September 10, 2023 • 29 mins
The Adventures of Sam Spade was first heard on ABC July 12, 1946, as a Friday-night summer series. The show clicked at once, and went into a regular fall lineup on CBS September 29, 1946. From then until 1949, Sam Spade was a Sunday-night thriller for Wildroot Cream Oil, starring Howard Duff in the title role. With Duff's departure, NBC took the series, leaving it on Sunday for Wildroot and starring Stephen Dunne as Spade. This version lasted until 1951, the last year running as a Friday sustainer.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, Abbot, what time isit? It's time for the Avant Costello
Show. We're on the air herein Hollywood. Well what I'm waiting for?
Let's go with the avernus. Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello Show,
(00:24):
produced and transcribed in Hollywood. You'relistening and laughing pleasure chuckles with a
car lord and music by Mattie Meldan. It's all hold on to get chairs,
bugs for here they are? WhatAbbot and whoa Costello? Yeah?
(00:50):
Please, all right, all right, stop that racket. Where have you
been? Stop the racket? Wherehave I been? Yeah? Uncle Mike
just want a new house. I'mnot to see it. How far is
it from here? Fifteen minutes ifyou want on the bill in five minutes?
If you want wait a minute,how gonna be? How gonna be
faster? If you walk? Whenyou're walking your past A skunk farm must
be a lovely place. Wait,it's laid out. If you want to
(01:14):
go into the kitchen, you gothrough a dining room through the mad room.
If you want to go to themaster bedroom, you go through the
living room through the major room.And if you want to go to the
pattio, you go through the den, then through the mas room. I'll
wait a minute, Wait a minute, why do you keep going through the
maid's room. Silly boy? Youplease talk, says Tell me more about
Uncle Mike's plase. Ah, allright, Well he ran out of water
(01:37):
out of the swimming pool and hefilled it with peroxide. He filled the
pool with peroxide. What he's nutsabout? Blonde? By the way,
how's Aunt Me getting along with UncleMike? Just fine? You know,
Mike is expecting a plus of evenat our house next Tuesday. Well,
wait a minute. They've been marriedfor thirty five years and they're expecting a
(01:57):
blessed of Then Mike's mud in law'sleaving for Patty. Well, there's a
sample of a high grade nonsense.You'll be hearing for the next half hour
before we get back to it.Listen to this, Hey, come over
(03:29):
here, Castella. Just look atyou. You've got big circles under your
eyes, and you look terrible.Lou I can't help but have it.
I've been up all night working onmy invention. I just finished my latest
invention. It's a cellophane mattress forall mate. Now wait a minute,
yeah, but what good would acellfane mattress be to an all made lou
(03:50):
Well, she could look under thebed to see if there's a guy under
there without getting up. I knowyou and your invention. You're wasting your
time. I think you got something, man, but really, I'm not
get a load of this this invention. My sister and I we're working on
it now. We're crossing a rollof pink ribbon with a rubber plant.
(04:11):
What poor? So we can raiseladies daughters? What I look at you
because they'll I wonder how you everbecame such an enormous idiot. Well,
it's easy. I could teach anothertime you dope. Your entire family is
stupid. None of them knows anything. Wait a minute, I can you
say that? How can you saythat? My aunt Maie has considered an
(04:35):
expert authority on insects, an authorityon insects? Did she study insects in
college? She didn't have to goto college. She studied at home.
How did she study insects at home? Her first three husbands were bob flies.
(04:56):
Are you still living with your auntMay and uncle Mike? No?
I decided I want a nice placeto stay, so I reserved the room
at the y w c A,You weediot. The y w c A
is full of girls. Isn't thata nice place to stay? So you
like girls? I gather. Ilike girls. Anybody gathers, you idiot,
All do you think of his girl? Am I tempted by girls?
(05:19):
No? When a girl plays withme, do I work back? No?
But why I could go out witha different girl every night? But
I do? I do it?No? Look, abbott, all the
little kiddies are asleep. Now let'stell him the right answers. Help help
(05:39):
way, somebody help me. Somebody'sgotta help me. Who was that?
I don't know, but he comein twice? Tell who was it?
Lou? You know? Hey,yeah, that was a little Johnny from
(06:02):
the Philip Mars Show. He finallyfound a store window he couldn't step out.
Must be careful what you say aboutthat little Johnny. You know,
I've heard he's a pretty tough kid. I had a faid of him,
Like I fight that little Johnny withone hand tied behind his back? You
mean one hand tied behind your back? Who's fixing his fight? You or
me? He's so tough, custdella, Why don't you endo the heavyweight
(06:24):
division. You know Joe Lewis hasretired and they're looking for a new champions.
Only one reason why I don't becomeheavyweight champion, ab I'm so tough
and ferocious. I can't control myself. The minute I get in the ring,
I see blood. It's terrible.What's terrible about it? It's my
blood. You wouldn't fight your wayout of a paper bag? Is that?
So you're talking to a man whocan lick anybody? Why? I'd
(06:46):
take that Joe to us apart andsee what makes him tick. I take
Joe Walcott apart and see what makeshim tick. I take Lease of Wold
apart and see what makes him tick. I'd take cust lesson of bitch of
Parton and any champion, Name anychampion, and I'll take him apart.
All right. I don't give youan easy one. How about the swimming
champion, Ester Williams? Could youtake her apart? Anything put together that
good? Don't need tinkering with Bestell. You're a moronic, silly nintemple.
(07:16):
Thank you, Abbat, And rememberI'm not one of those phony jerks.
I'm the real thing. Castellare hopeless, no wonder you have no friends.
Why even Susan Miller won't talk toyou anymore? And you know why?
Why? Because you don't know howto treat a girl. Then why are
certain types of women crazy about me? What kind of women are crazy about
(07:39):
you? Crazy women? All right, guess so let's see what you know
about women. Let's say we're inthe Palladium dance hall. Now I'm a
girl. May you walk up tome and you ask me for a dance?
What's your name? Oh? What'sa difference? What difference? Don't
expect me to dance with a girlI don't know? Now listen, all
right, my name is Louise.All right, I'll come you, Louise.
(08:00):
What's the difference any girl's name?Louise? Now, go ahead and
ask me to dance. Louise,would you like to sit this out?
Sit it out? Why don't youask me to dance? You don't think
I'm gonna get out there on afloor in front of all those people with
an ugly look? The tomato likeyou? G man? Wow, Well,
(08:22):
good evening to you all. That'stell this girl is beautiful. Where
are you from, miss dance?How I'll come from the tobacco country.
Are there any more gorgeous girls likeyou done in the tobacco country? Why
it's just full of them? Nowonder that fee boone can't talk street to
(08:46):
set out this mine? Miss,you're pretty? What's your name? Magnolia
tweety saddler? My, but that'sa pretty dress you have earned? Oh,
thank you all. I try tobe meat. My mother's a good
housekeeper. She taught me to keepeverything tidy and in the right place.
(09:11):
Hand me my dust capabbott. Thisis a kind of housekeeper. Eye like
Costello is very sweet of miss twetleTattle to drop in here. This is
and I think I think it wouldbe a sweet gesture on your part,
Costella, if you'd shore the sightsof Hollywood while she's in town. Oh,
mister Costello, if you only would, then I could go home and
tell all the girls I was outwith a big, smart celebrity. If
(09:33):
you do that for me, I'llgive you anything you want, anything,
anything? Now? What do youwant? Could I have a pool cheer
with my own initials on it?A kiss would be halful reward for a
beautiful girl like that loop. Yes, come here, mister Costello, and
(09:56):
I'll give you a real sonn there. That's the way we kissed down south.
(10:16):
Now I know why General Sherman marchedto the seat. He had to
get down here to cool or youknow, I just can't understand, you
know, the man. Why InKentucky the man is so impetuous they carry
girl away. In California, we'vegot cars, pay no attended to custellamus
(10:43):
tweel pattle. Tell me, areyou a single girl? Oh? Yes,
indeed, And I came up notto get married. Well, I
don't like the brag, but I'dmake a nice husband. I can cook,
and what's the matter with me?I can sew, and I can
do housework and why dishes? AndI know how to take care of babies
and do the washing. Well.Congratulations, I hope you two be very
(11:05):
happy together. Hi you all,that's Telli, and you missed a great
opportunity. That girl is a daughterof Colonel Tweedle Paddle. They're very wealthy.
Yeah, but I got a notionto put on one of my sham
shovel detective disguises and follow that girl. Mister Castello, and mister Castello,
(11:30):
I've gotta talk to you. I'mCostello. What can I do for you?
Mister can Still. I've listening toyour detective series and I think you're
marvelous. A Sam Shoveled a greatdetective, And mister shovel, I need
your help. My wife has disappeared. When did she disappear? Yesterday morning
at seven o'clock. She left thehouse dressed in a nightgown. She had
a frying pan in one hand abox of matches in the other. M
hm. Sounds like a pretty toughcase. You say she left the house
(11:50):
yesterday morning at seven o'clock. Weren'ta nightgown and carrying a frying panel a
box of matches? Do you haveany idea why she left the house?
Oh? Sure, she was cookingbreakfast and the stove blew up. Hey,
you know there was something familiar aboutthat guy Castella. Isn't he your
brother in law? No, shirmy brother in law is living. God.
(12:22):
I'll have a thicken, But beforeI gets too thick, let's interrupt
it for another reminder on a serioussubject. And now the spotlight turns to
(13:35):
how and which is our singing star? Here he is with Maddie Marlock and
his orchestra. Somebody's lion when shesays I don't care. Somebody's lion,
and she's not playing fair. Sonobody's lying when she says that I'm untrue.
(14:05):
You know I'll never but you.Somebody's hoping we'll wake up some day
waiting and hoping you send me away. Don't you believe what someone else to
(14:30):
say. Somebody's lion, sweet Somebody'slying when she says I'm true. You
(15:01):
know I'll never love no one butyou. Somebody's hoping we'll break up some
day. Wait, I'm hoping yousaid me alway. Don't you believe what
(15:31):
someone else to say. Somebody's lion, sweetheart. Somebody's lion, sweetheart.
Somebody's lying, sweetheart. You knowit looks like you'll have to get some
(16:10):
new girls lose. How about thosetwo girls that moved in next door to
you. They're strangers in tom Whydon't we double date them? Well,
I don't think you liked them,Mabbet. One of them has three watch
I don't know if she's got buckteeth and she's ballheaded about the other one,
she's hugly. Can tell you've gotYou've got about as must chance of
(16:30):
getting a girl as long nought theymarried Harry. They're not married to each
other, their partners, just likeSeason Roebuck Sarson Roebuck. Are they married
either, of course not. Ain'tthat a shame with all that nice furniture
they got to? Where were youlast night? Well, I had a
day with our secretary, if you'llvan. She took me to the playdeum
(16:52):
and she wouldn't ask when me.Now, she took me out to the
House of Murphy for dinner, butshe wouldn't eat with me. She wouldn't
dance read with you? Why didshe take you for twenty five dollars?
Throwing your money around like that?You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Right now, I need seventy fivedollars and I don't know where to get
it. Why, Abbot, youmust have a hundred friends I would loan
you seventy five dollars. Well,how about you loaning it to me?
(17:12):
Abbot, you must have ninety ninefriends that would loan you seventy five.
I ought to know better than aska stupid ignorant. Don't like you for
just a second, now, justa second, don't call me stupid niggorant.
I'm a college man. For years. I went to Stanford University in
the morning and UCLA in the afternoons. You dummy, Stanford is in San
(17:33):
Francisco and UCLA is in Los Angeles. Now, how could you go to
both of them at the same daybeing an honor student? I had a
long lunch hour honort student. Howdid you ever get to be an honor
student? Well, I took thebrain of a monkey and I put it
in the head of a man,and today that man is alive and can
(17:53):
talk. What does he say?Hey? I thought, so, you've
never been in the college, andI doubt if any of your family were
ever in college. Is that so? My brother Pat spent four years at
the medical school at the University ofMichigan. What was he studying? Nothing?
They were studying him. Castella,You're impossible and you better give up
(18:21):
doing that same shovel detective series.The field is overcrowded, and everybody on
Riddy wants to become a private eye. You're right, Abott, I know
it seems like every Tom and Harrywants to be a dick. Thank you
n Is. Then he's gonna stopme, Abbott. Tonight, I'm gonna
(18:41):
do one of my most famous cases, I call it murdering a bunch of
shop or have you seen those priceslately? That that doesn't sound like a
very interesting case, Custell, I'llpick another one. Okay, here's a
very very interesting one. I callit the case of the man who drowned
in the Los Angeles River, orto be my destiny. All let's get
(19:03):
on with the case. Now,the makers of Sludge motor Oil present the
adventures of Pam shovel Drive a detective. But first a word about our product.
Motorists, have you been changing youroil every month? Switch to sludge.
(19:29):
When you use sludge, you neverhave to change oil. Of course,
every six months, you'll have toget a new car. Friends,
if you want extra mileage, useknock a gatholine. Listen to one of
our satisfied customers has to say,I bought two gallons of Knockle gasoline in
(19:51):
Chicago. When I got into LosAngeles this morning, I still had two
quarts left. Thank you, sir, Thank you. What kind of a
car do you drive? Who's gota car? I got a cigarette lighter.
(20:11):
Now for the further adventures of SamTubble, private Detective. Yes,
I'm Sam shovel. Private Detective.I'm sitting here in my little office running
a report on my leader's keys.I reached for my pen. It's a
(20:33):
pig pen. I'm alone in theoffice. I used to have a secretary.
I had to let her go.She can never get her type and
done. Every time she got tothe end of a line, the typewriter
bell would ring. She'd watch alone. I'm getting sick of this detective
(20:57):
business. All is on the run. I don't even get a chance to
eat. Last night, I satdown to a bowl of chicken broth.
I started to eat the broth.The phone rang. I had to go
out and catch a crook. Icame back, started to eat the broth
again. Another call came. Ihad to go out and catch another crook.
When I came back, the brothwas cold the morrow. Too many
(21:18):
crooks spoil the broth. Suddenly Ihear a woman scream came from the window
(21:40):
across the street. I can't seewho it is. I reached from my
opera glasses. They're gone. Musthave gone to the opera again. I
turned on my file. They're ontop. Is one of my most famous
cases, the case of the ladyblue Beard. I don't know why they
(22:00):
called her the lady blue Beard.She never killed anybody. Maybe it was
because she had a blue beard.He was a hard woman to catch.
I had never caught her except shewas a flirt. He gave me the
eye in Pasadena. She gave methe eye in Pomona. Then I caught
(22:22):
her in Pisnal Beach. It waseasy. I had both her eyes.
It was lost, couldn't see whereshe was going. Suddenly, through the
window, I see my pile,lietenant Ameta of the homicide squad approaching.
Abbot's a tough man. He's gota dirty look and underwhere to match allow
(22:59):
same shovel. I'm worried. What'swrong, Lieutenant Abbott. Remember when I
joined the department, I founded thebeat and the walking made my feet too
big. Yes. Then I wastransferred to the traffic department and weaving my
arms all day. He made myhands too big. Yes. Now I'm
really worried. They want me toride a horse. I looked at Lieutenant
(23:26):
Abbott. What a clever policeman.He's got a trigger mine and he ought
to give it back to trigger.I could tell Lieutenant Abbott had something on
his mind. He was nervous.He started fiddling with his nose. Lieutenant
(23:55):
Abott had a tough day at headquarters. All day he had been given a
rubber hose the third degree. Hekept hitting it with a detective. Sam,
you can help me. You've gotfriends in the department. You've got
plenty of drag. What makes youthink I've got drag? And around Sam,
(24:17):
and see what you're dragging? LukeTennant Abbott has insulted me again.
I looked him straight in the eye. He had arrogance, conceit and meanness
written on his face. Seems sillyfrom men of his age to go around
with all those words written on hisface. Sam, it's very warm and
(24:44):
here. Why don't you open thatdoor that leads to the balcony. I
can't. I haven't got a keyand I don't know how to open it.
When as you use your head,I don't think my head will fit
in the keyhole. Hello, SamShovel, private detective speaking. Is this
(25:07):
the great Sam Shovel, the privatedetective? That's me, Sam, You've
got to help me. What's thematter. There are five tough bucks with
guns and clubs trying to break inhere and kill me. Come right over.
I can't hear you. They're afine tough guy with guns and clubs
trying to kill me. Come rightover. I can't hear you, Sam,
(25:29):
I am not even on the phone, and I can hear it.
Why don't you go over? Guys, hold your hand, hold on higher?
I lift him up any higher,up, breaking my suspender. I
lift up your hand. Now,lift up your pains. What's the idea
(25:57):
of making us put up our hay, don't ask any questions. Go on,
reach for the ceiling. Okay,we reached the ceiling. What's the
idea of the stick up? Thisain't no stick up? Then? Why
have you got us standing here withour hands on the ceiling? Me and
my crew are a pair in thisbuilding. We're ready to tear out the
walls, and somebody better be holdingup that ceiling. Luke Tenant Abbott,
(26:26):
this seems kind of silly, youand me standing here holding up the ceiling.
Yes, m it's probably something theright is thought up because they were
stuck for a finish. It's ridiculous. Let's put our hands down next time.
(26:55):
We better play along with the ridersthem guys can kill you. Do
go away, fALS I'm bad Benain't glory with you? Yeah, right
now. They want you to hearthis. Two tickets to the Blanos Williams
(28:21):
fight on the twenty ninth, Please, what name Paul Douglas the actor.
That's what it says in my contract. What thought you'd be in Saint Louis
on the twenty six for the openingof It happens every spring. I'll be
there, but I'm flying back forthis great champ battle. It's for the
benefit of the kids at the luCostello Junior Foundation, and it's to help
juvenile delinquency, and that's good enoughto get my support. Our writing staff
(28:47):
is headed by Eddie Foeman, withPaul Conlin Pakistala, our producer Charles Vando.
Good night, Paul, has everybodyhad
Hey, Abbot, what time isit? It's time for the Avant Costello
Show. We're on the air herein Hollywood. Well what I'm waiting for?
Let's go with the avernus. Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello Show,
(00:24):
produced and transcribed in Hollywood. You'relistening and laughing pleasure chuckles with a
car lord and music by Mattie Meldan. It's all hold on to get chairs,
bugs for here they are? WhatAbbot and whoa Costello? Yeah?
(00:50):
Please, all right, all right, stop that racket. Where have you
been? Stop the racket? Wherehave I been? Yeah? Uncle Mike
just want a new house. I'mnot to see it. How far is
it from here? Fifteen minutes ifyou want on the bill in five minutes?
If you want wait a minute,how gonna be? How gonna be
faster? If you walk? Whenyou're walking your past A skunk farm must
be a lovely place. Wait,it's laid out. If you want to
(01:14):
go into the kitchen, you gothrough a dining room through the mad room.
If you want to go to themaster bedroom, you go through the
living room through the major room.And if you want to go to the
pattio, you go through the den, then through the mas room. I'll
wait a minute, Wait a minute, why do you keep going through the
maid's room. Silly boy? Youplease talk, says Tell me more about
Uncle Mike's plase. Ah, allright, Well he ran out of water
(01:37):
out of the swimming pool and hefilled it with peroxide. He filled the
pool with peroxide. What he's nutsabout? Blonde? By the way,
how's Aunt Me getting along with UncleMike? Just fine? You know,
Mike is expecting a plus of evenat our house next Tuesday. Well,
wait a minute. They've been marriedfor thirty five years and they're expecting a
(01:57):
blessed of Then Mike's mud in law'sleaving for Patty. Well, there's a
sample of a high grade nonsense.You'll be hearing for the next half hour
before we get back to it.Listen to this, Hey, come over
(03:29):
here, Castella. Just look atyou. You've got big circles under your
eyes, and you look terrible.Lou I can't help but have it.
I've been up all night working onmy invention. I just finished my latest
invention. It's a cellophane mattress forall mate. Now wait a minute,
yeah, but what good would acellfane mattress be to an all made lou
(03:50):
Well, she could look under thebed to see if there's a guy under
there without getting up. I knowyou and your invention. You're wasting your
time. I think you got something, man, but really, I'm not
get a load of this this invention. My sister and I we're working on
it now. We're crossing a rollof pink ribbon with a rubber plant.
(04:11):
What poor? So we can raiseladies daughters? What I look at you
because they'll I wonder how you everbecame such an enormous idiot. Well,
it's easy. I could teach anothertime you dope. Your entire family is
stupid. None of them knows anything. Wait a minute, I can you
say that? How can you saythat? My aunt Maie has considered an
(04:35):
expert authority on insects, an authorityon insects? Did she study insects in
college? She didn't have to goto college. She studied at home.
How did she study insects at home? Her first three husbands were bob flies.
(04:56):
Are you still living with your auntMay and uncle Mike? No?
I decided I want a nice placeto stay, so I reserved the room
at the y w c A,You weediot. The y w c A
is full of girls. Isn't thata nice place to stay? So you
like girls? I gather. Ilike girls. Anybody gathers, you idiot,
All do you think of his girl? Am I tempted by girls?
(05:19):
No? When a girl plays withme, do I work back? No?
But why I could go out witha different girl every night? But
I do? I do it?No? Look, abbott, all the
little kiddies are asleep. Now let'stell him the right answers. Help help
(05:39):
way, somebody help me. Somebody'sgotta help me. Who was that?
I don't know, but he comein twice? Tell who was it?
Lou? You know? Hey,yeah, that was a little Johnny from
(06:02):
the Philip Mars Show. He finallyfound a store window he couldn't step out.
Must be careful what you say aboutthat little Johnny. You know,
I've heard he's a pretty tough kid. I had a faid of him,
Like I fight that little Johnny withone hand tied behind his back? You
mean one hand tied behind your back? Who's fixing his fight? You or
me? He's so tough, custdella, Why don't you endo the heavyweight
(06:24):
division. You know Joe Lewis hasretired and they're looking for a new champions.
Only one reason why I don't becomeheavyweight champion, ab I'm so tough
and ferocious. I can't control myself. The minute I get in the ring,
I see blood. It's terrible.What's terrible about it? It's my
blood. You wouldn't fight your wayout of a paper bag? Is that?
So you're talking to a man whocan lick anybody? Why? I'd
(06:46):
take that Joe to us apart andsee what makes him tick. I take
Joe Walcott apart and see what makeshim tick. I take Lease of Wold
apart and see what makes him tick. I'd take cust lesson of bitch of
Parton and any champion, Name anychampion, and I'll take him apart.
All right. I don't give youan easy one. How about the swimming
champion, Ester Williams? Could youtake her apart? Anything put together that
good? Don't need tinkering with Bestell. You're a moronic, silly nintemple.
(07:16):
Thank you, Abbat, And rememberI'm not one of those phony jerks.
I'm the real thing. Castellare hopeless, no wonder you have no friends.
Why even Susan Miller won't talk toyou anymore? And you know why?
Why? Because you don't know howto treat a girl. Then why are
certain types of women crazy about me? What kind of women are crazy about
(07:39):
you? Crazy women? All right, guess so let's see what you know
about women. Let's say we're inthe Palladium dance hall. Now I'm a
girl. May you walk up tome and you ask me for a dance?
What's your name? Oh? What'sa difference? What difference? Don't
expect me to dance with a girlI don't know? Now listen, all
right, my name is Louise.All right, I'll come you, Louise.
(08:00):
What's the difference any girl's name?Louise? Now, go ahead and
ask me to dance. Louise,would you like to sit this out?
Sit it out? Why don't youask me to dance? You don't think
I'm gonna get out there on afloor in front of all those people with
an ugly look? The tomato likeyou? G man? Wow, Well,
(08:22):
good evening to you all. That'stell this girl is beautiful. Where
are you from, miss dance?How I'll come from the tobacco country.
Are there any more gorgeous girls likeyou done in the tobacco country? Why
it's just full of them? Nowonder that fee boone can't talk street to
(08:46):
set out this mine? Miss,you're pretty? What's your name? Magnolia
tweety saddler? My, but that'sa pretty dress you have earned? Oh,
thank you all. I try tobe meat. My mother's a good
housekeeper. She taught me to keepeverything tidy and in the right place.
(09:11):
Hand me my dust capabbott. Thisis a kind of housekeeper. Eye like
Costello is very sweet of miss twetleTattle to drop in here. This is
and I think I think it wouldbe a sweet gesture on your part,
Costella, if you'd shore the sightsof Hollywood while she's in town. Oh,
mister Costello, if you only would, then I could go home and
tell all the girls I was outwith a big, smart celebrity. If
(09:33):
you do that for me, I'llgive you anything you want, anything,
anything? Now? What do youwant? Could I have a pool cheer
with my own initials on it?A kiss would be halful reward for a
beautiful girl like that loop. Yes, come here, mister Costello, and
(09:56):
I'll give you a real sonn there. That's the way we kissed down south.
(10:16):
Now I know why General Sherman marchedto the seat. He had to
get down here to cool or youknow, I just can't understand, you
know, the man. Why InKentucky the man is so impetuous they carry
girl away. In California, we'vegot cars, pay no attended to custellamus
(10:43):
tweel pattle. Tell me, areyou a single girl? Oh? Yes,
indeed, And I came up notto get married. Well, I
don't like the brag, but I'dmake a nice husband. I can cook,
and what's the matter with me?I can sew, and I can
do housework and why dishes? AndI know how to take care of babies
and do the washing. Well.Congratulations, I hope you two be very
(11:05):
happy together. Hi you all,that's Telli, and you missed a great
opportunity. That girl is a daughterof Colonel Tweedle Paddle. They're very wealthy.
Yeah, but I got a notionto put on one of my sham
shovel detective disguises and follow that girl. Mister Castello, and mister Castello,
(11:30):
I've gotta talk to you. I'mCostello. What can I do for you?
Mister can Still. I've listening toyour detective series and I think you're
marvelous. A Sam Shoveled a greatdetective, And mister shovel, I need
your help. My wife has disappeared. When did she disappear? Yesterday morning
at seven o'clock. She left thehouse dressed in a nightgown. She had
a frying pan in one hand abox of matches in the other. M
hm. Sounds like a pretty toughcase. You say she left the house
(11:50):
yesterday morning at seven o'clock. Weren'ta nightgown and carrying a frying panel a
box of matches? Do you haveany idea why she left the house?
Oh? Sure, she was cookingbreakfast and the stove blew up. Hey,
you know there was something familiar aboutthat guy Castella. Isn't he your
brother in law? No, shirmy brother in law is living. God.
(12:22):
I'll have a thicken, But beforeI gets too thick, let's interrupt
it for another reminder on a serioussubject. And now the spotlight turns to
(13:35):
how and which is our singing star? Here he is with Maddie Marlock and
his orchestra. Somebody's lion when shesays I don't care. Somebody's lion,
and she's not playing fair. Sonobody's lying when she says that I'm untrue.
(14:05):
You know I'll never but you.Somebody's hoping we'll wake up some day
waiting and hoping you send me away. Don't you believe what someone else to
(14:30):
say. Somebody's lion, sweet Somebody'slying when she says I'm true. You
(15:01):
know I'll never love no one butyou. Somebody's hoping we'll break up some
day. Wait, I'm hoping yousaid me alway. Don't you believe what
(15:31):
someone else to say. Somebody's lion, sweetheart. Somebody's lion, sweetheart.
Somebody's lying, sweetheart. You knowit looks like you'll have to get some
(16:10):
new girls lose. How about thosetwo girls that moved in next door to
you. They're strangers in tom Whydon't we double date them? Well,
I don't think you liked them,Mabbet. One of them has three watch
I don't know if she's got buckteeth and she's ballheaded about the other one,
she's hugly. Can tell you've gotYou've got about as must chance of
(16:30):
getting a girl as long nought theymarried Harry. They're not married to each
other, their partners, just likeSeason Roebuck Sarson Roebuck. Are they married
either, of course not. Ain'tthat a shame with all that nice furniture
they got to? Where were youlast night? Well, I had a
day with our secretary, if you'llvan. She took me to the playdeum
(16:52):
and she wouldn't ask when me.Now, she took me out to the
House of Murphy for dinner, butshe wouldn't eat with me. She wouldn't
dance read with you? Why didshe take you for twenty five dollars?
Throwing your money around like that?You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Right now, I need seventy fivedollars and I don't know where to get
it. Why, Abbot, youmust have a hundred friends I would loan
you seventy five dollars. Well,how about you loaning it to me?
(17:12):
Abbot, you must have ninety ninefriends that would loan you seventy five.
I ought to know better than aska stupid ignorant. Don't like you for
just a second, now, justa second, don't call me stupid niggorant.
I'm a college man. For years. I went to Stanford University in
the morning and UCLA in the afternoons. You dummy, Stanford is in San
(17:33):
Francisco and UCLA is in Los Angeles. Now, how could you go to
both of them at the same daybeing an honor student? I had a
long lunch hour honort student. Howdid you ever get to be an honor
student? Well, I took thebrain of a monkey and I put it
in the head of a man,and today that man is alive and can
(17:53):
talk. What does he say?Hey? I thought, so, you've
never been in the college, andI doubt if any of your family were
ever in college. Is that so? My brother Pat spent four years at
the medical school at the University ofMichigan. What was he studying? Nothing?
They were studying him. Castella,You're impossible and you better give up
(18:21):
doing that same shovel detective series.The field is overcrowded, and everybody on
Riddy wants to become a private eye. You're right, Abott, I know
it seems like every Tom and Harrywants to be a dick. Thank you
n Is. Then he's gonna stopme, Abbott. Tonight, I'm gonna
(18:41):
do one of my most famous cases, I call it murdering a bunch of
shop or have you seen those priceslately? That that doesn't sound like a
very interesting case, Custell, I'llpick another one. Okay, here's a
very very interesting one. I callit the case of the man who drowned
in the Los Angeles River, orto be my destiny. All let's get
(19:03):
on with the case. Now,the makers of Sludge motor Oil present the
adventures of Pam shovel Drive a detective. But first a word about our product.
Motorists, have you been changing youroil every month? Switch to sludge.
(19:29):
When you use sludge, you neverhave to change oil. Of course,
every six months, you'll have toget a new car. Friends,
if you want extra mileage, useknock a gatholine. Listen to one of
our satisfied customers has to say,I bought two gallons of Knockle gasoline in
(19:51):
Chicago. When I got into LosAngeles this morning, I still had two
quarts left. Thank you, sir, Thank you. What kind of a
car do you drive? Who's gota car? I got a cigarette lighter.
(20:11):
Now for the further adventures of SamTubble, private Detective. Yes,
I'm Sam shovel. Private Detective.I'm sitting here in my little office running
a report on my leader's keys.I reached for my pen. It's a
(20:33):
pig pen. I'm alone in theoffice. I used to have a secretary.
I had to let her go.She can never get her type and
done. Every time she got tothe end of a line, the typewriter
bell would ring. She'd watch alone. I'm getting sick of this detective
(20:57):
business. All is on the run. I don't even get a chance to
eat. Last night, I satdown to a bowl of chicken broth.
I started to eat the broth.The phone rang. I had to go
out and catch a crook. Icame back, started to eat the broth
again. Another call came. Ihad to go out and catch another crook.
When I came back, the brothwas cold the morrow. Too many
(21:18):
crooks spoil the broth. Suddenly Ihear a woman scream came from the window
(21:40):
across the street. I can't seewho it is. I reached from my
opera glasses. They're gone. Musthave gone to the opera again. I
turned on my file. They're ontop. Is one of my most famous
cases, the case of the ladyblue Beard. I don't know why they
(22:00):
called her the lady blue Beard.She never killed anybody. Maybe it was
because she had a blue beard.He was a hard woman to catch.
I had never caught her except shewas a flirt. He gave me the
eye in Pasadena. She gave methe eye in Pomona. Then I caught
(22:22):
her in Pisnal Beach. It waseasy. I had both her eyes.
It was lost, couldn't see whereshe was going. Suddenly, through the
window, I see my pile,lietenant Ameta of the homicide squad approaching.
Abbot's a tough man. He's gota dirty look and underwhere to match allow
(22:59):
same shovel. I'm worried. What'swrong, Lieutenant Abbott. Remember when I
joined the department, I founded thebeat and the walking made my feet too
big. Yes. Then I wastransferred to the traffic department and weaving my
arms all day. He made myhands too big. Yes. Now I'm
really worried. They want me toride a horse. I looked at Lieutenant
(23:26):
Abbott. What a clever policeman.He's got a trigger mine and he ought
to give it back to trigger.I could tell Lieutenant Abbott had something on
his mind. He was nervous.He started fiddling with his nose. Lieutenant
(23:55):
Abott had a tough day at headquarters. All day he had been given a
rubber hose the third degree. Hekept hitting it with a detective. Sam,
you can help me. You've gotfriends in the department. You've got
plenty of drag. What makes youthink I've got drag? And around Sam,
(24:17):
and see what you're dragging? LukeTennant Abbott has insulted me again.
I looked him straight in the eye. He had arrogance, conceit and meanness
written on his face. Seems sillyfrom men of his age to go around
with all those words written on hisface. Sam, it's very warm and
(24:44):
here. Why don't you open thatdoor that leads to the balcony. I
can't. I haven't got a keyand I don't know how to open it.
When as you use your head,I don't think my head will fit
in the keyhole. Hello, SamShovel, private detective speaking. Is this
(25:07):
the great Sam Shovel, the privatedetective? That's me, Sam, You've
got to help me. What's thematter. There are five tough bucks with
guns and clubs trying to break inhere and kill me. Come right over.
I can't hear you. They're afine tough guy with guns and clubs
trying to kill me. Come rightover. I can't hear you, Sam,
(25:29):
I am not even on the phone, and I can hear it.
Why don't you go over? Guys, hold your hand, hold on higher?
I lift him up any higher,up, breaking my suspender. I
lift up your hand. Now,lift up your pains. What's the idea
(25:57):
of making us put up our hay, don't ask any questions. Go on,
reach for the ceiling. Okay,we reached the ceiling. What's the
idea of the stick up? Thisain't no stick up? Then? Why
have you got us standing here withour hands on the ceiling? Me and
my crew are a pair in thisbuilding. We're ready to tear out the
walls, and somebody better be holdingup that ceiling. Luke Tenant Abbott,
(26:26):
this seems kind of silly, youand me standing here holding up the ceiling.
Yes, m it's probably something theright is thought up because they were
stuck for a finish. It's ridiculous. Let's put our hands down next time.
(26:55):
We better play along with the ridersthem guys can kill you. Do
go away, fALS I'm bad Benain't glory with you? Yeah, right
now. They want you to hearthis. Two tickets to the Blanos Williams
(28:21):
fight on the twenty ninth, Please, what name Paul Douglas the actor.
That's what it says in my contract. What thought you'd be in Saint Louis
on the twenty six for the openingof It happens every spring. I'll be
there, but I'm flying back forthis great champ battle. It's for the
benefit of the kids at the luCostello Junior Foundation, and it's to help
juvenile delinquency, and that's good enoughto get my support. Our writing staff
(28:47):
is headed by Eddie Foeman, withPaul Conlin Pakistala, our producer Charles Vando.
Good night, Paul, has everybodyhad
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