January 18, 2025 • 15 mins
We want to extend our heartfelt thoughts to anyone impacted by the wildfires. Some of you are there facing the trauma, some of you love someone facing the trauma and all of us are collectively witnessing the pain of loss. We at Best Ever You want everyone to do whatever you can:
Reach out to anyone you know who is impacted
Speak from your heart
Let them know you are thinking of them
Offer practical support like sending self- care items and clothing
Let them know you are there and will be there for them!
Dr. Katie Eastman and Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino
Reach out to anyone you know who is impacted
Speak from your heart
Let them know you are thinking of them
Offer practical support like sending self- care items and clothing
Let them know you are there and will be there for them!
Dr. Katie Eastman and Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to this special edition of the Real Life Podcast.
I'm Elizabeth Hamilton Garno here with doctor Katie Eastman.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We just wanted to.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Give a heartfelt message to everybody affected by the wildfires.
I think is the gist of this. I feel I
feel pretty overwhelmed, and I'm in Maine, so I can
only imagine how people feel who are are in the
in the situation. Chime in, yeah, I know you're like, huhuh.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah, I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I couldn't sleep last night thinking about what they were
going through and feeling helpless, like I want to do something.
I want to be there to just do give whatever.
And I think a lot of us feel that way
when there's a crisis like this.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
What can we do?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
We feel insignificant when we're far away from them, and
we want to help. And I know we're going to
post some practical places where people can go to get help,
where people can donate, where people can volunteer. I mean
that is something all of us can do, is sharing information.
(01:12):
We can all reach out to people we know, and
also to remember that it's not just the people there,
but it's the people who love the people who are there, yeah,
who are also worried and also being traumatized by this.
So I'm glad we're speaking about this because I think
all of us are feeling.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Just what can I do?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah, And it's still unfolding and so forth. There's a
lot of news coverage and a lot of people in
social media and so forth, So I think I think
people are still in shock over the whole situation. I
don't think anybody's even processed really what's going on. So
we thought we would come on here if this helps.
(01:55):
I hope this helps people in some small way, because
frequently when things like this happened, we don't know what
to say to other people and we don't know what
to do. And so here at Best Ever you, we
wanted to give you some resources within Katie leading away
a little bit with you know, some of the some
(02:15):
of the psychotherapist type things that she's used in her
practice and so forth. I want to give a little
bit of background about you for anybody who's joining us
for the first time, Katie, Katie's a loss and grief expert.
Do you want to give a little bit of context
around you know, your career and so forth, so people
(02:38):
know exactly who you are.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Sure, I've been working with loss and grief ever since
I was in my early twenties. I have really seen
how loss can be a catalyst for choices in recognizing
what's most important to us, and certainly in crisis, that
is absolutely true. And just think of the metaphor. I mean,
(03:04):
for those of us who aren't actually there, people are
actually making the choice what do I grab? Who do
I grab? How do I grab as I run out
the door when I'm evacuating. You know a lot of
us think about that in a metaphorical way of what
would be most important to me in a crisis, but
(03:24):
they're actually living in So I think it's really important
for all of us to remember that that they are
having to make really hard choices. You know.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
One of the things that I've learned over the years
of working with you and being around you is that
grief takes so many different forms. You intertwine loss and grief,
There's different ways, there's timelines, It's so multifaceted, and so
(03:59):
sometimes when we think of grief, we're thinking of like
the loss of a loved one. How can I'm just
going to ask you the question rather than me talking,
Can you explain to people what loss means and what
there means and how it applies to this.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Sure, there's tangible loss and there's intangible loss. We all
recognize tangible.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Loss as a someone or something.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But there's also loss of safety, loss of security, loss
of stability, loss of predictability, loss of routine, loss of
so many levels that all of the people in these
fires are facing. I mean, just imagine driving up and
seeing that your whole home is gone, all of your
(04:53):
lifetime routine is gone. It's in ashes. Where do you
start to put a life back together when that happens.
Those are intangible losses that are every bit as difficult
as something like losing a thing that's precious. They lose both,
They've lost both, and winden it.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Out a little bit for us because as a citizen
of the world, as a citizen of the United States
and so forth, we're seeing these losses. For example, in
North Carolina, we see it when there's a tornado.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That goes through.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
We're seeing it when their ice storms are affecting the South.
We're seeing wild players now in California as people. I
don't know about you, but I feel unsettled, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
When something like this is happening, this horrific hell right
in front of us, it reminds us that we too
are vulnerable. And so a lot of people don't want
to acknowledge it's even happening because it makes them too frightened.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
In their own life.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
And yet it's the opposite, because if we don't acknowledge
that it's happening, we're not recognizing the opportunity for us
to say, I'm going to feel grateful for what I've
got and what can I.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Do for them?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
And that's what brings us together is when there's a
crisis and we rise up and we say, Okay, I'm
not there with you, but I'm here with you, and
I am going to live my life with gratitude and
with graciousness and with generosity to try and help you
(06:37):
in whatever way I can, because we're all in this together.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You know, one thing that I see that makes my
heart warm are all of the people who show up
for all of the people, the firefighters, the paramedics. There
are so many people that show up in a crisis,
and it goes beyond that it's their job.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
They're firefighters left from my town here in Washington State. Yes,
people seem to rise up in crisis and come together
and that's something that I wish we would do more often,
and not just in crisis, but at least we do
(07:24):
it in crisis.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah, yeah, this is this is really a really big deal.
So what would you like to We want people to
do whatever they can do, and we I'm going to
read what we kind of what you kind of wrote,
and what we've decided to do and say, but I
would love for you to expand on things. As I say, so,
(07:48):
we wrote reach out to anyone you know who has impacted.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yes, and I don't just mean people who live in California.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I mean they're loved ones.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
I was online last night with someone here in Washington
who has a daughter who's in the midst of the fires.
So remember, it's not just the people who are there,
it's there, it's people around the world who love them,
who do you know, check out?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Are they okay? Send them a text?
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I sent a text to several people last night and
they loved the fact that I was even thinking about them. Yeah, okay,
And remember it extends beyond to their loved ones.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Can you misspeak when you speak.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
From your heart.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yes, there are so many people that misspeak when they
say it's going to be okay.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
But if that's from.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Your heart, Like, can you mispeak though, if it's from
your heart.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yes, because even if that comes from your heart, it
can really tick people off. Think about it and hurting.
You're in despair, you're in anguish, and someone tries to
put a band aid on it. Can't put a band
aid on it. Be loving, but less is more. Simply
(09:06):
saying I care is so much better than trying to
give a platitude that tells people it's going to be better,
because right now they're in shock. They don't know that,
they don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, offer practical support like sending self care items in clothing,
letting them know that you're thinking of them.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yes, we're going to post on best over You some
very practical websites places to go for people who are
in the midst of it, who need to know where
to go, For people who want to volunteer, for people
who want to donate.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
We're going to offer.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Those practical places where everybody can pitch in and if
you know someone, offer to send diapers or food or
diapers or clothing.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Or things that you take a toothbrush, think of it.
You've lost everything. What do you have with you? Probably
not much?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, and what do you what do you say? I
it's it is kind of uncomfortable to figure out what
to say to people because it's hard to you. Like
I'll I've had people text me and say, I just
can't even believe this is happening.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I can't it's.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Or just it's an apocalypse, or you know, just they're
they're not even able to articulate what's happening either.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Of course, they're in shock. They're in complete and utter shock.
So be with them where they are. Recognize that all
you need to say, well not all, because yeah, anything
is better than nothing. But saying to them, I am
(10:53):
so sorry you're going through this is empathic and and
isn't a platitude. It's acknowledging that they're going through. Hell, yeah,
don't minimize what they're going through. They don't even get
it yet, what they're going through.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
It's overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
One of the things I like that we're suggesting is
to encourage connection. So we've got we're going to post
a blog and the resources and things like that too,
and we won't be on here for much longer. We
just wanted to touch base with everybody and let everybody
that know that we were thinking of them. And I
know we had a couple questions of like what do
I even say to people? So that's what that's where
(11:35):
this is kind of coming from. But encourage connection, yes,
but the community is so important in.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Moments like this, And one of the things I want
to say is it's okay to say I don't know
what to say. Yeah, that's so much better than trying
to put a band aid on it and say something
that you try to make someone feel better. Nothing is
going to make them feel better, but feeling loved and
(12:05):
connected and knowing that someone cares. That's what they need
right now, is to know they're not alone.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I started to see a.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Social media comment war going on. I just really don't
think that's what people need right now, not at all.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Who's to blame for all of this?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It's like, oh, oh, really.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
That is what people do when they're uncomfortable with loss.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
They attack. Attacking is not compassion. Do not attack.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Be unconditionally loving right now. Anything less than that is
not helpful and is all about your own discomfort, stay
silent if you don't know what to say, but be
compassionate at all costs.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Is there anything else you want to want to say? Well,
just well, I was trying.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I think we would do like fifteen minutes or so
on here.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
I think just to acknowledge that nobody knows what to say,
nobody knows what to do, nobody knows how to do this.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
This is really really hard.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
But look to the helpers, Look to the people who understand,
Look to the front line workers, look to the Red Cross,
look to the organizations, look to the professionals. Let them
guide you, ask for help, don't wing it be and
don't take chances. Is one of the things that for
(13:47):
those who are in the fires, but more importantly for
those who love them.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
We are here for you.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
We are sending love, support, on our validation, whatever we
can say to you to know that you are not.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Alone in this.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Okay, is there anything else we need to cover?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Just I want to draw attention again.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
We will have practical information on the website for people
to share, and please share it because the more of
us that get it out there, the closer it'll get
to the.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
People who need it.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Okay, perfect Okay, all right, thank you for being here
as always, and we thank you for being here with
us on the Real Life Podcast, and just thank you
for being here and thank you for being part of
our Best Ever You Network. I think you said something
really important earlier today, Katie, when we were talking about
the power of network and the power of community as
(14:41):
a network and as a whole. There's so many members
of the Best Ever You Network that we have the
power to change things. Help do we do when we
come together. We're way better when we come together to
support each other and lift each other up. And that's
what us Ever Year is all about, lifting yourself up
(15:03):
and lifting up others. And right now we're asking everyone
to lift each other up, yep. And keep in mind
all of the people that are in our network that
are from that area, from areas like North Carolina and
so forth. So all right, thank you everybody for being
with us.
Hi, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to this special edition of the Real Life Podcast.
I'm Elizabeth Hamilton Garno here with doctor Katie Eastman.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We just wanted to.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Give a heartfelt message to everybody affected by the wildfires.
I think is the gist of this. I feel I
feel pretty overwhelmed, and I'm in Maine, so I can
only imagine how people feel who are are in the
in the situation. Chime in, yeah, I know you're like, huhuh.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah, I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I couldn't sleep last night thinking about what they were
going through and feeling helpless, like I want to do something.
I want to be there to just do give whatever.
And I think a lot of us feel that way
when there's a crisis like this.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
What can we do?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
We feel insignificant when we're far away from them, and
we want to help. And I know we're going to
post some practical places where people can go to get help,
where people can donate, where people can volunteer. I mean
that is something all of us can do, is sharing information.
(01:12):
We can all reach out to people we know, and
also to remember that it's not just the people there,
but it's the people who love the people who are there, yeah,
who are also worried and also being traumatized by this.
So I'm glad we're speaking about this because I think
all of us are feeling.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Just what can I do?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah, And it's still unfolding and so forth. There's a
lot of news coverage and a lot of people in
social media and so forth, So I think I think
people are still in shock over the whole situation. I
don't think anybody's even processed really what's going on. So
we thought we would come on here if this helps.
(01:55):
I hope this helps people in some small way, because
frequently when things like this happened, we don't know what
to say to other people and we don't know what
to do. And so here at Best Ever you, we
wanted to give you some resources within Katie leading away
a little bit with you know, some of the some
(02:15):
of the psychotherapist type things that she's used in her
practice and so forth. I want to give a little
bit of background about you for anybody who's joining us
for the first time, Katie, Katie's a loss and grief expert.
Do you want to give a little bit of context
around you know, your career and so forth, so people
(02:38):
know exactly who you are.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Sure, I've been working with loss and grief ever since
I was in my early twenties. I have really seen
how loss can be a catalyst for choices in recognizing
what's most important to us, and certainly in crisis, that
is absolutely true. And just think of the metaphor. I mean,
(03:04):
for those of us who aren't actually there, people are
actually making the choice what do I grab? Who do
I grab? How do I grab as I run out
the door when I'm evacuating. You know a lot of
us think about that in a metaphorical way of what
would be most important to me in a crisis, but
(03:24):
they're actually living in So I think it's really important
for all of us to remember that that they are
having to make really hard choices. You know.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
One of the things that I've learned over the years
of working with you and being around you is that
grief takes so many different forms. You intertwine loss and grief,
There's different ways, there's timelines, It's so multifaceted, and so
(03:59):
sometimes when we think of grief, we're thinking of like
the loss of a loved one. How can I'm just
going to ask you the question rather than me talking,
Can you explain to people what loss means and what
there means and how it applies to this.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Sure, there's tangible loss and there's intangible loss. We all
recognize tangible.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Loss as a someone or something.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But there's also loss of safety, loss of security, loss
of stability, loss of predictability, loss of routine, loss of
so many levels that all of the people in these
fires are facing. I mean, just imagine driving up and
seeing that your whole home is gone, all of your
(04:53):
lifetime routine is gone. It's in ashes. Where do you
start to put a life back together when that happens.
Those are intangible losses that are every bit as difficult
as something like losing a thing that's precious. They lose both,
They've lost both, and winden it.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Out a little bit for us because as a citizen
of the world, as a citizen of the United States
and so forth, we're seeing these losses. For example, in
North Carolina, we see it when there's a tornado.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That goes through.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
We're seeing it when their ice storms are affecting the South.
We're seeing wild players now in California as people. I
don't know about you, but I feel unsettled, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
When something like this is happening, this horrific hell right
in front of us, it reminds us that we too
are vulnerable. And so a lot of people don't want
to acknowledge it's even happening because it makes them too frightened.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
In their own life.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
And yet it's the opposite, because if we don't acknowledge
that it's happening, we're not recognizing the opportunity for us
to say, I'm going to feel grateful for what I've
got and what can I.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Do for them?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
And that's what brings us together is when there's a
crisis and we rise up and we say, Okay, I'm
not there with you, but I'm here with you, and
I am going to live my life with gratitude and
with graciousness and with generosity to try and help you
(06:37):
in whatever way I can, because we're all in this together.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You know, one thing that I see that makes my
heart warm are all of the people who show up
for all of the people, the firefighters, the paramedics. There
are so many people that show up in a crisis,
and it goes beyond that it's their job.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
They're firefighters left from my town here in Washington State. Yes,
people seem to rise up in crisis and come together
and that's something that I wish we would do more often,
and not just in crisis, but at least we do
(07:24):
it in crisis.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah, yeah, this is this is really a really big deal.
So what would you like to We want people to
do whatever they can do, and we I'm going to
read what we kind of what you kind of wrote,
and what we've decided to do and say, but I
would love for you to expand on things. As I say, so,
(07:48):
we wrote reach out to anyone you know who has impacted.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yes, and I don't just mean people who live in California.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I mean they're loved ones.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
I was online last night with someone here in Washington
who has a daughter who's in the midst of the fires.
So remember, it's not just the people who are there,
it's there, it's people around the world who love them,
who do you know, check out?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Are they okay? Send them a text?
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I sent a text to several people last night and
they loved the fact that I was even thinking about them. Yeah, okay,
And remember it extends beyond to their loved ones.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Can you misspeak when you speak.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
From your heart.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yes, there are so many people that misspeak when they
say it's going to be okay.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
But if that's from.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Your heart, Like, can you mispeak though, if it's from
your heart.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yes, because even if that comes from your heart, it
can really tick people off. Think about it and hurting.
You're in despair, you're in anguish, and someone tries to
put a band aid on it. Can't put a band
aid on it. Be loving, but less is more. Simply
(09:06):
saying I care is so much better than trying to
give a platitude that tells people it's going to be better,
because right now they're in shock. They don't know that,
they don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, offer practical support like sending self care items in clothing,
letting them know that you're thinking of them.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yes, we're going to post on best over You some
very practical websites places to go for people who are
in the midst of it, who need to know where
to go, For people who want to volunteer, for people
who want to donate.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
We're going to offer.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Those practical places where everybody can pitch in and if
you know someone, offer to send diapers or food or
diapers or clothing.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Or things that you take a toothbrush, think of it.
You've lost everything. What do you have with you? Probably
not much?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, and what do you what do you say? I
it's it is kind of uncomfortable to figure out what
to say to people because it's hard to you. Like
I'll I've had people text me and say, I just
can't even believe this is happening.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I can't it's.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Or just it's an apocalypse, or you know, just they're
they're not even able to articulate what's happening either.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Of course, they're in shock. They're in complete and utter shock.
So be with them where they are. Recognize that all
you need to say, well not all, because yeah, anything
is better than nothing. But saying to them, I am
(10:53):
so sorry you're going through this is empathic and and
isn't a platitude. It's acknowledging that they're going through. Hell, yeah,
don't minimize what they're going through. They don't even get
it yet, what they're going through.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
It's overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
One of the things I like that we're suggesting is
to encourage connection. So we've got we're going to post
a blog and the resources and things like that too,
and we won't be on here for much longer. We
just wanted to touch base with everybody and let everybody
that know that we were thinking of them. And I
know we had a couple questions of like what do
I even say to people? So that's what that's where
(11:35):
this is kind of coming from. But encourage connection, yes,
but the community is so important in.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Moments like this, And one of the things I want
to say is it's okay to say I don't know
what to say. Yeah, that's so much better than trying
to put a band aid on it and say something
that you try to make someone feel better. Nothing is
going to make them feel better, but feeling loved and
(12:05):
connected and knowing that someone cares. That's what they need
right now, is to know they're not alone.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I started to see a.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Social media comment war going on. I just really don't
think that's what people need right now, not at all.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Who's to blame for all of this?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It's like, oh, oh, really.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
That is what people do when they're uncomfortable with loss.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
They attack. Attacking is not compassion. Do not attack.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Be unconditionally loving right now. Anything less than that is
not helpful and is all about your own discomfort, stay
silent if you don't know what to say, but be
compassionate at all costs.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Is there anything else you want to want to say? Well,
just well, I was trying.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I think we would do like fifteen minutes or so
on here.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
I think just to acknowledge that nobody knows what to say,
nobody knows what to do, nobody knows how to do this.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
This is really really hard.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
But look to the helpers, Look to the people who understand,
Look to the front line workers, look to the Red Cross,
look to the organizations, look to the professionals. Let them
guide you, ask for help, don't wing it be and
don't take chances. Is one of the things that for
(13:47):
those who are in the fires, but more importantly for
those who love them.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
We are here for you.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
We are sending love, support, on our validation, whatever we
can say to you to know that you are not.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Alone in this.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Okay, is there anything else we need to cover?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Just I want to draw attention again.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
We will have practical information on the website for people
to share, and please share it because the more of
us that get it out there, the closer it'll get
to the.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
People who need it.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Okay, perfect Okay, all right, thank you for being here
as always, and we thank you for being here with
us on the Real Life Podcast, and just thank you
for being here and thank you for being part of
our Best Ever You Network. I think you said something
really important earlier today, Katie, when we were talking about
the power of network and the power of community as
(14:41):
a network and as a whole. There's so many members
of the Best Ever You Network that we have the
power to change things. Help do we do when we
come together. We're way better when we come together to
support each other and lift each other up. And that's
what us Ever Year is all about, lifting yourself up
(15:03):
and lifting up others. And right now we're asking everyone
to lift each other up, yep. And keep in mind
all of the people that are in our network that
are from that area, from areas like North Carolina and
so forth. So all right, thank you everybody for being
with us.
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