September 10, 2023 • 30 mins
The Adventures of Sam Spade was first heard on ABC July 12, 1946, as a Friday-night summer series. The show clicked at once, and went into a regular fall lineup on CBS September 29, 1946. From then until 1949, Sam Spade was a Sunday-night thriller for Wildroot Cream Oil, starring Howard Duff in the title role. With Duff's departure, NBC took the series, leaving it on Sunday for Wildroot and starring Stephen Dunne as Spade. This version lasted until 1951, the last year running as a Friday sustainer.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, Abbots, what time isit? It's time for the Abbott Costello
Show. We're on the air forABC here in Hollywood. Oh what I'm
waiting for? Let's go with theAdam Costello Show. Yes, it's the
(00:23):
Abbott and Costello Show, produced andtranscribed in Hollywood. If you're listening to
laughing pleasure with chuckles with a carlodand music by Mattie Meldeck, it's all
hold ont of your chairs, fooksfor here they are. But Abbot and
Blue Costello. Alright, alright,alright, cut out that yelling. What's
(00:51):
all the excitement? Well, Iwe're got party last night, Abot,
we're thirty year olds are now oneof them? Are dens with me or
even talk to me? You didn'thave any fun then? No, I
was as lonesome at fidel And onSunday night. I thought you were such
a big shot with the girls.I don't really ever had a girl.
Oh yes I did, Abbot.I had a very beautiful little bomb once
and everybody was swelling for one day. She went off to Florida, she
married a guy and now she hasfive children. After that, we just
(01:12):
sort of drifted apart. She hadwhy don't you speak to my wife,
lou No, No, your wifefelt like me, Abbot. Well,
hanging around with her more, you'llfind me. You'll eventually get into rescued.
Well, I guess one more lumpwon't hurt her. How can you
(01:33):
talk that way about my wife?Remember the first night you met her?
Yes, the minute she walked inthe room, I said, there's either
an ugly woman or a good lookingman. Still, you know you're getting
more stupid every day. Gee,thanks, Abbott. I'm glad to know
I'm not stagnating. I'll get itbefore the boy any further involved in mind
(02:00):
sense, here's a thought that makesgood sense. He all right, gust,
(03:23):
let's stop that hollering. What's thatthing you've got under your arm?
Ask my new Harry Truman rifle?Harry Truman rifle, Yes, a forty
eight? Repeat it? What happenedto you last night? I called your
house? You weren't home. Well, I went to the movie's, Abbot,
how's one of those old time pictures. It was all about the Romans.
(03:44):
They had a chariot racing it andit was won by a guy named
Ben Him your dummy, You meanBen her, not him? Her they
were all dressed up in a bitchshot. You couldn't tell the hymns from
the herb. I think you've goneto school. You've known the story of
ben Higher. Did you go toschool? Eb certainly. I started in
(04:04):
the nursery school, and I wentto kindergarten. So when I started in
narth school, I went to kindergarten. I went from kindergarten to grammar school.
Oh, I went to kindergarten togrammar school. I went from grammar
school to high school. You'll thinkyou'll be as short as of meat balls
this summer. I'll tell you you'vegot the brain of a monkey. I'll
bet you I have not. Yeah, do you want a bet? Fifteen
bananas plan? It was senuated.I'm ignorant, ebbt. You don't know
(04:30):
some about a Hollywood chemact. Oh, what's a Hollywood character? A joke
with a personality. I'll ignore thatremark because of your ignorant Who's who's ignorant?
When I went to school, Ispecialized in history. I can name
off all the most important dates inhistory. All right, go ahead,
name some important dates. Oh,I will. There's fourteen ninety two,
seventy seventy six, eighteen twelve,nineteen seventeen readA heywood, I wait a
(04:53):
minute, Wait a minute, really, hate was not an important date.
Ali Khan seems to think, Itell it. Why didn't you listen to
me take my advice once in awhile. I'm your friend. I realize
you're not a that you're an idiot, and I want to assist you.
Lou What good can you do me? You're just an assistant to an idiot.
(05:16):
I'll just look at here. You'reyou're dumpy. Not hold it.
Hold I'm looking for so much andthat's all. It's not my fault that
I didn't grow tall like the otherboys. When I was a little boy
over in Scotland, I used toplay the bagpipes, but it gave me
pneumonia. Wait a minute, notlog Wait a man, and probably playing
(05:38):
the bagpipes give you a pneumonia.There was a leak in the bag in
the air kept blowing up my kilts. Instead of wearing a whisper room in
front of my kilts like the restof the scotsman, I had to wear
a hot water bubble. You musthave had a very poor child, just
Ella. I did have it.We were very poor. I might have
(06:00):
had to work if she had totake in washing. She had to scrub
office floor. She worked like aShe worked as a blacksmith. She drove
an oil truck, and one timefor three years she worked in a daytime
as a wakers who worked at nightin a coal mine. What did your
father do? He kept the books? Get I guess you had a pretty
tough time when you were a kid. Yes, I'll never forget the day
my mother made my first pair oflong pants. It had twelve buttons down
(06:24):
the back and four pockets in thefront. But what did she make them
out of? My father's old vestI was the only kid. I was
your only kid in school and hada watch fob hanging from her knee.
Were you very popular with the otherkids in school? I was a pitcher
on a baseball team. What apitcher I was? I had a drop
ball, a slow ball, acurveball. Did you have a screwball?
(06:46):
That was before I met you atdum mean you want to be back in
school right now? For your informationhabit, I'm keep a steay cutting me
with a red headed school teacher.What does she teach? She has a
high school class. I mean allover forty years old. Forty year old
man, Why don't they go tocollege? Was teaching them? There's nothing
else to learn running around with aschool teacher. Why did you find a
(07:09):
nice girl and get married? I'mgoing to Abbitt shows. I get some
money, money, money, money, money, money, Castella. Don't
worry about money. Do you realizewhat money is. Money is a root
of all evil. Money is aninvention of the devil. Money is filthy
lucre. Money causes misery. Money, that's what I think of money made
the Bank of America. Have mercyon your soul, Castella. You don't
(07:41):
need money. What you need isthe love of a good woman. Find
another girl like my wife, Betty? You mean there's another girl like your
wife, Betty? Castella, Ilove my wife. My Betty's are real
cookie. Your wife is a cookie, right, Abbott, you just said
baking back twenty years. You'd belucky to get a here like my wife.
(08:05):
My Betty is always straight from theshoulder. Well, what's a girl?
It's straight from the shoulder. Ilike a girl with curves. Uncle
Bud, something terrible just happened tome. And this is really his Uncle
Budden. This is the nephew.We don't kid about it. He's got
towards Abbott's nephew. Pay attention towhat he says, folks, this may
(08:31):
be his last performance. Why isit that, Norman? Nephew? Norman,
why are you so excited? Well, Uncle Bud, when I was
coming through the pass in the mountains, a mountain lion jumped right in the
car beside me. You ask themwhat happened? The lion killed me.
(08:52):
Wait a minute, Norman, you'renot dead. Stop crying. You're working
on the Avan Costello show. You'restill living. You call it living,
really though, sincerely, there goesa brilliant boy. His brain is on
a slow boat to the Mayo Brothers. Layoff, Norman. He's a very
(09:13):
intelligent boy. He's always studying reading. It wouldn't want you to do a
little reading once in a while,Oh I haven't. I do plenty of
reading. When I was seven yearsold, I started my first book,
A Little Red Riding Hood. Irented it from the library. The last
time I'll ever read a book fromthe library. Well, didn't you like
Little Red Riding Hood? Abbott?Up to now? I owe the library
twenty eight hundred dollars and a littlered riding hood has yet can meet the
(09:35):
wolf. It's a little red ridingHood. Why don't you read some of
the newer books? I just boughtGypsy Rose Lee's no book. It's a
story for life. What does GypsyRose? We call her new book the
leg and I why don't you readsomething educational? I am out of I
just bought a book on investions.It tell us all about new gadgets.
I bought one yesterday from my auntMay. What kind of a gadget your
(09:58):
boy for your rent mate. It'sa new girl. That's me from Surplus
Paratroopers Harness, and it's a handylittle thing. At night, she doesn't
have to undressed. She doesn't,no, she just jumps off the top
of the dress room and pulls theripcord. That's ridiculous. Hey, I
understand you're working on some kind ofa silly invention yourself, and my invention
is all finished too happen. It'sa new kind of perfume, and all
(10:18):
the girls in Hollywood are gonna gocrazy about it. All the girls in
Hollywood are going crazy about your perfume. Why smells like money? Give a
bottle of it to my aunt Mary. Boy didn't make her popular. You're
right, May, it was neverpopular. Is that's so? Back in
Patterson, New Jersey, she wasso popular every guy in town. You
used to drink champagne out of herslipper, and water didn't get her.
(10:39):
She's got the only big toe inthe world. It belongs to alcoholics,
Anonymous. I don't need, mister, what's going on here? That's the
dawn tread on mine. They won'teat a spinisch junior, a stub each
a spinish. I don't like finishwell your interests, finish your Saturday,
(11:09):
old miss d the street of Cotstello'sficture Mexican hayride. No, you take
that to me. I'd like totake that kid over the sand and eat
it Saturday. What for? Iwant to drop him in a claiming race.
(11:30):
Hello boy, Hey, look Castella'sviola viola. You look very lovely
tonight, Viola. I understand thatyou and Castella had a date last night.
Where'd you go? Well, Castellahad a terrible time making up his
mind where to take me. Whyyou see, I was trying to make
up my mind between Siros and theMacambo. But we finally went where to
a Hamburger stand between Ciros and theMarcambo. Well, don't you were?
(11:56):
If you all have to were,Mary, things will be different. We'll
have lots of little one and it'llall look like me. Gee, I'd
always planned on having children. I'dplan on having a few laughs. Here
are you sure you're reading the samescript? Lou You shouldn't be jealous of
me. I don't want to bea comedian. I don't want to make
(12:18):
people laugh. Okay, then youread my lines? Costella, you can't
be funny without me. You needme. Why where would it Edgar Bergen
be without Chelley mccarfee? Where wouldhe be without Andy? That's true?
Certainly one thing goes with another,like Darrothy Lamore. Where would she be
with her without her surrong? Idon't know, but I sure would like
(12:39):
to be there, Costella. Ithink you're a girl crazy. I'm not
the girl for you, But Beula, you can't leave me. What would
I do without you? Ah?Huh, don't worry about that. I'll
teach you up with a girlfriend ofmine. Oh, you'll be just crazy
about this girl when she meets you. She'll rush over and she'll throw her
(13:01):
arms around you like this, yes, and she'll squeeze you like this,
and and she'll she'll kiss you likethis and this and this and this.
Fair? Now, what do youthink of that? When am I going
to meet this girl? Yola?Why don't you take pity on Castell and
(13:28):
marry him? Then you'll be knownas missus Lewis g Costello? G What
is the G stand for Castella?Don't you tell her of ith? Come
on? Now? What does itstand for it? George? No,
I don't want to tell you.Come on, Castella? What does the
G stand for it? Oh?Do I have to tell you? Yes?
Stands for Gloria. Gloria. Yes, my mother always wanted a girl,
(13:56):
and my father didn't have the heartto tell her. Well, Yalla,
why don't you think that? Custell? And come into the movies tonight
and see I laid this picture MexicanHayrides. Oh, thanks, Bud,
but I saw the picture already.Oh you did tell me? How did
you like my acting? Well?It was m I'd say, Well,
(14:18):
let me put it this way.You know how Van Johnson has that dramatic
touch? Oh? Yes, Andhow Clark Gabel has that forceful personality.
Yes, and how Gregory Peck givesthat little artistic extra something Yeah yeah,
yeah yeah, bah bah bah Whatabout me, Costello? Can you drive
a taxicab? I get you starout of it. That's only half the
(14:50):
fun, folks, just as manylaughs yet to come. But first listen
to this, and now the spotlightturns to hollow Winter's our singing star.
(16:04):
Here he is with Maddie Molick andhis orchestra. I caught you, sir,
having a look at her as shewent strolling by. Now, didn't
your heart tell me? Boom booboom, and then you saw saw I
(16:32):
warn you, sir, don't stopto dream of her. Just bid such
thoughts be gone, or it'll beboom boom boom boom boom bob boom from
them on. Once in law withAmy, Always in law with Amy,
(17:02):
ever and ever fascinated by her,sets your heart a fire to stay.
Want your kissed by Amy, Shareup your list it Amy, fly her
with bon bons, poetry and flowers. Moone a million hours away. You
(17:30):
might be quite the fickle hearted,rollver so carefree, and boy who loves
a girl. And the later thinksit over and just quits cold. But
love with Amy, always in lovewith Amy, ever and sweetly you m
(18:02):
answer trouble is, the answer willbe that ain't me? Rather stay with
me? Hey, Castella, comehere? How did you get your clothes
(18:30):
so dirty? Just just look atyour coat, it's torn and your shirt
is ripped, and haddie my fullebbit. I was out on one of
my sham shoveled effective cases last night. I investigation the robbery at the fraternity
house in Ucla. But I miscalculatedgot into one of the girls dormitories.
How did you manage to do thatby careful miscalculation, Castell? Instead of
(18:52):
running around nights on those silly samshovel cases, you should stay home.
Why do stay home a lot abbitevery night? Last week I stayed home.
I cleaned the house. I gota terrible servant problem. I find
it very difficult to hold of me. No, what makes it so difficult
for you to hold of maid?My muther keeps walking in the room.
Never mind that, I Aderston.I understand you took your brother Pat to
the movies last night. Oh yes, but I didn't take a pack to
(19:14):
the movies. No, more,he acts very strange. The minute we
got into the movie, Pet puthis hat under the sheet. What's strange
about that? What's the men puttheir hat under the seat while their head
is still in it? All talkssays, Hey, wait a minute,
come in. What is that bigmanuscript you were carrying under your arm?
But I didn't want to tell you, But it's a book that I wrote,
a book you wrote. It's thefirst chapter the hero is threatened by
(19:37):
a mad doctor who tries to removehis head, and the second chapter he
meets a demnute butcher who tries toput him in the meat grinder. Then
it ends where three minix time toa tree and a squad in a while
woodpeckers peck holes in him. Butnobody wants to publish it. Why not?
I guess people are sick of themushy love stories. What does your
sam shovel a detective story about tonight? Well? I do one of my
(20:00):
most famous cases. I call itthe case of the photographer who was stuck
up in a dark room or hewas caught with us prints down first sounds
terrible, but let's do it now. The makers of Beebop Bubble Bath present
(20:22):
the adventures of Sam Shuttle, PrivateDetective. But first a word about our
product, Beebop Bubble Bath. Friends, would you like bubbles in your bathtub?
You would? Well, why notcall up bubbles and see if she
needs a bath? Babies, tryBeebop Bubble Bath. We don't ask you
(20:42):
to buy the large size, mindyou just try a trio size package.
It contains a seven years supply.You will find that if you use Bebop
Bubble Bath every day for seven years, you ll have skin just like a
baby, a baby alligator. Listento what people all over the country are
(21:02):
saying about Beebop bubble Bath. InKansas, give Beebap bubble Clock. In
New Jersey, give me Bebop bubbleback in Oregon, give me Beebop bubble
Bath. In Virginia, give meliberally, or gimme test that Katrick Henry
never gives up. And now themakers of Febap Bubble Bath bring you your
(21:26):
favorite thriller mystery. Here he isSam Shovel Private Detective. As I'm Sam
Shovel, Sam Shovel Private Detective.The detective business has my money slowlyly.
(21:47):
Last night, having nothing to do, I went to a big public library
and Burdman knows in a book thismorning, I had a heck of a
job finding it. I forgot whatbook. I buried it in here because
my secretary. Now, did youcall me mister Shovel? Don't be silly.
Why should I call you mister Shovel? My name is mister Shovel.
(22:10):
By the way, Miss Jones,did you find a file on a crook?
Joe Kirk? What's his name?Who? Joe kerk Never heard of
him? Miss Joan, You andI have got to work late in the
office tonight. Are you prepared?Oh? Yes, I brought my brass
knuckles, my fencing mask in abaseball back. Whoever, girl, she's
(22:30):
so stylish. She was ward ofone of the ten best dressed women in
AZUSA. That's not so remarkable whenyou considered us only nine other women in
ASUSA. Suddenly the inter office communicationsystem buzzes. It's my secretary, she
speaks, mister Shovel. There aretwo men here to see you about a
(22:52):
case, mister Cohen and Chief Lightfootrunning Deer. I'll see the Indian first.
The cops have certainly got their handsfull of these days, full of
fives tens twenty. I think ofmy pole. Lieutenant Abbot of a homicide
(23:14):
squad. Abbot has been on thepolice force for twenty years. He knows
which side has bread is buttered on. He could take any piece of bread
and say this side is buttered.Sam, I'm on the trail of Zeke,
Hillbilly Moonshiner Burglar. Lieutenant Abot,I'm glad to help you. What
do you want, Well, you'veseen Zeke. Give me a thumbnail description
(23:36):
of them. Well, he usesliquid polish and the schooner was pushed way
back. Damn. I want youto go with vis of the Ozarks.
I've got to capture Zeke. It'llbe a dangerous trip. Those hillbillies are
strange people. They're always arguing,shooting and farming, ip shooting, fighting
and FERTI license. Come on,Sam, we're heading for the hill.
(24:04):
Lieutenant Abot and I arrived in thehillbilly country. Sam. These hillbillies are
strange people, but you'll have toadmit their solid citizens. They've got both
feet on the ground. They've gotto have both feet on the ground.
They don't wear shoes. Reading thepapers for a seventy five year old hillbilly
wanted to marry a girl nine yearsold. Did he marry Nope, his
(24:27):
parents subjected. They didn't want himmarrying a girl who'd been divorced. Street
times. Wait a minute, Sam, he comes a bunch of hillbillies.
Let's let's ask, let's ask everythingto where zeke is? How do these
strangers? I'm Jim Hartfield, He'shear my sons. I'm Sam Shovel,
the detective, and this is LieutenantAbbot Boy say hello to the strangers them
(24:49):
do clem Bert sir Bert went tomilitary school. I don't like the looks
of these guys. Abbott. Theskinny one has got an air of corn
(25:11):
and two pumpkins, so lots they'refarmers, and farmers have corn and pumpkins
thrown out of their heads. Wellgotta go now, we're working on a
farm. Two weeks ago we duga hole, last week we dropped the
seed in it, and today we'regoing to cover it up. Do you
(25:33):
always work good hard, Yeah,except when the weather gets bad then it
slows us up a little. Solong, boy, is that guy lazy?
If he was a chicken, eggsand television sets would be the same
price. Never mind him, Sam, We've got to find Zeke the Moonshina.
Hey, look over there behind thosebushes, there's zips. There's Zeke
(25:56):
the Moonshine is still. Come on, hey, look look there's he.
He's making corn liquor. He's jumpingup and down on the corn, crushing
it. Hold on, there ishe. We've got your collared. You're
under arrest. Stop mashing that cornerwith your feet. What are you doing.
(26:18):
I'm making some ninety proof corn liquor, and tomorrow I'm gonna make something
that's a hundred fruit. How doyou do that with that? I take
off from a shoe thing. Howdo you make that corn liquor? Well,
first I mash up the corn.Then I dump in a gown of
turpentime, then a gown of clarrocks, and two quarts of juniper juice.
(26:41):
Don't you put no alcohol in it? Why ruin the taste? Take
we're taking you to jail, Sam, grab some of that moonshine for evidence,
and you've got a taste it tomake sure we got the right stuff.
Lieutenantbott, you know I never touchedthe stuf. You're a brave detective.
(27:03):
Sam, chevalry guard your coward tastedthat stuff will grow hair on your
chest. He's only kidding. Sam, ahead and tasted. Okayama, speak
(27:25):
to me, Sam, don't standhill at col Barber. Just hear so
thick. I kids see where I'mgoing before I have it in Costello have
their finals play. We bring youone more thought on this subject. Well,
(28:49):
cause tell the one to tell thefolks about your next week Sam shovel
story, folks make Sam shovel storytakes place in the chewing gum factory.
I call it the case of thebeautiful blond who fell into work. Add
up soft dumb or there's good shoestonight. Yes, and our writers are
working on the case right now.Our writing staff is headed by Eddie Follman,
(29:10):
with Paul Count, Pat Castella,Martin rag Away and Lendstern, and
our producers Charles Bend. Be sureto be with us next Thursday night.
Good night, Paul Hike, everybodyin Plison to night. Come on at
me. I'm the night I'd thankyou. Reston late Thursday night at this
time, br another great Habit Costelloshow produced to transcribe in the Hollywood.
(29:33):
Be sure to stay chilling for theOutstanding Entertainment, which follows twelfth evening on
this ABC station.
Hey, Abbots, what time isit? It's time for the Abbott Costello
Show. We're on the air forABC here in Hollywood. Oh what I'm
waiting for? Let's go with theAdam Costello Show. Yes, it's the
(00:23):
Abbott and Costello Show, produced andtranscribed in Hollywood. If you're listening to
laughing pleasure with chuckles with a carlodand music by Mattie Meldeck, it's all
hold ont of your chairs, fooksfor here they are. But Abbot and
Blue Costello. Alright, alright,alright, cut out that yelling. What's
(00:51):
all the excitement? Well, Iwe're got party last night, Abot,
we're thirty year olds are now oneof them? Are dens with me or
even talk to me? You didn'thave any fun then? No, I
was as lonesome at fidel And onSunday night. I thought you were such
a big shot with the girls.I don't really ever had a girl.
Oh yes I did, Abbot.I had a very beautiful little bomb once
and everybody was swelling for one day. She went off to Florida, she
married a guy and now she hasfive children. After that, we just
(01:12):
sort of drifted apart. She hadwhy don't you speak to my wife,
lou No, No, your wifefelt like me, Abbot. Well,
hanging around with her more, you'llfind me. You'll eventually get into rescued.
Well, I guess one more lumpwon't hurt her. How can you
(01:33):
talk that way about my wife?Remember the first night you met her?
Yes, the minute she walked inthe room, I said, there's either
an ugly woman or a good lookingman. Still, you know you're getting
more stupid every day. Gee,thanks, Abbott. I'm glad to know
I'm not stagnating. I'll get itbefore the boy any further involved in mind
(02:00):
sense, here's a thought that makesgood sense. He all right, gust,
(03:23):
let's stop that hollering. What's thatthing you've got under your arm?
Ask my new Harry Truman rifle?Harry Truman rifle, Yes, a forty
eight? Repeat it? What happenedto you last night? I called your
house? You weren't home. Well, I went to the movie's, Abbot,
how's one of those old time pictures. It was all about the Romans.
(03:44):
They had a chariot racing it andit was won by a guy named
Ben Him your dummy, You meanBen her, not him? Her they
were all dressed up in a bitchshot. You couldn't tell the hymns from
the herb. I think you've goneto school. You've known the story of
ben Higher. Did you go toschool? Eb certainly. I started in
(04:04):
the nursery school, and I wentto kindergarten. So when I started in
narth school, I went to kindergarten. I went from kindergarten to grammar school.
Oh, I went to kindergarten togrammar school. I went from grammar
school to high school. You'll thinkyou'll be as short as of meat balls
this summer. I'll tell you you'vegot the brain of a monkey. I'll
bet you I have not. Yeah, do you want a bet? Fifteen
bananas plan? It was senuated.I'm ignorant, ebbt. You don't know
(04:30):
some about a Hollywood chemact. Oh, what's a Hollywood character? A joke
with a personality. I'll ignore thatremark because of your ignorant Who's who's ignorant?
When I went to school, Ispecialized in history. I can name
off all the most important dates inhistory. All right, go ahead,
name some important dates. Oh,I will. There's fourteen ninety two,
seventy seventy six, eighteen twelve,nineteen seventeen readA heywood, I wait a
(04:53):
minute, Wait a minute, really, hate was not an important date.
Ali Khan seems to think, Itell it. Why didn't you listen to
me take my advice once in awhile. I'm your friend. I realize
you're not a that you're an idiot, and I want to assist you.
Lou What good can you do me? You're just an assistant to an idiot.
(05:16):
I'll just look at here. You'reyou're dumpy. Not hold it.
Hold I'm looking for so much andthat's all. It's not my fault that
I didn't grow tall like the otherboys. When I was a little boy
over in Scotland, I used toplay the bagpipes, but it gave me
pneumonia. Wait a minute, notlog Wait a man, and probably playing
(05:38):
the bagpipes give you a pneumonia.There was a leak in the bag in
the air kept blowing up my kilts. Instead of wearing a whisper room in
front of my kilts like the restof the scotsman, I had to wear
a hot water bubble. You musthave had a very poor child, just
Ella. I did have it.We were very poor. I might have
(06:00):
had to work if she had totake in washing. She had to scrub
office floor. She worked like aShe worked as a blacksmith. She drove
an oil truck, and one timefor three years she worked in a daytime
as a wakers who worked at nightin a coal mine. What did your
father do? He kept the books? Get I guess you had a pretty
tough time when you were a kid. Yes, I'll never forget the day
my mother made my first pair oflong pants. It had twelve buttons down
(06:24):
the back and four pockets in thefront. But what did she make them
out of? My father's old vestI was the only kid. I was
your only kid in school and hada watch fob hanging from her knee.
Were you very popular with the otherkids in school? I was a pitcher
on a baseball team. What apitcher I was? I had a drop
ball, a slow ball, acurveball. Did you have a screwball?
(06:46):
That was before I met you atdum mean you want to be back in
school right now? For your informationhabit, I'm keep a steay cutting me
with a red headed school teacher.What does she teach? She has a
high school class. I mean allover forty years old. Forty year old
man, Why don't they go tocollege? Was teaching them? There's nothing
else to learn running around with aschool teacher. Why did you find a
(07:09):
nice girl and get married? I'mgoing to Abbitt shows. I get some
money, money, money, money, money, money, Castella. Don't
worry about money. Do you realizewhat money is. Money is a root
of all evil. Money is aninvention of the devil. Money is filthy
lucre. Money causes misery. Money, that's what I think of money made
the Bank of America. Have mercyon your soul, Castella. You don't
(07:41):
need money. What you need isthe love of a good woman. Find
another girl like my wife, Betty? You mean there's another girl like your
wife, Betty? Castella, Ilove my wife. My Betty's are real
cookie. Your wife is a cookie, right, Abbott, you just said
baking back twenty years. You'd belucky to get a here like my wife.
(08:05):
My Betty is always straight from theshoulder. Well, what's a girl?
It's straight from the shoulder. Ilike a girl with curves. Uncle
Bud, something terrible just happened tome. And this is really his Uncle
Budden. This is the nephew.We don't kid about it. He's got
towards Abbott's nephew. Pay attention towhat he says, folks, this may
(08:31):
be his last performance. Why isit that, Norman? Nephew? Norman,
why are you so excited? Well, Uncle Bud, when I was
coming through the pass in the mountains, a mountain lion jumped right in the
car beside me. You ask themwhat happened? The lion killed me.
(08:52):
Wait a minute, Norman, you'renot dead. Stop crying. You're working
on the Avan Costello show. You'restill living. You call it living,
really though, sincerely, there goesa brilliant boy. His brain is on
a slow boat to the Mayo Brothers. Layoff, Norman. He's a very
(09:13):
intelligent boy. He's always studying reading. It wouldn't want you to do a
little reading once in a while,Oh I haven't. I do plenty of
reading. When I was seven yearsold, I started my first book,
A Little Red Riding Hood. Irented it from the library. The last
time I'll ever read a book fromthe library. Well, didn't you like
Little Red Riding Hood? Abbott?Up to now? I owe the library
twenty eight hundred dollars and a littlered riding hood has yet can meet the
(09:35):
wolf. It's a little red ridingHood. Why don't you read some of
the newer books? I just boughtGypsy Rose Lee's no book. It's a
story for life. What does GypsyRose? We call her new book the
leg and I why don't you readsomething educational? I am out of I
just bought a book on investions.It tell us all about new gadgets.
I bought one yesterday from my auntMay. What kind of a gadget your
(09:58):
boy for your rent mate. It'sa new girl. That's me from Surplus
Paratroopers Harness, and it's a handylittle thing. At night, she doesn't
have to undressed. She doesn't,no, she just jumps off the top
of the dress room and pulls theripcord. That's ridiculous. Hey, I
understand you're working on some kind ofa silly invention yourself, and my invention
is all finished too happen. It'sa new kind of perfume, and all
(10:18):
the girls in Hollywood are gonna gocrazy about it. All the girls in
Hollywood are going crazy about your perfume. Why smells like money? Give a
bottle of it to my aunt Mary. Boy didn't make her popular. You're
right, May, it was neverpopular. Is that's so? Back in
Patterson, New Jersey, she wasso popular every guy in town. You
used to drink champagne out of herslipper, and water didn't get her.
(10:39):
She's got the only big toe inthe world. It belongs to alcoholics,
Anonymous. I don't need, mister, what's going on here? That's the
dawn tread on mine. They won'teat a spinisch junior, a stub each
a spinish. I don't like finishwell your interests, finish your Saturday,
(11:09):
old miss d the street of Cotstello'sficture Mexican hayride. No, you take
that to me. I'd like totake that kid over the sand and eat
it Saturday. What for? Iwant to drop him in a claiming race.
(11:30):
Hello boy, Hey, look Castella'sviola viola. You look very lovely
tonight, Viola. I understand thatyou and Castella had a date last night.
Where'd you go? Well, Castellahad a terrible time making up his
mind where to take me. Whyyou see, I was trying to make
up my mind between Siros and theMacambo. But we finally went where to
a Hamburger stand between Ciros and theMarcambo. Well, don't you were?
(11:56):
If you all have to were,Mary, things will be different. We'll
have lots of little one and it'llall look like me. Gee, I'd
always planned on having children. I'dplan on having a few laughs. Here
are you sure you're reading the samescript? Lou You shouldn't be jealous of
me. I don't want to bea comedian. I don't want to make
(12:18):
people laugh. Okay, then youread my lines? Costella, you can't
be funny without me. You needme. Why where would it Edgar Bergen
be without Chelley mccarfee? Where wouldhe be without Andy? That's true?
Certainly one thing goes with another,like Darrothy Lamore. Where would she be
with her without her surrong? Idon't know, but I sure would like
(12:39):
to be there, Costella. Ithink you're a girl crazy. I'm not
the girl for you, But Beula, you can't leave me. What would
I do without you? Ah?Huh, don't worry about that. I'll
teach you up with a girlfriend ofmine. Oh, you'll be just crazy
about this girl when she meets you. She'll rush over and she'll throw her
(13:01):
arms around you like this, yes, and she'll squeeze you like this,
and and she'll she'll kiss you likethis and this and this and this.
Fair? Now, what do youthink of that? When am I going
to meet this girl? Yola?Why don't you take pity on Castell and
(13:28):
marry him? Then you'll be knownas missus Lewis g Costello? G What
is the G stand for Castella?Don't you tell her of ith? Come
on? Now? What does itstand for it? George? No,
I don't want to tell you.Come on, Castella? What does the
G stand for it? Oh?Do I have to tell you? Yes?
Stands for Gloria. Gloria. Yes, my mother always wanted a girl,
(13:56):
and my father didn't have the heartto tell her. Well, Yalla,
why don't you think that? Custell? And come into the movies tonight
and see I laid this picture MexicanHayrides. Oh, thanks, Bud,
but I saw the picture already.Oh you did tell me? How did
you like my acting? Well?It was m I'd say, Well,
(14:18):
let me put it this way.You know how Van Johnson has that dramatic
touch? Oh? Yes, Andhow Clark Gabel has that forceful personality.
Yes, and how Gregory Peck givesthat little artistic extra something Yeah yeah,
yeah yeah, bah bah bah Whatabout me, Costello? Can you drive
a taxicab? I get you starout of it. That's only half the
(14:50):
fun, folks, just as manylaughs yet to come. But first listen
to this, and now the spotlightturns to hollow Winter's our singing star.
(16:04):
Here he is with Maddie Molick andhis orchestra. I caught you, sir,
having a look at her as shewent strolling by. Now, didn't
your heart tell me? Boom booboom, and then you saw saw I
(16:32):
warn you, sir, don't stopto dream of her. Just bid such
thoughts be gone, or it'll beboom boom boom boom boom bob boom from
them on. Once in law withAmy, Always in law with Amy,
(17:02):
ever and ever fascinated by her,sets your heart a fire to stay.
Want your kissed by Amy, Shareup your list it Amy, fly her
with bon bons, poetry and flowers. Moone a million hours away. You
(17:30):
might be quite the fickle hearted,rollver so carefree, and boy who loves
a girl. And the later thinksit over and just quits cold. But
love with Amy, always in lovewith Amy, ever and sweetly you m
(18:02):
answer trouble is, the answer willbe that ain't me? Rather stay with
me? Hey, Castella, comehere? How did you get your clothes
(18:30):
so dirty? Just just look atyour coat, it's torn and your shirt
is ripped, and haddie my fullebbit. I was out on one of
my sham shoveled effective cases last night. I investigation the robbery at the fraternity
house in Ucla. But I miscalculatedgot into one of the girls dormitories.
How did you manage to do thatby careful miscalculation, Castell? Instead of
(18:52):
running around nights on those silly samshovel cases, you should stay home.
Why do stay home a lot abbitevery night? Last week I stayed home.
I cleaned the house. I gota terrible servant problem. I find
it very difficult to hold of me. No, what makes it so difficult
for you to hold of maid?My muther keeps walking in the room.
Never mind that, I Aderston.I understand you took your brother Pat to
the movies last night. Oh yes, but I didn't take a pack to
(19:14):
the movies. No, more,he acts very strange. The minute we
got into the movie, Pet puthis hat under the sheet. What's strange
about that? What's the men puttheir hat under the seat while their head
is still in it? All talkssays, Hey, wait a minute,
come in. What is that bigmanuscript you were carrying under your arm?
But I didn't want to tell you, But it's a book that I wrote,
a book you wrote. It's thefirst chapter the hero is threatened by
(19:37):
a mad doctor who tries to removehis head, and the second chapter he
meets a demnute butcher who tries toput him in the meat grinder. Then
it ends where three minix time toa tree and a squad in a while
woodpeckers peck holes in him. Butnobody wants to publish it. Why not?
I guess people are sick of themushy love stories. What does your
sam shovel a detective story about tonight? Well? I do one of my
(20:00):
most famous cases. I call itthe case of the photographer who was stuck
up in a dark room or hewas caught with us prints down first sounds
terrible, but let's do it now. The makers of Beebop Bubble Bath present
(20:22):
the adventures of Sam Shuttle, PrivateDetective. But first a word about our
product, Beebop Bubble Bath. Friends, would you like bubbles in your bathtub?
You would? Well, why notcall up bubbles and see if she
needs a bath? Babies, tryBeebop Bubble Bath. We don't ask you
(20:42):
to buy the large size, mindyou just try a trio size package.
It contains a seven years supply.You will find that if you use Bebop
Bubble Bath every day for seven years, you ll have skin just like a
baby, a baby alligator. Listento what people all over the country are
(21:02):
saying about Beebop bubble Bath. InKansas, give Beebap bubble Clock. In
New Jersey, give me Bebop bubbleback in Oregon, give me Beebop bubble
Bath. In Virginia, give meliberally, or gimme test that Katrick Henry
never gives up. And now themakers of Febap Bubble Bath bring you your
(21:26):
favorite thriller mystery. Here he isSam Shovel Private Detective. As I'm Sam
Shovel, Sam Shovel Private Detective.The detective business has my money slowlyly.
(21:47):
Last night, having nothing to do, I went to a big public library
and Burdman knows in a book thismorning, I had a heck of a
job finding it. I forgot whatbook. I buried it in here because
my secretary. Now, did youcall me mister Shovel? Don't be silly.
Why should I call you mister Shovel? My name is mister Shovel.
(22:10):
By the way, Miss Jones,did you find a file on a crook?
Joe Kirk? What's his name?Who? Joe kerk Never heard of
him? Miss Joan, You andI have got to work late in the
office tonight. Are you prepared?Oh? Yes, I brought my brass
knuckles, my fencing mask in abaseball back. Whoever, girl, she's
(22:30):
so stylish. She was ward ofone of the ten best dressed women in
AZUSA. That's not so remarkable whenyou considered us only nine other women in
ASUSA. Suddenly the inter office communicationsystem buzzes. It's my secretary, she
speaks, mister Shovel. There aretwo men here to see you about a
(22:52):
case, mister Cohen and Chief Lightfootrunning Deer. I'll see the Indian first.
The cops have certainly got their handsfull of these days, full of
fives tens twenty. I think ofmy pole. Lieutenant Abbot of a homicide
(23:14):
squad. Abbot has been on thepolice force for twenty years. He knows
which side has bread is buttered on. He could take any piece of bread
and say this side is buttered.Sam, I'm on the trail of Zeke,
Hillbilly Moonshiner Burglar. Lieutenant Abot,I'm glad to help you. What
do you want, Well, you'veseen Zeke. Give me a thumbnail description
(23:36):
of them. Well, he usesliquid polish and the schooner was pushed way
back. Damn. I want youto go with vis of the Ozarks.
I've got to capture Zeke. It'llbe a dangerous trip. Those hillbillies are
strange people. They're always arguing,shooting and farming, ip shooting, fighting
and FERTI license. Come on,Sam, we're heading for the hill.
(24:04):
Lieutenant Abot and I arrived in thehillbilly country. Sam. These hillbillies are
strange people, but you'll have toadmit their solid citizens. They've got both
feet on the ground. They've gotto have both feet on the ground.
They don't wear shoes. Reading thepapers for a seventy five year old hillbilly
wanted to marry a girl nine yearsold. Did he marry Nope, his
(24:27):
parents subjected. They didn't want himmarrying a girl who'd been divorced. Street
times. Wait a minute, Sam, he comes a bunch of hillbillies.
Let's let's ask, let's ask everythingto where zeke is? How do these
strangers? I'm Jim Hartfield, He'shear my sons. I'm Sam Shovel,
the detective, and this is LieutenantAbbot Boy say hello to the strangers them
(24:49):
do clem Bert sir Bert went tomilitary school. I don't like the looks
of these guys. Abbott. Theskinny one has got an air of corn
(25:11):
and two pumpkins, so lots they'refarmers, and farmers have corn and pumpkins
thrown out of their heads. Wellgotta go now, we're working on a
farm. Two weeks ago we duga hole, last week we dropped the
seed in it, and today we'regoing to cover it up. Do you
(25:33):
always work good hard, Yeah,except when the weather gets bad then it
slows us up a little. Solong, boy, is that guy lazy?
If he was a chicken, eggsand television sets would be the same
price. Never mind him, Sam, We've got to find Zeke the Moonshina.
Hey, look over there behind thosebushes, there's zips. There's Zeke
(25:56):
the Moonshine is still. Come on, hey, look look there's he.
He's making corn liquor. He's jumpingup and down on the corn, crushing
it. Hold on, there ishe. We've got your collared. You're
under arrest. Stop mashing that cornerwith your feet. What are you doing.
(26:18):
I'm making some ninety proof corn liquor, and tomorrow I'm gonna make something
that's a hundred fruit. How doyou do that with that? I take
off from a shoe thing. Howdo you make that corn liquor? Well,
first I mash up the corn.Then I dump in a gown of
turpentime, then a gown of clarrocks, and two quarts of juniper juice.
(26:41):
Don't you put no alcohol in it? Why ruin the taste? Take
we're taking you to jail, Sam, grab some of that moonshine for evidence,
and you've got a taste it tomake sure we got the right stuff.
Lieutenantbott, you know I never touchedthe stuf. You're a brave detective.
(27:03):
Sam, chevalry guard your coward tastedthat stuff will grow hair on your
chest. He's only kidding. Sam, ahead and tasted. Okayama, speak
(27:25):
to me, Sam, don't standhill at col Barber. Just hear so
thick. I kids see where I'mgoing before I have it in Costello have
their finals play. We bring youone more thought on this subject. Well,
(28:49):
cause tell the one to tell thefolks about your next week Sam shovel
story, folks make Sam shovel storytakes place in the chewing gum factory.
I call it the case of thebeautiful blond who fell into work. Add
up soft dumb or there's good shoestonight. Yes, and our writers are
working on the case right now.Our writing staff is headed by Eddie Follman,
(29:10):
with Paul Count, Pat Castella,Martin rag Away and Lendstern, and
our producers Charles Bend. Be sureto be with us next Thursday night.
Good night, Paul Hike, everybodyin Plison to night. Come on at
me. I'm the night I'd thankyou. Reston late Thursday night at this
time, br another great Habit Costelloshow produced to transcribe in the Hollywood.
(29:33):
Be sure to stay chilling for theOutstanding Entertainment, which follows twelfth evening on
this ABC station.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com