Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Snokes. What are you doing with that fruit bowl on
an invention? Invention? Yeah, shoes, that's interesting. What kind of
shoes can you make out of bananas? Kids? Less snooks?
You're an idol dreamer. Why don't you work on something practical? Why?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
What?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Well, like a hollow cake of something hollow with pox.
Then there wouldn't be any useless little pieces left over.
Oh what would you do with the hall time? Oh
you could use that to stuff macroney that you're goofy.
Of course I'm goofy. We're all goofy. Why because it's
(00:48):
Maxell House, goofy shop. That's light of the gentlemen. And
I made back Slow House Coffee time and time once
again to enjoy the humor of Frank Morgan, the music
of the Maxwell House August reconducted by Frank Tours, the
Trials and Handley Backer and Daddy, and the unpredictable conduct
of Manny Brice in her original character creation. They wanted
(01:11):
only babies nooks. Now here's our singing Master of ceremonies,
your host for the evening, John County. What do you
do in the infantry? Your march, your march, your mars?
What do you do when your pack has got your
back is stiff as darch. There's honey a fall in
a cavalry, but never a fall in art. What are
(01:33):
you doing the infantry? You march, your munch, your march.
What do you do in the infantry? You hike, you hike,
you hike. What do you get in the infantry? You're
left and right of black with some of a kind
of signal caller traveling all the bike. What are you
doing the infantry? You hype your hipey hide the hard way,
the hard way, sweat and you get there the hard way.
(01:58):
What do you do in the You win? You win,
you win you What do you do for the victory?
You move into Berlin, which the rough to the army
a ride and ride into a triumph alog. What are
you doing the infantry? You're all thank you ladies and gentlemen,
(02:29):
and good evening everyone, and even John. I'd say, I
don't wish to be troublesome. Do you suppose you could
let me have five or minuses of your time? But
it all do its no gum ball, and we're trending
problem and calling you to purch of the team to
feed myself. So I guess wanted to compliment you are
the charming and lady who were dining went off to
the broadcast Top three. It was sheer glamous, Why tur
(02:50):
these you've found envy? I should think a man like
he would enjoy the simple things the black Oh, I
love the simple things you do. In fact, I finally
manted one.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
I have unre.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, no need to be envious my Forrvid Fawn, the
young lady's to be our guest tonight. She is a
lady operative of the William J. Byrns Interraditional Detective Agency
for Lady Detective. Isn't that a bit unusual? In more
ways than one good neighbor? All of mister Morgan's yarns
are going to be squelched tonight. As a special favor,
our lady detectively shadowed Frank all week so that if
he starts any of his tall tails, she'll give us
(03:23):
a report of exactly where he went and what he did.
For once, I've got that for it. Oh, excuse me,
the fawn, Hello missus Marjorie Anderson. Hello Marjorie, it's the
Lady detective. Now myself, Marjorie, Why aren't you here? Have
you forgotten that tonight's to night. We put the finger
on Frank Morgan. No, but I had some trouble.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
What I think Shadowy hit since last Thursdays for your instruction, Yes,
but just a few minutes ago I loved him.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
You hand out a dark alley? Were you chasing him? No,
you're chasing me. Well, I is above a Marjorie. Come
on over to the broadcast and be sure to bring
your report. I will fight and get out of it all.
Good bye, any travel John, Oh no, she'll be along
any minute in the meantime. Would you care for a
hand of gin rummy or perhaps a card drink or
two o capital? Do you know any unusual drinks? Do I?
(04:08):
I know one little drink that's positively phantomatic, A delight
to the eye. Drives the boy. He's crazy and party
he does. Well, let's call it and we'll all go
waity together.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Pie.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I made that Kings And who who is this? Ten
big little trick from mister Potty? Be like a boy. Sorry, Frank,
but all the tricks I know are car fine. If
she's a wild cat, I'm glad to give her a deal.
Fr Frank, would you be eternally preoccupied with the ladies. Well,
why don't you be like me? Why is that good?
Never mind? At least I know there's a time and
(04:44):
a place for everything. Brinkman's half of the broadcast. Last week,
I went out to the parking lot. I found a
beautiful woman sitting in my car, perfect stranger. Well, how'd
you know? So I went over and reported it to
the parking attendant. Naturally, what would you have done? The
same as you? But I wouldn't lie about it, Yes,
tucking my boy. No doubt she would have succumbed to
(05:04):
that intense personal charm that keeps me constantly fighting off women,
but very deeply. Yea. The rest of this week, I've
been following every place I bought my host's attractive young woman.
Oh so they went the gallo on your trailer? Yeah,
a frail George. I wonder who it could have been. Well,
doubtas a love sick young days my autograph or something.
(05:26):
Women are such fools where I'm concerned. Curse looks she
excurely constantly. If I went about my customary gay man round,
even to Melibu, where I was guest daughter at the
last gotten the beach party of the season, oh, who's there? Frank?
Who was there? Who wasn't there? Sannah Turner wasn't there,
Sanya Hayne, he wasn't there, yow Shot and Han's Gates
(05:47):
wasn't there. But they had a baby of gorgeous bathing girls.
So I drifted in and out with the tide, all
in one beach, bathing suits too, all the way, Joe,
He's California, go go yo o thing nothing and the
water's nice too, as is always my delight for faith,
I became embroiled in a romantic episode with an edy
(06:09):
gray Russian actress Natasha Ashinska from Monks in near minutes,
that's which is near fifth times too. There she was
sitting alone on the beach in the moonlight. Softly eye
approached across the walls, hands dropped down beside her and
put my arm about. But what happened, Jockie? What you
read in the papers and fool Those Russians are terrific
(06:29):
fires so much for your romantic forest. What about the
girl who is following you? Amazing and amazing? She was
still waved on me went up the party, and it
wasn't until a half hour ago that I managed to
elude by running down an alleyway, but you couldn't catch it. No,
she's pretty back on her feet. I've been tracked the jockey.
(06:52):
Those malicious angizations. Do not become a gentleman on the
scholar Anita with you for them all? Oh, jockey and
a dog. There she is. That's poor helpless victim of
a man in patuation. Welcome night, gentlemen. I'll go to
the men the love Hornhart. Wait, she's followed you this march.
(07:13):
She didn't make it over to the microphone. Oh no,
oh uh, Marjorie, won't you join us? Johnny? You know
this delightful little kumpo. Oh yeah, you see she dargets
this evening meetings Marjorie Henderson. John is my straw tours.
Marjorie and this gentleman, I'm sure you're aquaed to do
(07:37):
no by.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
This time, I feel like an old friend of yours.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, the way you've been following me, my daar you
f youel like an old wife of mine. Marjorie. You've
been following time since last third day. Hen now, pay jockey.
Don't blame her the flower dogbies. You know I'm not
ashamed of you. Morgan. I saw joy it what is
it strange manness? I arousing women?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Oh no, I mean my business to see that you
didn't get away from me?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh la that friends? For this is murder and now
you'd fancy my bag made? Oh yes, I'm Dick Tracy
Junior d man. That's our four box stops and he
was an offer. I was the person detective agent. What
do you think day will have a cash lasty and
break up the dope ring? Personally, I'm I'm oh you
(08:25):
a jockey? You mean this shi is a dick?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Mit you Morgan? Three and a half year it.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Was William gave Vern. My assignment was to follow you
so much for the man as you aroused in women, Morgan,
why engage miss Henderson to shadow you? Because I'm fed
up with you playing Don Juan on the air as
you did tonight. Marjorie. Did you find a beach party
at Malibu on your report? Or a romantic in Aloo?
Who the Russian actress from Oscar? That's snare, Men's not
(08:54):
far from Pi? Whyever, did not on this report?
Speaker 4 (08:58):
All I find is a sweet car ride a give
the came to Pasadena and the dates start watching an excavation.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Well, my af fulminator applause. I guess that sculptures your
arm and closes the case, doesn't it? Oh? Okay, gosh,
yard jockey. Miss Henderson's is off headic in every detail.
You admit it. But as a federal confidential operative, I
must have quit the courtesy of the profession and asked
what she said? No more about the case I was
(09:23):
working on without permission of the FBI. Wait, it was okay,
may you applyiate detecting years. I'm no, oh, yes, I'll
m two at your servicer. I gladly show you my
bad but I is there holding up my trousers of them.
If you don't have the ineffable call, it's time they're
unashamed to claim you were working on the case. He's
(09:44):
such a boy. I been known among the watch doors
of the laws one round of Beverly Hills. I'd heard
in my criminological document from my grandfather Pistol Pack Morgan,
who written mind solves every day without moving from the
arm chair law enforcement age see where he was habitually
south house joy. I heard it that particular grandfather was
(10:09):
hung for horse feeling nothing of the kind. He was
simply making his last personal appearance and somebody dropped the
stage out from un earth. With my background, it was
only natural that I should be called in on one
of the most tamous crimes in history. Seemingly inoffensive peanut
brittle merchant went persirk with jealousy and broke his wife's
favorite sinata rade. Okay, Frankie, but you're digging your own grade.
(10:36):
We know all you did. Would go for a streetcar ride, answer, lay,
My friend was high on the neck of the criminal
when he hoped to pass his chekaw. I had to
bracelet out and ready to snap on when he escaped
during the confusion. Yeah, the trail led me to the
Union depot and A tell him hitting the poppin of
the Chief, and I bought it just as the train
pulled out. Oh brother, here comes to Papadina Alabam not
Alibi is past. Wishing to go to buy the Pasadena
(10:57):
party in the set the Chief, I asked the colored
porter what time we derived Then immediately I asked the conductor,
wait a minute, well, ask the porter of the arrival time,
and it turned right around and asked the conductor. Yeah, well,
I wanted to get it in black of life over
the police meant the.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Fashoned Sina, and you had all day watching an excavation,
she said.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
A girl jumped out of the train window and let
us from marry change until his mad flight was terminated
by falling into a great excavation. He was run over
by a ten ton steamroller. Thus, and the ends of
justice were met and the case was closed. The shriff
blocked him up, and I received his hight called that market.
I will show you when I hold it. Why also
(11:43):
a handsome reward of a half poured by that when
something puzzles you, jockey, Yes, plenty wan, you were doing
a fine job of wiggling, but you had just one
step too far. If a man was run over by
a ten ton steamroller, yeah flat yeah, Paul in the world,
could you turn him over to the sheriff. That's very sample, jockey,
I senterally took him down to the Sheriff's office and
slipped him on the door, and the boats down in
(12:20):
Claybrook got out of the band to celebrate Pete Portney's
landslide victory for mayor, and early next morning we find
the new mayor sitting down to breakfast in the kitchen.
The doorways Molly's housekeeper is just putting his coffee. Ah
see what, Molly, It's something I want to ask you.
(12:42):
Go ahehead, Molly, Well, don't.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
You thinking that you sort of sitting for me to
call you snifter?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Mayor?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
From now on my names you call me anything your
heart desires, just so long as you don't call me
too late from a Maxwell House and you can depend
on that, Molly. There's nothing like a cup of delicious
Maxwell House coffee to help keep any man, even a mayor, happy,
Because Maxwell House has the friendliest favor going. It has
all the rich, mellow, downright goodness of choice. Latin American
(13:12):
coffee is blended write in by the unmatched skill of
our coffee blenders. This art of skillful blending, coupled with
the special Maxwell House radiant roast process, explains why millions
of coffee lovers prefer Maxwell House, why more stores sell
Maxwell House than any other brand in America, Because Maxwell
House is good, good to the last drop. John Contey
(13:43):
has selected for you tonight, No love, no nothing, Frank
Tours conducting a common Dragon arrangement. No Lord, no nothing, So.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Until my baby come call, No no nothing, as long
as baby.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
He was more commis him. I wait for him. I
ain't even I'm lonesome, heaven know, but what still go?
(14:48):
No Lord, no nothing, And that's a comment like he.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
No with no more.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I'm getting plenty ideals.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
My heart come fry and go it, lie and.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Honey call no love, no sir, No nothing until my
baby comes whole.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
No Lord, no nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Until my baby come call noker, No nothing as lot
a baby. He must know.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
My hard one try can brow it and.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Honey love all love? Do my bad of them? Fill
my bad.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
As you.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I haven't got any. Thank you, my si joy. And now,
oh excuse me, Hello, oh hello Johnny, Hello Daddy. You'
so I'm worried. I am. I'm on my way to
court and I'm taking a snoke saloon. If you're not worried,
you're crazy, Daddy. What are you taking snookes for? She's
the only witness I have rama. That's fight I got
(17:00):
into last week. Oh yes, you punched your neighbor, didn't you.
It was an accident, Shohn so helped me. But he's
going for the loss of two teeth. Well, I can't
talk any more. Goodbye, John, Good luck, Daddy, you'd better
have a mighty good lawyer day horis caught convened. Any
(17:25):
minutes given me, Kelly App? Where are you going to
find room for a hilly app? You've got a balloon
in one hand, an ice cream cole in the other,
and a pocket full of lollipops. Oh, I don't know
why I'm being so good to you. I know, Daddy. Well,
all right, so you're my star witness. Now. All I
(17:47):
ask is that you remember everything I told you to say?
Did judge?
Speaker 4 (17:52):
My daddy is a peace losing evil tempting me?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah, to a flute generous tour falls. How many times
do I have to tell you that? Right? Kay?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Just praise it to me?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Well, try to be convincing when you get on the
witness stand. If Much wins this case, it will cost
me at least two hundred dollars. You were responsible for the.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Whole thing anyway, writing stop mister.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Munch Well you started it fighting with his little Tom Brentwood.
But a't sing me? Well, what's the difference? What mine's
yours and what's yours is mine? If you had two autmobiles,
you'd give me one, wouldn't you? Who it's gay? If
you had two mistwatches, should give me one. And if
you had two lollipops, you'd give me one, wouldn't you? Now?
(18:48):
Why not? Why they got too light? Well, just stream
them both way. You've got it. I'm depending on you
to prove that I didn't strike mister much wilfully and
then intentionally. Mm hmmm. He claimed that I'm not too
teeth out, which is false. How do I know what
they were? All I know is I didn't knock them
(19:11):
out there? What are they doing on the floor, snooks.
You don't believe that I deliberately tried to knock mister
Mudge's teeth out no day, but I believe you tried,
and not the meat playing so, for Heaven's fate, tried
to get the story straight. Money doesn't go on trees,
(19:31):
you know. That's why I'm acting as my own attorney.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Gain my gay.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yes, I remember Mudge hit me first. He hit you first,
but with admirable restraints. I didn't hit back. You didn't
beat back. Instead, I held off my hand by a gentleman,
and when Mudge bent over suddling, totized shoelace his face,
(19:57):
struck my own straight back. That's our story.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Story. Yes, you expected to believe that, naturally?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Do you believe it? Don't you? Sure? Daddy? But you
brought me a balloon, and there's pleasure more where that
came from. Here we are now, let's see I had
that subpoena in my pocket. Someone I didn't say pean's
(20:32):
I said subpoena? Dad? Can't you forget about eating for
a second? Come on, now, this is the cause room, bay.
What's that lady shell? Which lady one role in the play? Sous?
That's a statue of justice and those are sails in
(20:53):
her hand, that symbolic of affairs of our great courts?
Have you got a headache even know? She's wearing that
cloth over her eyes to indicate that justice is blind?
And nay, quiet snokes. The case is about to be opened. Hey, hey, okay,
the land block Higgins ursus worsh your mud, justice resign.
(21:16):
I'm on, snookes, that's us. Are you, miss Higgins? Yes,
your amy? Are you represented by counsul? No, you're a
I'm serving as my own counsul. Very well, Miss Higgins,
proceed with the course permission. I liked all my witness
to the stand. The snokes the snooks. Why are you
stilling a tongue out of the judge. It's all seen me.
(21:39):
What do you mean he can't see you?
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Where do you get the agadactic with burned?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
You didn't figure I failed to see the yuma? Have
your witness worn the day in looks? Hurry, get up
here and sway? Who's now by? Just who was the bailer? Sense?
Exa me in the bailiff Yes, you cla proom face
(22:07):
in place, repeat after me. I tell him it's where
I tell it true, the truth of it? Down again?
It is no time for food, Oh judgment, he didn't
(22:30):
say it? On with your testimony with saying yes sir,
no snooks you present at the time of the alleged altercation.
Were you not play the plainted one? Will so Mudge
contend that I stuck him with maliser for thought? Is
that true? Okay? Did I hit him with anything resembling malis?
(22:54):
Report all day? You hit him with your sick Who
get that? Sucks? Just to answer my question answering, Daddy,
now you put into the record that I struck the
plate it with my fist. What possible reason could I
have for hitting a man? Like mister Mudge, what reason? Yes,
(23:20):
he's literal in you don't pay attention. Have I ever
given you any indication that I strike people who are
smaller than I have? I? Well, Daddy, very be answer
the lea and you will expect me. Never mind there,
I'll take care of you later. There will be no
(23:41):
intimidating the witness. Please, Oh you're o.
Speaker 6 (23:44):
I was just just don't comply yourself to the testimony
as all right, now sucks.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I'm not going to ask you any more questions. I
just want you to tell the cause of your own words,
what happened.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
In my own age?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yes, don't you want me to tell him? In your wife?
Speaker 6 (24:07):
She's joking in honor, mister Higgins, have you been putting
words in the mouth of the witness?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh? Certainly not your honor. I wouldn't think, I add,
Go ahead, siks tell the court what happened in your
own simple language? All right, good judge.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
Knowing my father, mister land Higgins, as I do, it
is incongruis s guta polls that any would anyone would
visualize him as a man of violence?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Agency true?
Speaker 6 (24:56):
Mister, are you sure you haven't coached the wa finess.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Certainly not your continue such it can truly.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Be said of him that he is a man of.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Gentle, dissolgian and a pillow of his community.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Don't you don't you mean pillar? Dear? Yes, that doesn't
sound like a child, Miss Dagan. Oh, she's much smarter
than she fluctualized.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
He then no ill will.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
To any man.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
And in the immortal work of the blade bond, well.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Finish your sentence. What are the mortal words here? I forgot?
What are you crying for? You won't get me anything, mister.
And I do understand that you attempted to bribe your witness,
or of course not your ar. I didn't promise her
(26:09):
any touch fare you did too, and I stayed up
two lots to molest Oh. And you not only intimidate
her there, you coach her. There will be two hundred dollars.
In course, it's your honor. Let's page. Please come along, snooks,
we're going home. The jer to come along. I want
(26:32):
to touch horor won't let me walk in?
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Canidate the witness?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
A child