October 24, 2024 • 11 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ready for this. Today we're diving deep into how to
deal with disagreements. But get this using strategies from sunsues
the Art of war.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Ooh, tactical conflict resolution. I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Right, we're breaking down this article mastering conflict resolution with
ancient wisdom, which takes those battle tested tactics and well
it shows us how they apply to those everyday clashes
we all deal with, you know, at work, with family,
or even just dealing with well, you know that person.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Well, we all have those challenging personalities. That's actually really
interesting though, using the art of war for conflict resolution.
I'll be honest. When I first heard about this approach,
I pictured like, you know, verbal boxing loves not exactly
a peaceful.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Image, right, Like, are we going for the knockout punch
in an argument?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
But it's not like that, is it?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Not at all? Sun So wasn't about brute force. His
focus was on strategic thinking and diplomacy, truly understanding your opponent, which,
let's be honest, those are super valuable skills in any dis.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Agreement, right, Okay, So less about winning and more about
what outsmarting conflict altogether. Yeah, in a way, the article
talks about some really interesting principles like the power of
avoiding direct confrontation, think choosing your battle strategically and embracing
this thing they call strategic patience.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Hold on avoiding confrontation patience. Those don't exactly scream winning
to me, Tell me more.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Okay, so picture this. You're about to fire off that
superheated email to a coworker, Right, but what if instead
of hitting send, you take a moment? You know. The
article suggests that waiting for a calmer moment, or maybe
even just asking them to grab coffee and chat, can
totally change how things go. It's about approaching the situation
with a different energy, you know, one that's more likely
(01:46):
to lead to a real solution.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
It's like they say, don't go grocery shopping on an
empty stomach, don't try to resolve a conflict with a
full head of steam.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Right, yes, precisely. And that's just one example. This article
is packed with actionable stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Okay, well, let's unpack some of those takes. Let's start
with subtlety and diplomacy. I'm intrigued, but I need specifics.
What does that even look like in a real life disagreement?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, the article emphasizes this interesting paradox. Sometimes the most
effective way to extinguish a conflict is to resist, you know,
fighting fire with fire.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
So what no more metaphorical shouting.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Matches exactly direct confrontation. A lot of times it just
escalates the situation.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So then what's the alternative? If we're not, you know,
battling it out, what are we doing?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Well, instead of battling, think of it kind of like
a dance. A dance, Yeah, like a dance. One powerful
move the article highlights is empathetic listening. It's about really
tuning in to where the other person is coming from,
their perspective, their feelings, the whole nine yards.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
So put down the metaphoric boxing gloves and pick up
what a pair of noise canceling headphones.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Right, But it's not just about hearing, it's about truly understanding,
and then you can respond in a way that you know,
helps everyone understand each other better instead of just making
things worse.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay, so empathetic listening is key, Got gotcha? What else
does this diplomacy dance involve?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
So the article also talks about the importance of finding
common ground, like even in a heated argument. They are
usually at least some areas of agreement, right.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Right, Like, we both agree this situation is stressful, even
if we disagree on why it's stressed exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
You got it. By focusing on those shared goals or interests,
even if they seem small at first, you can shift
the energy away from that whole eye win you lose
thing to more of a how can we both get
what we need kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
It's teamwork, not combat. I like it. Okay, now this
next principle knowing your opponent. Initially this made me think
of like those cheesy spy movies, like do I need
to keep a secret file on everyone I disagree with?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I wish it were that simple, no need for espionage
just yet. But some su was really onto something here.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Okay, I'm listening.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
It's not about treating the other person like they're the enemy, right,
It's about understanding their motivations, what they desire, their concern like,
what makes them tick? You know, what are their underlying needs?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
So even if I don't agree with them, at least
I can approach the situation with a deeper understanding of.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Where they're coming from exactly, and that understanding can totally
change things. For example, let's say you're disagreeing with a
family member about some big decision.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah, always a fun time.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Right, So instead of assuming the worst, try to see
it from their side. What might they be feeling or
experiencing that's leading them to act this way.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
That is such a good point. It's so easy to
get caught up in our own perspective that we totally
forget everyone's bringing their own, you know, baggage to the table.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And that's why this whole perspective taking thing is so powerful.
It's like putting on a new pair of glasses and
seeing the entire situation in a whole new light.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
And sometimes that new perspective can be enough to cool
things down yeah, and get a productive conversation going again.
Speaking of cooling down, that brings us to strategic patients, right.
This one really resonated with me because honestly, I'm way
better at instant react than I am at patience.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Oh. I think we've all been there, but as Sunsu you,
timing is everything, so, especially in conflict, It's about resisting
that urge to react immediately, especially when emotions are running high.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Way easier said than done. I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It definitely takes practice, for sure, but the article gives
some seriously practical advice. It's about giving yourself time to
cool off and the other person too, to process what's
going on, and then come back to it later with
a calmer mind.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So instead of charging into battle right away, yeah, you're
kind of like scouting out the terrain first, planning your
moves carefully.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I love that analogy. That's a good one. It's about
choosing the right battlefield, not just rushing into a fight
at the first sign of trouble. Maybe it's not the
best time to hash things out when you're both stressed
or tire, right, look for a time when you can
both be fully present and really engage in finding a solution.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
This all ties in so well with picking your battles too, Right,
Not every disagreement is worth our time and energy.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Absolutely. This is where discernment comes in which battles are
actually important to you and which ones are honestly better
left alone.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So before I launch into a full blown debate about
you know who unloaded the dishwasher last, I should ask myself,
is this really worth my energy and the potential strain
on the relationship?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Exactly? Sometimes letting go of those smaller issues can actually
help preserve the overall harmony. It's not about surrendering or anything.
It's about strategically choosing where you want to focus your energy.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
So we're being diplomatic, we're choosing our battles wisely, we're
taking that deep breath before reacting. What's next on our
conflict resolution journey?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Well, remember how we were talking about understanding the other
person's perspective. That's where adaptability and flexibility come in.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Ah, So it's not enough to just see their side.
I need to be able to kind of move and
bend with their perspective too.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
You got it. Rigid thinking can be a real roadblock
and conflict. The article talks about how being able to
adapt your approach, to compromise, to see new possibilities. That's
where the map happens.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
It's like that saying, be like water. You need to
be able to flow around obstacles instead of just crashing
into them.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I love that. That's a good one. And again, it's
not about being a pushover. It's about being open to
different perspectives, different solutions. Maybe there's a third option you
haven't even considered yet.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay, so how do we cultivate this be like water
approach to conflict?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
A big part of it is being open to compromise
instead of digging your heels in and demanding things go
your way. Try to find creative solutions that meet everyone's needs.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Move from me versus you two, we we're in this together.
Let's find a way forward that works for both of us.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Exactly because often when we open ourselves up to collaboration,
that's when the most innovative and mutually beneficial solutions come out.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Okay, so we're being adaptable, we're looking for those win
win situations. What's the next ancient wisdom gem that's going
to help us navigate conflict?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Like pros, this one's all about stepping up and taking responsibility.
It's a whole leading by example thing.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Ooh, I like this one already. So it's not about
winning fingers or playing the blame game. It's about being
the bigger person. You got it.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Some su believed that real leadership it wasn't about forcing
people to follow, but about inspiring them through your actions.
And that totally makes sense for conflict resolution too.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
So instead of waiting for the other person to make
the first move, we need to be the ones to
extend that olive branch to show them the kind of
communication and behavior we want to see from them.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yes, exactly. And it might feel a little weird at first,
especially if you feel like you're the one who's been wronged,
but trust me, taking responsibility for your part in the conflict,
even just acknowledging that, hey, maybe you could have handled
things differently, it can really change things.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Wow. So you're basically setting the tone for the whole
interaction exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
And that tone calm, empathetic, solution oriented, that's what paves
the way for actually resolving the conflict.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
It's like that saying, be the change you want to
see in the world, but in this case, it's be
the resolution you want to see in the conflict.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I love that and it takes guts right because it
means put your ego aside and coming at it with humility,
with a real desire to find a solution.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
For sure. And speaking of solutions, this brings us to
our final ancient wisdom gem for today, collaborative conflict resolution.
This one really speaks to the core of what we've
been talking about.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
This is where it all comes together. Remember how we
were talking about Suns's whole thing about achieving victory without
actually fighting.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
This is it. So it's not about winners and losers.
It's about finding a way forward that works for.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Everybody, exactly. Collaborative conflict resolution is about shifting your thinking
away from me versus you to we. It's about understanding
that you're both on the same team trying to solve
this thing together.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It's like we're trying to find that win win even
when it seems impossible.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Exactly. It's about focusing on those shared interests, brainstorming creative solutions,
and being willing to compromise to reach an outcome that
benefits everyone.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
So instead of trying to win the argument, we should
be thinking, how can we work together to find a
solution that works for all of us?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Exactly, because ultimately, a resolution where one person feels like
they lost, that's not really a resolution at all. It's
more like a temporary pause in the middle of a battle.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
This has been seriously eye opening. We've covered a ton today,
from embracing subtlety and diplomacy to leading by example and
seeking collaborative solutions. It's amazing how much wisdom we can
get from these ancient texts like the Art of War,
even if we're not planning any military campaigns anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Right. Who knew Sunsu could be such a guru for
modern day conflict resolution.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
And the best part is you don't have to go
memorize the entire Art of war to start using this stuff. Yeah,
just incorporating one or two of these strategies can make
a huge difference.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Absolutely every conflict, no matter how tough it seems. It's
an opportunity to grow, to understand each other better, to connect.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I love that. Well, that's all the time we have
for today's deep dive in a mastering conflict. We hope
you found this journey through ancient wisdom to be insightful, engaging,
and maybe even a little bit transformative. Until next time.
Ready for this. Today we're diving deep into how to
deal with disagreements. But get this using strategies from sunsues
the Art of war.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Ooh, tactical conflict resolution. I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Right, we're breaking down this article mastering conflict resolution with
ancient wisdom, which takes those battle tested tactics and well
it shows us how they apply to those everyday clashes
we all deal with, you know, at work, with family,
or even just dealing with well, you know that person.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Well, we all have those challenging personalities. That's actually really
interesting though, using the art of war for conflict resolution.
I'll be honest. When I first heard about this approach,
I pictured like, you know, verbal boxing loves not exactly
a peaceful.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Image, right, Like, are we going for the knockout punch
in an argument?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
But it's not like that, is it?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Not at all? Sun So wasn't about brute force. His
focus was on strategic thinking and diplomacy, truly understanding your opponent, which,
let's be honest, those are super valuable skills in any dis.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Agreement, right, Okay, So less about winning and more about
what outsmarting conflict altogether. Yeah, in a way, the article
talks about some really interesting principles like the power of
avoiding direct confrontation, think choosing your battle strategically and embracing
this thing they call strategic patience.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Hold on avoiding confrontation patience. Those don't exactly scream winning
to me, Tell me more.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Okay, so picture this. You're about to fire off that
superheated email to a coworker, Right, but what if instead
of hitting send, you take a moment? You know. The
article suggests that waiting for a calmer moment, or maybe
even just asking them to grab coffee and chat, can
totally change how things go. It's about approaching the situation
with a different energy, you know, one that's more likely
(01:46):
to lead to a real solution.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
It's like they say, don't go grocery shopping on an
empty stomach, don't try to resolve a conflict with a
full head of steam.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Right, yes, precisely. And that's just one example. This article
is packed with actionable stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Okay, well, let's unpack some of those takes. Let's start
with subtlety and diplomacy. I'm intrigued, but I need specifics.
What does that even look like in a real life disagreement?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, the article emphasizes this interesting paradox. Sometimes the most
effective way to extinguish a conflict is to resist, you know,
fighting fire with fire.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
So what no more metaphorical shouting.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Matches exactly direct confrontation. A lot of times it just
escalates the situation.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So then what's the alternative? If we're not, you know,
battling it out, what are we doing?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Well, instead of battling, think of it kind of like
a dance. A dance, Yeah, like a dance. One powerful
move the article highlights is empathetic listening. It's about really
tuning in to where the other person is coming from,
their perspective, their feelings, the whole nine yards.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
So put down the metaphoric boxing gloves and pick up
what a pair of noise canceling headphones.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Right, But it's not just about hearing, it's about truly understanding,
and then you can respond in a way that you know,
helps everyone understand each other better instead of just making
things worse.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay, so empathetic listening is key, Got gotcha? What else
does this diplomacy dance involve?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
So the article also talks about the importance of finding
common ground, like even in a heated argument. They are
usually at least some areas of agreement, right.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Right, Like, we both agree this situation is stressful, even
if we disagree on why it's stressed exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
You got it. By focusing on those shared goals or interests,
even if they seem small at first, you can shift
the energy away from that whole eye win you lose
thing to more of a how can we both get
what we need kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
It's teamwork, not combat. I like it. Okay, now this
next principle knowing your opponent. Initially this made me think
of like those cheesy spy movies, like do I need
to keep a secret file on everyone I disagree with?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I wish it were that simple, no need for espionage
just yet. But some su was really onto something here.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Okay, I'm listening.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
It's not about treating the other person like they're the enemy, right,
It's about understanding their motivations, what they desire, their concern like,
what makes them tick? You know, what are their underlying needs?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
So even if I don't agree with them, at least
I can approach the situation with a deeper understanding of.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Where they're coming from exactly, and that understanding can totally
change things. For example, let's say you're disagreeing with a
family member about some big decision.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah, always a fun time.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Right, So instead of assuming the worst, try to see
it from their side. What might they be feeling or
experiencing that's leading them to act this way.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
That is such a good point. It's so easy to
get caught up in our own perspective that we totally
forget everyone's bringing their own, you know, baggage to the table.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And that's why this whole perspective taking thing is so powerful.
It's like putting on a new pair of glasses and
seeing the entire situation in a whole new light.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
And sometimes that new perspective can be enough to cool
things down yeah, and get a productive conversation going again.
Speaking of cooling down, that brings us to strategic patients, right.
This one really resonated with me because honestly, I'm way
better at instant react than I am at patience.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Oh. I think we've all been there, but as Sunsu you,
timing is everything, so, especially in conflict, It's about resisting
that urge to react immediately, especially when emotions are running high.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Way easier said than done. I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It definitely takes practice, for sure, but the article gives
some seriously practical advice. It's about giving yourself time to
cool off and the other person too, to process what's
going on, and then come back to it later with
a calmer mind.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So instead of charging into battle right away, yeah, you're
kind of like scouting out the terrain first, planning your
moves carefully.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I love that analogy. That's a good one. It's about
choosing the right battlefield, not just rushing into a fight
at the first sign of trouble. Maybe it's not the
best time to hash things out when you're both stressed
or tire, right, look for a time when you can
both be fully present and really engage in finding a solution.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
This all ties in so well with picking your battles too, Right,
Not every disagreement is worth our time and energy.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Absolutely. This is where discernment comes in which battles are
actually important to you and which ones are honestly better
left alone.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So before I launch into a full blown debate about
you know who unloaded the dishwasher last, I should ask myself,
is this really worth my energy and the potential strain
on the relationship?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Exactly? Sometimes letting go of those smaller issues can actually
help preserve the overall harmony. It's not about surrendering or anything.
It's about strategically choosing where you want to focus your energy.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
So we're being diplomatic, we're choosing our battles wisely, we're
taking that deep breath before reacting. What's next on our
conflict resolution journey?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Well, remember how we were talking about understanding the other
person's perspective. That's where adaptability and flexibility come in.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Ah, So it's not enough to just see their side.
I need to be able to kind of move and
bend with their perspective too.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
You got it. Rigid thinking can be a real roadblock
and conflict. The article talks about how being able to
adapt your approach, to compromise, to see new possibilities. That's
where the map happens.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
It's like that saying, be like water. You need to
be able to flow around obstacles instead of just crashing
into them.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I love that. That's a good one. And again, it's
not about being a pushover. It's about being open to
different perspectives, different solutions. Maybe there's a third option you
haven't even considered yet.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay, so how do we cultivate this be like water
approach to conflict?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
A big part of it is being open to compromise
instead of digging your heels in and demanding things go
your way. Try to find creative solutions that meet everyone's needs.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Move from me versus you two, we we're in this together.
Let's find a way forward that works for both of us.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Exactly because often when we open ourselves up to collaboration,
that's when the most innovative and mutually beneficial solutions come out.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Okay, so we're being adaptable, we're looking for those win
win situations. What's the next ancient wisdom gem that's going
to help us navigate conflict?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Like pros, this one's all about stepping up and taking responsibility.
It's a whole leading by example thing.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Ooh, I like this one already. So it's not about
winning fingers or playing the blame game. It's about being
the bigger person. You got it.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Some su believed that real leadership it wasn't about forcing
people to follow, but about inspiring them through your actions.
And that totally makes sense for conflict resolution too.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
So instead of waiting for the other person to make
the first move, we need to be the ones to
extend that olive branch to show them the kind of
communication and behavior we want to see from them.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yes, exactly. And it might feel a little weird at first,
especially if you feel like you're the one who's been wronged,
but trust me, taking responsibility for your part in the conflict,
even just acknowledging that, hey, maybe you could have handled
things differently, it can really change things.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Wow. So you're basically setting the tone for the whole
interaction exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
And that tone calm, empathetic, solution oriented, that's what paves
the way for actually resolving the conflict.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
It's like that saying, be the change you want to
see in the world, but in this case, it's be
the resolution you want to see in the conflict.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I love that and it takes guts right because it
means put your ego aside and coming at it with humility,
with a real desire to find a solution.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
For sure. And speaking of solutions, this brings us to
our final ancient wisdom gem for today, collaborative conflict resolution.
This one really speaks to the core of what we've
been talking about.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
This is where it all comes together. Remember how we
were talking about Suns's whole thing about achieving victory without
actually fighting.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
This is it. So it's not about winners and losers.
It's about finding a way forward that works for.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Everybody, exactly. Collaborative conflict resolution is about shifting your thinking
away from me versus you to we. It's about understanding
that you're both on the same team trying to solve
this thing together.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It's like we're trying to find that win win even
when it seems impossible.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Exactly. It's about focusing on those shared interests, brainstorming creative solutions,
and being willing to compromise to reach an outcome that
benefits everyone.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
So instead of trying to win the argument, we should
be thinking, how can we work together to find a
solution that works for all of us?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Exactly, because ultimately, a resolution where one person feels like
they lost, that's not really a resolution at all. It's
more like a temporary pause in the middle of a battle.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
This has been seriously eye opening. We've covered a ton today,
from embracing subtlety and diplomacy to leading by example and
seeking collaborative solutions. It's amazing how much wisdom we can
get from these ancient texts like the Art of War,
even if we're not planning any military campaigns anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Right. Who knew Sunsu could be such a guru for
modern day conflict resolution.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
And the best part is you don't have to go
memorize the entire Art of war to start using this stuff. Yeah,
just incorporating one or two of these strategies can make
a huge difference.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Absolutely every conflict, no matter how tough it seems. It's
an opportunity to grow, to understand each other better, to connect.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I love that. Well, that's all the time we have
for today's deep dive in a mastering conflict. We hope
you found this journey through ancient wisdom to be insightful, engaging,
and maybe even a little bit transformative. Until next time.
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