August 19, 2025 • 27 mins
In 1887, Nellie Bly, a pioneering female journalist and soon-to-be famous investigative reporter, made a daring decision she had herself committed to the Blackwell’s Island Insane Asylum in New York. Her mission? To unveil the shocking realities faced by those labeled insane. What she discovered was a harrowing tale of mistreatment and neglect that would change public perception and lead to significant reforms in the asylum. Join us as we explore her incredible journey and the impact of her groundbreaking reporting. (Summary by Alice)
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to find out
how you can volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Ten
Days in a Madhouse by Nellie Bly, Chapter six in
Bellevue Hospital. At last Bellevue was reached, the third station
on my way to the island. I had passed through
(00:23):
successfully the ordeals at the home and at Essex Market
Police Court, and now felt confident that I should not fail.
The ambulance stopped with a sudden jerk, and the doctor
jumped out, how many have you I heard some one inquire?
Only one for the pavilion, was the reply. A rough
looking man came forward, and, catching hold of me, attempted
(00:44):
to drag me out, as if I had the strength
of an elephant and would resist. The doctor, seeing my
look of disgust, ordered him to leave me alone, saying
that he would take charge of me himself. He then
lifted me carefully out, and I walked, with the grace
of a queen, passed the crowd that had gathered curious
to see the new unfortunate. Together with the doctor, I
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entered a small, dark office where there were several men.
The one behind the desk opened a book and began
on the long string of questions which had been asked
me so often. I refused to answer, and the doctor
told him it was not necessary to trouble me further,
as he had all the papers made out, and I
was too insane to be able to tell anything that
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would be of consequence. I felt relieved that it was
so easy here, as though still undaunted, I had begun
to feel faint for want of food. The order was
then given to take me to the insane pavilion, and
a muscular man came forward and caught me so tightly
by the arm that a pain ran clear through me.
It made me angry, and for a moment I forgot
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my roll as I turned to him and said, how
dare you touch me?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
At this? He loosened his.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Hold somewhat, and I shook him off with more strength
than I thought I possessed. I will go with no
one but this man, I said, pointing to the ambulance surgeon.
The judge said that he was to take care of me,
and I will go with no one else at this.
The surgeon said that he would take me, and so
we went arm in arm, following the man who had
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at first been so rough with me, we passed through
the well cared for grounds and finally reached the insane ward.
A white capped nurse was there to receive me. This
young girl is to wait here for the boat, said
the surgeon, and then he started to leave me. I
begged him not to go, or to take me with him,
but he said he wanted to get his dinner first,
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and then I should wait there for him. When I
insisted on accompanying him, he claimed that he had to
assist at an amputation, and it would not look well
for me to be present. It was evident that he
believed he was dealing with an insane person. Just then,
the most horrible, insane cries came from a yard in
the rear. With all my bravery, I felt a chill
at the prospect of being shut up with a fellow
(02:55):
creature who was really insane. The doctor evidently noticed my nervousness,
for he said to the attendant, what a noise the
carpenters make. Turning to me, he offered me explanation to
the effect that new buildings were being erected, and that
the noise came from some of the workmen engaged upon it.
I told him I did not want to stay there
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without him, and to pacify me, he promised soon to return.
He left me, and I found myself at last an
occupant of an insane asylum. I stood at the door
and contemplated the scene before me. The long, uncarpeted hall
was scrubbed to that peculiar whiteness seen only in public institutions.
In the rear of the hall were large iron doors
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fastened by a padlock. Several still looking benches, and a
number of willow chairs were the only articles of furniture.
On either side of the hall were doors leading into
what I supposed and what proved to be bedrooms. Near
the entrance door on the right hand side was a
small sitting room for the nurses, and opposite was a
room where dinner was dished out. A nurse in a
(04:00):
black dress, white cap and apron, and armed with a
bunch of keys, had charge of the hall. I soon
learned her name was miss Ball, an old irishwoman was
made of all work. I heard her called Mary, and
I am glad to know that there is such a
good hearted woman in that place. I experienced only kindness
and the utmost consideration from her. There were only three patients,
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as they are called. I made the fourth. I thought
I might as well begin work at once, for I
still expected that the very first doctor might declare me
sane and send me out again into the wide wide world.
So I went down to the rear of the room
and introduced myself to one of the women and asked.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Her all about herself.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Her name, she said, was miss Anne Neville, and she
had been sick from overwork. She had been working as
a chambermaid, and when her health gave way, she was
sent to some sister's home to be treated. Her nephew,
who was a waiter, was out of work and being
unable to pay her expenses at the home, had had
her transferred to Bellevue. Is there anything wrong with you
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mentally as well? I asked her. No, she said, The
doctors have been asking me many curious questions and confusing
me as much as possible, but I have nothing wrong
with my brain. Do you know that only insane people
are sent to this pavilion? I asked, yes, I know,
but I'm unable to do anything. The doctors refused to
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listen to me, and it's useless to say anything to
the nurses. Satisfied from various reasons that Miss Neville was
as sane as I was myself, I transferred my attentions
to one of the other patients. I found her in
need of medical aid and quite silly mentally, although I
have seen many women in the lower walks of life
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who sanity was never questioned, who were not any brighter.
The third patient, missus Fox, would not say much. She
was very quiet, and after telling me that her case
was hopeless, refused to talk. I began now to feel
surer of my position, and I determined that no doctor
should convince me that I was saying so long as
I had the hope of accomplishing my mission. A small,
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fair complexioned nurse arrived, and, after putting on her cap,
told Miss Ball to go to dinner. The new nurse,
Miss Scott by name, came to me and said, rudely.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Take off your hat.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I shall not take off my hat, I answered, I
am waiting for the boat, and I shall not remove it. Well,
you're not going on any boat. You may as well
know it now as later you are in an asylum
for the insane. Although fully aware of that fact, her
unvarnished words gave me a shock. I did not want
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to come here. I am not sick or insane, and
I will not stay. I said, it will be a
long time before you get out if you don't do
as you're told. Answered Miss Scott, you might as well
take off your hat or I shall use force. And
if I am not able to do it, I have
but to touch a bell and I shall get assistance.
Will you take it off? No, I will not. I
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am cold and I want my hat on, and you
can't make me take it off. I shall give you
a few more minutes, and if you don't take it off,
then I shall use force, and I warn you it
will not be very gentle. If you take my hat off,
I shall take your cap off. So now Miss Scott
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was called to the door then, and as I feared
that an exhibition of temper might show too much sanity,
I took off my hat and gloves and was sitting
quietly looking into space when she returned. I was hungry
and was quite pleased to see Mary make preparations for dinner.
The preparations were simple. She merely pulled a straight bench
up along the side of a bare table, and ordered
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the patience to gather round the feast. Then she brought
out a small tin plate, on which was a piece
of boiled meat into potato. It could not have been
colder had it been cooked the week before, and it
had no chance to make acquaintance with salt pepper. I
would not go up to the table. So Mary came
to where I sat in a corner, and, while handing
out the tin plate, asked, have any pennies about ye?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Deary?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
What I said, in my surprise, have ye any pennies
dairy that you could give me? They'll take em away
from ye in any way, deary, so I might as
well have them. I understood it fully now. But I
had no intention of freeing Mary so early in the game,
fearing it would have an influence on her treatment of me.
So I said I had lost my purse, which was
(08:31):
quite true. But though I did not give Mary any money,
she was none the less kind to me. When I
objected to the tin plate in which she had brought
my food, she fetched a china one for me, and
when I found it impossible to eat the food she presented,
she gave me a glass of milk and a soda cracker.
All the windows in the hall were open, and the
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cold air began to tell on my southern blood. It
grew so cold, indeed, as to be almost unbearable, and
I complained of it to Miss Scott miss Ball, but
they answered curtly that as I was in a charity place,
I could not expect much else. All the other women
were suffering from the cold, and the nurses themselves had
to wear heavy garments to keep themselves warm. I asked
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if I could go to bed, They said no. At last,
Miss Scott got an old gray shawl, and, taking some
of the moths out of it, told me to put
it on. It's a rather bad looking shawl. I said, well,
some people would get along better if they were not
so proud, said Miss Scott. People on charity should not
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expect anything and should not complain. So I put the
moth eaten shawl with all its musty smell, around me
and sat down on a wicker chair, wondering what would
come next, whether I should freeze to death or survive.
My nose was very cold, so I covered up my
head and was in a half doze when the shawl
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was suddenly jerked from my face, and a strange man
and Miss Scott stood before me. The man proved to
be a doctor, and his first greetings.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Were I've seen that face before. Then you know me?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I asked, with a great show of eagerness that I
did not feel.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I think I do. Where did you come from from?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Home? Where is home? Don't you know Cuba? He then
sat down beside me, felt my pulse, and examined my tongue,
and at last said, tell miss Scott all about yourself. No,
I will not I will not talk with women.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
What do you do in New York? Nothing? Can you work?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No signor tell me? Are you a woman of the town.
I do not understand you, I replied, heartily, disgusted with him.
I mean, have you allowed the men to provide for
you and keep you? I felt like slapping him in
the face, but I had to maintain my composure, so
I simply said, I do not know what you are
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talking about. I always lived at home. After many more questions,
fully as useless and senseless, he left me and began
to talk with the nurse. Positively demented, he said, I
consider it a hopeless case.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
She needs to be put.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Where someone will take care of her, and so I
passed my second medical expert. After this, I began to
have a smaller regard for the ability of doctors than
I ever had before, and a greater one for myself.
I felt sure now that no doctor could tell whether
people were insane or not, so long as the case
was not violent. Later in the afternoon, a boy and
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a woman came. The woman sat down on a bench
while the boy went in and talked with miss Scott.
In a short time, he came out and, just nodding
good bye to the woman who was his mother, went away.
She did not look insane, but as she was German,
I could not learn her story. Her name, however, was
missus Louise Scham. She seemed quite lost, but when the
(12:02):
nurses put her at some sewing, she did her work
well and quickly. At three in the afternoon, all the
patients were given a gruel broth, and at five a
cup of tea and a piece of bread. I was
favored for. When they saw that it was impossible for
me to eat the bread or drink the stuff honored
by the name of tea, they gave me a cup
of milk and a cracker, the same as I had
had at noon. Just as the gas was being lighted,
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another patient was added. She was a young girl twenty
five years old. She told me that she had just
gotten up from a sick bed. Her appearance confirmed the story.
She looked like one who had had a severe attack
of fever. I am now suffering from nervous stability, she said,
and my friends have set me here to be treated
for it. I did not tell her where she was,
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and she seemed quite satisfied. At six fifteen, miss Ball
said that she wanted to go away, and so we
would all have to go to bed. Then each of us,
we now numbered six, were a silent room and told
to undress. I did so, and was given a short
cotton flannel gown to wear during the night. Then she
took every particle of clothing I had worn during the day,
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and making it up in a bundle, labeled it brown,
and took it away. The iron barred window was locked,
and miss Ball, after giving me an extra blanket, which
she said was a favor rarely granted, went out and
left me alone. The bed was not a comfortable one.
It was so hard, indeed, that I could not make
a dent in it, and the pillow was stuffed with straw.
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Under the sheet was an oil cloth spread. As the
night grew colder, I tried to warm that oil cloth.
I kept on trying, but when morning dawned and it
was still as cold as when I went to bed,
and had reduced me too to the temperature of an iceberg,
I gave it up as an impossible task.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
I had hoped to get.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Some rest on this, my first night in an insane asylum,
but I was doomed to disappointment. When the night nurses
came in, they were curious to see me and to
find out what I was like. No sooner had they
left than I heard some one at my door inquiring
for Nellie Brown, and I began to tremble, fearing always
that my sanity would be discovered. By listening to the conversation,
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I found it was a reporter in search of me,
and I heard him ask for my clothing so that
he might examine it. I listened quite anxiously to the
talk about me, and was relieved to learn that I
was considered hopelessly insane. That was encouraging. After the reporter left,
I heard new arrivals, and I learned that a doctor
was there and intended to see me. For what purpose
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I knew not, And I imagined all sorts of horrible things,
such as examinations and the rest of it. And when
they got to my room, I was shaking with more
than fear, Nellie Brown, here is the doctor. He wishes
to speak with, you, said the nurse. If that's all
he wanted, I thought I could endure it. I removed
the blanket which I had put over my head in
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my sudden fright, and looked up. The sight was reassuring.
He was a handsome young man. He had the air
and address of a gentleman.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Some people have.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Since censured this action, but I feel sure, even if
it was a little indiscreet, that the young doctor only
meant kindness to me. He came forward, seated himself on
the side of my bed, and put his arm soothingly
round my shoulders. It was a terrible task to play
insane before this young man, and only a girl can
sympathize with me in my position. How do you feel tonight, Nellie?
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He asked easily. Oh, I feel all right, But you
are sick, you know, he said, Oh, am i, I replied,
and I turned my head on the pillow and smiled.
When did you leave Cuba, Nelly, Oh you know my home,
I asked, yes, very well.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Don't you remember me?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I remember you? Do you? And I mentally said I
shall not forget him. He was accompanied by a friend
who never ventured a remark, but stood staring at me
as I lay in bed. After a great many questions,
to which I answered truthfully, he left me. Then came
other troubles. All night long, the nurses read one to
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the other aloud, and I know that the other patients,
as well as myself, were unable to sleep. Every half
hour or hour, they would walk heavily down the halls,
their boot heels resounding like the march of a prophet
of dragoons, and take a look at every patient. Of course,
this helped to keep us awake. Then, as it came
toward morning, they began to beat eggs for breakfast, and
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the sound made me realize how horribly hungry I was.
Occasional yells and cries came from the mail department, and
that did not aid in making the night pass more cheerfully.
Then the ambulance gong as it brought in more unfortunates,
sounded as a knell to life and liberty. Thus I
passed my first night as an insane girl at Bellevue
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of Chapter six, Chapter seven, the goal in Sight. At
six o'clock on Sunday morning, September twenty fifth, the nurses
pulled the covering from my bed. Come on, it's time
for you to get out of bed, they said, and
opened the window and let in the cold breeze. My
clothing was then returned to me. After dressing, I was
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shown to a washstand where all the other patients were
trying to rid their faces of all traces of sleep.
At seven o'clock we were given some horrible mess, which
Mary told us was chicken broth. The cold, from which
we had suffered enough the day previous, was bitter, and
when I complained to the nurse, she said it was
one of the rules of the institution not to turn
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the heat on until October, and so we would have
to endure it, as the steam pipes had not even
been put in order. The night nurses, then, arming themselves
with scissors, began to play manicure on the patients. They
cut my nails to the quick as they did those
of several other patients. Shortly after this, a handsome young
doctor made his appearance, and I was conducted into the
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sitting room. Who are you, he asked, Nellie Moreno, I replied, Then,
why did you give the name of Brown? He asked,
What is wrong with you? Nothing? I did not want
to come here, but they brought me. I want to
go away. Won't you let me out?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
If I take you out? Will you stay with me?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Won't you run away from me when you get to
the street. I can't promise that I will not, I answered,
with a smile and a sigh, For he was handsome.
He asked me many other questions. Did I ever see
faces on the wall? Did I ever hear voices around?
I assured him to the best of my ability. Do
you ever hear in voices at night?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
He asked?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yes, there is so much talking. I cannot sleep, I thought, so,
he said to himself. Then turning to me, he asked,
what do these voices say? Well? I do not listen
to them always, but sometimes very often they talk about
Nellie Brown, and then on other subjects that do not
interest me half so much. I answered, truthfully, that will do?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
He said, to.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Miss Scott, who was just on the outside. Can I
go away? I asked, yes. He said, with a satisfied laugh,
We'll soon send you away. It is so very cold here.
I want to go out. I said, that's true. He
said to Miss Scott, the cold is almost unbearable in here,
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and you will have some cases of pneumonia if you
are not careful with this. I was led away and
another patient was taken in. I sat right outside the
door and waited to hear how he would test the
sanity of the other patients. With little variation, the examination
was exactly the same as mine. All the patients were
asked if they saw faces on the wall, heard voices,
(19:55):
and what they said. I might also add each patient
denied any such peculiar freaks of sight and hearing. At
ten o'clock we were given a cup of unsalted beef tea,
At noon, a bit of cold meat in a potato,
at three o'clock a cup of oatmeal gruel, and at
five thirty a cup of tea and a slice of
unbuttered bread. We were all cold and hungry. After the
(20:18):
physician left, we were given shawls and told to walk
up and down the halls in order to get warm.
During the day, the pavilion was visited by a number
of people who were curious to see the crazy girl
from Cuba. I kept my head covered on the plea
of being cold, for fear some of the reporters would
recognize me. Some of the visitors were apparently in search
(20:39):
of a missing girl, for I was made to take
down the shawl repeatedly, and after they looked at me,
they would say I don't know her, or she is
not the one, for which I was secretly thankful. Ward
and o'rourick visited me and tried his arts on an examination.
Then he brought some well dressed women and some gentlemen
at different times to have a glance at the mysterious
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Nellie Brown. The reporters were the most troublesome, such a
number of them, and they were all so bright and
clever that I was terribly frightened lest they should see
that I was sane. They were very kind and nice
to me, and very gentle in all their questionings. My
late visitor the night previous came to the window while
some reporters were interviewing me in the sitting room, and
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told the nurse to allow them to see me, as
they would be of interest in finding some clues as
to my identity. In the afternoon, doctor Field came and
examined me. He asked me only a few questions, and
one that had no bearing on such case. The chief
question was of my home and friends, and if I
had any lovers or had ever been married. Then he
(21:44):
made me stretch out my arms and move my fingers,
which I did without the least hesitation. Yet I heard
him say my case was hopeless. The other patients were
asked the same questions. As the doctor was about to
leave the pavilion, Miss Tillie Mayer discovered that she was
in an insane ward. She went to doctor Field and
asked him why she had been sent there. Have you
(22:06):
just found out you are in an insane asylum? Asked
the doctor. Yes, My friends said they were sending me
to a convalescent ward to be treated for nervous debility
from which I am suffering since my illness. I want
to get out of this place immediately. Well, you won't
get out in a hurry, he said, with a quick laugh.
(22:27):
If you know anything at all, she responded, you should
be able to tell that I'm perfectly sane. Why don't
you test me? We know all we want to on
that score, said the doctor, and he left the poor
girl condemned to an insane asylum, probably for life, without
giving her one feeble chance to prove her sanity. Sunday
(22:49):
night was but a repetition of Saturday. All night long,
we were kept awake by the talk of the nurses
and their heavy walking through the uncarpeted halls. On Monday morning,
we were told that we should be taken away at
one thirty. The nurses questioned me unceasingly about my home,
and all seemed to have an idea that I had
a lover who had cast me forth on the world
(23:09):
and wrecked my brain. The morning brought many reporters how
untiring they are in their efforts to get something new.
Miss Scott refused to allow me to be seen, however,
and for this I was thankful. Had they been given
free access to me, I should probably not have been
a mystery long, for many of them knew me by sight.
(23:29):
Bordon O'Rourke came for a final visit and had a
short conversation with me. He wrote his name in my
note book saying to the nurse that I would forget
all about it in an hour. I smiled and thought
I wasn't sure of that. Other people called to see me,
but none knew me or could give any information about me.
Noon came. I grew nervous as the time approached to
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leave for the island. I dreaded every new arrival, fearful
that my secret would be discovered at the last moment.
Then I was given a shawl and my hat and gloves.
I could hardly put them on. My nerves were so unstrung.
At last, the attendant arrived and I bade goodbye to
Mary as I slipped a few pennies into her hand.
God bless you, she said, I shall pray for you.
(24:13):
Cheer up dry. You are young and will get over this,
I told her. I hoped so, and then I said
good bye to Miss Scott in Spanish. The rough looking
attendant twisted his arms around mine and half led, half
dragged me to an ambulance. A crowd of the students
had assembled, and they watched us curiously. I put the
(24:33):
shawl over my face and sank thankfully into the wagon.
Miss Neville, Miss mayerd missus Fox and missus Shaughns were
all put in after me, one at a time. A
man got in with us. The doors were locked, and
we were driven out of the gates in great style,
on toward the insane asylum and victory. The patience made
no move to escape. The odor of the male attendant's
(24:55):
breath was enough to make one's head swim. When we
rea to the wharf, such a mob of people crowded
around the wagon that the police were called to put
them away so that we could reach the boat. I
was the last of the procession. I was escorted down
the plank, the fresh breeze blowing the attendant's whisky breath
into my face until I staggered. I was taken into
(25:17):
a dirty cabin, where I found my companions seated on
a narrow bench. The small windows were closed, and with
the smell of the filthy room, the air was stifling.
At one end of the cabin was a small bunk
in such a condition that I had to hold my
nose when I went near it. A sick girl was
put on it, an old woman with an enormous bonnet
(25:38):
and a dirty basket filled with chunks of bread and
bits of scrapped meat completed our company. The door was
guarded by two female attendants. One was clad in a
dress made of bed ticking, and the other was dressed
with some attempt at style. They were coarse, massive women,
and expectorated tobacco juice about on the floor in a
manner more skillful than charming. One of these fearful creatures
(26:00):
seemed to have much faith in the power of the
glance on insane people, for when any one of us
would move or go to look out one of the
high windows, she would say, sit down, and would lower
her brows and glare in a way that was simply terrifying.
While guarding the door, they talked with some men on
the outside. They discussed the number of patients and then
(26:20):
their own affairs, in a manner neither edifying nor refined.
The boat stopped, and the old woman and the sick
girl were taken off. The rest of us were told
to sit still at the next stop. My companions were
taken off one at a time. I was last, and
it seemed to require a man and a woman to
lead me up the plank to reach the shore. An
(26:42):
ambulance was standing there, and in it were the four
other patients. What is this place, I asked of the
man who had his fingers sunk into the flesh of
my arm. Blackwell's Island, an insane place where yule never
get out of. With this, I was shoved into the ambulance.
The springboard was put up, an officer and a mail
(27:03):
carrier jumped on behind, and I was swiftly driven to
the insane asylum on Blackwell's Island. End of Chapter seven.
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to find out
how you can volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Ten
Days in a Madhouse by Nellie Bly, Chapter six in
Bellevue Hospital. At last Bellevue was reached, the third station
on my way to the island. I had passed through
(00:23):
successfully the ordeals at the home and at Essex Market
Police Court, and now felt confident that I should not fail.
The ambulance stopped with a sudden jerk, and the doctor
jumped out, how many have you I heard some one inquire?
Only one for the pavilion, was the reply. A rough
looking man came forward, and, catching hold of me, attempted
(00:44):
to drag me out, as if I had the strength
of an elephant and would resist. The doctor, seeing my
look of disgust, ordered him to leave me alone, saying
that he would take charge of me himself. He then
lifted me carefully out, and I walked, with the grace
of a queen, passed the crowd that had gathered curious
to see the new unfortunate. Together with the doctor, I
(01:04):
entered a small, dark office where there were several men.
The one behind the desk opened a book and began
on the long string of questions which had been asked
me so often. I refused to answer, and the doctor
told him it was not necessary to trouble me further,
as he had all the papers made out, and I
was too insane to be able to tell anything that
(01:25):
would be of consequence. I felt relieved that it was
so easy here, as though still undaunted, I had begun
to feel faint for want of food. The order was
then given to take me to the insane pavilion, and
a muscular man came forward and caught me so tightly
by the arm that a pain ran clear through me.
It made me angry, and for a moment I forgot
(01:45):
my roll as I turned to him and said, how
dare you touch me?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
At this? He loosened his.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Hold somewhat, and I shook him off with more strength
than I thought I possessed. I will go with no
one but this man, I said, pointing to the ambulance surgeon.
The judge said that he was to take care of me,
and I will go with no one else at this.
The surgeon said that he would take me, and so
we went arm in arm, following the man who had
(02:12):
at first been so rough with me, we passed through
the well cared for grounds and finally reached the insane ward.
A white capped nurse was there to receive me. This
young girl is to wait here for the boat, said
the surgeon, and then he started to leave me. I
begged him not to go, or to take me with him,
but he said he wanted to get his dinner first,
(02:33):
and then I should wait there for him. When I
insisted on accompanying him, he claimed that he had to
assist at an amputation, and it would not look well
for me to be present. It was evident that he
believed he was dealing with an insane person. Just then,
the most horrible, insane cries came from a yard in
the rear. With all my bravery, I felt a chill
at the prospect of being shut up with a fellow
(02:55):
creature who was really insane. The doctor evidently noticed my nervousness,
for he said to the attendant, what a noise the
carpenters make. Turning to me, he offered me explanation to
the effect that new buildings were being erected, and that
the noise came from some of the workmen engaged upon it.
I told him I did not want to stay there
(03:15):
without him, and to pacify me, he promised soon to return.
He left me, and I found myself at last an
occupant of an insane asylum. I stood at the door
and contemplated the scene before me. The long, uncarpeted hall
was scrubbed to that peculiar whiteness seen only in public institutions.
In the rear of the hall were large iron doors
(03:37):
fastened by a padlock. Several still looking benches, and a
number of willow chairs were the only articles of furniture.
On either side of the hall were doors leading into
what I supposed and what proved to be bedrooms. Near
the entrance door on the right hand side was a
small sitting room for the nurses, and opposite was a
room where dinner was dished out. A nurse in a
(04:00):
black dress, white cap and apron, and armed with a
bunch of keys, had charge of the hall. I soon
learned her name was miss Ball, an old irishwoman was
made of all work. I heard her called Mary, and
I am glad to know that there is such a
good hearted woman in that place. I experienced only kindness
and the utmost consideration from her. There were only three patients,
(04:22):
as they are called. I made the fourth. I thought
I might as well begin work at once, for I
still expected that the very first doctor might declare me
sane and send me out again into the wide wide world.
So I went down to the rear of the room
and introduced myself to one of the women and asked.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Her all about herself.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Her name, she said, was miss Anne Neville, and she
had been sick from overwork. She had been working as
a chambermaid, and when her health gave way, she was
sent to some sister's home to be treated. Her nephew,
who was a waiter, was out of work and being
unable to pay her expenses at the home, had had
her transferred to Bellevue. Is there anything wrong with you
(05:02):
mentally as well? I asked her. No, she said, The
doctors have been asking me many curious questions and confusing
me as much as possible, but I have nothing wrong
with my brain. Do you know that only insane people
are sent to this pavilion? I asked, yes, I know,
but I'm unable to do anything. The doctors refused to
(05:24):
listen to me, and it's useless to say anything to
the nurses. Satisfied from various reasons that Miss Neville was
as sane as I was myself, I transferred my attentions
to one of the other patients. I found her in
need of medical aid and quite silly mentally, although I
have seen many women in the lower walks of life
(05:44):
who sanity was never questioned, who were not any brighter.
The third patient, missus Fox, would not say much. She
was very quiet, and after telling me that her case
was hopeless, refused to talk. I began now to feel
surer of my position, and I determined that no doctor
should convince me that I was saying so long as
I had the hope of accomplishing my mission. A small,
(06:07):
fair complexioned nurse arrived, and, after putting on her cap,
told Miss Ball to go to dinner. The new nurse,
Miss Scott by name, came to me and said, rudely.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Take off your hat.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I shall not take off my hat, I answered, I
am waiting for the boat, and I shall not remove it. Well,
you're not going on any boat. You may as well
know it now as later you are in an asylum
for the insane. Although fully aware of that fact, her
unvarnished words gave me a shock. I did not want
(06:40):
to come here. I am not sick or insane, and
I will not stay. I said, it will be a
long time before you get out if you don't do
as you're told. Answered Miss Scott, you might as well
take off your hat or I shall use force. And
if I am not able to do it, I have
but to touch a bell and I shall get assistance.
Will you take it off? No, I will not. I
(07:03):
am cold and I want my hat on, and you
can't make me take it off. I shall give you
a few more minutes, and if you don't take it off,
then I shall use force, and I warn you it
will not be very gentle. If you take my hat off,
I shall take your cap off. So now Miss Scott
(07:24):
was called to the door then, and as I feared
that an exhibition of temper might show too much sanity,
I took off my hat and gloves and was sitting
quietly looking into space when she returned. I was hungry
and was quite pleased to see Mary make preparations for dinner.
The preparations were simple. She merely pulled a straight bench
up along the side of a bare table, and ordered
(07:46):
the patience to gather round the feast. Then she brought
out a small tin plate, on which was a piece
of boiled meat into potato. It could not have been
colder had it been cooked the week before, and it
had no chance to make acquaintance with salt pepper. I
would not go up to the table. So Mary came
to where I sat in a corner, and, while handing
out the tin plate, asked, have any pennies about ye?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Deary?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
What I said, in my surprise, have ye any pennies
dairy that you could give me? They'll take em away
from ye in any way, deary, so I might as
well have them. I understood it fully now. But I
had no intention of freeing Mary so early in the game,
fearing it would have an influence on her treatment of me.
So I said I had lost my purse, which was
(08:31):
quite true. But though I did not give Mary any money,
she was none the less kind to me. When I
objected to the tin plate in which she had brought
my food, she fetched a china one for me, and
when I found it impossible to eat the food she presented,
she gave me a glass of milk and a soda cracker.
All the windows in the hall were open, and the
(08:52):
cold air began to tell on my southern blood. It
grew so cold, indeed, as to be almost unbearable, and
I complained of it to Miss Scott miss Ball, but
they answered curtly that as I was in a charity place,
I could not expect much else. All the other women
were suffering from the cold, and the nurses themselves had
to wear heavy garments to keep themselves warm. I asked
(09:14):
if I could go to bed, They said no. At last,
Miss Scott got an old gray shawl, and, taking some
of the moths out of it, told me to put
it on. It's a rather bad looking shawl. I said, well,
some people would get along better if they were not
so proud, said Miss Scott. People on charity should not
(09:34):
expect anything and should not complain. So I put the
moth eaten shawl with all its musty smell, around me
and sat down on a wicker chair, wondering what would
come next, whether I should freeze to death or survive.
My nose was very cold, so I covered up my
head and was in a half doze when the shawl
(09:55):
was suddenly jerked from my face, and a strange man
and Miss Scott stood before me. The man proved to
be a doctor, and his first greetings.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Were I've seen that face before. Then you know me?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I asked, with a great show of eagerness that I
did not feel.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I think I do. Where did you come from from?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Home? Where is home? Don't you know Cuba? He then
sat down beside me, felt my pulse, and examined my tongue,
and at last said, tell miss Scott all about yourself. No,
I will not I will not talk with women.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
What do you do in New York? Nothing? Can you work?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No signor tell me? Are you a woman of the town.
I do not understand you, I replied, heartily, disgusted with him.
I mean, have you allowed the men to provide for
you and keep you? I felt like slapping him in
the face, but I had to maintain my composure, so
I simply said, I do not know what you are
(11:01):
talking about. I always lived at home. After many more questions,
fully as useless and senseless, he left me and began
to talk with the nurse. Positively demented, he said, I
consider it a hopeless case.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
She needs to be put.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Where someone will take care of her, and so I
passed my second medical expert. After this, I began to
have a smaller regard for the ability of doctors than
I ever had before, and a greater one for myself.
I felt sure now that no doctor could tell whether
people were insane or not, so long as the case
was not violent. Later in the afternoon, a boy and
(11:40):
a woman came. The woman sat down on a bench
while the boy went in and talked with miss Scott.
In a short time, he came out and, just nodding
good bye to the woman who was his mother, went away.
She did not look insane, but as she was German,
I could not learn her story. Her name, however, was
missus Louise Scham. She seemed quite lost, but when the
(12:02):
nurses put her at some sewing, she did her work
well and quickly. At three in the afternoon, all the
patients were given a gruel broth, and at five a
cup of tea and a piece of bread. I was
favored for. When they saw that it was impossible for
me to eat the bread or drink the stuff honored
by the name of tea, they gave me a cup
of milk and a cracker, the same as I had
had at noon. Just as the gas was being lighted,
(12:26):
another patient was added. She was a young girl twenty
five years old. She told me that she had just
gotten up from a sick bed. Her appearance confirmed the story.
She looked like one who had had a severe attack
of fever. I am now suffering from nervous stability, she said,
and my friends have set me here to be treated
for it. I did not tell her where she was,
(12:50):
and she seemed quite satisfied. At six fifteen, miss Ball
said that she wanted to go away, and so we
would all have to go to bed. Then each of us,
we now numbered six, were a silent room and told
to undress. I did so, and was given a short
cotton flannel gown to wear during the night. Then she
took every particle of clothing I had worn during the day,
(13:12):
and making it up in a bundle, labeled it brown,
and took it away. The iron barred window was locked,
and miss Ball, after giving me an extra blanket, which
she said was a favor rarely granted, went out and
left me alone. The bed was not a comfortable one.
It was so hard, indeed, that I could not make
a dent in it, and the pillow was stuffed with straw.
(13:35):
Under the sheet was an oil cloth spread. As the
night grew colder, I tried to warm that oil cloth.
I kept on trying, but when morning dawned and it
was still as cold as when I went to bed,
and had reduced me too to the temperature of an iceberg,
I gave it up as an impossible task.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
I had hoped to get.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Some rest on this, my first night in an insane asylum,
but I was doomed to disappointment. When the night nurses
came in, they were curious to see me and to
find out what I was like. No sooner had they
left than I heard some one at my door inquiring
for Nellie Brown, and I began to tremble, fearing always
that my sanity would be discovered. By listening to the conversation,
(14:16):
I found it was a reporter in search of me,
and I heard him ask for my clothing so that
he might examine it. I listened quite anxiously to the
talk about me, and was relieved to learn that I
was considered hopelessly insane. That was encouraging. After the reporter left,
I heard new arrivals, and I learned that a doctor
was there and intended to see me. For what purpose
(14:38):
I knew not, And I imagined all sorts of horrible things,
such as examinations and the rest of it. And when
they got to my room, I was shaking with more
than fear, Nellie Brown, here is the doctor. He wishes
to speak with, you, said the nurse. If that's all
he wanted, I thought I could endure it. I removed
the blanket which I had put over my head in
(14:59):
my sudden fright, and looked up. The sight was reassuring.
He was a handsome young man. He had the air
and address of a gentleman.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Some people have.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Since censured this action, but I feel sure, even if
it was a little indiscreet, that the young doctor only
meant kindness to me. He came forward, seated himself on
the side of my bed, and put his arm soothingly
round my shoulders. It was a terrible task to play
insane before this young man, and only a girl can
sympathize with me in my position. How do you feel tonight, Nellie?
(15:33):
He asked easily. Oh, I feel all right, But you
are sick, you know, he said, Oh, am i, I replied,
and I turned my head on the pillow and smiled.
When did you leave Cuba, Nelly, Oh you know my home,
I asked, yes, very well.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Don't you remember me?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I remember you? Do you? And I mentally said I
shall not forget him. He was accompanied by a friend
who never ventured a remark, but stood staring at me
as I lay in bed. After a great many questions,
to which I answered truthfully, he left me. Then came
other troubles. All night long, the nurses read one to
(16:16):
the other aloud, and I know that the other patients,
as well as myself, were unable to sleep. Every half
hour or hour, they would walk heavily down the halls,
their boot heels resounding like the march of a prophet
of dragoons, and take a look at every patient. Of course,
this helped to keep us awake. Then, as it came
toward morning, they began to beat eggs for breakfast, and
(16:38):
the sound made me realize how horribly hungry I was.
Occasional yells and cries came from the mail department, and
that did not aid in making the night pass more cheerfully.
Then the ambulance gong as it brought in more unfortunates,
sounded as a knell to life and liberty. Thus I
passed my first night as an insane girl at Bellevue
(17:00):
of Chapter six, Chapter seven, the goal in Sight. At
six o'clock on Sunday morning, September twenty fifth, the nurses
pulled the covering from my bed. Come on, it's time
for you to get out of bed, they said, and
opened the window and let in the cold breeze. My
clothing was then returned to me. After dressing, I was
(17:22):
shown to a washstand where all the other patients were
trying to rid their faces of all traces of sleep.
At seven o'clock we were given some horrible mess, which
Mary told us was chicken broth. The cold, from which
we had suffered enough the day previous, was bitter, and
when I complained to the nurse, she said it was
one of the rules of the institution not to turn
(17:42):
the heat on until October, and so we would have
to endure it, as the steam pipes had not even
been put in order. The night nurses, then, arming themselves
with scissors, began to play manicure on the patients. They
cut my nails to the quick as they did those
of several other patients. Shortly after this, a handsome young
doctor made his appearance, and I was conducted into the
(18:04):
sitting room. Who are you, he asked, Nellie Moreno, I replied, Then,
why did you give the name of Brown? He asked,
What is wrong with you? Nothing? I did not want
to come here, but they brought me. I want to
go away. Won't you let me out?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
If I take you out? Will you stay with me?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Won't you run away from me when you get to
the street. I can't promise that I will not, I answered,
with a smile and a sigh, For he was handsome.
He asked me many other questions. Did I ever see
faces on the wall? Did I ever hear voices around?
I assured him to the best of my ability. Do
you ever hear in voices at night?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
He asked?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yes, there is so much talking. I cannot sleep, I thought, so,
he said to himself. Then turning to me, he asked,
what do these voices say? Well? I do not listen
to them always, but sometimes very often they talk about
Nellie Brown, and then on other subjects that do not
interest me half so much. I answered, truthfully, that will do?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
He said, to.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Miss Scott, who was just on the outside. Can I
go away? I asked, yes. He said, with a satisfied laugh,
We'll soon send you away. It is so very cold here.
I want to go out. I said, that's true. He
said to Miss Scott, the cold is almost unbearable in here,
(19:33):
and you will have some cases of pneumonia if you
are not careful with this. I was led away and
another patient was taken in. I sat right outside the
door and waited to hear how he would test the
sanity of the other patients. With little variation, the examination
was exactly the same as mine. All the patients were
asked if they saw faces on the wall, heard voices,
(19:55):
and what they said. I might also add each patient
denied any such peculiar freaks of sight and hearing. At
ten o'clock we were given a cup of unsalted beef tea,
At noon, a bit of cold meat in a potato,
at three o'clock a cup of oatmeal gruel, and at
five thirty a cup of tea and a slice of
unbuttered bread. We were all cold and hungry. After the
(20:18):
physician left, we were given shawls and told to walk
up and down the halls in order to get warm.
During the day, the pavilion was visited by a number
of people who were curious to see the crazy girl
from Cuba. I kept my head covered on the plea
of being cold, for fear some of the reporters would
recognize me. Some of the visitors were apparently in search
(20:39):
of a missing girl, for I was made to take
down the shawl repeatedly, and after they looked at me,
they would say I don't know her, or she is
not the one, for which I was secretly thankful. Ward
and o'rourick visited me and tried his arts on an examination.
Then he brought some well dressed women and some gentlemen
at different times to have a glance at the mysterious
(21:01):
Nellie Brown. The reporters were the most troublesome, such a
number of them, and they were all so bright and
clever that I was terribly frightened lest they should see
that I was sane. They were very kind and nice
to me, and very gentle in all their questionings. My
late visitor the night previous came to the window while
some reporters were interviewing me in the sitting room, and
(21:23):
told the nurse to allow them to see me, as
they would be of interest in finding some clues as
to my identity. In the afternoon, doctor Field came and
examined me. He asked me only a few questions, and
one that had no bearing on such case. The chief
question was of my home and friends, and if I
had any lovers or had ever been married. Then he
(21:44):
made me stretch out my arms and move my fingers,
which I did without the least hesitation. Yet I heard
him say my case was hopeless. The other patients were
asked the same questions. As the doctor was about to
leave the pavilion, Miss Tillie Mayer discovered that she was
in an insane ward. She went to doctor Field and
asked him why she had been sent there. Have you
(22:06):
just found out you are in an insane asylum? Asked
the doctor. Yes, My friends said they were sending me
to a convalescent ward to be treated for nervous debility
from which I am suffering since my illness. I want
to get out of this place immediately. Well, you won't
get out in a hurry, he said, with a quick laugh.
(22:27):
If you know anything at all, she responded, you should
be able to tell that I'm perfectly sane. Why don't
you test me? We know all we want to on
that score, said the doctor, and he left the poor
girl condemned to an insane asylum, probably for life, without
giving her one feeble chance to prove her sanity. Sunday
(22:49):
night was but a repetition of Saturday. All night long,
we were kept awake by the talk of the nurses
and their heavy walking through the uncarpeted halls. On Monday morning,
we were told that we should be taken away at
one thirty. The nurses questioned me unceasingly about my home,
and all seemed to have an idea that I had
a lover who had cast me forth on the world
(23:09):
and wrecked my brain. The morning brought many reporters how
untiring they are in their efforts to get something new.
Miss Scott refused to allow me to be seen, however,
and for this I was thankful. Had they been given
free access to me, I should probably not have been
a mystery long, for many of them knew me by sight.
(23:29):
Bordon O'Rourke came for a final visit and had a
short conversation with me. He wrote his name in my
note book saying to the nurse that I would forget
all about it in an hour. I smiled and thought
I wasn't sure of that. Other people called to see me,
but none knew me or could give any information about me.
Noon came. I grew nervous as the time approached to
(23:50):
leave for the island. I dreaded every new arrival, fearful
that my secret would be discovered at the last moment.
Then I was given a shawl and my hat and gloves.
I could hardly put them on. My nerves were so unstrung.
At last, the attendant arrived and I bade goodbye to
Mary as I slipped a few pennies into her hand.
God bless you, she said, I shall pray for you.
(24:13):
Cheer up dry. You are young and will get over this,
I told her. I hoped so, and then I said
good bye to Miss Scott in Spanish. The rough looking
attendant twisted his arms around mine and half led, half
dragged me to an ambulance. A crowd of the students
had assembled, and they watched us curiously. I put the
(24:33):
shawl over my face and sank thankfully into the wagon.
Miss Neville, Miss mayerd missus Fox and missus Shaughns were
all put in after me, one at a time. A
man got in with us. The doors were locked, and
we were driven out of the gates in great style,
on toward the insane asylum and victory. The patience made
no move to escape. The odor of the male attendant's
(24:55):
breath was enough to make one's head swim. When we
rea to the wharf, such a mob of people crowded
around the wagon that the police were called to put
them away so that we could reach the boat. I
was the last of the procession. I was escorted down
the plank, the fresh breeze blowing the attendant's whisky breath
into my face until I staggered. I was taken into
(25:17):
a dirty cabin, where I found my companions seated on
a narrow bench. The small windows were closed, and with
the smell of the filthy room, the air was stifling.
At one end of the cabin was a small bunk
in such a condition that I had to hold my
nose when I went near it. A sick girl was
put on it, an old woman with an enormous bonnet
(25:38):
and a dirty basket filled with chunks of bread and
bits of scrapped meat completed our company. The door was
guarded by two female attendants. One was clad in a
dress made of bed ticking, and the other was dressed
with some attempt at style. They were coarse, massive women,
and expectorated tobacco juice about on the floor in a
manner more skillful than charming. One of these fearful creatures
(26:00):
seemed to have much faith in the power of the
glance on insane people, for when any one of us
would move or go to look out one of the
high windows, she would say, sit down, and would lower
her brows and glare in a way that was simply terrifying.
While guarding the door, they talked with some men on
the outside. They discussed the number of patients and then
(26:20):
their own affairs, in a manner neither edifying nor refined.
The boat stopped, and the old woman and the sick
girl were taken off. The rest of us were told
to sit still at the next stop. My companions were
taken off one at a time. I was last, and
it seemed to require a man and a woman to
lead me up the plank to reach the shore. An
(26:42):
ambulance was standing there, and in it were the four
other patients. What is this place, I asked of the
man who had his fingers sunk into the flesh of
my arm. Blackwell's Island, an insane place where yule never
get out of. With this, I was shoved into the ambulance.
The springboard was put up, an officer and a mail
(27:03):
carrier jumped on behind, and I was swiftly driven to
the insane asylum on Blackwell's Island. End of Chapter seven.
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