June 1, 2025 • 15 mins
In this episode, Sean recounts some excellent advice he was given from a mentor. In marriage, friendship and business…stop keeping score. Learn to forgive others and run our own race. This is the key to happiness and impact in this life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Good morning everyone. This is Sean Copeland. Today is Sunday,
June the first, the greatest month of the year, and
welcome to another brand new, life changing edition of the
ninety four x Kingdom Driven CEO. I am so glad
(00:32):
you are with us today, everybody. I appreciate you being here.
And you may be wondering why is June the best
month of the year. Well, it's beautiful, school is out
or into summer, but most of all because June the
nineteenth happens to be the date of my birth So
go ahead if you guys want to send a cash
(00:53):
or gifts, anything is fine. If you would like to
celebrate my birthday with me, it is June the nineteenth,
So that is why I thought this month. I had
a really really fun week, pretty normal week up until Wednesday,
and then Wednesday I traveled out to Naples, Florida. That
(01:14):
was some customers, talked about some potential business out there,
got to get in a round of golf with my
new friend John. It was so much fun. And during
that round of golf is where our topic for today
was born. And I think you're going to really really
like it. And let me give you a little bit
(01:35):
of background. So the gentleman that I was playing golf with,
he's in his mid seventies. I think he's seventy four.
He has had tremendous life accomplishment, no question about that.
He served in both the Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan administrations,
(01:56):
and then he went into real estate development and has
done some major major real estate developments here in our country.
Now serves on the board of directors of a very
influential group within Saudi Arabia. He lives in both Aspen
and Naples, so has obviously done very well financially. But
(02:20):
what I was most interested in. Professional achievement is one thing.
But what I was most interested in is he has
remained married all these years, no marital divorce or separation.
He has a daughter that they have a great relationship,
(02:41):
and so I was really more curious from a mentor perspective,
how he has managed to keep his personal life intact.
He is a strong believer, and so that's what I
was interested in. I really am drawn to this gentleman,
and because of the way that he has lived his
(03:04):
personal life, aside from all of his professional achievements, he's
very giving back into the community of Aspen and leads
is on the hospital board, leads a number of fundraisers
for them. So I just really admire this guy. And
(03:24):
so I was asking him a lot of questions about,
you know, his life and you know, what he would
have done differently and what advice he would give to me.
And one of the things he told me really struck
me is very very interesting. And he said, one of
the things I learned is we have to stop keeping score.
(03:46):
And we were specifically talking about marriage and how you
cannot have a marriage where you're constantly comparing and keeping score.
But as we were visiting, it applies to all areas
of life. And I'm going to jump into a few
points here to help drive this home, but I want
you to think about this. The employees that I have
(04:06):
that struggle at work tend to keep keep score comparing
themselves to other employees. Okay, it's never fair. They always
get more. Why, you know, why do they get promoted
and I didn't. They're so focused on others that they
don't do well at their own work. In business, one
(04:27):
of the things that I learned is to stop keeping
score versus other competitors. You know, it's important to do
peer comparisons to kind of see how you are doing.
But many I mean the banking business, as many of
you know, and many bankers obsess over other people's numbers.
(04:50):
And I used to do that too. All bank numbers
are public, and so they would always constantly compare, compare, compare,
Well do that anymore. I am more about making my
organization the best it can be than comparing to others.
Stop keeping score with your neighbors, you know, keeping up
(05:11):
with the Joneses is a is a favorite topic and
pastime of United States of America families. We always want
to be better than the people next door, but you
don't know their situation. It may appear that they are very,
very wealthy, and they may be on the verge of bankruptcy,
(05:34):
you know, up to their eyeballs and credit card debt,
and so we shouldn't be keeping score with them either.
It's not about Life is not a competition. Life is
about how closely we can grow to God. It is
really that simple. How many people can we bring to Jesus. Now,
there's something to keep score about, but we don't keep
(05:56):
score about that. We keep score about cars and homes
and who got the most promotions, and who do we
think has the most money? You know, whose kid is
the most athletic or the smartest. Those are the kind
of things where we keep score. So what I want
to talk about today is love doesn't keep score. And
we're really going to talk about grace and marriage and life,
(06:19):
you know, and we're going to dig into the scripture
and see what does it say about keeping score. So
let me ask you a question. Have you ever found
yourself in a mental courtroom? And you know what I mean,
where you're the judge, the jury, the prosecuting attorney, and
your spouse, coworker, friend, or competitor is on trial. You
(06:43):
tally up everything you've done right and everything that they've
done wrong. You've made fourteen cups of coffee, they've made zero.
You apologize first every fight, after every fight for the
last six years, they took a nap, You vacuumed, help
with homework, fed the dog, and they apparently hopefully breathe.
And can I get a witness because we call this
(07:06):
scorekeeping and it's one of the fastest ways to lose
the joy God wants us to have in marriage, relationships, business,
and life. And let me make just a couple of
points here, real quick to kind of drive this home.
Love doesn't keep score. Let's look at first Corinthians thirteen five.
(07:26):
Love keeps no record of being wronged. That's what it says.
Love keeps no record of being wrong. This first hits hard.
True love doesn't keep a mental spreadsheet of offenses. But
let's be honest. It is tempting, especially when we feel
unseen or taken for granted. That's when we start mentally
reciting I do this, this and this what do they do?
(07:50):
But real love, the nind God, calls us to chooses
grace over grudges. There's a story about a married couple
for over fifty years. If someone asked the wife the
secret to their marriage, and she said, early on, I
made a list of ten things he did that I
would just forgive automatically. I figured i'd need some grace
as well. The interviewer asked, what were the ten things?
(08:13):
She smiled, Oh, I never got around to writing them down.
Every time he did something that annoyed me. Excuse me,
everything that he did something that annoyed me, I just said,
like you for him, that's one of the ten. Now
that is grace. What if we gave people that kind
of grace every day, assuming the best instead of tallying
(08:35):
the worst. Scorekeeping also turns love into a transaction. Let's
take a look at Matthew eighteen, twenty one and twenty two.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many
times shall I forgive my brother's sister who sins against me?
Up to seven times? Jesus answered, I tell you, not
seven times, but seventy seven times. Peter wanted a number.
(08:59):
Jesus gave him a lifestyle. When we keep score, we're
no longer loving. We are trading. I did this, now
you owe me. But marriage isn't a scoreboard. It's a covenant,
and life in Christ isn't about fairness, It is about faithfulness.
Imagine if Jesus kept score with us like we do
with others. Sean, that's four eight hundred and seventy six lies, oney,
(09:23):
two hundred and three prideful thoughts in eighty six sarcastic prayers.
You're out. No Jesus forgave us while we were still sinners.
That's what it says in Romans five to eight. So
how can we do less to others? You know this
is so important, and let me give you another example
(09:44):
of where this plays out. I used to build business
relationships based upon this kind of keeping score. Mindset okay,
and I thought, if I refer business to this person,
they need to refer business back to me. And that
was not the right way to think. That is wrong thinking.
(10:06):
You just do the best for the client. You just
do your best to help your friends grow their business.
Everything else takes care of itself. We have to trust
God to make it right. Sometimes we keep score because
we want justice. They got away with it, They never
said sorry. They keep hurting me. But Romans twelve nineteen says,
(10:28):
do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room
for God's wrath. For it is written it is mine
to avenge. I will repay, says the Lord. God sees.
God knows, and he is better at balancing the scales
than we ever could be. Letting go doesn't mean it
didn't matter. It means you trust God enough to handle
(10:48):
it better than you can. A lot of times in
this world we look at people and say, you know,
why do good things happen to bad people? And vice versa.
To worry about this is about eternity. You're looking at
a wisp of air here on earth, okay, and you're saying, man,
(11:08):
it looks like they're doing better than me in this little,
tiny you know, seventy eighty ninety years that we have
on earth. That's not what this is about. This is
about eternity in heaven. That's where the justice might be
done here on earth. Justice will definitely be done in heaven.
(11:29):
You will get the rewards due to you when we
get to heaven. Corey Timboom, a Holocaust survivor, forgave one
of her former Nazi guards years after the war. She wrote,
forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will
can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Sometimes
(11:49):
forgiveness feels cold and mechanical. That's okay. God honors obedience
even when our emotions lag behind. When you stop keeping score,
you're not a excusing wrong. You're inviting God into the process.
Grace can transform relationships. Let's look at Colossians three thirteen
(12:10):
and fourteen. Paul says, bear with each other and forgive
one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over
all these virtues put on love, which binds them all
together in perfect unity. Forgiveness is the glue of relationships.
Grace is the secret sauce. The most beautiful marriages aren't
the ones with the least conflict. They're the ones with
(12:32):
the most grace. Here's the deal, guys, we have all
made mistakes. We've made mistakes in business, marriage, friendship, every
area of our life. We have made mistakes parenting. That
is just a fact. What we have to do is
we have to forgive ourselves and we have to forgive others.
(12:55):
There's a beautiful phrase used in long marriages. We out
gave each other. That is powerful. What if in your marriage,
in your business, you know in your friendships your goal
wasn't to win, but to serve, not to be right,
but to be righteous. You can't win at love by
(13:17):
keeping score. If you win every argument but lose your
spouse's heart, what have you really won? If you keep
every record wrongs but forget every kindness. What kind of
life is that? God didn't call us to a scoreboard.
He called us to a cross where Jesus paid the price.
Wipe the slate clean and said it is finished. So
(13:41):
today I want to invite you to stop keeping school
in your marriage at work, in your family, with your friends,
with your neighbors, to trust God to make it right,
and to love without limits. Let's be known not for
how we kept track, but for how we let go.
Because love doesn't keep score. Love wins by losing count.
(14:06):
So I'm so glad you joined us today for this
edition of the ninety four x Kingdom Driven CEO. I
hope you have a wonderful Sunday, wonderful week, and I
look forward to being back here with you next week.
Please bow with me today as we close out in prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to forgive, just as you
(14:27):
have forgiven us. Whether it's hard for us to understand
the concept of grace, it doesn't make a whole lot
of sense to us as humans, because it should always
be an eye for an eye, But that's not what
you teach. Jesus said, turn the other cheek. If somebody
slaps you on one, turn the other cheek to them. Also,
(14:48):
always forgive. Help us to live a life like this.
We will be happier, We will make a greater impact.
Those around us, will be happier, and then we can
put all of our focus on You and not those
we are trying to compete with Father. Just help us
to run our race, help us to do our best
(15:08):
for you. We love you so much in Jesus' name
a man, and thank you again for joining the ninety
four x Kingdom Driven CEO
Good morning everyone. This is Sean Copeland. Today is Sunday,
June the first, the greatest month of the year, and
welcome to another brand new, life changing edition of the
ninety four x Kingdom Driven CEO. I am so glad
(00:32):
you are with us today, everybody. I appreciate you being here.
And you may be wondering why is June the best
month of the year. Well, it's beautiful, school is out
or into summer, but most of all because June the
nineteenth happens to be the date of my birth So
go ahead if you guys want to send a cash
(00:53):
or gifts, anything is fine. If you would like to
celebrate my birthday with me, it is June the nineteenth,
So that is why I thought this month. I had
a really really fun week, pretty normal week up until Wednesday,
and then Wednesday I traveled out to Naples, Florida. That
(01:14):
was some customers, talked about some potential business out there,
got to get in a round of golf with my
new friend John. It was so much fun. And during
that round of golf is where our topic for today
was born. And I think you're going to really really
like it. And let me give you a little bit
(01:35):
of background. So the gentleman that I was playing golf with,
he's in his mid seventies. I think he's seventy four.
He has had tremendous life accomplishment, no question about that.
He served in both the Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan administrations,
(01:56):
and then he went into real estate development and has
done some major major real estate developments here in our country.
Now serves on the board of directors of a very
influential group within Saudi Arabia. He lives in both Aspen
and Naples, so has obviously done very well financially. But
(02:20):
what I was most interested in. Professional achievement is one thing.
But what I was most interested in is he has
remained married all these years, no marital divorce or separation.
He has a daughter that they have a great relationship,
(02:41):
and so I was really more curious from a mentor perspective,
how he has managed to keep his personal life intact.
He is a strong believer, and so that's what I
was interested in. I really am drawn to this gentleman,
and because of the way that he has lived his
(03:04):
personal life, aside from all of his professional achievements, he's
very giving back into the community of Aspen and leads
is on the hospital board, leads a number of fundraisers
for them. So I just really admire this guy. And
(03:24):
so I was asking him a lot of questions about,
you know, his life and you know, what he would
have done differently and what advice he would give to me.
And one of the things he told me really struck
me is very very interesting. And he said, one of
the things I learned is we have to stop keeping score.
(03:46):
And we were specifically talking about marriage and how you
cannot have a marriage where you're constantly comparing and keeping score.
But as we were visiting, it applies to all areas
of life. And I'm going to jump into a few
points here to help drive this home, but I want
you to think about this. The employees that I have
(04:06):
that struggle at work tend to keep keep score comparing
themselves to other employees. Okay, it's never fair. They always
get more. Why, you know, why do they get promoted
and I didn't. They're so focused on others that they
don't do well at their own work. In business, one
(04:27):
of the things that I learned is to stop keeping
score versus other competitors. You know, it's important to do
peer comparisons to kind of see how you are doing.
But many I mean the banking business, as many of
you know, and many bankers obsess over other people's numbers.
(04:50):
And I used to do that too. All bank numbers
are public, and so they would always constantly compare, compare, compare,
Well do that anymore. I am more about making my
organization the best it can be than comparing to others.
Stop keeping score with your neighbors, you know, keeping up
(05:11):
with the Joneses is a is a favorite topic and
pastime of United States of America families. We always want
to be better than the people next door, but you
don't know their situation. It may appear that they are very,
very wealthy, and they may be on the verge of bankruptcy,
(05:34):
you know, up to their eyeballs and credit card debt,
and so we shouldn't be keeping score with them either.
It's not about Life is not a competition. Life is
about how closely we can grow to God. It is
really that simple. How many people can we bring to Jesus. Now,
there's something to keep score about, but we don't keep
(05:56):
score about that. We keep score about cars and homes
and who got the most promotions, and who do we
think has the most money? You know, whose kid is
the most athletic or the smartest. Those are the kind
of things where we keep score. So what I want
to talk about today is love doesn't keep score. And
we're really going to talk about grace and marriage and life,
(06:19):
you know, and we're going to dig into the scripture
and see what does it say about keeping score. So
let me ask you a question. Have you ever found
yourself in a mental courtroom? And you know what I mean,
where you're the judge, the jury, the prosecuting attorney, and
your spouse, coworker, friend, or competitor is on trial. You
(06:43):
tally up everything you've done right and everything that they've
done wrong. You've made fourteen cups of coffee, they've made zero.
You apologize first every fight, after every fight for the
last six years, they took a nap, You vacuumed, help
with homework, fed the dog, and they apparently hopefully breathe.
And can I get a witness because we call this
(07:06):
scorekeeping and it's one of the fastest ways to lose
the joy God wants us to have in marriage, relationships, business,
and life. And let me make just a couple of
points here, real quick to kind of drive this home.
Love doesn't keep score. Let's look at first Corinthians thirteen five.
(07:26):
Love keeps no record of being wronged. That's what it says.
Love keeps no record of being wrong. This first hits hard.
True love doesn't keep a mental spreadsheet of offenses. But
let's be honest. It is tempting, especially when we feel
unseen or taken for granted. That's when we start mentally
reciting I do this, this and this what do they do?
(07:50):
But real love, the nind God, calls us to chooses
grace over grudges. There's a story about a married couple
for over fifty years. If someone asked the wife the
secret to their marriage, and she said, early on, I
made a list of ten things he did that I
would just forgive automatically. I figured i'd need some grace
as well. The interviewer asked, what were the ten things?
(08:13):
She smiled, Oh, I never got around to writing them down.
Every time he did something that annoyed me. Excuse me,
everything that he did something that annoyed me, I just said,
like you for him, that's one of the ten. Now
that is grace. What if we gave people that kind
of grace every day, assuming the best instead of tallying
(08:35):
the worst. Scorekeeping also turns love into a transaction. Let's
take a look at Matthew eighteen, twenty one and twenty two.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many
times shall I forgive my brother's sister who sins against me?
Up to seven times? Jesus answered, I tell you, not
seven times, but seventy seven times. Peter wanted a number.
(08:59):
Jesus gave him a lifestyle. When we keep score, we're
no longer loving. We are trading. I did this, now
you owe me. But marriage isn't a scoreboard. It's a covenant,
and life in Christ isn't about fairness, It is about faithfulness.
Imagine if Jesus kept score with us like we do
with others. Sean, that's four eight hundred and seventy six lies, oney,
(09:23):
two hundred and three prideful thoughts in eighty six sarcastic prayers.
You're out. No Jesus forgave us while we were still sinners.
That's what it says in Romans five to eight. So
how can we do less to others? You know this
is so important, and let me give you another example
(09:44):
of where this plays out. I used to build business
relationships based upon this kind of keeping score. Mindset okay,
and I thought, if I refer business to this person,
they need to refer business back to me. And that
was not the right way to think. That is wrong thinking.
(10:06):
You just do the best for the client. You just
do your best to help your friends grow their business.
Everything else takes care of itself. We have to trust
God to make it right. Sometimes we keep score because
we want justice. They got away with it, They never
said sorry. They keep hurting me. But Romans twelve nineteen says,
(10:28):
do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room
for God's wrath. For it is written it is mine
to avenge. I will repay, says the Lord. God sees.
God knows, and he is better at balancing the scales
than we ever could be. Letting go doesn't mean it
didn't matter. It means you trust God enough to handle
(10:48):
it better than you can. A lot of times in
this world we look at people and say, you know,
why do good things happen to bad people? And vice versa.
To worry about this is about eternity. You're looking at
a wisp of air here on earth, okay, and you're saying, man,
(11:08):
it looks like they're doing better than me in this little,
tiny you know, seventy eighty ninety years that we have
on earth. That's not what this is about. This is
about eternity in heaven. That's where the justice might be
done here on earth. Justice will definitely be done in heaven.
(11:29):
You will get the rewards due to you when we
get to heaven. Corey Timboom, a Holocaust survivor, forgave one
of her former Nazi guards years after the war. She wrote,
forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will
can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Sometimes
(11:49):
forgiveness feels cold and mechanical. That's okay. God honors obedience
even when our emotions lag behind. When you stop keeping score,
you're not a excusing wrong. You're inviting God into the process.
Grace can transform relationships. Let's look at Colossians three thirteen
(12:10):
and fourteen. Paul says, bear with each other and forgive
one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over
all these virtues put on love, which binds them all
together in perfect unity. Forgiveness is the glue of relationships.
Grace is the secret sauce. The most beautiful marriages aren't
the ones with the least conflict. They're the ones with
(12:32):
the most grace. Here's the deal, guys, we have all
made mistakes. We've made mistakes in business, marriage, friendship, every
area of our life. We have made mistakes parenting. That
is just a fact. What we have to do is
we have to forgive ourselves and we have to forgive others.
(12:55):
There's a beautiful phrase used in long marriages. We out
gave each other. That is powerful. What if in your marriage,
in your business, you know in your friendships your goal
wasn't to win, but to serve, not to be right,
but to be righteous. You can't win at love by
(13:17):
keeping score. If you win every argument but lose your
spouse's heart, what have you really won? If you keep
every record wrongs but forget every kindness. What kind of
life is that? God didn't call us to a scoreboard.
He called us to a cross where Jesus paid the price.
Wipe the slate clean and said it is finished. So
(13:41):
today I want to invite you to stop keeping school
in your marriage at work, in your family, with your friends,
with your neighbors, to trust God to make it right,
and to love without limits. Let's be known not for
how we kept track, but for how we let go.
Because love doesn't keep score. Love wins by losing count.
(14:06):
So I'm so glad you joined us today for this
edition of the ninety four x Kingdom Driven CEO. I
hope you have a wonderful Sunday, wonderful week, and I
look forward to being back here with you next week.
Please bow with me today as we close out in prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to forgive, just as you
(14:27):
have forgiven us. Whether it's hard for us to understand
the concept of grace, it doesn't make a whole lot
of sense to us as humans, because it should always
be an eye for an eye, But that's not what
you teach. Jesus said, turn the other cheek. If somebody
slaps you on one, turn the other cheek to them. Also,
(14:48):
always forgive. Help us to live a life like this.
We will be happier, We will make a greater impact.
Those around us, will be happier, and then we can
put all of our focus on You and not those
we are trying to compete with Father. Just help us
to run our race, help us to do our best
(15:08):
for you. We love you so much in Jesus' name
a man, and thank you again for joining the ninety
four x Kingdom Driven CEO
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