June 18, 2025 • 33 mins
Host Dr. Teresa A. Smith, Dr. TAS welcomes author and certified dating and relationships coach Dr. Velma Bagby to discuss reclaiming your worth.
Follow Dr. Bagby
Connect with Dr. TAS at Linktree Bio
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/talk-with-tas-show--6128538/support
Follow Dr. Bagby
Connect with Dr. TAS at Linktree Bio
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/talk-with-tas-show--6128538/support
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You have joined doctor Teresa Smith, hosts of Talk with Tars,
and I have with me a woman of faith, a
best seller Christian author who specializes in relationships. She's been
married big to some years now, that ain't how long
she been with her mate. They've been together a long time,
(00:23):
and she understands what it means to stay committed through
the rain, through the friction. And so whenever we get together,
you know, we talk leadership. We talk passion for helping
others in their romantic life and then just in their
life as a whole. And so here today she's gonna
(00:43):
help us embrace our work and silence our and a credit.
Now you may say, well, how we gonna embrace our work?
Because she just said you knew it was rain and
you saw sign anyway, and then we got to trust
that divine blueprint for our life. So doctor Beama, welcome
back to Talk with Tas. Okay, Now, my question was,
(01:04):
why am I complaining then, because you said I saw
the side, I heard the weather report.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Why am I complaining exactly? And why why aren't you
taking a moment to assess how you got into this place?
We should always do that. You hear the stories about
I keep meeting the same guys I keep ended up,
and well, you need to access where you are and
why you're attracting these kind of men, and that's what's important.
(01:31):
It's like, you know, God can give us a key
ring full of keys, but if you don't know how
to use the keys. It's like the keys we have
sometimes at home, we have a whole bunch of keys
on the key ring and we don't know what fits
what lock. We may know one or two, but there's
a whole bunch of keys on there. We have no
idea what they're supposed to go to. And that's the
way it is with us. We just don't continue to
(01:52):
have the conversation around this. We've been given the keys.
One was the last time you checked to see what
key was appropriate, what key fits with what lot? And
so there's a reason red flags are called red, but
we ignore them. We don't look at the right things.
We look at temporary things, what I call conditions, what
(02:14):
it looks like now, versus deeper things characteristics and character
of the person. We don't explore those things. We just
go out as if we're in high school, having high
school dating parties, rather than really examining the heart of
the person to see if this person is the right
one for you. That takes hard questions. Going into a
marriage relationship is like going into a business contract. I
(02:36):
need to examine who you are. I need to know
that your reputation is what you say. I need to
know your business financials are where you say they are.
Why are we doing that? Why an't we examining who
this person really is? But hey, we see the signs
of rain, and because this is what I want, I
keep going.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
We keep doing after that. But now it seems to
me that given that as our backdrop, the question becomes
what does it mean for me as a woman a
man to embrace our God given worth? Because it's I'm thinking,
it's got to be. I'm not planted with the understanding
(03:18):
of what that is that keeps me from being, keeps
me that. Let me see, how can I say that?
You know what I'm saying, but let me say it
for the audience, because I don't embrace that, and I'm secure,
I'm grounded, and that then I get distracted. I hear
them saying it's gonna rain, but I don't pay it
any attention. I see the rain drops falling, But I
(03:41):
still go out without an umbrella, a raincoat, glosshous and
his brain every day and I'm getting wet with wet
and I'm just still going out. Is it because I
can't understand and hold on to that God given work
that he sees in me? And I don't see it.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think you don't embrace it, you don't accept it,
you don't acknowledge it. Because when you embrace your value,
then that takes you to a whole different level in
how you determine if the person is the right fit
for you. I heard an IG episode the other day
when the person said, well, he's just not your type.
If he can DM you real quick, but he can't
(04:22):
DM and get a message to God, then hey, that's
not your type because he at least should be able to pray.
I know how to talk to God. And so what
happens is we've lost our way and we forget that
your value is important. It's not about his value, or
even the guys who's looking for their mate, it's not
about her value. Do you embrace who God says you are?
(04:44):
And if you do, you'll stop to make sure he
measures that level, because that's what's important. Some people are great,
have embraced their abilities and skill sets, and careers are
going great. And you know, there's a syndrome for those
who are professional too. They misconstrued relationships with what they
do at work and assume that because I slated at work,
(05:07):
because I can turn things around, I can make it successful,
I could do the same things with that person. And
it doesn't work that way. And so we must start
with first embracing who we are, because if you don't
what's in you, your heart will continuously attract. Like in
the book the catfish who loves garbage, the sturgeon who
likes the nibble. Because you don't value yourself, you don't
(05:29):
measure yourself, so you'll take anybody that shows interest. Or
even the puffer fish who could be successful could be
narcissistic too. Got a lot of money, looks good, clean
and all those things, but it's crazy and the inside
because the minute you agitate him, he puffs up three
times his size with poisonous points coming out. So it's
(05:49):
important that we do our job. And it's the same
for men. The women can be just as treacherous and dangerous.
Take your time to examine who they are. What's it
the core of their heart? Who are they really? Not
what's on the surface, because that's going to lie to
you every time. And what's on the surface those conditions
that change changes over time. I am not that woman
(06:10):
who marches on the isle with my husband at twenty
years old. Don't look at me now because this is
not what I looked like. And the same for him,
Big Afron Elvis has left the building. So that does
conditions matter in that sense? No, look at what's inside
the person. We're not in high school anymore. It's time
for us examine use a different strategy when we're looking
(06:33):
for that lifelong made We need to examine who they are.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Well, not doctor them. But Addie says, thank you. I
like that who God says you are. How do I
begin to examine what is being presented to me?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Stop falling for the flood? Now, it depends on what
you're doing in that moment. Are you asking I'm not
going out to have fun. I'm going out to determine
if you're somebody i'd like to continue to talk with. Look,
I remember when I was presented to my own adult daughters.
Get specific with your questions. Stop just going out and
having fun with people. This is something you're seriously looking for.
(07:18):
Ask the right question, So tell me what's your intention
in dating me? What was the reason you set aside
time you wanted to spend this. If they can't get
that sentence out, if they can't get a word out,
just with that simple question, continue to enjoy your food
and after that you can lose that number. Stop wasting
(07:42):
time in the book in the Catch series, the Book
of Fools gives you all kinds of examples of foolish behavior.
Those are scriptures God has already given to us. I
only use eighty. He has over two hundred. But those
simple things. It's like going into business with the person.
You are not going to accept fluff. That's the reason
you examine the financials. That's the reason you look at
(08:04):
the reputation of the business. If I'm going to sign
this contract, I need to make sure that you are
who you say you are, that you can do what
you say you can do, that you've proven it over time.
There's examples, there's customers that can validate that you are.
Why aren't we doing that when we're considering a person
for a serious relationship. So it works for business too.
(08:26):
So in that Book of Fools, a fool is said,
in his heart there is no God. A fool also
hates wisdom and understanding. A fool already thinks they know everything,
so you cannot contribute to anything that they have to say.
A fool does not listen. A full loves foolishness. So
if you start there and you see those things, why
am I trying to sign on the dotted line with you?
(08:48):
That's so important.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I like them because I like them. They look good,
they make me feel good. I'm the queen, he might
she he's my king, whatever, vice versa.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Yeah, well, then that's high school. That's what it is.
We're talking about wrong folks, and we're talking about a
serious relationship. We're talking about a marriage that God has
ordained and said that we're to become one in. You'll
never become one with a fool because it's got his
own pattern, his own way of doing things, and you
just don't listen to anybody, no wise, advice, nothing. So
(09:31):
that's what you're gonna deal with for the rest of
your life. It's more about a wedding event than it
is about marriage. How have you prepared yourself for the marriage.
Anybody can become a wife, and anybody can become a husband,
but how have you prepared yourself for that role that
you're gonna have.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I'm working on myself, but I still hear those haters,
you know, And I got how to figure out how
do I shut out those haters? Because I know some
because you know we talked about it, that euation. Well,
you know, I'm gonna be back.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm gonna take.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
A deep dive of myself. But also I may have
a trusted person that I'm asking to give me some
feed back. Now, there's a difference between constructive excuse me, guys,
constructive feedback and them toxic voices. Yes, who mean you know,
they trying to keep me down? They for whatever reason.
How do I how do I distinguish between the haters
(10:25):
that are trying to keep me bound and unhappy and
those individuals who are really trying to help me. But
understand that, guys, what I'm saying, couse, most time the
people that's trying to help you, Oh help me somebody.
Oh that's that was my great office friend, somebody. Those
individuals are gonna tell your stuff you don't want to
hear and the people that really don't mean you no good.
(10:48):
You're what I'm saying that may be poor English, but
I wanted to be poor English. Idios, they don't mean
you no good. They gonna tell you all these great things.
They're gonna be going smoke up your about a poblem.
But the people that tell you the truth, that constructive
feet that you don't necessarily want to hear it because
then it's like bad. So how do we grasp on
(11:14):
to the people who mean us well? And I guess
put aside our pride so that we can actually hear
it with our and our Yes, I understand it with
our mind and be okay in our heart.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yes. We used to refer to them as the inner circle,
but I refer to them as the parade around. Principle,
you need a group of people that will be involved
in this process with you so that they can help
to vet this person. A daughter who brought a guy home,
the father was the responsible person to help the vet him.
We don't have that kind of stuff anymore, and many
(11:46):
of us the father doesn't exist, or we're a lot
older than a father can be involved. So it's good
to have an inner circle, a group of people that
has the same values and face that you have that
can help to vet that person where the father used
to do that. And those are the people that you
would trust. Those opinions you will value. Those are the
(12:08):
opinions you that will help you along the way. So
you would personally choose those, and those the only ones
that you would listen to. That's the only group that
you would invite conversation about this person. And it's important
because I've seen a lot of women will hide the
guys they're dating, hide the guys they're interested in, and
who created that craziness. Maybe some of them ended up
(12:32):
in a ditch no longer here because you're hiding because
those things that you probably missed, those signs that you
didn't you know, pay attention to. Your small group of
your small group of supporters could have picked up on
some of those things and you didn't allow that to happen.
So it's important. It's not an isolated experience. You should
(12:53):
have a small group of people that can help to
validate who this person is. And so that's important. And
the acronym I was looking for with SWAT, the SWAT
analysis analysis, the strengths weaknesses opportunities and threats. You need
to know what are these things about you? But also
abound him as well.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Now Adam said, just want to ask, do we do
the courtship before dating? And if yes, do I be
friends of people to know the one who is true
truly a bone of my bones and bless should my bliss?
So do we do the courtship before dating?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
No, let's just clarify dating it's not in scripture. It's
courtships strictly period. Because you know you this is what
you want to do. You want this to end in marriage.
But today, because of the difficulties and the things that
people hide, today, dating is just used for you to
get to know that person to determine if this is
(13:51):
going to move on. So this is the stage where
you actually get to know who this person is, validate
what they believe, Validate their values and faith acording to
what you believe. To see if all of that is
present before you make a determination if you're going to
move very seriously into courtship. But you got to get
to know that your friends in the beginning, because remember,
(14:11):
if something does not add up, then you lose that
number you move on. So there's no strings attached. You
don't wait to courtship to do that. I remember I
was reviewing questions that are you sometimes in pre marriage
counseling my husband and I. My husband was a pastor
for ten years and we used to sit together in
(14:32):
pre marriage counseling, and I think some of those questions
are too bag. So I've been putting together some questions
I think are important to asking the very beginning. And
yes it's an interview. Yes you're gonna get some questions,
so get comfortable and be ready to answer it. Because
I need to have some answers to some of these things.
And so it's important that you ask the right things
(14:53):
in the very beginning. That's why that one question I
said earlier, So what's your intention in dating me? That's critical.
Some guys can't even formulate a sentence. Some of them
can't even get their thoughts straight. Some of them have
no clue because their motives are not clear, and some
have an alternative material motives. So you got to make
sure that you least start there. Some people say it's
(15:15):
important for you to start with questions. We're so in
a hurry to go out on the day talk DMS
don't work. You need to hear tone. You need to
hear a level of conversation, the tone of the voice,
all of that, if it changes in the common you
need to hear all that before you go and meet
them face to face. But we're in a hurry. We'll
(15:36):
go meet a stranger down at the restaurant, and we
don't even know who this person is. So take your
time in that what I call the world's definition of dating.
Take your time during the dating process, because that's the
time you can lose numbers, you can block people. That's
the time you can just Okay, not the one. But
when the questions start coming and you start to hear
(15:57):
the kind of answers you're looking for, then that should
pique your interest, and that should make you want to
meet the person in person. And so that's when you
begin to slowly determine if this is something that you
want or he wants, or you feel like God is saying,
take your time, this is the one. Then you move
into courtship. But courtship is that serious place that you've
(16:20):
already taken this person through a series of questions and
examinations to see who they are. That's when you move
into that next sphase. But courtship does not happen that quickly,
and today it's pretty dangerous to move that quickly.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
It is. And thank you for clarifying those steps, doctor Demba.
That getting to know you stayed.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You know, right, I don't know you.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
I don't know you, and that could be a year
to depend upon, you know, because people don't always live
in the same stage, you know. Also, you know, you know,
we may be talking on the phone, but I want
to see you a couple of times too, you know.
So again it's there is no set time limit for
(17:08):
each piece.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Of Absolutely, absolutely, this is my life. Like in business,
I'm not gonna rush and get into a contract because
you say you're making all this money, because you say
you're successful, because you say, I'm gonna do my examination
of all these facts to make sure they're credible. That
is the truth. It's the same in looking for a
(17:29):
person you're gonna spend the rest of your life. You're
gonna enter a covenant, So shouldn't they pass the mustard?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
But doctor Velleman, you make it seem like relationship is business.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
It is. A covenant is serious.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
It is He did not put out on the sleep,
pull out that rib and make that woman so that
he would have a help make what help? Let's just
work with words. Help. So let's helping this helping all
aspects of his life. And you call it the covenant,
I'm gonna call it the contract. I'm gonna call it business.
(18:08):
Relationship is business.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Yes, it is. It's some responsibility we have before God
and to honor him because he instituted it and he
had a purpose and plan in mind when he did it. Now,
so and since you brought up the rib, think about it.
Everybody has a missing rib. We used to have more.
Everybody has occasionally an extra rib around the neck. So
(18:37):
if God has a person for you and this is
his plan, it is the man job to find that
missing rib because it was taken. So where is the visit?
And do you match? Are you that match? Are you
that missing rib? No?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Come on now, and don't feel bad if you not,
because your item is going to find you.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
You will find you.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
D NA is important because the blood type is important
because now I'm talking it from a blood transfusion. And
you know he I got the right man's rip and
he's the right man. The blood transfusion if it's not
the same type.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
We don't need that's right.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Tight the person, good person.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
But we either my type, somebody else's person, somebody else's person.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
And we have to get big enough guys for the
men and the women to let the person go so
they can be with their person, because they will the man,
he gonna find his right person, and the person that's
for you will find you. But if you keep hanging
on to the wrong person, the wrong type. Not already
(19:58):
saying you can't give me a blood tre excu and
we got we don't have the same blood type. You
don't work.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
No, that means you don't.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Kill the person. And think about doctor Bellma, that's what
really begins to happen. Somebody is beginning to go down
in the relationship you're dying.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
That was a.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Nugget, and I hope y'all get it. And those who
are gonna watch this on the replay or who will
listen to this, let us know because you know, we
might have to do something about uh that that blood type,
because you know, I I subscribe to the blood type
as far as how I'm supposed to eat, long before
I had the gas your sleeve surgeon, Doctor Bellma and
(20:36):
I will eat a point to my blood type. But
let's us look at that blood type.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
As far as relationships, Now, what are some practical spiritual
tools that women are men can use daily to build
resilience and protect their sense of identity, their sense of
worth that they are worthy.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
First, you must spend some time with God. I mean,
if you want him to be a part of the process.
He's the third chord. The threefold chord cannot easily be broken.
But God has to be in the midst of the process,
even in these early stages. Somebody mentioned online, I think
is go Daddy t and marriage? Can God definition of
(21:21):
love be the center? But it should always be. One
of the biggest problems we have is that we're looking
for love or looking for a human to give us
the kind of love that only God can give you.
So stop. The very first person you should be in
love with is God himself. God is the definition of love,
So I don't have to give a definition of love.
(21:41):
God is the definition of love. And so therefore Scripture
tells us we must love the Lord God first. So
let's look at the tears of love. First, there's your
love for God. And if that is not in place.
You're going to try to lump all these things on
a human being that God owns is the one that
can provide you. I can't be satisfied with any human
(22:04):
being that in a way that God can satisfy my
need for love. He is the definition of love. Then
he says, you have to love yourself. So that's a
second tier loving yourself. And you'd be surprised how many
people don't. We talked about brokenness, we talked about unresolved
issues in the past. Do you love you? Have you
(22:24):
embraced what he says about you? You are fearfully and
onefully made. And doctor Toddge just said, in the very beginning,
God saw something that was not good. He said, you
know what, we need to make something that's going to
fix this thing that's not good. And what are we
going to make woman, It's gonna be what's good for
this not good situation. And so those are the some
(22:45):
of the things you need to hold on too, because
you are valuable, more valuable than a ruby. Scripture says,
and a man for him, you are the crown of
his life. His crowning achievement is you. But you can't
be that if you're broken, you haven't fixed what you
need to fix. You not in love with God, you
don't love yourself. So you got to get the tears
(23:05):
fixed first. Because the man falls into tier three, well
everybody somebody else, and so it is with the man,
God is first, then himself, and then the wife falls
into tier three, which is with everybody else. And then
you love others like you love God. And so it's
important for us to make sure we start there. Get
our lives fixed first, right there, get solid there, Uncover
(23:30):
those things that you're holding on that Paul says, you're
carrying around the waist, and let that stuff go. If
you truly want this and God wants that for you,
then you would let go of the stuff you need
to let go of and just move on and then
let God bring you to a place of peace and love.
Watch him find you, because it's the heart he should
(23:52):
be examining, not what's on the outside, because that changes.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
And it changes solely because anything can happen these days.
Because you've been with your husband for over fifty years,
but you talk about your ever since left the building.
Because I know your husband had the afro. He doesn't
have to have not. But it doesn't have to. It
doesn't have to take that many years. Guys, things happen
like that. And if your love was superficial, it's gonna
(24:19):
be hard to stay committed to someone when life changes
in the brink of an hour. So how do you
help to guide them towards a perspective that brings them
some peace even when answers are out of reach, Because
the answers may be out of reach because they're just
not ready yet to understand their role in what is
(24:40):
happening in their lives. What what this happened to me?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I go back to what we were talking about in
the beginning. You were tracked back what you were tracked.
They have nothing to do with that other person. It's you,
And so you should be examining your heart to detec
and what's in there that's causing this to happen. You
should be doing that squat analysis or doing an assessment
(25:07):
as to why I do this? Why am I like this?
Find out those things you should be examining, whether or
not I talked about earlier, the three tears of love.
If that's not the way it is right now, you
should be looking at that because your whole heart should
be with God at this point, not with some other
person that comes later. And so if you haven't examined
(25:30):
your heart, you haven't figured out what's broken. You haven't
figured out what you're dragging around. It's causing you to attract.
Remember the catfish in the Catch series. The catfish is
the one that loves garbage, one of the things he
loves the most. Calffish loves smelly, dead things. Your heart
is not sure, your heart, there's poor confidence, there's no
(25:51):
self esteem, you don't value yourself. Those are smells that
a calfish can pick up on right away. He knows
you're not sure if yourself. He knows that you have
poor self confidence, poor self esteem. He can smell it.
And so you need to examine what's happening with you, your heart.
It's not the other person, it's you.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Well, doctor Velma, I'm reminded her of several things A
person said to me once when you meet someone, which
is exactly what you just said. This was a gentleman.
He said, what you have to examine what you were
needing or wonting at that point in time, and once
(26:35):
you can figure that out, you can then determine why
you got what you got that now, doctor Bema said
it one way, that this person said it another way,
and I really got it, and you were talking. I
finally got the answer to the question that he was
asking me because I didn't have the answer, but I
(26:57):
got it today and I'm looking at the back of
the new book. Hold your head up a princess expanded
story now, princess, for what we're talking about can be
man or woman, because we're talking about those principles that
are going to help you discover your power of embracing
your true worth and the value of learning to apply love,
(27:22):
self love and accepted. But that means you got to
do that swat now that strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threat
You gotta embrace your qualities and that's the good qualities
and those that are not so good. You gotta be
honest with yourself about who you really are, that true identity,
and then use them to overcome the attacks the criticism
(27:45):
of those people who are be really your the haters
that you thought were in your inner circle. Oh, come
on here, black Dawn, it was in your inner circle,
But they were never in your inner circle. Baby, in
a circle. You were there in a circle cheering them out,
but they are never cheering you. And then the lies
from the other pieple. But I'm gonna throw this in,
(28:06):
doctor bellman, them lies we tell ourselves, well be lying
to myself to that. So this book, Doctor Belma, you
know she's good. Well she got the Catch series too,
that she gonna tell you about how you can get
all these good books. But this is the latest book
and I have already done a review. My goal is
(28:29):
to get the review out tomorrow so you guys can
see me talk about this book. A couple of things
that I really really lie. So doctor Bell will tell
them how they can get the new book and all
of your books, and how they can stay in contact
with you.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Look, my books are on Amazon. That's the easiest way
to get it. And I love the fact that many
of them are on audiobooks now, So if you're a
busy person, you just want to listen to the book
and not read it yourself, and you have that as
an option. So feel free to go onto Amazon under
doctor Delma back Be and find the books that I
have and to help yourself. And I love the fact
(29:06):
that you did something different. You said for the guys too,
because if you look at the word princess, the first
five letters says prince, it's the son as well as
the daughter re earth sons and daughters of the king.
And so I love what Doctor Toss just said. That
blessed me. When you said that, I said, oh my gosh,
look at that.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I love that black man, guys, I called him. I've
always called him the black man since I was a
little girl. That's how we've plaid of God and that
black man from Galileina. He walked out of the water.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
From the side of town with the funny dialect, with
the funny dialect.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Yes, yes, my God, my god, Doctor Velma. I always
enjoy you being with me, and I thank everyone else
for being with me. Now remind them of how they
can stay in contact with you.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Well, feel free to do two things for me. Subscribe
to my YouTube tube channel if you want to catch
one of the podcasts Doctor Velma talks dating, relationships and marriage.
That's coming back soon, So if you want to catch
the podcast, you can sign up to be reminded and
it'll give you the notification. And then to my website
Doctor Velma Bagley dot com. But I'm on all social
(30:22):
media platforms, so feel free to connect with me on
any of them. Look forward to hearing from you, doctor
TOAs I'm gonna have to get back on your calendar
because I always have a ball with you and our conversations.
I enjoy your conversation with Mom and Angera, So I'm
looking forward to coming back.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Well, I am looking forward to you being back because,
like you said, every time, and I got to say
this and yeah, because I'm so transparent, I believe, Oh,
I believe. Oh. I can't be whose song it is,
but I believe, Mama, I believe. I think when he
does that, I'm gonna call it the reframe. But it's
(31:02):
when he does a little extended verse, he said, saying
it is hitting you with everything because he's looked over
into your future. He sees what God's about to bring
you into. Every time time that doctor Velma tries to
come on my show, now this is no joke, guy,
there's always a hiccup, and that that says to me,
we are supposed to bless somebody, and every time we
(31:24):
said we're gonna do it anyway, every time there's a hiccup.
But every time I believe. I know I get something
from it, and I believe the audience gets something from it.
And whoever is supposed to get it, they get it
because it makes no I believe it, because it makes
no sense that every time we have a struggle time,
(31:49):
but we always persevere. So my final message to the
audience is doctor Velma has given us Prince. That's it.
Hold your head up. We've talked about how you can
claim your self worth. You are valuable, you are important.
There is a plan for your life. There's a person
(32:11):
out there who's going to be a part of your
God's plan for you from a romantic perspective, but you
got to get yourself together first. This book will help
you get yourself together. Doctor Bama can help you get
yourself together. Embrace humility. As I say to my doctoral students,
(32:31):
relationships is an exercise in humility.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
So it is, and.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
But I understand it is because you got too worrying
people because I want my way, he wants his way,
and all in between. But if you're going to come together, yes, ma'am,
have to exercise humility. So doctor Vema also is available
to help you with exercise and humility. She didn't say it,
(32:59):
but I'm gonna say it yes. And so again, thankk
you guys for joining us, Thank you doctor Velma. And
until next time, before you go trying to take care
of somebody else, make sure you take care of yourself first.
You might need to do that swap because I love
a swap.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Bye no, bye bye everybody. Thank you,
You have joined doctor Teresa Smith, hosts of Talk with Tars,
and I have with me a woman of faith, a
best seller Christian author who specializes in relationships. She's been
married big to some years now, that ain't how long
she been with her mate. They've been together a long time,
(00:23):
and she understands what it means to stay committed through
the rain, through the friction. And so whenever we get together,
you know, we talk leadership. We talk passion for helping
others in their romantic life and then just in their
life as a whole. And so here today she's gonna
(00:43):
help us embrace our work and silence our and a credit.
Now you may say, well, how we gonna embrace our work?
Because she just said you knew it was rain and
you saw sign anyway, and then we got to trust
that divine blueprint for our life. So doctor Beama, welcome
back to Talk with Tas. Okay, Now, my question was,
(01:04):
why am I complaining then, because you said I saw
the side, I heard the weather report.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Why am I complaining exactly? And why why aren't you
taking a moment to assess how you got into this place?
We should always do that. You hear the stories about
I keep meeting the same guys I keep ended up,
and well, you need to access where you are and
why you're attracting these kind of men, and that's what's important.
(01:31):
It's like, you know, God can give us a key
ring full of keys, but if you don't know how
to use the keys. It's like the keys we have
sometimes at home, we have a whole bunch of keys
on the key ring and we don't know what fits
what lock. We may know one or two, but there's
a whole bunch of keys on there. We have no
idea what they're supposed to go to. And that's the
way it is with us. We just don't continue to
(01:52):
have the conversation around this. We've been given the keys.
One was the last time you checked to see what
key was appropriate, what key fits with what lot? And
so there's a reason red flags are called red, but
we ignore them. We don't look at the right things.
We look at temporary things, what I call conditions, what
(02:14):
it looks like now, versus deeper things characteristics and character
of the person. We don't explore those things. We just
go out as if we're in high school, having high
school dating parties, rather than really examining the heart of
the person to see if this person is the right
one for you. That takes hard questions. Going into a
marriage relationship is like going into a business contract. I
(02:36):
need to examine who you are. I need to know
that your reputation is what you say. I need to
know your business financials are where you say they are.
Why are we doing that? Why an't we examining who
this person really is? But hey, we see the signs
of rain, and because this is what I want, I
keep going.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
We keep doing after that. But now it seems to
me that given that as our backdrop, the question becomes
what does it mean for me as a woman a
man to embrace our God given worth? Because it's I'm thinking,
it's got to be. I'm not planted with the understanding
(03:18):
of what that is that keeps me from being, keeps
me that. Let me see, how can I say that?
You know what I'm saying, but let me say it
for the audience, because I don't embrace that, and I'm secure,
I'm grounded, and that then I get distracted. I hear
them saying it's gonna rain, but I don't pay it
any attention. I see the rain drops falling, But I
(03:41):
still go out without an umbrella, a raincoat, glosshous and
his brain every day and I'm getting wet with wet
and I'm just still going out. Is it because I
can't understand and hold on to that God given work
that he sees in me? And I don't see it.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think you don't embrace it, you don't accept it,
you don't acknowledge it. Because when you embrace your value,
then that takes you to a whole different level in
how you determine if the person is the right fit
for you. I heard an IG episode the other day
when the person said, well, he's just not your type.
If he can DM you real quick, but he can't
(04:22):
DM and get a message to God, then hey, that's
not your type because he at least should be able to pray.
I know how to talk to God. And so what
happens is we've lost our way and we forget that
your value is important. It's not about his value, or
even the guys who's looking for their mate, it's not
about her value. Do you embrace who God says you are?
(04:44):
And if you do, you'll stop to make sure he
measures that level, because that's what's important. Some people are great,
have embraced their abilities and skill sets, and careers are
going great. And you know, there's a syndrome for those
who are professional too. They misconstrued relationships with what they
do at work and assume that because I slated at work,
(05:07):
because I can turn things around, I can make it successful,
I could do the same things with that person. And
it doesn't work that way. And so we must start
with first embracing who we are, because if you don't
what's in you, your heart will continuously attract. Like in
the book the catfish who loves garbage, the sturgeon who
likes the nibble. Because you don't value yourself, you don't
(05:29):
measure yourself, so you'll take anybody that shows interest. Or
even the puffer fish who could be successful could be
narcissistic too. Got a lot of money, looks good, clean
and all those things, but it's crazy and the inside
because the minute you agitate him, he puffs up three
times his size with poisonous points coming out. So it's
(05:49):
important that we do our job. And it's the same
for men. The women can be just as treacherous and dangerous.
Take your time to examine who they are. What's it
the core of their heart? Who are they really? Not
what's on the surface, because that's going to lie to
you every time. And what's on the surface those conditions
that change changes over time. I am not that woman
(06:10):
who marches on the isle with my husband at twenty
years old. Don't look at me now because this is
not what I looked like. And the same for him,
Big Afron Elvis has left the building. So that does
conditions matter in that sense? No, look at what's inside
the person. We're not in high school anymore. It's time
for us examine use a different strategy when we're looking
(06:33):
for that lifelong made We need to examine who they are.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Well, not doctor them. But Addie says, thank you. I
like that who God says you are. How do I
begin to examine what is being presented to me?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Stop falling for the flood? Now, it depends on what
you're doing in that moment. Are you asking I'm not
going out to have fun. I'm going out to determine
if you're somebody i'd like to continue to talk with. Look,
I remember when I was presented to my own adult daughters.
Get specific with your questions. Stop just going out and
having fun with people. This is something you're seriously looking for.
(07:18):
Ask the right question, So tell me what's your intention
in dating me? What was the reason you set aside
time you wanted to spend this. If they can't get
that sentence out, if they can't get a word out,
just with that simple question, continue to enjoy your food
and after that you can lose that number. Stop wasting
(07:42):
time in the book in the Catch series, the Book
of Fools gives you all kinds of examples of foolish behavior.
Those are scriptures God has already given to us. I
only use eighty. He has over two hundred. But those
simple things. It's like going into business with the person.
You are not going to accept fluff. That's the reason
you examine the financials. That's the reason you look at
(08:04):
the reputation of the business. If I'm going to sign
this contract, I need to make sure that you are
who you say you are, that you can do what
you say you can do, that you've proven it over time.
There's examples, there's customers that can validate that you are.
Why aren't we doing that when we're considering a person
for a serious relationship. So it works for business too.
(08:26):
So in that Book of Fools, a fool is said,
in his heart there is no God. A fool also
hates wisdom and understanding. A fool already thinks they know everything,
so you cannot contribute to anything that they have to say.
A fool does not listen. A full loves foolishness. So
if you start there and you see those things, why
am I trying to sign on the dotted line with you?
(08:48):
That's so important.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I like them because I like them. They look good,
they make me feel good. I'm the queen, he might
she he's my king, whatever, vice versa.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Yeah, well, then that's high school. That's what it is.
We're talking about wrong folks, and we're talking about a
serious relationship. We're talking about a marriage that God has
ordained and said that we're to become one in. You'll
never become one with a fool because it's got his
own pattern, his own way of doing things, and you
just don't listen to anybody, no wise, advice, nothing. So
(09:31):
that's what you're gonna deal with for the rest of
your life. It's more about a wedding event than it
is about marriage. How have you prepared yourself for the marriage.
Anybody can become a wife, and anybody can become a husband,
but how have you prepared yourself for that role that
you're gonna have.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I'm working on myself, but I still hear those haters,
you know, And I got how to figure out how
do I shut out those haters? Because I know some
because you know we talked about it, that euation. Well,
you know, I'm gonna be back.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm gonna take.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
A deep dive of myself. But also I may have
a trusted person that I'm asking to give me some
feed back. Now, there's a difference between constructive excuse me, guys,
constructive feedback and them toxic voices. Yes, who mean you know,
they trying to keep me down? They for whatever reason.
How do I how do I distinguish between the haters
(10:25):
that are trying to keep me bound and unhappy and
those individuals who are really trying to help me. But
understand that, guys, what I'm saying, couse, most time the
people that's trying to help you, Oh help me somebody.
Oh that's that was my great office friend, somebody. Those
individuals are gonna tell your stuff you don't want to
hear and the people that really don't mean you no good.
(10:48):
You're what I'm saying that may be poor English, but
I wanted to be poor English. Idios, they don't mean
you no good. They gonna tell you all these great things.
They're gonna be going smoke up your about a poblem.
But the people that tell you the truth, that constructive
feet that you don't necessarily want to hear it because
then it's like bad. So how do we grasp on
(11:14):
to the people who mean us well? And I guess
put aside our pride so that we can actually hear
it with our and our Yes, I understand it with
our mind and be okay in our heart.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yes. We used to refer to them as the inner circle,
but I refer to them as the parade around. Principle,
you need a group of people that will be involved
in this process with you so that they can help
to vet this person. A daughter who brought a guy home,
the father was the responsible person to help the vet him.
We don't have that kind of stuff anymore, and many
(11:46):
of us the father doesn't exist, or we're a lot
older than a father can be involved. So it's good
to have an inner circle, a group of people that
has the same values and face that you have that
can help to vet that person where the father used
to do that. And those are the people that you
would trust. Those opinions you will value. Those are the
(12:08):
opinions you that will help you along the way. So
you would personally choose those, and those the only ones
that you would listen to. That's the only group that
you would invite conversation about this person. And it's important
because I've seen a lot of women will hide the
guys they're dating, hide the guys they're interested in, and
who created that craziness. Maybe some of them ended up
(12:32):
in a ditch no longer here because you're hiding because
those things that you probably missed, those signs that you
didn't you know, pay attention to. Your small group of
your small group of supporters could have picked up on
some of those things and you didn't allow that to happen.
So it's important. It's not an isolated experience. You should
(12:53):
have a small group of people that can help to
validate who this person is. And so that's important. And
the acronym I was looking for with SWAT, the SWAT
analysis analysis, the strengths weaknesses opportunities and threats. You need
to know what are these things about you? But also
abound him as well.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Now Adam said, just want to ask, do we do
the courtship before dating? And if yes, do I be
friends of people to know the one who is true
truly a bone of my bones and bless should my bliss?
So do we do the courtship before dating?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
No, let's just clarify dating it's not in scripture. It's
courtships strictly period. Because you know you this is what
you want to do. You want this to end in marriage.
But today, because of the difficulties and the things that
people hide, today, dating is just used for you to
get to know that person to determine if this is
(13:51):
going to move on. So this is the stage where
you actually get to know who this person is, validate
what they believe, Validate their values and faith acording to
what you believe. To see if all of that is
present before you make a determination if you're going to
move very seriously into courtship. But you got to get
to know that your friends in the beginning, because remember,
(14:11):
if something does not add up, then you lose that
number you move on. So there's no strings attached. You
don't wait to courtship to do that. I remember I
was reviewing questions that are you sometimes in pre marriage
counseling my husband and I. My husband was a pastor
for ten years and we used to sit together in
(14:32):
pre marriage counseling, and I think some of those questions
are too bag. So I've been putting together some questions
I think are important to asking the very beginning. And
yes it's an interview. Yes you're gonna get some questions,
so get comfortable and be ready to answer it. Because
I need to have some answers to some of these things.
And so it's important that you ask the right things
(14:53):
in the very beginning. That's why that one question I
said earlier, So what's your intention in dating me? That's critical.
Some guys can't even formulate a sentence. Some of them
can't even get their thoughts straight. Some of them have
no clue because their motives are not clear, and some
have an alternative material motives. So you got to make
sure that you least start there. Some people say it's
(15:15):
important for you to start with questions. We're so in
a hurry to go out on the day talk DMS
don't work. You need to hear tone. You need to
hear a level of conversation, the tone of the voice,
all of that, if it changes in the common you
need to hear all that before you go and meet
them face to face. But we're in a hurry. We'll
(15:36):
go meet a stranger down at the restaurant, and we
don't even know who this person is. So take your
time in that what I call the world's definition of dating.
Take your time during the dating process, because that's the
time you can lose numbers, you can block people. That's
the time you can just Okay, not the one. But
when the questions start coming and you start to hear
(15:57):
the kind of answers you're looking for, then that should
pique your interest, and that should make you want to
meet the person in person. And so that's when you
begin to slowly determine if this is something that you
want or he wants, or you feel like God is saying,
take your time, this is the one. Then you move
into courtship. But courtship is that serious place that you've
(16:20):
already taken this person through a series of questions and
examinations to see who they are. That's when you move
into that next sphase. But courtship does not happen that quickly,
and today it's pretty dangerous to move that quickly.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
It is. And thank you for clarifying those steps, doctor Demba.
That getting to know you stayed.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You know, right, I don't know you.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
I don't know you, and that could be a year
to depend upon, you know, because people don't always live
in the same stage, you know. Also, you know, you know,
we may be talking on the phone, but I want
to see you a couple of times too, you know.
So again it's there is no set time limit for
(17:08):
each piece.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Of Absolutely, absolutely, this is my life. Like in business,
I'm not gonna rush and get into a contract because
you say you're making all this money, because you say
you're successful, because you say, I'm gonna do my examination
of all these facts to make sure they're credible. That
is the truth. It's the same in looking for a
(17:29):
person you're gonna spend the rest of your life. You're
gonna enter a covenant, So shouldn't they pass the mustard?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
But doctor Velleman, you make it seem like relationship is business.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
It is. A covenant is serious.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
It is He did not put out on the sleep,
pull out that rib and make that woman so that
he would have a help make what help? Let's just
work with words. Help. So let's helping this helping all
aspects of his life. And you call it the covenant,
I'm gonna call it the contract. I'm gonna call it business.
(18:08):
Relationship is business.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Yes, it is. It's some responsibility we have before God
and to honor him because he instituted it and he
had a purpose and plan in mind when he did it. Now,
so and since you brought up the rib, think about it.
Everybody has a missing rib. We used to have more.
Everybody has occasionally an extra rib around the neck. So
(18:37):
if God has a person for you and this is
his plan, it is the man job to find that
missing rib because it was taken. So where is the visit?
And do you match? Are you that match? Are you
that missing rib? No?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Come on now, and don't feel bad if you not,
because your item is going to find you.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
You will find you.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
D NA is important because the blood type is important
because now I'm talking it from a blood transfusion. And
you know he I got the right man's rip and
he's the right man. The blood transfusion if it's not
the same type.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
We don't need that's right.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Tight the person, good person.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
But we either my type, somebody else's person, somebody else's person.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
And we have to get big enough guys for the
men and the women to let the person go so
they can be with their person, because they will the man,
he gonna find his right person, and the person that's
for you will find you. But if you keep hanging
on to the wrong person, the wrong type. Not already
(19:58):
saying you can't give me a blood tre excu and
we got we don't have the same blood type. You
don't work.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
No, that means you don't.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Kill the person. And think about doctor Bellma, that's what
really begins to happen. Somebody is beginning to go down
in the relationship you're dying.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
That was a.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Nugget, and I hope y'all get it. And those who
are gonna watch this on the replay or who will
listen to this, let us know because you know, we
might have to do something about uh that that blood type,
because you know, I I subscribe to the blood type
as far as how I'm supposed to eat, long before
I had the gas your sleeve surgeon, Doctor Bellma and
(20:36):
I will eat a point to my blood type. But
let's us look at that blood type.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
As far as relationships, Now, what are some practical spiritual
tools that women are men can use daily to build
resilience and protect their sense of identity, their sense of
worth that they are worthy.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
First, you must spend some time with God. I mean,
if you want him to be a part of the process.
He's the third chord. The threefold chord cannot easily be broken.
But God has to be in the midst of the process,
even in these early stages. Somebody mentioned online, I think
is go Daddy t and marriage? Can God definition of
(21:21):
love be the center? But it should always be. One
of the biggest problems we have is that we're looking
for love or looking for a human to give us
the kind of love that only God can give you.
So stop. The very first person you should be in
love with is God himself. God is the definition of love,
So I don't have to give a definition of love.
(21:41):
God is the definition of love. And so therefore Scripture
tells us we must love the Lord God first. So
let's look at the tears of love. First, there's your
love for God. And if that is not in place.
You're going to try to lump all these things on
a human being that God owns is the one that
can provide you. I can't be satisfied with any human
(22:04):
being that in a way that God can satisfy my
need for love. He is the definition of love. Then
he says, you have to love yourself. So that's a
second tier loving yourself. And you'd be surprised how many
people don't. We talked about brokenness, we talked about unresolved
issues in the past. Do you love you? Have you
(22:24):
embraced what he says about you? You are fearfully and
onefully made. And doctor Toddge just said, in the very beginning,
God saw something that was not good. He said, you
know what, we need to make something that's going to
fix this thing that's not good. And what are we
going to make woman, It's gonna be what's good for
this not good situation. And so those are the some
(22:45):
of the things you need to hold on too, because
you are valuable, more valuable than a ruby. Scripture says,
and a man for him, you are the crown of
his life. His crowning achievement is you. But you can't
be that if you're broken, you haven't fixed what you
need to fix. You not in love with God, you
don't love yourself. So you got to get the tears
(23:05):
fixed first. Because the man falls into tier three, well
everybody somebody else, and so it is with the man,
God is first, then himself, and then the wife falls
into tier three, which is with everybody else. And then
you love others like you love God. And so it's
important for us to make sure we start there. Get
our lives fixed first, right there, get solid there, Uncover
(23:30):
those things that you're holding on that Paul says, you're
carrying around the waist, and let that stuff go. If
you truly want this and God wants that for you,
then you would let go of the stuff you need
to let go of and just move on and then
let God bring you to a place of peace and love.
Watch him find you, because it's the heart he should
(23:52):
be examining, not what's on the outside, because that changes.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
And it changes solely because anything can happen these days.
Because you've been with your husband for over fifty years,
but you talk about your ever since left the building.
Because I know your husband had the afro. He doesn't
have to have not. But it doesn't have to. It
doesn't have to take that many years. Guys, things happen
like that. And if your love was superficial, it's gonna
(24:19):
be hard to stay committed to someone when life changes
in the brink of an hour. So how do you
help to guide them towards a perspective that brings them
some peace even when answers are out of reach, Because
the answers may be out of reach because they're just
not ready yet to understand their role in what is
(24:40):
happening in their lives. What what this happened to me?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I go back to what we were talking about in
the beginning. You were tracked back what you were tracked.
They have nothing to do with that other person. It's you,
And so you should be examining your heart to detec
and what's in there that's causing this to happen. You
should be doing that squat analysis or doing an assessment
(25:07):
as to why I do this? Why am I like this?
Find out those things you should be examining, whether or
not I talked about earlier, the three tears of love.
If that's not the way it is right now, you
should be looking at that because your whole heart should
be with God at this point, not with some other
person that comes later. And so if you haven't examined
(25:30):
your heart, you haven't figured out what's broken. You haven't
figured out what you're dragging around. It's causing you to attract.
Remember the catfish in the Catch series. The catfish is
the one that loves garbage, one of the things he
loves the most. Calffish loves smelly, dead things. Your heart
is not sure, your heart, there's poor confidence, there's no
(25:51):
self esteem, you don't value yourself. Those are smells that
a calfish can pick up on right away. He knows
you're not sure if yourself. He knows that you have
poor self confidence, poor self esteem. He can smell it.
And so you need to examine what's happening with you, your heart.
It's not the other person, it's you.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Well, doctor Velma, I'm reminded her of several things A
person said to me once when you meet someone, which
is exactly what you just said. This was a gentleman.
He said, what you have to examine what you were
needing or wonting at that point in time, and once
(26:35):
you can figure that out, you can then determine why
you got what you got that now, doctor Bema said
it one way, that this person said it another way,
and I really got it, and you were talking. I
finally got the answer to the question that he was
asking me because I didn't have the answer, but I
(26:57):
got it today and I'm looking at the back of
the new book. Hold your head up a princess expanded
story now, princess, for what we're talking about can be
man or woman, because we're talking about those principles that
are going to help you discover your power of embracing
your true worth and the value of learning to apply love,
(27:22):
self love and accepted. But that means you got to
do that swat now that strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threat
You gotta embrace your qualities and that's the good qualities
and those that are not so good. You gotta be
honest with yourself about who you really are, that true identity,
and then use them to overcome the attacks the criticism
(27:45):
of those people who are be really your the haters
that you thought were in your inner circle. Oh, come
on here, black Dawn, it was in your inner circle,
But they were never in your inner circle. Baby, in
a circle. You were there in a circle cheering them out,
but they are never cheering you. And then the lies
from the other pieple. But I'm gonna throw this in,
(28:06):
doctor bellman, them lies we tell ourselves, well be lying
to myself to that. So this book, Doctor Belma, you
know she's good. Well she got the Catch series too,
that she gonna tell you about how you can get
all these good books. But this is the latest book
and I have already done a review. My goal is
(28:29):
to get the review out tomorrow so you guys can
see me talk about this book. A couple of things
that I really really lie. So doctor Bell will tell
them how they can get the new book and all
of your books, and how they can stay in contact
with you.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Look, my books are on Amazon. That's the easiest way
to get it. And I love the fact that many
of them are on audiobooks now, So if you're a
busy person, you just want to listen to the book
and not read it yourself, and you have that as
an option. So feel free to go onto Amazon under
doctor Delma back Be and find the books that I
have and to help yourself. And I love the fact
(29:06):
that you did something different. You said for the guys too,
because if you look at the word princess, the first
five letters says prince, it's the son as well as
the daughter re earth sons and daughters of the king.
And so I love what Doctor Toss just said. That
blessed me. When you said that, I said, oh my gosh,
look at that.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I love that black man, guys, I called him. I've
always called him the black man since I was a
little girl. That's how we've plaid of God and that
black man from Galileina. He walked out of the water.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
From the side of town with the funny dialect, with
the funny dialect.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Yes, yes, my God, my god, Doctor Velma. I always
enjoy you being with me, and I thank everyone else
for being with me. Now remind them of how they
can stay in contact with you.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Well, feel free to do two things for me. Subscribe
to my YouTube tube channel if you want to catch
one of the podcasts Doctor Velma talks dating, relationships and marriage.
That's coming back soon, So if you want to catch
the podcast, you can sign up to be reminded and
it'll give you the notification. And then to my website
Doctor Velma Bagley dot com. But I'm on all social
(30:22):
media platforms, so feel free to connect with me on
any of them. Look forward to hearing from you, doctor
TOAs I'm gonna have to get back on your calendar
because I always have a ball with you and our conversations.
I enjoy your conversation with Mom and Angera, So I'm
looking forward to coming back.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Well, I am looking forward to you being back because,
like you said, every time, and I got to say
this and yeah, because I'm so transparent, I believe, Oh,
I believe. Oh. I can't be whose song it is,
but I believe, Mama, I believe. I think when he
does that, I'm gonna call it the reframe. But it's
(31:02):
when he does a little extended verse, he said, saying
it is hitting you with everything because he's looked over
into your future. He sees what God's about to bring
you into. Every time time that doctor Velma tries to
come on my show, now this is no joke, guy,
there's always a hiccup, and that that says to me,
we are supposed to bless somebody, and every time we
(31:24):
said we're gonna do it anyway, every time there's a hiccup.
But every time I believe. I know I get something
from it, and I believe the audience gets something from it.
And whoever is supposed to get it, they get it
because it makes no I believe it, because it makes
no sense that every time we have a struggle time,
(31:49):
but we always persevere. So my final message to the
audience is doctor Velma has given us Prince. That's it.
Hold your head up. We've talked about how you can
claim your self worth. You are valuable, you are important.
There is a plan for your life. There's a person
(32:11):
out there who's going to be a part of your
God's plan for you from a romantic perspective, but you
got to get yourself together first. This book will help
you get yourself together. Doctor Bama can help you get
yourself together. Embrace humility. As I say to my doctoral students,
(32:31):
relationships is an exercise in humility.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
So it is, and.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
But I understand it is because you got too worrying
people because I want my way, he wants his way,
and all in between. But if you're going to come together, yes, ma'am,
have to exercise humility. So doctor Vema also is available
to help you with exercise and humility. She didn't say it,
(32:59):
but I'm gonna say it yes. And so again, thankk
you guys for joining us, Thank you doctor Velma. And
until next time, before you go trying to take care
of somebody else, make sure you take care of yourself first.
You might need to do that swap because I love
a swap.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Bye no, bye bye everybody. Thank you,
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.