Attachment styles, thickening the plot, and eclipse planning

In which we address our stalkers directly.

Instagram: @thatbit_isalwayslate
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Episode Transcript

(00:10):
Hi, and welcome to that bitchis always late. I'm never retallic and
I'm choier italic, and let's choosecheers. We're drinking what I call the
Race Special with a Never Twist thatis red wine mixed with a seltzer.
We have the mingle white Claw addedin with some ice, and then topped

(00:30):
with the Never Twist, which isa raspberry survey that I meddled on accident.
I had some frozen raspberries and Iwas like, I want to add
these in there, but I addedsugar and citrus and water and it made
a beautiful survey to top it on. Yeah, so twelve out of ten,
we'll drink the whole thing and bedefinitely chasted by the end of this.
This is a fun, little,fun little drink. You could make

(00:53):
it even probably a little bit morefancy if you wanted to. You can
meddle in a little bit of mintmint yeah, with the Asbury part,
maybe a teeny bit of vodka andwith the raspberries if you wanted an extra
kick. If you want to befucked up. Yeah. If you're looking
for less of like a summer kindof like ground, yeah, you're looking

(01:17):
for a massive hangover. I alsodo feel like we need to drink a
little bit in preparation. We aregoing to go check out a wedding venue
after this recording. It sounds veryexciting, so I'm so exciting. I
want to scream, very thrilling,scream very married. I'm not wearing my

(01:37):
rings there next to the bed becausemy fingers got are so cold right now
that they keep falling off. It'snot good right now in the winter.
So we definitely need to go andget sized down down a little bit on
me. Yeah, it's crazy.Let us delve into our first topic,
which is the latest bitch, Latestbitch. I really do feel as though

(02:06):
it could be you because you've beenlate to work a lot, Okay,
so that was really hurtful. Youliterally told me to remind you about that
next time week. I know,I said, I'm running late, be
sure to tell me to talk aboutthis next time. We were okay,
right. Instead of getting in atlike nine am like I was trying to
do, I was getting at likenine thirty, which was annoying. But

(02:27):
then I would stay until like sixor six thirty, so kind of makes
sense for it when everybody else leavesat five, They're like Jesus Christ,
lady, And I was like,yeah, balances out, bounces out.
But also I was like, Istill work, It's just it's for me
to get in there. There wasa diarya fiasco this week that happened where

(02:51):
Timber literally, I like walked togo feed the pets in the morning and
I literally slipped and die in myslippers. And I was like, wow,
that just a huge pile and itcovered like our whole entryway rug.
And I was like, do Igo to work today? And I did,

(03:12):
but it took me like thirty minutesto clean. And I didn't even
obviously get it that clean because itwas I've seen amount of diarrhea. I
would have thrown away the rug.I know it's so big and expensive.
Personally, I don't care about rude. Listen, do you know what I
did instead? You know what?Instead? So I was gonna I it's

(03:34):
a big entry right, yes.And so then I was having art night
with some with Ray and Alex comingover, and Ray can't smell, but
Alex can. So I was like, I gotta make sure there's no sense
to this. So then on mylaunch I went and I rented the steam
clean thing, yeah, vacuum andthe pet deodorizer thing, and I ended

(03:58):
up doing all the rugs in myhouse as well. That thing is so
heavy. It's so heavy. Igot the big one because that's all they
had, and it literally I thoughtI was gonna die. Yeah, that
was so hard. I remember whenmy ex moved out and we redid the
or like cleaned the room, butit was with the tiny one and we

(04:21):
run our hands in. But thatthat was terrible. That was terrible,
Like, but that experience, Iwanted to die. That was not Yeah,
that was not good. This onewas at least easier. It just
it was hard on our we have, like most of our rugs are pretty
heavy, but like one of them, it's just the one that needed the
most work. Kept doing that stupidthing where fucking like suck and peel over

(04:45):
and you're like stop, You're likecut it. Oh, It's like the
equivalent of catching your earbuds on acow. I honestly, bluetooth earbuds existing
and me not having to deal withthat has signific improved my quality of life.
It has for me as well,Like yes, it's just not having
to deal with my headphones getting caught, because I can't tell you the level

(05:09):
of rage I would feel when thathappened. Literally same yeah, yeah,
so it was. It was veryfrustrating, but I did get it cleaned.
It just took a lot. Andthen also another time I was running
late was when I had to goget breakfast for the team and there was
a really long line and I waslike, okay, everybody needed to eat
today. Then, so it's like, you know, I have some pretty

(05:31):
good excuses, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, like really solid
excuses. Yeah. Yeah, forsure, for sure, Like I am
the latest bitch, but like withfor good reason. Yeah, Like it's
not like my I deserve to belike it's like it's like the universe wanted
me to be late. Yeah,that's it. That's what it was.

(05:54):
Like, can't you go no accountabilityhere? Oh my gosh, Okay,
let's go to next segment, please, I love God. Stop talking about
how late you are. Yeah.Yeah, and that's the therapy corner.
And you wanted to discuss attachment styles. Yeah, I mean mostly just because

(06:15):
this has been like a big topicof conversation between one of my friends and
I. We've been talking a lotlately. This was a big conversation with
my friend in the past, really, Mariah. Oh nice. Yeah,
I just find it's a really importantand interesting thing to like chat about.
But I was curious if you've evertaken like an attachment style quiz or know

(06:41):
what your attachment style is. I'mnot you haven't. No, do you
want to take one really fast?Is it fast? There is fast ones?
Yeah, but how accurate are thefast ones? I don't know.
That's I guess it depends on howhonest you answer. But so with any
quiz, oh, I answer prettyhonestly. Actually, Okay, I have

(07:04):
a funny story about that after Wellyou can tell me now I'm pulling it
out. Okay. Well, soI worked at this other rental company before,
and they make you fill out likea questionnaire. I don't really know
what the purpose was of the questionnaire. It was some very odd questions and
apparently so when I came in afterI filled it out, they were like,

(07:29):
yeah, the interviews have gone greatand everything, but like your test
results were just like really weird,and so usually what that means is that
we just need you to redo it. And I was like, okay,
okay, and I redid it andthey were like, yeah, we're not
sure it just maybe you're trying toanswer like what you think we want to

(07:51):
hear. And I was like what, so what's wrong with it? They're
like, well, it's just likeit fits. And I'm like, oh,
okay, well I'm sorry. Waitdid I fuck it up or no?
And all I know is i'd saythe stupid messy tests like twice with
a lot of long, weird questions. I did not work there for long,

(08:13):
but yeah, so interesting, yeah, wild, fun and interesting.
What are do you find one?Yeah? I found one. I'm trying
it out really fast or to seeif it's accurate because you taken it.
I've taken a few. What isyour attachment style? That's the thing.
So I don't know what my attachmentstyle used to be. Some I think

(08:35):
I had disorganized attachment. So there'skind of for like big families of attachment
style. One is avoidant, oneis anxious, one is disorganized, and
one is secure, and there's likedifferent facets of each of those, but
I think disorganized was more so whatI had. Yeah, and it's definitely

(08:58):
I mean your attachment style form andlike early childhood development based on how your
parents show up for you, andthen there are things that you can do
to work on that to become moreof a certain way. And I feel
I've done a lot of work andtrying to become more of a certain way,
more secure, more secure. Somost of my tests are lending towards

(09:20):
secure right now, which is prettyneat. So do hey, dad,
what's up? What are you doing? Never and I are are recording.

(09:43):
Say hi, Yeah, say hi, You're on the podcast. It's like
an alien greeting. I like it. Well, I love you guys.
I'll let you go, all right, dude, Okay, Oh, here's

(10:16):
okay. So here's the most recentbreakdown. I have thirty eight percent anxious.
This is not add up to onehundred percent, so honestly, I'm
not understanding this breakdown. But thirtyeight percent anxious, twenty eight percent avoidant,
and eighty eight percent secure. Prettydang secure, pretty dane secure.

(10:39):
You always send me the test andthen you can talk about the different styles.
Yeah, that sounds great. Hereyou go, and I'll read the
little blurbs off. This is fromNPR Today. NPR Today, Is it
just NPR though, it's just JK. It's NPR and this is my day.

(11:01):
So and what do you think aboutthat? Do you think about that?
Essentially? I mean with anxious attachment, like you tend to want to
be very close to your partner andyou get really nervous when you are apart

(11:22):
from your partner, you tend tothat can lead to like some codependency too,
of just like needing that affirmation frequently, and avoidance are just extremely independent
and need self sufficiency. This isall just because often avoidance are not given
space to talk about their feelings whenthey're younger, so then they have a

(11:48):
hard time talking about them and identifyingthem when they're older and secure. It
just kind of comes naturally to bein a good relationship and be to communicate
needs and boundaries. And now thisis not always something that's come naturally to

(12:09):
me. It is something that I'vevery much worked on in myself and I
think that that's been a really helpfulthing. But yeah, like you can
see, like interesting, anxious attachmentis also ambivalent attachment. Oh you already

(12:31):
got through what's your say, anavoidant dismissive attachment as well? What were
yours? It's thirty eight percent anxious, twenty five percent avoidant, eighty eight
percent secure. Okay, mine isokay. So I'm just not as secure
as you. So I am twentyfive percent anxious, thirteen percent avoidant,

(12:52):
oh, but sixty three percent secure. Interesting, So I wonder what that
means specifically about us. Then thatI seem to have a lot more anxiety
in my attachments while I'm just I'mnot really, but I'm somehow, so
I'm multaneous. So apparently I'm anxiouslysecure. So you figure that one out,

(13:13):
You figure that out, you figureit out. Doc. I think
for me the issue was like,I don't I think what caused my results
is that a lot of the questionsI feel like I answered because I'm very
like, very very confident and securein my relationship with my fiance, but

(13:37):
at the same time, I stilldo have trauma with like an ex cheating
on me. So I'm like,no, I don't. I don't think
having relationship is good with your ex. No, I don't. Like.
So maybe it's like I have somesecure tendencies from like my past, but
then all the questions that were likeabout my current partner, it's like,
do you feel like you can shareyour feelings it's like, obviously, I

(13:58):
think that when I first started datingyou know, Seth, I used to
be a lot more anxiously attached becauseof my past, and I would worry
about when he wasn't with me,if he was gonna like somebody else,
if you know, I was goodenough for him, if he would like

(14:18):
just all sorts of things. Butnow, after almost three years together,
it's just like, I don't havesome of those fears anymore. I'm just
I do feel a lot more secureand loved and at peace now. So
it is just interesting though that myresults are still so well on the secure
side, because I thought I waspretty secure. But I mean, I
think, okay, so here isan interesting thing. So I just wanted

(14:41):
to read this to kind of illustrate. So this is from help guide dot
org. Having secure attachment looks likeempathetic and able to set appropriate boundaries.
People with secure attachment tend to feelsafe, stable, and more satisfied in
their close relationships, while they don'tfear being on their own, usually thrive
in close, meaningful relationships. SoI think that for me is really what's

(15:05):
changed the most is if I didthis two years ago, it would have
vastly different results. But the thingis for your ex yeah that, But
I also did have fear of beingon my own because I had never been
on my own. So I thinkthe biggest change thing that's changed for me

(15:26):
is I don't have any fear beingon my own anymore. You know you
can do it. I know Ican do it, And like my boyfriend
and I currently tell each other thisall the time of like, we both
like our relationship because we choose tobe there and we choose to show up.
Neither of us are there out oflike a necessity or feeling that like,
oh we need to be there becausethis is like the only good thing

(15:48):
in our life. Which I've hadrelationships where that's been the feeling or that's
been the expression. So having onewhere you're choosing to show up and be
present because it because you both addsomething positive to each other's lives, but
you both know you don't need eachother is such a different way. So
I think I present so secure becausethis is definitely the most secure I've felt

(16:12):
in a relationship. Right, Butlooking at my past attachment due to a
lot of like I said, alot of attachment is based on your primary
caregiver relationship and this is what itsays it should have looked like. Oh
no, if you had a secureattachment in childhood due to a secure parent,

(16:37):
so as someone with a secure attachmentstyle, it's likely your primary caregiver
was able to stay engaged with youas an infant and effectively manage their own
stressed as well as common soothe youwhen you were distressed. They made you
feel safe and secure, communicated throughemotion, and responded to your changing needs
on a regular basis, enabling yournervous system to become securely attached. Of

(17:00):
course, no parent or caregiver isperfect, and no one could be fully
present and attentive to an infant twentyfour hours a day. In fact,
that's not necessary to establish secure attachmentin a child. But when your caregiver
misses your non verbal cues, itis likely that they continue trying to figure
out what you needed, keeping thesecure process on a secure attachment process on
track. The strong found uction ofa secure attachment bond enabled you as a

(17:23):
child to be self confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face
of conflict. I know for afact none of that's accurate for me.
You just heard my dad. Welove him, we love him, but
he admittedly was not perfect, andour mother was admittedly not perfect. Yes,
and I don't think any of thosethings could one hundred percent be said

(17:48):
to have been our childhood experience.I also want to say that, like,
our mother has specifically said that shewas very depressed when she's still that
she was like, I feel robbedof my pregnancy with you and delivery of
you because I was so depressed andI was like dissociative. Basically, She's
like, you were such an easybaby. All you did was sleep,

(18:10):
and I was like self soothed sincethe day I was born. And one
other thing is in psychology class Itook in college was they had us ask
your parents where you were sleeping whenyou were born for the first two years.
And our mom was like I askedher and she was like, oh,
well, you were in the guestroom in the crib. And I
was like, what, what about? Where was Chloe? I stopped in

(18:33):
their room till I was two yearsold and three. Actually she was like,
the Chloe was in our room.I was like, and I was
in a separate room. I hadcall like until I was two but so
it makes sense why I self soothedmyself and would just yeah, like pen
things up when I was a kid. Well, I feel like you could
express your feelings a little bit moreclearly than I could in the beginning.

(18:56):
Yeah, like you were, Ifelt like you. Maybe this is just
me feeling like a little sister wholooks up to her big sister. But
I always felt like as a kid, you were the one who had a
backbone, and you would always standup to her parents and say something if
it was like you always had avoice. I've never been and that's maybe
that's a a point thank you for. Yeah, maybe I've always been more

(19:19):
present and pointing out what it's likeright or not right, at least in
my interpretation, always called out herparents even since I was little. You'd
be like, no, you don'tget to you don't get to do that.
You don't get to tell me whatto do. Amazing. It's interesting
that you don't have more avoidance inyour quiz because an avoidant dismissive attachment style

(19:44):
often stems from a parent who isunavailable or rejecting during your infancy. Since
your needs were never regularly or predictablymet, by your caregiver, you were
forced to distance yourself emotionally and tryto self soothe. This felt a foundation
of avoiding intimacy and craving independence inlater life, even when that independence and
lack of indignacy causes its own distress. I was going to say that I
used to struggle with that. Iused to self isolate. I used to

(20:07):
not share my feelings at all withpartners. I used to not even realize
that I could feel sad because Iwas always told that I was such a
happy kid, and I was alwaysso happy and smiley, that like,
if I was feeling sad, itfelt very dismissed, like oh, well,
no, but you're the happy one, Like what are you talking about.
But I feel like it's only been, you know, in the last

(20:29):
five years that I've really come intomyself and started, like you said,
where it's like I really put ina lot of work. I think I
used to be a lot more avoidant. I used to be scared of commitment
and now I'm like engaged to bemarried and talking about my future Like I
used to be terrified of that.I used to be terrified. Yeah,
I also think I mean a lotof it is there is just such a
real thing of like generational trauma andsuch. Yeah, like I will say,

(20:53):
our family is not free of weirdstuff in the past, and you
know, not going to get intoit, but it definitely I think affects
how how they can communicate with themselves, right, and that to effects we
communicate. It's just interesting, youknow't read about attachment style. I think
it's interesting. It affects how youcommunicate with people, It affects how you

(21:17):
process your own emotions, it affectshow you show up. And I just
think it's a really interesting thing totake some more time to like look at
in yourself. Honestly, it's somethingI need to talk more about with my
therapist because like one of my friendsand I got I was like not having
it from her because I had mentionedthat. I was like, yeah,

(21:37):
I'm feeling like I'm definitely moving towardslike a secure attachment style and she was
like, you're not secure, andI was like, don't even start with
me. I really Yeah, Iwas like, where where is the lack
of secure? And I would arguethat you've got a lot more secure.
Yeah, I have been in thepast. I think I have I and
you know, and I this isthe difference with the secure I talk about

(22:00):
all this stuff with my current partnerlike I don't just let it sit there
investor, like I do talk aboutit. And of course I'm gonna have
some like weird insecurity and some lackof general trust in a romantic partner given
the last two relationships I've gone through. You know who you are, you
know what you've done, You knowwhat you've done. You effie, know

(22:23):
what you've done, you motherfuckers,honestly, and so I'm just like,
how the fuck am I supposed tohave a normal like Nev and I are
very close to making a fucking messyTikTok video on the bullshit. I've been
thoroughs It's definitely gonna happen, soyou know, keep an eye out for
that. And uh, I reallyhope that the people slabby. She's a

(22:52):
messy Bobby. Y'all know who thefuck you are. You know who the
fuck you are, and we're comingfor you, you motherfuckers. Oh wow.
She has more intense heilinges about this. When I stop fucking stalking my
TikTok, you weirdo, Unless you'rewaiting for something and now I kind of
want to do it, so maybeyou're reaping what you sew. Honestly,

(23:14):
that d would be funny. NowI have for the bit, almost for
the plot. For the plot.We may think it just for fun,
just for fun, And I dofeel I can make several really good I
know, if you're on TikTok likeme, the Susie pastos such as have
been popping off and I just reallyhear I could pop on that eazy story.
So I just feel like it reallyhop on that because I have several

(23:40):
from my God, I honestly feelso many. I feel like serious,
I feel like your most recent exis the more dramatic one, honestly,
honestly, and like the funny thingis he like didn't even treat me poorly
but then totally but such an angel. Well that's the thing. So that's
something I've been thinking about. Andactually probably does listen to this podcast so

(24:03):
because he was a big fan ofit. So I don't know if you
listen still or not. This ismaybe the only way you keep up with
me because I block you from everythingelse. I see you stalking my TikTok
as well. Yeah, you actuallyjust checked mine, but I checked to
be fair, I checked yours.I haven't looked at yours ever. Stop
looking at mine. I only lookedat yours because a video popped up on

(24:26):
mine saying that you are married.Mai question. I thought you queen love
again and why are you still watchingour tiktoks? I thought you were happily
in love? What is it?I think I think they got the marriage
is over? Oh right, sosorry for your loss. Like, I
don't know, it's I maybe theyshare his past again. That would be

(24:48):
crazy, but it is just asaying of like, well, no,
because his past is a cover photo. Yeah, that's right. That's so
funny. I mean. The onlything is really like, when somebody doesn't
tell you about such a big partof their life, you really have to
wonder. Well, not even that, but just like I was telling people

(25:12):
at that time, freely and honestly, ladies don't do this, don't ladies,
Ladies, let's have ladies. Yeah, all my beautiful people out there.
Don't tell people how to show upin your life, and they can
perform very well. That's the thingis, I'm like, don't tell people

(25:37):
right off the bat, like,watch and see how they do it themselves.
And then as long as it's likemostly online, just do like little
course corrections. Yeah, but don'tstraight up tell you this is the manual
for how you can show up withme for all your dream build Yeah,
because I think that's what happened.Is I like told that man like this

(26:02):
is what I need to feel happyin love and he was like, perfect,
I can do all of that.How long he would have kept it
up for? Maybe forever, maybeonly another month? You know, we
don't know. We don't know.And the thing is like, it sucks
that I have to question all ofthat. But when I'm not told the
truth from the sires lie, yeah, it makes it makes it very questionable.

(26:25):
And then it's like was all ofthat sweet or was it just manipulation?
Because I can't tell anymore because Idated a narcissist before that, So
already I don't have a sense ofreality. I really don't know what's going
on, like honestly though, sodying. Yeah, So really appreciate my

(26:47):
current partner. I don't think helistens to this, nor do I think
he should. You're awesome, it'smy diary. Don't listen to it.
Don't make it weird, dear deardiary. But yeah, moral of the
story. If you're my ex,any of my exes, honestly, you're
all pretty trash. Please stop,just stop. Just get some help,

(27:11):
go to therapy. Stop involving otherpeople in your ship. Get some help,
Gez, stop, get some help. Yeah. Yeah, should we
go to our next segment? Yeah? Okay, so this was mine.

(27:37):
It was fun facts. Okay,that's what the actually, you know what,
I'm sorry I'm gonna interrupt to becauseI think my quote of the week
plays really well into this. Here'shere's my quote of the week because I
read it. Enemy me chuckle.If someone digs a hole in you,
plant some nice flowers and tell themto go fuck themselves nice. And that's
how I feel about a lot ofpeople right now. So for everybody who

(28:04):
goes out there with intention to herothers, or even a lack of intention
and just the lack of ability tomonitor yourself, and that affects somebody in
a way that it creates massive ongoingtrust or concerns for them. For those
who have the distrust whatever happening,take that as an opportunity to grow and

(28:29):
be better. And then for thosewho are causing that. Literally, go
fuck yourself. I don't know,good, do something for yourself. It
all stop making everyone else's problem.That's what I have to say. That
was beautiful. Yeah, thank youanything els Nope, that's what I have
to say. Cool. So myfun fact is the total solar eclipse of

(28:53):
April eighth, twenty twenty four thatwill be happening. So this is I
mean, I don't know if peopleknow a lot about it, So here,
let me just read a little bitabout it. It's gonna so this
is also one of the longest onesit's gonna be. The duration is up
to four minutes and twenty seven seconds. That's almost double that of the Great

(29:15):
American Eclipse of August twenty one,twenty seventeen. And so this is gonna
be huge. It starts in Texasand it will end in Maine at three
thirty five PM on April eighth,twenty twenty four. And so Seth actually

(29:36):
wants to even book a trip togo to the East coast. Still wants
to do that too, shut up, so we could go together double D
eight peples trip. And the reasonwhy this solar clipse is so important is
because it is gonna be the lastone in North America for quite a while
until March thirty, twenty thirty three, so almost a decade later is going

(30:00):
to be the next one. SoI definitely think anybody who is on the
East Coast and has the ability tosee it, or anybody who has the
ability to travel and go see it, you should absolutely do that. It's
gonna be the last one for almosta decade, and it's gonna be like
double the length of a typical one, so it's actually gonna be quite worth

(30:22):
it in very stunning, very verybeautiful. So and we'll also be posting
the links that have the very specificcharts, and it also has links of
places that are going to be inthere and where it has the longest durations,
so if you are traveling there,then you can choose the best place,
best place, best place to studyyet So that's that's my fun fact.

(30:44):
Beautiful, what a great fun fact. And also a clips feels very
fitting to end off that conversation.It does. Yeah, yeah, total
like clips of the hot beautiful.Okay, moving on swiftly but surely,
next and last Reddit stories, let'sgive our opinions that nobody asked for Actually

(31:07):
they kind of asked, right,they kind of asked. Maybe they didn't
ask us to talk about it.Oh, hey, give me some of
that. Okay, are you ready? Yes? Am I the asshole?
Okay? Cool? Good one.Yeah, that's that next story. Am

(31:29):
I the asshole for telling my momher divorced sister can't live with us?
I? Oh? Interesting? Okay? Okay, first impressions death because if
you went through divorce, you couldmove in unless like you went psycho I
guess and started stealing. I don'tknow, nice get it? And this

(31:49):
is like the daughter telling you mom. Oh, So am I the asshole
for telling me my mom her divorcesister can't live with us? Oh?
This is mom oh implicated? Okay, I'd like to hear this. Okay,
I thirty female have been financially supportingmy family for the past ten years.
Rough start for me on my opinion, I set you out for that

(32:12):
last. Okay, So she mightnot be the maybe not. Since I'm
single, I live with my parents, though I'm the one who pays for
rent and utilities as my dad isretired. I have one sibling who had
to move to another country a fewyears ago and has no financial obligations towards
us. About a year ago,my parents and I moved into a better

(32:36):
apartment with enough space for a guestbedroom, and soon after that, my
mom's younger sister, fifty eight female, came over to live with us.
At the time, she was goingthrough her fifth divorce and was really upset,
so I tried my best to accommodateher. However, I soon realize
how toxic she is. She picksup fights with my father for no apparent

(32:58):
reason, tries to turn my motheragainst my sibling, and even has the
goal to try and bad mouth myfather in front of me. I tried
being nice to her and telling herto stop making things difficult, offered to
pay for her therapy, and evenoffered to pay the deposit on her rental
so she could move out, andit backfired big time. At the start

(33:20):
of May twenty twenty three, westarted looking for an apartment where my aunt
can move and we found a niceunit. I deposited the required deposit amount
directly into my aunt's account, asshe had asked me to. However,
just before the agreement had to besigned, the deal fell through. We
started looking for another place but couldn'tfind one that fit my budget. In

(33:42):
mid August, I finally came acrossa small apartment at a decent distance from
my place, but when I mentionedit to my aunt, she told me
she can't afford to move. Uponacquiring why, she told me she had
spent the money I'd given her forthe deposit. That's not your spending money,
mind you. During this period madeour lives living hell. She would
yell at my father, throw thingsin fits of anger, would suddenly stop

(34:06):
talking to us, and even pickedup a fight with our neighbor because our
baby kept crying. Now that poornewborn mom is like, I swear to
God now. When I brought upthe money issue, it resulted in a
huge fight. Ultimately, my momcame to me and asked my mom could
move into the guest bedroom permanently.I told her no, I work two

(34:30):
jobs and have a hectic schedule.I can't come home to fights and drama
every other day. I also toldmy mom that I wanted the deposit money
back somehow. Instead of signing withme, she began signing with her sister
and told me, I'm being selfish, I'm petty. I'm not surprised though,
they're mooching off of the kid already. My dad is an introvert who

(34:51):
pult for us to stay in hisroom the entire day instead of facing the
problem, which means he won't takea stand either. He was going Adams,
so he's just avoiding. Yeah,he's like, get me out of
here. He's like, I'll woulddie soon. Yeah, even though he
has mentioned more than once that hedoesn't feel comfortable around my aunt. Yesterday
I told my aunt and my momthat I will pay the deposit directly to

(35:15):
the new landlord and will help withthe move this weekend. My aunt started
yelling at me and went inside herroom. My mother has opted to give
me the silent treatment. Why whythey're offering to pay the deposit? What's
the issue? Which is something shehas never done before. I'm still going
through with my plan, even ifit sent me back for a while.

(35:37):
But tell me, am I theasshole in this situation. No, what
the fud dude? That was somessy? I only read the first line.
I knew right off the bat.As soon as they said they transferred
the money into their account, Iwas like, that was your step Number
one is a mistake. I workin property management and fun fact, you

(35:57):
as a person can pretty much goin and be Oprah and pay for anybody's
rent. We're not going to belike, why are you paying rent?
You could come in and bring acheck and be like put this on this
person's account. We're going to belike, dude, sick, here's some
money, so you can mail itin. You can do that, but
you don't ever need to just straightdeposit usually, yeah, unless you really

(36:17):
trust this fucking person, and shedidn't. You didn't. So I'm not
trying to victim blame here, butI do think that was a lesson in
how you should send your money andwho you should send your money to.
Yeah, so I think making thechange the same at the end like Okay,
that was smart to your landlord,Yeah that was smart. And I
think the fact that it resulted inthat would cause I would be like,

(36:42):
I'm just so number one advice Ithink for people like this, because you
can't reason with narcissism, and thatsounds like what the sant is. She
might be struggling with some sort ofdisorder, mental disorder something. Yeah,
that sounds like something going on,But honestly, the best thing to do
with people like that is to playdumb. Just be like, I'm so

(37:02):
like from my therapist, yeah,shout, shout out, Sabrina. It's
just to play it and be like, so, I thought you were looking
for a place to live. What'sthe issue if I'm paying the deposit?
And then just be like, what'sthe issue? Huh huh and make them
say and then when they're like,oh, can I stay in your room

(37:23):
permanently? But it's a guest room. But it's a guest room. I
need to accommodate other guests that Ihave. You understand that way, if
somebody else needs to stay at myplace, you even need to go to
that. You could just say,but it's a guest room. It's a
guest room, not a permanent room. And they're like, but if I
just stayed in there, it's aguest it's a guest room. Don't you

(37:43):
want your own place? It's aguest room. Can't have you there?
Sorry, And honestly it's honestly theyare just not advocating for themselves. And
one warning, warning, warning,do not let anybody stay in your house
for an extended amount of time unlessyou know this person and trust them because

(38:08):
it's tricky also because it's like,you know, squatters' rights, So just
careful of that because somebody might justbe like, no, I'm not gonna
fucking leave, like I live here, so there is just like I do
worry about messy situations like that.It sounds like she might be the type
of person to do that, Somove with caution, move swiftly, or

(38:30):
maybe get your own place, buddy. Sounds like it's at the time.
That's what I was gonna say,as honestly, like I'm confused why you're
doing all that. Yeah, LikeI get that they are parents, and
like, if anything can happen toour parents, I would try. I
can't pay their rent hard to help, but yeah, like I can't pay
their rent like that. I livein an end stage capitalist society and I

(38:55):
make a barely living wage, likeI cannot testing somebody else's living. Yeah,
a big reason why I will neverhave children. But like I just
yeah, it's one of those thingswhere I'm like, of course, if
you can afford to provide that levelof help, but it sounds right,
but like they're using this help.Yeah, I'm not not at the expense

(39:17):
of your your emotional safety as well, Like, if you're doing all that,
they better be really freaking grateful.And it sounds like this person is
not necessarily creating a safe environment,and it's like it might be good to
just get yourself some space. I'mceda, bob Rosita, whoever you are

(39:38):
deserve safety and peace. Gosh,what a mess that one was. Yeah,
so there's that. That was beautiful. And here's the next one and
you can read it now. AmI the asshole for telling my hast sister
that her father might have been inmy life longer than my dad? But
I will never be walked down theaisle by our moms their partner. I

(40:01):
don't know if I understood that.Hold on the track. How many siblings
are in here or family half sister? Her father or sister might have been
in their life longer, but they'renot. No, No, it sounds
like that maybe the dad's who knows? Okay, I twenty seven female,

(40:21):
have a half sister, twenty fivefemale. We share the same mom,
but she cheated on my dad whilethey were married, and my half sister
is the result of that. Momended up marrying her dad after the affair
was revealed and DNA was established.Apparently he wouldn't have married Mom if my
half sister hadn't been his strong foundation. My parents shared custody of me until

(40:45):
I was just about to turn eight, literally two weeks before my birthday,
and then my dad passed away inan accident. I was at school and
it was his parenting time with me, so I saw him that day.
It really destroyed me. I endedup with living with my mom. Gosh.
I always knew about the tensions betweenmy parents and my dad and my

(41:06):
mom's husband. I always knew aboutthe fair because my aunt, my mom's
sister, was very open about itand she would use every opportunity to call
my mom and her husband out.My mom is still married to my half
sister's dad. He tried to bea dad to me. I do think
he loves me. He claims meas his other daughter all that stuff,
but I still see him as notmy dad and as the person who slept

(41:29):
with my mom and got her pregnantwhile she was married with my dad.
He does not get the fatherly rolein my life now. Whenever I see
him and my mom, I'm civil, but we are not close. My
relationship with my half sister isn't thatclose either, But I know none of
this is her fault, so Itried to have a sibling relationship with her.
After I got engaged, she toldme she couldn't wait to see our

(41:49):
dad walk me down the aisle.That's when I told her it would never
happen. And when she said itshould because he has been there longer than
my dad ever was, I toldher it didn't matter to me because I
would never be walked on the aisleby my mom's a fair partner. She
told me that that was twenty sixyears ago, and I said, yeah
it was, and I don't rememberit happening, but he does not get
rewarded and I am not disrespecting mydad's memory like that. She told me

(42:15):
I shouldn't be acting like this,and what do I think of her when
I hate her parents and especially herdad that much. She told me I
should appreciate him more for trying tobe a good dad to me, and
I always rejected him and treated himlike shit. Am I the asshole?
This is like whoa whoa, whoawhoa? This is really messy. That
is Koko bananas. And what Ihave to say to that is no obviously

(42:40):
you're not the asshole, and yoursister is delulu like the fact that their
whole marriage started on the basis ofI won't get married to you if that's
not yeah, like my child,and then you're accepting this one as yours.
I'm like, sure, you aresure. Well, that's the thing.

(43:01):
I'm like, you needn't want tobe in that if you could avoid
it, buddy, and your relationshipstarted off, I'm assuming when you knew
she was committed to somebody else,because otherwise you would have concerned about it
being somebody else's baby. Yeah,and she like, it's just it's all
so also the half sister baby babygirl, the girl it's excited to be

(43:27):
for your sister to get married,But it's not your wedding, so you
don't tell her I'm excited to seethis at your wedding. You say,
what do you want to do withyour wedding? You don't say who she
walks down the aisle with. Maybethey're not even mean, seth, they're
not even gonna do that. Well, I'm just gonna say I like you
and uth are engaged, and neverone time I said, oh, I'm

(43:47):
so excited to be in your bridalparty, or I'm so excited to go
to a strip club for your bacheloretteparty, or I'm so excited to see
like this family member at your wedding, because why the fuck would I be
excited for any of that shit.It's not my day. I'm excited to
see them cement the rest of theirlives together. That's literally, that's it.

(44:12):
Beyond that, I have no fuckingexpectations of that day. So that's
a weird thing to say. Anyway, it is a very weird thing to
say. Don't insert people in there. That's not your wedding, babe,
your wedding. You can you canmake that decision. You honor your father.
But like, that's her wedding,so stop getting so but hurt about
it. And also like it's notyeah, like I have I have friends

(44:37):
whose parents divorced due to cheating andthen they married the person they cheated with,
and it's taking them a long timeto develop a friendly relationship. But
it still is tense, and itstill is a little weird because that was
who broke it feels like broke uptheir parents' marriage that ended anyway, exactly,

(45:01):
I'm still like I'm never going tobe friends with the person who cheated
with my ex partner, even thoughI not, even though there were so
many reasons for that relationship to end, It's never I'm never going to be
like, Oh, don't worry becausenow she's dating him, so it would

(45:22):
be way awkward. Now she'd belike, hey, still are it's happening
in there? Right? Yeah,it gladly is. That's exactly that unhinged
behaviors psychotic. That's the thing,y'all are psychotic. It's like, that's
just such a crazy thing for somebodyto accept. In general, you are
not the asshole, babe. Bottomline, I love you. Standing to

(45:45):
your ground feels very snow white.I feel like you sing to birds and
they come to you, and thatyou're the fairest of them all. So
you're going to have a wonderful wedding. Don't let your family affect how you
have it, and celebrate that date. It supposed to be about you and
your marriage. It's just about youyour partner, Yes, celebrating and you

(46:06):
do that well. I think thatkind of concludes our recording for the day.
That's how we feel, that's howthat's where we're at. Thank you
so much for joining in. Uhwe hope that you enjoyed that episode.
Yea. And we will talk inyour ear holes next time. Yep,
we'll speak right right into them.Should we lean in and say bye bye?

(46:42):
Yah? Has this been recording thewhole time?