July 24, 2025 • 27 mins
A comedy series featuring a spirited young woman navigating life's challenges with wit and charm, often finding herself in humorous situations. Her adventures are both entertaining and endearing.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
I have, babe, say, how.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
About should that answer your question? Buddy?
Speaker 3 (00:15):
The Adventures of Mazie starring and Southern. You all remember
Metro Golden Mayor's famous Mazie pictures and just a moment
you'll hear Mazie in radio, starring the same glamorous star
you all went to see and loved on the screen.
And Southern but first you're announcer, and now our here's
(01:16):
Anne Southern as bazy.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, I'm mazy like the fella said Maizie Revere, and
show business jobs are very seldom so to keep my
stomach from seceding from the rest of me, I became
what you call a jack of all trades. I'd go
into any trade that had any jack in it legitimate only,
of course, the jobs I've taken to keep the wolf
from the door, Believe me, I could write a book.
(01:42):
I'll never forget the time I was working as a
census taker. It was in one of those hillbilly states
where if anybody wore shoes, you knew right away he
was a tourist. I'll never forget one farmhouse on my beat,
the Lapidator. It looked like the house was made of driftwood,
and some of the wood was still drifting. Oh, open
(02:04):
the door and I'll tell you are I mean you,
I've come to take the census.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Oh wait, we ain't got money.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Look zeke, I'm too tired for humors saying open up.
I come from the capital of the United States.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
You mean Washington, DC, I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Mean Richmond, Virginia. Good day, mister. I'd like to ask
you some questions.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Questions.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, the government wants to know how many people there
are in this country.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
We'll tell them to ask somebody else. I don't even
know how many people are in this year town.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh well, you don't understand, mister. Every twenty years the
government sends around census takers from house to house to
see who was born. Now, how about you?
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Oh hell, you can put me down thish I was born.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Congratulations. Now what's your name, Jed Hawkins.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Kin?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
What do you do for a living, mister Hawkins?
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Oh well you might share a manager laundry.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Oh well, what's the name of the lawndee.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Missage Hawkins.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Well that's nice work if you can get it. How
many children do you have, mister Hawkins?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Children? Oh?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
That she Now there's there's Emmy Sherry Luke, bet she
sham more to mister Hawkins.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I just want the number, Fred. Maybe i'd better ask
your wife about the family.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Oh right, smart didy mish Oh, Ma can give you
the exact number of our kids. Got a mighty fine
head for figure that gal come from the city. Yeah,
mars the milk.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
And the cows.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Good, well I find her.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Oh that's a chilly question. Cow only gives milk from
one place.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
Shaye, what do you know?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I just cracked a joke.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Crack it again. It's still wiggling. I'll go find ma.
You just relaxed, jed. You must be tired. Yeah, you
look like you've been breathing all day, Missus Hawkins, Missus Hawkins. Yeah,
we'll be there. I be here, Missus Hawkins, the census taker.
(04:22):
Where are you right in the barn, ma'am? Oh? Oh,
how do you do, missus Hawkins. Yeah, I'm here to
inquire about your family. Well, that's right, neighborly, ma'am, right, neighborly.
It was shucks, ma'am. That tain't nothing tall. Tell me,
(04:44):
Missus Hawkins, how many young'un do you reckon? You got?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Now?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Well, let's see now, that Emmy Serry, Lillie Belle, Bessie Melburgh,
and then the boys. There's Luke Edgar, just the neighbor.
Missus Hawkins, not the variety. Ooh oh, I've had nine kids.
Nine huh. Now question number two? You own this farm? No,
(05:10):
but we going on one real snasty one too soon
as Lily Bell gets herself famous as a picture star actress.
And not there Hollywood. Oh you got a dog in
the movies, Missus Hawkins.
Speaker 7 (05:21):
Oh not yet, ma'am, but it won't be long now,
I reckon he mom.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Well, who's this, Missus Hawkins? One of your older boys? Shucks? No, ma'am.
This year's Lily Bell. She's girl. You sure? Oh these
year clothes, I'm wearing his paws.
Speaker 7 (05:36):
I'm leaving Mike going to meet and clothes for when
I leave for Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Lily Bell's the prettiest gall of these year parts, ma'am. Yeah, yeah,
take off your paws at money and shoulder lady. Oh sure,
Mark there Hm. They are pretty, I mean pretty, a
little too pretty for Hollywood. Honey. What do you mean, ma'am, Well,
Lily Bell, Hollywood's pretty. Hep guys, you know what can
(06:02):
happen to a pretty girl all alone there?
Speaker 7 (06:04):
Oh shocks, Yeah, and it's exciting.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Lilly Bell, I'm telling you again, when you get to
Hollywood and them city fellas try to get too friendly,
like you remember what you learned at your mother's need.
Well that's good advice, ma'am, but it ain't easy to
remember what you learned at a mother's need when you're
on a man's laugh. Now I'll get home with the
census questions. What is your average income from? You?
Speaker 7 (06:31):
Sure do seem to know all about Hollywood? You ever
been there?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Acted in pictures? Maybe? Well? Yeahs an extra? Now what
is your advagen? What say extra? Any actor or actress
without enough money to go home? Now? Your averaging means
that some girls don't become stars in Hollywood. A few
most of them were like me, had to make a
living by working. Lily Bell, I ain't so sure I
(06:58):
want you to go to Hollywood when we are very young,
and suppose you don't get to be a star real quick. Well,
you were all alone there, and me and your paw
didn't make very much money last year? Oh, and I
were getting someplace. How much didn't you and Paul make
last year? Oh, it shocks my You don't have to
worry about me. Shucks.
Speaker 7 (07:17):
I'll be your star just as soon as he got
my screen test in Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Please your average screen test. Everybody in these parts has
been getting themselves all slicked up to have movie tests
that ourselves tooking before that Hollywood talent scout leaves town.
Speaker 7 (07:33):
Mister Fontayne, I be'st the director way, he says, I
got as much as Lana Turner and Getty Grave.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Were put together. Well you have, honey, even though maybe
it wasn't put together as good. I sure hope that
mister Fontaine is right, Lily Bell, and that you get
that picture contract he promised you right quick at there
are screen test you took cost me and your paw
are lifetime savings one hundred dollars. He tries you one
hundred bucks for a screen test. But that's ridiculous, ain't it?
Speaker 7 (08:02):
Though he charged all the others in town two hundred.
But I didn't have that much, so he took me
for a hundred.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well he certainly did. Missus Hawkins. Do they have a
sheriff in this town? Oh, chardon Lamb Williams, Why ma'am
you gonna take his senses now. No, but I'm gonna
tell him how other people in this time have lost
their senses. That Fountain's a phony. Real movie Scots don't
take money for tests. Are you sure of me?
Speaker 7 (08:27):
Oh but mister Fontaine, he promised me I'd be a star.
He says, I got what it takes.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, and then he takes what you got, honey. I'm sorry,
but it's better to find out the truth this way.
That phony screen test gimmick is one of the oldest
and dirtiest rackets ever dreamed of. Gosh, we was a
countin on Lily Bell Bey and a star and Pitcher's
mighty quick like Nott there one hundred dollars was our
feed and seed money.
Speaker 7 (08:51):
I'm sorry more toraw all my fork for getting me
into this.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Well, maybe it's not too late to get your money back.
That fontaining his outfit belong in jail, and I'm gonna
try and see if that they get there. I gotta
get to the sheriff before they smell a rast. You
gotta cal missus Hawkins. Yeah, their cheers over Yonder. I'm
in a hurry.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
I'd better walk.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah, ma'am, you were looking for somebody.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, the sheriff, Well, I be him, howdy, I'd be
mazy with the sheriff. I just came from Missus Hawkins.
And it's the dirtiest thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 9 (09:31):
Oh now, now, man, Missus Hawkins may be sloppy, but
that's no call to get insulted.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Well, you gotta do something about it before it's too late.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Do something about what.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Poor Missus Hawkins, she works hard all her life, develops
rheumatism in her back, and now it's.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Gone, the rheumatism.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
No, the money?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
What money?
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Well, cows won't give milk if they don't get fed,
will they?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Well, I reckon not, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
But you gotta do something about it. You got a gun?
Speaker 9 (09:57):
Oh yeah, man, But when a cow won't give milk,
he will give milk and threaten him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Won't help? Yeah, goodbye? Man.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You mean you're gonna go back to sleep, not do
anything about it?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
About what? Man?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
What about Lily Bell? You gotta get her money back?
And all the others too. I do why why, he asks?
I happen to know that their phony?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You do?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Well, of course I do. Now when you arrest them.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Well, sure, let's go.
Speaker 9 (10:24):
Last wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Who am I
going to.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Arrest Fontaine and his mob?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:32):
That the movie director from Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, so it's fine. He's sinking in.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Huh what's sinking in?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Sheriff? How many times, muth I tell you?
Speaker 9 (10:41):
Just once, ma'am, just once? I catch how real fast?
Say say you know this here? Fontaine?
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yes, and he tries Lily Bell Hawkins one hundred dollars
for a screen test?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
He did?
Speaker 8 (10:51):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Why that's the dirtiest deal I ever heard of.
Speaker 9 (10:54):
I'm going over to Fontaine's place right now for a showdown.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Had a boy, sheriff. He can't go around taking a
bath of Hollywood structures like that.
Speaker 9 (11:02):
I'll say that Fonteine charge of Lily bella one hundred
bucks for a screen teste?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
It ain't right. That's why it's just.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Law me right, you plumb set a chair?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Why he charged me two hundred for mine?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Oh fine?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
The adventures of Mazie starring and Southern will continue in
just a moment, And now back to Mazie.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Stop the presses, I got a scoop for page one.
Speaker 10 (12:19):
Look, miss I don't have to stop the presses. This
is only a weekly newspaper. And this isn't the day
we print. Besides, we have our scoop for this issue.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Well look, mister editor, I'm not one of the local jerks.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I'm from Washington, Oh, FBI.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
No DC. I'm with the Department of Facts and Figures.
And I've got an interesting fact to show you.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
And you got an interesting figure too. What's on your mind?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Miss, well, not the same it's on yours, chump. You
ain't from these parts, are you.
Speaker 10 (12:47):
Oh, don't let the fact that I'm wearing shoes fool
your gal. It spent all my live down here in
these hills, except for four years at Yale and learning
to follow in my pappy's footsteps as editor of this
year on paper.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
David Lawrence is the name, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Well, mine's nazy there. I was sent out here to
count noses.
Speaker 10 (13:04):
Well, ma'am, we ain't no different than any other folks.
Each one of us got just one nose.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah, but some of you act like you got two
heads and no brains in either one of them. Do
you know that that director Fountaine is stealing hard earned
money from these movie wacky folks?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yep?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Oh, why don't you do something about it?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Like what man.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, I put in your paper that Fountain is a crook, that.
Speaker 10 (13:26):
He's a crook, and that real, honest to goodness talent
scouts from Hollywood don't charge for screen tests.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Yeah, say you you do know about that racket, then
don't you?
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I should, ma'am. It cost me four hundred bucks.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Oh you mean you took a screen test too, No,
my five.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Year old daughter.
Speaker 10 (13:43):
When I came home last night, I found out i'd
suddenly become the father of a female butcher Jenkins.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Oh, Jeeves, your wife ought to take the bread over
he knee and spank some sense into it.
Speaker 10 (13:52):
Come now, Miss Katherine Hepperin only uses child's psychology on tops.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Really she does.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Oh brother, your wife got it too worse. But if
you knew all the time, why didn't you tell your
wife that Fontaine was a phony?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I did?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Well, what happened?
Speaker 10 (14:09):
I'm living at the y now. Oh left you and
took Jenkins and Lassie with him. Lassie, Oh, everybody in
my family has talent, even our dog.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
But look, mister Lawrence, if you printed the truth in your.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Papers, I'd be sued for libel.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
But Fontaine is a crook.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
He isn't as long as we can't prove it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yeah, but we can prove it.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah. Huh.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Well, you know you can catch more flies with honey.
Speaker 10 (14:36):
What are you getting at, Maazie g just call me honey.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
He's I'm a married man.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Practically, And if you want to get your wife and
kid back for keeps and the money too, this is
your only chance before Fontaine milks the town dry and
goes off to other green pastures.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Sure. Sure, but what's a gimmick.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Well, it's a sint I'm going to drop in on
Fontaine and pretend that I'm just a local girl who
yearns to be another Elizabeth Taylor.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Oh, and get him to give you a screen test.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Huh. And this is where you come here. Look, you
get hold of that church and then get hold of
a recording machine when I take my screen.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
But I did not kill him, your honor.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I didn't. I tell you I didn't. I didn't. Oh. Oh,
that was terrific, mister Jenkins, just terrific. You know, when
that test gets to Hollywood, you'll be the new dramatic
find of the year. Gosh, you really liked it. You
(15:43):
thought it was sad, said mister Jenkins. It was miserable,
wasn't it, Harry.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
Oh yes, Jenkins, you see you got me crying. That'll
be two hundred dollars, please one hundred. But I thought
the screen test was only one hundred.
Speaker 9 (16:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, well the ordinarily, but in your taste,
we had film in the camera.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Huh he means technicallor film, you see, that's much much
more expensive.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Well, here's the money, mister Fontine, I have to sell
a tractor to give mister Jenkins.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
That's the best investment you ever made. Oh that's so right.
You know, six months from now you're going to be
a big star. Was your name built on theater? Marquees
over the cooling system? Count the money, Harry.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
On, then we shall. I'll leave my address.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
I know we have your number. Well, goodbye, and a
mister Jenkins, way out.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
I got to get my name right on the lights.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Harry. We squeeze plenty out of the vehicles in this town.
Go and pack up the equipment. We'll move on to
the next day.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
But boss, there's another and waiting outside for a test.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Oh no, no, no more. We're taking chances. Hanging around
this town so long somebody might get wise, you know,
Go send them away. This one's a girl, a dame. Eh, yes, well,
I think we got time for just one more. Send her.
Speaker 9 (17:19):
This dolls right off the star castingo but gingham dress, hair,
ribbons and that wide eyed look.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Oh that sounds like peachy fun. Yeah. Send her in
and get a load of real talented work. Are you kidding?
This dame ain't got no talent. No, but I have
get her in here.
Speaker 9 (17:36):
Boy, Okay, babe, I mean miss your next.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yes, come in, Miss Hollywood is waiting for you. This
is a terrific opportunity. Hello, missed Well, well, well, come in,
my pretty one. And what might your name be?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Nay Bell poetry?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Sheer poetry? Isn't that right? Harry Mazie Bell?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
What maze Bell?
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Cletch end of poetry? Yeah? What? What's a nice name? Is?
Klech has a distinctive sound? Yeah? Yeah, like the ripping
of a rag chorus.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Mister, When I'm getting to be one of them there
picture stars, I'm gonna change my name do something more hollywoody.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Oh that's very wise, my dear, that's very wise. What
are you going to change it? Two?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Greercletch?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (18:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, that's that's much better, much better. Baby,
You come to the right place to become a star.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
That she did, miss kvetch. After you take our screen test,
you'll be.
Speaker 9 (18:46):
Famous, gosh all over the country on every theater.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Marquie, you will have your name in lights.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Jeepess. Won't that take an awful lot of kerosene?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
No, just an awful lot of money.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
Money, Yay, you got some, ain't you?
Speaker 8 (19:04):
Whoa?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
It's like this, miss Oh, I'm sorry, miss, but I
don't think you'll do. You see, we're very finicky talent
scouts and we're looking for a certain type for our
next picture.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
While I've brung with me is five hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
What I said, You're just the type, isn't it right? Exactly,
exactly exactly. You're just what we've been waiting for. Baby.
You've got everything. Hey, shall I shut up the cameras boys? Yes, yes,
do and a great talent too, let's see it, miss.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Sure, and I mean come in they come. Not the
talent for money, the money. Oh you want it right now? Oh?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
My sure? Baby?
Speaker 9 (19:44):
You want to DeLux screen test with film and the
camera and everything, don't you?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yep? But I ain't giving you the dell. I mean
the money. I hear tell that some of you talent
scouts ain't the real things you have yep, And I
ain't giving you the money to laughter the test.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Well, that's that's different. Honey.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, I've been around mister, and I wasn't born yesterday.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Oh sure, sure? But do you have the money on you?
Speaker 8 (20:14):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Where?
Speaker 9 (20:17):
Oh? Okay, okay, match, I'll set up the cameras to
take you, I mean your test now, miss Kitch.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
First, we're going to shoot a romantic scene. Do you
mind if I give you a few pointers?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I allow you might.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I just pretend that I'm the handsome leading man in
the scene.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Oh shocks mistered for that, I don't have to pretend.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Well, you mind if I if I just put my
arm around you, hollow?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
You might?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
And is it all right if I like this?
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I allowed too much? Already?
Speaker 5 (21:02):
Come on, boss, get the work I am.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
I mean, I'll be right with you now, miss Fetch
while I set up the right camera angles with my assistant.
Just read over the pot for the test.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
Huh read?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
You can read and write, can't you?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Oh? Shuit?
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Well, you just study the part. When I give the signal,
give it everything this test means an awful lot.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
You know you ain't just kidding.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Missed it good? I'll be ready for you in just
a minute. I'll be right there, Harry.
Speaker 11 (21:36):
Zy Mazy where over here? Not you allowed, Davy. What
we're doing is you get in the law.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
But what these cooks are doing is against the law too, Sheriff.
And in a few minutes I'm going to have the
goods on them, so even you will believe the truth.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
May plug this into the recording machine, into the socket
by the wall.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Okay, how miss Fretch, what happened? It shocks nothing, mister Fontaine,
I was just reading that their love scene.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
But I just saw spots coming out of your fingers.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I know. Sure is a mighty hot love scene.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah, an't yourself mazy?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Now one of the wires in the plug was loose.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
Never did trust that their new fangle electricity. Give me
the keroshine lamp any day now, Maysie, we're gonna duck
down out of here.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You're sure you can get the evidence that they're crooks.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I'll get it. You just make sure that the recording
machine keeps going. We're gonna get the kind of goods
on these crooks. That'll put them away for a long time.
Speaker 9 (22:36):
Ready for your partners, I'll be ready, mister okay, fights
camera action.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Oh, Pierre, his majesty will never give his consent if
we were married. What lies in the road.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Ahead, Miss Fretch, Miss Fretch, that's what lies in the
road ahead. Keep going, Miss Gvetch, you're doing terrific.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Thank you? After all?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
No monster, Hey that's monsieur.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Oh, after all, Monsieur, I am betrothed to his Majesty,
King Louis the x I.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's King Louis the thirteenth. Continue,
you're doing superb superbs.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Oh. If I am caught, he will put my head
on the jellytine.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
And then cut. Oh that's wonderful, Miss Veitch. Do you
know I've never come across an actress like you, Hey, Harry, never.
When this test gets the Hollywood, you know, producers will
be amazed. You'll be a star overnight. Five hundred dollars.
Please you couldn't no, no, I, miss Vetch, your accent?
Speaker 5 (23:55):
Hey, hey, she's a phony.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Well aren't we all?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Bob, I don't know what you mean. Miss We'll legitimate, sure,
sure we.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
All are I wouldn't think of losting up this racket.
There's too many Hollywood happy jerks in this country that
still ain't been plucked.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
Oh now, look, sister, we don't need any partners.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
We're doing okay without help.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
But you could do much better if you had a
real actis like me. A lot of male schnooks would
suddenly get a yen for a screen test they had
a gal like me and the love scenes.
Speaker 5 (24:23):
But with a dame like her, we could clean up.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
M you ain't kidding tell with me in the scene
when you yelled lights camera action, they'd really good action,
if you know what I mean.
Speaker 9 (24:36):
Yeah, Okay, you got something there, boss, A gold mine,
a very pretty gold mine.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
This though we've been chizzling out of the racket. It'll
be chicken feed compared to what we can do. Oh,
there's an awful lot of goons with though, that would
really go for this phony set up with a decoy
like her. You can say that again.
Speaker 10 (24:53):
Boss, You don't have to say it again, Jons, We
got it down the first time.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Hey, we've been framed.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, you guys may not have a record, but we do,
don't we share?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Sure, we got the proof.
Speaker 10 (25:05):
We need on a share record machine enough to send
you up for twenty years.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Twenty years. But we love okay, got it's all wrong.
All we've been doing is making a legitimate moving pictures.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I know, fellas.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
And this is the end, and just a moment, we
shall return to the Adventures of Mazie. And now once
(26:08):
again here's Mazie.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Well, that could have stopped to Fontaine's sony talent scout
racket after the law stepped and they took pictures too,
only these were strictly front and side views. And all
the folks that were jipped out of their life savings
got their money back, and they learned their lesson to
examine before they buy. A skunk can always be mistaken
for a pussy cat unless you get real close. And
(26:32):
I hope those cooks will come out of jail sadder,
but wiser well, I gotta be on my way again,
and my shoes are killing me. H. Maybe those hillbillies
got the right idea, after all.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
You've just heard.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
The Adventures of Mazie, starring and Southern bay Zie, was
written by Arthur Phillips. Original music was composed and conducted
by Harry Zimmerman, supporting cast included b Bena, Derek will Wright,
(27:14):
Sammy Hill, Peter Leeds, Bob Cole and Gerald Moore. Jack
McCoy speaking
I have, babe, say, how.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
About should that answer your question? Buddy?
Speaker 3 (00:15):
The Adventures of Mazie starring and Southern. You all remember
Metro Golden Mayor's famous Mazie pictures and just a moment
you'll hear Mazie in radio, starring the same glamorous star
you all went to see and loved on the screen.
And Southern but first you're announcer, and now our here's
(01:16):
Anne Southern as bazy.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, I'm mazy like the fella said Maizie Revere, and
show business jobs are very seldom so to keep my
stomach from seceding from the rest of me, I became
what you call a jack of all trades. I'd go
into any trade that had any jack in it legitimate only,
of course, the jobs I've taken to keep the wolf
from the door, Believe me, I could write a book.
(01:42):
I'll never forget the time I was working as a
census taker. It was in one of those hillbilly states
where if anybody wore shoes, you knew right away he
was a tourist. I'll never forget one farmhouse on my beat,
the Lapidator. It looked like the house was made of driftwood,
and some of the wood was still drifting. Oh, open
(02:04):
the door and I'll tell you are I mean you,
I've come to take the census.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Oh wait, we ain't got money.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Look zeke, I'm too tired for humors saying open up.
I come from the capital of the United States.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
You mean Washington, DC, I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Mean Richmond, Virginia. Good day, mister. I'd like to ask
you some questions.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Questions.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, the government wants to know how many people there
are in this country.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
We'll tell them to ask somebody else. I don't even
know how many people are in this year town.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh well, you don't understand, mister. Every twenty years the
government sends around census takers from house to house to
see who was born. Now, how about you?
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Oh hell, you can put me down thish I was born.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Congratulations. Now what's your name, Jed Hawkins.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Kin?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
What do you do for a living, mister Hawkins?
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Oh well you might share a manager laundry.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Oh well, what's the name of the lawndee.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Missage Hawkins.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Well that's nice work if you can get it. How
many children do you have, mister Hawkins?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Children? Oh?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
That she Now there's there's Emmy Sherry Luke, bet she
sham more to mister Hawkins.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I just want the number, Fred. Maybe i'd better ask
your wife about the family.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Oh right, smart didy mish Oh, Ma can give you
the exact number of our kids. Got a mighty fine
head for figure that gal come from the city. Yeah,
mars the milk.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
And the cows.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Good, well I find her.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Oh that's a chilly question. Cow only gives milk from
one place.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
Shaye, what do you know?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I just cracked a joke.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Crack it again. It's still wiggling. I'll go find ma.
You just relaxed, jed. You must be tired. Yeah, you
look like you've been breathing all day, Missus Hawkins, Missus Hawkins. Yeah,
we'll be there. I be here, Missus Hawkins, the census taker.
(04:22):
Where are you right in the barn, ma'am? Oh? Oh,
how do you do, missus Hawkins. Yeah, I'm here to
inquire about your family. Well, that's right, neighborly, ma'am, right, neighborly.
It was shucks, ma'am. That tain't nothing tall. Tell me,
(04:44):
Missus Hawkins, how many young'un do you reckon? You got?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Now?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Well, let's see now, that Emmy Serry, Lillie Belle, Bessie Melburgh,
and then the boys. There's Luke Edgar, just the neighbor.
Missus Hawkins, not the variety. Ooh oh, I've had nine kids.
Nine huh. Now question number two? You own this farm? No,
(05:10):
but we going on one real snasty one too soon
as Lily Bell gets herself famous as a picture star actress.
And not there Hollywood. Oh you got a dog in
the movies, Missus Hawkins.
Speaker 7 (05:21):
Oh not yet, ma'am, but it won't be long now,
I reckon he mom.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Well, who's this, Missus Hawkins? One of your older boys? Shucks? No, ma'am.
This year's Lily Bell. She's girl. You sure? Oh these
year clothes, I'm wearing his paws.
Speaker 7 (05:36):
I'm leaving Mike going to meet and clothes for when
I leave for Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Lily Bell's the prettiest gall of these year parts, ma'am. Yeah, yeah,
take off your paws at money and shoulder lady. Oh sure,
Mark there Hm. They are pretty, I mean pretty, a
little too pretty for Hollywood. Honey. What do you mean, ma'am, Well,
Lily Bell, Hollywood's pretty. Hep guys, you know what can
(06:02):
happen to a pretty girl all alone there?
Speaker 7 (06:04):
Oh shocks, Yeah, and it's exciting.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Lilly Bell, I'm telling you again, when you get to
Hollywood and them city fellas try to get too friendly,
like you remember what you learned at your mother's need.
Well that's good advice, ma'am, but it ain't easy to
remember what you learned at a mother's need when you're
on a man's laugh. Now I'll get home with the
census questions. What is your average income from? You?
Speaker 7 (06:31):
Sure do seem to know all about Hollywood? You ever
been there?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Acted in pictures? Maybe? Well? Yeahs an extra? Now what
is your advagen? What say extra? Any actor or actress
without enough money to go home? Now? Your averaging means
that some girls don't become stars in Hollywood. A few
most of them were like me, had to make a
living by working. Lily Bell, I ain't so sure I
(06:58):
want you to go to Hollywood when we are very young,
and suppose you don't get to be a star real quick. Well,
you were all alone there, and me and your paw
didn't make very much money last year? Oh, and I
were getting someplace. How much didn't you and Paul make
last year? Oh, it shocks my You don't have to
worry about me. Shucks.
Speaker 7 (07:17):
I'll be your star just as soon as he got
my screen test in Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Please your average screen test. Everybody in these parts has
been getting themselves all slicked up to have movie tests
that ourselves tooking before that Hollywood talent scout leaves town.
Speaker 7 (07:33):
Mister Fontayne, I be'st the director way, he says, I
got as much as Lana Turner and Getty Grave.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Were put together. Well you have, honey, even though maybe
it wasn't put together as good. I sure hope that
mister Fontaine is right, Lily Bell, and that you get
that picture contract he promised you right quick at there
are screen test you took cost me and your paw
are lifetime savings one hundred dollars. He tries you one
hundred bucks for a screen test. But that's ridiculous, ain't it?
Speaker 7 (08:02):
Though he charged all the others in town two hundred.
But I didn't have that much, so he took me
for a hundred.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well he certainly did. Missus Hawkins. Do they have a
sheriff in this town? Oh, chardon Lamb Williams, Why ma'am
you gonna take his senses now. No, but I'm gonna
tell him how other people in this time have lost
their senses. That Fountain's a phony. Real movie Scots don't
take money for tests. Are you sure of me?
Speaker 7 (08:27):
Oh but mister Fontaine, he promised me I'd be a star.
He says, I got what it takes.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, and then he takes what you got, honey. I'm sorry,
but it's better to find out the truth this way.
That phony screen test gimmick is one of the oldest
and dirtiest rackets ever dreamed of. Gosh, we was a
countin on Lily Bell Bey and a star and Pitcher's
mighty quick like Nott there one hundred dollars was our
feed and seed money.
Speaker 7 (08:51):
I'm sorry more toraw all my fork for getting me
into this.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Well, maybe it's not too late to get your money back.
That fontaining his outfit belong in jail, and I'm gonna
try and see if that they get there. I gotta
get to the sheriff before they smell a rast. You
gotta cal missus Hawkins. Yeah, their cheers over Yonder. I'm
in a hurry.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
I'd better walk.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah, ma'am, you were looking for somebody.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, the sheriff, Well, I be him, howdy, I'd be
mazy with the sheriff. I just came from Missus Hawkins.
And it's the dirtiest thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 9 (09:31):
Oh now, now, man, Missus Hawkins may be sloppy, but
that's no call to get insulted.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Well, you gotta do something about it before it's too late.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Do something about what.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Poor Missus Hawkins, she works hard all her life, develops
rheumatism in her back, and now it's.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Gone, the rheumatism.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
No, the money?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
What money?
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Well, cows won't give milk if they don't get fed,
will they?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Well, I reckon not, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
But you gotta do something about it. You got a gun?
Speaker 9 (09:57):
Oh yeah, man, But when a cow won't give milk,
he will give milk and threaten him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Won't help? Yeah, goodbye? Man.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You mean you're gonna go back to sleep, not do
anything about it?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
About what? Man?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
What about Lily Bell? You gotta get her money back?
And all the others too. I do why why, he asks?
I happen to know that their phony?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You do?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Well, of course I do. Now when you arrest them.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Well, sure, let's go.
Speaker 9 (10:24):
Last wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Who am I
going to.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Arrest Fontaine and his mob?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:32):
That the movie director from Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, so it's fine. He's sinking in.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Huh what's sinking in?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Sheriff? How many times, muth I tell you?
Speaker 9 (10:41):
Just once, ma'am, just once? I catch how real fast?
Say say you know this here? Fontaine?
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yes, and he tries Lily Bell Hawkins one hundred dollars
for a screen test?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
He did?
Speaker 8 (10:51):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Why that's the dirtiest deal I ever heard of.
Speaker 9 (10:54):
I'm going over to Fontaine's place right now for a showdown.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Had a boy, sheriff. He can't go around taking a
bath of Hollywood structures like that.
Speaker 9 (11:02):
I'll say that Fonteine charge of Lily bella one hundred
bucks for a screen teste?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
It ain't right. That's why it's just.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Law me right, you plumb set a chair?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Why he charged me two hundred for mine?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Oh fine?
Speaker 3 (11:26):
The adventures of Mazie starring and Southern will continue in
just a moment, And now back to Mazie.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Stop the presses, I got a scoop for page one.
Speaker 10 (12:19):
Look, miss I don't have to stop the presses. This
is only a weekly newspaper. And this isn't the day
we print. Besides, we have our scoop for this issue.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Well look, mister editor, I'm not one of the local jerks.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I'm from Washington, Oh, FBI.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
No DC. I'm with the Department of Facts and Figures.
And I've got an interesting fact to show you.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
And you got an interesting figure too. What's on your mind?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Miss, well, not the same it's on yours, chump. You
ain't from these parts, are you.
Speaker 10 (12:47):
Oh, don't let the fact that I'm wearing shoes fool
your gal. It spent all my live down here in
these hills, except for four years at Yale and learning
to follow in my pappy's footsteps as editor of this
year on paper.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
David Lawrence is the name, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Well, mine's nazy there. I was sent out here to
count noses.
Speaker 10 (13:04):
Well, ma'am, we ain't no different than any other folks.
Each one of us got just one nose.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah, but some of you act like you got two
heads and no brains in either one of them. Do
you know that that director Fountaine is stealing hard earned
money from these movie wacky folks?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yep?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Oh, why don't you do something about it?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Like what man.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, I put in your paper that Fountain is a crook, that.
Speaker 10 (13:26):
He's a crook, and that real, honest to goodness talent
scouts from Hollywood don't charge for screen tests.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Yeah, say you you do know about that racket, then
don't you?
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I should, ma'am. It cost me four hundred bucks.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Oh you mean you took a screen test too, No,
my five.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Year old daughter.
Speaker 10 (13:43):
When I came home last night, I found out i'd
suddenly become the father of a female butcher Jenkins.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Oh, Jeeves, your wife ought to take the bread over
he knee and spank some sense into it.
Speaker 10 (13:52):
Come now, Miss Katherine Hepperin only uses child's psychology on tops.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Really she does.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Oh brother, your wife got it too worse. But if
you knew all the time, why didn't you tell your
wife that Fontaine was a phony?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I did?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Well, what happened?
Speaker 10 (14:09):
I'm living at the y now. Oh left you and
took Jenkins and Lassie with him. Lassie, Oh, everybody in
my family has talent, even our dog.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
But look, mister Lawrence, if you printed the truth in your.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Papers, I'd be sued for libel.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
But Fontaine is a crook.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
He isn't as long as we can't prove it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yeah, but we can prove it.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah. Huh.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Well, you know you can catch more flies with honey.
Speaker 10 (14:36):
What are you getting at, Maazie g just call me honey.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
He's I'm a married man.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Practically, And if you want to get your wife and
kid back for keeps and the money too, this is
your only chance before Fontaine milks the town dry and
goes off to other green pastures.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Sure. Sure, but what's a gimmick.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Well, it's a sint I'm going to drop in on
Fontaine and pretend that I'm just a local girl who
yearns to be another Elizabeth Taylor.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Oh, and get him to give you a screen test.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Huh. And this is where you come here. Look, you
get hold of that church and then get hold of
a recording machine when I take my screen.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
But I did not kill him, your honor.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I didn't. I tell you I didn't. I didn't. Oh. Oh,
that was terrific, mister Jenkins, just terrific. You know, when
that test gets to Hollywood, you'll be the new dramatic
find of the year. Gosh, you really liked it. You
(15:43):
thought it was sad, said mister Jenkins. It was miserable,
wasn't it, Harry.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
Oh yes, Jenkins, you see you got me crying. That'll
be two hundred dollars, please one hundred. But I thought
the screen test was only one hundred.
Speaker 9 (16:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, well the ordinarily, but in your taste,
we had film in the camera.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Huh he means technicallor film, you see, that's much much
more expensive.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Well, here's the money, mister Fontine, I have to sell
a tractor to give mister Jenkins.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
That's the best investment you ever made. Oh that's so right.
You know, six months from now you're going to be
a big star. Was your name built on theater? Marquees
over the cooling system? Count the money, Harry.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
On, then we shall. I'll leave my address.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
I know we have your number. Well, goodbye, and a
mister Jenkins, way out.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
I got to get my name right on the lights.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Harry. We squeeze plenty out of the vehicles in this town.
Go and pack up the equipment. We'll move on to
the next day.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
But boss, there's another and waiting outside for a test.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Oh no, no, no more. We're taking chances. Hanging around
this town so long somebody might get wise, you know,
Go send them away. This one's a girl, a dame. Eh, yes, well,
I think we got time for just one more. Send her.
Speaker 9 (17:19):
This dolls right off the star castingo but gingham dress, hair,
ribbons and that wide eyed look.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Oh that sounds like peachy fun. Yeah. Send her in
and get a load of real talented work. Are you kidding?
This dame ain't got no talent. No, but I have
get her in here.
Speaker 9 (17:36):
Boy, Okay, babe, I mean miss your next.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yes, come in, Miss Hollywood is waiting for you. This
is a terrific opportunity. Hello, missed Well, well, well, come in,
my pretty one. And what might your name be?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Nay Bell poetry?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Sheer poetry? Isn't that right? Harry Mazie Bell?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
What maze Bell?
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Cletch end of poetry? Yeah? What? What's a nice name? Is?
Klech has a distinctive sound? Yeah? Yeah, like the ripping
of a rag chorus.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Mister, When I'm getting to be one of them there
picture stars, I'm gonna change my name do something more hollywoody.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Oh that's very wise, my dear, that's very wise. What
are you going to change it? Two?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Greercletch?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (18:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, that's that's much better, much better. Baby,
You come to the right place to become a star.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
That she did, miss kvetch. After you take our screen test,
you'll be.
Speaker 9 (18:46):
Famous, gosh all over the country on every theater.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Marquie, you will have your name in lights.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Jeepess. Won't that take an awful lot of kerosene?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
No, just an awful lot of money.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
Money, Yay, you got some, ain't you?
Speaker 8 (19:04):
Whoa?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
It's like this, miss Oh, I'm sorry, miss, but I
don't think you'll do. You see, we're very finicky talent
scouts and we're looking for a certain type for our
next picture.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
While I've brung with me is five hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
What I said, You're just the type, isn't it right? Exactly,
exactly exactly. You're just what we've been waiting for. Baby.
You've got everything. Hey, shall I shut up the cameras boys? Yes, yes,
do and a great talent too, let's see it, miss.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Sure, and I mean come in they come. Not the
talent for money, the money. Oh you want it right now? Oh?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
My sure? Baby?
Speaker 9 (19:44):
You want to DeLux screen test with film and the
camera and everything, don't you?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yep? But I ain't giving you the dell. I mean
the money. I hear tell that some of you talent
scouts ain't the real things you have yep, And I
ain't giving you the money to laughter the test.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Well, that's that's different. Honey.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, I've been around mister, and I wasn't born yesterday.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Oh sure, sure? But do you have the money on you?
Speaker 8 (20:14):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Where?
Speaker 9 (20:17):
Oh? Okay, okay, match, I'll set up the cameras to
take you, I mean your test now, miss Kitch.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
First, we're going to shoot a romantic scene. Do you
mind if I give you a few pointers?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I allow you might.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I just pretend that I'm the handsome leading man in
the scene.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Oh shocks mistered for that, I don't have to pretend.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Well, you mind if I if I just put my
arm around you, hollow?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
You might?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
And is it all right if I like this?
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I allowed too much? Already?
Speaker 5 (21:02):
Come on, boss, get the work I am.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
I mean, I'll be right with you now, miss Fetch
while I set up the right camera angles with my assistant.
Just read over the pot for the test.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
Huh read?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
You can read and write, can't you?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Oh? Shuit?
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Well, you just study the part. When I give the signal,
give it everything this test means an awful lot.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
You know you ain't just kidding.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Missed it good? I'll be ready for you in just
a minute. I'll be right there, Harry.
Speaker 11 (21:36):
Zy Mazy where over here? Not you allowed, Davy. What
we're doing is you get in the law.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
But what these cooks are doing is against the law too, Sheriff.
And in a few minutes I'm going to have the
goods on them, so even you will believe the truth.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
May plug this into the recording machine, into the socket
by the wall.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Okay, how miss Fretch, what happened? It shocks nothing, mister Fontaine,
I was just reading that their love scene.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
But I just saw spots coming out of your fingers.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I know. Sure is a mighty hot love scene.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah, an't yourself mazy?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Now one of the wires in the plug was loose.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
Never did trust that their new fangle electricity. Give me
the keroshine lamp any day now, Maysie, we're gonna duck
down out of here.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You're sure you can get the evidence that they're crooks.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I'll get it. You just make sure that the recording
machine keeps going. We're gonna get the kind of goods
on these crooks. That'll put them away for a long time.
Speaker 9 (22:36):
Ready for your partners, I'll be ready, mister okay, fights
camera action.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Oh, Pierre, his majesty will never give his consent if
we were married. What lies in the road.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Ahead, Miss Fretch, Miss Fretch, that's what lies in the
road ahead. Keep going, Miss Gvetch, you're doing terrific.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Thank you? After all?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
No monster, Hey that's monsieur.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Oh, after all, Monsieur, I am betrothed to his Majesty,
King Louis the x I.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's King Louis the thirteenth. Continue,
you're doing superb superbs.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Oh. If I am caught, he will put my head
on the jellytine.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
And then cut. Oh that's wonderful, Miss Veitch. Do you
know I've never come across an actress like you, Hey, Harry, never.
When this test gets the Hollywood, you know, producers will
be amazed. You'll be a star overnight. Five hundred dollars.
Please you couldn't no, no, I, miss Vetch, your accent?
Speaker 5 (23:55):
Hey, hey, she's a phony.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Well aren't we all?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Bob, I don't know what you mean. Miss We'll legitimate, sure,
sure we.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
All are I wouldn't think of losting up this racket.
There's too many Hollywood happy jerks in this country that
still ain't been plucked.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
Oh now, look, sister, we don't need any partners.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
We're doing okay without help.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
But you could do much better if you had a
real actis like me. A lot of male schnooks would
suddenly get a yen for a screen test they had
a gal like me and the love scenes.
Speaker 5 (24:23):
But with a dame like her, we could clean up.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
M you ain't kidding tell with me in the scene
when you yelled lights camera action, they'd really good action,
if you know what I mean.
Speaker 9 (24:36):
Yeah, Okay, you got something there, boss, A gold mine,
a very pretty gold mine.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
This though we've been chizzling out of the racket. It'll
be chicken feed compared to what we can do. Oh,
there's an awful lot of goons with though, that would
really go for this phony set up with a decoy
like her. You can say that again.
Speaker 10 (24:53):
Boss, You don't have to say it again, Jons, We
got it down the first time.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Hey, we've been framed.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, you guys may not have a record, but we do,
don't we share?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Sure, we got the proof.
Speaker 10 (25:05):
We need on a share record machine enough to send
you up for twenty years.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Twenty years. But we love okay, got it's all wrong.
All we've been doing is making a legitimate moving pictures.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I know, fellas.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
And this is the end, and just a moment, we
shall return to the Adventures of Mazie. And now once
(26:08):
again here's Mazie.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Well, that could have stopped to Fontaine's sony talent scout
racket after the law stepped and they took pictures too,
only these were strictly front and side views. And all
the folks that were jipped out of their life savings
got their money back, and they learned their lesson to
examine before they buy. A skunk can always be mistaken
for a pussy cat unless you get real close. And
(26:32):
I hope those cooks will come out of jail sadder,
but wiser well, I gotta be on my way again,
and my shoes are killing me. H. Maybe those hillbillies
got the right idea, after all.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
You've just heard.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
The Adventures of Mazie, starring and Southern bay Zie, was
written by Arthur Phillips. Original music was composed and conducted
by Harry Zimmerman, supporting cast included b Bena, Derek will Wright,
(27:14):
Sammy Hill, Peter Leeds, Bob Cole and Gerald Moore. Jack
McCoy speaking
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