Ketamine Infusion Therapy

In this episode of Walking on Feathers, Medium Kareen, with co-host Amber, go in-depth on ketamine infusion therapy, Kareen’s experience with ketamine, and the spiritual, emotional, and mental effects of ketamine-related treatments. Kareen encourages all who have dealt with trauma to seek out ketamine infusion therapy with a trusted psychotherapist or psychologist.

Kareen felt spiritually led to start ketamine in September, and shares both the scary and the freeing details of her trips. She explores how the therapy connects her with her subconscious mind, allowing her subconscious mind to process childhood traumas, anxiety, and depression. She focuses on the importance of surrendering to the ketamine therapy, emphasizing the need to embrace fear and allow herself to travel through consciousness and understand the spiritually and personally symbolic nature of the vivid scenes that are a part of the ketamine trips.

Kareen also reminds listeners that spring registration for courses 1, 2, and 3 in mediumship development opens next week. Anyone interested can email her at [e-mail].

“We all have the opportunity to override our mind, but you have to face the fear.”
-Medium Kareen



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Episode Transcript

(00:10):
Hi, everyone ambers here. Hi. So we're going to be discussing ketamine
infusion therapy. Where do I begin? Why, Well, let's start.
Why did you decide to start lookinginto kenemine infusion Because I fucking tried everything
to heal my anxiety and someone toldme that it helped them significantly, So

(00:30):
I feel like it was my lastoption, right, and so you started
researching Yeah, So I started researchingit. Some people would say that it
wasn't a hallucinogen, some people saidthat it was. I'm here to say
that it definitely is a lot offacilities. So ketamine's legal if you do

(00:51):
it with a doctor, your insurancedoes not cover it. Everywhere in the
United States it's covered except if youdo spravado, which is ketamine nasal spray.
With the doctor that I worked with, he didn't want me doing spravado
because he said my anxiety was sohigh that he wanted to go full force.
So there's different types of ketamine.You can do pilform, you can

(01:15):
be hooked up to an ivy,or you can get an injection. The
place the facility I went to theydo injections. So but before I got
started, I had to do aconsultation with a psychiatrist. We discussed all
of my symptoms, just laid itall out on the table, and they
kind of make a plan based offof what you're going through and what you've

(01:38):
experienced. And so one of thethings that ketamine does is it pulls everything
out of your subconscious mind, notin the way that you think though.
So I thought a lot of mysessions would be like childhood trauma, like
me getting hit. I didn't haveany It wasn't It was nothing came up
that I thought would come up.It was stuff that was in the back
of my mind. But I hadrealizations regarding how it had affected me were

(02:05):
before I didn't know that right anyway. So first you do your initial consultation
and then you do they recommend youdo six sessions within two to three weeks.
They said that it was really importantto do it in that timeframe,
and yeah, most facilities do that. And then based off of healing and

(02:25):
your experience with it, they youeither go back I don't know, a
couple of times a month, oncea month, once every three month,
six months months a year. Again, it depends on your symptoms. So
luckily I did a lot of research. I found a facility in San Diego
that I just felt, I don'tknow, I was really drawn to.

(02:46):
And so there's a psychologist who ownedI'm sorry, a psychiatrist who owns the
practice, and then there's two otherpsychiatrists who you do your sessions with.
So you go in to this andthere's like six different rooms and they all
are pretty relaxing. It's kind oflike when you go to get massage.

(03:08):
Some of them have projectors where theyproject like the ocean on the wall sum
is space, So yeah, it'spretty relaxing. There's two nurses there,
and the nurses do you take yourvitals and you have you're hooked up to
a machine so they have your vitalsin real time when you're injected. Then

(03:28):
the psychiatrist comes in and you justtalk and you just say how you feel,
what you're going through, blah blahblah. So and then before my
first appointment, I met with apsychotherapist and the doctor had recommended that I
do ketamine and I see one oftheir psychologists to process each session. So

(03:49):
I was like, all right,well, I want to do it right,
so I'm going to do it.And I was seeing my therapist as
well. It was not a teamI was working with. So I just
want to say real quick, myanxiety was so bad I couldn't drive.
He just got to the point whereI would feel so overwhelmed and like overstimulated,
and I started getting these like hugeitchy wells all over my body.

(04:11):
My hair started falling out. Iwas pretty in a really bad place.
I was depressed and anxious at thesame time. And so that's what led
me to this. Right. Somy dad's passing just literally surfaced a lot
of trauma. Okay, So sowhen did you start these treatments in September?
In September, Yeah, so thenyou've been to a few. You've

(04:35):
been going, Oh, I've donetwelve now, right, Okay, so
we're going to talk about the sixthbecause I feel like those were the most
important. Okay. So the doctorhad told me to take klona pen because
my anxiety was so high and Ihave issues taking pills. I just don't

(04:56):
like being dependent on it, andyou didn't want to take it, and
he had to like convince you totake it, kind of going back and
forth with him about you know,I still did it. I mean,
he told he was like, I'venever had a patient who won't take meds.
And even my husband was like,it's doctor's orders. Just take it.
It's temporary. I would have totell you. I'd be like,
can you just take your medicine?Stop torturing yourself now, just take it.

(05:17):
I don't know why I'm like that. Yeah, I just don't want
to be dependent on anything. I'venever had issues with pills. I just
didn't want to be dependent. Buthe one thing that he told me that
was really helpful that made me justlike give into this whole process was he's
like, you're not okay. Stoppretending like you are, right. And
after that, I started hysterically cryingand I was like, oh my god,
you're right. I'm not okay rightnow. Stop fighting it. Yeah,

(05:40):
that's what it was. And thenthat really helped me because then I
was just in this position to acceptwhere I was at and just own it
and not run away from it anymore. Yeah, surrender, totally surrendered.
So I met with the psychologist,and usually I think most people have issues
vibe in with their therapist. Shewas amazing, thank god. And that's

(06:00):
the thing, Like this whole journey, I feel like it was like I
was being divinely guided because of thepeople that I met. The psychiatrist who
owns the facility was very aware ofDPDR. There's a lot of doctors that
don't know what it is, right, and he knew what it was,
and he explained it in a waythat I don't know. Another doctor hadn't

(06:23):
described it to me. And hebasically said that my anxiety was just so
high that I was so overwhelmed thatmy brain needed a safe place to go
too. And so anyways, Imet with the therapist, the psycho psycho
psychologist, same thing, therapists,the same thing. Anyway, she prepped
me for the session and she basicallytold me, you're going to they're going

(06:45):
to inject you, and then you'rejust going to surrender. And I have
control issues and so already this ishard for him, Like, well,
how do you surrender? And she'slike, you don't fight it. One
thing she told me that was reallyhelpful was she kept repeating in and through
and through and it didn't make sensein the moment, but when they injected
me, it did. So wediscussed it. She told me that the

(07:08):
possibilities are unless you can become acolor, you can become a scent,
you can become nothing. Well,you were really focused on the worst that
was going to happen. You werelike, what is the worst that you
see? Am I gonna take offall my clothes and run down this all
way naked screaming because I need toknow all what is going to happen exactly,
tell me everything. So she washonest. I did say that,

(07:30):
and she was like, that's onlyhappened once. Yeah. I was like,
I don't want that even being apossibility. So that actually fucked on
me a little bit. But she'slike, you know the nurses are great,
Like they know they were great too, you had really bonded with them.
Yeah, I'm gonna call the mainnurse Tea because he was He's been

(07:51):
pretty incredible. So anyway, shejust told me what to expect and um,
just try to have me go inwith an open mindset. So I
took a bunch of notes and Iwrote them all down, and I bring
a backpack with me. I havea blanket, my headphones, water,
just make yourself really comfortable. Yeah, And I put my notes in there,

(08:11):
and when I'm waiting for the doctorcome in, I'm like reading over
the notes. And so for myfirst session TA, the nurse comes in
and it's very very sweet, andI'm like telling him how scared I am,
and he sits down and he's like, I don't know if he asked
me while I was there or ifI just like overshared it. But we
talked about like my dad dying andhow I was just really sad and like

(08:33):
struggling with the emotions because I didn'tthink I was going to care and it
basically paused my life. And hehad told me that, you know,
he's been working there for quite awhile and he felt very hopeful for me.
And I told him I was reallyscared, and he's like, there's
a button and if you get scared, you pushed the button. And I'm
like, but I don't want tobe an inconvenience and he's like, it's

(08:54):
my job, Like who cares,Like he's just like that's why I'm here.
Yeah, And so it took awhile for there's like really long periods
of time like in between, likethe nurse will come in and then like
take your vitals and then and thenit's like, I don't know, twenty
minutes and then the doctor comes in, then you talk, and then it's

(09:16):
like another ten minutes before they comein and inject you. And so there's
a lot of like surrendering going onand like just trying to be impatient.
You're there for a long, longfucking time, like four hours and so,
and I don't know if all facilitiesare like this. The one that
I go to is and so theyI get the injections. I'm not connected
to an ivy, which I thoughtI would be, But when you get

(09:39):
injected, all of the medicine hitsyou at once. So I'm kind of
glad that I didn't know. Sofor my first session, I lit it.
For every single session, I wouldwrite an intention on my hand,
and that's really important because you're kindof guiding your subconscious mind where to take
you. And so for my firstsession, I just said, show me
why I'm anxious. I might cry, like feel it coming up. So

(10:03):
I literally would sit in the recliningchair with my hands facing up and like
trying not to move my body becauseI felt and that if I did,
it would freak me out because Iwouldn't feel like I had control of my
body. And then I would likehave a panic attack, but that's not
the case. That was just whatI was hearing. So for the first
like seven sessions, that's what Idid. I would just sit and like

(10:24):
just try to like relax as muchas possible. So they come in and
they inject it into your arm.And the first one they those you very
very low right, and the nurseTea is like, I'm going to come
in in like ten minutes to makesure that it's hitting you, like how
I'm gonna know. He's like,trust me your nail now. So he

(10:45):
injects me and I'm just waiting,waiting, waiting, and I think it
takes like two to three minutes tohit. And I'm going to do my
best to explain this. It's avery hard to explain. All of a
sudden, you start to become awareof I remember feeling like my heart like
more aware of my heart beating andthinking like, oh my god, he's
gonna come in because I'm having aheart attack. Okay, So that's part
of it. The other part islike like your breathing is more enhanced and

(11:09):
you can literally it's kind of likethose movies where you're like watching from the
someone's perspective where their eyes are blinking. It's like you, yes, it's
like that, but it's not scary. It wasn't scary. It was just
more awareness. And then you feellike you were watching yourself from above or
like were you in it? Likenot yet, Okay, that happens after

(11:30):
you talk some more. So um, all of the sudden, I start
to feel like a consciousness okay,like I'm just my consciousness. And then
I and again this is like mebeing very low dosed. I saw my
dad and I started crying and Iheard him. It was a lot like

(11:52):
mediumship because he came through that waylike I saw him, and it was
very it was more clear than mediumship. And then I heard him say I'm
so sorry, I'm so sorry,and I started like hysterically crying. And
this is the only time I've cried, by the way. I started hysterically
crying, and then t came into make sure that it had hit me,
and it pulled me out of it, and then I was like,

(12:13):
yeah, hit me. And thenI just sat there and it was like
this profound feeling like he's still here, and I know that he's still here.
I'm a medium. I get it, but it was different to experience
it. And so after that itwas like the seed was planted of like,
oh, like this is different thanI thought it was going to be.
I thought it was kind of goingto be like when you smoke weed

(12:35):
and like, are you're doing drugsor something. You're doing some sort of
like mind altering substance and you're goingto have like a trip or something.
Yeah, you didn't think you're goingto be like on mushrooms or something or
like, yeah, like be completelydisconnected and not aware at all. I've
never done mushrooms the only drug.Yeah, so anyways, yeah, yeah,
yeah, so I reculation, butwhat you would imagine at like a

(12:56):
trippy but you see like a trippything to be like you know, we're
like things are swirling and like herethat happens. But yes, it wasn't.
The first session was not like that. So then second session, UM
had to go in a couple ofdays later and there was a different doctor
there. We're gonna call him doctorc okay, and he comes in and
he's like, I'm not a normaldoctor. I'm not like the other psych

(13:18):
chiatrist. I'm I'm an EmPATH.I'm very intuitive and I was like,
and I'm a medium, and he'slike going through my paperwork, He's like,
why isn't that in your paperwork?Like because I didn't want them to
think I was crazy. And sowe start vibing, like talking about like
life and enlightenment and like like justhow me and you are with all of
our spirituality. He ends up talkingto me for an hour and to the

(13:43):
point where like the nurse comes andknocks on the door and was like,
yeah, there's like what so um. He told me I'll just we just
personal things and um, just likehis own experiences. And I told him
how scared I was, and hetold he was like that why you have
anxiety? Because you're so scared.He's like, life isn't happening to you,

(14:05):
but you feel like it is.And instead of feeling like it is,
you need just to embrace the scarymoments. And so that's where I
got embraced the fear. I've beenlike repeating it because it's helped me in
life. It's helped me doing ketamine, it's helped me with mediumship and the
perfectionists, it's helped me with likemy struggles. Embrace the fear so everyone

(14:26):
listening, embrace the fear. Ifyou have issues with anxiety, embrace it.
Yeah, so he told me,embrace the fear. If you see
anything scary, it's because it's teachingyou. And so he comes in and
injects me. And you were remindedconstantly that you know, there's nothing to
be afraid of, and you hada whole team with you, and if
anything happens, you were under constantsupervision. So yeah, you know you

(14:48):
weren't afraid. And even now whenI go in, when he's always there,
but I say, like, justso I feel better, I can
push the button right. So nowhe's later, we still so it's a
place of safety, so safe,and I feel so love and he he
always tells me you're so properly,you're so special. And now he's like

(15:13):
my Earth angels here. I getto see my Earth angel today and so
he's so sweet. I fucking lovehim. Anyway, Um, so the
second session so really quick. IAfter each session you have to write a
summary. It's really hard because you'refucked up. You have to write a
summary on an iPad of your trip. So I had her, his assistant
email me all of my experiences becauseobviously I'm not gonna remember them all so

(15:35):
up it has helped to jag mymemory. Second session felt like I was
on a roller coaster. It literallyfeels you're sitting in a reclining chair.
It feels like, all of asudden, you're on a ride at Disneyland
where it's like jagging and moving andyou're it's not scary. It's not like
a scary roller coaster, but it'skind of like the Haunted House ride where

(15:56):
you're like moving up and down allaround. Again, it's not scary.
It started moving and I was like, okay, and I wasn't scared.
I just again surrendered and I knewit it's gonna wear off, so I'm
not as scared, but I wasa little scared anyway. I started flying
and I saw pink, huge puffyclouds flew through them, and then I

(16:19):
can still see it so vividly.I saw this garden and it was like
so beautiful and vibrant and bright,and my dad was standing in the middle
of it playing his guitar, jammingout and then I sat in front of
him and just watched him. Andthe experience it's like you're floating from one
consciousness to another, so like,my dad's there, and then all of

(16:41):
a sudden, you're on that rideagain, and then it's pulling you to
something else, and then something elsehappens. So I saw my dad,
and then I the scene faded,I was pulled away from it, and
then all of a sudden, I'mwatching myself. And it was the very
first house I lived din I waslike two or three, and I'm walking

(17:02):
down the stairs trying to be quiet. I saw my dad sleeping on the
couch and one of my siblings wasin the room. They had gotten in
trouble, and we were holding hands. I was on one side of the
door, they were on the otherside of the door. And then after
it, and then I just felthow I felt in that moment. And
then I walked down the stairs andI was tiptoeing down the stairs trying not

(17:25):
to wake up my dad because Iknew if I woke him up, I
was gonna get in trouble. Andthen and while you're watching us, it's
not like overly, it's just likeyour what it's like that movie Scrooge where
he's going to what's that movie Scrooge? Yeah, it's Scrooge, but it's
the way it's the Smith's passed orsomething. Wait, yeah, so he's

(17:47):
watching himself as a child. He'swatching himself. That's exactly how it reminds
me too of your past life aggressionin a way, like how you're like
going from different kind of scenes likein moments and traveling. Yeah, this
is like, like I mean,totally different, but in a sense where
like it's like snippets of different Yeah, this is like you're in it where

(18:11):
you're in it watching it, wherethe past life regression you're just watching it,
Okay, But and this is waymore vivid and definitely more intense,
not in a scary way, likeI just feel like you're able to process
more. But I agree with you. And so after that the scene moves
away and you don't remember everything.It's like and I remember during it being

(18:32):
like thinking, you have to rememberthis, you have to remember this,
but it's not like you can't.And so that's all I wrote down for
the second Sesson. You write itdown though, I think that's brilliant.
So this third session, again,I only book my schedule my appointments with
doctor C because I love him andwe again vibe. I bring him a

(18:52):
book every a new book every timeI go in and so um, third
session, go in and inject mesee a pirate ship and it's so weird.
I was like a pirate ship andthese waves, and I knew that
my mind was like the wave.So a lot of the experiences like you're

(19:15):
connecting with your subconscious mind and theirsymbols in there and so and you just
have this knowing that like they areyes, yes, dcoding and I love
that. So it's like, there'sthe ship and that's me how I feel,
and my mind is the waves andcreating the waves and the intensity of
like yes and so um, Ihad this awareness that like I was making

(19:41):
the situations my life harder than givingyourself a rough sea. Yes, I'm
the waters girl. Yeah, andso um I heard a voice say slow
down and stop rushing. And soyou have the trip and the trip.
People say the trips not the mostimportant part. I feel like it's fifty

(20:02):
fifty. So you have the trip, and then after the trip you talk
to the doctor about it and you'rehaving like all of these realizations in the
moment you're kind of fucked up.And then afterwards you're building the neuroplasticity in
the brain, so your neurotransmitters havelike a new path to go. So
before if I was like depressed,like no, think it's better. You
start to build these new pathways whereyou feel more hope rewiring. Yes,

(20:23):
I swear to God, I havenoticed it significantly. And then in between
every second session, I'm seeing theirpsychologists and processing. The fourth session was,
oh, I remember this one.I again was like in this Disneyland,
right, and they're injecting me moreand more and more every single session,

(20:44):
right. And with the fourth session, I didn't want to go up.
I was scared, so I waslike, let's keep it as is
and see what happens, which wasa mistake because I didn't during the whole
time, I was more aware thanI should have been. Right, But
anyways, I saw darkness in abottle and I heard a voice, a
man's voice, say that I'm notready, She's not ready to open it.

(21:06):
And then I flew like over itand then there was like all of
the scenery, like beautiful nature,like mountains, deer like. It was
incredible, but I had this likeunderlying gross feeling throughout it, and I
always so weird. I had,like with every single session for the first

(21:26):
six I had this vision of likea man on top of me. It
was weird. I would like watchit and then it would just like pull
away and I would go to likeanother scene. So even if you don't
figure out like why you're seeing whatyou're seeing the meaning of it, your
subconscious mind is still processing it,so you don't need to have it all
figured out. But I think eventuallyyou'll be able to come to the realization

(21:48):
and process it when you're ready totally, you know. I think that has
a lot to do with why theysaid like she's not ready yet or it's
not time yet, you know,right, something need a little more time
to and I before I'm like Ihave to figure it out, like plus
I molested or blah blah blah,and I that definitely didn't serve me.

(22:08):
Now I'm okay with not knowing knowingthat I feel like I've processed a lot
of it during that session too.I saw some stuff with my daughter when
I was a single mom that Ididn't realize and affected me right, And
it's like, after you do thissession, I was like very emotional and

(22:29):
I am very hard on myself.So I would tell my husband like,
I don't know why I'm emotional.I don't know why I'm crying. He's
like, you kind of mean twodays ago, like you just be patient
with it. I mean it tookit brought up a lot of things,
and you didn't release all of itjust in that. You know, our
session after with the psychotherapist. Ittakes you days weeks to process one session,
you know, and sometimes things comeup and come out that you didn't

(22:52):
even think about in the moment,and then days later you're like, oh
my god, yeah we'll talk aboutthat. One time. I text you,
yeah, I'm getting there. Sothe next one was I was on
this train. I can see itas I'm talking about it. So cool.
I was on this train and itwas going through my mind and showing
me like events that were stuck there. And it wasn't all bad. It

(23:15):
was magical. I just put Idrove me to this black dark room and
again I saw a man trying tolay on top of me, and then
I shot off into the stars andI could see myself flying around. It
was really pleasant. So even thescary moments weren't you weren't trapped there and
scary moments you were, you hadfree will to move and leave or like

(23:40):
escape the situation. If you were, you sit in it, and when
you accept it and just like whatare you going to show me? Then
the scene changes. But if you'relike, oh my god, I'm scared,
what is it going to and thenit stays oh okay. So that's
why they're stay here in process.So with doctor C, he would say,
because I told him like, oh, I'm having these divisions of like

(24:02):
this man, and he's like,okay, well let's just see what we're
It leads you like try don't fightit. He told me about one of
his own experiences. I don't wantto share it because it's really personal.
Yeah, but it really helped menot be as scared during the trips.
So and I'm saying that I theway I'm describing it, I feel like
it's I'm not describing how scared Iwas. I mean, I was so

(24:25):
fucking scared for the first six andthen I got used to doing it.
Yeah, it got easier with eachone because I knew it to expect,
and I knew how quick the medicinewould wear off and so if I got
to a place where I was like, oh my god, then yeah,
I mean there was one session.I don't know if it's in here,
but we had just gotten a puppyand I could feel the puppy laying on
my chest and then it was likeI was a particle in her hair and

(24:51):
it was like, I don't evenknow how to explain it. I was
like so tiny, and yes itwas an atom. It was fucking weird.
But you can't overanalyze it. You'rejust like watching it. There was
one you've cat yourself like kind oflike bring like snapping yourself out of it.
You're up that you can't okay,And see, I would have that

(25:15):
same issue as you is trying tocontrol what would like you know what I
mean, Yeah, because when you'retrying to control it, it gets a
little dark and then you provoke fear, and you don't want to feel fear
because you're not in control. That'sI'm so terrified to do other drugs though,
because I'd be scary. But it'snice that there's a doctor and well,

(25:36):
yeah, I would feel comfortable ina doctor's office, but yeah,
doing ayahuasca and the rainforest, wellyou hear about those stories and kind of
freak out. And that's what Iyou know, when I think about it
or doing like you know, shroomsor whatever and they're tripping out in the
middle of a desert. I definitelyhave a different perspective now though, because
doctor Corey's like, if you getscared, it's teaching you there's something in
you that needs to be released.And so well, there's something comforting too

(26:00):
about being under the care of aprofessional too, right where you feel like,
if anything, you know what Imean, Like, if you are
going to have a heart attack,at least they're a medical staff there.
They're going to get you to ahospital. Yeah that was Oh, I
got you brought it up because thefirst session, I felt my heart and
I did feel like my blood pressurewas raised so high. And then when
the nurse came in, I'm like, is my heart rate like out of

(26:21):
the normal range and he's like,no, not at all. So I
was like, that's weird. Ijust makes you more in tune with it.
So yeah, okay. So thenthe fifth session that week, I
was like severely depressed, like normallyI just suffered from anxiety, and I
feel like it helps balance the depression. But that week, I remember being
so sad it was hard for meto get out of bed. I was
struggling. So I went in andI wasn't scared because I was so depressed

(26:45):
that I was. You're hopeless toat that point you were like like I
don't even care, this is thiseven working? What am I doing?
You were kind of mad, likewhy are we still here? Why?
Why my feeling sad still? SoI think you went into it with just
kind of like a give it tome, let's fucking figure it out,
Like, yeah, you had nothingto lose at that point. So it's

(27:07):
crazy because I was the intensity ofthe depression. I can't even explain it.
They injected me, and I swearto God amber within like three seconds.
It was like the medicine went fromthe front of my head to the
back, and as I could feelit, it was like it pulled away
all of the depression. It wasgone, like in that moment. It
was fucking incredible. I went inon a scale from one to tend,

(27:29):
my depression was like a nine andI laughed with it negative five. Yeah,
it was incredible. So those strugglingwith depression highly recommend I think that
was the point where you really realizedhow much it was working, too,
because I think up until that pointyou were kind of like going with the
flow, like, am I onlygonna do six? Am I gonna do
anymore? Is it working? I'mnot sure, like you knew it,
like you were benefiting from it.But I think in that moment when you

(27:52):
went in in the depths of despairwhere you were so depressed and then you
felt that weight just lift off ofyou, you were like, Okay,
this is working and I need tocontinue, and it's actually we're getting somewhere.
Yeah, I agree. So thisis what I wrote. I felt
completely disconnected from my body, sawmy sadness ripped away, and had an
awareness that I'm more than my emotions. It's hard to describe. Felt like

(28:15):
I was fine in an expansive universe. One part there was a dark room
in a bed and slowly climbing inthe bed. Then it's the scene change,
saw plants breathing. I saw myselfas a soldier in the Holocaust and
felt the anxiety I forgot about this. I started seeing past lives. I
remember that I was a soldier.I got shot, hit the ground.
It was raining outside muddy and Ilike died it was Cy had that past

(28:38):
life vision though multiple times. Yeah, being in the Holocaust, Yes,
and getting Shota Curry saw a hugetidal waves that were black and felt like
I was inside them, and thenthe scene change. This was the first
time I felt completely disconnected from mybody and sense of self. It was
not scary. It helped me seea higher perspective, like I don't need

(28:59):
to be limited by my emotions.So one of the things is it's really
weird. It's kind of like whenyou have an out of body experience.
You are just pure consciousness. You'renot an identity. You're not I'm not
Korean, I'm not female, I'mnot my personality. I'm just my consciousness.
And that's where it leads you.So after I hit that point,

(29:19):
it started helping me. After Ifeel like it started helping me with everything,
Like I started having awareness, likewhat expectations I put on myself,
subconscious beliefs, ancestryl beliefs like justme like all of the programming. I
know, I sound like one ofthose woke people, but it's hard to

(29:40):
explain it. Like I just itwas a shit ton of awareness all at
once, and it wasn't just inthat moment. It was like my dreams
when I woke up, like justin my everyday life. I started to
become more self aware, right,And then the sixth one, So this

(30:02):
one, I was in a houseand all the lights were off and there
was all of these garbage bags andwe were taking the garbage out, and
then I was like catapulted to thescene of something that happened in high school
and I didn't remember. It's weirdbecause I was going to say I didn't

(30:22):
remember it. I remembered it,I just didn't remember it. I don't
know how to explain it. Andso I literally I saw one of my
friends getting raped and I never toldanyone, and I it wasn't scared.
I was like, and it wasso crazy. It was like the three
o'clock in the morning. She wasin the grass. And it's weird because
I don't remember if I was thereor if she told me about it.

(30:45):
The scene was so vivid, though, and I remember that it happened in
front of a house at a partyat like three o'clock in the morning,
but again I don't remember if Iwas there or not. So I saw
that sell some other stuff. Toldthe doctor about it. But it was
weird because I came home and Iwas sitting on the couch and then I
texted Amber and I was like,something fucking weird happened during katamine today,

(31:07):
and she's like, call me.So I called you, and I fully
had a therapy session with you becauseit was like as I was talking about
what happened to her, I startedhaving all of this these memories come back
in when I was like I wasput in horrible situations with guys being taken
advantage of and you know, you'rein high school and you're drinking and guys
getting drunk on purpose and nobody toldme that and just having it's like I

(31:32):
knew that had happened to me,but I didn't know how it affected me.
And in that moment, it waslike, oh my god, like
this is so fucked up, Likenobody protected me. I never told anyone.
I just stuffed it all down.It was just how it was.
It was like normal, and therewas multiple events all throughout my life.
And so I sat on the phonewith Amber for like an hour an hour
and a half, like crying,talking about it and letting it all out

(31:57):
and it was so found because Ifeel like there was so much guilt and
shame where I blamed myself, andit was more of like me watching it
and having compassion for that young girlwhose parents didn't protect her, didn't protect
me, never checkt in like Ican't. I used to come home so
fucking wasted and high and like myparents never my curfew was two thirty,

(32:22):
Like what teenager needs a curfew?That's two thirty? Well, and I
think you had a lot of angerbecause they didn't teach you and prepare you
and tell you about life and experiencesthat could happen in situations that you could
be put into and right you didn'thave the tools, you know, they
were just absent and really didn't care, I mean didn't care, And it

(32:43):
was no idea where you were.I mean like back in the day they
used to have commercials that came onat ten pm. Do you know where
your children are? Like, Imean our your parents were terrible, I
know, terrible. So I thinkit was like a lot of like compassion
for myself and then awareness like that'sfun up, Like I didn't have the
guidance and that's why I chose thepath that I chose, and that's why

(33:06):
I had isolated myself so much afterhigh school, where my whole goal I
never wanted to be like my parents. I feel bad saying that, but
my goal was always to have abachelor's to graduate from college because no one
in my family went to college andI didn't ever wanted to depend on a
man, so I all had thatembedded in me. And so I went
to community college and then I gotinto university, and then I transferred from

(33:28):
there to Portland State and I livedwith myself, and I literally had surrounded
myself around so many fucking toxic,horrible people like friends that just did drugs
and took advantage of me and stolefrom me and maybe feel like I was
crazy, and yeah, like Iput myself in those situations as that position,
but I didn't know any better,and I isolated myself and I worth

(33:51):
was like non existent. I mean, you had no And I got a
lot of my intention from dating becauseI yeah, from guys elemation and yeah
and so yeah, and then Itreated the good people in my life like
shit, and I just took advantageof people and I was just like a
horrible fucking person. It's all knewthough you didn't know anything I know,
and now I can look back andforgive yourself, forgive myself and also just

(34:15):
like I'm not that person anymore.And so after the succession, it was
a lot of awareness all at once. And thank God for doctor C because
like, without him, I don'tthink I would have continued. I don't
think. But we developed this likestrong bond and it's kind of like he

(34:35):
is a dad in a way,and he's just his like given me some
really good spiritual advice mom advice,dad advice, advice advice yea, and
he knows taking a lot of theguilt off of you too, and shame
that you were carrying and realizing thatit's really not your faults and expectations.
That's been huge where I had thisrealization that I have expectations for myself that

(35:00):
other people have for me. Soone of the things that has happened,
I've done twelve sessions now, andusually what happens is you do six and
then they reassess you. I havea lot of trauma though, and things
again, like stuff came up thatI didn't think of in the sixth session
like that just right got brought up. So doctor C was like, I

(35:23):
think you need to come in likeevery three weeks, and so I think
we pushed it back to a monththough, and so I've done twelve now,
and after I would say the eighthsession, I stopped giving a fuck.
I stopped getting scared. I knowthat it's going to wear off,
and I trust in the process.There's been times where I literally have no

(35:47):
consciousness. There was one time whereI took shaman classes, and shaman's believe
that there's the upper world, whichis like heaven, the middle world,
which is us, and then thelower world, which is like demons.
So there was one one session whereI got sucked down into the lower world
and I was sitting there with allof these demons, and I got to
the point where I didn't fucking care. It literally felt like it was like

(36:12):
ancestral, like it was all ofthis I don't know trauma that like no
one had cleared, and so Iliterally just sat there and I'm like,
what like drinking with the devil?Serious? Yeah, I remembering last legged
and we were all floating, andI was like looking at all of them
and I was like I'm not scaredanymore, Like, come on, oh,
I'm not scared anymore. And Ijust sat there and I was like,

(36:35):
what are you going to show me? Like nothing you could show me
is going to scare me. Andit was like a breeze, the wind
blew and they all just faded away, and then I popped up and out
and I started flying. And sothat's the thing. I feel like it
has a pivotal moment. Yeah,And I think that I know that as
humans, we all have fear basedoff of our life experience, but we

(36:58):
tend to get trapped in that fearbecause if you think about it, like
I'm I don't know I was had, I'm trying to think of something I'm
scared of. I'm scared to notbe in control, while I was scared
to not be in control because Inever was in control and my life has
always been chaotic, like I wasliving in a fucking burning house. And
now I realized that my anxiety wasbased off of all of my experiences,

(37:21):
and it was like my nervous systemwas trapped in the past, and a
lot of it was present too,because there was still stuff happening that was
like very chaotic and traumatic and triggeringtoo that it was just bringing up a
lot of unhealed wounds. So itwas a lot of past, present and
future because after my dad died,a lot of stuff had happened that needed

(37:43):
to be looked at, dealt with. And I had this realization that like,
sometimes you can just sit and watchthe house burned down, like you
don't have to put the fire out, And there has been like so much
peace that has come. And also, I want to say, I have
this realization that like I'm such aperfectionist, like I can't do this unless

(38:06):
I attain this. I can't dothis unless this happens. And with that
realization, I started to accept,like this is where I'm at, it
is what it fucking is, andI don't need to be so perfect anymore.
And I had this realization with mymediumship that someone had planted to see
that this is how I was supposedto read and put a lot of pressure
on me before each reading, andso each reading was so draining and I

(38:29):
released that too, and it's incrediblebecause I feel like I'm so much more
myself. I also developed this awarenessand I know I've talked about this before
but this is different. It's thisawareness that there's your thoughts and those thoughts
are just like lingering around your brainfrom things we've picked up on all throughout

(38:51):
our life. But that's not whoI am. And so anyways, I
feel like it's expanded my consciousness significantlyand it's made me more aware, and
I do feel like, yeah,I have more work to do, but
I don't feel I don't know,I don't feel. I just feel that,
Okay, I was gonna say atpeace. I feel like I'm at
peace, but I feel like I'mokay, Like I'm okay with where I'm
at. I'm okay with things notworking out the way that I thought that

(39:15):
they would, and I'm okay withjust being guided through life and trusting that
this path that I'm on, I'mbeing guided through it and decisions will present
themselves. But I don't have tolike change my path. So I don't
know if I sound like a hippie, do I? So anyway, I

(39:36):
feel like if anyone's suffering, Ifeel a lot of trauma. This is
the way to go. You expeditethrough it. And I literally feel like
I've had bouts of enlightenment, likesignificantly. I'm also more aware of like
self sabotage, Like if I planto exercise today, I like bypass my

(39:57):
mind off my mind. I'm like, I don't feel like I'm not going
to listen to that voice, goingto go and do it and if I
get a good workout in cool andif I don't, then I don't.
But I did it, so yeah, I feel like I'm like seventy five
percent there, like I still havemore work to do, but it's been
incredible. I definitely want to trypsilocybin. Yes, I mean people are
just really experienced, so this islike the up and coming it is,

(40:21):
And I just love that it's asafe environment where you know, like you're
not in the middle of the woods, like yes, or you know,
like that's where you like where youget the fear of like taking off all
your clothes and like running through themiddle of the you know, office,
because you think that like you're goingto have these like scary experiences and not

(40:42):
be able to control it. AndI think that like being in the comfort
of professionals and people that make youfeel safe and supported and then talk you
through it after so that you getprocess the entire experience. I mean,
I just think it's amazing and I'mso glad that the medical field is broadening
and opening up to different types oftherapy and treatments, and it's gonna help

(41:05):
a lot of people. I dotoo, So the place I go to
they do a lot of research.So they're doing one on LSD right now,
and the doctor had recommended it tome that I know, like they
you don't know how much they're dosingyou. You trip for like ten hours,
Like That's what I was going tosay too, Like you really don't
know how long it's gonna last youor take to wear off at the end.
He said. If I's like ifyou have kids, You're like,
I gotta go home and make dinner, Like I can't be tripped out right

(41:27):
because I he said, He's likepeople who do LSD, they don't need
the ketamine anymore. So what happened? You will? He said, like
you'll need it. Maybe it's onceevery year or once every six months,
but you're gonna need boosters, sowhich I'm totally fine with. I feel
like I just don't want But they'regonna start doing one with MDMA and psilocybin

(41:49):
and Hopefully they'll start to legalize itif you're doing it with a medical professional,
right, because all of them areproven. Well, I know,
psilocybin and ketamine. They build theneuro classicity in the brain. So again,
it's not about the trip. It'slike your brain so afterwards, but
you're rewiring it, like you reallyare, like reconnecting the frayed broken directors.

(42:09):
So when you're so, I it'sreally expensive, which sucks, but
I made it a point to takeit serious. So I stopped watching everything
um scary. Yeah, stopped watchingDateline, deleted everything would not go on
it at all. So I couldn'teven you send you means and stuff anymore,

(42:30):
like you know each other. Yeah, so like I couldn't even send
you funny little but even like sadmusic, I wouldn't. Days after your
your the narrow classicity is still building. So I'm like, I have to
take advantage of this. My husband, I was like, do not tell
me anything scary set only well,you don't even know how you're going to
react to it either. It couldbe like a puppy video and then triggers
you to be like, oh,that's so sad. I my puppy died

(42:52):
when I was ten, Like,so you don't know, right, So
well, I feel like it's moreof moving forward, like I want to
build those happy paths. And sothat's why I was like nobody talked to
me about anything negative for the nextsix months, like I don't think that's
too much to ask. So thatdefinitely helped too. And now I'm more
mindful of a it of like sadmusic because you go into that space of

(43:13):
like whatever you're watching, it's avibration. Sometimes you don't even realize it,
but you don't an autopilot. Yeah, and it's just so normalized in
our society. So yeah, Iwant to talk about this really really quick.
So after the sixth session, Iwas still having DPDR depersonalizations realization.
So I booked another session with thehead psychiatrists and I explained my symptoms and

(43:37):
everything, and he was like,I don't think I can help you.
And I started crying and I waslike wait. After he said that,
it was like all of this awarenesswhere there's a lot going on at the
time with people in my life,and I had this awareness where you've got
to save yourself. Stop it,like stop trying to fix everyone else,

(43:58):
and so I told him, I'mlike, this is what's going on.
It's these are all of my fears. I'm worried that, like my PTSD
is being triggered from how my daddied. I'm scared is gonna happen with
someone else. Blah blah blah.And in that moment was when I feel
like I pulled my power back becauseit was like either I continue to focus
and heal and fix everything for everyoneelse, or I choose myself. And

(44:23):
that's when I realized that, like, I have to pick me. And
that's when after we came up withthis plan. And it's been a journey,
but I feel like now after doingsome more academy sessions, I've gotten
to the point where it is whatit is like, I can't save anyone
I can't control. And that's wherea lot of my anxiety was, where

(44:45):
I have to fix and I haveto help people learn their lessons and I
have to save them. And nowI'm just like I gotta save myself.
I have three kids, right,so it's you really can't fix anybody who
doesn't want to fix themselves. Ithink everybody needs to. I think coming
to the realization that everybody is ontheir own journey, yes, and that
it's up to them to do thatand not you, And even if they

(45:06):
wanted to fix themselves, like that'son them, not on me. Like
I was just me as a youngchild, I was trained to put myself
last to help everyone. And it'sreally crazy. I keep seeing this.
So after my last session, Ihave like periods of time where I'm like

(45:27):
very connected to angels and I waswhen I was a single mom. Anyways,
right now, I just saw twinklinglights above your head. And at
my last session, I saw twinklinglights. This doctor that I'm working with,
his daughter died in a car accidentand we were talking about it and
I saw twinkling lights and so it'sbeen happening like crazy, and I just
saw them and it distracted me.Anyways, I feel like I'm more connected
and it's more of like not theuniverse is trying to fuck me over.

(45:52):
It's just it is what it is. Like the universe is so divine and
loving, and again we our pathsare the way that they are. It's
kind of like you're playing a videogame and you have a choice in that
video game to go right or left. It's the same thing with life,
like we're not this earth is here, it's not happening to us, it's
just happening right. And so it'sbeen really fucking profound, and I'm very
thankful, and I highly highly recommendAcademine for anyone suffering from any type of

(46:16):
trauma, whether it's death, adivorce, I don't know. We all
have issues, whether you had grewup with the fucked up family or not.
And if you're stuck, highly recommend. So what do you think that
you would want others to know,or like what you wish you would have
known before going into treatment or beforelike signing up for your treatments? Is

(46:38):
there anything that it's not that scary? Okay? Because you were scared,
so scared and so scared the entiretime until ssion. I literally have to
pee like five times before they injectme. Yeah, it's not Let go
of the fear and just trust thejourney, trust the process. It's not
scary. Every time I did it, I wrote an intention on my hand

(47:00):
and just do whatever makes you feelsafe. I would meditate before each each
session. I still do that becauseI have noticed that I have more experiences.
There's been times where I've seen angelsand it's been so incredible, like
Palace's Golden magical. And yeah,it's not that scary. Your mind creates
that, and I do feel likewe all have the opportunity to override our

(47:27):
mind. But you have to facethe fear. That's just a good life
lesson in general. Face the fear. The fear is holding you back,
and so I let your mind control. Yeah. So now if I have
any fear, I question it,like where is it coming from? What
experience is still imprinted on me?That's poking it? What is what is
being poked right now? Yeah,it's a past experience. It's nothing that's

(47:52):
present. If you're in the presentmoment, you're fine right now, We're
fine in this moment. It's allof our memories and the body keeping score
of them that makes you scared,and that's hold you back. Wow,
Yes, I agree. So it'skind of like if I can fucking do
it, anyone can do it.I am a scaredy cat. I am
like the biggest control freak there wouldbe, right, Yeah, I always

(48:13):
have to. I mean you've convincedme to try it. It's really expensive
but honestly I saw it. Ididn't there. I mean, there's really
no price tag that you can puton your health. And even when me
and my husband and if you canafford it, it's not you know what
I mean to not be an optionfor everybody, But if it is,
you know, definitely look into itand maybe look you don't get discouraged if

(48:35):
it's not because they're getting botto yes, or like Oregon, you can legally
do psilocybin with a doctor. Soit depends on where you live seek out.
Yeah, but for me it wasI wasn't working at the time,
so I couldn't afford it, right, But I would just put it on
a fucking credit card. Yeah youand was just like, this is for
my mental health. I'll be Itrust that I will be able to work
again and pay this off. Right, And it did work out and you

(48:58):
were able to. I have tosay too. I have tried em DR
therapy, I've been hypnotized. Ihave tried every single type of therapy,
tapping everything, I've really everything,talking everything. I've tried Lexipro, well
View, trend, Zoloft, Klonopin, Xanix. I've tried everything like I've
been on I feel like almost everymed that they could prescribe. So I

(49:22):
got to the point where there wasn'treally any more options. And that's scary
too, because you don't want tospend the rest of your life trying well
and trying to figure out new men. I mean, no, you know,
and you know if they have aneffect on you, it takes a
while for them to kick in.It takes a while to wean off.
You don't know what you're side effectsyou're going to have. It could work,
it couldn't. I mean, itcould take a long time to even
figure out a good treatment plan.Because I am thankful for METS because when

(49:45):
I had postprimed impression, I helpedme not kill myself. But one thing
with zoloft is it made me feelnumb, and I feel like it did
the opposite where I had no boundaries. I was letting everyone walk all over
me. I was over exciting myself. And so when this presented itself,
it was like, either go onantidepressants or try this. I was I
had this knowing like I want totry this because I know that I can
live without antidepressants. I don't wantto try so many and I wanted to

(50:08):
figure out, like, what isthe core issue with all of this?
And the realization was me being heldback by other people's expectations of me,
right, And that was the otherthing too. I had this realization of
just what, like what is whatmakes Koree happy? Like what do you

(50:29):
want to do? What feels goodto you? Not is it gonna piss
somebody off? Is it gonna upsetthem? I got to such a dark
place that that didn't matter if Iwas going to make it. How many
times had you even ask yourself that? Exactly so? And how old are
you? Right? So April thirtieth, it's crazy. It's I think it's

(50:50):
funny that I'm going to be fortytwo because I feel this huge shift with
my awareness and with my life whereI don't know, I've never lived in
the present moment before. I've neverbeen this okay, I've never been this
happy. Yeah. And it's notlike, oh my god, I'm so
happy. It's more of like,I'm so content with where I'm at that
that brings me happiness. You're atpeace? Yeah, and there's shit going

(51:13):
on. It's fucking chaotic out there, man, Yeah, No, you
do actually really have a lot ofshit going on still. But the way
that you are handling it and approachingit and just dealing with how you're letting
it affect you and consume you isbecause I got to the realization, like
I can't change it, right,but the only thing that I have control

(51:34):
over is myself and my reaction towhat is happening exactly. And I know
people say that a lot, butit's different when you actually get it well,
and it's different to actually demented.You know, it's easy to say
it and understand it, but toactually do it. And that doesn't mean
that I haven't had to hard days. There's days where I'm like crying and
I'm like ires, it's chaotic andI can't change this person. I can't

(51:58):
change the circumstance is, but Ihave to grieve the loss of it.
And so I think that I havethis overwhelming amount of compassion for myself now.
Or before I would be like,you're a little bitch, don't feel
like that. Where are you soweak? And now it's just like,
oh, there's some emotion. Ineed to like just let it flow through
me and then I'll be okay.Maybe it's today or maybe it's tomorrow,

(52:19):
maybe it's the next day. ButI know after I process whatever it is,
I'll be okay. Where I feellike I tell all of my clients
this well, for the most part, spirit ring step as we all the
cup and as we go through life, trauma gets put in that cup.
Experiences get put in that cup,and if you don't process them, and
when significant things happen like death ordivorce or whatever, the cup overflows and

(52:42):
then you have anxiety or depression orsome type of mental health issue. I
feel like ketamine helped me empty mycup. Yes, and so now I'm
just like literally living present day andnot so much in the past or in
the future of like, yeah,I'm not future thinking this, and you
have so much more room to fill. It's been amazing. And yeah,
I've been walk like going on walksand just like enjoying the small things in

(53:07):
life. And yeah, I justI feel like very divinely guided. I
fucking hate when people say that,but I do, and I just yeah,
So hopefully that helps someone out there. Um again, I feel like
I think it's legal in most states, right, so just google ketamine infusion
thing. I think we're gonna starthearing a lot more about it. Agree,

(53:30):
and definitely with mushrooms as well,with all all of it. Definitely
want to try mushrooms. If Ido, I will share. I'm not
scared to do them anymore because Iknow, I don't know. I'm just
like before I was so scared oflike seeing the devil. You want to
go through the same facility they don't. You can't do it there, Okay,
it's not legal, so only asdoing research study. So no,

(53:52):
I want to be out in natureand do it. Okay, you want
to go balls to the wall.No, I want to eat like a
stem and see how it like affectsme. I don't want to eat like,
I don't know, I'm scared.You shouldn't be scared. But I'm
only not scared because well, yeahyou've yeah, and it's fucking amazing.
Like I feel like it expands yourmind so much where it's expanded my mediumship

(54:13):
because I'm not so much in abox like far. I feel like I
was in a box and now I'mlike a part of the universe. I
feel like I sound like a fuckinghippie a little bit right now. I
get it. Sure, Yeah,I mean we really are. Yesterday I
was walking, I'm like watching theplants and it's so crazy how we're like
just the same vibration as them.Oh my god, Oh totally we are.

(54:34):
We're like the same vibration as mushrooms. Did you know that, like
the DNA of a mushroom and humanare very similar. I didn't know that.
Okay, I'm gonna show you.Okay, well I'm down to wait.
That might not be bull don't holdme to that. I have to
see. But I did read somethingabout that. Okay, but but okay,
wait, I want to correct it. Though. I want to do
it for not for fun, liketo get fucked up. I want to
do it as like a ceremonial,profound, spiritual experience they do have.

(54:59):
That was though, So yes,I want to do them in that way.
Yeah. So I don't want todo it like in a doctor's office,
like locked up like I'm doing now, because I don't know. I
feel mushrooms are different, you're supposedto be. Yeah, see, we
are nearly one hundred percent alike asmushrooms. We like, we have our
DNA. There's like a genetic comparisonof fun guy crazy, I know,

(55:21):
isn't that crazy? Nothing, Solike we share nearly fifty percent of our
DNA with mushrooms. Nice, notthat we're all mushrooms, but right,
that's crazy. That's a random fact. That was completely useless information. I
don't know why. Sure, Ilike learning. Well anyway, Um,
any other questions anything I didn't cover? No, this was great. I

(55:42):
thought you gave a lot of usefulinformation. I didn't go super into details
with everything, but I feel likethat's the one thing is I couldn't find
a lot of information about it,and so I wanted to podcast about it.
So if people hopefully this will popup and people google academy and when
you were looking up and you spenta lot of time like searching because there
was a lot of information, Italked myself out of doing it. And

(56:02):
then yeah, my husband was theone that sound the facility and Sandy ago
Yeah, and then he was verysupportive. He's been incredible, like so
fucking thankful, thanks, so thankyou. Yeah, all right, guys,
Well, I hope this has helpedsomeone out there. Thanks for having
me, Thanks for coming on.Bye bye. If you're interested in mediumship

(56:30):
development, Spring registration is opening upnext week. For course one, two,
and three. If you're interested,please send an email to Mediumcree at
gmail dot com. We will sendyou a survey to fill out, and
then we will also send you pricinginformation, the schedule, and anything and
everything you need to now hope tosee you in my Spring development course