September 7, 2025 • 17 mins
In this most important episode, Sean shares about a process he has recently gone through to begin the healing of the heart. God wants a soft, open heart that he can communicate with and lead us through. But, in our lives, we have been disappointed, many times, and this leads to a stone wall protecting our heart. This episode shows us how to break through this wall and open our hearts up to God, once again.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Good morning everybody. Today is Sunday, September the seventh, and
welcome to another brand new, life changing edition of the
ninety four x Kingdom Driven CEO. Thank you, thank you everybody.
So I'm so happy you are with me here today.
(00:30):
This is Sean Copelan, and today is going to be
a really really special edition of the Kingdom Driven CEO
because I'm going to tell you a little bit about
a journey that I have gone through recently in a
teaching that I think I will hopefully help you all
to experience kind of the breakthrough that I have experienced.
(00:51):
A couple of months ago, a real close friend of mine,
pastor Rich Manganarow with Harvest Church on Main Street there
and Broken Arrow, we were talking a little bit about
my schedule and I was booked four and five weeks
out with no literally no free minutes, and things were
(01:11):
just so chaotic, and as we begin talking, I was
kind of telling him a little bit about how I
struggled to say no to people, how I struggled to
give or accept criticism, and he began to tell me
that a vast majority of people struggle with either performance orientation,
(01:35):
which I struggle with, or parental inversion, meaning that you
became a parent very very early in life or started
acting as a parent early in life. You know, you
had to take care of your siblings maybe or whatever,
and so parental inversion causes you to be want to
(01:58):
be kind of in control of every thing all the time.
So you're always looking at the flaws of everything, and
you want to make sure everything is just perfect, and
that's your way of showing love to others. And performance
orientation is because you know, probably early in life, you
went through experiences where you were probably criticized heavily, or
(02:21):
maybe you just didn't receive the blessing that you were
looking for from one or both parents or maybe a grandparent,
and so that causes you to want to be a pleaser,
big time pleaser. And so he said, you know, for
both of those, there's kind of a journey that you
can go through to draw yourself closer to Jesus and
(02:44):
our heavenly Father, and it can help you to overcome
these two issues. And it's called healing of the heart.
So what I want to do today is I want
to give you a teaching around healing of the heart,
something that virtually all of us need, and then I'm
going to kind of tell you what ended up happening
with me in my journey. And I think I can
(03:07):
do this all in less than fifteen minutes. So let's
start out with why the heart matters. Okay. Proverbs four
to twenty three says, above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. There are many,
many minutes if you do a search in the Bible,
just do a search for scriptures that deal with the heart.
(03:29):
There are tons and tons of them. God communicates to
us through our heart. He touches our heart. I could
spend an hour just on this, but believe me when
I tell you the heart is very, very important, and
so many people live with wounded hearts. Yet we try
to serve God outwardly. Our heart is the center of
(03:54):
intimacy with Him, and if it is blocked, so is
our relationship. So God wants to heal our heart so
we can live free, whole and close to Him. And
what happens is these woundings that occur in our lives,
some when we are children, Some when people let us down,
lie to us, you know, don't do what they say
(04:16):
they're going to do. When they hurt us, we begin
to build this wall of stone around our heart. And
what happens is we have to kind of chip away
at that wall of stone to allow our heart to
become open again, to become a flesh again. No more
heart of stone. Now we need a heart of flesh
(04:39):
so that God can reach us. So let's talk a
little bit about this concept of performance orientation and parental inversion.
Many grow up believing that their value is based on
performance or taking care of others too soon? Based on
performance is performance orientation? Taking care of others too soon
(05:00):
is parental inversion. Much of this is shaped before the
age of ten. And what I would what I would
ask you to do is kind of step back and
act like you are facing your home when you are eight,
nine or ten years old. Okay, what was your home like?
When we're hurt or when we're disappointed, we build up
(05:23):
walls to protect ourselves. But those same walls can't keep
God and others out. So if you were if you
grew up in a home where you were you know, disappointed,
let down, criticized, et cetera, a lot of times, that
will begin to build this wall around your heart. First
(05:46):
Samuel sixteen, verse seven says man looks on the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks on the heart. So I'm thirty
four eighteen says the Lord is close to the broken
hearted and saves those who are in spirit. So he
can help us to overcome these woundings that many of
us had when we were children, and he can heal us.
(06:10):
He can heal our heart and bring us back close
to him. Now, the challenge is we often create inner
judgments and vows. Okay, so let me give you example.
A judgment is where we look at anybody. But I'm
just going to use our father and mother as an example.
We look at our father or our mother and say,
you know, I judge them because they did this to me,
(06:33):
or they did not do something for me. Maybe maybe
your father, for example, was just absent. Maybe they just
weren't around, maybe they were working all the time. You
know that many of us lived in a different era
where the fathers focused on working and the mothers were
more of the in the parental role. So maybe you
judge your father for not being around, and then you
(06:56):
create a vow that says, I will never do that,
I will never be like him or her, I will
never let anyone hurt me again. I will always solve
everyone's problems. I will never be absent in the life
of my child. And the problem is these scripts end
up controlling our lives and keeping us from God's freedom.
(07:20):
We begin to live according to these judgments and vows,
not what God is calling us to do. It's much
like a GPS that is stuck in an old route.
You can't take God's new road until you clear out
these old directions. Now, let's talk a little bit about
the blessing that we all seek. Deep down, every heart
(07:44):
wants to hear what Jesus heard at his baptism, which was,
this is my son, whom I love, with whom I
am well pleased. This is Matthew three seventeen. This is
what God said when his son was baptized. Now, I
want to point out that at this point in Jesus' life,
he really hadn't done anything yet. His ministry hadn't started.
(08:07):
He had just been learning. You know, they it looks
like he was a great kid, look like you worked hard.
But he hadn't. He wasn't the savior of the world
at this time. His father was pleased with him, even
though he had really done nothing of significance. That is
the blessing we all long to hear and without this blessing,
(08:30):
and if you didn't receive this blessing as a child,
oftentimes we strive, we compare, and we try to perform,
and we are looking for this blessing in other ways.
We want to be loved by others and we look
in all kinds of places for this love. With the blessing,
(08:54):
we live out of love, out of God's love for us,
not for love. So there was a pathway to healing, okay,
and this is the path that Pastor rich took me
through in my journey, and it was it was remarkable.
So step one is we have to go through a
(09:14):
process of forgiveness. Okay, make a list of everyone who
has wronged you and this will take away. This is
going to take a while. I mean, there are a
lot of people in the typical life that have done
us wrong. I mean it might be family, it might
be friends, it might be bosses, it might be coaches,
you know, I mean, it might be siblings. And basically
(09:36):
we use this prayer pattern, so you name the person
and say when you did or did not do whatever
it is it made me feel like this, But today
I choose to forgive you. And this can be very difficult.
I became very emotional when going back to certain moments
(09:56):
in my life and certain people that I needed to forgive.
But after doing this, I feel so free, so much lighter.
Colossians three thirteen says, forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Step two and this may be the hardest of all,
and that is we have to forgive ourselves. So we
(10:18):
have to take some time and list our sins and
our failures and our shortcomings and our regrets. And then
you go through the same process and literally speak this out.
You know, when I did this, it makes me feel blank.
But I forgive myself and you just go over and
over and over through these things that we have done
(10:43):
and forgive ourselves. And the reason that we can forgive
ourselves is because Jesus has already paid for our sins.
You can see that in first John one nine. Then
we need to break these judgments so right now, and
judgments that you've made against your mom, your dad, your
(11:03):
grandparents and others. Okay, you know I judge, you judge
them for doing something to you. You need to repent
and release these judgments to God. You need to repent
from judging. You're not perfect. They weren't perfect, and oftentimes
when you look back you understand what made them do
the things that they did. But even if you don't,
(11:25):
you have to let the judgments go or they were
going to control the rest of your life. Then step four,
renounce the vows. So you've judged them for doing such
and such, and then you've said, I will never do that,
I will never be that way, I will never cry,
I will never be weak, I will never trust, I
will never leave my family, I will never criticize my kids. Again.
(11:49):
These are not healthy. These are scriptings that control our lives,
and God wants us to have a free heart to
be able to listen to him. So you need to
renounce these vows one by one, out loud. I renounce
this vowel. I renounce this vowel over and over and over.
(12:11):
Step five is you need if you were in particularly
if you are married, you need to sever past unhealthy attachments.
So if you have past romantic relationships, you need to
take some time and pray that these unhealthy ties are broken, okay,
so that you can focus on your current relationship your
(12:32):
current spouse and not be tied back to these former relationships.
Then you list five things that you will change as
a result of this new free heart. So example might
be I will speak blessing and not curses, will walk
(12:52):
in forgiveness daily, I will guard my heart with God's word.
I will seek safe godly relationships. I will live as
a loved son and daughter and not as an orphan.
And then finally the closing, which was probably the most
powerful for me, was you go back to a point
(13:12):
in time before you were ten years old that was
very painful to you. Okay, just go back to a
particular moment. It might take a second, but the Holy
Spirit will bring this to your memory. So go back
to that time and you become that little boy or
little girl that's going through this experience. And the question
is where was God in that moment? So I want
(13:35):
you to just picture where is God in that moment?
And in my situation, God was there. He was looking
down on me, He loved me, he sympathized with me.
He didn't want me to have to go through what
I was going through, but He was there with me.
And then Pastor Rich asked me what is God saying
(13:57):
to that little boy right now? And when I began
to truly pray through this, what I felt in my
spirit was that God wasn't saying anything. He was just
giving me the most amazing hug and embrace that I
have ever felt in my life. And it was so real.
(14:22):
I just cannot possibly put it into words for you,
but I felt this amazing, unconditional love and that was
the breakthrough that I had been looking for. All of
a sudden, that stone that surrounded my heart was chipped away,
there was no more stone, and all of a sudden
(14:42):
I was open to receiving the full love of God
in my life. I have always thought of God the
Father as being the authoritarian. He was like the big boss.
He was the one that was angry with me and
the one that I let down. That's not who he
is is. He wants to love me with a deeper
(15:04):
love than I have ever been able to experience in
my life. And I felt that in that moment, and
obviously I just broke down. It was a very very,
very powerful moment, and honestly, every time I think back
to it, it is very very powerful to me. So
I want to close with a couple of scriptures that
(15:26):
I think really encapsulate this. Psalm fifty one tenth says,
create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew
a steadfast spirit within me. The heart is so so important.
And Ezekiel thirty six twenty six through twenty eight says,
I will give you a new heart and put a
new spirit in you. I will remove from you your
(15:48):
heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my spirit in you and move
you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep
my laws. My friends, we all all need a healing
of the heart. Okay. I pray that this podcast would
help you to experience this in your own life. It's
(16:09):
not about performing for others, okay. It's not about controlling
our situation. It's about living a life in which God
can work through our heart to guide and direct us
in a very very powerful way where we are acting
out of love, not out of the need for acceptance.
(16:32):
So please bow with me today and will close this
out in prayer. Dear Heaally Father, thank you that you
are the healer of broken hearts. Today we forgive, we release,
we renounce, and we receive your blessing, break down this
(16:53):
stone wall around our hearts. No more hearts of stone,
and allow us to have a heart of flesh that
is open for you. Heal every wound and let our
hearts beat again with your love. We love you so
much in Jesus' name. Amen, and I want to thank
you so much for joining this slightly longer than normal
(17:16):
edition of the ninety four X Kingdom Driven CEO
Good morning everybody. Today is Sunday, September the seventh, and
welcome to another brand new, life changing edition of the
ninety four x Kingdom Driven CEO. Thank you, thank you everybody.
So I'm so happy you are with me here today.
(00:30):
This is Sean Copelan, and today is going to be
a really really special edition of the Kingdom Driven CEO
because I'm going to tell you a little bit about
a journey that I have gone through recently in a
teaching that I think I will hopefully help you all
to experience kind of the breakthrough that I have experienced.
(00:51):
A couple of months ago, a real close friend of mine,
pastor Rich Manganarow with Harvest Church on Main Street there
and Broken Arrow, we were talking a little bit about
my schedule and I was booked four and five weeks
out with no literally no free minutes, and things were
(01:11):
just so chaotic, and as we begin talking, I was
kind of telling him a little bit about how I
struggled to say no to people, how I struggled to
give or accept criticism, and he began to tell me
that a vast majority of people struggle with either performance orientation,
(01:35):
which I struggle with, or parental inversion, meaning that you
became a parent very very early in life or started
acting as a parent early in life. You know, you
had to take care of your siblings maybe or whatever,
and so parental inversion causes you to be want to
(01:58):
be kind of in control of every thing all the time.
So you're always looking at the flaws of everything, and
you want to make sure everything is just perfect, and
that's your way of showing love to others. And performance
orientation is because you know, probably early in life, you
went through experiences where you were probably criticized heavily, or
(02:21):
maybe you just didn't receive the blessing that you were
looking for from one or both parents or maybe a grandparent,
and so that causes you to want to be a pleaser,
big time pleaser. And so he said, you know, for
both of those, there's kind of a journey that you
can go through to draw yourself closer to Jesus and
(02:44):
our heavenly Father, and it can help you to overcome
these two issues. And it's called healing of the heart.
So what I want to do today is I want
to give you a teaching around healing of the heart,
something that virtually all of us need, and then I'm
going to kind of tell you what ended up happening
with me in my journey. And I think I can
(03:07):
do this all in less than fifteen minutes. So let's
start out with why the heart matters. Okay. Proverbs four
to twenty three says, above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. There are many,
many minutes if you do a search in the Bible,
just do a search for scriptures that deal with the heart.
(03:29):
There are tons and tons of them. God communicates to
us through our heart. He touches our heart. I could
spend an hour just on this, but believe me when
I tell you the heart is very, very important, and
so many people live with wounded hearts. Yet we try
to serve God outwardly. Our heart is the center of
(03:54):
intimacy with Him, and if it is blocked, so is
our relationship. So God wants to heal our heart so
we can live free, whole and close to Him. And
what happens is these woundings that occur in our lives,
some when we are children, Some when people let us down,
lie to us, you know, don't do what they say
(04:16):
they're going to do. When they hurt us, we begin
to build this wall of stone around our heart. And
what happens is we have to kind of chip away
at that wall of stone to allow our heart to
become open again, to become a flesh again. No more
heart of stone. Now we need a heart of flesh
(04:39):
so that God can reach us. So let's talk a
little bit about this concept of performance orientation and parental inversion.
Many grow up believing that their value is based on
performance or taking care of others too soon? Based on
performance is performance orientation? Taking care of others too soon
(05:00):
is parental inversion. Much of this is shaped before the
age of ten. And what I would what I would
ask you to do is kind of step back and
act like you are facing your home when you are eight,
nine or ten years old. Okay, what was your home like?
When we're hurt or when we're disappointed, we build up
(05:23):
walls to protect ourselves. But those same walls can't keep
God and others out. So if you were if you
grew up in a home where you were you know, disappointed,
let down, criticized, et cetera, a lot of times, that
will begin to build this wall around your heart. First
(05:46):
Samuel sixteen, verse seven says man looks on the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks on the heart. So I'm thirty
four eighteen says the Lord is close to the broken
hearted and saves those who are in spirit. So he
can help us to overcome these woundings that many of
us had when we were children, and he can heal us.
(06:10):
He can heal our heart and bring us back close
to him. Now, the challenge is we often create inner
judgments and vows. Okay, so let me give you example.
A judgment is where we look at anybody. But I'm
just going to use our father and mother as an example.
We look at our father or our mother and say,
you know, I judge them because they did this to me,
(06:33):
or they did not do something for me. Maybe maybe
your father, for example, was just absent. Maybe they just
weren't around, maybe they were working all the time. You
know that many of us lived in a different era
where the fathers focused on working and the mothers were
more of the in the parental role. So maybe you
judge your father for not being around, and then you
(06:56):
create a vow that says, I will never do that,
I will never be like him or her, I will
never let anyone hurt me again. I will always solve
everyone's problems. I will never be absent in the life
of my child. And the problem is these scripts end
up controlling our lives and keeping us from God's freedom.
(07:20):
We begin to live according to these judgments and vows,
not what God is calling us to do. It's much
like a GPS that is stuck in an old route.
You can't take God's new road until you clear out
these old directions. Now, let's talk a little bit about
the blessing that we all seek. Deep down, every heart
(07:44):
wants to hear what Jesus heard at his baptism, which was,
this is my son, whom I love, with whom I
am well pleased. This is Matthew three seventeen. This is
what God said when his son was baptized. Now, I
want to point out that at this point in Jesus' life,
he really hadn't done anything yet. His ministry hadn't started.
(08:07):
He had just been learning. You know, they it looks
like he was a great kid, look like you worked hard.
But he hadn't. He wasn't the savior of the world
at this time. His father was pleased with him, even
though he had really done nothing of significance. That is
the blessing we all long to hear and without this blessing,
(08:30):
and if you didn't receive this blessing as a child,
oftentimes we strive, we compare, and we try to perform,
and we are looking for this blessing in other ways.
We want to be loved by others and we look
in all kinds of places for this love. With the blessing,
(08:54):
we live out of love, out of God's love for us,
not for love. So there was a pathway to healing, okay,
and this is the path that Pastor rich took me
through in my journey, and it was it was remarkable.
So step one is we have to go through a
(09:14):
process of forgiveness. Okay, make a list of everyone who
has wronged you and this will take away. This is
going to take a while. I mean, there are a
lot of people in the typical life that have done
us wrong. I mean it might be family, it might
be friends, it might be bosses, it might be coaches,
you know, I mean, it might be siblings. And basically
(09:36):
we use this prayer pattern, so you name the person
and say when you did or did not do whatever
it is it made me feel like this, But today
I choose to forgive you. And this can be very difficult.
I became very emotional when going back to certain moments
(09:56):
in my life and certain people that I needed to forgive.
But after doing this, I feel so free, so much lighter.
Colossians three thirteen says, forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Step two and this may be the hardest of all,
and that is we have to forgive ourselves. So we
(10:18):
have to take some time and list our sins and
our failures and our shortcomings and our regrets. And then
you go through the same process and literally speak this out.
You know, when I did this, it makes me feel blank.
But I forgive myself and you just go over and
over and over through these things that we have done
(10:43):
and forgive ourselves. And the reason that we can forgive
ourselves is because Jesus has already paid for our sins.
You can see that in first John one nine. Then
we need to break these judgments so right now, and
judgments that you've made against your mom, your dad, your
(11:03):
grandparents and others. Okay, you know I judge, you judge
them for doing something to you. You need to repent
and release these judgments to God. You need to repent
from judging. You're not perfect. They weren't perfect, and oftentimes
when you look back you understand what made them do
the things that they did. But even if you don't,
(11:25):
you have to let the judgments go or they were
going to control the rest of your life. Then step four,
renounce the vows. So you've judged them for doing such
and such, and then you've said, I will never do that,
I will never be that way, I will never cry,
I will never be weak, I will never trust, I
will never leave my family, I will never criticize my kids. Again.
(11:49):
These are not healthy. These are scriptings that control our lives,
and God wants us to have a free heart to
be able to listen to him. So you need to
renounce these vows one by one, out loud. I renounce
this vowel. I renounce this vowel over and over and over.
(12:11):
Step five is you need if you were in particularly
if you are married, you need to sever past unhealthy attachments.
So if you have past romantic relationships, you need to
take some time and pray that these unhealthy ties are broken, okay,
so that you can focus on your current relationship your
(12:32):
current spouse and not be tied back to these former relationships.
Then you list five things that you will change as
a result of this new free heart. So example might
be I will speak blessing and not curses, will walk
(12:52):
in forgiveness daily, I will guard my heart with God's word.
I will seek safe godly relationships. I will live as
a loved son and daughter and not as an orphan.
And then finally the closing, which was probably the most
powerful for me, was you go back to a point
(13:12):
in time before you were ten years old that was
very painful to you. Okay, just go back to a
particular moment. It might take a second, but the Holy
Spirit will bring this to your memory. So go back
to that time and you become that little boy or
little girl that's going through this experience. And the question
is where was God in that moment? So I want
(13:35):
you to just picture where is God in that moment?
And in my situation, God was there. He was looking
down on me, He loved me, he sympathized with me.
He didn't want me to have to go through what
I was going through, but He was there with me.
And then Pastor Rich asked me what is God saying
(13:57):
to that little boy right now? And when I began
to truly pray through this, what I felt in my
spirit was that God wasn't saying anything. He was just
giving me the most amazing hug and embrace that I
have ever felt in my life. And it was so real.
(14:22):
I just cannot possibly put it into words for you,
but I felt this amazing, unconditional love and that was
the breakthrough that I had been looking for. All of
a sudden, that stone that surrounded my heart was chipped away,
there was no more stone, and all of a sudden
(14:42):
I was open to receiving the full love of God
in my life. I have always thought of God the
Father as being the authoritarian. He was like the big boss.
He was the one that was angry with me and
the one that I let down. That's not who he
is is. He wants to love me with a deeper
(15:04):
love than I have ever been able to experience in
my life. And I felt that in that moment, and
obviously I just broke down. It was a very very,
very powerful moment, and honestly, every time I think back
to it, it is very very powerful to me. So
I want to close with a couple of scriptures that
(15:26):
I think really encapsulate this. Psalm fifty one tenth says,
create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew
a steadfast spirit within me. The heart is so so important.
And Ezekiel thirty six twenty six through twenty eight says,
I will give you a new heart and put a
new spirit in you. I will remove from you your
(15:48):
heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my spirit in you and move
you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep
my laws. My friends, we all all need a healing
of the heart. Okay. I pray that this podcast would
help you to experience this in your own life. It's
(16:09):
not about performing for others, okay. It's not about controlling
our situation. It's about living a life in which God
can work through our heart to guide and direct us
in a very very powerful way where we are acting
out of love, not out of the need for acceptance.
(16:32):
So please bow with me today and will close this
out in prayer. Dear Heaally Father, thank you that you
are the healer of broken hearts. Today we forgive, we release,
we renounce, and we receive your blessing, break down this
(16:53):
stone wall around our hearts. No more hearts of stone,
and allow us to have a heart of flesh that
is open for you. Heal every wound and let our
hearts beat again with your love. We love you so
much in Jesus' name. Amen, and I want to thank
you so much for joining this slightly longer than normal
(17:16):
edition of the ninety four X Kingdom Driven CEO
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Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.