Episode Transcript
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From Land States Naval Hospital at Drona, Califoint. Sorrying Francis Langford with Mike
Jones. They study slickers Tony Romano. I'm Ken Carpenter and our special guest
mister Charlie Ruggles. And here's Francis. Today we're in the place the men
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call the most beautiful hospital in America. One man told me, if you've
got to get it, this isthe spot to get over it. Really
it's lovely. You see. Thisused to be the Norconian Club, an
expensive spot where people who could affordanything relaxed in the most beautiful and luxurious
surrounding. And Corona is still aluxurious haven for these men who could take
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it. And did I am sureI speak for the entire nation men when
I say we salute you, andhere's my part of that salt. Grab
your coat and get your high leaveyour worrys on the door stands. Just
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direct your being to the sunny sideof the street, can't you hear?
I hit up pie and not happyyou is your stands? And I got
me so sweet on the sunnyside ofthe street. I used to walk in
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the shame Wimble's blue are array,but no, not afraid. This is
Rover crossed over. If I neverhave a I come, my, ba,
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my, oh my, go tostand my fee on the sunny side
on the street. I used todrive through the shape with those blue on
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but not a brain. I'm skippingthrough Glover since the roma fromed Over and
say if I never had a sameho did you was as rich? And
mister Rocabella, go to stand myfeet on the sunny side. Don't hide
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from the sunny side of the step. I want everyone to know how happy
I am that our music be playedby my very very good friend Spike Jones.
Francis, are you really that gladto have my music? Really,
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Spike, she doesn't know us verywell? Does she feel foony? Spike?
After traveling in different directions, wefinally got together. Well, you
know something, I just missed youbetween New York and Kansas City, really,
and I missed you again between SaltLake City and San Francisco. But
we finally caught up with last summer. You know, I was singing in
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the South Pacific. Well the CitySlickers and I were playing in Europe,
and I know I heard you andyou're in the City Snickers. A schedule
to play a number right now.Well, I guess in that case,
I better get going. H Inthat case, so will I. Oh,
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Laura is the face, mister larfootsteps that you heard on the far
floats on a summer night. Butyou can never reply, recall and you
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see Laura on the train with us, passing through those eyes? How familiarly
see he gave your very first kissto you. That was Laura, But
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she's old. Weal dream why?Well, by golly, if that was
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music. My name is not Charlierug Well, Charlie, be glad to
have you with us here at theCorona Naval Hospital. Well, a criminal
always returns to the scene of hiscrime. You know, I was once
an intern. Oh no, really, Charlie. Why did you take medicine
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whenever they held my nose? Oh? Oh, pardon me, I see
what you mean. Oh, itwas a long time ago, Kenelworth,
before they knew as much about anatomyas they do now, and I was
fascinated by its possibility. Oh,I see where did you study anatomy?
Next to the runway at Minsky's,Say, mister Ruggles, If you're really
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a doctor, I wish you'd examineme. Oh, Charlie, this is
Spike Jones. Did you say Spikeor Spook? Oh? Won't you please
examine me? No, I'm sorry, old boy. I never do a
postmartem now. Look it's it's myears, you know. I think maybe
I'm getting deaf. I can't hearmy band as well as I used to.
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May I be the first to congratulateyou, Charlie. That isn't like
you. Why don't you try tohelp him? Oh? Please? Do
you see the doctors here at Coronaare not allowed to examine me because I'm
not in the navy. Oh whata lucky break for the navy. Well
I could help with the examination,Charlie. You see, I'm a nurse's
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aide, and I'll be your consultant. In school, I was very good
at higie. Oh really really,it doesn't show please jolly well, I
guess yes. Well, if youinsist, well, good the work.
Can we borrow some instrument? No? No, I don't need instruments?
Can I don't need him? I'man old ambulance case. Yeah, I
mean an ambulance doctor part of me. Yeah, I just improvise, you
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know. It just occurred to me. Maybe I'm taking a big chance,
mister Ruggles. How do I knowyou're a doctor? Well, we're both
taking a big chance. How doI know you're sick? You're not?
Tell me, spook spire. Thistrouble with your hearing? Is it chronic?
Oh no, it bothers me allthe time. Say bothers you all
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the time. But make a noteof that with your nurse case. Thank
you, thank you. Now,then let's proceed with examination. But be
careful. I'll watch out for hisheart. I'll watch his lungs, and
i'll watch his hands, doctor,doctor kappaners. Doctor, you take the
right here, and i'll take theleft here, and i'll date the nurse
up before you. I'm looking atis right here, doctor, and I'm
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looking at his left ear. Ohdoctor, yes, pekaboo? Oh my
oh my, oh what do youthink doctor? I agree with you?
Doctor? Oh that's bad, doctor, Why I was going to agree with
you. You know something, I'mgoing to feel funny. Well, you
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just hold my hand and relax.Oh can't do boo. Well, now
get a good grip on yourself.My boy, this may hurt a little.
You see, I haven't a hyponeedle, so I'm going to give
you a good deep jab with thissharp pencil. I don't get the point,
doctor, Yeah, I know,but he will. Do you have
to do that? Doctor? Supposeyou make a mistake. Well, the
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pencil has an eraser. But doctor, isn't there some way we could give
him an anesthetic? Can I gethim something that would put him to sleep?
YEA send for the sharp patrol?No, no, not that I'll
suffer. So now come come now, young man. Now you see I
found out something about you already?You need iron I do you do?
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Definitely? Here swallow this nail filenow. Now we need something to hold
his tongue down while I look athis throat. What would you care to
try this shoe horn? Doctor?Well, I don't mind if I do.
Thank you very much? His horneda shoe Thank you? M Well,
all right, open your mouth widenow it's the jones. Open your
mouth wi oh you can do better, man, Come on, open it
up, whiter, whiter? Wowah, that's it. Well, now,
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what's what's the matter with you?It's nothing but a shoehorn? Doctor,
hadn't you better take it out ofthe shoe? I join you never
thought of that, doctor, AmI in very bad shape. I have
so many reasons to live. Nameone. You're not really gonna operate,
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are you? I'm afraid so,my boy, doctor Cobner, would you
like to help with the operations.Certainly, I'm entitled to my cut.
Please don't operate? Well, whyshouldn't we? What have we got to
lose? Me? Well? Inthat case is where to try? Now?
Look, I can see you're agood doctor. I'm no fool.
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The question is are you a goodsurgeon? You're sure you know what you're
doing. Well, that's rather impertinentquestion, my boy. But put your
mind at rest, because here's whatwe're going to do. We're going to
act, saying you at the classicallamb mind the oracle, take on all
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the ventricles and get your tonsils.In between, we're gonna check on your
metabolism. Lambs. Fix you arefor romatism. Fucking you're a stigmatism.
Don't act with nursy in between.Jeu straight our skill Galore ruggles has the
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knife spike is on the floor.We let me go and I will never
complain no more, no more,no Hey, We've got to act and
to the classical Laman the oracles dayand other ventricles. Don't leave your derby
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in between. Oh no, don'tleave your derby in bete if we small
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of you to join us here,Charley, but I wish you'd stick around
Corona and learn a little more aboutmedicine in the meantime, he spikes,
didn't you ban? And it's alla lot of them in here of asking
for all of my life, Ijust want the right to love you,
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oh my life. You're the rightto take care of you all of my
life. I just war the rightto be near you always, to be
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left cheering everything and strong. Lifecan be a simple and the live right
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lola A Monday Tuesday Wednesday? Ohhow the time time? And I just
want the right game, oh mylife, with all my fun, for
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all of my life, my Sunday, Monday Tuesday, well make it all.
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I just want the right to game. Oh my mon? Were my
more? You say, Bike,I've been wanting to ask you something all
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day. Well, Francis, ifit's about who does my hair, I
do it myself now. I meanwhen we're running through the ward this morning,
as we passed from bed to bed, you'd say hi, your sailor
Hi. Eleven next, Hi,you sailor, hire you eleven ext how'd
you know which ones were sailors andwhich were marines? They all were in
hospital clothes. Well, the sailor'shospital gall and spit tighter across the hips,
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Spike, I hope, I lookall right. I was in such
a hurry to get here today.I just threw myself together. Well,
I don't know everything landed in theright places. I can if he cities
liquors could only play the right notesthe way you say the right thing,
Spike, you'd be Toscanini. Well, no, Francis, If I were
Toscanini, what would I do withall those carbets? I don't know that
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you what you do with him now? And besides, I'd like to hear
del porter sing I started in arunning, and he heard the whistle blow.
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The postman brought on a letter,an airmail from our jewelry. I
said, I've come back. Sleep. When from across the orcan blue and
moss called males Aberney hummed out loudleaves, the dishes in the sin,
the dishes in the sink. He'ssturdy, flat, will half to wait
the night. We're gonna celebrate thedishes in the sea. I started in
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a jiggen my tosh, he canwait. I'm going down the cellar.
Called their slider in the cake,maloney's in the ice box, and they're
cheese and pickles too. We're callingall the neighbors. Called tonight, third
night, God, leave the dishesin the sin, the dishes in the
sink. He's sturdy plate will haveto wait to night. We're gonna celebrate
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the dishes in the thin old s. I began a begun, and Grandma
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took his pulled off and he apartners. Everyone to reach. One picked
a partner, and they counted outone dude and marsh broke up pretty.
They all hollered out the discious inthe same Leave the dishes in the sea.
He's dirty plays a half to waitthe night? Are got celebrate,
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leave the dishes in the sea.And while he over dancing, the door
flew open, wine and everybody stoppedhim. Sergeant Joy stepped inside. He
shot it out at tension, andeverybody knew the father with the dishes was
not the thing to do. Thedishes in the same dishes He's dirty played,
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will half to wait the night.The leaves and the scene more and
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more is part of mine from fetchmore and more, I'm parting more war
by the brother of your side,m I have a blue of your eyes.
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More and more, I find itmore than ramming to share the stream
that needed will falling more and more. I'm less and less unwelling to give
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up, wanting more and more ofyou. More and more, I find
it more than ramming to share thisdreamed more and more. Less and less
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I'll give up walking more and moremore a you, Spike has woven together
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a group of Johnny Mercer songs,fea during Tony Romano, a new Spike
Jones band. When you get readyfor me, Spike, you can just
wade men. He is Tony.You must have been a beautiful baby.
You must have been a wonderful childwhen you were only starting to go to
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kindergarten. I'll bet you draw thelittle boys wild, and when it came
to winning blue ribbons, you musthave shown the other kid's heart. I
can see the judge's eyes as hehanded you the prize. I'll bet you
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made the cutest bar. Oh,you must have been aute, beautiful fab
baby. Cause baby, take alook at you now. Here comes the
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song the boys and the Lusian hasnever stopped asking for back in nineteen forty
one to worrying. She is allthe clay webers a night and loops as
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bride as flame. She dances bySaniori a stair and copple Ye see to
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en ra devery bar across the archchante. Yeah she high, Butterfield belong to
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time. Thanks from all of us, fellas. I've seen some of you
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before today. You know, I'mhoping I kind of got around. There
are a couple of marines here.I remember Tracy Morris, good old tidy
from Southwest City, Missouri and BillyMcDonald from deep in the heart of Long
Botape. They're both PFCs. They'reboth twenty years old. They both got
it on Taipans. They both haveJAF on middle initials, and they were
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both an AA Heights Receiving hospital inthe Hawaii when Bob and I were there
last summer. On that day,all those who could walk were allowed to
come to the show. But Billand time he still looked a little too
weak to their CEO, so hesaid no. But they're marines, and
God bless them. They beat therap and game in there all. I
love these guys, I love allof them. Good Night. This is
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the Army Worsens Radio Show. The