December 12, 2024 • 37 mins
Welcome to the Real Life Podcast with Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino and Dr. Katie Eastman. This self-help podcast series focuses on self-help discussions about topics related to gratitude, change, success, compassion and peace. We're here to help you Percolate Peace. There are changes and transitions that challenge all of us. Think of this as tools for your best life toolbox, so that when you need to reach within to navigate something in your life, you have resources and have been taught how to chart a course forward. Each hour-long audio segment offers stories and lessons learned by us and people who have overcome these challenges and practical ways for you to manage these stressors in your own life. Dr. Katie Eastman and Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino, CMC are the authors of the bestselling book Percolate-Let Your Best Self Filter Through which was published by Hay House in 2014. Dr. Eastman is also the author of Uplifting. Elizabeth is the author of The Change Guidebook and The Success Guidebook. Learn more about DrKatieEastman.com, BestEverYou.com and ElizabethGuarino.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Real Life Podcast with Elizabeth
and Katie. And so we're trying something new today. We're
learning Riverside FM and we've determined that it shows every
wrinkle I try. I like this. We've tried soft focus,
(00:22):
we've tried backing up, sitting forward, lights, whatever, it's just
it's real life. It's real us. So yeah, anyway, so
we thought we would. We've got a lot to talk about.
We're going to test this out and see how it goes,
and we may we may just end this and go
over to stream yard. I have no idea, but we're
going to try anyway. Over there, miss Holly Hallmark.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Of what you call yourself.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So we're taking a break today from all of our
decorating and just life to do a little half hour
show right just to say happy holidays to everybody. But
Katie's nicknamed herself Holly Hallmark.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
But I also say that I am a Holly Hallmark
in recovery because I used to be a perfectionist with
my Christmas.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Decorations and my holiday decorations, but no longer. When the
Christmas tree fell, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna stay
calm because yes, it does look crooked now and drives
me crazy, but.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I allow that because, hey, you know, it just is.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
What it is. So you have in one of those
years where it's not all proud. Yes, we've had those
where you're just like we've gone and it's like, oh,
that's the last Christmas tree, is it? Because we're there
on December fifteenth and we're like, well are you going
to whatever? You know?
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Oh yeah, and when we put the lights up, only
to find that we had white lights and yellow lights
and they didn't look good together, and then we ran
out of lights. So our daughter's running to the home
depot at eleven o'clock.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
So yeah, not the warm white lights. You've got the
white ower ones ones. Yes, okay, so you know I
need the So here's a difference. I need the warm
orange ones. You need the cool white ones. I need
the cool Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
So you would have been fine because home Depot had plenty.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Yeah, but we had to like beg for the cool
white ones.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
But maybe I'm not in the majority here of that
if home Depot has plenty, so I might need to
rethink my like, I'm not sure right now we have Okay,
So here's our heart. We have three trees up. One
that stays up downstairs that's littler, that's fake. It stays
up there all year long. We funny decorated. It's got
all the kids ornaments on it from you know, kindergarten
(02:43):
and for you know, they're like, oh my god, these
are awful, and we leave them there. Then we've got
a real tree in the front. And then we have
another tree that stays too kind of Christmas crazy over here.
Another tree in the living room that's fake that that
hangs out longer than it should as well. But I
don't think there's an ounce of space on any of
(03:04):
the trees for any more decorations. We're like, we're like
in yolo style this year, like we live ones, hang
them all up. Pretty funny. So we were trying to
call the show falla la la la la la la
la Happy.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, yeah, because when I think of falla la la la,
now I think of falla la la la Christmas tree
going down on the floor.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Did the cat knock it over?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
No, it was put up incorrectly. We're the stand. It's
too big for the stand that we have. We got
a big one this year.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
We got really zealous and it's too big for a stand,
so we had to get another one, which, you know,
this is such a perfect example of life, right you
got to regroup, readdress, sit back, make a new plan,
and then do the.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Best you can and just live with it.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
And thankfully, and I have to preface this very thankfully
there were no ornaments on it at the time, but.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
It taught me that this year, I'm going to take.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Photographs of all my ornaments and write down where they're
from and who they came from and what the story is,
so that if anything ever does happen to them, I
have them preserved in photos.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's a really good idea. Yeah, yeah, so I double
dare you to go into Starbucks when they ask for your name,
say Holly Hallmark. I think I'm going to need John
unfit John doing the video. What's your name? Holly Hallmark?
(04:36):
There it is. Yeah, I was trying to think of
names for me and I'm like, no, just we're going
to leave Holly Hallmark the way it is. But yeah,
so so if you're striving for that, Martha Stewart like, perfect,
we're not your We're not your folks. We were just decorating.
So so I recovery, any recovery, A little bit in recovery.
(04:56):
I'm working on it. I'm still a little bit Christmas craze,
so we'll just whatever. Anyway, I have a saying, and
I looked around this year, and I'm like, I use
antlers and all of my decorating, you know, from like
Beauty and the Beast guest on.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah, So I have some little examples here of my
all my antlers, and I'm a terrible singer, so I
apologize for that. But here's the snoopy with oh cute handlers.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
And so then I thought you'd appreciate this. I grabbed
a few samples of my antler deer thing. I thought
you'd love this one. It's a shame, that's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I have deer and a lot of my decorations year,
so they're peaceful, min It's all about peace. My my
like theme is peace.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Every yell. My theme is antlers. So I'm sorry. And
then here's here's Marcel the moose.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Oh cute. Ah, we have a moose out front too.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
He's a little he's cute. And then the one that
Cam's fiance was trying to take back home with her
when they just left right now, And the one that's
got cat hair on it because the cat loves it
is this one ready? Yeah hi, oh cute cat hair
all over the bottom of it. But she was like
(06:17):
not need could come home with me. We all like that.
So we might have a traveling deer this year, like
put him in funny places and yeah, oh that's fun. Yeah,
so that's my I like this. I collect these the
marcellos from Lennox. So anyway, they're gonna sit right here
and hang out with us. Well, we're that cute.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I opened that one.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I'm like, oh no, he's got antlers to the poor thing.
So anyway, yeah, yeah, we're making it through. We're getting
through the decorating frenzy. Yeah, and you know, we were
talking about things that can go wrong, like trees falling
over and stuff like that. We got back from picking
out our real tree. We're having like the most perfect day.
(07:01):
We're like, oh, there it is long, you know, the tree,
and we put on top of the van. We're like
driving home and we got home and the kids are like,
it smells really funny out back. It smells like sceptic
and we're like, oh no, so under our gazebo, the
septic flowed up, bubbled up or whatever. So we're going
(07:23):
to have a major septic repair, I predict in in
the springtime. We fixed it for now, but all the joy, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
You know, it just brings that shit happens to a
new level.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
You know.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Yeah, real life is all about shit happens the way
you do. And you know, we don't want to make
light though of some of the hard things that have
happened for.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
People, and we're making light of us.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
We're just making light of us.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
But for those of you out there who are grieving
or having a really hard time this holiday, we want
you to laugh with us. But we also are here
if you need to cry and you need to feel sad,
we want you to know that we are available to listen.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And I'm a master grief coach and anyone.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Who is struggling with grief, and I've already gotten a
couple of calls from people. It is a really tough
time of year, and we recognize that. We want to
own that and recognize and validate that for you that
you are not alone. My dad died two days before Christmas,
and it was really hard, really painful.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Tell that story of the dress time a few times now,
But Stellia, I was.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Buying a dress for my father's funeral, but it was
a few days before Christmas, so of course the person
behind the desk thought I was looking for a dress
for New Year's Eve. So she was perky and she
was happy, and she goes, oh, is this for New
Year's Eve? And I was like, no, it's for my
dad's funeral. And I felt really badly because.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Of course her energiesus went oh.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
But at the same time I was kind of reminding
her that not everybody's happy and jolly and needs perky,
and to put the perky on a kind of a
modulation read the room kind of because not everybody wants that.
And I think that's very real for all of us,
is that some people are happy and perky and joyful
(09:23):
and wonderful, and we all are sometimes, but sometimes we're sad,
and sometimes we're rumpy, and sometimes we're worried, and that
all needs to be okay. So our message is be real,
be authentic wherever you are, and if you need help,
get it.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And I remember feeling very very much alone.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
After that moment. That you know, hey, stop the world.
My dad just died.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And people and who are grieving feel that.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Way, and we just want to acknowledge that there's ways
to help yourself through those times.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, and it doesn't it doesn't really go away either,
because you know, my dad died six years ago now,
and my parents were like mister and missus claws, you know.
I mean, like, so my mom is always miserable at
the holidays, trying not to be in stuff, but there's
an underlying level of this sucks going on. I know
it so for her. And her birthday is December third,
(10:17):
so it blends and things like that. So anyway, I
sent her sweaters for her birthday and then I sent
in this giant She's like, she texted me and she goes,
I love my minky and I'm like, that's from your childhood,
that's what you called your blanky. But I sent her
in this really cool blanket and she's like, you know,
I was gonna leave it on the couch, but I
took it up to bed with me and I'm like,
(10:38):
there we go. Some comfort kind of kind of anything
to make people a little bit happier and more comfortable.
But yeah, but yeah, yeah, anyway, Yeah, so it's not
it's not a perfect out there, and we're you know,
we're trying to give you some some light and some
humor and things like that to think about. But we're
we're about to step into a situation at Christmas time
(10:59):
where our brother in law has passed away this year
and he passed away January tenth from metastatic melanoma, whose
name was Frank Perrillo. And so his wife, Catherine, who's
my husband's sister, and her daughter Alexandra, said can we
get the whole family together for Christmas in New Jersey
(11:20):
to get us through this? Because this is awful and
things like that. So I'm like, well, that is a
tall order to herd the cats. Let me see where
all the boys are and where we are and things
like that. So we're going to be doing that, and
it's going to be like roach I said, we're coming
in hot kind of thing because we rented a mini van.
(11:41):
We're going to drive down, do things, come back. It's
going to be a pretty quick trip because we both
have to work and the kids have things and jobs
starting and stuff like that. But yeah, so we're hoping
to you know, think about that too, Like, if you're
happy and somebody isn't around you, read that room. I
(12:01):
think you can do that. But also if you're happy,
maybe somebody needs to borrow your joy.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
It can be And what's most important about that is
that's a great point is ask, Yeah, reach out ahead
of time to someone who you know has lost someone
and ask them what do they need? Do they need
you to tell stories? Do they want to not talk
about it? Do they want to be left alone? Do
they And just let them have their space to be
(12:31):
whatever they need to be, to tell you what they
need ahead of time, and then to wing it when
they get there, because sometimes they might just need to
get up and leave, They might need to go take
a walk, they might need to go cry, and that
all needs to be okay.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be complicated with me coming
into because they're going to do like a feast of
seven fishes with shellfish and fish, and I have anaphylexics
frat to fish and shellfish. So they're doing all these
food allergies protocols and thinking of me, and I'm bringing
my own food and my own this and my own that.
So as a layer of you know, food allergies. I
(13:08):
want to do a show with you on this so
bad food allergies make me feel like I'm an inconvenience
to people. It's yourst feeling the world. You feel like,
oh God, here she comes. You know, she's got drama,
you know kind of thing. And that's the least thing
I ever want to be. And the second thing it
does for me is it gives you incredible anxiety. I'm
(13:32):
already going to with all the things I need to
think about. I'm like, don't hug we kiss me, you know,
and it's awkward and strange and all these things. So
Peter's had a couple discussions with you know, Laura and
Catherine about you know, keeping and keeping me alive because
his life or that you know kind of thing. And
(13:53):
so everybody's on the same page because here at home,
the kids and Peter are used to me, you know,
they're used to our food allergy protocols and things like that.
But when for all you people out there with food
allergies listening, because I know you listen to best ever
you in this show and stuff, or your caregivers of
people with food allergies or parents or whatever, you know,
(14:13):
it's a anytime there's a holiday with food involved, it
creates you know, ten points of anxiety and changes needed
and protocols and all these things, maybe even more than ten.
I got to think about it a little more. I
think I'm going to write an article about that, you know, like,
how do you care for somebody with food allergies when
(14:34):
they're in your house? Because what people want to do
is they go, here, I made this for you. Oh
my god, you're so sweet, But I'm not eating that
because in order for me to eat that, I would
have had to mate it with you checked all the ingredients,
or they'll say it should be okay and should be
okay as code no in food allergy land. It's like
(14:55):
I so it's awkward. Like at every turn you're just like,
oh man, this is so awkward and I'm so sorry.
But you know, yea for thirty years, they're fairly used
to me, but we usually don't go anywhere during food
food holidays.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yes, that's a very real issue.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I mean I don't have allergies, but I've gluten free
and I get really sick, so I have to be careful,
not as careful as you. But the reality is that
there are all kinds of issues that people have that
if we would just get used to asking people what
do they need? Do they need anything special? Do they
(15:37):
want anything special? I know there's a close friend of
our families who just lost her husband, and it's so
important to ask those questions, what do you want us
to do to help you through this?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Because we don't do that. We have this really.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Weird, bizarre attitude and idea and maybe it comes from
Hallmark movies or I don't know, but.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
That we think that it's just going to be okay
because it's holiday.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
And no, people who didn't get along before, they're not
going to get along just because it's holiday.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Or or old issues that used to.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Show up, they're not going to be better just because
it's holiday. Where we have to be proactive and think
things through ahead of time. And I always encourage every
one of my clients talk about your needs before you
go and have an exit plan if things get tough.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
And food allergies is one example. But people have all
kinds of things. Some people hate the holidays.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Well some people are just bahambugging, but other people like
where there's food involved. Sometimes people just don't like something
or the smell of something, or it is like quaits worried.
He's like, I absolutely hate the smell of shellfish, and
he goes, I hope I didn't. I hope I don't
throw up like I did in that one restaurant when
we were in San Francis, because he cleared the restaurant. Yeah,
(17:02):
we walked and sat down and he went I'm like, oh, no,
you know, sorry told that story. But yeah, so you
know we're but anyway, we're what I my intention is
is to kind of you want to just kind of
glaze over the fact that you have food allergies and
go be there and help somebody through the holiday. That's
(17:24):
the intention in and unfortunately I have to worry in
the background a little bit about me and getting through
it okay with respect large not ruining it for the
you know, fifteen other people that are there because of me,
which annoys me to no end. I'm like, oh, no, no, drama.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Exactly, being prepared is not dramatic. Being prepared is eliminating drama. Yeah,
that's what we don't get. We think that it's being
too dramatic by sending out that kind of email.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
But no, no, no, no, no, we are preventing problem.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah. And the and the worst thing, it like the
most embarrassing thing that happens.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Is are you okay?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Are you okay? Are you okay? You know kind of thing?
And I'm like, I'm gonna let you know if I'm not.
I'm gonna walk outside or call nine to one one
if I'm not okay. And but you want to do
that too with the person who's lost somebody you know
every minute, or you okay? Are you okay? You know
kind of thing, And so anyway all around and ask okay,
we'll grace for you know, grace and compassion and caring
(18:28):
and space and pausing and not just railroading the situation. Okay.
The other thing I thought we would have actual some
fun talking about, but you know, a little bit of
a little bit of therapy mode here too, is you know,
this holiday, and this one in particular, presents such a
monetary stress for people present, giving the wrong present, the
(18:49):
right present, the pressure of presents. And I'll tell you
where we're feeling that this year is kids just out
of college, and I'm gonna call you kids. Sorry kids,
but you know, twenty three twenty five ages getting done
with master's degrees and stuff like that, and they don't
have jobs, and so they're like, we're going to do
like service gifts, Like my gift to you is making
(19:12):
cookies with you, mom My gift to you is this
or that, you know kind of thing. And I just
thought that was the sweetest idea, you know, because otherwise
it's like, well, I'm going to put money in your
bank account for you, to which I can do that
a little bit, but not to the you know, not
to the extent of like, you know, hey, kids, here's
five hundred dollars each, have a heyday, you know. Right, No,
(19:33):
there's so much responsibilities with loans and rent and just
them getting situated. It's it's hard.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
So right, Well, and I have one going off to
college again and she is very limited financially.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
So those are very real ideas. So we got stuff for.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
School, yeah, and a few other surprises, but it's about
being together. Yeah, And I think too, I really encourage
every single person out there sit down at some point
and have a conversation with yourself about your top three
priorities for the holidays. What does it mean to you
(20:17):
and what is most valuable.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And important for you? To preserve.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
Is it a tradition, is it family coming together? Is
it friends? Is it?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (20:28):
But give yourself three that are absolutes and do everything
you can to preserve those and the rest let them go.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
You know, that's a really good point. And the other thing,
too is putting pressure on people to be there. Oh
thing I see also, So there's this holiday is an
interesting one. Maybe all of them are with the kind
of same things going on. But as a mother of
(20:57):
four sons who are in their twenties again their twenties, three,
twenty seven, and twenty nine, One has a fiance and
one has a serious girlfriend, I have vowed never to
be that human being, that mom of boys that goes
you have to be here kind of thing. It's so
(21:18):
off putting. I've seen it. I've that pressure, and when
you're mom of boys, I think one of the things
I'm going to just sort of say this out loud,
but one of the things is they tend to go
where their wife goes or their girlfriend goes. I have
noticed it growing up with my own siblings and family
(21:39):
and things like that. When when you have a baby
you cling to your mom and stuff like that, and
so you have to be aware of the two sets
of families or three if they're divorced. You know, there
might be you might pull, Like if you take a couple,
you might be pulling them in four different directions if
they have got divorces and places to visit and things
(22:01):
like that. Just the physical presence of people and pressuring
them to be here or there is really tough. Do
you want to comment on that a little bit? I
just think it's.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
Well, it's it is tough, and it's something you need
to have conversation with. We're in a unique situation. We
only have one child, yeah, and we're older. So when
you start getting older, you start counting down how many
Christmases you have left, and then it becomes different.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Then you're like, hey, we really.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Do want you to be here, and you can be
there later, or you can be there a different part
of the day.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
You know, we don't mind splitting it.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
But the reality is that we're at a very different
place in our lives where yeah, we want to hear selfish,
perfectly selfish completely, I'm that mom my dad, my husband's
that dad. We are honest about that, but it's because
(23:05):
of our age and the fact that she's.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Our only so so from so over on my side,
so I understand it. So what I said this year was,
you know, rather than tugging you all and making you
miserable in different directions, because we have one in Rochester,
New York, one in Massachusetts, Maine, Augusta, you know, they're
everywhere kind of thing. So I was so proud of
(23:28):
them to all pull together to do the Christmas thing
in New Jersey. Yeah, we're doing that and then we're
going to have a celebration that everybody is going to
attend here. So but but we're such good friends with
Camp's Beyonce's parents, we're scheduling it with them, right. So
you know, I'm like, I do want to think of
your holiday? Which one do you need? So she was like,
(23:49):
I really like Thanksgiving. I'm like, I'm good, I need
Christmas and New you know kind of thing. And so
so I don't know how good are relationships people have
with their you know, with their in law's parents, but
or whatever.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
They're called flexibility, right, it's called being flexible and figuring
out what you need and what you don't need and
what you can let go of.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yeah yeah, so yeah, but in my head, I'm like, oh,
wouldn't it be great if everybody was here on Christmas
morning and all this stuff And it's just not totally real.
It's not realistic. Yeah, And that's what I'm saying is
I just think sometimes it creates just tremendous stress for
people and it makes you know, and then couple that
with any kind of money issue or you know, it
(24:37):
layers a little bit.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
Well, and there comes a time when you're older and
you are maybe going through health crisis when you're older, where.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
You are going to need them there. Yeah, so think
about that.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah, yeah, the priority of the time. You know, there
might become a time when you really actually do need need,
want and need or are two things.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
So yeah, where we are in our lifestyle, in our
life process makes a big difference. So just be honest
with yourself about what you need or what you want.
What you need is something that is non negotiable, it's
part of your wellness.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
But what you want.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
Is something you can negotiate and you can go back
and forth.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Then you can mold it and you can change it.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
But your needs are not Your needs are wellness related. Yeah,
so be clear on what those are.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
So I had one more little topic written down for
us before we go. We're going to try and keep
this one to thirty minutes, remember, okay overscheduling? Oh god, right,
and then you'd be like, oh hey, pretty na. By
the way, wait, let's stop for a nail break. Let's
see him. Mine are just terrible right now. Pretty what's
(25:48):
your paintings?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh we have heart and butterfly.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
On Oh so pretty. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I go to a place called nail therapy here in Anacorta.
I just love them and I always.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Have to be men out there. Look at these oh man,
that's mine are called writing books. Tippip type this one's different.
But anyway, did that insinuate that you type like this?
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Oh? Yeah, I do sometimes when when my name's got
too long, I got.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
A short num so that I can that's funny. On
my phone.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
We're scheduling, Oh god, yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Oh you mean like four point thirty in the morning
when you're making the Christmas tying up the Christmas tree.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
You think that yet a little over scheduling.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Yeah, oh, totally totally overscheduling.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
And people do it.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
And one of the things that I was talking about
on a training the other day is that it's so
awful that the end of the year is when the
holidays fall. So people have business related responsibilities that they
need to get done, and yet they this other pressure
of Okay, I've got business, but I've also got home
(27:05):
and I've got the Martha Stewart part of me calling
and I've got this, you know, or I've got the
baham bug guy could care less, I'm going to do
it at the last minute on So everybody's got to
really ask themselves. That's again where you prioritize and you say, Okay,
I haven't done this yet, Like I haven't sent out
my international stuff yet. I'm behind. It's not going to
(27:26):
get there on Christmas. And I just called and I said,
I am so sorry. I blew it, but I just did.
And it's okay, nobody's going to die from that.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
She's going to get it after Christmas.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Yeah. So I had a package come in from my
sister today and I'm like, yeah, so I'm behind this year.
I need you to know. See, my favorite thing about
holidays is yeah, I like them to go on until
like February. Christmas could go on to February, Okay, I'd
be a happy girl, like everybody I see. Some people
are like, oh, Christmas is over chucking the tree, taking
(27:59):
it down out the door goes. I'm like, oh, man,
that I have taken trees down that are like dead
dead maybe like the thing has no needles on it
after we're shaking it to get it down and stuff
like that. So yeah, I don't know. And it's not
so much the Christmasy part of the presence and all that.
(28:24):
It's just it's I think it's the lights and the day.
It's just peaceful, Y's sacred.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I came up with an idea this morning. I was
sitting there.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
I love my morning where I just look at the
lights and they're not on the Christmas tree yet, but
they're everywhere else. And I have fairy lights everywhere, and
I've already announced my neighbors.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Get it.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
Get you know, I'm not taking them down for months,
so just just get used to that.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
They're staying and because I just love them.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
And it's a dark season here because I live in
the state of Washington, and I just love that time.
And what I said to myself, this is sacred. This
is a sacred time. What does Christmas represent? And my
daughter's boyfriend is Asian and has never celebrated Christmas, and
(29:11):
he was and we asked him, what do you think
it's about? And he said, well, it's about giving, right,
isn't it about being good and kind and loving? And
I said, wow, this guy nailed it. And so I
thought about the referent part of Christmas is for me
that the gift of sacred honoring, compassion, kindness, caring, love,
(29:36):
and those.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Are the things. And those have nothing to do with.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Whether your Christmas tree falls over, except the words you
speak to each other when it happens.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I was going to say, I've had that happened before
and that was not fun.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yeah, those are not peaceful. That's not peaceful language. But
at the same time, it was just reference lose your
ship language. So it's the reverence. I like the reverence
of the holidays. It's remembering what really matters. And I
think that's what all of us need to do all
the time, really, but in holidays especially because we overextend,
(30:15):
we overspend, we overeat, we overdrink, we over everything, and
or we.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Uonder if we're not into it. Yeah, I get it right, right,
doesn't there's a real happy medium of like I know,
I know, you have that conversation with yourself, like you know,
a couple of months before the holidays are like this year,
I'm really gonna be good. I'm not gonna eat anything,
I'm not gonna drink anything. I'm not gonna I'm not
gonna charge on my credit card. I'm not gonna right me.
(30:43):
It just all goes.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
It's like I learned a long time ago, no, not
to set myself up.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
And then and then what happens is you start talking
like that and then incomes glides in the macy'son and
you're like, oh, I'm screwed. Or the Black Friday toy
you know Amazon book that looks just like the old
Sears catalog, and all of it just comes quoting in Yuka.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah uh this sweater man, the sweater is Black Friday
for mom.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Good girl. I just I just went. I love it.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's so comfortable and I love it, and it was No,
I do that, But do what you can do for
you that works for you. And it's all relative. Don't
compare yourself. It's what works for you.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
To be able to maintain joyfulness. As much as is reistic.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
You know, I'm thinking of don't compare yourself. And every
time I think of that during the holidays, I think
of the person who's got like every single light.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
On their house.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And every I'm like,
wouldn't that be, Like I say to Peter, I'm like,
that would be really fun one year to just go
crazy with lights outside. And then I think, and then
I'll say to them the next sentence like, that's a
lot of work. Never mind it is. That's a lot
work ever to do. So like outside and and you
(32:06):
know how you were like, I'm telling morning the neighbors
the lights are staying up for a while. Well, we
have the graces of ice and snow, so they stay
up till June when they're finally thought back out. So
if you put any Christmas light up, you have to
remember to like shut the light off, you know kind
of thing. Otherwise they're frozen out there and they just are.
And so we have like a neighborhood thing, and everybody
leaves their lights up and then in June are like, hey,
(32:28):
you know that's great, that's great. Yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
So I think everybody just needs to know for themselves
how they need to make this a holiday that has
memories that you want to pass on because kids are watching,
and you know it's funny. You've identified your parents as
mister and missus Klaus.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Oh yeah, I had the Grizzwolds. I had the Grizzwolds.
Oh Chabby Chase.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
From Oh yeah, that was my family. I mean, nothing
trees fell down. There was always arguing. There was no,
we gotta do it this way, No we gotta do
it that way. No this needs you know, and no,
we had the Griswolds. So it love a lot of love,
a lot of caring, but a lot of funny memories
(33:15):
of things happening going wrong.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
I mean, my grandmother just never got anything right.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
And we have stories like that. Oh there's some everybody's
got those funny grandma was a choir with the church
choir and saying like ethel Merman, I mean and oh god,
and so I'm one of the this is terrible. But
I haven't written this in a book yet. In fact,
I think I wrote it somewhere and it was like,
you can't say that. I'm like, yeah, yeah I can't,
but I will get the giggles in church. If I'm
(33:44):
sitting next to my sister so like my sister Angie,
and and like we've gotten in so much trouble as
kids from laughing because like so and we take up
like you know, forty four church pews with the whole family.
If you put all of us in there, it's like,
oh my god, the church is full with all of
us because there's so many kids and grandkids and people
(34:06):
and everything, friends and whatever. But one year we were
sitting in front of my grandmother who was in visiting
us in Iowa. So she wasn't in Minnesota in the choir.
She was with us in Iowa and no choir. But
boy did she sing like she was in the choir
behind us. And we started laughing. My sister and I
(34:27):
started laughing so hard. I mean just and she's a
good singer, but it was just funny.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
You know what I mean, just.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Loud and funny. Opera open their mouth and mouth and
don't really sing most of the time he was singing.
So we got in so much trouble. We got escorted
by my father like out of the area because we
were laughing so hard.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Well, and that's that's me.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
I sing like that.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
I was trained at opera.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I sing loud.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I sing strong and I don't give a flip what anybody.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah, yeah, no, neither did she. But it's pretty funny.
It's pretty darn funny though. Something.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
It is so for everyone out there.
Speaker 4 (35:07):
Laugh, laugh as much as you can laugh at yourself,
laugh at others. If you're grieving and you're having a
hard time and you don't feel like laughing, that's okay too.
We honor that we are here for you, whatever you need.
Let the holidays be what it needs to be for you. Yeah,
that's our message. Yeah, we're closing out. So I'm Elizabeth
(35:30):
Hamilton Garno. I'm at Elizabethgarno dot com. This is doctor
Katie Eastman. She's at doctor Katieeastman dot com. I just
want to close that out and let you know you
can go to our websites, check out our books. Our books,
make a little cute stocking stuffers and things like that.
But yeah, if our websites are there, and then our
website together is best ever You dot com.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
We have a ton of.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Stuff on best ever You dot com blogs and things
like that. I just want to make sure everybody kind
of knows who we are over here on Riverside, And
I know the silk hopefully syndicate out like our normal
one does. But I don't know. And I'd like to
say to Riverside if you could please implement the age
fifty five and sixty filter.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Filter. The filter would be good.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I need one right here, the dowel lift.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
It's really clear over here, wow right, yeah? Yeah, it
must be like definition times ten over here, really high
quality anyway, Oh yeah, yep. Anyway, all right, we love you.
Happy holidays, all right everyone, something clean? Maybe maybe the
(36:48):
filter came real. I wonder what that is, oh boy. Anyway,
all right, everybody, take care. See it gets lighter. That's
so funny. Right bye, take care
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Real Life Podcast with Elizabeth
and Katie. And so we're trying something new today. We're
learning Riverside FM and we've determined that it shows every
wrinkle I try. I like this. We've tried soft focus,
(00:22):
we've tried backing up, sitting forward, lights, whatever, it's just
it's real life. It's real us. So yeah, anyway, so
we thought we would. We've got a lot to talk about.
We're going to test this out and see how it goes,
and we may we may just end this and go
over to stream yard. I have no idea, but we're
going to try anyway. Over there, miss Holly Hallmark.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Of what you call yourself.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So we're taking a break today from all of our
decorating and just life to do a little half hour
show right just to say happy holidays to everybody. But
Katie's nicknamed herself Holly Hallmark.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
But I also say that I am a Holly Hallmark
in recovery because I used to be a perfectionist with
my Christmas.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Decorations and my holiday decorations, but no longer. When the
Christmas tree fell, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna stay
calm because yes, it does look crooked now and drives
me crazy, but.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I allow that because, hey, you know, it just is.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
What it is. So you have in one of those
years where it's not all proud. Yes, we've had those
where you're just like we've gone and it's like, oh,
that's the last Christmas tree, is it? Because we're there
on December fifteenth and we're like, well are you going
to whatever? You know?
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Oh yeah, and when we put the lights up, only
to find that we had white lights and yellow lights
and they didn't look good together, and then we ran
out of lights. So our daughter's running to the home
depot at eleven o'clock.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
So yeah, not the warm white lights. You've got the
white ower ones ones. Yes, okay, so you know I
need the So here's a difference. I need the warm
orange ones. You need the cool white ones. I need
the cool Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
So you would have been fine because home Depot had plenty.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Yeah, but we had to like beg for the cool
white ones.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
But maybe I'm not in the majority here of that
if home Depot has plenty, so I might need to
rethink my like, I'm not sure right now we have Okay,
So here's our heart. We have three trees up. One
that stays up downstairs that's littler, that's fake. It stays
up there all year long. We funny decorated. It's got
all the kids ornaments on it from you know, kindergarten
(02:43):
and for you know, they're like, oh my god, these
are awful, and we leave them there. Then we've got
a real tree in the front. And then we have
another tree that stays too kind of Christmas crazy over here.
Another tree in the living room that's fake that that
hangs out longer than it should as well. But I
don't think there's an ounce of space on any of
(03:04):
the trees for any more decorations. We're like, we're like
in yolo style this year, like we live ones, hang
them all up. Pretty funny. So we were trying to
call the show falla la la la la la la
la Happy.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, yeah, because when I think of falla la la la,
now I think of falla la la la Christmas tree
going down on the floor.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Did the cat knock it over?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
No, it was put up incorrectly. We're the stand. It's
too big for the stand that we have. We got
a big one this year.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
We got really zealous and it's too big for a stand,
so we had to get another one, which, you know,
this is such a perfect example of life, right you
got to regroup, readdress, sit back, make a new plan,
and then do the.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Best you can and just live with it.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
And thankfully, and I have to preface this very thankfully
there were no ornaments on it at the time, but.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
It taught me that this year, I'm going to take.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Photographs of all my ornaments and write down where they're
from and who they came from and what the story is,
so that if anything ever does happen to them, I
have them preserved in photos.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's a really good idea. Yeah, yeah, so I double
dare you to go into Starbucks when they ask for your name,
say Holly Hallmark. I think I'm going to need John
unfit John doing the video. What's your name? Holly Hallmark?
(04:36):
There it is. Yeah, I was trying to think of
names for me and I'm like, no, just we're going
to leave Holly Hallmark the way it is. But yeah,
so so if you're striving for that, Martha Stewart like, perfect,
we're not your We're not your folks. We were just decorating.
So so I recovery, any recovery, A little bit in recovery.
(04:56):
I'm working on it. I'm still a little bit Christmas craze,
so we'll just whatever. Anyway, I have a saying, and
I looked around this year, and I'm like, I use
antlers and all of my decorating, you know, from like
Beauty and the Beast guest on.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah, So I have some little examples here of my
all my antlers, and I'm a terrible singer, so I
apologize for that. But here's the snoopy with oh cute handlers.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
And so then I thought you'd appreciate this. I grabbed
a few samples of my antler deer thing. I thought
you'd love this one. It's a shame, that's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I have deer and a lot of my decorations year,
so they're peaceful, min It's all about peace. My my
like theme is peace.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Every yell. My theme is antlers. So I'm sorry. And
then here's here's Marcel the moose.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Oh cute. Ah, we have a moose out front too.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
He's a little he's cute. And then the one that
Cam's fiance was trying to take back home with her
when they just left right now, And the one that's
got cat hair on it because the cat loves it
is this one ready? Yeah hi, oh cute cat hair
all over the bottom of it. But she was like
(06:17):
not need could come home with me. We all like that.
So we might have a traveling deer this year, like
put him in funny places and yeah, oh that's fun. Yeah,
so that's my I like this. I collect these the
marcellos from Lennox. So anyway, they're gonna sit right here
and hang out with us. Well, we're that cute.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I opened that one.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I'm like, oh no, he's got antlers to the poor thing.
So anyway, yeah, yeah, we're making it through. We're getting
through the decorating frenzy. Yeah, and you know, we were
talking about things that can go wrong, like trees falling
over and stuff like that. We got back from picking
out our real tree. We're having like the most perfect day.
(07:01):
We're like, oh, there it is long, you know, the tree,
and we put on top of the van. We're like
driving home and we got home and the kids are like,
it smells really funny out back. It smells like sceptic
and we're like, oh no, so under our gazebo, the
septic flowed up, bubbled up or whatever. So we're going
(07:23):
to have a major septic repair, I predict in in
the springtime. We fixed it for now, but all the joy, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
You know, it just brings that shit happens to a
new level.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
You know.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Yeah, real life is all about shit happens the way
you do. And you know, we don't want to make
light though of some of the hard things that have
happened for.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
People, and we're making light of us.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
We're just making light of us.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
But for those of you out there who are grieving
or having a really hard time this holiday, we want
you to laugh with us. But we also are here
if you need to cry and you need to feel sad,
we want you to know that we are available to listen.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And I'm a master grief coach and anyone.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Who is struggling with grief, and I've already gotten a
couple of calls from people. It is a really tough
time of year, and we recognize that. We want to
own that and recognize and validate that for you that
you are not alone. My dad died two days before Christmas,
and it was really hard, really painful.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Tell that story of the dress time a few times now,
But Stellia, I was.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Buying a dress for my father's funeral, but it was
a few days before Christmas, so of course the person
behind the desk thought I was looking for a dress
for New Year's Eve. So she was perky and she
was happy, and she goes, oh, is this for New
Year's Eve? And I was like, no, it's for my
dad's funeral. And I felt really badly because.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Of course her energiesus went oh.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
But at the same time I was kind of reminding
her that not everybody's happy and jolly and needs perky,
and to put the perky on a kind of a
modulation read the room kind of because not everybody wants that.
And I think that's very real for all of us,
is that some people are happy and perky and joyful
(09:23):
and wonderful, and we all are sometimes, but sometimes we're sad,
and sometimes we're rumpy, and sometimes we're worried, and that
all needs to be okay. So our message is be real,
be authentic wherever you are, and if you need help,
get it.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And I remember feeling very very much alone.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
After that moment. That you know, hey, stop the world.
My dad just died.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And people and who are grieving feel that.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Way, and we just want to acknowledge that there's ways
to help yourself through those times.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, and it doesn't it doesn't really go away either,
because you know, my dad died six years ago now,
and my parents were like mister and missus claws, you know.
I mean, like, so my mom is always miserable at
the holidays, trying not to be in stuff, but there's
an underlying level of this sucks going on. I know
it so for her. And her birthday is December third,
(10:17):
so it blends and things like that. So anyway, I
sent her sweaters for her birthday and then I sent
in this giant She's like, she texted me and she goes,
I love my minky and I'm like, that's from your childhood,
that's what you called your blanky. But I sent her
in this really cool blanket and she's like, you know,
I was gonna leave it on the couch, but I
took it up to bed with me and I'm like,
(10:38):
there we go. Some comfort kind of kind of anything
to make people a little bit happier and more comfortable.
But yeah, but yeah, yeah, anyway, Yeah, so it's not
it's not a perfect out there, and we're you know,
we're trying to give you some some light and some
humor and things like that to think about. But we're
we're about to step into a situation at Christmas time
(10:59):
where our brother in law has passed away this year
and he passed away January tenth from metastatic melanoma, whose
name was Frank Perrillo. And so his wife, Catherine, who's
my husband's sister, and her daughter Alexandra, said can we
get the whole family together for Christmas in New Jersey
(11:20):
to get us through this? Because this is awful and
things like that. So I'm like, well, that is a
tall order to herd the cats. Let me see where
all the boys are and where we are and things
like that. So we're going to be doing that, and
it's going to be like roach I said, we're coming
in hot kind of thing because we rented a mini van.
(11:41):
We're going to drive down, do things, come back. It's
going to be a pretty quick trip because we both
have to work and the kids have things and jobs
starting and stuff like that. But yeah, so we're hoping
to you know, think about that too, Like, if you're
happy and somebody isn't around you, read that room. I
(12:01):
think you can do that. But also if you're happy,
maybe somebody needs to borrow your joy.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
It can be And what's most important about that is
that's a great point is ask, Yeah, reach out ahead
of time to someone who you know has lost someone
and ask them what do they need? Do they need
you to tell stories? Do they want to not talk
about it? Do they want to be left alone? Do
they And just let them have their space to be
(12:31):
whatever they need to be, to tell you what they
need ahead of time, and then to wing it when
they get there, because sometimes they might just need to
get up and leave, They might need to go take
a walk, they might need to go cry, and that
all needs to be okay.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be complicated with me coming
into because they're going to do like a feast of
seven fishes with shellfish and fish, and I have anaphylexics
frat to fish and shellfish. So they're doing all these
food allergies protocols and thinking of me, and I'm bringing
my own food and my own this and my own that.
So as a layer of you know, food allergies. I
(13:08):
want to do a show with you on this so
bad food allergies make me feel like I'm an inconvenience
to people. It's yourst feeling the world. You feel like,
oh God, here she comes. You know, she's got drama,
you know kind of thing. And that's the least thing
I ever want to be. And the second thing it
does for me is it gives you incredible anxiety. I'm
(13:32):
already going to with all the things I need to
think about. I'm like, don't hug we kiss me, you know,
and it's awkward and strange and all these things. So
Peter's had a couple discussions with you know, Laura and
Catherine about you know, keeping and keeping me alive because
his life or that you know kind of thing. And
(13:53):
so everybody's on the same page because here at home,
the kids and Peter are used to me, you know,
they're used to our food allergy protocols and things like that.
But when for all you people out there with food
allergies listening, because I know you listen to best ever
you in this show and stuff, or your caregivers of
people with food allergies or parents or whatever, you know,
(14:13):
it's a anytime there's a holiday with food involved, it
creates you know, ten points of anxiety and changes needed
and protocols and all these things, maybe even more than ten.
I got to think about it a little more. I
think I'm going to write an article about that, you know, like,
how do you care for somebody with food allergies when
(14:34):
they're in your house? Because what people want to do
is they go, here, I made this for you. Oh
my god, you're so sweet, But I'm not eating that
because in order for me to eat that, I would
have had to mate it with you checked all the ingredients,
or they'll say it should be okay and should be
okay as code no in food allergy land. It's like
(14:55):
I so it's awkward. Like at every turn you're just like,
oh man, this is so awkward and I'm so sorry.
But you know, yea for thirty years, they're fairly used
to me, but we usually don't go anywhere during food
food holidays.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yes, that's a very real issue.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I mean I don't have allergies, but I've gluten free
and I get really sick, so I have to be careful,
not as careful as you. But the reality is that
there are all kinds of issues that people have that
if we would just get used to asking people what
do they need? Do they need anything special? Do they
(15:37):
want anything special? I know there's a close friend of
our families who just lost her husband, and it's so
important to ask those questions, what do you want us
to do to help you through this?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Because we don't do that. We have this really.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Weird, bizarre attitude and idea and maybe it comes from
Hallmark movies or I don't know, but.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
That we think that it's just going to be okay
because it's holiday.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
And no, people who didn't get along before, they're not
going to get along just because it's holiday.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Or or old issues that used to.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Show up, they're not going to be better just because
it's holiday. Where we have to be proactive and think
things through ahead of time. And I always encourage every
one of my clients talk about your needs before you
go and have an exit plan if things get tough.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
And food allergies is one example. But people have all
kinds of things. Some people hate the holidays.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Well some people are just bahambugging, but other people like
where there's food involved. Sometimes people just don't like something
or the smell of something, or it is like quaits worried.
He's like, I absolutely hate the smell of shellfish, and
he goes, I hope I didn't. I hope I don't
throw up like I did in that one restaurant when
we were in San Francis, because he cleared the restaurant. Yeah,
(17:02):
we walked and sat down and he went I'm like, oh, no,
you know, sorry told that story. But yeah, so you
know we're but anyway, we're what I my intention is
is to kind of you want to just kind of
glaze over the fact that you have food allergies and
go be there and help somebody through the holiday. That's
(17:24):
the intention in and unfortunately I have to worry in
the background a little bit about me and getting through
it okay with respect large not ruining it for the
you know, fifteen other people that are there because of me,
which annoys me to no end. I'm like, oh, no, no, drama.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Exactly, being prepared is not dramatic. Being prepared is eliminating drama. Yeah,
that's what we don't get. We think that it's being
too dramatic by sending out that kind of email.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
But no, no, no, no, no, we are preventing problem.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah. And the and the worst thing, it like the
most embarrassing thing that happens.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Is are you okay?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Are you okay? Are you okay? You know kind of thing?
And I'm like, I'm gonna let you know if I'm not.
I'm gonna walk outside or call nine to one one
if I'm not okay. And but you want to do
that too with the person who's lost somebody you know
every minute, or you okay? Are you okay? You know
kind of thing, And so anyway all around and ask okay,
we'll grace for you know, grace and compassion and caring
(18:28):
and space and pausing and not just railroading the situation. Okay.
The other thing I thought we would have actual some
fun talking about, but you know, a little bit of
a little bit of therapy mode here too, is you know,
this holiday, and this one in particular, presents such a
monetary stress for people present, giving the wrong present, the
(18:49):
right present, the pressure of presents. And I'll tell you
where we're feeling that this year is kids just out
of college, and I'm gonna call you kids. Sorry kids,
but you know, twenty three twenty five ages getting done
with master's degrees and stuff like that, and they don't
have jobs, and so they're like, we're going to do
like service gifts, Like my gift to you is making
(19:12):
cookies with you, mom My gift to you is this
or that, you know kind of thing. And I just
thought that was the sweetest idea, you know, because otherwise
it's like, well, I'm going to put money in your
bank account for you, to which I can do that
a little bit, but not to the you know, not
to the extent of like, you know, hey, kids, here's
five hundred dollars each, have a heyday, you know. Right, No,
(19:33):
there's so much responsibilities with loans and rent and just
them getting situated. It's it's hard.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
So right, Well, and I have one going off to
college again and she is very limited financially.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
So those are very real ideas. So we got stuff for.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
School, yeah, and a few other surprises, but it's about
being together. Yeah, And I think too, I really encourage
every single person out there sit down at some point
and have a conversation with yourself about your top three
priorities for the holidays. What does it mean to you
(20:17):
and what is most valuable.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And important for you? To preserve.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
Is it a tradition, is it family coming together? Is
it friends? Is it?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (20:28):
But give yourself three that are absolutes and do everything
you can to preserve those and the rest let them go.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
You know, that's a really good point. And the other thing,
too is putting pressure on people to be there. Oh
thing I see also, So there's this holiday is an
interesting one. Maybe all of them are with the kind
of same things going on. But as a mother of
(20:57):
four sons who are in their twenties again their twenties, three,
twenty seven, and twenty nine, One has a fiance and
one has a serious girlfriend, I have vowed never to
be that human being, that mom of boys that goes
you have to be here kind of thing. It's so
(21:18):
off putting. I've seen it. I've that pressure, and when
you're mom of boys, I think one of the things
I'm going to just sort of say this out loud,
but one of the things is they tend to go
where their wife goes or their girlfriend goes. I have
noticed it growing up with my own siblings and family
(21:39):
and things like that. When when you have a baby
you cling to your mom and stuff like that, and
so you have to be aware of the two sets
of families or three if they're divorced. You know, there
might be you might pull, Like if you take a couple,
you might be pulling them in four different directions if
they have got divorces and places to visit and things
(22:01):
like that. Just the physical presence of people and pressuring
them to be here or there is really tough. Do
you want to comment on that a little bit? I
just think it's.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
Well, it's it is tough, and it's something you need
to have conversation with. We're in a unique situation. We
only have one child, yeah, and we're older. So when
you start getting older, you start counting down how many
Christmases you have left, and then it becomes different.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Then you're like, hey, we really.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Do want you to be here, and you can be
there later, or you can be there a different part
of the day.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
You know, we don't mind splitting it.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
But the reality is that we're at a very different
place in our lives where yeah, we want to hear selfish,
perfectly selfish completely, I'm that mom my dad, my husband's
that dad. We are honest about that, but it's because
(23:05):
of our age and the fact that she's.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Our only so so from so over on my side,
so I understand it. So what I said this year was,
you know, rather than tugging you all and making you
miserable in different directions, because we have one in Rochester,
New York, one in Massachusetts, Maine, Augusta, you know, they're
everywhere kind of thing. So I was so proud of
(23:28):
them to all pull together to do the Christmas thing
in New Jersey. Yeah, we're doing that and then we're
going to have a celebration that everybody is going to
attend here. So but but we're such good friends with
Camp's Beyonce's parents, we're scheduling it with them, right. So
you know, I'm like, I do want to think of
your holiday? Which one do you need? So she was like,
(23:49):
I really like Thanksgiving. I'm like, I'm good, I need
Christmas and New you know kind of thing. And so
so I don't know how good are relationships people have
with their you know, with their in law's parents, but
or whatever.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
They're called flexibility, right, it's called being flexible and figuring
out what you need and what you don't need and
what you can let go of.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yeah yeah, so yeah, but in my head, I'm like, oh,
wouldn't it be great if everybody was here on Christmas
morning and all this stuff And it's just not totally real.
It's not realistic. Yeah, And that's what I'm saying is
I just think sometimes it creates just tremendous stress for
people and it makes you know, and then couple that
with any kind of money issue or you know, it
(24:37):
layers a little bit.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
Well, and there comes a time when you're older and
you are maybe going through health crisis when you're older, where.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
You are going to need them there. Yeah, so think
about that.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah, yeah, the priority of the time. You know, there
might become a time when you really actually do need need,
want and need or are two things.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
So yeah, where we are in our lifestyle, in our
life process makes a big difference. So just be honest
with yourself about what you need or what you want.
What you need is something that is non negotiable, it's
part of your wellness.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
But what you want.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
Is something you can negotiate and you can go back
and forth.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Then you can mold it and you can change it.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
But your needs are not Your needs are wellness related. Yeah,
so be clear on what those are.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
So I had one more little topic written down for
us before we go. We're going to try and keep
this one to thirty minutes, remember, okay overscheduling? Oh god, right,
and then you'd be like, oh hey, pretty na. By
the way, wait, let's stop for a nail break. Let's
see him. Mine are just terrible right now. Pretty what's
(25:48):
your paintings?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh we have heart and butterfly.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
On Oh so pretty. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I go to a place called nail therapy here in Anacorta.
I just love them and I always.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Have to be men out there. Look at these oh man,
that's mine are called writing books. Tippip type this one's different.
But anyway, did that insinuate that you type like this?
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Oh? Yeah, I do sometimes when when my name's got
too long, I got.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
A short num so that I can that's funny. On
my phone.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
We're scheduling, Oh god, yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Oh you mean like four point thirty in the morning
when you're making the Christmas tying up the Christmas tree.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
You think that yet a little over scheduling.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Yeah, oh, totally totally overscheduling.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
And people do it.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
And one of the things that I was talking about
on a training the other day is that it's so
awful that the end of the year is when the
holidays fall. So people have business related responsibilities that they
need to get done, and yet they this other pressure
of Okay, I've got business, but I've also got home
(27:05):
and I've got the Martha Stewart part of me calling
and I've got this, you know, or I've got the
baham bug guy could care less, I'm going to do
it at the last minute on So everybody's got to
really ask themselves. That's again where you prioritize and you say, Okay,
I haven't done this yet, Like I haven't sent out
my international stuff yet. I'm behind. It's not going to
(27:26):
get there on Christmas. And I just called and I said,
I am so sorry. I blew it, but I just did.
And it's okay, nobody's going to die from that.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
She's going to get it after Christmas.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Yeah. So I had a package come in from my
sister today and I'm like, yeah, so I'm behind this year.
I need you to know. See, my favorite thing about
holidays is yeah, I like them to go on until
like February. Christmas could go on to February, Okay, I'd
be a happy girl, like everybody I see. Some people
are like, oh, Christmas is over chucking the tree, taking
(27:59):
it down out the door goes. I'm like, oh, man,
that I have taken trees down that are like dead
dead maybe like the thing has no needles on it
after we're shaking it to get it down and stuff
like that. So yeah, I don't know. And it's not
so much the Christmasy part of the presence and all that.
(28:24):
It's just it's I think it's the lights and the day.
It's just peaceful, Y's sacred.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I came up with an idea this morning. I was
sitting there.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
I love my morning where I just look at the
lights and they're not on the Christmas tree yet, but
they're everywhere else. And I have fairy lights everywhere, and
I've already announced my neighbors.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Get it.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
Get you know, I'm not taking them down for months,
so just just get used to that.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
They're staying and because I just love them.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
And it's a dark season here because I live in
the state of Washington, and I just love that time.
And what I said to myself, this is sacred. This
is a sacred time. What does Christmas represent? And my
daughter's boyfriend is Asian and has never celebrated Christmas, and
(29:11):
he was and we asked him, what do you think
it's about? And he said, well, it's about giving, right,
isn't it about being good and kind and loving? And
I said, wow, this guy nailed it. And so I
thought about the referent part of Christmas is for me
that the gift of sacred honoring, compassion, kindness, caring, love,
(29:36):
and those.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Are the things. And those have nothing to do with.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Whether your Christmas tree falls over, except the words you
speak to each other when it happens.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I was going to say, I've had that happened before
and that was not fun.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yeah, those are not peaceful. That's not peaceful language. But
at the same time, it was just reference lose your
ship language. So it's the reverence. I like the reverence
of the holidays. It's remembering what really matters. And I
think that's what all of us need to do all
the time, really, but in holidays especially because we overextend,
(30:15):
we overspend, we overeat, we overdrink, we over everything, and
or we.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Uonder if we're not into it. Yeah, I get it right, right,
doesn't there's a real happy medium of like I know,
I know, you have that conversation with yourself, like you know,
a couple of months before the holidays are like this year,
I'm really gonna be good. I'm not gonna eat anything,
I'm not gonna drink anything. I'm not gonna I'm not
gonna charge on my credit card. I'm not gonna right me.
(30:43):
It just all goes.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
It's like I learned a long time ago, no, not
to set myself up.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
And then and then what happens is you start talking
like that and then incomes glides in the macy'son and
you're like, oh, I'm screwed. Or the Black Friday toy
you know Amazon book that looks just like the old
Sears catalog, and all of it just comes quoting in Yuka.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah uh this sweater man, the sweater is Black Friday
for mom.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Good girl. I just I just went. I love it.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's so comfortable and I love it, and it was No,
I do that, But do what you can do for
you that works for you. And it's all relative. Don't
compare yourself. It's what works for you.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
To be able to maintain joyfulness. As much as is reistic.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
You know, I'm thinking of don't compare yourself. And every
time I think of that during the holidays, I think
of the person who's got like every single light.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
On their house.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And every I'm like,
wouldn't that be, Like I say to Peter, I'm like,
that would be really fun one year to just go
crazy with lights outside. And then I think, and then
I'll say to them the next sentence like, that's a
lot of work. Never mind it is. That's a lot
work ever to do. So like outside and and you
(32:06):
know how you were like, I'm telling morning the neighbors
the lights are staying up for a while. Well, we
have the graces of ice and snow, so they stay
up till June when they're finally thought back out. So
if you put any Christmas light up, you have to
remember to like shut the light off, you know kind
of thing. Otherwise they're frozen out there and they just are.
And so we have like a neighborhood thing, and everybody
leaves their lights up and then in June are like, hey,
(32:28):
you know that's great, that's great. Yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
So I think everybody just needs to know for themselves
how they need to make this a holiday that has
memories that you want to pass on because kids are watching,
and you know it's funny. You've identified your parents as
mister and missus Klaus.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Oh yeah, I had the Grizzwolds. I had the Grizzwolds.
Oh Chabby Chase.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
From Oh yeah, that was my family. I mean, nothing
trees fell down. There was always arguing. There was no,
we gotta do it this way, No we gotta do
it that way. No this needs you know, and no,
we had the Griswolds. So it love a lot of love,
a lot of caring, but a lot of funny memories
(33:15):
of things happening going wrong.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
I mean, my grandmother just never got anything right.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
And we have stories like that. Oh there's some everybody's
got those funny grandma was a choir with the church
choir and saying like ethel Merman, I mean and oh god,
and so I'm one of the this is terrible. But
I haven't written this in a book yet. In fact,
I think I wrote it somewhere and it was like,
you can't say that. I'm like, yeah, yeah I can't,
but I will get the giggles in church. If I'm
(33:44):
sitting next to my sister so like my sister Angie,
and and like we've gotten in so much trouble as
kids from laughing because like so and we take up
like you know, forty four church pews with the whole family.
If you put all of us in there, it's like,
oh my god, the church is full with all of
us because there's so many kids and grandkids and people
(34:06):
and everything, friends and whatever. But one year we were
sitting in front of my grandmother who was in visiting
us in Iowa. So she wasn't in Minnesota in the choir.
She was with us in Iowa and no choir. But
boy did she sing like she was in the choir
behind us. And we started laughing. My sister and I
(34:27):
started laughing so hard. I mean just and she's a
good singer, but it was just funny.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
You know what I mean, just.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Loud and funny. Opera open their mouth and mouth and
don't really sing most of the time he was singing.
So we got in so much trouble. We got escorted
by my father like out of the area because we
were laughing so hard.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Well, and that's that's me.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
I sing like that.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
I was trained at opera.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I sing loud.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I sing strong and I don't give a flip what anybody.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah, yeah, no, neither did she. But it's pretty funny.
It's pretty darn funny though. Something.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
It is so for everyone out there.
Speaker 4 (35:07):
Laugh, laugh as much as you can laugh at yourself,
laugh at others. If you're grieving and you're having a
hard time and you don't feel like laughing, that's okay too.
We honor that we are here for you, whatever you need.
Let the holidays be what it needs to be for you. Yeah,
that's our message. Yeah, we're closing out. So I'm Elizabeth
(35:30):
Hamilton Garno. I'm at Elizabethgarno dot com. This is doctor
Katie Eastman. She's at doctor Katieeastman dot com. I just
want to close that out and let you know you
can go to our websites, check out our books. Our books,
make a little cute stocking stuffers and things like that.
But yeah, if our websites are there, and then our
website together is best ever You dot com.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
We have a ton of.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Stuff on best ever You dot com blogs and things
like that. I just want to make sure everybody kind
of knows who we are over here on Riverside, And
I know the silk hopefully syndicate out like our normal
one does. But I don't know. And I'd like to
say to Riverside if you could please implement the age
fifty five and sixty filter.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Filter. The filter would be good.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I need one right here, the dowel lift.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
It's really clear over here, wow right, yeah? Yeah, it
must be like definition times ten over here, really high
quality anyway, Oh yeah, yep. Anyway, all right, we love you.
Happy holidays, all right everyone, something clean? Maybe maybe the
(36:48):
filter came real. I wonder what that is, oh boy. Anyway,
all right, everybody, take care. See it gets lighter. That's
so funny. Right bye, take care
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