How the Universe Breaks You to Rebuild You with Guest Jamin

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone to another episode of the Becoming Podcast. This
is Kareinne and I have jam In with me to
discuss some mystical experiences, psychedelic experiences, what other experiences, just
having a I'm trying to find the word a mystical life.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yeah, we're you know, multiple dimensions are going on at once,
just all kinds of.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Everything, timelines colliding. Well, thank you for joining me today.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Me too. So we met? How many when did we meet?

Speaker 2 (00:41):
It was like maybe three years ago?

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Oh, okay, we met. I did a reading for you
and we just clicked.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Did I ever tell you how I actually found you?
Because this is a great story.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Oh no, what tell me?

Speaker 2 (00:55):
Okay, here we go. So I got really to watching
Sarah Olkard The's the Alchemists you know.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
On her She's yes, I love.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Her, She's incredible. I like randomly stumbled upon her video
one day, and her videos were just speaking to me.
It was exactly the stuff that I wanted to be
hearing about at the time. And so after a while
of following her and watching her videos, I like to
the universe, I was like, okay, here, like I want more,

(01:27):
I want something, I want my next thing, you know.
And I went to who she was following on her
list and I closed my eyes and I scrolled and
I stopped my finger and it was medium cream. And
so I followed you and then I started what And
then you had a I saw you at a podcast
and I'm like, oh, awesome, And so I started listening
to your podcast and you were doing the moon circles

(01:49):
at the time. So I started doing all the moon
circles with you, and it was like, oh, we were
like doing all these you know, great things and all
these healings, and it was exactly exactly exactly what I
needed at the time. And so it was like, A really,
I can't believe I never told you that before, but
that was like how I found you.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
That's incredible. I true. I tell everyone that I do
readings for you guys. Don't pick me. Your loved ones
in spirit do. Yeah, they'll just like nudge you. You'll
somehow come across. They'll just like drop. I call it
the gift of knowing if it needs a label, but
you'll just like have a thought like oh I want
to you know, I need something more. And then you'll

(02:28):
somehow come across me, someone will tell you about me.
I mean not just me, it's other mediums as well,
but it's your team and spirit that that does it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
I was definitely guided to that. And then you know,
I just felt really called to have a reading with you.
And I can't remember. Oh it was right after my
grandma died. I was like, Okay, I'm I'm gonna book this.
And I've always been I'm super believer of everything, but
I do have like kind of a skeptical side of me,

(02:59):
just because I don't know everybody, like I believe the
gift is there or whatever. But then I mean, I
feel like, immediately when I started talking to you, I
was like, oh my god, this is so wild.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
It's so healthy to have a skeptical side, especially because
when I first started reading, there wasn't that many mediums
and now everyone calls themselves a fucking medium. And if
people are gonna come at me, but I don't care,
I feel like if you, oh, I'm gonna say it anyways.
If you have to use you have to have evidence
come through. You can't call yourself an evidential medium if

(03:31):
you're like your grandmother like to bake cookies. No, you
need to like have a fucking evidence come through. It's
my biggest pet peeve. I literally was just working on
this with one of the shamans that I work with,
maraa clear Spring shout out, she's fucking amazing, highly recommend
you can google her. But she was like, you're not
the Mediumship police Crean, like, just go be you and

(03:51):
like people will find you and they'll figure out that,
like other people are still in the process of learning
and they shouldn't be reading for the public. My other
pet peek too, which is weird. I was thinking about
this while I was getting ready, is a lot of
people are in it for fame. They want to be fans,
and I do not, Like I want to help people,

(04:12):
and I feel like it's all about coming from a
place of like genuinely go like I've lost my father,
I've lost my best friend, I've gone through like really
fucked up, really traumatic experiences and the one thing that
has kept me alive, to be honest, is Mediumship. And
I just like, I don't know what I would do

(04:33):
if I wasn't able to help people. And so over
the course of I think like the last two years
just with teaching and seeing people online, especially on TikTok.
I deleted my TikTok account for mental health purposes, but anyway,
just there's so many people calling themselves a mediums and
they're fucking pulling tarot cards. I'm like, you're a tarot
card reader, Like put yourself in the right category, because

(04:56):
because if it's your very first experience with a medium
and you're pulling cards and people are gonna think that's
like the way that it goes. And there's those of
us that are naturally born gifted that can connect with
your loved ones and bring evidence through and it's very
rare and it's very hard to find. So and it's
funny because Sarah actually hopefully she's okay with me saying this,

(05:18):
I uh. Over the course of the law, I don't
even fucking know. Like probably my whole career, I've been
looking for something more, Like I wanted more, and so
I ended up going to England to Arthur Finley College,
thinking like I need more, I need training because I
was always self taught and there's this group of mediums
that preached like you need to be taught in order

(05:39):
to be a medium, which I completely agree with if
you don't have strong abilities. So anyways, I go to
the school and I'm like hungover, like doing insane readings.
Like there's this one older woman. I connected her with
her sister and it was so evidential. She started crying
and she asked me to stop. She was like, I
can't handle it more. And then I connected this guy

(06:01):
with his ex lover that passed away, and I was like,
how the fuck is Like I don't get it, Like
what why am I here? Like I'm not, I'm already there.
So I asked the universe. I was like, hey, like
what is wrong with me? What am I looking for?
And it was saw Sarah a couple months ago, and
as soon as I saw her, we couldn't stop talking.

(06:23):
I'm sure we annoyed fucking everyone that was there. We
like sat in the corner and talked for a couple
hours and she's like, hey, you need an ego, you
need to be like I'm a fucking good medium. I
don't know if those were the exact words that she used,
and then it clicked. I was like, oh my god,
this is what I've been looking for. I am so anyway,
thank you for saying that. Because I feel like, again,
it's really really hard to find someone that's actually the

(06:46):
definition of an evidential medium. So just be careful who
you pick, guys, because not everyone out there is well trained.
They'll put their own issues on you. I've had a
medium tell me I was going to end up with
a guy a military no offense, but that's just like
not my that's not my thing, that's not my type,
and they can say so that will fucking like fuck

(07:08):
with your head for a really long time. So be careful.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, I've been lucky to have only spoken with pretty
solid mediums before you. I've just had you and two
others before, but you were the very first, and it
was funny. I remember you being like this is so cliche,
and you're like, I don't even like saying this, but
I see your grandma. She's like knit or you didn't

(07:32):
stay it with my grandma who passed away, but you're
like this person they're like knitting, they're it's giving like
grandma energy, and you're like, this is so cliche, and
you're like, I hate even saying that, but that's my
grandma is such a simple person and she like you know,
I'm like, yeah, like that's one of the things that
she did all the time, you know, and you're just like,
it's really cliche. But but then you went into like
you know, you're like, you weren't there when she passed away.

(07:54):
She couldn't talk like she would. You know, you were
like basically explaining all the details of what went on,
and I believe you knew that she had a heart attack,
and then yeah, so I mean it was just all
the details were there, and then I was just kind
of like, whoa, it was really really interesting. And then
from there the advice because you connected with her, and

(08:16):
then all of a sudden, you started giving me all
this life advice and you're like talking about my dad
and you're talking about my mom and you're talking about me.
I was just like, oh my god, I wasn't anticipating
all that.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
You know, well, I just got the chills. I love
that about spirit, like because I'll always ask everyone do
you want an intuitive reading or mediumship? And then they
say it. I'm like just kidding. Spirit's going to do
whatever they want to do and it's going to be
the best experience of your life. But I always like
to make the intention in the beginning and I feel
like it's like a thousand therapy sessions in fifty minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah, it's just and the craziest thing about it, I
feel like so much of it was like what was
already in my mental field kind of and you're just
picking out things and like validating certain things and bringing
up other things that I've been thinking about or whatever,
and so is really this like it's almost like a
conversation of like, yes, all of these things in your

(09:10):
mental field are valid and I'm picking up on them.
It's like, you know a lot of stuff you already feel,
but then to have somebody reflect it back to you
is like yes, Like wow, I feel so validated in
these feelings and like you know so well.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
You're more connected than the average bear too, and I
think that's why we totally vibed. I don't really stay
friends with clients. I have to have like really strong
boundaries because I'll get text messages like why do you
get on this? What do you get on this? But
like I remember meeting you and just being like we
can be friends and like stay in contact and we
have and so grateful for it because you're just so loving,

(09:47):
so genuine. I feel like so authentic. It's so rare
to find these days.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Thank you. I really appreciate that, and I feel the
same about you.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Oh well, okay, let's talk about let's talk about like
intention setting, because I feel like that's changed my life
over the last three years. And you've had some experiences
as well, So do you want to share first. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
So the very first experience I ever had with just
like i'll call it manifesting or just kind of putting
your mind to something and letting yourself have it. I
was young. I was like maybe ten years old with
two other friends, and I would go stay at their
house all the time, and their grandma would always give
us some money to go walk up to the store.

(10:32):
Was like a mile to the store. Go walk up
to the store, get snacks, get some soda, rent a movie,
stuff like that. And so we did this all the time,
and this one day we're just talking about all the things,
all the candy, all the chocolate, whatever, the movie we're
gonna rent. And then we're like, dang, but we really
want to watch this other movie too, and we're thinking
like all these other things that we want to get,

(10:53):
and we're like, Wow, if we just only had twenty
more dollars because we had twenty dollars and we're like,
twenty more dollars, it would be perfect. And so the
whole time, because it's about maybe a mile, the whole
time we're just like, oh man, if we only had
twenty more dollars, we could get this movie, we could
do this. And we just really like the whole time
we're just walking and laughing and talking about the things
that we want and just really you know, in like

(11:15):
a playful way, just kind of imagining what we would
do with this twenty dollars. And so we're a little
over halfway there to the storm and out of nowhere,
this like whipping wind comes through and there's like a
bunch of dust in the wind and everything, and we're
kind of like add we like close our eyes a

(11:36):
little bit and are wincing, and we see like this
piece of paper flying around in the wind and it
smacks up on this chain link fence. My friend runs
up to it and grabs it, and it was twenty dollars,
and we're just like, I mean, I just start like,
oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, you know,
and I was like freaking out and deep down inside.
I was like we made that happen, Like we created

(11:58):
this out of the wind, like out even know, you know,
I was like ten years old, so I was just
mind blown. I'm like whoa. And that was like my
very first experience of like like wow, like we can really,
you know, make things happen by putting attention to it.
When I was little, I was like this is magic.
I was like, we just did magic. You know.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
No, I was going to say, what an incredible experience
at a at a very young age, because then you
have that foundation of like, wow, magic exists, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
I always felt like that though too, Like my mom
could tell you, like I was two years old and
I would pretend I was casting spells and like I
was like always outside doing potions, and like I loved
any kind of wizardy magical like that was my jam.
I loved it always since date one.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
So yeah, again, you feel like you came in just
very open, maybe a little bit too open. Mean, I
just feeling fucking everything, And yeah, I think my first
it's funny I'm trying to think like I hadn't experienced
a couple of years ago. But as you were talking,
what came to mind, was I was in a really
bad place in my twenties. I was just like working

(13:13):
in a bar, being a loser, like drinking all the time,
and you know, just just being a loser. And I
one night I got home from work and I was
laying in bed, and I remember saying to God, like,
I need this to change. I can't keep living like this.
Please move me to the next chapter. And I believe

(13:34):
it was within a couple I don't know if it
was weeks or months. And then I found out I
was pregnant.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Oh wow, yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah, and then like everything just obviously everything changed from there.
And she was the first time I ever felt like
true love. That was my daughter. And then things didn't
work out with me and her dad and everything ended
up like I left. I moved out with nothing. I
didn't have a car, I didn't have anything, and within

(14:05):
like eight months I ended up getting a car with
shitty credit a brand new condo. They had built this
like like new building and there was only four low
income ones available. And this woman that I had worked
with while we were young, this chick that I had
worked with, had told me like she applied for it.

(14:25):
So I was like, oh, I'm going to apply for
it too. I ended up getting it, she didn't, and
it was amazing. It was a two bedroom, two bath,
like so luxurious, and it was the very first apartment
me and my daughter moved into. And then I ended
up getting my very first job working at Kaiser Permanente
in MIDI medical imaging technology and informatics, and it was

(14:49):
like my first like real job, and it just it's
like everything ended up working out, and throughout my life,
I've realized like, even though we have to go through
these like horrific terrible times where we think we're gonna
fucking die, it's because we're moving into a new chapter.
And I feel like both of us have experienced that,

(15:11):
and it does feel like it doesn't get easier. It
does get harder, but we get stronger. And with that
strength we have this like stronger knowing of like okay,
like just surrender. You know, we're in God's hands right now.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Absolutely. And along with that, I can think of like
two more times where I just kind of like really
really needed something and gave it out to the universe
and it provided Like one of the most amazing ones
was most recently, so I was living with my mom
and working for my grandpa, and like, you know, I

(15:48):
love my mom. We have a a deep relationship, but
she's is like a really intense person and like, yeah,
there's a lot to be said there, but so living
with her is very difficult. And and then you know,
living with your mom, working with your grandpa, like living
in my hometown, which I had moved away or whatever,
but after COVID, I moved back and just every my

(16:09):
life felt so condensed and so just like I was
living in everyone else's bubble. And after a while of that,
I just felt like I was losing myself and and
I was feeling really really depressed. And so I just,
you know, to the universe. I one day, I forget
what happened. I just like got a fight with my

(16:30):
mom or something, and I'm like, I just need I
need something to change. And like I live in a
tiny like really small town. There's nothing for rent ever,
you know, there's ever, and I mean within like a
thirty mile radius, you know, like it's really crazy. And
so I just was like, to the universe, I need
a change, and I need it now, Like I'm sos

(16:52):
to the universe, you know, yeah, needs please, please, please, like,
if there's anything I need. I need a different kind
of living situation. And within three days, this lady I
know texts me and she's like, hey, I just have
a question for you. Would you be interested in living
in my house that I have in my hometown. She

(17:15):
had moved to Florida, and she goes back and forth
between Florida and California. I live in northern California and
so basically the deal is she she lives in Florida,
it comes back for work here in California and is
here for a week at a time every six weeks.

(17:36):
And so she's like, do you want to live at
my house full time, rent free and just take care
of the property. And this is like it's like two
or three days after I was like, hands and knees
to the universe like I need something, And it came
out of nowhere, and it was like it felt so divinely,
I mean clearly it was just plopped in my lap,

(17:57):
and I was here's this answer to my problem, you know,
the universe. I just felt so incredibly supported and so
I'm like, hell, yeah, I want that. And so I've
been here like a year and a half now.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
That is incredible. It's crazy because I've had the same
experience where it's answered I'll say within two weeks, but
it's usually like three days.

Speaker 2 (18:21):
Mm hmm. It's quick when you really I feel like,
when you really like you connect it to the universe
and then yeah, and you and then you just let
yourself have it, like you're not freaking out about it anymore.
You have your moment and then let it come to you.
You know.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, I feel like, So that's I guess I will
share this. So two and a half years ago, I
mean throughout my entire marriage, I had felt like my
husband wasn't being faithful. And you know, those gas lighters
are really good, and those manipulators are really good, even
if you're a medium, and he would weaponize my childhood

(18:56):
against me and just like made me believe that I
was crazy. Well just up to that, and just one
day I said out loud, I said, if he's cheating
on me, I'm gonna I said, I'm gonna let it go.
I'm not looking anymore. If he's cheating on me, show
you show me when you feel like I'm ready to
handle it. And two days later I caught him and

(19:17):
it was literally like I was possessed. I heard a
voice in my head say check his location, and then
I'm not going to go into details here, but it
was I got more further evidence after that, and then, uh,
from that point forward. I the biggest lesson I learned
from that was I'm never ever dismissing my intuition, like

(19:39):
what I feel about people, because I've had experiences too
where I'm like, this person doesn't like me, and then
I'm like, nah, it's me. I'll blame myself. And now
I'm like, no, that person doesn't like me, Like it
doesn't fucking matter. I'm just gonna trust my my gut feeling.
And so anyways, I've used it after that to get
me out of like sticky situations I had. I don't

(20:02):
know what this all has to do with guys, but
I had met another guy and he was a shade
ball too, and we were supposed to go to Ireland together.
And I had said to the universe, if this isn't
gonna work out and he's lying to me, have the
trip fall apart. And two days later, the whole trip
fell apart. And then at the beginning of this year,
in January, I was like, all right, I'm ready take
everything toxic out of my life that's getting in the

(20:24):
way of me being consistent, writing my book and doing
my podcast. And I shit you not. Every single week
since January something significant has happened, like losing friends from
like fourth grade because of like moral they're morals and
like integrity issues, and like it's literally like the universe

(20:47):
ripped this, like the rose layers of rose colored glasses
off of my face, and I started to see the
truth of people and I couldn't deny it anymore. And
so for those of you guys listening, just do it.
All you do is you just say it and you
let it go and then if it's it'll show you
when it's meant to be seen. But I promise you
it's always within two weeks. It's fucking crazy.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
It's once, yeah, once you connect in and then you
let yourself have it, it's it's there, tiding.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's kind of I mean too, it's not and be
because I was gonna say, be careful, like you ask
and you shall receive. Like during throughout this year, I
feel like this year has been one of the hardest
years of my life because I'm like not in the
shock anymore of everything. And I've been so isolated, so
like I asked for that, and so I reminded myself,

(21:37):
I asked for this, like I asked for all the
toxicity to be removed. And during that isolation isolation process,
it pushed me closer to myself, and in turn of
being like closer to myself, I learned to trust myself more,
which made my gifts even stronger. So it's been so
worth it. It's been so fucking horrific and painful. I

(21:57):
mean you had experiences like that too, is that correct?

Speaker 2 (22:01):
The horrific experiences that like kind of change your whole
worldview and open your mind in different ways. The initiations. Really,
I had lots of them throughout my life, really, but
one of the most intense and severe was when I
was a teenager and it was due to like a

(22:26):
salvia trip, which was really it.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Was really quick. What is salvia?

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Salvia is a type of sage. Actually, sage is a
type of salvia, like white sage is the type of salvia.
But it's like from I think South America. It's you
smoke it.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
It's like an herb, and what's in it is it DMT.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
Probably, I don't actually that much to me, because so
I had smoked it before with friends, just the the
lower dosage or whatever. But then because we had done
it before and didn't really feel anything, We're like, let's
get the strongest one we can get, and so we're
all excited for I mean, I had done mushrooms at
this point. I was only fifteen, but like, you know,

(23:11):
it was a little hood for rat kid, you know,
like I had done mushrooms. I smoked, we eat, I drank,
you know whatever. Yeah, I yeah, And so we were
really kind of excited to do it. And we're in
my room and we like load my bong and I
take a huge bong riup of this salvia and it

(23:33):
was the strongest one you can get, and I breathe
in and then by the time I breathe out, I mean,
I'm completely my consciousness blast. I'm literally in the cosmos.
And I remember just like floating in the cosmos and
I can see planets and stars, and I felt like
I was like huge giant in the cosmos, like I

(23:56):
was like like a galaxy or something. I don't even know.
It was like really weird. It was I was totally
nothing human, you know, And then were.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
You just like pure consciousness? Yeah it was.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Yeah, I was there and it was like ultimate peace.
And then all of a sudden, within a snap, I
like spiraled down like a vortex with like the most
extreme force. It was like a shooting star, and I
blasted back into my body and the whole like I
hit so hard. Like when I got back in my body,

(24:31):
I like was so disoriented. It felt like somebody had
like chopped me in half lengthwise with a giant hatchet
or something like. I just was totally like it felt
like a blast, and then I was like numb in
the whole center of my body. Like I couldn't feel
my two front teeth for a second, or like my nose,
and it felt like my eyes were not like it

(24:53):
felt like they were two separate things. It was weird,
like my brain hemispheres were working completely different, they were
like connected for a second, so disorienting, and I didn't
know like who I was or what I was or
anything for like for several seconds, you know, and I
just was like and then it's I started like reintegrating
into my body and and I was like on my

(25:18):
bed and the first thing that came to my mind
was like I thought I was in a desert somewhere
because I had like a memory foam mattress, and so
it was like all I felt like I was in
sand and I was just so confused and everything was
so confusing, and I'm looking at my friends and I
don't know who they are. For a second, Oh my god,
and I just like jumped up and I'm like wow,
like it's I'm freaking out. And then like, you know,

(25:39):
this is all happening so fast. You know, it's just
like moment after a moment, but you like re come
back in and your brain starts kicking up again. I'm like, oh, okay,
like I kind of know and I know who my
friends are, and I'm like whoa. But then I'm just
like shaking. My body was like having this crazy reaction,
and I start profusely sweating, and then I get like
ice cold, and then I'm just like I'm just like

(26:03):
shell shocked, and my friends are all like white, like
wide mouths, like what the hell just happened to you?
And I was like I already would know that was
the craziest thing I've ever experienced in my life. You know,
like I was completely I mean I was blasted off,
like what you hear about with d MT, Like, yeah,
that's how I felt. I was completely put it out,
like I wasn't in my body. I had no concept

(26:25):
of this reality whatsoever. And when I was floating in
the cosmos, it felt like forever, like it felt like
a long, long long time. So by the time I
got back in my body, I was like, what the
hell is this place? But then, yeah, so that was
like really really intense, and there was you know, so
much like I guess information in that trip, like energy.

(26:50):
I don't know how you even describe it, Like it
was like some kind of upgrade in a way or
something like that. That when I it like blasted my
third eye opened, so he huge, you know, And I
didn't have like proper grounding. I was only fifteen, you
know what I mean, Like I wasn't ready necessarily for
an experience like that, but I guess I was because
it happened.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
But so I think, to wait real quick, can I
ask you when you say you it blasted your third
eye open, what do you mean by that?

Speaker 2 (27:18):
So I've studied a little bit since then, and I've
also talked to other people Sarah, including I had a
session with Sarah one time years ago and I told
her about this experience and she had said like it
was like a major, major download and that it was

(27:40):
so much information to bring back into like an unprepared
body that it wigged me out, you.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Know, unprepared body. That is. So I've got chills when
you said that.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Yeah, so. And then I've studied other things since then,
and what what I've learned is that it you know,
if you open up your third eye too much, too fast,
without your lower chakras being opened up as well and
grounded into this earth experience, you can cause spiritual psychosis.
That was kind of what happened to me because after

(28:15):
that experience. See, I was like everyday weed smoker at
this point in my life, and I would smoke weed
and I would have the craziest, most psychedelic, insane panic
attacks when I would smoke weed. I would be like,
you know, every single time I would have you know,
this happened to me probably like maybe ten to a
dozen times, completely convinced I was dying like I could.

(28:36):
I was like in the death experience, I mean, I
was like having all I would I would be having
deja vu at the same time that I'd be hearing
like crazy like music that wasn't there. It was like
this repetitive, like like almost like orchestral music that felt
like it was like coaxing my my spirit out of
my body, Like it was like come on, like you're

(28:56):
dying now. Kind of this weird, and my heart would
be racing like crazy, and I would be like totally
in a panic and feeling really like I'm in a
faint and like I remember just having deja vu and
like feeling like, oh my god, I had a dream
about this when I was a little kid, and like
there was all this Yeah, it was like worlds colliding,
like just crazy. It just felt really crazy, and so

(29:19):
to me, I felt like I was losing my mind.
Like I was like, I'm going crazy and this is
not good, you know. But I would come out of
it and I would be okay for the most part,
but like you know, it was like every time I
would smoke weed, that would happen at a certain point,
so then I just completely stopped, you know, I couldn't
do it anymore at all because I was like I'm

(29:40):
losing my mind. I feel like I'm I'm literally going
through a death experience from this, and like it was
so scary, and.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
I feel like that was like your higher selves way
of like forcing you to get sober so you could
process experience.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
I think so too, Like looking back, it was, yeah,
looking back through life, it's so weird because I can
see it all more clearly, and I wish. I wish
so badly that like I could like whisper in my
ear when I was younger, like to know what was
going on, because I, I mean, I kept it all
a lot of it inside and I kept it together.
But like I actually thought I was losing my mind.

(30:15):
I thought, you know, I started like having kind of
like spiritual psychosis, where like I just felt like I'm
like what if I wake up and I am actually
in an insane asylum and my whole life was a hallucination,
and like I would just go on these crazy like
you know, I just had all this anxiety and I
would have like disassociation, and but it was also very spiritual,

(30:39):
because I'm telling you, like my third eye was like
blasted open, so I was noticing so many things I
didn't notice before, and like like I.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
Was like what were you noticing?

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Just I mean I got into a lot of like
conspiracy stuff, so that was crazy, but like I was
just and also things I was noticing was like supporting
that too, which kind of like was tripping me out
even worse for a little while. But like like I
would be watching TV and I I had TVO back then.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Oh I forgot about TVO.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
Loved it, Okay. I remember so many times at this
point in time, watching TV and catching a subliminal message
in the TV, and like I'm sitting with people, I'm like, wait,
did you guys just see that? They're like what? And
I would pause and like freeze frame back and there
would be like just a single frame flash of like

(31:33):
it would be words or something. One time it was
a fucking Nazi flag dude flashing like and I would
like be and they're like what the hell like and
people weren't seeing it, you know, and I was like,
you guys, like what, and I just you know, so
they're MK ultra yeah, and so of course, you know,
I got into all that, and then I'm like, oh

(31:54):
my god, the music is hypnotizing me everything, you know.
I just was like really going down a rabbit hole,
and I felt super paranoid.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
But can I just say really quick, that is all true,
like I because I went through that too. I went
through the conspiracy thing too. I didn't I did it sober.
But this, uh, I'm not going to use the label.
Let me see, I'm trying to make one up one
of my friends. She's a normal human being and we
both went down the conspiracy rabbit hole around COVID time

(32:23):
with the whole I don't even really want to. I'm
not going to say what it is because it's so
fucking dark, But what I realized is that it's true.
There like, be careful what you listen to, be careful
what you watch. You are literally being programmed. It's not
a conspiracy, it's true. And my point in bringing her
up is she was like I went to a deep

(32:45):
dark place after it because we were sending each other
videos off of YouTube and I literally like got to
the point. And it was when I was still married.
I ran downstairs and I was told my ex husband,
I I'm not okay, and he like literally had to
lay with me in bed and I was like shaking.
And she went through the same fucking thing too, And
again she's normal. So like again, everyone listening, be careful

(33:08):
what you watch, be careful what you listen to. It's
most conspiracies are not conspiracies. A.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
And so for me, because I felt like I was
really crazy, I mean, this is fifteen sixteen years ago,
you know, and so it wasn't really like there wasn't
all this stuff talk and all that whatever. Like it
felt really crazy to me, and like almost nobody around
me was even nearly aware of anything like that, and
so I kept a lot of it to myself. But

(33:37):
but it was like really dark in a lot of ways.
But I saw a lot of things and it shed,
it completely shed any kind of like illusion of a
worldview that I had before. Because while I always have
been into like the mystical, magical all that stuff, my
life felt very like that, I still had that like

(33:59):
illusion of like this is the way the world works.
And then from that experience and from going into this
kind of dark, like more paranoid place, and then I
mean it led me to so many different directions of
learning things and learning even more about spirituality and stuff
like that, which ultimately brought me out of all this

(34:20):
paranoia and it really like saved me too. But it
shattered my previous worldview, and then I was able to
rebuild myself in a way that was like much more
authentic and without like these illusions of like, you know,
like I am not easily fooled. You know, I see
all kinds of stuff all the time. I'm like, man,

(34:42):
you can't you can't fool me. You can't bring me
into something that I'm not going to agree with. You know,
I'm just not I'm not easily programmable at this point.
And it's because of that crazy experience, you know.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
So when it going back to when it shattered your worldview,
what was that ans like, because I know, like a
depression like wanting to.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Die, yes, like the darkest night of the soul. Like
I like couldn't even get out of bed sometimes. And
I'm fifteen, sixteen, you know, I'm going to school. I'm like,
I'm sitting in class. I'm like, there's no point to this.
This is fucking indoctrination bullshit. Like, you know, I was
having these really like these moral dilemmas with even being

(35:28):
a part of society at the time. Like it was
just really like confusing, but I knew that I had
to just get through it, and I had a lot
of like guidance, you know, spirit team whatever, like because
like I have good intuition, you know, and I always
knew like I'm going to get through this and I
don't really know why, but just kind of a little

(35:49):
bit of blind faith and like even even when you're
feeling really dark and really low, like listen to the
little glimmers of hope because it's, you know, something speaking
to you in that way of like you're gonna be fine,
going to get through it. It's just an experience. And
that's what it taught me too, Like all of this
is just an experience. Like nothing is real, you know, necessarily,

(36:10):
it's all just it's like a big dream, you know,
and it's not I used to take everything so seriously,
and like I said, like I had so much fear.
I had a lot of fear when I was young.
I was afraid of everything. I mean, I was afraid
of spiders, I was afraid of bees, I was afraid
of swimming. I was afraid of you know, like I
mean everything, And my whole life has just been this

(36:30):
like unfolding of like fear is an illusion and death
is an illusion. And like when you feel like you've
died fucking a dozen times in your life, and it's
like crazy way from panic attacks and that are super
super psychedelic, Like you just get to the point of like, oh, well,
you know what I mean. Like it's it's like sheds
this this layer of fear, and when you live with

(36:52):
fear every single day, you don't even really realize, but
you're like such a condensed little marble of what you
could be.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
You know, No, totally, I resonate, and I feel like
we all experienced this differently. I experienced it throughout my
marriage where I was being you know, I'm so sensitive
like you, and you know, you know, if you're around
someone that's like so toxic and doing naughty things, you're
picking up on it, and then they're telling you that
you're wrong and then you literally start to think like, oh,
I'm going crazy. I mean it got to the point

(37:22):
where I like he got me to go go on
antidepressants because I thought something was wrong with me. So
I literally, yeah, it's fucked up. I literally got to
this like I feel like I fully like disconnected from myself.
And so that day when I said that was the
day the again the rose colored glasses were off, and
you're in this like shock period, which I feel like

(37:44):
you experienced through doing the Selvia. I experienced it through
my ex husband. I couldn't get out of bed for months.
And it's this like disillusionment from like what you thought
was real wasn't real, and then having to like repla
play your life back in your head, trying to like

(38:05):
I tried to like cling to like truth, but there
was none because the whole thing was a lie. And
so the darkest night, like I like how you said that,
like the darkest, darkest night of the soul. I wish
there was a fucking different word from it, because I
feel like the dark night of the soul is so
use like thrown around. Yes it is, it's no like
if it's like the like clinging the life, like clinging

(38:28):
why like a thread hanging on by a thread.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
It's your, it's your, your old life dies. It's like
a death and then a reburse It's really really powerful thing.
And that's happened to me multiple times in my life.
A lot of the times that stemmed from like really
dark experiences, which kind of sucks, but I guess that's
you know.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
What, through the dark experiences though with like.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Go ahead, sorry, but it's just like, yeah, in my experience,
it just like takes it strips you down and just
like takes you to this point where like you're surrounded
by darkness, but then there's like the brightest light ever
and it's this tiny, little little light and then you
finally get to it and then it just like blasts
you into a completely different experience. It's so it's so odd,

(39:16):
No it is.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
I feel like it's just the what's the word I'm
looking for. I can't think of it right now, but
I feel like you have to go through the dark
to get to the light where. I like how you
said stripping down, because I feel like that's what I
went through, where it was like I've literally lost everything
and everyone all at once. I mean, my dad died
and then I my mom moved away and we didn't talk,

(39:38):
and then I two days later I found out about
my husband, and and then I lost all my best friends,
I lost all my support, and I'm so angry. And
now again, like how you said you wish you could whisper,
I wish I could go back and be like, thank
the universe you had all these shitty people around you
that were making you feel crazy when they were the
crazy ones, and now I'm out at this point where

(40:00):
I'm like so connected to myself. I love myself so much.
I understand that that had to happen. That he's like
one of the greatest teachers in this lifetime for me,
and so is everybody else who betrayed me and used
and abused me. But the light, I will say, there
were periods of time where it didn't feel like the
light was there. Like I'm a medium, I can connect

(40:23):
and through doing readings. I've seen this with other people
where they feel like your team and spirit feels so distant,
like I could do readings for everyone, but when I'm
trying to get messages for me, I'm like, where the
fuck are you, guys, And I feel like they're like,
we're showing you what you're made of, Like come on,
get up, come on, get up, Like you gotta do
this so you're not like co dependent on us or

(40:44):
on whoever. And so for anyone listening, if you're going
through a really hard time right now, I promise you
know it's this fucked up blessing in disguise. And at
some point if I can say I can look back
and be grateful for it. Does I'm like shaking, I
am grateful for it if I can be grateful for it.

(41:05):
I'm at this point where I feel like I'm like
at peace with what has happened and what I've experienced,
and I truly feel like the best is yet to come.
But those dark places, holy mother, Like it's just you
can't I can't even put it into words.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
Yeah, I mean it's And I had another point in
my life where I got taken to that really dark place.
It was, you know, basically, so I felt really like
looped out for a few years of my life when
I was a teenager, and then I kind of got
over it. And then I did got into a lot
of like partying and whatever, and I was doing a

(41:43):
lot of I mean, I had so much fear and anxiety.
I had social anxiety, all this stuff. But I got
over that through like I started going to raves all
the time. I was like you know, doing ecstasy in
the crowd and all this stuff, and I like blasted
through all these fears of mine. And then all of
a sudden, I was like kind of a wild child
because I had been so like just cocooned out because

(42:04):
of my experiences. But so I took that a little
too far and had like a really wild year of
like partying way too much and just kind of like
letting my life fall apart. And I was like nineteen
twenty at this point, and like I got to the
point where like I had to move back in with
my grandparents because I like lost the house I was
living in. I got a d well, I lost my

(42:27):
license for a year, like you know, all these things.
But the deal is is I was like hanging out
with people that I got shown time and time again
through spirit. Spirit was literally always communicating to me through
like little messages and stuff like that, stop doing this,
stop hanging out with these people. This is not you,
you know, like it's time to move on from this.
And I was like no, no, no, you know, And

(42:48):
so every time the lesson got harder and harder and harder,
to where it got to the point where I was
like living with my grandparents back in my hometown, no car,
you know, no license, and my life became this small,
you know, just a tiny and then to where I
finally just cut everybody off and started focusing on myself.

(43:08):
But then you know, it was like I started having
sleep paralysis. Every single night. I was like incredibly depressed,
like I'm being couldn't even stand in the shower depressed.
I would take a shower each morning, laying down in
the shower. I was just like I just couldn't even

(43:29):
stand up in the shower, like I had no I
had zero energy in me whatsoever. And I was I mean,
we're talking crazy sleep paralysis too, where I'm choking all
night long and then I wake up gasping, and then
I fall back into it and then I'm choking all
night long. And oh my.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
God, I've had that too. A psychiatrist told me it's
called free floating anxiety, where I would get up and
like and I couldn't and I would choke and I
couldn't breathe. Yeah, it's from anxiety. That's crazy. I've another
person that's had it.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Yes, I would. It would happen to me multiple times
throughout the night, and I would be I mean, oh man,
my sleep prolyssis I've come to learn now. And actually
you directed me towards the documentary one time about like
astral projection and sleep prolysis and stuff like that, and
and I've come to know that. Like I was like

(44:20):
starting to go in astral projection, but I wouldn't let
myself and so I would end up in sleep prolysis.
But because of like the low energy, the low vibration
I was in because I was so just depressed and
I had been, you know, just doing a bunch of
shit that wasn't very good for me. I was really
in the lower astrail, you know, and that's where you

(44:41):
see like all these freaky things. And I would be
in sleep prolysis, totally paralyzed in my bed, and I
would hear chanting like of like Latin chanting and.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Shit like oh that just creeped me out.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
And one time I saw a freaking demon thing. It
was like this ash colored glowing red eyes point to
like being and it was like just watching me, and
like I felt very like targeted by dark energy, super targeted.
And sorry if I'm rambling too much, but this one
time I was at a music festival with friends and

(45:15):
we left the music festival went to the McDonald's and
I was like, I was kind of coming down off
some ecstasy. Okay, it was the next day, but we
go into the McDonald's and there's this guy who was
like having like a mental health crisis in the corner
and not even really paying attention, but he was like
really hit. Like my spidy senses were on this guy.

(45:37):
You know, I was trying not to pay attention, but
I was like, this guy's really freaking me out. And
I'm just looking at the board and thinking what I'm
inn order and I'm there with my friends and we're
all quiet, and then I like look back at him
and he looks at me, and I fucking shit, you not,
and I will go to my grave with this. But
like he said hello Jamon, and then he looked back

(45:58):
down and it's like it never happen. And I was
like and my friend was like, what the fuck did
he just say? And I was like, he just fucking
said hello Jamon, I swear, and I was like and
I was like, I gotta get out of here. I can't.
I was all, order me food. I can't. I went
to the car and I was like, what the fuck
is going on? And I was like, did that really
just happen? But my friend was there and she like
heard it, So it was like just that was this

(46:19):
period of time where I was like the I felt
very targeted by dark energy. But within all that, I
learned how to use like my light, you know, and
I learned how to protect myself spiritually, and it felt
like another initiation into a hole new So after it
was probably like a year or two of experiences like that,

(46:40):
I like fortified my energy in such a way and
I built myself back up. And now I never have
dark experiences. And if I feel some weird shit, I'm like, oop, bye,
you know, I just blast blasted away. I like I
have all these tools now that I've learned through those
experiences that like, I you know, I still have sleep prolysis,
but I never see anything weird. My body really wants

(47:01):
to astro project, like it tries to do it a lot,
but let me out of here. Yeah, no, I don't
want to. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. So I always, oh,
I'm like, get back in there, you know, I pull
it back in. But I go into sleep prolysis pretty often,
like I'll be falling asleep in ear yep, in my ears,
and it gets faster and louder. But I always I'm

(47:24):
like no, no, no, and I snap myself out of
it because I don't because I've had so many dark
scary I mean like hundreds of times where I had
sleep process and scary things happened. So I like trying
to get over it, knowing now that like, you know,
I'm okay, Like it's not that's because nothing really dark
and scary ever happens to me anymore like that.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
But I still're surrounded by those people anymore. That's what
I want to say too, Like I had similar experiences
where I was like smoking weed and drinking and have
these like all these toxic people around me, and we
do that because that's what feels safe to us. That's
what we grew up with, That's what I've learned. So
like that helped me not blame myself for picking my
ex and all the other assholes that I dated. You know,

(48:07):
it felt safe, it felt familiar, and so do the friends,
and so does the behavior because our family did the
same thing. And so it's like we're like, you know,
the black Sheep, the chosen Ones, where we're going to
clear this ancestral cycle in this lifetime, and within doing so,
you have to go to that dark night where you
like literally go and process. I feel like I process

(48:30):
my own like my own experiences, but through it I
processed the lineage too of like men's like discussing behavior
that women have experienced. And then also I feel like
I cleared I am clearing both lineages, my mom's side
and my dad's side. And now same thing I used

(48:52):
to have sleep processis all the time I would hear
like just walking I never saw anything. Thank good, because
I'm such a little bit comes to that. But what
I've learned, like I've had out of body experiences and
as I've like worked through and like isolated myself, I
did I went to the other side of the coin
where now I'm like my energy, like I have gone

(49:15):
through the most horrific mental health experiences one can imagine.
I will never subject myself to anyone that has bad energy.
Ever again, I'm not going to talk myself out of
it because I'm not going to go back to that place.
And so I feel like for both of us, we
kind of had to go through those experiences where now
we have this like hardcore boundary where we're not going

(49:38):
to do drugs, drink whatever because it's not worth it.
It's not worth it. And then we've raised our vibration too,
like I can't even if I have a glass of wine,
I will get severe anxiety, like I feel like my
vibration has raised so much or my body can't handle it.
I can't smoke weed, I can't drink I'll just get
really bad anxiety. And so I do feel like like

(50:01):
throughout my upbringing, I smoked weed like you did, and
it served its purpose, like it kept me alive, and
so thank you marijuana. But now where I'm at in
my life, I don't need those tools because I actually
have really good tools to like healthy tools to help
myself through whatever. I also want to say too that
when you do go through the horrific dark night of

(50:23):
the soul and you're so isolated and so alone, you
do get to the point where you develop this like
I don't give a fuck healthy mentality. You learn to
put yourself first. So before I was like a perfectionist
and I cared what everyone thought, and like that's why
it was so hard for me to like release podcast
episodes or I would like cancel clients because I wasn't

(50:44):
like feeling like one hundred today. And I had a
friend like tell me last year, like it's not that
serious and then when she said that, it like clicked
in my head, like why are like you're giving these
people such amazing readings, Like why are you like putting
so much pressure on your self? It's spirit doing it anyway.
And so anyways, going through that, I learned so much

(51:05):
about myself. I can't even like it's a laundry list
of things. And so I want to say, like, for
those people that are listening, that are going through it
right now, I promise you it's so worth it, but
you have to do the work. I went to therapy,
I did energy clearings. There's a voice that's that is
in my head where it will tell me you need

(51:26):
to stop doing this or you need to cut this
person out. I'll ask, I'll say how what I feel
so stuck right now? Like what do I need to do?
And then I'll hear a voice tell me, and it's
my higher self just directing me. And now I listen
to it because I don't have someone fucking with my
intuition and fucking with my head anymore. And it wasn't
even just my ex husband. I had all these shitty
people around me because again they felt safe. Now doesn't

(51:48):
feel safe anymore because I've done the work, and I
trust myself, and I've lived my the last two and
a half years on my own, raising kids. Like I feel,
I had this experience a couple months ago where I
was like, oh my god, like I literally have gone
like I was diagnosed with complex PTSD after the divorce.
That's how bad it was. I'm not going to go

(52:08):
into detail about what happened. That's that I feel like
it says enough. And so I have complex PTSD and
I'm raising three children and trying to like find my
way out of this with no support at all, and
I'm really and I finally was able to like work
through the uh depersonalization, de realization, like that all went

(52:29):
away when my ex husband moved out, Like I started
to feel safe and I stopped having like social anxiety
and like everything like went away. So I'm not fully
blaming it on him, but I do feel that there
is a component to like those of us who are
very like like Antennas, and we pick up on other
people's energy where it does make us feel like, oh

(52:51):
my god, like we blame our anxiety on us, but
we're actually picking up on the negative energy that they're
like emitting.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
Yeah, definitely, yeah, because we are antennas, you know, and
like your environment is everything. And that was that was
you know, one of the major pluses of like me
getting my own space is just like I get to
be in like my own energy yep. And and your
own energy is so you know what I mean, chef's kiss,
It's just like that's what you're here for. That's what

(53:20):
you're here to be. And like when I was younger,
I couldn't even you know, this is like the magic
of all the initiations and everything like that is now
like I have, I like know what my energy feels like,
and before I don't think I did, you know. And
so that all those all those experiences like fortify your

(53:43):
skills and like it like ignites this like fire inside
of you where like your energy is so powerful. And
that was one of the big tools that I learned too.
Whenever whenever I'm feeling like dark things around me, or
even if i feel like the like negative energy in
like a hotel room, or if there's like any in

(54:04):
my house, any anywhere, if I'm anywhere at all, connect
into my energy like the deepest core and just bring
it outwards in all directions, everything gone poof.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
You know, love is because love is the highest vibration
and your energy is love. I teach uh because I
teach mediumship, and one of the things that I teach
is sitting in the power, which is essentially you just
sitting in your own energy and making yourself familiar with
what you feel like. So then when a spirit presents itself,
it's very obvious because you're so connected to yourself. And

(54:37):
so everyone should do that because when you're doing that,
you're fighting off diseases illnesses in your body because you're
you're literally spreading love, high vibrating energy throughout your body.
And then it's also everybody's fucking gifted, so it's also
making you more connected to your gift of knowing, your
gift of feeling, hearing, seeing all of it. You don't
have to do drugs to have a magical experience.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Oh I did. I did a sitting in the power.
So this is back when when I think I did
my first session with you. Around that time my grandma died.
That triggered like a really big spiritual awakening for me.
I felt like my personal gifts were really like coming online.
At that point. I've never felt more connected than I

(55:22):
did at that point. There was probably like a six
month period where I was like, oh my god, you know,
I'm feeling really really really connected to like my spirit team,
just my gifts, like all this all this stuff. And
I did a sitting in the power exercise one time
and it actually really freaked me out because I was
sitting in the power for a while and then I
felt really like yeah, and then I opened my eyes

(55:44):
and like there was this like this energy entity thing
in the corner of my room like observing me. There
was like orbs flying around, and there was another skitter
scattery kind of static energy like all right there. And
I was like, oh, oh my god, whoa. Okay, that's
a lot for the you know, like I wasn't anticipating

(56:04):
all this, like chill out, you guys.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
You know, I like, I feel like you have the
ability to channel very easily.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
You usually just say yeah, I need to work on
it a little bit more, because I know I have
like you know, no, don't say.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
Work on it. I feel like you should just sit
in the power, open up your voice memo appt, pushed record,
and then just sit and just like you'll start to
like like like have the intention that you're connecting with
a divine, loving, high vibrating being and then it will
speak through you and it will give you the messages.
And I just I feel it so strongly. I feel

(56:41):
so strongly, And a lot of people have issues channeling.
I I've done like a trance mediumship class, and it
wasn't for me. Every time I would hear my own voice,
it would like pull me out of it. I just
feel like I'm so solid in my gifts because I
taught myself how to read at a very young age.
But for you, I really feel very si that like
you can do it easily and it's very rare.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Okay, yeah, try I'll definitely try it out. This is like, yeah,
I think I need this too, because lately I've been
kind of just like what am I doing? You know,
like I'm a little bit of like I feel like
everything's fine, but you get a little lost in life
sometimes you're just like going through the motions and like,
I don't like when my life gets too three D
because they get very like, uh.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
You know, well, yeah, well after you've had our experiences,
I can't oppressed. My life is three D. I need
some Like again, I'm so lucky that I have mediumship
because it's kept me alive. And over the course of
the last two years, my gift has gotten so much stronger,
and I'm so grateful, and I feel like it only
got stronger because now I'm like a clearer vessel and

(57:46):
now spirits like it's like they can easily come in.
So it's so funny. When you were talking, I saw
you pulling cards for yourself. I feel like you're going
to be able to guide yourself because you can trust yourself,
where a lot of people don't have that. Yeah. So yeah,
I feel like, start today, go sit in the power,
make the intention. It's all about intention setting. Also, the

(58:08):
other thing I want to say when you were talking
about astral projection, I feel like your team in spirit
is trying to show you the other side that duality.
That was the word I was looking for before. That's
what this earth out is. Duality. You've already experienced the darkness,
so let them experience the light like I literally see
all of these angels like I too. I don't know.

(58:31):
Time doesn't exist after you've gone through like significant trauma.
I think it was like two months ago. I have
had experiences with Jesus, and one day I went to
go take a nap and I just like said a prayer,
like please like clear my energy field, help me feel
more empowered again. It's just been like one thing after
another of like toxicity, and I had it's always when

(58:53):
I go to take a nap. It's never at night.
I had instantly sleep paralysis. And then I felt Jesus
standing next to me and emitting like a loving, high
vibrating energy into my body, and I kept trying to
roll out of my body where I was like doing somersaults,
and I was like, let me out, let me out,
And I knew that I wasn't supposed to. It was

(59:14):
just I was just supposed to have that experience. But
behind him was another like high vibrating being that felt
like an ascended master. And then my dad was there,
and it was weird because it was like they were
in a different realm. It's kind of like I could
equate it to like someone who was trying to fine
tune like an old radio, where it was like I

(59:35):
could hear them and then they'd turn it, and then
I could hear them and they could turn it and
it was so cool, and I don't know how long
it lasted because as you know, like time doesn't exist
when you'recing this, but it was one of the most
amazing experiences of my life. And I had asked them
because the last two and a half years have been crazy.
I'm like, what had like when I first started reading,

(59:59):
I was a single mom with my daughter and she
was like three, and I asked them. I was like, what,
like I used to see angel orbs, I used to
like have out of body experiences and like just crazy, crazy, crazy,
amazing experiences. And I heard a voice say, go back
to your roots. And then I saw a vision of
me getting up at five o'clock in the morning and

(01:00:20):
meditating for me. And that was the thing where I like,
I do readings and so I meditate to connect and
then like I'm being of service for others, which I'm
not complaining about, but it was like I needed to
give back to myself. So I started doing that and
then I had that experience, and now I keep having
all of these amazing experiences, and I think that, like

(01:00:40):
it's really important for us. Whether I'm maybe I'm rare
because I'm a medium, but I feel like it's important
for you every morning to connect with yourself, to ground
yourself into the earth energy, especially with how all the
harshness going on in the world. It's really important because
you guys are in tennis too. We are. I fucking

(01:01:01):
hate when people say we're awakening, but it's just the
best way to explain it. We all are awakening. We
all are being not forced, being guided to like raise
our vibration. So start like everybody's being nudged right now,
you're listening to this podcast because your higher self is
guiding you to do something different, to start connecting with
your sovereignty, with your energy and like claim your power.

(01:01:26):
I do. It's so weird. I'm eating like downloads right now.
I hate that word too. I do feel like there's
gonna be a lot of changes when it comes to
like partnerships, marriages. I feel like more people are going
to becoming independent and connecting with themselves over the course
of the next three years. I don't know why I
just said that. I heard them tell me to say that,
but I feel like me and you are living proof
you can literally go through the fucking hardest, roughest shit,

(01:01:49):
and I have to say there was not There was
a not hope at points for me, Like my gift
kept me alive because I knew that, like I was
meant to be here because of it, and then obviously
my kids. I couldn't off myself because of my kids.
But it got really dark there for a period of time,
but there was always this knowing that like it's not

(01:02:10):
like this knowing like everything's gonna be okay. It was
more of like tomorrow's another day, the sun will rise
and hopefully it gets better, right right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
There's something at least something inside of you that is
like just one more day, one more just get through it.
But yeah, it's like to anybody who might be going
through the more difficult times or darker or if you're
just kind of blah, like connecting in with your own
energy is like the probably the most powerful tool to

(01:02:40):
like guide you somewhere else. And then like how we
you know, give it to the universe. Ask the universe,
you know, ask for guidance, ask for ask for your
life to change if that's what you want, ask for
something beautiful to happen, and then let yourself have it,
because yeah, I mean this the universe, this is so

(01:03:00):
so so playful. I mean, it's like the universe is
like a big little kid. I mean, it's it's always
wanting to play with you. You just have to like
be open to the to the game it wants to play,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
Right? I like how you said playful, because it is
it's so magical, like we're meant to be with kids.
Like having felt like when you said that I saw
a kid jumping on a trampoline, like and like playing
running on the beach and like not giving a fuck
about like social media has ruined us. And I've learned
that along the way that I felt maybe I wasn't
fully authentic. I had this perfectionist like I had to

(01:03:32):
look a certain way or act a certain way, and
I cared what everyone thought. And by going through this,
I don't care anymore, Like this is who I am,
Like you know, it's embarrassing to me. It was embarrassing, like, oh,
a psychik medium got cheated on. I asked him specifically
multiple times if he was cheating on me, and he
lied to me and he was very good at it.
And so like I feel like part of my legacy

(01:03:55):
is like the fact that that could happen to me,
it could happen to other people, and don't blame yourself.
And I also want to say too, it's really this
is really important to me. If you've ever if you
are in a relationship, or if you've ever experienced narcissistic abuse,
listen or read the book. It's called It's Not You,
but I believe it's doctor Ramatta. I might be saying

(01:04:16):
her name wrong. Just google It's Not You. That book.
I've read so many books. That book changed my life.
It helped me realize not just with my ex husband,
just different like I attract narcissists. I like I it's
just me. I feel like I just have so much empathy.
They feel safe. I was. It felt safe because of

(01:04:37):
my upbringing. And that book just really helped me make
me see that these experiences were just experiences. This is
my fault, not my fault. It was meant to happen
the way that it did. Yes, it's super fucked up.
But now I'm in this chapter of like, ooh, like
what can I create? I can podcast again, I can

(01:04:59):
do whatever the fuck I want. I don't have to
ask anyone's permission.

Speaker 2 (01:05:03):
Right, there's this level of freedom and like it's just
a whole new world, you know, like it's a how
new world and you have like things imposed on you.
It condenses you and condenses you. But the thing about
that is, you know, you condense an energy source so
much it's gonna explode, you know. And so it's like

(01:05:24):
that's what happens to our lives. I feel like they
just and they explode and everything gets crazy chaotic. But
then once it gets ordered again, it's like you're at
a whole new level. It's like the video game leveling up,
you know, and then like.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Amazing people come in. That's how I did you feel
like that too? Because I like literally lost everyone, like
every best friend. I literally had no support at all.
And then I went through this period of time where
I'm just doing things myself again, like what do I
enjoy doing? I enjoy hiking, We're gonna go do that.
I used to do yoga, We're gonna go do that.

(01:05:59):
And just putting things on my plate that felt that
that made me feel good. So if you're in that
spot too, and you're like I don't know myself, listen
to your heart. What makes you feel good, even if
it's as simple as like walking your dog on the beach,
like that will help reconnect you with yourself and then
you'll start to continue to level up.

Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
And notice too, when you do the things that you
like to do, what are you thinking about? How are
you feeling? Like what comes into your mind? Because that's
another thing too, is like I uh, I don't think
I was very good at like listening to myself before. Also,
when you have a lot of anxiety, your mind is
like racing all the time, so it's like really hard
to hear the intuition. But like I get crazy intuitive

(01:06:44):
hits all the time. If I actually pay attention. I mean,
if I wrote all these things down, it would be insane.
Like I mean, I think about one of my friends
and they drive by right in front of me, or
like I had this question. I had a friend we
had a falling out recently. It was and it was
really kind of a dumb thing. But I was like,
I wonder I was driving for work. I drive for work,

(01:07:06):
so and small town. I was like, I wonder if
I see him in public out and about would he
even say hi to me? And the second, the very second,
I thought that he comes around the corner in his
car and where the cars like pass and I like
do a little wave and he's both handles three. Well nothing,
And I was like, well that answered my question immediately,

(01:07:26):
you know what I mean. Like it's you just get
to this point of like everything's such a feedback loop
and when you start connecting with it more, it's like,
oh my god, you can think something and it happens
right there. And all the time I have a question
about something random or whatever, I'll ask or I won't
I won't even ask anybody about it. I'll just think

(01:07:47):
about it. And I'm telling you it'sin a couple of days,
some random person is talking and I hear the answer
to my question, or like somebody brings it up to
me or whatever. It is, Like it's just really odd.
So you got to just really notice, like start paying
attention and you'll find like amazing things are happening all
the time around you.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
What I want to add is and removing the distractions
like I had again, like I asked my higher self universe,
what is getting in the way, And this is so stupid,
but it was like TikTok, and it was like making
me fearful. One day, I text my brother because I
saw something on TikTok and he called. He's like, I

(01:08:27):
have lunch break, I'll call you at noon, and so
we like he's like, list out all your fears and
so I'm like listening to them outless. He's like, no,
that's not true, like blah blah, and he's like, have
you ever thought about reading a book? And I'm like, actually,
I do read books. I'm just I'm I'm like, okay,
I promise you. I'm just going to fucking delete the app.
And I had I don't know how many followers, but
I literally deleted my account. I think it's been like

(01:08:49):
four weeks. I don't know. Again, time doesn't exist. But
I text my brother a couple of days ago. I said, hey,
my mental health is eighty percent better since deleting TikTok.
And then I have a trianglemit for Instagram only thirty
minutes a day. Like again, we there's so I don't
watch any The only thing that I'm watching right now,
which is so kind of embarrassing is Dancing with the Stars,

(01:09:09):
Like I can't even used to watch The Real Housewives Dateline,
Like I can't watch any of that shit anymore. It's
just like you vibrate out of things. And so like
if you're struggling with like eating too much, smoking whatever,
I don't focus on that, focus on healing within. And
then I swear to God you I naturally released everything

(01:09:30):
that I was struggling with.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
Right, Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty amazing. Yeah, when you
feel you gotta fill whatever you're missing with like your
own energy and with your own joy. And you know,
I'm not perfect at it. I still have certain vices
every now and then. And drinking has been one thing
that I've always like kind of teetered back and forth
with because I've been totally sober for like for like
up to like a year, a year and a half

(01:09:54):
period of time, and then like end up drinking a
little bit and then you know, find like it's it's.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
It's a spiral. You spiral back into it, and then
you learn.

Speaker 2 (01:10:03):
It, you spiral back out of it. But it's definitely
one of those things where like lately I'm like, okay, this,
you know, it gets old.

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
You're tired of your own bullshit?

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
Yeah, exactly, And and like I'm actually architect of my
own suffering in a lot of ways, you know. And
so and I know that now like before, it's like,
oh God, the world, you know, but it's like no,
like you have so much power to to just make
different choices, and one different choice like like totally like

(01:10:34):
move the inertia of that one choice can like move
you into a completely different place so easily. You know.

Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
I love that. I love how you said that. You're
the archetype type architect of your own suffering. We all are,
and we all this might piss a lot of people off,
but whatever is happening in your life, you're fifty percent
of the problem. You're choosing it, you're allowing it in
some way. Maybe it's an experience that you had. It's
probably is an experience that you have that you have
yet to heal. And that's what I learned through all

(01:11:02):
of this is and just really having that realization and
then maybe I don't realize like what needs to be healed,
but then I'll ask the universe, and then the universe
again shows me. And sometimes it does feel like a fuck,
like a slap in the face, but I rather have
the awareness and like the oh, like the you know,
the gut punch, instead of like continuing to do the

(01:11:23):
same thing over and over again, like my now I'm
at the point where like I am happy, Like I
don't feel like I've ever been happy in my life, Like, yeah,
I have crazy shit still going on, but I have learned.
Like it's kind of like I'm in this bubble in
space and then like there's shit going on outside of
my bubble and it could be a chaotic out there,

(01:11:45):
and I can open the door and sometimes I have
to go and deal with it because that's part of life.
But then I can come back in to my own
sanctuary and I can feel safe again. And so again,
like you guys can get to that point too. You
just have to do the work.

Speaker 2 (01:11:59):
Yeah, it's all about doing the work and changing the
way that you perceive things. You know, Yes, that's a
huge aspect of it. It's just perception changing because if
you can, if even if you do none of the work,
but you change the way you perceive things, that's like
fifty percent of the battle right there.

Speaker 1 (01:12:17):
I agree with you. And changing the way you perceive
things means to me, what role am I playing in this?
Like I could blame you could blame your parents, I
could blame my ex, I could blame whoever. But it's
like wait, nope, you chose you had a part. You
were dancing in this dance too, so like taking responsibility
for that as well, and like I feel like if

(01:12:37):
you can do that, some people need help, some people
like guidance, and some people don't. And so if you're struggling,
I don't know. I've made intentions with the universe show
me and let me get through this, expedite me through this,
and I expedite through it so I don't have to
sit in it for years and years and years. And again,
I'm so grateful because now I'm not letting people walk
all over me. And I have so much empathy for

(01:12:58):
like my younger self. And I saw this thing the
other day and it was like, if you could have
ten million dollars or go back and be six years
old with the knowledge that you have, which one would
you pick?

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
Which one would you pick six years old?

Speaker 1 (01:13:12):
Absolutely? I would pick years.

Speaker 2 (01:13:14):
Old, absolutely, because I could rule the fucking what I'm saying,
like I could rule the world at that point, like
just being young and knowing like like what a deeper
level of what the world is. And like I said,
I had all these crazy, weird fears when I was
little I was always afraid of everything, and I was

(01:13:36):
afraid to like be myself and I was afraid to
you know, like I grew up gay and it's small,
little town, and like there's always like little secrets, and
like I had like chaotic home life and like you know,
domestic violence and drug abuse and like all these things.
Like there was a lot of reasons to be kind
of fearful, but like in the grand scheme of it,
none of it ever actually like really mattered that much.

(01:13:58):
It was all just an experience. And of course when
you're young, you don't know that. But basically going back
knowing then what I know now, I mean I would
be completely vibrant in every single way, you know what
I mean. I wouldn't be afraid to be fully in
my energy, to like shine as a person.

Speaker 1 (01:14:18):
No, imagine all of like the suffering you could eliminate.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
Oh my god, it would be incredible.

Speaker 1 (01:14:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
Well that's actually like that's like inner child work too, though,
I mean going in even because I'm just getting this
little thought about that, and like even if you could
go in and tell your inner child at that age,
like all of the things you wish they would have
known and like and then like let them experience that
and like in like a you know, in a vision,
in a journey or whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
I do that. Do you do that? I do visualizations
like that.

Speaker 2 (01:14:48):
Oh, I do stuff like that all the time. Like
I just kind of whenever I feel called to it,
I'll go in. I do all kinds of you know,
I'll do inner child work on myself. I'll do if
I feel like I am like, you know, getting sick
or whatever, I'll like, you know, go in a little journey,
you know. I'll be in my lungs and I'm like,
what like shining light in there and doing different things.

(01:15:10):
I just do all kinds of I do whatever I
feel called to do.

Speaker 1 (01:15:14):
You know. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people
have that knowing, but they don't. They lack faith or
and or they're just not with themselves. So I hope
this episode has helped those of you listening reclaim your power.
Be honest with yourself. If you're miserable at your job,
like you're making yourself small because of family, if it's

(01:15:37):
a relationship or you're in a bet sec bad habit,
ask the universe. Ask the universe, say like, please help
me release this in a loving, gentle way and then
let it be. And I promise you within two weeks,
within two weeks, your life will change. And for those
of you that actually do this, please share. Send me

(01:15:57):
an email mediumcreen at gmail dot com. I want to
hear all about it. I think we should. I think
we should stop here. We've shared a lot. Thank you, no,
thank you for being so authentic open. I feel like
it's just so with how the world is. Every you know,
social media paints everyone's life to be so perfect, and

(01:16:20):
I do so many readings, and everybody's suffering right now.
So it's just like that's the point of this podcast,
like me sharing, other people sharing, like hopefully you know
it'll get you out of that victim mentality and have
this inner knowing like you're meant to go through things,
but you're gonna get out of it and you'll come
out the other side a better version of yourself if

(01:16:40):
you choose to the perception shift and if you have
a knowing how to guide yourself. You are a strong,
sovereign being. We are guided to just like we're trained
to give our power away, reclaim your power ass the
universe to help you.

Speaker 2 (01:16:59):
All the hard things your life are teaching you how
to get through those things. They're all fortifying your energy.
Like nothing is happening to you to assault you. It's
happening to you to build your armor, you know. And
that's that's It's that perception change where you're like, all
of this has made me stronger. It hasn't taken anything
from me. It's actually enlivened this inner fire, you know, right,

(01:17:23):
let it, Let it burn your Jedi, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:17:26):
I love that I this will end with this. I
obviously I do a lot of readings and I get
to watch a lot of people watch their life back
after they pass away. And when I was going through
the darkest time, like the darkest, deepest, hopeless time, I
remember like that popping into my head, Like when I
watch my life back, I want to watch myself pull

(01:17:46):
myself out of this without anyone's help and know that
like I did this all by myself, I didn't have
to depend on anyone. And I feel like now moving forward,
I have the tools with whatever life throws at me
to be able to handle and not crumble where I
would crumble before and again I had. The anxiety has gone,

(01:18:08):
the depression's gone, and like, yeah, I have bad days
and shit, but like, I don't know, there was just
like it's kind of like a tsunami happen and it
just like cleared everything away. And with that now I
have like peace, and it's what I've been praying for
my entire life. So thank you so much for joining me.

Speaker 2 (01:18:25):
Yeah, of course that was awesome. Thank you for having me,
and it's always a pleasure.

Speaker 1 (01:18:29):
Yeah, we'll have to have you on again and talk
more about like psychedelics and stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:18:34):
Yeah, we could do that for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:18:36):
All Right, thank you guys so much for listening. If
you want in more information, they'll be like information on
how to be reading with me and the notes section
and some other stuff of classes that I'm teaching. Yeah,
thanks for listening.

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