September 10, 2023 • 28 mins
The Adventures of Sam Spade was first heard on ABC July 12, 1946, as a Friday-night summer series. The show clicked at once, and went into a regular fall lineup on CBS September 29, 1946. From then until 1949, Sam Spade was a Sunday-night thriller for Wildroot Cream Oil, starring Howard Duff in the title role. With Duff's departure, NBC took the series, leaving it on Sunday for Wildroot and starring Stephen Dunne as Spade. This version lasted until 1951, the last year running as a Friday sustainer.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, ammut, what time isit? It's time for the Abant Costello
Show. We're on the air forABC here in Hollywood, waiting for Let's
go with the abond custoll. Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello Show,
(00:25):
producing transcribe in Hollywood. You're listeningand laughing pleasure chuckles with a car lood
and music by Mattie Meldang. It'sall hold on to get chairs, bogs.
Where who they are? What?Aban and Loo Costello? Lass?
(00:50):
About time you've got here? Wherewere you? Well? I went to
the y w C a girls playplay softball and one girl was running the
third base. She slipped the fellin land and my lapin. Boy was
I mad? Why the Empire mademe put back in the game? What's
she a pretty girl? Oh?Pretty? But she was gorgeous? I
mean a day? Would her afterthe game and put it? Did she
send me? Did? Yeah?But when I got back she wasn't there?
(01:19):
Castella, Why do you keep annoyingevery girl that's you meet? Who
do you think you are? HasAnolva? Who do I think? I?
Whope? Who do you think youare? Has another as Anolva?
I mean not be Casnova. Butpeople say that I'm as good looking mis
Van Johnson, who says that,how do I know? Do you think
I go around heaves dropping? ButI see such a pretty girl. Why
(01:40):
didn't you propose to her? Married? I can't marry her. I don't
know anything about her. What differencedoes that make? And then figure a
man doesn't even know his wife untilafter he marries her. What do you
mean in Africa, you dope?You only even know what marriage is?
Yes, I do. Marriage isa friendship that got out of control.
(02:10):
Costelli. You shouldn't have any troubleagainst Hello. You shouldn't have any drum
getting married. Do you know thatout here in Hollywood there are two girls
for every man? Two girls forevery man? Are you sure? Sty?
Then some dirty sneakers got four?Castelli has no use. You'll never
(02:32):
get a girl until you settle downand become a man of regular habit.
I am a man of regular habits. And how come you were out until
four o'clock this morning with that redheadthat lives next door. That's one of
my regular habits, That's all.I can't understand how girls grew out with
you in the first plage habit.It's my terrific magnetism. You've got magnetism.
(02:52):
Yes, last week I picked uptwo blondes, a redhead, a
brunnet and a rusty nail. Right, why don't you be like me?
Costello? I've got away with women. You haven't got away with many lately.
That I happened to be the reasonthat women leave home. Yes,
the day you were born. Youmight have took one look at you,
and she hasn't been back since Iasked. The boys are on the beam
(03:23):
tonight, and they'll be back onit in just about one minute. At
first, let's hear this gotch stella. When you stop that walking up and
(04:44):
down? What's the matter with you? What are you worried about? Last
night? My uncle Mike was robbedwhile he was asleep. Bawn, I
wait a minute. I could youruncle mikeld be robbed. He's got all
his money sewing up in his longunderwear. Oh yes, well it was
a hot night and he left theback door of the bank open. Don't
tell him, lady, All right, that's no reason why you should worry.
(05:08):
No, no, But when Iget on the next page, I'll
find out. Why not find out? Oh no, well, I got
plenty of reasons. Saturday, Saturdaynight, they arrested my uncle, Jim
Kelly. He broke into a grocerystore and he stole three hundred and ninety
dollars. Why did you do it? The poor guy was hungry. Well,
if he was hungry, why didn'the steal all? Why did you
steal money, lou Why didn't hesteal some groceries or something. He's a
(05:29):
proud man abbot. He likes topay for everything he gets. And besides,
he needs some money to buy anew car. Wait a minute,
he'd be better off without a car, because it's it's very dangerous driving in
California. You're tell him me.In Los Angeles, you have to drive
for five people, the one infront of you, the one in back
of here, and the ones oneach side of you. Oh wait a
(05:51):
minute, that's only poor cars.Who where's the fifth? She'll pull out
in front of you any minute.Well, I have it. I gotta
leave now. I got a newjob with my brother, a pat in
the trucking business. Has he gothis own truck? Yeah, hey,
(06:11):
you should see it. Have it? It's one inch wide in the block
along a truck and inch widing ablock along. Why does he delivering the
spaghetti's pretty? Next week he's gotto buy a round truck around truck Bode
four says, is your brother Patmaking any wanting in the trucking business?
Loop? Oh? Yeah, shedid so good last week that he bought
his wife one of those new electricblankets. Saved her a lot of time
(06:33):
around the house. I waited andhauging an electric blanket help her with the
work around the house. Well,she takes the eggs and the bacon to
bed with her, and when shouldgets up in the morning, breakfast is
ready. That electric blanket is makinga very popular tool. What do you
mean last night she turned it ontoo high? And now yes, she's
the toast of the town. Almosta gusto, almost a gusto. I've
(06:59):
gotta talk. I've got a greatidea. Wait a minute, mister,
what's the idea of breaking and herelike this? Oh, I've got an
idea that will make you told almostpopular comedy team in radio. What is
it. I'll step your name underthis first brick car in the country.
Wait a minute, wait, an, how'll that make us popular? Well,
at least you'll have all the farmerspulling for you. Hello, boy?
(07:21):
Well, well it's Susan Miller.Susan. I'm certainly glad you shut
up tonight because I'm gonna sing aduel with you. Just Tello, you
mean a duet. A duel iswhere somebody gets hurt. You never sang
with me, did you? Now? When did you become a singer?
(07:43):
Cass Tello? Well, I don'tlike a brag, But would you believe
that I thought being crossed you howto sing? No? I wouldn't.
You're right, but once in awhile I catch a sucker. I tell
how you don't know the first thingabout music. Well, I'll have you
know what. I studied music now. I went to singing school. I
used to study until I was bluein the face, and then the teacher
sending me with a medal for beingthe best singer in the class, No,
for having the bluest face. Well, I've got to go now,
(08:11):
boyd, I'm going swimming down atthe beach. I bought one of those
new French bathing suits, comes equippedwith a shoehorn and a hack saw.
Why did they give you a shoehornand a hack saw with a bathing suit?
Well, shoehorn gets me into thebathing suit, and after I wear
it, I don't need the hacksaw to get me out of jail.
(08:33):
You know, there's got a nicekid at it. The only thing is
she's money mad. Money man.Yeah, she's mad because I ain't got
no money. I so what remember, Costella, Money isn't everything. You
know, you can't take it withyou. It's nice to have it here
so you can say goodbye to it. You know, my family has always
had money. In fact, myuncle Rudolph was one of the first gold
(08:56):
miners in California. One day whenhe was in my digging for gold,
he was killed by a falling space. A falling spade killed my uncle Tom.
Was he a gold miner? No, he was killed by the ash
of spades. That thought of hissleeve and a poker game. Cost tell
you will ever have for you aboutmoney As long as I got it,
We're pals, share and share alike. Well, I feel the same way
(09:20):
about you have it. That's swell. You mean you'd share everything you have
with me. If you had twocars, you'd give me one. Sure,
if you had two houses, you'dgive one of them to me.
I certainly would and if you hadtwo department stores, you'd you'd give me
one. Yes, sir, we'repals, share and share alike. Swell,
if you had two dollars, wouldyou give me one? No?
(09:41):
Why because I've got two dollars.Oh that's the way of la. I
thought I was your pal. Areyou trying to tell me that the money
means more to you than I do? I didn't say that happened? Well,
(10:03):
does it? Yes? That settlesat costellos. I'm going on my
vacation your New Jersey, and I'mnot taking eel with me. Who wants
to go to New Jersey? Now? When we were there last, some
of the mosquitos were so big theywere carrying baseball bats. I woke up
(10:24):
in the middle of the night andtwo of them were sitting on my stomach
holding a conversation. I don't besilly. Who mosquitoes can talk? Don't
tell me these two were certainly two. In the fact, you're idiot.
The only mosquitoes adite are female.All mosquitoes. Well, the one that
nipped me when I was bending overthe tie of my shoe was no lady.
(10:50):
The night your uncle Roy got drunkthe mosquitoes were biting him all night,
and it kept me awake. Well, if they were biting him,
why did keep you away? Well, they'd bite him and then come over
and sit on my bed. Hiccup, Well, Castell on second pot,
I don't think i'll go to NewJerry doet. I need a complete breast
(11:11):
where nobody would bother me, wherethe name bud Abbott means nothing. Oh,
you're staying in town. Ain't nevermind that? Where are you going?
Well, I think I'll go toHonolulu. Last time I was here,
I met a beautiful made up girl. She was gorgeous and what a
figure. All day she'd walk aroundcarrying a big basket on her head.
(11:33):
Then at night she'd sneak off andshe'd meet me. Ah, brother,
she taught me plenty she did.Yes, you should see me carry a
basket on my head. Never mindthat. Have you been getting plenty of
rest? No? And I've beenhaving a lot of trouble going asleep.
Last night. I didn't fall asleepfor eleven o'clock. What time did you
(11:54):
go to bed? Five minutes toeleven? Castella, you need a vacation.
You've got to stop running around girls. It's affecting your brain. I
think you're right up. I knowit. Last night I had a date
to pick up a girl at Hollywoodand Vine. I drove down a Hollywood
and Vine. Then I went todinner, and all during dinner I felt
(12:16):
as if I'd forgotten something. Thento a movie, and all through the
movie I closed though I'd forgotten something. Then I drove up to Griffith Park
and I started to neck, andI still felt as if I had forgotten
something. Then I went home andI remembered what I forgot? What was
I forgot to pick up the girl? And each week at this time,
(12:39):
the Abbot and Costello Show presents ourfeature singer, and here he is,
Ladies and gentlemen, how it iswith Maddie Malnick and his orchestra. Rush
those tears from your eye, thentry to real life and fabby Age in
(13:01):
my heart for you. Brush thosetears, strong your eyes, and try
to realize that from my an ona way be true. I went away,
(13:24):
but I didn't mean to stay,and I will regret it until my
dying day. Brush those tears andstrong your eyes and try to realize fatty
Age in my heart for you Iwent away, but I don't understand me,
(13:54):
and I will regret it until mydomesday. Brush those teeth from your
damn fine in my heart for you. Well, Cassello, we're going to
(14:28):
do a murder mystery. We leada leading lady. Now, how about
that blonde actress you're so crazy about? How are you going with her?
Anymore of it? We had anargument about mustaches. She likes him and
I don't you mean she wanted youto grow a mustache? No, I
wanted her to shave shave hers off. I thought she was rather pretty.
(14:52):
She has such fairly white teeth.Yes, And when we broke up,
I asked her for a picture ofher face so I can remember her lovely
teeth. Well, did she giveyou the pick? She didn't have a
picture, so she gave me theteeth. Oh, we've got to have
a leading lady. Wait a minute, how about that little brunette actress?
No, I'm at at her too. We had a date at Hollywood and
Vine last week and she stood meup. Did you tell her off?
(15:13):
I'll say I did. I said, how dare you stand me up at
Hollywood and Vine? And she saidI was She was sorry and now we
have an understanding. You add,now she's gonna stand me up at sunset
and vine. That's all. Ithink. This idea for doing detective stories
is going to be a flop.You know nothing about detectives, and my
whole family were detectives. App Butmy uncle Tom was smart as a whip.
(15:33):
But they threw him off the forest. Why they found out? They
weren't very many smart whips. Idon't believe that. Why did Tom really
get thrown off the force. Well, if you must know, he was
taking bribes. He used to putthe money in his shoes and the chief
found it out if he put themoney in his shoes, how did the
(15:54):
chief find out he got eighteen inchestoller the first week? Who else is
your family with detectives? Well,my twin uncles, Guss and Billy,
they joined the force on the sameday Billy's. Billy's first assignment was to
find a Gorgeou secretary who had stolenthe million dollars from her boss. What
was Gus's first assignment to find Billy? For any of the other Castellers detectives.
(16:18):
Yes, two of my cousins,Burton Harry. They were working on
a case. At the racetrack.They had a final gang that was dope
and horses. Difficult case, verydifficult. Difficult, Yeah, very difficult.
Burton Harry disguised themselves as a horseand slipping the stables. One night
a guy came along and jabbed themfull of dope. What did they do?
What could they do? They camein third and paid to waiting.
(16:40):
Oh never mind that. What isyour Sam Shefful story for the night.
It's one of my most famous cases. I call it the case of the
boy named Tony whose mother kept himlocked in a closet or Tony's home permanent.
Sounds interesting, Well, let's geton with the gates. Now represent
(17:07):
the adventures of Sam Shovel Master Detective, brought to you by Army Surplus Sails.
And here is today's radio special,something no housewife should be without.
Yes, today you can buy FortDicks. So rush over to Army Surplus
(17:32):
Sales and buy Fort Dicks free athome in surprise the little woman. And
remember when you buy, insist onthe genuine Fort Dicks. Do not accept
march Field. And now for theadventures of Sand shovel riv At Detective Man.
(18:04):
I'm Sam Shovel, Private Detective.I'm sitting in my little office down
by the waterfront, all by myself, playing Jin run me the hard way,
the hard way without carts. I'vebeen playing for two hours and I
owe myself nine hundred dollars and I'mworried. I know I'm not good for
(18:30):
it. Being a private detective isn'ta bad record. I remember the first
day I opened this detective office.I threw a party. What a party.
I bought a cart and a beer, and as I was carrying it
up the stairs, I tripped.All the bottles were broken, beer was
(18:51):
leaking all over me. Everybody cheeredand congratulated me. I had broken my
first case. As I'm sitting herenow, I feel something keeping up behind
(19:11):
me. It's Lieutenant Habbit of theHomicides Bijura, the man who's single handed
caught baby Face Nelson, baby FaceCoppa, and baby Face Brown, which
wasn't too difficult considering they were allbabies. Detective Abbit speaks, Hello,
(19:33):
Sam Shovel. Why it's dark inhere? Why don't you pull up the
shades? Okay, I will,Sam, It's still dark in here.
I know I don't have any windows, just look at your office and all
(20:00):
herring barrel for a chair, asoapbox for a desk, a rugged made
out of old noosepapers. Yes,you may not believe this, lieutenant.
Five years ago I started up withnothing. Look I se you got another
(20:23):
fight? Come on, look out, hey, look somebody made a bullet
hole in the ceiling, just missedkilling me. How could a bullet shot
at the ceiling hurt you? IfI happened to be sitting on a chandler,
I would have been killed, shovel? What made you go into this
(20:48):
dangerous business? The prizes? There'sprizes in the detective business. Sure,
if I'm lucky, I might getto be ellery queen for a day.
They're awake? What was that?Oh? Just the backfire of an automobile?
(21:21):
What was that? That must beone of the tires yelling for help.
That sound came from the building nextstar? Who occupies it? The
Universal International Overseas Interstate Trucking Company?Where did they ship to Glendale? We
better go next door and investigate it? Maybe the killer? Where did I
(21:41):
get my weapons? My gun,my black jack and today's newspaper? Today's
today's newspaper is a weapon. IfI miss with a gun in the black
jack. I'll show him the headlinesin the paper and he'll worry himself to
death. That's all. There's aman on the floor. He's in trouble.
(22:07):
What happened, mister, Oh,I've been stabbed. They put a
bullet in my shoulder, a daggerin my back, and all my ribs
are broken. Doesn't hurt only whenit's a durk, mistering, only when
(22:27):
I laugh, Come man, tellus or stab you? It was it
was this. This man is dead. We've got We've got to find out
(22:52):
who the killer is. I know. I'll ask perm in the stool pigeon.
He'll sell us the information. Whatmakes you so sure? You well?
For money? Herman would sell hisown grandmother Adianl I bought her three
times already well. I left LieutenantAbbot, and when looking for hermanos stool
(23:18):
pigeon, I'm in a trip tothe Los Angeles Waterfront, the toughest part
of town. What a tough neighborhood, the only place in Los Angeles where
the pedestrians knocked the cars down.I was scared, plenty scared. My
throat was so dry I could feelthe seeds and my Adam's Apple. I
(23:41):
drew my trusty Revolver. I didn'tknow whether to put it in my holster
in my pocket, and I decidedto check if the gun was loaded.
I held it against my head andpulled the trigger, putting the gun in
the hole in my head. Istarted for the docks. Suddenly, suddenly,
(24:18):
I've heard a voice. What areyou up like that for? Sam?
What? It's me, Detective Abbott. It's dark. I can't see
you. I'm here on the wallon the what wha wha wha, I
can't hear a word you're saying.As a dog barking someplace. I looked
(24:44):
up waterfront. Little was standing besideme. She was more beautiful than ever.
She spoke. Hello, Sam,Hello missus waterfront call me Liard.
You gorgeous hunky man. Okay,you're gorgeous hunkle man. Never mind in
the romance. And Sam, you'vegot to find out if she's a smuggler.
(25:08):
Okay, b Sceptle. Don't lether know you're after information. Okay,
take it easy, all right,Okay, Lele, are you a
smuggler? Dam? I'll tell youif you promised not to turn me over
to the police. I'll promise youwon't turn me over. Why should I
turn you over? You can't lookany better on the other side. Well,
(25:37):
I got you at last. I'mtaking you in. Oh, no,
you're not. You'll never take mealive. Hand put the handcuffs on
her. She got me. I'mshocked. Oh, I'm sorry, Sam?
Quick, Will Tenant call an ambulance. We'll take Sam to the hospital.
No, no, not the ambulance. Sam, don't don't you don't
you want to go to the hospital. Yes, but I ain't writing.
No ambulance to that Los Angeles traffic. A man can can peel that way.
(26:00):
I'll walk get him out of it. He cast like tom Boys.
We'll have a curtain called by Abbottand Costello after a final reminder on this
subject, Well, Costella, youcertainly gave a brilliant performance a Sam shovel
(27:30):
tonight. Thank you, budd happenyou're full of pep. Yes, so
you certainly were ever festened tonight?Did you ever see me when I ever
fustened? Ever fustened? Now Iknow what happened to Baron Munchhausen's writers.
We've got him riding saded by Eddiefallen with Paul Colin, Pat Castella,
(27:56):
and our producers Charles Vanda. GoodNight, Faulk and I. Everybody listen
each Thursday Night at this time foranother great Abbot and Costello show, produced
and transcribed in Hollywood. Be sureto stay tuned with the outstanding entertainment which
(28:17):
follows throughout the evening on this ABCstation.
Hey, ammut, what time isit? It's time for the Abant Costello
Show. We're on the air forABC here in Hollywood, waiting for Let's
go with the abond custoll. Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello Show,
(00:25):
producing transcribe in Hollywood. You're listeningand laughing pleasure chuckles with a car lood
and music by Mattie Meldang. It'sall hold on to get chairs, bogs.
Where who they are? What?Aban and Loo Costello? Lass?
(00:50):
About time you've got here? Wherewere you? Well? I went to
the y w C a girls playplay softball and one girl was running the
third base. She slipped the fellin land and my lapin. Boy was
I mad? Why the Empire mademe put back in the game? What's
she a pretty girl? Oh?Pretty? But she was gorgeous? I
mean a day? Would her afterthe game and put it? Did she
send me? Did? Yeah?But when I got back she wasn't there?
(01:19):
Castella, Why do you keep annoyingevery girl that's you meet? Who
do you think you are? HasAnolva? Who do I think? I?
Whope? Who do you think youare? Has another as Anolva?
I mean not be Casnova. Butpeople say that I'm as good looking mis
Van Johnson, who says that,how do I know? Do you think
I go around heaves dropping? ButI see such a pretty girl. Why
(01:40):
didn't you propose to her? Married? I can't marry her. I don't
know anything about her. What differencedoes that make? And then figure a
man doesn't even know his wife untilafter he marries her. What do you
mean in Africa, you dope?You only even know what marriage is?
Yes, I do. Marriage isa friendship that got out of control.
(02:10):
Costelli. You shouldn't have any troubleagainst Hello. You shouldn't have any drum
getting married. Do you know thatout here in Hollywood there are two girls
for every man? Two girls forevery man? Are you sure? Sty?
Then some dirty sneakers got four?Castelli has no use. You'll never
(02:32):
get a girl until you settle downand become a man of regular habit.
I am a man of regular habits. And how come you were out until
four o'clock this morning with that redheadthat lives next door. That's one of
my regular habits, That's all.I can't understand how girls grew out with
you in the first plage habit.It's my terrific magnetism. You've got magnetism.
(02:52):
Yes, last week I picked uptwo blondes, a redhead, a
brunnet and a rusty nail. Right, why don't you be like me?
Costello? I've got away with women. You haven't got away with many lately.
That I happened to be the reasonthat women leave home. Yes,
the day you were born. Youmight have took one look at you,
and she hasn't been back since Iasked. The boys are on the beam
(03:23):
tonight, and they'll be back onit in just about one minute. At
first, let's hear this gotch stella. When you stop that walking up and
(04:44):
down? What's the matter with you? What are you worried about? Last
night? My uncle Mike was robbedwhile he was asleep. Bawn, I
wait a minute. I could youruncle mikeld be robbed. He's got all
his money sewing up in his longunderwear. Oh yes, well it was
a hot night and he left theback door of the bank open. Don't
tell him, lady, All right, that's no reason why you should worry.
(05:08):
No, no, But when Iget on the next page, I'll
find out. Why not find out? Oh no, well, I got
plenty of reasons. Saturday, Saturdaynight, they arrested my uncle, Jim
Kelly. He broke into a grocerystore and he stole three hundred and ninety
dollars. Why did you do it? The poor guy was hungry. Well,
if he was hungry, why didn'the steal all? Why did you
steal money, lou Why didn't hesteal some groceries or something. He's a
(05:29):
proud man abbot. He likes topay for everything he gets. And besides,
he needs some money to buy anew car. Wait a minute,
he'd be better off without a car, because it's it's very dangerous driving in
California. You're tell him me.In Los Angeles, you have to drive
for five people, the one infront of you, the one in back
of here, and the ones oneach side of you. Oh wait a
(05:51):
minute, that's only poor cars.Who where's the fifth? She'll pull out
in front of you any minute.Well, I have it. I gotta
leave now. I got a newjob with my brother, a pat in
the trucking business. Has he gothis own truck? Yeah, hey,
(06:11):
you should see it. Have it? It's one inch wide in the block
along a truck and inch widing ablock along. Why does he delivering the
spaghetti's pretty? Next week he's gotto buy a round truck around truck Bode
four says, is your brother Patmaking any wanting in the trucking business?
Loop? Oh? Yeah, shedid so good last week that he bought
his wife one of those new electricblankets. Saved her a lot of time
(06:33):
around the house. I waited andhauging an electric blanket help her with the
work around the house. Well,she takes the eggs and the bacon to
bed with her, and when shouldgets up in the morning, breakfast is
ready. That electric blanket is makinga very popular tool. What do you
mean last night she turned it ontoo high? And now yes, she's
the toast of the town. Almosta gusto, almost a gusto. I've
(06:59):
gotta talk. I've got a greatidea. Wait a minute, mister,
what's the idea of breaking and herelike this? Oh, I've got an
idea that will make you told almostpopular comedy team in radio. What is
it. I'll step your name underthis first brick car in the country.
Wait a minute, wait, an, how'll that make us popular? Well,
at least you'll have all the farmerspulling for you. Hello, boy?
(07:21):
Well, well it's Susan Miller.Susan. I'm certainly glad you shut
up tonight because I'm gonna sing aduel with you. Just Tello, you
mean a duet. A duel iswhere somebody gets hurt. You never sang
with me, did you? Now? When did you become a singer?
(07:43):
Cass Tello? Well, I don'tlike a brag, But would you believe
that I thought being crossed you howto sing? No? I wouldn't.
You're right, but once in awhile I catch a sucker. I tell
how you don't know the first thingabout music. Well, I'll have you
know what. I studied music now. I went to singing school. I
used to study until I was bluein the face, and then the teacher
sending me with a medal for beingthe best singer in the class, No,
for having the bluest face. Well, I've got to go now,
(08:11):
boyd, I'm going swimming down atthe beach. I bought one of those
new French bathing suits, comes equippedwith a shoehorn and a hack saw.
Why did they give you a shoehornand a hack saw with a bathing suit?
Well, shoehorn gets me into thebathing suit, and after I wear
it, I don't need the hacksaw to get me out of jail.
(08:33):
You know, there's got a nicekid at it. The only thing is
she's money mad. Money man.Yeah, she's mad because I ain't got
no money. I so what remember, Costella, Money isn't everything. You
know, you can't take it withyou. It's nice to have it here
so you can say goodbye to it. You know, my family has always
had money. In fact, myuncle Rudolph was one of the first gold
(08:56):
miners in California. One day whenhe was in my digging for gold,
he was killed by a falling space. A falling spade killed my uncle Tom.
Was he a gold miner? No, he was killed by the ash
of spades. That thought of hissleeve and a poker game. Cost tell
you will ever have for you aboutmoney As long as I got it,
We're pals, share and share alike. Well, I feel the same way
(09:20):
about you have it. That's swell. You mean you'd share everything you have
with me. If you had twocars, you'd give me one. Sure,
if you had two houses, you'dgive one of them to me.
I certainly would and if you hadtwo department stores, you'd you'd give me
one. Yes, sir, we'repals, share and share alike. Swell,
if you had two dollars, wouldyou give me one? No?
(09:41):
Why because I've got two dollars.Oh that's the way of la. I
thought I was your pal. Areyou trying to tell me that the money
means more to you than I do? I didn't say that happened? Well,
(10:03):
does it? Yes? That settlesat costellos. I'm going on my
vacation your New Jersey, and I'mnot taking eel with me. Who wants
to go to New Jersey? Now? When we were there last, some
of the mosquitos were so big theywere carrying baseball bats. I woke up
(10:24):
in the middle of the night andtwo of them were sitting on my stomach
holding a conversation. I don't besilly. Who mosquitoes can talk? Don't
tell me these two were certainly two. In the fact, you're idiot.
The only mosquitoes adite are female.All mosquitoes. Well, the one that
nipped me when I was bending overthe tie of my shoe was no lady.
(10:50):
The night your uncle Roy got drunkthe mosquitoes were biting him all night,
and it kept me awake. Well, if they were biting him,
why did keep you away? Well, they'd bite him and then come over
and sit on my bed. Hiccup, Well, Castell on second pot,
I don't think i'll go to NewJerry doet. I need a complete breast
(11:11):
where nobody would bother me, wherethe name bud Abbott means nothing. Oh,
you're staying in town. Ain't nevermind that? Where are you going?
Well, I think I'll go toHonolulu. Last time I was here,
I met a beautiful made up girl. She was gorgeous and what a
figure. All day she'd walk aroundcarrying a big basket on her head.
(11:33):
Then at night she'd sneak off andshe'd meet me. Ah, brother,
she taught me plenty she did.Yes, you should see me carry a
basket on my head. Never mindthat. Have you been getting plenty of
rest? No? And I've beenhaving a lot of trouble going asleep.
Last night. I didn't fall asleepfor eleven o'clock. What time did you
(11:54):
go to bed? Five minutes toeleven? Castella, you need a vacation.
You've got to stop running around girls. It's affecting your brain. I
think you're right up. I knowit. Last night I had a date
to pick up a girl at Hollywoodand Vine. I drove down a Hollywood
and Vine. Then I went todinner, and all during dinner I felt
(12:16):
as if I'd forgotten something. Thento a movie, and all through the
movie I closed though I'd forgotten something. Then I drove up to Griffith Park
and I started to neck, andI still felt as if I had forgotten
something. Then I went home andI remembered what I forgot? What was
I forgot to pick up the girl? And each week at this time,
(12:39):
the Abbot and Costello Show presents ourfeature singer, and here he is,
Ladies and gentlemen, how it iswith Maddie Malnick and his orchestra. Rush
those tears from your eye, thentry to real life and fabby Age in
(13:01):
my heart for you. Brush thosetears, strong your eyes, and try
to realize that from my an ona way be true. I went away,
(13:24):
but I didn't mean to stay,and I will regret it until my
dying day. Brush those tears andstrong your eyes and try to realize fatty
Age in my heart for you Iwent away, but I don't understand me,
(13:54):
and I will regret it until mydomesday. Brush those teeth from your
damn fine in my heart for you. Well, Cassello, we're going to
(14:28):
do a murder mystery. We leada leading lady. Now, how about
that blonde actress you're so crazy about? How are you going with her?
Anymore of it? We had anargument about mustaches. She likes him and
I don't you mean she wanted youto grow a mustache? No, I
wanted her to shave shave hers off. I thought she was rather pretty.
(14:52):
She has such fairly white teeth.Yes, And when we broke up,
I asked her for a picture ofher face so I can remember her lovely
teeth. Well, did she giveyou the pick? She didn't have a
picture, so she gave me theteeth. Oh, we've got to have
a leading lady. Wait a minute, how about that little brunette actress?
No, I'm at at her too. We had a date at Hollywood and
Vine last week and she stood meup. Did you tell her off?
(15:13):
I'll say I did. I said, how dare you stand me up at
Hollywood and Vine? And she saidI was She was sorry and now we
have an understanding. You add,now she's gonna stand me up at sunset
and vine. That's all. Ithink. This idea for doing detective stories
is going to be a flop.You know nothing about detectives, and my
whole family were detectives. App Butmy uncle Tom was smart as a whip.
(15:33):
But they threw him off the forest. Why they found out? They
weren't very many smart whips. Idon't believe that. Why did Tom really
get thrown off the force. Well, if you must know, he was
taking bribes. He used to putthe money in his shoes and the chief
found it out if he put themoney in his shoes, how did the
(15:54):
chief find out he got eighteen inchestoller the first week? Who else is
your family with detectives? Well,my twin uncles, Guss and Billy,
they joined the force on the sameday Billy's. Billy's first assignment was to
find a Gorgeou secretary who had stolenthe million dollars from her boss. What
was Gus's first assignment to find Billy? For any of the other Castellers detectives.
(16:18):
Yes, two of my cousins,Burton Harry. They were working on
a case. At the racetrack.They had a final gang that was dope
and horses. Difficult case, verydifficult. Difficult, Yeah, very difficult.
Burton Harry disguised themselves as a horseand slipping the stables. One night
a guy came along and jabbed themfull of dope. What did they do?
What could they do? They camein third and paid to waiting.
(16:40):
Oh never mind that. What isyour Sam Shefful story for the night.
It's one of my most famous cases. I call it the case of the
boy named Tony whose mother kept himlocked in a closet or Tony's home permanent.
Sounds interesting, Well, let's geton with the gates. Now represent
(17:07):
the adventures of Sam Shovel Master Detective, brought to you by Army Surplus Sails.
And here is today's radio special,something no housewife should be without.
Yes, today you can buy FortDicks. So rush over to Army Surplus
(17:32):
Sales and buy Fort Dicks free athome in surprise the little woman. And
remember when you buy, insist onthe genuine Fort Dicks. Do not accept
march Field. And now for theadventures of Sand shovel riv At Detective Man.
(18:04):
I'm Sam Shovel, Private Detective.I'm sitting in my little office down
by the waterfront, all by myself, playing Jin run me the hard way,
the hard way without carts. I'vebeen playing for two hours and I
owe myself nine hundred dollars and I'mworried. I know I'm not good for
(18:30):
it. Being a private detective isn'ta bad record. I remember the first
day I opened this detective office.I threw a party. What a party.
I bought a cart and a beer, and as I was carrying it
up the stairs, I tripped.All the bottles were broken, beer was
(18:51):
leaking all over me. Everybody cheeredand congratulated me. I had broken my
first case. As I'm sitting herenow, I feel something keeping up behind
(19:11):
me. It's Lieutenant Habbit of theHomicides Bijura, the man who's single handed
caught baby Face Nelson, baby FaceCoppa, and baby Face Brown, which
wasn't too difficult considering they were allbabies. Detective Abbit speaks, Hello,
(19:33):
Sam Shovel. Why it's dark inhere? Why don't you pull up the
shades? Okay, I will,Sam, It's still dark in here.
I know I don't have any windows, just look at your office and all
(20:00):
herring barrel for a chair, asoapbox for a desk, a rugged made
out of old noosepapers. Yes,you may not believe this, lieutenant.
Five years ago I started up withnothing. Look I se you got another
(20:23):
fight? Come on, look out, hey, look somebody made a bullet
hole in the ceiling, just missedkilling me. How could a bullet shot
at the ceiling hurt you? IfI happened to be sitting on a chandler,
I would have been killed, shovel? What made you go into this
(20:48):
dangerous business? The prizes? There'sprizes in the detective business. Sure,
if I'm lucky, I might getto be ellery queen for a day.
They're awake? What was that?Oh? Just the backfire of an automobile?
(21:21):
What was that? That must beone of the tires yelling for help.
That sound came from the building nextstar? Who occupies it? The
Universal International Overseas Interstate Trucking Company?Where did they ship to Glendale? We
better go next door and investigate it? Maybe the killer? Where did I
(21:41):
get my weapons? My gun,my black jack and today's newspaper? Today's
today's newspaper is a weapon. IfI miss with a gun in the black
jack. I'll show him the headlinesin the paper and he'll worry himself to
death. That's all. There's aman on the floor. He's in trouble.
(22:07):
What happened, mister, Oh,I've been stabbed. They put a
bullet in my shoulder, a daggerin my back, and all my ribs
are broken. Doesn't hurt only whenit's a durk, mistering, only when
(22:27):
I laugh, Come man, tellus or stab you? It was it
was this. This man is dead. We've got We've got to find out
(22:52):
who the killer is. I know. I'll ask perm in the stool pigeon.
He'll sell us the information. Whatmakes you so sure? You well?
For money? Herman would sell hisown grandmother Adianl I bought her three
times already well. I left LieutenantAbbot, and when looking for hermanos stool
(23:18):
pigeon, I'm in a trip tothe Los Angeles Waterfront, the toughest part
of town. What a tough neighborhood, the only place in Los Angeles where
the pedestrians knocked the cars down.I was scared, plenty scared. My
throat was so dry I could feelthe seeds and my Adam's Apple. I
(23:41):
drew my trusty Revolver. I didn'tknow whether to put it in my holster
in my pocket, and I decidedto check if the gun was loaded.
I held it against my head andpulled the trigger, putting the gun in
the hole in my head. Istarted for the docks. Suddenly, suddenly,
(24:18):
I've heard a voice. What areyou up like that for? Sam?
What? It's me, Detective Abbott. It's dark. I can't see
you. I'm here on the wallon the what wha wha wha, I
can't hear a word you're saying.As a dog barking someplace. I looked
(24:44):
up waterfront. Little was standing besideme. She was more beautiful than ever.
She spoke. Hello, Sam,Hello missus waterfront call me Liard.
You gorgeous hunky man. Okay,you're gorgeous hunkle man. Never mind in
the romance. And Sam, you'vegot to find out if she's a smuggler.
(25:08):
Okay, b Sceptle. Don't lether know you're after information. Okay,
take it easy, all right,Okay, Lele, are you a
smuggler? Dam? I'll tell youif you promised not to turn me over
to the police. I'll promise youwon't turn me over. Why should I
turn you over? You can't lookany better on the other side. Well,
(25:37):
I got you at last. I'mtaking you in. Oh, no,
you're not. You'll never take mealive. Hand put the handcuffs on
her. She got me. I'mshocked. Oh, I'm sorry, Sam?
Quick, Will Tenant call an ambulance. We'll take Sam to the hospital.
No, no, not the ambulance. Sam, don't don't you don't
you want to go to the hospital. Yes, but I ain't writing.
No ambulance to that Los Angeles traffic. A man can can peel that way.
(26:00):
I'll walk get him out of it. He cast like tom Boys.
We'll have a curtain called by Abbottand Costello after a final reminder on this
subject, Well, Costella, youcertainly gave a brilliant performance a Sam shovel
(27:30):
tonight. Thank you, budd happenyou're full of pep. Yes, so
you certainly were ever festened tonight?Did you ever see me when I ever
fustened? Ever fustened? Now Iknow what happened to Baron Munchhausen's writers.
We've got him riding saded by Eddiefallen with Paul Colin, Pat Castella,
(27:56):
and our producers Charles Vanda. GoodNight, Faulk and I. Everybody listen
each Thursday Night at this time foranother great Abbot and Costello show, produced
and transcribed in Hollywood. Be sureto stay tuned with the outstanding entertainment which
(28:17):
follows throughout the evening on this ABCstation.
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