager very
much could be like the person that's wanted to tip
to be what was?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I can't read my hed write about the herd?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Why do you help them when they're ready, Well, they
think they're ready to write, but they haven't dealt with
the pain to be able to write a story that
would bring hope to someone else.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I let them write the pain because I teach that
you have to write through it. So an example would
be my mom had breast cancer and for one week
I was in the hospital with her when she was transitioning.
I went back home to Pittsburgh and she passed, so
she I wasn't there when she made her transition, but
(15:22):
every single day that that's when periscope was a big thing.
Before we had you know ig, and I was going
live every day on Periscope talking about my journey and
talking about what I was experiencing, and sometimes I would
be sobbing. And I tell the writers that I work
with every word that you write is necessary. Even if
(15:46):
you delete it later. You can empty I'll call it
the empty out. You can empty out all of these
feelings and then you'll feel better. And then you go
back and you read it and you're like, oh, this
was really heavy. Now let's write from the perspective of
I'm healed, be because you don't want to retraumatize someone else.
(16:10):
I tell people a lot of times like you can.
Let's say you're writing about a car accident. You don't
have to say there was all of this all around.
You could just say, you know, it was a mess
of a scene, and let us interpret what the mess
of a scene looks like. Instead of you being so
descriptive that you are giving us a vision of what
(16:33):
you want us to see when it may not be healthy.
So I don't don't tell people. I let them tell
me that they're not ready. You know, when we come
Sometimes we come into our coaching sessions and I'm asking
very very hard questions, you know. And there might be
times where it will be on a zoom call and
(16:55):
I'll set a timer for ten minutes and give them
an assignment and I'll be there, but my camera will
be off and I'll the ten minutes will be up,
and I'll have them read it to me and they
will see or hear that it needs to change. I
want people to write, and I don't care if it's messy.
I don't care if it's grammatically incorrect, if it doesn't
(17:16):
make sense. You have got to get it out of
your body. The body keeps the score. So if you
spend time and you're the person that you're talking about,
if they if they want to do it, that's a
good place to be. And it may not be that
it's gonna be easy for them to take pens of
paper and write it or type it finger to a computer.
(17:40):
They might need to sit like this and have a
conversation and then transcribe it later. So there are diff
different ways that you can get your story out. And
depending upon who the person is that I'm working with,
God will show me what they need. I hope that
answers the question.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Does it does? And So my follow up question would
be what does it actually mean to let your heart
speak and how can someone start doing that today?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Aw Letting your heart speak is being steel to let
the words come out. Like sometimes I feel like the
words are inside of me and they feel like thorns.
They're like thorns moving all around because I'm ignoring them
and I'm not just like I don't want to write.
(18:32):
I don't want to But when I sit down and
I'm present with myself and present at God's feet, letting
my heart speak is being completely vulnerable and transparent and
honest with what I'm saying and doing it from a
(18:53):
place of healing because I want other people to be
healed and be drawn back to Christ. So letting your
heart speak is sometimes your mind is going to think
something that may not necessarily be truth. Yeah, Haard knows
(19:13):
the truth out of the bones of the heart.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
The mouth speaks, and that being still so that I
would normally say it so that I can hear God.
Sometimes I call it that download. But I like the
way you said that those words are like thorns that
they got to come out, And that's a good analogy
(19:38):
for it, because there's sometimes it's like I have to
do it now. It's not what I wanted to do,
but I have to do it now, and that's a
good analogy for it. Thank you, I am jewious for
joining us. Benda.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
That's one small step someone can take right now to
start writing, to say out loud, I'm a writer.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
A penda. That sounds so simple, but when you say it,
I got a few tiles because I was listening to
something and we hear it. Because I grew up a Baptist,
I grew up in the church. So hello, a'm alita,
thank you for joining us. And you know we talk
(20:32):
about speak things as though they are. You know that
you got the affirmation, then you got the declarations. But
when you said I am a writer, when.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
People come for their first consultation with me, I tell them,
now go change your bio on your social media the author,
because you're an author. That's one step that you can
take right now. And the other thing would be to
set your writing atmosphere, create a space that you feel
(21:07):
that you can curl up and write. Make it beautiful
for you. In my space you can't see because I'm
on my phone, but this space is surrounded by things
that inspired me. It's pictures of my family. There are dandelions.
There's a film. Can see my name right there because
I write films, you know, dandellions. That's from my book cover.
(21:30):
There's remember your Strength and the award that I want.
And so I think creating a space for yourself as
an author is another thing that you can do. And
then what is your writing habit? When I'm writing, I
need I need some water, I need a candle burning,
or some some music playing. I create playlists for every project,
(21:51):
and when I'm i'm writing, I'll sit down and I'll
play my playlist and just write.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
You very intentional, and I'm helping the audiences listening. You
select a playlist for every project, you're studying, your candle
or whatever you're doing for that particular project. You set
that atmosphere so that when you go in to walk
to walk, when you go in to work, you're there
(22:21):
fully present. Because you talked about that, you have to
be fully present in the moment for the download. So
those words that are like thorns can come out, but
you are very intentional about that.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I am. It's something that I've learned over the years
that I can't just jump into writing you know, I
carry a notebook with me at all times, or my
phone I will record. I have a Sometimes I keep
a dry erase marker in the shower because I'm always
getting a lot of ideas and it is important to
(22:57):
me that when God gives me a download, so I
don't miss it. And I heard her why I need
to buy them say. I heard her speak in Pittsburgh
one time and she talked about how when God gives
you a download, you might have an idea from A
to Z that you want to write about. But he
might say, write about bananas today, and you're like, but
I want to write about apples. He gives you nothing
(23:19):
but the banana subject. Then the next day you'll come
back with apples, and then he might say that now
I want you to write about zebras. So you have
to be intentional to follow the unction of the Holy
Spirit when you're writing. Because you're writing. I created an
atmosphere because I want the people who are reading my
work or the work that I'm helping other authors. They
(23:42):
create playlists for their projects, so when I'm working on
their projects, I'm listening to their music. We are creating
an atmosphere for the reader for them to walk into
their next level. They may never meet us in person.
So we have to set the atmosphere on our end
(24:03):
to invite the Holy Spirit in to do all the
things that we need to do, remove the clutter off
our desks, or whatever we need to do, because we
don't want to bring the anxiety or whatever is in
us into the reader. And if we start that way,
if I start and I'm just like, I'm feeling all
these things and I just need to write it. Every
(24:24):
word that we write is important. Get it out and
reframe it so that they don't read your anger when
they're you know, when they're reading. I hope that's tough.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
This was good, It's very helpful. And I'm working on
a project right now, and I'm always working on a project.
I'm like, you know, I take notes everywhere for yeah,
they're just everywhere because I'm like you, I know, when
I get an idea, it's not my idea. I know that,
and so I surrender everything to him. And I'm working
(25:01):
on a project right now, and it's interesting. The music
that I'm playing, it's the manifestation music, and I don't
normally fully have that on, but I'm listening to you
because I tell folks every time I interview somewhere I
learned also, and that's the reason I love doing this,
(25:23):
because you're right, because the music is going into what
I'm wanting them to be able to do, because I'm
finalizing a work book and I want that work book
to be able to move them.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Hello Charlotte Wilson Jack. Thank you for joining me, my
song Rob. This is our next president of Sorority Incorporated.
She is our international first vice president. Thank you so
much for me.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Hello. I agree, I'm a dull helloss degree. Thank you
for joining us. I hope you are writing, write your
story please.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Now you see I did that was in your family
a little bit with this colored It wasn't and I
didn't realize. You see how God brought that out, said
I can have two more years and never known that
you were a delta. But you know, like I said,
I'm finishing up the finishing touches on a work book.
(26:26):
But that makes sense that I'm listening to Manifest Station
music because it's calm, and I want people to be
able to manifest and transform into who they know and
who God has said that they should be. So it's
interesting when you talk about that playlist. One last question
(26:48):
for this for this interview, Okay, you're gonna have to
come back because you have dropped so many jams and
you're helping so many people in so many different ways.
Because again, you work with folks who are musicians, who
are poets, who are authors, screenwriters. You work with graduate
students or undergrad students who are trying to get their
(27:11):
papers or their dissertation capstones written. You you help individuals
who may be journalists to refine articles, so are bloggers.
If someone wrote down their story today, even if it
was just a paragraph, and I'm going to say even
if they recorded it, because they may not write it
(27:32):
in the paper, they may not type them. What's the
biggest gift that they've given to themselves?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
A reminder that gout is with them h and Pender.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
That's the best gift anybody could give Themselve, Absolutely, it's
with them.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I just want to say this. I know this is
all last, This is our last thing. One of the
reasons why this work is so important to me is
because when I was in college, my parents moved from
one house to another and I was packing my old
bedroom and I found my journal, and I was very
self righteous then in my faith as a Christian, and
(28:31):
I was reading about some of the things I had done,
and I was like, I don't want nobody ever to
read this, and I sat down on the floor. I
will never forget this. I had a beautiful kintake clock
journal that my mother gave to me, and I sat
on the floor cross legged and tored each page out
and ripped it up into tiny shreds. And by the
(28:52):
time I got to the middle, I was sobbing, like
sobbing with the fact like as I was reading things
like my grandfather had died and reading different things, and
I'm sobbing, and that self righteousness of like I don't
want anybody to read this turned into regret. But I
had gone so far that I couldn't stop. So then
(29:15):
I got to the end. I just had the hardback
version of the outside the cover, and I threw it away.
And I cannot find you know, especially with my mom
being gone, I can't find any journal life. It was
like a one of a kind thing. And that's why
I tell people, when you write your story, I'm like
eighteen nineteen years old doing that. I had been writing
(29:39):
in a journal since I was probably in the fourth grade.
So to rip up that that whole section of my
life is missing. I don't know dependa from back then.
I can't compare what God did for me back then
that got me to where I am as a fifty
year old woman now. And that's why I want people
(30:02):
to write their stories down. And if you're a shamed
there is no shame in God. Write your story down
and you can put it up somewhere. Somebody will read
it and they'll be like Grandma did that.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Another thing, this is a promise.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
This is the last time.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
When my husband and I got married. Before we got married,
I was living in Colorado for a year, so he
had a long difference relationship, and every Saconnday I wrote
him a letter. When we moved from Dayton, Ohio to Pittsburgh,
I found all of my letters unopened in his drawer
and he was saving them. But I was so angry
(30:43):
that my husband, my new husband, did not open one
of my letters that I wrote to him every single
Sunday for a whole year that I was apart from
him and what he sat and he watched me rip
them up in anger and immaturity, and he stood back
and me said I was saving them for a bad day.
(31:08):
And that bad day came ten years later, like when
he was the pastor of the church, and it was
just a really, really hard time for him because the
church has really come batter. And now I am more
intentional about what I write and how I write, and
even sending cards to people just because those words are important.
(31:32):
My mom and dad had being gone. Me being able
to go in my closet right now and pull out
journals that they have written in their own handwriting gets
me through the day when I'm having a hard time.
And if I could say anything to anybody out right now,
those of you who are watching, I want to say
to you, remember your strength so you can write it down.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Then, Yes, ma'am, you wrapped it up in the boat.
Remember your strength so you can write it down. Because
when we write it down we have a bad day,
I can go back and read what I wrote and
(32:17):
lift my spirit, lift my spirit and imagine what it
will do for other people. Yes, because your story is
not for you, it's for everyone else. Um hm, Penda,
I am. I'm sorry that you ripped up the journal.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Me too.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Because that hurts me. I'm sorry you ripped pulled up
the letters because that hurts me because you said ten
years later it came. That day came and he didn't
have that to hold on to. Yes, he has you,
but it's different when you can read because he knows
(33:04):
you love him. But when he picked up those letters, Okay,
that was Sunday, a week one, we a week one
and week twenty six and she said, da da da
da da da.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I climbed up mountain today. I was a cheerleader today,
Like everything that I did in that year was in
those letters. I regret that. I regret those moments. So
it's Valentine's Day. He's out of town. I wrote him
three and this is our twentieth year of marriage this year,
so I was intentional. I printed out pictures and I
(33:39):
wrote him cards, and I slipped him in his suitcase
and I said, read this one today, tomorrow and the
next day. Because I learned the hard lesson and I'm
trying to do better. And that's why I am a scribe.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Coach, and that that's why I I'm so glad that
you are transparent and I want to go back to that.
Though we may do things that we shouldn't do. It
doesn't mean we can't bounce back and we cannot course
correct and do it the right way. Because you know
what matters to your husband. That matters. It may not
(34:16):
matter to somebody else, but to be able to get
a letter from you, because he knows you, he knows
how important words are to you. You are very selected.
So when you write something, it means a whole lot,
and that means a whole lot of love for whoever
receives it. Yes, I look forward to our next time
(34:39):
communicating about the power of getting your words out and
the healing properties that come from that. And to our audience,
I want to thank you so much for being with
us today. And remember before you go try and take
care of anybody else. Guys, make sure you take care
of yourself first. Right now,
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